Steve comes home from work early one day to see that not only is his kindergartener, Hazel, home from school (which is normal), his third grader, Robbie, is also home (which, seeing as there are still several hours until when her school bus would usually be dropping her off, is not normal).
Steve: Oh, Jesus.
Steve: What’d you do?
Robbie: *no response*
Eddie, prodding his daughter: Explain.
Eddie: Own your shit, girlie.
Robbie: *continues to silently fume on the couch*
Eddie: Fine.
Eddie: When I picked up Hazel, the principal made me take her home too after what was described to me as a relentless verbal onslaught against – wait for it –
Eddie: A first grader.
Steve, baffled: Robbie – what the fuck?
Robbie: *positively massive eye roll*
Robbie: She was being mean to Hazel.
Robbie: All I did was tell her that if she messes with Hazel, then I’m messing with her.
Steve: *long, tired sigh*
Steve: I just…
Steve: Robbie – you pushed Hazel down the stairs yesterday.
Steve: On purpose.
Steve: For my sake, just pick a side.
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This stems from an idea I had yesterday of Jaheira being Astarion's surrogate mom.
He and Tav just had a baby and she's being fussy. He's doing his best to swaddle her in a blanket to calm her down, but she begins crying louder the tighter he wraps the blanket.
Jaheira is watching his struggle from afar and comes over to assist. "What is the trouble, Astarion?"
"Ugh, I... I don't know!" He knits his eyebrows and clicks his tongue. "She's just been fed, she does not need to be changed. I cannot get her to stop crying!"
Jaheira chuckles and extends her hands toward the crying babe, Astarion stepping slightly out of the way. "Oh Astarion, you truly are just a boy." Astarion scowls as she watches Jaheira pick up his daughter, cradling her against her chest.
"I'm older than you, you know. Stop talking to me as if I'm your child." He places a hand on his hip and shifts his weight to one leg.
"Not by much," she retorts. Jaheira turns her attention toward the small child in her arms, turning her head to kiss the babe softly on the forehead. "My little cub, forgive your father," she says softly to the child. "He does not yet know you as Grandma Jaheira does." Jaheira stands in place, slowly bouncing on her knees to help rock the child to peace.
The babe coos in her arms, a tiny hand coming up to grasp the hem of Jaheira's shirt. She begins to settle, until all that can be heard are soft grunts. A smile graces Jaheira's face, and she returns your attention to Astarion.
He's staring at both his daughter and Jaheira, disbelief evident on his features by how quickly she was able to soothe the child. "How did you-"
"Babies are simply creatures, Astarion. There is no need to overcomplicate the matter." Jaheira adjusts the baby so she is laying across her shoulder, a hand coming up to cup the back of the small infant's head. She continues to bounce on her knees, rocking side to side. "They are only in need of two things, the first being food." She dips her head forward, "Tav takes care of that."
Astarion nods hesitantly and steps closer. "And what is the second thing?" he asks hesitantly.
"Love," she tells him. "Holding them against your chest is enough to help them feel secure."
Astarion shifts uneasily on his feet, casting his eyes toward the floor. "Jaheira, I-" he starts but his voice trails off into a soft whisper. "You do realize that my heart... stopped, long ago." Jaheira nods. "And that my skin is... cold, yes?"
Jaheira nods again. "I do, little vampire. Though I have faith that she knows your scent well enough." Jaheira shifts to cradle the babe in her arms again, extending them slightly toward Astarion. "Here, come hold her as I am."
"Jaheira, I-I don't think she accepts me," Astarion protests as Jaheira places the babe within his arms. He looks down at the child in his arms, and sees her beginning to become uneasy again.
"Lay her across your shoulder, so that she may breathe in your scent." Jaheira aids in adjusting the child into position against Astarion's chest.
The babe's face rests near the nape of his neck, and he feels the infant begin to settle. He closes his eyes and raises a hand to cup the back of the child's head, resting his cheek against her forehead. He sighs heavily in relief.
"See? She is quite pleased," Jaheira tells him with a smile. "Believe me, Astarion, she knows who her father is. And she loves him just as much as he loves her."
The child coos softly in his arms and he meets Jaheira's gaze. "Thank you, Jaheira," he says.
The druid waves a hand toward him. "Anytime, Astarion. Please, I'm more than happy to help you and Tav with the little one."
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