#but what reason can i possibly give

[lowestechelonabomination]

was freaking out about how I was going to fail this one stupid seminar class that's for SOME REASON a graduation requirement and thinking there's no way I'm getting above a 60 in it because there are only 10 assignments for the whole semester and all of them are weighted equally and all of them SUCK and are exactly the stuff I hate doing and I've been super behind in the class for the past 3 months so basically I'm screwed and then uh. my four missing assignments got put in as zeroes and my grade only dropped to a 58. WHICH IS BAD. but if I turn them in and get 50s on all of them and then get a 90 on the culminating paper (WHICH IS WEIGHTED THE SAME AS THE OTHER ASSIGNMENTS FOR SOME REASON BUT WHATEVERRRRR) I'll have a solid 76. WHICH IS NOT GREAT. BUT IT'S NOT FAILING. GUYS I'M NOT GOING TO FAIL

#the only time ive ever failed a class was in 8th grade and my lowest grade since then was a brief 79 in 10th grade #physics c senior year humbled me so much with my raw test scores being in the 40s but like even then i had an 87 overall #because the ap curve was so insane #so basically. im not used to getting bad grades #i dont LIKE the idea of having a c in this class but its better than a d or f #and theres really nothing more i can do except turn my stuff in and hope for the best #ive been pretty good at sticking to the department late policy protocol but the emails are embarrassing to send tbh #im supposed to give advance notice of late assignments (ie send an email before the due date) and give a reason for it being late #but what reason can i possibly give #'hello proffie ^_^ the paper due at 11:59 today will be late for...reasons. ill turn it in eventually i prommy ^_^ btw i hate your class' #jokes aside i thought this woman was awful for the first 2 months or so and was terrified of approaching her #but after hanging out in her office hours a couple times ive realized shes actually pretty chill and knows what shes doing #i was so scared shed hate me somehow but apparently she likes me enough to make the department late penalty a little less harsh on me #so thats kind of her #and i did give a reason for the late work #unmedicated adhd + inexplicable burnout + general inability to do anything when overwhelmed #and now she seems sorta worried about me even though she still doesnt remember my name or face #but anywaayyyyyyy i have TWO DAYS to turn all my missing work in DEAR GOD #WHAT DO I DO #HELP #I CANT DO THIS #BUT I CANT JUST HAVE A 58 IN THIS CLASS EITHER #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #ech.txt

[lee-hakhyun]

i see people thinking that the side story is the bad ending for kim dokja. and don't get me wrong, he doesn't come back after the door opens, but that is because kimcom CHOSE that.

they had the option to open a door where kim dokja woke up, but they chose to go through the door where he doesn't wake up because they know that first door is a trap (like 49/51), and they want all of kim dokja. and when they go through, kim dokja is gone, but he's left a note. he is STILL OUT THERE (and part of him is with lhh right now. it's complicated)

anyway this is just to say KIM DOKJA IS BACK IN THE SIDE STORY. he is just not with kimcom *yet*. i need to make this clear because i keep seeing people saying things that sound like people think he's gone for real in the side story.

#orv #and even then. i don't think it's possible for kimcom to get '100%' of kim dokja #what even is 100% of kim dokja? what is 100% of a person? #you forget things. does that mean you're not 100% of yourself anymore? #do they need to kill the reincarnated fragments to pick up those story fragments left with him? do YOU need to die to bring back kdj? #look at my url for the reason why i am passionate about this subject. i like the side story and where it's going with this #feel free to send an ask about anything i will answer and clear any possible misinfo you got #especially from tiktok i hate that place #i'm not forcing you to read it but just. give it a chance if you are curious even a little #it's cheap. vapolunes on twitter has season 1. i have season 1 + over half of season 2 translated. i can send you a guide for purchasing #please please dont use the wattpad tl its actually worse than mtling it yourself #orv side story #orv spoilers #side story spoilers

[mugwot]

little guys for the little guy

#if you know me you knew this was inevitable #pokemon crossover #in general its just my bread and butter #as a rule of thumb i give only one pokemon per character to keep it focused and save my own sanity #its their partner pokemon yk yk movie style #unless #i can see there being a reason for why they would have someone elses pokemon >:] #minior #my little guy minior i love them so much i gave them to two completely separate characters #(the second one is molly blindeff (do you see the vision)) #star motif? voe rock be upon you #in a while rockodile *throws a meteor at you* #also #alolan meowth #:3c #kibty #now that i look at it i dont like sif's face that much it looks a bit doofy there but oh well what's done is done #in the meanwhile im thinking on what the others would have #furfrou for isa? possibly #a shiny palossand for king? because i'm evil? #much to think about #my art #pokémon #isat #in stars and time #isat siffrin #isat loop

[stuckinapril]

u are literally so strong for being pre med. im also 21 and ive just about given up on taking the mcat and doing extracurriculars after army crawling through all the prereqs 😭 much luck to you!!!!!! praying john hopkins takes u 🙏🙏 we need more lovely, kind and genuine doctors like you and u deserve the best of the best 💖💖

Thank you my dove <3 no it’s literally the most ruthless thing ever. People don’t understand the mental stamina it takes to fulfill all facets of the application med schools expect. It’s more than a full time job—sometimes it doesn’t feel like there are enough hours in the day tbh, between doing research and volunteering and shadowing and gaining hands on experience. And don’t get me started on the mcat lmao, preparing for it feels like I’m training for the Olympics. I’m into it most days, it’s fun to be consumed by something you’re truly passionate about, but I also completely get how it predisposes all of us to frequent burnouts. Add to that the stress of meeting the still more extraordinary, still more impossible standards of elite med schools…

#And usually I wouldn’t give a fuck for prestigious names but I want to become a surgeon #And surgery specialties DO care about the school you went to. They care ab the prestige #So I’m trying to score the highest I possibly can and just go above and beyond #To clarify a big part of it (the biggest part) is bc I’m passionate about everything I do #But I also know it’s what they’d want to see #I get the most shocked looks when I tell people I want to become a neurosurgeon LMAOOO #And even for someone like me who loves school it’s such an overwhelming thought at times #But it is unfortunately what I want to do w my life… I don’t think I’d be happy settling for anything else #And ik id want to be doing this even if i were the richest person alive #So im doing it for the right reasons & that’s why im sure of my trajectory

[scatterpatter]

Feeling normal again

#tl;dr its less about the shape itself and more about the response #theres a level of coolness associated with the response #most people dont ever have an answer ready to go. most never thought of it before so theyll have to think it through. #if they think ur weird for asking and/or dismiss you entirely their vibes likely arent so good #many people will stop and think for a bit. and will likely give a reason WHY they picked theirs #if thats the case their vibes are p normal and youve now opened up a conversation starter congrats #possibly broke up some awkward tension by asking something so obscure and out of left field #then you have the people who had their answers READY TO GO. most of the time these people are cool as hell. #passing the vibe check with flying colors because you just gave them a reason to explain why trapezoids are underrated #or infodump abt a shape uve never heard of #OR you'll get the occasional 'what do you have a favorite shape' incredulous ask #and then you can quickly drop your own favorite shape (parallelograms my beloved) #which opens up the hidden SECOND VIBE CHECK #if they react positively to you having a shape ready to go their vibes are likely good #if they immediately think ur weird for having a favorite shape ready to go their vibes are probably not so good #its full-proof /hj #socializing is a science and i aint in STEM for nothing #<- totally neurotypical haha whaaaat im normal mhm totally normal #this is normal people things to think about

[found--family]

am i the only one who sensed some jilted lover vibes from jensen? 

#burcon #cockles #thoughts #at the start of the panel and through a few particular interactions he seemed very standoffish #he was giving a little bitter and hurt and perhaps even resentful - maybe he only learned of misha's gf #at this con too! maybe it was news to him. on top of not seeing misha for months i can understand #if he was feeling a bit neglected and out of the loop. there's also the matter of misha's gf not being #in a poly thing with jensen and dee like vicki was ie. what she has with misha is seperate so i'm sure #that's another difficult thing to deal with knowing their time together is strictly separate #i've no doubt he wants misha to have a partner and be happy but there's an adjustment period #letting new people into your life and whoever misha's partner is now or in the future is going to #affect jensen on a personal level and moreover his relationship with misha. it's all very intriguing #and while i like what little i've seen and heard about this woman for misha i just think no matter who #she is it's going to take a toll on jensen's relationship w misha. i thought it was plain to see on jensen's face #during their panel: numerous moments where he was giving a poker face that wasn't covering a laugh #but instead like he was trying to smooth out his bitterness. or so my eyes and brain and heart tell me. #just various moments where things looked uncomfortable and jensen making off-colour jokes that didn't land #and which furthermore were barbed and snarky - not in their usual banter way but like he was lashing out #and using the excuse of chaotic panel convo to explain away his comedic pitfalls. but again maybe i'm #looking to much into it? idk. there are some lovely moments! fun and caring moments - but they #mainly came from misha's direction ngl. it seemed like misha was trying hard to keep the peace #while jensen was just running his mouth on comments and jokes that kept not landing - for me #everyone on my dash is loving their dynamic this panel - and i want to feel that love! it is possible that #learning misha has a gf has skewed my perception a little like i'm putting context onto moments #i otherwise wouldn't. but i also think i would've laughed and generally felt better watching their panel #if that was the case. idk. whatever the reason i do think something was OFF between them on stage #and it was coming from jensen from the start. misha picked up on it partway though but things felt #a little strained throughout. like jensen wasn't looking at misha as much as usual or reaching out for him #misha tried to salvage and not react to things. but both their answers to the last Q were passive aggressive af #and when they left the stage together they weren't close or touching or chatting like they usually are...

[dimonds456]

Considering yesterday was one of the worst days I've had all year, and then today is hands-down the BEST day I've had all year, I now think literally anything is possible.

Guys please keep pushing forward. Your ray of sunshine could be a lot closer than you think it is.

#i'm being so serious #if you're looking for a reason to live right now think of what makes you happy #could be literally anything. ice cream; video game; your pet; grass; ect #hold onto that #it doesn't matter how stupid it sounds if it's keeping you alive #yesterday i was boarderline s//dal and today i feel like i'm on the top of the world #and it was all pure circumstance. yesterday my pet was at the vet and work sucked and people kept disrespecting me #and today i got confirmation i can get top surgery and i finally achieved a goal in a game i've been working for for months now #AND TWO old friends stopped by and we got to hang out for a while! #literally anything is possible okay you just gotta hold on #i promise it will get better. i can't promise when but i can promise you it will #but not if you give up #keep pushing. i love you. i see you. i support you. don't give up. #dimond speaks

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought. #i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper #thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times #like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks. #nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she #was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled #a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where #you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder? #but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what #then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student. #everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have #and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my #leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but #i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying #my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound #by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting #better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that #and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path. #one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do #what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it. #maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for. #unrelated

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

the father [solar lunacy] the son [you move to dayshift but aren't paid any more, go figure] and the holy spirit [i see you, sundrop!]

#random thoughts #fnaf #solar lunacy because it's what people think of when they think about iconic sun and moon fics (and for good reason) #(bamsara is a master at subtext and creating little scenes that all build up to a beautiful picture) #dayshift go figure because god. the corporate bullshit. the domestic bullshit. THE VIRUS BULLSHIT. #and also because it features my all-time favorite original character (drumroll please) #dundundundundun RILEY GREENE OF I SEE YOU SUNDROP FAME #god what didn't i see you sundrop do right. the characterization. the slow build up of dread throughout the entire fic. riley greene. #IT IS 106 CHAPTERS NOT INCLUDING A POSSIBLE FUTURE EPILOGUE #god sorry to the other two fics on my list but reading i see you sundrop broke my brain a little #the scenes with riley's mother. THE SCENES WITH RILEY'S MOTHER OH MY GOD #you can tell a fic is good when it gets you to give a shit about an oc that hard #their CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT??? WHICH IN TURN FED DIRECTLY INTO WILLIAM AFTON'S DEMISE????? #I AM DEAD. I AM DECEASED. #im rereading solar lunacy rn if you can't tell lol i went on a spree #fucking love the concept of sun not being completely isolated from moon and his illness god fuck #solar lunacy 🤝 i see you sundrop: we're gonna have some wild fucking takes on moon's illness in relation to sun #me: oh god thank god some good fucking food #and OBIWAN??? OF DAYSHIFT GO FIGURE FAME??? #best oc side character i think. i want to see him and sun just go at it for an hour shooting the shit #don't really have much else to say on dayshift go figure right now cuz its on SUCH a cliffhanger #that's kind of taking over my mind rn idkwettl #i could go on for hours about i see you sundrop though. that fic grabbed me by the throat and threw me down the stairs #binged that shit in two days #sun mentions having a crush on riley once and it's never mentioned again and that kind of fucks actually #the other two are romance fic and they're REALLY GOOD AT IT OH MY GOD #solar lunacy. just in general. makes me blush so hard it's not funny #OH SPEAKING OF BLUSHING #THE MC IN DAYSHIFT GO FIGURE KEEPS GETTING FLUSTERED IT'S SO CUTE #dayshift go figure is more of a typical 'i am in love and refuse to acknowledge it' fic it's so adorable

[kyuala]

SOOOOOO hard to go through everyday life trying to ignore the never-ending feeling that im just irreparably fucked up and therefore should just give up on everything

#this aint exactly s******* but it aint exactly not s******* either #anyways it gets even harder when i have to live under the same roof as my brother who is so much better than me in every single conceivable #and imaginable way possible like #and i knowwww a LOT of it comes down to us having relatively similar yet wildly different lives despite being 1.5y apart and having the sam #family our entire lives like he has gone through NOTHING and i mean not a single societal issue ive had to face and endure my entire life #he's a man im a woman. he's white im black. he's straight im gay. he's skinny ive always been 'overweight'. he's always been the good #christian kid ive always had issues w faith and religion. he's never been mentally ill i was clinically depressed for nearly 8yrs of my lif #we both lost the same parent and im the only one who got pathological grief and a personality disorder out of it. he's had a great job for #the last 7yrs that now pays him 20k+ every month ive only had 3 odd jobs my entire life and 2 of those my MOTHER had to give me so i would #have SOMETHING and ive never made over 1.6k monthly n my last job was minimum wage only #he's had like 4 relationships and is nearly engaged im so traumatized + emotionally unavailable ive only ever been on 1 date my entire life #he has a good relationship w every family member we have i have Issues w like half the family. he's always been an active member of our #church i can barely listen to like 4 traditional hymns before i start losing my mind and spiraling. i think the only two ways we're pretty #much equal like socially is that we're both able bodied cis and christians but still the cis and christian thing is debatable for previousl #stated reasons so like. do yall see how much better he is doing than me in every little last area in life and how he's always gotten the #long straw when it comes to Not having to deal w certain obstacles in life. n i know its like yea idk what it actually is like to be him an #he could not be doing all that well first of all shut up. second of all if it was 1 or 2 things i'd get it but it's literally EVERYTHING #and i know bc of said things n our v different lives it's unfair to me to compare the two of us but then it begs the question: WHY #WHY did i have to go through these things. WHY do i have to deal w this. WHY did i get the short straw literally every goddamn time #WHY did i have to get THIS life like WHYYYYY why ME GOD. why have I had to put up w all this bullshit for 24 fucking years!!!!!!!!! im TIRE #and this is not me hating or resenting him i know it's not his fault and he is so good to me #but still. why was i left with these things? to live like this? #so yes i guess i do envy him a little bit. who wouldn't #mari.txt #personal #tw negative #dl #btw i do NOT mean some identities are better than others. i mean he is better and is doing better than me in life partially bc he's never #had to deal w certain social issues and obstacles that come w oppressed identities.

[bunnihearted]

📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2

#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore #we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life #i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible #if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green #and later this year i think i might change my name #it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random #i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel #really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am #to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate #but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it #but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so #when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy #i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that #also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk..... #rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els #sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w #not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else #but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway #that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but #all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever #i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right? #i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not #im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help #it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning #nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my #feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions #i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary

[nedlittle]

[alt]

2x21 "crisis" really is a perfect episode

#mash #i cannot BELIEVE the plot of this episode was really it's cold and we need to snuggle for warmth #the supply line got cut off so we need communal sleepovers for Morale Reasons #it's PERFECT! #i just know frank is that kid who's like 'can we please be quiet and go to sleep' #frank thinks they're gonna get in trouble if they're too loud #i'm going to finish s2 today and i really enjoyed it overall! #i think it's stronger than s1 (understandably) and the episodes have more rewatchability #however on the other hand there episodes like for want of a boot and as you were that feel like all set up and no payoff #similarly dear dad 3 didn't really feel committed to the epistolary format and didn't do anything interesting or meaningful with it #also bc i am a person who loves spoilers and context i know what happens to henry so every passing episode i am filled with dread #that's my DAD what do you MEAN he's gonna get shot down over the sea of japan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #also mclean stevenson is giving possibly my favourite performance. he's just Saying things by accident #not one word in his mouth has ever been there on purpose he is possessed by the spirit of your dumbest uncle #i'm still lukewarm on trapper. the vulture instinct i feel on account of him looking like buddy the elf has settled #i no longer want to tear that man to shreds out of primal rage i only wish he'd get his own plot & a more distinct personality #those are all my thoughts rn #i have to bribe myself with the Very Special Gay Episode so i can finish this cover letter #id in alt text

[queer-pagan-witch]

One day I will learn, that just because the bottle is low, does not mean I need to finish off the bottle.

#imma be so fuckin hungover tomorrow #someone should kiss me #and i moght be either asexual or aromantic or both which like woo thats funny to only me for so many trauma reasons #i love #im so drunk #i too drunk #i stated typing thos at 12:30 #imma smoke pot after i post this #if your reqding my tags hi i love you. why are you reading this though like im a schizo bipolar depreased trans girl im unhinged in the tags #i need to stop drinking by myself #if think im an alcoholic as well if it wasnt for the fact that i can genuinely stop when ever i want but idkmaybe that changes? #at this point im just typing to annoy myself cause i think its funny to annoy other people and itd be hypothetical to not annoy myself #im ramblimg in the tags and honestly its your fault for still reading this #trans thought time #i wish i was born with a pussy but i do like having a cock and there is a possibility im genderfluid and fuck me that sucks if true #like how do you transition if your genderfluid? like i kinda want a cock and pussy and i know thats an actual option #but is it the right option? #i hate being trans but not knowing what kinda trans maybe ill hit where im at with my gender and just say tranny #cause i already say faggot for my sexuality instead of anything specific maybe i should just say tranny #this is probably what a therapist is for but idk if i can justify paying for this instead of saving money to buy a hoise #america sucks #capitalism sucks #love is such a bullshit thing #how can i be in love with some ane be in love with someone. being in love is nothing but selfish but also you have to be selfish for youryou #like i know that doesn't make sense sense but it makes sense to me and i also know its wrong #maybe i should give up and spend money on a therapist #i love my freinds and would sacrifice myself for them literally #12:51 and i have one more short tag to add #i hope you didnt read this far cause even in a drunk state this tag is embarrassing and im sorry you know me irl im sorry this is rambly+ugh #but if you dead read all the tags <3 i love yoh and would die for you

[osamid]

an interesting (unpopular? i think?) soukoku opinion i have is i don't think dazai was oblivious to his feelings towards chuuya, like ever. i understand WHY people interpret dazai as having trouble identifying and reckoning with his emotions; i'm not knocking it! there's plenty of evidence to suggest that and also i think it fits with his actions. HOWEVER. for me dazai is the most fun when he's deliberately suppressing and neglecting his own feelings. dazai realizes at the tender age of like 15 that he's at least infatuated with chuuya, and his first instinct is "well how do i compartmentalize that. how do i make sure this doesn't interfere with my plans and our job at the mafia." and then he compromises with his emotions by keeping chuuya close but not allowing himself to seem too affectionate or "trick" chuuya into liking him back. i think this version of dazai is most compelling to me because then the struggle isn't "get blockhead dazai to realize he's in/can love" its "get blockhead dazai to realize he's allowed to indulge in love" which is much more fun, especially when you have seven (or even more, i don't think this mindset would be limited to chuuya) years worth of distancing himself from his own emotions to contend with.

#putting the more negative parts in the tags i think another reason i'm not partial to the “dazai is oblivious to his own feelings” headcanon #is that it sorta implies that dazai isn't self-aware? #which like. he clearly is. i think moments when we (the veiwer) think he isn't self aware is the result of the MEDIA not being self-aware #<- talking about his treatment of akutagawa and other such failures. “don't pity yourself” moment. the whole father thing. #dazai doesn't acknowledge these flaws because the source material doesn't think its a flaw either #but i digress. my point here is that i personally think dazai is so painfully self-aware that it turns into over-rationalizing himself #dazai's emotions to him are just as irrelevant as his physical needs and such like that. #does this make sense? idk #example i'll give: his character growth as he trusts the ada and works less utterly on his own mind #i think dazai is capable of seeing his own trust issues and what not from the very beginning #but it's only after it's been proved to him that him that no total control isn't the most logical option #and in fact trusting his allies CAN work out without pulling every string #that dazai beings to take down (a few) of his walls #its not that dazai doesn't know he has feelings. its that they aren't relevant to him #they cause him grief #fuck up his plans #and (to him) need to be squared away and dismissed as soon as possible #i know that isn't in line with the no longer human novel but WHATEVS #my hcs #bsd #skk #bsd dazai

[kenzie-ann27]

meanwhile my experience with being asexual is just like. constant self hatred and apologizing about it

#it's just. idk it's ace week and no one is talking about it #and i go in the tags and it's just. ace culture is basically all memes #and it's fine but like. i enjoy having serious conversations about it #i never get to talk about it because it's such a non thing #ace culture is like it's filling the hole that comes from not having a sexuality with jokes about bread and cake and dragons for some reason #but like. i want to talk about how sad and lonely it is a lot of the time. but it's a thing where it feels so self imposed #like of course no one wants to be romantic with me in any sense when i am so awkward from past trauma #combined with the fact that i will never be able to give them what they actually are aiming for #like. high school was fucking miserable. #i mean i'm already crying so why not make it worse here #it's just. i feel like i am missing out on so much and i hate that i am made to feel like this #and no one fucking takes me seriously when i try to talk about it #it's a big part of who i am and it's always a shadow because it just doesn't matter #i just... i want people to see the beauty not in filling that void with other memey shit and just. acknowledge the void #internally and externally and in every way possible being asexual is so crushingly lonely and no one ever talks about it #we're not in ba sing se we can talk about it please #and now i will apologize #and i will lay down because i have a headache and i need to calm down

[tiredf-o-u-r]

Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh super mega community have an ounce empathy for more than two white guys challenge please please please

#imagine being a grown person experiencing the consequences of your own shitty actions #and having an army online saying uwu you hurted their feelings calling them out 👉👈 like fuck off #this is turning me more evil than my real life back stabbings #at the end of the day I feel bad for the fans who are still so attached they care more about them than the victims + queers they hurt #bc they’re never gonna stick up for y’all bro they didn’t even help their irls are you kiddingme #HOW CAN ANYONE GIVE THIS AMOUNT OF ATTENTION TO WHAT WORDS NICK SAID IN A VIDEO #WHEN THEY DID WORKPLACE HARASSING AND YOU KNOW THEY DID. would you want your boss to flash you? does your boss film you pissing? #did they upload it on YouTube and exile you from the internet #bc according to supermega fans that’s 100% fine chill and funny actually #and I KNOW I took it as that too but I also can choose to believe the words leighton has said (you’re shocked) (it’s possible) #what if we were all wrong the whole time 💜 it’s possible #💜it has been known to happen 💜 #💜they were acting the whole time💜 #💜it’s reasonable to believe them they’re trying to be really convincing💜 #💜please put aside 120 minutes to write in a journal about it though💜