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giamee · 9 months

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𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔!

ཐི♡ཋྀ featuring -> blade, gepard

ཐི♡ཋྀ contains -> mentions of depression/low mood, more blade bias teehee

ཐི♡ཋྀ gia's notes -> i kinda based these off of my own experiences with depression, so hopefully it's at least a little relatable. i tried not to romanticise it too much. also disclaimer i am fully aware that the stuff i talk about in here isn't a cure-all for depression, but i did focus on a less severe characterisation of it in this. hope that's ok anon

ཐི♡ཋྀ request -> anon: hi!!! really loved your roommate thing for har, literally makes me smile may i request blade or/and gerard with reader who got depression? even if you don’t like the idea it’s fine, hope you have great time <3

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★ BLADE

-hm ok to be honest blade seems rather emotionally repressed

-so it may take a while for him to pick up on signs of you starting to get into a depressive episode

-he’s busy with being a stellaron hunter, and he isn’t exactly the most frequent texter, but he’ll still notice a change in your texting style as the time between your replies increases while the length of them keeps getting shorter

-maybe you were busy? even though it may sting a little to see his last message still unanswered as he’s holed up somewhere on another planet, he still can’t help but worry for you, though he may not outwardly admit it

-and that spurs him on to finish elio’s mission for him even quicker so he can get back home to you

-when he returns, he may be a bit confused due to your seeming apathy

-he had missed you, and he didn’t want to be the one to cave and say it out loud

-but at your mustered smile and hollow sounding greeting, that’s when things start to click and blade may realise what’s going on

-personally i feel like blade’s love language is acts of service/physical touch

-and man’s just come back from a mission

-he’s dirty, he’s hungry, and he’s tired

-so he decides to deal with those issues with you in that exact order

-cue him running a bath and then convincing you to get in with him on the ground of him “getting lonely” without anyone there, making you crack a little smile at his antics

-the warmth of the water and his solid chest against your back is a soothing sensation, and neither of you voice how tender his touches are as he lathers your hair, fingers carefully detangling any knots as he rests his weight against you

-it’s a peaceful affair, and you can feel yourself begin to warm, with the weight that you previously weren’t even aware of beginning to lift off of your chest as you filled the silence of the bathroom with some hushed conversation with blade

-he asks you how your day was, listening to your hesitant recollection with his chin is tucked over your shoulder, his arms encircling you as he listens to your voice and hums occasionally, basking in your presence

-when the water begins to run cold, blade’s offering you his clothes to change into, leading you by the hand to your shared bedroom, and it’s touching to see just how much care he puts into your wellbeing when it’s him who’s just come back from a dangerous mission

-up next is finding something to eat

-the uncharacteristically soft behaviour of blade is continued as he rummages around the fridge, cursing under his breath when he realises that he'll have to make a shopping list

-he still manages to find enough ingredients to make some sort of meal, and though he's not a cook by any means, it's definitely edible and the distant growl of your stomach suggests that maybe you were feeling hungry after all

-you're leaning against one of the counters, watching your boyfriend's back in quiet awe as he continues to cook, the simple black cotton of his shirt stretching across his broad shoulders practically inviting you to wrap your arms around him

-you've never been one to resist such an offer, and you find yourself shyly walking up to him, letting the side of your face rest against his spine

-blade almost immediately relaxes into your embrace, continuing his ministrations while you mumble a muffled "thank you" into the fabric covering his back

-you don't need to clarify what you're thankful for, and blade has always been one to speak more through his actuons than words

-he pauses for a second, turning to flick your forehead gently

-"don't get all soft on me now"

-you feel your eyes well up with appreciation for your boyfriend, squeezing him a little tighter to yourself as he turns back around, feeling his hand do the same to yours where it rests on his stomach

-"yeah, yeah. now let's eat, hmm?"

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★ GEPARD

-another emotionally repressed king 😍

-i feel like in terms of noticing that something's up with you he would be worse than blade

-mr landau is a bit of a workaholic, and he's guilty of using it as a coping mechanism when he can feel himself start to slip

-he will run off of denial and caffeine and just force himself to keep working, resulting in a general lack of awareness in spotting when he or others are struggling

-so really, the dots that he should connect with how you've been acting recently take a little longer than they should be

-he's mentioning to serval how you seem to be the polar opposite of him recently, acting a lot more withdrawn and apathetic in general

-and serval is just blinking at him and wondering how dense her younger brother can be

-reprimands him and tells him that this is a conversation he should be having with you, and not her

-and with a little guidance, gepard is sat in front of you and asking if anything's wrong and if so what he can do to help

-and initially, you're not really sure yourself

-you know that you don't feel the same as usual, but you tend to just go with the motions and wait it out

-and gepard furrows his brows when he hears this

-poor guy has no idea how to handle this without direction

-so he does some research and makes some notes on ways he can help you because he loves you

-and next thing you know his late working hours and overtime have turned into getting home before the sun goes down

-resulting in him having enough energy to do something with you and spend some quality time together, whether that be a date night in or just cooking a meal together

-and funnily enough, gepard notices not only a slight improvement in your overall mood, but in his as well

-with all those tips and tricks of maintaining a routine, he was glad to see your shared efforts come into fruition

-he almost felt his heart combust when you told him that being around him makes you feel better

-man is whipped he will walk the ends of the earth just to see you happy

𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃 IF YOU LIKED THIS, TRY: fade into you!

honkai star rail masterlist ૮ • ﻌ - ა

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cypressvs · 11 months

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00:14 | HEAVY SNOWFALL

pairing: gepard/gn!reader

wc: 0.6k | join the taglist

The snow outside painted the tiled roof of your home a familiar white— or more accurately, it was his home but you've taken to looking after his abode that seldom welcomed his presence. Snowstorms were common inside and outside the walled city but through the grace of the Preservation, the snowstorms inside the walls were less volatile; calm enough for the citizens to persist through manageable damages the day after. Tonight, however, the storm rages on making the persistent chill in the air even more uncomfortable. Even the Geomarrow heaters in the living room did very little to bring feeling back to your fingers.

Perhaps you've been chastising the wrong thing after all. Your eyes meet his striking blue ones, the signature of the storied Landaus, and find that not even the snowstorm could compare to the chill that runs cruelly down your spine. You could drown in them, you think, but you'd much rather die a quick death if it meant being kept away from him.

"Well?" You sputter after a harsh swallow. Icicles stab through your throat and you bleed—one cough to hide the hiccup. One cough to hide the vulnerability and weakness that showed through each subdued whimper. "Tell me I'm wrong, Captain."

The hostility in your tone made him wince, threatening to trigger his fight or flight. It was too reminiscent of the unfeeling gaze of the Fragmentum monsters from beyond the borders. Gepard, although unyielding in front of the greatest adversaries, had to remind himself that he is in his home; that he is safe and that the pearl of sweat that trickled down his cold skin was drawn not out of his innate instinct of survivability but out of the foreign stillness of your face.

"You can't, can you?" You smile weakly before turning away from him, shoulders slumped in defeat and demeanor barely pieced together. Gepard finds his hand trembling as he tried to reach out to you. To hold you. To pin you in place. Nothing, nothing, he thinks, can compare to the way his heart freezes over, eyes cloudy with a desperate sheen as his lips trembled out of fear that if you took one more step away from him, he'd be too far and a little too late to catch you and keep you still in his embrace. Gepard pales at the thought and he does the one thing he can do—he drops his hand to his sides, afraid he'd offend you if he dared crave your touch now, and instead, he calls your name—weak and too out of character that it only made you huff a taunting laugh.

"I am nothing but an after thought. One you'd betray without a second thought and one you'd wait to grieve until no one else can remember me."

His brows furrow and he wants desperately to deny your claims yet he knows that dishonesty is the last thing you want from him. His eyes ripple with hurt and you think you could almost see your own's reflection on them. You quickly abandon the thought with a shaky sigh. Thank Qlipoth he would never understand. What has been preserved, after all, is not your warm love or his blind loyalty but your heart's foolishness.

"Who in this godforsaken world knows, Gepard!? You might even kill me if one of those Architects demand it of you!"

His sudden outburst made you flinch and the cold fury that burned under the syllables of your name mocked the rapidly growing cracks of your facade. Only you, it screamed. Only you still pursues. Only you still perseveres. Only you preserves.

"What now? You're mad? Did I strike a chord? Did I hurt your ego? Or are you absolutely seething because I badmouthed your oh-so-beloved people?"

His silence makes your blood freeze and you can only laugh incredulously as the storm seemed to rage with more vitality outside. You feel it pressing against your lungs, in your heart too until the frost leaves even more of you numb.

"I do love you." He mumbles as a last resort yet in the silence, "but" echoes loudly in the cavern of what has become.

You press your lips into a tight line before glaring at him with all the animosity you can muster. "I tried to understand. To love despite it all but you know what, Gepard? What use is that if I can't even expect to be chosen? What is there to protect?"

The snowstorm finally halts and all is eerily silent in Belobog.

"There is nothing left. Nothing at all."

#honkai star rail x reader #gepard landau x reader #gepard angst #gepard x reader #gepard x you #hsr x reader #hsr x you #hsr x y/n #honkai star rail imagines #hsr gepard #hsr imagines

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yeonpm · 7 months

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gepard x gn reader

request,; gepard w reader who ends up fucking off while he’s working in the snow plains. whether reader died or left or got kidnapped or something is entirely up to you. (TYSM FOR THE REQ PVBBY UR SO MWAH)

summary,; you end up being left behind.

cw,; lowercase writing, gepard is a bit ooc, neglectful gepard :(, overall gepard is not caring enough towards reader, a couple of swears, no pronouns for reader used, crying, reader isn't the trailblazer, angst.

"yeon",; ive never written for gepard b4 so he's gonna be a bit off but he's meant to be in this anyways so

"wasted summers" by juju<3

gepard, who always held his job to guard belobog above everything else. something about helping the people of his city just urged him on.

but when he met you, he seemed to warm up a little.

you met him in the middle of what one of the astral express members mentioned as "winter." an astral express member, a bubbly girl with pink hair, told you how it's always the coldest season, but how it was always pretty with the snow and perfect time for family and friends.

just like how winter phases into summer, which the same girl described as the best season for it warmth, gepard's stern personality gently melted away when he met you.

the first few months went extraordinary well. a lot of pda, and always spending time together. even the other guards seemed to be more relaxed as their commander did.

that was, until it was almost like he got tired of you. he started to stop talking to you as much, seeming to zone out during your stories or long rants about the day, and sometimes pushed you away if you tried to talk to him during his working hours.

at first, it wasn't that bad. he still held your hand. cuddled with you, told you how you were his love.

but as time went by, it started to get worse.

it's been maybe three or four weeks since he's started to become distant. you're starting to get worried- did he not love you anymore?

you wanted to spend time with gepard again. you missed him.

so when there was an exploration mission in the outlying plains, and knew there weren't many guards going with him, you asked him if you could come along.

he seemed to be fine with it. but his answer was so simple, so nonchalant, that maybe he simply didn't care.

as you treaded through the snow, fingers red at the tips as they gripped onto your jacket, your footprints leaving behind a trail that would eventually disappear.

gepard didn’t even bother to try and talk to you, and it was pretty much a one-sided conversation until you eventually realized he didn’t want to talk and left him alone.

your gaze seemed to be stuck at your shoes sinking into the snow with each step, before finally lifting your head. your neck ached from looking down for so long.

but when you did look up, you were a bit surprised. the gently falling snow, the edges of cliffs, and the way the snow seemed to clung to your clothes all were really… calming.

you were so caught up with your surroundings that you ended up being behind the rest of the group. you started to run towards them to try and catch up, but the more you ran the more they seemed to disappear into the haze of the snowdrift.

you eventually had to stop, hands on your knees as you panted, trying to catch your breath. for all you knew, you could have been running the opposite way of the rest of the group for qlipoth knows how long.

you look around. you try calling out for gepard, for any silvermane guards, for anyone.

you wanted to go home.

and not far away, a guard turns around. gepard pauses, recognizing one of the guards stopped. he asked what’s wrong. the guard claimed he heard a voice calling for help. gepard brushed it off, telling the guard how he’s imagining things, and that the mission was more important than whatever he heard.

but in the back of his mind, he knew someone was missing. he simply sighed, pushed it away, and kept going.

when he got back into the welcoming warmth of belobog, he immediately dismissed the guards, telling them to warm up and go get some rest. it’s been a very long day.

however, when he turned around and someone tapped him on the shoulder, he turned back around and was about to scold you for bothering him so much, but it wasn’t you. it was a civilian.

…where were you? didn’t you go out to the snow plains with him?

he tried to brush off the fact that you might still be out there and just tried to think you went immediately to your house to get some rest.

but… you were pestering him the entire mission. you always wanted to spend time with him. wouldn’t you have stayed back and tried to talk to him?

his mind spun as suddenly, the civilian’s queries weren’t important anymore.

gepard, who used to love you so much.

gepard, who now holds your limp body in his arms.

gepard, who feels his cheeks tingling with his own tears that slid down his cheeks.

gepard, who tried to grab your hand— but it’s cold, oh so cold.

yummy yummy angsty in my tummy

sorry this is rushed lmao 🧌

HELP I JUST REALIZED HOW DIFFERENT THIS FIC TURNED OUT COMPARED TO THE REQUEST I JUST KINDA ZONED OUT AND THIS IS WHAT CAME OUT IM SORRY 😭😭

#honkai star rail #gender neutral reader #gn reader #hsr #gepard x gn reader #gepard x gender neutral reader #gepard x male reader #gepard #gepard hsr #gepard angst #angst #yum #`.~gepard

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sfznyxio · 1 month

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❝ 𝐈, 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐍 ❞

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒. everyone says you’re the curse of your own legacy. dubbed “the worst ruler ever in history”, power is all you cared about. your selfishness leads to the downfall of your own kingdom, with you murdered at the hands of people you thought could be trusted. somehow the next day, you regress to the day you become the sole successor to the throne after the previous sovereign passed. can you prove your worth and show them you have what it takes to be the sovereign in this timeline?

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒. argenti, bronya, dan heng, dr. ratio, gepard, jing yuan, ruan mei, sunday, trailblazer (caelus & stelle)

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓. f!reader. royal au, time travel au. angst, hurt/comfort, fluff. 1.9k words. inspired by billion manhwas that have this trope lol. the royal family is absolutely horrible and reader hates them. reader experiences dissociative amnesia due to trauma from said family and the previous timeline. lots of self-doubt. death is everywhere in this fic. a dark joke about betrayal (bronya). reader has hair (gepard). murder of a loved one and revenge (sunday).

𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐀. new year, new blog, and new fic but two months later! on spring break so i’m happy i got to write again, even if it’s just a little bit. watch me disappear for another six months or so because grad school’s a bitch.

𝐀𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈.

rumor has it among a group of chivalrous knights from a forgotten land that their deity, the god of beauty idrila, is in your kingdom. you happen to come across one of them when you snuck out of the castle. the knight introduces himself as argenti, a knight of beauty… a very strange one.

what person talks to objects as if they’re people and compliments them that they’re beautiful? as soon as he lays on you, he’s in front of you on one knee and kisses your hand, declaring that you’re beautiful, even as beautiful as idrila themself. surely you’re weirded out, but he seems sincere.

there’s a possibility that your advisor sent a search party after you. you generally hate being escorted on your outings due to your upbringing, but going back there isn’t where your mind wants to be, so you ask the knight if he could be your company. ah, how could he resist a beautiful lady like yourself?

will he still see you as such when you ascend the throne?

𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐘𝐀.

house rand is known for their strong military leadership and is a unique case of nobility. majority of its lineage are commoners, going through a selection process as children to be adopted by the current leader and be trained as their successor. shortly before your ascension, former leader cocolia rand passed away. no one knows the cause of death, except her daughter.

marchioness bronya pays a visit to introduce herself as the new leader of the house. the two of you express condolences for your families, though you try not to flinch at how she praises the late sovereign like everyone else. she believes you can keep secrets well, which isn’t entirely wrong, so she asks to borrow you. you already know the topic of discussion: the actual cause of death of madam cocolia.

it’s me. her dialogue muffles into white noise. madam cocolia has made a deal with her daughter to kill her if anything happens. hm…? did you put trust in someone to stop you if you ever went insane? can you stab me in the back if that’s the case? your mouth runs on its own, and she’s in shock. you brush it off as a joke afterwards, saying she should ignore it. yet you can’t yourself as it’s been haunting you since.

do you trust her to end your suffering, for the good of the kingdom?

𝐃𝐀𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐍𝐆.

the archivist strikes you as someone who dislikes bothersome people, so you try not to spend too much time researching your condition. though upon meeting dan heng at the library, he appears courteous and doesn’t mind your company. what leaves you puzzled is that he doesn’t question your sudden interest in time travel and regression. instead, he leads you upstairs.

on the way there you trip and he grabs onto you, triggering a flashback of the mob capturing you with tight holds during your escape. realizing the intensity of his grip on you because your body’s shaking, he lets go and adjusts his hand placement to your back so you can get up. then he makes sure you’re alright before reaching the data bank.

he assumes that you’re still traumatized from your family’s death based on your reaction to that memory. everyone believes the same thing, and it’s definitely wrong. but you can’t magically convince them that you’ve seen the future where they’ll die because of you. however, his intentions make you feel at ease. he says he’ll be nearby for help. is it really okay to rely on someone else for once?

will he stick to his word and catch you when you fall to your death?

𝐃𝐑. 𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎.

the intelligentsia guild believes that knowledge is a valuable resource to obtain various mediums of information across the world. having one of their own at the castle not only as a professor at the royal academy, but as the advisor to the next sovereign is quite an honor. dr. ratio may be a brilliant scholar, but his interpersonal skills… not so much.

there isn’t a day where you’re spared from his lectures. to be fair, you’ve done questionable things after your family’s passing: sneaking out of the castle, researching time travel and regression, and raising raccoons that almost destroyed your garden and your servants’ sanities. nevertheless, you’re irritated by his emphasis on your reputation as a ruler. does it look like i want to be one? you storm out without a second thought.

after calming down, you search for him to apologize. you should’ve told him about how you felt instead of letting out an outburst. unfortunately he has gone home, but leaves a note that addresses your “odd hobbies” - ways to not alert the servants during your escapades, literature of topics of interest that aren’t in the library, and interventions of minimizing the chaos of your familiars. you take it as an apology; he’s more considerate than you think even if he doesn’t admit it.

can he stay by your side if you decide to abdicate the throne?

𝐆𝐄𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐃.

house landau is the “shield” of the kingdom, serving the royal family for generations. their current leader count landau is a stern man from what you recall the several times you visited him as a child. now he’s forced to retire due to his illness, replaced by his eldest and only son gepard, your childhood friend.

the two of you haven’t interacted much as you reach the training period for succession, whereas his father drills him to be insubordinate to the royal family as they have been. with your parents gone and the count ill, you can see him whenever you wish. but how should you approach him? more importantly, does he still see you as a friend? you give up instantly, exhausted from your mental trip to the past.

amidst the flames, he yells at you to run as shadows consume him. you shoot up - bloodshot eyes, rapid heartbeat, and heavy breaths. a pair of arms engulfs you, one hand rubbing your back and the other buried in your hair. rest, i’m here, he whispers against your forehead. you start to lose it, sobbing uncontrollably on his chest.

is this what giving in to your selfish gains feels like?

𝐉𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐔𝐀𝐍.

the sight of citizens flocking to the plaza can be seen from your balcony.

three people emerge from the crowd, who you recognize as residents of the civilization in the sky: the xianzhou alliance. they have no reason to be here unless it’s important business, and that happens to be you. how forgetful you are.

earlier you test a theory that hopefully changes your tragic fate. it takes courage to act like a jester in front of the council, sending diplomats to invite various factions to forge alliances. the entire court and yourself are amazed that one of the arbiter-generals jing yuan is here in the flesh. the xianzhou rely on themselves for help rather than outsiders, so there must be something that he wants from you.

little did you know while you’re interested in the xianzhou’s manpower, he’s interested in you. his two attendants have never seen their general smitten over someone before; it’s obnoxious. his visits become frequent; his purpose of seeking specific resources is really an excuse to shower you with gifts. he appreciates how headstrong you are throughout the tragedies you faced, wishing you give yourself more credit. he has faith in your capability as a sovereign, even if you don’t agree.

he’s not here to play with your feelings, is he?

𝐑𝐔𝐀𝐍 𝐌𝐄𝐈.

house ruan is revered by academia as geniuses of the century, yet rarely shows up in public as they care less about being in the spotlight. rather, they dedicate their lives to science. their daughter carries the household name with grace and elegance, though it can’t be said the same with her experiments in which she entrusts you to be her assistant.

lady ruan mei is interested in the concept of life. cycles of birth, growth, and death. existence of the living. development of cognition, emotions, and behaviors. they’re fascinating to her. creating lifeforms makes you feel some sort of sorrow; your creation is modeled after yourself. then you wonder how your family reacted when you were born.

soon you’re asked by the scientist about your existence, and whether you believe the gods can answer that. now that you think about it, were they involved in your regression? the human race worships the power of the heavens: creation and destruction. death is inevitable, but can the gods also rewrite reality? if they choose to send you back in time, did they want you to redeem yourself?

why bother going so far if you’re going to screw up again?

𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐘.

no one hosts festivities as grand as house oak. under the impression that you’ve been secluded in your room grieving over the previous sovereign, they’ll throw a small party to cheer you up and celebrate your upcoming ascension. the thought of announcing you want to abdicate the throne is tempting, but their efforts will go to waste so you scrap it. might as well keep up a front and plan your next moves.

you’re welcomed into the venue by the high priest sunday, the organizer of this party. you’re feeling nervous, not because of the amount of guests but because of his overwhelming presence. he doesn’t seem familiar, or are you misremembering? do you still feel unwell, your majesty? behind the high priest is a young woman who bears some resemblance to him, and everything all at once falls into place.

his sister is the precious sun of his life, executed by the eclipse. the high priest follows the royal family without hesitation, only for his loyalty to be questioned at her expense. he isn’t the type to act so rash, but for her he’ll go to great lengths to exact his revenge. you lie to the siblings that you’re fine and tell the high priest to take care of her. there’s more than meets the eye regarding your behavior, but he just agrees to not arouse any suspicion.

what secrets have your people been hiding from you?

𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐙𝐄𝐑.

there are twin raccoons that practically live in your garden and are your servants’ worst nightmares. somehow they’re kind of like you - living in luxury while rotten to the core. you remember ordering your servants to exterminate them last time, so you take them instead so you won’t freak them out, much to your advisor’s dismay.

later you discover that caelus and stelle are shapeshifters who lost their memories, with their only lead being a magenta-haired woman. to your surprise they love to gossip, which proves themselves useful to be your spies, gathering intel on the current news that could coincide with the ones in the previous timeline. they can also find information about that woman. killing two birds with one stone.

sometimes you worry about their work ethic, considering how chaotic they can be. for instance, their unhealthy obsession with trash cans. as much as you need them to get the job done, you realize you’re nothing better than your family. those two are extensions of yourself, learning about the world just as you are. so you step back and let them have fun with scraps. they’ll get to their missions eventually.

they appear to be loyal to a fault so there’s no way they’ll betray you, right?

#♪ .fics #honkai: star rail #honkai: star rail x reader #hsr x reader #argenti x reader #bronya x reader #dan heng x reader #dr ratio x reader #gepard x reader #jing yuan x reader #ruan mei x reader #sunday x reader #trailblazer x reader #caelus x reader #stelle x reader #honkai: star rail angst #honkai: star rail fluff #hsr angst #hsr fluff

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particular-one · 9 months

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we would’ve been timeless.

synopsis. how they would react and cope after you left their lives. characters. jing yuan, dan heng, blade, gepard x gn!reader (separate) author's note. congrats, you have made it to the vault (carlyle's version). due to the 1.2 update i will not shut up about hsr and speak now tv. sorry if this was short, the writer's block is still kinda there. lmk if u want any other character!

jing yuan would be a bit more dignified about losing you. after all, after everything he has witnessed in his long, long life, he knew that it would only be inevitable that he would lose you, too. but for the amount of loss that he has experienced, it did not make it any easier for him to cope. your presence always made everything just a tad bit bearable and he missed that sorely. on the outside, jing yuan would make sure that he would seem fine, greeting everyone warmly and nodding to their consolations, but the moment the public's eyes are off him, he'd be devoid of any emotion. you had always likened jing yuan to the sun, he'd remember, before you went on a tangent about his eyes again, but the true sun in his life was you. and you were gone.

dan heng would immediately blame himself. no matter the circumstance, he'd chalk it up to the karma of being with someone like him. it was apparent how much happier you made him when you were together — the astral express would always comment how he seemed to glow around you despite the neutral expression he always wore — that everything just turned dead when you were gone. at least, that's how it was like for him. no more of indulging in the silly romantic antics that you'd drag him in — oh, how he'd give anything for one last adventure with you. dan heng would spend most of his time locked in the archives after this, his mind awake and going over every tender memory you shared with him. his most favorite one was when you sung to him; now, it'd be the only voice haunting him before he fell into the deepest slumber.

blade would not believe it first. you made a promise to him that you would stay with him, no matter how long it takes. you promised that to him, and he does not take the promise of forever lightly. when the undeniable is presented to him, blade would lose control over the overflowing emotion in him. he's in despair, he's seething in anger, he's breaking down in labored cries, even kafka does not want to be around him when he'd be experiencing all these at once. he'd curse his immortality again over and over, wishing that the universe would finally grant him his wish to die, because all he wants now is to be reunited in your arms, your hand gently stroking his hair and your voice whispering to him that you were there and you were fine. he would swear to never love again, not like how he loved you.

gepard would break down at the news. rightfully, it was unbecoming of the captain to react in such a public manner, but he did not care. you had always made sure he was taking care of himself, that he'd just condemn himself for losing the best thing that ever happened to him. he'd work thrice as hard and sink himself deeper into his duties afterwards. as you were no longer there to chastise him for overworking himself to the bone, gepard would be prone to collapsing every time he pushed himself too hard. even when serval would call him out on this self destructive behavior, he wouldn't listen. some nights, he'd swear that he, delirious and sleep deprived, sees you standing right next to him, a frown on your face as he stayed up all night to finish the documents. "don't look at me like that" he'd say, but how he would wish for you to say something to reprimand and snap him out of it.

written by carlyle (@particular-one) copyright: all content belongs to particular-one on tumblr (2023)

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luminique · 4 months

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Haunting his memories

☆ any male character x gn!reader

☆ angst, sad, mentions of break up, implied living together previously/domestic life. not proofread !

☆ don't ask why i think about sad things this much. mainly wrote this for my fav male charas but it's very general so imagine it with anyone you like !

Imagine men whose life revolved around you so every little thing reminds him of you, even after you two end things. Waking up and instantly rolling to the side, expecting to see your sleeping body laying next to him. Instead, it’s just a pillow, meant to imitate the space you’d take up. Sadly, it doesn’t fill the space you left behind in his heart. A crude replacement that doesn’t fulfill what it was meant to do.

After groggily rubbing his eyes and blinking away the memories of you, he gets up to freshen up. As he brushes his teeth, he could see your form next to his in the mirror, getting ready together. The images disappear when he splashes his face with cold water, reality settling in. Oh he doesn’t want to admit how he still uses the same soap, shampoo and conditioner you did, feeling as if this would be the closest he could get to your scent without actually being with you.

As he buttons up his shirt, he remembers you buttoning it up for him. Showering him with compliments, he was able to start his days with love and affection. But not anymore, no more tender words in the morning. A sigh and a comb of his hair, he drags himself to the kitchen.

Starting the morning with some sort of hot beverage, wondering why when you made it, it tasted so much better than when he makes it. So much sweeter, flavorful, energizing but now it just tasted dull and bland, unappetizing even. No reason to eat breakfast, you weren’t there to nag at him and eat together with.

As he’s about to take one step out of the door, he hears your voice behind him.

“I love you.”

Looking back and seeing nothing, he shakes his head. How cruel of his mind to play tricks on him like that, knowing full well the consequences of it’s sick joke. He’ll let memories be memories and shut the door behind him, leaving the memory of you lingering only in the space you both once shared.

©luminique do not repost or copy ! thank you so much for reading <3

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thepaleunicorn · 6 months

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becoming an eminator is a hard choice one sometimes cannot refuse

it's alright it's okay aha is totally not a bad person here right

riiiiight?

#gepo #sampard #haha brainrot goes brrrrrrrrr #i wanna write that so bad but im just a silly little bug #ahhhhh #so my friend sampo here needs to make a choice or else... well...#artwork #illustration #my art #gotta hide spoiles here #it gets worse before it gets better #gepard has the sweetest little cheeks in the game #fanart #gepard landau #sampo koski #hsr #oh no #angst goes brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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bsverryin · 8 months

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: ̗̀➛ Grumpy X Sunshine trope with HSR men.

Who?

╰┈➤ Jing yuan, Gepard, Dan Heng, Blade

Situation?

╰┈➤ Who's the grumpy and the sunshine in your relationship.

✎ HEADCANONS ONLY!! I missed writing and I love blade so much I wanna cry 🥹🥹 I'm gonna be v busy really soon so I'll probably just write to warm up thank you so much for 100+ followers hruajdja it feels surreal to get followers by writing it makes me so happy thank youuu I appreciate it 🫶 Cannot assure you of perfect grammar, enjoy !

: ̗̀➛ JING YUAN

Jing yuan is the sunshine, you're the grumpy. Until now, you still haven't figured why Jing yuan loves you so much despite your grumpy attitude.

There are times where he says "I love you" when you're in a bad mood and you never say it back, of course you won't say It first any other time or moment. It's always true when other people gossip about how Jing yuan is the only person who can handle you because you're not good with his people because of your grumpy attitude.

When you're being grumpy with other people he'll squeeze your hand and give you an innocent smile trying to give you a sign to be nice. Other people are well-aware of your attitude because they would always try to talk to you about the general, but most of the time you'll respond by giving them a death glare or rolling your eyes but when you're with Jing yuan and then they ask you the same question, you'll sigh and say how much you love your lover.

: ̗̀➛ DAN HENG

Dan heng is the grumpy, you're the sunshine. How can he not be the grumpy type when you're always teasing him about almost everything? It's only natural for him to sigh all the time, be quiet, give you side eyes when you're talking to him.

Dan heng acts like he's not interested but you really kept him deeply invested, he can't survive a day without hearing you whine or even talk. He plays with your hair when he's bored and you're reading a book.

He can't get enough of you, not all the time he is grumpy. Dan heng has a soft side for you and every night he'd sneak out of his bed to go in your room just because he misses you a little extra today, he'd never say that instead he says "I just want to spend the night with you." then he'll sleep peacefully in your chest. There are times where you end up getting caught by the other astral express member sleeping together, Dan heng kept quiet (trying his best to hide his smile) whenever you talk about how it felt really safe and comfortable around him with the other members.

: ̗̀➛ GEPARD

Gepard is the sunshine, you're the grumpy. He thinks that your grumpy attitude is really cute instead of annoying, he loves joking around with you because you'd give him death glares and sometimes pinching his arms.

Gepard loves seeing you smile, he tries his best to not keep you grumpy (he doesn't know that you have a soft side for him) You'd tell him that it's impossible for you to not be grumpy when everyone else is annoying excluding him. He'd laugh and respond with compliments like "you're beautiful" and you're not even talking about that.

Everyone thinks that Gepard is really nice and so they thought that his lover SHOULD be nice too but then when they get to know you as gepard's lover they ended up being disappointed and think that gepard deserves better, it was because you didn't have a great attitude. Gepard isn't the type to stand back and just listen, he'll confront them and tell them that they clearly haven't seen your good side and that you're a really beautiful person inside and out, you'd smile whenever he defends you and he feels the happiest when he sees you smile like that.

: ̗̀➛ BLADE

Blade is the grumpy, you're the sunshine. Blade being the grumpy is expected, He's not trying to be the grumpy type. He is the word grumpy itself.

for blade, showing emotions is not that important in a relationship and being together is already enough but he'll never forgive himself if he makes you quiet or sad because he loves it when you're talking whether it's a gossip or you're just telling him some funny stories about yourself, you'd never fail to make him smile or laugh whenever you do.

There's always a situation where you try to make him call you sweet common relationship nicknames like my love or baby. You'd tell him pick-up lines and he'd always fall for it, he sighs and replies with "That's a good one, little brat" That was what he ended up calling you for the rest of your relationship. It was much better to have this kind of relationship with him where you're both wild and free. Even if he's grumpy most of the time, you don't have to worry when problems occur because he'll do all the work to maintain the relationship and make you happy in his own ways.

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almondest · 11 months

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Favorite Crime

:: Blade ， Jing Yuan ， Dan Heng ， Sampo ， Gepard

summary: breaking up under certain circumstances, adhering to you as their favorite crime.

a/n: ib by what I'm currently going through RAAAAAAAAAAAA (expect for more angst in the coming days)

The things you did.

You played a significant role in him. Blade was sure you two would last longer than expected, but it was never bound to happen.

When you asked to end things with him in unfortunate circumstances, he felt his whole world turn upside down. The way all the things you did reflect in his vision every night.

There was no remedy for those memories, your face played like a melody that won't leave his head.

"Why..?" He meekly whispered. he was facing you, the tears that were threatening to fall down those crimson eyes were so forcibly kept. Instead, he just looked at you, scanning those eyes of yours in an attempt to convince himself that you were just joking.

"I'm sorry Blade. I-I just have too much on my plate right now..." You whispered back, before turning away from him. "I love you Blade, I really do. But because of this, I had to cut you off. for our sake."

Well, I hope I was your favorite crime.

He loves you so much, that he doesn't want to see you hurting. But Jing Yuans method, brought you down and just made you sadder than you already were.

You thought you knew him, but I guess you didn't. He hides so much stuff that you just wished he'd be free to tell you anything and everything.

"So, you were engaged?" You looked at him dejected, tears were slowly blurring your vision. "So you knew..."

"And you were planning to keep me from the dark? Do you never plan to tell me? I wouldn't have known if Yanqing never told me." Your tears finally gave out, breaking down right in front of him. "I was trying to get you to hate me!" You sighed, wiping away the tears that stained your cheek.

"Maybe we need to cool off for a while? Or better, Maybe we need to gather enough time for ourselves." You turned your back on him. "I love you. I really do, but maybe this isn't the right time for us."

It's bittersweet to think about the damage that we'd do.

After a heated argument with him a few days ago, you two gradually made up. But you always felt that deep inside, something was going on with Dan Heng. He was slightly colder, the vibe he gave off whenever you two met felt unfamiliar. It was as if, the love that once radiated to the two of you disappeared like nothing.

"I can't help but think, that as if we're strangers heng..." You started, walking towards the couch to sit beside him. "is something going on? You know you can tell me..." You whisper, taking his hand and playing with it.

He remained silent, treating you like a breeze of wind. 'No, nothing is going on my love...' Is what he wants his mouth to speak out but nothing comes out. "Did I do something wrong again? Please talk to me..." You started pleading, tightening your grip to his hand. 'No..You never did.'

Yet despite your pleas and begs, he never shared a glance with you. "[Name], let's end this." 'Fuck, please don't cry.'

Cause I was going down and I was doing it with you.

The first few years of your relationship was a blast. It was fun, it was something you never experienced with others before. Sampo was someone you gave your heart to ever so fast. But sometimes, these can be bound to break.

"You don't understand!" You screamed, accidentally throwing the vase of flowers that he gave you for your 3rd anniversary a few days ago, immediately feeling guilt rush through you.

He raised both his hands as a sign of surrendering. "[Name], my darling please don't get mad anymore... I swear I'll never really do it again!" You irked at those words of his. No matter what he says, you no longer felt the urge to give him another chance.

"Sampo, I'm done. Let's stop this..." You sighed, tears threatening to fall. "Once a thief, always a thief."

But I say that I hate you with a smile on my face.

He's beginning to grow distant. Gepard who once knew how to balance both his time for work, and for you was no longer there. After the whole fiasco of having 3 wanted people, he gradually lost time with you. And whenever he had, you did your best to get him to cheer up and spend time with you, but all you ended up receiving was a harsh cold shout of "leave me alone!".

"I'm home." A soft masculine voice echoed through your shared apartment but you never ought to give a response.

Soft creaking of the wooden floorboards were subtly heard, stripping your attention off to the newspaper you were reading. "Ah, you're home..." You unenthusiastically greeted.

You knew deep down that he had reasons as to why he acted that way for the past few weeks, you tolerated it and understood his situation. But when he actually shouted at you more louder than before gave your last straw.

Never once did he apologize after lashing out on you, never once did he even try to check up on you right after.

"Gepard, do you love me?" You asked, breathing in the courage to finally say it out. "Hmm? What's up? Of course I do... You don't know how much I do." He softly mouths, walking near you to give you an embrace he longed for.

"Oh, is that so?" You asked. "Are you doubting me?"

Long pause. Long pauses. Silence.

"I... Maybe we need space for a little while?"

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thelost-in-time · 11 months

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Angst/comfort, especially comfort for anyone who lost a loved one.

[06:00 p.m] (18:00)

"Now you're in the stars and six feet's never felt so far, I don't wanna say goodbye because this one is forever."

He heard you mumble as you sat on your knees, looking up at the starry sky tearfully.

As he walked towards you and held you in his arms, you couldn't help but let out all the sobs you held trapped, clutching him close as if afraid he too, would leave you.

As you sobbed in his embrace and he comforted you, it seemed the stars had gotten a bit brighter, as if happy that you at least had his support.

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talesfromdvalin · 4 months

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ARGENTI AS A RIVAL

How would hsr boys react on it? Argenti, Blade, Gepard, Luocha. Translate or reblog is alright, but only if you remember, that I may ask you to delete if I would not alright with your blog. Thank you. The place I live most of all. MASTERLIST.

Argenti smiles when he notices you, and he has no choice but to compliment you externally and internally:

''I really like your appearance today'', you weren't in a close friendship, which made his remarks seem more intimate, more romantic, but of course it couldn't please your man. ''if I asked you out, I think I wouldn't be able to tear myself away from the mirror in the hope that I wouldn't succumb to your beauty - it's already a playful wink.'' Argenti doesn't mean anything vulgar, it's a way for him to say that the person is pleasant, but…

✦ Blade

…But it evokes cold hatred and disgust. The only question is, which way will Blade wrap his feelings around it? He may well give up on himself in an impulse to match your happiness, and if he sees and thinks your life's journey with Argenti will be satiated with pleasure…all the inner nastiness will spill out into the mirror image. Matching Argentina's opposing features, Blade will hate his face and body, he'll start to feel nauseous, seasick; too strong, unnaturally destructive feelings for you will cause his stomach furnace to duel.

✦ Gepard

…but it brings out the rivalry. The very real desire to win your heart and prove to everyone - no, to himself - that there is no partner more worthy than the knight Gepard.

He, of course, bewilderedly asks questions reminiscent of greedy jealousy:

"What do you find attractive about him?" - If nothing, Gepard settles down a bit.

"What do you think of his combat stats?" - if you tell me something, Cheetah will do his best to hear that he's better at it.

"And why did you choose me?" - a primitive desire to feel… warmth. Respect. Mutuality. Don't deprive him of such warm feelings.

✦ Luocha

…But this leaves Luocha in a stupor: what to do…? Yes, those compliments are true, there's no point in clinging to them in any way or overthinking anything, so Luocha probably won't notice a major change. Any rival, not just Argenti, would have to violate your boundaries for Locha to interfere, and to get jealous, you shouldn't have to give up that contact.

It will, in fact, kill Locha. He'll dislike the very idea of feeling for someone who betrayed his trust, so he'll forget about Argenti, focusing primarily on you. What the hell does that have to do with someone who helped open his eyes to the truth…?

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cypressvs · 11 months

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STAR CROSSED LOVERS

pairing: dan heng/gn!reader, gepard landau/gn!reader, jing yuan/gn!reader (separate)

cw: spoilers about character lores

wc: 0.8k | join the taglist

DAN HENG stares blankly at the console in front of him. Protected by the four walls of the train's archives, he allows himself the luxury of pressing his lips into a torn frown. Seconds pass by with each tick and yet he remains unmoving, as still as the illusions of the past that he can never seem to outrun. The faint scent of roses—foreign in his room and tearing apart the more rustic aesthetic crafted by towering bookshelves and asymmetrical ceilings—remove him from his trance. Tenderly, with all the care he could muster in his war-stained hands, he brushed his thumb over a petal. For a moment, he imagines that the red on his skin was not from grotesque memories but from the love-worn warmth of the roses and its sender's rouge print on its accompanying letter. He breathes and the scent fills his lungs. You fill his lungs and his heart quenches with a thirst that can never be quelled. Finally, he moves away from the screen, treading towards the faux sky on the other end of his room. He spies a lone star and similarly alone in his space, he whispers forlornly with a vulnerability he can only afford to show now.

"I'm going to have to leave you eventually." Lashes fan against pale cheeks before settling into a mournful close. "For your sake, I pray that you don't get too attached to me."

GEPARD’s armor clicks and clangs with each step he took forward. He smiles at familiar faces, nods at other patrol guards’ salutes, and stops to help grandmothers cross the rail tracks. He shakes his head at their words of thanks, saying that it was his duty as the Captain of the Silvermane Guards. At that, he receives an adoring shake of heads before they all eventually part ways. Courageous, he might be, but he’s stubbornly self-sacrificial to the point of no return. The tram’s ringing bells snap him out of his thoughts and he moves to resume his patrol. However, before he can take another step forward, he sees a once-friendly shadow. One he’d meet with an adoring smile, one he’d come home to with a needy hug, one he’d loved in his youth’s years and continue to love now in his matured present—a suffering reserved to an unwavering affection that perseveres throughout the years. His sudden pause catches your attention and you flash him a reserved smile; the kind you’d offer awkwardly to a figment of a past you wish you could run away from. Suddenly, he’s thrown back to that fateful night three years ago. The salty streak that plagues his tongue, the gloved hand clenching his chest, the guilt that flushed his cheeks as memory of missed anniversaries and birthdays resurface once more. He remembers your pleading sob—the desperation that made your hands claw desperately into his arms.

"I love you.” He mumbles, nearly unheard among the hiccups and gasps shared by the two of you. “I love you,” he repeats, “but you deserve so much more than I could ever offer you."

JING YUAN likes to think that years of experience has made him capable of rendering all adversaries that may come his way into a fond memory to look back on hundreds of years later down the line of his abnormal lifespan. However, some days, the taste of the tea he drinks leaves him sentimental, memories of tears and glee alike filling his mind with a bittersweet respite from its business. Nostalgia is a double-edged sword, he thinks to himself as he sips on his porcelain cup. The familiar teahouse morphs into an empty field. The wooden sword on his hand is lighter than the one he wields now and the expression on his face is one more similar to that of a naive child trying to rush into adulthood. If only he could tell himself to take it easy, to let the years work him gently, then perhaps his misery would at least be halved. His master nods to acknowledge his efforts but the sceneries change once more and his weapon is now of metal and there is nothing but undying death in his master’s visage. Lightning strikes and blood is spilled and he is once more back to his reality, relishing in the gentle sounds of the wind chimes and the peace that washes over him as he hears you laugh behind the counter. Feeling a gaze on your back, you turn around only to see no one. Just an empty cup and an indescribable weight on your heart.

“How strange…” He hums as he walks back to the Seat of Divine Foresight with his arms resting on his lower back. “To think that I would find myself eager to sacrifice something of my own happiness in order to make sure you're safe…”

#honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #hsr x you #hsr x y/n #dan heng x reader #gepard x reader #jing yuan x reader #dan heng x you #gepard x you #jing yuan x you #hsr headcanons #hsr imagines #hsr angst #honkai star rail imagines #honkai star rail #hsr gepard #hsr jing yuan #hsr dan heng

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verxsyon · 9 months

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·:*¨༺ ❝ 𝐈'𝐋𝐋 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐔𝐍 𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 ❞

it’s summer: the season of thrills and bittersweetness.

✧ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠. bronya, dan heng, gepard, jing yuan, sampo, seele, & serval x gn!reader

✧ 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭. headcanon (written) ; 0.6k

✧ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞. modern au, summer romance au ; angst, fluff, hurt/comfort

✧ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬. one night stand (sampo), unrequited love (gepard)

✧ 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐚. omg vera comeback! i’m finally free from classes and i’m off from work for three weeks so yay proper summer break! oh yeah, i finally got bronya! my seele’s no longer gf-less. so this is supposed to be bittersweet with ambiguous endings throughout but uh, my mind went elsewhere with most of them lmao. hopefully this makes sense; my writing’s pretty rusty. special thanks to pigeon from the teahouse server who came up with the title!

𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐲𝐚. a sheltered heiress who is secretly a thrill seeker. at night, she sneaks into an underground club where she hangs out with the only person who doesn’t treat her any differently despite her status. on very last visit, she reveals she’ll be married soon and her mother discovered her escapades, forbidding her from such activities. that doesn’t stop you from crashing the wedding and presenting a (fake) ring to object to the marriage, having you as her spouse instead.

𝐝𝐚𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐠. a tenant under your grandparents as well as an assistant of their small business. his aloof personality is intimidating at first, not saying much as he accompanies you around your grandparents’ residence, but there’s more to him in his eyes. his nightmares catch up with him the moment he falls for you, and now he has to repress it to keep you safe. the more he pushes away, the more he wants to yell for help, and you hate to come home with a guilty conscience.

𝐠𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐝. an estranged friend who has been serving the military, and is spending his off-duty at home. you haven’t seen him in years, so it is expected to start off awkwardly, but the two of you are glad to see each other again. besides reconnecting with friends and family, he wishes to resolve his biggest regret, being unable to confess his love for you. but maybe it should stay that way when he meets your fiancé, and all he can say is congratulations.

𝐣𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐮𝐚𝐧. a playful businessman who visits the bar just for his new favorite bartender. your coworker is gone for the entire summer, so you become the target of his flirting. at this point you’ve known the guy for a while, except he has a son who you’ve met at the bar, both terrible in acting and flirting. soon his infamous father arrives, not surprised that his son is there and is happy that he finally met you, his “partner”. perhaps you’ll await an explanation on your date.

𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐨. a notorious thief who stole your precious belongings along with your dignity one fateful night. within this season, you’re set to finish your bucket list, however, thanks to a certain someone, there aren’t enough funds. speaking of which, he sees the nearest person and pulls you into an alleyway to hide from the police. recognizing each other, he offers to help you with your bucket list as a deal. not only did he steal your things, he stole your heart as well.

𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐞. a free spirit with a rebellious streak. she’s invited to the road trip, viewing it as an opportunity to assess her strength and explore more of the world. the beginning starts off rocky, her clashing with you about meticulous things and the others are trying their best to diffuse the situation. if the arguments teach you one thing, the girl is honest. the one thing she isn’t is when it has to do with her crush on you, hoping the arguments will come in handy.

𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐚𝐥. a fairly popular musician whose name you’ve never heard of until your friend drags you to attend her concert. forced to listen to her setlist before the big day, you slowly become a fan and are able to memorize some of the lyrics. while outside one day, you’re so in the moment that a stylish woman excitedly says she recognizes the music. the brief friendship results in her contact info and gratitude for your support. then you realize, you know who she is now.

✧ 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬. if your url is in bold, it means i can’t tag you!

@kamiyatos

#✦ .fics #honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #bronya x reader #dan heng x reader #gepard x reader #jing yuan x reader #sampo x reader #seele x reader #serval x reader #honkai star rail headcanons #honkai star rail angst #honkai star rail fluff

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s1llyalabaster · 2 months

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Falling in love at the wrong time - gepard

Where the captain of the silvermane guards catches feelings for you, but unfortunately can't pursue that love in the end... ~1.2k words, mutual pining ! hurt/comfort-ish but more angst ? ! reader has siblings and low-ish self esteem (apologies for the plot holes and ooc! i couldnt really refer to a wiki)

They say a shield blocks all harm in sight.

But why did they hurt him?

Why did you leave him?

The newly-appointed captain stood in the billowing winds, vision nearly blinded by the blizzard. Horns blared in victory, yet, it felt ironic. It felt like a total loss to him, his comrades laid dead on the snowy grounds, ruby blood staining the chastity of the pure, white snow. He felt disappointed in himself for not preventing the inevitable deaths from happening. Gepard’s chest was still heaving from the intense fight. He paced around the battlefield, checking the premises for any surviving Silvermane Guards. He’d only find a few, who stood against the harsh winds of Jarilo VI.

Once Gepard returned to the city of Belobog, the first person that he sought for wasn’t Cocolia Rand, the Supreme Guardian (at that time, at least). Instead, the one that he yearned to see was you. You were the strategist for the Silvermane Guards, handling and distributing supplies for wars, planning out war tactics with your team. He had admired you when he was but a humble soldier.

Of course, Gepard had to finish his duties first, so he headed to Qlipoth Fort to drop off some reports on the number of fatalities and such. Once he entered, he was greeted by the warmth of the heater and the serious atmosphere of the office.

“Sit, Landau,” Cocolia commanded.

Gathered at the Supreme Guardian’s desk were a quartet: Gepard, Cocolia, her daughter Bronya, and you. His eyes widened at the sight of you. You look more tired than ever, dark circles lining the underside of your eyes, your eyes were near bloodshot, veins popping out of your forehead, hair more tousled than he’s ever seen it.

“...?”

“I have decided to resign as the strategist for the Silvermane Guards, respected individuals of Belobog. I apologise for any troubles I have brought to you all by making this decision, and I’m especially sorry to you, Gepard.”

You turned to him, tears brimming your eyes, as you subtly lifted your head up and blinked, trying to hide your emotions behind the stone cold walls of the Fort.

“I’m so sorry, but you’ll have to work alone for now. I’m sure I’ll be easy to replace,” you smiled, bitter from the depths of your heart from the thought that the one watching Gepard and the others fight on from the sidelines would no longer be you.

“Your resignation will be processed by the end of the month, for the remaining of the time, please continue to serve Belobog to the best of your ability.”

“Dismissed.”

The final words of Cocolia ricocheted off the walls. The two of you shuffled out the office and out to the city. The two of you didn’t speak a word to each other, you could only hear the clinking of Gepard’s armour, and the soft sniffles from you as you soon realised that tears were falling down onto the snow.

“Look at me.”

“I’m sorry, I was too-”

You sank to the ground in distress, Gepard following suit. He was so curious, curious about why you had to resign, curious about how your face would look when you were crying (though he’d die instead of admitting it). Seeing your weeping form only made him want to protect you more, to hold you in his muscular arms, and to stroke your hair to ease your sorrows. His heart sped up as he resisted the impulse to do just that. But alas, even the strongest soldier messes up sometimes.

“Gepard?!”

“Let’s just…stay like this. I know both of us need it. And I know that I need you, no matter in war, or in life.”

You softly nodded. Being a strategist meant that you had to be proficient in thinking logically and emotionally to understand…well, war. And you were pretty sure that the feelings you had towards him were mutual. When Gepard pulled away, you couldn’t really understand what was going through his mind. Did he even realise that he subconsciously confessed to you? Was he regretting what he said? Was he still lost in his own thoughts?

You’d guess he soon realised what he said, because he shot up from the ground, and shook his head repeatedly like a Plains Bear Cub plopping out of the snow.

“I didn’t mean it like that!” He blurted.

You clasped his gloved hand into yours, feeling Gepard's (significantly larger) hand encapsulate yours. You wanted to make it clear to him that being a strategist was too mentally taxing for you, and how you had planned to move back to the Underworld to support your siblings. But yet, no words dared to form at the tip of your tongue. Now that it was basically confirmed that Gepard has feelings for you, you didn’t want to break it to him. There was no way he would throw away his job just to accompany someone like you. You were sure that Cocolia could find a new strategist as fast as she could snap her fingers.

“I…I’m moving, Gepard. I know that we both have feelings for each other, but I simply won’t let you leave so many opportunities behind just to join me in the Underworld. You have Serval and Lynx to take care of, and I have my own siblings too.”

“I understand. But…”

“There’s no excuse for you to come with me. There are so many people waiting to take my spot, and I’m sure that they’ll be ever more capable than I. So, my love, just wait. Maybe on another snowy day, we’ll meet on the battlefield, but perhaps in a war between the overworld and the underworld. You know how things are these days.”

“I can’t possibly have your blood on my hands!” Gepard couldn’t believe it. Asides from the silly crushes from the military academies he’d attended, you were his first love. You were the one who agreed to plant flowers with him, or teach him how to sing without going off-key. But now? You’re leaving. And worse? You could be fighting against him one day. You were sure to be on the frontlines because of the lack of personnel in the underworld. With little to no actual fighting experience you had, you were basically dead before the battle even started.

Perhaps you were right. On another day, where winds billowed the same way they did months ago, a discordance of gunshots and cannons played as gunpowder and snow blinded Gepard again. His eyes were locking on to every person from the underworld, but his main target was his lover. He couldn’t find you. You were gone, lost to the blizzard.

Gepard’s ears drowned out the loud “boom”s and “bang”s of the battlefield, he was only focused on finding you. He needed to see you, he needed to see the hands that he once held, or the frame of yours that he once embraced.

“Captain! Isn’t that…” One of the guards bellowed.

Gepard knew you’d die at the hands of his own soldiers.

He just didn’t expect you to have a small smile on your face as you laid, blood soaking the snow.

Little did he know, your last thought as you laid dying was him.

#hsr x reader #honkai star rail x reader #star rail x reader #gepard x reader #gepard landau x reader #landau x reader #hsr angst #honkai star rail angst #honkai star rail gepard #hsr gepard #hsr oneshots #gepard x yn #gepard x you #honkai star rail #hsr #honkai star rail imagines #rina's writings!

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particular-one · 9 months

Text

dropped your hand while dancing.

pairing. gepard landau x gn!reader cw. angst. hurt/no comfort. failed relationships. fluff to angst. passing mention of alcohol. marriage proposals. set after the events of the jarilo-vi trailblaze mission. author's note. this song destroys me every time i listen to it, soooo. if this fic ever sees the light of day, know that this stayed in the vault for terribly long. my debut solo geppie fic...! and its angst. whoopsies.

despite the absence of the morning sun, belobog was glowing in anticipation in celebration for one of, if not the biggest event that the city would hold for the year.

the cityfolk were crowding around the central plaza of belobog, excitedly chatting away for the display of romance that they will be seeing in less than an hour as others continued to fix the decorations in the area. from a distance, the children were running amok near where the snacks were located just as their parents exasperatedly tried to get them to behave.

and you were in the middle of all that bustle, your grip snaked around the stem of your champagne glass and a faraway smile on your face at the sight of it all.

it was the wedding today. and it was everything you imagined and hoped it could be — and even more.

silks as white as belobog's snow proliferated every part of the venue, decorated with blue petals that you can only surmise as gepard's favorite flowers. the captain, no matter how much he enjoyed doing so, was terrible at gardening. the first time he told you about it, you had laughed in his face, watching as his ears turned red in embarrassment as he tried to hide his reaction.

how exactly did you and gepard meet? you hailed from the underworld, so your judgement about silvermane guards had been clouded. everything was scarce down in the underworld, thus, you did not exactly have the most fulfilling of lives in the past. natasha had been your parental figure since you were a child, but even the promise of her protection was not enough to hinder you from wanting to leave jarilo-vi.

when the fateful day had arrived, you remembered how your heartbeat quickened in pace as you raced up to the overworld — only to be greeted by the incarnation of the sun himself, just as how you remembered thinking when you first laid eyes on gepard.

he had been leading the silvermane guards in ensuring the smooth entry of the underworld citizens when the both of you locked eyes for a little too longer than a minute. needless to say, you were drawn to the captain of the silvermane guards against your own judgements.

and he was too, you knew that for sure.

you were dragged away from daydreaming too much just as someone bumped into you — a young girl, probably around the age of twelve, donned with two brown pigtails in her hair who shouted an apology to your direction (probably because she bumped into you), before she disappeared the other way. almost right after her, a young boy, the same age as her, was shouting for her to stop running, but you could see that unmistakable smile in that boy's face that you could probably assume as affection.

you could definitely forgive a little lover's chase.

your hands had been flipping through the parchments that supposedly included the map of the vast universe — or at least, only the planets existing in the data archives — that you had traded your credits for when you felt a pair of calloused hands wrap around your eyes.

“guess who?” you laughed, knowing very well that only one person in the world would dare to do this to you. “i know it’s you, gepard.”

your lover chuckled at the sound of his name, before you felt that small peck on your head and his fingers intertwining with your free hand as gepard took the seat adjacent to you. “what are you up to?”

your other hand had been preoccupied with tracing the path of nearby planets to jarilo-vi, the ripples in the paper creating the feeling of excitement as your finger brushed across the map. you could feel gepard’s eyes on you as you didn’t respond, only engrossed in what was right in front of you.

whether or not the captain seemed to mind that you didn’t answer him, gepard simply squeezed your hand in his, just as you could hear him move closer to you. “you got another map?”

“yup! who would have thought there were neighboring planets near us? if i could just save up enough credits… i’ll be off on the next ship away from this planet.” the prospect of escaping the planet had long allured you when you were child; quite inevitably, you still hadn’t lost sight of your goal to get away from your home planet, desperate to seek out another that wouldn’t let you down like jarilo-vi has.

gepard hummed amicably in your excitement, though you had half-expected that he’d share something else to your own musings, just like he always did. “is something on your mind, geppie?”

“no, no. everything’s fine." his words spoke with utmost reassurance, but the same reassurance didn’t quite seem to reach his eyes. you could feel a pit of uncertainty in your stomach, but you didn’t know if it was right to push; so, you simply turned back to your map.

“one day, i’ll definitely fulfill my dreams and start my life the day i’m away from here!” you boasted in pride, just as you see your love stare at you with an expression that you could never quite comprehend that night.

you had downed your third champagne of the event, just as you absentmindedly set down the empty glass on the table where the rest of the food sat. you barely even caught a whiff of the roasted poultry, but your stomach already grumbled at the pristine sight of the delectable food enclosed inside the chafing dish.

even as you hear the silvermane guards curse about the lopsided flower decoration that looked like it was about to fall, even when you overheard that the officiant of the wedding seemed to be running late, everything still looked perfect.

and you could only assume that it was gepard’s own doing. he would want this day to be something to be remembered, after all.

you had been too engrossed in your latest reads that you hadn’t realized that it was an hour past midnight if it wasn’t for the multitude of buzzing notifications coming from your phone.

naturally, it came from your partner, with countless ones that asked where you were and if you had eaten. your stomach grumbled at the thought; clearly, you had not.

so there you were, dragging your feet as you hurriedly ran back home — the shared quarters that you shared with gepard. you had only moved in with him several months into your relationship which … took a lot of convincing from gepard’s part.

he really wanted to try living with you, he had pleaded. and you found it difficult to say no to him when he looked so excited about the promise of it all.

your hand twisted the handle of the door, trying to quietly enter so as not to wake gepard up. the lights were closed, so you had figured that he might have been asleep.

swinging the door open, you tiptoed your way into the place that gepard had referred to as the living room. your body was aching from running out in the rigid cold weather, so all you wanted was to sink yourself into the velvety couch, but you didn't expect to see gepard sprawled over in the couch, no doubt fast asleep.

right in front of him sat two plates of belobog sausage with a messy pile of rice. though one of the plates included a half-eaten sausage and barely any trace of the rice, the other remained untouched, almost as if it were waiting for someone.

you. gepard had been waiting to eat with you.

guilt crept up to you, as you took a bite of the food that he prepared for you. it was no longer warm, as you had anticipated — which only meant that he had been waiting for a while before you finally came home.

"hey, hey geppie." you were gently shaking his shoulder just as you could feel him stir under your touch. "thanks for the food. i .... i'm sorry i didn't answer your calls." though gepard didn't fully awaken, you could feel his shoulders tense before visibly relaxing at the sound of your voice. "mmm,,... love you, y/n." he murmured, before you could hear the faint beginning of his snores.

no doubt, he was tired. you had leaned over to give him a quick kiss on the head, just like he always did, but stopped midway. your hands were grazing the side of his face, before pulling away to instead drape a blanket over his sleeping form.

i love you too, gepard, you thought.

you didn't understand what had stopped you, nor why you couldn't find the voice to return his words, but you simply chalked it up to your torpor. not before long, your own exhaustion finally caught up to you and claimed you as you fell into a deep slumber.

"y/n?" the familiar voice of gepard's sister brought you away from your thoughts, as you whirled around to see serval, carrying her guitar in one hand and a couple papers in the other. your eyes widened when she ran over to envelop you in a warm embrace, holding all of those items and all. you had almost expected that she would ... well, never mind that.

"you're here! i... i'm- well, this is a pleasant surprise." you had allowed yourself to smile just as serval studied you intently. "of course. i wouldn't miss this for the world." a bitter laugh spilled from your lips, and you had only hoped that serval was not as perceptive as usual.

"well— i need to finish handing these out, but let's chat later, alright?" serval, as jovial as ever. you had almost anticipated the cold shoulder with how things had culminated, but she didn't.

but somehow, you wished that serval did. or more importantly, he would. maybe it would make the pain of forgetting a little less unbearable.

the day you had been waiting for finally arrived. at last, you had almost enough credits to buy your way out of jarilo-vi and start your life elsewhere. the tantalizing thought of fulfilling your lifelong dream had kept you on your toes, but the excitement was even more magnified when you remembered your anniversary with gepard, who had promised you a night to remember.

"what's all this?" to say that you were surprised was an understatement; your quarters, once a messy pile of armor, plates and nearly wilted flowers, had been transformed into a place befitting a romantic candlelight dinner.

which was ... also what gepard had prepared, as he stood in front of the table with a bashful smile. he had been holding a bouquet of fresh red roses, that his hand stretched out to hand to you. "it's for you. happy anniversary, beloved."

there were two glasses of champagne in front of your seats, along with a plate of— "is that stone-grilled olm?!" you exclaimed, to which gepard's smile shone brighter than the sun at the sound of your excitement. "i thought this was discontinued?!"

gepard only chuckled. "i may.. have pulled a few strings." you set the bouquet down as you took your seat across gepard. oh, you can already feel your stomach grumbling. "let's eat?"

you hadn't replied to him anymore, only digging in like a ravenous monster devouring its prey. you had missed the food served in the underworld, as most of them had discontinued their services after they found work in more in-demand places. you hadn't realized that gepard was just watching you eat, a small smile playing on his lips before disappearing when you let out a sound of confusion.

"you're not going to eat?" you asked, midway through a spoonful of olm in your mouth. gepard shook his head. "i, i will. in a bit." he took a sip from his glass, but his gaze never left you. you suddenly grew self-conscious, as you slowed your pace in eating the food.

"hey, y/n—" "yes?" your head snapped up, to gepard's surprise. silence fell between the both of you, before he cleared his throat to continue. "i... well, happy anniversary." you chuckled, as your fork speared through a piece of olm. "you already told me that, silly."

you had not expected to see gepard looking so nervous though, almost as if he had been hiding something. your eyes narrowed in sudden suspicion, before transforming into a more tender concern. "everything alright, geppie?"

before you knew it, gepard had reached over to hold your hand, his gaze finally meeting yours head on. "y/n. i... i know it had only been a little over two years that we had been together but it.. it has only strengthened my resolve more than anything." you didn't understand where all of this were coming from. "geppie..."

"you... you mean the entire universe to me. you are my sun, my moon and my stars. i... i know that you have your plans of leaving this city, and i understand and completely respect your decision but... i have never felt this strongly about someone, and i don't think i ever will for anyone else."

you only thought that these kind of things only happened in the tales that natasha would read to you during bedtime, but here it was unfolding, as you watched gepard get down in one knee before finally unveiling what he had been obviously hiding behind his back.

a ring. a beautiful diamond encrusted ring that you can only imagine costed millions of credits.

and it was for you.

"y/n, would you make me the happiest man alive and be my spouse?"

you could stare at gepard, mouth agape and a tidal wave of emotions threatening to sink you down from where you sat. "gepard, i—"

"we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of the captain of the silvermane guard, gepard landau and his spouse..."

of course. the wedding was starting. you blinked back tears just as you made your way to where you had resigned yourself to when you broke the captain's heart: in the sidelines.

even when half a decade has passed, you could never forget the night that gepard proposed to you with bated excitement in his eyes, you could never forget how you raised your voice in incredulity at him at the prospect of settling down in this forsaken planet, you could never forget how his sun-like smile twisted into a heartbroken frown as you uttered the word that shattered all his dreams.

you had said no to him that night, all because you did not want to be shackled down in the planet that you had made a long-standing pact to yourself to leave.

and now, you were paying the price for your own foolishness as you watched gepard marry another.

it was the first time since you saw gepard since you closed the door on him, as he stood at the end of aisle and fitted in the most stunning white suit that complemented his features. his hair had been parted in a way that made his look even more formal, but you somehow missed the tousled curls that were all over his face.

he still looked handsome as ever, which just made your heart clench in pain. you had taken the best thing in your life for granted, after all.

when you left jarilo-vi at last, all you were filled with was regret in leaving him behind. though you had earnestly enjoyed living in a different planet, you’d sometimes think about the domestic exchanges you shared with gepard during the time you were together.

when you had received a mail signed under landau, your heart had simply raced in excitement, only to fall flat on the ground when you read the contents of the invitation.

your thoughts had drowned out the words of the officiant, as your eyes only followed one person alone. gepard was standing in front, his hands joined with his would-be partner. despite the absence of the morning sun, you could have sworn the entire venue could have been lit up by gepard's smile alone.

you remembered how happy he got whenever you compared his smile to the sun. he never stopped smiling at you, afterward.

"do you, gepard landau, take auberon chevalier as your lawfully wedded spouse?” right as the officiant finished his words did gepard’s eyes finally meet yours, and it was almost as if the both of you were transported back to the first time you met each other.

gepard’s eyes seemed to widen at the sight of you, that you noticed that he never replied to the officiant’s words. “captain landau?” the crowd seemed perturbed at the sudden pause, just as you could feel your heart beat loudly against your chest.

there was a hint of despondency in his eyes as he met yours, and you could feel your breath hitch. in truth, you had half expected that the reason why you decided to show up to his wedding in the very planet you swore never to return to was to change his mind, but looking at him right now … you knew that would have been such a selfish thing to do.

“sorry, i do.” after a few moments, you watched as gepard finally managed to tear his gaze away from you. the officiant seemed relieved that nothing seemed to be going awry and continued on. “and do you, auberon chevalier…”

still, despite all— you were happy that someone had picked up gepard’s heart after you had impetuously stomped all over his, something you could never forgive yourself for.

even when the sight before you tore your heart to shreds, you were unbelievably happy that gepard had found someone he would feel so strongly about, and most importantly, someone who would not drop his heart like how you did.

you hadn’t realized that the officiant had finally pronounced them as spouses to one another until you heard the crowd go wild in cheers. gepard had finally kissed his spouse, as the people around you grew even wilder in screams.

in another life, you thought to yourself just as you finally stopped blinking back the tears that had threatened to spill from your eyes.

in another life, if i could love him again, i’d love him right this time.

written by carlyle (@particular-one) copyright: all content belongs to particular-one on tumblr (2023)

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