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stardustjmk · 2 months

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hello! I saw that your requests for Greta are open, and I was wondering if I could request something for Jake? I am hard-of-hearing, and I suppose I would love to read something about how that has an impact on Jake and Reader's relationship. If you have any specific questions or anything, just let me know! I can totally help out. I hate to say it but I'd love for it to be a little angsty, like, obviously hearing loss is not a choice and maybe Jake is just like... still upset that Reader can't fully hear things and asks to wear headphones at concerts. I would assume IRL Jake isn't an ignorant jerk like that but maybe for this he's just hurt that he isn't able to fully be heard literally and takes offense that like the headphones make it seem like he is being ignored. Thanks in advance!❤️

Loud and Clear | J.T.K

Summary: In which Jake does his best to be understanding and mindful of his hard of hearing partner, but a particular request upsets him.

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x gn!reader | Genre: angst, hurt/comfort Warnings: angst, jake being unintentionally ignorant. | Word count: 2.6k

Note: I am not the best at writing angst, since I crave fluff, but I do hope there’s enough of it to fulfill your expectations 🥹🫶🏻 Thank you for requesting!!

DISCLAIMER: I myself am not hard of hearing, nor do I personally know anyone who is. The last thing I want to do is offend anyone, or anything along those lines. So, in the case that something in this story comes off as offensive, please understand that is not at all my intent. Also please let me know if that is the case, so I do not repeat any mistakes.

There was a point in time where you couldn’t see yourself being anything more than a friend to Jake Kiszka.

When he first showed romantic interest in you, you’d be lying if you said it didn’t scare you. After all, you’d been met with numerous challenged relationship, and it was rarely your fault, to put it simply.

That being said, Jake was persistent, unlike any other guy you’d ever had interest in. He showed you, time and time again, that he would take every challenge, and erase it the best he could. Not once did he make you feel bad, or guilty for being hard of hearing, and he certainly didn’t let anyone else make you feel that way either. So, between his persistence, patience, and love, you let yourself fall for him, getting wrapped around his finger.

Jake does his best to learn sign language, along with other means of communicating, but being so busy with making music, doing shows, and all the other tedious tasks of his job, it’s hard find the time to attend classes or do lessons online. Especially given that in order to make that happen, he usually has to sacrifice time with you, or friends, or family.

You know he does his best though, and it shows in the way he speaks to you, which in turn is enough in your book. Not to mention, guys you’d seen before had much more free time on their hands, but never put in the effort to learn, whereas Jake manages to find time no matter how busy he is, all while keeping up his relationship with you.

That’s not to say you don’t have your struggles with him, though.

You can recall a few moments where he’d gotten impatient, trying to explain something to you. One time, he’d waved it off, and even though he explained that it wasn’t because of you, but more so the point he was getting at just stopped being that important to him, it still hurt to be dismissed, when you were trying your hardest to understand. From that moment on, it was very rare for him to be frustrated, but you could sometimes see his shoulders slump or lip twitch. You did your best not to take it personally, and most of the time, he would make up for it whether it be outright apologizing to you for it, or cleaning up his act as soon as it starts - nevertheless, his patience and understanding always outweighs the few occasions where it isn’t so.

All things considered, this might be the worst situation you’ve been in with him.

You hug Jake’s arm as he talks to the boys backstage, the four of them preparing for the show they’ll be playing in a few hours. Jake wears a small, proud smile, evidently excited to finally have you come to a show. The four of them talk to one another, and between looking at their lips, along with the occasional signed words they’d picked up on, you could follow along fairly easily.

Each one of them had learned at least some basic sign language, but Jake had learned the most by far. In fact, when you met his parents for the first time, you were almost shocked by just how much of their words he was able to sign to you. Now, he does the same, and you find yourself with a smile that mirrors his, heart swelling with nothing but love for him.

Your eyes scan the room, and when your gaze lands on a cluster of neatly placed noise-cancelling headphones, you realize that you’d left the ones you brought in Jake’s dressing room. It would likely be easy to go retrieve them, but you’d be lying if you said the “Greta Van Fleet” stickers on the ear muffs didn’t appeal to you.

So, you wander back to the conversation, and wait until a good time to grab Jake’s attention. When it comes, you tap his shoulder gently. He immediately gives you his attention, and you take a moment to admire the smudged liner that beautifully enhances his brown eyes, making your head spin with how good it looks on him.

“Would it be okay if I take a pair of those headphones?” you ask, gesturing to the table, and Jake is quick to nod his head, but it seems he didn’t exactly process it, because as you grab a pair, his brows furrow. “Wait, why do you need them?” He asks. You told him once that your ears are sensitive to loud sounds, but it was months ago, and honestly very brief, so you aren’t upset that he doesn’t remember.

“My ears are sensitive, remember?” you try to jog his memory, and he nods slowly. He does remember, and also recalls reading something about it, possibly back in school, but it still makes his shoulders slump and mood falter. He tries to mentally reason with himself, knowing that you can’t help it, and that he wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable, but Jake is known to be stubborn. Anyone who’s close to him knows that and has likely experienced it at least once.

You try to shake off the guilt that bubbles in your stomach - it’s not your fault.

However, as time passes, instead of getting over it, Jake only seems to grown more frustrated with you. It makes your heart ache, to think back on when you first met him. Even though he’s just as sweet now as he was then, a part of you thinks that he wouldn’t react like this if you went back in time and found yourself in this situation.

By the time you gather the courage to confront him, it’s not exactly a convenient time. The opening band is set to be going on in just a few minutes, and you should be making your way to your seat, but you decide it can wait. “Why are you mad at me?” You ask suddenly. You’d been watching Jake make his last adjustments to his makeup, outfit, and guitar (at least, the ones he could do backstage), and it was silent the whole time. You could feel how upset he was, and in a way, it made you mad, which is what made you ask.

“I’m not mad at you,” Jake says, not even bothering to look at you, when normally he’d be fully focused on you, knowing it makes it easier for the both of you. It’s a clear sign that he doesn’t want to talk, and your stomach turns. You’d never experienced this with Jake - shit, you could barely imagine experiencing this with him, given how he’s acted thus far.

A part of you starts to freak out, as this has happened before, in other relationships. Things go well, then something happens, you get blamed - even though it isn’t your fault - and then they break things off. Is Jake going to break up with me? you think to yourself, suddenly dreading the trip to your seat, and the hours following where you’re going to be expected to be happy.

“You are mad,” you say, a little more stern this time. He still refuses to look at you, and you feel a lump forming in your throat. “Jake,” you say, almost certain that your voice is shaky. He finally looks at you. “I just…” he sighs, “The music means so much to me, and the thought of you not hearing it is upsetting,” he explains. You watch his lips as he talks, eyes flickering between them and his hands as he tries to sign it. It’s slightly relieving, knowing that he’s not so mad as to completely give up communication, but there’s still a weight on your shoulders.

Before you can say anything, the boys are being rounded up, and Jake gives you a quick kiss on the cheek. “My mom will help you to your seat,” is the last thing he says before heading off with the other boys, making your heart sink. Your lip trembles, and tears well in your eyes, but you force them away. With shaky hands, you grab your headphones and soon meet with Karen, finding your way to your seat.

Despite the lingering sadness in regards to your predicament with Jake, you do your best to enjoy the show.

The lights turn back on, the boys disappear, and the once screaming crowd now evolves into chatter throughout the arena. Karen has been nothing but sweet to you, and as you both head back stage, she links her arm with yours. You’re coming up on a year of being with Jake, and at this point, you’re close enough with his mom that resting your head on her shoulder as you walk isn’t a big deal to either of you. In fact, she presses a kiss to your head, making a small smile form on your lips.

You aren’t sure what to do when you see Jake, so you hesitantly walk towards him, standing awkwardly to the side as he talks to one of the tech guys. As their conversation comes to an end, Jake turns to you. It’s clear that he also isn’t sure what to do, but he chooses to take your hand in his, gently guiding you back to his dressing room.

He seems gentler now, which is relieving, but you’re still worked up about the whole situation, and you’re sure it’s still on his mind as well. You take a seat on the small leather couch that’s in his dressing room, occasionally glancing at him as he changed out of his sweaty suit, and into a pair of old jeans, and one of his beloved button ups. Since it’s a Nashville show, you assume he’ll worry about a shower when he gets home.

He turns to you and walks towards you, eyes locking with yours. You’re not sure what to expect. He lifts a hand and brushes his knuckles against your cheek before cupping it. It’s a silent apology, that, and the way the look in his eyes begs for forgiveness. “We can talk about it later, okay? I don’t want to brush anything off, but I also have to-“ “I know, Jakey,” you stop him, turning your head to peck his palm, before standing up. “Do what you have to do,” you tell him, grabbing your headphones off the couch arm where you’d rested them, as well as making sure to grab the ones you’d brought. You kiss his cheek then walk to the door, opening it as to press your previous statement.

You aren’t sure exactly how long it is before Jake is done, but you do your best to wait patiently. You talk to the other boys, to his mom again, and eventually just linger around Jake himself, trying not to get in the way as he does what he can to help get things packed up.

After some time, everyone finishes up, and you’re back to where you were earlier, with your arm wrapped around Jake’s as you leave the arena. You say goodbye to the boys, along with Jake’s mom, then head your separate ways. The walk to his car is quiet, and you can only assume he’s also thinking about what to say, and what’s going to be said when you talk. He opens the passenger door for you, shutting it gently once you’re settled, then heads to the drivers side.

He waits to start the car, and instead looks at you. You figure he wants to go ahead and talk, and you ultimately decide sooner is better than later. “You said that I can’t hear you, and that upsets you,” you remind him of his words, giving him a chance to correct you, or add onto it, but he just nods. You look at him, and the look on his face reads that of guilt, but also a hint of his own frustration is mixed in with it. His silence gives you the floor to speak, but you can tell he’s worried.

You reach over the console and take one of his hands in yours, then use the other to gently direct his face towards you. His eyes meet yours, and you offer a half smile. “I do hear you, Jake,” you start. “Maybe I can’t listen to it the way you do, or the way your fans do, but I hear it, Jake. I see it, too…I feel it. I feel the drums, I feel the vibrations your amps, I see the way you react, the way the crowd reacts- Jake, I hear you loud and clear,” you conclude, and you can tell that it hit him particularly hard, with the way he sighs shakily and squeezes your hand.

He nods, processing your words, then waits for you to continue. When you stay quiet, he takes over, “Talk to me, please. I know you’re hurt and I just- I want to fix it, so please talk to me,” he says, taking over the role of assurance and comfort. “I just need you to hear me too, Jake,” you say, sighing softly. “I love you so much, and the idea of you being frustrated with me over this…it just hurts, you know? I didn’t ask for it,” you explain. You aren’t attacking him, or even trying to make him feel bad, and he knows it, so he lets you vent, without interrupting. “I know, and,” he pauses, pressing a kiss to the back of your hand before laying it on his lap. He uses his hands to sign as he talks. “I’m sorry. You don’t deserve that,” he says, and the way you can see the wheels in his head spinning extra fast, trying to make sure he doesn’t mess up, makes you crack the faintest smile.

“I love you too, and I promise that this won’t happen again, okay?” he says, and you nod, leaning in to kiss his lips softly. He kisses you back, lifting a hand to cup your cheek. You practically melt into him, the way he’s so delicate and passionate all at once making you crumble. When you pull away, he’s wearing a grin. “Now, you’re more than allowed to decline…but I think maybe we need a do-over, if you want to come to one of the next shows,” he suggests, and much to his excitement, you do agree.

When the next show rolls around, Jake gifts you a pair of noise-canceling headphones. You open the mix to find a pair of bedazzled ones, black rhinestones making up the majority of them, with “Greta Van Fleet” spelled out in carefully placed silver rhinestones. “The rhinestones were Josh’s idea, weren’t they?” you ask, making him let out a genuine laugh. “You bet it was Josh’s idea.”

This time around, things go a lot smoother, and Jake makes sure to look extra hard for you in the crowd. The smile on your face, the bedazzled headphones - which you eventually found had your initials embroidered on the underside of the headband part, along with “all my love” in jake’s handwriting - which he comes to absolutely adore, the way you’d dressed up for the show, all of it makes him fall even more in love with you. Not to mention, he watches you for longer than he might should, but it’s worth it to see you enjoying yourself, and that’s when he realizes that you do hear him, loud and clear.

#jake kiszka fanfic #greta van fleet fan fiction #jtk x reader #gvf x reader #gvf fluff #gvf fic #gvf fanfiction #jake gvf #jake x reader #jake kiszka x y/n #jake kiszka x you #jake kiszka fluff #jake kiszka fic #jake kiszka x reader #jake kiszka angst #jake kiszka

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princess-of-the-corner · 2 days

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Wouldn't the Todoroki drama be more strained due to his pr team? Yeah we joked that they suck and we discussed Natsuo's very bad experience with them. But you mentioned how they are very much pushing a certain "traditional family values" look on Enji. Meaning that the only look his kids see when not irl is very much biased and untrue. But the kids can't really get confirmation either way.

Oh yeah it's. It's a combination of things!

Enji himself is. He's kinda lost in his headspace and incredibly busy so a lot of the fatherly things he ends up doing are more.... bare minimum going through the motions. Make sure the kids are fed and bathed and do their chores and that they're doing well in school and discipline them when they break the rules and all that, but rarely having time to properly do things like family movie night or any talking like- like people. This was mitigated more when Rei was around, but then her mental health declined and she wasn't doing as much and now she's not doing jack because she's in the hospital(I don't mean this as a dunk her health is important too).

And then yeah there is. There is the bad shit he's doing. Whether it be things he is actively like 'I know on some level this is fucked but *insert justification here*' or the 'doesn't realize that this was bad because that's how he was raised and clearly he doesn't have childhood truama(YEAH ABOUT THAT-)!'. Either way it has a negative impact on the kids, which in turn effects their perception of him.

There's also a lot of half-truths where the kids know some information but don't have all of the context, like everything going on with Rei.

You also have the different kids and their own perceptions. Toya and Fuyumi are old enough to have genuine good and happy memories while Natsuo and Shoto aren't. And Toya's good memories get tainted by later traumas so he thinks it was all either fake or just 'dad's goals coincidentally was something that made me happy as a kid'. And I'm gonna bring it up later but in Road to Hell I dragged Selkie into this and yeah there's going to be a falling out there so while Toya and Fuyumi remember him being basically their uncle, Shoto definitely doesn't(Natsuo is up in the air rn).

The PR Team stuff is mixed in to that. Even though the kids don't go actively looking online for stuff about their dad(they did that once, discovered the fanfic sites, and tried to induce amnesia). But they do still run across that sort of stuff. And yeah the PR Team is cultivating the image they want/what they /think/ Endeavor wants for himself. Which yeah is something the kids don't feel safe and comfortable with when it comes to things like being gay.

And like. On the Mutation Quirks. I have a plan for a conversation where Shoto says something casual like about it with the class and it's Izuku who kinda goes 'Actually that sounds odd'. (Because ofc while he has his obvious favorite he knows a LOT of obscure facts about a lot of active Heroes especially ones like Endeavor who are a big name.) And he elaborates on this in a 'if we're gonna hate him we hate him for the right reasons' by saying that he's aware on how it's harder to find nowadays but you can find older video clips where he shuts down assholes talking Anti-Mutation sentiments.

Then ofc the big thing with the PR team which very much colors Natsuo's perception and he might've told Fuyumi and Shoto about that which. Fuyumi doubts it but Shoto would believe it.

So yeah it's. There's. There's so much going on and there's definitely a lot that Enji did wrong but there's also stuff that was kinda out of his hands.

#tpp au

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trivalentlinks · 11 months

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#part of the reason i already had N95 masks when covid hit was that i used to use them for vent exploration #(the university i went to for grad school (which was also adjacent to my undergrad uni) had an avid bunch of building explorers #roofs and tunnels and building shafts and yes vents) #(the vents were unusually spacious i think in some of the older academic buildings but wow they were DUSTY!) #(i'm not allergic but i didn't like the idea of all that dust in my lungs) #(i also had a set of clothes i didn't mind getting permanently grimey for this reason) #(vent exploration can be pretty loud (rattling the vents) but the buildings were so old the vents were loud anyway :-) ) #(also there were enough students who enjoyed roof/tunnel/shaft/vent exploration that people turned a deaf ear to it i guess)

okay this is super cool and I was under the sad impression that vents big enough to crawl through weren't really a thing IRL, so please consider me delighted. did you find anything interesting that way? did you ever go exploring with others or run into them while you were? free space to talk about vents if you want (I can't believe I just typed those words) <3

[either private or public is fine!]

<3 <3 <3

Haha, yeah I was also under the impression that vents are not big enough for adults to crawl through, and I think this is true for most modern buildings, which was why the first time someone brought me somewhere and was like "now we're gonna go through these vents", I thought they were pranking me--I was like "that's not a thing", but I guess in older buildings this is a thing!

I never really found anything new, though there were little notes and signatures people had left in all sorts of odd places, mostly maintenance shafts, and it was kind of awesome to see how many years back the tradition went

Also I should be clear, when I say "exploring" I mean in the sense of exploring places that are new to me; I never went places that other people I knew hadn't already gone to before--it may not be clear to people who only know me online, but I'm a very high-strung and risk-averse person

-- did you ever go exploring with others...

always, yeah; it was considered a group activity; I only ever went with people who had more experience than I did, but my understanding is that even the most experienced people never went alone;

it was believed to be dangerous to go alone, because you could get stuck somewhere (no-one I knew ever actually got stuck, and the campus was pretty safe about not having spaces that were easier to get in than out, but in theory), and if you're deep in a basement, there might be no reception (also the culture predates mobile phones, so the tradition of it being a group activity could also be from that)

the group i went with met on Saturday nights at midnight (i think? i don't remember exactly) in front of a cafe and would only go if there were at least 3 or 4 people

-- ...or run into them while you were?

i remember running into another group once; I think it happens more towards the beginning of the semester before people start getting really busy;

the university also had a huge event during prospective students' visiting weekend where some undergrads would show the kids around, and then the tunnels, shafts and roofs would be absolutely overrun, haha (the school was widely known for having one of the best prospective students' visiting weekends)

-- free space to talk about vents if you want

Not vents exactly, but there's one roof-and-tunnel hacking story i'm kinda proud of:

there was this one maintenance shaft in one of the buildings that had a very tall space that you had to climb up to get to a specific space, and the group i was with had a tradition of letting new people try to figure out a way up themselves (in the sense of coming up with the ideas themselves, solutions that involved someone giving you a boost and you pulling them up are, of course, valid) before telling them the standard solutions, just to see if they could come up with something new

anyway, off to one side, there was this metal pipe that went all the way up, so I rolled my jeans up (for more friction between the legs), grabbed the pipe and vertically climbed it pole-dancing style, (because i'd been taking pole dancing classes for a few months at that point)

the others were pretty surprised and said they hadn't actually seen a new solution in a while

Anyway thank you so much for asking <3 <3

#vents #building exploration #roof and tunnel hacking #urban exploration

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katyspersonal · 7 months

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I really need a mental health break from social media, sorry.

I just can't recover from what happened this summer. Like.. sure, Percy-nal Offence finally slipping and sending their harassment mail off anon let me sigh with relief at last, but not only it was a bit too late to heal the damage from being stalked and harassed that much, but also it was soured by a person that backstabbed me and my friends earlier (I just call her A here) coming to me right after, to lie that she never doubted that anon was them (when she literally chose to throw me away all because she defended Percy and I blew up over it) and worse yet, victim blame me for being angry at her betrayal. Could not be happy that the truth finally came up when I had to hear "well yeah I threw you to the wolves but you are really mean still being salty about it :/". ...and, then, in August, someone else betrayed me, with empty promises. Yes, the guy that crawled to me begging to live together and claiming his life was nothing without me, but then changed his opinion 10 days later and ditched me like dead weight that "wasted his time", although I've been there for him through his worst and lowest and tolerated his BPD abuse, when his current friends that are oh so much better than me are only there for him when he is stable and happy.

Normally I am able to cope and distract myself and just.. bear with it. Like A is pretty much thriving and very active on Tumblr, so most of the time I have to see her somewhat and it is fine, but recently something seriously opened the wound again. And with the guy, TOO many things remind me of him, and yesterday something reminded me of his broken promise again and I just.. I just can't. I broke into a sobbing, helpless mess completely.

The problem is, my mom left in another town (really has to do some stuff there). For like, a week... I am feeling at my lowest, and for at least a week there won't be anyone to control me if I want to do something bad. I don't have any help right now. I have no more irl friends left since everyone left the city/country and the last one ditched me when she found a boyfriend. I can't seek a therapist in my sorry financial state, I can't count on my online friends since our timezones are very different and they're either too busy with work/school or have their own problems to deal with. Like... I am scared. I am very unstable and no one will help me for at least one week. The only choice I have left is to remove myself from everything that could remind me of either of those two people, or otherwise destabilize me.. And that means avoiding first of all, this fandom, especially on Tumblr, until mom is back or better yet, until I am stable again

Just, don't worry about me, okay? I've done urgent removal of myself from social media before, and it often helps to stabilize emotionally. It is just all a very, very bad timing, and I am constantly exposed to things that provoke bad memories and make me spiral, and there is no way to do anything but to let the time make me not care anymore. But I can't ALWAYS be strong and distracted with memes and fun things that make me happy. I've just cracked, but I can't afford trusting myself with social media at this time. I'll come back later, okay? Okay

#/vent #personal #/suicide mention #mental health #depression

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garbage--account · 24 days

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Ladies, may i have your attention please ?

Reblog and share this post with the most girlies possible right now, because

👏WE 👏NEED 👏TO 👏START 👏AN 👏OLDER 👏VIRGIN 👏GIRL 👏SUPPORT 👏GROUP

(Lads, don't you effing start laughing like stupid, i bite fr! Love u if u support tho)

If you are like me, a 24 yo and + woman and virgin/never had sex/single, or can relate to, let's start this mf support group, reblog and share so that more ladies can follow us, 'cause i can't be the only one 😤

If you don't, reblog and share are still appreciated but DON'T READ THE REST OF THE POST FOR I AM GOING TO SLANDER 🌠Jennifer🌠 SO HARD, THE CHILDREN MUST NOT SEE AND U DON’T WANNA SEE THAT

Ladies, be a girl's girl and join the fight against 🌠Jennifer🌠 !!!

TW : abuse of the word "virgin" because it's not an insult not a compliment so we are getting used to hear it. If your uncomfortable with "virgin", get out 🚪🚶‍♀️

By the way, 🌠Jennifer🌠 is not a person : she is an allegory, she represents the people when i tell them i am virgin.

I picture 🌠Jennifer🌠 as female because in french, my native language, nouns have genders and society is female, i don't make the rules 💅 I don't personally know a Jennifer : i picked the name for the vibe.

Since i am adult virgin woman, she assumes that I :

Too pure for this world

Waiting for marriage

Religious

Traditional

No fun at all

Don't get sex joke

Blushing/outraged at anything even remotly intimate

Ugly/unattractive

Bad at flirting

A lesbian in denial

Aro/ace

Femcel

Shy/not assertive/doesn't dare anything

Childish/immature

Don't take care of myself

Must have something wrong in my body and/or my head

Aiming for someone not single (for example, her lame and uglyass bf 🤮)

Hate men

Too masculine/not womanly enough

A "nice girl" or a "one of the boys"

Scaring/disgusted the boys out

Scared of the 🍆

Don't know how it works

"Too much into politic" / too feminist

Set my standards too high

Have a trauma

Not interested in others/antisocial/sociopath/cavewoman

Don't masturbe

Need advice about the boys

Too romantic

Had strict parents

A lonely girl

Actually a minor

Cringe

Chronically online

Don't know life

Lying

Like STFU, stop. You don't even make sense !

We were talking, getting to know each other. We were getting along so far until i dropped "actually i am still a virgin" bomb.

And then 🌠Jennifer🌠 started to look at me funny and that's how i KNOW she will less respect me. Like she either babying or gaslighting me. She may not say anything but all the previous points above are shining through her sassy eyes.

I KNOW i may sound aggressive in this post but irl i am not like that, she just annoys me so much . Your girl have a job, friends, hobby, ambition, dreams, YOUR GIRL IS BUSY and doesn't have to put up with those bs.

The worst is : i am perfectly okay with me having reaching adulthood and still being virgin, but it somehow bugs🌠Jennifer🌠' for no reason and wanna make it my problem.

So hear me out, 🌠Jennifer🌠 :

what i put or not my coochie is not your effing business

I am 24, you thought seeing a dick pic would have me blushing ?

As if i'd want ur lameass bf 🤮 he doesn't even treat u right

All the men i know so far were nothing but wonderful with me

Do i need to show you my 139452 step self-care routine to prove you i am girly enough ?

If i scare the men, how come you are not scared of me ? (Fear me or i will harvest your kneecaps)

What if i wasn't queer/lgbt ? (Show them support pls)

I am fabulous 💅💅💅💅💅🖕

I don't have any sex related trauma, but i will be your worst nightmare if you keep going

Why would i be lying ? I don't have time for creating bs, unlike you

No i am not hidding it 🖕

I would love to do sex jokes for you. Unfortunatly i don't like you and will not joke around with u

Your standards are too low

Me and my bitches from the adult virgin women support group will put you down and we are not shutting up. Period 💅

#Adult virgins are adults #support groups #Jennifer as an allegory #She is not a real person #personal rant #We need to stop to stfu and concele #Don't start telling me men have it worst #This is a post for girls only #long post #Basically me at 1 am

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saskiasabri · 4 months

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Brooo im so sorry about these cringe trolls and instigators trying to start shit with you guys over petty stuff because they've been stuck with their own grudges that they can't fix. But at the same time there are A LOT of minors in the Postal fandom who are filled teenage angst and drama is going to sprout like weeds. And as a minor myself i admit Postal's themes in the franchise aren't exactly kid-friendly either. Oops! 💀💀💀

Sadly even the most fit and organized fandoms aren't free from drama, but from someone who has recently got into newer fandom spaces myself, less shit seems to resurface when people are just simply treated better. Out in the open or behind closed doors.

Sometimes amends can't always be met and people aren't very forgiving, trusting or kind by default, and that's fine. But I believe everyone can be shown their intentions are not always ill when we come together as a community and prove that not everyone is only after themselves. You guys are obviously trying your best online and irl and I hate to go anon like this but I too wanna start 2024 with no drama because that's what destroys a good community. 🙌🙌🙌

Sorry if my message tone sounds rude at some points. English is not my first But I just wanted to spread some positivity for once after so much happened in 2023. There's already a lot of evil in this world and the best we can do is be kind to one another with no strings attached.

❤🧡💛

thank you for ur concern and understanding the situation ❤❤❤ yea it sucks when fandoms can't be free from drama and it always happens. but y'know, it'll be fine as long as u don't get involved to it if it has nothing to do with u. i think minors in the Postal fandom can enjoy the game all they want as long as they're careful around other fans cuz there always will be those who will cause problems and say shit like "minors are annoying trying to be in adult spaces" or smth like that which pisses me off a lot cuz if they're enjoying the content then let them be, but if anything from the game offends them then that's their problem and they should know Postal isn't really for kids and the game already gave a warning in pop-up(?) screen before playing. it's best for them not to get into it, suggesting them to think first or else they'll start causing a scene. (the game itself is not really offensive, well to me atleast.) anyways, we're just doing our job as rws server staff, if anything happens then we'll take care of it if reported. we may not respond to random messages cuz we're mostly busy focusing on important stuff or we're just not in the mood. we do care for other members, we'll help as best as we could. we may not get to help much when it comes to real life personal problems, we're not professionals so they should know that.

(also thank you so much for the positivity, i hope everything in 2024 goes better for u and others who are reading this 💖💖💖)

#saskia talks #askblog #anon #postal

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thottybrucewayne · 1 year

Text

A LIST OF PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING TO HELL: 2023 EDITION, LETS GOOOOOOOO!!!!

Anybody that's still dick gobblin JK Rowling. At this point yall can't be saved. Perish. Yall be going two hand twist Teanna Trump full throttle on her shit 24/7 365 and for what? A children's book series that really should have stopped being relevant the second yall heard the bitch was bumping coochies with terfs on Twitter dot com? Be serious

Anybody that defended Tory Lanez. But especially the niggas that were 10 toes down and nipple deep in conspiracy theories because they were too pussy to admit they just wanted to participate in the harassment of a Black woman. You going to the hottest part of hell if you really believe that "roc nation got him!" Or any other bullshit

White leftists who hold zero community with Black people either online or irl but wanna act like world renowned Doctors of Niggalogy the second they hear about anything a Black leftist is doing. I'm fitting yall for some gasoline draws as we speak

White tiktokkers. Yall showed yall ass so bad last year that you all gotta go at this point. Yall getting packed like sardines and will be down there within 2 to 3 business minutes

Like 99.999999999999999% of anime/manga fans. You niggas are so deeply unserious about everything to the point where a prominent figure in the anime news community was exposed for being a literal "ex" neo nazi and yall tried to sneak forgive him 2 months later because "everyone makes mistakes" you're spineless and weak and I'm spitting in your eye before I pull the lever to the flaming depths below

Speaking of anime, anyone who was involved with anime abridged series but especially in the 2010s. Yall are going to the front of the line. I ain't forget what yall was doing with Canary from hxh

Anybody who is ridiculously overly critical of the "state of female rap" but refuse to speak on these mid tier male rappers that be stinking up the girls records with they features

Paula Abdul and Jlo. They both know why.

Anyone who makes Ike and Tina/Whitney and Bobby jokes

Anyone who thinks up north and Cali aren't racist. 9 times outta 10 you are the embodiment of northerner/cali racists we be talkin about

Anyone who argues that slur reclamation makes a word not a slur anymore. A. That's not how that works B. Now I know why yall wanna say nigga so bad

Anybody who still listens to them nsfw anime boyfriend audios on the public library computers. You and the dude on xvideos a seat over from you are 2 sides of the same coin

Batman "fans" who say shit like "why doesn't he just kill the joker?" Yall add nothing new to the conversation like ever and its literally painful to talk to you

Anyone who takes hoteps, Dr. Umar, or DJ akademiks seriously. You was born a fool and you'll die a fool

Niggas with podcasts. Enough

Whoever keeps coming up with them twitter hypotheticals that rule every conversation within the Black community for a solid week. I'm convinced you are a psyop tasked with sowing chaos within the Black community. You must be terminated.

Anybody who recommends me corny ass cornball corn on the cob ass media then expect me to like it. Cause like....what you trying to say?

VAUSH

Yall nbs who keep jumping up to defend raceplay/slaveplay in any kink based controversy on here even though nobody was fuckin talkin about raceplay/slaveplay

Reylos. Self explanatory.

Booktokkers and Booktok authors

Niggas who eat chitlins but are picky about other food. Slurp them doodoo noodles in hell, babes.

People who think "blackwashing" is real. Self explanatory.

Men who look like they smell like cold spit and earring backs who talk cash shit about fat women. Yall gonna be roasted on a spit and I'll be turning it.

Pickmes. You've finally been picked! To burn in the lake of fire for all eternity.

And finally, anybody and I mean ANYONE who is still doing stupid shit like licking subway poles for attention. I hope all 8 million diseases of the naked city on that damn pole attack your immune system and breaks you down on a molecular level till theres nothing left.

#thotty speaks #thotty rants #going to hell list 2023 #feel free to add some in the reblogs

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m34gs · 9 months

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What’s an unlikely hobby/interest you think your twst faves have? :o

Oooh what a fun ask! Thank you for this, Blue :D I couldn't answer sooner because I was busy visiting my siblings and their partners, but I am here now! 💜💜💜

Idia Shroud: cosplaying; specifically, I think posting cosplay photos online. Idia is a shy boy, cripplingly so. But, he loves video games and anime with a passion; one that allows him to at times override his own anxiety and become very outspoken and even participate in things he normally would never be remotely interested in. It's not a stretch to think he would cosplay, but it is unusual for him to want to post any photos online. I think he would still be too nervous to have others associate the cosplay account with him irl, so I think he uses a fake name, and only posts the cosplays he's certain cannot be linked back to him...the ones where either he is wearing a TON of makeup, or his face is covered. And Idia is a perfectionist/child prodigy. These costumes are Top Fricking Tier.

Azul Ashengrotto: poker. I know, he gives off mafia vibes, he gives off vegas vibes; why would I think poker is unlikely for Azul, but still one of his interests? Well, Azul does give off the vibe of a mafia boss and, like a mob boss, he does not like leaving things to chance. At all. Based off of Ursula, the sea witch, he makes deals that have high stakes, and he likes to have everything calculated so that he comes out a winner. He will, of course, be willing to take a small loss in the interest of "playing the long game" and coming out on top overall, but that's because he has planned it to be so. He does not like guessing; he very much likes to be in total control of a situation. There's tricks you can use to mostly come out on top, but in poker it's never a 100% guarantee. Still, I can't help but think poker would have an allure for him. Honestly, my headcanon for this game is he tried it once, got his ass kicked by Floyd who never seems to think about the long-term consequences of anything ever, and got so angry about this that he continuously played it when he had time prior to bed in an effort to "improve" for the next six months until he was so used to the game that playing it actually became a bit relaxing for him. He pavlov'd himself.

Jade Leech: I'm not sure if there's anything "unlikely" for Jade; he really is the kind of person that's like "try everything at least once and keep an open mind"...but if I had to pick the thing that I would be a bit surprised to hear he enjoys, it would be video games. Jade gives off the air of someone who would much rather be in nature or be enjoying an art museum, and he canonically is the Only member of the Mountain Lover's Club and goes on camping trips by himself for fun. But I do think he would be able to appreciate the quality and art of a few video games at least, and would potentially enjoy the ones that allow the player freedom to roam and do side-quests as well as storylines.

Floyd Leech: Birdwatching. If you know Floyd, you know he likes to be moving, he likes to be doing things, he's a very active person. But I think he would enjoy birdwatching. For one thing, it's definitely something he and Jade could do together and Jade would happily tell him about all the birds they see, and for another, birds are rather fascinating creatures. Canonically being a merperson and coming from the Coral Sea, I do think Floyd would find birds and their habits interesting. I also think he'd like looking for the different plumages and maybe even make a game out of finding the rarest ones he could.

Thank you again for the ask, this was very fun to answer!!!

#asks #twisted wonderland #my faves #my headcanons #hobby headcanons #azurexsnake

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opinated-user · 1 year

Note

SF Debris has no idea who Lily is. He has never spoken to her or about her or even to or about people she knows. He's primarily a Star Trek content makers so all of his fandom friends are sci-fi fandom content creators, not anyone Lily knows. I wouldn't be surprised if to this day he has never heard of her.

But because he doesn't like Star Trek Voyager's inconsistent character writing (which disproportionately effected POC characters) and has called out the writers for excusing murder a few times in the narrative as well as not having queer characters in the cast, he's an evil predator who's lying about his sexuality.

It makes Lily making her predatory "I violated you while you were sleeping" character ace even worse, honestly. This is how she views ace people IRL and in fiction and that's so fucked up. Ace people go through so much bullshit daily from outside the queer community, they shouldn't be getting attacked from inside it, too.

Meanwhile in SF Debris' review of Star Wars Online he discussed how he headcanons Vector as asexual and aromantic due to the whole "put in an arranged marriage, hated it but went along due to social pressure, amicably divorced now" thing and talked about how society pressures people into trying to warp themselves into something they're not and like... that's more ace-positive content than Lily's ever put out. Him talking about how you should live your truth rather than sacrificing your happiness for the sake of others is something more progressive than I've ever heard from Lily. I got teary eyed during that because it's so clear to me that he supports queer people living their lives as we want and he says it like it's the most normal, natural thing in the world and having grown up in a fundamental Christian sect I really needed to hear that.

This is why he's had a fandom for 20 years online and was awarded Teacher of the Year twice at the middle school he used to teach at, and Lily's fandom is dying out barely 10 years in. Empathy and calm, reasoned out discussion is just better than screaming. You have to wonder if Lily's not jealous of the guy.

(Granted SF Debris has had moments of screaming, but only when a piece of media excuses pedophilia or rape. Given he's a parent and his wife is a CSA survivor, that's 100% a reasonable reaction to have on his part imo.)

justifiable anger is very much different than making "hatewatching" your entire brand. in any case, LO should have never say anything like that about any person. people's identities or experiences are not everyone's business and she has no right to openly especulate like that about either in front of her audience, just because she can't imagine a existence where she isn't horny for every person that is nice enough to her. but come out with a rant like... simply because of a difference of opinion about a show? that's low and completely uncalled for.

#lily orchard

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autisticlee · 1 year

Text

almost every time I have met online friends irl, they stop talking to me either immediately after or very soon after, usually after increasingly acting weird or distant towards me. it makes me feel awful. and then i'm afraid to meet anyone irl again.

I feel so silly and stupid that I have a lowkey fear creeping below the surface about going to visit my friend and their gf this summer. what if they end up hating me 🙃 i've thought about mentioning it to my friend, but I don't want to make them feel bad about it!!!!!! it's not their fault I feel this gross fear. they didn't do anything to make it happen. they're super excited and always tell me about it!! i'm the one that is struggling to feel excited because i'm haunted by past experiences that will not stop repeating like i'm stuck in an endless loop of hell!!!!! 😭

I try to remind myself that thos friend also

I seem to give off this bad vibe irl that everyone except me notices and it makes people want to avoid me. I don't know what it is or how to fix it but I wish I could!!!! perhaps i'm just simply not likable 🥲 i've had people want to be roommates and act like best friends meet me irl and suddenly start avoiding me until they straight-up ghost me. I don't understand 😔

i'm very willing to work on myself....if I knew wtf was wrong with me!!!!! but I do not!!

I also fear it's something I can't change and it's something that's part of me, so I literally can't do anything unless I mask and become a fake person. but that's so uncomfortable and lonely in itself and feels pointless. what if it's just normal autism traits and people are assholes???? then I have no choice in the matter.

everyone tells me i'll ~find the right ones~ or whatever. befriend other autistic or ND people. but it never matters. they all end up the same in the end!!!!! fellow autistic and adhd people have hurt me MORE than NTs!!! do you know how many times I thought I did find "the right people," made them promise to not do what the last ones did, promise to respect my needs and boundaries, and promise to be honest and talk everything out, but then a little while down the way they do exactly the same shit they promised not to that everyone else did?!

when the same shit keeps happening over and over, at what point does it stop being "other people are the assholes" and become "im obviously the problem" ??????? i'll have people tell me it's not me that's the problem. it's other people. those same people will become "the other people" themselves. so is it REALLY them that's the problem, or am I too goddamn stupid to know what's wrong with me and what i'm doing wrong ?!

sometimes people will put a blame on me but not tell me why it's me. just a broad statement with no details that point fingers at me. "you're gaslighting me" (after opening up to a close friend group about a difficult thing I had just experienced and that was the response one gave and then completely ghosted with no explanation, leading to the whole group abandoning me)

sometimes people will complain about certain things I can't help. "you ruined my whole day!" (some girl telling me this, a few months later after kicking me out of a group. I needed help navigating nyc subway to the bus station because my phone GPS didn't work there and she said it was ok, she'd gladly help me. then yelled at me about it a while later when she got mad about something else, about how I ruined her day that time by making her help me and being a burden 🙃✌️)

sometimes someone will drop out basically mid conversion, get extremely distant, go from replying with novels to one word replies until not responding at all, then suddenly block me a year later after ignoring me. only to come at me with "you stopped caring about me and haven't messaged me in a year" despite our last messages being me saying I miss them, them saying they've been busy (despite having the time to talk to multiple other people and ppat their message screenshots online every day and be online all the time) and me responding telling them to message me when they aren't busy so we can chat again, but never getting a response!!) only for them to admit they muted me and didn't want to talk to me "for no reason" they literally said that to me lmao wtf. how is there "no reason"

sometimes it IS them that's the problem though. like one girl who accused me of liking her and sabotaged our whole friendship based on these baseless delusions she had. sje decided she was going to "choose" to be straight (she's bi) and decided i'm a "man" (I was trans masc and starting my transition at the time, but am actually nonbinary. it was just required to be trans masc where I live to get treatment. nb people aren't allowed) and she decided guys and girls can't ever be "just friends" she even got very upset at me when I told her she's wrong and not even my type and i'm asexual/probably aromantic. she claims I ~knew saying that would hurt her~ because she apparently told me that kind of thing hurts her before. I did not know this, she never told me this. that's also a weird thing to think/say??? saying it upsets you that someone ISNT attracted to you but also being upset and ruining the friendship if they are??? what the fuck lmao. goofy behavior. I thought she'd be delighted to hear she was wrong about that but nope. she wanted to feel good that someone liked her even if it cost the friendship. haha weird 🙃 she also talked shit about me being autistic at one point lol. fellow ND being a ND hater. sue was all kinds of messed up, but at least I knew it was for sure her that was the problem and not me this one time. but she wasted so much of my time and energy that I can't get back.

it's not always clear why people do what they do, and it drives me insane until I can figure it out. most of the time I cannot. so I go on knowing i'll unknowingly fuck everything up yet again. it feels guaranteed.

I just want a stable and comfortable friendship that's close and secure. one I know will last. one where I can relax and enjoy the time with the other person and not have to be hyperaware of every little detail and look out for potential patterns I recognize that every friendship seems to fall into just like the last, that will lead to the same shit. then force me to have to try harder to save the friendship before it gets worse!!!! but trying seems to make it worse somehow. I don't fuckijg know.

I AM TIRED AND EXHAUSTED AND DONE. i've reached the point where I don't have the energy or willpower to try getting closer with anyone and have to sit here feeling lonely and disconnected from everyone. I don't feel like I have even one single person I can trust or rely on. not one. if I go to anyone, i'll just burden and annoy them. they can say I won't all the want, but that's always a lie. always. last time I trusted a group wo told me that, I got told I was gaslighting them. not told why or how. but apparently losing a thing important to me and confiding in my closest friends about it is "gaslighting" now and is justification to cancel me from our group trip and then not invite me back into the group chat when I switch accounts LOL.

after that shit, I just cannot. I genuinely thought that were "THE ONES" you know, those mythical "the right people" i'm alwaus being told about thar apparently exist. but every time I find them, I am wrong. so I have no fucking clue what to even look for. they seemed so good at first!!!! how do I find better???? and how do I not fuck it up wven thought I can't figure out what the FUCK I did wrong by sharing a very deep, personal, important thing with my closet trusted friends?!

if "the right people" can't even accept me then wtf am I supposed to do??? I feel like I either deserve this, not having friends or anyone to rely on, or I just have to accept that i'll always be alone. maybe I can have little casual surface friendships....but I'll never have anything deeper and closer. i'll never have the type of thing I feel I need that's hard to explain. maybe it's just the trust of knowing something will last and is stable. i've never had that. i've been walking on egg shells my whole life around everyone. and its so uncomfortable and sucks. it makes me feel so goddamn lonely. especially when I see everyone else has their person or people.

and don't get me wrong, i'm fine with being alone by myself. if I lock myself up and don't see or pay attention to others, i'm perfectly fine and don't feel lonely. it's as soon as I see other people being together, and ESPECIALLY when i'm woth other people that I feel this deep and painful sad/loneliness that doesn't go away until i'm away from people for a while again. but even of i'm enjoying my alone time, there's often things I want to do that require others, so I can't do them and it makes me feel bad. my old therapist telling me last time I was avoiding people due to (unknown at the time) autistic burnout, that we are a social species and require interaction with other people, so I NEED to make friends and interact with others always echos in my mind. I wish I DIDNT need others and can lock myself up alone forever. that feel less painful than trying to be with others. seeing and being with others makes me feel awful and alone. being literally alone feels comfortable and not lonely, most of the time. as long as I have a single-person hyperfocus to occupy my entire existence with.

but despite feeling like this, the burnout I hit from losing several important things to me at once about a couple years ago and my friend group ditching me when I needed them most is debilitating and still going strong. I feel like this is my new permanent state of being. I don't have the energy to put any effort into friendhips. if they don't maintain themsleves or the other person doesn't put in most of the effort, I WILL let it die and act like I don't give a fuck (I do, I just don't have the power to stop it). it's all on the other person's shoulders to carry the friendship the way I carried all the ones in my past. it's my turn to be the unresponsive friend who doesn't put in effort and responds with one word. not because I secretly hate the person/friendhipz but because i'm perpetually burnt out and literally can't do much anymore. I just can't.

that doesnt mean I can't keep complaining about how lonely and disconnected I feel!!! just because i'm not trying to fix it doesn't mean my feelings are invalid! "just keep trying" only works for people who have the ability to try. my ability was destroyed and am now unable. I would need a miracle of a person who puts in enough effort and genuinely cares enough about me to nurse me out of burnout hell to the point where I can put full trust and faith into them and call them my best friend.

but I doubt that will happen. I won't believe it until I see it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! being "positive" and hoping for the best keeps biting me in the ass and makes the fall hurt even more. I do not have the spoons and willpower and energy for that again i'm sorry 😭

wow this was a long ramble. it's taken me 2 hours to write this. I just wrote exactly what my brain was saying and rambled off topic. this was originally supposed to be about how, while I want to be excited to visit my friend and their gf, it's really hard to because all my past experiences make FEAR lurk around every corner.

I expressed an anxiety to my friend about the trip but only said it was about going to the airport and flying for the first time ever. and alone at that. if I tell them about this little hell demon on my shoulder, it may upset them. they're always telling me how they're so excited and I can't ruin that!!!! the more excited they are, the more comfortable/less worried I feel i'm allowed to be about it??? I NEED that energy personally. and I want them to keep that for themsleves as well. especially when it's not that I don't trust THEM. I don't trust myself. I could do any number of things wrong and make a good, fun, exciting trip go bad, or create a bad after-effect that makes it all slowly break down after. my friend expressed even wanting me to move in with them and their gf. be roommates. where have I heard that one before lmao. multiple other times before a seemingly good friendship gets destroyed for unknown reasons 😭

I hate that my brain has to live this way thanks to past traumas. cptsd mixed with autism/adhd is literally hell. but when you basically never know if you're the one fucking everything up accidentally, are afraid to hurt someone important again, don't know what a real/healthy friendhip is meant to look like due to never experiencing one, and don't have the energy to deal with this shit anymore, it's impossible to make your brain chill the fuck out.

there is a chance everything will go well and nothing will change. there is a smaller chance things will even improve. I can only hope, even if I know hoping for things ends up hurting more.

"what's the worst that can happen" i'm always asked, as if the person asking thinks nothing bad can happen. imagine being very far away from home and your trusted best friend you're there with betrays and hurts you for who knows what stupid reason, and you're stranded there, alone and upset, with no one around you who cares or wants to help or comfort you. you're treated like a burden and have no one to turn to. you're trapped and alone, surrounded by strangers in a big scary city. your whole world and everything you knew is falling apart in your hands as you try desperately to patch it badk together, but your once trusted person is purposely pulling out the seams. your supposed-to-be-happy experience is forever tainted and ruined. you get blamed for it all when you're confused and lost as to what even happened! it takes years to put the pieces together and come to a conclusion about what and why it happened. but that experience left deep scars that affect everything that comes after.

I don't want want that to happen again lmao. I cant make my brain not have intrusive flashbacks when faced with a similar scenario. it's literally how trauma works.

i've heard you can heal from trauma. but is that possible when the trauma wound constantly gets reopen every time it even starts to heal? if the same shit that caused you trauma keeps happening over and over and over and over....things replying in your head end up repeating themelves despire your best efforts to go a different direction....how do you heal? how do you convince your brain to not feel like this and think these things when it feels like reality rather than a worry since these things have happened literally 100% of the time!

that's the problem. you can't heal a flesh wound by rubbing dirt and shit and sharp objects on it all the time. I feel like the only way to heal is to be able to have someone I can actually trust and reply on. someone who proves to me that they won't become another source of trauma. the wond needs a clean and stable environment to heal in.

but i'm broken. i'm annoying. i'm incredibly boring and have no personality. my interests are few and very weird. i'm not likable to most people or for very long and do and say the wrong things all the time. etc etc. *throws pity party or whatever that's actually based on facts probably because no one proved them wrong yet and idk the real reason so i'm simply guessing* so how am I supposed to make a person do this lmao since you can't force people to like you and be a good friend. I also can't force myself to like people so the person needs to be someone *I* like and feel comfortable and connected with as well. hitting two birds with one stone is.....not easy. especially when you're as clumsy and uncoordinated as me.

hopefully my trip goes well. hopefully a miracle happens and we get closer. but I can't rely on it. I can't even think about it. I keep making myself focus on other things and nkt think. but sometimes something reminds me and then this now THREE HOUR long rant happens. 😭✌️

#autistic #autism #actually autistic #lee rambles #adhd #neurodivergent #audhd #cptsd #trauma #friendship problems #autism things #autism rambles #my wrists hurt from typing. i wonder how mamy typos i made but i dont feel like proofreading #why do i type do slow. how did this take 3 whole hours #also why cant things go right lmao i hope it can for once #i dont want people’s pity. i want a real friend who can make my rsd and cptsd not trigger constantly #rsd #thats a thing i forgot to mention in my rant but is relevant too

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threenorth · 8 months

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Leia, I'm not deep at all, I'm just got alot of character development... 😂

Matthew, your always welcome to come closer either irl, online or emotionally. The beds warm I put on my electric blanket..

Roderick, you were was the highlight of my day and week talking to you.

Ghost, ilyu2bb

Charlie, yeah I don't know what I'm doing this year, probably a Whisky on the rocks, all I'd really want is you to come into my life but patience is a virtue... And I guess I'm learning it...

Billy, the only person I've loved more was the older you, I mean younger you, your still the same person but just better and that's all that matters so me too. I've only ever had feelings for you and no one else..

Aaron, there's always more time, and I think it would of been diffuclt with my university and work schedules let alone timezones but who knows it's an odd possibility of what ifs but we have nows instead...

Grey, you can call me any time you want... But my phone won't make a noise probably while it's on "sleep mode" but you can leave me a voice mail and first thing I'll do is listen, and then return your call then maybe check your social media like I try to but good old wall of private. Either way, you know how find me... And I miss your voice... Maybe tomorrow after work or at work I'll try make some vids... As I'm sure it's the same back to you as in you miss mine too.

Angel, I understand and that's fair, but also I didn't expect it to go that way...

Elijah, can't wait to see your face or hear your voice sometime soon... Whenever that is...

Six, we can if you want to, this doesn't feel like something yourd say but I have no idea.

Sometimes... so many things can speak of you. I can't post for some idiotic reason. I don't know if I've ever got one right, but I hope it helps you see some of my thoughts or feelings.

I hope your doing okay, I miss you alot freindo. Obuisly we don't talk directly or as much as we use too. I don't know what string of words will make you feel like coming back or when. You make me... Feel many things I don't have the right words of what emotion it is, but I'm beginning to feel better everyday, I just wish I knew how to describe myself better or my current state.

I'm looking at a photo of you, and looking at my walls, I remember the time you said the walls look like you, I don't see it but maybe I'm just to busy looking at the pretty face that the wall just seems so dull.

I said I'll wait forever if I have to, I don't know the lessons your trying to teach, I know it has a point, maybe appreciate the time we had or something, I'm not sure exactly...

Well, therpahy is slow and days like today make me feel like I'm going to be in therpahy forever...

I don't know if you had any insight for CBT but it's just so... Today we talked about our brains being stupid mush, and how were emotion driven creatures... Yadada...well it's almost 11...i should probably sleep...

It sounds cliche, but I hope you had a great day, I hope your gonna have a good Tuesday...my days are just not the same without you in my life, we talked about it yesterday breify... And I want to apologise for my actions, all of them... Because something I'm missing I'll never understand if I don't know it... I can only be accountable to what I know of, and maybe that's all we can do...

Everyday new, and we try again...

Well goodnight from me, I'm rambling around and around...

I remember the day we met, I remember where we met, I remember the time she would see me on web camera for the first time and I remember the day I'd tell her I'd see her, she jumped for joy and squealed, with her hands clenched by her mouth,

I don't remember the last thing I said to her, I remember all the times I was trying to figure out what I wanted my first word to be,

but slowly I'm beginning to lose parts of my memory, the parts that my brain has decided Is no longer required to remember and to replace,

But I'll never forget that smile, it's the only thing I've ever seen that recharged my batteries, and the way she says my name like no one else.

As I try drift to sleep, I end the day how I start my day, thinking about her.

P.S

Soup, my boy, I hope your keeping her company, good news is I can be around cats and not sneeze anymore thanks to my operation, I can't wait to cuddle you, and see you play with those tampons, you crazy man.

Always

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bondsmagii · 3 years

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Hi Miceál, this comes from a 13 year old person who also happens to have friends who are the same age as I. Being 13 years old does not make you a clueless baby who just can't tell good from bad. Sure, we may not be al developed (both mentally and physically), but we still have an idea that some things are simply fucked up. What BlueSpike did is NOT justified by his age, my friends, classmates and I can all agree that what he did to Chris is incredibly horrifying. My friends and I believe that BlueSpike is either a sociopath or grew up in a really violent environment where these type of actions are normal (maybe both).

I know you're not trying to justify BlueSpike's actions, but I just wanted to make that clear. This goes to anyone who believes he didn't know what he was doing: We 13 years old very much can tell that making a mentally disabled person shove an incredibly important and emotional object right up his ass is sexual assault and something that makes you deserve hell.

hey! apologies if I came across as saying "oh, he was 13, they don't know any better!" because that's definitely not what I was trying to say. I know that a vast majority of 13-year-olds would never do anything like that, and certainly they understand right from wrong. I'll do my best to better explain what it is I meant by that.

if you're 13 now, that means you were being born around 2008/2009. this is about the same time as I started hanging out with trolls online. something I cannot stress enough is how different the internet was then. I'm sure you've seen it yourself already: things change online, and they change fast. back in the late 00s, it was utter chaos of a very specific variety. a lot of phrases that you see in common use today, in a completely joking sense, were at least semi-serious then: "serious business"/"srs bsns" (from "the internet is serious business!") was used to ridicule people who thought online activity mattered irl, for example. there was a complete disconnect between online personas and offline identities -- something which your generation is unfortunately being robbed of. using your real name online was damn near unheard of, and anonymity was the norm. you would simply not know a thing about your online friends, except maybe the country they came from.

I'm sure you're wondering why this is relevant, and here's the reason: because of the sense of anonymity, people online felt invincible. in a way, they were. it was very difficult to trace activity back to a user, and you must understand that there were nearly no irl laws regarding the internet. if you bullied somebody online to the extent they harmed themselves, well. there was no law for that. technically, you had committed no crimes. likewise, stuff like doxxing (finding out and posting a person's irl identity) and ddos'ing (spamming a website with nonsense traffic until its servers crashed) were not punished at all, or only on the cusp of being punished. people were absolutely mad with power, and unbelievable shit was going down. people were hacking into government websites and business websites for data, or newspaper sites to post fake stories. it was unbelievable, and because there were very few irl laws in place, it really did seem like nothing would be punished. therefore, a lot of people felt that the internet -- and what you did on it -- was not real.

this is the context in which Chris Chan was being trolled: a completely anonymous wild west of people who did not have to fear consequences and, as a result of spending nearly all their time online, had ceased to realise that the internet was still real life. Chris Chan was not a person to them. Chris was a source of entertainment, and when the trolls shut down their computers each night (or, more likely, each early morning) Chris stopped existing for them. she was more like a fictional character on a TV show: there when the TV was booted up, gone when it was off. this was totally normal behaviour for the time in these circles, because nobody saw the internet as being real, and even more normal people still saw the internet (and everyone on it, aside from close friends) as removed from their real, offline life. remember: Facebook was in its infancy, and pretty much nobody had it in comparison to now. Twitter was just a silly little site where nothing of note happened and certainly huge political events weren't organised or played out there. YouTube was just past preventing you from uploading videos over 10 minutes long, and Instagram was nothing. social media as we knew it did not exist. people went to the internet to be someone else, and, often, to get away with stuff they wouldn't get away with irl.

so what does being 13 have to do with it? well, to put it frankly: when you're 13, you're a child. you make rash decisions, and some people mature more slowly than others. a 13-year-old, in this lawless place, would not make the same decisions as an adult, and especially not a 13-year-old boy. it is beyond question that children of this age can be particularly sadistic -- anyone who's been bullied in middle school can tell you that for a fact. it's also known that boys mature slower, and make decisions with less thought. they also have difficultly seeing far ahead -- something all teenagers struggle with, because when you're a teenager you feel invincible. 20 feels old. why worry? in fact, area of the brain that deals with forward planning and consequences is so underdeveloped in young men and boys that car insurance, at least in my country, is more expensive for young men than young women, purely because young men are more susceptible to showing off, taking things too far, and not thinking things through.

when I mentioned BlueSpike's age, I didn't mean to imply that all 13-year-olds would think this behaviour was OK. many 13-year-olds wouldn't. but for a 13-year-old boy, in this environment, detached from reality and in a world where everyone gets on like it's one big video game... he will, in all likelihood, not realise the consequences of his actions. things progress, things get out of control, he's on a high, he feels like he's interacting with someone who isn't even real, it's on the internet and Nothing Matters, and to a 13-year-old boy, inappropriate things are funny. many boys this age make highly off-colour jokes, use slurs, and really push the boundaries of acceptable behaviour. again, not all, but anyone who's been to school knows people of this type. many of these boys grow into perfectly normal young men. it's just the process of growing up, developing greater empathy, and learning more about the world around you.

so when I said that I hoped BlueSpike was just being a 13-year-old, what I meant was that I hoped he was immature, caught up in a crazy environment which I really cannot even begin to explain to those who weren't there, and acted rashly and in the spur of the moment. I hope that he went away from that incident feeling a little confused and uncomfortable about his actions and, more importantly, the reactions of the other trolls -- because kids of that age, doing that kind of thing, are deep down almost always looking for approval and to impress others. I hope that as he grew and matured, he realised more and more how inappropriate what he did was. I hope that he experienced disgust and guilt over what he did to Chris, and I hope it shames him to this day, and I hope it's led him to becoming a better person.

I didn't mean to say that all 13-year-olds don't understand that this is wrong. I simply meant to say that I hope he was just 13, with all the mistakes one can easily make at that age and in the wrong company, and that he grew out of it and became a regular human being. the alternative is much too disturbing to want to think about: he was either severely unbalanced, an abused child, or both. and if he grew into an adult without realising how wrong what he did was, it means there's still a chance he's hurting someone. if he was just a dumb 13-year-old making stupid mistakes to be cool on the internet, who then pushed it too far and got his fingers burned? that means he isn't hurting anyone anymore, and he's experiencing at least some punishment for what he did to Chris, even if only at the hands of his own conscience.

#chriscourse #anon #asks

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dojae-huh · 3 years

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tbh a lot of you make it sound like Jae is so overly jealous/possessive/entirely focused on Do and only Do, that it's borderline unhealthy – like he can't allow Do to have friends and can't have friends himself either without getting jealous for no reason, that he won't to be doing something, i.e. getting close enough to younger neos, unless Do os close with them as well, like he doesn't have a single thing in his life that wouldn't be revolving around Do.

i agree with you guys on a lot of things when it comes to jaedo but not on his extreme jealousy, I've seen that type of people irl and i really don't think their relationships would've survived throughout the years of stress and hiding if one of them had such unhealthy tendencies, pairs with that kind of jealousy just never last long.

I can see why you get this impression from the posts, anon. Rest assured, I don't think Jaehyun is the type of overly jealous controlling suffocating boyfriend you mention.

- The reality that TaeDo continue with their bickering, teasing, and manhandling on and off camera is evidence enough to show that Jaehyun doesn't involve himself with Doyoung's relationships. On the contrary, he works on his own jealousy and temper, and dependence. In 2019 during Japan Neo City Jaehyun needed to switch seats just to sit closer to Doyoung (and get some petting), during Neozone he was able to keep away for the whole duration of shootings/music show performances and not even turn when Hyuk pestered Doyoung.

- Jaehyun is a good hyung to Dreamies, he is a good friend to 127 neos. However, as an introvert, he rarely involves himself with them. Introverts like others in their hearts but don't have a need to show their affection all the time through attention, asking how you've been, buying stuff out of the blue. They will be there when needed (to listen well (Yuta), to care for a sick person (Haechan), to rent their lap (Hyuk, Chenle), to help with language (WinWin), to play video games). When Doyoung starts to care about someone, that neo comes under Jae's radar, he gets initiative to be more proactive (it's his role to be the vice). Taeyong and Doyoung are the moms, Jaehyun is the golden retriever in the neo family (his words). It becomes his business. Everything Doyoung related is his business, because Doyoung is his partner, they are "an item" (singular noun).

- Jaehyun gets jealous for a reason. Someone touching your mate is a solid reason. People get jealous over pets and video game characters, and you say neos hanging from Doyoung and getting all his attention should do nothing to Jaehyun's status of the boyfriend?

- When Jaehyun gets his share of attention, he is much more lenient and kind to other neos. The dissatisfaction builds up and seeing others getting what he can't become an annoyance. Watch Jaehyun with Jungwoo in Kun-Woo-Jae-Do vlive. Jae was pretty touchy and smiley with Woo. And that was because he was occupying the boyfriend's position and the sky was blue. He even teased Do with "I'm yours" and Do showed possessiveness. Again, it's very natural.

- Jaehyun has hobbies (sport, vinyls), aspirations (he concentrates on improving singing a lot, he put a lot of workinto acting, he likes doing individual photoshoots), he got a driving license, he has an active online life (he is constantly on his phone). However, his bf is also his bff. And they are still in the securing partnership stage of the relationship, Jaehyun needs to work and be vigilant.

- Jaehyun is obsessive with Doyoung. Like it or not. But it's not an unhealthy obsession, and Jaehyun has his own life and a separate independent identity.

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sillyrabbit81 · 3 years

Text

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC

Word Count: approx 3.5k

Warnings: swearing, smoking

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 1 Part 3

Part 2

I stopped breathing. My voice was strangled. "You're Will?"

Liam nodded. He had a massive smile on his face. "I hope you understand. I can hardly use my real name or photos on a dating app."

I made some sort of noise in agreement, but my thoughts were reeling. There's no Will. Will is Liam. Liam fucking Cross. Will lied to me. No, Liam lied to me. He told me he was a personal trainer. Whose photos were the ones he had online? Did he steal them? Who the fuck is this guy?

I was breathing again, but now my breath was ragged.

"Hey, it's ok, come and sit." Liam put his arm around my shoulders and guided me back to the table.

"Don't touch me." I spat out venomously.

He backed off immediately. Not looking at him, I walked the rest of the way myself. Sitting down, I crossed my arms and said, "why would you do that? Why would you lie like that?"

"Lie?" Liam sounded shocked. "I used a fake name and photo, and I apologise for that. I can't..." he paused for so long that I almost looked at him. "I can't exactly date in the usual way."

"How often do you do this?"

"I met another girl about a year ago in London. We went out a few times, but it didn't work out."

"Who were the photos of? Do they know you do this?"

"He is a friend from school. He knows."

I leaned my elbow on the table and rested my head in my hand. I needed a fucking cigarette. I reached into my bag and pulled out my emergency stash. I hadn't smoked in 3 weeks. Damn him.

I lit up and took a long drag. It didn't taste the best, but then the nicotine made it worthwhile. I finally looked at Liam.

"I thought you quit," he said.

"I have," I said tartly.

For a while, neither of us spoke.

I debated whether or not I should be as angry as I felt. On the one hand, the explanation made sense. I mean, if he had told me when we first started talking that he was really Liam Cross, I would have thought he had a few kangaroos lose in the top paddock. On the other hand, I felt like a fool. Is it that easy to fool me? I didn't even notice that he never sent me any pictures of himself. I didn't send him any either, but social media wasn't a big part of my life. I could easily go months without taking pictures of myself.

I went back and forth, arguing both sides until I stubbed my cigarette into the plastic ashtray and couldn't draw it out anymore.

"I get why you did what you did. But it's a bit of a shock."

Liam looked relieved. A curl had fallen onto his forehead, making him look like a lost puppy. Well, maybe a lost wolf cub. A wild and untamed wolf cub.

"I have some questions, though," I continued. Liam smiled and waved his hand in a go-ahead gesture. "So, other than your name and job, what else isn't true?"

"I was as honest as I could be. I am a guy who would rather stay home and read or watch movies or play video games than go out. I am looking for a serious relationship. I want a woman to come home to, but one who understands how busy my life is. I want a family, someone to take care of. All those things are true." He spoke with confidence like he had been thinking about what he wanted for a long time, but it sounded like a laundry list to me.

Liam moved his chair closer and went to take my hand. I pulled away.

"I'm sorry I upset you. It was not my intention to deceive you. I know what I want, and I know what kind of woman I want. In the circles I work in, there aren't many women like that. I wanted someone unconnected to the Hollywood world, someone who doesn't want to be famous. I didn't know how else to find someone like that."

I looked at Liam. I was held transfixed by his gaze. His blue eyes were so clear and sincere. I tore my eyes away.

When he spoke again, Liam's voice was small. "I am really sorry. I... Fuck." Running his fingers through his hair, he said, "I don't know what to say. Lana. I'm still the same person."

"But you're not." I shook my head. "It's not just that you lied online; I get that. But why did you lie here? You could have said, 'Hi, Lana. I know you thought you were meeting Will, but Will is actually me. I did that because I'm famous.' Instead, you played along with the charade and made me feel like a bloody dickhead."

Liam was quiet. He dropped his head. "Is that it then? Is this over before it has a chance to get started?"

I shrugged. My leg was bouncing. I tried to stop it, but it started again. I crossed my legs.

"Do you want me to go?" Liam asked.

"Do you want to go?"

"No." Liam leaned towards me, his hands close to my knee. "But I will if you want me to." He let the back of his index finger brush against my bare skin. It was the lightest of touches, but it thrilled me.

Feeling tongue-tied, I shook my head.

We sat like that for a while. Liam's finger continued to rub against my knee like he was trying to calm a skittish horse. The anger in me stilled under his touch. I didn't want it to. I wanted to stay angry. He was so gentle I couldn't help it.

Eventually, I gave a small smile. "Say something," I said, unable to stand the silence any longer.

Liam's face creased as a warm smile spread across his lips. "I'm happy you're here to meet you finally." He put his hand out, palm up on my knee. I put my hand in his, and it was immediately swallowed by his much larger hand. He sighed, seemingly relieved and said, "to touch you."

"Say something else." I implored. My fingers caressed his palm. I traced the lines I could feel and the rough callouses that formed below his fingers.

Liam became serious. No, not serious, something else. He looked at my hair and reached with his other hand to brush it behind my ear. "Your hair is redder than I thought it would be."

"Is that bad?" I asked unsurely. Being a redhead was hit and miss. Some guys seemed to love it, and others ran a million miles. We had a reputation, after all.

He shook his head, "it's beautiful." His eyes kept searching my face, and I turned my head to look away, feeling heat rise to my cheeks under his gaze. He put his hand under my chin and gently guided my face back.

"Don't look away. I want to look at you." My cheeks were on fire now, and I felt warmth spread all through my body.

Liam's hand moved down to my neck. His index finger caressed my ear lobe as he cupped my neck and all coherent thoughts fell away. Gently he put his thumb under my chin and lifted it stretching my neck. My whole body was aflame now. My lips parted as I gasped.

"I want to kiss you." Liam's voice was hoarse and wanton, yet firm. He wasn't asking to kiss me. He just told me what he wanted. I broke out in goose flesh and shivered. Yes, this is what I needed. I needed a man who knows what he wants. I didn't trust myself to speak clearly, so I licked my lips and closed my eyes.

Liam groaned. His hand left mine and held the back of my head, his fingers sliding through my hair. I felt his warm breath on my lips, smelling faintly of beer, earthy, almost like freshly cut grass. I could feel myself quivering in anticipation.

Then his lips met mine, so softly, I thought I had imagined it. Then he kissed me again, his lips firm but still so soft. He pulled me closer, and I reached out and grasped his shoulders.

His lips parted, opening mine as they did. Liam's tongue gently licked at my bottom lip. My tongue met his, and I moaned. I wanted more. I kissed him back with more ferocity than was probably necessary. I couldn't help it. Spurred on by my kiss, his hand turned into a fist in my hair. His lips moved against mine harder and faster.

My thoughts were gone. I could process nothing but the duel sensations of pleasure from his mouth and the ache from my stretched throat and pulled hair. It drove me wild, and instinct took over. I wrapped my arms around Liam, trying to get closer to him. My chest met his, and I felt his hard body against my soft breasts. I wanted to feel his whole body against mine, his hardness against my softness.

Then he slowed, his kisses become softer and longer, his tongue withdrew into his mouth, and I felt the loss if it. The loss of his heat against my body made me feel cold. Liam let my hair go and slowly sat back.

I opened my eyes, blinking several times as I adjusted to the light. I looked at Liam, his eyes were bright, and I watched as he suppressed a grin. Then I watched, fascinated as he moved in his chair and tried to hide the hand that moved between his legs as he adjusted himself. I had to look away. I laughed because otherwise, I think I would have died.

"What's so funny?" Liam asked though he sounded amused.

"Not funny, I just can't help it." His eyebrow popped up. "I just enjoyed that."

"Back to being direct, are you?"

I shrugged.

The twitchy lip was back. "Maybe not." I wanted to crawl under the table. "Do you still want to go to dinner?"

I nodded. "Where are we going?"

"Apparently, it's not far from here, on the harbour. It's a seafood place. I remember you telling me you like seafood."

I nodded vigorously. "That sounds perfect."

As we walked to the restaurant, Liam held my hand. We didn't say much, but it wasn't awkward. Sometimes I would look at him and catch him doing the same. I would look away first, giggling as I did. Liam would chuckle and squeeze my hand.

I was disgusted with myself for acting like a schoolgirl. I was a grown woman with a marriage under my belt. Yet, even as I wondered why I was acting like a 16-year-old, I knew the answer. Liam was gorgeous, successful and wanted me.

I looked at him, and again he caught me. This time I forced myself not to look away. I returned his gaze and studied his face.

Turning his body to face me, Liam's eyes drifted down my body, lingering on my breasts. He slowly smiled. I felt naked, like he knew what I looked like without clothes.

Liam took a step towards me, forcing me to take a step back. Again he came closer, and again I retreated until I felt my back against the wall behind me. Liam's arms came up, and he put his hands on the wall beside my head. As I searched his face, I saw a naked hunger. I swallowed hard.

I wanted to look away, to say we should keep walking, but I also wanted to stay there trapped by Liam's arms. Up close, his arms were so big, and they looked like they could break me without much effort. He pressed his whole body against me, and one of his legs slipped between mine. My bones became jelly, like I would slide down the wall if his firm body weren't holding me together.

I put my hands on his wrists and felt my way up to his shoulders. Every muscle in his arms was tight, and I could feel each in turn as I moved my hands. I shuddered as my hands reached his triceps, and he flexed for me. My hips buck against his leg in an involuntary move, and I felt the sweet friction between my own. Liam made a noise from deep in his throat and took a step back so quickly I almost fell.

"We should get going, or we will lose our reservation," Liam said coldly and started walking. I was confused and struck immobile for a moment, then had to take a few jogging steps to catch up to him. This time he didn't take my hand. I didn't look at him for the rest of the way.

"I believe this is the place," Liam announced. It was beautiful, right on the harbour with the Harbour Bridge's views to one side and the Opera House on the other. The water was dark and reflected the bridge's lights, twinkling like it was another sky.

I finally looked at Liam. He was smiling again. He put his arm out and made a slight bow, indicating I should go first. I was still confused about earlier. He was so hot and then so cold, I didn't know what to make of it. I didn't want to make a scene, so I went in, but I also didn't want him to think he could get away with it.

The maître de greeted Liam by name and ushered us both upstairs and to a private balcony overlooking the harbour. We sat and were given a quick rundown of the evening's menu. It was a degustation, so the menu was set, and there would be eight dishes. The sommelier followed quickly behind, giving drink recommendations. Liam asked for paired wines, and I agreed. Eventually, we were left alone.

"I'm sorry about earlier," Liam said. "You make me forget where I am." He smiled. His mischievous look made him seem almost boyish.

"Why does it matter where you are?" I asked harshly.

"I don't want photos out there of me kissing you in an alleyway."

"I see." I did see. My heart sank. I knew it was too good to be true.

"What's wrong?" Liam was frowning.

"Nothing. I mean, it would be terrible if anyone knew you were kissing me," I said. I was probably a little too sarcastic.

"You know what I mean, Lana."

"Yes, I do." I stood. "This was a mistake. I should have left after your first lie."

Liam grabbed my wrist and stood up. "I don't think you do understand. A photo of you showing up with me means they will start hunting you down, find out who you are, search your social media, look into everything. They will probably publish your name, age, occupation. Dig up every bit of dirt they can. Are you ready for that?" I had to admit I was not. "All of this happening while we are still getting to know each other. It's a nightmare you don't want."

"You're right," I said softly. "I don't think I'll ever want that."

He let go of me and sighed. We both stood there for a few moments. Eventually, he spoke, "I don't want to put you in a situation where you're uncomfortable. You were right, and I shouldn't have lied about who I was. I want to honest with you about what being in a relationship with me means. Part of that is being very private about the relationship until you're ready to go public. It also means not telling friends or family who you don't trust to keep quiet."

"You know that this isn't normal right?" Liam nodded. "Ok, just so we are clear, dating you would be like dating a married man? No one can know."

"A married man?" Liam looked startled. "No, not like that. This isn't about me or to protect myself but to protect yourself. I'm not ashamed to be seen with you. You need to decide when you want the public to know about us. I already have almost no privacy, but I won't make that decision for someone else."

"Lots of celebrities date someone not famous, and no one talks about them."

"Yes, they do. At first anyway, the longer they're together, the less they get talked about if they are smart with publicity. Don't you read magazines, follow Twitter gossip, Instagram or anything?"

"Not really. I mean, if there is a tv show or something I like, I'll follow updates on filming and interviews with the actors, but that's usually it."

"Things can get vicious online with gossip."

"Are you trying to scare me off?" I said, a bit pissed. "Because it's working."

"No. I want you to know what can happen."

I started to sit back down. Liam pushed my chair in as I sat.

"If we were to date, would I have to do anything? Like, can't I just be in the background?" I scrunched my nose up, "I don't have to be all on Instagram selling diets or anything, do I?"

Liam chortled. "No, nothing like that."

"Good." I think people would laugh at my big thighs if I tried to do that anyway.

"And that is why I like you." Liam took my hand and lifted it to his lips, his whiskers tickling as he pressed a kiss to my palm. I shivered.

Our first course arrived then with some wine. It was a beautifully sliced tuna sashimi with orange and ginger. It melted in my mouth and exploded with fantastic citrus flavour. I'm sure I moaned aloud. I just hoped it wasn't a When Harry Met Sally level of noise. The white wine with it was also delicious, slightly dry, but easy to drink.

"My god!"

"Good, huh?" Liam asked.

"Sho gud," I said after I had already put more in my mouth. Liam laughed, and I quickly finished chewing and took another drink. "Sorry."

"Don't apologise. I'm enjoying watching you enjoy it."

"Buckle up then champion because if the next seven courses are anything like that, you're going have the time of your life." I don't think I could have said anything more cringe-inducing. Hiding my face with my hands, my cheeks felt hot. But Liam laughed and took my hands away. His face was warm, so I laughed as well.

The next seven courses were amazing, scampi tails, lobster and beef, beautiful salads with roe and sorbet for dessert. It was astonishing, something I had rarely experienced before. None of the ingredients were new to me, but I've never had food prepared with such exquisite care and attention to detail. Little edible flowers and streaks of sauces were laid out on the plates, making the food a feast for the eyes.

The wine was impressive. We had five glasses all up, each one a flavour to compliment the food. I know I was a little inebriated by the end.

Liam wasn't sober either. The wait staff seemed to take it in stride, carefully clearing away our plates while avoiding Liam's flailing arms as he told me stories. Liam liked to talk with his hands when he was drunk, evidently.

As the night went on and the alcohol flowed, we both became much more relaxed and open. Our conversations flowed as they had on the phone over the last couple of months. He told me stories about his family and growing up in London. He mainly talked about his two brothers. I told him more about my older brother, David and the horrible things he did to me as we grew up. We compared notes to see whose siblings were the worst.

When the bill arrived, Liam paid. He insisted, saying he asked me out so he should pay.

"Don't you mean begged me to out with you?" I asked, teasing.

Liam pretended to be offended but conceded immediately, "I suppose asking nearly every day for a month is begging. I'm glad I did." He put his arm on the back of my chair and leaned in close, our noses nearly touching. "Did you enjoy dinner?"

I felt heady being so close to him. Either it was him or the wine. I closed my eyes as his nose nudged mine. I heard someone coming up the stairs, and I pulled away.

The waiter returned Liam's card and offered to call us a taxi.

While we waited in the restaurant's foyer, I thanked Liam for a great night and kissed him on the cheek. His rough face pricked my lips, making them tingle.

I ran my finger along his jaw, feeling his short, sharp beard and his smooth skin on impulse. I smiled as I went.

"What are you doing?" Liam asked, his voice playful.

I shrugged, "I don't know. I've just had the urge to do that since I first saw you."

"Do you like it? The hair, I mean." I nodded. "Then I'll keep it as long as I can." Liam took me in his arms. "You feel nice," he said, voice a little slurred. I blushed. I felt like I had spent most of the night blushing. Liam kept picking strands of hair off my face and putting them behind my ear. I looked up into his eyes as he played with my hair.

"Come back to my place, Sweetheart?" Liam asked. I laughed and raised an eyebrow at him, and he laughed with me. "I don't want tonight to end yet. I've waited so long to meet you."

Andy's face appeared like an apparition. For a moment, Liam was Andy, and I was standing in his arms again. He had been taller than Liam but not as muscular, hair not as dark, skin not as pale. But then Liam said my name, and Andy vanished. I had definitely had too much to drink, or was it the old guilt resurfacing?

I shook my head as if it would erase the thoughts. I put a smile on my face and pretended to think it over, "Mr Cross, you're very bold."

"Indeed, Miss Walker." Liam grinned, playing along. Mrs Walker, I thought but didn't say.

"Very well, Mr Cross, I shall accompany you back to your home."

"Very good, Miss Walker." Liam lifted my chin and placed a light kiss on my lips.

Part 3

#original character #original fiction #romantic story

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