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its-short-for-jackalope · 10 months

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Jack's Big Rambly Nonsense Theory Post About Episode 3 ✨️

I am a merciful fella so the rambles will be contained under the cut.

hey! what's up? this is the only thing I care about for the time being so I'm gonna ramble about it! I don't know what I'm doing! all of this could be wrong! I'm very excited!

Please feel free to reply/reblog or like.. idk, y'all can tag me if you wanna make a separate post jumping off of, responding to, or completely annihilating (in a friendly way!) any of my theories here.

What The Heck Is Antikythera?

i didnt know what this was and it seemed somewhat important since it's in the title (lol) so I looked it up.

one of the first things I found was the wiki article for the Antikythera mechanism, which is basically a computer/calculator from Ancient Greece that predicted astronomical positions and eclipses. It was found in a Roman shipwreck in the Mediterranean in 1901 and might have been constructed as far back as 205 BC. (it had gears and everything! cool!)

Considering this device is related to astronomy and approximately, oh, ALL of our protagonists are interested in and have connections to astronomy, I don't think that's a coinkydink! additionally, since this is fictional and there are no limits, mayhaps the Antikythera mechanism is a part of the story and it can do (and does do) more than predict celestial events...? 👀

Now, I admit I read about this one interesting thing and kinda just ran with it, but in case there's anything else about this itty bitty little island, I did look into it more. According to the Wikipedia, Antikythera was settled and abandoned several times throughout history. This is also where the wreck with the mechanism was discovered (hence the name), and apparently lots of birds use the island as a pit stop during migration, but that's about it. It's enough for me to laugh shrug and carry on with my mechanism theories, lol.

The Ellen Austin, The Bermuda Triangle, & Maybe A Ghost Ship

Since our beloved quartet is confirmed to be aboard the Ellen Austin and they're en route through the Bermuda Triangle/Sargossa Sea where the Ellen Austin is said to have encountered a ghost ship, I'm gonna continue with my previously-held theory that we're getting a ghost ship encounter! (In one story about the Ellen Austin, they had some of the crew go onto the ghost ship to bring it back to shore with them, and the crew ~mysteriously vanished~ which is... interesting. 👀)

I have a few ideas about what this potential ghost ship might be:

An Ancient Greek vessel straight from Antikythera, with or without a mechanism, but probably with. [squints at map] I mean, the Mediterranean isn't that far from the Sargossa Sea/Bermuda Triangle area. And/or maybe there was some time-and-space nonsense happening that could land it on the other side of the Atlantic. If our quartet could get poofed from a satellite in 1835 back to Earth in 1881(?), then a mysterious ship could plausibly get zapped to another place and/or time. Might be a bit too on the nose but c'mon, the name is in the title, there's gotta be a connection to Antikythera, and who says it can't be this? Could also have ghosts!

A slightly less ancient Roman cargo ship like the (shipwrecked) one that had the Antikythera mechanism. (Please see above for hand-waving about date & location.) Maybe the ship has a mechanism on board, and maybe it's also got ghosts—both of the Ancient Greek variety via the mechanism, and of the slightly less ancient Roman variety via it's their dang boat. Bonus points if the Greek/Antikytheran(?) ghosties were scaring the daylights out of the Romans and are responsible for the ship becoming a (double) ghost ship. Of course this also hinges on how literal the "ghosts" in The Ghosts of Antikythera are, but I'll ramble about that in a little bit.

A much less ancient ship from whatever eras make it more likely to be in the Sargossa Sea, but it has an Antikythera mechanism somehow. This would take out a lot of fuss about how the ship got here or how it could have survived this long without being wrecked or discovered, AND it would bring up new and fun questions such as "why does this random ship have an Ancient Greek mechanism" and I call that a win-win. Could be a classic pirate ship, could be a newer vessel that'd be more familiar to the crew of the Ellen Austin... idk im not a boat guy but I think there's some fun possibilities.

bonus theory: the ghost ship has "witch" in the name or has a name related to witches, or maybe literally just has "wicked" in the name, purely based off this tweet:

thank you @man-down-in-hatchet-town for being my Twitter scout, lmao

Just 'cause, you know... wicked, witches. The waves could be just part of the water theme since (i assume) the episode takes place predominantly at sea, or perhaps the ghost ship is literally carried "this way" by the waves.

Ghosts — Like, Literally? Or Do You Mean Metaphorically?

We already know that Pulp Musicals will be exploring multiple genres—sci-fi, horror, mystery, adventure—so I'm betting episode three will add some horror to the mix, especially after Matt's delightfully ominous words in the trailer:

In this web of mystery, Margaret has begun to unravel her own... but she is not the only one awakening. And soon, our heroes will find that the light of discovery can bring forth shadows darker than anything they could have ever imagined.

...Yeah, sounds like horror and/or ghosts to me! So maybe the ghosts of Antikythera are real actual spooky scary spirits, in which case I am very excited to pull up a chair and listen to Herschel scoff and try to find a rational, scientific explanation for any spooky happenings. (Idk if he believes in ghosts or not, but in this case I hope he doesn't because that will make it much funnier for me. <3 )

On the other hand, "horror" is incredibly vague, so maybe we won't get jump-out-and-say-boo ghosts at all. Maybe the ghosts of Antikythera are more unsettling because they aren't an active, supernatural force wreaking havoc on the open sea—maybe they're just an empty vessel, forgotten memories, and the lingering consequences of the actions taken by people who are long since dead. What's scarier—the dead staying behind to screw with you face to face, or the dead abandoning their troubles & mistakes and leaving clueless strangers to get stuck with the deadly fallout?

Honestly, tho? I'm excited either way, and I'm very curious to see how scary Matt plans to go.

Theories That Don't Have A Ghost Ship, Because You Never Know

I am 100% behind the ghost ship theory, but making theories is fun so why not throw some other ones out there. Full disclosure, I don't think these are that likely, and some are mostly gonna be for laughs.

They find a shipwreck. I'm really only considering this because the Antikythera mechanism was found on a wreck. I don't think the Ellen Austin would stop to investigate a shipwreck if they happened upon one, and I also don't know if they'd even have the equipment to safely or effectively investigate it if they wanted to. Then again, maybe they would stop if they saw the wreck go down, and also who needs to go down in the water if you have a passenger with magic powers? If Margaret could launch the Sagitta, she could probably fish up a wreck easy peasy. Maybe she wouldn't even need the ship to stop, she could just see (or sense?) something in the water and reach out with the Radiance. And if whatever she brought onto the Ellen Austin was haunted, then that could kick off the ghost stuff... huh. I actually kinda like this idea!

Atlantis? I think someone mentioned this in the chat for the trailer's premiere. I'm inclined to say "probably not" though... unless the quartet gets poofed or otherwise summoned closer to Greece. But I think they'll probably be sticking around the Sargossa Sea, since there isn't a lot of time for them to be traveling all around in a ~90 minute episode, and the previous episodes kinda picked a place and stayed there. Doesn't necessarily mean we couldn't get an underwater city (or formerly underwater city), of course. It just probably wouldn't be Atlantis.

...I actually don't have any other ideas right now, lol. I really think it's gonna be a ghost ship. And that the Antikythera mechanism has something to do with it.

Oof okay, for the sake of my eyes and brain, I'm going to stop staring at my phone and thinking for now, lol. I will probably come up with some more thoughts & theories as time goes on, but I think I have used all my batteries for today.

Again, if anybody reads this and wants to contribute or comment, feel free! 💫

#jack jabbers #oh god my brain is FRIED rn lmao #pulp musicals #pulp musicals episode 3 #pulp musicals tgoa #the ghosts of antikythera #pulp musicals theory #pulp musicals theories

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miammey · 1 year

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HI MIAM YOURE PROBABLY BUSY BUT I NEEDED TO RAMBLE ABT MY HD! RANPO AU AND DMS DONT WORK ATM SORRY!! Anyway, I've been thinking of some ideas that I have yet to actually decide on, and I thought, since you're THE hunting dogs blog + I tagged in the first chapter of the fic, why not talk about it with you??

(you're free to ignore this Ik I'm annoying, please tell me if I'm ever distracting/annoying you from smth, I can't really tell myself hihi)

ONTO THE IDEAS!!

First off is, I was thinking of finishing the first bach of chapters (10 or so) before publishing it to AO3, since it's common for me to loose motivation after about a month.

TERUKO & RANPO BEST FRIENDS ----- I've already talked to you about it once but, THE POTENTIALL AAAAAH CHILDISH MENACES!! Their nonexistent dynamic is so important to me<3

RANPO AND JOUNO BEING BIG BROTHERS TO TACHIHARA!! Honestly, Ranpo would be more of a "fun irresponsible" older brother, but he still cares about the boy a lot (*cough* arm scar from protecting Tachihara *cough*) and Jouno pulls them out of trouble:)

RANCCHOU HALF-SIBLINGS??? It's a little thought I had this afternoon, I mean, I always confused them when I was watching the trailer even though I knew that was Tecchou: very surprised at first, but become EVEN MORE besties after they find out; Ranpo not being scared on missions alone in the ADA because he knows Tecchou is somewhere in the shadows ready to strike, Ranpo constantly helping him with strategic situations??? They weekly prank the Hunting Dogs with the "who is who" game, methinks.

RANPO AND JOUNO HAVING A FRIENDLY RIVARLY??? It started when they met, now it's as mich of daily occurence as Suegiku bickering, because they're both cocky and very smart: they keep trying to out-do each other but it's more of a "smart kids who will be there for each other when needed" kinda way; maybe Jouno brings him lunch if he's working full-time at the ADA one day???

RANPO AND FUKUCHI RANPO AND FUKUCHI PLEASE!!! It's so sad how I already have Fukuchi's downfall planned out and Ranpo is going to come out of it more scarred than ever: spoilers aside, their relationship is really sweet, to the point that Ranpo's 2nd nickname is "The Captain's Lapdog", and has the same reaction to praise from him as he does with Fukuzawa back at the ADA.

yeah so this might be a lot sorry mey I'm just excited to speak with you about this:)

ANXNANAAAAA YES THESE ARE SO COOL!!!

And you’re not bothering me, don’t worry!!!

AAAAAAAA I love the idea of Ranpo and the Hunting Dogs!!!

Him being Tachi’s big brother figure is so cute!!!

TECCHOU AND RANPO HALF SIBLINGS!!! Idk if anyone would be confused about who’s who because Tecchou’s like a whole head taller than Ranpo, but I still LOVE the idea

ALSO RANPO AND TERUKO BESTIES HECK YEAH!! They would be a nightmare, I love it so much

And a rivalry between Jouno and Ranpo would be so cool!! They’d have interrogation battles at least once a week, they end up cracking the poor criminal in less than two minutes, poor sucker’s terrified

FINALLY RANPO AND FUKUCHI!!! Aaaaaa Fukuchi’s betrayal is gonna CRUSH him, oh my god

Honestly, talk to me about this AU as much as you want, the more you talk about it the more I love it

#asks #I may or may not draw this when I have time

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silentwillowwhisperer · 11 months

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I guess you guys get to know more about me.

Alright guys Imma do this because my writer's block is being mean to me and I have a headache from crying too much. (Don't worry, I'm fine, I'll explain later in this post.)

Oh and before I forget, thank you @lady-of-nightmares-and-sin for the tag.

I apologize for my mega-long ramble answers.

-----

Named after anyone?

Noop. I have actually never met anyone with the same name as me, though there is a name that comes close that I hear ALL THE TIME. People won't even read my name all the way and just assume that it's the more common version, and it veeery slightly ticks me off.

2. Last time you cried?

Today! It is the last day of school, and an important person/mentor/counselor/friendly-figure is leaving to go to another school closer to her house. Ummmmn... I kinda sobbed for 50 minutes straight, and EVERYONE was staring at me until they started crying too because this important figure is a SAINT and we a love her. I was the worst though. Once I start, I absolutely CANNOT stop. (My friends were all extremely concerned for me, but that's ok, goddammit I'm gonna see these people again next year, I totally just broke down in front of all these people, crap.)

3. Do you have any kids?

Agh. No. I'm... no. Would I be interested later in life? Perhaps. For now Imma try to survive my younger siblings. Also, I'm holding off on dating for a while, (by that I mean like 2-5 years). And even then it would be a long time before I would even CONSIDER raising a child with someone. So I don't have to worry about me-spawns for a good bit.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Nah, that doesn't fit my personality very well. However, I do this thing where I'll turn up the brightness in my voice and say something that's supposed to be sarcastic and no one can ever tell if I'm being serious or not. Wow. I doubt that any of that made sense.

5. What is the first thin g you notice about people?

Their actions and/or habits. I tend to pick up on other people's fidgets really fast. Also, I'm not even gonna approach you if you don't act like a decent human being through the way you move. In theory, that makes no sense, but I swear I'm not judgmental, I have a process.

6. Color of your eyes?

They look black, but they're obviously just suuuper dark brown. They look kinda cool when I hold a flashlight up to them though. By that I mean that you can see the 3-Dness of them, but they don't have much color in general.

7. Scary movie of happy ending?

Guys. Do I seem like the kind of person who can deal with scary crap? No. Hard pass. I'm an animation child. Lemme tell you, the ending of She-Ra was TOP TEIR. I was crying my eyes out and screeching at the cuteness of this CANONIC GAY COUPLE at the same time. You know what? I'm giving you homework. Go watch She-Ra if you haven't already, and if you have come talk to me about how hot Scorpia is.

8. Any special talents?

I love how these questions are meant to be interesting, but I'm not an interesting person. I... can do a clover with my tongue?

9. Where were you born?

Normally I wouldn't answer, but I'm proud so Imma tell you. California. Now leave before I start singing California Girls.

10. Hobbies?

Stop I'm so basic. Art, reading, writing, music, taking pictures of my friends and stashing them away for further use (Whaaat, no, me? Creepy? Neveeeer.)

11. Pets?

Do my siblings count? JK, no, I love them (88% of the time). I'm not even gonna start on my ramble in here, I'd rather not write (another) paragraph answer.

12. Sports?

Nope, stay away, noooooo.

13. Height?

These questions are starting to freak me out. Can someone stalk you based on height??? I know I sound paranoid, but stay away.

14. Favorite subject in school?

Social Studies! Though people have said that next year's course is gonna be boring.

15. Dream job?

Therapist/phycologist of some kind. Talking to other people about their problems makes me reaaally unreasonably happy. I have this one friend who likes to talk to me because something about my weird eccentric self giving her advice helps her, and as much as I don't like seeing her sad, when she is it makes me feel very helpful and valued. Anyway, if any of you ever need to talk, I'm always willing to lend an ear. <3

I'd also like to be an author because, writing. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

------

Once again, thank you for the tag.

I'm tagging:

@lilcatastrophe (sorry, I do this to you a lot)

@haunted-glassesgurl

@blobfish-whisperer

No pressured, feel free to ignore me! Byeeee!

#i was tagged #i'm rambling again #tawny post

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illdothehotvoice · 2 years

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“Lately I’ve dreamt about our days back in the castle. I hope we’ll spend carefree days there again soon.”

#smb #paper mario #(kind of)#mario #princess peach #luigi #emily draws #cool now that the important tags are out of the way i'm gonna ramble #1) if you saw this before i uploaded this version: no you didn't <3 (I literally just forgot to color the lineart on luigi's mouth)#2) I am SO happy with this dhjgknfh #usually i would just. not say anything about the inspiration and leave it as a little easter egg #but since i think this is a little harder to guess i'll just say it qwq #this is supposed to be the framed picture mario and luigi have in their room in pape rmario 64 #which if you know what i'm talking about is literally just blobs so dsghjkfdh #also also fun fact: peach's dress is her universal studios dress #I felt like drawing it I like all the extra details dshgjkfh which meant I had to give mario and luigi small details too or they'd look bad #anyways! yeah! mario!#mimi doodles #mario bros #super mario bros

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heroin-antiheroine · 5 years

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ahhhh my friends are the best i’m so happyy!!!!! my dumbass bpd brain is always trying to convince me that everyone hates me in some roundabout way that just.....sounds real all the time & it makes me cry & i do believe it but then today was my bday thing (my bday is on monday) & lots of ppl came & we all ate lovely sushi & then went to the pub. & it was sooo lovely talking to everyone....ive been isolating myself a lot to deal with my....delusions that everyone’s gonna abandon me & everyone hates me but none of it is even true. i’m just....using unhealthy coping mechanisms to cope with something that isnt even real......& is just a part of my shitty ass mental disorder. but i had lots of fun & talked & laughed & felt good!!! & everyone made a real effort to call me by my actual name & not my deadname too!! & i just....am so happy for once....just everything is good. i love all my friends so much i’m friends with actual angels. everything is good in the world & it’s like a big sun is shining on me!!!

#the best feeling in the world is love & acceptance #i rarely feel it bc my brain convinces me that it isnt there. it forces me to isolate bc of all the lies it tells me about myself & everyon #else. it's so hard to not believe it as well. like why do u have to do this to me brain????#but when i see everyone i realise that none of it is true & i dont know how i could ever believe it #these are the best friends ive ever had. they all do legitimately care about me & they want me to get better & be a better person #i am just the happiest bunny #this is a v. rare happy update from me bc most of my personal posts are sad & delusional shit #the big sun with cool sunglasses is smiling down on me #i feel so full of love that im just safe in the knowledge that everything is good & always will be #i'm gonna go to bed now. ive had such a wonderful bday night out #& then on my actual bday im gonna go ring shopping to replace the rings that had to be cut off my hand #it's all gonna be so great #& it's getting brighter & sunnier omg!!!!!#junkie ramblings #bpd tag #as if i'm happy!!!!! i havent felt this way in a LONG time #i missed my friends so much i missed ppl caring about me #i missed having interesting conversations with ppl #i missed actual physical human contact. even hugging is rly important to me #i am like a small plant that wilts & dies most of the time......well barely clinging on to life #ahHHHHH :D :D :D :D :D the best day!!!!!!

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kazoosandfannypacks · 2 years

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Okay, so can I ask about your OUAT soulmate Au and your Star Wars/OUAT au please? I am IMMENSELY curious, but no pressure if you don't feel like sharing!

*begins shaking like a Chihuahua from sheer excitement*

Okay so first of all I just wanna say, I'm still only partway through season 5, and if anyone gives me even a shadow of a hint of spoilers I will be very sad!!!!!!!!!

Also, my soulmark au I'm working on an actual fic for, which I'm SO EXCITED for, but it has a long way to go and is still a wip. I'm also asking politely that no one steals my ideas from it :)

The star wars au though would be a long fic to write, and not one I'm in the mood to write. If anyone wants to write or draw up some Once Upon a Time in a galaxy far, far away content based on my au, go for it! Tag me so I can see it as well (again, cautious of spoilers!) Also, if people seem to like it, I'll make a post with a lot more detail so we can all keep coming up with great ideas and collaborating :D

Without further ado, my very messy ramblings about the soulmark fanfic and the star wars au!!!

Ahahhhhhhhhh okay so Soulmark Au! It's largely gonna focus on CaptainSwan, because they have SO MUCH POTENTIAL FOR A SOULMATE AU LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW AHDKSKAKKSKSJ. Essentially, you have a tattoo on your wrist of the first thing your soulmate will say to you. There has never been a natural occurence of a secondary soulmark, meaning when your soulmate dies your wrist remains blank forever, unless you use a soulmate spell or something like the one Tinkerbell used for Regina in 3.3.

Anyways it's gonna start with, like, twelvish? chapters (they're short chapters that are more like scenes than chapters) of Killian and Milah's story, then about as many chapters of Emma and Neal's story. I think it's important that what Killian and Milah had was real and what Emma and Neal had was real and that doesn't negate that what Emma and Killian have is real, and I want my story to be a testament to that.

Killian and Milah's is exciting because we have their first meeting recorded in 5.14, and the first thing Killian says to Milah is him introducing himself by name. This adds an entirely new sense of meaning behind both the relationship dynamic of Milah and Killian, with Milah being married to someone else and meeting the man who's name is on her wrist, and furthermore it heightens the epic struggle between Rumplestiltskin and the Captain Killian Jones, who's name was graven on his wife's wrist before they even met.

I'm still just getting started on Killian and Milah's section, so haven't gotten to put much thought into Emma and Neal yet, but I feel bad for the poor kid who spent two hundred years with "*panicked screaming*" on his wrist. The fic is gonna be canon compliant apart from the whole soulmark thing, so it won't be too different from the show itself, but I'll add in some extra details in that section so it's a bit longer.

A couple more things I wanna share:

When Milah dies, Killian's soul mark goes away, but just as the dark curse is setting in, a new mark appears on his wrist

Emma's soulmark doesn't go away when Neal is presumed dead at the end of s2, and she keeps her wrist covered, which her parents think is because it's just too painful for her, but it's because Emma doesn't want her family or herself giving her one of those dumb hope speeches. Killian finds out about the mark still being on her wrist, but she makes him keep it a secret bc she doesn't want to believe it.

After Neal Actually Dies, Emma's wrist goes blank for only a moment as his first words to her fade out, and new words fade in. Again, she keeps this hidden.

I also have a REALLY COOL climactic plot twist planned but I don't wanna spoil it for when I finally post it :D

And now for the Star Wars AU!

So essentially the entire plot of OUaT takes place in the Star Wars universe. The main flashback storyline with snow and charming takes place during the clone wars, and the dark curse is cast around the same time as the first empire day.

In this version, the dark curse will mask the entire planet, making it unfindable, as well as wiping all memory and record of it from across the galaxy. It doesn't take them to another world, persay, but it drastically alters the stories and dynamics of their world, as well as their memories.

Essentially, Regina grew up in the Jedi Temple, but when she was 13ish, her mother, the Senator of a planet I've yet to name, came to the temple looking for her daughter. She had placed Regina in the order to teach her discipline, hone her force abilities, and keep her out of the way while at work in the senate, but she took Regina back and began to prepare her to become a senator one day.

Several years later, after the "unexpected" death of Snow White's mother, Queen Ava of another planet I've yet to name, Cora arranges the marriage of her daughter to Senator Leopald, which Regina isn't happy for but she has no choice.

Regina's first true love, Daniel, was a padawan alongside her while she was still in the order, and shortly after Regina and Leopald's engagement is announced, an attempt is made on the senator's life, leading the council to assign Jedi Knight Daniel as a personal security guard for them until after the wedding. Regina and Daniel realize their feelings for each other and plan to run away from it all together, but Snow mentions it to Cora, on accident, and Cora responds by killing Daniel, which drives Regina to seek out the help of Dark Lord Rumplestiltskin, who isn't a Sith but is a powerful dark side user who pretty much invented episode 9's "use someone else's life force to sustain yourself" tactic, which enabled him to live for the past 200 years and hone his connection to the force.

Charming's story is pretty much the same, only he grew up on the same planet as Snow, just from two entirely different cultures/definitive people groups with separate governments, and he takes the place of his brother James yada yada meets Snow yada yada we all know the story.

Emma was sent away as a baby to get a better chance at life, ends up on the streets of Corellia, tries to steal a little yellow space shuttle from a smuggler named Neal, they fall in love, start working together, but eventually Neal doubke crosses her and she is left alone. A few short months later, she has a son, Henry, who she puts up for adoption. He is adopted by Regina, who has no idea who he truly is.

Here's the reason why I wrote this au- Emma Swan- Bounty Hunter!!!! She begins bounty hunting as a way to survive, but finds out she's quite good at it, and when she finds a bounty on a kid- brought in alive, returned to his mother, no questions asked, she takes the offer and finds that this kid is her son, and ends up staying there and eventually breaks the curse, like ya do.

Killian is a space pirate, which is the other reason I came up with this au. He once recieved a favor from, idk, and angel from the moons of iego or something, and is granted sustained life for himself and his crew until his bloodlust is quenched- because obviously all the Milah stuff still happened and all that, so while Killian is off being a space pirate and doing piracy and such, he's also trying to find a way to destroy the Dark Lord. The sustained immortality for his crew is what preserves Cora as the curse ravages Regina's planet.

But when you've been a pirate for 200 years, you tend to make more than a few enemies, so the bounty on his head is as big as his ego. As such, Emma's got a personal vendetta on him as one of the few marks she could never catch, and when they actually do finally meet in season 2, she's extremely distrustful of him all the way.

Plot continues as normal, Neverland is some planet like Dagobah or Dothomir that's just flowing with force, Zelena was maybe raised by the Dark Lord or something, idk. Also Robin Hood grew up on Cora's planet, and can remember a faint hint of a time before the empire ravaged his planet. Eventually he joins the rebellion!!!

When Emma and her son have to leave their planet mid season 3, their personal altered memories are that Henry's just always been a bounty hunter with her. Once during the "lost year" she does overtake Killian and his crew, mostly because he's so in denial about seeing her little yellow shuttle again he forgets that she doesn't remember him, and it tears him apart the entire time. He eventually escapes, but he allows himself to be caught by her again later so he can restore her memories and take her and her son back to their world.

That's all the main stuff I've worked out so far. If y'all would like to add on or want to know more, let me know!

#emma swan #bounty hunter #once upon a time #star wars #killian jones #once upon a time season 1 #once upon a time season 2 #once upon a time season 3 #once upon a time season 4 #once upon a time season 5 #tw caps

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delaber · 3 years

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Can’t Have Your Cake and Another Cake Too

Rafael Casal x Reader

Note: Okay, I’ll stop breaking Rafa’s heart now... Last time, I swear! Thanks for the prompts to these lovely anons. Alhough this is not a prequel to Poetic Justice (Rafa x ER Nurse), poor Rafa’s facing some of the same issues. I very loosely based this story on J. Cole’s Kevin’s Heart (don’t know why I’m always incorporating J. Cole into my fics, but apparently he’s always lurking in the back of my mind) and Phlake’s So Faded. Let me know what you think!

Words: 4.7K

Warnings: Cocaine addiction! Does not have a happy ending (nobody ODs and nobody’s dying ...Only on the inside lol)

Tagging: No one! This might not be for everybody and I don’t want anybody to feel forced to read it 😌

It was supposed to be a great night out. The entire gang was there, and at the instigation of Diggs, Rafa was supposed to be on the prowl to get laid so he could take his mind off of his broken heart.

From his seat in the booth, Rafa had a fairly good view of the dance floor and he had already spotted a few honeys who likewise had acknowledged him by smiling and sending him a couple of long looks. One of them had even twirled her hair between her fingers while blowing him a kiss. He had the green light, all systems were go!

However, of all the things that could've thrown him off his game, Rafa would not have placed a single bet on a phone call. But the minute he pulled out his vibrating phone and checked the caller ID, both the group of honeys on the dance floor and his friends occupying the seats all around him were completely forgotten. Nothing else mattered anymore.

He stared at the screen for a while, reading the name over and over again. What the fuck was Morris calling him for? Rafa had told him to stop. Morris knew he was too weak to say no even though he had promised his girl that he'd stop for good.

...Or, you weren't his girl. Not anymore.

But Rafa was still determined to win you back no matter if you had stopped answering his phone calls or not, so he took a tough decision and pressed the decline button beneath Morris' name. He even contemplated putting his phone on flight-mode to remove all unwelcome temptations - he knew you'd never take him back if he fell back in - yet, for some reason taking himself off the grid was easier said than done, and before he had pulled himself together to actually press the little airplane button, a text from Morris had ticked in. It only consisted of two words but Rafa understood perfectly.

'New candy.'

Fuck... Rafa considered the pros and cons of accepting for a few milliseconds before he came to his senses. No, no, no. The only way he'd ever win you back would be by showing you that he could stay sober even after your break-up. Morris could fuck off! As if awaking from a trance, Rafa hurriedly put his phone back in his pocket and desperately tried to forget about Morris' enticing offer by telling himself that he was strong enough to shake it.

...although deep down, he was aware that it was already too late. That no matter what, he wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it now. And no matter how hard he tried to re-focus on the honeys on the dance floor and tell himself how stupid it was to hit Morris up, it was no use, the damage was done; he was desperate to get high!

Deeply, horribly ashamed of himself, Rafa texted Morris the address of the club and impatiently waited a couple of minutes before he walked outside with heavy footsteps. It felt as if he was walking to the gallows, the shame eating him up from the inside. You'd be so disappointed in him!

However, in order to make himself accept what he was about to do, he reminded himself that apparently, you didn't care if he was high or not. If you did, you would've returned his phone calls, and you would've reacted to the fact that he had been sober for three weeks now - but you hadn't. And with that in mind, Rafa managed to push away most of the shame as he laid eyes on Morris' sketchy Subaru parked by the curb on the other side of the road. He walked across the street with determined footsteps, carefully looking over his shoulder to check if anybody he knew were watching him approach what was clearly a dealer's car.

"What's up, bruh!" Morris called as he rolled down his window. He was wearing sunglasses, looking like an absolute turd in the dark night.

Rafa put his arms on the car's beltline and shot Morris a bro handshake through the open window, "what the fuck are you wearing sunglasses at night for? You look like a dick."

"Nah, man, it looks cool," Morris laughed, "do you like them? Hell, you should like them - you paid for them."

"What do you mean I paid for them?"

"With the amount of money you spend in my shop, I think it's safe to assume that you paid for these sunglasses and the rims on the ride too," Morris snorted.

"Yeah, about that," Rafa looked away, the embarrassment slowly creeping up his spine again, "you gotta stop calling me."

"You said that last time as well but look at you now," Morris laughed.

"Come on man, it's important that I stop."

"You don't wanna stop though."

Rafa let out a sigh, "look, I'm trying to prove something to my girlf- ...ex-girlfriend."

"A'ight, I respect that," Morris nodded slowly but then he quickly continued, "so did you just call me here to pin your lady troubles on me? Cause I have a customer waiting up on Seventh Ave."

Rafa blew out some air, embarrassed by the decision he was about to make.

"...Or do you wanna buy?" Morris continued as he read Rafa's body language.

"...you're not gonna tell Diggs are you?"

"Do I look like a fucking snitch?" Morris looked offended, "and you know me and Diggs don't talk no more."

"Yeah, alright. This stays between us, okay? If word gets out, I'm fucked."

"A'ight bruh," Morris laughed, "Now, how much do you need?"

"Just... just give me an eightball," Rafa mumbled.

Morris let out a small laugh, "an eightball? Man, you're not about to quit," he chuckled and handed Rafa a zip-lock bag with white powder in it.

"Shut up," Rafa mumbled and pocketed the baggie, "how much?"

"Rafa, you're my man, so I'mma give you a discount because I feel bad for you and your girl. Three hundo."

"Three hundred?! Last time it was two-eighty without the discount."

"Times are changing. I haven't seen you in three weeks, man. Plus, this is a good batch," Morris poked Rafa in the chest, "my contact got it shipped in directly from Medellín. Look, it got fish scale and everything!"

"You better not fuck me over," Rafa muttered and threw Morris three hundred-dollar bills before he turned away from him with an annoyed huff.

"Pleasure doing business as always, Casal! See you next weekend!" Morris yelled after Rafa with a small laugh, apparently not a care in the world for who knew about their illegal transaction.

"Fucking idiot," Rafa muttered to himself without turning around. He had more important things to do than to scold Morris about his indiscretion.

Rafa hurried to the restroom and carefully locked the door behind him before he frantically pulled out the zip-lock bag. He examined its contents and saw the pearl-like surface that Morris had talked about - Fuck it looked good! He opened the bag carefully but froze when he caught his own reflection in the bathroom mirror; the loving look he was sending the bag of coke was sickening. It made his stomach plummet. Had he really been reduced to snorting coke alone in a dirty bathroom of a sketchy club? He remembered when it had been a group activity. Before he couldn't control it.

Shake it off! He told himself. He had every intention of stopping after tonight. This would be the last time.

You said that last time as well, a small voice rang in the back of his head, but he ignored his guilty conscience and instead poured out a small pile of the pearl-like coke on top of the hand dryer. Quickly, he pulled out a random card from his wallet and used it to form two heavy lines. Before his guilty conscience could interfere again, he also grabbed a one-dollar bill that he neatly rolled into a small tube and put between his right nostril and one of the white lines, ready for the rush. His gaze, however, lingered on the random card he had used to break the coke into lines; it was his fucking rewards card for the small organic, artisan shit coffee house that you liked. What wouldn't you say if you knew what he was doing? In his mind's eye, he could see the disappointed look you always sent him whenever he'd come home all hyped up, rambling his mouth off. You never got angry with him and his love of coke, but somehow your disappointed demeanour was way worse. He would've taken screaming and yelling over the disappointed stare and the slow shake of your head any day.

Slowly, he removed the dollar-bill from his nostril, stood up straight and met his own eyes in the mirror again - and for a moment, he could truly see how pathetic he was. What the hell was he doing? He was throwing away his last shot at getting you back - and for what? A few hours of euphoria and confidence?

But she doesn't want you back, a small voice rang inside his head, you called, and you called, and you called. You declared yourself clean to her voicemail and she still didn't reach out. Fuck her!

"Yeah, fuck her," Rafa mumbled before he put the dollar-bill back to his nostril. Quickly, he snorted both lines of coke, shooting his head back afterwards, sniffling a bit as he cleaned his nose with the back of his hand. He knew he only had a couple of minutes before the euphoria kicked in, so he quickly brushed off the dollar-bill and the rewards card and tugged them both back in his wallet. The remainder of the coke was stowed away in his shirt's breast pocket for safe keeping.

Ready for the rush, Rafa was impatiently staring at himself in the mirror. He was thinking about how to avoid Diggs and his condescending looks for the duration of his high, when he was finally overwhelmed by the familiar fuzzy feeling. It came out of nowhere and started behind his eyeballs and continued all the way down to his toenails. It felt as if someone had pulled a large, fluffy blanket down over him, and it was slowly heating up his body, making him feel safe and secure. His pulse quickened in time with his breathing, and he had to close his eyes to get himself under control. He felt fucking powerful! Morris had not lied about this coming from a good batch. "Shit, Morris," he laughed.

There was a knock on the door, and Rafa remembered that he had occupied the men's room for a good five minutes now. He took a last look at his suddenly hazed eyes, aware that no matter how hard he tried to hide it, anyone could see that he was high as a kite. He contemplated riding out his high alone in the bathroom but also knew that with the amount of energy present in his body, he couldn't stay in the small restroom all night. He had to dance! To fuck! To fight!

With a suddenly confident bounce in his step, he opened the door, and sent the guy in line what he hoped was an apologetic nod before he confidently strode towards the honeys on the dance floor.

"Hey Rafa!" he heard someone yell behind him.

Hoping it was someone who wanted to fight, Rafa quickly turned around but was slightly disappointed to see Diggs coming towards him with a huge grin on his face. Shit! Rafa realised that he had to act nonchalant around his best friend. Diggs absolutely couldn't know about the coke in his breast pocket, or he'd be all up in Rafa's face about it.

"Diiiiiggs! My man!" Rafa yelled overly excited, clearly very, very high.

Diggs shot him a look at his weird behaviour before he continued, "where've you been, man? I've been looking for you everywhere."

"R-r-r-r-r-r-r-rrrrrrrestroom," Rafa laughed, he was too happy to pretend otherwise.

"Why are you saying it like th-" the huge grin was slowly slipping from Diggs' face, "...hey, Rafa - look at me," Diggs suddenly sounded all serious as he took Rafa's face in his hands, carefully examining his features, "Rafa, look at me."

Rafa let out a low chuckle, "Diggs, you know I think you're handsome and all that, but I don't like you that way," he joked.

"You're being weird," Diggs furrowed his eyebrows, "- and your pupils are huge. Have you been doing lines in the bathroom?"

"Maybe," Rafa laughed, unable to stop himself from revealing his dirty little secret, "why? You want some? I still have a few hits left," he padded his breast pocket.

"You know I don't do that shit anymore..." Diggs let go of Rafa with a sigh and looked away from him.

"Oh yeah, I forgot you're a fucking saint now," Rafa said a bit more harshly than he had intended to. Ever since Diggs had met Emmy, he had been boring as hell.

Diggs chose not to comment on Rafa's low blow, and managed to keep his calm, "I thought you'd stopped, bruh."

"Morris made me an offer I couldn't refuse," Rafa laughed in an accent halfway between Tony Montana and Vito Corleone.

"Yeah well, I'm not the only one who thought you were done fucking around," Diggs said seriously. He was having none of Rafa's jokes, "I just saw your girl downstairs. She wants to talk to you."

It took a few seconds before Rafa understood, but when he finally grasped Diggs' words, he felt the blood drain from his face and his mouth run dry, "what? No, you're kidding me..."

"Nope," Diggs sighed, "I've been running around trying to find you for fifteen minutes..."

"Shit! What the fuck do I do?" Rafa said in a panicked voice, licking his lips frantically, "I told her I was sober! If she sees me like this, she'll never take me back."

"Yeah, well you better pray that you don't run into her."

Rafa ran his hand through his hair, "fuck I'm screwed. She's downstairs?"

"Was fifteen minutes ago."

"Alright, I'm jumping out this window. You stall her, tell her that I got sick or something."

"You can't jump out this window?" Diggs said incredulously, "we're 50 feet up, if you do that, you die! Just walk out the doo- ...oh shit, dude, we're blown. She's here. She's coming over."

"Fuck! Can I still bolt?"

"Of course not!"

"Well how do I look? Alright?"

"You look-" Diggs cut himself off, "...maybe just try and avoid her looking into your eyes, okay?"

"How the fuck am I supposed to do that?"

"The light in here's paying you a favour but apart from that you're gonna have to pull yourself together. You brought this upon yourself," Diggs said harshly before his demeanour changed completely as his eyes interlocked with yours over Rafa's shoulder, "heeeeey," he smiled broadly, "look who I found."

Rafa slowly turned around and met you. Your stunning beauty - as always - immediately knocking him to the ground. He couldn't believe that it had been four weeks since the last time he'd seen you. He'd do anything to get you back!

"Rafa," you nodded formally with a stiff face. Rafa couldn't help but make a mental note on how weird it was to see you without a smile on your lips. You were normally always so happy. He had done this, he reminded himself.

"Hey baby," he whispered, the words weirdly familiar in his throat.

You briefly raised your eyebrows while looking away from him, clearly uncomfortable by the sound of your old pet name.

"Sorry," he continued, "force of habit. ...I'm just happy to see you."

Your gaze slowly found his face, and Rafa prayed that you couldn't see his coke-eyes from where you were standing.

"Well..." you said and clicked your tongue, "I'd like to talk to you."

"I'd like to talk to you too," Rafa said quietly.

"And you're sober? Like you said on my voicemail?"

"Yes," Rafa breathed, "completely sober," he lied thickly, hyper-aware of how awkward it was with Diggs shuffling nervously beside him. He was uncomfortably rolling back and forth on the balls of his feet.

"Good," you finally let out a small smile, "do you want to sit down?"

"Yeah," Rafa nodded.

"Yeah, I'll - uh - I'll leave you to it," Diggs cleared his throat and padded Rafa between the shoulder blades as a way of wishing him good luck.

"Thanks man," Rafa muttered before he followed you down to a vacant booth in the corner of the room. Instead of sitting down opposite you, he made sure to occupy the seat next to you, hoping that it would minimise the risk of you looking into his eyes. He just had to pretend that he was sober until the high quieted down. Fourty-five more minutes - Less if he was lucky.

"So, how've you been?" You said quietly as you were both overlooking the dance floor, avoiding looking directly at each other.

"Not good," Rafa said quietly, "like shit, actually... how about you?"

"Yeah, well I guess 'shit' sums it up neatly... How's sober life?"

"Oh, it's - yeah - it's - it's great!" He said, the lie thick in his throat, "I feel so much better now." He knew how much he had hurt you, and he knew how difficult it must be for you to face him after you'd said that you never wanted to see him again - which just really only made his lying so much worse. Fuck, how he hated himself for what he had done. What he was still doing.

Your eyes darted across his face before your gaze settled on a spot just below his chin. He was relieved that you weren't staring him square in the eyes. "I was so happy to hear your voicemail," you whispered, "you really flushed your stash?"

"Yes," he croaked.

"I'm glad that you're finally taking care of yourself," he couldn't make out your face in the dark but he could hear a hint of happiness to your voice that you were clearly trying to suppress. It made him feel horrible.

"Yeah, I want to stay sober for you," he said slowly. At least that wasn't a lie.

"You have no idea how happy that makes me," you said quietly, the happiness definitely shining through now.

Rafa's heart was fluttering in his chest, and he felt the coke-induced euphoria run amok in his brain, "...does that mean you'll forgive me?" All his senses were heightened.

"It's a step in the right direction" you said quietly, still not looking directly at him, "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too baby," Rafa said quietly and boldly took your hand in his.

Finally, you looked up at him, and to avoid you noticing his bloodshot eyes with the dilated pupils, he took a quick decision, leaned in and crashed his lips against yours.

Luckily, you mistook his desperation for passion and fiercely kissed him back, your hand releasing itself from his, and instead caressing his neck. In-between kisses you managed to mumble, "I'm still... mad... at you."

"I know," Rafa mumbled, enjoying the familiar feeling of your lips against his. Your hands switched to caressing his torso, and your small fingers travelled over his stomach and up his chest, coming to a halt over his heart. It was racing against his ribcage and he had no idea whether it was due to the coke or due to the heap of emotions he felt in his chest. He couldn't believe he was kissing you again. He had completely written it off no more than half an hour ago.

Your right hand moved away from his heart but came to a sudden halt when you felt a small bump in Rafa's breast pocket. Still kissing him, you ran your fingers over the bump a few times before you remembered that it was where he always kept his coke. Quickly, you pulled your lips away from his.

"Wait, no, don't take kissing away from me," he hummed, completely unaware of the discovery you'd just done.

You were looking at his euphoric face with the closed eyes and the swollen lips as you moved your hand over his breast pocket once more.

When Rafa realised what was going on his eyes flew open and he spluttered, "it isn't what you think!"

But he was too slow to react, and before he had had the chance to move away, your fingers went inside his breast pocket and grabbed the small bag from there. "You've got to be kidding me!" You said angrily as you held his coke between your fingertips.

"Baby, I can explain," Rafa said quickly while desperately grabbing your wrist.

"Rafa, you fucking idiot! Don't touch me!" You wrestled yourself out of his grip, got up from your seat, and fast-paced towards the door.

"Baby! Baby!" Rafa yelled out as he ran after you.

"Don't touch me!" You cried, attracting the attention of everyone in your path.

You stormed out the door, Rafa at your heel desperately clinging to every inch of you that he could reach. When you reached the curb outside, he finally managed to run up in front of you, stopping you in your tracks, "baby, I can explain!" He said desperately.

"You said you'd flushed it all!" You were screaming at him now, the tears running down your face.

"It was a mistake, baby, I swear I didn't mean to. I flushed it all, I promise. It's just a setback."

"When did you buy this, Rafa?" You said through gritted teeth, "how long did you manage to stay sober before you decided you wanted to throw it all away?"

Rafa looked away from you, he was so embarrassed by himself, "Morris called and I tried to say no, I really did! Baby, I tried so hard to resist it. But he was persistent."

"Well, did he force you to buy?" You hissed. You were having none of his excuses.

"...No." Rafa admitted.

"When did you buy it?" You emphasised every word, "before or after you called me last weekend?"

"After..."

"When? How long after? When did you have your setback?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes! I need to know if you did it because you were physically craving it, because you just felt like getting high, or if you did it because you’d thrown the thought of us away when I didn’t answer you.”

"I tried to fight it, I swear I tried to fight it," he was getting choked up.

"Rafa, tell me when you bought it."

He considered shooting you a lie but he didn't want to fuck up any more. "I bought it tonight..." he finally muttered under his breath, avoiding your gaze.

"You're not serious!! You bought it tonight?" You bellowed, "are you trying to tell me that you planned on throwing away your soberness tonight? That if I hadn't shown up, you'd be high as balls right now?"

Rafa didn't say anything, he just looked at you with huge eyes, the embarrassment evident on his face - and first then did you notice his blood-shot eyeballs with the abnormally large pupils that had taken over most of the green that was normally present.

"No..." you whispered when you realised, "no, no, no..." you groaned quietly, clutching your chest, "you're high right now?" The heartbreak was evident in your voice.

Rafa sent you a pained look. He fucking hated himself.

"You're high..." You stated in a whisper, the tears were streaming down your face, "you lied."

He had broken your heart. Again.

"I - I didn't mean to," he croaked, "I was just so happy to see you. I knew you wouldn't want to talk to me if I told you the truth."

"So you planned on telling me when?"

"I don't know," he croaked, "I didn't think it through. I've been sober for three weeks. Tonight's just a small setback. Baby, I swear, I'll block Morris and I'll flush this baggie right now if I can just get you back," Rafa was begging, “I’ll stop if you tell me to!”

"Rafa, how many times do I have to tell you," you cried, "You have to stop because you want to. Not because I tell you to stop! I don't care about the snorting! I don't care that you party and get high! You've done lines of my tits several times for God's sake! But I can't live with the constant lying that has become part of it!"

Fuck, Rafa knew what you were building to. His life's biggest mistake. He had it coming, he knew it. He deserved it. He was a fucking cheating coke-head and he hated it. "Please don't bring it up," he sobbed.

You didn't listen to him. You had to confront him with it because he clearly hadn't understood. "Rafa, you fucked another girl! And you were so high that you didn't even realise it! And when you woke up the next day and saw what you'd done, you lied about your whereabouts and the fact that you'd been high as fuck! I had to learn about it through her!" You were sobbing, "...and instead of staying home and comforting me, you lied about having to go to the studio, and you met up with Morris and you got high! Again! If knowing that you're breaking my heart with your constant lies doesn't make you want to quit, I'm not sure what will."

"I want to stop!" he sobbed. He had never felt so horrible before, "I love you, I want to be with you," he sniffled and took your hand, "please give me another chance! I'll stop snorting. I'll stop lying. I'll do anything for you."

It looked as if you were contemplating his words but the look in your eyes darkened suddenly and you let out a whisper, "no Rafa!" as you pulled your hand away from his.

"Baby, please!" He pleaded desperately, "I love you."

"You love coke more," you whispered.

"I have a problem," Rafa tried desperately, "I know. I can't stop. But I'll get help. I'll do whatever you want me to do!"

"Rafa, if you stop snorting because I tell you to stop, it will never last! You love getting high!"

"That's not true... it's pathetic," he cried.

"Rafa, honey,” you said quietly, “- ask yourself this; would you be throwing away this baggie and deleting Morris' number if I wasn't leaving you because of it?"

"Yes," he croaked immediately.

You took a deep breath of air, hurt written all over your face, "Love," you sighed desperately as a fresh wave of tears started streaming down your face, "you're lying again..." you sobbed, and put the baggie in the palm of his hand and folded his fingers around it.

"I'm flushing it," he croaked.

"Do whatever you want," you whispered and looked him in the eye, "We're not together anymore. I'm done - it's over,” you said as you slowly turned around and started walking away from him.

“No, no, no! Please come back!”

“No Rafa… This time I'm serious,” you said before you started walking again.

This time, Rafa didn't run after you. He just watched you walk further and further away from him as your hands dried the tears off of your face every two seconds. He imagined you stopping, imagined the hurt look you'd send him. How he'd run over to you and take you in his arms. Imagined how he'd apologise and you'd both hug and cry and kiss it out. But you didn't stop. You didn't send him any look at all. And he didn’t run to you, he was glued to the pavement.

He stood as if frozen in time and looked after you even long after you'd disappeared around the corner. Suddenly, however, he noticed that he was still clutching the baggie in his closed fist. Slowly, he opened the palm to reveal the beautiful mother-of-pearl-coloured powder. He contemplated dropping it down the gutter next to him. It would all be so easy.

But instead, he closed his fingers around it and pocketed it right above his broken heart. It would help relieve the terrible thunder that he felt rolling over him. It brought along a storm of emotions. A hurricane of regrets. And he was desperate to get high.

#rafael casal x reader #rafael casal #daveed diggs #blindspotting #rafael casal imagine #rafael casal fanfiction #bay boys #heartbreak #drug addiction #please don't hate me lol

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ladyvesuvia · 3 years

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✧˖°࿐ 🍾 okay ves, this is not exactly a crush but rather a good friend of mine who I thought I liked for a little while (and may have, but not anymore), but circumstances and bad timing have made it clear that nothing will happen (and he has too... rip 🤟). but i was telling the story in the tags of my last post & i need to tell someone! he's a very funny guy and we're bickering all. the. time. like we genuinely barely talk in any way that's not back-and-forth banter to the point that our mutual friends changed his discord name to 'clara's lover' because of how much of an old couple we seem lmfao. but we do have heartfelt conversations when we're kinda... smashed at parties lol and it's like 4am and everyone is passed out and we're quietly talking and i've come to find out he's genuinely dedicated. like i didn't expect it from him but he's very sweet and attentive in his own ways - he's the only one who noticed i was Feeling Bad and checked on me, went to all the lengths possible to care for a friend of ours when she fell and hit her head... just an all-around surprisingly sweet and dedicated guy? and one time we were outside, it was 3am, i had stepped out to look at the stars cause they're my happy place when i'm down and i was feeling like shit lowkey. and he came outside with a few friends and i just started rambling about the stars and planets and constellations and how much i love them, and i was like, "i'm being so boring rn omg" but he just said that it was so cool i knew all of this? and that he didn't find it boring at all but rather loved it? space is super important to me so i was like <3 i feel Loved and Validated right this instant. later on we all laid on deckchairs and we were talking (with 2 other friends, we were 4 in total) and i remember drifting off to sleep in the middle of the conversation (at that point it must've been 4-4:30am) so it's all very hazy but they thought i was asleep and when it was time to get back inside he said, "i could carry her to her room" and i was like DO I PRETEND I'M ASLEEP SO HE DOES,,, and i was this close but they shook me a bit and so i woke up for real lol but it was one of the sweetest nights in my life and the moment i felt the most closure to all my friends and him in particular. rereading this it sounds like i am whipped for the guy but i'm really not, he's a sincerely good friend and we wouldn't work together romantically anyway so i backed down and i prefer it this way. but yeah this was my hot girl summer little romance daydream ♡ THIS WAS SO LONG SORRY AND IM GONNA HIDE BC WHAT IF SOMEONE I KNOW IRL SEES THIS

OMFG BABE I WAS SO EXCITED WHEN I SAW THIS I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS TODAY BECAUSE I’M IN KINDA THE SAME PLACE

he sounds so amazing!!! 😔 the clara’s lover is just so sweet and made me blush wtf ma’am you’re y/n right now- this felt so fun to read istg and him validating what you’re passionate about??? I LOVE HIM ALREADY AAAAAAAAA

HE’S JUST- AGH READING THIS GAVE ME BUTTERFLIES IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE!!! the late night talks- 🤧✋🏻 i want this omg a book based on this would be perfect xx

THE I COULD CARRY HER TO HER ROOM OMFG MA’AM I’D SAY MARRY HIM BUT- HSCNFJJRIWA IDK WHAT TO SAY EVEN JUST HE SOUNDS SO GREAT HE SOUNDS FICTIONAL BUT LIKE IN THE BEST WAY like he’s that one fictional character you want to come to life???? agh i have so many questions like do you guys still talk? are you still friends? is his discord nick still clara’s lover? does he like you? did- I JUST HAVE SO MANY PLS DON’T FEEL SHY TO KEEP SENDING THESE IN BECAUSE I’M NOSY AND THIS IS SO ENTHUSIASTICALLY THRILLING TO ME I GET SO EXCITED BUT WHY NOT ANYMORE :<<<

YOU SHOULD HAVE PRETENDED YOU WERE ASLEEP OMFG I KNOW I WOULD HAVE DONE SO AHAHAHAHAJAJJAWJ wym hot girl summer bESTIE THAT’S MAIN GIRL COMING OF AGE AESTHETIC LOVE STORY THAT DESERVES A HAPPILY EVER AFTER

don’t hide bb this made me want to rant about my similar one omfg u don’t have to read this i just saw a lot of parallels to this and i couldn’t help but sjhdejiw because you saying the “we wouldn’t work out romantically” literally broke me because i feel the same way 😔

i know i say i love angst a lot but damn it why can’t things just be easy and always have a happily ever after?2!/&2@ i told him about writing and he literally said that it’s cool and that i’m good at what i do omfg this guy!!:!:&2 AND WE ALSO HAVE LATE NIGHT TALKS like mostly 12am to 4am just laughing and stuff he’s just someone i feel comfortable with but just imagining what we’d be romantically sounds too unorthodox? idk i mean i do like him and i am in fact head over heels for him but the minute i think about us in the same place that the couples my friends are in, IT FEELS SO STRANGER-Y???

i mean he liked me since 2019 but has been incosistent and he confessed to me on the 31st of december, 2019 BUT I DIDN’T SEE IT OK I WAS JUS TRYNNA REPLY TO PEOPLE HAPPY NEW YEAR and i only saw it like just this june 26 where i replied to it and i said “whatthefuck HAHAHAHA” and he freaked out and said DELETE THAT DELETE THAT hdhdueie idk rlly he’s just so great but i don’t wanna ruin our friendship

PLS THIS FEELS LIKE MIDDLE SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN IDK WHY I’M KINDA ENJOYING IT

#vesuvia’s 700 followers soirée #🍾 whiskey whispers #THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY WTF #clara 🏛

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homosociallyyours · 5 years

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Feel free not to respond to this I'm having a "I'm having a lot of feelings" sort of day. So I keep seeing the synopsis of your changer and the change fic and I just want to read it so bad. I adore your writing and it just seems like something I would be in love with. I'm just really scared because I'm a girl and I'm a mostly s*x repulsed ace and reading lesbian romances and even het romances have a tendency to make me feel broken? Because I tend to reflect what I'm reading on myself and (1)

hey nonny!! I needed a few days to think about how to answer this ask, but I really wanted to. The rest of your ask and my response are below the cut:

I'm incapable of reacting to those sorts of situations in any sort of positive manner. I'm trying to work on this because I didn't have this issue before realizing that I was ace. And I really want to be able to enjoy good story telling. Because that's my number 1 draw to reading. The way a story is told. And your story telling is just so beautiful. I just don't want to tie myself up in knots because any time a girl gets turned on I feel like a failure as a person because I just don't/cant (2)I don't even know what the point of this whole ramble is other than to say I'm really frustrated at myself because I feel like I'm missing out on something that I would really enjoy if I didn't have such a huge block whenever there are girls as main characters in a story. I wish I could figure out how to get past this so I can enjoy reading again. I miss when I could just read a synopsis think it sounded cool and just start reading. I discovered some of the best story telling that way. (3)Anyway I hope you are having a fantastic day. It is Friday after all. I really love your blog and I really love your stories. ❤❤ (4)

Ok, so the first thing I wanna say is thank you for sending this. Even if it’s just a vent on a big feelings day, it’s really good (and brave) to say something when you’re having a lot of emotions around something. And I am touched and honored that you sent it to me. Thank you for sharing something real and hard with me.

Second, and just as important: you might feel broken right now, but you really, really aren’t. Being s*x repulsed is real and valid and okay. It might not be something that every person goes through, and I imagine that makes it harder-- feeling as though you’re relatively alone in experiencing something can be really isolating. It also sounds like having this reaction while reading/engaging with stories is kinda new, and that’s bound to make it harder to navigate. You might still be learning what triggers the worst feelings, which means you may need to be extra careful now.

That’s gonna be hard, because any time you’re doing something new it’s disorienting and strange. I think of it like being dropped off at the foot of a mountain with minimal gear and no guide and being told to climb. It’s gonna be hard and you might not ever make it to the top, but every inch you advance is a victory.

It might take a long time to find ways to relate to stories that include s*x or romance. You might not ever make it to a place where those things feel totally comfortable to read about (and it’s up to you how much you wanna try to push at what squicks or triggers you; there’s really no wrong way to deal with it and it’s okay to ask someone close to you or a therapist for help in navigating it). But one really good thing is that most of the stories you might wanna read now are still going to be there for you whenever/if ever you feel ready to read them. At least that’s true for anything I write.

And I know that if, three years from now, I get a comment on The Changer and the Changed saying that someone loved the story I’ll be over the moon excited. Same goes for most writers. The stuff I’ve made is out there whenever you feel ready for it. You’re still taking your first steps in figuring out a new aspect of yourself. Be as gentle as you can with yourself while you do this.

You can chat with me off anon any time you’d like, and if you’d rather stay anonymous I can answer you in tag posts instead of publishing asks if you mention it. I might take a while to respond though, because any time I’m saying something I won’t be able to talk through personally I try my best to be careful about what I say. It’s never my intention to hurt or traumatize people when they come to me here.

Sending love and support your way When my own identity shifted (to grey ace/demisexual) I know it was a huge and scary transition and something I still grapple with understanding. I’m here for you. xoxo

#sexuality #asexuality #i really am sorry this took me so long to answer #but hopefully you see it #and get why it took a while #<3 #Anonymous #answers

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kudravi-nesit · 2 years

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It's been a while since I posted anything personal on here. It's been a while since I've been active alltogether.

I'm not gonna lie, things have been pretty good for me. More than good actually. Especially since the last time I wrote here. But recently I realized I missed having a place to just write my feelings out publicly, being seen without being approached. A luxury I can't have on Insta (where I spend most of my time) because I have so many friends follow me there. They're all awesome people, but I know I sometimes overshare online. I offer my feelings and thoughts when I'm angry or sad and maybe I shouldn't.

But Tumblr has always seemed like a great place to vent. Mostly because I always had only a few active followers, now even less. So I re-downloaded it. Unfortunately, for anyone actually reading this, I might just ramble about my life, about my worries and anxieties. Not everything will be bad, of course. I'm grateful for where I am, who I became and the people I have in my life. Just skip through if you're not interested, I don't take it against you.

So why now?

1. Insta is getting on my nerves. A lot. And I am nostalgic of the way tumblr always made me feel. It was me and a few close friends tagging ourselves in posts and being avid fans of various media. It was easy, it was fun.

2. I missed how people here write. I missed reading about important topics with cool and in depth comments. And what people go through.

3. Seasonal depression is slowly doing its thing. Especially with the fact that I am going to be faced with incredible grief very soon. And if I'm not good at something, it's handling grief and getting over someone that I loved very much. These past few years I needed to let go of a lot of people, but I welcomed so many that have improved my life tenfold. Still, I recollect too much, on the pain, the sadness, just the dull feeling of hopelessness I felt back when I thought I was never going to do better, that I am never going to deserve more. And I am going to need a place to just... Spill my heart out. Because I don't wanna talk to anyone about this, at least not to someone I am very close to, because they can't help me. It's just something I am mainly going to go through on my own.

So yeah, seeing as my best friends, boyfriend and family don't use Tumblr and could barely even find this account, I am going to use it again, until I deem I don't need it anymore.

For the very end, I apologize for reflecting on some older posts, maybe for posting some REALLY old drafts, and making new posts that are probably (most likely) not going to be very... Hmm... Pleasant? Cheerful? Some of them will be hopeful and full of gratitude but like... Yeah...

If you read all of this, good job? Didn't expect anyone to do it. But yeah... I'll be fine. And. Thanks? Maybe?? Dunno.

#moj post #/ vent #i'm also just gonna try and post some of my art again #for the 1000th time...#that's all I guess #lets see how long this will last

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jarchieriverdale · 7 years

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I'm writing a Riverdale fanfic (Jarchie mainly, with Beronica on the side) which is one of my first proper fanfics ever. Any general tips or maybe even just tips for being brave enough to actually, you know, share it? I'm feeling so awkward about this entire thing!

Can I first start of with saying: so much kudos to you for wanting to put your fic up! Fandoms getting new fics and writers is always a huge YES because we always need more & definitely welcome it ^_^(This definitely ended up being really long, but I made a list further down if you don’t wanna read all my rambling. I’m not sure what specifically you’re feeling awkward about, but I covered a bunch of stuff :))

Reading this I was like, I’m probably not the best person to ask because I have really bad anxiety ?? but then I was like, actually, you know, that’s why I’m probably one of the best people to ask because HOW the HELL do I manage to do this despite that? And honestly it involves a lot of self-talk + bravery + a fuck-it-I’m-gonna-do-it-who-cares mood. And I have a feeling this post is going to be rather long, but I’ll just talk through my own experience and what I’ve told myself, and maybe it’ll help you (or someone else) as well. :D

(I decided to put this under cut IT’S SO LONG IM SORRY (& if you’re on mobile I’m even more sorry t_t)

I’ve actually been writing stuff for YEARS. I started fanfics in middle school, before that I was writing my own little stories. Little me in primary school and early middle school, so badly wanting to be a writer (I RP’d a lot between 07-10 as well). But I never shared my writing. SOMETIMES with close friends, if I bought up an original story and they were interested I would send it to them. Otherwise, I wasn’t about to share it with anyone. ESPECIALLY not my fanfics when I started. A lot of my earliest have gone unseen by the world (and myself for years). I’m sure this may apply to a lot of people if you’ve written stuff for years, regardless what type of writing it is. I don’t know if you’ve written other stuff before anon, but if you haven’t that’s okay because we all gotta start somewhere & if you want to share it right away that’s one hell of an achievement and damned awesome. On the other hand, if it’s taken a while, that’s great too. Either way, sharing can be one hell of an anxiety inducing situation.

Okay, so when it came to finally posting stuff up, I’d definitely been writing a while, but at this point I knew I really wanted feedback on my writing, and to see if people enjoyed it, so that was a huge factor in me sharing it online. I’d never find out what people thought if I kept it to myself forever. Critique can sometimes be tough (just before my ImperialRemnant account on AO3 I wrote fanfic elsewhere and definitely had “this sucks” reviews - which isn’t so much a critique, but actually being a dick because they weren’t helpful - and definitely had fics that did rather terribly - still do - but it’s all a learning process & you eventually get used to it).

It’s also important where you post it, AO3 would be best of jarchie and beronica, as well as tumblr. Fanfic.net usually does better with gen fics. They’re the only ones I use, although I have accounts on some other sites I still gotta go on.

So I’ll go through things you should remember if you’re nervous about putting up fics (and things I have to remind/tell myself constantly)::

1. I’ll start with the fact you’ll definitely get reviews/comments/critique like I said previously. But most people are REALLY REALLY nice, so don’t freak out (I tell myself, as I’m trying to rationalise), and I haven’t had anything terrible since making my ImperialRemnant account on AO3 or fanfic.net. And there are always times your fics won’t get any comments at all– and that’s fine too! I’ve had that happen to me, and in the long run, it doesn’t feel like a huge biggy??Also, sometimes people aren’t gonna like what you do and they’ll say that, but that takes me to a second point–

2. It’s not your problem if somebody doesn’t like something. This is really important to know. You wrote the fic because it’s a concept you wanted to write, and something you really wanted to share and that’s amazing. You put tags on everything in your fic, so the person will go in and know what to expect, so if somebody does say something, then it’s like… “it was in the tags/summary? Why did you read this then? Wtf?” then 0% your fault. (Tagging’s important guys! I do find it hard so if you do too then try! You’ll usually be fine).

3. In regards to quality of fic, there’s definitely is a lot of amazing stuff out there, and that’s overwhelming. But you gotta know, there’s a lot of bad stuff too. I hate to say it, because it’s the nice thing to say all fic is good, but the reality is that’s not true. Your fic may not be the best (hey it may be damn amazing I haven’t seen it xD), but there’s a damn good chance it’s not going to be the worst either. Say to yourself this fic isn’t terrible, it’s fine. Your quality will improve over time anyway when you grow as a writer (Lord forbid there’s stuff from a year ago I published and I’m like… why did I do that…but that brings me to the next point).

4. SOMEBODY WILL LOVE YOUR FIC, I GUARANTEE THIS. I didn’t know this at first but learnt it quickly and have to remind myself EVERY TIME. Even if, later, you’re going “oh god that fic was a dumb idea”, there will be someone, at some point, who will have loved it and enjoyed it and wished there was more. It may just be one or two people but goddammit your audience is always gonna start small, and if it stays that way it will always be worth it for someone (that someone can be yourself too!). The best feeling is when somebody gets excited from your updates (HUGE reason why people should leave comments if they love a fic, because there’s a lot of people who are passive readers even when they love love LOVE a fic & just leave a kudos, definite issue. But I hope as a fandom we can not be like that?).

5. Your writing is not going to be perfect to you, it’ll never be perfect, you’ll be sure there’s a way something could be written better, but maybe you don’t know how to make it better (especially if you don’t have a beta!). I never expect fics, when I go in to read them, to be perfect. No writer is perfect, even properly published writers. You’re going to have to tell yourself it’s the best you can do RIGHT NOW for THIS fic. Put it through an editing program maybe if it’ll make you feel better (I use prowritingaid sometimes?) or leave the fic and go through it later. It’s gonna be fine.

6. Don’t expect much at first. Sometimes first fics can be very successful for people, but there’s a shit-ton of people where this doesn’t happen and it takes a while. When I first put fics up on AO3 they only got less than 10 kudos or something? You will eventually write something that a lot of people may love, but it can take a while. I think… well I’ll give you an example with the Star Wars fandom– I first wrote TFA & Kylux on AO3 before The Force Awakens had even come out, so obviously I didn’t get a lot of attention. When the movie came out, there was few fanfics but I was already there so a lot of people would read my fics (dunno if they liked them, but since they were some of the ONLY ones that existed they didn’t have much choice ;P). If you’re writing fics in a growing fandom you might be more likely get more attention later on your fics, if only because there’s few choices. Some of my fics still have barely any kudos, but I have nearly 60 fics and they’re gonna be a hit or a miss (& they eventually gather more kudos overtime, so even the worst fics have at least a few). With Jarchie, I was actually surprised I got as many as I did, but this fandom’s in the process of growing and I assume a lot of people are reading all the new fics?? It’s probably good for you actually, to right now put a fic when people are reading it and into it.

6. It gets easier. Man, I ain’t even kidding, the first time I was putting up a fic I was freaking out like mad, going back and forth between the tag, mouse hovering over the publish button, re-reading a billion and ten times. It was ~kinda~ easier in a fandom where nobody was reading the fics because you definitely don’t expect much, but there were a couple of people who definitely enjoyed the series I was writing once I’d put some stuff up. And as time went on, it got much more easier. There’s a huge gap of time I didn’t put any fics up and it was hard to update again, but now that I did it, it’s once again easier to do it. I still have internal battles with myself over it, but it’s quicker to get over it and much easier to win.

7. I forgot a note so I’m just gonna add it quickly. But if you’re really weird about it, you can first send it to a friend to look over, or a mutual or something. Or, since I myself never could do that, just tell someone about the idea– and I suggest telling someone you know won’t make a negative comment about it. Sometimes a “that sounds interesting” or “that sounds cool” can be even a little helpful. If you’re lucky, might even go a long way.

Honestly, my mind goes through a whole lot of panic, and sometimes it just takes a good mental day, and some excitement about the concept of my fic, to be able to be brave enough to finally put something up. I usually have low expectations when I share it (being a pessimistic person by nature, so as not to disappoint myself), but I’m like… somebody’s gonna like it at some point, it’s not the worst fic I’ve ever seen, it’ll be okay. And if a fic doesn’t do well, then you just need to put it behind and move on (repress memories haha). Leave it up, don’t take it down, somebody may eventually come across it and love it, but there’s no harm done having fics that don’t do well. It might just be that it’s not gonna appeal to most people, and that’s okay.

At the end of the day your fic’s gonna be okay. There’s a bunch of amazing, unique, horrendously weird, terrible, awful fics out there and the last thing you need to feel is awkward. I know this ended up being a monster of an essay but I hope it’s helped, even a little.

tl;dr? No need to feel awkward, sit yo ass down and just fuckin’ do it. Shit’s crazy.

#Anonymous #writing help #feel free to add things #or tell me if it's helped #or just ask me some more questions im willing to answer!#about any writing stuff. Like. I double majored in also writing/literature and have been writing fanfics a while #and seriously guys I love to help i won't bite #I mean this post itself i was freaking over but im having an okay mental day #and the fact somebody's asked me a question I'm just like !!!!#ask

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