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youatemylollipop · 1 year

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Kamui, Gintoki and Hijikata (separately) reaction to their partner scratching affectionately their head? Or being more cuddly than usual? Thanks!

A/N: Sorry for making you wait! I hope this suits your tastebuds. ;)

Ft: Hijikata Tōshirō, Kamui & Sakata Gintoki (Gintama).

Hijikata Tōshirō

➵ At first, Hijikata might be a bit taken aback by his partner's sudden displays of affection. He's used to being the one in charge and doesn't always know how to respond when someone shows him kindness. But deep down, he appreciates the attention and secretly enjoys the feeling of his partner's fingers running through his hair.

➵ Hijikata might try to hide his softer side from his partner, but Gintoki sees right through him. Whenever Hijikata's partner scratches his head, Gintoki can't help but tease him about it. "Looks like you're getting soft, Hijikata-kun," he'll say with a grin. Hijikata will scowl and tell him to mind his own business, but he secretly likes the attention.

➵ At times, Hijikata's partner might catch him off guard by being more cuddly than usual. Hijikata is used to being alone and doesn't always know how to react when someone wants to be close to him. But he's secretly grateful for the companionship and will let his guard down when he feels comfortable around his partner.

➵ When his partner scratches his head, he might let out a soft sigh of contentment. It's a small gesture, but it means a lot to him. He'll lean into their touch and close his eyes, letting himself relax for a moment. But he'll never admit how much he enjoys it, not even to himself.

➵ Sometimes, Hijikata's partner might catch him off guard by being too affectionate in public. He's not used to PDA and doesn't want to draw attention to himself, but his partner doesn't seem to care. Gintoki might see them and make a joke about it, but Hijikata will just scowl and tell him to f*ck off. Deep down, though, he likes the attention and the feeling of being wanted.

➵ And sometimes, when his partner scratches his head, he'll involuntarily let out a small moan of pleasure. He'll quickly catch himself and clear his throat, trying to cover up his embarrassment. Gintoki might overhear and tease him mercilessly about it, but Hijikata will just scowl and tell him to sh*t up.

➵ If Hijikata's partner is particularly persistent in their displays of affection, he might start to get flustered. He's not used to being the one on the receiving end of so much attention, and he doesn't always know how to handle it. He'll start fidgeting and avoiding eye contact, trying to find a way out of the situation without hurting his partner's feelings.

➵ On rare occasions, when Hijikata is feeling particularly vulnerable, he might initiate physical contact with his partner. He'll never admit it out loud, but sometimes he just needs to feel someone's warmth and reassurance. He'll wrap his arms around his partner and hold them close, relishing in the feeling of their bodies pressed together.

➵ When Hijikata's partner is being cuddly, Gintoki might make jokes about them being a couple. Hijikata will bristle at the implication and tell Gintoki—how many times has he told that sperm haired a**hole to quit bothering them already?—to go and jump off a building. Deep down, however, he'll feel a flicker of something warm in his chest. He'll quickly squash the feeling, though, telling himself that it's just silly sentimentality.

➵ Despite his tough exterior, Hijikata secretly enjoys being taken care of. If he's feeling stressed or overwhelmed, his partner might offer to give him a massage or cook him a meal. Hijikata will grumble and protest, but secretly he'll be touched by their kindness. He'll never admit it out loud, though, not wanting to seem weak or needy.

➵ Overall, Hijikata might act tough and unapproachable, but he secretly craves the attention and affection of his partner. When they scratch his head or cuddle with him, he'll try to hide his softer side, but he can't help but feel grateful for the companionship.

You were sitting on the couch with Hijikata after a long day of work, absently scratching his head while he read a book. He seemed to be enjoying it, but you could tell he was trying to hide it.

"What are you doing?" he grumbled, swatting your hand away.

"Just giving you a little scratch," you said, smiling at him. "You seemed tense."

"I'm fine," he said, but he didn't push your hand away when you started scratching again.

As you worked your fingers through his hair, you noticed his breathing start to slow down and his eyes start to droop. He leaned into your touch, letting out a small sigh of contentment.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" you teased.

"I'm not enjoying anything," he said, but you could hear the smile in his voice.

After a few minutes, you stopped scratching his head and instead wrapped your arms around him, pulling him close. He tensed up at first, but then relaxed into your embrace.

"What are you doing?" he asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

"Just cuddling," you said, burying your face in his neck. "Is that okay?"

"I guess," he said, but you could tell he was secretly enjoying it. He wrapped his arms around you and held you close, his chin resting on the top of your head.

For a while, you just sat there in comfortable silence, enjoying each other's company. Then, Hijikata broke the silence.

"Thank you," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"For what?" you asked, looking up at him.

"For... this," he said, gesturing to your embrace. "I... I appreciate it."

You smiled at him and leaned in for a kiss, which he eagerly returned. As you pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours.

"Don't tell anyone about this," he said, but you could tell he was joking.

"Your secret is safe with me," you said, grinning at him.

As you settled back into your cuddle, you could feel Hijikata's breathing start to slow down and even out. You knew he was falling asleep, but you didn't want to disturb him. You stayed there, wrapped up in each other's arms, until you both fell asleep on the couch.

Kamui

➵ Confusion and Discomfort - Kamui is not used to receiving affection from anyone, so when his partner starts scratching his head or cuddling with him, he might feel uncomfortable and unsure of how to react. He might pull away or try to escape from their grasp, not because he doesn't appreciate their affection, but because he's not sure how to handle it.

➵ Appreciation - Despite his tough exterior, Kamui is not completely devoid of emotions. If his partner scratches his head affectionately, he might feel a sense of warmth and gratitude. However, he may not show it openly and may only nod his head or give a small smile to acknowledge their gesture.

➵ Embarrassment - Kamui is not used to being the center of attention or receiving affection, so when his partner starts cuddling with him or scratching his head, he might feel embarrassed or self-conscious. He may try to shrug them off or play it cool, but deep down, he's secretly enjoying the attention.

➵ Protective - If Kamui's partner is being more cuddly than usual, he might become protective of them. As a member of the Yato clan, Kamui has a strong sense of loyalty and will do whatever it takes to protect those he cares about. He might wrap his arms around them tightly or give them a reassuring pat on the back to let them know he's there for them.

➵ Vulnerability - Kamui is not used to showing his softer side to anyone, but when his partner scratches his head or cuddles with him, he might let his guard down and show a more vulnerable side. He might open up to them about his past or his feelings, something he would never do with anyone else.

➵ Surprise - Kamui is not used to people showing him affection, so when his partner scratches his head or cuddles with him, he might be surprised at first. He might even ask them why they're doing it or what their intentions are, as he's not used to this kind of attention.

➵ Gratitude - Despite his tough exterior, Kamui is not completely emotionless. If his partner scratches his head affectionately or cuddles with him, he might feel a sense of gratitude and appreciation. He may not show it openly, but he would remember the gesture and repay it in his own way.

➵ Conflicted - Kamui's upbringing as a member of the Yato clan has taught him to suppress his emotions and never show weakness. As a result, when his partner scratches his head or cuddles with him, he might feel conflicted. He might enjoy the affection, but at the same time, he might feel like it's a weakness and try to resist it.

➵ Self-conscious - If Kamui's partner scratches his head or cuddles with him in public, he might become protective of his reputation. Kamui is feared and respected by many, and he wouldn't want anyone to see him in a vulnerable state. He might gently push his partner away or give them a warning look to let them know that he's not comfortable with public displays of affection.

➵ Acceptance - Despite his initial confusion and discomfort, Kamui might eventually learn to accept his partner's affectionate gestures. He might even come to look forward to them, as they provide a sense of comfort and warmth that he's not used to experiencing. Over time, he might become more open and expressive with his own emotions as well.

➵ Overall, Kamui's reactions to his partner's affectionate gestures would be complex and varied, reflecting his conflicted nature and stoic exterior. However, as he grows closer to his partner and learns to trust them, he might become more open and vulnerable, showing a side of himself that few have ever seen before.

You and Kamui are laying in bed, enjoying a rare moment of peace and quiet. You've been together for a few months now, but Kamui is still not used to physical affection, and he's been keeping a bit of a distance between the two of you. But tonight, as you're both lying in bed, you suddenly feel the urge to show him some affection.

You turn to him and start to scratch his head gently. "Hey, Kamui," you say softly. "I just wanted to say that I really appreciate you. You're so strong and brave, and I feel lucky to be with you."

Kamui tenses up at your touch, his muscles going rigid. He's not used to this kind of physical intimacy, and he's not sure how to react. "What are you doing?" he asks, his voice a bit cold.

You can sense his discomfort, but you don't want to stop. You continue to scratch his head, hoping to break down his defenses a bit. "I'm just showing you some affection," you say. "I know you're not used to it, but I just wanted to let you know that I care about you."

Kamui's body relaxes slightly at your words, but he still seems uncertain. "I'm not sure I understand," he says. "Why would you care about me?"

You pause for a moment, looking into his eyes. "Because you're important to me," you say. "I love you, Kamui."

At the mention of the L-word, Kamui's eyes widen in surprise. He's never heard those words before, and he's not sure how to react. But as you continue to scratch his head and show him affection, he starts to relax a bit more. He closes his eyes and leans into your touch, allowing himself to be vulnerable for just a moment.

"I...I love you too," he finally admits, his voice barely above a whisper.

You smile and continue to scratch his head, feeling grateful for this rare moment of connection with the stoic Yato. You know that he's not used to physical affection, but you hope that with time and patience, you can break down his defenses and show him just how much you care.

(I accidentally ended up extending this! 😭 I was just so sad!)

As you scratch Kamui's head, you can feel his hair starting to loosen up. It's a strange feeling, being so close to him like this. Kamui is usually so closed off, so distant, that you never thought you'd be able to get this close to him. But here you are, lying next to him in bed, running your fingers through his hair.

"I know you're not used to this," you say softly. "But I just wanted to show you that I care. You're such an amazing person, Kamui. You're so strong and brave, and I feel lucky to be with you."

Kamui doesn't say anything in response, but you can feel his body starting to relax. You continue to scratch his head, hoping to break down his defenses a bit more.

"You don't have to be so tough all the time," you say. "It's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to show your emotions."

Kamui opens his eyes and looks at you, his gaze intense. "I don't want to be weak," he says. "I don't want to be vulnerable."

You understand where he's coming from. Kamui was raised in a violent, chaotic environment, where weakness was not tolerated. But you also know that he needs to learn how to let his guard down, at least around you.

"You don't have to be weak," you say. "You can be strong and vulnerable at the same time. And you don't have to do it all at once. It's okay to take it slow."

Kamui considers your words for a moment, then closes his eyes again and leans into your touch. You can feel his breaths slowing down, becoming more relaxed. It's a rare moment of intimacy, and you cherish it.

"You know," Kamui says after a few minutes of silence. "You're the only person who's ever shown me this kind of affection. I don't know how to react."

You smile and keep scratching his head. "It's okay," you say. "You don't have to react. Just let me show you how much I care."

Kamui doesn't say anything in response, but he keeps his eyes closed and lets you continue to scratch his head. It's a small gesture, but it means a lot to both of you. You know that it will take time for Kamui to get used to physical affection, but you're willing to be patient. You love him, and you're not going anywhere.

Sakata Gintoki

➵ Gintoki's initial reaction to his partner scratching his head affectionately would likely be one of discomfort or annoyance. Although he may secretly enjoy the physical affection, he would likely try to play it cool and act nonchalant about it, making sarcastic comments or snarky remarks in response.

➵ However, as his partner continues to scratch his head and show him affection, Gintoki may gradually warm up to the idea and become more receptive to their gestures. He may even find himself leaning into their touch and letting out a contented sigh, although he would still try to mask his vulnerability with humor and sarcasm.

➵ If his partner were to become more cuddly than usual, Gintoki would likely become even more uncomfortable and unsure of how to react. He may try to push them away or create some distance between them, but deep down, he would appreciate the intimacy and affection. He may even become more affectionate in return, teasing or poking fun at his partner to cover up his true feelings.

➵ Gintoki's tough exterior and sarcastic wit may make it difficult for him to express his emotions openly, but his actions and subtle gestures may reveal his true feelings. For example, he may find himself unconsciously reaching out to touch his partner's hand or shoulder, or he may become more protective and affectionate towards them in private.

➵ Ultimately, Gintoki's reaction to his partner's affection would depend on the circumstances and his mood at the time. While he may try to play it cool and act aloof, his partner's affectionate gestures would likely have a positive impact on him, reminding him of the importance of human connection and emotional intimacy.

➵ Gintoki may try to hide his vulnerability by responding with sarcasm or teasing his partner. He may make jokes about being a "tsundere" or act like their affection doesn't affect him, but his partner would likely see through his facade and recognize his true feelings.

➵ Although Gintoki is not one to express his emotions openly, he may find himself feeling more comfortable and at ease with his partner's affection over time. He may become more receptive to physical touch and gestures of intimacy, even initiating them himself on occasion.

➵ Gintoki's past experiences with loss and betrayal have made him somewhat guarded and distrustful of others, but his partner's affection would likely help to break down some of his walls and build trust between them. He may even become more open and vulnerable with his partner, sharing more of his past and his fears with them.

➵ His loyalty and protectiveness towards his loved ones are two of his defining traits, and his partner's affection would only strengthen these qualities. He may become more invested in their well-being and happiness, going out of his way to make them feel loved and appreciated.

➵ At the end of the day, Gintoki's reaction to his partner's affection would likely be a mixture of humor, sarcasm, and genuine warmth. Although he may struggle to express his emotions openly, his partner's affection would be a source of comfort and security for him, reminding him that he is not alone in the world.

You were sitting next to Gintoki on the couch, watching TV together. As the show went on, you found yourself absentmindedly scratching his head, running your fingers through his silver hair. Gintoki tensed up at first, looking at you with a mixture of surprise and annoyance.

"What are you doing?" he asked, pulling away slightly.

You smiled at him, continuing to scratch his head. "Just giving you some affection, Gintoki. You looked like you could use it."

Gintoki grumbled something under his breath, but you could tell that he was secretly enjoying your touch. He leaned into your hand, letting out a contented sigh. "Whatever. Just don't make it a habit, okay?"

You chuckled, continuing to scratch his head. "No promises, Gintoki. I kind of like it."

Gintoki rolled his eyes, but he didn't pull away this time. Instead, he leaned back into the couch, letting you scratch his head in peace. As the show continued to play in the background, you could feel him relaxing more and more, his muscles untensing beneath your touch.

After a few minutes, Gintoki finally spoke up again. "You know, I'm not used to this kind of affection," he said quietly. "It's kind of nice, though."

You smiled, continuing to scratch his head. "I'm glad you're enjoying it, Gintoki. You deserve some love and affection, too."

Gintoki snorted. "Yeah, right. As if I need that kind of weakness in my life."

You shook your head, still smiling. "You're not weak, Gintoki. You're one of the strongest people I know. And everyone needs a little love and affection sometimes."

Gintoki didn't respond, but you could see a faint smile playing at the corners of his mouth. You continued to scratch his head in silence, enjoying the warmth and intimacy of the moment. Gintoki may have been a tough and sarcastic person on the outside, but beneath his rough exterior, you knew that he was a kind and loving person at heart.

(Here's a scenario where Gintoki's partner is being more cuddly than usual. As you can see, I got a little bit excited writing about him.)

You were lying in bed with Gintoki, cuddled up against his side. Normally, he wasn't one for cuddling or physical touch, but tonight was different. He had his arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to him, and you could feel his breath warm against your neck.

"Are you okay, Gintoki?" you asked, running your fingers through his hair.

He didn't respond at first, but you could feel him nodding against your shoulder. "Yeah, I'm fine," he said quietly.

You could tell that something was bothering him, but you didn't press the issue. Instead, you continued to stroke his hair, letting the silence stretch out between you. As you lay there together, you could feel Gintoki's body relaxing more and more, his breathing slowing down.

After a few minutes, Gintoki finally spoke up again. "Thanks for being here, [Name]," he said softly.

You smiled, kissing the top of his head. "Of course, Gintoki. I'll always be here for you."

Gintoki didn't respond, but you could feel him snuggling closer to you, his body warm against yours. You continued to stroke his hair, feeling a sense of contentment wash over you. Even though Gintoki was a tough and sarcastic person on the outside, you knew that.

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souglias · 2 years

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The Weightless Word That Anchors You To His Side [Sougo] [Kamui]

c/w: blood, injury, violence, tons of swearing, slight spoilers for Mitsuba arc

Cross-posted on ao3

Note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOUGO!! This is my offering to you, mister super sadist. Meanwhile, @goldenlaquer HI uh it's me the anon who asked if I could write the Kamui idea. The Kamui fic is my offering to u, thank u for feeding me so much tasty gintama content. I will not shut up about 'Who Runs The World? Sadists' and 'All The World's A Stage'. I hope this is good enough for u (and if it is can we be friends :"> okay but on a serious note, no pressure!!) Lastly, shoutout to @divinavulpes and @pen-observing for listening to me scream about how much I suffered while writing these and helping me for the Kamui fic <3

Thank u for all the likes and reblogs on my first gintama fic <3

[Sougo]

How fleeting anything beautiful is.

The maple leaves that cling onto their branches as winter starts to exhale its frost into the landscape. They all fall onto the ground at the end of autumn, no matter how much they try. When humans step on them, cracks run across their coloured bodies and are long forgotten.

His sister who was at the peak of health, yet it declined abruptly months after he left for Edo. She’s undergone countless treatments and swallowed thousands of pills. But she still left even before she had a single grey streak in her pale brown hair.

Sougo doesn’t see anything as beautiful anymore. A pair of dirt-tinted glasses he wears to view the world. Everything is shit and ugly, especially you. He makes sure he smears more mud on his dirt-tinted glasses when he looks at you.

You're just supposed to be a housekeeper who happened to take up the job opening at the Shinsengumi for the summer holiday. (Matsudaira finally decided someone needed to clean after a whole army of his men, especially with all the tamakin* lurking around.)

It's all good until Sougo bumps into you with a tray of cold soba. The soba spills all over your apron, bits of the soup staining your shirt.

With a deadpan voice, he comments, “You should keep your eyes on the path in front, mx housekeeper. Now you have to pay for another bowl of soba for me.”

You admit you weren’t paying too much attention to your surroundings and only focusing on cleaning. But the monotone of his voice ticks you off.

Pursing your lips, you attempt to be careful not to let anything too sharp out of your mouth. “I’m so sorry, I was just too focused on trying to make this place clean.”

He doesn’t break eye contact with you for a few seconds and you think he’s already going to send in a request to fire you. Instead, he holds out an open palm. You raise an eyebrow at him and it prompts him to brush his thumb against his fingertips as he mouths “money”. Scoffing under your breath, you shove your hand into your pocket and give him whatever change you have. You don’t check if it’s enough and storm off.

(It wasn't.)

Aside from cleaning, you help some of the men tidy their rooms if they request it. Your job scope does not include any of the men’s rooms because Kondo said that the men should all be responsible for their own spaces. But you don’t mind the extra work since you often finish the required tasks early.

It is all good until Sougo asks you to clean his room with a bunch of insults.

“Are you a pushover? You’re not paid to clean my room but you do it when I ask you anyway?”

You narrow your eyes at him before you turn back to wipe the shelf with a cloth. “I’m trying to be generous to a slob who has a dusty space for a room.”

He clenches his jaw because you’re right with all the layers of dust on the sliding doors and shelves.

“Generosity? Don’t kid with me, I know there won’t be any more of such shit as more time passes. You’ll laze around or leave for home early before you’re dismissed eventually.”

How wrong you prove him to be.

You help him to replace the yellowed and slightly tattered paper over his sliding door. You help Hijikata sweep up the ashes lying around in his room. You stash some different flavoured bread in Yamazaki’s cupboard so he doesn’t have to snack on anpan even on his off days. All with their permission, of course.

When they thank you in their ways, you give Sougo a look that says “how’s that, you sadistic bitch?”

Sougo snickers at you when Hijikata passes you a bowl of ramen with a mountain of mayo as thanks, filled with amusement. You force the whole bowl of ramen down your throat because you’re worried the demon vice-chief of the Shinsengumi was going to punish you for rejecting his gift.

He laughs at your face that’s gradually turning green and pokes at your queasy stomach.

(Not long later, you suppose you get the last laugh. You throw up all over him and you smirk at him while you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand, albeit weakly.)

As time passes, the amount of tasks for you reduces and you’re finding it hard not to laze around. Whenever you see Sougo within your view, you wipe over the top of an already clean table a second time. The second time, you do it a little more slowly too.

When you lie in their backyard to admire the azure blue sky, Sougo’s voice bounces around the walls of your mind. Lazing around, are you?

It makes you immediately jump up to find something to do. You spit a 'tch' out of your mouth, frustrated at how you're letting a mere captain influence your actions.

Eventually, you find yourself peeking through the windows of their dojo and watching them train. You pick up a branch and try to imitate whatever you see being taught. Engrossed in your new “skill”, you forget to be on the lookout for the super sadist. The one time you forget to check if you’re within his line of sight, Sougo catches you.

“Slacking off, are you? Or are you practising some ‘special’ sword techniques to swat a fly that intrudes into our compound?”

You drop the branch, fumbling for an excuse.

“I’m already done with my work today. Besides, I could use some self-defence skills with a stick.”

He mocks you, “Please, [name]. What kind of world do you think we live in? Look, your footwork is already all wrong. You can’t just stand with your feet shoulder apart, you need to have your dominant foot forward too.”

The two of you have an impromptu session behind the dojo, him correcting your posture first. You can tell midway he decides to go spartan on you because you think he’s already asked you to swing this stupid branch 50 times. After possibly the 100th time, you start swinging the branch at him.

As he dodges your strikes, he comments, “You’re already as good as me when I was 7.”

“Is that a compliment?”

He just scoffs and tells you to think what you like to think. Right after that, he whacks your side with the wooden sword he pulls from his hip and you tumble to the ground.

(He grins as he watches you clutch your side, face contorted with pain. You swear you will defeat him one day. Perhaps you will since you start showing up to the dojo to train and you’re improving fast.)

Towards the end of summer, you start helping out in the kitchen too. On a particular day, you head out to the market to help the canteen chefs replenish their stocks. Hijikata asks you to help him get a bottle of mayonnaise from the supermarket.

A bunch of ruffians bump into you as you’re carrying bags of food back. You hear the eggs crack in one of the bags that dropped. They stare daggers at you, but you glare back at them. The guy with a red afro, who you suppose is the leader, stomps up to you. His face hovering right in front of yours.

“Hey, apologise.”

“Why? You should apologise.”

He barks out a laugh, “What a feisty kid! You wanna die or something?”

You’re about to open your mouth when a hand grabs the red afro man’s face. Whoever's behind you shoves the man away from you, causing the ruffian to pinch his nose in agony. A monotonous voice replies, “Sorry, this housekeeper is a fucking cockroach, hanging around dirty corners. I don’t think it’s a good idea to put your face so close to them.”

Sougo pulls you backwards, your back colliding with his chest. He raises his unsheathed sword and points the metal tip between the afro man’s eyes. His voice comes out low, a snarl of a vicious dog.

“Leave.”

They turn tail and run. You hop out of his grasp, fanning your burning face.

You mutter thanks as Sougo picks up the bags you’ve dropped. Sougo tilts his body towards you, his free hand cupped around his ear. “What’s that? I couldn’t hear you?”

It’s your turn to scoff and you walk forward without replying to him. On the way back, the back of your hand bumps into his way too many times.

(Sougo doesn’t see non-samurai talk back often. Maybe you’re secretly one.)

With you, Sougo forgets for a while he’s not allowed to see anything as beautiful. That’s his fatal mistake.

He only remembers he shouldn't when he sees your body leaning limply on the wall behind you, head hanging forward. It only slaps him in the face when he sees streaks of red all over your body as if the perpetrator took your body for a canvas and your blood for paint. A sickening halo of crimson starts to pool on the ground beneath you. He notices you holding a metal rod with a splotch of blood on its edge.

Sougo hears swords being unsheathed behind him. He immediately identifies them as remnants of a malicious yakuza that the Shinsengumi attempted to wipe out months ago. They start making threats that Sougo knows are empty. He makes easy work of them, unaware of the beast that his enemies see in his eyes. As he cuts them down, he notices that one of the opponents already has a bleeding wound on his head.

An amused laugh spills out of his lips.

The moment the last opponent falls to their knees, he rushes to your side. Your pulse is weak and your breathing is shallow. His breathing starts becoming erratic. He pulls out his phone. It's out of battery.

He peels off his jacket and drapes it around you. Following that, he lifts you up his back. He ignores the cuts and gashes that cry out with agony when he stands up. He piggy-backs you out of the abandoned warehouse and towards the nearest hospital.

Fuck this shit, he should have made sure his metaphorical shit-filled glasses rested securely on the bridge of his nose. Hell, he should have gotten goggles instead.

Anything mesmerising isn’t for him to keep.

His white shirt feels paper-thin today. He feels the fabric with your blood plaster onto his back.

He curses under his breath, “For fucks sake, [name]. You’re supposed to be a cockroach. If a meteorite didn’t wipe you out, this wouldn’t kill you.”

Sougo thinks he heard a weak hum in your chest.

“Stay with me, idiot. This is an order from the Captain of the 1st Division of the Shinsengumi.”

(You’re not even one of his men.)

Even with your face right beside his ear, he strains to hear your inhales and exhales. It’s hard to hear with his feet that drag themselves across the concrete.

“Is it that hard for you to stay? Did you have a death wish you told no one about?”

Unconsciously, he grits his teeth. Why did his phone have to run out of battery right at this crucial time? He should have charged it this morning. It’s your fault. It’s always because you charge it for him but you weren’t there to charge it this morning.

He feels like he’s clutching his sister’s hand beside her death bed again.

“Stay.”

It comes out like a whimper of an abandoned puppy. He hates how pathetic he sounds, but it doesn’t matter anymore. There’s no one left to listen to him. You’re slowly moving further from his grasp.

“I will.”

Your words almost get carried away by the wind. There’s a sudden push in the muscles of his legs and every part of him goes into overdrive.

He makes it to the hospital in time. You almost don’t make it, but you make it. By your bedside, his hands wish to hold yours. But there’s no urgency, no desperation for him to clutch onto your hand like he’s trying to keep your life in his grasp.

After that, he makes sure he puts on a pair of dirt-smeared glasses.

(Sometimes, when he’s feeling less of a coward, he’ll look at you through the gaps between the smears. Sometimes, he’ll remember you’re a cockroach and that you’ll show up yourself on the surface of his glasses.)

[Kamui]

Ever since you were kids, you have done everything for Kamui. Silently. So when he asked you to join the Harusame with him, you followed him without asking for anything in return.

There were many instances where you regretted joining the Harusame. But you’re thankful that you’re no longer looking out for Kamui alone. Housen mentored Kamui and you’re glad there’s someone much stronger than you he could approach. While you belong to the Yato clan too, you think (and deep down you know) that you’re no longer able to keep up with his strength. You stop sparring with him because a part of you screams that he’s going to toss you out of his squad for potentially losing to him. Due to there being other matters concerning Kamui that you have to attend to, you’re grateful that Abuto is there to clean up Kamui’s mess when you can’t.

You’re aware he has no interest in romance and he’s unlikely to ever look at you the same way you look at him. (And you look at him silently for it.) Even so, you think you can stay with him forever, status quo. It’s not as if you could find guys elsewhere because once you’re in the Harusame, there’s no way out. You can’t imagine being with all the other cluck-faced amantos in the Harusame either.

But it gives you some solace that he cares about you in some way. In the middle of wolfing down his meals, he’d stop abruptly and ask you if you’d like a bit of something he thought tasted good. He’d pull a piece of lint that’s clinging onto your hair. He even once brought back a squashed piece of manju (a poor bystander that suffered collateral damage from one of his fights) when you stayed behind to watch the ship during his visit to Yoshiwara.

He gave you the umbrella you use in fights now. He also gave you your first-ever umbrella.

You still keep it because he gave it to you. You still keep it because it was his first umbrella too. Now, it stands in the corner of your room, beside the much larger one you use now.

“Hey, why are you walking in the rain on your own?”

You sniffle, watching the vermillion-haired boy’s reflection from the puddles beneath you.

“I don’t have one. My parents left me and I have to keep my money for food.”

“Where did your parents go?”

You don’t answer him and you pick up your pace discreetly. He keeps up and continues to pester you, even making an off-handed comment on how rude you were to ignore him.

You keep your eyes fixed on the ground, unsure what the fuck is this kid’s problem. The adults barely even bat an eyelash at you when you needed them and this kid just tries to barge in to find out more about you.

Suddenly, the rain stops. No wait, it didn’t. You still see ripples on the puddles ahead of you and the sound of droplets hitting the ground. You look up to see Kamui stand close next to you, tilting the umbrella to favour your side.

“You can have mine then. But in return, you have to be my friend. Makes up for not answering my questions too.”

When you reach your door, he shoves the umbrella handle into your hand and sprints off into the downpour.

A few days later, he comes back to your place with a slight cough. He comes back again the next day. And the next…

The problem you have is that no one seems to be able to reign in his lust for battle. He doesn’t care for you enough to do that. He probably cares the same way a group member would care about another useful group member in the project.

(He still asks you why you keep that worn umbrella, especially when you’re no longer using it. You don’t tell him it’s the only gift from him that came from him when strength was not all that was in his head. It’s a gift from the Kamui who had space for both you and his ambitions in his heart.)

Abuto says that you’re their best bet in persuading him to learn how to pull the brakes, but you haven’t so far. It makes you want to launch yourself into space and run away from this godforsaken crime syndicate. When he returns to you with blood-soaked sleeves, you don’t know how much longer the dam of your tears will hold. You pray with your entire being, to whoever’s still listening to you, that they're all blood shed by the enemy before he undresses for you to treat him. You pray in silence.

Of course, some of it is blood shed by the enemy. But the bloom of red on one side of his shoulder is a gunshot with a bullet you have to pull out before it closes at godspeed. A crimson river flows down his forearm and you have to stitch his skin up.

Even after umpteen times, you still feel the heat in your cheeks when you examine his toned and refined body. But the cuts and splatters of dirty blood make your worry curl its witch-like fingers around your windpipe, making you forget about how he's shirtless.

Kamui says there’s no real need to patch him up. But even if he’s not hurting, you are. The Yato are meant to fight, but you wish for once, he’d stop throwing himself into battles as if nobody values his life.

You lock up all your lamenting and tuck it in the deepest corner of your mind. It’s not like he’ll value what you say to him. You continue to stick by his side as if there’s super glue between you two.

But even with time, super glue can be worn down. You feel something in your heart snap when he walks into your room with the head of a spear lodged in his back that he couldn’t pull out. That dumb smile still on his face. What the hell are his subordinates doing letting him walk around without removing it?

Ever since you were kids, you did everything for Kamui silently. You give him the last piece of manju you wanted for yourself without protest. You bandage up his cut-littered arms, holding back your tears when you think about the bullies so he wouldn’t hear your sobs. You spar with him after a long day, biting back whimpers when his wooden rod grazes against your skin.

But this time you tell him to fuck off. The smile on his face falls a little. In Kamui’s mind, you never swear. You make it a rule not to look at him until you’re out of his sight.

“You having a bad day?”

You ignore him, grabbing your shawl and draping it over your shoulders. He’s standing in the middle of the door, blocking your way. You shove him off with your shoulder and see him flinch at the corner of your eye. You dig your nails into your palm.

Kamui grabs your wrist with an iron grip.

“Where are you going?”

You try to pry your wrist out, but his grip tightens.

“I’m leaving the Harusame.”

There’s no delay in his question. “Why?”

“I’m done with you.”

Kamui clenches his jaw, trying to keep that grin plastered on his face. He tastes metal on his tongue. Your fingers find their way to your shirt and you crumple a portion in your fists. He chuckles with his mouth closed, the forced laugh thrumming about haphazardly in his chest. Instead of relieving the tension, he feels the echoes of his laugh suffocate him.

“Fight me. If you win, I’ll let you go.”

As you try to take a step forward, he jokes with a feigned spring in his voice, “It’s an order by the way. Can you believe I’m using my authority right now?”

You bite your lip to push down the lump in your throat, but the tears come flowing out anyway. He’s always talking about how your potential is wasted. You’re leaving and this is probably all he’s thinking about. Make full use of [name] before they go.

“Go ahead and kill me then. I’m done. I’m fucking done watching you waste yourself away on the battlefield. I’m done feeling like I’m the one who got stabbed when it’s you.”

You start to choke on your words and sob. In between sobs, you scream, “I’m sick of wondering when you’ll stop showing up to get yourself patched up.”

You heave and exhale, the frustration rendering you unable to form words for a while.

“I joined you because you asked, but you don’t even care about me because you can’t do the basic thing of taking care of yourself.”

(Oh, how he means the world to you, too. But you’re probably just a pawn in his whole scheme of getting strong. Silence still follows you here because you zip your mouth when the thought pops in your mind. Maybe silence is a curse because you wish you dared to say that.)

When you regain your composure, you say, “I’ll get executed by the Harusame for leaving anyway, so you can have the honour of killing me in a spar before they do.”

You think your bones are on the verge of cracking like your heart.

“You’re being fucking unfair, Kamui. Let go. I’ll fight you, that’s what you want, right?”

It’s one of the rare times Kamui stays silent. Should you be grateful you’ve witnessed him shut his mouth before your death or should you desire him to answer you? You throw your fist towards his face. He stops it with his palm, a loud boom reverberating.

“Stay.”

The word drops out of his mouth like a pin falling off a table. You almost miss it with the noise and the whirring of the engine that kept you up for many nights when you first joined. You almost miss it with how raspy his voice is. The word clinks against the ground and its echoes roar over the machinery in your ears. It holds your feet down like a boulder that you can’t kick off or lift. Unconsciously, his grip on your wrist loosens.

The other hand that blocked your fist holds onto your shoulder. His touch is still rough as if it only knows how to make someone keel over, but you can feel him hold his strength back.

You mutter, “How do you expect me to stay in this shithole when you don’t make it any better?”

You hear Kamui inhale as if he’s about to say something, but stops as he chokes on his words. He falls to the ground on his knees. You crouch down to his level and look him in the eye.

Whatever light that was left in his eyes is snuffed out. He’s dropped the pretentious smile he always wears and in its place, a bittersweet curl of his lips.

“You’re the only one left to protect.”

You don’t move for a moment, your mouth slightly parted.

The man in front of you is no longer the bloodthirsty captain of the 7th division. He’s the boy who sat by your side after yet another heavy downpour. The same boy staring into the distance (not even the horizon but instead into another rundown building) with dejected eyes, telling you he wishes he could have protected his sister from the bullies.

You slide your wrist out of his grip and he abruptly looks up, expecting you to walk away from him. Instead, you embrace him in a hug.

You whisper, “Will everything end when you reach the top of the world?”

Kamui’s arms circle your body tentatively. After much hesitation, his palm rests on your back while his arms go lax. He only nods, but it’s timid. You hover your fingers over his wounds on the back, over the wound with the spear.

“And when will that be?”

He doesn’t have an answer for you. He thinks of a couple of answers. When you guys rise to the top of the Harusame? When he defeats that silver-haired samurai down on Earth?

He doesn’t answer you.

Maybe you’re asking too much from him all at once. After all, you’ve never asked anything much from him before.

“Pick your fights, will you? The ones that are just slightly more challenging. This is the last time I’m pulling a spear out of your body.”

#okita sougo x reader #okita sougo imagines #kamui x reader #kamui imagines #okita sougo #kamui #gintama kamui #gintama x reader #gintama imagines #gintama writing #gintama #souglia.s #I cannot believe I wrote 2k for each of them #the word count was so unplanned #going to pass out for 12 hours now #and then try to do a single person party for sougo when I wake up

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