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moosemann404 · 1 year

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Pretty in Black

This is a request from @girlwhoknewtheoriginoflove they wanted a Steddie songfic of the song ‘John Hughes Movie’ By Maisie Peters. Words: 7k ish

As the child of a mother who is a high contender for biggest Molly Ringwald stan, I’ve seen Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast club (all written primarily by John Hughes) way more times than is probably necessary. So for this one, I was going for more of a Pretty in Pink/Sixteen Candles vibe in the ‘crushing on a guy who probably doesn’t know you exist’ way. That and the ‘when you tell said guy he now knows you exist and is in love with you’ because hey. S good shit. Imagine if the John Hughes movie I chose was Planes, Trains and Automobiles though. Or Home Alone. The chaos?

This is my first songfic ever, and this is how I remember them being structured. If I got something wrong I am so sorry. I also have never been drunk or been to a house party. So naturally I wrote both.

I swear to god, I copy pasted it and it removed all my italics’, if I missed one I’m gonna be so upset.

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This wasn't how it's supposed to go

Eddie glowered at the edge of the party, keeping his gaze locked on one particular figure through the meshing crowd of teens at different levels of drunk. It seemed to mock him from this distance, disappearing one place then popping up another around a completely different girl. He had no right to be upset, not about this. In fact, it was stupid that he even felt anything in the first place, but the expensive booze everyone was passing around like candy was making it hard to chase off the crushing weight over his chest. The crown of hair disappeared into the throngs of dancers again, and for a second he caught the side of his face moving between limbs. Eddie’s heart clenched, just for a second, that single hazel eye glossing through him as if he wasn’t even there. Then he was turned around again, arm lazily slung over the next pretty drunk girl he could find. Her name was lost to the dark corners of his brain, a simple string of letters that didn’t matter to him. And judging by how Steve was acting, it didn’t matter all that much to him either.

I should be the one you're dancing with Spinning with a vodka Coke

He turned away from the scene, throwing down the last dredges of alcohol haunting the bottom of his solo cup. Eddie wasn’t even supposed to be here. Sure, the invite was everyone who could fit through the door, but that definition didn’t include him. The exclusions were hidden in the fine print, tucked away behind affronted looks and sarcastic questions. You had to look a certain way, be a certain way. This was no place for freaks and losers. Everyone was dressed in tight clothes, or at the very least nothing that caught the eye for the wrong reasons. No black clothing with heavy denim layered over it like he was. Everyone from the upper crust of popularity to the people that hovered just above outcast were allowed in with barely a passing glance. Eddie wasn’t one of those people.

And he’d come anyway, just to see. Eddie always ended up somewhere around the house, even if his reason differed each time. This time he was just… there. Just to be there. It wasn’t worth it, none of this was. It just ended up making him ache for something he could never have.

As he waded through the people congregated by the door, he let himself look back. The crowd had parted a little, framing the floor perfectly for him to get a full view of the subject of his intense scrutiny. Steve Harrington. His arms were tangled around the girl from before, hands pulling at each other’s clothes as they mushed their faces together in some drunk fit of passion. The alcohol sunk into his gut, and for just the briefest of moments, he let himself imagine, scribbling out the girl and replacing the blank spot with himself. In a perfect world, all eyes would turn away, giving them their moment to themselves to spin in euphoria. In a perfect world, it wouldn’t matter, and they could just go do what drunken teenagers do when the last of their inhibitions were sloshed away. Eddie’s vest would get lost in the crowd as Steve guided them back towards a bedroom, and Eddie would let him, barely conscious of his fingers passing over the heated skin under his shirt, only focused on him and-

Everybody at my fingertips

He turned away from the thought. Why would he ever want that? It was an empty love, sinking into a death spiral the moment the hangover set in. Parties were never good for things like that. Sex? Sure. But not love. Eddie wasn’t even sure he wanted that with the proverbial peacock splaying its plumage in front of him. They’d never fit, even if they weren’t both guys. Love like that was reserved for the folds of his mind, never to be lived out.

He might have been staring too long. Steve’s head pulled back for a spirit tinged breath, and he tilted his eyes around the party. What he was looking for was unclear, but their gazes locked. Steve looked confused, then frowned. He had to be making some sort of expression. Eddie felt the cold plunge of clarity as he whipped his head around and ducked out into the crisp night that sent goosebumps up his arms now that he was no longer surrounded by sweaty body heat. A rattling gasp lit his nerves as the world blurred.

I was gonna get my coat

His van was only a few feet away, but it was blocked in by various cars and people who were smart enough not to get their body’s squeezed and jostled about inside. Eddie scrubbed his sleeve across his eyes. He wasn’t going to cry over Steve Harrington. He wasn’t going to cry over something he could never have. But he could cry over himself, and the way the barbed wire in his gut thrashed at the idea of him finding out. The looks Steve would give him if he knew…

Eddie made his way down the steps and tried to spy his van through the pile up in the driveway, but jolted as someone grabbed his wrist. His head whipped around.

“Hey-”

And, baby, you were meant to follow me

Steve Harrington stared back at him. “Hey, heyhey dude-” He hiccupped. They were away from the front door, lost in the maze of cars on the way to Eddie’s van. Eddie felt the lump yank into his throat, arm shaking as they stared at each other. He shouldn’t have stared. God, he was such a fucking idiot, this was why he didn’t drink in a public setting. He just ended up making an ass of himself one way or another. But he could save it, Eddie just needed to figure out how.

And I was gonna act surprised

“What d’you want?” Eddie yanked his hand away, Steve taking more than a split second to realize he wasn’t holding anything anymore. He knew. He knew why he was staring, and he was coming out to tell him to knock it off, or to kick his ass or something. But the way his expression dragged down his face was odd.

Steve tried to straighten up, but ended up stumbling and bumping into one of the cars. “Look- if..” His eyes weren’t steady, moving from Eddie’s left to his right and then around again. He was wasted- far worse than him who’d only drunk enough to know he shouldn’t be driving- and it looked like he was about to fall over. “F that’s were your girl, m sorry.” He propped himself up on the roof of the car he was slung across.

“What?” Eddie scanned over him.

“T-the lady.” Steve’s arm flung wide, smacking into a side mirror from an adjacent car and drawing a string of cursing. He looked back up. “If she’s yurs m sorry-”

Eddie stood there, bewildered before it clicked into place. “No, dude. She’s not mine.” The words were bitter on his tongue, as if she were little more than a doll to pass around. To Steve, she probably was. “Besides, even if she was,” and she never would be for many reasons, “it’s not like you care.” That hardened stone of bitterness chipped away at his chest, spilling out before he could stop it. Those bastard tears were back too.

Even though I'd know you wanted me

Steve’s face twisted, and he shook his head wildly. It was almost comical, how exaggerated his movements were. But Eddie was too busy floundering in his turmoil to even crack a smile.

“Nooo duuuude, I caree.” He stumbled forward, peering at him through the buzzing porchlights, trying to suss out some sort of explanation. “D’you like her?”

“What? No! I don’t-” Eddie snapped his head away, trying to ignore him as the stench of booze closed into his space. “Why the fuck would you-”

“You dooo!” Steve crowed, a lopsided, stupid grin plastered on his face as if he’d just solved the world’s hardest code. “You-” he hiccuped, “you like errr.”

It's not like I've been crying, no There's just smoke in my eyes

The anger was winning out over his own reason by now. “I do not!”

“Mmmyou doo, mister sad.” Steve shuffled forward and awkwardly plapped his hands on his face, fingers trying to sloppily wipe the tear tracks down his cheeks. “Don cry ‘bout it.”

Eddie felt his heart stab into his throat, and on instinct planted his hands on Steve’s chest, shoving him back. “I do not like her! And even if I did, so what? It’s not like we’d magically get together. It’s not like she’d like me back, that’s not her thing! It’s not anyone’s thing!” Fresh tears streamed down his face. “Besides, if we did get together, people will talk, and- and that sort of thing isn’t acceptable! Not for her or me!” Even through the haze, he tried to pick his words carefully. It was cathartic, to scream this sort of thing as hard as he could at the man that had caused him so much trouble. Steve would forget all this anyway, and if he didn’t, then he’d think he was just weird about a girl. Plenty of people were weird about girls. Eddie could blame this on social status. If Steve even remembered, or bothered to ask.

He wouldn’t.

'Cause this ain't no John Hughes movie Where the girl gets the guy

Steve was silent as he stared at him. “...dude.”

Eddie reeled back, turning towards his van. He wouldn’t wait for an answer on this one. He’d said what he needed to, and maybe that would get him over this weird lump of feelings. Eddie also wasn’t yelling it directly at Steve. It was perfect. He just needed to get away from people, have a good cry about this and then move on. Hopefully. “Just go back inside. Get drunk. Do whatever.”

A hand came down on his shoulder. “Hey, hey no.” Steve’s tone was soft, and it did little more than drive more needles into his already splintering heart.

“Why are you still here, Harrington?” He snapped, hoping it would scare him off. He wanted to cry in peace.

“Cause is a party.” He was turned back around, and Steve looked positively heart broken- for him, he realized. It was bittersweet. “N you’re s’posed to have fun, at parties. Parties aren’t for tears.”

Eddie stared down at him, half supporting him now with the hand leaning on his shoulder. Steve shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be touching him. The minute someone saw, rumors would crank out at breakneck pace. And the threats on his person would just get worse. “Steve-”

“Stay.” He jabbed his finger against his chest. “Im get you somethin.” Then he turned around and toddled back inside.

“Steve you don’t-” But he was gone. As he got up on the steps, he turned and shot him the most exaggerated wink he could.

You look right through me Every time you walk by

He stayed out there, and he didn’t actually cry. Despite all the warning signs. Despite the knowledge that he was drunk off his ass and the people in there would do everything in their power to snag away his attention, popularity and all that. He stayed on some thin hope; Steve had talked to him, and he’d been… nice? Yeah, some sort of nice. Steve had just been talking to another dude who pined after a girl. Yup. Eddie retired back to his van after a few minutes, his legs aching from standing for so long. The alcohol slowly wore off, and the self-loathing was all too happy to take its place.

I keep waiting for the heartbreak music That's never gonna come

Why on earth would Steve care? There were plenty of sad people at parties. The only reason he came out was because he happened to see him. Eddie wasn’t special. He was just sad, and Steve was just trying to be a ‘bro’. He didn’t want to be here anymore, but he also knew he couldn’t drive home with the constant buzz under his skin. Tomorrow, when he was hung over, he could drive back home. For now, he’d just wait.

'Cause if you don't want me

…He wasn’t coming back. Eddie knew for a fact he wasn’t. It was damn near midnight, and he felt like he’d been waiting for hours. He pulled his legs up and tucked his head on his knees, scanning over the house. It was a fool's errand, and Steve had probably said it on a whim, but… He wanted to make sure he was okay. He probably was. But Eddie also needed to chase away the darker thoughts that were clawing up from the drain. He’d go get another drink, and then he’d go find Steve. He’d gone outside to make sure he was okay, even if it was for misunderstood reasons, so he wanted to make sure Steve was okay in turn.

The party was still going strong, though everyone was moving a bit more sluggishly as he dove through the crowd. He had to be forceful, or he’d get jostled and tipped over, moved about through the current of people like a jellyfish in a riptide. Eddie couldn’t find him anywhere on the main floor. Once again he reminded himself that he was the outsider here. Steve was probably fine. He’d probably gotten distracted by other people. Other girls. Eddie wasn’t priority number one here, and he never would be. He tugged over a solo cup filled to the brim with some unidentified spirit and swallowed down the foul taste as fast as he could, just to steady his nerves.

Just the smallest amount of kindness, and he was already searching for him like a lost puppy. It was pathetic. Eddie drummed his fingers against the plastic cup, wandering around the edges again before he turned to the steps.

Then you're not the one

Up at the top, there he was. With yet another girl. He shattered.

Eddie spun around so fast he almost toppled over, and shoved through people who yelled protests. But he didn’t care. He was about to throw up. Not that Steve noticed.

Sitting on a bathroom floor Trying to get my composure back

The splash of water to the face did little to tamp down on the burning shame. Eddie was an idiot. The world’s biggest fool who did little more than dance for his own amusement. His back hit the wall, and he slumped to a sitting position, sobbing into his palm and biting the flesh to try and keep quiet. No one would hear him over the music anyway.

He knew the tears were worthless. It was supposed to be fine, it was supposed to be okay. A crush wasn’t worth crying over, especially not one like that. Steve didn’t know his name. Or anything about him. He’d just been a little nice, and now he had Eddie in stitches. Eddie didn’t earn these tears; Steve didn’t deserve them either. Whatever immunity he’d built up to the one sidedness crumbled under the weight of his own desires. All he was left with was the realization that this would keep happening. Hawkins wouldn’t have anything else for him but people he couldn’t have, and he didn’t know when he’d be able to get out.

Crying felt good, even if it wasn’t right.

Think I built it up too tall

He stayed there far too long. People would occasionally come by and bang on the door, but continued on when they realized the door wasn’t opening any time soon. There were plenty of other bathrooms in this gaudy house. It was Eddie’s own hiding spot, to wallow and cry and drink for the night with his fresh understanding of life. The music was cut off at some point, and the bustling sound of people died down to normal chatting.

By then, the night had gotten fuzzy, dancing like spots in his mind’s eye. Eddie remembered rationalizing that didn’t want to end up sleeping here. If sober people found him here, they’d start getting pissed at him. Bodies were thrown all over the floor, and the smell of vomit attacked his nose as he stumbled for the door. He’d just sleep in his van.

Out on the lawn, there he was again. Eddie’s legs locked up as he stood on the top step, the cup in his hand crinkling as his hand curled. He was too drunk now to handle both his feelings and his reality. If they started talking, he’d do something stupid, like actually yell at him. He hurried down the steps and all but announced his presence as he tripped over his own feet and smacked into one of the trucks. Steve’s head snapped around, and he walked over.

“Oooh, there you arrree.” Still drunk, he figured. But this time Eddie was about at the same level. “Was lookin for ya!” Steve produced a bottle from his pocket and waggled it. “For you.”

Eddie didn’t move for a second, before resigning himself to taking it. He’d be polite. Just like how Steve was. Polite, and detached. Separate from everything, and he could get through this. But Steve was grinning from ear to ear, and it pulled at those torn strings dangling from his heart.

“You went back in there.” The words still slurred and bumped into one another, not enough space in the sentence for all of them.

Eddie nodded, doing little more than holding the bottle of beer. His hangover would already be godly, he didn’t need more.

“Aaaaand? Didja talk to her??”

He stared, confused, before his lie from before tumbled to his lips. “Mno.” Eddie cracked the top of the bottle open. Nevermind, he’d need more for this. “She was…” His eyes blurred, and he turned his head to the side.

Maybe if I'd reined it in You wouldn't wanna kiss somebody else

Steve frowned. “Aw dude that sucks.” He roughly slapped his shoulder. “Oh! Hey hey hey-” Steve was supporting himself slightly on Eddie now. “Tell me ‘er name. Could point her in your direction.” He grinned.

And you don't owe me anything

“Why would you do that?” Eddie looked at him with wide eyes. Oh no. He was getting too close.

“Cause! You deserve a fair shake!”

“...you ‘on’t even know my name. Do you?” Eddie stared down into the bottle, swirling the contents to try and distract himself from the dewy brown eyes boring into his left.

“Course I do! It’s…” But then he trailed off. Steve scanned him over and over, searching through his saturated brain for any sort of recognition.

That was enough. Eddie was tired of entertaining Steve, but more tired of entertaining himself. It would do him good to just run him off now and be over with it. Burn everything and start over. “It’s Eddie. But you don’t know that.” He looked over. “And you’re not helping me because you care or because you want me to feel better. You’re helping me to make yourself feel better. I’m just some poor sap for you to pluck up so I can ride your dick later to all my friends about how you aren’t ‘that bad of a guy’. It’s so you can say that you may be a shitty awful person, but at least you’re kind enough to help out the little guy, right?” Steve’s face went slack. He was playing with fire now. They were both barely conscious, but even then Eddie knew he could get his ass handed to him. The words were still coming though.

“But you’re not a good guy. And I’m not one either but at the very least I admit to it. At least I know I’m hopeless, and I don’t bury myself in other people to hide my own shame.” Eddie could feel the worst coming, the admission that would spell out his death if he so much as hinted to it. But the floodgates were open. “You don’t even have to do anything like that! I already like you despite all the awful shit you do because I have no standards. Like your stupid hair and your dumb smile, and it’s all- Fuck!” Eddie yelled at the sky. “I just want to kiss you so I can prove to myself that it’s not worth it. But nothing’s going to happen because you’re you and I’m me and it doesn’t matter! It’s bullshit!”

The pinched confused look fell into something much more heart broken, and Eddie remembered himself. He pulled away, stomping past and the bottle dropping to the ground. It didn’t even shatter. Steve turned after him. “Eddie-”

“Don’t.” He turned over his shoulder. “Don’t say a goddamn thing. Just go ahead and tell your friends so they can send me to the hospital.” Eddie continued down. Sleeping in his van was out of the question now.

So I'm just gonna walk home by myself

If he was lucky, a car would serve and hit him. It would be easier than facing all this the next day. Regrets were already swapping out the explosion of anger in his brain. That was maybe the worst thing he could have done. Of course he’d tell his friends, and he’d be lucky if he could even make it a week.

Eddie trudged back to the trailer and collapsed into his bed.

And it's not like I've been crying, no There's just smoke in my eyes

The next morning was awful. A lot of the night had been forgotten, beyond a lingering sense of wrong and foreboding fear. But there were a few moments that stuck out. He’d yelled at Steve. A headache and heartbreak were a killer combo, especially when half of that was his own fault. Eddie debated not even going to get his van, but leaving it on the Harrington lawn was worse than showing up for ten seconds to go get it. He didn’t even have to knock. If he was fast enough he could hop in and take off. He flinched away from the harsh sunlight as he stomped outside, going back down the path he’d come the night before. The house loomed large in the distance.

'Cause this ain't no John Hughes movie Where the girl gets the guy

There were still people around, rubbing their eyes against the light and trying to stumble away from the house. It looked like shit in the daylight, far from the flashy exterior the night before. Eddie didn’t see him outside, and there were fewer cars, so if he really ran for it, he could throw himself into his van and get out of there.

As he crossed the yard, he turned back to the front door. Some people were tumbling down the steps, clothes upset by whatever position they’d slept in, and behind them, there he was. Steve was propped up on the wall, quietly smoking.

It felt like for a split second, his gaze passed over him, but it didn’t linger. Not even an acknowledgement. Maybe he forgot. Eddie wasn’t about to push it. He turned back to his van, and got the hell out of there.

You look right through me Every time you walk by

School was weird. Because it was normal. Nothing came for him, at least not anymore than it normally did. And Eddie saw Steve in the halls, but he never looked at him for long. He was just… another person to him. Any glance in his direction was passive and blank. Eddie wasn’t sure if that hurt or was a relief. But every time he’d thought about telling him, there was always something after, not this… static response. This ball of nothing. It should change things, right? Telling someone you liked them was a big deal, and either it had gone completely over Steve’s head, or he was already mid black out when he’d yelled at him.

It wasn’t like he could bring it up either, if he apologized and Steve didn’t know what he was apologizing for, he’d have to say it. And if he did, then…

Nevermind, it hurt.

I keep waiting for the heartbreak music That's never gonna come

Eddie tried to forget about it. That was the best thing for him, he figured. Put it in the back of his mind and try not to stare whenever he moved past. Stay away from the parties. If there was one thing that ran in the Munson bloodline, it was stubbornness. Besides, he was about to graduate. Couple more months and he wouldn’t have to see that man ever again. He was better than that anyway, he didn’t need the high and mighty Harrington to pardon him with an apology.

They would just have to sit in this swirling pool of one sided tension. Eddie could go about his day, and not even think about everything. He wouldn’t sit in the bathroom with a half empty pack of cigarettes tilting his head back and trying to root through his brain. He wouldn’t cloud his vision with smoke and squeeze his eyes shut as flashes of that night mocked him in their broken contexts and fuzzy shapes. And most of all, he didn’t remember, clear as day, large watery heartbroken hazel eyes trailing after him.

'Cause if you don't want me Then you're not the one

They ignored each other for weeks. Or, Eddie did the ignoring that Steve didn’t change that much. He abandoned his perch at lunch, used half to stare at Steve and half to keep himself safe from the glowering looks. But he refused to waver in this course. He’d flown way too close to the sun, and somehow the wax on his wings had survived. Eddie wasn’t about to try and chance things again. The more distance the better.

It was three weeks before summer when he was told he wouldn’t be graduating with his peers. Three weeks from freedom and he was stuck on the no fly list. Maybe that was why, when the impersonal note detailing a graduation party at the Harrington place taunted him from the slats in his locker, he made the decision to give up on that rooted stubbornness. To turn back to that rapidly evaporating well of denial that he had so reasonably drawn from for the past few weeks. Eddie rubbed the note between his thumb and forefinger for a moment, before noticing dark shadows piercing through the paper in the light. On the back in blocky marker was a time and a room.

What am I gonna say? What am I gonna do?

Eddie wasn’t an idiot. He knew a set up when it was clumsily shoved in his face. He sighed roughly and crumpled it up, stuffing it into the deep voids of his pockets. But he’d be going anyway, what was the harm in stopping by if only to laugh at how obvious it was. Eddie slammed the locker shut and started down towards the Hellfire club room.

All of my stupid friends Know that I'm here for you

Gareth and Jeff warned against it. Of course they knew everything. In the shadows and the spaces between public places, they ragged on him. It was affectionate, and understanding. But seriously? The king? He couldn’t have had worse taste than that. It was like he was downing shots of molasses right in front of them whenever they caught him mooning over that dick. So he told them everything, and they were skeptical.

But really, what could he do? Eddie was doomed to repeat senior year again, and the easiest place to get booze would be an unsuspecting party, and the noise could numb anything the alcohol didn’t. He’d park down the street, so his van didn’t get blocked in this time. And Eddie would entertain the person who left the note, whomever they may be.

The party looked the same as all the others. Loud music rattling his windows and lights dancing around inside. Eddie could see the party goers already crowding around inside. These things were the same every time regardless of occasion, and yet people kept going to them. Not that he could judge because here he was now. He slid out of the van and slammed the door, shoving his hands into his pockets. He idled outside, standing in the threshold between the silent night air and the electrified air just starting to kick up inside. Eddie was early. He’d tried to be, patting nervously at the paper in his pocket. Either he’d leave here slightly drunk, or he would leave humiliated.

Eddie wove through the small clusters of people. He rooted around, pulling out three beer bottles and stuffing two into his pockets and opening the third. He didn’t actually know which room in the house was what, but he had time to look around. Time to search for the set up.

Guess I misunderstood

This was probably the room. The note said ‘left back office’ and Eddie had been through at least three things that looked like offices. How much space did these people need? There was no indicator of which one to stand in; it wasn’t like the person was going to leave a welcome basket or anything, and all three of them were devoid of anyone who might have slipped that note to him.

Eddie finished off the first bottle and placed it on the table. If this was a setup, where would he hide stuff? Maybe a cassette tape, or people to take pictures. All that cheesy teen movie shit. He checked the desk first, finding most of the drawers locked. Well, if there was something in there, he wasn’t going to be able to find out. Eddie then turned to the closet tucked in the corner of the room with the bifold doors. That was the next most obvious place to hide something. If no one was in there, he’d take that spot. Try and see who’d come in.

The closet was empty. He flipped the second bottle out of his pocket and pulled the door shut. Eddie pulled out the crumpled note, smoothing out the wrinkles enough to see the time printed across the back. He flicked his wrist over to check the time flashing on his watch. Half an hour. He sunk down, and closed his eyes to wait and think.

What am I gonna say? What am I gonna do?

The party grew louder outside as more people showed up, and the sun finished its sink below the horizon, leaving him in darkness. Ten minutes to the allotted time, light poured in as the door swung open, then shut, shoes scuffing against the wood and muffling as the person moved to the rug. It was just one too. Eddie had already finished off the second bottle by the time, and he peered through the gaps in the panels. All he could make out was the vague form of the guy (yes, if he looked closer, it was a guy) leaned against the desk. His arms were crossed, and his hand was rubbing up and down his sleeve.

The clock hit the designated time, and he heard the guy suck in a breath, not letting it out for a few seconds. The guy had just been pacing during that time, no one coming in to set up anything, no snickers about doing anything to him. But it was still not safe. Eddie let him wait.

Five minutes passed.

Then ten. The guy huffed. “Shit.”

Was that…? No way. Eddie snapped his head over.

Everyone told me so Don't wait around for you

Oh god he’s here. Steve Harrington was pacing even more intently around the room now. Eddie felt his heartbeat pick up. His limbs went rigid, half of him wanting to scramble up and tumble out, the other half wanting to stay in there until he was but a skeleton. This was very much a setup. It had to be. But the limp dead corpse of his feelings strangled to life, wrapping its hand around his throat and wringing regrets back into his brain.

Eddie checked his watch for a moment. He should go out. He should say something. As he tried to pull his leg back to push himself up, his heel hit the bottle of beer he’d left sitting on the floor and it clinked against the ground. Eddie had to bite down on his lip to keep from audibly cussing, hearing the pacing come to an abrupt stop and hurry over.

The closet door folded opened, and the shadow of Steve obscured the office. “The fuck are you doing in here?” He didn’t sound drunk this time. Anxiety welled up in his throat.

Guess I misunderstood

“Uh…. waiting…?” Eddie scrambled up, the form in the doorway stepping back and crossing his arms. He scoffed, trying to hide his nerves. “Look, you can’t just stuff a note in my locker and think I’m going to turn up like it’s all good. I don’t know if you’re trying to lure me into something or not.” He stepped out though, and he saw Steve’s shoulders slump. He shook his head.

“I wasn’t gonna do anything like that.” Steve ran his fingers through his hair. “I just wanted to talk, alright?”

Eddie raised a brow. “Talk? About what?”

Steve’s head tilted back, scanning over his face for a moment. “About you yelling at me…?” His lips quirked to a frown, and he started wringing his hands. “That- that was you, right?”

His worst fears were realized just then. God, let him go back to them not talking to each other. “...yeah. That was me.” Eddie walked around, making sure to put the table between him and Steve. “Look- can we just forget that?-”

“No, dude.” Steve straightened up. “ I… you were right.” He propped himself up on the wall. “About me. And I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner, but I just- needed time to think, yeah?” His eyes trailed down to the last beer tucked in Eddie’s pocket. It was lukewarm by now, the condensation half soaked into his denim. Steve shook his head a little. “Honestly, I don’t know much about you? But you uh, you seem to know a lot about me. Enough to… be right.”

“Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

'Cause this ain't no John Hughes movie Where the girl gets the guy

Steve looked exasperated. “I’m not a good guy.” He sunk against the table.

Eddie’s shoulders relaxed. Thank fuck, it wasn’t about the other thing he knew he’d said. “Oh- no, dude I was just drunk.”

“But you still meant it.” Steve pushed up. “You meant it when you said it, and you said it was bullshit.” He looked back to the door, nervously tapping on the table before hanging his head. “I’m… I’m tired of people thinking that. You know? I’m tired of that being the first thing people think about when they think of me.” Steve turned his head away. “And I know it’s my own fault but-”

Eddie stared in silence. He didn’t know what was going on. The mask of the king was coming off right in front of him, and Eddie wasn’t really sure what to do with this. Was he the right person Steve should be speaking to? And judging by everything, he wasn’t drunk. Steve was just talking to him.

“But I don’t know how to change that. If I do anything, people get suspicious of me. They think I want something.” Steve was still talking. But then, he turned his head. “See? Like right now. I came to apologize for making you uncomfortable, and here I am going on about myself.” He groaned. “Fuck.”

“Hey-” He balked, completely out of his depth. “Look- don’t- don’t think about it too much. Alright?” Eddie closed the distance a little bit. “I just was annoyed you kept bothering me. I just said it.” That was only partially a lie. “But, yeah, no uhm. Sorry I can’t tell you anything about popularity problems. Maybe just… stop doing those things?”

Steve looked over. “Mh… yeah.” He could see him debating something, fingers drumming on the lacquered wood. And with the bundle of nerves in his chest growing, Eddie could all but hear what he wanted to ask about.

You look right through me Every time you walk by

Steve was staring right at him. It was like he was trying to see into his soul.

Eddie swallowed, throat increasingly dry as he stood there. “And you- you didn’t tell anyone else?”

Steve shook his head. “I was a little too busy thinking.” He paused, and looked up. “...you…” He cleared his throat. “Did you ‘just say’ that other thing?”

They were on a precipice. A sobering point in time where he could either admit to everything, and finally take that plunge, or he could keep lying. Lying would be so much easier. Eddie wanted to keep running, keep ducking and weaving and outsmarting these feelings, but it hadn’t been working, had it? He took a slow deliberate breath, squeezing his eyes shut as tight as he could and nodding. “Since… since Middle school, actually.”

I keep waiting for the heartbreak music That's never gonna come

Nothing happened. Eddie expected… anything. Every single fantasy or nightmare he’d had about this situation sprung forth. Disgust, smacking him upside the head and calling him names as he left, horror, several questions in several different tones, and every flavor of sudden outpouring affection his brain had cooked up to ease the pain of what would no doubt be reality. But, like after the party before, there was nothing.

Eddie opened his eyes and looked up. Steve was staring at him from where he was still propped up on the desk, a complicated expression on his face. He could pick out confusion framing most things, but some deeper feelings this revelation tilled to the surface. “...Steve?”

His head lifted. “Hm? Oh, I just…” Steve folded his arms. “...it’s funny.”

“How- how is that funny?” Eddie stepped back. He’d lashed himself to the pillar of suspicion, and it was starting to really dog at him now. It was over, he’d made his final mistake here, he’d fucked up completely. His legs felt like barely set jell-o, threatening to give out at the confirmation of every worst thing.

'Cause if you don't want me Then you're not the one

Instead ,Steve’s eyes widened. “Oh- no no, not- not like that-” He waved his hands frantically. “It’s- I mean, it’s a thing- yeah?” His words came out in clumps, rushing and tumbling over trying to explain his situation. “I just- I just meant that it’s funny, that guys would be into me. You know?” Against the low lights, he could make out his rosy cheeks, accenting his wide eyes as he motioned about during his explanation. “I’m sort of a girl’s only type of thing. I mean, it’s a compliment still but-”

Eddie blinked. “...are you kidding me?”

“What? No?”

“You’re attractive. That’s kind of the only thing you need in that department.” He furrowed his brow. “You could kill someone, and plenty of people would still find you attractive.” Eddie shook his head.

Steve pointed. “You said since middle school, and I looked like an absolute dweeb then. Especially in seventh grade when I tried to cut my own hair.” He’d managed to pull up that dorky grin again, and Eddie felt his heart flutter. Against all odds, they were… just talking. Like it was normal. A few times he’d considered the possibility of it being normal, but there was nothing extravagant about that. Nothing earth shattering despite how big the revelation should be. It didn’t make for good thinking material. He’d always assumed there would be more emotion, good or bad.

“Like I said, I have no standards.” Eddie watched him get up, and his heart started pounding as Steve closed the distance. “What-”

“That thing you said you wanted.” Steve leveled his face with his, and the heat on his face doubled. They were so close. “D’you still want it?” He’d lowered his voice, resting his hip against the table. “I’ve never… I was thinking, and I realized I don’t… maybe I don’t think all that normally about guys.” His eyes tilted away, bashful curiosity playing through his expression. “...If you’re alright with indulging me.”

Eddie almost coughed. “Of co- yeah.” He nodded quickly. Just an indulgence, simple and quick. Steve chuckled, and he smacked his arm. “Shut up.”

“If you insist.” A hand came down past his left, chests pressed together as Eddie felt a finger curl under his chin, gently encouraging him to look up as lips met his. It wasn’t as awkward as he’d thought. Sure, his heart was going so fast he was sure Steve could feel it, but he had to remember the other guy was an experienced kisser. Eddie curled his fingers around Steve’s shirt, trying to get the moment to last longer as warmth passed between them. His eyes fluttered shut, revealing. The party outside was drowned out now, little more than watery noise beyond the door.

It was just as he’d imagined. It was worth it.

Steve pulled back, and all air was snatched from his lungs as Eddie’s eyes cracked open. Steve’s were fluttering too. “...whoa.” He murmured.

“Whoa.”

He looked over him, small flecks of moonlight starting to spill in. It caught in his hair, dancing through Steve’s eyes as he scanned over his face. He smiled, the hand still propping his chin up as he scanned over him. The smile fell, and his hand disappeared.

Eddie blinked rapidly, doing everything he could to not demand that touch back. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Sorry, sorry I was just…” Steve lowered his gaze. “...I still suck, you know? I don’t know anything about you, and I just kissed you, and I’m still bad.”

Eddie watched him for a moment. “That could… change.” He offered, and their eyes met again. “I’m still bad too. Apparently I have to do senior year again so… we have time?” A sheepish grin fought through his defenses. For a second, Steve’s brow furrowed before he nodded.

“Huh. Guess we do, then.” Steve smiled. “I want to, if you do?”

“Yeah.” Eddie thought for a moment, then reached into his pocket, plucking out the beer. “Here. Paying you back.”

Steve paused, then laughed. “Isn’t that mine?”

“Duh.” Eddie waggled it. “Tastes like shit anyway.”

They shared a laugh.

'Cause if you don't want me Then you're not the one

Eddie closed his eyes. But maybe, just maybe, he could be.