#could defo have listed more stuff as well tbh

[northlight14]

Major spoilers for both the first and second ace attorney game and both of the great ace attorney chronicles games!!!

Has this meme been done yet?

#the naruhodos have a type clearly #could defo have listed more stuff as well tbh #ace attorney #ace attorney spoilers #the great ace attorney #the great ace attorney chronicles #great ace attorney chronicles #the great ace attorney: adventure #the great ace attorney: resolve #great ace attorney spoilers #spoiler demon #narumistu #wrightworth #asoryuu #Phoenix wright #miles Edgeworth #ryunosuke naruhodo #kazuma asogi

[minimoefoe]

doctor who rewatch thoughts (ninth doctor)

for each episode there's two things I like (✅️) and one thing I dislike (❌️) (sometimes more/less) and general thoughts overall along with a rating out of five stars

there's a quick list of ep ratings and an average series rating at the bottom of the post

🌹1.01, rose

✅ basically every ninerose interaction in this ep is gold. I love when rose enters the tardis for the first time and asks if he’s alien and he and asks if that’s all right. it’s just v cute idk I love them ❌ clive’s speech to rose about who the doctor is etc is cringe and dramatic and kinda feels like it doesn’t match the vibe in some way, like it makes the doctor out to be something they’re not? idk how to explain it, it’s just strange

overall this ep kinda slaps tbh. some stuff is a lil dramatic (the music, clive's speech) and plastic mickey is haunting, but most of that stuff just adds to the vibe. and nine and rose are already an iconic duo one episode in. a solid, fun start, I have to stan

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

🌎 1.02, the end of the world

✅️ the scene where nine and rose argue is probs one of my fave nine and rose scenes, and defo my fave scene in this ep. the way she calls him out and tries to get info out of him is just 🤌 and the way they make up is also well done ✅️ rose talking to the janitor and the moment where the camera slowly zooms in as she really realises she doesn't know the doctor at all is 10/10 I love it a lot ❌️ the resolution to the ep, where nine has to survive some kind of lethal more fire-y total wipeout challenge is a lil meh like why would they have that there idk

overall an absolute BANGER, the only thing that let's it down is the resolution being a lil off, otherwise I don't think I have any complaints

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

💀 1.03, the unquiet dead

✅️ I find rose and nine having different opinions on if it's right to let the gelth take over the bodies very interesting, that's the kind of drama I love idk ✅️ rose's chat with gwenyth where they talk about boys and gwenyth is like uhhh, is so good. and I like the bad wolf mention that's in there as well. I also just love that it's rose once again getting to know someone in the place she's visiting, it's a nice theme ❌️ I don't think there's anything in this ep I particularly dislike tbh, it's all fine. I can understand why ppl sometimes say they see an anti refugee message, but I don't particularly think it's that deep

ngl when this ep started I was like oh I kinda cba with this, but it won me over somewhere in there. there's more moments to love than I was expecting. this is potentially gatiss' best ep so it's mostly downhill from here tho rip

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

🐷 1.04, aliens of london

✅️ the first scene where rose gets back and jackie starts having a go at nine is 10/10, one of/maybe the only time the doctor deserved the slap he got ❌️ I'm not against nine and mickey having a kinda rivalry thing going on but nine always calling him 'ricky' was so annoying and just felt weird idk

overall a good ep, kinda underrated maybe? I think the slitheen and their farting kinda brings the tone down a bit, but there's some good stuff in there

⭐️⭐️⭐️💫

💨 1.05, world war three

✅️ 'I could save the world but lose you' ❌️ the farting thing is obvs important bc it's part of how they figure out a way to save jackie and mickey but the way its brought up and how much it goes on is a bit cringe and gross innit

mostly the same thoughts as pt1, farting brings the tone down but there's some cool stuff in there. i especially like the last five minutes tbh

⭐️⭐️⭐️💫

☀️ 1.06, Dalek

✅️ the first scene where nine comes face to face with the dalek is very cool and I like it a lot ✅️ nine wanting to kill the dalek vs rose tryna tell him not too, love it a lot. kinda similar to in 1.03 where they disagree on what the right thing to do is which is the kind of thing I find interesting idk ❌️ too many americans I fear

overall a banger. I feel like this might be my fave ep with daleks in terms of the actual dalek story/content yknow? also rose is a fashion icon and also also christopher eccleston actor of all time

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

🥶 1.07 the long game

✅️ the scene where rose and nine are handcuffed and chatting to/being interrogated by simon pegg is cool ✅️ 'I ONLY TAKE THE BEST. I'VE GOT ROSE.' !!! ❌️ the idea of a companion that fucks things up is cool but idk I don't really care about adam so most of his scenes were a snoozefest

overall this is defo an ep that exists

⭐️⭐️💫

👨🏼‍🍼 1.08 father's day

✅️ nine and rose arguing after rose saves her dad is a 10/10 scene, I stg no doctor companion pairing argues as good as they do. also love the scene where they make up too ✅️ I like how they handle pete realising what's going on and fixing it. I feel like they could defo have fumbled it and gone down an annoying road, but they didn't god bless ❌️ clocking what jackie and pete's age gap is supposed to be has made some moments feel weird in an oh he's a bit old sense but also in a production sense like they didn't think about how jackie is young (i guess bc the actress playing her isn't the right age) and that makes some of things said kinda not work imo, like camille isn't playing a 20yo jackie she's playing the same 2005 jackie

overall a banger but the age gap thing has ruined it a bit for me, not bc I think it's wildly problematic, tho it is a bit dodgy, mainly bc I think the ep doesn't account for the in universe ages of characters which makes some stuff weird and I couldn't stop noticing it

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️💫

🇬🇧 1.09 the empty child

✅️ just love the vibes. it doesn't creep me out quite like it used to, probs bc I've seen it so much and I'm not 10, but the vibes are soooo good ✅️ the doctor guy transforming into one of them is so gross ❌️ rose and jack's flirting was a bit cringe idk

it's a classic for a reason

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

👦🏻 1.10 the doctor dances

✅️ nine's attitude/jealousy towards jack is 10/10. the dynamic between all three of them is 10/10. ✅️ 'just this once, everybody lives' just gets me idfk

everyone cheered

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

🥚 1.11 boom town

✅️ nine and margaret in the restaurant is all great, from the beginning where she's tryna kill him to near the end when it gets Deep. she really got his ass ✅️ nine, rose and jack (and mickey a little too) are an ICONIC group. I find some of their momemt s a lil cringe but for the most part I'm obsessed with them and wish we got more of them together ❌️ fatphobia bad

overall kinda a banger. defo makes the slitheen more interesting than the earlier two parter did

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

🐺 1.12 bad wolf

✅️ nine and lynda are a very cute duo, her happy vibes and his grumpy(?) vibes are a great combo ✅️ all the games are cool ❌️ I love jack a lot usually but he was mildly annoying in this ep idk

overall uh, i am a fan. fun times and a good set up for the finale

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

👋 1.13 the parting of the ways

✅️ rose's rant/speech about making a stand etc is chef's kiss ✅️ 'you were fantastic and you know what so was I' makes me want to SCREAM ❌️ I'm cool with the trope-y kiss of life thing at the end but 'I think you need a doctor' is too much for me sorry

it's a banger your honour

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️💫

series one overview :

rose - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ the end of the world - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ the unquiet dead - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ aliens of london - ⭐️⭐️⭐️💫 world war three - ⭐️⭐️⭐️💫 dalek - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ the long game - ⭐️⭐️💫 father's day - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️💫 the empty child - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ the doctor dances - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ boom town - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ bad wolf - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ the parting of the ways - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️💫

series one average rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ | 4.07142857143*

*average also includes the christmas invasion (⭐️⭐️⭐️💫)

#doctor who #nataliechats #basically my twitter rewatch thread copied and pasted over #in part bc why not put it here too #but also bc twitter feels like it could disappear at any second and i don't wanna lose my thlughts

[futureseaempress]

WIP Weekend Tag Game

I got tagged by @hypnostheory tyty bb

Rules: List your WIPs below (if you only write one fic at a time, feel free to include future WIPs/ideas!) then answer the following questions. Then, tag as many people as you have WIPs (or more). (If you're an artist or other non-fic fandom creator, questions can be found here!)

1. WIP List:

okay bear with me theres a bunch

DAVEKAT -the cowboy one -the waho one and/or the office one -first date/Nastygum -tire trouble part two -the nanny au -the sweet home alabama au -more Silver paint CODA -glory -some princes don’t become kings

FIRST PRINCE -the soulmates au -the omegaverse au -the actor au -the baby one -the hockey one -threes giving - bachelor party -the autism/self expression one

TMA -that last chapter of fanning the flame that was supposed to be about agnes and Jack and I just never fucking wrote anything for it

2. Which of your WIPs is currently the longest?

here in search of your glory for sure

3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest?

so if i ever finish it more silver paint is bound to be the longest

4. Which WIP is your favourite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why?

oooo i love writing the kid fic echoed through my mind is rlly fun tbh i like the drama and doing something ive never written before is rlly fun

5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why?

ALL OF THEM but defo the sweet home alabama au bc i think about it allll the time

6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why?

-the threesome one bc I have a rlly good idea for it but I’m convinced I’m gonna fall short bc I want it to be kind of long and I struggle with that

7. Which of your WIPs will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why?

hya usually reads my stuff but uhhh the soulmate au for sure not bc of anything bad but bc it’s almost too quick and I need someone to help me like slow down and set the mood

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of writer's block?

ALL OF THEM ACTUALY i kinda just black out and start typing jibberish when i get too stuck and usually it works itself out

9. Which WIP has your favourite OC? Tell us about them?

oh uh none of them. i suppose I’m gonna cheat and say the kid fic bc I’m playing with some characters who exist in name only and like I’ve written Philips kids as getting along with Shaan & Zahra’s and his youngest behave like Henry and Bea and June has a little girl who is just like Alex and Alex is going to have a daughter who is just like June

10. Which WIP is the sexiest?

i'm gonna say the actor au but thats just cause i have plans

11. Which WIP is the angstiest?

ooo I don’t do a lot of angst but I’m gonna say the threesome bc Alex is a Dingus in that one BUT MAYBE HOCKEY BC ITS SAD FOR OSCAR AND ARTHUR

12. Which WIP has the best characterisation (in your humble opinion)?

ummmmmmmm. I’m gonna say. The omegaverse one actually it blends canon and fantasy rlly well

13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)?

glory. the next chapter has like bits from my favorite concert stuff and I love it

14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on?

I wanna say Glory but it could rlly go for any of them I think about them kind of all the time

15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why?

the threesome one but that’s bc the idea is rlly good and I want to pull it off college aus are my favorite & should be easy cause I lived in a dorm from age 16-21 but still

16. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?

ummmmm no? mb? I think about them before bed to get to sleep tho

17. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other fics don't?

so I like putting different venues of communication in my fic it’s kind of my favorite thing to add and I like writing emotional break downs where the text changes and the vibe becomes rlly frantic

but complexities is a hard stone to lift maybe the hockey one bc they aren’t together yet? and I mostly write established stuff? or the omegaverse one for the same reason

18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humour?

probs the threesome but that’s just bc hya and I had fun telling each other about it

19. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process?

NO LOL— maybe I should write something from Pez or Nora’s perspective for the threesome fic but that’s kind of cheating maybe Liam will get a chapter for funnies

20. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs.

My college au has a fight over the custody of Nora’s Keurig.

I’m not going to be tagging anyone bc I’m dreadfully late but if anyone wants to do it bc they saw it here they should!

[myworldofbooks]

Some late thoughts on ACOTAR on my first read through: Part 3

Master List

WARNING! spoiler heavy for those that havnt read the series....

Ok so I should have mentioned this in the previous update but I didn't coz it was just becoming a full on essay! 🤣

But realising that Elain only thinks about planting veg when her family is no longer starving.... Wow girl wow... I don't know what to say about that too much... Like mmm... tbf Feyre is a little to blame for it too coz she used to buy her flower seeds rather then veg BUT I feel like she probably would have had a little tantrum if Feyre had done that too 😂

Ok so I've just finished the book now and I've been writing this as I've read each section so your literally seeing my thoughts as the chapters are read... ok here you go....

Ok so lets talk about Rhysand.... Ok ok so the whole painted situation and everything.... like I felt for Feyre being put so much on display as a pet thing to be played with and being used a bit to torture Tamlin... poor baby Tamlin.. like having to keep so neutral and try not to react coz tbh I have a feeling if he did Amarantha would just kill Feyre... Ok so back to Rhys... But then like he doesn't touch her anywhere too inappropriate, like yes her hips and arms but like it seems that it was just a showy way yano like putting on a display for people... Ok I get he likes her and stuff but he could have had his way with her if he truly wanted so... He is quickly becoming a favourite character of mine and my previous assumption of him having a thing for Feyre well.... Ok so second task and he LITERALLY does it for her, basically saving her and Lucien's life? Like omg you sweet little creature!!! And then the whole scenario where he basically saves tamlins ass for ruining the paint on Feyre... But let's be honest he REALLY wanted to kiss her anyways! 😜

Ok so the whole scene in Feyre's cell where he basically explains everything and Poor's his heart out to her even tho she was lucid to remember!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 Omg! 🥺🥺🥺🥺 He's cute! And a softie! And 🥺🥺

OMG TASK 3 FUCK! Ok so I'm so glad Feyre figured it out but when the hood came off and it was TAMLIN 😭😭😭😭 I was shook! I was like oh shit what's gonna happen she can't do it!! But then she figured it out and all hell broke loose and I was like NO it can't happen like this and then RHYS! FUCK!! 😭😭😭 And knowing how SJM writes I'm gonna go with 'the bond' that was felt is significant and only ones I've heard of from tog obvs are mating bonds.. although caranaam too but not sure how that could be a thing for them so mating bond is my assumption... I'm even more convinced it is by the goodbye Rhys and Feyre had at the mountain when he was shocked about something!!! IT HAS TO BE!! SURELY!!!! and if that's the case OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG but how does it work??? Like she's human? And she loves Tamlin? And there's rivalry between Rhys and Tamlin?? Omg I NEED TO KNOW NOW!!!!!!!

I love how when she died she was seeing herself through Rhys's eyes and all that and then what the high fae did bringing her back to life!!! AND OMG FEYRE IS NOW HIGH FEY!!!!!! I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT!!!! I like it was tho! It'll be fun to see how she adjusts and explores how the fae body is different to her human one! But that'll obvs happen in the next book!

THANK FUCK AMARANTHA IS DEAD!!!! I have no idea what I would have done if she hadn't been killed! Although Im hoping something isn't gonna happen with jurians bone and eye missing..... Suspicious.... 🧐

And Lucien is a cutie pie that is Hella devoted to Tamlin and they have a proper brotherly relationship and I love it!!!

Also I loved the cute happy ending but I just know it's not gonna last coz like she is a mess let's be honest!!! Seeing Alis playing with her boys and Lucien being all domestic 🥰🥰🥰 love it! But yeah Feyre has some struggles ahead!

Ok so it's a bit of an essay so apologies! But I'm really enjoying writing these and am defo gonna carry on!

#booklover #booknerd #books and libraries #sjm #sarah j maas #first read #first read through #reading now #current read #currently reading #my reading thoughts #reading #reading thoughts

[writefightandflightclub]

Me appreciating you for Fanfic Writers’ Appreciation Day, but a day late, because I do everything late. Anyway... yay!

1. PLEASE LOOK DOWN THIS LIST (BELOW THE CUT) UNTIL YOU SPOT AN AUTHOR YOU’RE NOT FAMILIAR WITH

2. GO AND CHECK OUT THEIR STUFF

3. SCREAM AT THEM ABOUT HOW GREAT THEY ARE

4. SIGNAL BOOST THE HELL OUT OF THEIR STUFF

5. REPEAT STEPS ABOVE

Firstly, before we proceed to the list: I will have forgotten people, and for that I am so sorry (not in any way intentional)- I will come back and update if I spot someone I’ve missed. Secondly, for fic authors who weren’t tagged on Fic Writers’ Day, please keep doing what you’re doing! Putting your writing out there takes courage and I’m super proud of you. I’m so pleased we have your unique voice in the fandom, and I appreciate you.

Secondly, if you know an author who perhaps didn’t get as much love as they deserve (and don’t be afraid to self-hype) please send me an ask with a) their/your handle b) which fandom they/you write for (to be relevant to my page pls keep this to SW, Oscar, Pedro, MCU) c) why people should check them/you out and, if you like, which fic to start with, and I’ll do a shout-out.

Finally, if you aren’t a writer yet but you want to be, I believe in you! Please take the plunge! My inbox is always open to any aspiring writers who need encouragement to make that first post or start that first fic. I’ve been in your position, and believe me I’m in your corner. Happy to be your hype girl.

Reccing authors in Star Wars / Oscar / Pedro fandoms:

@okay-hotshot / Celeste is the loveliest human ever. She had me hooked from her first fic, which broke then healed my heart, and I’m so proud of her writing journey so far! Check her page out for Oscar character fics and the most magical, creative, immersive, touching, original Llewyn fic you could dream up: Wait for me.

@mandoplease where do I even start? Becca oozes talent and absolutely floors me every single time. The first fic I read was: The City Lights Can Wait (Santi x reader) and I was just blown away by the writing prowess. Gorgeous prose, mind blowing metaphors and descriptions. A personal fave is the Santi/Frankie threesome fic: Moving Day, but Fight Night also needs a mention. Check her out for Triple Frontier / Narcos / Star Wars characters.

@mylifeliterally Ok, Emma is an absolute gem of a human. Funny, welcoming and so supportive of other writers. Oh, and can be counted on for thots. I often rec the positively artful Triple Frontier gangbang fic (and now series) Team Building Exercise, but don’t overlook her other fics- I especially love: Just for Tonight, a two-part Santi fic. The Triple Frontier Queen, she is slowly dragging everyone into a pit of yearning along with her for every single one of those boys and we’re not even mad. Her writing is flawless and I cannot get enough. P.s. she has a refridgerator husband.

@tintinwrites I’ve already gushed at Caitlin today so I’ll keep it brief. Queen of Poe, and also branching out and excelling with everything she touches in Pedro fandoms too. I think I’ve read near everything on her masterlist and there are no wrong choices, but to pick out only a couple, which is a hard task, imma rec Forbidden Fruit and Fifty Ways to Kiss someone for Po, and Nothing Could be Finer for reader x Frankie x Santi. 

@woakiees again, gushed at Hadley already so I’ll try and keep it chill here. Queen of angst and darkness, and of First Order Poe. Also love that she’s writing for Santi and Din now too. Caitlin says it best when she describes Hadley’s writing as like something from 1843 with a modern twist. Such a unique voice. Imma recommend Sanctified and So ruthless, Darling for Poe.

@iamthe-shadow-on-the-wall Abby! The range! You know I remind you on a bi-monthly basis how much Lonely Nights (Poe x reader) broke my heart and here we go again. You can do it all- fluffy, slow burn series (Call it what you want), heartbreaking angst and smut- your Blue Jones mob boss AU, Darkest Little Paradise? Wowzers. Plus, you’re a sweetie and I love when we scream at each other. 

@darksideofclarke Clarke does so much for us all and just keeps giving. From the Sinful Sunday events to the incredible Follower Celebration, to setting up a whole side blog to extend the character takeovers?! Blessed with content! And Clarke’s fics?! Exquisite, and such a choice of characters from the Oscar fandom. I particularly love Now and Forevermore (Orestes); Bulletproof (Santi); Humbled (Blue); and ‘Til Death Do They Part (Mikael) but I could easily go on. Clarke you’re so talented. And you are a lovely human to boot!

@bluebellhairpin Nemo, you are a joy, and I won’t gush at you too much bc I already did that today, but I love what you’re putting out. You write for so many fandoms, which is so impressive, and you’re a fellow Poe hoe. I adore your series Fight or Flight, Rider, but you have so many cute one-shots and blurbs too e.g. Poe Dameron is an Idiot! Your audios give me life as well.

@spider-starry Carrie is so much fun and has been branching out a lot in her writing recently, which is great to see! I love Carrie’s 100 letter project in particular, for various Oscar characters, as well as this smutty Nathan NSFW Alphabet, which had me all in a tizz.

@aellynera (tag me in your stuff pls?) I love your drunk text series for Santi and Nathan and your Itsy Bitsy Spider headcanons made me howl! I’m so excited to see what you put out next! And I love that you also love Nathan :D

@anetteaneta already gushed at you today so I’ll keep it brief, but I’m so happy you’re sharing your writing! I loved your Sherlock series for Santi so much! And OMG wait, I didn’t see you’d written for Nathan until just now. Must catch-up. (Please tag me in any Oscar stuff you put out?)

@veuliee2 I need to catch-up on a lot of your fics to be fair (please tag me in stuff?) but you write Orestes so wonderfully and with so much heart that it blows me away (New Constellations). So few fics on him on this site and yours are a pleasure. Plus, you’re an all round lovely person! :o)

@thirsty-flygirl I don’t think you believe how good you are which makes me very sad to be honest. Because you’re amazing. You write Poe so spot on, so warm and goofy and a lovable sexy dumbass. Perfect. Your writing and dialogue makes me smile / laugh and you can somehow make it hot and soft all at once. I love your series Idiots in particular. (Please tag me in more of your stuff though as I worry I miss things you put out?). You’re great and I love having you here.

@twomoonstwosuns​ I really need to catch-up on your Poe series, Back to You but I really enjoyed the chapters I’ve read! (Please tag me in future Poe stuff?) You’re a star! 

@absurdthirst I’m newish in the Pedro fandoms so still getting to grips with it, but have loved what I’ve seen so far and look forward to delving deeper (and there’s plenty to get stuck into!)!Most recently read the Ezra fic Healing which was beautifully and sensitively written (cw: for prior assault).

@damerondjarin Taylor is multi-talented and blesses us, tbh, with GIFs and writing. She’s currently in tumblr jail, but I strongly advise you check out all her stuff. I came for Santi fics and they did not disappoint (I can’t link to it but the latest Santi fic killed me and was a wonderul take on the “there’s only one bed” trope.

@damndamer0n you have a gift, Ty. I’m in awe and I don’t know how you do what you do. Your way with words is really something special. I bow. Gonna recommend Just Friends for Poe because this is such a warm and immersive (and hot) fic and so in character. But honestly all your stuff is perfect. I’ve read things for characters I’ve never heard of before because of you and have loved each and every one. (Like, really, what are your secrets, tell us?). Also gonna shout-out to your Ezra fic, Sunlight, beacuse the world-building and mood-building was lovely. Really memorable!

@mssr-cellophane I found your work recently through FinnPoe week and your glorious take on the The Jacket prompt (links to A03). Looking forward to reading more of your stuff (please feel free to tag me!) and surprised by how much I vibe with all your posts haha. Happy to follow you! :)

@yougottakeeponkeepinon AMANDA? Where do I begin and how do I stop? You’re such an important part of this site for me. I think you’re wonderful as a person and I love your writing too. Miscommunication (First Order! Poe) is off the scale brilliant, and then you blew me away with your latest Santi fic, Eavesdropping, but honestly, I’ve never read anything of yours I didn’t love, from goofy Poe to soft soft Llewyn (I love Away from the Sun). I WANNA YELL AT YOU YOU’RE JUST THE BEST.

@poesflygirl Nat is a ball of energy and that comes across in her writing. Nat, you write with such verve and energy and defo have a unique voice. You write the angstiest angst and fluffiest fluff and you also write action and dialogue so well. Your fics have a ton of unexpected turns and are unpredictable, and you have loads of unique ideas which are really fresh and different to read. You don’t seem to believe how good you are, which makes me sad tbqh. I love when I see a tag pop up and get to read something new from you! In particular love your Poe series, You and Paging a Heart, and these Poe one-shots: Just another Benduday Night and Truth or Dare.

@starryeyedstories NOVA. You are pure sunshine. You spread so much positivity and you’re the loveliest human. Your are the Queen of softness and fluff and for comforting and beautifully written fics. Your series, Across the Hall,has taken us all on such a wonderful journey and I don’t want it to ever end. It’s like my happy place! Each chapter is practically a hug with words. Your Din one-shot All of Me is so romantic as well!

@softpedropascal I’m newish in Pedro fandoms but softpedropascal writes wonderfully for Frankie. The dedication to the character is evident, and characterisation wonderful- I can’t wait to read more: Masterlist

@rzrcrst okay, you may know rzrcrst for Pedro fics (which are wonderful) but she also recently started writing for Tony Stark and I’m so happy! 😀🧡 (Fun fact- her url is also the reason I couldn’t spell Razor Crest properly when I finally started writing for Din). She’s currently taking a well-earned tumblr break but fics are still up on Ao3- linked in profile.

@writefasttalkevenfaster​ Please tag me in any of your Star Wars stuff as I swear I keep missing things and I don’t mean to! Masterlist

@galaxy-of-stories​ Maddie, I keep missing things you post but you’re lovely and your writing is awesome. I love your Poe series Over and Over and I think I’ve just spotted a new chapter to catch-up on so lucky me! :D

@who-talks-first Billie, my lovely friend! You’re wonderful to have around on this hellsite. Your dedication to supporting writers in these fandoms is unparelled and you’re an absolute sweatheart, as well as super fun to chat to and thirst with. You have certainly made my experience on this site so much better! And also, your writing? Excuse me? So good. Your Poe fic, The Torture of Small Talk With Someone You Used to Love? Sublime! And the Poe, Naked, Dripping, Locked? So funny! You definitely have a unique style and your writing can be simultaneously edgy, poetic, and moving. ILY!

@xxidontwikeitxx Hope you don’t mind being included, as you haven’t posted your work, but you ARE a writer, and I’m so happy you’ve recently started creating! Again, hope you don’t mind me saying, but I had the pleasure of reading your Marcus Pike blurb, and it’s was so soft and lovely. I really hope - when/if you’re comfortable- you decide share your work, and if not, I hope you keep enjoying the process! Would leave to read more from you in the future!

@shakespeareanwannabe is writing such a heartfelt Santi x OC story (find it here) with sublime characterisation of both Santi and Frankie, AS WELL AS seriously well-rounded and compelling OCs / supporting cast. This series is a key contributor for me falling down a Frankie rabbit role, and my First Dates fic likely wouldn’t exist without it! So excited for more!

Also shoutout to @ollypopp @milleniumvalcon @justrunamok @yourbucky084 who are delightful beings and whose writing I need to catch-up on!I look forward to it!

#this took me shockingly long to compile i need a nap #the talent on this hellsite #writer appreciation #star wars fics #oscar isaac fics #pedro pascal fics #poe dameron x reader #santiago pope garcia x reader #llewyn davis x reader #din djarin reader #fic rec #fic recs #frankie morales x reader #nathan bateman x reader #the loveliest humans

[potahun]

Reasons why Best Wishes is GREAT.

The main trio

Just the greatness of the main trio deserves its own post tbh

SATOSHI, IRIS, AND DENT…. KINGS AND QUEEN OF CHILL

BUT ALSO KINGS AND QUEEN OF DORKINESS

The most beautiful team dynamics. But aha what makes it work is that the teamwork permeates the action. Their closeness rarely gets spelt out – and it pretty much never gets spelt out in touching terms. Most of the times, we only know they like each other because (a) well they stuck together for a whole region i guess (b) the jokes (e.g. dent and his mentions of marriage here and there) (c) the natural synchronicity they grew to have (synchronized excitement and glee, synchronized panic etc). They dont stop to tell each other ‘im glad youre here’ and they dont have touching episodes about friendships growing deeper and speeches about learning from each other — even iris and satoshi’s episode about fighting and making up was done in a light-hearted way with jokes throughout (all the zooms out with dent’s narration), and whenever dent talks about what he learned from the two others he has to add a bit of his sommelier air (which makes things naturally light)…..

but thats the whole charm of it! The beauty of Best Wishes is that the relationships speak for themselves, they speak through the fact that the jokes are thrown and hit back like ping pong in the dialogues, and they speak through the fact that despite all the natural clashes in their personalities, they wanted to and managed to stay together. which kind of leads to the next point:

They are three independent and self-reliant souls - meaning, the only reason they stay together is because they each looked at the other two and thought : ‘hey. im having a good time right now. i want to continue some more’. I think BW is a bit peculiar in the sense that this is the only time since OS that Satoshi travels with two companions that are experienced (e.g. Haruka, Hikari, and Serena started out as their respective series did) Iris is actually more experienced than Satoshi, considering how young she was when she started battling with Doryuzu. Dent is also a Gym Leader. From this perspective, Satoshi doesn’t have to mentor anyone in the BWOT3; at the same time, he’s seen his own fair share (and defo has the most experience in terms of travels) so he’s not getting mentored by anyone either (in OS, he was the newbie). This directly affects their dynamics as a team. Basically, No one puts anyone on a pedestal in this trio.

Sure, dent was a bit fascinated by satoshi in the beginning, but he’s definitely not getting mentored hahaha oh boy and there is no idolatry there. In fact, each of the 3 is painfully aware of the others’ quirks and shortcomings from the get-go. and moreover, they ALL HAVE AN EGO THAT HAS THINGS TO SAY.

It’s painfully clear from the very beginning that they each have very strongly anchored personalities and that these personalities are not a natural match. Dent and Iris are like a big bang of their own concerning this, with all their Truth vs Ideal symbolism and contrast galore…but that applies to all 3. All 3 have a strong sense of self, and this leads to a refreshing trio because in the end, none depends on the other 2 to define themselves. They are more than willing to learn from each other, but they do so by observing things and internalizing them, while having fun on the outside. At the end of the day, Iris and Dent weren’t truly following Satoshi or enabling him. They were independent spirits on their own journey, and that became super clear in the way they separated at the end – relaxed, without drama, and without tears. In that sense, the trio never seemed to revolve around Satoshi, but was instead 3 free spirits sharing the same path for a while – which actually makes for a real trio, rather than two companions for Satoshi, with Satoshi as the centre piece.

The Mon teams

EACH POKEMON HAS A PERSONALITY THAT HOLDS ITS OWN

My exposure to pokeani is limited tbh, but Best Wishes seems to have paid less attention to creating a storyline between mon and trainer (e.g Gekkouga in XY, Lizardon in OS, Hikozaru in DP)? There was a bit of stuff with Pokabu, a bit with Iris’ Doryuzu + Kairyu, but overall, not much is explored. In fact, Satoshi doesn’t really have a regional ace in BW (arguably Waruvile? although there’s not much storyline). NEVERTHELESS, there is a charm to this absence of special mon in the storyline.

Firstly, all the mons got a chance to let their personality shine. And they did! They each had a personality, just like human characters. Secondly, in Best Wishes, the angst level in general is reduced to a minimal level….and so, this got heavily reflected in the dynamics between all the mons.

The mons in BW all have very well-defined dynamics, but these are all on the light-hearted side: Emonga and Tsutarja have contrasting personalities, Mijumaru and Pokabu clash too for different reasons, Zuruggu my God Zuruggu is a wonder of his own…. Just like the main trio, the trio’s mons are a recipe for smiles/laughter, rather than being emotionally touching in the traditional sense. This whole thing makes the mon teams in Best Wishes especially charming, and fit perfectly into the general mood of the series! which leads to the next point.   

The MOOD

Best Wishes is incredibly chill.

It’s dorky overall — not just in the sense of having dorky characters; the show as a whole is written and built in a dorky way so that it can at anytime walk into crackland and no one can ask any questions about it.

AND IT DOES walk into crackland. The fillers in BW are either full-on crack, or actually have a plot with an intrigue/mystery (still with, often, a touch of crack). One of the episodes was basically Inception in Pokeani. Even when the plot itself is not crack, the show makes it a point to keep humor high on the list of priorities…and boy it is high

Dent, on its own, invites crack. But there is something in the way the series is crafted that allows all the characters to hit you hard with the jokes and the punch lines. The jokes in BW don’t go stale, because they take unexpected turns at unexpected moments, and are delivered in refreshing ways. Characters like Dent (with his 300 hobbies and out-of-this-world speech pattern) are not stuck with the same kind of lines / jokes / reactions all the time. Even Iris’ “You’re such a child” line changes completely depending on her tone. She’s also very dynamic so she can easily alternate between making you laugh and making you cry.

Also, her facial expressions. Everyone’s facial expressions

Sometimes, there are running gags, like Bel crashing into Satoshi, or Kenyan’s name, but most of the time, there are more dynamic characters like Dent, Iris, Cabernet, or even one-time characters like Gothimu and her trainer, to keep things moving. The jokes are sometimes inappropriate, sometimes unexpected, sometimes both – so overall, BW rly let go of all inhibitions when it came down to humor (and made one question whether it was still a kid’s show sometimes), and that was one of the most refreshing parts of it.

The so-called “downside” to this is of course, since the whole series looks like a sitcom of sorts, the battles/league really arent the main point. But that’s it. They’re not the main point. The main point is to have a good time.

The script writing

This is rather related to the technical side of it, but Best Wishes is great because it’s written in a way that flows smoothly.

The reason why the main trio’s dynamic speaks for itself, or why the jokes actually work for more than just kids, is that the dialogues flow naturally and are interesting. They worked well with characterization and have a great rhythm! My experience with Pokeani is that it sometimes serves lines that are supposed to send a great message, or are meant to act as the punch line, but they are not delivered in a way that fits the rhythm of the conversation/scene. As a result, a scene ends up seeming like it’s plain, cheesy, or a little boring, even. BW nailed the dialogues throughout. It’s part of why the series could manage such a huge cast of characters without getting lost.  The script was just well written.

The other great thing related about the writing + the humor is just…the storyboard and the directing, i mean…

There are just…comedic choices that were made and were golden in this series

BW!Satoshi

This deserves its own point

He’s suuuuuuuuuper chill

Satoshi in Best Wishes is just the ultimately level of laid-back, forward-looking and sweet, because he combines the reasonableness and level-headedness of a trainer who’s already seen 4 regions before, with the liveliness and goofiness of the child that he is. He’s basically more laid-back/less competitive about battles than in DP, more lively and dynamic than XY, and more mature about misshaps and losses than in OS.  

He was comfortable, relaxed, and having fun. And that made him adorable and endearing.

Basically

Best Wishes is amazing. If you need to destress and have a good time, watch it

#best wishes! #pokeani #ash ketchum #cilan #iris #bwot3 #pokemon #pokemon best wishes #pokemon bw #word vomit #long post #the most frequent criticims of BW that ive seen is that the battles sucked and it didnt make ppl emotionally invested #but the flip side to this is look the children are having a good time so why burden them #and when you accept that many things in bw are tacit rather than explicitly set out then you see that the characters dont lack depth at all

[i-amusemyself]

.!.ALL RAINY DAY AESTHETICS.!.

Ahhh its my fave anon!!!! Thankies!!

the outdoors

overcast: do you think you’re an overachiever? what do you your friends think?

Tbh I can’t deny it. At academia at least, I defo do better than the average. It’s nbd though.clouds: is there anything someone has ever said to instantly make you sad?

Oh boy so many fucking things where to even start. Every comment ever that just confirms what my anxiety and self hatred says to me. Also people saying things that show you they obviously don’t trust you or whatever. It’s hard to explain some of them tbh. But yeah, it happens a lot where even just a single word can make my heart sink.gray skies: what calms you down?

Okay I have some very unhealthy coping mechanisms and they do. But also talking to my friends, scrolling mindlessly through tumblr and listening to music too.thunderstorm: how do you prefer to resolve tension in your life?

Get that shit out in the open bc lifes too short. I’d rather have to start the uncomfortable conversation and just get it over with than just live with a fuckton of tension.wind chill: what makes you feel cold inside?

I mean, the weather! Besides that idk, I’m not really sure how to interpret this? If it means like, emotionless and even indifferent to the pain of others, then I’d say thinking too much about the shit the human race does and the general injustice of life.

droplets: to you, is physical closeness more or less important than frequent communication?

I mean, I crave physical closeness but to me frequent communication usually keeps my anxiety at bay and makes me really happy in general tbh, so I’d say that’s more important to me.

puddle: what is your emotional outlet? why?

My personal blog. It’s literal life saver some days since I can say everything I want and not feel bad for dumping it on anyone.

morning fog: do you prefer waking up early or sleeping in? I prefer the longer days that come with waking up early but as someone that can’t remember the last time they had 8 hours sleep, I’d say I prefer sleeping in!

drizzle: what is something you would like to know more about / explore?

Omg everything!!!!! I just love information lmao. I’m particularly interested in diseases and psychology and conspiracy theories but seriously I love to hear what everything has to say about anything

the indoors

fairy lights: what makes your eyes light up?

Just little things like messages from friends or even just getting tagged in shitty memes lmao. I just like it when people remember I exist. Anything bigger than that is a bonus.

coffee shop: where is your favorite place to be?

I don’t know anymore. I honestly don’t. I had a favourite place near home, but it was out of a list of very limited places. There’s not really any place I can go and feel at peace or anything anymore. I mean, there are places I’ve visited that I want to go back to, like brugge or amsterdam, but idk its not the same.

windowpane: what music do you listen to the most?

It varies so much depending on my mood from chill indie or alternative stuff to cheesy pop to what is essentially people just screaming.teabag: do you prefer tea or coffee? how do you take it?

I can’t remember it’s been so long since I had either lmaocandlelight: what is your favorite scent? why?

Petrol and car fumes lmfao. It’s just a smell I grew up with tbh bc I spent so much time at car shows and race tracks etc.

throw pillows: what is your favorite type of relationship? do you have one like that?

Hoo boi, the kind I don’t have lmfao go figure

cozy: have you ever been in love? describe the feeling.

I haven’t honestly even dated much, but I do love so deeply I surprise myself so who knows lmao. Wouldn’t say I know the feeling well enough to describe it though.

bustle: do you enjoy being busy? why or why not?

If I’m busy doing things I love with no deadlines then sure, I’m a big fan. But if I’m busy out of necessity I really hate it and get low key stressed.

succulents: do you like taking care or things, people, and animals? which one do you enjoy the most/least? why?

Sure! It can be rewarding and I’m almost always happy to do it! Though I mean I don’t know, I find animals easier to take care of, I never really know what to do with people. But I don’t prefer one or the other, theyre just different.

chatter: what are your favorite things to talk about? with whom? why?

I love to talk about deep shit tbh, miss me with that small talk. Tell me about your life and your childhood and your dreams and space and life and death. I love that shit.

your body

baggy sweater: what keeps you warm? 

Absolutely nothing lmao

daze: do you meditate? why or why not?

Nope, I haven’t got time for any of that

damp: do you cry often? what makes you cry?

I low key tear up at tv shows and films all the time lmao, but actually crying doesn’t happen much. Sometimes I feel like I need to but I’ve forgotten how to.

umbrella: what makes you feel safe?

Knowing I could kick the shit out of someone if they tried anything lmfaoooo! Nah idk tbh, I rarely feel very safe I’m just used to it now.

gleam: what makes you feel the best about yourself?

The only thing I have that I ever do right is doing well academically so ig that

yawn: who takes care of you when you’re sick? who do you take care of when they’re sick? 

I take care of myself lmao I aint gonna go complaining. Though a few of my close friends are very good to me when my depression acts up. And I’ll take care of anyone that asks for or I can see needs help.

hum: besides music, what is your favorite sound?

I love thunderstorms so much!!! Also the lil pap pap pap when a pet is coming to greet you.

brush: do you enjoy having your hair played with? what about massages?

Hell yes and hell yes.

fuzzy socks: do you prefer warm or cold weather? why?

Warm weather by a mile!! I’m not built for the cold and I probably won’t feel warm enough again till May.

gloves: do you like working with your hands? why/how?

Yeah defo, I’m that one annoying person who always has to be fiddling with something (that sounds so wrong lmao). Idk why, I just,,, I like to do it, it helps me concentrate and I like building up a picture of things without even looking at them

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 4: "My meat shield cannot go to the butchers shop just yet." - Tom

Okay HI I’m home from Georgia and I thought oh maybe I can relax SIKE. Now I have to meet 4 NEW PEOPLE. Ugh. I really hope we got whoever voted in the minority over on the other tribe, that sure would make it easier. I’m happy I’m here with Jules and JJ, they are 2 of my closest allies. I trust tom as well, he just doesn’t talk very much. This sounds bad but I really hope Alex gets taken out, he’s SUCH a good player. Anyways Johnny is playing champions and I hope you guys have a great night!

UM HELLO.

Okay so first: I felt so bad voting out willow she was such a sweetheart. I even asked her if there was anything she wanted to do last minute but she didn't have a plan so we really had to let her go. I wanted to be her ally but all in all the connections I made outside of her paid off in a much more tangible way.

SECOND: THE SWAP. I aint about it. I think the newbies are gonna be fine or whatever.... but I was in SUCH a good spot in my tribe. Like lowkey I had an alliance (that lets be real was probably doomed to fail anyways lmao but thats fine) and then also I won that individual immunity. I think people really wanted to work with me no matter who they were!!! AND I WAS GONNA MILK THAT. But nowwww I have to make new relationships and win people over. PLUS the tribemates I am still with I didn't talk strategy with as much like Mo and Jones. They like me sure sure but we never talked about who was voting who, even though Alex and I helped each other.

Lastly: I don't have strong impressions of the newbies. Mitch was the first to say hi so thats sweet of him. Benj hasn't said too much to me. Noah seems fun (?) but also god knows he doesn't seem all that loyal oof

Well, the Willow vote went according to plan. I knew she was voting me, she's such a sweet girl but everything was impossible to plan for when she wasn't around to talk about the comps. She kinda got defaulted into everything she did for the competitions. So, she had to go.

As far as the tribe swap goes, I'm really mad that I have to start all over on the new tribe with the idol search, so it kinda spooks me that I'm in a brand new tribe, with new idol information, and I probably don't have much of a chance.

Ali is someone that I was excited to be with, his meet the cast video was super endearingly messy and I just think he's so cute and wholesome. I love it. I've talked to him the most so far, and out of everyone from OG Budva, I think he's my guy. I enjoy him the most. Julie seems cool, I haven't talked to her much with the exception of calling her fucking GORGEOUS. (Sidenote, literally why am I so fucking shallow that the pretty people get the best edits in my confessionals?!?) Anyways, Julie seems super fun, she gave Jules a Tarot reading on call that was super cute. Jason & Ian haven't talked much, but they seem cool as well. Ian is into gaming, and it sounds like we play similar games, so I think we can bond based off of that really well.

Tom scares me, he's really cute and really fun to talk to, and I know he's with me 100%, but he doesn't want to work with people from our tribe. I might be forced to do things to appease him, or kick him out earlier than I'd like to. I remember us briefly talking about my plan I "jokingly" suggested throwing the comps if OG Durmitor was in the majority, and he was saying he didn't want to because he'd be stupid to work with OG Durmitor in the long run. So I think I need to start building game relationships with OG Budva fast so it gives me options on what I'd like to do.

I spoke briefly with Julia (Wow I got her name wrong every fucking time during my last confessional I'm so sorry sweets.), when I asked her about who she thinks the other person who voted for Mitch might be, she mentioned Ali's name. Who is somebody I'd really like to work with anyways, and I find him really cute. I'm going to have a call with Jules, and see where her head is at, and spill some of this tea as Brigade members. Let's see how things go.

Okay SO much has happened and I'm writing this on my phone, on the bus so get ready for messy grammar eek!

My game got a real ego check last round. Like I really thought I was doing #that and had a chance of winning immunity, when I really was out second. Like... idk what good game I thought I was playing but it was defo non-existent. Jared went home which was ugly but necessary and I swapped away from Michael/Mitch/Noah which I wanted since they were the bottom 3 of my list HSJDKDK. I feel bad for Benj tho, stuck with them eek! I really hope me and him reunite ahh!

Okay so my tribe. I have so many thoughts, like so many. I'll break it down person by person.

Ian: I like 100% dont trust him. I've been confessing for ages about how much I think he is the biggest threat and the immunity challenge totally confirmed that. He has not gotten as far in games as he has for no reason, I've been onto his game for a while and I'm totally over his shenanigans.

Jason: this ties into julia and ian too, but I'm sure the three of them were and are in an alliance. Like 100% sure. Which is worrying for this swap tribe because i think I could easily be the most expendable for the Budva people so yikes. I am scared of him too, like him and Ian are so scary it's really worrying

Julia: I dont know what to think of her. Like I really trust her and really wanna work with her, but I feel she has allies (i.e. Ian and Jason that she values much higher than me). I really want to work with her, like so bad. I want Ian and Jason out so I can make that happen. I LOVE her tho.

okay now we come onto the dormitor (spelling?) people where I think I have real, real options.

Jules: A LEGEND ON EARTH. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH AND AM SO HAPPY WE ARE TOGETHER. I AM SO EXCITED TO WORK WITH JULES. I think between me and jules we could get a really cute cross tribe thing going, the future is BRIGHT.

Evan: he seems SO sweet, like I've probs spoken to him the least, but he seems SO nice and wholesome. Jules holds a super high opinion of him and what jules says, goes.

Thomas: I was SO worried about swapping with him... but I think it could work? Like I really really want him to vote me out and get revenge for legacy, like that would be SO karmic and good. But he seems to want to work with me and I'm down! He is a king so I'd love to stick with him

JJ: he is... wild. He was super nice to me so I dont wanna be that guy that is negative, but he is a LOT hsjssksk. He reminds me a lot of Jared, like a lot of crackhead energy and I could easily see him try and play everyone. It sounds like from Jules he could be the one that dormitor would vote out so that's a good sign.

Anyway my plan? to vote off Ian and then JJ. like if I had to rank the tribe, I'd say:

Jules > Julia > Thomas > Evan > Jason > Ian > JJ

like I actually get a much better vibe from most of the dormitor people, and like... I think I'm down the flip, since I dont trust Ian at ALL. there are two ways I could see it working, either I convince Jules/Evan/Thomas to flip on JJ if we lose sending him out, and then work with them to vote Ian the following round. Or... and this plan is cracked. I think Ian and Jason could be willing to sacrifice me tbh (and Julia too unfortunately), so... I could get Jules to get them all to vote me too, so its 7-1 and then I idol out either JJ or Ian, probs Ian so that I could hopefully get the rest to flip on JJ the following round? idk yet shsjdk

but in general? Last round and the swap gave my game the kick it needed. I was playing really passively and had let myself be an outsider who delusionally thought they were central to the game. I have a fire now. I dont trust anyone from OG Budva really except for Julia and Benj, and it's time for me to put in work and gain control of the game.

The dream is a cross tribe alliance of me, jules, thomas, julia and evan but idk how feasible that is tbh. I just dont ever want to feel as passive and not in control as I did last round. That's never, ever happening again.

*SWAP STRATEGY*

- Can I just say I don't get a good vibe from ANYONE that swapped to Budva from Dirtmitor (I know I'm spelling it wrong) - There's no way we're winning this challenge since we don't even have a song yet and our editor... doesn't know how to edit - SO, my plan is to have one of two things happen: 1. Convince someone on Dirtmitor to flip so the vote's 5-3 2. Create paranoia about an idol and convince Dirtmitor to split the vote so it's 4-2-2 - If can can get either of those things to happen, we throw every single challenge and wipe out the remaining Dirt people and head into a 12 person merge with an 8-4 advantage - Also... this stops any Budva at the Dirt tribe from trying any funny business (flipping)

I'm still desperate for an idol btw. For some reason I think Jared had it and now it's rehidden back at the end of the bridge.

I need to start picking my game up. Up until this point it's been solely about maintaining the relationships I've had from day one. This swap worked out kind of perfectly for me in terms of who I swapped with. All 3 of the Golden Girls stuck together and Ali and I have been fostering a good relationship game-wise that I want to keep going. I can see myself being a target for the Dirt people but I don't see any of the OG Budva flipping yet, let alone on me. So now I feel like I need to focus more on setting up my game for the merge and ideally? I go in with as many near-guaranteed numbers as possible. And the best way to set up for that is taking out numbers I know I don't have now.

okay JJ is annoying me now. he is like... threatening me? he is telling me someone is saying stuff that makes me look super shady, but not knowing details. he is telling me it could get gross for me but he is looking out for me.

like... i'm not gonna be super negative, because like... maybe its true and someone is spreading dirt about me. but alternatively, this is.... a really blunt and see through attempt to cause divisions and i'm not gonna tolerate it. like i'll reserve judgement till i hear him out, but like...

i said this in my host chat, but like I really really do not appreciate someone threatening me and lauding the power they have over me the way he is, like he thinks he is being super super subtle, but this is just a blatant attempt to cause distrust and a mess.

i'm in my feelings and i don't know what to do. I don't trust JJ or Ian, and wanna reclaim power by sending them both out of here.

(This is about to be like 4 confessionals in a row, just separating them into paragraphs)

Okay so first off wtf is with that challenge results we just posted. Like okay sure i  kinda knew i was near the bottom of the tribe but definitely not fucking second last.... anyways i also have no clue how fucking caeleb like caeleb really?! he came second?! and EVAN WON.....like evan is kinda pissing me off on how good of a social game he is playing because of his "I'm only 15, im cute innocent and i want to be your little brother" like bitch no you can step back for a second if you are going to play it like that. I wont be letting him slip through my fingers that easy!

Anyways now onto the tribe swap im kinda happy with the people i ended up with i feel like if i ended up with alex, mo, caeleb i would've most likely cried. Anyways i am really glad im on a tribe with ali right now because we have played pretty much a full season together before and we worked very well until he got sneaky sneaky and voted me out to win the game but thats okay ill keep a close eye on him. Jules and Evan arent people that im too excited to be on a tribe with however this could be my time to take evan out now whilst i have the chance.....

Okay so like JJ is being a fucking idiot right now, like please put some tape on your mouth, shove a goana in your mouth i dont care. This man thinks he is fucking houdini or something, please sit back down and stop trying to manipulate Ali and Julia to flip on Jason and Ian..... like sure we can try to subtly make them flip but this man says he has a whole shit tonne of tea that he is going to manipulate and "put an ice inbetween that 4" like girl no you wont you will just make yourself threat number 1. My meat shield cannot go to the butchers shop just get, i would like to be the butcher to cut him further into the game.

Also like honestly Jules, JJ and Evan are ridiculously stupid if they think I, ME, TOM, THOMAS ALBERTS is going to rocks for ANYONE in this game. I am happy go lucky about this original durmitor chat but i will not be risking my game for any of them....

Ok so Jared went home 7-2 which is kinda sad because I do think he trusted me and all but he really dug himself a grave that i couldn’t help him get out.

Things that were interesting for that tribal. Mitch thinks me, him and Noah are on the bottom because I acted that I only heard Noah was the vote. Second there was another vote for Mitch and I thought it was Noah, and when I talked to him, he assumed I was the other vote and he switched his vote the last minute. I didn’t have time to tell him that I voted Jared too because we fuxking swapped.

I AM LAUGHING AT THIS SWAP. Who do I got remaining on the new Budva tribe? Jason? Julia? Ali? UGH FAVES!! I am close with Ali and I’m aligned with Julia and Jason. Jason worked hard on Ali to flip on the Jared vote and Ali like shares me info that I already know ahsjdjd so I’m just going to continue playing dumb and sidekick because literally it’s what got me far in this game. BUT OF COURSE I AM CHANGIING THINGS UP BECAUSE LIKE I’VE LOST 2 TIMES WITH THAT STRATEGY SO SOME CHANGES ARE NEEDED.

Anywho we get newcomers JJ, Jules, Evan and Tom. We all went on call as a new tribe except Evan because he sleepin and discussed sun signs and astrology.

Jules - barely talked too but she seems sweet?? Evan - umm he’s kinda weird asking about facts about myself lol JJ - he seems funny to talk to ON CALL. Through messaging, idk he seems shady? Tom - I’ve just started talking to him but I am a slave to Aussie accents so hopefully I can get in with him.

Right now I’m feeling there’s a huge chance we will lose immunity because hello Alex on the other tribe and Jules, who is the only one who have at least a background on editing is unable to do it atm. So yeah, my plan rn is try and become close with Tom because he and I on roughly the same timezone. Worst case scenario is we do go to tribal and we end up 4-4 and boom rocks. Not very ideal rn.

Ok I’m a bit pissed that they did not stick with Fergie songs?? I was ready to bust out a suit for the glamorous.

I won’t be shocked if we end up loosing this challenge because umm hello Alex is in the other tribe. We’re just gonna be unique with our presentation and hopefully Tom and Julia can make it pretty enough to win.

Honestly this new tribe is SO deadzzz. These new people are probably weary of us 4 og budva or they’re just so quiet?? Julia has JJ telling her he doesn’t want it to be Budva vs Durmitor but idk y’all being so deadzzz that it may go that way.

Jason wants to like throw the upcoming challenges if we survive this deadlock and like I’m not all for it. It’s risky but the merit is it weakens og Durmitor but there’s still the risk of an idol. I mean I can’t say that idea never occurred to me but these new people (mainly JJ and Evan) are just a bit difficult to talk to lol

I have not even have a long convo with Jules so I can’t say much about her.

I have become a bit close with Tom. And I wanna work with him, but I checked that list challenge and judging that it looks like he is close with JJ? And like I might wanna target jj because he really shady with Julia. I just wanna say to Tom I wanna work with you but like ugh it’s quite difficult really. I JUST WANT AN AUSSIE ALLY OKAY.

I feel like we lost immunity so rn og budva baes needs to come up with a plan to get one of these Durmitor out. Preferably Evan hehehe

Apparently JJ likes Julia for them to go on call and tell stuff to one another. Right now, JJ says there was this big majority alliance on og Budva that had me and Jason as the head of it. Wow I can’t believe I’m in an alliance that I had no idea about. Well I am aligned with Jason but literally there was no big ass allianceon og budva, it was just mob rule or whatever. Apparently Evan told JJ about this info so like where the fuck did Evan get that crackpot idea lol

I came up with an elaborate plan in which Julia goes along with this majority alliance on og budva that supposedly had me, mitch, Jason, Michael, benj and Ali. However, Ali was not really into the alliance at all so Julia and Ali act all wish washy and willing to flip to get Durmitor to split there votes because Julia told jj that the budva idol was already found.

So rn I’m acting all shady towards Tom telling him I’m all alone, with the hopes of him already knowing about this supposed big alliance on og budva for him to think I’m shady as fuck. Jason is also acting shady as fuck to JJ so they think one of us do in fact have the idol and they do split their votes. In doing so, we budva baes collectively vote either Jules or Evan out.

That’s assuming the plot fucking works. I literally don’t know if it works, or we fucking tie or go to rocks or someone on my team fucking flips. I don’t know what’s gonna happen and honestly I’m just waiting for this round to be over. If Durmitor calls our bluff and ties our 4 votes then may the odds be ever in Budva’s favor. If they actually split the votes woot woot and if someone flips on og budva then big fuck you.

Okay so like how did i get onto a tribe with an astrology freak in jules, and an actual crazy person in JJ... like idk what i did in my past tumblr survivor life to deserve this. Julia has put a hex on me in this game to be trapped with them...

Ok so I just got off call with Evan ahsjdiff

Like first off I fucking messed up with lying lol Evan asks me who do I think was the other vote for Mitch. I told him it was me and he said he thought it was Ali. LOL MESSED UP. So I immediately backtracked and said I misheard him and tell him it was Ali. Lol idk if it was believable but whew I’m a flop.

Here’s the hot tea tho. Evan tells me that he wants me, tom and Jason to come together because he thinks jj, jules, Julia and Ali are forming a foursome. He tells me that Julia told JJ that the Budva idol has been found which I knew. And that JJ is targeting myself and Jason.

Right now, the picture the Budva Baes is trying to paint is working?? Durmitor thinks Julia and Ali are on the outs of what was a majority alliance on Budva. Now here’s the bit tricky part, Evan wants us four to vote for either Julia or Ali because that supposed foursome is splitting the vote on me and Jason That’s a red flag because it would be losing a Budva Bae. Now Evan also added if Julia and Ali are just bulshitting JJ then JJ would be voted out.

I don’t know what to make of this convo. This could be Evan luring me into a trap or what but right now this is interesting.

(again with 7 confessionals in a row and Tom not condensing his thoughts....)

Okay so this music video challenge is generally really exciting however my tribe chose TIK TOK?! has the song, like okay thats just fucking stupid y'all really want a chance to win this damn challenge or not....YOU CANT DANCE TO THIS SONG IDIOTS. This is going to be filled with seizure dancing and sober dancing in a club aka awkward

This is honestly such an effort, i hate being a marathon running player like why cant this be 3.9 days worth of survivor and i can sprint my way to the winners club....jokes im already in there

Okay so I just called JJ because like whatever i need a social game and he is a mess so he will be my meat shield but like his mum starts coming on call and interrupting saying like how she loves my accent, how she wants to hug a koala and like talking about australian slang like please woman step aside! I am talking to your lunatic son i cant deal with two of you. THEN HIS BROTHER OR DAD IDK WHICH ONE DECIDES TO COME ON CALL AND TALK ABOUT DORITOS LIKE PLEASE STOP. It was a 58 minute torture call So Ian just sent in his music video clip and i... just cant... poor ian like he looks like his hands were having a seizure through the whole video and a broom up his ass because he was so stiff please stop.....but i guess good on him for giving it his best shot.

Ugh this is honestly just depressing what are these music videos, not even if we had alex on this tribe we would fucking win...I told them that it wasnt a good song to pick, so far we've seen Ian and now we see Ali who is fliming a music called Tik Tok featuring Ali's Giraffe Neck.... sweetie we dont want to see your fucking roof, youre supposed to be dancing!

I surely cannot be a straight male on this tribe and be the most extra person for this music video challenge

Ian is so controversial he told me we have a straight person connection and straights are a hate crime in this community. love him but OOOOOOOOOF

So im on a new tribe, its kinda a disaster idk what I said here last time but to recap

Ali found the idol, which is cool I trust him the most so I hope its like sharing I wont tell a soul but still a lil bummed since I got sooo many more steps than him haha. being swapped away from him is terrible :((( miss him and I hope hes doing well over there... king

For the last vote it was so awk cuz we didn't want jared to expose our alliance so we had one of us vote mitch (me) thinking noah would also vote him, and then it was 7-2 lmao and I come out of an exam on a new tribe so cant ask ali what happened, I have no clue if mitch knows it was me im just acting clueless. and I feel terrible cuz hes one of my og favs from that tribe

so im swapped with the person I voted, the person we were gonna pin that vote on noah LMAO, and Michael who I barely talk to wish I got ali and ian kings ughh I feel so lonely lol

and on top of that the only person I knew prior to the game willow got out, im devastated ugh we never have gotten to play together properly before so that sucks

BUT.... I have one saving grace.... guacamole jones. I had a small connection w her cuz I hosted her on a fb org but she was the 1st boot lmao so we barely got to talk and im so happy shes on this tribe I love her omg. I also really like caeleb and alex both are cool so far

so honestly? I kinda wanna work w the other tribe more than my original ones LOL. none of them even talk game w me until 1 hour before deadline so ya ill flip idc. but idek if that's possible cuz I think jones and mitch are friends from kochang, and she hosted noah in Algonquin, so maybe that just leaves Michael? I also needa talk to mo more cuz ik they were friends in celestial. yes ive done my stalking of the cast LMAO or atleast tried.

SO YA. Im just gonna approach jones and say I wanna work w her and.. hope it works cuz probably the other old budvas will vote me or smth

Okay so for this vote its pretty 4-4 honestly like old Durmitor vs Budva, and JJ thinks this game is easy enough that he is going to split budva against each other and pit ali/julia vs jason/ian.... saying how he has this master plan and i literally responded with such a sarcastic comment that he took seriously "Why r u so smart".

He proceeds to tell me his whole history online, "I've been doing this for 8 years, 2 years on ROBLOX (FUCKING ROBLOX), 6 years on TENGAGED (FUCKING TENGAGED) and first year as an orger.

WELL SWEETIE YOU HAVE A LOT TO LEARN QUICLKY IF YOU THINK ROBLOX AND TENGAGED ARE GONNA HELP YOU IN THIS HARD ASS GAME PLATFORM

Someone please tell him that, roblox is like preschool, tengaged is like year 3 and tumblr survivor is UNIVERSITY....

So I'm sitting here, Ke$ha's face on my titties. Doing this music video challenge, a bitch like me really worked up a sweat. And I only sweat, on one side of my head.

As far as the game is going, this twist is really activating my inner demon, and I'm causing so much buffoonery. Everyone is talking about rocks, so I'm trying my best to make sure that doesn't happen. I know for a fact that I'm outplaying everyone this round. First, I prevented a gross game of telephone from occurring between Ali & Julia, Julia claimed that Ali might have voted for Mitch, but she very obviously didn't care whether he did or not. I felt like that could have easily been twisted by a diff OG Budva, or a OG Durmitor, into something where Ali would go after Julia, so preventing that has built a semi stable gaming relationship with the two of them. The goal here is to flip them over to our side. Julia has also told me that the Budva idol had already been claimed when she reached the end of the bridge. While Ali spilled to me that there's a large Budva alliance that he wasn't invited into. Using this as leverage, I'm going to attempt to have my old tribe, plus Julia and Ali split our votes 3-3 on Jason and Ian. Jason has also hmu, talking about the vote. We came to the conclusion together that the vote would come down to rocks, in which case. We'd like to be safe, so we agreed to tell our alliances to vote for each other, OG Budva votes JJ, OG Durmitor votes Jason. Which becomes a test, because if Jason tells Ali or Julia to vote for me, I would hope they'd come talk to me about it, if they don't? 4 votes go on Jason. If both of them tell me about it, we proceed with the 3-3-2 split idea, if only one tells me about it, we vote 5-3 on IAN so Jason doesn't have an idol played on him, and if neither of them tell me, we split 4 on me 4 on Jason. To keep me safe. Big risk, big reward baby.

So there is a chat consisting of Jules JJ Evan and Myself "OG Durmitor" and JJ the puppet master decided to organise a team meeting which i couldnt attend too but ok, anyways they went on call and i asked JJ what the plan was he told me;

1.) Bring Ali & Julia together 2.) Bring them to me. 3.) Split the votes 3-3 on Ian & Jason

Like cool but why are we bringing them to you? like sorry im not playing your game here but the real thing is

Evan messaged me being like can you call... we need to discuss what happened on that call because he is sketched out. He said that there was more to it than JJ said in the chat, and thats why he wants to talk to me. He says he has a bad feeling and he will explain it over call.....so i get home eventually and it turns out he is asleep and that he will call me in 7 hours

Oh hi I’m anxious as all fuck. Since it’s 4 vs 4. We may not even be going to tribal. All it takes is one person to flip and I’m planning on staying loyal to my og tribe.

okay so i have a lot to confess about, i'm in my feelings all over the shop and wanna vote everyone out except for Jules, Julia & Thomas.

i'm like really embarassed about this round. like this is so dumb, but i looked so stupid in our video, like i look like an actual robot and i hate myself NNNN. I'm like insecure at the best of times so i'm like... ahhhHhhHHh about the video, i literally can't even watch it, i hate myselfffffff. i look like a gremlin because i tried to like... rough and post party stuff but i just look ugly and disgusting nnn. i'mma stop this here because its gonna be a lot of self negativity but this challenge does not play well with my insecurities NNNNNNNN

in other news. my tribe are all trying to do 4 vs 4 and its driving me crazy. Thomas seems to be the only one on this planet. I really want to get a cross-tribe alliance going of some sort, but Julia is reluctant (because a) its risky, b) she is evidently closer to ian and jason than I am.  Im also facing an unexpected difficulty, which is Jules. I wanna work with them SO BAD, but like... the tribe dynamics are like... weirdly getting in the way? Like Thomas/Evan and Jules/JJ are becoming the two pairs which is SO wild to me, and I want JJ out of here, while Jules is seemingly quite expendable to Thomas?

My dream alliance would be Thomas, Jules, Julia & I, but I don't know if I can make that work, Thomas and Evan are too close grrrr. In other news, I'm like... really trying with JJ, because he means well, but... I'm finna snap KASJDFLASFLJKSA.

like... i have never met anyone who plays the game like he does. and like... i know i'm a crap player, probs the worst on our tribe but the level to which he underestimates is like...oof. Like he thinks he has done this mastermind manipulation to get me onside, when it was the most transparent thing I've like... literally ever seen. I'd like... lowkey love to write his name asap.

for tonight's vote... there are a couple of potential plans:

- Split Votes: Either 3-3 or 4-2, but splitting the votes between Jason/Ian, with maybe Jules, JJ or Evan getting their votes. The plus to this is it potentially removes Ian who I want out of here so badly because he is playing too well. The minus is it makes me and Julia super reliant on Thomas/Evan, or even JJ/Jules, whoever tries to pick us up. I think if I could convince Julia... I'd probs be down, worst comes to it, I just play my idol the following round

- Fake Vote Split: We tell them me and Julia will split votes with them, but then vote with Jason and Ian making our 4 versus their divided votes. Problems with this is it alienates Thomas/JJ/Evan/Jules (whichever three stay), but it puts us in the majority and in a comfortable spot. I don't know if I'm down for this plan really?

- 4-4 vote, either Thomas or Julia & I flip on the revote. This... could be an idea. I feel like its the kind of vanilla option, and I don't care who I flip on.

My ideal bootlist for the tribe would be: JJ > Ian > Jason > Evan if we do have to go to four tribals. I really like Thomas for having his head screwed on, Julia for being iconic and Jules for being a legend.

Summary: I'm tired, this challenge made me feel ugly, gross and like a freak, if JJ threatens my game again I will snap, people need to risk more, this vote is going to be a mess.

I don't like how ~quiet~ it can be before tribal. I'm already a scaredy cat person don't push my ANXIETY buttons.

First, here's how I am hoping tonight might go down (if we go to tribal ofc). I am hoping that the Durmitor OGs all vote Noah; I think Michael is voting Noah if Alex is being trustworthy; I kinda spilled it to Mitch because I thought Jones was talking to him so he might vote Noah. That leaves pretty much everyone voting Noah except Benj, and he's in my pocket so I don't think theres any conspiracy from him trying to do something crazy. He told me that I might be his saving grace and he said he wants to vote either micheal or Noah and I said that sounds good. I don't want to make it tooooo obvious that he's in my corner so I didn't tell him that Noah is the vote. That leaves: 6-7 votes Noah, 0-1 votes Micheal, and then whoever Noah wants out which might honestly be me because I haven't talked to him much.

Second, here's what I am afraid of. Everything that I just mentioned above is what Noah wants to do but to me, using my own tribe. If he can get Michael and Mitch to vote me and then also Mo and Jones to vote me (which could happen because sadly they got to see that they were at the bottom of that immunity list) then thats already 5. Alex might be told just so he's in the loop and Benj, who I think I can trust, might not even be included because he's already said he's on the outs and therefore I never catch wind. OR AM I BEING PARANOID?

HEHEHEHEHEOGHSOND all in all both make sense to me so my best hope is for immunity.

okay im on call with Jules, JJ and Julia. TOO MANY J NAMES, the crackheadery of Js is still around...

I... want to vote JJ out, but I want Jules on side. I just wanna vote out Ian and JJ, and I truly do not care about the order. Maybe if we vote Ian with them tonight, and then... ugh.

I just want to vote out Ian, JJ and Evan. All three can go. I want an alliance of Thomas, Jules, Julia and I. THAT'S ALL I WANT BUT JULES TRUSTS EVAN AND JULIA DOESN'T TRUST THOMAS.

ugh... we NEED to win challenges, like 100% I wanna avoid tribal as much as humanly possible. I just wanna merge with Tom, Julia and Jules. other four can go byebye.

i need to like... de-fibrillate thomas, he needs to like connect! to! Julia!

he is such a king but i'm worried he is gonna end up being the vote in upcoming rounds, like MESSSSSSS. in other news, me and julia are gonna call about the vote and figure it out because we are in a really tough spot AHH.

i just... wanna... vote JJ... out HNNNGH. like its enuf. can the universe just intervene and let me leave this swap tribe with jules, tom and julia on side? that's ALL I WANNTTTTTT

Omg so my tribe finally made an alliance chat

a little too late I already made deals with jones and caeleb so

I mean they are all nice but I don't talk to them much except mitch and hes not the vote so

time to flip? I think so JKDJF

I loves jones and caeleb already after 2 days so idk it feels right but maybe dumb but idc ive never been much of a betrayer in orgs before so this is a fun change hehehe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4iBErzviNU <-Video Would not Embed

Apparently Noah threw my name out which is making me anxious of course. I’m not ready to be voted out yet, I still have stuff to prove to myself. So all I can do is hope that either we won the challenge or people keep their word.

VL: I like how one person throws out my name and I’m already packing my bags and screaming. If this is my last day I had a lot of fun and I wish I got to play more.

This may or may not be my last confessionals because I’m in danger lol

So I went on call with Tom, he told me that Evan is wavering on the idea he told me and I’m not shock tbh. He also told me that I’m going to be the one getting the og Durmitor votes. FUN. He did told me that he was going to flip on the revote. However he was still on the assumption that we were voting for Jules, so after discussing it with budva baes, I told him we were voting for JJ. He was shocked but he still said he was still going through with the flip. I’m really putting my trust on Tom here and I’m scared tbh. From what I heard while he played Socotra and MB he was sneaky but I really hope he fucking flips. I HOPE NO ONE FUCKING FLIPS ON ME. Except they’re maybe coaxing me to believing I’m getting votes to misplay my supposed idol which i don’t have and they throw their votes at Jason.

Ugh lol I did not imagine getting votes this early but it is what is and It has been a crazy ride tbh. Tom you better flip or I’m going to scream. No one better flip on og budva or I’m going to cry :((

Here’s some extra tea, Ali told us that Jules is really sketched out of JJ so there’s also that potential flipper??? Honestly I just want this round to be over! Ugh please let this vote work in our favor

VL I like how one person throws out my name and I’m already packing my bags and screaming. If this is my last day I had a lot of fun and I wish I got to play more.

okay lay dees... i think i did something!

JJ is (99%) outta here!! Jules owns this ENTIRE ass, like... Jules. is. a. LEGEND.

What's tough is like... I really don't know if this is even in Jules' interest? Like I love her, and am going to FIGHT to protect her, but JJ LOVES her and is on her side? Like I don't know if this is smart for her.

I feel like... I finally did stuff, I helped convince Jules to flip (and Tom if we had to revote) and got our vote off Jules despite Julia wanting to not vote JJ. Like... me and Julia were in a swing spot, and we carved our own option.

I really. really. really. want an alliance of me, Julia, Tom & Jules. That would make all my dreams come true. I want that + Benj to be the final five to be honest. I haven't confessed about Benj in ages but I MISS HIM, I hope is surviving with all the crackheads from the Budva tribe.

I have a cracked hope. I kind of hope JJ pulls out an idol, and idols out Ian? Like then he is the obvious vote the next time, and me/Jules/Tom/Julia can keep it pushing.

im just... omg that this is happening. JJ, if you are reading this post season, my confessionals about you haven't been like... the nicest and I am genuinely super sorry. Its undeniable you have good intentions and mean well, but as people... idk if we vibe as much as you think we do, and like you somewhat overplayed your hand, which is why you are going home.

i mean its possible that you are just playing us all, and I'm outta here, which good for you woo! i'm not a threat at all woo, but congrats on the blindside. also idk if i ever confessed about this, but i asked Tom if he is related to Caeleb and they aren't (even tho they still look related).

also i'm telling tom jules is flipping on 5 mins, i don't want him left out since he is an AUSTRALIAN KING AND I WANNA STICK WITH HIM EVEN THO I'M HNNGH.

next round... i might have to persuade julia to flip on ian and jason... EEEK! stay tuned...

Budva tried to pull some cracked ass shit while I was getting my bread

More to come

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_nIjIQaTFE <- Video did not Embed

[honeyedmilks]

the longest gtk me tag to ever exist 🍰

i was tagged by the lovely @meanyoongis (thank YOU!! <3) for this extravagant tag! she is so long, even without my rambling, that under a cut she must rest!

the last…

drink: water! please stay hydrated this summer my friends!  time you cried: literally at 5 am at some point early in the week

phone call: my mum

text message: it’s literally me messaging rezka this: “did u just tell me to find a sugar daddy?” we were discussing my shitty laptop and a peach phone cover i wanted to buy- don’t ask anymore questions about this please lmfao.

song you listened to: don’t stop by shinee :’( (i’m going to report choi minho for his rap in this as well as my love jonghyun for his vocals that nearly killed me)

 have you…

dated someone twice: but… i’ve not.. even dated someone.. once… 

kissed someone and regretted it: nope! 

been cheated on: nope!

lost someone special: not in terms of them passing away but i have lost many friends and relationships i still remember; i feel their loss sometimes

been depressed: dfhhdjd i be livin’ that mental illness life right now hskjxk

gotten drunk and thrown up: no, but during my very bad times, i thought about doing just that, a lot. 

list three favourite colours…

omg okay: browns, pinks, blues 

in the last year have you…

made new friends: yes! i love them!! shout out to my cute tumblr friends :’))) 

fallen out of love: hmm… i would say so… THANK GOD 

laughed until you cried: i wish lmfao but rezka and allie have made me laugh loads :’)) 

found out someone was talking about you: hmm yes, but it’s ok :(( 

met someone who changed you: i know some people now who have given me sound advice that i try to remember, but other than that i don’t think so

found out who your friends are: yes :(( though i would like to think the ones who didn’t check up on me had their reasons 

kissed someone on your facebook list: i’m literally the most un-sensual person ever?? can u tell?? no action up in dis bitch y’all!

general…

how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: i should’ve mentioned before that i’m not even on that… place… imagine having all my asian family members tryna peep me on ‘the facebooks’ as my dad calls it… a living nightmare… also it just looks far too complicated to use and not worth the energy getting used to it, i love the memes that i see from facebook here though lmfaoo they’re lit

do you have any pets: no! :(( i used to have a bunny called bubbles but he is no longer with us :(( rest in peace bubbles :(( but our family wants a new pet! hopefully we’ll get a cat or another rabbit when my littlest brother is a bit older! i’m so lonely… i want a dog.. my family is so incomplete… so cold…so devoid… I JUST WANT AN ANIMAL FRIEND!!! but i would also have to get over my weird fear of all living things, and the pain that comes with having them such as scratches etc 

do you want to change your name: actually no, i’m okay with my name right now :’) though i feel like i have two depending on how people pronounce it! its more commonly pronounced as sof-ee-a but it’s actually soft, like sof-ya! also here’s a fact! my name’s already been changed :D when i was younger i was actually named bariah (pronounced br-ee-ya) but it was changed because my parents and stuff thought it was causing me lots of bad luck… i also somehow got picked on in primary school for having my name changed?? people eventually ended up saying i had changed my name like three times (the real case is that white people fucked up how to pronounce bariah and when my mum corrected them, they all flipped shit lmfao ah my head hurts thinking about this- it got worse after it went from bariah to sofia)                               

what did you do for your last birthday: it was so miserable this was the worst year to ask me this question, lmfao i’ll try not to give you any miserable details but i ended up buying myself cake and trying not to make it my departing date too

what time did you wake up: near 1pm i think! 

what were you doing at midnight last night: i think i was either watching the princess’ man or making my posters for it! 

name something you can’t wait for: honestly don’t know lmfao i want to go to the beach though so here’s hoping i finally do that, or go swimming 

when was the last time you saw your mom: like an hour ago, she’s making dinner i think… i can smell it… all the way from my depression hole (bedroom)

what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: so much? but mostly i would like my dad to get better and my mum to not have to do everything :(( and then go on more holidays and live life more :(( also mental illness be gone!!

what are you listening right now: fuckin artificial love by exo dropped on ma shuffle, i’m getting terrible flashbacks to the cane dance  

have you ever talked to a person named tom: aye i know a guy called tom, he got a part of his tooth chipped (It was a whole big wild thing and i don’t know the details but that’s all i remember of the dude) and he was in my english class once, but like, we don’t talk no more… i don’t even know if i’ve seen him around school when i used to go… 

something that is getting on your nerves: lots of things… my potato laptop… myself… no one in my gotdang family listening to me!!! the fact that it’s been two weeks and i still don’t have delicious cake… also the fact i end up hating everything i make on here- thank you guys for being so lovely in your tags tho :’(( 

most visited website: tbh tumblr, pinterest, pixlr and dramanice

about me…

mole/s: i don’t think i have any? maybe some small dark dots here and there on my legs and neck

mark/s: i have some burn scars and a bit of a scar thing on my elbow where i scraped it really badly as a kid, i also have stretch marks on my waist/hips etc and a blotchy mark in my inner left thigh

childhood dream: i think i was set on being an interior designer at one point? lmfao or a celebrity chef (i watched a lot of food network as a kid) 

hair colour: black

long or short hair: very very long, but i want to get it cut soon so it’s a bit shorter. 

do you have a crush on someone: i mean there’s this one boy in real life… but i don’t see him that much right now :(( i don’t think it’s full on infatuation though… but y’all also know i love jonghyun and changkyun 

what do you like about yourself: AKDNSKJDKJADDJ i broke out the caps for this!!! lemme think… i guess my eyebrows can be rather nice! and i can be funny sometimes i guess lmao… i like how i can be empathetic with people, though it’s not at all always fun being so sensitive

piercings: i have my ears pierced! just one in each lobe :) 

blood type: you trippin if you thought i would know this LMFAO 

nickname: binch i gots so many oh my god… my family, such as my aunt, call me brian (derived from my old name bariah- thank god i told you guys about that otherwise none of you would know why my nickname was fucking BRIAN), some people call me sofie/ sophie, and my mum calls my sofie pofie sometimes- my dad calls me sofar (so-fur) in the most desi way possible- he once accidentally called me sofa and it just stuck, it also explains my instagram user name (sofarsoogood) lmfao its a cute pun and i don’t know if this is a nickname but i get adressed as baji/baj by my younger brothers and sisters and cousins- its like the desi term for older sister 

relationship status: your local potato head (that’s me) is on her lonesome… she single as hell bitch!

zodiac: aquarius (i’m sure i spelt that wrong, rezka once dragged me for spelling it as some other dumb shit before BUT OH WELL) 

pronouns: she/her!

favourite tv show (s): i don’t even know, parks and recreation is a good one though :’)) oooh and I LOVE CRIMINAL MINDS though i’ve not seen much of the new season :(( oh and an idiot abroad is fucking funny bye i need to rewatch that ooh also lots of cooking shows and the jane eyre bbc (2006) mini series 

tattoos: no, but i would like to get some more henna done this year :’D

right or left hand: right!

surgery: i don’t think so? but i did get some teeth taken out when i was younger so i don’t know if that counts lmfao 

hair dyed in different colour: no, but it would be nice to get it done one day!! i’ve been thinking about it… but i don’t know what colour would suit me and my mum doesn’t want me to lmfao 

sport: i like cycling (its been ages tho) and i like badminton, yoga and i really want to go swimming :(( but i don’t do any of that anymore. the most i do is long walking 

vacation: i’ve been to pakistan, england, stopped in dubai for a while, italy, france, turkey and egypt! it was all so long ago though! and i would like to go to so many more places!

pair of trainers: i have converse! though i much prefer sandals over converse

more general…

eating: these days i’m very into chips and cheese plus donner (don’t knock it till ya try it!) and my mum’s roti salan lmfao 

drinking: hmm water! or icy drinks! iced tea is fabulous but i also gotta start drinking green tea again! i miss her 

i’m about to: pass out from trying to answer all of these LMFAO JOKES i might get something to eat.. such as ice cream… or actual dinner… and then maybe watch more of the princess’ man or make some stuff! but who knows i might just fall asleep lmfao 

waiting for: a new laptop, my mental health TO GET BETTER SDHKSHKSDH and for just… i dunno what the heck i’m doing, i’m just winging my life right now and for my dad to get better so he can go on trains and buses with me so i can get used to them  

want: new bath bombs and clothes, my writing passion back, hugs, affection, allie to reunite with her chicken hat one day

get married: i most likely will when i’m older! though i’ve been told i’m already in a relationship with jp and bevy maco 

career: HONESTLY DON’T KNOW!!!!!! but if i filter all my shit out then i can say, i want to get into film, defos want to be a published writer, maybe go into graphic design… who knows tbh maybe counselling? 

which is better…

hugs or kisses: it depends on what kind of kiss/ where it is, but i often get in moods where i just need to be held :’(( so both i guess!

lips or eyes: both :’) but eyes over lips i guess unless we’re talking smiles :’) 

short or tall: i guess tall but if i’m in love it might not really matter              

older or younger: hmm, i would say the same age as me or a little older, but it really depends on the mentality of the person :) 

nice arms or nice stomach: arms are nice :’) 

sensitive or loud: hmm i don’t know… probably loud, just not obnoxious or annoying

hook up or relationship: relationship :’) 

troublemaker or hesitant: hmm i don’t know! the boys i’ve liked have ended up being some troublemakers, but i guess it depends on what kind of trouble! 

have you ever…

kissed a stranger: nope!

drank hard liquor: never 

lost glasses/contact lenses: i don’t wear glasses or contact lenses but i have lost some sunglasses on holiday lmfao, it doesn’t even have to be a day before i lose something on holiday, or leave it behind

turned someone down: hmm i don’t think so! though one boy did try give me a valentine on valentine’s day but i was really having a terrible day and i didn’t take it from him, the encounter was a mess and i don’t know why he was tryna give it to me in the first place? i think he was just tryna get rid of it?? i don’t trust boys if they do stuff like that/ try ask me out tbh lmfao for many reasons

sex on the first date: oh no not my shy ass lmfao

broken someone’s heart: i don’t know :( most likely not! though there was one person i think i did hurt and let down  

had your heart broken: i’m not sure in the romantic sense, but i know it’s felt a lot 

been arrested: nope! i’m an angel ;)) LMFAO 

cried when someone died: hmm i can’t remember, i think i cried seeing my mum so upset when her mother passed away, i also have shed tears over michael jackson (i used to be a very heavy mj blog back in the day lmfao shout out to my mj mutuals who stuck around) 

fallen for a friend: i don’t think it was genuine, so i’m going to say no 

do you believe in…

yourself: pfff depends really, there are times when i don’t feel an overwhelming sense of insecurity and there are times i do                    

miracles: i guess so :)

love at first sight: i think you can be attracted to someone when you first see them or have a liking to them but real love is such a complex thing that i don’t really believe one can fall in love at first sight

santa claus: kjdcnjdcnjd who dat i only know dat cool guy in narnia who gave dem kids of old their death devices

kiss on the first date: hmm… depends… but in reality… probably no

angels: yes  

other…

current best friends name: rezka, allie, mhairi, (a mix of tumbly friends and irl) im such a loser bye but i love y’all, i honestly don’t talk to a lot of people these days :(( 

eye colour: so dark they look black and you can’t see my pupils sometimes

favourite movie(s): hmm… sabrina (1954), the mummy one and two, peter pan (2003), pride and prejudice (2005) and spy! i have lots more i’m so fond of!  

phew! time to tag some lovely people! : @youngjei , @allonsy-allie , @dansphil , @seokjinings , @junyeol-s , @bovrilcat , @alcenos , @astraelogy , @mahnoorjahan , @timrggins and @bonqhee! 💗

#ASKDHSIDH #I MADE IT TO THE END #tagged #snksdn #tumbly talks #sorry for any typos!! #jalebi girl

[herequeeranduncomfortable]

Tah for the tag @mr-dvorak :)

THE LAST:

Drink: sparkling water

Phone call: one of my best friends (she was desperate to tell me how her date went!)

Text message: sorry I didn’t pick up earlier, what’s up?

Song listened to: The Only Exception by Paramore

Time I cried: last week, got a bit overwhelmed by simultaneously being bored and feeling like I have a shit-ton of stuff to do 😣

HAVE YOU:

Dated someone twice: kinda? First guy I was kinda interested was a bit of a dick and I gave hima second chance but the second time round wasn’t really dating??

Kissed someone and regretted it: nah

Been cheated on: nope

Lost someone special: not entirely sure which meaning of special we’re going with but I’ve lost 2 of my grandparents and I was pretty close with them

Been depressed: yeah, towards the end of GCSEs I got quite down and I’ve been in and out of depression since tbh 😕

Gotten drunk and thrown up: my nickname is Chunder Thunder, go figure😂

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:

Blue (pretty much all shades tbh)

Dark purple

Hot pink

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

Made new friends: So many new friends! Moved to Southampton for uni and met sooooo many great people there!

Fallen out of love: nah

Laughed until you cried: plenty of times

Found out someone was talking about you: nope, but now I’m a lil paranoid people have been😓 

Met someone that changed you: hell yeah, meeting so many new people at uni and some of my closest friends there have definitely changed me for the better 💕

Found out who your friends are: yeah- leaving school I’ve only really kept in touch with 3 friends and no one else has really made much effort to keep in touch (tbh I’ve kept the people that mattered and I’m happy). Also certain friends at uni defo look out for me loooaaads more than others; ‘finding out who my frineds are’ isn’t really the way I’d put it, like I knew who they were and events have just kinda proved it

Kissed someone on your fb friend list: pretty sure everyone I’ve kissed is on my friends list 

GENERAL:

How many of your fb friends do you know irl: I think all of them? Some of them I might have only met briefly but I’ve at least met all of them

Any pets: A cat called Fudge 😍

Do you want to change your name?: Nah, as much of a pain my name can be (Kahlan) I like it

What did you do for your last birthday: went back to uni (we were on Easter break) with friends from uni and school and went drinking in town

What time did you wake up: 7, 7:30, 7:40, 8:00 (I really didn’t wanna get up this morning) 😪

What were you doing at midnight last night?: sleeping, I crashed out at like 9 last night 😂

Something you can’t wait for: Going back to uni in september! Going stir crazy at home and really want to hang with my friends, missing ‘em loads💔💕

One thing I wish I could change in my life: uuhhhhh idk? Probably my mental health, just wish I had a little bit more control over the rougher days

Listening to right now: my boyfriend’s playlist, currently listening to What You Know 

Ever talked to a Tom?: yeah, there were 2 Toms in my block and a Tom in my lab group last year

Something getting on your nerves: being at home- as much as I love my fam and being around my cat I’m going stir crazy, just want a bit of my independence back tbh

Most visited website: Tumblr or fb

Moles: nah

Marks: scars on my legs from shaving and falling over a lot when I was younger, a scar on my wrist from where I leant on an iron

Childhood dream: A massive treehouse/summerhouse in a forest with a ton of fiction books. That or a massive blanket fort, like the one they built in Community

Hair colour: naturally brown but currently black

Long or short hair: Long hair

Do you have a crush on someone: yeeeeaah

What do you like about yourself: I dip in and out of liking most things about mysef tbh, there’s never been one thing I’ve always 100% liked about myself- maybe that I’m there for people when they need me (or at least try my very hardest to be)? Idk really

Piercings?: Got 2 piercings in each of my earlobes, planning on getting a third in a few weeks

Blood type: not a clue

Nickname: Chunder Thunder (well-earned at the the first house party I went to😂)

Relationship status: taken 💛

Zodiac: Aries

Pronouns: she/her

Fave TV show: I have a few but atm it’s GoT

Tattoos: not yet, really wanna get an ace tattoo tho

Right or left hand: right

Surgery: never

Hair dyed a different colour: yeah, went a subtle pink/purple in A-levels and then Black at Easter

Sport: casually I do karate, ballet and badminton, used to do rounders and trampolining. Mostly I just go running now tbh, kinda wish I did more sports

Vacation: going to Madeira in August- the airport I'm going to has that horrific bust of Cristiano Ronaldo 😂

Pairs of trainers: I have a pair of Asics for running and a couple pairs of converses

MORE GENERAL:

Eating: not sure what’s meant by this but I like most foods besides seafood and bland/creamy sauces??

Drinking: I like most drinks tbh, though my go-to favourite drinks are the cocktails from a bar in Southampton called Clowns

I’m about to: go to bed

Waiting for: September, just really wanna be back at uni

Want: …to be back at uni

Get married: maybe?? Wasn’t sure I’d ever even be in a decent relationship until about 6 months ago, let alone thinking about marriage 

Career: not a fkn clue my guy, probably gonna end up staying at uni to do research tbh

Lips or eyes: both preferably??? Eyes I guess?

Shorter or taller: taller, defo

Older or younger: around the same age tbh, but older if I had to pick

Nice arms or nice stomach: nice stomach, but either tbh

Sensitive or loud: if I had to pick one it’d be sensitive but a good mix is better

Hook up or relationship: relationship

Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker, I’m hesitant and ik I’d never have to guts to try stuff out without someone encouraging it

HAVE YOU EVER:

Kissed a stranger: yeah

Drank hard liquor: I’m a uni student, ofc I have

Lost glasses/ contacts: surprisingly no

Turned someone down: yeah,the same guy multiple times

Sex on the first date: nope

Broken someone’s heart: …yeah. It broke my heart too but it would never have worked between us, I’m pretty sure he can see that now.

Had your heart broken: ^^

Been arrested: nah

Cried when someone died: yeah

Fallen for a friend: yup, on more than one occasion 😂

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

Yourself: sometimes- only when I know I’m competent in what I’m doing, if there’s any doubts my self-belief goes through the floor

Miracles: uuhhhh kinda? More the ‘exception to the rule/anomaly’ miracles than the ‘a higher being saved me’ miracles

Love at first sight: definitely not, but that’s just from personal experience and as someone who’s identified as ace for pretty much all their life it’s not much to go on😂

Santa: nah

Kiss on the first date: only if it feels right? Never really done dating tbh

Angels: nope

OTHER:

Current best friends names: Josh😘💕 & Freya

Eye colour: green-brown

Fave movie: probably Rogue One

Tagging: @alicee-in-wonderworld @easily-broken-by-emotion @tlhingan-tlhup @unitedspoonsofvulcan (and anyone else who wants to!) if you guys are bored and have time to kill😊

#asks #long post #personal spam

[identitycris1s]

so this is the new year

im finally taking time to sit down and reflect on the past few months. the new year came and went and its been a bit of a whirlwind. i suppose i’ll just go by chronological order cos i dont really know how to start...also i dont think im an abstract thinker so really my life isnt ordered by “themes” or “lessons” or whatever but i sort of think of it in terms of events and the epiphanies or lessons that flow therefrom. this is probably just gonna be a stream of consciousness exposition cos im lazy to organise my thoughts and this is basically my journal so WHATEVER!

November

X told me he liked me and asked me out. i was shocked. but sort of saw it coming (what else could “r u free after lunch, i have some stuff to say” mean...LOL). i reacted awkwardly - distinctly remember saying “huh..what does that MEAN!!!” (LOL) i told him i would think about it but could probably only give him an answer after part b was over. 

tbh this was probably just me stalling for time. i think instinctively i knew that i didnt see him in that way, but he seemed to tick so many boxes in terms of who i was “supposed” to be with - that sounds dumb, but what i mean is he’s a steadfast christian, a good boy, similar values, similar tastes in music / movies / books, same bloody industry LOL...

also he seemed really serious about it - ermmm he brought up marriage on that first day :0 ok i suppose thats unfair and it sounds insane without context - he said it with reference to how dating is always with a view to marriage which i do agree with but yes it was a lot to absorb in one conversation. and then he cracked out this book about dating and marriage and i was like woah. so, given how much thought he seemed to have put into this (he also said he chatted with his CG leader about me yikes) i felt obliged to at least think it through properly and give myself some time to consider rather than immediately rejecting him. 

and so i mulled it over whilst studying for part b. he was overseas for a while towards the end of my studying period (ie when i was freaking out the most and generally being a headless chicken) and this probably contributed to me feeling like i liked him more than i really did hmm wonder what this says about me. i like to feel like someone’s out of my reach i suppose. so fucked up lol! and so during this period we were texting everyday and i would look forward to his replies and he was a real source of comfort during that stressful period and i never told him this and i probably never will. 

December

exams were over and i had to face D DAY!! so i went to meet him to give him my answer and honestly even on that day i didnt know what my answer was. we met at BTM and he literally had written down a list of things to talk about and i think in that moment i knew this probably wouldnt work out. hes so damn thoughtful about every little thing and he thinks everything through and even though he seems to think he “doesnt take things too seriously” I THINK HE DOES...and i really dont...so i felt that showed how incompatible we were. its not a bad thing to be thoughtful. its just that i felt so pressured by how seriously he was taking things...i thought “trying this out” would be casual and chill and we would just hang out as if we were friends but with this overarching agenda of potentially being together but no his conception of “trying things out” is much more intense and serious and thought out and in his words “intentional”. which i realised is some christian dating jargon haha.

dinner was normal until he cracked out that list i was talking about. then he started talking about what he wanted out of a relationship and asked me what i wanted out of a relationship. like it was a damn interview. you know what, im saying this in a really condescending tone and i wouldnt ever be this hurtful if i knew he was gonna read this - in fact i really do think this kind of approach would suit many people and perhaps a more emotionally well adjusted person would think this was normal but i felt so bombarded and i really didnt know what to say in response. so i blurted out some nonsense about wanting to be with someone who was God fearing and “kind and compassionate” and “ambitious” LMAO...what bullshit (that last one i mean). and he had clearly thought out his answers a lot more and he went on a whole spiel about wanting to be with someone who could stand on their own as a christian and who he didnt have to “drag along” on their walk with God and i was like ok cool but i think im not that...im not what youre looking for...but of course i didnt say this. idk why. maybe i enjoy being wanted and sought after and i didnt want to shatter his illusion that i was what he was looking for, even though i was kinda seeing that he wasnt what i was looking for.

anyway, being the shitty person i am, i told him it wasnt a no but it wasnt a straight out yes either i.e. i would be willing to try with a view to potentially saying yes. and we left it at that. but even as i said bye to him that night i kinda knew this wasnt gonna work...but i wanted it to! i wanted to like him! i want to be the kind of person who can accept love from a well adjusted person who’s not afraid to be real and to take things seriously...but i suppose i have some emotional growth to work on...or is it perfectly valid for me to not want to be with him? tbh i never found him attractive (physically or even personality wise oops) - he doesnt make me laugh, hes kinda too uptight, he doesnt get my jokes (i have to be like “JUST KIDDING” a lot of the time..ded) but somehow we worked as friends. but to be with someone requires something more than just working as friends doesnt it?? ack

so we met a few times in dec (i think we went on four or five “dates” in total...im so reluctant to call them dates cos throughout i just couldnt see him in that light, but thats what they were i think) and through the course of our interactions i started picking up on things that i didnt like about him / about our interactions. this sounds awfully petty and i dont wanna be mean about this cos im sure i have MANY MANY MANY flaws that one could nit pick but these were just some signs that we would not work (quite apart from my lack of physical attraction to him)

1. our conversations always end up argumentative. i think this probably stems from both of us being law students and so whenever we disagree on something we both cant seem to fucking let it go. i distinctly remember one stupid conversation, i shall put it here (not verbatim but this is the gist of it)

X: what are your new years resolutions?

S: i dont like making new years resolutions because they always end up in disappointment because i never stick to them. 

X: but disappointment isnt always a bad thing because you can learn from it and improve from there

S: yes but that doesnt mean disappointment isnt a bad thing - cos disappointment in itself is bad (like duh the feeling of disappointment is bad) but what comes after disappointment can be good or bad i.e. you can choose to work on yourself and improve or you can wallow in the disappointment.

-some more argument and confusion about what we are even talking about-

S: ok lets not argue on this its a semantic point. 

X: is it semantic? its not semantic.

S: it is semantic. we are disagreeing on what the word disappointment means. i think it is necessarily negative but you are saying that disappointment isnt always negative because of what can come after but i think thats sidestepping the point of disappointment being negative in itself.

do you see what i mean. what kind of petty argument is this? whats the damn point? of course im definitely not blameless in this at all. i perpetuate it. but what im saying is i feel like talking to him brings out this argumentative side of me that im not a fan of. also its fucking exhausting haha.

2. he is so. fucking. serious. every conversation involves some heavy thing like spirituality or self evaluation or Godliness etc. which i suppose is good but i just found it tiring...why cant things be light? why cant things be fun? why do we always have to talk about *important* or *weighty* things? tbh i think he sorta compartmentalises me as a friend whom he can talk about these *weighty* things with cos im also a christian and i get what hes saying when he talks about God but i dont want to only talk about that...

3. we dont have similar senses of humour. i dont think he thinks im funny...but i think im bloody funny ok haha also i dont think im deluded on this? my friends think im funny too? yeah i think its a major problem that we cant really laugh together...hes not someone that makes me laugh at all :( 

ok enough bashing X haha i really do think hes a great person we are just NOT compatible romantically.

ANYWAYS! sometime in dec i also met up w SM for the first time in aaaages. but things were like normal again. sounds stupid but i think ill always think of him as the one who got away LOL....emotionally unavailable and not interested in me?? IM DOWN! haha. ok hes not emotionally unavailable tbh i probably was more emotionally unavailable in the course of our friendship but he defo never really expressed any interest in me other than always hanging out one on one but that doesnt really count for anything does it. anyways! he told me about his BTO plans and im honestly v happy for him :) friends r growing up and moving on in life mang..

sad part was i dropped avo toast on my new everlane pants and that honestly ruined my day lol

January

NYE was spent w S and some of her friends plus R and A (who went home after dinner cos of family drama lmao angie is siao) - we went to AL’s fam friends party at fullerton for countdown and the fireworks were amaaaazing, lasted about an hour (which made us question the budget allocation on this tbh isnt it a bit of a waste?? fireworks are insanely expensive??) and we promptly went home after the clock struck 12 which was perfect haha i have no stamina to stay out late anymore. 

work started on 2 jan! its been fun tbh - back with the trainees and meeting some new people and using my brain again. i like feeling useful and being stuck in a routine...at least for now haha. check in on me in about 3 months and we’ll see. 

and....i finally mustered up the courage to tell X the truth ie i didnt see this going anywhere and we should just be friends. we had kind of an awkward dinner (i could feel myself being rude to him and being dismissive etc but i think it could partially be attributed to me being tired from work..but mostly cos i didnt wanna be with him!! as a romantic partner!! it felt wrong!) and so i told him after dinner otw to the mrt (funny, we always have these convos otw to the mrt haha). he said he understood and he sort of felt it coming. and i felt bad - he mustve picked up on my coldness and rudeness over text and in our meetings also...why am i like this. i shouldve been up front with him on the first day. but i didnt know!!! i didnt know for sure this is how i felt. ahhh well u live and u learn right. next time ill be better at this. hope theres a next time LOL God pls send me someone whos right for me

ok bye for now! this was a lengthy post haha

[tuantasticchewbacca]

85 Truths Tag  I don't do this kind of stuff but @jarlgogh​ you’re too cute :3 Also sorry it literally took me like ages to reply but I was running around like a headless chicken for the whole weekend, I’m here now though :)))).

I tag: @notsoguiltykpop​ cause you’re my wife, and @imahoeforyoongi​ cause you’re my only other friend here so lol, and the rest of the 18 tags can go to whoever wants to do its actually pretty fun to do ^^

Alrighty so here it comes... Last

1. drink - TEA (I'm pretty sure I’m addicted)

2. phone call - uuuuuuuuhhhhhh to my mum

3. text message - my mum, again... lol telling her that I won’t be recording my friends in college today cause one of the lads sprained his ankle...

4. song you listened to - Bailando by Enrique Iglesias.... I know it’s only by now, but my my it’s beat is too good

5. time you cried - Eh... last week? Lot of things were happening and I was feeling really self-conscious and I somehow ended up texting this guy that I clearly have no feelings for, and he asked if “I was okay”, lkjsadhgr boi no

Ever

6. dated anyone twice- the question should be have I ever DATED... lmao cause nope

7. kissed someone then regretted it - again I am a relationship virgin I don’t know how do any of that stuff

8. been cheated on - nope

9. lost someone special - nope

10. been depressed - I’m like a werewolf, I get depressed every full moon.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - alcohol virgin here too....

Fave Colours

12. red

13. blue

14. black

In the last year have you

15. made new friends - Yep, I’ve been to a few social events where I managed to befriend some people so wowie well done me :)

16. fallen out of love - In progress. I just wanna get over the guy, ya feel?

17. laughed until you cried - Oh for defo.

18. found out someone was talking about you - Yep... found it very intriguing tbh

19. met someone who changed you - Kind of? I think for the better but who knows...

20. found out who your true friends are - first you need to have more than one friend.... lol 

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - Nope. 

General

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - All of them, I have this strict rule of just accepting people that I know irl, and if we fall out I will unfriend.

23. do you have any pets - Noooooooooo.... *sob* but I’m working on this cat that keeps on coming over to my house.... 

24. do you want to change your name - asdfghjkl YES I hate it, I’m currently working on having people call me by my nickname that I came up with with my friend, it’s a work in progress

25. what did you do for your last birthday - I don’t celebrate birthdays so I probably drank tea and slept cause lol I'm so wild

26. what time did you wake up today - Like 5am? but then I realised it’s not worth it and forced myself back to sleep

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - probably chilling with my mum in the living room...

28. what is something you cant wait for - Finishing college! Having an actual job! Getting a dog! 

30. what are you listening to right now - my dad clicking away on his laptop and muttering to himself

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - Yes. I knew a Tom but he moved now to a different country... hope you doing well bro!

32. something that’s getting on your nerves - my tendency to procrastinate, I can like physically feel the time ticking away but I’d still be playing 2048 on my phone... and people coughing without covering their mouths like WHAT KIND OF A PEASANT-

33. most visited website - Youtube.

34. hair colour - Dark brown, with a strip of cherry but you can't really see it cause my hair is so dark... (mum and I were feeling spontaneous one night)

35. long or short hair - shoulder length? but I just cut it recently, I literally had it like down to my hips...

36. do you have a crush on someone - Unfortunately 

37. what do you like about yourself - MY EYES- they’re like light brown, but in sunlight they become gold and I think it’s really pretty, EYELASHES- natural curl yo! and HAIR- we get on very well

38. want any piercings? - Yeeeeaaaaahhh... like I see myself with a tongue piercing but would never actually get one. But I am thinking of getting a helix piercing...

39. blood type - lol, who knows

40. nicknames - Marty, I’ve been called “midget” as well... yeeep that’s all

41. relationship status - single and reADY TO BINGO

42. zodiac - Scorpio

43. pronouns - a she/her

44. fave tv shows - I’m into few things at the time so bare with me... - Once Upon a Time, Riverdale (yes I’m one of those), Friends, White Collar, Gotham, The Good Place, Chuck

45. tattoos - iNone

46. right or left handed - right

47. ever had surgery - Yeh, I was swinging on a swing (that was broken, it had no board to sit on or anything so there were just these three metal bars going across), then stood up on it while it was still swinging and I ended up falling with one of the bars ending up right between my legs... and well... I needed stitches..... (note that I was like 4 or 5 at the time okaYYYYY)

48. piercings - just in ears

49. sport - none, I used to play basketball a little and soccer but yeah... I dance a little though... does that count?

50. vacation - I love travelling if only I had more $$$$$ (planing on going to Iceland tho)

51. trainers - I literally wear any kind of shoe’s as long as I like how they look like 

More General

52. eating - if I could I’d eat pizza 24/7, but nothing rn

53. drinking - tea 24/7 but nothing rn, not... sure why... hold on...

                      Yep tea.

54. i’m about to watch - some DAN and PHIL cause I’m a hoe for them

55. waiting for - me to finish this cause I still got some college work to do, but I’ve been putting this off for so long that I’m disgusted with myself... hehe....

56. want - A dog... a boyfriend would be nice, but a dog would be more convenient 

57. get married - probably someday, not really into the whole marriage thing at the time, some of my friends just got engaged lately and I’m here like... why would you???

58. career - none, currently in college studying animation so hopefully would end up with something in that direction, if it fails I’ll probably go for hairdressing

Which is Better

59. hugs or kisses - hugs 

60. lips or eyes - eyes

61. shorter or taller - both? as a member of the SHORT Clan I am very much aware of the numerous advantages us quick-ending-limbs people have, but at the same time being tall must be very nice

62. older or younger - older

63. nice arms or stomach - arms

64. hookup or relationship - relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant - hesitant (pls just don’t have me decide things cause just no.)

Have You Ever

66. kissed a stranger - nope

67. drank hard liquor - I think so??? Like I’m pretty sure I did I’m just not aware of the alcoholic stuff but like 95% positive 

68. lost glasses - Nope

69. turned someone down - Oh I did... 

70. sex on first date - nope, what is a date? ...I’m so lonely lmao

71. broken someone’s heart - nope

72. had your heart broken - Nope

73. been arrested - nope

74. cried when someone died - Yep, Jonghyun got me bad... but also... would crying over my guinea pig count?

75. fallen for a friend - you see the thing is I’m pretty sure we’re friends but like... I don’t even know what we are??????? so maybe?????? 

Do you believe in

76. yourself - happens every other day, so yeah sometimes 

77. miracles - not the ones happening these days I don’t

78. love at first sight - I mean, yeah sure, why not, I like being optimistic 

79. santa claus - nope

80. kiss on a first date - Um... I’m not really sure how the whole dating thing works so I feel like I shouldn’t answer cause I wouldn’t know???

81. angels - yep, but I don’t believe there’s like guardian angels and all that

Other

82. best friend’s name - Lidzilla (that’s the nickname I gave her on messenger lol)

83. eye colour - like light brown, but with bits of greyish in them too

84. fave movie - can I mention more than one? cause there’s plenty...The Proposal, LOTR and The Hobbit movies I’d die for, throw in Star Wars... and Pirates of the Caribbean (the first one ;) )

85. fave actor - oh geez... probably Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Chris Pratt and I’m growing soft for Emma Stone, ANGELINA JOLIE will forever be my role model tho

#tag game #Umm I think I said too much and the FBI is going to hunt me now #Thank you so much for tagging me #that was the sweetest thing ever

[justsomethingtoventon]

Everything I felt when I went on a break with my bf

25/2 So I've downloaded tinder as you advised me too and ngl there's guys I'd swipe right for but I can't bring myself to do it like I don't want them to talk to me I don't want them to see me, what did that say about me then?? When 5 months ago I'd be all over this?? Spoke a lot to Elsa last night and she was so nice, gave really good advice and stuff and she thinks we'll be fine and so do I tbh it's just you now I think. I'm terrified you're gonna come back and call it quits but I'm gonna have to respect it. I get that we needed this, you more so than me but did it have to be now I can't concentrate on anything I really don't think this is enough to break us, I don't think that I would have entered into this without seeing a future that's longer than 5 months. I get we've been arguing but it's absolutely something we can get through if we both try to make changes. We need a really long discussion, a pros and cons list and a conclusion be both agree on. Otherwise that's it. I get summer will be very hard but I wouldn't break up with you just because there'd be long periods when we wouldn't see each other like I'd make such an effort to come see you and I'd like to think you'd do the same. This whole thing is horrible and I just want it to be over, I want you to fight for this bc although we have shit times I don't want to give up the good ones and I can't be the only one to do it because i can't put myself through it. I'm so conflicted with how to feel like I know it hasn't even been a day but it's constantly on my mind, obviously, so I'm not sure whether to understand, accept and move on or be like no. I have no idea what you're going to say when you get back bc you may claim the balls in my court but it's all you rn. So I think I'm just gonna prepare for the worst and start to let you go bc I'm gonna be selfish and say it's the easiest way to deal. I really don't know if I'm just being over dramatic about all this like you might just come home and be really chill about everything, I'm just not coping well at all. I love you so much, I'm really not ready for this to end. I don't want it back to how it was anymore, I was far too mean and closed off, I want to be able to express myself a lot better with you, before I was scared of opening up and getting hurt but now I'm starting to get that if I don't open up more it will end and me expressing myself better will make us better. I want what we have now without as much fighting. I want to relearn how to be independent from you but still being able to lean on you if I need you and I think you've nailed it but I'm getting there which is why I've had a problem these past few weeks. I want to learn how to sleep next to you and still have a good night sleep and vice versa. I get that you telling will and putting it n your chat that we broke up was you trying to justify why you did it but that really really hurt me and that'll take a while to get over. Also if you do decide to stay w me I'm going to be extremely insecure about everything for a while it's part of a deep seated need for constant validation and not to be hurt so you will have to decide if you can cope with this. By this I mean you'll just have to tell me how you're feeling for a while and I'll do the same until I'm (and you) are solid in us again. Tinders got me fucked up. I won't talk to anyone but I forgot how funny it is to swipe on people. I miss you I just want you to walk into the kitchen and tell me I'm stupid for looking at other guys bc I have you and you're all I want. Dw tho I swipe left on most I miss you I can't watch films and stuff where they kiss now it makes me too sad. I miss you so much. I don't want anyone else I just want you, talking to the girls tonight's made me realise I really don't want anyone else, you're exactly what I want and need right now I love you so much. I know we don't sleep very well together but going to bed with you is one of my fave things and rn I miss you more than ever. Also it was v awkward with will he was like 'you need to get under someone to get over someone' we both looked at each other and I was like hopefully not and he looked confused so I'm rolling with that. Otherwise it's been a really nice evening we watched a horror film with joe and will and it was okay, like I missed you but uni is okay without you I just want you back to make it 10x better, is that wrong of me??? I miss sex with you. I know you probs don't and that's fine but like I miss how close we were and the cuddles after. I miss kissing you and touching you. I just wanna lie in bed with you and kiss you for hours bc it makes me feel so good inside. Then I want to have sex so slowly and I can wrap myself around you and not let go. I miss you so much. This is gonna break me if you don't want me anymore. I'm so sorry when you read this, hopefully I'll chill out with all the paras during the week. I love you. Legit I'm so desperate to call you right now I need to hear if you're okay and this wait is killing me, I really don't know if I can handle missing and wanting you so much if you're not even thinking about me. If you read this and it provokes no emotions please put me out of my misery and leave me so I can get over it in my own way. I really need to start preparing for the worst like it's time I understood that maybe you can't deal with this anymore and I need to get used to the idea. I love you so much and if it means letting you go then I'll have to deal. 26/2: how have you managed to become the last thing I think about before bed and the first thing when I wake up?? I'm so scared you'll pull someone. It's that fear you're now unattached and you'll want someone new and better and I can't blame you. I miss everything about you and I hate that I can't let you know. I hate that I don't know how you're feeling and if I can help you it's heart breaking, bc the last thing I want is for you to be hurting. Tbh you might be absolutely fine, therefore if so ignore this bit. Is it weird I generally don't miss you too much when you're gone but like as soon as I see you it's like I can't describe. But now all I want is for you to walk through my door, get straight into bed and tell me you love me????? This is so therapeutic writing everything I feel down like why haven't I done this before??? I'm starting to think tho might not actually show you this, or at least rethink the timings, bc I don't think I could show you how embarrassingly needy I've been and then you split up with me. We'll see I've got ages to think about it. Blocked you on sc, I didn't like the anticipation of tapping through in case you've put one on. Like u know I'm defo overreacting here but idk I guess I'm just trying to get more space even though I don't want it?? I miss you. The uncertainty of what's gonna happen when we see each other again is not v nice, I think that's what's got me so fucked up bc I legit have no idea how it's gonna go down so I'm hoping for the best but preparing for the worst and it's a bit shit tbh. Defo gonna edit this down before you read this I'm such a clingy lil bitch. I'd fucking love some sort of sign that you're thinking of us, like right now that would ease this process so much, because I laid myself bare for you and you left so that's got my head fucked right up. I get that it's what you need and stuff but I don't know if you've stopped and thought what I need, you know I'll give you as much space as possible but a simple text at any point during this break would be enough. I'll never ask for it though I couldn't go against your wishes so I'm just going to have to wait. I miss you so much. I've got so insecure with us recently I just feel like your hearts not in it anymore, like you don't love me and that's why I think when you come home you'll be like nah bc what's the point putting up with a moody, irritating idiot if you don't love them. This is breaking my heart I need clarification of your feelings it's killing me. Everyone I speak to says well defo get back together like everyone here, everyone back home but it's so hard to think like that, get my hopes up for them to be completely crushed if you decide nah. I love you so much, I miss you like crazy. Getting over you is gonna be so difficult I hope I don't have to do it but if I do let's make this as easy as possible please. Sundays are for cuddles and I'm getting none I'm really missing you rn. Why am I glued to my phone waiting for you to text me when I know you aren't. Why am I waiting for you to walk through the door. I really want to talk to you like so much right now, I want nothing more than you to reach out to me. The worst is that I know you won't because you don't want to, you need space and I'll give it to you but I'm losing my head here. I've gone to message you so many times this past hour I really need to know how you are and what you're thinking. This is getting very hard right now I need you. Nah nah nah no fucking way are you reading this now, this is just for me. You'll do exactly what I hoped you wouldn't do and throw my feelings back in my face won't you. I think it's time I took a step back, a proper one and stop thinking about you. I hate how you make me feel. I hate that I'm doing exactly what you wanted and opening myself up more and you're fucking me off. Nah I'm over this for now. Come Monday I'm not thinking about you at all. I'm so angry at you, how dare you assume how I'm feeling, how dare you just tell me to be 'better than this' this is what you wanted and now you've got it YOU DONT FUCKING WANT IT. I'm so fed up I loved you so much and u defo don't want me anymore, so fuck you and fuck off. You've broken my heart and I hope you're happy. How can you hurt me so much but I still want to be with you. I still want everything that I told you to get you back after you broke up with me. I want everything with you even though you drive me up the fucking wall. It's because I love you so much and the only reason I'll put up with your shit is because I love you this much and if you don't feel the same don't you dare lead me on. I love you so much and I really don't want to lose you. As embarrassing as this is it's me watching ppl on Netflix being in love that's got me idk wishing I could turn around and just look at you, smile and kiss you. You know what tonight has tested me, you upset me and implied that you don't care which meant I've collected all your stuff ready for when you end it. But now I've calmed down I've reverted to desperately wishing that when you come home you'll still want and love me so I'm a little conflicted now. The one solid decision I have made is that you'll defo read this, whatever I write I'll send to you bc it's stuff i should be saying to your face rn and it just feels right. 27/2: So today feels different like I'm still thinking about you lots but I feel less emotional about it. Idk why maybe I've got over the first hurdle of the weekend and now it's like a new week and idk I just feel more chill about the situation. I'm starting to come to terms with the idea you are going to break up with me but I'm still, however much in vain, hoping you still want to give this a go. I know it's completely your decision and I won't object to what you decide and I would love to fight for you, believe me I would, I'm 100% not ready to give up on you. But I don't think I can, like i know myself and I know that I can't fight for someone who's broke up with my twice. Therefore I will accept what you decide, I'm just praying that you pick to keep me. I've been speaking to Lorna a lot about this, she's been surprisingly helpful about everything, usually she's no good with boy stuff, but I guess she knows me so that's pretty good. She's told me to make sure you know that as per usual I'm lashing out because I'm hurt, she said that you might not see that and I should tell you. I do hope you know me well enough that I lash out against you bc I'm really hurting, it must be very hard to take and I'm so sorry, my actions can be inexcusable sometimes and I hate myself but I just want you to know it isn't because I resent you for leaving or anything it's just hard to deal with. I am trying to change I promise but it will take time but I am so willing to fix this. She also says you might be feeling guilty? I know that's probs not true and you'll interpret my actions as blaming you for all of this and taking no responsibility and all that. So just know anything I say that's mean and stuff it is bc I'm hurting so much so please don't take it to heart (which is obviously so much easier said than done). If it helps I love you so much and I really am just lashing out bc I'm terrified that you're done with me. I'm missing you so much right now. My module leaders emailed me about attendance and I'm looking at getting rid of my implant and things are just getting a bit much. Obviously you'll see this as a 'I'm affecting your education and your life so we should break up' but actually it's more to do with me and how I haven't been myself so I don't want you to use this as an excuse to break up with me or an excuse to stay with me. I want you to stay with me because you want to and not for any other reason. I miss you and I don't know if you miss me and it's killing me. I woke up so good this morning as well but I'm regressing. Can Thursday just come now so I can be put out my misery, I just miss you so much. I do think you're gonna end it tho. There's been a lot of clues recently and I've defo picked up on them, so I am preparing for the worst. But I'm still praying that this break sorts your head out and we come back more solid than ever. I just love you so much and I don't want to let you go. If we do stay together this process of writing down my feelings is helping so much like rereading what I've already felt/ said is really so useful I'll use it to try and communicate better with you. Like not always but through times like this it has helped organise my thoughts and allowed me to just vent. And seriously I have no problem with you reading it as well because it's all the stuff I should be open with you about so I feel positive I can make a good change (if we stay together that is). Maybe because it's half way through and I've been without you for the same amount of time I have to wait to find out (potentially get you back). It's just a lot harder today and I'm missing you a lot even though I woke up okay which is so annoying bc I want to be okay and do as you say and not think of you, which you're probs doing perfectly, but I'm so shit at. I suppose it is part of my personality to fixate on things I can't control so while it may be easy for you to not think about me, I can't do anything but think of u. I want absolutely nothing more right now than for you to be laid next to me with my head on your chest cuddling you, I really miss you. You have no idea how much I want to tell you I miss you right now like I'm thinking constantly of how I can indirect you without properly messaging you and that's so shit of me like you ask me for space and all I want to do is do the opposite. Don't worry tho I'm too scared of rejection to actually do it. Ooo I forgot, I deleted tinder btw the novelty of having it back died off v quickly and it just made me sad and I wasn't swiping right or talking to anyone so what was the point?? Something you said the other day has got me annoyed actually, when you said you wouldn't cook for me because you can't enjoy your own food bc you're wondering how the other person likes it? that's how I feel most times, I always give myself the shittier option so you eat better. So that wasn't great to hear, but still I wouldn't make you do something you wouldn't want to do. I can't wait to have you back. Could really do with a massive cuddle rn. Is it weird that I've only missed sex with you once? All I've wanted to do for the majority of the time is cuddle you, I just want to snuggle into you and just lie there completely content. That's what I miss the most, that and your cute smile you do when you tilt your head up and close your eyes. Oh my god this is so gay, can't wait to see you laughing your ass off reading this (or not depending when I send it u). I'm eating all the food btw but I'll give you money dw. I'm literally the biggest idiot sometimes like why do I torture myself by looking through old photos and screen shots of us??? I love you. I miss you. There's not much else to say now tbh like everyone I speak to is like aw just give him space, you won't break up over this and stuff and I so desperately want to believe them and be like yeah we'll be fine, but I'm scared of not preparing for the worst. You never know tho so can Thursday hurry up the anticipations killing me. I do love you and miss you like crazy. I'm so close to messaging you tho and I have to stop myself every time, like just a simple I miss you text but I have no idea how it would be received so I'm refraining. I think the worst would be if you weren't thinking of me, like if I sent you this and you couldn't relate at all that would break my heart but it's something I can't control so I'm trying not to let it get to me too much. I know you don't like sleeping with me but I miss spooning with you so much like all I want now is to turn over and cuddle you, you're a pain when you're actually asleep but just before is the best time, cuddling you is my fave and I miss it so much. One of my goals seriously is to learn how to peacefully sleep with you bc i love waking up with you. Legit so close to messaging you, still in a half mind to do it like I just need to tell you I miss you but I can't. It's late I should chill,or send it idk. I'm so not chill it's hilarious. Finally deleted it, you've asked for space and I can't be selfish even tho I really want to don't be a twat. You know what it's one o'clock in the morning I'm allowed a moment of weakness, fuck it, feel free to ignore. Shit shit shit shouldn't have done that. 28/2 should not have messaged you last night, just made me feel 10x worse because it's got to be over after that. Defo in self preservation mode now. You now what it's been a good run, I'll miss you like crazy but i respect that you're done. I'd love to say I'll fight again for you bc I love you so much but i can't. I'd fucking love it for you to just come home and say you'll work at it but let's be realistic now. This is breaking my heart and I don't want it to be over. You know what if you claim your feelings are the same as they were when you text me over Christmas then how can you not be willing to fight for us?? Because I am, I know I say I won't and I probably won't but I'm ready to make changes and work at this because yeah it's nice to say don't change for anyone but I want to get rid of the shitty parts of my personality for you because I really don't want to lose you. You make me so happy and I love you so much, like I've done so much for you that will seem normal to most but are fucking ground breaking for me like I told my friends we were having issues like straight into the group chat bc I know they'd all be there for me bc they know how much I love you which is v weird bc they've always seen me as someone who doesn't care. I not only told my parents about you, I introduced you to my whole family after only 3 months???? Like wtf that's how I know we'll go long term bc never in a million years would I have done that for someone I felt more casual about, I wouldn't even have told them about u. So please don't throw away what we have you mean too much to me. This is so hard, can't wait for this break to be over it's so shit not knowing where you stand. (Also done some thinking and identified the cause of my anxiety but it's not really relevant to this). I've been thinking you know when you broke up with me and you were shocked that I wouldn't be friends with you, does that mean you're starting to see me more as a mate, like you're not in love with me anymore?? You're ruining my fave songs u rat. But you can't cry to animals so I'm gonna use that. Why are u never here when I'm freezing??? There's so many things I want to tag u in this is like the start of us all over again except now there's way more things to relate to. I miss you so much honey, like a massive amount, I hope you miss me too tbh. I love you so much and no matter the outcome on Thursday I'll just be happy to see you even if it is only short lived. I actually thought I was having a good day, I haven't thought about you that much and got a lot of my essay done. But now it's got too much. I just miss you so much all I want is for you to walk through the door, grab me, kiss me and cuddle me. Like so much I really don't want you to end this like at all, I know you've had doubts but I don't have them and I really want to work through everything with you bc I love you so much. Legit missing you so much rn. Urgh I'm listening to 90s hits and reading things from my youth and I've got that horrible nostalgic feeling you know that makes you want to either reverse 5 yrs or die. Sorry this isn't really to do with u I just had to write it down, I'm a changed woman now, so open with my feelings ew. Is it bad I can't remember the last time we kissed. Did we when we got back together for like 2 secs? I can't remember and that's got me fucked up bc if you break up with me then I can't remember our last kiss. Wow that's upset me quite a bit. Is it bad a cute little text from you rn would make everything?? 1/3 miss you. As if you've text me so much today this is weird, where do we stand? Who knows??? Not really much to say today tbh, been sooo busy w netball and essays and games that you've kinda been pushed from my mind. I can't really describe how I felt when I saw your name come up on my phone, surprise is probs easiest. Then you spoke to me for ages which was so weird. Like i found myself smiling a lot, it was really nice. No idea how tmrws gonna go now, we'll see. Was a lil bit pissed off tho bc will played the 1975 and sexual and I asked him to turn it off and he refused like I asked a lot and not in a whinging voice like I'm v big on my song association so regardless to how I feel about you I just didn't want to listen to them. What a rat. 2/3