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nanami-says · 3 years

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Part V (2/3): chapters 58~60

Chapter 58

[About Sukuna’s fingers resonating with one another]

"The ones that possess an immense presence. The ones that are hiding. The ones that are already taken in by cursed spirits."

⇒ "1) The ones with too big presences. 2) The ones holding their breath. 3) The ones already absorbed by cursed spirits."

I added the numbers for explanation purposes, see below.

"One of Sukuna's fingers was hidden by a cursed spirit. When Itadori consumed the finger in June, it released its cursed energy"

⇒ "The Sukuna fingers that had been absorbed were holding back their power [while] inside cursed spirits. Then they unleashed their cursed energy with Itadori's incarnation [of Sukuna] in June serving as a trigger."

Whelp. On top of extremely simplifying the explanation, they mixed up the kind of Sukuna finger involved here - it was very explicitly stated in the text that it was number 3) "absorbed" (assimilated) fingers, and not 2) "hiding" fingers.

I guess saying that Itadori consumed the finger isn't wrong plot wise but it's actually referred to (here and many times more in the manga) as "incarnation"! The same word also gets used for the death painting brothers.

[Megumi remembering a conversation with Gojou]

"I was surprised you asked me to train you"

⇒ "It's rare for you to ask me for a practice, Megumi"

"To train you" wasn't wrong but Gojou saying "it's rare" here points to it either happening occasionally or having happened in the past and I'm not sure "I was surprised" quite conveys that.

"Are you feeling pressure because of Yuji's growth?"

⇒ "Did you get impatient after getting surpassed by Yuuji?"

Gojou actually says that Yuuji has surpassed Megumi here! Quite a different nuance from just "Yuji's growth".

"Megumi, your skill and potential are probably higher than Yuji's. All that’s left is the mental aspect"

⇒ “You know, Megumi, I think that both your real ability and potential are in no way inferior to Yuuji's. (...)"

Emphasis mine because pray tell, how does one reach the conclusion that "don't lose out to"/"aren't inferior to" equals to "are probably higher". “Skill” was fine btw but I’d probably go with “mindset” for the last line, personally.

[Gojou explaining why he thinks Megumi doesn’t know how to make a serious effort giving the baseball game as an example]

“Why did you bunt? You sacrificed yourself so that Nobara could advance. Well, good for you"

⇒ "Why did you make a sacrifice bunt? Did you want to advance Nobara to the next base even if it meant you'd be out yourself? That's commendable"

The nuance for the last line was just different - the word used there usually is just used as praise, either genuine or ironic but imo “good for you” has a different meaning. Also he says “out” but it’s written as “death” (although that is sometimes the case in baseball as well.)

“But no matter how many allies you have around you, you'll always die alone"

⇒ “(...) when you die, you’re alone”

I tried to phrase it a bit closer to the original because I feel like the nuance may just be different for this line but can’t quite put a finger on the how.

[Gojou to Megumi]

"To die and then win, and dying victoriously are two completely different things, Megumi"

⇒ "To win by dying and to win even if you die are completely different, Megumi"

Emphasis by Gege. Ngl, I had no clue what the English was trying to say here… This is most likely what the line actually meant.

[Megumi regaining his consciousness after he blacked out from getting hit]

"How long was I out? Was my divine dog destroyed? No, my technique's finished"

Actually "my technique got undone". Putting it as "has finished" is imo both unclear and misleading. Similar situation as in ch. 1 (refer to part I).

[Lead-up to Megumi using a domain expansion for the first time]

"A jujutsu sorcerer's growth never comes easy"

⇒ "The growth curve of a sorcerer isn’t always gentle"

Mostly, the line was more intricate in the original but also the grammatical construction used here that they mistranslated as "never" actually means "not always [necessarily]” instead.

"Here we go!!"

Not really incorrect but it's kinda generic and I guess something like "I'm gonna do it!" is closer nuance wise.

"With a firm base, skill and imagination, a person can change thanks to the slightest of events"

⇒ "A firm foundation, a handful of sense, and imagination. Then, [even] with a most insignificant opportunity, a person will change"

A pity they simplified "a handful of sense" into just "skill" here. Overall not really incorrect but I wanted to propose something that imo better conveys the original wording and vibe.

“Area expansion”

…”area”? What? Obviously this is actually “domain expansion”. I just don’t have words.

“Think bigger! My technique’s interpretation!”

First sentence actually referred to the second one, so it’s actually something like “Expand it!! The technique’s interpretation!!”

[Megumi to the cursed spirit after his shikigami deals it a finishing blow]

"Divine dog's claws even hurt it...You were no match!"

"(...) So something like piercing through you when you're not even paying attention was easy"

Less excitement, more dismissiveness, I’d say? Also, for the divine dog it’s actually specified that it’s “divine dog (totality)” and not just simply “divine dog”. The term appeared before in ch. 47.

Chapter 59

[Megumi talking about what he considers the basic rule for human interactions in a flashback to his middle school years]

"Basically, you shouldn't cross any line that violates another person's dignity. You should acknowledge each other's mutual existence. That's the rule. You ignored it and fed your stupid ego"

⇒ "In short, it's drawing a line in order not to jeopardise one another's dignity; [it’s] a process through which both parties can coexist. That's what the "rule" is”. You broke it, throwing your weight around and forcing everyone to walk on eggshells around you”

For the first sentence, Megumi says “it’s drawing a line”, so the nuance here was probably closer to “creating boundaries” rather than “crossing boundaries” like in the official English release. For the second sentence, the original literally says “the process through which one another’s existence is achieved”, so rather than acknowledging each other’s existence the sentiment is probably closer to live and let live? For the last sentence, they once again simplified it to the barest bones.

"I'll definitely tell Ikezawa and everyone today that we're not their lapdogs"

“You got this, Aida!”

"But we might be the next punching bags, so don't go overboard!"

Should be “Ikezawa and others'' and definitely “that I’m not their errand boy” for the smallest boy’s first line. If all of them were already being treated as errand boys like the way using the plural form here implies, the other student’s reply wouldn’t make sense.

[After Tsumiki sees Megumi has beaten up delinquents once again]

“You said you wouldn’t pick fights anymore”

“You’re not my mom”

⇒ (...) “Don’t act like you’re my guardian”

Imo the distinction is significant because there’s a possibility that Tsumiki as the older of the two probably did feel responsible for Megumi to an extent and acted accordingly, as if she was his guardian.

Also, he doesn’t actually say “mom” - this is not the first time where the official English release opts for a gendered phrase where the original uses a neutral form. (Like making Yuuji say his grandpa was like a dad to him when he actually said parent all the way back in ch. 2.)

[Megumi’s thoughts from back in the middle school]

"I hate bad guys with no brains and zero emotional capability. Walking around feeling proud. Disgusting."

⇒ "I hate bad people. The way they act like they’re superior, with their complete lack of imagination or sensitivity. Disgusting”

I guess I really dislike the way they worded it here, especially the “no brains” part since Megumi wasn’t really talking about intellect or smarts here but about imagination (and sensitivity), which he literally describes as being akin to "vacant lot", "empty lot", "raw land”, which is much more evocative.

"I hate goody-goodies forgiving bad people, justifying mercy. Makes me wanna puke"

⇒ "I hate good people. The way they forgive such bad people and perceive that act of forgiveness as something noble. They make me sick"

Mhm, way to just simplify the heck out of the whole line. I’m extra bothered by their use of “goody-goodies” here since this is yet another appearance of a rather formal word for “good person” (善人/zennin) in the original and which I’ve observed to be a very important part of the world-building in jjk. I discuss it at length in various previous installments, with notable examples including: ch. 9 (Megumi about Yuuji and about the kind of people he wants to save - part I), ch. 31 (Nanami and Yuuji’s conversation in the aftermath of the Junpei incident - part III 2/2), ch. 36 (Panda about Yuuji - part IV 2/5).

“Tsumiki, you’re a perfect example of a good person.”

See, the word he uses here to describe Tsumiki is the same as in the line above (善人) but because back then it got translated as “goody-goodies”, you’d never guess it since the vibes are just that different.

[Megumi reminiscing about meeting Gojou for the first time]

"In the first grade, my dad and Tsumiki's mom got married and separated just as quickly"

⇒ "When I was in the first grade of elementary school my father and Tsumiki’s mother, our respective single parents, got together and disappeared into thin air"

The original doesn’t mention marriage OR separation. Heck, especially for the second one, it doesn’t even come close to mentioning it?? I have no clue where they got this from.

What I put as “got together” can also be translated as “to have a liaison with (a man or a woman)” (among others). Since Tsumiki’s surname is also “Fushiguro” in middle school, it’s possible that they were actually married and many Japanese fans seem to think that as well but it’s not explicitly stated, at least not here, so those are most likely speculations.

As for mysterious “separation”, the word used here actually means "disappearance (of people intentionally concealing their whereabouts); unexplained disappearance", so imo the whole section means their parents got together and at some point both disappeared. As we learn at one point in the manga Touji first and Tsumiki’s mum sometime later.

(Btw, one fan scanlation used “evaporation” here instead and while this is another possible translation of the word in question, imo from the context it’s clear that the intended meaning was the “unexplained disappearance” instead.)

Lastly, Megumi uses kind of formal expressions when referring to both his own dad and Tsumiki’s mum, which imo is indicative of the emotional distance.

[Tiny Megumi about teenager Gojou]

"A weirdo with white hair said"

⇒ "A suspicious man with white hair"

Needless to say, he doesn't actually call Gojou a weirdo.

[Gojou about Touji]

"But he's a loser that just works for me. He left the family and had you."

⇒ "He's enough of a good-for-nothing to take aback even me. Basically, he left home and then had you."

Emphasis mine. Again, I literally have no clue where they got the translation they went with for this. “Works for me” - just what?? (Btw, one of the fan scans available for this had the latter part of this line mistakenly imply that Gojou had Megumi leave his house. The bit definitely referred to Touji leaving the Zen’in family.)

"You're something your dad used against the Zen'in family. His trump card"

⇒ “You’re something your father kept as his strongest card against the Zen’in family”

A bit of a different nuance than “your dad used” suggests.

"The divorce money makes sense now. I was sold to this Zen'in family"

⇒ "The mystery behind the funds for their disappearance got solved. Apparently, I was sold to this Zen’in family or something"

Again, the word for “divorce” doesn’t make an appearance ANYWHERE in this chapter, least of all this page. ...How.

Once again - fan scans had this as money that also evaporated but neither it nor the official English release make sense, considering the line is followed up by “I was sold” as the explanation. So yeah, imo the first sentence definitely referred to the money Megumi considered necessary for Touji (and co’s) disappearance.

[Gojou referring to Touji basically selling Megumi off]

"Sucks, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it's annoying. Especially your attitude."

⇒ “It pisses you off, doesn’t it”

“Yeah, it does piss me off. Especially that lack of delicacy of yours”

I mentioned it multiple times but imo repetition in the original text tends to be done on purpose and as a device and imo this was another example where this was the case. Megumi borrows Gojou’s words here. (Which mean “to be irritated, “to be angry” and not “it sucks”.)

[Megumi continuing about Gojou]

"But that annoying guy wrote off the situation with the Zen'in family. He made a promise that we would work as sorcerers in the future. We would be collateral and receive financial support from Jujutsu High in exchange."

⇒"This man pisses me off, but it was him who cancelled the deal with the Zen'in family, and made it so we would receive financial support from the technical college with me working as a sorcerer in the future [serving] as collateral for it”

I don’t know why they’d translate it as “we would work” here since who the “we” would be supposed to even entail other than Megumi himself? Surely not Tsumiki. Or Gojou. Also, putting the next bit as “we would be collateral” makes it sound kind of dehumanising to me, ngl, whereas Megumi was talking about his labour here.

Also, the same phrase for “pisses off” as above got used once again, which makes it three times in a row, so imo that was definitely a deliberate stylistic choice on Gege’s part.

“Jujutsu sorcerers. How stupid.

⇒ "Sorcerers, what even. How nonsensical"

Just proposing an alternate wording.

[Megumi about the curse Tsumiki got hit by]

"All we knew was that we didn't know anything. Tsumiki still sleeps."

The word used to describe Tsumiki’s state literally means “became bedridden”, which imo heavily implies she fell into a coma. “Still sleeps” is most likely a misunderstanding on the translator’s part since the word sounds like it’d mean that (but it doesn’t.)

[Megumi about Tsumiki]

"Always smiling and saying nice things"

⇒ “Always smiling and spouting lip service”

Another case where the translator seems to have translated the word based on the way it’s written as opposed to checking the actual meaning. (The “nice things” phrase.)

"It's not a bad thing to not forgive people. Megumi, that's your way of showing kindness."

⇒ “Not being able to forgive people isn’t a bad thing. That’s your kindness, Megumi”

It wasn’t just “not to forgive” but “not being able to forgive”! Which imo would imply the next line’s nuance was something similar to Tsumiki considering Megumi’s inability to forgive people to be something that stems from his kindness (e.g. because he can’t stand seeing injustice).

"Even spinning my short-comings in a positive light."

⇒ “She would affirm even my nature"

Imo this line was more of Tsumiki accepting Megumi as he is or at least that’s what the line says - makes sense with what I proposed for the line above too. Translating it the way they did in the official release kind of feels like overinterpreting.

"But even she would get upset when I hurt somebody. I was annoyed by the hypocrisy"

⇒ "But even such Tsumiki would get genuinely angry (...). I would get annoyed thinking she was a stickler to the rules and a hypocrite"

Emphasis mine. The phrase that the translators seem to have skipped here and I translated as "stickler to the rules" literally means "to play it safe", "to avoid trouble at all cost".

"Yeah, I know. I was immature. I'm sorry so please wake up already"

“I’m sorry, I was a brat. I’ll apologise so just wake up already, stupid older sister”

Just a different nuance and tone for the whole line.

"All I did was get rid of the Yasohachi bridge curse. My sister's sleeping curse is a separate matter."

⇒ "This Yasohachi bridge curse was probably only overlapping with it, and the curse that caused Tsumiki to fall into a coma probably hasn't been lifted"

The official English release makes it sound like sleeping (or more correctly, the coma) was the nature of the curse that Tsumiki was put under, whereas imo the original indicates it just as its effect, which is an important distinction.

“As for the finger and Itadori…”

⇒ “What should I tell Itadori about the finger...”

The “tell”, “say” is only implied here but it’s pretty clear from the context that was the meaning. Also, he explicitly says “to Itadori” here.

[After the Yasohachi bridge curse got defeated by Megumi who then retrieved the Sukuna finger from it]

"All of sudden I feel a presence. Did the finger get out of the barrier? Whoever took out the finger bearer is quite formidable."

⇒ “The huge presence that appeared all of sudden... Did Sukuna's finger get out of the barrier? If it was a sorcerer that exorcised the finger's host, they must be quite good......."

Emphasis mine on bits that got cut out in the official release. Because Esou was facing off Nobara, he probably assumed it’s likely there may be other sorcerers present and imo that’s what this line also suggests.

"Even so... The finger... Even if they fought against a special-grade and won, They more than likely didn't come out of it unscathed. I hope they're okay."

Just to clarify that the word used for “they” in the original indicates the speaker knows the people in question, so those were Nobara’s thoughts here.

Chapter 60

[Esou to Yuuji and Nobara after he activates his wing king technique]

“Start running and turn your backs to me”

“Run. With your backs turned to me” would fit better nuance and mood wise. (Esou didn’t want to show his back to anyone so now he’s’ forcing them to show theirs.)

[Nobara to Yuuji after he scooped her up because she couldn’t run as fast as he could]

“I got your back”

“Okay”

“Okay” isn’t incorrect per se but the word has the nuance of “I’m counting on you”.

[Nobara to Yuuji after he speeded through the forest while carrying her, allowing them to escape from Esou's technique]

"Well done, you deserve some praise"

“Yeah, yeah”

“Just kidding. Thanks!”

⇒ "You have my praise." (...)

Actually a set phrase! Spoken from a rather elevated/superior POV, which is why Nobara later reiterates that she’s genuinely thankful. Also, I probably would just go with a period for “Thanks”, imo nuance wise it didn’t require an exclamation mark and it’s not there in the original either.

[Esou after Yuuji gets splashed with Kechizu’s blood]

"There's no need to worry. My younger brother's blood isn't the same quality as mine"

Actually "doesn't have the same properties like mine”.

"You wouldn't even die from mine unless you were drowned in it."

Much closer to something like "unless you were to bathe your whole body in it".

"But it does hurt like hell"

⇒ "But it does hurt to death"

Not really wrong meaning wise but in the original it was “to death” instead of “like hell”, which combined with a previous line was probably a wordplay. "You won't die but it does hurt to death"

[Esou explaining how his and Kechizu’s shared technique works]

"If you take in one of our brother's blood and if one brother activates a technique"

Idk if it's clear here but it most likely doesn't matter which brother does which (could even be the same one). Also, definitely should’ve been “the” or “this” for technique, since Esou has just stated on the same page he’s now going to start laying out how a specific technique of he and his brother’s functions.

[Esou replying to Yuuji]

"Yes, the result is essentially poison. Our technique is 'decomposition'"

Should be “but what our technique is, is actually ‘decomposition’” nuance wise.

"It's activated now. In reality they'll be dead faster than that”

⇒ “Done with technique disclosure, so in reality (...)”

Emphasis mine. You know, the rule in jujutsu where if you explain your technique to your opponent, it gets a buff? “Activation” is just wrong here.

While it’s not phrased as such, the phenomenon is first explained in ch. 20 during Nanami’s explanation to Yuuji (refer to part II 2/2). It also gets mentioned by name later in the manga but oftentimes the official release would either skip it or word it completely differently so it’s hard to tell, like in ch. 51, when Hanami realises Toudou has lied to him (part IV 5/5).

[The history of how cursed wombs came to be]

"[In the beginning of the Meiji era] there was a girl with special genetic makeup who bore a cursed-spirit child"

Actually “with an idiosyncrasy that allowed her to get pregnant with the child of a cursed spirit”! Imo an important distinction since it’s not certain whether her first child that gets discussed here was born prematurely or not and the following pregnancies were all aborted.

"A child born of mixed blood - both cursed spirit and human.”

Skipped “grotesque child” at the end.

“It was a mysterious pregnancy. She would be ostracized by family and friends.”

⇒ "Starting from a pregnancy she had no recollection of, [followed by] the oppression from her kith and kin, it made her go insane"

This latter part of this section is filled to the brim with complicated language so I’m not entirely sure but I think this might’ve been the intended meaning of the line. The official translators were probably struggling with the vocabulary too, so they cut out some stuff entirely, to be precise - the go insane part. It’s the bit I’m not certain about myself but I scoured Japanese dictionaries and that’s the meaning that seemed to be the best fit among the options.

Anyway, to reiterate - the bit about the pregnancy actually says that the girl herself didn’t even know (couldn’t remember) how it came to be. The part about the relatives doesn’t mention friends, it’s actually a set phrase that means “one's relatives by blood and marriage (in blood and law); one's kith and kin” - I went here with the latter since it’s shorter and fits the overall vibe of the line.

“She would hold the corpse of the child and flee to a temple in the mountains. The temple was run by jujutsu sorcerers. However, her luck had run out."

⇒ “(...) However, this was when her luck run out”

Other than the nuance in the last line, this isn’t mistranslated but the whole section just flowed differently in the original and felt less disjointed.

Also! One of the scanlations I’ve seen had it misspelled as “Noshitori” but the evil sorcerer’s name is actually “Kamo Noritoshi” (and yes, it’s the same as the young Kamo but the “toshi” is written with different characters).

"The child born from a cursed spirit and human would become a prisoner of intellectual curiosity"

⇒ "His [Kamo Noritoshi's] intellectual curiosity would be taken captive by children born between a cursed spirit and a human"

Very much the other way around. It's very clear in the original that the subject of the sentence was Kamo's intellectual curiosity and not the child.

"Death painting wombs: numbers 1-3. Cursed objects worthy of special grade."

Closer to "cursed objects powerful enough to be classified as special grade"

"Did cursed energy originate from a mother's hatred? No..."

It's specified here as "did their cursed energy" instead (emphasis mine), and the question is actually left unanswered......................................................... So yeah, congrats on getting rid of this very intended ambiguity. It's something like "or was it maybe--"

[About cursed wombs]

"For 150 years, with only the notion of one another's existence, they would survive, sealed away"

⇒ "For 150 years, they endured the seal, relying only on one another's existence"

"The notion" just doesn't capture the sentiment of the line at all, which imo is most likely the follow-up to the narrator's musings about the origin of the death painting's immense cursed energy. (See above.)

"We're siding with that cursed spirit."

Actually "siding with them", read as "them" but written as "the cursed spirits" - probably plural as the original literally says "the side of the cursed spirits", so it possibly means cursed spirits as a whole as well, aside of Mahito and co specifically. Remember, the brothers are actually half-humans too. I explain in depth the “written as but read as” device in part IV 4/5 (ch. 48, Toudou’s “my friend” phenomenon).

"The future that the cursed spirits have painted is more suited for us. But that's it. Forget about what we owe for our freedom"

Not incorrect per se but Chousou actually says “forget the debt we owe them of our incarnation”, which would make it yet another instance where the official English release has cut out the term entirely. (Emphasis mine.)

[Nobara after stating that a technique that assures a win as long as it hits an opponent is indeed powerful]

"I'm a bad match for you!!"

Actually “the worst match [possible]” - more confidence in the line!

[Nobara to the death painting brothers after using Resonance on herself thus redirecting their attack back at them]

"Let's play a game of chicken, shall we?"

The actual wording is “contest of endurance”, I’m not entirely sure if the two have the same connotation.

[part v (3/3)]

#JujutsuKaisen #jjk #Jujutsu Kaisen #jjk translation #jjktranslation

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floralkittygambler · 3 years

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RadioDust is the Healthiest Toxic Ship for Angel so far

@honesthazbinarchives Briefly. I’d like to go into this more in the future BUT these are the main points I said I’d do. Heh ‘stay tuned’ for why HuskerDust is toxic [haaaa funny fuckin reference n shit like Viv herself aint overdone it]. Yer dont even wanna know the lack of enthusiasm in tryna do a playful ‘cringetopia’ joke - wasnt as fun as anticipated. Anyfuckinways, the shit. Before we begin, disclaimers n whatnot, no hate intended, dni if you’re a bit of a knobhead [either stan or extreme anti], an all that nonsense. I dont own the characters no shit. In this I’ll discuss how RadioDust aka SpiDEER (thats right, yer stuck w my shit humour now) is both the healthiest ship for Angel we’ve seen so far but still rather toxic. Idc if you hate me for it but dont fuckin waste yer time telling me. Great. I dont care. Yer fuckin hard n whatnot for harassin strangers online. Big dick energy to you. This will be slightly messy, my apologies, it’s a quick summary of many points.

Alright. Firstly, out of the entire male cast Angel interacts with over all platforms, Al is given a fair bit of mercy in terms of sexual advances. In fact, a swift ‘no’ and Angel doesn’t do it again - unlike most of the other cast [pent’s is covert, husks is overt]. One thing I like is that Angel himself admits to their chemistry (claiming that whilst he thinks Al’s a prick, he thinks Al dislikes him which saddens him as he’d at least like to be friends as he feels they have good chemistry - according to the VA via Hunicast’s 1yr anniversary), there’s no further efforts to jump on his dick but a clear curiosity/interest in what Al can do. Lets go to the basics, both are of similar age [allegedly in their 30s, though Ive heard Al may be up to mid 40s] as well as created near the same-ISH time (as in, Viv’s oldest characters, at least for HH). Likewise, Viv admitted to knowing fuck all on either of their eras (and to make that public wasn’t really a wise choice BUUUT if you felt the need, it’s better worded with interest “Right now I’m working towards educating myself more on their time periods to improve their portrayals” <-- crucial if yer want that ‘realism’). Because of their real-world ages, Viv confesses they’re her favourites (even if you didnt know, she makes it pretty clear). It could be a nice ‘homage’ to their impact in her life but not too relevant otherwise. It could fulfil the need for self indulgence that she’s unhealthily leaking into the canon - which will ultimately make the series shit. No sugarcoating there. As for their ages, a relationship can work whether the gap is large or small HOWEVER there are many ethics and conflicts to each. And being an adult into kids is always fucked up. With that being said, studies have shown that closer ages often work better due to the often similarities in mindset, maturity and life goals (older folks are more likely to want to settle, younger often have more ambitions), likewise there tends to be an unbalanced power-dynamic if the ages are too far, which can lead to various types of abuse. Dont get me wrong, being with someone much older (AS LONG AS NONE OF YALL ARE KIDS) very much CAN work - but rarely. There’s much more hardwork needed as well as being in the right mindset for both, otherwise it’s bad. More on that in HD. Long story short, both are closer in age meaning both are more ‘relatable’ to one another. There’s common grounds, even in the eras there’s some higher understanding of one another. Notice how Vaggie and Charlie are similar in age? (Even though Charlie is far older, her appearance and mentality for her race is on par with Vaggie’s, making it far more likely to work out positively) One of the most prominent out of all of this however is their actual interests. So listing; Both like action/chaos/having fun (often at the expense of others), both love cooking and can be food snobs in their own right, both have sadistic AND masochistic tendencies, Al likes performance and theatre whilst Angel loves *to* perform, on that last point Angel was very intrigued and enjoyed Al’s song number/performance naturally, both really enjoy pranks and both enjoy liquor (neither show an actual addiction, but rather an interest in social drinking - no dependencies on it). Again, close eras mean both have a higher probability of understanding the other and their lifestyles better. Both are high on appearance and love themselves, implying self confident mindset (healthy BUT the narcissism isnt) yet enough consideration for how they are viewed. On the parent system, one adores his mama whilst the other hates his pops. Now Ive gone on about how they’re similar. But similarities ALONE is not enough. If it was, then fandom’s would be a lil more harmonious~ A HEALTHY relationship needs compatibility, POSITIVE conversation flow, common grounds, trust, openness and understanding. Even then, some people click and some just dont. It’s like how you can just hate someone for no reason. It just IS. Common grounds and similarity is scientifically proven to be attractive to someone - be it good or BAD. People are drawn to those like their parents in some way usually, likewise we look for people similar to ourselves (from our interests, to humour, beliefs, goals, etc). Science itself states that ‘opposites attract’ solemnly applies in the real world successfully. Though similiarity plays a large role, there has to be some differences too - that person is STILL an individual separate to yourself. Too similar and it’s boring. Too similar and you’ll do everything together without some ‘you’ time. Both Vaggie and Charlie have similar interests/hobbies in dance and music, yet still have enough differences to be identifiable when together. Vaggie is more grounded than Charlie. Charlie gives some optimism and fun to Vaggie. Remember, a partner does NOT complete you - that’s a toxic mindset when taken too seriously, You complete YOURSELF. Whether you have someone or not, you must feel complete in yourself as to not slip into toxic dependency on a lover - to become them, a shadow of them or feel like you’ve lost your identity without them. Sounds harsh but it’s true. Chaggie compliments each other without a dependency. You stand alone yet uplift one another. You don’t always agree but in the end you always have each other’s backs. Love is often butchered in a toxic light in the media. So taking that into consideration, how does spideer work? Well, here’s some examples of good, bad and neutral: - Angel loves animals, Al fears/dislikes dogs. Perhaps Angel could assist him in overcoming this? - Al hates being touched, Angel dislikes being squeezed. Maybe this could help them reach an understanding... Or cause a rift? - Angel was the only one to break Al’s composure, either Angel is the *key* to delving further into Al’s more raw self... Or just another obVOXious pest? (yeah, I said it-) - Neither respect other’s boundaries, meaning both may fuel the other to be overly disrespectful in this area. Not good. - Angel is a sarky/sarcastic fuck, Al loves dry humour. Both seek amusement and chaos. In relationships one needs to see how conversation flows and in the hunicasts, both keep up some good as well as toxic banter. Both could roast the fuck out of an opponent however. - Al is acro/ace, Angel is hypersexual (appears like a sex addict - now I say this as his book has a crossed out ‘fun stuff’ with ‘work shit’ written on it. He’s always fixed on sex from his job to his humour), this could either aid Angel ease up on the sex stuff OR make him overly push it onto Al causing major rifts and discomfort (aces can have sex, ref to ace posts that real asexuals put to understand more but no one wants to be forced into sex is the point here). And we’ve already discussed their lack of respect for boundaries. The positive is that maybe this will make Angel understand how Val is rubbing off on his own behaviour towards men [again, more on that in the HD post]. - Both similar yet different in a way that does suit their compatibility chances but that doesnt mean they will click, it just improves the odds. - Both have similar enemies in Val and Vox, they’re on common terms. Likewise, Al is against the ‘sexual deviance’ of hell meaning he may be oddly supportive and protective of Angel in terms of Val. I dont even think his sadism will override this either. - Al dislikes modern tech, Angel seems to use it as his job requires it. A nice little menial difference. - Only ONE is an addict. Take it from an expert, you NEVER put two addicts together. They’re very vulnerable and prone to slipping deeper into their addictions as well as depending on each other too much that they essentially become very clingy, suffocating and toxic to each other. Seen it in action, it’s ugly. - Both could have a lot of fun and calm moments with each other. - He isn’t immediately smitten with Al but immediately shows a natural interest in Al’s powers and performance, embracing it openly. Leads for a good friendship turned lovers plot. - In Viv’s patreon, she confirmed Angel loves confident guys [sounds exactly like Al] We need to think about where both are mentally. What benefits would a relationship give both? How would they be good and bad for each other? For Al, aside from his outdated views and being a fucking murderer and narcissist, he actually seems in a good mindspace for a relationship IF he opted to be in one. Angel however has a very immature mindset, likewise is in a phase of life where hes bed hopping. IF he were to be in a relationship, I’d say he needs a male equivalent of Cherri - someone with a similar mindset yet some differences, willing to have fun and in touch with their younger side, down to cuddle, open to share and receive love as well as not afraid to publicly be affectionate with him, someone who sees him as more than just for sex, someone fun, someone who’ll let him embrace his cutesy side publicly without shame - Cherri is younger so maybe someone who’s his age or slightly younger perhaps? I think Angel’s not retirement home ready to settle and needs someone on his level that can cuddle and chill as well as feels free and youthful enough to go wild with him. In one sense, he’s got a teen girl sorta mindset (dont put him with a teen though, it’s fuckin weird-). He needs someone positive and raw, someone to let him be himself as well as someone comfortable to be themselves around him. He has a habit of latching onto unobtainable men (in psychology, this is self sabotaging subconsciously): Travis the client, Val a pimp, Husk (emotionally unavailable and needs HEAVY self work - interestingly far more than Angel - plus he’s still onto his last relationship and an addict to gambling and alcohol), Pent who’s the enemy he was currently fighting (inappropriate timing), Alastor who’s not interested in another but his own needs [selfish, VERY bad for a relationship]. Subconsciously he’s self sabotaging on purpose. There’s many psychology books as well as sources online for this, if you’re interested. Either way, Angel is drawn to men either like his father [who dislike him, shun him, or are otherwise cold, abusive or just blatantly dislike or otherwise dont care about him] or anyone with money to fuel his drug addiction/’debt’ to Val. Going with any of these men isn’t a good idea. Preferably, Angel needs someone who he doesnt immediately crush and obsess over. Someone who he doesnt sexually harass or assault. Someone he can build a connection with quickly that can bud into romance (think how Chaggie started as a friendship which clicked immediately). Maybe even someone he doesn’t expect to fall for but does so anyways. It would be more realistic as Viv wants as well as more healthy. That for once he isnt sex or money craved instantly, thus doesnt sexually harass/assault and is given a proper chance to develop and grow a friendship and love. Someone who isnt an addict. Someone with an on-par mindset where they click. Someone open to love. For any chance of a good relationship, Angel needs to be with anyone BUT who we’ve already seen. There’s too much toxicity that’ll be swept under the rug and justified otherwise. Too much shit to fuel homophobes in terms of gay stereotypes. Even though Ive focused a fair bit on Angel, it’s NOT just about Angel. That’s something fans forget. Some he depends on or someone who depends on him in the long term wont last and will be very dangerous to both. Just because you suffer, you dont then deserve to be rewarded with ‘something nice’. You dont get to have everything youve ever wanted. Giving him any of these blokes [minus Val] gives him a pass. Gives him what he wants. I get Viv loves him but life doesnt work that way. True lasting growth comes from learning that. Acceptance and growth. You dont get everything you want and sometimes thats a GOOD thing. He’s not a spoilt kid who gets everything he asks for, he’s YOUR creation. If you really wanted what your creations deserve then you need to research and be realistic with it. Because hes starting to feel like a shitty Gary-Stu at this rate. I live with an ‘Angel Dust’ like person. It used to feel like life gave her everything and most times it did. Everyone loved her and she could get away with murder if she wanted to. But now she’s had to struggle and grow, let go of some ‘wants’ because they werent good for her and she’s becoming better for it. She has a long way but she’s more humble for it now [still got self confidence but it’s less narcissism now, which is more healthy for her]. Also, they make the word anal lol

#stans and antis dni #pros and cons to radiodust #spideer #anti hazbin #viv needs to actually research #vivs been in toxic relationships so she should know better and how these come across #wait until anti huskerdust #ill really be fuckin loathed then #anyways #enjoy?

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porchwood · 5 years

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Hi just so I understand cause i keep waiting for it and it doesnt seem likely to happen have you kind of fallen out of love with wtm? and everlark in general tbh? cause ive been following you for a while now and you always had lil quotes and pictures and things that reminded you inspired you whatever it was about katniss and wtm and now alllll it is is gadge i followed you because personally i love what you did with everlark and im just wondering if thats gone and not foreseeable any time soon?

I’ve been thinking a lot about how to answer this… It’s afair question - to a point. If you’re more of a drop-in person (like me) thanlive-on-the-dash, coming back to find my blog awash in Gadge might have beenquite upsetting. There are several reasons for the current state of things:

1. Life has been driving me into the ground since December26, 2013. (Yes, going on six straight years.) If you were a WtM reader from thebeginning, you may recall that I was pretty energetic and prolific in 2012-2013.Oh, there were tough times, but nothing like what started on the aforementioneddate (a car accident where I was in the “bystander” vehicle and it still got totaled)and has continued relentlessly ever since. Sometimes adversity leads to greatcreativity and sometimes it turns you into a depressed, exhausted, reclusivelump, and the past 5+ years have seen periods of both from me. These past 18months have been exceptionally awful (and expensive), resulting in very littlewriting at all, about any pairing.

2. Writing WtM takes a lot out of me. I don’t know whether thisis common knowledge or not, but it’s the gospel truth. I love that world, Ilove that version of Everlark, but every chapter requires so much hard work, itmakes me tired just to think of it. Not to mention, over the past couple of chaptersEverlark have been pushing for more intimacy than the plot/timeline allows, andso I’ve been struggling with how I want to handle that. Do I fight them andstick to the plan? (I can’t advance the timeline for several reasons.) Do I tryto figure out a cheat for them? They’ve got minds of their own and have changedmy plans multiple times, but this is something they genuinely can’t have, and Ihave to fight them on it. ☹ Which is sad, frustrating, and exhausting.

3. I’m a multi-pairing shipper, and have been from about 3chapters into WtM. Which means that my Everlark fics almost always feature asecondary pairing (or more than one), and sometimes I’ll get a plot bunny for afic about a pairing other than Everlark. Most writers in the THG fandom exclusivelywrite their OTP, whatever the plot bunny, but I find that some plot bunnies don’tfit Everlark as well as they do another pairing. (This is why I’ll never write aBeauty and the Beast Everlark fic unless Katniss is the “Beast,” if you will.)

4. The Everlark fandom is…tricky. I’ve never fit in there. Idon’t write Everlark the way the majority of fans see them (except for Peetabeing “sweet,” I guess), I hated the movies (I refuse to see MJ 1 or 2), and I’vemanaged to really rub some people the wrong way over the years –unintentionally, and for a variety of reasons – all of which leaves me feeling kinda down about Everlark in general. Don’t misunderstand me: I love Everlarkand WtM, but it’s really isolating to be this sad little island of unpopularopinions and unwelcome side-ships. That’s the part I really wish I could makeyou understand. For six years I’ve had Christopher Plummer in my head saying, “You’llnever be one of them,” and he’s so, cruelly, right. I want to cry every time Ithink of Embracing the Season (my E-rated Everlark modern AU oneshot for Lovein Panem - lots of daring for me!) because I poured heart and soul into that andit still wasn’t the Everlark that people wanted.

5. About a year and a half ago (when Strawberry Time reallytook off of its own accord) I participated in Gadge Day 2017, working my buttoff to find and schedule (and tag) over 100 carefully chosen Gale/Madge/Gadge aestheticposts, and for lack of a better way to say it: it turned on my Gadge-dar. After that, thosekinds of posts just leapt out at me whenever I had a chance to scroll, and forseveral months I wasn’t sure what to do with that. With a little encouragementfrom @ghtlovesthg, I came up with #march madgeness – wherein I turned my Tumblrinto Madge/Gadge-land for one month, and it was a blast. (Side-stepping Gadgefor a moment: Madge is a highly underappreciated and underused character,especially in fic/on Tumblr and I love splashing the dash with Madge-love.) Thenext month I launched a run of pent-up Everlark posts (i.e., regularprogramming), but I missed my Madge, so I instituted #madge monday – one day aweek when I could splash the dash with Madge/Gadge. At every juncture I gavepeople tags to block if they didn’t want to see this content (though I stillget unfollows every time I post, alas). I participated in last summer’s THG Reread– on the fringe of it, but my posts (reblogs and meta) were strongly Everlark-focusedagain during that time. So there’s definitely still been Everlark on my blog,but if you’re just dropping in (or for that matter, glancing at my archive), you’regoing to see a majority of Madge/Gadge.

6. Frankly, Gadge is fun. It’s a completely different dynamicthan Everlark, with less pressure to create something transcendent, and whenthe chips are down, I’m more likely to work on something that isn’t my six-years-runningopus. This spring, in the midst of lots of awfulness, I finally wrote a piecethat I’ve had in my head for years – The Best Part of Waking Up – with a differentpairing featured in each drabble “chapter,” including Gadge, Luka/Johanna (whoI’ve been wanting to put out there for AGES) and Jack/Raisa. I haven’t beenable to write quickly in years, and I think I finished those three “chapters”in about two days, maybe three. I completed the Raisa drabble in a couple ofhours and I consider it one of the best things I’ve ever written. (Honestly, ifa pairing was going to topple Everlark in my heart, it would be Jack/Raisa, i.e.,Mr. Everdeen/Mrs. Mellark. I love them to distraction.) Once upon a time I could drabble/sprint Everlark too – notoften, but I could manage it. Maybe it’ll happen again someday, but for thetime being, when I write in quick eager bursts, it’s usually about aside-pairing.

7. Because I just need to say it: about a year ago, I set up a secondary Tumblr for almost all my side-interests and ships outside of THG. When I first joined Tumblr, porchwood was just a fun page where I posted whatever struck my fancy (pretty things, funny things, whatever I liked), and over the next few years, I honed it into a pretty “writer’s notebook” for WtM and my other THG fics (related quotes, aesthetic posts, writing check-ins, etc.). When Star Wars: The Force Awakens came out, I shared a handful of posts pertaining to a new ship (not a new direction for my blog or writing, just sharing my excitement) and it was made very clear to me that people didn’t want to see that content on my page. So when I started watching Voltron: Legendary Defender, I had a sneaking suspicion people wouldn’t want to hear about those ships either. So I started an entirely new Tumblr for that content, and every so often I accidentally post something to the wrong page, which I immediately correct in horror, but people still unfollow. Point being: this blog is THG (and a few personal life updates) ONLY, with a pretty consistent aesthetic. I hide literally everything else that I’m interested in so you don’t have to be bothered by it. Is it really so unacceptable for me to have side-ships (complementary to the main pairing, not threatening to them) in the same universe??

8. Believe it or not, I’ve been working on WtM all along,just not making any massive strides. I tried to chip away at the current chapterduring Camp Nanowrimo last July, and it was a disaster. I thought joining awriting group would be helpful, but I didn’t realize that Camp Nano is basicallya lot of writing sprints in which you try to churn out as many words aspossible, which you then report to your “cabin” – and that’s the onlyinteraction with your fellow writers. I can’t write like that anymore (seeabove) and especially not when it comes to WtM, so I got discouraged veryquickly and sort of drifted away. I reattempted Nano on my own in April and wrotealmost 15K words, but in that instance I was really just using the Nano platform toset and reach a goal (which I didn’t ☹ ); I wasn’t in a cabin and didn’t interact with anyother writers, except my friend @ghtlovesthg, who read the finished portion.

9. I want to finish this dang chapter so much, and frankly, theonly way that’s going to happen is if life gets a little better and I holemyself up with my laptop for hours on end for weeks at a time – and somemagical being comes to support/cheer/comfort me while I do so. It’s currentlysitting at about 25K and I anticipate it will need to be at least double that,which is beyond ridiculous, but that’s the nature of WtM. The chapters are asmany words as it takes.

TL, DR: I still love Everlark and I’m still working on WtM, but my life has been extremely difficult for a very long time and I don’t have a great Everlark lifeline. Gadge and all my other ships are fun, and most of the Gadge you see on my Tumblr is aesthetic stuff for themed days/months/occasions. Anything non-THG goes on my sideblog.

#queued #i'm sorry to be snappy #i understand the confusion #and i'm not happy that i'm not finishing wtm either #ask #gade #side-ships #anon

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getallemeralds · 5 years

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So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

#leo chirps #leos reply #system shit #i dont think i covered EVERYTHING #and im not sure how coherent this is #but i tried! :D #Anonymous #ask #pat.txt

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fairyshuuu · 5 years

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hii! i saw your post and i completely agree100% but i have some qs too?as a reader i try my best to leave comments, like, and reblog bc yall fanfic writers deserve it! yall write this beautiful wonderful stuff for free, and most of the time theres a lack of interaction/validation for your creation.however, there are often times too that ive some type of feedback but got nothing from the writer?i know the writer is not obligated to reply—i mean they already created dis what more do we want!? (1/)

but when this happens- no response from the author, i just cant help but think its not worth it to leave comments bc i dont even know if theyre reading it? do they want comments, is this bothering them? i dislike thinking like that but sometimes it comes off as that.. i dont want to it to seem like im saying dont leave feedback on fanfics cuz i rly enjoying venting my thoughts on fics, and the writer responding but (2/)

as readers we also do feel discouraged when the interaction is not reciprocated- wow we readers feel rly entitled😂 that one thing that might be stopping ppl from leaving feedback..what do we do? lol maybe im just not following the correct fics. thanks for reading this. but fr, we dont deserve you awesome fanfic writers. im sorry about the overall lack of feedback, as a reader i will try to do better!! (3/3)

I totally get that you might get discouraged too! But I can only speak for myself when I say that I always answer messages as soon as I get them/ see them and do my best to express how much they mean to me? The only time I won’t answer an ask is when Tumblr is being weird and shows me a notification and not the ask, or when the ask is really really dear to me! I didn’t respond to a lot of my bday messages for example because I just really wanted to look at them and see all the love when I might not be feeling the best.

I think that writers won’t respond if they feel uncomfortable, have answered the same question a million times or if the answer is in their faq (and even then they often reply that they’ve already answered or smt) at least in my experience!!! So if your fave writer isn’t on hiatus and you think they’re not answering your ask it’s either because they didn’t get it or because they’ve already answered a (or multiple) very similar questions and don’t feel like giving the same answer over and over again. Try to look through their answered asks tag (most writers have one) or look at their about me/faq page and you’ll most likely find answers to the question you didn’t get a response to. And you’ll know when you’re asking something that’s out of line and if you don’t get a response, then the writer (or any blogger for that matter) might have been uncomfortable. You know yourself when you’re asking something from someone that you’d never dare to ask in real life.

In my case though, I don’t mind if I’ve answered the same question a million times, you can always talk to me (but I understand why others might find it annoying). And I will answer pretty much any question or ask, even if it’s silly or gross or explicitly sexual because it’s interaction and i’m always asking for interaction so!! It’s definitely not entitled to expect an answer but I also think most people answer their asks? Thank you for the love and for reading what we write, it really really means the world to me and a lot of others.

#asks #re #lovely anons

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fireeaglespirit · 5 years

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@fireeaglespirit @viviane-lefay i do worry sometimes with the stories I write if things might be too much for you. To be fair I dont think in any fanfic Ive ever written anything too explicit but now Im so conscious of other people’s viewpoints and being inclusive that it is a concern. Ultimately I write what I want to/need to but I am aware it might not be for all tastes hence always trying to follow ratings etc.

Replying here so it doesn’t cause any problems with OP, etc..

Ohh. I’m sorry if this worried you.. tbh this was very random and I wasn’t even thinking about fiction when I rb this. This one reminded me of a few times I went out with friends and colleagues and I just felt starkly asexual, lmao

About my tolerance regarding sex and explicitly in fiction, I’ll be honest with you…

There’s hardly anything I could say I wouldn’t read about. I just don’t feel ‘triggers’ or anything of the sort, no hard feelings when it gets to fiction and I value your will to be conscious of other viewpoints but its practically impossible to cater to all tastes like you said, so don’t worry about it much… there’s always someone out there who will feel offended and others who will fiercely love it.

As for myself, I’m very tolerant to sexual content in fiction, idk? I don’t seek it out particularly but its not a deal breaker either.

I know some asexual people are less tolerant, I usually just get a ‘meh’ feeling whenever those subjects are touched in much detail, idk some works do get nasty and bothersome because of much detail involving sexual practices so I just give up on them or put them aside when they bring me no joy but I gladly consume material with sex on it as long as I like some aspects of it. Also, I’m good at ignoring or glossing over things I don’t like in fiction… when I read explicit scenes with intercourse it does nothing to me and my eyes focuses on the sentences I loved such as regarding the feelings between the characters and subtle interactions instead of the physical/carnal aspects of it, and this makes it all worthy it.

Even so, some works might become overwhelmingly depressive or repulsive so I might put them aside even if I enjoyed an aspect of it or I might just skip through them and this happened recently to a series of fantasy books I tried to read which were actually really good but they were so overwhelmingly and unnecessarily dark and had an horrid oppressive atmosphere towards women an sex so I just felt no joy reading them? Its not like I was traumatized by its tone but it felt like a chore and I couldn’t care about it further and no character inspired me whatsoever that the world could change for the better, so I dropped them.

But its not like I’m judging it, I just feel weirded out to some things and I just imagine the kind of mind that takes upon themselves the chore to write a whole series of book which has nothing but suffering and misery in them, especially concerning women, lol. We already had this shit in history and still have in some places in the world so I kinda feel like its not interesting for me to read about it in a fictional setting, especially if I don’t feel like the writer is going to challenge the setting.

But I’m aware most people are much more sensitive… these things can be horrid for those who are more sensitive, and perhaps my own asexuality protects me from feeling it fully as I don’t even think of myself as a being capable of partaking in this (weird, I know), so I have problem even projecting.

But I did felt really strongly for the way women were oppressed absurdly and had their agency completely obliterated, so that sparked a sort of empathy or kinship in me which made progress in such book a chore…

You got my point and this just illustrates a bit my relationship to fiction and things that irk me since you were interested in my opinion… I have another example of fantasy book with lots of sex in it:

I read asoiaf even thought its full of sexual stuff but I don’t feel joy at these parts, yet the work is so good on other themes that I ignore it for the most part… but even so, recently I’ve read F&B and it was kinda overwhelming on the sexist aspect with myriads of female characters turned into child brides and raped and dying at their childbirth repeatedly it just got very tiresome and repetitive near the end, because there where almost no counterpoints to it, unlike in the main series where the situation is dire for women but we have characters challenging it more often and idk. F&B just lacked on that front.

So, this shows a bit my sensitivity towards sex is more related to sexism and the feeling that women are confined to their reproductive aspects: motherhood, childbearing, marriage, sensuality, etc.. I don’t have a problem with sexual intercourse per se as you can see, but that’s from my unique point of view and I know some asexuals are more repulsed towards it, but you asked my opinion…

So, if its consensual sex: its not my cup of tea but I don’t feel like its a deal breaker…

Just to give you a positive sex example: when I see an OTP of mine getting to the point of having sex I think its pretty sweet, like when Jon and Dany consummated their love on that boat… I was happy for them, for all that it means, the symbolism between the union of ice and fire and just two characters which I love dearly, finding happiness and comfort in each other. What’s not to love about it??

This is a rare stance I can say I saw a pair I ship get to that point xD

I love shipping as you know, but its more about the psychological aspects and potential for character development and even when I’m reading fanfic about my OTPs I enjoy more the angst and symbolism than the ‘hot’ parts which usually just makes me go ‘meh’ (again).

So this makes me say: when sex is the focus of works I could feel like I’m too asexual for this, even if it regards an OTP, it just doesn’t have a very exciting effect on me or I’m not explicitly interested in this part of a relationship, when so many other things caught my eye… sometimes subtle interactions and dialogue and and gentle approximation (touches, caresses, kissing, etc..) is so much more exciting for me to read about than the ‘thing’ itself, lol.

To sum it up: when its there just for p*rn or even worse, shock value it just makes me go ‘meh’ or ‘ugh’ or ‘uhh why am I even reading this?’

This reminds me of Vivi’s take on the ‘hiero gamos’, in this case I just say I might even enjoy the theme as long as the scenes involving sex are meaningful and passionate and the aspect I value the most about them are sublime and platonic instead of carnal but I’m aware the carnal aspects are very important for the characters and the audience so I also worry when I get to show my stories people will think they lack sexual content ^^ I get you.

Now that you know my feelings towards sex in fiction, to a broader sense I just wanted to say..

There’s no way to guess people’s sensitives but it doesn’t mean you need to walk on eggshells afraid to trigger people all the time, hell no! I’m all for freedom of creation. At least around me there are no metaphorical ‘eggshells’.

Everyone has their own set of opinions which makes them unique, not just me, I mean… even so I will let my snowflake syndrome show but I’m quite peculiar if you could say, so I sort of grew a strong ‘carapace’ towards the world as I deal with people with completely different views and values on a daily basis which might make me have inflamed political opinions while at the same time, I’m very flexible and forgiving when it comes to fiction in general.

I don’t expect much of the population to be like this so I’m also self conscious when it gets to writing my own stuff because I know people can feel very strongly about it and you’ve seen the way fandom reacts to minor things and bash creators when they perceive flaws in their work… I’m just not a judgmental person, its not in my nature. I just ignore things in fiction if I don’t like and I became even more relaxed over time in regards to this all, lol I nearly reached a ‘nirvana’ as I don’t even feel strongly negative feelings in regard to this.

Snarky and bitter comments from time to time? Yes… but no hard feelings. RL needs my hatred, lol so I don’t have it to spare with fiction any longer.

Anyway, on an unrelated sub note… as you might have noticed, I don’t feel comfortable about current fandom trends and specially policing, and with reason as this gets very serious and quick with literally ‘wave chain reactions’ of hatred sparked apparently from nowhere. I hope people could create more freely instead of the political correct police and restraining of creativity we have now. It was good for a while and I’m all for diversity and change in status quo (for the better), but I think this has gone too far and I perceive a lot of rigidity in fiction right now due to fear of fandom backlash we have creators afraid to make their thing and afraid it isn’t ‘inclusive or progressive’ enough… so they bend themselves endlessly until fandom ‘approves’ them, but even so someone is bound to scream and say the work is offensive and the cycle of hatred is restarted.

I know this reply was like a huge egocentric monologue and I strained with non related issues at the end, but you asked my thought on this so I tried to convey it with detail.. including things related to the perception we have concerning fictional themes and I just kinda had to vent at some parts of it.

etc…. This doesn’t mean I forbid judgment from others or criticism or that I forbid people from harshly criticizing works of fiction, just that sometimes it gets more harmful than beneficial and scare people off, and I felt like saying that.

Anyway,,, just want to say nonetheless I find it very sweet and considerate that you are taking different opinions in mind while writing, but you don’t need to worry at least from my part, and I don’t think you ever got even close to being explicit in your writings so there’s absolutely nothing to worry about.

#beyond-far-horizons

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lovelesswiki · 7 years

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Loveless relationship chart

PINK IS FOR A POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP (usually friendly)

RED IS FOR A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP

BLACK IS FOR A NEGATIVE RELATIONSHIP

ORANGE LINES MEAN A FAMILIAL CONNECTION (can be adoptive)

LIGHT BLUE LINES MEAN A FIGHTER-SACRIFICE CONNECTION

PURPLE IS EITHER COWORKER OR CLASSMATE RELATIONSHIP

NOTE: I’d actually reccommend reading this on Google Docs, given that this analysis is very long. It is copied from below but the google file has a table of contents that you can skip around in and is just generally more readable.

Deciding factors of whether or not to put a character in was whether or not they have a red/pink/black relationship with two or more characters. The only exceptions to this rule were Nana, who I put in because she’s important to Septimal Moon due to being a member and her lack of relationships is significant, Chouma, who is on for similar reasons to Nana and had to be there to show a relationship with Kio, and Hatsuko’s partner, who by extension through their informant work shares the client relationships with Hatsuko. It was also significant to show that Hatsuko does have a partner.

Characters I would have liked to include but ultimately didn’t have enough room were the Zero girls (cut because most characters are neutral towards them and their main relationship was with Nagisa, though Yamato is on friendly terms with Natsuo), Hanabi (cut because she only shows up in extra chapters, but seems to have friendly relationships with both Kio and Soubi, as well as with Ritsuka), Mimuro (cut because his only significant relationships are with Nisei and Mei, who has no significant relationships), and Kio’s family (cut because they only have significant relationships with Kio, though I would’ve really liked to put them on).

The flashback characters were also not put on here because I feel as though they deserve their own relationship chart, due to those chapters being centered around completely different characters and almost a different world than the ones we see in the current timeline. I will be making this, because those relationships are also very important.

Look below for how I made this and analysis on the characters’ relationships and how they pertain to the story/who they are as a person.

HOW I MADE THIS AND WHY

haha, take this garbage that ive been working on for literal years

if you’ve followed me on any of my accounts, from way back from @soubis to @davewolfes (asdhiro, akiosensei, gavirn) to @yande-re, i have talked about this relationship chart. i started making it years ago and it looked even worse than this one. it had names and labels on every single relationship and turned into a clusterfuck i had abandoned the project and used it to laugh at myself until my loveless friends on discord and twitter and in particular jess ( @yamadahizashit / @septimalmoons ) challenged me to redo it in one night, at which point i said ‘shit, now i have to do it.’ and i did. it looks way better than the old one. the old one was complete trash. this one might be hard to follow, but the old one was worse.

essentially, this is sort of a simplified, slightly easier to read version of the original chart. it’s also more aesthetically pleasing since I used different arrows instead of sloppily drawing my own over and over again. I cut the names and most of the labels, aside from ones that I felt were the most important. I also used a different method of showing conflicting relationships (like the red/black mixes) by simplifying it and just doing a gradient. I also tried to make it more readable by outlining most of the arrows with a white outline so that when they intersect, it’s easier to follow.

I made this because I wanted to analyze it, plain and simple. I also made this because I see a lot of misrepresentations of certain relationships in loveless in fics and whatnot and im frankly a bit annoyed by it. for example, there’s really no hard evidence that ritsuka has romantic feelings for anyone, but there is hard evidence that he feels positive (friendly/platonic relationships) with both soubi and yuiko, who are considered to be his main love interests. one of the other huge things that annoys me is when i see nagisa written/shown as head over heals for ritsu, when it’s stated that she does have negative (as well as romantic, apparently) feelings towards him.

another thing i see a lot of lack of is the recognition of guardian/familial relationships, especially when it comes to the adoptive/not blood side of things. for example, and ive said before that this annoys me to no end, people try to dumb down ritsu and soubi’s relationship to ‘master/slave’ or ‘teacher/student’ when it’s way more complicated than that. i wanted to point out in this that soubi is actually ritsu’s adoptive son, since ritsu was his guardian. for twelve years of his life, ritsu isolated soubi and was the closest thing soubi had to a parent or a father and still is to this day. ritsu is essentially the only family soubi had until the start of the series, and i feel as though that gets skipped over a lot, which is part of the reason i wanted to include it here.

similarly, i feel as though the connection between soubi/natsuo/youji and nagisa/natsuo/youji gets ignored, as well. along the same veins as soubi and ritsu, nagisa was the only parental figure natsuo and youji had until they went to live with soubi, and she abused and neglected them and then threw them at soubi the first chance she got. their relationships with both soubi and nagisa aren’t just a gag but real, serious things, and they’re kids, in the end. they comment multiple times that living with soubi is very different than living with nagisa and they enjoy it more and seem to be healthier and more morally right (though not anywhere near completely morally correct, let’s be honest)

the main reason i included the proximity line for coworkers and classmates was mainly because of septimal moon. it seems that a lot of the septimal moon members have their own goals and with that, their own relationships with other members. for example, mikado seems to feel neutrally about ritsu, negatively towards seimei, and positively towards nagisa, but even though she and ritsu are connected, they don’t seem to feel one way or another for each other. i decided to show that since they’re still connected, that i would create a line that puts them in close proximity to each other. the same goes for ritsuka and hitomi’s relationship- ritsuka seems to feel very neutrally about hitomi and vice versa, but they’re still connected, hence the need for the proximity line.

id also like to stress that the pink lines do not necessarily mean friendship. they simply just mean that one or both characters has positive feelings for the other that are not romantic. for example, while yuiko and ritsuka are friends and have a pink line, ritsuka cannot be called ‘friends’ with his mother, but still has positive feelings towards her. similarly, the black lines aren’t so clear-cut either. they mean negativity and usually hatred, but it depends on the character. for example, soubi’s negativity towards nisei is violent and deep-set, but his negativity towards seimei takes a different, more recent shape of ‘maybe i don’t want this’. along the same lines, a romantic or positive relationship does not mean that there’s no abuse going on, especially in soubi and ritsu’s case. ritsu has romantic-like feelings (best way i can describe it in these terms, work with me here), but still heavily abused him.

in general, just remember that the arrows don’t mean the same thing for every character, and they don’t mean the same thing going to and from every character. some relationships are very clear-cut (yuiko and ritsuka’s pink line, friendship) while others aren’t (soubi and ritsuka’s lines with seimei and with each other). also, im not a hard authority on this. im willing to discuss and debate. actually, id love to.

on with the analysis.

ANALYSIS

I noticed a lot of interesting things while making this chart. Let’s start with the main characters.

Actually, let’s start with Soubi. I know that Ritsuka is technically the main character, but the vast majority of the relationship arrows on this chart lead to Soubi in one way or another, and there’s a reason for that. Let me tell you the number one thing that I realized while making this chart:

Soubi does not have neutral relationships with people.

Everyone who is shown to know Soubi has either a positive or negative relationship with Soubi, with the exception of Mikado and Yayoi, who seems to have just met him (the Zero girls are debatable, since they had a negative relationship with him that has been settled). Every other character either likes or hates him. The reason that Ritsuka doesn’t have nearly as many relationship arrows is because a lot of the characters on this chart don’t seem to feel negatively or positively about him. They are neutral. Characters like these are Ritsu (red and black with Soubi), Tokino (black with Soubi), Nisei (black with Soubi), Hitomi (red and black with Soubi), and Nagisa (black with Soubi). Similarly, Nana is not shown to have ever mentioned or interacted with Soubi and thus isn’t counted for him, but has with Ritsuka and seems to feel neutrally with him. Soubi has very significant, important relationships with people and seems to split on people very easily and cause strong reactions.

Also interestingly with Soubi, his positive relationships are very new in his life. They include the Zero boys, but their space became too crowded to put anymore arrows down, so I put the familial relationship with those three. Also, with his positive relationships, they typically don’t have much to do with the world he was raised in. While he met both Ritsuka and the Zero boys through being a Fighter, it’s important to say that his relationships with them are not at all built on his identity as a Fighter (which I discussed here). His relationship with Natsuo and Youji is built on him being parental with them, and his relationship with Ritsuka at first struggled because Ritsuka seemed to reject his identity as a Fighter/object but is now doing better due to Soubi’s development of an actual identity of personhood. In the same ways, his relationship with Kio and Yuiko (and Hanabi, who is not on here) is built on his actual personality, though all three relationships had a bit of a rocky/weird/awkward start.

On the flip side, most of Soubi’s negative relationships are from the Fighter-Sacrifice world where the people in question identify him as a Fighter. The exception to this rule is his dislike towards Hitomi, which is caused due to her naivety, inability to take action, and the fact that her being a teacher reminds him of Ritsu. Every other negative relationship is based around his identity as a Fighter and usually, as Beloved’s Fighter. Soubi’s negative feelings towards Ritsu are caused by Ritsu’s treatment of him, which was ‘justified’ by Soubi’s identity as a Fighter. Nagisa and Soubi’s mutual negative relationship was caused by Nagisa mistreating Soubi due to his identity as Fighter in that Ritsu seemed to favor him over her sister, as well as Soubi’s identity as Akio’s son. Soubi and Nisei’s enemyship is caused over the conflicting identities of Beloved’s Fighters. Soubi’s negative relationship with Tokino is caused by him being labelled as the Beloved Fighter. Seimei’s negativity towards Soubi is caused and ‘justified’ by viewing Fighters as dogs and things to be beaten and used.

Soubi’s identities cause a huge rift in how people view him, and people tend to split on him if they view him as a Fighter and as Beloved’s Fighter, since when Soubi displays other identities towards people, he tends to get a positive response. Obviously, this is not something that he has learned in canon yet.

Specific relationships dealing with Soubi:

Soubi and Ritsu: Soubi and Ritsu’s relationship is one of the most interesting things in the series and I cannot stand it when people try to justify Ritsu’s actions, excuse them, or minimize them, because as I’ve said (particularly in this reply to a follower) what Ritsu did to Soubi cannot be explained in a few words, since he so thoroughly destroyed him that there was nothing left of the kid Soubi originally was. As such, it was hard to simplify their relationship into the parameters that I had given myself. I shoved Ritsu’s feelings towards Soubi into a box labelled ‘romantic’, but even I’m not sure that that’s a good label, though I feel it’s more significant than simply labeling it positive feelings, because it’s clear that Ritsu does not draw a line between romantic, sexual, parental, and the other roles that he played and continues to play in Soubi’s life. In his case, the red line is an obsession and an abusive relationship.

While it isn’t so visible due to the other lines, Soubi’s line towards Ritsu is black. This is his relationship with him as an adult as when he was a child, the arrow would’ve probably been a mix of all three colors, given the way Soubi seemed to monologue about him in flashbacks and how abused children usually think. I also put a familial line for reasons I mentioned above, since Soubi is Ritsu’s adoptive son, which is something people tend to unfortunately look over. I say this because Ritsuka was not just anyone in Soubi’s life. He took him in, adopted him, and was supposed to raise him into adulthood. He was the only family that Soubi had after his parents died in the accident, and as a child, Soubi seemed to seek this familial bond with him. He never got it, though, which left Soubi very confused and unable to properly attach, because the person who was supposed to be his parent was simultaneously pushing him away and drawing him closer in an inappropriate way.

The point here is that Ritsu isn’t just Soubi’s former master—he’s Soubi’s adoptive father. Whenever this is brought up, it tends to make people extremely uncomfortable, since things feel so much worse when people apply this identity to their relationship and then look at the way Ritsu treated Soubi. While it’s horrible in its own way, it feels far, far worse when it’s viewed in through a lens that makes it clear that these two are adoptive family and Ritsu was Soubi’s parent, not just his guardian and not just his ‘master’. It also makes their interactions with Soubi as an adult much worse, as well, when you view Ritsu as his father figure, since their interactions are tight, impersonal, and awkward on Soubi’s end, while Ritsu continuously pries, mocks, and generally treats the entire interaction like some sort of sick power game. It makes it worse in many reader’s eyes because, well—this isn’t really the way that father-son interactions are supposed to go, and everything just seems to incredibly fucked up.

Soubi and Seimei: This is another odd relationship, because of the way that it’s changed over time. The relationship chart is sort of the ‘current’ relationship chart as of chapter 131, where some characters have built other relationships and changed existing ones. At the beginning of the series, I would have classified Soubi’s feelings towards Seimei as much more red/romantic and Seimei’s feelings towards Seimei as far more neutral, since as it is right now, it doesn’t appear that Seimei initially left Soubi behind because he hated him, but more because it was part of the plan and Soubi didn’t quite have use to him. However, as it stands right now, both relationships are primarily negative. As of chapter 131, Soubi seems to have lost most, if not all, positive feelings towards Seimei, and Seimei has repeatedly let Soubi know of his disgust of him and how much he dislikes the fact that Soubi can now think and speak for himself.

Seimei and Soubi’s relationship has never been good or healthy, and Seimei is a very fucked up human being who treats people terribly, but where we are in canon, it seems like these two are beginning to actually actively hate each other. Even though Seimei was terrible to Soubi when he was under Seimei’s rule pre-series, Seimei didn’t seem to actually hate Soubi. He hurt him and played with him and did everything he could to put Soubi into more pain, but that seems to be the way that Seimei treats people who allow him to do that to him, especially Soubi, who he had permission and the ability to do anything and everything to. Seimei seemed to enjoy that and was fine with the type of person Soubi was back then. However, Soubi changed and with that, his relationship to Seimei changed.

By the time Seimei took Soubi back or—actually, by the time that Seimei breaks into Seven Voices, Soubi has developed enough of a personality that he actually speaks out against Seimei, and when he does this, things instantly change. Seimei glares at him and his entire tone changes and he puts Soubi down for it in front of Ritsuka. From there, Seimei seems to do his best to punish Soubi for becoming a person by putting him through the most pain possible, all of it adding up when Seimei takes Soubi back. By this point, Soubi appears that he’s beginning to despise Seimei. He tries to resist, tries to speak up, and then falls into catatonic depression when he’s unable to let himself be heard. Seimei forces him to do things that he doesn’t want, including fighting against Moonless. During that battle, Soubi actually actively wishes at multiple points that he was anywhere but there.

Soubi and Ritsuka: Soubi and Ritsuka’s relationship is another one that has changed a lot over the course of the series. At the beginning, I’d classify Soubi’s feelings towards Ritsuka as full red, due to the way he was trying to force himself to feel for Ritsuka. At the beginning, I’d also classify Ritsuka’s feelings for Soubi to be full black, since for the first few volumes, Ritsuka was extremely frustrated, creeped out, and angry with Soubi, who just kept showing back up in his life over and over again. At the current point in the series, though, Soubi and Ritsuka have developed a much more friendly relationship, even bordering on parental, since there’s multiple chapters of Soubi taking care of Ritsuka. Many of the romantic overtones have been toned down or are gone completely and Soubi seems to care about Ritsuka in a much more healthy, acceptable way. Ritsuka, in turn, also seems to care quite a bit about Soubi. I’d classify them as good friends at this point, with Soubi maybe starting to become some sort of parental figure for Ritsuka. It’s also worth noting that Ritsuka is the catalyst for all of Soubi’s new positive relationships (with the exception of Kio), and the catalyst for all his changing relationships.

Soubi and Kio: This is a relationship that was actually incredibly strong and actually pretty healthy at the beginning of the series, and has remained that way. It was hard to tell in the beginning, since Kio was mostly used as a joke flirty character, but it’s been shown that they both genuinely care about each other. It’s also interesting to note that Kio was Soubi’s one positive relationship before Ritsuka came along.

Soubi and Natsuo and Youji: As stated above, this is a relationship often overlooked, or one that’s often chalked up to ‘they all live together’. It’s actually a little more than that. They might have a weird dynamic, but they all do have positive relationships with each other. While Soubi clearly has no idea what he’s doing, and doesn’t think or act like an adult, he’s a good influence in these kids’ lives and has taken on the missing parental role that Nagisa never took on.

Soubi and Nagisa: This is the last specific one I’m going to touch on, since there’s a lot more to get through. Soubi and Nagisa have a…interesting relationship, and it’s quite clearly a bad one, but not necessarily for the reasons that people tend to make it out to be. It’s also quite complicated. Nagisa appears to have hated Soubi even when he was young, but there’s two things about this—the first is that Soubi doesn’t actually seem to dislike her as a child, and the second is that Nagisa seems to subconsciously recognize that she shouldn’t be hating a child and does display some sort of shock when Soubi shows up without his ears. I’m unsure if this crosses the line into concern, but there’s something there and she chastises Ritsu for his actions.

Recently, it was revealed that the reason she actually hates Soubi is not because she’s jealous of his involvement with Ritsu. Before the flashback chapters, many fans seemed to theorize that Nagisa hated him for that reason and ‘taking Ritsu away from her’ (more on her and Ritsu later). That’s not the case at all. Nagisa hates Soubi because in a convoluted way, Nagisa blames him for her sister’s death for the sole reason that his mother isn’t around to blame anymore and Nagisa needs someone to push the blame onto. In response, Soubi has taken to treating her coldly as an adult, as well, and copying the bad attitude that she has about him

That’s the gist of Soubi’s relationships, though more will be covered with other characters and him. Let’s move onto our eponymous main character, Ritsuka.

While he does not have as many relationships with as many characters, Ritsuka’s relationship map is still interesting. If you look at him specifically in the map, you’ll notice one thing that absolutely sticks out—the overwhelming majority of characters seem to like Ritsuka in one way or another, even if they start off disliking him (Kio, Yayoi, even Natsuo and Youji didn’t seem fond of him initially). In fact, there’s really only one character who has a negative relationship with Ritsuka and that’s his own mother, Aoyagi Misaki, and the reason she hates him is very heavily implied to have been caused by someone else.

Even characters without a mark leading to him seem to like him. They just haven’t interacted enough to actually have a marking for their relationship and I tend to consider them ‘neutral’. Examples of this are Tokino, who comments about liking Ritsuka, Nagisa, who seems to want to dote on him, Seven, who reacts positively to his presence, and even Nisei makes positive comments towards Ritsuka, though they’re in his own weirdly creepy way. Characters who I didn’t include, such as the Zero girls and teams who weren’t important enough to make the cut, seem to take a liking to Ritsuka even though they were originally sent out to defeat him. The fact of the matter is that unless they have been tampered with, people seem to very easily like Ritsuka. Whether this is because he’s just a really good person or if it’s something to do with his true name, I don’t know. Nevertheless, I do find it odd that his name is ‘Loveless’ and everyone seems to like him.

Specific relationships dealing with Ritsuka:

Soubi and Ritsuka has already been discussed, so I’ll leave that off in this section.

Ritsuka and Seimei: Ritsuka and Seimei have a relationship that’s interesting because Ritsuka, a child, is starting to finally see that his brother is the villain, an evil person who’s done evil things. At the beginning of the series, Ritsuka absolutely put Seimei on a pedestal, as children sometimes do with people they attach onto to protect them. For a long time in the series, Ritsuka just wouldn’t believe that Seimei would ever do horrible, inhuman things. I’ve discussed this before, but children tend to see the world in terms of black and white. The point at which they stop doing this is the point in which they reach a higher stage of development. It’s key to a child’s development to stop the polar thinking, and Ritsuka is very much starting to do that, especially after Seimei takes Soubi back and leaves Ritsuka essentially alone. However, Ritsuka does still seem incredibly conflicted over his brother and understandably so. There’s still positive thinking surrounding Seimei, even with the negative thinking, which is why their relationship is labelled as a cross between positive and negative.

Ritsuka and Misaki: This is another relationship where it becomes undoubtedly obvious that Ritsuka is a child. Misaki is an abuser and very clearly feels extremely negatively towards Ritsuka. It seems to be hinted at that this hatred of hers was caused by someone who is neither she nor Ritsuka, but that doesn’t change the fact that she abuses him. She seems to pretty much solidly hate Ritsuka, though something seems to breakthrough after Nisei pays a visit to her. It isn’t much, and she’s still suffering through something, but there’s evidence that she doesn’t completely hate Ritsuka. As I stated above, though, a black arrow relationship does not necessarily mean a relationship of hatred; it means a negative one, and Misaki, no matter what, currently seems to feel negatively towards Ritsuka.

Ritsuka, on the other hand, loves his mother, no matter what she does to him. This is incredibly common in abused people, especially children. Ritsuka seems to want to do whatever he possibly can to get his mother to like him, even if it means trying to find a way to give up his current self and revert back to something that he once was before. Despite this being an incredibly toxic and self-harming mindset and relationship, Ritsuka feels completely positively towards his mother, to the point where he doesn’t assign any of the blame of her abuse onto her. He feels bad for her and loves her and brushes off her abuse.

Ritsuka and Natsuo and Youji: As much as I complain about Ritsuka’s character, this relationship is actually one of my favorites. I didn’t have room to mark it on the relationship chart, but it’s a positive one going both ways. I particularly like it because unlike so many other relationships in the series, this one is extremely beneficial to both parties. I’d actually sort of liken it to the relationship Soubi and Kio have, since it’s a relationship where one party (counting Natsuo and Youji as one unit in a party) is almost the polar opposite of the other, everyone is of a similar age, and they do seem to get along very well, even though they had to get over their differences and even if one party occasionally is bothersome/annoying towards the other. This is a relationship often looked over, but the three of them have helped each other. When Soubi leaves him, the first people Ritsuka goes to are Natsuo and Youji and even though it takes a hiccup for everything to get moving, they help him move forward to the next step. In turn, it’s clear that Ritsuka’s presence has helped ‘humanize’ and normalize Natsuo and Youji. They make a good bunch of genuine friends and have a good relationship.

Ritsuka and Kio: This is one that people tend to go one way or another with and hardly ever in the middle. People tend to see this relationship as entirely negative or entirely bordering on romantic when it’s neither. Kio did, at one point, strongly dislike Ritsuka, but this was before he ever met him and for the sole reason that Kio assumed Ritsuka would be like his brother. It didn’t take long after meeting him for that mindset to stop, and Kio seems to feel positively towards Ritsuka and vice versa, but it’s not anywhere near romantic. A lot of characters in Loveless deal with trying to find someone who understands them and their way of thinking and a lot of the characters seem to hold a lot of value to finding someone who understands. Ritsuka and Kio are no different. They’re referred to as kindred spirits, people who think alike and seem to understand each other. At this point in the manga, it’s clear that Kio’s developed some sort of caring, parental friendship with him, something that seems to carry over to Natsuo and Youji, as well.

The last character I’ve chosen for these in-depth relationship analyses is Seimei. Seimei is, by writing standards, our third main character. Seimei is, to anyone who’s known him, really, a little strange. Actually, he’s very strange, and most people know that in canon and everyone who reads quite quickly discovers that Seimei is absolutely not what Ritsuka, the person whose perspective the story is primarily told through, thinks of him.

Above I talked about Ritsuka and how anyone who gets to know him seems to feel very positively towards him and how the only person who really dislikes him or has a negative relationship with him is his mother, and those feelings are hinted at being influenced heavily by an outside force.

Seimei is the exact opposite of Ritsuka. In the relationship chart, all feelings that go towards him are negative to some degree. Obviously, Nisei, Ritsuka, and Soubi all have secondary feelings of positveness or romance, but even that’s tainted with negative feelings. Anyone who gets to know Seimei in the least develops negative feelings towards him to some degree. The only exception of this, which I didn’t mark on the chart due to space constraints, is again Aoyagi Misaki, his and Ritsuka’s mother. There’s a lot of evidence in the series pointing to Misaki somehow being magically tampered with and because of this, she idolizes and loves Seimei while she beats and hates Ritsuka. This is again odd because the way Misaki favors Seimei and hates Ritsuka works out perfectly in Seimei’s favor and her feelings only developed after Ritsuka ‘lost his memories’ and became a ‘new Ritsuka’. Misaki seems to put Seimei on a high pedestal and even goes as far as to refer to him as the man of the house.

However, with everyone else, Seimei burns his bridges at an alarming rate. With where we are now, every relationship that leads to Seimei is negative in some degree. Not only are Ritsuka and Seimei’s true names opposite, but so are the way they have relationships with other people. Right now, Seimei has burned every bridge he possibly can, and I have theorized before that it will most definitely bite him in the ass at some point. Seimei has made everyone around him dislike him in some context or another, and right now, he doesn’t seem to realize what he’s done.

Specific relationships dealing with Seimei:

I’ve already talked about Soubi and Seimei and Ritsuka and Seimei, so I’ll leave that off.

Seimei and Nisei: This is a relationship that seems to confuse and mess up a lot of people in the Loveless fandom, especially when they’re trying to write or portray these two characters together. I don’t blame them, really. This relationship is hard to grasp and the characters themselves are even harder to fully grasp. Often times, I’ll see Seimei portrayed as giving into Nisei and Nisei tends to either get treated like a person that’s done nothing bad ever or Nisei is portrayed as a sadistic monster who’s never felt anything for anyone ever. Both these characterizations for both characters are fundamentally wrong. Seimei is someone who wants control and power and holds himself as higher than anyone and everyone else in the series. He’s stated multiple times that he thinks that only Ritsuka is on the same level as him. No one else. Everyone else is below him. If there’s anyone sitting on a high horse in Loveless, it’s Seimei.

Nisei, on the other hand, may be fundamentally a bad person and he may not be. We don’t know, because Nisei is under Seimei’s complete and total control and it’s been hinted at/subtly acknowledged that Soubi has done many of the same things Nisei has under Seimei’s rule. He is sadistic, but he also does undoubtedly feel emotions. He may not acknowledge or even know it, but Nisei is completely in love with Seimei. That’s what may make this relationship so hard to grasp—Nisei claims at a couple points that he doesn’t think he’s able to feel love or empathy or remorse, but it seems as though Nisei was actually completely wrong about himself or in denial, and that can be a hard thing for readers to grasp, since it’s not often that a character confidently proclaims something about themselves that later turns out to be completely wrong.

Nisei is in love with Seimei, but it’s a one-sided thing and filled with conflicting negative thoughts as Nisei slowly realizes that his life is over and he’s become something entirely different under Seimei’s rule, something subservient and something he never expected or wanted to be. It’s not in Nisei’s character/personality to be submissive or to follow and obey others, so this is where his inner conflict and the negativity towards Seimei comes in—he’s trying to pull himself back from Seimei but keeps getting reeled in further and is ultimately unable to stop it. Seimei, in turn, seems to feel negatively towards Nisei because of the fact that Nisei is trying to pull back and doesn’t want to fulfill orders or be owned. It’s a push and pull relationship and is all kinds of negative.

Seimei and Mikado: On a basic level, their relationship is easy to grasp. Seimei and Mikado were once friends or friendly associates, and then Seimei betrayed Mikado by ripping her innocence and dignity from her. Mikado states that she and Seimei were alike and understood each other, and that’s where people start being confused by them. Mikado seems to have fully trusted in Seimei at one point and was willing to follow him down into whatever rabbit hole he’s in now. Mikado describes herself as not being like other people, as not being able to understand or control her feelings or the feelings of others and states that she can only understand others and situations if she has a reason. She also says that Seimei was the same way and the reason they bonded was because it was natural to get along with each other when no one else could understand them. Many readers don’t seem to realize just how strong her bond with Seimei must’ve been—Mikado viewed him as the one person in this world who could and would understand her. It was a bond even stronger than the one she has with her Fighter, who she has a good relationship with, but still seems to miss the fact that Seimei was someone who understood her.

Because of the fact that their relationship was so strong, the betrayal hurt more. Some people wonder why Mikado is so vindictive when it comes to hunting down Seimei. It’s because of the fact that she thought she’d found someone who truly, actually understood her and her reasons by which she lived her life, and then that same person brutally betrayed her and took the one thing she had away—a reason. Seimei and Mikado are implied to have known each other a long time, as Mikado makes a comment to Ritsuka that he looks like the splitting image of Seimei at 12, and Seimei burned his bridge with her in the absolute worst way possible and took everything from her. She’s developed a need for vengeance from this, as has her Fighter, and in turn, Seimei taunts her multiple times during the battle and decided to have her raped and beaten when he no longer wanted her. Seimei and Mikado’s relationship is one of the most violent ones in the series currently, and it shows.

Seimei and Ritsu: This relationship is pretty straightforward. The two of them absolutely hate each other, Seimei because Ritsu talks down to him and thinks of him as a child, and Ritsu hates Seimei because of his treatment of Soubi, which is ironic given that Ritsu was the first one to really break down Soubi. It does get misrepresented, occasionally.

Those are the three specific characters I wanted to go over in this post, but I do want to touch on a few others who didn’t need a full character-relationship analysis but still have relationships needing explaining.

Misc relationships:

Nagisa and Ritsu: Above anything and everything else, the way this relationship is portrayed in fanworks bothers me like nothing else. I mentioned it above when I talked about why I made this post and wrote all this, but I’d like to talk about it more. Nagisa is absolutely not head over heels in love with Ritsu. There is some sort of romantic feelings on her end, but they’re so wrapped up in negative feelings, regret, and hatred that it’s hard for me to even define it as romantic. She has romantic feelings for Ritsu, but she is not in love with him. Nagisa’s entire character revolves around the death of her sister many, many years ago. Her sister was the only thing in her life that she’s ever cared so strongly about and Sanae’s death left a scar on Nagisa that hasn’t healed, even 20+ years after. Nagisa’s personality and relationships also revolve around this. To put it simply, Nagisa has spent over twenty years trying to figure out a way to close the gap Sanae left behind while at the same time, trying to hold onto every piece of her that she has.

Ritsu is one of those pieces. She’s attached onto him because he’s the last remaining part of her sister. At the same time, though, she despises him because Ritsu had some part in Sanae’s death—namely, leaving Sanae in the pond where she drowned alone while knowing that Sanae couldn’t swim. Nagisa has held onto this, as well. Ritsu, on the other hand, is narcissistic and has a desire for power over people. Nagisa is an easy target because of the fact that she’s vulnerable to him in particular. In addition, it seems as though Ritsu is also holding onto something, whether it be Nagisa’s sister or Akio in some weird, convoluted way. His main goal is power, though, and Nagisa is easy to shove into submission. Throughout the series, Ritsu also insults her and mocks her and eggs on emotional breakdowns so he can get some sort of amusement out of her suffering. Their relationship is an incredibly negative one where both parties are actively using each other for some sort of validation or amusement and even if Nagisa feels romantic feelings for Ritsu, those feelings are still rooted in the negativity and terribleness of the rest of their relationship.

Tokino and Soubi: I didn’t include this in Soubi’s part because of the fact that most of the negativity between them is caused by Tokino’s feelings and pre-conceived beliefs. This is another relationship looked over and a lot of people seem to ignore that the first thing Soubi did upon meeting Tokino was treat him rudely and coldly and the second thing they did was get into an argument that was heated enough that Natsuo and Youji had to tell them to calm down. They both seem to dislike each other beyond what’s normal for a pair of Fighters, and this is mostly rooted, again, in Soubi’s identity as Fighter and in specific, the identity of being the Beloved Fighter. Tokino despises Soubi because he views him as similar to Nisei, and Soubi returns those feelings because—well, he’s Soubi and Soubi’s automatic response to someone disliking him is to start some sort of fight with them and also be incredibly passive-aggressive

Natsuo and Youji and Nagisa: Oh, boy, is this one clusterfuck of a relationship. I talked about how, in this post, Natsuo and Youji don’t seem to have developed real attachments quite yet and because of that, they view their mother figure in an attractive light where they think that it’s entirely appropriate to want to pursue her romantically. Despite this, their feelings towards her aren’t necessarily ‘positive’. They state a couple times in the manga that they prefer to live with Soubi and they seem very disappointed when Nagisa called them back. The two of them have been basically living on their own until they’re taken in by Soubi, since Nagisa never really bothered to care for them. They attached wrongly onto her and developed some sort of crush on her, even though she’s their parent. Nagisa also seems to not like them at all, to the point where she’s seen verbally abusing them and slapping them occasionally. They share a dislike of this treatment, making their feelings towards her both romantic and negative, whereas Nagisa just feels negatively towards them.

Seven: I mentioned above that I put Seven in here because her lack of relationships is important to her character and to the series. In the manga, Seven is said to basically be a shut-in who never really leaves her lab/office. She comes out rarely and the only significant relationship is the one that she has with Nagisa. She’s hardly ever seen with anyone else and actually comes out of her office a total of one time on her own during the manga, which is when she meets with Ritsu and Nagisa in the hospital sector where Ritsu is being treated. She isolates herself and her only friend is Nagisa.

Septimal Moon: The dynamic between the members of Septimal Moon is also a little interesting. Some of them have personal relationships with each other and tend to group with those people. Examples include Seimei and Mikado staying around each other and Nagisa, Seven, and Ritsu having personal relationships with each other. They seem to pretty much stay in their group and don’t stray often and there is a lot of interpersonal drama between members, which I talked about in this post.

That’s all the initial analysis I’m going to do for this relationship chart. I’ll be making one that focuses on the flashback chapters eventually. If you’d like to ask me about or have me discuss any more of these points, go ahead and shoot me and ask and I’ll answer it!

#loveless #Agatsuma Soubi #Aoyagi Ritsuka #Aoyagi Seimei #akame nisei #gomon mikado #sagan nagisa #minami ritsu #theory #analysis #my graphics #my content

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archonreviews · 5 years

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The Archon’s Review of SOULCALIBUR VI

SOULCALIBUR VI is the seventh installment of a venerable series of fighting games that started with Soul Edge. The series is created by BANDAI NAMCO Studios, more specifically by Project Soul. In the 16th century, rumors of a powerful sword, Soul Edge, have emerged. Many seek it, some to wield it in service to a greater cause, others in service to themselves. However, only a few know of the truth, that Soul Edge is an evil, soul-devouring blade that slays every wielder to comes into its possession. Fewer still know that Soul Edge has a twin, the spirit sword, Soul Calibur. In the midst of this turmoil, many warriors fight for good or evil, order or chaos, and future of the world and all its souls hangs in the balance...

While I was never very good at fighting games in general, I consider myself passing skilled in the specific arena of 3d fighters. I’ve played the shit out of Soulcalibur II, Soulcalibur III, and even Soulcalibur IV. When I heard that another one of these was coming out, I was rather quite pleased, especially since it’s out on Steam.

So, in case you haven’t heard, the Soul Calibur series is a tale of souls and swords, eternally retold. In this case, it really is a tale retold, as it is a soft reboot of Soul Calibur, which came after Soul Edge. What this really means is that we get the tragic backstories of certain characters as they were told in SC, plus the tragic backstories of other characters as they were told in SCII and SCIII, and some stories were changed entirely, just for funsies, as far as I can discern.

“But Archon,” I hear you ask, “this is a fighting game. Story would have been shunted faaar down the priorities list; why are you talking at length about it?” And to that I would ask you how you got into my house. But also, I would say that the Soul Calibur series has always put a whole heaping helping of plot and story in its titles, and that story is often... interesting, but not skillfully executed, leading to some... peculiarities.

I’ll start with the main story. They call it “Libra of the Soul”, and it’s called such because it uses a set of scales (or “Libra”) as a metaphor for their moral choice system. So you’d think that if they’re naming the main campaign after the moral choice system, then that system would be executed well. You would be wrong, sadly. Basically, what happens is that every so often, usually after a fight, you’ll be presented with a binary moral choice. Some of them make sense, such as “Steal this defeated bandit’s weapon, or tussle his hair and tell him not to do bad things anymore”. But the decision that sets the tone, the very first one, in fact, is completely bonkers. See, you’re in a dream sequence, and you’re presented with two swords, one golden and one azure. You’re told that the golden one represents freedom and the desire to forge your own fate, while the azure one represents a desire to impose order and harmony on an inherently chaotic world; you’re then asked to choose one. Naturally, because I am a red-blooded, eagle-fucking, burrito bowl-eating American patriot, I picked the golden sword, after which the game literally told me that I was “Aligned with the darkness.” Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that wanting to forge my own destiny made me a bastard! And there are plenty of other choices that the game boils down to either “good” or “evil”, despite being more complicated than that. Worse yet, the post-game content, as far as the morality goes, is literally just picking from those fucking swords over and over again. So why is it even here if it’s so poorly presented? Well, the only things of substance that seem to change if you’re good or evil is which of the two plot-important swords your character wields in certain cutscenes, and a particular line your character spouts after a post-plot optional fight. The game will tell you that certain optional fights are only available to characters who are either good or evil, but I don’t buy that, frankly. And certain weapons have an increased rate of scoring critical hits depending on your alignment, but realistically, you can just wield the one with the biggest average damage and you’ll be fine.

(This question about fate is the only moral choice in the game with a neutral option, and frankly, it isn’t even really a moral choice, in my humble opinion.)

While Libra is the story of your OC (more on that in a bit), the game also infuses the main cast with individual stories of their own. And it even does something quite revolutionary for fighting games: it creates a central canon and has the cast all tie their plots around it, so that you don’t have a case where theoretically one character’s ending is just as canon as another’s, unlike most fighting games I’ve played and seen. However, this creates a couple of glaring issues. First, it means that the main cast can’t be fighting each other all the time, because they’re all in different places and times. To solve this issue, a not-insignificant number of plot relevant fights are against total randos who contribute nothing to the story. This contributes to the second issue, that is to say that any character’s plot outside of the main canon feels tacked-on and unnecessary. Most of the characters don’t even interact with the main macguffins at all. In addition, many chapters are extended dialogues instead of fights, which seems extremely misguided seeing as how we are here for the fighting. One particular instance that really got my goat was the character Zasalamel, who’s entire plot is given via monologue, without a single fight. It honestly made me wonder what I was even there for.

(Now, when the game decides to go full cutscene, it’s pretty stunning)

So a fighting game has a poor plot; and in other news, bears remain Catholic. I bring attention to it, however, because SCVI just has a shitton of plot, more plot than is socially acceptable for a fighting game to have. This makes me wonder something. A thought, you see, crept into my brain pan as I traveled across the world map of Libra, stopping intermittently for plot-relevant fights and sidequests which I had little personal investment in. That thought being, “Would Project Soul be more comfortable just making RPG’s?” I mean, the Libra mode has all the trappings of an RPG: an expansive world map, random battles, tons of sidequests, weapon and item drops, a levelling system, and expansive scope, a binary moral choice system. And yet it was bound, or maybe cursed, to be a fighting game. So, Project Soul, if you guys happen to read this ever: Would you guys be more comfortable making RPG’s? Because I can’t speak for other people, but I would play the shit out of a Soul Calibur RPG. Just something to think about during the next company meeting when some bigwig from BANDAI NAMCO is droning on about how you’ve gotta make Sophitia twenty percent more “milfy” or how you’ve gotta make Siegfried sixty percent more emo.

So, lets veer away from plot and get more mechanical. I’ll start with the character creation; and let me just say that I’m actually more mixed on it now that I’ve had time to reflect. When you first create a character, the game gives you a list of fantasy races to choose from (my idea from when I was like, 13 years old, but go off I guess), and you can be as fat or as skinny as you want to be, and you can modulate your character’s voice to be however you want it to be. All in all, first impressions were good. However, I was disappointed to learn that you couldn’t be a female lizardperson. In fact, several races lack female options, which really irritated me, because I had an awesome idea for a lizardwoman character, but I couldn’t use the female clothing options to make that idea a reality, so I just had to use male clothing options and headcanon my own OC as a female, even though it said “Male” on her sheet. What chuffed me even more was the fact that you could have a female skeleton, skeletons being the one entity I could imagine skipping out on gender designations for. In addition, they still havn’t brought back the custom character styles from SCIII yet, nor have they allowed you to make your own, forcing you to use a pre-existing style, which, as has been stated before by better critics than I (notice me Yahtzee), is basically just crafting a custom model for an already existing character. This wouldn’t be a problem if they just brought back the custom styles from SCIII or let us create our own style in the vein of Mortal Kombat: Armageddon. However, the creator may be more robust than I give it credit for here; I did manage to make some characters that I thought were pretty awesome, and plenty of people have bent it toward the ever-noble goal of transplanting Pokemon into the Soul Calibur universe. Basically, if you want to create a fun and interesting-looking character, great. If you want to have a custom moveset, or if you wanna make a big-tittied lizard play a female lizardperson, so sorry.

(Seeing this screen actually brought me no small amount of joy.)

Now, what about the mechanics of play? Well, this is the reason I, despite all my earlier criticism, really like this game. The fighting is solid, each move having appropriate weight and impact. The controls are responsive and smooth, even at high graphical settings (online play notwithstanding). Guard impacting makes a triumphant return after its apparent disappearance in SCV, although, it seems like the timing on it is a little more lenient than in previous installments. Soul Charging is its own little cutscene and knock-back effect, instead of SCII, where I remember Soul Charging being a liability that no one used. There’s also this new thing called a Reversal Edge, where you and your opponent both press a button and the person who pressed the best button wins. Okay, it’s a little bit more complex than that, as when the two players tie, they do it again, except verticals win, except if both players did a vertical, in which case the instigator wins, so the whole process ends up being like speed Rock-Paper-Scissors with extra rules. People seem mixed on whether this is a welcome edition to the formula or if it’s pointless and dumb, but I personally like it. If nothing else, it’s flashy as fuck. The move list also seems slightly more simplistic, although that could just be down to me finding all my favorite moves early.

Now for small potatoes and nitpicks! They changed many of the voice actors since SCIV, although, since I didn’t play SCV, I wouldn’t know if these are recent changes. While I really didn’t dig most of the choices, I will admit that Siegfried’s VA was spot on, capturing a sort of perfect middle ground between tortured hero and lovable wangsty-man. I remember liking the old announcer more too, although I fully admit to having nostalgia goggles on for that.

The amount of objectification of women in this game is frankly intense, although, if you’ve ever seen the models for the characters of Ivy the dominatrix or Taki the ninja, that shouldn’t surprise you. What may surprise you is that clothing damage is back, which is weird, because while in SCIV, clothing damage had a purpose, as certain pieces of clothing informed certain stats, it doesn’t seem to serve any mechanical purpose here. However, it does mean that the men can get in on the sexualization action too. In fact, I’ll tell you all a little secret: Raphael, the fencer, has a move that can tear off all the clothes of any other character, leaving them in their skivvies. Step one: Soul charge. Step two: Use the Triple Botta In Tempo (forward+vertical, then vertical vertical vertical vertical...). If you’ve completed step one, and the enemy hasn’t blocked, Raphael will do this kind of Zorroesque maneuver and wham bam thank you mam, all your opponents’ clothes fall off. Do it on Mitsurugi the samurai and...

(Both of these characters are only based on the mentioned characters, but I hope it demonstrates my point. On the left, my Raphael-style character.)

One last point, and one that’s been made to death: the guest characters. While Geralt from The Witcher series made sense, being at least aesthetically consistent with the other characters, BANDAI NAMCO are apparently going to put in 2B from Nier: Automata, and frankly, that doesn’t make much sense to me, but I may very well be in the majority on this, so I won’t say too much more about it, since this gripe is even more subjective than usual.

To sum, would I recommend Soul Calibur VI? I would say so, if for no other reason than that the game mechanics are solid, and frankly, if I take the nostalgia goggles off, I have to admit that this one is the best Soul Calibur so far. In addition, this character creator is pretty robust, if you don’t mind not being able to do very specific things, such as making a big tittied lizard. While the unnecessary sexualization and weirdly grandiose story can bog things down for some, I’d still recommend it for the gameplay alone.

(No big tittied lizards, but Pokemon/Human hybrids are okay. Sure.)

#archon reviews #video games #video game #review #soul calibur #soul caliber vi #soul caliber 6 #fighting game #fantasy

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gethealthy18-blog · 5 years

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Natural Remedies to Calm Asthma Symptoms

New Post has been published on https://healingawerness.com/news/natural-remedies-to-calm-asthma-symptoms/

Natural Remedies to Calm Asthma Symptoms

I typically rely on allergy relief remedies when seasonal allergies creep up, but some of the things that can trigger allergies can also trigger asthma. If you or your child suffer from asthma (which is a growing problem!), you’ll be happy to know that there are lots of natural remedies for asthma that are surprisingly easy to use.

What Is Asthma?

Asthma is a condition where airways narrow, swell, and become inflamed. This can cause shortness of breath, wheezing, coughing, and excess mucus production. The severity of asthma varies from person to person. For some, it’s a nuisance and for others, it can be much more serious.

Unfortunately, asthma typically begins in childhood (but can happen at any age).

Symptoms of Asthma

There are some obvious symptoms of asthma:

Coughing – often is worse at night or early in the morning which makes it difficult to sleep.

Wheezing – a whistling rattling, or squeaky sound with each breath.

Chest tightness – may feel like something is sitting on your chest or squeezing you.

Shortness of breath – either you can’t get enough air in, or can’t let it out.

Important note: Not all people who have asthma have any symptoms. Also, you can have these symptoms without having asthma. To diagnose asthma, your doctor may want to give you a lung function test along with using other diagnostic tools. As always, checking with a doctor is the best approach.

Severity of an Asthma Attack

Mild asthma is fairly common and usually can be addressed with natural remedies. It’s good to know the symptoms of each stage though, so you know when to seek a doctor’s care. (It’s always good to check in with your doctor even if you think you have only mild to moderate symptoms.)

Mild – slight wheezing and difficulty breathing but adequate air intake. This can be intermittent (fewer than twice a week) or persistent (more than twice a week).

Moderate – conspicuous wheezing, respiratory distress at rest, use of abdominal muscles to breathe. These flare-ups can make regular activities and sleeping difficulty.

Severe – obvious respiratory distress, blue skin (especially the nail beds and lips), absent breath sounds.

Respiratory Failure – severe respiratory distress, lethargy, confusion, sweating, low blood pressure.

If you or someone you know is having an asthma attack that resembles severe or respiratory failure, call 911 right away.

What Causes Asthma?

Experts still don’t know for sure what causes asthma. However, they believe it is a combination of environmental irritants and genetic predisposition. Some possible causes are:

physical activity ( especially running)

certain medications like beta blockers, aspirin, ibuprofen, and naproxen (Aleve)

cold air, wind, or other weather extremes

strong emotions or stress

sulfites and preservatives added to food

gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD)

impaired antioxidant defenses (and subsequent oxidative stress)

Additionally, there are some risk factors that make certain people more likely to get asthma. Risk factors for asthma include:

family history – if a close relative has asthma, you’re more likely to have it too

respiratory infections

allergies – people with allergies (Like eczema or hay fever) are more likely to develop asthma.

exposure to environmental irritants – pet dander, pollution, cigarette smoke, chemicals, and workplace toxins can make it more likely that a person develops asthma.

obesity – both children and adults who are overweight or obese are more likely to develop asthma. it’s unclear why this is true. Some experts believe it has to do with inflammation associated with obesity.

One interesting theory that researchers have for what causes asthma is the “hygiene hypothesis.” Basically, this hypothesis says that in the Western world we worry a lot about cleanliness and sanitation. Because of this, children aren’t exposed to germs and have fewer illnesses. Because of the reduction in exposure to these illnesses and germs, kids’ immune systems don’t grow as robust as they could. This is why I stopped using antibacterial cleaners at home.)

Natural Asthma Remedies

Typically, doctors treat asthma symptoms with steroid inhalers and bronchodilators. Steroid inhalers help quickly reduce inflammation to open the airway. But they have some side effects (just listen to a commercial for asthma medicine!).

Asthma medication certainly may be life-saving and important (always check with your doctor), but how can you support your health in other ways? Natural remedies for asthma can help with mild to moderate asthma symptoms.

Most of all, treating symptoms when they first appear is important for avoiding more serious or severe symptoms.

Moderate Exercise

Intense exercise may make asthma symptoms worse but moderate or mild exercise can help strengthen the lungs and reduce inflammation. A 2005 review found that lack of physical activity may be one cause of asthma and that physical activity should be a prescription for all asthmatics.

Reduce Environmental Irritants

Since environmental irritants can cause or exacerbate asthma, reducing them makes sense as a preventative measure.

Don’t smoke

Use an air filter in your house or the workplace

Use natural cleaners and body products (instead of chemicals)

Consider getting rid of rugs or carpets (they could harbor dust mites)

Clean (and dust) living space often

Remediate mold

Everything you can do to reduce dust or other allergens in your home is a great first step!

Deal With Stress

Stress is more of a health risk than many of us realize. In fact, high levels of stress can completely undo all of the other healthy things you may be doing (like eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly). Research published in 2014 shows that asthma has a psychological trigger. It also explains that breathing exercises can reduce asthma symptoms for many patients.

Additionally, a review in the Journal of Asthma found that meditation may be beneficial to asthma sufferers (but higher quality studies are needed).

Try Himalayan Salt Therapy

Some asthma sufferers swear by salt therapy for their symptoms. Salt caves or Himalayan salt inhalers are two ways of experiencing salt therapy. There’s not much information about salt therapy for asthma. However, one study published in Pneumologia does say it could be beneficial (though researchers couldn’t rule out placebo effect). Salt therapy seems to be safe, so it may be worth a try.

Use Essential Oils

When used safely, essential oils can be a great addition to a natural remedy kit. These essential oils are great for easing asthma symptoms:

Peppermint – can help stop the release of histamine. Can also soothe inflamed airways (peppermint contains menthol).

Lavender, eucalyptus, tea tree, and roman chamomile – known anti-inflammatory oils that may reduce one of the root causes of asthma, inflammation

My favorite ways to use essential oils is to diffuse them or use them topically. If used topically, dilute in a carrier oil and use to massage on the skin (the chest is a good place to start). Always be sure to use a quality brand.

Consider Herbs

Herbal medicine is another way to treat asthma symptoms without the side effects of steroids. A Chinese medicine herbal formula called ASHMI has been found in clinical trials to be only slightly less effective than prednisone for treating asthma. This herbal blend includes reishi, Chinese liquorice, and shrubby sophora. (Check with a doctor before to avoid interactions any medications.)

Change Your Diet

Diet is one of the most important things we can focus on to optimizing health. A high nutrient diet rich in antioxidants and other anti-inflammatory compounds can help avoid the inflammatory response that asthma can create. Other nutrients to include in the diet are the following:

Vitamin C – Children who ate vitamin C-rich fruit were less likely to have wheezing. A clinical review also found that vitamin C plays a part in the metabolism of histamine and prostaglandins. These compounds are involved in the constriction of the airway during an asthma attack. Here is how I supplement vitamin C.

Carotenoids – Carotenoids are the compounds that give vegetables their yellow, orange, or red pigment (think carrots, peppers, and tomatoes). A 2005 study found that those with asthma had lower circulating levels of carotenoids. Carotenoids also fight oxidative stress which is one potential cause of asthma. So as always, eat those colorful veggies!

Folate – Folate is an important vitamin for many processes in the body. It’s especially important during pregnancy to reduce the risk of birth defects. A 2010 study found that folate may even help prevent asthma. Higher folate levels in the blood were associated with a lower risk for allergic tendencies and wheezing in participants. (Just be sure to take the right form.)

Magnesium – Magnesium sulfate IVs are a standard treatment for asthma attacks that land patients in the hospital. But it seems that increasing dietary magnesium could be beneficial in improving symptoms too. One study published in the European Respiratory Journal found that higher levels of magnesium in the diet were associated with improved symptoms (though not better airflow). Magnesium is an important mineral that many of us are deficient in, so it’s worth upping your intake. Magnesium is in dark chocolate, avocados, nuts, and fish like salmon, mackerel, and halibut. Dietary magnesium is good but is hard for some people to absorb. Magnesium is best absorbed through the skin with a magnesium oil spray.

Omega-3 fatty acids – Omega-3s found in fatty fish like anchovies and salmon are excellent for reducing inflammation. A 2015 study also found that a lower level of omega-3s may be related to asthma. It also found that a greater intake of omega-3 resolved inflammation in asthma sufferers. This is my preferred source.

Sulforaphane – Cruciferous vegetable like broccoli and cabbage contain this compound that can be beneficial for asthma sufferers. It increased antioxidant enzymes that can protect against free radicals and oxidative stress in a UCLA study. Here’s how to get it at home from sprouts!

Raw dairy products (or none altogether) – Dairy intake can cause mucus production which can exacerbate asthma symptoms. But raw milk can be beneficial. A study published in Frontiers of Immunology discovered that raw milk actually prevents airway inflammation in asthma sufferers.

Using a Natural Remedy Arsenal for Asthma

Asthma symptoms are a nuisance at best and dangerous at worse. Luckily there are some natural remedies for asthma that can help you prevent the onset of asthma symptoms for you or your child, and make daily life more enjoyable.

Do you or a family member suffer from asthma? What remedies work best for you?

Sources:

Wood, L. G., Garg, M. L., Blake, R. J., Garcia-Caraballo, S., & Gibson, P. G. (2005, December). Airway and circulating levels of carotenoids in asthma and healthy controls. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16373941

Matsui, E. C., & Matsui, W. (2009, June). Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2693474/

The effects of vitamin C on asthma should be also be studied. (2018, August 15). Retrieved from https://www.bmj.com/content/349/bmj.g5517/rr/797361

Hill, J., Micklewright, A., Lewis, S., & Britton, J. (1997, October). Investigation of the effect of short-term change in dietary magnesium intake in asthma. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9387944

Role of omega-3 fatty acids and their metabolites in asthma and allergic diseases. (2014, October 27). Retrieved from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1323893014000100

Lucas, S. R., & Platts-Mills, T. A. (2005, May). Physical activity and exercise in asthma: Relevance to etiology and treatment. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15867847

Breathing exercises for asthma. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://breathe.ersjournals.com/content/10/4/312

Paudyal, P., Jones, C., Grindey, C., Dawood, R., & Smith, H. (2018, July). Meditation for asthma: Systematic review and meta-analysis. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28853958

Cernomaz, T. A., Bolog, S. G., & Mih?escu, T. (n.d.). The effect of a dry salt inhaler in adults with COPD. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18019972

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/404015/asthma-remedies/

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floralkittygambler · 3 years

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Return of The Thing

Sort of. By thing, I mean me. But I love this movie and the meme. Ok, context for this post: - Where I’ve been - Why I left - Whats hip happening - Where I’ve Been:

Long story short, I’ve had real life matters to deal with. Firstly, my entire household contracted COVID. Well, *almost*. We’ve been through constant testing, quarantine zones, and had the ambulance up numerous times. My parents and 2nd oldest sister were hit the hardest. My 3rd oldest sister was positive and asymptomatic. Now something none of us could predict that I would be completely COVID free despite my compromises. Despite that I was in close contact with them all, including the 2nd oldest who contracted it first and accidentally being coughed on a few times lol. I went through the exact same testing and yet nothing. No symptoms. No presence of COVID. And I took no precaution to isolate from my family as I presumed in our small house we’d all get it, so I was more preoccupied with caring for the sick. Ultimately, I’ve either gotten off scott free this time or there’s a chance I may actually either be highly resistant or even immune. Even then, I WILL be having the vaccine as and when my family are eligible. And we all still follow regulations set. I’ve also had other real life obligations, much of it either mundane fixing up my living circumstances to more personal matters. Overall, I have been extremely preoccupied.

A mini update, the stray cat Big has been in our porch a lot more in recent times due to the snow as well as being even more affectionate. And Queefster passed away after a good life and a full tummy. Why I Left:

Aside from COVID, business, and my own health declining, I’ll be blunt. I left because of how disgustingly toxic most fandoms are nowadays, but Hazbin is one of the WORST for it. That includes harassment, death threats, mocking MI and triggering an ED. In fact, I’ve even seen others get rape and death threats. So yes, even if YOU are a decent fan, collectively most of you arent doing any favours. Even some critical blogs seem to be overtly catty in ways no one else seems to pick up on under this ‘look how blunt I am’ look and it’s just... You dont have to be a prick to have your say, to be honest and to disagree with the trending. That’s a few on and off of tumblr, and no one I follow anyways.

In regards to my ‘sensitivities’ - two things: 1) Of course trauma is going to hurt, 2) Im fully aware of kids doing and receiving much of this, which hurts MORE. I have my own lil squids and Im worried of them eventually having to deal with this shit. And no, no one SHOULD have to put up with such rude and poor behaviour. Agree to disagree doesnt live in some people’s realities, but by God harassment and bullying seems ok if YOURE doing it or enticing it. That ISNT ok. Even if it seems like nothing to you it could kill another. I certainly will not take your shit.

On huskerdust I STAND by my words. It’s fucking creepy and there is sexual harassment and obsession. And there are large triggers. I will not go into detail here because Ive done that dance before and I’ll be refining it again. YOU may like it, however it triggers my very real traumas as well as those in my bloodline. Be respectful and keep that shit away from me. And for goodness sake, parents PLEASE dont raise your children to behave as such online. And no, being anon isnt actually fully anonymous. Also to send hate and threats anon is not only traceable but also cowardice. Grow a pair and find a hobby. I avoid my traumas for the most part. I will not allow you to weaponise or diminish my own or others experiences for your fictional based gratification. Likewise, if it becomes canon, I’ll just make an AU where it is not. Simple. You can hate it but Im not your personal circus so go be toxic elsewhere. IF you like HD and follow me, honestly... Youre probably better to unfollow as I am deeply and passionately against it and stolitz, and valvox, and am very vocal on that. Dont mistake my traumas and discomfort as a personal attack - and dont personally attack me over it either. And before anyone claims homophobia, no. This is nothing to do with sexuality. You arent the victim. If you love these pairings with your soul to the point of a ‘stan’, then youre best off unfollowing because I really am too old for extremists and rabid fans more crazed than the infected in REC. Also I never used to hate angel but now... Fans behaviour is abhorrent and hes so over saturated that I honestly really dislike him now. Doesnt mean you have to hate him too, but just bloody respect that angel isnt loved by all, he can be triggering to some as well as toxically enabling [incl. past addicts], a vile homophobic gay stereotype and just overall a lack of knowledge and respect of sex workers as a whole. When you know a lot of the ins and outs and victims, it’s hard to overlook. I respect your triggering ships by avoiding that mess. Respect others. The problem with Viv - and I will elaborate in the future - is that your audience is often a reflection of your work and it’s message/presentation. And most of the fandom Ive met are awful. Honestly, though lonesome I find more comfort keeping distant from fandoms because yall often extremely toxic and petty. Perhaps others have had better experiences than I however Im drawing a line in the sand. For MY sake. I’m annoyed with virtually anyone I sense great potential in that becomes wasted. Im angry at Viv because she can do so much better but is blocking HERSELF. This is from a creative and business mindset. When someone has potential that gets wasted - especially creatively - it burns me. Im just passionate on artistic fields. It doesnt mean I hate them. I hate the waste of full potential.

I’ll state things here people disagree with but encouraging harassment, hate or just being an overall cunt just aint on- It’s like people charade as being this fair being but its all bullshit. Self improve and sod off, I do NOT have time to parent you online.

And obviously there are RL duties I must fulfil. Some in which I will need the publics assistance for if you can spare it. Overall, Im just... Fandoms behaviour generally disgusts me. Disappoints me. We SHOULD be better than this. It’s like listening to bloomin incels rant on fuckin chad or some bullshit pill theory instead of looking to improve themselves too. Honestly... I do mostly acknowledge my own flaws and faults and try to improve each day. It just feels fewer folk see that in themselves and do the same. And that’s coming from an old cunt whos far from fuckin perfect. Also, my fuckin laptop broke so I waited a week for a bloke nearby to fix it. What a fuckin lifesaver, he’s the real mvp!

Also Also, one of you did privately apologise and I appreciate that. I certainly hope we agree to disagree and continue to grow as people on our separate ways. Trust me, I dont forget small acts like this. Even the trauma that caused and the aftermath, please dont think I dont appreciate the apology. However you’re also entitled to know that the forgiveness and healing side may take longer for me due to various factors that occurred - much that few are aware of, including yourself especially. I wish you well and safety.

Hip Happenin Now:

Still busy but slowly visiting. I’ll reply and reblog soon, be patient please. Ive still many things to sort which take priority as well as other things. Im trying to get money n shit for a future and whatnot. Health issues are strong in the blood rn and Im spending extended time with both Big and the other pets to keep up harmony, especially now that Big is accepting slowly that our porch is a welcome shelter for him and he’s free to leave and stay whenever. Trust me, overloaded isnt even the word. Im prepping shit early this year and from now on. Also, my God Ive been dealing with more physical issues as well and had to play doctor. May even need medical interference but holy shit I could never see this coming. Still... It’s... An experience- If you could call it that. Staying more active and healthy. Cat’s nearly clawed my eye out in my sleep (to which I can only presume Billy got too close or hyper) but it’s fortunate placement so Im alright. Most of my body is in pain to the point of absolute normality at this rate. And I plan to make space for a better altar. Future of the Blog:

Errr, it’s my fuckin space so it’s whatever I want really. Ill still have my Viv rants (ie, pros and cons of her work, HH/HB, other shit like that) however I just really dislike most the fandom at this point as well as the poor management and lack of professionalism and attitudes of staff. It’s just draggin me down and making me ill. I also want to showcase more of MY work (from redesigns to projects to some dumb 2am shit), cosplays, fashion, hobbies, spiritual practises - MY. SHIT. I feel like Ive strayed slightly. But I WILL be honest. And damn well will it upset people. And if it does and I’m genuinely ding something wrong/harmful - guide me patiently. Educate me. If it’s like this HD shit where Im not only allowed my opinions but justified on my traumas or mocking my disabilities or features, then just yeet yourself elsewhere. Also some of my gaming shit too. Getting to know folk who interact with my stuff and just... Create my space. For me. Something hopefully others can enjoy. Something that can function as a bit of an art portfolio as well. Critiques and whatnot. But I will continually not stand for anyone’s shit or poor handling of serious matters. You will not cause me to doubt and invalidate my experiences like you have to others. For now, Im tottering but slowly returning. For those who I previously and daily interacted with, I will get back to you. And Im sure you’re patient and understanding of my situation - it’s appreciated. But in terms of any fandom, more so if it’s known to be as hostile, I’d rather keep a healthy boundary between us. That’s for newer folk. Perhaps we may bond further and you’re welcome to try, however I do feel far safer not getting involved into other people’s shit any longer. I will put anon back on but any toxic shit will be reported as well as compiled so at least I have a reference on the actual toxic nature of fandoms. Likewise, Im slowly getting there but god theres a lot of fuckin work. So much that not even my closest friend has heard too much from me until recently. I’ll be returning to the grind for now as I have duties, as well as many demanding felines for my attention. Alongside some physical medical concerns which require additional care, I’ll be popping off now. Im thankful for those who have checked in on me. I will reply shortly. Take care

#im fucking tired #ive hardly had any alcohol lately as well #ive snuck some though but not as much for unwind time sadly #also discovered sourz alcohol and it is wonderful #i made someone laugh until literal pissing themselves though so #im taking bloody pride in that comedy so

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