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grey342 · 6 months

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Bathroom

Phil Wenneck x reader

synopsis - Reader has been avoiding Phil so he pulls her aside at a party to talk..

warnings - MDNI 18+ content, semi-public sex, Phil being kinda dominant, fingering, use of names (slut), edging (kinda) and unprotected sex.

authors note - *insert 'Bathroom' by Montell Fish* This was the winner from the poll, I really hope you guys like it. Thank you for being so patient, you have no idea how much it means to me! I'm going to attempt to get one fic out per week but no promises. So sorry for the wait but I hope you love it <3

please do not steal my work - belongs to @grey342

He's been eyeing you up all night.

You’re celebrating Stu's promotion. He’s been waiting five months for this and you’re so happy that he finally got it.

You and the guys decided to do a surprise party for him with his friends, co-workers and family. You’ve been trying to distract yourself all night and keep your distance from him but, the tension hanging in the air doesn’t go unnoticed.

A couple of months ago you and Phil made a mistake. An amazing one but still, a mistake.

The group went out for their weekly hangout this time, in a bar. You had just broke up with your fifth boyfriend of the year and to say you were feeling depressed was an understatement. Phil was recently divorced and couldn’t be fucking happier. And what better way to celebrate than getting shitfaced with his best friends.

You were wearing a short green dress that showed off your cleavage and it was taking everything in Phil to not tear it off you right there and then. He was wearing his classic black button-up shirt, not done up all the way, and a pair of slacks with a bulging print in them. You had to keep your legs tightly pressed together whenever you looked at him. At one point you swore you drooled a little.

Neither of you would ever admit the sexual tension that hid in the cracks of your friendship. But it was there and it had been since high school. Moving on, a few too many drinks were had and the next morning you woke up not in your bed and not alone. Flashbacks of the night before ran rampant through your mind, you didn't want to face it so you got up and left.

You didn't speak for a couple weeks after that incident. Eventually, it came up when you had a moment alone at Doug and Tracy's:

You wait until you're one hundred percent sure everyone else is out of earshot.

"We need to talk." You say direct.

"Yeah, we do," he inhales, "i'm gonna be straight with ya' that was the best sex i've ever had." You open your mouth and close it, like a goldfish. Out of the list of things you had expected him to say, that didn't even make top 50.

"I-uh, come again?"

"No I haven't since then unfortunately." He smirks.

"Phil," You sigh disappointedly.

"C'mon, you're telling me that wasn't the best sex of your life? Hm?" He stares into your eyes. You would never admit it to him, but it really was the best night of your life. You remember the way he used his hands and mouth. How he made you scream with only two fingers. You were awakened from your daydreaming by his chuckling.

"That's what I thought."

"Phil I have no idea-"

"Yeah sure you don't now listen, I had a good time, you had a good time. Both of us just got out of a relationship so we're not looking for anything too serious. So I propose a friends with benefits agreement."

"What?" You say, almost too loudly.

"Lower your voice, I mean I don't see the big deal. All it would be is meaningless sex, anytime we want. NO strings attached. And we could break it off at any point. What do you say?" He puts out his hand.

"Really? We're gonna shake on it?," his expression doesn't falter, "fine. But we have to agree to not catch feelings and if we do we must break off the agreement immediatley."

"Sweetheart, don't take this the wrong way but that's not gonna happen." He nodded towards his hand and you shook it, not realising what the hell you just got yourself into.

Back to the present moment, you were talking with some of Stu's work colleagues when you felt a presence behind you:

"Sorry guys do you mind if I steal her for one second?" A voice you would recognise in a crowd of screaming people says. All the men nodded as you felt a strong hand grip your arm and drag you away.

He pulled you into the bathroom, shoved you against the door and locked it. You try to avoid his gaze but he grabs your chin forcing you to look at him.

"Why are you avoiding me?" He grunts.

"Avoiding you? I'm not avoiding you."

"Don't lie to me." He hardens his grip, squishing your cheeks together. You thighs clamp together.

"I'm not lying to-" Your cut of by your own moan as his hands reach under your dress and rub over your clit through your panties.

"What was that? Hm?" He prompts but your mind is too fogged with the pleasure he's currently giving you.

He moves his other hand from your face down to your breasts and begins fondling them, playing with your nipples through the fabric. Your head is spinning.

"What, you like that?," he scoffs, "of course you do." Your eyes are screwed shut but you know he has a cocky grin on his face.

He stops his actions completley and before you can protest, he pulls down your panties and shoves his two fingers inside you, curling them also. You let out a loud moan, aware that anyone passing by would've heard it.

He must've seen the slight panic on your face because he says: "Don't be shy baby, let them hear how much of a slut you are for me." You moan in response.

You hear his belt being undone as well as his fly, you look down seeing his bulging dick through his pants. You move your hand, pull him out and begin to slowly pump your hand up and down. He moans loudly as you start to kiss his neck. He moves his fingers faster, bringing you to the brink of an orgasm. Your pace quickens as you look up at him he places his mouth on yours, sharing breaths.

"Shit, i'm close." You squeak out. Hearing this he stops his movements. You open your mouth to curse at him when he silences you by thrusting into you, you wrap your legs around his hips and claim his mouth.

The pair of you fight for dominance in a clash of teeth and tongues. He ultimately wins, thrusting up into you at a pace that has you moving up and down the wall. You break away to catch your breath, he bites your bottom lip and pull on it lightly. You let out a whimper and claw at his back.

"You like that? You dirty little slut, this is what you get for avoiding me.." He speaks deeply. You can feel yourself getting close.

"Phil.." You warn, tears forming in your eyes.

"Scream my name baby, let everybody know who's fucking you this good." His hand moves down to rub harsh circles on your clit.

"Oh shit.."

"That's it let it all out, cum for me baby.." He groans, he leans down, kissing and sucking your neck. You moan in unison, he finds your sweet spot and bites down.

"Fuck!" You scream out the pleasure exploding over you, your legs begin to shake.

"Oh shit, oh shit!" Phil whimpers, shooting his load inside of you. Once you calm down and your legs stop shaking, he places you on the ground. You look at yourself in the mirror and fix your appearance as an attempt to look presentable. After he pulls his pants up, he grabs your panties and puts them on for you. Raising to your level he says:

"Now your gonna go back to that party with my cum still inside you," he kisses you, "meet me outside at 9. We're not done yet." He gives you one last kiss, a slap on the ass and opens the door for you.

You walk out the door with a huge grin on your face and Phil's cum trickling down down your legs.

#bradley cooper #bradley cooper x reader #phil wenneck #phil wenneck x reader #the hangover #x reader #smut #tumblr polls #friends with secrets

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lovelyelegantenthusiast · 1 year

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Cars

(Shows Universal Pictures logo)

(Shows Nickelodeon Movies logo)

(Shows Spin Master Entertainment logo)

[first lines; the screen shows a dark background as Lightning McQueen's voice is heard, inhales and exhales deeply]

Lightning McQueen: Okay, here we go. Focus. Speed. I am speed.

[The screen then shows some racecars whizzes past on a racetrack, then goes back to dark again]

Lightning McQueen: One winner. 42 losers. [The Tempest plays] I eat losers for breakfast.

[The screen then shows McQueen from the back of his left side as he car accelerating and gains on a racecar. Then the screen goes dark again]

Lightning McQueen: Breakfast? Wait, maybe I should have had breakfast? A little breckkie could be good for me. No, no, no, stay focused. Speed!

[The screen then shows racecars whizzes along the racetrack as the camera moves to the right. The screen then goes dark again]

Lightning McQueen: I'm faster than fast, quicker than quick! I am Lightning!

Mack: [pounds on his trailer door] Hey Lightning, are you ready?

LightningMcQueen: [the trailer door opens] Oh, yeah. Lightning's ready.

[McQueen revs his engine, and his different body parts are shown as he drives slowly out of the trailer with his face visible. He then revs his engine again as the crowd cheer. The camera then shows the audience on the stadium seats, then an aerial view of the Motor Speedway of the South circuit, then a cameraman aiming a camera at the circuit. The camera then shows McQueen on the television screen on the scoring pylon. Then the camera shows the circuit from as high as the audience seats, and zooms in on McQueen]

LightningMcQueen: Ka-chow!

[The camera then shows the race, Ronnie Anne Dancing, Shows Universal Pictures & Nickelodeon Movies Presents" text as it shows the cars zooming and whooshing along then it shows "A Spin Master Entertainment Productions" text as the blue wheel runs.]

Then it shows "CARS" text.

[McQueen then overtakes six cars. He then gets blocked by two cars named Floyd Mulvihill and Rusty Cornfuel, and rides his right wheels on the wall to overtake the two cars. The camera then shows McQueen on the television screen on top of the scoring pylon as he winks, Mia and Tia screams, the camera then shows the audience cheering, then it skips to a truck named Brian selling some souvenirs]

Brian: Get your antenna balls here!

[The camera then shows the racers whooshing along, then it shows some RVs, the camera zooms in on two RVs named Larry and R.M., who are cheering]

Doug R.M.: You got that right, Slick. [whistles]

[Then the camera shows some of the racers in the pits as the air wrenches are heard whirring. It goes to different racers as they have their pit stops, and ends with one of the racers exiting back onto the track. The camera shows some people going into the toilets, as there is a long queue for the women. Then it shows in the crowd an RV named Elvis, who is dancing to The Tempest, the camera then shows Chick Hicks as he purposely hits a racer named Lee Revkins off the track, Lee Revkins grunts, and screams, slides away, the camera shows The King overtaking Chick, and he drives away revving his engine]

Bob Cutlass: [Then the camera shows Bob Cutlass and Darrell Cartrip, car versions of Bob Costas and Darrell Waltrip, announcing the race] Welcome back to the Dinoco 400, I'm Bob Cutlass, here with my good friend, Darrell Cartrip, we're midway through what may turn out to be a historic day for racing.

Darrell Cartrip: Bob, my oil pressure's through the roof right now. If this gets anymore exciting, they're gonna have to tow me outta the booth!

Bob Cutlass: Right you are, Darrell. Three cars are tied for the season points lead, heading into the final race of the season. And the winner of this race Darrell, will win the season title and, the Piston Cup. Does The King, Strip Weathers, have one more victory in him before retirement?

Darrell Cartrip: He's been Dinoco's golden boy for years! Can he win them one last Piston Cup?

Bob Cutlass: And, as always, in the second place spot we find Chick Hicks. He's been chasing that tailfin his entire career.

Darrell Cartrip: Chick thought this was his year, Bob. His chance to finally emerge from The King's shadow. But the last thing he expected was... Lightning McQueen!

Bob Cutlass: You know, I don't think anybody expected this. The rookie sensation come into the season unknown. But everyone knows him now.

Darrell Cartrip: Will he be the first rookie to win a Piston Cup and land Dinoco?

Bob Cutlass: The legend, the runner up, and the rookie! Three cars, one champion!

[The camera then shows the racers. Chick is trying to overtake Strip Weathers, who was blocking his way. McQueen then catches up to Chick as they try to get ahead of one another]

Chick: No, you don't. [McQueen then moves to the left and finally overtakes Chick's, McQueen chuckles, Chick then gains on McQueen. Chick Hicks then bumps McQueen, causing him to slide off the track onto the infield. The crowd is heard booing to what had happened.]

Fans: Oohh. What a ride!

Chick Hicks: [laughs]

Fans: Go get 'em, McQueen! Go get 'em! We love you, Lightning! [whistles, McQueen then drives back on the track, behind all of the other racers. Chick then looks back to see McQueen far behind him.]

Chick Hicks: Dinoco is all mine. [bumps Winford, slides into the wall, and collides with all of the other racers]

Darrell Cartrip: Trouble, turn-3!

Chick Hicks: [chuckles] Get through that, McQueen.

Bob Cutlass: Oh, a huge crash behind the leaders!

Fans: [gasps as The Tempest ends, the camera then shows all of the different racers as they collide, with one flying through the air, and one losing its tire. Claude and another racer named Billy Oilchanger then stop, facing towards each other. Claude Scruggs giggles,grunts as he gets hit by another racer, gasps as another racer named Todd Marcus from Cars: Fast as Lightning comes towards him,Claude then gets hit by Todd, ending upside down on Todd's roof, Claude Scruggs and Todd Marcus screams, then the camera shows McQueen, who is driving through the wreckage and dodging the other racers.]

Bob Cutlass: Wait a second, Darrell. McQueen is in the wreckage.

Darrell Cartrip: There's no way the rookie can make it through! Not in one piece that is. [McQueen's continues dodging the other racers who are sliding across the track. Then he bounces on Claude's undercarriage up into the air, McQueen exhales deeply and having his tongue down. Then he moves his tire towards the audience, as a reflection of McQueen's bolt sticker shines on them]

Mia & Tia: Lightning, oh! [sighs]

Darrell Cartrip: [McQueen's then lands back on the ground.] Look at that, McQueen made it through!

Bob Cutlass: Man, a spectacular move by Lightning McQueen.

LightningMcQueen: Yeah! Ka-chow!

Fans: McQueen! McQueen! McQueen! McQueen! McQueen! McQueen! McQueen!

Albert Hinkey: Yeah McQueen! Ka-chow![honks his horn, while the crowd members around him are disgusted by his loud noise]

Bob Cutlass: While everyone else heads into the pits, McQueen stays out to take the lead!

Chuck Armstrong: Don't take me out Tow. I can still race! [The camera then shows most of the other racers having a pit stop. It then shows Chick, while his pitties are changing his tires.]

Chick Hicks: [chuckles] What do you think boys? A thing of beauty.

Chief Chick: McQueen made it through!

Chick Hicks: What?! [The camera then shows the TV screen, which McQueen is still on the track.]

Chick's coach: He's not pitting!

Chick Hicks: Come on, you gotta get me out there! Let's go, gotta get me back out there! Come on!

Bob Cutlass: McQueen's not going into the pits!

Darrell Cartrip: You know, the rookie just fired his crew chief. That's the third one this season!

Bob Cutlass: [The other racers are seen driving through the pit lane back onto the track] Well, he says he likes working alone, Darrell. [While Bob is talking, Chick is seen ending his pit stop as the other racers are driving past him, Chick then starts off, getting in the middle of the queue.]

Chief Chick: Go, go, go!

Bob Cutlass: Looks like Chick got caught up in the pits.

Darrell Cartrip: Yeah, after a stop like that, he's got a lot of ground to make up. Get ready boys, we're coming to the restart! [The crowd cheers as the race restarts with McQueen progressing through in first place. Meanwhile, Chick is struggling to get past the other racers, overtaking a racer named Greg Candyman, McQueen continues progressing through the race in the lead, after overtaking a racer named Ponchy Wipeout, then the King overtakes a white car named Matthew Overtaker. Finally, McQueen comes into the pits. His pit crew arrives, with the crew chief named Not Chuck, putting fuel into McQueen]

Not Chuck: We need tires now! Come on, let's go!

Lightning McQueen: No, no, no, no! No tires, just gas! [drives away]

Not Chuck: What?! You need tires, you idiot! [slams a tire onto the ground.]

Darrell Cartrip: Looks like it's all gas-and-go's for McQueen today.

Bob Cutlass: That's right. No tires again.

Darrell Cartrip: Normally I said a short-term gain, long-term loss, but it's sure is workin' for him. He obviously knows somethin' we don't know.

[The scene continues progressing through the race, with McQueen having a huge lead and starting the last lap.]

Bob Cutlass: This is it, Darrell, one lap to go and Lightning McQueen has a huge lead.

Darrell Cartrip: All he's got it in the bag. Call in the dogs and put out the fire! We're gonna crown us a new champion! [all cheering and whistling, Mia and Tia screams]

Lightning McQueen: Checkered flag, here I come! [Suddenly, one of McQueen's rear tires blows]

Darrell Cartrip: Oh, no! McQueen has blown a tire!

[crowd gasps]

Bob Cutlass: And with only one turn to go! Do you can he make it?

Not Chuck: You fool! [grunts and knocks down a cart of tires, McQueen is struggling to get to the finish line while his bare wheel causes sparks on the track. The camera then shows the King and Chick as they see McQueen's wheel on the TV screen with no tire.]

Roger Wheeler (The King's Crew Chief): [on radio] McQueen's blown a tire, McQueen's blown a tire! Go, go, go, go, go, GO!

Darrell Cartrip: [The King and Chick then go faster as McQueen is driving slightly slower with one tire lost, McQueen grunts as he falls and finally lands onto the ground, Bob leaves him grunting, suddenly, his other rear tire blows.] He lost another tire! The King and Chick are coming up fast!

Bob Cutlass: They're entering turn-3!

Lightning McQueen: Come on! [He grunts as he falls and finally lands onto the ground, the camera shows the other racers catching up.]

Darrell Cartrip: I don't believe what I'm watching, Bob! Lightning McQueen is hundred feet from his Piston Cup! [McQueen gasps and continuously does several jumps towards the finish line as the King and Chick are getting closer, Chick growls and finally gets beside the King, but not in front of him]

Bob Cutlass: The King and Chick rounding turn-4. [McQueen is still jumping continuously towards the finish line as the King and Chick get closer and closer.]

Darrell Cartrip: Down the stretch they come! And it's, and it's... [The King and Chick cross the finish line along with McQueen stretching his tongue out over it.]

Bob Cutlass: It's too close to call! Too close to call!

Darrell Cartrip: I don't believe it! I don't believe it!

Mia & Tia: Lightning! [Screams, all cheering]

Bob Cutlass: [while Darrell is talking] The most spectacular, amazing unequivocally, unbelievable ending in the history of the world! And we don't even know who won!

Darrell Cartrip: Look at that! [The officials are then shown watching replays of the finish at different angles. Meanwhile, one of the security officers, named Richard Clayton Kensington, notices someone watching them with a camera.]

Richard Clayton Kensington: Hey, no Cameras! Get outta here!

#Cars2018

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vickiabelson · 1 year

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Today Live! I got stuff to say. Loads to ask. And he's gonna play!

Michael Ruff’s a Multiple Grammy® nominated producer and songwriter, BMI Award winner, Multiple Na Hoku Award winner, and Nominee, and Cable Ace Award winner. Musical director for major artists and tours.

I’m a huge fan, and Michael, without knowing it, or me, changed my life.

My favorite Michael Ruff in a universe of fabulousness - this- I dare you to only watch it once.

youtube

Obsessed with it, him, his daughter Olivia, and his son, Paul.

His credits include India Arie, Bonnie Raitt, David Sanborn, Lionel Richie, Chaka, Andrae Crouch, BeBe Winans, The Winans, Natalie Cole, Arif Mardin, Tommy LiPuma, Al Schmidt, George Massenberg, Martin Terefe, Kenny Loggins, Randy Brecker, Gino Vannelli, The Jacksons, Harvey Mason, Jonathan Butler, Jon Gibson, Stevie Nicks, Bill Schnee, Doug Sax, Ed Cherney, Mike Shipley, Huey Lewis and the News, The Doobie Bros., Rickie Lee Jones, Kal David, Crystal Lewis, Carl Anderson, Arnold McCuller, Brenda Russell, Marilyn Scott, Glen Scott, Larry John McNally, Jose Feliciano, Right Said Fred, Nancy Wilson, Diane Schuur, Nils Langren, Michael Franks, Jackie McLean, Jimmy McGriff, Eric Burdon, John Lee Hooker...

Slacker.

And, years playing with some guy named Snuffy.

I. Can't. Wait.

Michael Ruff Live on Game Changers With Vicki Abelson

Wed, May 10th, 5 pm PT, 8 pm ET

Streaming Live on The Facebook

Daily by Toni Vincent & @peter_and_paul_ Cartoons

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fearsmagazine · 2 years

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Prime Video and Blumhouse Announce TOTALLY KILLER

The slasher-comedy horror film stars Kiernan Shipka, Olivia Holt, Julie Bowen, and Randall Park.

Julian Ungano/Jake Cloobeck/Theo & Juliet/Storm Santos

Prime Video and Blumhouse Television announced the upcoming slasher-comedy horror film Totally Killer, from Amazon Studios and Blumhouse. The film will star Kiernan Shipka (Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, Mad Men), Olivia Holt (Cruel Summer), Julie Bowen (Modern Family, Life of the Party), and Randall Park (Always Be My Maybe, Fresh off the Boat). Nahnatchka Khan (Always Be My Maybe, Young Rock, Don Wong) is directing, and Jen D’Angelo penned the screenplay based on an original script by David Matalon and Sasha Perl-Raver. Principal photography begins today in Vancouver.

The film follows Jamie (Shipka) whose mom, Pam (Bowen) is terrorized by the resurgence of the Sweet Sixteen Killer—a masked maniac that slaughtered a group of teenage girls in the ‘80s. With the help of her friend Amelia (Kelcey Mawema), she travels back in time to 1987 and teams up with the teen version of her mom (Holt) to try and stop the killer.

The cast of newcomers and established actors portraying characters in the film include Lochlyn Munro (“Adult Blake”), Charlie Gillespie (“Teen Blake”), Stephi Chin-Salvo (“Marisa Song”), Anna Diaz (“Heather Hernandez”), Jeremy Monn-Djasgnar (“Teen Randy Finkle”), Troy Leigh-Anne Johnson (“Teen Lauren”), Ella Choi (“Teen Kara Molnar”), Kelcey Mawema (“Amelia”), Liana Liberato (“Tiffany Clark”), Nathaniel Appiah (“Teen Doug Summers”), and Jonathan Potts (“Adult Chris Dubusage”).

The news comes on the heels of the announcement that Prime Video and Blumhouse acquired worldwide rights for the horror-drama and Sundance Grand Jury Prize winner Nanny from first-time feature writer/director Nikyatu Jusu. Additionally, the two companies have released eight films in the past two years as a part of their “Welcome to the Blumhouse” series, including: Bingo Hell, Black as Night, Madres, The Manor, Black Box, Evil Eye, Nocturne, and The Lie.

“The idea of a horror-comedy time travel movie is, I’m gonna be honest, something I never thought of in my life. So when I was approached by the amazing creatives at Blumhouse and Amazon about Totally Killer, it was just so unique and exciting I had to be involved. And then add this incredible cast on top of that? Everybody get readyyyyyyy,” said director Nahnatchka Khan.

“We thought this genre mash-up of slasher/comedy with a twist of time travel was just so fun, and Nahnatchka Khan is perfect to direct,” said Chris McCumber, president of Blumhouse Television.

“With Nahnatchka’s vision and the exciting cast led by Kiernan Shipka and Olivia Holt, we are confident Totally Killer will resonate with our audience around the world,” said Julie Rapaport, head of movies at Amazon Studios. “We could not be more thrilled to watch this story come to life and to continue our longstanding collaboration with the incredible team at Blumhouse.”

#film news #movie news #blumhouse #Prime Video #nahnatchka khan #jen d’angelo #david matalon #sasha perl-raver #kiernan shipka #olivia holt #julie bowen #randall park #horror #time travel #serial killer #comedy

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kayfabejake · 5 years

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WWF Survivor Series 1996 PPV Review

It’s that time of year! Get out your Thanksgiving leftovers, cause it’s time for the second longest and most boring special match type of the year (in my opinion, don’t hate me). The big match on this card for me is Stone Cold Steve Austin versus Bret “The Hitman” Hart, a prequel to their legendary double turn match at WrestleMania 13. Let’s get watching and let’s get reviewing!

Date: 11.17.1996 / Venue: Madison Square Garden - New York, NY / Attendance: 18647 / Tagline: Back To Attack

Survivor Series Elimination Match Henry Godwinn & Phineas Godwinn “The Godwinns” w/ Hillbilly Jim, Doug Furnas, and Phillip LaFon def. Leif Cassidy & Marty Jannetty “The New Rockers”, Owen Hart & The British Bulldog w/ Clarence Mason in (20:41)

The level of talent in this match is so wildly inconsistent it’s hilarious

“Phineas is gonna attempt a suplex! How stupid is that!” Good point JR

Henry Godwinn eliminates Jannetty with the “Slop Drop”, Owen Hart eliminates Henry with a spinning back kick, Bulldog then eliminates Phineas Godwinn. Good that we got the Godwinns out jesus christ

Furnas hits a vicious powerslam on Cassidy

Owen Hart with a very high dropkick

The heels are working over Doug Furnas in the corner

Bulldog hits the delayed vertical suplex on Furnas and then flips just to showboat

Vicious gutbuster onto Furnas, JR calls it a “Suzanne Somers” gutbuster lol

LaFon eliminates Cassidy

Owen Hart’s belly to belly suplexes are a thing of beauty

LaFon pins Bulldog, who retaliates with an illegal chop block

Hart comes in to work on LaFon’s legs by smashing them against the ringpost

Hart applies the sharpshooter but Furnas breaks it up

Hart catches the leg of LaFon and LAFON HITS A STEP UP REVERSE ENZIGURI

Furnas gets the hot tag, suplexes Hart and picks up the win for the faces!

My Rating [2.75*] / Daddy Meltzer’s Rating [3.25*]

The Undertaker pins Mankind w/ Paul Bearer in (14:52)

Bearer goes into a shark cage lmao

TAKER COMES DOWN FROM THE CEILING LIKE A BAT LOL

Brawling in the ring, then on the outside

The Undertaker bites the mandible claw hand!

Catches the mandible claw and stands up into some chops!

Mankind takes a huuuuuge bump holy shit

Undertaker wins with a tombstone!

My Rating [3*] / Daddy Meltzer’s Rating [2.25*]

Survivor Series Elimination Match “The Stalker” Barry Wyndham, “The Wildman” Marc Mero w/ Sable, Jake “The Snake” Roberts, & Rocky Maivia def. Goldust, Jerry “The King” Lawler, Crush, & Hunter Hurst Helmsley in (23:44)

This match is a real “shape of things to come” match, wow. The Rock’s first PPV match and HHH coming into the match with the Intercontinental Belt.

Lots of in and out heel work

The Rock fights King for a while and holy shit, Rock has already got the facial expressions and the super selling down pat

Trips and Rocky lock up

Suplex by HHH into an elbow drop by Goldust

Crush hits a backbreaker on The Rock

Sunny, on commentary, accuses Vince of wearing a toupee

Vince sweeps it under the rug verrrrry quickly 🤔

Heels work over Rocky for a while, hot tag to Roberts who cleans house

Lawler is eliminated by Roberts

Mero hits HHH with a standing headscissors, a back body drop, then after a quick break the Merosault takes out Trips

Mero and Jake The Snake are quickly eliminated, Mero sort of off screen

Rocky is alone, facing Crush & Goldust. The crowd already loves him

Crossbody onto both Crush and Goldust

Rocky pins Crush! Rock against Goldust!

BRUTAL SHOULDER BREAKE TO GOLDUST FOR THE WIN AND THE CROWD ERUPTS

My Rating [3*] / Daddy Meltzer’s Rating [2*]

Bret “The Hitman” Hart pins Stone Cold Steve Austin in (28:36)

Holy fucking shit. The prequel to Austin v. Hart at WM13. I’m so excited to watch this, and even more excited to see Austin v. Hart II.

The Hitman versus The Rattlesnake. Let’s fucking go.

There’s this look on Austin’s face as he sizes up Bret, before the jabbering and the bantering. Begrudging respect gives way to anger and a burning desire to win.

Austin working over Hart’s arm in the middle of the ring, but his knowledge of holds and human body geometry allows him to escape and put Austin into a disadvantageous position

Hart driving knees into Austin’s back

Amazing drop toe hold by Austin as Hart bounces off the ropes, but then Hart turns it into an amazing hold on Stone Cold

Austin throws Bret into the ropes, and then works him over with falling elbows and stomps

Stone Cold is continually targeting Hart’s neck and lungs

Hart and Austin trading intense blows

Reversal irish whip into a clothesline into an inverted atomic drop by Hart

Hart thrown to the outside

Hart drives Austin through the barricade and they’re brawling in the crowd

Austin is planted face first into the steel guard rail

Stone Cold rolls all the way out of the ring when he gets put back in lol

Austin catapults Hart into the Spanish desk and they get into a messy brawl on that table

JR sagely observes: “It seems like it always happens to the Spanish guys!”

Austin drops an elbow onto Hart from the apron

Vertical suplex on Hart by Austin OVER THE ROPES, DAMN

A slugfest in the middle of the ring as Hart gives it his all, holy shit

Backbreaker on Austin

Hart goes up to the top rope, and Austin goes up to the top too AND HITS A TOP ROPE SUPLEX HOLY SHIT

Bret attempts to get a sneaky pin but fails

Stone Cold Stunner buys him a two count but no more!

Austin pummeling away at Hart but hart will not give in!!!

Submission applied by Austin, but Hart manages to crawl to the ropes for a break

Bret Hart is IRISH WHIPPED INTO THE FUCKING RING POST, SLIDING INTO IT ON HIS SIDE OUCH

But Hart kicks out, again. Incredible.

HART TURNS THE BOW AND ARROW SUBMISSION INTO A SHARPSHOOTER--NO, HE PUMMELS AWAY AT AUSTIN’S FACE INSTEAD!

Just a mindblowing finish as Hart, in the middle of a sleeper hold from Austin, kicks off the second turnbuckle and backflips both himself and Austin into a pin. The Hitman wins. What a match, an absolute classic.

My Rating [4.5*] / Daddy Meltzer’s Rating [4.5*]

Survivor Series Elimination Match Farooq, Razor Ramon II, Diesel II & Vader (DDQ) Yokozuna, Savio Vega, Flash Funk, & Jimmy Snuka in (09:48)

Hell yes, Cornette is on commentary. Even if this match sucks I’m going to enjoy it.

JR takes a shot at Hulk Hogan -- “I’ve never seen red and yellow look so good in the Garden” (re: Flash’s outfit)

“You couldn’t manage a Wendy’s!” shouts Cornette at JR. “I could if you lived in town,” retorts JR 😂

Diesel II hits a brutal clothesline on Flash Funk

Diesel II eliminates Savio Vega

Snuka eliminates Razor Ramon II and then a bunch of chairs are brought into the ring and an all out brawl breaks out, leading to...a double DQ. Ok, um...what?

My Rating [.5*] / Daddy Meltzer’s Rating [1*]

WWF Heavyweight Title Match Sycho Sid pins Shawn Michaels [c] w/ Jose Lothario in (20:02)

I’m not really sure if I find Michaels hot or I just am really buying into the character and the screams of the audience.

Bret Hart gets the winner of this match for a title shpt, which, knowing about the Michaels/Hart timeline, implies that Sid’s going to win this. but we’ll see

things we know about Michaels coming into this match

he thinks he’s cute

he knows he’s sexy

he’s got the looks that drive the girls wild

he’s got the moves that really move ‘em

he sends chills up and down their spines

big punch from Sid to Michaels in the corner

awesome baseball slide between Sid’s legs into a dropkick from Michaels

chop block by Michaels on Sid and, surprisingly to me, he gets booed!

Michaels uses the ropes to get up high and drop down on Sid’s leg

Michaels in the corner, Sid “sprints” at him and comes in so goddamn slowly it’s hilarious

throughout the match Michaels is working on Sid’s left leg and knee, and continues to get heat from the crowd for doing so

Michaels clotheslined over the top

RIDICULOUS rotation on a back body drop by Sid

backbreaker by Sid gets a two count

huge punch to HBK who is out on his feet in the middle of the ring (in kayfabe)

BUT MICHAELS FIGHTS BACK!

MICHAELS JUMPS UP INTO THE AIR FOR A DOUBLE AXE HANDLE BUT SID PUTS UP HIS FOOT AND MICHAELS BOUNCES OFF, GOING VERTICAL STRAIGHT UP IN THE AIR WHILE ON HIS HEAD FOR A BIT LMAO

Michaels kicks out back to back times

Sid catches the Sweet Chin Music and reverses it into a one armed chokeslam

Sid sets up the powerbomb, but Michaels reverses it into a small package pin attempt

Michaels kips up but gets immediately clotheslined by Sid

Sid grabs the camera and hits Jose with it, and the ref CLEARLY SEES IT AND DOES NOT DQ HIM IMMEDIATELY WHAT THE FUCK

Michaels goes out to attend to Lothario, but Sid throws him back into the ring

Michaels bumps the ref, which means...here we go

Sid smashes the camera onto his back

Sid hits the powerbomb. 1-2-3. Even with a slow count from Hebner, Sid gets it. I have to say, I don’t usually like Sycho Sid, but this was a decent match.

My Rating [2.75*] / Daddy Meltzer’s Rating [3.75*]

Overall PPV Rating: B

A decent show with only one bad match. I do have to say there’s one too many Survivor Series matches on this show, and it ended in a DQ anyways--so what was the point? Sycho Sid vs. Shawn Michaels was decent and a believable way for Shawn to drop the belt, and Hart vs. Austin was a fucking KAH-LASSIC that gets me even more hyped for their incoming WM13 showdown.

#wwf #survivor series #1996 #stone cold steve austin #bret hart #shawn michaels

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somethingusefulfromflorida · 3 years

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Democrats are almost certainly good to lose the House in 2022. They have a razor thin majority as it stands, and with the new census data come new gerrymandered districts. Republicans control a majority of state legislatures, so they have the advantage is redrawing the map. Blue states stand to lose seats, red states stand to gain, and Biden is hardly a popular president (Republicans hate him, and half of all Democrats only tolerate him because he was better than Trump, but still too moderate).

The Senate is gonna be close, and that’s where all the marbles are held. The House has no power; they can issue subpoenas but Trump showed that the president and his underlings can ignore them with no consequences. The senate controls appointments, and if the Democrats lose control of it then they’re handing Republicans even more Supreme Court justices. Trump filled hundreds of lower court seats because McConnell refused to let Obama fill them. If the Republicans take control, they will bide their time and let more and more seats become vacant, holding them hostage until a Republican takes back the White House.

Democrats face an uphill climb in the 2022 midterms, but not necessarily insurmountable. They’re defending two very vulnerable seats.

Raphael Warnock of Georgia is likely to lose his seat like Doug Jones did in Alabama; I don’t think Georgia is suddenly gonna become a solid blue state, I think 2020 was a fluke, a perfect storm of conservative failure and black turnout because the stakes couldn’t be higher. In 2022 there will be less on the line, and the Republicans in charge are more desperate than ever to prevent Democrats from maintaining control. Watch the governor, the secretary of state, and the entire legislature as they fuck people over. New voter laws, new ID requirements, fewer polling places, textbook disenfranchisement

Mark Kelly of Arizona holds John McCain and Barry Goldwater’s old seat, Arizona is still a Republican bastion, though more moderate than Georgia, so it’s gonna depend entirely on who the Republicans pick to run against him. Their last nominee was appointed by the governor, so the voters didn’t like her, but if they get to choose someone themselves in the primaries they’re probably gonna like them much more.

That said, there are a few seats they could stand to pick up.

Pat Toomey of Pennsylvania is retiring, and Pennsylvania consistently votes Democratic (except 2016, but that was because turnout was low and a lot of people voted third party), so this is the Democrats’ best chance of holding the 50-50 majority when Warnock inevitably loses. Kelly could cling on, but Warnock is as good as gone. Toomey voted to convict Trump, so the Republican nominee is almost certainly going to be a hardcore Trump supporting nutjob, so it’ll be up to the Democrats to run somebody popular against them. It’ll be an ideological referendum.

Ron Johnson of Wisconsin may or may not run again; if he does, he has an advantage as an incumbent, but Wisconsin is closer to purple than red. It consistently votes Democratic in national elections (except 2016, same as Pennsylvania), but Republicans have a strangle hold on the state and local races. They control the legislature and the state Supreme Court, and are desperate not to lose any more ground. They’re gonna gerrymander the hell out of the House seats and try to disenfranchise as many Democrats are possible, so this one will be a tough egg to crack.

Richard Burr of North Carolina is retiring, and like Toomey he too voted to convict. The Republican nominee will be a trumper, and Democrats haven’t fared well in NC since 2008, so this will be more of a treat of it flipped; they shouldn’t expect it to happen, but it’d be nice if it did. There’s no Stacey Abrams-like figure in NC to help the Democrats though, so I’m not holding my breath.

Rob Portman of Ohio is retiring, and while Ohio has historically been a solid purple bellweather state, it is leaning more and more to the right as years go by. Because neither party is running an incumbent, I give Republicans 60-40 odds of holding this seat. I figure this is more likely than NC, but again it’ll depend on the Democrats running somebody popular.

And that’s pretty much it. Iowa is too red; I thought that moderate Biden would be enough to flip it blue in 2020, to no avail. Florida is even redder; like Ohio, it used to be a bellweather, but now it’s a conservative stronghold. I don’t see the Democrats winning Florida again for a very long time; 2018 was their best bet, and they came close, but Bill Nelson lost handily to Prick Scott, and Andrew Gillum came up short against Ron DeSantis (in no small part because black people were disenfranchised and Cubans are the only consistently conservative Hispanics in the countey). Gillum may very well have won, they stopped counting votes and mysteriously “found” a box of uncounted ballots after DeSantis was declared the winner, so we’ll never know. He’s lost all credibility though after he got depressed and went on a coke bender. There’s no other Democrat as popular as he was, so we don’t stand a chance against Marco Rubio.

I figure a trade between Georgia and Pennsylvania is the best bet Democrats have at holding the line. 50-50 is too close for comfort, but I can’t possibly see them increasing their majority. 2018 and 2020 saw increased turnout because Trump was historically unpopular, but now that he’s “gone,” I think Democrats are losing momentum.

They’ve been in the revenge business so long, now that it’s over, they don’t know what to do with the rest of their lives.

#2022 #midterms #2022 midterms #2022 elections #elections #future #prediction #Democrats #senate #the senate

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junker-town · 4 years

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5 winners from Week 16 of the NFL season

Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

Michael Thomas: NFL receptions leader. The Eagles: possibly saved us from more Cowboys games. Both heroes.

We’re almost there. There’s only one Sunday left until the 2019 NFL season comes to a close.

That means Week 16 was your penultimate chance to watch teams like the Bengals, Dolphins, Rams, and Bears. It may have also been one of your last chances to watch the Steelers (done in by backup quarterback mistakes) and Cowboys (general incompetence) as this year’s finale looms.

With one week left, we know 10 of the 12 playoff teams. But there are still a handful of postseason positions to be jockeyed for — including homefield advantage in the NFC and the AFC’s second bye — and two playoff races between Pittsburgh/Tennessee/Oakland (seriously) and Dallas/Philadelphia.

That took the edge of some of this week’s action, but the winners weren’t just the teams that finished their day with a higher number on the scoreboard. Sunday’s victors extended beyond the box score. Here’s who most won Week 16 in the NFL’s 2019 season.

It wasn’t: the Steelers, who may have had their playoff hopes crushed by the ... Jets? no wait that can’t be ri-

Oh damn, it is! The Steelers threw both their backup quarterbacks into the fire against the NFL’s 19th-ranked passing defense and barely cracked double-digit points. Mason Rudolph took back QB1 duties from Duck Hodges in the second quarter, tied this game at 10-10 going into halftime, then exited with a shoulder injury in the fourth quarter. Hodges came back, only to lead the team to 27 total yards on three drives in a 16-10 loss to a previously 5-9 team.

Pittsburgh’s havoc-heavy defense limited the Jets to just 259 yards — and held old friend Le’Veon Bell to 93 yards on 29 total touches — but couldn’t force the game-breaking turnovers that have lifted the Steelers’ anemic offense in the past. With one loss to New York, Pittsburgh has gone from controlling its own destiny to needing help to backdoor its way into the playoffs.

That loss was simultaneously great for Tennessee, which had nothing to play for in Week 16, somehow. A win over the Saints would have built morale. A loss ... well, didn’t really have any effect on the Titans’ playoff chances:

Weird scheduling quirk today... turns out the #Titans-#Saints game means basically nothing for Tennessee. It does not alter any playoff scenario, per @NFLResearch. The breakdown: pic.twitter.com/4uYlZjcb2r

— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) December 22, 2019

Head coach Mike Vrabel took that opportunity to rest tailback Derrick Henry and his ailing hamstring. This was unfortunate for the fantasy owners who’d ridden his 238 fantasy points — fourth-most in the league! — into their championship game just to see him sitting on the inactives list. The Titans, on the other hand, managed to mostly cope just fine.

the Titans aren't missing Derrick Henry yet pic.twitter.com/bCTsSv6ZEY

— Christian D'Andrea (@TrainIsland) December 22, 2019

The Titans just need one more win — or a Steelers loss — to clinch the AFC’s final playoff spot. They finish the season against a Texans team that beat them in Week 15, so their path to the postseason may be defined by how Rudolph and/or Hodges do against the Ravens, who have nothing to play for after clinching homefield advantage.

And that should provide an answer to the question we’ve all pondered: are the 2019 Steelers better than the Ravens’ backups? If they aren’t ... how are we all feeling about an 8-8 Raiders team in the playoffs?

Now on to ...

Week 16’s actual winners

5. Middle fingers everywhere

Sunday was a great day for gridiron hate. Panthers defensive lineman Vernon Butler got so heated about getting blocked that he couldn’t restrain himself for punching a player who had no connection to his rage:

I love when we get DLmen this upset. We are doing our job then. And then he punches the wrong player and gets ejected. pic.twitter.com/EL70m6CvMu

— Geoff Schwartz (@geoffschwartz) December 22, 2019

That earned him an ejection. Because that wouldn’t result in enough of a fine for his liking, Butler made sure to flip off some fans on his way out. Those Colts fans, likely shocked by his impudence, were forced to watch their team win 38-6 without any avenue to properly drop tenderloin-flavored insults at the Carolina defensive lineman.

On the Cleveland sideline — stuck in the middle of a 31-15 loss to the Ravens— continued to boil over. This time it was Odell Beckham Jr., not Jarvis Landry, openly questioning head coach Freddie Kitchens in the middle of a game. The Browns were held to just 15 points after scoring 40 points in Baltimore in Week 4. One Cleveland fan summed that up, and the whole Browns’ season in general, thusly:

Things seem to be going well in Cleveland. pic.twitter.com/93oWjJbnSh

— Rory Cooper (@rorycooper) December 22, 2019

In Denver, in a battle of teams with eight wins between them, the NFL blessed us with more birds. Possibly even a child’s finger!

pic.twitter.com/At6i2cvVR3

— Offbrand John Starks (@its_Telf) December 22, 2019

The face. The indignation. The perfectly extended finger. It’s art.

To that young person’s credit, they ostensibly paid a significant sum of money to watch David Blough throw for 117 yards. They earned the right to flip off any grown man in a Broncos suit jacket who might ask for a high-five. Read the room, ponytail guy.

Meanwhile, Chicago fans haven’t been able to muster up nearly as much full-throated frustration when it comes to their own dashed playoff dreams.

"fine, i'll boo my awful team. but i'm not gonna put my heart into it." pic.twitter.com/9KoPc0Fwyt

— Christian D'Andrea (@TrainIsland) December 23, 2019

4. The Eagles, who may spare us from having to watch the Cowboys in the playoffs

Dallas faced a win-and-in situation in Philadelphia. A victory against the Eagles meant head coach Jason Garrett would possibly save his job by wrapping up an NFC East title. A loss meant relying on the Giants to upset Philly in Week 17 just to keep the hope of sneaking into the playoffs alive.

In true 2019 Cowboys fashion, the team saw an opportunity and then vomited all over itself. Dallas fell to 2-8 this season against franchises with .500 records or better by scoring just nine points against Philadelphia’s 17th-ranked scoring defense. The Cowboys’ receiving corps dropped several key passes to keep the offense from ever finding a rhythm. Dak Prescott, dealing with a shoulder injury, needed 44 passes to throw for 264 yards without finding the end zone once.

While Dallas wore its failures like a child stumbling around in a tuxedo, the Eagles deserve credit for pushing their rivals to that (incredibly fragile) breaking point.

Carson Wentz, who’d burned off any MVP hype earlier this season, threw for 300+ yards for his third time in four games. Miles Sanders did the heavy lifting of an injury-ravaged running back rotation and gained 156 total yards. Zach Ertz and Dallas Goedert, who were tasked with carrying a passing game without Alshon Jeffery, DeSean Jackson, or Nelson Agholor, teamed up for 13 receptions.

Philly fans were so emboldened by the win that one even managed to sneak his way into coach Doug Pederson’s postgame press conference (before immediately giving his true identity away).

Some #Eagles fan snuck into Doug Pederson's press conference and Doug had to kick him out #FlyEaglesFly pic.twitter.com/vhiwYXQpoe

— Kristen Rodgers (@KristenERodgers) December 23, 2019

The Eagles now just have to beat the 4-11 Giants to lock up their second division title in three years. The last time they did that, they also won the Super Bowl.

(They also had Nick Foles, but I digress ... )

3. Giants-Washington, which against all logic was a hot-fire shootout

After 21 minutes of game time, the Giants and Washington had combined for 35 total points. Dwayne Haskins completed 12 of his 15 passes for two touchdowns and zero interceptions before leaving the game in the third quarter due to an ankle injury.

Daniel Jones had his third game of 2019 with at least four touchdown passes — joining Deshaun Watson and Fran Tarkenton as the only rookies to hit that mark. His fifth carried New York to an overtime victory in a 41-35 kaiju big battel in the nation’s capital.

FOR. THE. WIN.#GiantsPride | #NYGvsWAS pic.twitter.com/b5oPT0LCO8

— New York Giants (@Giants) December 22, 2019

That was also the first time a rookie had thrown for 350+ yards with five touchdowns and no interceptions in league history.

While Sunday portended bright futures for Jones and Haskins, the game’s biggest story may have been the return of the 2018 version of Saquon Barkley. The reigning NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year had struggled over the latter half of the season after suffering an ankle injury in Week 3. He went three full months without a 100-yard game before gashing the Dolphins for 112 yards last week.

Barkley outdid himself in Week 16, when he ran over a team bound for the top five of the 2020 NFL Draft yet again. He rushed for a career-high 189 yards (55 of which came in the fourth quarter and overtime) and caught four passes for 90 more — including this deep ball touchdown from Jones.

Not many like him #GiantsPride | #NYGvsWAS pic.twitter.com/s4N866BtVT

— New York Giants (@Giants) December 22, 2019

Washington was still a winner despite being on the unfortunate end of the 41-35 final score. It now has the inside track on the No. 2 overall pick — and that could mean adding Heisman candidate Chase Young to their pass rush. For a team that’s been bullish on Ohio State products recently (including Haskins and top wideout Terry McLaurin), losing may have been the best outcome.

2. Nyheim Hines, who threw off some real Devin Hester vibes

While Butler was off enraging Colts fans (jokes on him, the easiest way to do it would have been to suggest Frank Reich’s coaching last week was subpar), Hines was delighting them. The second-year tailback had only four career punt returns before he faced off with the moveable object that is Carolina’s special teams.

Hines accounted for 195 yards on punt returns against the Panthers, good for fourth-most in NFL history. He only needed three returns — including a pair of touchdowns — to get there.

HE DID IT AGAIN YOU GUYS ‼️ @TheNyNy7 | #CARvsIND pic.twitter.com/3wz8NijVMW

— Indianapolis Colts (@Colts) December 22, 2019

How’d he do that? The answer was good blocking, strong lane identification, and some blazing, punter-embarrassing top-gear speed:

To the house ➡️ Down the tunnel. @TheNyNy7 takes it ALL THE WAY ‼️ pic.twitter.com/cMf5JNVe3y

— Indianapolis Colts (@Colts) December 22, 2019

Hines had 66 career punt return yards before Week 16. He had returns of 40, 84, and 71 yards on Sunday alone. That was enough to gloss over another mediocre performance from Jacoby Brissett behind center and end Indianapolis’ four-game losing streak.

1. Michael Thomas, who set the NFL single-season reception record

And will probably shatter it Week 17.

Thomas hasn’t had a game this season in which he’s had fewer than five receptions. He’s had 10 with 100+ receiving yards — including Sunday’s 136-yard performance that kept the Saints in the running for a playoff bye.

The fourth-year wideout carved up a middling Titans secondary for 12 catches, increasing his season total to 145 — two more than Marvin Harrison’s NFL record of 143 back in 2002. New Orleans used every inch of his effort. Thomas’ record-setting catch set up the Saints at the Tennessee 1-yard line late in a 31-28 game.

⚜️144 ⚜️@CantGuardMike's record-breaking catch #Saints pic.twitter.com/lZpKfNxmhr

— New Orleans Saints (@Saints) December 22, 2019

The icing on the cake was a touchdown reception two plays later that effectively iced out the Titans’ comeback hopes. So how did Thomas feel after coming away with a 17-year NFL record AND a win in one fell swoop?

Actually, he’s just looking forward to the playoffs, especially after the way New Orleans was ushered out of the postseason last winter.

@Cantguardmike says the record doesn't mean anything right now "We are focused on one common goal and that is a championship"#Saints pic.twitter.com/ubfy9Nx2vP

— New Orleans Saints (@Saints) December 22, 2019

Thomas will be called upon in Week 17 as the Saints continue their push toward homefield advantage in the NFC. He’ll square off against the Panthers, who he burned for 10 catches and 101 yards in Week 12. A similar output may give him a single-season receptions record that could stand for 30 years.

Or until Thomas comes back in 2020.

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peraltiago-stylez · 7 years

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Ideas for the next winner of the 99's annual Halloween Heist: Gina's baby Cheddar Detective Lohank Doug Judy's mom Mlepclaynos Captain Dozerman's ghost

YES TO ALL OF THESE OMG!!! The Enigma/Enigmo would be so enigmatic that they’d sneak all over the place like a spy for surveillance. And Cheddar would just be like “ok, I was a major help last year so this year I’m gonna win” and he’d take the thing home and it’d be a massive Cheddar chase again. And Lohank probably just sits the whole night shift wishing he could be part of the day squad and planning his heist moves, and would win the heist as revenge for the squad taking back the day shift. If he’s up for it, of course, cause he’s probably gone back to his regular demeanour :/ AND DOUG JUDY’S MOM OMG NO WORDS, I LOVE IT. She’d definitely be on Mangy Carl’s team ;) And for some reason Mlep(clay)nos is one of my favourite recurring characters even though he barely recurs?!? I NEED him to come back, he and Jake could totally do a singing and dancing number for a diversion. And oh jeez, Dozerman’s ghost would spook things up, and it’d sure be an efficient heist :’)

#Kat answers stuff

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leagueofawesomedudes · 5 years

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LOAD 2019

Week 1 Preview

Important: Pick your official team name by 1:00 pm EST this Sunday 9/8/2019. There are no team name changes after this date this year or you will be charged a $5.00 fine that goes to the winner for the 2019 season. Jon, new guy, this is the rule. For everyone else it’s just serving as a reminder…

Alright slap dicks it’s finally that time of the year again to get back to business. It’s about time that the summer is over and we can finally direct our focus towards the thing that matters most in life and not things like pets’ birthdays, engagements, career advancements, Fortnite championships etc…

Not gonna sit here and bore you with a bunch of talk today since you get that from me in the GroupMe on a daily basis so we’re just gonna jump right into the previews. I do however want to say I’m glad we’re back and thank you boys for another year of the LOAD.

LETS ABSOLUTELY GO!

Kickers & Defense (Solden) vs Jared Donovan’s Team (Jared, duh)

We’re kickin’ it off with two dudes who are bigger than every girls’ boyfriend. Bigger egos or bigger shoulders? I have to hug the wall when I pass them up in the hallway at the office. Just when you think it’s a sure thing that Jare will take either a Heisman winner or a Brown with his first pick he changes it up and goes with David Johnson. Thanks for always keeping me guessing bb. Kinsbury’s pretty boy offense is pretty pass heavy so we’ll see if this works out, or if D Johnson is on the trading block week 2. On the opposite side of the ball Solden’s two top dawgs aside from me include Russ Wilson and Davantea Adams. These guys should be production machines all year and should carry Solden’s team until he ruins the rest of his roster by himself. History repeats itself, it’s more inevitable than Thanos. I’m taking Jared this week with big games out of Allen Robinson in 2012 form and DeShaun Watson.

Jared Donovan’s Team > Kickers & Defense

JuJu Kachoo (Pauly) vs The Injured Reserve (Casey)

Paul, what is Kachoo? A Nintendo character? Idk about that but all I do know is Paul is coming off of a hot streak winning his first fantasy championship and he’s looking to defend the crown in 2091. I mean 2019. Paul doesn’t know the difference because he’s disleksick and doesn’t know how to spell anywaze. And Case, good to have you back again brotha. Your party at your house this summer was an absolute blast and I can’t wait to do it again! Both of these guys have studs at the WR positions (hmu for trades please) and should be putting up some big numbers this week. If JuJu can be a legit #1 Paul should look to have himself a good start to the season. Paul has Julio, JuJu & Crowder while case has OBJ, Robert Woods and Mike Williams. Odell puts up enough numbers this week to makeup for Williams and we will drown ourselves in Jameson Crowder because of it. Case does have the edge this week due to his superior RBS (Paul seriously let’s trade). Mixon and Freeman help Case change it up and pull out for him this weekend.

The Injured Reserve > JuJu Kachoo

G-reg 3rd leg (Bennett) vs Under the Influwentz (Doug)

Bennett may be the only person I know who can draft Kamara and still have a trash roster. AB suspended. You better hope he gets cut and goes to a new team. And Melvin Gordon won’t be playing? Someone better stop being stubborn and start attempting to make moves mid season. Looks like your luck has finally run out brotha. On the other side finally, Doug changes the fantasy team name up and it’s a damn good one. I like it Douglas Fir. Don’t have to think to hard to do Bennett’s previews this year because he’s finishing 12th.

Bennett don’t come after me when you read this it’s just fantasy dude.

Under the Influwentz > G-Reg 3rd leg

My Quads Are Danger6 (Jon) vs Butker in the Cooper (Dom)

The newcomer to the league and the family Jon vs the always dangerous Dommy Salami. Two great fantasy names between these two. I didn’t even realize Jon had Barkley until this moment when I’m looking at his roster. I had just figured he was talking about his own legs. Dom with another clever name that he spent a workweek trying to figure out but did achieve his goal by making everyone laugh at it. Jon coming in guns hot from the get go and having arguably the strongest draft of any team. Saquan obviously puts up monster numbers but he’s stacked at almost every position. Especially with 6 under center for him. No surprise here, Dom drafted well once again. However his team is going to be heavily reliant on if Amari Cooper and Chris Godwin can establish themselves as consistent fantasy contributers. Wait what? Oh had to look at his flex at the bottom and see that he has Nuke Hopkins there. That threw me off. I’d appreciate an explanation for putting him there, but it does look cool. As long as the roster is healthy it does appear Jon has the best starting roster in the league and will help Dom move to 0 – 1 and to LA afterwards.

My Quads Are Danger6 > Butker in the Cooper

Tony Time (TJ) vs Rooney Tunes (Shawn)

Shaved head Tony is back which means he’s back as a serious contender in fantasy. And yes there is a direct correlation between the two. On the other side there’s Shawn…who has to be eager for a bounce back year after a weak showing in 2018. As long as he doesn’t lose his keys again I expect Shawn to double down on the effort and try to make a push this year. Even if that means ignoring his future wife on their honeymoon. Best matchup on the board has to be their defenses in Seattle v Baltimore so you know Paul will be glued to his screen for this one. Michael Thomas, Tyreek and Josh Jacobs look to put up massive numbers for Tone, even more massive than Tone’s Fortnite kill count while Shawn starts WRs that are borderline nursing home material with Fitzgerald, Edelman & Jeffery. The RBs will be the deciding factor in this one while James Conner, Tarik Cohen & Phillip Lindsey will allow Shawn to dictate when Tony Time actually begins with Jacobs, Carson & Sanders going for him. It’s alright Teej you will still bounce back. Please don’t announce that you’re giving up after week 1 for the second year in a row. This league needs your personality.

Rooney Tunes > Tony Time

****** Game of the Mother Fuckin’ Week ******

Mahomies Chubbie (Chad) vs Chrsitian McCuri’s

Yup yup HERE WE GO. Week 1 of the season and we have two heavyweights going at it from the get go like Stipe vs Cormier. The undisputed, best overall manager, the smartest, and biggest football guys’ guy since the origination of the League Of Awesome Dudes will take on his opponent, Sam. Sam however once again drafted well and I wouldn’t expect anything less from the co-commish who listens to fantasy podcasts in his sleep with his apple watch and ear pods. That pretentious freakin’ fuck. He’s looking to be rumblin’ stumblin’ on the weekends bumblin’ and hopefully not fumblin’ his way back to the championship in ’19. CMC going to be putting up monster numbers on a weekly basis. Anything otherwise and I’d be shocked about that gym rat, first guy in last guy out, scrappy, football smart, hardworking coach’s son. Mike Evans still a premier WR in the league, and I honestly won’t even be pissed if Jarvis puts up a 50 burger because that means the boys in orange and brown are gettin’ a dub. On the other hand, my roster? No wideouts? No problem. Bell, Chubb and Mahomes carry the bulk for yours truly and are going to pile it on. This should be a shootout however I think Sam takes the week 1 matchup. See ya again in week 12 when our rosters look 80% different and playoff seeding is on the line.

Christian McCuri’s > Mahomies Chubbie

That’s it for this week. Paul, you’ve got the preview for Week 2.

Go Browns.

Long live the LOAD.

Signing Off,

LOAD El Presidente

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jessicakehoe · 5 years

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The Best Dressed Celebrities at the 2019 People’s Choice Awards

Last night, the 2019 People’s Choice Awards took place in Hollywood, bringing with it some of Tinseltown’s most recognizable faces.

Gwen Stefani (wearing a gorgeous monochrome dress from Vera Wang) was there to accept the Fashion Icon award, and Jennifer Aniston also opted for black on the night wearing a cool black dress with ruffle detailing to receive the Icon award. Accepting the award on stage, Aniston told the crowd, “If I have any claim to this word ‘icon,’ it’s only because I was able to be on an iconic show with an iconic cast and an iconic haircut. Friends was truly the gift of a lifetime, and I would not be standing up here without that amazing show, without those amazing five other actors, and with an audience who stuck with us for a decade. Through streaming services now, and syndication … you believed in us, you really did. And you believed in those very impossibly large apartments.”

Zendaya was another big winner of the night, taking home several awards for her role in Euphoria and Cole Sprouse also snagged a handful of prizes. When accepting the award for Drama Movie Star (for which he was up against Brad Pitt, Samuel L. Jackson, Lupita Nyong’o and Leonardo DiCaprio), Sprouse said, “To some of the other newcomers in this category, specifically DiCaprio and Pitt – just keep your heads up, you know, don’t let this dishearten you. You guys are gonna be here one day. The three of us, we’ve had this competition for a long time. But apparently this is my year.”

Check out the best dressed from the 2019 People’s Choice Awards event:

Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

Photo by: Amy Sussman/E! Entertainment/NBCU Photo Bank

Photo by: Todd Williamson/E! Entertainment/NBCU Photo Bank

Photo by David Crotty/Patrick McMullan via Getty Images

Photo by: Amy Sussman/E! Entertainment/NBCU Photo Bank

Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

Photo by Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic

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