#for legal purposes this is all a joke

[garbageboy-stinkman]

Love responding to innocuous questions from friends who are definitely close enough to ask me things with needlessly hostile deflecting. "What's your favorite color?" what are you, a cop? "who's your favorite artist?" I want a lawyer. "are you reading abo anime fanfiction at work?" you can't prove anything. "are you doing alright?" come back with a warrant.

#sorry about me #for legal purposes this is all a joke #i generally dont actually read fanfiction at work

[orcelito]

i got this like. acacia wood platter w/ leather handles on the side, about a foot and a half in diameter. they were gonna throw it out at work but it looked so NICE so i stuffed it in my backback (it BARELY fit) & then took it home

so now i have this fancy wood platter and i have No idea what im supposed to do with it

#speculation nation #to be fair i also have a giant metal pot from work that i Also have no idea what to do with #it. is being used as dumbbell storage (for dumbbells that i Do Not Use) #i put the platter on the table and im just like. lookin at it like. what the Fuck are u gonna do #idfk man but it sure does look nice. barely even used. mine now. #add it to the collection of Random Items Taken From Work #including a mini fake bouquet. TWO teal wash rags. a dog on a stack of books statue. and a set of male and female bathroom signs #i still need to do smth with those signs lol i literally stole them and then had a whole horrible life time and so they just #theyre still sitting on my table in the baggy i snuck them out in. idfk #oh did i say steal i mean liberated. they werent getting used so theyre mine now #just like i liberated the dog and the towels #the bouquet was gonna b tossed AS was the pot AND the platter #so only HALF of these r me stealing- ahem- liberating from work #for legal purposes this is all a joke #lksdjflskdfj ok REALLY it's just lil things that arent missed. im giving them a home. getting rid of the clutter at work #god knows we threw out SO much shit today. me taking a pair of signs that have no use there anymore is not evil by any means #and i really need to find a good use for them. i own a pair of male and female bathroom signs and i NEED to use them for smth hilarious

[buckleydiazmp4]

eddie saying he doesn't know where chris gets his player side from meanwhile he has a husband, a girlfriend, and a new boyfriend who is now also his husband's boyfriend. my brother in christ have you looked at you own life

#for legal purposes this is all to be taken as a joke. thank you #911 #911 abc #911 spoilers #buddie #bucktommy #eddie diaz

[alchemicaladarna]

I like how back then, the worst fate your cubitos could suffer is getting kidnapped

And then everyone realized they could make their audiences suffer if they just kill their cubitos

"GIRRLLLL GETTING KIDNAPPED IS SOOO LAST SEASON HOW ABOUT TRYING THE NEW TREND OF DYING?? 🙄💅"

#qsmp #for all legal purposes this is a joke #and ye im coping well abt bad dying today how bout u? 😭👍

[gayferrari]

can't believe Nico Rosberg stopped cycling to lose muscle and beat his teammate to the wdc when he could've just removed an organ

#yes yes we all know about the appendix but also consider: do we REALLY need two kidneys anyway #DANIEL I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS ALL MORNING. do we need all ribs also? maybe nico didn't #brocedes #for legal purposes this is a joke

[mistressemmedi]

Ok but on a serious note, who gets to put aloe vera on Fernando's sore a-[GUNSHOTS]

#for legal purposes this is a joke #just a laugh since we're all feeling a bit tense #f1 #qatar gp 2023 #fernando alonso

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

*Jigsaw voice* Hello, Ryan Guzman. And Oliver, I presume you're reading over his shoulder or something. Hi. Hey can you pet your dogs for me. Especially Jade. She's such a good girl. Give her some nice ear scratches and tell her I said she's a good girl.

Uh. Anyway. Where was I? Oh yes.

HELLO RYAN. I WANT TO PLAY A GAME.

I have heard that you like reading Buddie fanfic. Good for you. Isn't Mr. LAFD Updates Man funny? But. I have concerns. Concerns that you might have only read my fic where Buck is a stripper. Also the breeding kink fic. We all know why. And hey you do you. You're welcome.

HOWEVER

I have fics that are much better that I think you should read instead. Please choose one of the following:

Zombie Apocalypse AU

Greek Mythology BDSM Club AU

Reincarnated Soulmates AU

Vampire/Vampire Hunter (+ Reincarnation! Again!) AU

You are not obligated to leave a comment but you must post a picture of yourself in a silly hat so that I know you have read one of them. Don't worry you wear silly hats a lot so I'm sure it will be easy for you.

Oh I almost forgot! You have five minutes and then I unleash the piranhas.

K THANKS BYYYYEEEE.

#mads writes stuff #FOR LEGAL PURPOSES THIS IS A JOKE #THIS IS VERY MUCH A JOKE #but like... you can't be sure he WON'T see this and he DOESN'T lurk on here #SO FOR THE RECORD RYAN HERE YA GO #in all seriousness I just had this idea and wanted to be silly

[tangledinink]

WHEN I WAS... A YOUNG BOY...

#for legal purposes this is a joke ; w ; #tHANK YOU <3 #hehehehehehe pretty flower for me #i know that you only meant it when you told ME that im amazing u w u #not all those other shmucks #OBVS #(for legal purposes this is also a joke) #sillies #sona sillies #asks

[netflixhyperfixations]

I’m sorry daniel but maybe you could have stopped the simulation if you tried to seduce eyk

#maybe then he’d trust you too and you all could have gotten out quicker #for legal purposes this is a joke #someone PLEASE write a fic where he does this #he’s been through dozens of simulations and he hasn’t tried that yet? what a loser #pls his wife keeps falling for this sad eyed captain he’s gotta be a little curious what that’s about #daniel solace #eyk larsen #daniel x maura x eyk #daniel x eyk #this is going to be the only post in the daniel x eyk tag I know it #1899 #1899 netflix #netflix #mine

[dinomight]

*batman's dad voice* sharing is caring kids

[ID: two stills from the show Umbrella Academy. The top one shows Viktor looking out of the open car window in shock, with yellow text next to him that reads "cass realizing she's a lesbian bc she has a crush on tim's ex". The bottom still shows Five passing by him in a different car, also looking shocked, with white text next to him that reads "tim realizing he's bi bc he has a crush on cass's ex". /end ID.]

#dc #batfam #timkon #stephcass #tim drake #cassandra cain #image described #this is so dumb but it was haunting me #also for legal purposes: this is a joke #not at all intended as a serious commentary on these characters or ships lmao #i just think it's funny that if you go w fanfav ships they basically went tradesies #(sorry if the desc is bad btw i tried)

[drbtinglecannon]

#bug race #bug #tumblr polls #ed edd n eddy #this is how i -- a chad 🐛 voter -- feel reading all the countless angry 🪱 voter posts lol #for legal purposes this is a joke #tc posts

[enchantedlandcoffee]

if Harry has a buzz cut I may commit crimes

#for all legal intents and purposes this is a joke

[faithinlouisfuture]

ive seen this on twt and i wanna play.

you wake up as Louis Tomlinson for a day. what’s the first thing you do?

((pass it on))

would i really be me if i didn’t make you a whole ass collage as answers for this (under the cut, click at your own risk :p)

#for legal purposes this is a joke #or is it #🙂🙃🙂🙃 #asha ♠️ #sorry it took me ages to answer this #i can’t be normal about anything concerning him #bottom middle means i’d post a bunch of post ****** selfies for all louiekind to enjoy #the rest is self explanatory 😝

[captainofthetidesbreath]

4-Sided Dive questions: "What was it like playing your character's final moments?"

Aabria and Marisha: "Quick shout-out to Cerrit, Final Girl, sole survivor. We got him out."

#They're all SO proud they got him out and got him out and that his kids lived and they're so valid. #did the impossible. did not get tpk'd in The TPK Game #for legal purposes: this is a joke. I know they talked about other things but this is a joke. #Critical Role #Exandria Unlimited: Calamity #Critical Role things #EXU Calamity

[imposterogers]

every six months like clock work this app rediscovers the fact that daredevil is a teenage mutant ninja turtle parody. the writer was inspired when he saw crime fighting turtles & thought to himself “u know what this needs? catholic guilt”

#THIS for all legal purposes (aka I don’t get called a big ole dummy) is a joke #thank u @goldheartedchaoticdisaster for the idea #daredevil #tmnt

[distant-screaming]

I'M SAYING LIKE‼️‼️

#this is a joke for all legal intents and purposes #dee watches pit babe #pit babe the series #pit babe