#feeling sooo normal today

[rhinco]

actually the best ship dynamic is i would kill for you. i would kill anyone who layed a hand on you. please let me kill for you. please let me show my devotion by dirtying my hands, it's the only way i know how. let me destroy anything that hurts you. i've hurt you too. i'm destroying myself.

#went to jupiter got stupider #feeling sooo normal today #sander igna #oc tag

[janinegregory]

#successionedit #succession #tomshiv #tom wambsgans #shiv roy #tom x shiv #* #feeling sooo normal about them today

[spideybonez]

maybe somewhere out there is a universe where richie tozier doesn't watch the love of his life die right in front of him

#sorry i rewatched chap 1&2 today and it's making me emotional again #feeling incredibly normal about them 💔 #reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #it movie #it 1990 #it 2019 #only tagging with those ones bc he doesn't die in chap 1 sooo #si yaps

[icewindandboringhorror]

Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!

#cats #holiday #OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few #days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below) #My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart #rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart #so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag #and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day #last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few #hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent #ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect #because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make #me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these #'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a #few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is #getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better #and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo #I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm.. #pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c #Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after #like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread... #I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was #doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally #ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully #whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos #ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever. #And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely #though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart #stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive #things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

sometimes i remember that gojo wanted to tell geto “we’ll meet again, right?” just before he died but forced himself not to knowing it would have cursed him and then i start thinking about how kind and thoughtful gojo is as a character and how he hasn’t been able to lean on another human being since geto defected and then i want to . Scream

#like. there’s something almost helpless about that question. because gojo doesn’t *know* the answer…. he’s asking for reassurance #he wants to know if they’ll ever meet again even though deep down he knows the answer #and it’s so… bare? so vulnerable. #if he had voiced it that would’ve been the first time in TEN YEARS that gojo truly bared his heart to someone and asked for help #but he knew it would turn into a curse and so he gulped the words back down. :(( #gojo is such a sincerely kind and thoughtful character and it breaks my heart that sooo many people in the fandom can’t see that 😭 #he isn’t a saint and he definitely isn’t selfless but above all else his goal as a human being is to make sure no one ever feels alone. #that no one has their youth taken away from them….. that everyone gets a Choice in how to live their life :(((( it’s so important to him. #i just genuinely don’t understand ppl who insist that he’s morally gray ….. gojo is a consistently Good person and that never changes #he wants to have fun and laugh and he wants his students to enjoy their youth. he wants them to think he’s cool. #he’s the big brother slash father Ever and i love him to death #i got sidetracked this was supposed to be abt geto 😔😔 anyway the final scene between them will always be my Favorite ever #and the key to understanding both their characters and love for one another #ty for coming to my ted talk i’m feeling normal abt them today 😇😇 #ari noises ✩

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

dnkinktober day 27: leather/latex

#death note #mello #mihael keehl #my art #dnkinktober #gun #damn this is my first time drawing mello #i love him btw i really need to draw him more #gives me an excuse to draw leather which is a material i am very normal about #this was just a sketch but i liked it and also i don't feel like lining shit today #also if the gun looks weird at all that's bc i did not get a ref bc anytime i look for gun references i get dragged in by the details #like what time period is this what area where would he have bought it would it blah blah blah #and then it'll take me like 3 hours to decide on a gun and by then it's sooo late so yeah u get whatever gun i wanted to give him #i'm doing another piece for today bc like i said i'm v normal about leather #and it will be w misa!!!!! bc i love her sm #enjoy!!

[rapidhighway]

ngl i had a couple rough days regarding my food intake and im just losing my fucking mind rn

#im trying to be sooo normal about food but good lord the food noise is absolutely insane rn #and it doesnt help that im not in the mood for any activities that would take my mind off this or that i was #eating absolutely horribly yesterday AUUARHF #well at least i dont feel sick and its super hard to eat normally rn #not even craving anything really badly rn i just have food noise on the highest possible setting and its impossible to determine if im #actually hungry or if my broken brain is just begging me for the food it wants #TOT #so yyyeah kinda rough and im not in high spirits overall either so its just. hard #not having much fun drawing or writing today either and i just keep getting pulled back in to thinking about the food goddaminnttt #ok um #vent #lmaoo #cw food #food mention #cw binge eating #byee <3 #um welcome to my diary i guess i just need to write these posts i always feel so much better when i do xd

[oceanmoss]

today sucked sooo bad i brought my grandma's plant to class to show them plant parts and i broke her fancy plant pot and started sobbing in front of whoever was left of the kids after the class was over literally embarrassingggggggggggggg . :|||||||

#and they were like teacher why are u crying :| and i had to ignore that and pretend to be so normal because i had waiting room duty #with them :| #idk if it's because i got my period today but everything feels sooo terrible i can't even imagine going to school tomorrow #and some of the kids are being so difficult to deal with idk if i have any patience left in me tbh #🧷

[running-in-the-dark]

ah. I just realised that the new antidepressant is probably also what's making my nose bleed more often (again). I knew it causes dry eyes and dry mouth so I looked it up and yeah. it can totally make your nose dry too. so at least that's that solved I guess lol

#it still fucking sucks. have had like. 4 nosebleeds today #all of them stopped quickly but fuck it is annoying #my nose is already very dry under normal circumstances in winter. sooo. really got to make myself use the ointment I got 😭 (haven't found #one that doesn't feel gross or makes my nose itchy. so I don't like using it.) #I guess that also explains why I got a crazy amount of nosebleeds when I was on another antidepressant (doctor said that's impossible #because it doesn't increase bleeding on its own. well yeah but it totally can make my nose even drier. which then makes it bleed. don't know #why I never thought of that lol) #annnnd somehow I also never realised that it could cause dryness in. other places. hm. well that's also interesting. maybe that should also #be in the information leaflet but 🤷 who cares right. #personal #cw medication #cw blood

[pensiveant]

The "cool" part about having insane ideas about Clealiness beat into me since I was an infant is that no matter how deep or dark the pits of depression I'm stuck in, I always find it in me to get up to take a shower, change my clothes, etc. Even if I don't do anything else all day, even if I don't eat or sleep or talk to anyone, I have to wash up every day no matter what. And if for whatever reason I'm not able to, it's a very distressing and uncomfortable experience and all I'm able to focus on. Because being Dirty TM is worse than death, worse than any imaginable fate.

#just a fun little bit of eli lore that no therapist has been able to pull out of me before #i thought i was going to be so Brave and go to sleep without showering (i took a shower this morning) #but alas it was just hours of thrashing in bed and feeling uncomfortable #the mental eelness won again 😔 #i pet thy head foul beast #i hate to be a stereotypical ocd haver but in my defense it's NOT about germs and disease to me #idc about that #it's entirely. social i guess #being perceived as gross and disgusting and filthy and repulsive #which makes me insaneeeeee #i can't even blame it all on my [redacted] i think my brain was just very prone to this kind of obsession idk #but it certainly didn't help. especially as a kid #sooo many instances of other ppl being confused and irritated with me for having breakdown over a tiny little stain or smth #but they didn't know 🙃 nobody cared to know 🙃 #anyway that's all for today #(also this isn't like. a judgement of other people's personal hygiene and habits just to be clear. this is very much not normal im aware)

[wewontbesleeping]

I wish I could afford Botox for my tmj soooo badly. I’ve done physical therapy and it helps. I have a splint and it helps. But my jaw is literally always, 24/7, in pain, and it’s getting on my nerves lol

#the migraines are bad too! #but sometimes it’s just sooo. like it makes me upset thinking about it #bc like even when I relax my jaw as much as I am able #it’s still tense #it’s such an awful tight feeling #plus I also think my jaw looks ugly lol. my face has changed so much over the past like 10 years since my jaw has gotten really bad #I need to be better about doing my physical therapy exercises #but it’s just upsetting that there’s a potential remedy #and a potential way for me to just be normal #and I would never in a million years be able to afford it #it’s so ridiculously expensive #and you have to do it so often #I just tell myself it probably wouldn’t work anyways. makes me feel better #my jaw is just extra sore today so I’m mad lol

[just-puddding]

Rin week 2022 day 5- facepaint / Fuuinjutsu

#this was awfully fun to draw #couldn't get her face quite right #rinweek2022 #rin nohara #also!!! i am really afraid of reblogging stuf bc i'd like to put tags and it's so much more visible #and the moment i hit so many notes whicg didn't even pass twenty i was like really tempted to just plain delete my Tumblr #so like i'm just genuinely afraid of rb and people seeing my blog so i usually don't but now i just play can't because it's feel weird to #have like one reblog in the whole blog or whatever #although i really want to just get over it and start bejbg normal #but all that was me going on a massive tangent when i just wanted to say that wind-becomes-lightenings submission for today was so cute #literally so lovely #i know no one reads tags #but of you are i actually loved the fic sooo much it's so good so many feels

[kdramaxoxo]

Oh and per my ask, I hope your power comes back on quickly! And you're staying safe with the heat 🤟

It's back, MY ELECTRICITY IS BACK!

I'm super excited not to be in a house that's not 84 degrees with 70 percent humidity you have no idea lol! (actually I'll bet a lot of you DO have an idea since the world is on fire and power is out literally all over the place.)

I'll be checking out your ask tomorrow i promise (and maybe I'll spend the entire day watching K-dramas??? That seems like a good life choice <3

#i feel like a baby but i do not do heat #and it was a high of 92 I think today? #and after the storm everything was soooo humid and gross #it was only like 36 hours but it felt sooo long #and my dogs were sad #but my bird was very very happy since he's tropical #anyways back to normal!! #ask

[cables-and-wires]

ohhh my god wait. hold on what mental illness is doing this

#had a moment like an hour or two ago where i like regained awareness but like i was fully awake and aware earlier #but like. different. and then i looked back and saw that i had like a mental breakdown or something and i have only vague memory of it #and i feel really weird abt it bc it feels like i just woke up but i know i was awake earlier but that was different #actually i think its bc im a system but i haven't had this kinda thing happen in a while and its not something i really ever talk abt #sooo . umm . i feel bad for ignoring all my friends today even though i knew i couldnt.be there . i was going to play mario kart 2day #but then i entered the hell zoneee . anyways now that im like actually myself again uhh #if i ever think abt that one person ever again im going to go play in traffic #if i dont pass out soon from hypersomnia im going to work on the 3d modelling projects i kept promising my bestie i would work on #but then got so so sleepy and couldn't do #putting all my thoughts here instead of the dms of my friends because im embarrassed and also its late and i feel bad #normal now thouhg . god i wish i wasn't traumatized #anyways if any of my friends are reading this ummmm . sned me 5 dollar for hamburger please /j 🙏 #OH SHIT MY MR BEANST BURGER ROLEPLAY TOO I FORGOR HOLD ON

[sungwoonha]

omg

#can the app stop crashing on me i just want to post everything i’ve had in my drafts bc i haven’t rly been on today.. #like feeling soooo not normal abt seven #all i did today was annoy the gc abt it while they talked abt ldr and to yoon abt how crazyyyy i’ve been #my head is rly just: monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday saturday sunday seven days a week #p #also hyunsuk reccing it on fromm n telling fix to listen bc he liked it sm🥰🥰 #and how he watched the mv as soon as it dropped #like that’s sooo real n so me of him

[whosafraidofvirginiawoolf]

definitely a reading to be had here that she's gay and the scar is her lesbianism making her feel insecure and incapable of being normal and joining in life like other woman do, just a thought which i won't expand on bc if carried through it wouldn't make sense fa;sldkfjdksf

#it could like slightly make sense anyway! #yes much of the plot is her being in love with that guy buttttt its comp het and her desire to be 'normal' sooo yeah #also i think the scarring is like a good metaphor and anyone watching it can insert something that they'd relate to and why they feel #that thing makes them incapable of being 'normal' #good morning to anyone joining me now i was supposed to goto lab today but it was cancelled #so now im rewatching a movie at 10am he he