#every once in a while I need to hype myself up again thinking about all this stuff lol

[mrs-gauche]

Hey, you know what? It's a good day to remember that

- The hashtag #TheDreadWolfRises that was first used in the 2018 teaser is most definitely a reference to Sandal's prophecy in DA2, talking about how “All magic will come back” and “everyone will be just like they were, when he rises“.

- The now official title of DA4 "Dreadwolf" is an anagram for "World/Fade". “Dread Wolf” became one word, the space between the two literally and figuratively disappearing, like the World and the Fade coming together when the Veil is gone.

- The cover of Mark Darrah's "mysterious red book" from 2016.

Which was since revealed to be (quoting the BioWare 25th anniversary book) "an internal guide for developers and publishers to summarize the vision for "Joplin" (the first code name for DA4, until that project was revised in 2017 and renamed "Morrison", the version of DA4 we're getting now), but that "still contains plenty of ideas that will appear in the next Dragon Age", showing a flaming rook and a wolf head, which is suspicious considering that a rook is a piece in a game of chess...

“Rest assured, Solas is placing his pieces on the board as we speak.” (- BioWare in their blog post announcing the official title)

...A game in which a master strategist like Solas was willing to go so far as to sacrifice his queen (*cough* Flemeth *cough*) to win the "Immortal Game", but the word “rook” can also be used in the sense of a swindler/trickster/deceiver. Though if we take the alternative term for the rook and call it a tower instead, isn't it interesting how:

- Solas' final tarot card is "The Tower", commonly interpreted to symbolize massive change, upheaval, revelation, destruction, liberation and chaos.

Let me just quote bestselling author Brigit Esselmont's interpretation of the meaning of this card here and I’ll leave it to you to guess what it could indicate for DA4, but GOD, do I get CHILLS just reading this flippin paragraph:

"Your world may come crashing down before you, in ways you could never have imagined as you realize that you have been building your life on unstable foundations – false assumptions, mistruths, illusions, blatant lies, and so on. Everything you thought to be true has turned on its head. You are now questioning what is real and what is not; what you can rely upon and what you cannot trust. This can be very confusing and disorienting, especially when your core belief systems are challenged. But over time, you will come to see that your original beliefs were built on a false understanding, and your new belief systems are more representative of reality.”

“The best way forward is to let this structure self-destruct so you can re-build and re-focus. And let’s be real – with a card like The Tower, you have no choice but to surrender to the destruction and chaos, no matter how unwanted or painful. Change on this deep level is hard, but you need to trust that life is happening FOR you, not TO you and this is all for a reason. This destruction will allow new growth to emerge and your soul can evolve."

- Promotional stuff for DA4 keeps repeating concentric circles, which is widely believed to represent the Veil itself, and appears to get more broken with every new update. (There are also seven “spheres“ surrounding it = There are seven Old Gods/seven Evanuris that were banished when Solas created the Veil. With only two of these spheres still “lit” = There have been five Blights, two Old Gods left that are still sleeping.)

Also, the new background image of the official website showing even more broken pieces resembling those in the circle, completely falling apart...

What I’m trying to say is... If that Veil isn’t coming down some way or another in this next game, I’m calling false advertising! 😂

#dragon age dreadwolf #dragon age 4 #da4 #tinfoil time (?) #I mean.. it's not even tinfoil at this point 😂 I'm just stating facts lol #also.. this is just me but #I assume Bioware must've chosen this title with some retrospective in mind.. #if DA4 isn't the final installment in the series.. #let's say the actions of the Dread Wolf in DA4 will in fact have a lasting effect on potential future sequels.. #..because of a world-changing event like the Veil coming down and literally changing the world of Thedas forever.. #meaning that people will look at the entire series/this title in 15 years and go #''Ah yes it's Dreadwolf the DA game in which the central figure Dread Wolf did that thing that changed the world fundamentally #for every installment going forward'' #👀👀👀 #every once in a while I need to hype myself up again thinking about all this stuff lol #until Bioware is gonna start the marketing of this game for real 😂 #then the hype train is gonna be off the charts

[landinrris]

In which I keep seeing tweets hyping up Lando and McLaren for this season, so I needed to vent my expectations and bring myself back down to Earth. (1.1k, w/ Carlos popping up at the end) Set during the 2024 championship in which Lando and McLaren come out of the gates swinging.

Lando thought he was prepared for the possibility of getting out of his car as the newly crowned champion. God knows he’s spent enough time talking it through with his team and parents— with Carlos.

As soon as he’s across the line, he’s asking Will about the finishing order, his stomach up in his throat. The sound of Will’s voice, shaken from his usual calm as he tells Lando to hang on while the team checks the finishing positions of his main rivals nearly makes Lando lose his mind. 

The wait is reminiscent of his first pole position a few years ago— how torturously long it felt in the seconds while the few remaining drivers finished their laps. But now they’re in Abu Dhabi three years removed, and Lando needs a points deficit to George of at least three and a deficit of at least one to Charles.

There’s an ocean of distance between him now and September 2021.

When Lando’s radio crackles back to life after about fifteen or so torturous seconds, it’s Andrea whose voice greets him, unsettlingly more manic than Will’s, even though he’s trying to hide it. Then again, anything other than his normal calm makes Lando suspicious.

“Would you like to know the finishing order, Lando?”

“On your own time, I think.” Lando’s voice shakes more than it ever has over the radio, betraying his nonchalant words.

Andrea just chuckles. “P1, Verstappen; P2, Carlos; P3, you; P4, Russell.” The words hang in the air for only a second or two as Lando rounds the corner onto the start-finish straight.

Screams erupt in the background, but all Lando can think about is the basic mental math he’s calculating. “Does that—”

“Lando Norris, it means you’re champion of the world!”

The screams get louder then, becoming deafening behind Andrea as they filter through the open channel. His entire team is screaming, those who ran to climb the fence as he finished making their presence known so close to the pit wall. The goal they’ve been building towards for the entire year— for their entire careers— is theirs.

Lando’s vision blurs on command, his hands coming up to clutch at his visor for a split second before he has to direct the car to the third-place placard. Lando doesn’t know how he manages it once he starts yelling with the rest of the team. He wonders if he causes anyone to yank their headset off and decides he’ll have to apologize later. 

For now, though, this is his moment. This is his.

Lando manages to contain his emotions when Zak gets in on the celebration, but he loses it hearing Will’s voice again. He’s successfully parked the car and already set everything to mode zero, but Will’s voice is in his ear, and the least Lando owes this man is to listen to the rest of his engineer’s words.

“Alright buddy, get out there and celebrate.” 

As soon as Lando’s feet touch the asphalt, his legs buckle out from underneath him, and he collapses by the front left tire. He needs to get up, needs to pull his helmet from his head, and go celebrate in the arms of his team and his family. But here Lando is, his body wracked with sobs while he thanks every possible force in the universe that’s enabled him to get to this point.

The side of his car isn’t as blurry when Lando opens his eyes again and shoves his visor up, his knees not as shaky when he stands, leaning on the body of the car for support. 

Across the way, his team looks like they’re barely holding themselves back from storming the track. Their self-imposed barrier breaks when Lando takes a step in their direction, his car crew rushing him and sweeping him off his feet. He may not be as small as he used to be, but the arms of the guys who have been with him for six years pick him up like he is, and all Lando can do is hold on.

The bone-crushing team hugs Lando has been subject to over the years don’t come close to now— not even on the back of his first podium in Silverstone the year before. But, he supposes, nothing really is quite comparable to actually beating the odds as they have throughout this year. 

Everything from the last few years rushes to the surface— every emotion and catastrophizing thought. Every question he had about resigning or not looking elsewhere at a team that could take him to the top faster. They gave way to the base satisfaction that had come with improvements and with accurate correlations. 

Every thought triggers another swell of emotion, but Lando can’t think about what he looks like in the midst of it.

Later, there will be pictures Lando will probably never want to see again when he takes his helmet off to reveal his already puffy eyes, red from crying, but he doesn’t think of that now. Because now, even with his mind solidly in the present, he can’t stop getting teary-eyed with each new person who comes to congratulate him.

And then Carlos is there, his person, finished with his own team and weigh-in, and it’s a lot. 

Carlos’ eyes look almost as red as Lando’s feel, which is stupid because Carlos shouldn’t be the one crying, right? They’re only about five strides from each other, but Lando takes the distance in two and a half before he launches himself into Carlos’ arms, his legs coming up almost on instinct to wrap around Carlos’ hips.

Carlos seems to expect it thankfully, and they stay upright. Lando’s never felt more protected than he does right now. Strong and warm arms grip and wrap around his back with every ounce of strength Carlos has left after a grueling two hours in the car. They’re out in the middle of everyone with their image likely being broadcast across the world, and yet Lando can’t find it in himself to care about anyone but the way Carlos’ lips press against the side of his face, the barely audible, “You did it. My champion,” above all the noise.

Lando lets himself cry.

Someone breaks them apart eventually so that both of them can give their reactions on the finish to Coulthard, who’s standing a few feet away looking excited. The distance they put between themselves isn’t a lot, one of Carlos’ hands settles on Lando’s shoulders when Lando feels himself getting weak-kneed again while Carlos is talking. He wonders if he looks like he’s going to pass out or if Carlos is just that especially tuned to Lando.

He doesn’t wonder for long though before he’s being pulled to the camera and handed the microphone Carlos had just been holding.

This is the beginning of everything. The beginning of being a champion. The beginning of the rest of his career. Lando knows he’s ready for it.

#carlando #writing tag #filched this from a long-abandoned wip and fixed her up a bit #i cannot remember the rationale for who lando was going to be up against in the championship but i remember there was math involved #which is why it's like this and reflects 2022 standings #husbands™

[ddarker-dreams]

Hi! I have a question, you can ignore this if you want to but I’ve found myself really loving the way you write and the range of writing you can articulate as well. Speaking from someone who is nowhere close to that level of skill you possess, would you mind being able to explain your journey of writing, if you practiced any particular methods or anything else to get to this stage you are at right now? Unless you have been gifted the talent of writing from birth and didn’t need to try for much long or long enough to call it a journey. Could you also spare some tips and advice for someone who wants to start writing stories and what to look into/practice?

I love your work a lot and I am constantly waiting for the notification of your new posts, despite not being a writer myself I do love breaking down and analysing writing and your stories are always such good options for me to look into. Thank you so much for writing and sparing your time to produce such well done pieces of work — I felt extremely corny writing this, excuse me for this language, I promise I’m not a pimp!

THIS ISN'T CORNY AT ALL!!!! ❌🌽❌!!!!

i'm deeply grateful for all your kind words, thank you so so much 😭

i don't mean this in a self-deprecating way, but i've never considered myself a gifted or super incredible writer, i just get hype about story ideas and try to make them as good as i can. due to that, i start sweating when people ask for advice because i don't consider myself qualified... i do have a writing advice tag, but take everything i say with a grain of salt!! if it's fanfic literally all that matters is that you enjoy whatever you're writing.

i'm more than happy to share my writing journey though!! it's kinda fun to reminiscence.

i've loved reading and writing ever since i was a little lock. while thinking about this ask, it occurred to me that what i've always been the most invested in are the characters. i'd think about 275894275 different storylines with them. i didn't start writing fanfic until i was around 11 though, everything was handwritten. or in flipnote hatena.

i did a lot of fanfic writing from 11-14 buuuut then my interest in it kinda fizzled out. it wasn't until i watched hxh for the first time that i took it up again bc chrollo is that powerful. that's when i started conceptualizing HWR. i looked at my early writing folder, the first HWR fanfic i wrote was in 2016 when i was 15 ?? here's a cursed excerpt:

anyway, once i started making googly eyes at chrollo, it was gg. i've been writing often ever since.

what's helped me the most is to focus on the elements i find interesting. for example, i like fleshing out my MCs, focusing on dialogue, and developing a universe around the main pairing. because i enjoy this so much it's (mostly) always easy to devote time and effort toward it.

so i think it comes down to finding out what niches you like and working with those. some writers prefer to write with heavy prose, others are more succinct, some writers like dialogue, others prefer to be more action based... etc etc. this does require a little time if you're completely new to writing, but you know yourself best. you'll eventually pick up on what part of the story you're most excited to write.

this isn't particularly mind-blowing or anything but i hope it helps some 😭 what completely Altered my mindset was when i realized i can be as self-indulgent as humanly possible. cringe is not in my vocabulary. write a MC where every single character is in love with them if you want. write a 100k word fic about your OC being isekaid into x world. post about your f/os, draw art of you with your fav, go ham.

#ii have almost completely lost a sense of shame when it comes to stuff i like #i remember that the earth is basically on fire and ppl unironically listen to ben sharpieo #i will have fun with my silly little fics and no one can stop me #sweet asks #answered #Anonymous

[sonosvegliato]

Currently rereading "to an athlete dying young" and going absolutely insane over it, it is so well written!

I have yet to find anyone who is even half as good as you are at establishing insanely high tension/stakes while also doing comedic relief the way you do, every single interaction absolutely kills me. Especially Tim's interactions with Jason and Bruce are so incredibly interesting, you really nail those!!!!!

Reading your fic isn't enough, I need to print it out & eat it.

That being said, what does your writing process look like, if you don't mind me asking?

This is a question I only imagined getting once I have my original work published, so thank you for stoking the ever-hotter flames of my ego while I shoot into the stratosphere.

When I am famous with 10 books published and documentaries are made about me, I dream I will have a well-polished answer for to this question. SYKE.

Process:

F around and find out. Not in a threatening way. Just like—playing around with ideas like they're Legos and you are a three year old baby.

A lot of the time I get a snippet of something and I do a "sketch" of it before I forget it. I have a lot of these, and some of them are impossible to interconnect, so I literally take apart the story and rearrange it, and will do this once, twice, or five times to get through a single scene. I read this writing advice once where if you're stuck on a scene than the problem you really have is a chapter back, and I'm not much for universal writing advice, but I do believe that if I'm stuck in a place, then something else has got to be better. Sort of like pulling a car in park over and over again until you sorta get in in between the lines. I am really bad at parking. Literally not figuratively.

To an Athlete Dying Young is probably the closest to plotting I've ever been, since I'm using what actually happened in the comics as a loose guide for the events in the series. But I still write snippets that I jam together and take apart and peel and stick. My document looks like [LINKS NOTES RESEARCH] [STORY STORY STORY STORY] [RANDOM SCENE] [STORY] [SNIPPET SNIPPET SNIPPET SNIPPET] with some hyping myself up in between. Example of my "plotting", pure and unedited:

^ wouldn't you like to know where this is from

And here's a snippet that was possibly going to be in hold the low lintel up. I was going to have Tim move in with Jason. This is everything I wrote for it, so you're not missing any context:

“I’ve had to move out of my house,” Tim continues. 

“That’s…a change. Can I ask what—”

“My uncle isn’t real,” Tim says.

Hood lifts his hands. They pause in the air for twenty seconds before he lowers them, fingers extended towards Tim. “What?”

“My uncle’s fake. I made him up. They’d’ve made me live somewhere else, otherwise,” Tim says. “I…I don’t want to live there.”

He leans against the warehouse wall, feels the dusty wood under the flat of his hands. “So, anyway, I was just wondering…” He glances at his shoes, then back to Hood. Nervousness, with an ounce of confidence. Just a pinch, not too much. Very little trust can take you very far. “If it were maybe possible…”

He trails off just as Hood starts to lean forward. Hook, line—

“Could I stay with you?”

—and sinker.

“I don’t think so,” Hood says.“Why not move in with your brother?”

“He’s working. I couldn’t do that to him.” And he lives too far away. 

“I’m working, too,” Hood says. “And I can guarantee I’m not doing the kind of things your cop brother will like.”

“Alright. Well, if you want to find me, you can find me in the Bowery, where that old church is. I don’t think any rogues have made their hideouts there, but I guess I’ll find out.” 

“Park Row isn’t safest place in the world right now,” Hood says. “You know there’s a reason people call it Crime Alley, right?”

“I’ve been around here longer than you think.”

“Look. Kid. You can’t stay with me. And with all these new murders, I don’t think it’s a good idea you’re even coming here. I get it. You don’t want child services sniffing your ass. I get that more than anybody, but. There are people out there, strangers even, who are willing to help you.”

It’s not a guilt trip. It’s a gentle emotional suggestion. It’s taking Hood by the collar and throwing him over Tim’s shoulder to slam him into a giant guilt pit that only gets deeper the more he struggles. Tim’s English teacher calls it pathos. 

Then the suit for an extra layer of DRAMA.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Also, Tim and Superboy were supposed to be better friends and have sleepovers.

“You were sleep talking,” Superboy says. “It woke me up.”

“Sorry,” Tim says. 

“You don’t look so good, bro. You going to be sick or something?”

“No.”

“What were you dreaming about?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Tim hears the sheets shift as Superboy turns over. 

“I don’t have dreams,” he says. “I hear they can be pretty gnarly though. Was yours gnarly?”

“Yeah.”

“You drink apple juice before bed?”

“No.”

“Good. I hear apple juice fucks you up.” 

They fall silent. Tim doesn’t have his phone to distract him. He stares in the darkness at the blank wall. 

“And cheese,” Superboy says. “Cheese will make you dream some wild shit. Again, can’t say if it’s true. But that’s what the internet told me. I learn a lot of things on the internet.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally, Black Canary was going to have a role similar to the one she has in Young Justice.

I actually have quite a few snippets of her being sort of Tim's therapist, stereotypical Couch of Mental Breakdowns included, but it never got included into the story, just remained outlier scenes. Also Tim was not very receptive to talking it out.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Summary: If I'm bored in the story, I throw a firecracker and watch stuff blow up ✌️

Thank you for asking! And it's an absolute honor to have written a story that's both worth a reread and being eaten. Hope this entertains you until I get the next part up!

#batman fanfiction #tim drake #fanfic #my fic #rock on yo

[v3ros]

I got this ask on my alt (most likely since I turned off asks for this blog) but I felt like it was important to answer here.

Dayshift at Corny's is NOT dead!

"But V3ROS," I hear you saying, "You haven't posted about it in a while, and your blog isn't Corny's themed anymore!" And in response I say shuddup and sit down ya slimey little creechurs because Papa Veros has got some shit to explain!

Firstly, clearing the air.

Dayshift at Corny's isn't going anywhere. I absolutely adore all of the characters and the little world I've built for them, and I still wish to share that world with whoever is willing to listen to the inane ramblings of a zombie-obsessed sock. I don't plan on scrapping the project anytime soon.

Where did it go then?

I would say that the production DSaC is on a temporary hiatus. Currently, I have a lot of stuffs that's weighing on me. I'm not going to go into detail because it's not the internet's business, but I've been trying my hardest to refocus my ever-shrinking attention span back on the project, because I really do want to keep working on it!

On a more positive note, one of the reasons it's sort of... poofed is that I'm trying to adapt to using RPG Maker MV, the software that DSaF and Dialtown were made in! However, from where I see things right now, I don't think DSaC will be made in RPG Maker. It's not as intuitive with visual novel mechanics (and one might say "well duh Veros, you need the plugins" and to that I say shooosh and let me keep explaining). DSaC is a VN-focused game, first and foremost. That is the means in which the world of Corny's will be conveyed, and that is the way I feel it should stay. With that in mind, it doesn't make much sense to spend time learning a new software to achieve what I was already doing in something that's easier for me to understand and that has much less setup. That whole escapade was a perfect example of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."

When will it be coming back?

With November coming up very soon, Halloween will have passed and I'll have finished working on my costume. This means I'll have much more energy and patience to dedicate to development (or, hyping myself up to do so at the very least). My goal is that I'll have an update on the progress for you all come the end of November!

Now, I feel I've answered all of the important things, however there's some smaller Q&As I thought of that I'll answer below.

"Why are your asks closed / Will you ever respond to the ask I sent in?"

I closed the asks because there were so many of them, I was quite overwhelmed--mind you that this is the first project of mine that has received any attention at all, it was quite jarring (in a good way). I've seen your asks though, don't worry! I'm going to answer every last one of them, and once I do my asks box will open once again.

"Why is your blog no longer Corny's themed?"

It all started because of Salem's bald head. I'm being serious, him being bald on the banner long after I had given him hair pissed me off so much that I said "to hell with it" and changed it. The image of Godred was the first one I had readily available. That's the only reason he's my banner. Yup. As for the sock, that's my persona. I had been planning on changing my profile photo to a drawing of it for a while. The current one is a spooky rendition for spooky month :> I still plan on following the same format for answering asks as I did before.

A final thought before departure, thank you for whoever sent this ask in (I have a feeling who it is, however it's just a hunch). Having a question that blunt asked to me seemed to unclog whatever blockage my brain had built up that prevented me from thinking about working on DSaC. I can feel the creative juices flowing. Let that be a warning of you all seeing more from me very soon. Until then, I shall retreat back to my cozy dumpster and continue mashing my face into the keyboard until a game comes out.

#dayshift at corny's #dsac #update #game development #q&a #except nobody asked me these questions #I asked myself okay

[lemonlyman-dotcom]

I posted this in response to this ask, but I think it’s gotten hidden in “read more” and just looks like a reblog. I wanted to post this separately because I know I’m not the only person who feels this way.

I hope you don’t mind me responding here, but as a newer/less popular writer who was not included in the original list I think I’m in a position to offer some perspective. I can see both sides here.

I feel you, anon, I promise you I do. I 100% agree on the point of feeling like an outsider looking in. I have never been on a rec list (I think one of my fics was included in Fic Rec Friday once), I am not proud to say I’ve sat here and cried a little when a fic I posted went unnoticed while some of my mutuals reblogged other (more popular writers) fics and I wondered what was wrong with mine, I’ve had conversations with some trusted friends on here asking what I’m doing wrong and how do I get my stuff read, their answers ranged from “🤷” to “hope that a popular blog notices you and reblogs.” It absolutely feels like a popularity contest in this fandom sometimes, and it hurts to be shut out. I know.

But, that is not any one person’s fault. I have felt hurt and left out at times too, but I think we need to give —— some grace here. She cannot read every single fic in this fandom, it’s not possible. She was asked a question and she answered, and she ended the post with an open call for people to add more recommendations. I don’t know what else we should have expected her to do.

I think the fandom as a whole needs to be more aware of how we set up certain people/blogs as popular or the voice of the fandom. We all can be better about hyping each other up and rec’ing each other’s work.

I was feeling pretty down after one of my fics “flopped,” I was feeling like a shit writer and a fandom outsider. But then I reminded myself of why I joined tumblr in the first place. Because I’d been reading all these amazing fics for the last year or so, and I wanted a platform to scream about how much I loved them, and to tell other people to go read them and shower the writers with the love they deserve. So I’ve started being more intentional in a) my ao3 commenting b) reblogging fics I love after I read them, even if it’s an older one and c) sending dms to authors I love making sure they know how much I loved their story and d) trying to rec smaller/newer/less popular writers. I do a monthly fic rec post where I specifically aim to center less-popular writers. Again, I can’t read everything and there are some topics I avoid (parental death/grief is hard for me, I’m not huge on smut/kink…), but I try so damn hard to be inclusive.

And you know what? My fandom experience has been so much more fun recently! So, if there’s a fic you wanna see reblogged or an author you want to get more recognition go scream from the rooftops. Send me a DM I love to rec writers and fics. Let’s all make a more conscious effort to make this fandom more inclusive and a more encouraging place to be.

#lemon talks #lemon gets vulnerable #i’m sorry #911 Lonestar fandom

[jlilycorbie]

Didn't See Any of This Coming

Late at night on Thursday, October 19, I drove myself to the emergency room. I fully expected to be treated and released, and after I saw triage just barely after midnight, it looked like exactly what would happen.

Instead, my entire life changed.

I went in for an abscess in an embarrassing location, which shouldn't have stopped me from seeking treatment earlier, but absolutely did. I figured they'd open and drain it, put me on some IV antibiotics, then send me on my way with a prescription for oral antibiotics. And for a while, that looked like exactly what would happen.

At least, until someone came into the room to ask me, "Are you diabetic?"

"Not as far as I know," I said.

"Did you know your blood sugar is 330?"

I've known for a long time things weren't great with my health, but I didn't see that one coming. Honestly, I was hoping whatever was wrong would kill me, preferably painlessly and in my sleep, within the next five to ten years.

That was already my first trip to the ER as an adult. What followed were a lot more firsts.

First IV.

First person who has seen my butt as an adult (a number that unfortunately kept climbing).

First CT scan.

First minor surgery (lidocaine is weak, I felt almost all of it).

First admission to a hospital.

First time taking insulin.

First major surgery under general anesthesia.

First time receiving fentanyl (or any opioid). After all the hype on the news, I thought that should be good, and instead it did absolutely nothing. Found out afterward that my dad and grandfather both got morphine a few times after surgery or in the ER for injuries and it did nothing for either of them. Just my luck to come up with chronic pain and a resistance to opioids.

I've suspected for a while that I have an autoimmune disorder, though I don't know which one. And a collagen disorder, probably EDS, but not sure which one. I've heard all the nightmare stories about fighting for diagnosis, so it was a little unsettling to mention autoimmune disorders and have every single medical professional say, "Yeah, that sounds right." Or to do my stupid human tricks (bending fingers and moving my trachea only, I never got far) and have people immediately go, "Yup, that's a collagen disorder."

Also, surprise! I have a heart murmur.

Shout out to my liver and kidneys, apparently the only organs in my body quietly doing their jobs without any drama.

The following days were frustrating. Everyone was eager to explain what diabetes is to me, but not what I needed to do. People kept mentioning that I had a sliding scale for my insulin, but no one would tell me what that meant. A diabetes educator would be coming to my room to explain it to me, so they didn't need to tell me anything.

After surgery, I never saw the surgeon again. No followup of any kind. Also absolutely no pain management. Before surgery, someone would occasionally offer me Tylenol. Afterward, I didn't even get that. It's apparently acceptable to leave a patient in so much pain she doesn't sleep for more than 36 hours, and after the 24 hour mark, you can offer melatonin.

Honestly, I don't think Tylenol would have helped, but a few throat lozenges would have made a huge difference in my world.

No one ever really explained or showed me how to care for the open wound left after surgery. The wound is located somewhere that is very difficult for me to see or reach, especially both at once. One person told me, "Just take a corner of gauze and poke, poke, poke it into the hole, but not too far, because you don't want to make the wound worse." When a nurse pointed out the difficulty of seeing the location, wound care sent a hand mirror smaller than my palm.

The doctor gave discharge orders, but the nurse at the time didn't want to let me go because the diabetes educator still hadn't come. I didn't know exactly when to take my blood sugar or insulin or how much to take. Because no one would tell me. So the nurse talked me into staying an extra night.

The doctor and several nurses also said someone with the hospital's social services would come talk to me about handling the bill and about getting a primary care physician because after 12 years without one, I can't keep not going to a doctor.

Neither the diabetes educator nor anyone from social services ever came to my room. I finally got a frustrated nurse to explain the sliding scale for insulin to me and when I should take my blood sugar and when I should take insulin. The next nurse diligently avoided me at all times until she announced I was getting discharged, better get ready. I stayed an extra night for literally no reason, for help that never came.

A pharmacist called me to tell me the doctor had ordered a glucometer and some other supplies for me, but my insurance had a really high copay on them, and she wanted me to know that I could buy them way cheaper on my own if I'd like to do that. When she found out that no one had explained most things to me, she was outraged. She spent a long time on the phone with me, explaining everything that she could. Bless that woman. I've told everyone who would listen her name and that she was so helpful when I was desperate and alone.

I got discharged just like that. I didn't get any written aftercare instructions from my surgery. I still don't know if I'm caring appropriately for my wound. I have a followup scheduled for three weeks after my discharge. I have since reached out, and people will apologize, but no one will give me the information I need.

I left the hospital terrified and confused. I'm used to figuring things out on my own, but the repeated promises of help that never came almost broke me completely.

I got two different types of insulin in reusable pens. No one had shown me that type of pen or how to use them. I had to figure it out by myself after I was home.

After I got home, someone from social services did call me. I had an appointment for the next day with a diabetes educator...who heard about me for the very first time after I was discharged, when social services called him and he immediately arranged an appointment for me.

Also, no one ever told social services they needed to talk to me about anything. They arranged an appointment with a primary care physician. It was written in my discharge paperwork, but no one told me.

The diabetes educator was actually pretty helpful. Turns out I'd gotten about half the information I needed about when and how to take my insulin. Since he gave me a different sliding scale and more instructions, I've actually kept my blood sugar consistently under 150, and mostly between 110 and 135.

I did tell him that the last time I saw a doctor, he dismissed all of my concerns to pressure me to join his high intensity weight loss program. At the time, I weighed around 300 lbs. I figured before I could get real help, I needed to wait until I was old enough, thin enough, or sick enough for people to take me seriously, and in the 12 years since then, I've done my best to take care of myself. When I arrived in the ER, I weighed 208 lbs. I was the sickest and most miserable I've ever been.

He told me he expects me to lose at least 20 lbs by the next time I see him.

#medical #medical horror #frustrating #cw weight loss talk #I would say I'm doing ok but I'm still frustrated and scared

[the-lokal-homo]

This is gonna be a sad and personal one

Soooo, I have a big anxiety disorder, social anxiety/phobia, and all that. I have been in therapy for nearly 4 years and counting, and it really helps.

So when I was supposed to have my first theoretical driving lesson today. I really did believe in myself, I knew I was scared, but my anxiety got so much better over the years that I thought u could handle it. Turns I couldn't.

My brother drove me there, I cried before we even got into the car, and I was repeating the same sentence over and over again.

"I can do it"

And I believed it. I really did. My brother also did. He was also like, "Yeah! You can do it." I cried again in the car but was still repeating that sentence. He made a stop shortly before we were there, so I could have some extra time to hype myself up. I still really believed in myself at that moment. But then we were standing in front of it, I could see the group of people, and everything I learned, every progress I made was gone in that moment.

Amd I DID make progress, I am able to ask questions, and talk to people I never met, yes, I'm still scared af but I cam do it. So much progress, so many things I am able to do now that I wasn't even half a year ago gone in half a second.

So, I saw all these people in there, turned to my brother, and repeated a new sentence, "Can you please turn around?" Ofc, I said it in different variations."Can we please turn around?","can you please turn around?","please, can you run around?","can we please just go back home?" And many more.

He did. He turned around, we drove home.

And he isn't mad, my parents also won't be mad, I know that. But I am. I am mad at myself, I am extremely disappointed. One thing I am very proud of is that I don't run. I once had a big panic attack while holding a presentation. A really big one, I needed to sit down, or I would have broken down, barley could form sentences, bit I didn't run. The teacher told me I should take I all the time I needed, that they would wait, and what did I do? I went on. My voice was extremely shaky, it took time for me to form words, and I cried while saying a few of them, but I didn't run. And now? Now I DID run. That is what I did, I ran away. The thing I always was so proud of, that I don't run, didn't work. It's fucking disappointing. I am fucking disappointed in myself, and I think I have the right to be.

I know that if I wouldn't talk about me, that if I would talk about anyone else, I would think differently. I would be all "healing has its ups and downs, this was an down, but that's ok. It was a down to your standard now, but still a big up if you look at the way you would have handled it a few years ago. You wouldn't even left the house then!" But I'm not talking to someone else, I am talking to myself and yeah, tomorrow when I look back I will see it the way I would have seen it if it would have been someone else, but not today. Not right now. Right now I'm mad, right now I am disappointed because I KNOW I can do it, I know that but I still didn't. And I don't know why? That's the problem. Normally, I know we're the step back comes from, but not this time.

I really thought I could do it. I knew I did.

#panic attack #social anxiety #mental health #drivers license #sorry for the rant #i dont know #my parents just got home #let's see if they are mad #i hope not #i dont like it if my moms mad/disappointed

[eirenare]

Hi hi~! Life update here

Hi there!

Yes, I'm still alive lol, it's just that 85% of my social media time I currently spend it on Twitter (I refuse to call it how Elmo Muskrat wants the site to be called lol), and 15% I spend it on Bluesky (which, by the way, if you wanna find me there, I'm Eirenare too there lol).

I'm still very veeeeeery much in my Reylo brainrot haha, so yeah, you might see me posting or reblogging every now and then some of it, although I've been as well into some other stuff lately (Elden Ring for example), so you might see me posting about that too, so just a heads up there about it (and don't worry, everything I post here, regardless of what it is, as usual it'll have its tags and spoiler warnings, a "read more" if need be, etc).

My energy's been specially low for the past months though to be honest, so I can't guarantee I'll be very active around here (except for private messages, I'll be checking these every little time), just that every now and then I'll come here and post or reblog some stuff, probably Reylo and other things Star Wars or series/movies, life updates too, maybe will share in a bit of my Elden Ring brainrot and theories as its DLC approaches and I get more and more excited.

Anyways, here's some random life update stuff and anecdotes that I wanted to say before I log off for the night here:

I fell into the Kalluzeb (Kallus x Zeb, from Star Wars Rebels) rabbithole some time ago and it was, and is, neat, I love them so much

earlier today I had churros and hot chocolate as desert at lunch time and I was in cloud nine all the while I chomped on them

apparently my brain won't cease to come up with new Reylo AUs which is amazing and so much fun but also if I ever showed you guys screenshots of my Google Docs you might just faint because there are just so many things there between WIPs I'm currently working on that are already on Ao3, future things to go on Ao3, vague WIPs, AU ideas... and my energy is running so low and I'm working on various Ao3 WIPs so yeah lol I don't think I'll ever write even half of the fics I noted down

I watched Barbie at the cinema and it became one of my new comfort movies and one of my fave movies of all time

somehow I'm not as bad as I thought I'd be at Elden Ring even though I'm clumsy, a scaredycat and my tunnel vision goes lvl 100 when I'm playing videogames which usually means "good luck remembering to look at your stamina bar and using key items", so seeing myself not get too stuck on bosses was unexpected and neat (in fact, funnily enough: somehow this game even makes my anxiety lower at times and it barely increases it at all even when I'm fighting bosses, go figure lol)

I had the chance to buy Final Fantasy XVI at a much cheaper price than release price but because at that site I didn't see any warning that it was temporary, by the time I went to buy it, it had risen price again so now I'm awaiting once again for both better prices and for my wallet to recover

my brother bought a PS5 back in spring and a copy of Star Wars Jedi Survivor and, since we live in the same house, I did play that game and it was amazing asdfgffdgfjfb there were only a very few things I didn't like that much but holy shit was it good, some stuff even felt tailor-made for me in ways I wasn't expecting but that I enjoyed very much (and also the tears, the rivers of tears I shed on certain scenes lol) and now I'm super hyped for the 3rd whenever it is that it'll happen

the official Star Wars accounts at Twitter have been posting quite a bit about Reylo and the sequels and Ben for the past days (and I gotta say, the account from Spain even added some extra Reylo flavor in some tweets that other accounts didn't which is curious) and I'm clowning kinda hard, hoping that DLF finally realized most of the people actually like a lot Reylo (or don't mind it) and the ST, and hoping (always hoping, always dreading to hope too much, but hoping anyways) that we'll get Rey and Ben reunited in her movie

Anyways x2, enough anecdotes and thoughts for the night, see you around lovely people~! <3 Hopefully soon lol, but if not... *looks at 2024 fast approaching* if not, then I'll 100% be around to gossip and scream for when the Rey movie begins production and talks begin and all that stuff, lol.

Good night~! :D I hope you have a great day and/or a good sleep~! <3

EDIT: looooool apparently this was my 100th post in here and I got a free badge for my profile so yay, nice~ x) XDD

#My life #Life update #My personal life #Reylo #(adding Reylo to the tags because there's a little bit of talking about how the official SW Twitter accounts have been posting about it) #(which is kiiiind of sus if you ask me but maybe that's my clown ass hoping for good things in post-TROS aka the Rey and Ben reunion)

[quirrelli]

playing a Pokemon game for the first time in 2023

TL;DR: mixed bag, some strong aspects but also one big fat fatal flaw.

Even though I'm a 90s kid, the whole Pokemon phenomenon somehow passed my childhood by. Now, that isn't to say I'd never heard of the franchise and thought a Pikachu was the sound of 3.14159 sneezing; I have picked up some basic things through cultural osmosis. Like that you get one of three little lads to start with and then you go out and with your lad catch more lads, use them to fight other, evil lad catchers and then, presumably, save the world.

Anyway, I decided to see what all the fuss has been about these past 25 odd years and picked more or less at random one of the games I already had on emulator, Pokemon not being famed as a franchise that evolves (hah) drastically from game to game. I ended up with Pokemon FireRed, which turned out to be a stroke of luck because it's a remake of the original Pokemon Red and since I do sort of kind of know the names of some of the Gen 1 lad roster, there was bit of familiarity there.

I picked Charmander (named him Chomp) and off we went. First off, catching new Pokemon never stopped being exciting. I suspect it's a similar effect as Gatcha machines, where you'll probably just encounter another goddamn Pidgey but there's also a small chance it could be something cool. Like, I was super hyped when I caught a Pikachu very early on because I assumed, being the mascot and all, it must be super strong, so I named him Thor. I was only whelmed by his performance in the end but fine.

I will say, up until maybe the second gym, the fights are quite well balanced and I felt challenged but not overpowered. This being a JRPG I had braced myself for a lot of grinding but I ended up needing to do very little, which is nice. Also nice is the manner by which I, as a new player, got eased into systems like type matching, items, etc. Sure, literal sign posts with "trainer tips" are a bit on the nose but overall I appreciated not having an encyclopedia chucked at my head first thing. There is in fact an encyclopedia in game but I rarely used it and had a lot of fun drawing my own little diagram with the types and their interactions as I figured them out.

Progressing onward, I would describe the game as monotonous yet absorbing, at least for a while.

Whoops, that loaded sentence needs unpacking. Right, so, while your lads are still levelling up frequently and you're still constantly encountering new species on the road, the travel and various battles are a way to pace out the excitement without ever allowing it to die away entierly. Cool, works for me. However, this stops being the case in later dungeons, when, in a spectacular display of misplaced confidence not seen since the Virtual Boy, the lvl12 Rattatas of the world still think it's a good idea to spit at my lvl32 Machoke's feet (named Chad obvs). Simple fix I can suggest there, weak ass baby pokemon should just automatically stop coming at you and not require a consumable item to avoid.

On a vaguely related note, in that even random encounters are unnecessarily drawn out, this game has too many text boxes. You can't scratch your ass in this game without 5 text boxes describing the smell of your butt sweat. It really needs turbo text rather than just fast text because every time I get into a fight or go into a pokecenter to heal my nigh expired Meowth (Marx, bc she redistributes capital by throwing it at ppl), after I once again forgot you're not supposed to use bite on Nidoran, I have to read through the nurse's unedited life story first. It's almost as thumbnumbingly tedious as navigating the PC and every other menu.

As a final criticism on the topic of monotony, I'd like to mention that the overworld trainer battles could have been handled better, fancied up a little, arranged with more care than the spoons in my cutlery drawer. How it usually works, is that they're copypasted in groups of 5-10 along a path and you just fight one after another. I feel like the same effect could have been achieved by just having, like, 3 unique trainers and they all just give you 3x as much XP.

XP distribution is of course an eternal sticking point in party-based RPGs but since you usually fight all of these trainers in a row you'll have the same team anyway. In general, the limited XP distribution means that to avoid grinding you pretty much have to limit yourself to one team (+ a couple of situational swap outs) that counters more or less every type, irrespective of whether they are your personal faves. On the other hand, this does help you get emotionally invested in those particular pokemon and their growth in an organic way, but then on the other other hand... well, we'll come back to that.

To be clear, none of these criticisms are dealbreakers, just quality of life issues and maybe signs of age, which I should hope have been adressed in the meantime. Do let me know.

Overall, I made my way through the game without too much trouble. The only gym I temporarily got stuck on was poison mcninjaman, which might have been because it was the one thing I did slightly out of order. I was generally surprised with how linear the game is but I really didn't mind that so much. It allows for more control in levelling and exploration. Speaking of which, one of my favorite features is how your lads can learn certain moves to make new areas accessible. It massages my metroidvania brain and is a neat way of letting the overworld and the "battling dimension" blend together a bit.

Finishing the elite four and absolutely trouncing my rival one last time was perfectly serviceable as finales go. Honestly though, it was the battles before that, on victory road, that were the most engaging because it contained some of the only trainers in the whole game that have diverse teams, not just four ambulatory flowers that fare against my pet flamethrower the way a white couch fares against a toddler with permanent marker.

Regardless, I got my title as lord high champion master trainer of all the strongest lads in the land and was actually excited to dive back in and fill out my Pokedex, fully explore Kanto and continue evolving my team (and maybe some of my benchwarmers). It was then, when I finally took to the internet to look up how to most efficiently turn Nosferatu, Haunter extraordinaire, into Nosferatu, Gengar spectacular, that I was delivered a gut punch which instantly obliterated any desire to keep playing or any recommendation for this game I might have made. See, you can't evolve some Pokemon (i.e. about half my team) into their final form without trading them with other players. Combined with the fact that you apparently can't get the other starters at all, you have no chance to even get remotely close to completing your Pokedex if, say, you're playing the game 20 years after it came out and it's on an emulator and thus not multiplayer compatible. This is a problem, to put it mildly.

I understand that nintendo wanted to encourage players to use the multiplayer features, but in a game that is still designed 99% around a singleplayer experience, it is just not ok to lock players who don't happen to have anyone to trade with out of crucial content like this. It clashes directly with the idea that you grow attached to your Pokemon through your adventures and that they will grow with you when eventually, no amount of rare candies, items or love you can bestow upon them will help. It's the much, much worse flipside of the limited XP problem, first forcing you to focus on a core team to the detriment of all the others and then putting a hard stop on that team's development. It would be possible grind XP if you really wanted that Alakazam but you can't magically conjure a friend (trust me on that). I could bear, like, one super special rare pokemon being exclusive to multiplayer but this is just bullying lonely kids and any astronauts who might be playing.

To summarize my overall opinion with a metaphor: Pokemon FireRed just about manages to squeeze into the crowded bus to Good Video Game town choking in Earthbound's musky armpit, only to be shoved out again on the second to last stop and faceplant into a concrete bench.

I would give Pokemon another chance if it didn't have that irredeemable anti-loner feature. Having said this, I've come to realize that, although I don't dislike the trainer battling, it was but the complementary bread rolls of this meal. I much preferred finding new Pokemon, figuring out how to best fight them without accidentally killing them/having them escape and exploring new areas. So I guess my ideal Pokemon game would be one where trainer duels are kept to a select few and instead the mechanics of finding and catching new lads as well as taking care of them are made more intricate (and less reliant on RNGesus).

Like Monster Hunter meets Nintendogs. Does that exist? Someone let me know if that exists.

#pokemon #pokemon firered #text post #my stuff

[viscountessevie]

I think we need to respect that Simone is a private person, and Bridgerton was her workplace. I am private and don’t share much of myself with colleagues. People probably think I’m a snob. I don’t mean to be, but sharing is just not in my comfort zone. I’ve kind of gotten that vibe from the Bton oddness. Whatever it is, SA is an adult. She works. She doesn’t need to be effusively close with co-workers.

Okay so I'm pausing 'grave dancing' (as Rahul Kohli puts it) for a moment and we're back to our usual programming!

So I put these all together - though I was going to end with the very top one because I honestly have nothing to add and it pretty much sums up how I feel about the whole thing - because they are all very similar in sentiment as to how Simone is very professional, private and has been in the industry for a while and is doing just fine.

Pretty much I have nothing to add on that front and am letting all these anons speak for themselves!

The last two are also very similar for the cast feeling protective of CC which I understand we're all trying to make sense of their social media behaviour but I really think we should just stop you guys. They already made their bed and decision on who to 'support' in a sense of their likes and comments, that's on them.

I just want to sum up my last post on this with these poignant quotes and points all my anons on this post brought up:

Anon 1: I think we need to respect that Simone is a private person, and Bridgerton was her workplace. I’ve kind of gotten that vibe from the Bton oddness. Whatever it is, SA is an adult. She works. She doesn’t need to be effusively close with co-workers.

Anon 2: Simone Ashley is an adult who has survived in a tough industry this long. She’s doing fine. We all need to remember that.

Anon 3: Simone seems to be not as active and keeps it strictly professional.

And of course the main point I’ve been parroting across all my posts and of course this is all of your choices to do so and I am no way policing your Internet time, just some good ole advice from your Non-Binary Pal: 

Time to set a firm boundary with yourselves to Not look at the cast’s social media activities (likes and comments) 

It’s their business who they want to hype up with their likes and comments, I cannot give a single fuck anymore I already know where they stand so no point bringing it anymore in my opinion. Also on top of all the dramas we get every day (did yall see Regé’s post yall?? Just wait I have a post coming on that!), we do not need add this to that. 

[Got a little long; direct replies to Anon 1 & 3 along with me setting a new boundary on this blog below!]

[Let’s all just look at JQ making a fool of herself again - did yall see this dumbass repost a bookshop doing their best labelling all the books with the spouses BUT THEN FUCKED UP WITH GREGORY AND PUT HERMIONE INSTEAD OF LUCY??? JQ’s laundry list is getting too long I don’t think I can keep enough to make that recap post kjshhasd.] 

Before I end this off I want to reply directly to Anon 1&3 (cos 2 you said all there is so thank you so much for your ask!): 

To Anon 1 - Babess you’re just private and I promise you’re not snobby at all! If your co-workers think that, that’s on them! I dunno when we all got to a point where everything needs to be shared everywhere tbh. Life and Film School especially has lately been teaching that I need more boundaries in my life between the different parts - hell even on here. 

To Anon 3 - Her new projects are coming babes!!! I think once TLM starts promo and she can talk about it more, more of her projects are gonna be announced. You know what they say, when it rains it pours. As for ‘angel bean’ Jonny, I do like him and admire his work,,, I realised something that I will address in the Regé post but let’s just say that the realisation has made me side eye the extent of his support of Simone. I still like him - not so much love anymore but yeah again learning to engage with celebs a normal amount. I’ll talk more about it in a bit! 

Anyways ending this with boundaries: I hope you guys find it in you to want to set the boundary I said above ^^ and as for me I would like to set a new boundary as well. As much as I want to listen to all of your views and asks, I am extremely burnt out by CC asks so I please ask that we no longer discuss her on this blog. Yes, I’ll reblog an odd photoshoot of her or an Eddie gif when I’m missing Bookwina but I don’t really wanna talk about her via asks! [Everything I’ve wanted to say on my stance on her is in this masterpost as well as this previous ask where I mention I still do admire her as an actress.]

Oh and comparison asks like the string of these that we had over this week. I have said multiple times, I hate hate comparing them. CC getting the hype doesn’t diminish our love for Simone or her talent!!

Thanks for reading yall and for sending these asks in! Hope you understand my new boundary and respect it!! 

#Bridgerton #Bridgerton Cast #Bridgerton Fandom #Simone Ashley #Bridgerton Asks #IG Boundary-gate

[nancypullen]

Thursday

I’m trying to convince myself to paint the powder room vanity. I have everything I need, and it’s a small vanity and probably won’t take much time at all. I just can’t seem to get motivated.  I purchased paint from Heirloom Traditions.  It’s supposed to be amazing so I hope it lives up to the hype. You can check it out here: https://www.allinonepaint.com/ They’re always offering free sample pots, all you pay is the $6.99 shipping.  My vanity is small enough that one sample pot should do the trick. Most folks are painting dressers or kitchen cabinets, but my little job will be inexpensive and hopefully quick. The previous owner of this house apparently had a nautical theme in the powder room.  That’s fine, to each their own, but she glued everything in place. She had glued sea shells to the mirror, and worse, there was rope glued all the way around the ceiling. I was able to get the shells off the mirror and scrape it clean, but when the painters pulled that rope down (it was basically cemented on) it tore up the dry wall and made the whole room look shabby and awful.  I don’t need that little bathroom to be HGTV worthy, but it looked really bad.  That is why I was so thrilled when Mickey started sending me photos of his work while I was down in Florida. This is what it looked like at the top of every wall.

And this is what it looks like now, thanks to my hand dandy husband.

Those vent covers went back in, there are no gaping holes. Drywall addressed, trim added, ceiling painted...my hero!

He also removed the contractor grade mirror...

and touched up that wall.

No, there’s not an abnormality in the wall. There’s something about the lighting and the way it throws shadows.  It’s fine.  Just between you and me I plan to change that light fixture anyway. That faucet s coming out too. I have a couple of floral/bee pictures that I printed for this room. I’ve got my auction mirror as well. I’m heading in this direction.

None of those colors are exact, that’s just me playing with ideas.  But that’s the neighborhood we’ll end up in.  A cute little rug, a pretty soap bottle,and some contrasting hand towels (already have those!) and we can check another room off the list.  Hallelujah!  By the time that’s finished it’ll be gardening season.  I may have to ignore the inside of the house until fall. Speaking of things that need work, why is my hair the only project that’s never finished?  While visiting my mother I made an appointment for a hair cut.  I don’t have much faith in the hair community in Denton, so I thought I’d roll the dice in Florida. I gambled and lost. I don’t think the stylist believed me when I stressed that my hair is like a gremlin, once it gets wet all hell breaks loose. To her credit she listened when I said I only wanted about an inch off the ends.  The length is perfect.  But she tried to give me “face framing layers” and cut my hair like straight hair. You can’t do that.  There’s a process to cutting layers into my hair and it usually involves a Ouija board and a goat sacrifice. What is does not involve is sliding the scissors down the hair shafts to create feathery ends.  For me that’s a recipe for frizz.  It did not end well.  It took me two days to calm the beast, and of course one of those days was the big family gathering where loads of photos were taken. I’m always frozen in time with bad hair. At least I had makeup on.

It doesn’t help that I’m growing the white out (again!). I’m so over coloring my hair.  I’m hoping that by autumn (maybe our October trip?) I’ll have enough growth to get a good trim and call it done.  I wish I’d never colored after the first grow out during lockdown.  I bought into the whole “look younger” hogwash.  How about just looking healthy?  Authentic? Comfortable?  I’m not looking for a job or a date. I. am. free.  My hair is too. This was snapped on the morning that my sister and I flew out.  When we looked at this selfie we all moaned about wrinkles, hair, etc.  

But ya’ know what? We’re all grannies, and we’re healthy, and we’re happy. I’ll gladly take every crinkle and white hair (even those frizzy layers!) because they’re no big deal.  Gosh, people are dealing with very real, very heavy problems - who cares about aging? It’s a privilege denied to many.  I’m grateful. Now, after saying all of that - can you believe my mom is 87? She looks fantastic!  She can work circles around me in the yard too.  I hope I have a scoop of her heartiest DNA. Alright, I guess I’d better get busy in that bathroom.  I can’t finish until I start, right?  Can’t get to the fun stuff like pictures and soap bottles until I lay the foundation.  Guess I’ll turn on a murder podcast and make some progress. I hope you’re having a wonderful Thursday. If not, then treat yo’self!  A cookie, a new bottle of nail polish, a bouquet - any little treat can be a cheerful spot in a ho hum day.  You deserve it. Stay safe, stay well, be happy.

Nancy

[gatalentan]

Hi Scottie, same anon here. Actually, a recent follower. Your gifs are marvelous, i'm ever so jealous. Thanks for letting me know. I live in Canada, so I have a few options, but one day, maybe i'll buy them. I'm sure my hype for LAW won't stop, but money is tight.

Anyways, thank you for gracing us for your hardwork, dedication and love towards LAW, Abbott and so forth. I'd love to see more Life's Work gifsets if you plan on making more. How would you describe Lisa Hunter? There is an episode I felt so bad for her for (cause I only found three on the Internet Archive), about a third baby. Her humor always makes me feel better, even in another sitcom with an audience for it.

As a new gif/gifset maker myself, though someone with slow stamina to work on projects, I fiddle in photoshop all the time. For the RPC, I've been considering making some more to use of LAW, it's just the resources I need to get aside from AElem. and PTrap. You should try your hand at it, maybe? it's gifs, a certain size all in one post. I just asked what your secret was cause I love how even tho the show was in 96/97, we know it's not HQ like now. Anyways, enough about me. I'm happy they turned out so well for you. Lastly, through trial and error-- do you know if there have a way to sharpen every layer at the same time? Thanks again - CW.

Hi again! Yeah, I fully get that. I really wish there was a more accessible option. Maybe with such awards interest in Abbott more of the stuff from her back catalog will get brought to streaming services? It was on the same network as Abbott after all! We can only hope.

Thanks so much for your kind words! I absolutely do intend on doing the whole series, at least one set per episode (that I have access to) along with some of the funnier lines.

If I was gonna surface level describe Lisa Hunter to an alien? I think you can tell she's is probably more LAW than probably anything she's ever done and very in-line with her stand-up persona. She's streetwise and dry-humoured and crass and a total hard-ass and is quick to anger and stand up for herself, but she isn't one-dimensionally a big tough-guy, she has huge depths of softness for her family, is emotionally available and open about her feelings, is demonstrative to her family in a way that doesn't feel like just going through the motions, they hug and kiss, they have stupid in-jokes, and she makes out with her damn husband! And it doesn't just feel like it's for the viewer! They feel like a real couple who are actually crazy about each other, not just people who put up with each other. She talks openly about her interest in sex in a way that centres herself in it instead of trying to please her guy which is something that a lot of sitcoms of the era lacked (and still do really, in the bad ones) but also what it's like trying to have a sexual relationship while you have a busy life. She's candid about the realities of motherhood - not just in terms of how it effects her relationships and her work-life balance but how it literally changed her relationship with her body, which is also something you don't hear a lot of in comedy, at least in a way that isn't at a woman's expense but rather a commiseration instead. More than anything she feels like a real young adult (I can't believe she's nearly the same age as me!! terrifying!!) dealing with a young family, and a stressful job and financial difficulties, rather than a cartoon character. I really love her a lot. This show had so much potential that was cut WAY short. I could go on about it a lot more than this but this got way too long already! Re: sharpening gifs - what you wanna learn how to use is Smart Objects! They make an absolute world of difference, because you can edit the whole gif all at once, including sharpness, contrast, colours etc. I found a good beginners tutorial for you here - I hope it helps! (Link Here)

#sorry this became a life's work stan account please subscribe to my newsletter

[hologramcowboy]

If you decide not to post this, that's fine, but I feel like this needs to be said, and this is also me venting a little. I am a fan of JA like you, HC, but I also don't worship him blindly, also like you. I can apply critical thinking and rationale, look at a situation objectively, and utilize whatever basic knowledge I have of the industry JA is in. Also like you. Whatever I don't know, I am willing to learn, and usually do not chime in to the conversation, making myself appear as if I do.

So some of these anons you get really just ultimately frustrate me and make it a little bit of struggle to keep up with your blog (which I love). While I understand they are just sharing their opinions, sometimes I look at the things they say and wonder just how they connect these certain dots in their particular thought process. For example: JA did an interview with Mens' Health to keep up with Jared? For real? What an insult to Jared, first off, and how does this interview have anything to do with him? Actors do interviews/PR pieces - it's all a part of promotion. Promotion for their projects and sometimes for the actors themselves. This is most likely something his PR team set up to keep him relevant after The Boys hype died down once the season ended and he would be off shooting a new show. While it might have been more time appropriate to have this interview come out when The Boys Season 3 started streaming or even during the middle of the season, it also depends on where MH was at and the booking/scheduling of said interview. And this is definitely something his PR team booked because it's obviously a PR piece. (just look at his interview video for example and the fact that JA also shared it himself on social media) My point is this interview had absolutely nothing to do with Jared at all. Leave Jared out of it.

We always talk about AA's and how they can never leave Jared alone, no matter what JA says or does, even if Jared isn't involved because they love to hate on Jared (they do). But stating something like this, this anon has to ask themselves, why can't I leave Jared alone either? Why do I constantly have to bring him into something that has nothing to do with him? Let the man be and live his life in peace! Stop adding to the problem. Because guaranteed some AA is going to see that (they definitely keep up with this blog and others like it and the anti JA tags as well as the JA critical tags) and start more bullshit about Jared, yet again. They're probably already doing that shit, but why contribute to it?

Think about that.

Jared's living his best life, he seems happier, and he's been staying busy. Basically, he's kicking ass and taking names. He has his own career. JA appears to be trying to do the same, even if he doesn't always go about it in a way that we like or necessarily agree with (hence the JA criticisms). Don't be like an AA. Don't keep pushing them back together in certain arenas that neither of them are together in, especially if you don't have a basic understanding of how the industry they are in works. Don't keep pushing that ridiculous and hateful AA narrative. Don't keep the stupid fandom drama going. Leave Jared be, please.

Thank you for this beautifully thought out post, Anon. I agree, people need to be more grounded and stop attacking Jared every two seconds for everything Jensen does. Worst of all, they try to blame Jared stans for everything too, as if Jensen wasn't his own person and neither were his fans. One sided views show a lack of mental balance and AAs have that in abundance. Besides, these posts are on my blog and I am predominantly a Jensen girl even though I love both so people need to stop blaming Jared fans. However, I should also point out that people need to realize that when you look for reasons to be offended you will find them and you will be triggered by anything because your mind will make certain associations. Not everyone that writes in about Jensen and Jared has bad intentions or evil reasons to compare the two so let's also be mindful of that or we risk becoming just like AAs, one sided and limited.

I, for one, think both are uniquely beautiful in their own way and love them both very much. They are both successful but on different paths and through different brands. The most beautiful thing about them is the way they support each other, too bad some of their fans choose to degrade that by being spiteful and childish.

#anti jared hate

[booksandabeer]

I really like your blog and your fanfiction recs. You've read a lot of Stucky it seems. I'm still pretty new to the ship and it can get overwhelming so for now I'm sticking to the most popular ones. Do you think that I can skip any of the *legendary* fics? Are there any you think are overhyped and not really worth it? A lot of them are very long too. thanks. 🌟✨

Hello anon, thanks for your ask and your kind words. Welcome to the Stucky Experience™.

Now… *big sigh* This ask has been sitting in my inbox for a couple of days now and I have been debating with myself whether to answer it at all. Tbh, it feels a bit like I’m being tested on my willingness to be Messy on Main. But assuming that you asked this question in good faith, I will try to give the best answer I can here. However, if you expect me to name actual titles, I’m afraid you’ll be sorely disappointed.

First of all, 'overhyped' or 'not worth it' are a kinda strong words to be throwing around. Are there so-called “legendary” fics that are (seemingly) universally adored in the fandom that I personally think are only okay to quite good? Sure. Sometimes there are even very good ones, but I still fail to see what all the extreme fuss is about, or why this or that one in particular gets hyped up so excessively. But. Even if something isn’t the be-all and end-all of fics for me personally, I can almost always understand why other people like or even love them. Not everything needs to be for everyone. And if you’re a Stucky shipper, you’re not exactly hard-up for options. You don’t have to read stuff you already know you will most likely not enjoy even if the large majority of the fandom keeps yelling about its brilliance (that being said, try to branch out every once in a while, you might be pleasantly surprised!). I think by now I’ve read almost all the “Big Ones” that I wanted to, but there are a few super-popular fics left I will probably never read because they are simply not for me (bc of tropes, tone, certain ship dynamics, kinks, etc.). And again, that is fine.

I think I can only think of two stories where I truly, genuinely do not understand at all what people see in them. One I think is considered a fandom classic and my general response to it can be summed up as a dismayed “what the fuck, really?” and the nicest thing about the characterizations I can say is that, yes, there are two characters in it named Steve and Bucky. Make of that what you will.

The second one is more complicated. I’m not exactly sure if it qualifies as “legendary” but it is certainly very popular in apparently all corners of the fandom, which is a feat in itself, but even more so for a fic written after 2019, and I. Just. Don’t. Get. It. The thing is, it is very well-written, has an intricate and engaging plot, and it addresses some things that are often glossed over in other fics in a very smart and thoughtful way. And these are the very reasons why I kept reading until the (for me) bitter end. Usually, if something doesn't work for me at all, I just stop reading and move on. But in this case I kept thinking “surely this can’t be it; there must be a twist coming real soon, right?” But no, the central romance really is based on a premise and subsequently a relationship dynamic that to me is absolutely appalling, where Character A gets fucked over repeatedly, and is relegated to the role of glorified servant/caretaker for large parts of the story, while Character B gets to have it all twice over—and then some! And not once does this ever get addressed as even slightly problematic or imbalanced, but instead is celebrated as A Great Triumph of Enduring Love. ...and everybody went BONKERS for it. Meanwhile, I was standing on the sidelines, absolutely baffled, wondering if maybe I just didn’t get the same drugs as everybody else. But you know what? It's fine. Maybe I'm wrong and everybody else is right (sure seems like it!), and I'm certainly not the arbiter of Good Taste in Fanfic. So yeah, it all comes back to 'like what you like and let other people like what they like.' It will make your experience in fandom so much better, I promise.

Anyway, I hope you got something out of this anon, and enjoyed this edition of “J very vaguely rambles on about fanfiction.”

#asks #musings of a fanfic reader

[marthawrites]

I'm trying something new for this month's book recap! For January I did a separate post for each book I read. Instead of doing that again, I'm combining all of them into a single post with a smaller afterthought/summary.

Here are my February reads! I'm so close to finishing my current book, "The September House" by Carissa Orlando, so that will be my first finished book of March. I'm LOVING it and can't wait to see how it ends!

My thoughts are below the cut! ♥

A Kingdom of Flesh and Fire: I enjoyed this book more than the first one (From Blood and Ash)! My biggest con with this series is Poppy's constant inner monologue. Like. Girl. I don't need to know every single thought that goes through your head - UGH. I often have to tell myself that when I was 19 I was also incredibly stupid and annoying. So, she gets a pass. BUT STILL. Sooo often I'm pinching the bridge of my nose like an exasperated mother or auntie. The ending was CRAAAYzeeee and it had me so excited to start the third book! Armentrout is insanely good with her cliffhanger endings!

Tender is the Flesh: Wow. Okay. So, first of all, this is an extremely heavy read and definitely not for everyone. It's terrifying. Throughout the whole thing, the scariest part to me, was the anxiety of 'wow I can actually see something like this happening'. The way "heads" - ESPECIALLY women - are treated in this story is absolutely horrific. While there are many many many horrendous acts spoken about, none of it (imo) goes into explicit detail. It really lets your mind wander and fill in the graphic details - which to me was both a blessing and a curse. While some readers might think the ending somewhat predictable, I can't say I saw it coming. It hit me like a truck. If you consider checking this book out, please read other (amazon or where ever else) reviews before diving into it ♥ because it is DISTURBING

Whalefall: I think this was my favorite read of the month. It was extremely emotional, powerful, and gritty. It gave me goosebumps a few times, made me tear up and even cry a couple times, and generally go through sooo many emotions with our main character, Jay. This story is so many things wrapped up in one and I really can't say enough good things about it. Part horror, part thriller, part coming of age, part self-discovery. Chefs kiss! Loved it loved it loved it

The Crown of Gilded Bones: The third book in the From Blood and Ash series! This one, to me, was definitely the slowest and the hardest to get through. SPOILERS!!! I'm honestly so glad Queen Isbeth/Ileana knocked some of the wind out of Poppy's sails and one-upped her. Like, yeah, I get it - Poppy is super strong and super powerful and super tough. Constantly reading about her badassery and sass gets irksome though. While I AM enjoying this series overall, I can only take so much of it at once. I need to take breaks between books so I don't get burnt out. I'm excited to see where the fourth book takes us! Because once again this author is wickedly good at cliffhanger endings!

Butcher and Blackbird: This book wasn't really what I was wanting it to be, honestly. Especially after seeing it hyped up soooo much on pretty much every social media site I frequent. The story - like, the overall plot not just the smut - fell flat. I wanted to read more about the whys and the hows rather than the constant snarky banter. I'm not trying to dis this book at all because I generally enjoyed it, BUT with how hyped it is I was expecting more, ya know? I swear books like this get so much hype BECAUSE OF the smut. While it was hot, YEAH, I can name three people in fandom off the top of my head this very instant that write better (dark romance) stories AND smut than this. Again, I'm not dogging it, I am simply spoiled by the hotd fandom and their talent. Tbh I'm unsure if I'll be reading more of this series!

Gild: Normally I wouldn't pick this book up - it's a King Midas retelling and I'm not familiar with the original myth! But I joined a local book club and this is what we're reading this month (feb). I'm really excited to have joined a book club and I hope it's something I keep up with! I really enjoyed the last quarter or so of this, and with the introduction of the pirates and fae I'm stoked to dive into the rest of the series!

(dis)honorable mention for my first DNF of the year. Bride by Ali Hazelwood. Between the way she writes and the narrator (audible) I... just... can't do it. This book has been hyped up all over the place and I fell for it. I tried. But, no. Maybe one day I will try it again. But for now it remains unfinished during chapter 6.

So far this year I've read 10 books! For some that might not be a lot, but for me it is! My tbr is growing as quick as I'm finishing them! Reading different genres is a lot of fun too, because this way I don't get burnt out of any one of them. I'm LOVING it!

Overall I recommend all of these books to fellow readers! If anyone wants to chat about them please hit me up!

#reading 2024 #a kingdom of flesh and fire #tender is the flesh #whalefall #the crown of gilded bones #butcher and blackbird #gild