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borisbubbles · 1 year

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Eurovision 2023 PRESHOW - Part 8: My Top Five

05. PORTUGAL Mimicat - “Ai coraçao” Semi 1, Slot #05

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MAE MINHA <33333333

Okay so first, let’s establish that there IS a gulf between Mimicat and the other four. The other four are THE Bubblecore faves of this year. Mimicat is almost one of them, but not quite. Having said that, Mimicat owns! Her win in FdC was a delightful surprise right at the end of the NF season. I was expecting Edmundo or Tinoco (and hoping for Claudia) so to see one of my other faves get enough mileage to win it decisively was :chef’s kiss. Burlesque BOMBSHELL Bursting Bubble Bexpectations <3333333

What adds to the fun for me is that this Portugal. Portugal are RARELY this fun, you know? Usually they pick songs that are more serious or more out there, and rarely go something this OTT and hyper, FdC being the ecclectic collection of anti-pop that it is.

I WILL say that, compared to my top four, Mimicat is not an act I go crazy for. And yet, “Ai coração” has been living rent-free in my brain for months, delighting my free moments with its flirtatious cheery charm. It’s deceptively catchy, has consisently raised up my mood at the most random of intervals. Any song that manages to lighten up my sorry struggle of an existance is a big plus to have in my life <3

HOPEFULLY EUROPE FOLLOWS SUIT, RIGHT?

Odds at Eurovision - Portugal

People have been spec’ing that Portugal are on the cusp of qualification and I wonder what they’re on? Same deal as their running order twin Belgium in semi 2: the serotonin sells itself.

I think Portugal are not super safe, but I do feel like they should be safe enough to get a top 10 in the semi, surely? Like, they’re defo beating Ireland, Switzerland, Azer and Netherlands. The last obstacle to overcome with be one of Malta, Serbia and Czechia, and surely this is feasable? I think they’re better off than Latvia or Israel in that regard, and maybe Croatia as well.

The thing with “Ai coração” though is that it’s very much a wildcard. It’s good, it’s catchy, but it’s also a song that can fail to become your fave despite being those things. I can imagine a universe where it reaches the top 10 with several mid votes, and I can imagine a universe where it’s near the bottom of the scoreboard in the finale after finishing 11th in a bunch of tallies.

Personally, this leads me to believe she’ll rank somewhere in the middle, which is where most of the cheerful fluff winds up in. Let’s pour one out for another worthy country extending its success streak :-)

Qualifier tier: B+ Projected placement: 5th-11th (Semi), 13th-20th (Grand Final)

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04. AUSTRIA Teya & Salena - “Who the HELL is Edgar?” Semi 2, slot #13

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OH MY GAWD, YOU’RE SUCH A GOOD SATIRIST YEAH IT’S NOT ME, IT’S AUSTRIA WHO THE FUCK IS AUSTRIA?!

I WAS NOT READY FOR AUSTRIA SLAYAGE!!!!!!!! Then again is anyone ever ready for an “Edgar”? Even when the Crystal Ball leaked Teya and Salena and a potato quality excerpt, I fully expected them to be the sort of trash you could point and laugh at, not taking it seriously at all!

INSTEAD we got a criminally catchy tune, insanely quotable lyrics and a straight-up on-point satire?! WHAT?! WHAT IS THIS AUSTRIA?! WHERE does this sense of humour come from all of a sudden?!

OHH MIO PADRE!!!!!!!!!! 📿 THERE’S A GHOST IN MY BODY!!!!!!!!!! 👻 O O O O O O O O O O!!!!!!!!!!!! 👼

POE POE POE POE POE POE POE POE POE POE POE POE POE POE EDGAR ALLEN EDGAR ALLEN POE POE POE POE POE POE POE

To be fair, I wasn’t immediately on board, because I thought Austria were trying to be too on the nose and S-M-R-T about their clever little meta mockery. Sneaky spotify references, the juries won’t see that coming!!! 😈 Almost to a point where I felt the meme stuff threatened to take a backseat to the message (a mistake - Konstrakta won people over because of Biti Zdrava, not her underlying social critique). After ruminating over it though, Austria kept rising through the ranks because, by god is “Edgar” catchy and witty. Every single line in “Edgar” is iconique and quotable, and it’s a fun one to loop for hours on end. (spoiler: true for everyone in my top four). The satire is a nice added bonus! Clear BorisBubbles fave material!

ZERO DAWT ZERO ZERO ZERO DAWT ZERO ZERO ZERO DAWT ZERO ZERO TFREE AT LEAST IT PAYS TO BE FUNNY ... EUARGH! 🙄

So why only fourth? Well, I’m going to be honest here. It’s the flag. I do NOT trust Austria. While Austria have a track record with silly little entires like this one (Schmetterlnge <33333), those entries came in the 70s and 80s. Recent Austria have this tendency to coop up their acts in narrowly confined spaces (see: Halo, Nathan Trent, Vincent Bueno, Cesar Sampson) which would be a critical error here. Edgar’s staging needs to be dynamic, humorous and completely unhinged. I’m realllllllly worried ORF are going to fuck the stage show by making it pedantic. 😑

Other than that, no complaints really. Love it when the boring cunt countries step up their excitement game. 🙂 (die Shitzerland!)

Odds at Eurovision - AUSTRIA

So as I said before, I don’t TRUST Austria’s ability to do “Edgar” the justice it deserves. The stage show needs to double down on the memesanity, and while there are several countries that would run away with and Edgar (Iceland, Ukraine, Finland, Moldova, Serbia,..), Austria is not one of them. Like, this is the delegation that thought LIMITS and ALIVE were viable ESC picks. 😬

So, it all depends on whether Austria nail it or not. If they do, Austria are top ten bound, maybe even top five finishing directly behind the Great Three. If they don’,t Teyalena will place somewhere in the middle. If Austria FUCK IT UP, (a small but painfully realisitic possibility) Teyalena might not even QUALIFY. Again, another entry with huuuuuuuuge range. Personally, I’m going with the first two options - “Edgar” is just too funny and Teyalena are very capable singers, so I’m leaning towards getting it together. If you know what you’re doing by picking an “Edgar”, you should also have a plan about what do to with it. Don’t you DARE to Sennek it up, Austria! WE NEED YOU.

Qualifier Tier: B+ Projected placement: 1st-10th (Semi), 4th-20th (Grand Final) (yeah, I know)

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03. ICELAND Diljá - “Power” Semi 2, slot #07

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Every year, I feel like we are all owed a random fave that you can obstinately obsess over against all better judgment. Diljá is mine. 😍😘🥰

Yeah, I didn’t EXPECT to like Iceland this much when it was first selected because the Icelandic version didn’t register with me. Then I gave the English version another listen. And another. And another. Before I knew I was wailing along with the PPPPPOWER OOOOOOOOVAH MIIIIIII bedroom karaoke style every night for a full two weeks <3

Like is it at least okay to state that “Power” is really fucking underrated as a song? Because it is. It’s a pleasant synthpop pearl with a drum beat lit like kerosene, an adorable indie wench on a journey of self-empowerment. Perfect experience, 10/10 would listen again. However, Diljá has one teeny tiny problem which is why people are sleeping on her.The presentation is... kinda shit? I’ll discuss that more in the Odds At Eurovision paragraph but it bears pointing out now.

Like don’t get me wrong. Diljá singing about nobody holding power over her while being visibly overpowered by her own ADHD is such a resonating experience for my flailing spazzy self, cuz same girl. Karate-chopping the air with a franticness that most people would erroneously attribute to Tourette’s <3

Also, Diljá served total pussy kunt slay by naming HER OWN SONG as her #01 ESC song, followed by STATEMENTS BY LOREEN. 😍😍😍 Guys I think I have found a soul sibling. 😍😍 Let’s cherish her for as long as she lasts

Odds at Eurovision - ICELAND

Borderline qualifier in semi 2, you know the deal.

However, Iceland are probably the borderline qualifier with the largest obstacle to overcome: their staging, at least from what we’ve seen so far, has been kinda shit. Sure she sings about flowers, but do we need a floral backdrop? As much as *I* enjoy Diljá’s flailing,, it doesn’t suit her song or its themes, and to fill three minutes with that is like telling “please, do not vote for me” to the casuals.

I do think Iceland can qualify though, but they need to get their act right.

What Iceland desperately need is a foil. A dancer or a choir or both. Somebody (or some bodies) Diljá can interact with, get overpowered by and then eventually triumph over near the climax. The fact that “Power” LACKED such a figure in its previous staging has been its one fatal flaw.

However, if Iceland manage to overcome this flaw, I think they’re good? Like I said, the song’s pleasant and Diljá is fun and engaging lead. They need to make it look professional though! Of course, I say that, but I’m also lowkey aware that I’m one of the few who like Power this much. I’ve been ranking ESC long enough on Tumblr to know what that means, and it’s not looking good. Sure I sang along with “Power” at EIC, with a lot of pleasure and gusto. Crowd of middle-aged Dutch women that went wild for Gustaph though? UTTER SILENCE. Gay Spanish couple that made out during Tattoo? Went to the bar to grab a drink.

Like, realistically, Diljá could finish last or second last in either the Semi OR the Grand Final because everyone just assumes she’s gonna suck and fail, even if she does manage to serve enough for a 10th place. However, last in the Grand Final is still qualifying for the Grand Final, so~

Qualifier Tier: C- Projected placement: 9th-16th (Semi), 20th-26th (Grand Final)

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02. FINLAND Käärijä - “Cha Cha Cha” Semi 1, slot #15

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DO NOT BE FOOLED. Käärijä may only be second on the ranking, but I don’t think I’ve EVER been AS invested in a winner’s journey as his. FINLAND NEED TO WIN, AND I WILL HAVE NOBODY ELSE!!!

But of course, we have to start at the start, at UMK. UMK 2023 was the best selection in this year. I hope that’s not a point of contention? ALL seven were good, and three of them (Käärijä, Benji and Lxandra) were absurdly good. I’d argue those three + Arcadia and Nochentera might be my top five of the NF season, actually?

In that crop I was a BIT apprehensive about Käärijä at first because Cha Cha Cha is intimidatingly good at first. But the more I heard it, the more I mellowed on the rap metal, and the more I enjoyed listening to it. The Key change is brilliant. Käärijä ATE and left no crumbs.

AND I WALK ONTO THE FLOOR LIKE A CHA CHA CHA AND MY INHIBITIONS AFFECT ME NO MORE

That was my assesment before the live at UMK. I think the words I used to describe *that* were among the lines of “The best thing I’ve ever seen”. Yeah, it’s hyperbole, but is it really? “Cha Cha Cha’s” live is an experience; It’s Verka levels of iconic. It’s a delightfully unhinged spectacle, epic, exciting and yet soooo unsettlingly creepy <3 This is an act that everyone will forever remember and cherish, no matter what happens in Liverpool. I could continue to sing its praises but honestly do I need to? You’ve seen the footage and it speaks for itself. I’ll save my fancy descriptors for after the contest.

Now of course, one of the main drives behind Cha Cha Cha’s uproar, is Käärijä.. I went into UMK assuming he was a fun, tall himbot with cuddlesome tiddeys. i left UMK ADORING his weird goblinoid short-king self <333333

Somehow reality just supercedes expectations in the most curious of ways. As we all know now, Käärijä is a delightfully pure presence who EARNED his smoll bean status. Loreen may be King and Queen of Eurovision. I’m supporting “Just Boy From Vantaa” in this race.

Odds at Eurovision - FINLAND

As I said, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted an act win AS BADLY as Käärijä. But can he do it?

The answer is a resounding YES! My main argument (besides he song being IT) is Käärijä’s draw in the semi. Being on last with uptempo is ALWAYS good, but here it has added value. Because Käärijä closes and “Cha Cha Cha” is an EXCELLENT closer it will stand out even more. There a very good chance that on the morning of 10 May, FINLAND will be the act everyone’s talking about and he’ll ride that wave STRAIGHT into the Grand Final. It’s definitely come to a point where I’m convinced that Finland are winning the semi.

And you know what that means. If Loreen can be beaten in a semi televote, she can be beated in a finale vote as well. And I don’t think anyone (not even the ever delusional spaniards!!) are arguing that Käärijä will win the televote.

The real question is: What about the jury?! Finland are singing in Finnish! With a camp exodia! I don’t think it’s gonna matter. Salvador won a jury vote singing in Portuguese. Toy was SECOND in a jury vote. I don’t see why Finland wouldn’t be able to repeat that in Liverpool, aside from his competition being better liked.

Also, this is a good moment to point out that Kalush Orchestra and Måneskin were both fourth in the jury vote and won via an overwhelming televote. If there’s a precendent for it, then why not again? Käärijä fits the pattern.

I think it’ll depend on how big Loreen’s lead will be before the televote comes in, and that’s where we have Blanca Paloma; You see, Spain could also get a lot of jury points, and if they do, Loreen’s lead could shorten enough for Finland to pass them in the televote.

It’s all speculative though. Like, realistically, this contest is Sweden’s to lose. But could Finland win it instead? Yes, absolutely. and I’ll be HERE for it when it happens!!

The only win that would make me happier is the one I’ve put first.

Qualifier Tier: A+ Projected placement: 1st (Semifinal), 1st-6th (Grand Final) (prediction: 2nd!)

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ALL HAIL MY PRESHOW FAVOURITE!

It’s none other than...

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01. SLOVENIA Joker Out - “Carpe Diem” Semi 2, slot #10

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🎵MI BOMO CELO NOC PLESALI LJUBILI SE IN SE IGRALI 🎶

Slovenia have done it again! Yep in a year overfloweth with straight male-fronted rock bands, my favourite is... the only true straight, male-fronted rock band.

I DON’T CARE THOUGH!!! Anyone who loves Joker Out is my friend for life. I fell in love with their Måneskin /Bazart hybrid spiel on sight and have no regrets!

Remember when I said Alessandra was instrumental in making me like the year and I eventually outgrew her? Joker Out were in that position too, the first song I could commit to liking and supporting (since i was, at the time still a bit iffy about Belgium). “Carpe Diem” went straight to #01 upon release and while my ranking fluctuated over the course of the season, it never left the top of my ranking since.

So why did Joker Out stay put while Alessandra dropped. Simple. “Carpe Diem” is the best song in the year. Sorry if you disagree but that’s the take across all the takes I’ve made that I’ll defend with my dying breath.

“Carpe diem” has EVERYTHING I want in my songs

Bedroom karaoke potential - I am able to sing it out loud despite not knowing Slovene. And it’s highly rewarding in that regard? Like, one of the main reasons I looked forward to EIC this year is because I wanted to wail along with Joker Out for a full three minutes. I’m not a Concert person AT ALL, but it was a out of body stanboy experience that I would love to replicate every year

Leaps and bounds of natural charm. Bojan is a very enganging lead,by himself (his vocal timbre is very soothing to me) and while the other four aren’t as prominently featured in the showcase performance, their personalities still shine?

Genuine Optimism - Honestly, the Slovene special, but w/e. No matter how old I get, i’ll always LOVE songs that are basically like “live now, think later” and actively entice you to come along for the ride.

And of course the basics: catchy upbeat tune, simple but fun narrative, witty but effective lyrics and engaging leads.

Picking between Slovenia and Finland was very difficult because effectively, they’re about as good as each other for very different reasons. ChaChaCha is the THE most eurovision-y entry for me. However, in years where there’s a lot of fun trash and a plenty of novelty, it’s the real music I cherish the most, and Slovenia’s song is the best one. (so basically the reverse argument for last year’s contest, since that one was all about SERIOUS MUSIC)

So anyway, I can’t be alone in LOVING “Carpe Diem” this much, surely? Out of all the songs in this year, Carpe Diem is the one that makes me forget my troubles, and dive in with song and dance, wherever it takes me.

It is my fave simply because it makes me feel the happiest. There is no greater endorsement than that, is there?

Odds at Eurovision - SLOVENIA

If Carpe Diem does not qualify, I hope all of Europe and Australia sink into the sea. Seriously.

Fortunately, Slovenia are about as safe as Slovenia can possibly be. (a likely but not guaranteed qualifier) I could kick a Martin Österdahl-shaped bitch for putting them right in the middle of the semi, but honestly, the first half of Semi 2 is kinda crickets, so why not have some juvenile optimism to kick it back into motion?

Like, despite the fact that Carpe Diem is in Slovene, it really just is the most happy song in the year, let alone the semi. It’s going to stand out in a positive way. It’s going to be popular. What REALLY struck me too is how many people actually know the lyrics and care about Slovenia’s wellbeing? Like after they performed at EIC, the audience were begging Bojan for an encore and he let us complete the chorus and the audience actually NAILED it?!!!

Like these are my biases at work, but could Joker Out be a shadow favourite?All the people with taste like them and give them critical acclaim, so why shouldn’t Joker Out become Slovenia’s best ever result at ESC? They already are considered a diet Måneskin. Slovenia have been consistently underrated although their songs are (almost) always interesting. A Slovene Top five is so overdue. LET THIS BE THE ONE.

(and let’s not discuss the possibility that Joker Out WIN Eurovision. Not sure if “dying of joy” is a thing, but I defo do not wish to experience it first-hand at the young blooming age of 33)

Realistically, I think Joker Out ARE going to come left-side. Five handsome engaging young men with an optimistic song that let’s the endorfin run through my neurons. Why wouldn’t juries and casuals go for that? Because it’s in Slovene? I think we’ve established at the previous two contests that language barriers don’t matter anymore. A top ten is firmly in grasp, so LET’S WILL IT IN EXISTANCE

Qualifier Tier: A- Projected placement: 2nd - 7th (Semi), 5th-13th (Grand Final) (Prediction: 10th place!)

and there you have it. My unhinged ramblings about the preshow. I’ll give the contest the time to shape itself up and pass over us, and then I’ll see you again for the post-show ranking. My work and travelling schedule will be a mess for the next few months so I don’t know when I’ll find time to do the post-show ranking, but once I have I’ll let you know!

Enjoy ESC everyone and may the best Käärijä win. 😉

THE RANKING:

Part 8: The Bubblecore Faves (Slovenia / Finland / Iceland / Austria / Portugal) Part 7: The Great Entries (Australia / Belgium / United Kingdom / Malta / Moldova) Part 6: The Good Entries (Czechia / Sweden / Norway / Serbia / France) Part 5: The Mild Likes (Romania / Poland / Latvia / Armenia / Lithuania) Part 4: The Respectable Entries (That Aren’t For Me) (Georgia / Denmark / Spain / Germany / Azerbaijan) Part 3: The Borewhores (Estonia / Ukraine / Cyprus / Italy) Part 2: the IRRELEVANT entries (Ireland / Albania / Netherlands / San Marino) Part 1: The BAD entries (Switzerland / Croatia / Israel / Greece)

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