#csem trauma

[ixioideae-letters]

why do you still have your ropes around my hands?

hieu minh nguyen / sarah lewarn / lia kimura / isabel emrich / taylor swift / phoebe bridgers / rnn90 after mark rubenstein / penelope douglas / katie maria / jakun kujawa via @nailone on dA / rainer maria rilke / kate elizabeth russell / ale casanova / sylvia plath

#on trauma #on being groomed #on memory #tw implied grooming #actuallytraumatized #this is a trauma dump i'm trying to make it pretty #there's smth about seeing your gr**m*r living a nice life that makes you go #ballistic ig #web weaving #compilations #comparatives #parallels #tw nccsa #nccsa survivor #csem survivor #brain rot

[donttellmehowtoheal]

#trauma vent #csa vent #abuse vent #csem vent

[chloroformcurry]

A rather heavy experimental piece. Could count as oc content and as something applicable to a real life issue igs. I hope I took all the right precautions on the tags 🙏

#tw csa #tw csem #tw csa implied #tw childhood trauma #tw child abuse #cw csa #cw csa mention #I hope I put enough tags #carboncopycomic

[crucifixcavity]

SMILE FOR THE CAMERA!

#my art #csa vent art #csem survivor #I learned some really fucked up things about myself last night #trauma art #actuallyptsd #actuallydid #actuallytraumatized #actuallyabused

[many-but-one]

TW: heavy religious mentions, RA trauma, SA, animal cruelty (specifically cats), CSEM trauma, gore.

This was written by Vasile and King Samael of the Chained Snakes subsystem.

Note: some lines taken from the song “Death From Above” by Thrice

Martyr Me, I Dare You

#my poetry #manybutone #tw RA #tw RAMCOA #tw SA #tw csem #tw religious trauma #tw religion #tw rape #tw animal death #tw gore

[csaventing]

I hate most of all how a trauma response to csa can be seeking out sexual things that feel illegal just to remind you about your trauma its like you have to indulge in those things again, sex has to feel wrong and dirty because thats what it felt like when you where a child. It felt illegal and they made you like it and now you do. You dont. But it hurts so much and it makes you do things that make you repulsed with yourself. youve hurt things. not severely, and it was only on one occasion, it lasted for a second. I was 11 and didnt even know i had csa trauma. But that doesnt make the stain on my consciousness go away. I dryhumped a cat for a moment. Just once and then i felt horrible and let it go. I just can't forget it it makes me feel so sick i wish i could rip my skin off im a horrible fucking person i hate sexual intrusive thoughts with my entire soul i wish i could fucking sear them out of my mind forever i wish i could drown myself in bleach i hate it so much i dont want to be evil.

But even then you feel like no body would ever understand you, theyd hear that you used to only be able to masturbate to loli hentai bc you wanted your trauma to repeat itself and to be a child again so you can be raped again and theyll think your a fucked up demented psycho and theyll hate you no one ever wants to understand the much darker way csa can affect your brain. I hate sexual intrusive thoughts i wish a part of me never kept whispering how badly i want to be the victim of illegal sexual acts, because i dont i dont i know i dont i dont want to be stabbed and chopped up i dont want to do any of those horrible things i just want to be able to seperate what i really want from this fucked up sickness that they fucking infected me with. I was a child and i wish i couldve been a normal one. I wish i never turned out like this.

We relate heavily to this. I don’t know if it helps to hear but we have done something similar to our cat some years ago, just for a second there too. Still feel awful about it today and I think this is the first time ever admitting to that.

#survivor #tw csa implied #tw csa #csa vent #trauma vent #actually traumatized #trauma #tw csa mention #tw csa vent #tw loli mention #tw csem mention #tw csem #tw animal abuse

[thewindowsystem]

is it just me orrrr...??

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does anyone else ever get the urge to go screaming and crying back to their abuser telling them how sorry you are for leaving them and beg for their forgiveness??

~ TW: p3d0ph1ila, CSEM, CSA, grooming, rape, threats

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Cuz like this fucking 40+ year old man literally owns CSEM of me from when he groomed me and tried to find where I lived so he could rape me but I still miss the praise and attention he gave me sometimes- like what?? I feel so dirty but it sometimes it feels like the only thing I am made to do is to be sexually exploited and that I don't deserve anything more than that.

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Like I feel like an abuser for leaving him

#trauma #trauma dump #actually traumatized #complex post traumatic stress disorder #just cptsd things #cptsdsupport #ptsd vent #childhood ptsd #ptsdlife #Complex ptsd #childhood trauma #child abuse #tw csem #csem survivor

[donttellmehowtoheal]

#trauma vent #csa vent #abuse vent #csem vent

[mischiefmanifold]

I saw a Pinterest post that said, "Nobody will ever have a worse childhood than Heinz Doofenshmirtz."

And I just. I'm so horrifically offended by that sentence that I almost find it funny. And I won't lie, I absolutely adore Phineas & Ferb, and Heinz is a phenomenal example of what complex childhood trauma can do to someone.

However, a claim like the above is incredibly insensitive to real people who have survived horrific things in their childhood, such as trafficking, ritual abuse / programming, CSA/CSEM, and warfare.

I may be overreacting, but I don't feel like I am.

#phineas and ferb #heinz doofenshmirtz #trauma olympics #csa tw #trafficking tw #ritual abuse tw #programming tw #csem tw #war tw

[csaventing]

i hope this vent doesn’t hurt anyone and that I’m doing this correctly. I’m just feeling very lost and frustrated rn.

I was scrolling through this blog to stop myself from feeling alone in my experience (CSA/COCSA). Really, I’ve been looking a lot for art that expresses how I feel about what happened. this isn’t possible without getting into the debate about what is and is not CEM.

I’m an artist and it’s a huge part of processing for me. always has been. Even before I knew what or why I was drawing what I was. Sharing my art and hearing from people who could see the pain and the struggle made me feel understood and not alone.

But I’m really struggling right now with no outlet. With the way people act around trauma art (especially child abuse stuff), I find it really hard to feel safe posting things anymore. I feel like a monster sometimes for wanting to draw such terrible things happening. drawing stuff that expresses how confusing and awful it feels to go through that stuff. It feels really fake and sanitized to just talk about what happened in “safe” therapy words. I wish I could express myself or find ppl who have been hurt like me and see myself reflected in something.

Right now it just feels like the only thing I’m allowed to talk about is pain and it has to be faceless and vague. I’m not allowed to express the confusion of being too young to understand. twisting things up in your head and repeating what happened onto yourself. I can’t express my raw emotions or thoughts unless they’ve been filtered for people who think that art about CSA is as bad as CP.

it really makes me feel like im not allowed to be messed up inside. That even tho my therapist tells me it’s normal for victims to feel guilty for not saying no or even enjoying parts of what happened, it doesn’t matter cuz I can’t talk to anyone about it. I can’t explain what it felt like without getting death threats for not making myself say No in my own account of what happened.

I feel more alone now than I did before I knew what was wrong with me. Because at least back then, I could show someone and hear back “me too” instead of being told to die.

Personally, we have made some art about CSA that we both have shared and both that we haven’t shared. I wouldn’t say that it is like CEM (child explotation material) at all.

We are very sorry for how you have been treated when posting this stuff.

#survivor #tw csa implied #tw csa #csa vent #trauma vent #actually traumatized #trauma #tw csa mention #tw csa vent #tw csem mention