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thelukesalvez · 8 months

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Luke Alvez x Reader: Fourth of July

Description: You & the team go see the fireworks for the fourth of July, you have a trauma response to the loud noise.

Word count: 2.5k

Warnings: PTSD, blood mention

A/N: Repost :)

“What are the odds that this is the second holiday in a row that a case hasn’t come in?” Rossi mused excitedly.

The entire team was huddled in a circle in the bullpen, waiting for Emily to finish up some last minute paperwork before heading out as a group for the night.

Spencer’s finger shot up in the air. “Statistically speaking–”

“Nope,” Rossi cut him off sharply. “It was a rhetorical question, genius.”

Spencer’s mouth fell shut, but a smile lingered on his lips.

You felt Luke shift from behind you, where you leaned between his legs as he sat perched on his own desk. “No, c’mon,” he chuckled. “I wanna know the statistics!”

You shook your head, rolling your eyes playfully. Your boyfriend was always so interested in whatever random facts Spencer was spewing out.

Reid raised his eyebrows at Rossi, as if to say, see? I told you I was interesting, but before he could actually finish his tidbit, Emily walked out of her office with all her things gathered in her hand.

“Who’s ready for some fireworks?” she asked excitedly.

Everyone but you cheered.

Ever since you’d gotten back from your tour in Iraq, you’d been uneasy around loud noises. It was nothing you weren’t aware of, and certainly nothing out of the ordinary for someone who had seen combat. But it also wasn’t something that you’d told Luke about yet. You planned to, of course, just like you planned on sharing practically everything with him… eventually. But Iraq wasn’t something you could ever talk about with ease, and you knew that disclosing your fears would involve a conversation about why you had them in the first place.

That’s why you found yourself agreeing to join the rest of the team’s Fourth of July plans when Garcia had invited you and Luke earlier that week.

“Sounds fun,” you had lied straight through your teeth. You’d been dreading it ever since.

But Luke would be there. His safe arms would no doubt be wrapped around you, much like they were now. And you planned on funneling all your energy into focusing on the way that felt, rather than the chaos and noise around you.

The team planned on watching the fireworks on the riverbend downtown. They’d be set off across the water, giving you all a perfect view. Garcia promised greasy food from vendors and other sweet treats throughout the night. You kept trying to convince yourself that it wouldn’t all be bad. You just had to concentrate on not flinching everytime a firework popped off.

You rode with Luke, your fingers laced together and resting on the center console as he navigated through traffic. The rest of the team would meet you guys there. You thought you were doing a fair job at concealing your anxiety as you made small talk with him during the short ride. He showed no inclination of knowing about the knots tying themselves tighter and tighter inside your stomach.

There were a lot more people at the river than you’d originally anticipated. But Luke easily managed to find a parking spot, and the two of you waited by the trunk of his car until the rest of the team arrived.

Emily, Tara, Garcia Spencer, and Rossi all rode together. They were the first to find a spot right next to yours and join the two of you. Next, JJ and Will filed in, with no kids for the evening. Lastly, Matt and Kristy arrived, hand in hand with matching smiles on their faces.

You were like a big, giant, extended family weaving your way through the crowd of people. There were vendors and food trucks lines along the riverbend. Kids ran around with sticks of cotton candy and sparklers.

You found a spot amidst the crowd to lay down the blanket. It almost felt like a picnic when you all sat down. You sat in front of Luke, a foot or so away, rummaging through your bag for your phone. You let out a gasp when you felt his hands grip your hips and pull you backwards, between his legs, your back against his chest.

He leaned in and pressed his lips to your cheek. You smiled into his touch, appreciating how safe and secure you always felt in his arms. If you could stay like this all night, you just might be okay.

The sun started to set across the riverbed, leaving in its wake a brilliantly pink and purple sky. For a while, you just stayed like that, Luke’s arms coiled around you, your head leaned back and resting on his chest, watching the violet hues from the sunset fade into darkness.

“I can’t believe you’ve lived in Virginia all this time and have never seen the fireworks here,” Garcia gawked at Spencer. He was sitting on the blanket, his arms behind him as he leaned back.

“I’m not a big fireworks guy,” Spencer shrugged. “I don’t see the appeal.”

“Well you’ve been going to the wrong fireworks shows then, because this is going to blow your freakishly smart mind,” Garcia promised.

Luke shifted behind you, sitting up a little straighter.

“Where can I get one of those?” Luke asked, intrigued as he sees a small boy run by with a cone of chocolate ice cream.

“Ice cream truck’s this way,” Garcia grinned, pointing her finger to the array of food trucks parked about 50 yards away. “Follow me.”

You instantly felt the absence of Luke’s arms when he stood up. It left you cold and shivering.

“Want anything, baby?” he asked, looking down at you.

You shook your head apprehensively.

“I’ll be right back.”

You smiled up at him. You weren’t sure if it was to reassure him or yourself that you’d be okay while he was gone.

The air was brisk and Luke still wasn’t back when the first firework went off.

You saw it shoot up into the air, a vibrant white streak of color contrasting with the night sky, before it actually popped. But no amount of planning could have prepared you for the sound. It was deafening and loud and it made your entire body go rigid with fear.

You looked around and you could see that you weren’t in Iraq. So why did the night air feel so hot and dry? Why did the soft blanket beneath your legs suddenly feel coarse and sandy?

You had zoned out enough to not be ready for the second firework to pop off. When it did, the sound made you jump. And instantly, you were transported back to the desert. In your mind you could see, clear as day, the rest of your squad ducking behind the army truck beside you. You’ve got your gun clutched to your chest while bullets whizzed all around you, making it hard to concentrate. The loud sound of gunfire ringing in your ears was all consuming. You didn’t recognize the man crouched next to you. You barely even noticed him until his scream interrupted the steady sound of gunfire. When you looked over, his hand was pressed against his stomach, his eyes looking down at the fresh bullet hole in his abdomen. The diameter of blood on his uniform expanded rapidly.

“No, no, no–” you gasped, throwing your gun down to help him apply pressure to the wound. Your hands were shaking so violently, you could barely trust them to help, but you had to try.

“P-please,” his words were clouded by the blood that was spilling out from his mouth. “Please help me.”

“You’re gonna be okay,” you told him, your voice wavering.

He let out a choppy exhale, blood spraying out of his lips. It was like you both knew it wasn’t true.

Someone was yelling your name, it sounds like your Lieutenant. But you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the man beneath you. You were scared that the second you looked away, he’d be gone.

You heard your name again, but this time, it sounded closer, and the voice is softer– more familiar. It was accompanied by a hand shaking your shoulder.

When you turned your head, hopeful that someone was finally here to help, you were surprised to see Spencer’s face gazing back at you. You blinked harshly and when you opened your eyes again, the sand was gone.

There was no man bleeding in your lap, no gunfire, no war.

Just Spencer’s worried gaze.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly, trying not to draw the attention of anyone else.

Your heart was racing, so much so that you think if you looked down, you could see it beating underneath your own skin. There was adrenaline and fear rushing through your veins. But instead of telling him the truth, you just nodded.

“Y-Yeah,” you stammered, your mouth dry. “I ju-just, I don’t feel good.”

It was a bad excuse, and one that Spencer clearly didn’t buy. But you needed a reason to get out of there. So, confused, dazed, and panicked, you stood up from the blanket and hurried off in the direction you thought was safety.

…

Luke made his way back to the blanket, laughing at something Garcia had said.

“Keep it up with all this ice cream and soon enough you won't be able to chase criminals.”

He faked being offended.

But when he made his way back to the rest of the team, he was startled to see that you weren’t there. Before Luke could ask, Spencer was standing up and walking towards him and Garcia.

“Hey,” he said discreetly. “Y/N took off, like- just a few minutes ago. I asked if she was okay, but she just said she didn’t feel good. I don’t know- she didn’t look okay,” he admitted.

“Was she sick?” Luke asked, instantly worried.

Spencer shrugged, “She looked out of it- really spooked. I tried to keep my eye on her, but I lost her in the crowd.”

Reid pointed towards the massive gathering of people. “It looked like she was heading towards the cars,” he told Luke.

Without hesitating, Luke just nodded, handing his ice cream to a concerned-looking Garcia, before spinning on his feet and following in the direction that Reid was pointing.

He pushed against the crowd of people, keeping his eyes peeled only for you. Only when he got to the parking lot did Luke’s shoulders relax even the slightest. From across the lot, he saw his truck, and a small figure leaning over near it that could only be you.

Luke exhaled, relieved that he at least was able to find you, before walking closer.

As he approached, he quickly realized that something was wrong. You were doubled over, your hands resting on your knees. At first, Luke thought you were getting sick, but as he got closer, he heard the unmistakable sound of your muffled cries.

That made him pick up his pace.

“Hey-” he said. “What’re you doing over here?” But there was no indication that you even heard him. Instead, you let out a shaky sob and stumbled on your feet.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he hurried over, reaching out to steady you.

As soon as his hand landed on your hip you whipped around, standing up straight while your entire body flinched at the contact. The sharp gesture caused Luke to pull away, momentarily shocked.

But when he saw your face, eyes red rimmed and tears streaming down your face, his chest tightened. As a veteran, he’d seen this kind of dazed and panicked look before. He just had no idea he’d ever see it from you.

“L-Luke?” you said, like you couldn’t quite believe it was him.

He cautiously nodded, not wanting to make any more sudden movements that would startle you. “It’s me, baby. It’s just me.”

The affirmation was all you needed to rush over to him. At first he was rigid when you collided with his chest, your arms wrapping around his back craving the safety of his embrace.

He placed a gentle hand on your back, and once he realized you weren’t going to flinch again, he wound his arms all the way around you tightly.

For a while, neither one of you said anything. You clung to him like your life depended on it and Luke just held you reassuringly, knowing that was exactly what you needed.

It wasn’t until he heard you mumble something into his chest that he even considered letting go.

“What?” he asked, leaning back so that he could look down at you.

“He bled out-” you repeated. “Right in my lap.”

Luke didn’t have to ask you for clarification. And even though he knew very little about your time in Iraq, he understood. “Was it the fireworks?” he asked gently, rubbing his hands up and down your shivering arms.

You nodded slowly, still not meeting his gaze.

“Loud noises in general trigger it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked sympathetically. He felt so guilty for encouraging you to attend such a loud event. Had he had any idea loud noises were a trigger for you, he would have insisted you spend the Fourth of July curled up on the couch with takeout instead.

You rubbed your wet eyes with the palms of your hands, unable to imagine how pathetic you looked to Luke right now. “I-I have a hard time talking about it.”

Luke nodded, urging you to continue.

“I have a hard time talking about Iraq, so I-I didn’t feel like explaining.”

“Oh baby,” he sighed. He pulled you into his chest once again, this time his chin resting on top of your head comfortingly. You were consumed entirely by his embrace, and the shaking that had been wracking your entire body was finally starting to ease.

“I thought I’d be okay,” you admitted into his chest. “But as soon as you left it just was too much.”

You heard Luke sigh into your hair before pulling back. He held you out in front of him, his two arms placed securely on your arms. His brown eyes stared captivatingly into yours. “You can always tell me these things, okay?” he insisted. “I want you to, because I understand. I don’t like loud noises either. I’ve been dreading this all week. I only agreed to come because I thought you’d want to.”

It felt like a relief to finally let out a light chuckle. “Are you serious?” you asked him in disbelief.

He nodded, returning the smile.

“So you would’ve been happy just staying home tonight?”

“I would’ve preferred it,” he said through a chuckle.

You scoffed. “Well that would’ve saved me a lot of embarrassment.”

“Next year, yeah?”

You nodded, once again falling into his arms, this time with much greater ease. You were amazed at how quickly he was able to calm you down.

“I feel safer when you’re around,” you admitted.

You felt his arms tighten around you before he said, “Well lucky for you, I’m not going anywhere.”

#luke alvez #criminal minds #luke alvez imagine #luke alvez fic #luke alvez x reader #luke alvez x reader fic #luke alvez x reader imagine #criminal minds imagine #luke alvez x reader fanfic #criminal minds x reader

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thepunchingbag · 11 months

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Should the Atton and the Exile get into a relationship after the game ends, dear lord god it would be a mess. And I say that as someone who actually ships these two war criminals.

Firstly, it'd be the mother of all learning curves for both of them. For Atton, I headcanon this is his first relationship he's ever had that isn't just casual sex or sex for credits or sex followed by assassination. So, there's lot of hangups. Plus he's emotionally overwhelmed despite trying really, really hard to play it cool. He's not used to someone actually... sticking around. He loves it and he hates it (being the messed up, strange juxtaposition of a man he is). He's got some major self-sabotaging tendencies, so leave it up to him to do/say something that would put their relationship on thin ice too.

Added to that, he probably feels like ANY moment Meetra's going to come to her senses and break the whole thing off. A really screwed-up part of him kind of wants her to. Because, who are they kidding, this is never going to work out. Because he's getting tired trying to camouflage that he breaks out in a nervous sweat at even the thought of her running head-first into battle - sure, he's always been concerned but now it's gone into hyperdrive. Because this is some sort of warped perversion of karma where he gets rewarded for all the fucked up shit he's done; he should be face down in a ditch somewhere, not sharing a bed with a woman way out of his league. Because he's painfully aware Meetra's standards are pathetically low, and he sort of wants her to do better than him. Then again if they ever did break it off - he would never, and I mean literally never, get over it.

I bet there's a lot of "I'm going for a smoke, I'll be right back" moments where he goes off and just breaks down.

And, I headcanon, thanks to her upbringing in a religious cult the Jedi Order, Meetra's over here seeing the Darkside in everything. The Catholic guilt Jedi Order's hangups - strong with this one, it is. They argue over who's going to clean the flux capacitors, she cusses him out, and she worriedly checks her face to make sure her eyes aren't glowing red. She's leading him astray (Atton's rolling his eyes in the background). She's a selfish, sad excuse of a failed Jedi and she's dragging him down with her. Etc, etc, I don't know, despite the fact she's so absolutely done with the Order, she still spent her childhood in a Jedi monastery where she had been indoctrinated/taught in that tradition and the mindset is hard to break. Also, the Force bonds have been an ongoing existential crisis for her since she learned about her fun little "talent" - she's always side-eyeing the situation, secretly thinking that maybe she's mindfucking him into loving her. Even after they grow close, it's always in the back of her mind. Maybe she's just using him to leech life/power off of him like some sort of ghoulish Force vampire.

Still, I think Meetra's the confident one in the relationship and she's ultimately not the sort to back down from a challenge. I think she's more than willing to call Atton out on his BS, and he's good at giving her perspective/a reality check on her martyr complex.

And that's not even getting into the ex-combat veteran PTSD double whammy, or Atton's misogynist vibes.

They obviously are shippable but my god they'd be a hot mess.

#atton rand #kotor 2 #knights of the old republic #atton x exile #atton rand × meetra surik #meetra surik

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queen-scribbles · 4 months

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@haledamage *cracks knuckles* ALRGHT THEN, can't wait to see the Kira ramble

I've already talked a little about how their different reactions in The Scene make me wanna chew drywall, but I'll refresh on that as I go. I think a lot of the differences and what makes them so DELICIOUS comes from the fact AJ and Adam are v different and Mallory and Adam are so, so very similar(the number of times Nate compares Mallory to Adam in their romance AU makes me laugh)

AJ, ofc, did the "what if we don't break?" response bc she's very much a "you'll never know if you never try" kind of person. Sure, maybe there's a 2% chance of success/no pain if they go for it(she personally thinks it's much higher), but there's a 0% chance if they deny something they both clearly feel and want to happen. She gets that Adam is trying to spare them both future pain of loss(a level of loss he's experienced before, which she can glean from the "again" even if he hasn't gone into detail about what happened to his family yet). She does. BUT his solution to avoiding potential future pain is to cause definite current pain. That doesn't make sense to her. Especially bc if something were to happen to him; seriously injured yet again or GOD FORBID killed, IT'S STILL GOING TO HURT. She still loves him even if he's not willing to let them be together. Can't speak for him, but suspects it would be the same. :) Just bc they're not acting on it doesn't make the feelings go away.

Her "going forward" is gonna be more of what's in the ficlet, not hiding that she loves him, not pushing too hard, just unobtrusively but relentlessly making him aware that whenever he's ready so is she. She doesn't want to pry for what happened to his family, what made him feel like this, worry about being broken bc he cares deeply about someone(spoilers, Adam, you care about Bravo. You care about Rebecca. You're still fucked even if you don't let yourself fall in love :)))) ), but even without details she understands it was Bad and she gets the desire to flinch away from a potential repeat of a pain you've experienced. Burn your hand, you don't touch the stove. Fall through ice, you don't walk on frozen rivers. etc etc. But she also feels that no matter how valid that fear might be, he needs to work through it(that feels like wrong phrasing >.>) bc not letting yourself get close to people for fear of how much losing them will hurt is no way to live. Especially when you're immortal. And maybe that's naïve bc she is mortal instead of being a 900 year old vampire. Maybe she'll feel differently after she's watched her mother and Tina and Verda's kids all age and die. But maybe she won't. Maybe loving people is worth enduring the chance/certainty of their loss.(Might do something in this AU with the fact she had a cat who died of old age a couple months before book 1. Much smaller scale, but she does have a little experience with loss of something beloved. And she wouldn't trade the years she had and loved her cat to avoid the pain of losing her, that would be silly.)

And Mallory. haha prepare for Mallory's Bold stat to SKYROCKET.

She's been trying to ignore, deny, and explain away the fact she's falling for Adam since late book 1, juuuuuust ignore she got worse PTSD from Murphy stabbing him than anything the asshole did to her. :) She still has nightmares about it. :))) Trapper fight too :))) The truth almost managed to escape after book 2 combat training, but she shoved it away, only to have TU OMNIA smash the walls down into little teeny tiny pieces she'd never put back together. (Love having a language nerd romance Adam "mutter in Latin so people don't know what I'm saying" du Mortain :). She DOES, buddy boy. It's fun) she still kept it kinda buried bc he was so clearly trying to deny/get rid of his feelings, and she already got her heart broken once by Bobby, she doesn't want a repeat of that. But the STUFF in book 3, man. And that my proud, cynical, STUBBORN AF, "I'm not fragile, Adam"// "I can handle myself" girl deliberately let herself be vulnerable enough to say "Too late" when he says he can't let her fall in love with him makes me SCREAM. She knew it was going to hurt. She knew it was going to break her heart. She did it anyway. She loves him enough to let him hurt her like that. Bc she had to tell him. She's honest, outspoken, reckless and so in love with him she can barely breathe, OFC she had to tell him even if he refuses to do anything about it.

But now, ohoho, he's admitted he loves her, and knows she loves him. The dam is finally, FINALLY broken, the river is raging, and good luck stopping her. She's gonna be way more open and blunt and vocal about how stupid she think it is to deny their feelings for each other. example: I DID NOT FINALLY GET OVER YEARS OF BLOODY BOBBY MARKS CRIPPLING MY LOVE LIFE TO ROLL OVER AND BE RESIGNED BC YOU'RE AFRAID OF GETTING HURT DU MORTAIN. DOES THAT SOUND LIKE ME?!?!?!?! (Do you know how long it took me to admit to MYSELF and sort-of kind-of to SOMEONE ELSE that I love you??? I can't back down NOW)

Mallory loves a challenge. She is encouraged and inspired when given a challenge. She also HATES IT when people tell her what to do, especially "for her safety". And Adam's whole "I will not allow you to fall in love with me" hits BOTH of those buttons. He literally could not have made her more interested in pursing him if he'd confessed his love and asked her on a date. xD Telling her "You can't do this, you'll get hurt" and thinking that would stop her???? Instead of make her chase it more stubbornly and blatantly????? Do you know her at all, Adam????? (Mason's gonna have a ball watching/abetting her in book 4 and I"m here for it)

tl;dr, AJ's a gentle stream, Mallory's a raging river, but they WILL both wear down the rock that is Adam du Mortain's obstinate refusal to pursue their mutual attraction, and it's gonna be delicious to watch.

#queen rambles #OH MY GOD THIS IS OVER 1K lmaooooooooo #muhahahaha book 4 will be so much fun guys >:3 #i can't wait #aj/adam au #mallory/adam #i hav SO MANY FEEEELLLLIINNNGGGGGSSSSSSs

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magic-is-something-we-create · 1 year

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Writer Education Tag

THANK YOU @ashen-crest FOR THE TAG NOW I HAVE REASON TO SHARE A BUNCH OF THE WEIRD THINGS IVE HAD TO RESEARCH <3<3<3

Rules: Writers often have to research some pretty out-there stuff for our wips. What are some weird, unusual, or oddly specific things you’ve had to learn about or look into?

-- Turkish Reflex bows (construction materials, draw weights, differences from recurves, use in combat, how they're drawn (using the thumb instead of the forefingers) and also dips into variants from other cultures like iirc Mongolian archery) (Related fun fact: I've tried out archery a few times just to get an idea for how it feels!!) -- A Lot of weird animals for creature/fantasy race designs (Gharials, cowtail stingrays, phantom jellyfish, oarfish, orchid mantises, bronze parotia birds of paradise, gyr cattle, etc. etc. etc.) -- Legal terms for things like "this dude is standing in for someone who isn't here" and "knowing about a first degree murder before the fact and not stopping it" (pro tempore and accessory to [crime], respectively) which prompted deep dives into niche lawyer things of which only like 2% stuck in my brain -- Sign language!! And Language-Assisted Signs, because those are different a lot of the time and I wanted to know How and Why to portray Ash and Ice respectfully (Another related fun fact: half of my ASL research has been for use outside of writing, too, because I have Deaf family members. Also, I learned the ASL alphabet when I was 9 and that's come in clutch.) -- Speed of travel for different types of age-of-sail ships, and how to calculate that for a fantasy world where the routes are up to you and not currents of wind and water alike -- Altitude sickness/the Bends -- Ocular autohemmorrhaging (aka squirting blood out your eyes as a defense mechanism. lizards do this a lot) (this was for dragons) -- Differences in symptom presentation between Multiple Sclerosis and Transverse Myelitis (I determined that Lorelei has Multiple Sclerosis) -- Necrosis (Don't look this one up if you have a weak stomach) -- How bog bodies happen and work -- Rabies -- Different forms of paddle boats historically used for swampy navigation -- Traditional Chinese junk rigging, and how it was used in Sampan ships -- Gyroscopes and how they work/what they do/specifically the one in the plane that flew a telescope and had to keep it steady but the name of which ive forgotten -- Many Illegal Kinds Of Knives (did you know certain kinds of switchblades are illegal almost everywhere?? i didn't until semi recently. theyre some of the sexy ones too </3) -- How wing shape affects flight ability in birds -- How owl wings, specifically, are so Quiet (its the feather construction. i still dont quite get it but im tryin) -- Afrofuturistic architecture/the Afrofuturism movement as a whole -- Dancing swords/sabers with a specific focus on their grips and lack of hand guards, and the forms people used when fighting with them -- An Unreasonable amount of sewing techniques which I am now trying to make excuses for annie to reference. -- Fresco painting techniques (ended up not relevant) -- Marble sculpting techniques -- And of course a ton of research into PTSD, traumatic memory loss, OCD, the Autism + ADHD spectra (so i dont just copy-paste myself on everyone), Schizophrenia, etc. etc. for better/kinder portrayals

That is. By Far not an exhaustive list but yeah <3 i enjoy research and talking about the weird shit i learn solely through the hodgepodge of information axes i follow on the regular

I'll tag: @vacantgodling, @space-cadead, @sleepyowlwrites, @athena-anna-rose, and @comicgoblinart!! As always, absolutely 0 pressure to play if you dont want to, and this doubles as an open tag if you do!!

#tag game #aboutthewarlord #idk how else to tag this.............#anyway. feel free to ask me about literally any of this stuff #and/or how sail ships work #and the differences between them #and why different sails/sail construction is used in different cultures/contexts #i know a lot about boats. only some of it comes up in the books

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demonboi96 · 1 year

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My Thesis on why your Mental "Illness" is actually your Survival instincts.

So, fun fact if you have ADHD you probably have excellent aim and pretty good reflexes. Great for a hunter. Not so great in a school setting.

The downsides of your mental disorder are only from a modern day and age. But this age is but a blip on our species entire exsistance. For the majority of our history we needed hunters and gathers, even farming is relativly new on our evelutionary journey. But because of that we needed to develop ways to survive. Some of them are obvious, our high endurance in our species allowed us the unique advantage of edurance hunting. Our frontal cortex allowed us to plan and build in rather unique ways. But those weren't our only tools.

Like I said ADHD would have been an advantage in hunting. But so would have anxiety. Have the driving force of making sure to get enough food to survive the winter served many a family and tribe well at one point in time.

Depression believe it or not was a driving force. It was an indicator that something was wrong and needed to be fixed. Whether it was a lack of social interation or lack of purpose was a personal situation.

PTSD is a responce instinct. It was to help you survive unfavourable situations. The most common form of PTSD is in veterans of combat. The responces former soldiers have when startled or in certain situations are the same responces that kept that person alive in the first place.

Even body dysmophia is a survival instinct. My theory is it was a responce during warring tribes and colonies for when too many men died more woman had to take up masculine roles. So certan cemical responces in the brain happen when not enough masculine influences happen which produces someone with body dysmorphia. Historically body dysmorphia shows up at the end of most empires/civilization. The saying strong men create peaceful times which create weak men, which in turn create dangerous times, which create strong men. That is quite literal. But there is a reason for it. Civilization has a tendency to become gynocentric as it progresses. But because of that masculine influences very rare in most of those cases, which as I theorized develop more people with body dysmophia to help try to fix the "problem". The actual problem is they weren't without males they just weren't masculine. So we had a bunch of females and males getting body dysmorphia even though the majority of the male population didn't just go off and die in war.

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over-the-time-flow · 8 months

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Super Robot Rollcall: The Nadesico Crew of The Past

Yurika Misumaru

"You can't tell people fighting on the frontlines, people who don't know if they'll even return alive, that they don't have the right to know anything!"

Source Material: Martian Successor Nadesico Age: 20 Height: 166 cm Hobbies: Jigsaw puzzles, singing Favorite Food: Anything sweet Voice Actress: Houko Kuwashima Character Designer: Keiji Gotoh

Yurika Misumaru is the seemingly airheaded captain of the Nadesico. Between her difficulties adhering to social norms and her fervent affections for Akito, it's easy to think that's all there is to her, but in truth, she's a combat genius, and passed military academy with frightening scores. When everyone's back is to the wall, she's liable to make up for her lack of experience with her tactical gifts to create miracles.

Much like with Noin, her stats do not reflect her canonical skills, being painfully middling even for battleship captain standards. SRW R hates to see a girlboss winning.

Her spirit commands are fairly decent, however, with a lot of fringe support utility that you won't find in many other learnsets, which is especially handy to have on a unit that's gonna be forcibly deployed most of the time.

Fun Fact: She has a near photographic memory, and seems to have a knack for linguistics.

Nadesico

Source Material: Martian Successor Nadesico Length: 300 meters Power Source: 2 Phase Shift Engines, 4 Nuclear Pulse Engines Real World Designer: Rei Nakahara

A civilian battleship designed by Nergal which far outclassed anything the Earth military had in their possession at the time. This fact, coupled with the fact that it was heading for Mars for a seemingly suicidal rescue mission while the Earth Sphere was embroiled in the bloody Lizard War created a lot of enmity between Nergal and the military, leading to a lot of the conflicts early into the story.

It's the Nadesico B if it had missiles (meaning it's not completely EN dependent). I don't know what you want me to say here, it certainly is a battleship.

...If i'm gonna be a bit more charitable, it is fairly funny that when you think about it, this thing is a straight upgrade over the B, which is meant to be a successor to this thing.

Fun Fact: The Nadesico is an amalgamation of quite possibly the three most iconic space battleships in japanese sci-fi nerd culture at the time the show came out; its large, flat upper hull is reminiscent of Star Trek's Enterprise, the protuding "legs" are a homage to Mobile Suit Gundam's White Base, and the Gravity Cannon is obviously evocative of the Yamato's Wave Motion Gun, to say nothing of how the two names combined form Yamato Nadeshiko, a name emblematic of the idealized "japanese beauty".

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Akito Tenkawa

"I finally watched the last episode of Gekiganger V."

Source Material: Martian Successor Nadesico Age: 18 Height: 175 cm Favorite Food: Earth cuisine Voice Actor: Yuuji Ueda Character Designer: Keiji Gotoh

A cook who felt completely aimless in life. He lost his previous life on Mars, he lost his job due to his PTSD from his experiences with the Jovian Lizards' assaults on Mars, and through a series of convoluted circumstances, he ended up landing a cooking job on the Nadesico... only to be further roped into being a pilot as well.

Throughout it all, the few things anchoring him were Gai, Gekiganger, and Yurika. His struggles to balance these influences on him with his dreams, ideals and values are the crux of the story of Nadesico. He loses sight of himself multiple times, but in the end, he manages to come out of it with a better understanding of both himself and the things he holds dear.

He pilots the pink Aestivalis unit.

Akito and Gai are very much a set. Akito has a more Real-oriented spirit learnset, better Evasion and worse Defense, but better Ranged... sadly, since the aforementioned Double Gekigan Flare is gonna consistently be his best move, it's easy to consider Akito to be a simple add-on to Gai, and he doesn't really feel like a protagonist for much of the game.

Even so, as the game progresses, he'll get a few ways to differentiate his playstyle, and by the end, both him and Gai will be a lot more interesting... though ultimately, you'll still realistically need Gai (who can actually draw out the full power of the DGF thanks to his higher Melee stat) if you want to use Akito to his fullest. It's easy to joke then that Gai is the real protagonist of Nadesico in this game, but in my opinion, we haven't yet encountered the character who truly takes up the mantle of Nadesico protagonist in SRW R...

Ryoko Subaru

"Did i just find it...? My own evening star..."

Source Material: Martian Successor Nadesico Age: 18 Height: 165 cm Hobbies: Basketball, motorcycles Voice Actress: Chisa Yokoyama Character Designer: Keiji Gotoh

Daughter of a military man, Ryoko is a confident pilot with the skills to back it up, but she struggles with social situations, and can find it hard to act formal.

She's the leader of the trio consisting of her, Hikaru and Izumi (often called the Buttercup trio, as the Aestivalis is named after the Adonis aestivalis, a member of the buttercup family).

She pilots the red Aestivalis unit.

she's also really cute

Gameplaywise, Ryoko is like a midway point between Akito and Gai. Her Melee and Ranged stats are perfectly balanced, and her defensive stats are on par with Akito's, but she has the upper hand in the Skill department. The biggest issue with her though is that much like Akito and Gai have their combination move, she and the other two girls have a combination move... which primarily uses the Ranged stat. As such, you'd really want for her to have higher Ranged, rather than the balanced loadout she has here, which seems to be an attempt to make her better on her own than the other two, but just isn't impactful enough when Aestis are so underwhelming without their combination partners.

Still, she's far from a bad pilot; you just wouldn't really want to deploy her without her two squadmates.

Fun Fact: This is less of a "factual" one and more an experience report, but. I went with her route in the first Nadesico Sega Saturn game because of course i did, which has a mechanic where you can take the girls out on dates to the Nadesico's holodeck and live out a little romantic fantasy scenario. But for some reason, Ryoko seems to have glitched for me, and every single time that she initiated a date, without fail, she'd pick the castaway scenario, over and over and over again.

maybe she just really liked The Blue Lagoon

Hikaru Amano

"I learned the hard way that hobbies and romance don't mix..."

Source Material: Martian Successor Nadesico Age: 18 Height: 152 cm Favorite Food: Pizza crust Voice Actress: Shiho Kikuchi Character Designer: Keiji Gotoh

A quirky girl who's really into anime and manga, being a fan of Gekiganger herself (though never really talking about it much with Akito nor Gai). She's a doujinshi artist and writer (remember, doujinshi here just means fanwork), who plans to break into professionally making manga.

She easily falls for 2D men, is a bit of a fujoshi, and seems to have gone through a bad breakup not too long before the show began.

She pilots the Yellow Aestivalis unit.

In terms of raw stats, Hikaru's a really good Aesti pilot. Her spirit commands, while not amazing, are also more than serviceable. If i had a complaint, it's that like Ryoko, she really needs the other two to function, and even moreso than Ryoko, as her second strongest move, the Distortion Punch, is Melee-based. But if you're deploying all three, she's rather powerful.

Izumi Maki

"I'm a woman who only causes misfortune..."

Source Material: Martian Successor Nadesico Age: 18 Height: 177 cm Favorite Food: Botamochi, inari sushi Hobby: Bad puns Voice Actress: Miki Nagasawa Character Designer: Keiji Gotoh

A patented Weird Girl, she's a gloomy-looking young woman of few words. Usually, she only ever speaks up to make a terrible pun related to something that was just said, but she's not just gloomy-looking; she seems to have had quite the unlucky past, though she doesn't outwardly dwell on it very often.

She pilots the Turquoise Aestivalis unit.

Much like with Hikaru, Izumi is clearly meant to be deployed as a set with the other two. Only real notable difference to point out here is that Izumi has slightly better offensive stats and slightly worse defensive ones than Ryoko.

Fun fact: The second Sega Saturn Nadesico game (The Blank of 3 Years) reveals that Izumi enjoys... dressing in a ninja costume and jumping around in the woods in the middle of the night. Just for fun.

yeah sure why not

Aestivalis

Source: Martian Successor Nadesico Height: 8 meters Power Source: Gravity Wave Antenna, backup generator Real World Designer: Mika Akitaka

A modular machine made by Nergal, made to work in conjunction with its line of battleships. Thanks to cooperation between the machine and its mothership, the weight of a dedicated generator doesn't need to be taken into account, and Aestivalis units are capable of formidable versatility thanks to their various frames.

If you're coming from other games, you basically get the gist of how Aestis work. Pretty good survivability, pretty underwhelming firepower unless they can fire off their combination moves.

Of note, however, is the Artillery Frame, which i feel is particularly strong in this game; though its Mobility and Movement Range are just as bad as always, and it has no post-movement attacks, it manages to make up for it with decent firepower, and perhaps more importantly, there are a lot of maps in this game where you can get away with turtling on base tiles. It's also a tempting way to use Hikaru and Izumi's high Ranged stats without having to deploy all three of them, but don't get too used to that; you won't actually get to keep these to the end of the game. Not as they are right now, anyway.

Another thing of note is the lack of a Ground Frame; as a result, against land-based opponents, Aestis will really struggle to deal damage unless you're using the Artillery frames.

Fun fact: In flower language, the Adonis aestivalis can stand for bittersweet or unforgettable memories.

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#srw r #super robot wars r #lets-play #rollcall #Youtube

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hazedxhealing · 2 years

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I am once again back to tell you enods aren't fucking shit.

First of all, so sorry for being gone for so long, a lot has happened and it just went so downhill very quickly.

A general synopsis is that I have been being abused for the entirety of my marriage and there was a whole fuck ton of secrets about how we got together that I didn't know because I was brain washed and it was a whole clusterfuck. But in better news, I am now a verified autistic, and my DID and OCD are actually being looked into.

Anyway~

I have been watching, observing, always - and I see endos still haven't gotten the memo.

So, to combat that, let's take yet another look into why DID is and always will be disordered, and why endos simply cannot medically exist, starting with some fun facts-

What causes DID?

DID is usually the result of sexual or physical abuse during childhood. Sometimes it develops in response to a natural disaster or other traumatic events like combat. The disorder is a way for someone to distance or detach themselves from trauma.

What are the symptoms of DID?

A person with DID has two or more distinct identities. The “core” (we don't use core as a term, but if you do, good on you) identity is the person’s usual personality. “Alters” are the person’s alternate personalities. Some people with DID have up to 100 alters.

Alters tend to be very different from one another. The identities might have different genders, ethnicities, interests and ways of interacting with their environments.

Other common signs and symptoms of DID can include:

Anxiety.

Delusions.

Depression.

Disorientation.

Drug or alcohol abuse.

Memory loss.

Suicidal thoughts or self-harm.

What test can be done?

There isn’t a single test that can diagnose DID. A healthcare provider will review your symptoms and your personal health history. They may perform tests to rule out underlying physical causes for your symptoms, such as head injuries or brain tumors.

Symptoms of DID often show up in childhood, between the ages of 5 and 10. But parents, teachers or healthcare providers may miss the signs. DID might be confused with other behavioral or learning problems common in children, such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). For this reason, DID usually isn’t diagnosed until adulthood.

Source

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A few key points here

"DID is usually the result of sexual or physical abuse during childhood" means exactly what it says. It takes mass amounts of severe physical or sexual abuse during childhood to cause DID. Being told to do the dishes, or getting yelled at for not cleansing your room or normal every fucking day parents being parents things aren't fucking trauma. Some of us go through literal hell and back, and all we have to show for it is too much consciousness and PTSD.

"Some people with DID have up to 100 alters" means that the most a non-polyfragmented system can have is up to 100 brainmates. Polyfrag systems can have way more brainnmates, but that's not the point. It is physically impossible to have thousands. You would be clinically insane and have to be institutionalized for your own safety because you cannot live with that many voices in your head in a safe way.

"There isn’t a single test that can diagnose DID" there isn't ANY test known in the medical field curated to diagnose DID. There are brainwave tests, and CAT scans to show presence of other entities in the brain, but there is no testing period. You can't just go to the Dr and ask for a DID test. I have been fighting for diagnoses since I was 13, my DID started forming at 10,I started showing symptoms at 13, and I have been fighting to bee heard ever since. That's 13 years of suffering, if it were that easy I would have been diagnosed a lot sooner.

"DID usually isn’t diagnosed until adulthood." you say you - as a young teen - have DID? Ok, but consider the fact that not only is the cut off point for development 10 years old (12 in rare cases), but also the fact that it is medically impossible to diagnose a child with DID, it is exclusively looked into as an adult because of the way a childs brain works. Also the fact of OCD, ADHD, Autism, BPD and Bipolar Disorder can be confused with DID, though they can be co-morbid.

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Endos are not real systems, and never will be. They are using a very serious mental illness to gain pitty points.

Some of the people with DID don't get the privilege of diagnosis. Some of us are overlooked, some of us beg to be listened to.

That's another thing, I never, ever see a traumagen telling people that having trauma is a privilege because it "aids in diagnosis".

Stop invading the safe spaces of traumatized people. Stop stealing our terms. Stop using our personal hell to gain internet pitty.

It's nor fucking easy, or fun, or uwu quirky.

Fuck endos, they aren't shit.

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starry-skies-116 · 1 year

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I’ve made a profile for my new ROTTMNT OC you guys listen the hecking heck up-:

Name: Samail Rahmoun

Pronouns: He/they/it, and all neopronouns

Gender: Intersex genderqueer transguy

Sexuality: Demi aroace, bi-oriented

Species: Human-turned-mutant

Nationality: Iraqi-Indian American

Family: Mother, Father, Ufairah and Jebrael (older siblings, of whom are both twins- Samail is 16, Ufairah and Jebrael are 17. Samail disregards the one-year difference, yet Ufairah and Jebrael don’t.)

Mutant type: Jackal

Age: 16

Weapon: Scepter of Purana (an ancient staff crafted from obsidian and shimmering steel, imbued with divine mystic energy from the jinn, a race of mutant-like creatures who shame the same origin as yokai and now live exiled to another plane- for some reason it resonates strongly with the Key to Purana, an ancient tablet full of unmeasurable divine mystic power and wisdom that can grant one wish, of which nobody knows the whereabouts of.).

Neurodivergencies: Autism, ADHD, Dyscalculia, PTSD from being turned into a mutant by Baron Draxum and just barely escaping his laboratory.

Appearance:

In jackal form, he has smooth black fur with golden bright amber eyes, dark sclera and slit pupils with anthropomorphic features characteristic of most mutants. There’s a fluffy tail that’s kinda long, too, as well as a full set of canines. He’s also bipedal, but can run on all fours (this increases his speed greatly).

In human form, he has a slightly muscular figure with curved hips, and is 5’3, with a bruise on his arm where the oozesquito stabbed him that eventually transforms into a glowing tattoo of the infamous Mahamatra’s sigil that he displays whenever in combat. He has dark tan skin, a beautiful face, curly and voluminous black hair styled into a mullet that fades into brown, maroon tinted cheeks, roseate dark lips, two dimples, and a long and broad, pointed nose. Samail also has very thick eyebrows, long and thick sideburns and visible canines in his full smile with exposed teeth.

Personality: A powerful, intelligent vigilante by night, yet a helpful and sweet high schooler by day, Samail is the epitome of a kind and gentle elder within a youngster’s body. His main title is Commander Mahamatra- carrying the lineage of jinn, mutant creatures with an origin similar to Yokai, he delivers justice upon those who dare transgress and hurt the innocent.

Prone to eccentric behaviours and peppering his speech and mannerisms with elusive and strange behaviours and words, he is still nevertheless a loving, cheerful, caring and fun individual to be around, despite his social skills needing a bit of work. He does suffer from low-self esteem and anxious episodes due to fear of not being able to live up to his Grandfather’s legacy, as well as panic attacks from the mutagen fusing with his lineage and unleashing a once dormant power.

Fun fact about Samail: if he had voicelines, he’d have lots of voicelines similar to Nahida’s:

“Quick, let’s find shelter, or all sorts of mushrooms and plants will start growing on our heads!”

“Somethin’ on your mind again, darling? Let’s work through it together- multiple heads are better than one~!”

“Do you want to play hopscotch? I heard games are a great way to facilitate emotional bonds between different individuals! Don’t worry, I’ll draw the triangles extra-big for you!”

He’s also quite lonely at school, as he doesn’t have any close relationships save for his family and his childhood crush/sweetheart Lucius Zhang, who he’s acquaintances with. This changes when he meets the turtles and takes quite the fascination to them in the most harmless, sweet way, wanting to travel with them and help them on their adventures and missions, as well as grow close to them and form deep emotional bonds with them.

He has a soft spot for jokes, puns and one-liners to try and lighten the mood. He is serious and dignified in work-related situations and matters, and holds justice and integrity as the highest value above all else, religiously holding the belief that every soul will be weighed at the end of their ‘journey’.

He harbors a deep and festering grudge against Baron Draxum and The Foot Clan, and later, the Shredder and the Kraang, viewing them as threats to Earth, which he calls ‘humanity’s birthright and home that they have no right to.’ Samail, as the Commander Mahamatra, is deeply dedicated to his ideals of justice and viewing the law as eternal, and punishing any transgressions and sinners that may violate said law. They are cruel, harsh and callous to those who hurt others or break the law, and holds no sympathy towards whatever their reasons may be.

Samail is fairly relaxed outside of his ‘work’ on the level of the Turtles, being an avid fan of cooking, domestic work, independent academic study, online strategy games, and card games as well as video games. He grows over time to hold an incredible and deep emotional attachment to the turtles, considering them also to be his brothers and comrades.

Samail is hyperempathetic of those who suffer under those who abuse their power and status, which is likely why they’re so fervent about punishing and murdering criminals. He also takes frequent walks atop the roofs of New York City to calm his mind as well as patrol.

Favorite foods: Street food, most notably curries, tahchin, kebabs and shawarma- any Indian or Middle Eastern cuisine.

Least favorite foods: Pudding, Licorice, Dango, Mochi, Caramels, or any food that makes them feel like their teeth are being glued together. Pizza included… okay, fine. Pizza’s the only exception, but only specific types!

#rottmnt oc #save rottmnt #rottmnt

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madymoo-fandom · 1 year

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My Opinions on Dragon Age Exodus

Currently I have 509.9 hours on DA:2 and even tho no one asked or cares, I'm gonna ramble on about it.

DA:2

In my opinion, DA2 is the worst for role playing purposes. If often feels like it doesn't matter when you say for do, it almost always has the same outcome. I've played a good Hawke, an evil Hawke and a great area Hawke and the variety between each playthrough is light.

However, the characters are pretty good. Not as good as Origins but still. Almost all the characters are driven by past trauma and is the main points of each of their character arcs. None of them "get over" their traumatic past but most of them do learn how to cope with it. Personally I like this very much, a lot of media shows characters eventually just get over their PTSD to never be brought up again or struggle, when PTSD has a habit of fading and bubbling up again at the best of times and is often a main contributer to the reason why people act a sertain way, differing depending on their up brings. It doesn't just disappear.

The combat is much better in DA2, I get that a lot of people who played Origins first really miss that slow pace combat, but it just wasn't for me and in da2 I actually feel like I'm kicking an enemy's a$$, when in DAO, I honestly just felt like I was knocking them out.

DA:2 DLC

Packs

These DLC's don't really add any new quest or gameplay, just new codex, weapons, armors and accessories, some only ment for certain companions. I honestly use a lot of cosmetic mods and having the packs did limit the need for me to download armor mods, since my main is a Mage in DA2 and all of the mages armors suck compared to the other classes, with the exception of Hawke's signature equipment, Mantle of the Champion, which in my option, the mage variant is the best version.

The Exhaled Prince

Honestly, I don't really like Sébastien. His quest are boring, his character is bland, and his romance just really bad and clearly just a second thought. He could have been a great character with an as3xual romance, but they just flopped it. His backstory too. With the trend of characters with traumatic backstories in this game, they could have done so much more with survivors guilt and made him so much more compelling. Its just disappointing. Honestly, if I didn't buy the DLC bundle, I wouldn't pay for him separately.

Mark of the Assassin

Honestly, this is my favorite DLC in DA2. I really liked Tallis and wish she was used as the companion DLC instead. The plot is fun, the dialog is actually really funny and its just a good time.

Legacy

I have mixed opinions about this DLC. Its good but I don't like it more than the vanilla game, the key is cool, the fact you can basically build your own weapon is nice and the final boss was a fun play but over time, the dlc felt a bit repetitive. I'm assuming they had some plans for the third game at this time and always planned for Corypheus to be the main antagonist of DA3 but it feels like he shouldn't have been scene this much in DA2. Its hard for me to explain. I kinda wish the Architect was the main antagonist for the Legacy DLC, learning about whats to come and wanting to destroy Corypheus, with him basically hoping to wipe out all darkspawn. I understand you can kill him in Awakening, but they reconned Leliana's and Anders's possible deaths before, clearly no one is safe from being brought back to life.

#dragon age #dragon age 2

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portraitmypet · 9 months

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Miss Your Pet? Our Artist Can Help

When you're feeling down, when you're feeling stressed, when you just need someone to be there for you — that's the time when your pet can come into play. Pets are great company; they provide comfort and love without judgment or expectations. They can also make us laugh when we're sad and give us something fun to do during our free time. Plus, training pets is a great way to spend time together!

If you're missing your pet right now and looking for ways to stay connected even if they aren't physically with you all day long (or every day), this list is for you:

Pet cuddles! Your pet will always be there for a cuddle session whenever it's needed. If it's been too long since the last cuddle session and things have gotten stressful at work/home/life in general, try giving them a call up on their favorite place on the couch or bed next time they have some free time on their hands - even if it's only 15 minutes out of an hour window between meetings... well worth it!

Playtime! A little roughhousing never hurt anyone - especially if it means spending quality time with Fido outside instead of stuck inside all day long working double shifts at two jobs (which happened recently). You'll both feel better afterward because exercise releases endorphins which help fight stress hormones related conditions like depression and anxiety disorders like PTSD from military service members returning home after overseas deployment combat zones around world today .

Do you have a favorite photo of your pet that you just can't stop looking at? Hire an artist to turn it into a work of art!

Art is a powerful way of expressing our emotions and making a memory last forever. If you have a favorite photo of your pet, why not turn it into pet art? It’s a great way to decorate your home, show off your love for animals, and also make someone else happy! Your pet will be remembered fondly each time they see the artwork hanging in their home.

My family has always loved animals, and I've had pets my whole life. My mom even works at an animal shelter!

You love your pets, and they love you. But what about when this bond is broken? Our artist can help bring your pet back to life.

We've all heard the story: a friend or family member passes away, then suddenly comes back from the dead as an animal. It sounds crazy, but it happens more often than you'd think!

My family has always loved animals, and I've had pets my whole life. My mom even works at an animal shelter! When I was younger we had a dog named Spock who was a rescue from Florida (no relation). His favorite thing to do was chase balls around outside; he also liked to play with my sister and me by hiding under our beds when we weren't looking so he could jump out and scare us into giggles. He lived until he was 15—not bad for his breed—and died peacefully in his sleep in 2004 after suffering from arthritis for years prior (we're still not sure why).

After working with hundreds of clients, I've found that many people share my love of animals, and spend almost all their spare time with them.

After working with hundreds of clients, I've found that many people share my love of animals, and spend almost all their spare time with them. This can be a good thing for your health! In fact, research shows that pets have a positive impact on our health and well-being. Pets can help reduce stress, anxiety, depression and loneliness when you're feeling sad or down. Pets also encourage exercise and activity which can improve your physical health as well as make us feel more energetic overall. Additionally having an animal companion means that you will live longer (and happier) than those without pets in their lives!

I hope this blog has helped you see how much pets can mean to humans—and hopefully inspired you to go out and get yourself one today :)

Often, the memories we make with our pets are some of our favorites. Our pets bring us so much happiness!

Pets often become a part of our family and, as they grow older, they become less energetic. The joy and love they provide us can be just as important as their ability to entertain us. Pets give us something to look forward to every day, even if it’s just playing fetch or watching them run around in the yard. They teach us responsibility; we need to take care of them and keep them safe from harm. Pets also provide comfort when things get tough; we can talk about our worries with them without judgement or criticism.

Even if you aren’t able to spend as much time with your pet due to work or other responsibilities, don’t forget about how much they mean to you! Think back on all the memories you have made together over the years; these are some of my favorite memories too!

#pet portrait #pet memorial #pet loss

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rynnaaurelius · 2 years

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Kane Chronicles for the fandom ask?

(Fandom ask HERE)

Anon, I went a tiny bit feral here, but I need you to understand that I love these characters very, very much.

Blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most): I would fight God for Sadie Kane. Love the way she'll kick someone's ass into the great beyond one moment and then stutter because her crush looked at her the next, love her relationship with Carter and how she knows that she adores him and will rely on him at the end of the world, no questions asked, love how calculating she can get, I love the fact that she insists on her dyed hair and leather combat boots, judgy grandparents and magic rules be damned.

She refuses to doubt herself because people are counting on her, damn it, she'll be enough and yes, she is that good, and I just think she's neat.

Scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped): Felix Philip and his band of penguins. I mean, how can I not?

Scrimblo Bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave): Amos Kane, which is a predictable answer for me. The fact that he goes from being possessed by Set, trying so hard to protect Carter and Sadie, that the aftermath canonically sends him into a depressive episode and leaves him with PTSD, and then turns around and willingly takes on Set to help save the world? Fuck yeah.

Also, he's got the best music taste in the Riordanverse. I'm not taking arguments on this front.

Glup Shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week): Cheating to pick two, but Emma and Liz! I really wish they had shown up more. They and Sadie must've been absolute terrors in grade school, and I think the truest display of friendship is when your friend shows up with superpowers and possessed grandparents on her birthday, and your immediate response is to turn around to said possessed grandparents and declare your best friend is about to kick their ass. I have headcanons for days about these three.

Poor Little Meow Meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave): Vladimir Menshikov, because Riordan dropped a Russian horror movie antagonist into TKC and thought I wouldn't notice.

Horse Plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason): Carter Kane, because torturing Carter requires torturing everyone else, so this is really a cheating answer, really. Also, we never really got an analogue to Sadie's birthday adventure in London, and emotionally torturing Carter while watching him magically MacGuyver his way out of certain death would be fun (We come kinda close with him finding Actual Zia Rashid and then Setne in Demon Land, but both times result in Carter needing to have his ass hauled out of the fire by someone else).

Eeby Deeby (character I would send to superhell): Setne. There's no secret motive here, he's just one of those characters you want to smack in the face a couple dozen times.

(I thought about sending Zia, but she's annoyingly well-adjusted in canon and I like her far too much, so there's no inherent fun in sending her there by herself)

#i got an ask!#tkc #the kane chronicles #sadie kane #felix philip #amos kane #emma (TKC)#liz (TKC)#vladimir menshikov #carter kane #setne (TKC)#zia rashid

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stormysapphic · 3 years

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Hi! So since you said you were okay with it I wanted to ask you what is a conversion disorder and how it's affected your life maybe? Have a nice day!

yes, ofc! i'll give you sort of an overview of what conversion disorder is & how it affects me - if you or anyone else want to know smth more/more specific, just ask! 💙 also, i’ll be abbreviating conversion disorder as “CD” for convenience. and for ease of access & sort of a tl;dr, i’ll write the main points of this post in bold! CD is a neurological & psychiatric disorder where the nervous system doesn't function properly - the brain might not send (correct) signals and/or other parts of the nervous system might not receive them (correctly). CD is characterized by the fact that the condition doesn't have a clear physiological cause such as a stroke or epilepsy. it's usually classified as a dissociative disorder, but that varies based on who/what your source is (more on that in the last passage). instead of having a physiological origin, CD is caused by stress, psychological distress, or trauma. my CD is linked to my (c)ptsd. the symptoms get worse when my trauma is triggered & i even get mild symptoms when i just talk or think about my trauma in enough detail. non-trauma-related stress or anxiety can also cause them & as people with (c)ptsd know, trauma can be triggered by seemingly random stuff, and therefore my CD symptoms can also flare up pretty unexpectedly. the neurological symptoms themselves can vary a lot from person to person & situation. for me the most prevalent ones are muscle twitches all over my body (myokymia), muteness, sensory issues (such as partial blindness/deafness/numbness), paralysis, disorientation/delirium, and chronic exhaustion/lethargy. out of these, paralysis and exhaustion/lethargy are definitely the ones that come in the way of my daily life the most. wanting to get up/move & do things but physically not being able to is a terrible feeling. i’ve missed out on stuff i was rly looking forward to because i just couldn’t lift my limbs no matter how hard i tried. severe combinations of symptoms can also manifest in the form of an attack/seizure, usually caused by some major trigger. i stop responding to stimuli, go mute, can't move normally/at all (if i'm standing up when it happens i fall to the floor), twitch and tremble, and don't know where or when i am (especially if i’m also having a (c)ptsd flashback). these attacks can last anywhere from a few minutes to several hours & they are another one of the ways in which CD most affects my life. having an attack is exhausting both mentally and physically & therefore my symptoms are also worse over the few hours/days following an attack (and i’m more susceptible to having another one). and in general it’s just scary to lose control of your own body. from what i've read, my symptoms seem to be pretty typical, but like i said, there are a lot of ways CD can manifest. common symptoms i've read about but don't experience myself include inability to control the bladder, difficulty swallowing, and seizures that are more epilepsy-like than my attacks. the severity of symptoms can also vary a lot - for example, some people need to use a wheelchair because their legs are too unreliable or rarely work at all. other ways to manage CD include physical therapy & relaxation techniques for the symptoms, psychotherapy to combat the triggers causing CD, and medication to help with comorbid depression/anxiety/et cetera. the general consensus is that CD can’t be completely “cured”. CD is relatively rare and scarcely researched, even controversial. due to the lack of info & physiological cause, some doctors still don’t even think it’s real and is instead feigned by the patient. “faking it” is a common accusation people with CD face, especially bc stress flares the symptoms up. for example, i’m definitely more likely to experience paralysis before an exam i’m dreading than a fun party i’m looking forward to, which people can interpret as me just not “wanting” to do difficult or unpleasant things. but that’s not the case & the symptoms also frequently prevent me from doing the fun stuff, especially if it’s preceded by something even menially stressful. you want to go to the party, but your body refuses to move because going would require you to walk 5 minutes to the bus stop, which is “too taxing”. some doctors, on the other hand, see CD as a misdiagnosis for other neurological/psychiatric disorders. this theory has its roots in the fact that CD was previously known as hysteria, the infamous diagnosis given to women who showed basically any symptoms doctors just wanted to dismiss. as the medical field & attitudes towards women's health evolved, most hysteria diagnoses became obsolete/replaced by other, more appropriate diagnoses. CD took the place of hysteria in describing neurological symptoms brought on by a psychological cause. and nowadays we obviously also know that the symptoms in question aren’t exclusive to women. last disclaimer: because of the lack of info & evolving research, the exact classification of CD varies. DSM classifies it as a somatoform disorder, while ICD (which was used for my diagnosis) has it under dissociative disorders. furthermore, some people experience neurological symptoms that seem to have neither a physiological nor psychiatric cause, and because CD generally requires the latter, people without one are sometimes given the diagnosis of functional neurological disorder (FND) instead. CD and FND are also sometimes used interchangeably, or CD can be classified as a subset of FND - basically a functional neurological disorder with a known psychiatric cause.

#this was a long one! i'm sorry if you wanted a neat summary :') i added the bold for that reason #i just thought that if i was gonna write this down i might as well do it as coherently and completely as possible #especially since i've been thinking of sharing my experience on other platforms and i could use this answer as a blueprint!#answered #anonymous #conversion disorder #functional neurological disorder #fnd #ptsd #cptsd #trauma #actuallytraumatized #long post

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rexscyarika · 3 years

Text

Ner Jetii

An angsty one shot between Rex and gender neutral Jedi reader. The reader is a Padawan but of age. It’s not stated who the reader’s master is or what battalion they serve with but, they talk of rescue and relief so Plo Koon and the 104th could be implied if you so please.

⚠️Mature audiences recommended⚠️

Warnings: Established romantic relationship between Rex and reader, so much angst, heavy survivor’s guilt and reader blaming themselves, reader losing their company in a seppie trap, descriptions of blood and death, dying words, past torture, ptsd flashbacks, hallucinations, mention of post Umbara trauma, mention of nightmares, reader self-harming in a way (using pain to drive their will and unconsciously punish themselves, self-destructing/over exertion, simile of falling through ice/drowning, implied capture and torture of reader, mention of capture and slavery in the beginning, fluff at the end, reader is so traumatized and paranoid, no y/n just pet names, small kiss at the end, reader needs a hug, reader gets that hug from Rex, comforting! Rex, Rex sings to you in Mando’a cause I’m a slut for that language. I hope that’s all 😭

Mando’a translations:

Cyare/cyar’ika: Darling/beloved/sweetheart

Mesh’la: Beautiful

Mando’ad: Mandalorian (lit “child of Mandalore”)

Vod/vode: brother/sister/comrade

Jetii: Jedi

Ner: My

Ret’urcye mhi: Goodbye (lit “maybe we’ll meet again)

Bal kote, durasuum kote: For glory, eternal glory

The lullaby lines are made up from a phrase of remembrance (translations are included by them)

It was just a relief mission. You were supposed to bring food and medical supplies to a remote outer rim system that had been effected by separatist blockades. An easy and simple mission, one to introduce shinies to life off Kamino. At least that’s what it was supposed to be. That was until you had led your company straight into a Seperatist trap. It turns out there were no citizens to help out, no citizens at all for that matter, those that were there had been captured and sold. It hadn’t been much of a fight, you were severely lacking in firepower and experienced soldiers. Sure as a Jedi you are worth a couple hundred battle droids but you can’t help your men when you’re engaging a highly dangerous Sith Lord. At least they had died fairly quickly with minimal suffering. That’s what you get when you have 10 battle droids for every trooper. They keep firing even after all are down. They don’t take prisoners, well not troopers anyway. Maybe it’s for the best for some of them, though. The shinies won’t have to see firsthand the effects of the war that has plagued the galaxy, or wake up trembling with the sound of blaster fire ringing through their ears at night. They will have died knowing nothing more than training exercises and stories from their vode. The others won’t have to mourn for lost vode anymore, they won’t have to worry about their place in the galaxy after the war. Not gone, merely marching away as the Mando’ad say. Marching away from endless battles and no choices for how they live their lives.

Yeah, it was for the best.

But, if that was the case why do their voices haunt you at night? Cry’s of “You could have saved us.” “We were so young.” “Please General I didn’t want to die this young.” and of course the one that nips at your brain 24/7, like a headache that won’t go away “You led us straight to them.”

You didn’t mean to. You’re loyal to the republic and your men. But you’re a Jedi right? You should’ve sensed it, the fact their was a handful of force signatures on a planet said to have billions of citizens and the presence of a Sith Lord for kriff’s sake. You could’ve sensed it. If only you had been been paying attention instead of laughing at stupid jokes with your men, those men same might still be alive.

The Jedi council had tried to reassure you

“A Padawan you still are and an experienced Sith Lord Dooku is. A fair fight it was not.”

“Dooku can mask his force signature, young one. It wasn’t your fault.”

“We cannot save everyone. We are Jedi not gods.”

But that didn’t stop the nagging at your heart. Nor did it stop the knowledge of why the separatists developed such a complex trap to eliminate such a small number of troopers. It was because of you. You had important separatist codes locked in your head, gathered from previous missions. They knew you would be easiest to get at because you were still a Padawan and worked primarily on rescue and relief missions. Missions with low firepower and minimal expectance for combat. Master Windu knew the same codes, but he is far too experienced for them to go after. If only you had trained more, longer, better. You think back to every night you snuck out to have some fun. If you had stayed and went over your studies maybe you could’ve saved them. You wouldn’t have had to hear the dying words of your Captain. Oh your sweet Captain. So loyal and eager since he was shiny right up until his last choked out battle cry of “Bal kote, darasuum kote. Ret’urcye mhi, vod.”.

Forever glory? Where was the glory in being led to a massacre by your Commanding Officer?

He had called you vod. A title reserved for their brothers and those they respected. You didn’t deserve that respect. You weren’t a comrade that had fought valiantly by their side, you were the person that was supposed to protect them, and you let them down. The Mando’a farewell directly translates to “maybe we’ll meet again.”. If there is an afterlife and if you did, you don’t think you could look them in the eyes.

The trauma supporters the council had directed you to talk to when you got back had told you these thoughts were normal. “Survivors guilt” they had called it. As the only survivor your brain tries to tell you it was your fault. But, you weren’t a trooper that had managed to survive. You were the commanding officer. They told you that didn’t matter, it wasn’t your fault.

You wish everyone would stop telling you that, as far as you’re concerned, it was. So you tried to do everything you could to never let that happen again. You brought experienced men on relief missions, ignoring their complaints of this being a shinies job and a waste of their experience. You spent your time either sleeping, eating, training or researching new strategies. Not that your sleeping actually involved much sleeping. It mostly consisted of tossing and turning, flashes of dead troopers and... him. His sickly grin as you writhed in pain under his tortures, the blood curdling laugh as you tried to escape. You’d heard stories of how sick the former Jedi was, but experiencing it was something else. Not just the torture but his presence. Dark, looming and cold. Like falling through ice into cold water. Trapped and desperate to escape.

Every slightly negative feeling that leaked from your fellow Jedi made you freeze. He’s here, you’d think, or that Jedi has turned. So you walked around on eggshells, constantly wary and vigilant of any potential threats. Even now as you focused on the punching bag in front of you were scanning, reaching out with the force to sense any threats. It was becoming exhausting, so you opted to let pain drive your will. Not even bothering to wrap your hands as you threw punches at the bag. Your fists began to slide off the bag on account of your blood staining it red. But you didn’t stop, truthfully you didn’t even feel the pain at this point. You couldn’t tell if the red on your hands was your own or the memories of fallen troopers’.

“I should’ve fought harder.”

You hit the bag with a powerful right hook.

“They’d still be alive if I had”

You opted for a jab.

“I led them straight into that trap.”

Your cross didn’t consist of much technique, just rage and power.

The same time you heard the door to the training room being opened you felt an icy breath near your ear. “The pain will end if you just give me the codes.”

“Never!” You snarled, whirling around and summoning your lightsaber from your belt. Immediately igniting it and pointing it to face the Sith Lord. I look of poor malice fell across your face, a mask to hide the fear.

You were met by a startled trooper, his wraps falling from his hands and his body moving into an instinctive defensive stance.

It took you a second to realize there was no danger, your eyes raking behind him to ensure of such. You disengaged your lightsaber and dropped to your knees with shaky breaths.

“I thought your were him, Rex, I thought he’d found me.” You sobbed into your hands, flinching as you felt a hand on your back.

“It’s okay Cyare, you’re safe, I’ve got you.”

You let him pull you into his lap. He gently grabbed your hand with his, careful to avoid the raw patches that were still oozing blood. His other hand stayed on your back to rub soothing circles and pull you tight to him. He held you as sobs wracked your body, his lips by your hairline, whispered assurances coming from them.

He started to hum softly before they turned to words. It was a Mando’a lullaby, one sung to grieving vod after a loss. You didn’t know many of the words, your knowledge of the language not extending much past the nicknames Rex would call you. It was still comforting though, his voice soft as he ran a hand through your hair.

“Ni su’cuyi, gar kyr’adyc.”

You realized you recognized what he was singing. You heard it whispered from the lips of troopers as their vode mourned. Rex had told you the meanings of some of the lines. (“I’m still alive, but you are dead.”)

“Ni partayli, gar darasuum” he continued humming. (“I remember you so you are eternal.”)

Your sobs slowly turned to sniffles as you sat there with him. Feeling a small sense of comfort and security for the first time in weeks. Relishing in the feeling of being in his arms.

“Cyar’ika.” He had whispered when you had finally gone silent, your breaths coming even and deep now. He brought the hand from your hair to your cheek, gently encouraging you to look at him. “Are you with me, little one?”

You nodded and blinked up at him with swollen eyes. You whispered a thank you as you searched his face. It was soft yet slightly taught with worry. His eyes were sparkling with held back tears, and his mouth was turned up into a small, comforting smile. He looked so young yet so old at the same time. His soft features having been hardened from war and loss, scars from injuries his helmet couldn’t protect from laying here and there. Yet, even after years as a soldier in a war he had no say in he was still so compassionate. He wasn’t cold and unforgiving like some had become. He sat there with care and worry in his eyes, looking at you like you were his whole world. Even broken and bleeding he stayed with you. If you crumbled then he would pick up the pieces and put you back together, just as you have with him. You had been there for him, calming him down from nightmares of Umbara. You had taken his broken heart and sewed it back together with care.

So, he would do the same for you.

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled towards him.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Mesh’la.”

“But I do-“

He cut you off by bringing his lips gently to yours and sealing them in a gentle kiss.

He pulled away to rest his forehead in yours.

“No you don’t, ner jetii. Not to me, not to anyone.”

He moved to stand up, still holding onto you to support you as you stood on shaky legs.

“Let’s get you to the medbay.” He gestured to your hands once he deemed you stable enough to be able to walk.

You nodded to him and accepted his arm around your waist, your own moving to seek support on his shoulder. You made your way to the medbay, averting your eyes from curious glances at your state. You knew no one would question or mock you. Not with Rex there, his gaze flaming with warning at anyone that looked your way. You still had a lot to get through. You knew more blood and tears would be shed. That voice would continue nagging in your head and you’d still see your fallen company in your dreams. But, it would get better, you had Rex to talk you down and hold you during those times. You had done that for him and you knew he would do the same for you.

His Jetii.

#Rex x reader #gender neutral reader #no y/n #Rex x reader angst #Rex x reader fluff #I just wanna give that man a hug #also the reader cuase they need it omg #this was gonna be slight angst that led to smut to help reader forget but I got carried away #I’m not projecting ur projecting

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