#god i just dont want to do this shit anymore

[the-tiniest-demigod]

oh my god it is actually so bad today

#my chest hurts help gelp me dear god #the tiktoks are NOT helping what #imma try to draw for a bit maybe it will help i dont know #if it doesnt ill try to go to sleep on this bed that im too scared to fully sit on bc of the previous post #if that doesnt work i guesss ill just die i dont fuckin know #god i just dont want to do this shit anymore #im tired of wanting to cry but being physically unable to #its almost time to take my meds though maybe that will help #it wont but hopes all i got rn #god i hope it helps my head hurts now #and i have FUCKING SCHOOL TOMMORROW #AND TYPING ON THIS SMALL ASS PHONE KEYBOARD IS PISSING ME OFF NGL #i wanna break something so bad ughhghhg #personal post im sorry it wont happen agian #i prolly sound so cringy rn #vent tw

[todayisafridaynight]

matrophobia

#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #ryu ga gotoku 7 #yakuza series #yakuza like a dragon #yakuza 7 #masumi arakawa #masato arakawa #snap sketches #oh my god im going to pass out but my tag ramble is necessary. like especially this time #i was just gonna draw his Actual mom but then i wanted to get saucy with it. also i miss drawing wolves but theres a purpose i promise #ive loved wolves since i was a kid since theyre like. family-oriented and shit. of course a lonely loser ass kid gonna think thats cool #when i think of wolves i think of family- which is what you should think of with your mom right #but a lot of people know wolves are monsters so. ysee where im goin with this one #the flowers and thorns arent Just Random i Double Promise: i snagged inspo from her flower shirt #i originally had the roses be purple to highlight that buuut i didnt want any more color aside from red #did i have anymore notes..... i dont think so. thats all i had to explain :) this is mid ik i just needed it done tho im TIRED #OH HER MULTIPLE EYES its supposed to be inspired by her necklace :) the third eye has a purpose im too tired to explain rn tho #the jo alternative was more depressing since i wanted to put emphasis on his feelings of inadequacy in that #BUT i figured hey. let me have a /lil/ happiness today right. i can do that at least let me draw that at least #ignore the fact i got more bad news while drawing this and almost abandoned it as a result but we push through :) #in any case. im subjecting arakawa to more horrors tomorrow i guess sorry king youve had it good too long. i GUESS #to round this off. Obligatory Vent Portion because myyyyy GOD. i have nightmares about my mom every night #its been that way since like. february- ive always had nightmares bout her but theyve ramped up since The Event #and for the most part i just wake up tired and despondent but sometimes the nightmares just make me wake up gasping for air #like i was TRULY just fighting for my life then and itd been a while since i had a nightmare like that #and just. coupled with how trash my months been. and now that im comm free.(dm me;) ) i figured id express the soul a bit #alright NOW im done. im pretty sure. goodnight everyone come back for part ii of. whatever this was #IM ALL OUT OF TAGS NOW LMAO THATS EPIC ok bye fr

[llitchilitchi]

sometimes I wish this site had a mute option

#litchi.txt #theres a lot of people I follow who talk a lot about the recent situations and I dont wanna break the moot or god forbid block people but. #its stuff I do not want to be involved in at all and its taking up 50% of my dash #and as someone who is largely multifandom this past year and something I wanna stay on tumblr to see the stuff from other fandoms #and also I dont want to unfollow people from em see why tee because I still love yall but one of the main reasons why Im not really active #in this community anymore is that Im just really fucking tired of the discourse and scrutiny and just overall bad stuff and shit behaviour #Im not about to go around and tell people to oh please tag all this stuff #because first and foremost the tumblr filtering is shit #my entire dash would just be Word You Filtered #but I really want to just mute a couple people for a couple days. maybe until the end of the month #all while engaging with like peeps who post primarily about the smp or about my other fandoms #(or mute people in certain tags like call me selfish but I enjoy when they engage on my posts but their posts in the main tags annoy me) #anyways sorry for this one #my dash is slowly turning into the kinda stuff that made me leave my previous fandoms and Id really hate to leave this fandom #with a sour aftertaste as I go

[stupidrant]

i think the most we will get is PC release (if that) this year but that means we gotta deal with those trolls bc changing angrb0da’s skin color is such a big deal to these mfs and i still dont understand that sweet baby inc shit bcuz all the information im seeing is just bundled bullshit LMFAOOO i feel like her actual character gets overshadowed by the made up problems and no one actually talks abt HER as a character or even analyses her fr (outside of here ofc) lol sms abt to make a banger with her and atreus istg

#Truth be told i dont even wanna talk abt this anymore but this topic gets brought up pretty much every week atp #How weird is it that u would only accept her if she were white #Thats literally you admitting you like her character but her being black is a deal breaker #I feel like no matter how much they want her to be a white girl changing her skin wouldnt change their opinion abt her #Theres this one (big) acct in particular thats constantly shitting on rag and its like bro u need to just leave if ur not happy #or take a long ass break and come back at times and then leave again cuz hes just miserable as fuck and yall know exactly who im talking ab #I do see more people getting annoyed with this topic and i dont blame them #its getting super out of hand and dragged out atp #Once again i do not want ppl to like her out of PITY. she deserves a very honest group of fans and if those fans are ppl #That disliked her at first but started to like her later on thats fine as long as its out of being genuine #I cannot wait for her to gain more fans fr but i have to be careful what i wish for bcuz i dont want ppl to become too crazy lol #I might just post smth on that god forsaken reddit as an appreciation post of her or smth idk yet LMFAOOO #I for sure will have to be more brave and visible with my love for her one of these days #also very grateful for that one ragnarok vp. he loves angie for sure #Anyways #Love angie for life #Gow #god of war ragnarok #rant

[fereldanwench]

i've been considering resuming job hunting again but i think I'm still, like, traumatized from what i went through in 2021 lmao

#i keep getting in this cycle of 'well my current job lets me do pretty much whatever i want bc they trust me to get shit done' #(which honestly is really nice bc i am neither a team player nor a leader and i like being left alone lmao) #and 'my current job is otherwise unfulfilling in every way possible also it's for an awful company I'm ethically opposed to and i want out' #and my salary is garbage #esp as someone with 12 years of experience #and they dont even do cost of living adjustments #in theory they will give you a raise if you go above and beyond but i did that for a year and just got a thank you #which i dont need your fucking gratitude i need more money #but god i just cant do interviews anymore #i used to be such a good BSer in interviews #and now i just... cant lmao #so many places are all into the 'be your authentic self' shit these days #my authentic self is not employable lmao #and then i think about pursuing my creative passions for income and I'm like nooo i dont wanna do that either #bc that will make me hate what i love #i am so protective of my hobbies just being hobbies #idk whatever!!!! #t: wench.txt

[gaminegay]

No horror story matches up to forgetting who you are, and to someone you love forgetting you. Aka alzheimer's is a horror story

#alda rambling #It killed me years ago to think that all my happy memories with my grandma are gone #As in. She doesnt know who I am.and that incredible woman who taught me so much is just gone bc all our moments together are gone. #She has no idea how she gave me pickled pears and let me feed the lambs and took me joy riding #Or how I always wanted to sleep in her bed bc ii loved her so much. Fuck I dont even exist to her anymore. To her I'm a rando #And shit I'm just the grandchild. She doesnt even recognize my mom as her daughter. She doesnt know how much she achieved #God damn fuck. I'm so emotional. This is the worst ii cant keep up the liquid intake #How the FUCK do ppl have emotions on the daily. This is killing me

[candyskiez]

Girl help I am completely giving up 👍

#my father is abusive and nobody beleives me #my sister who doenst live with us's husband is abusive #i have nowhere to go #my therapist didnt believe me about my shit #i am trapped #it doesnt matter what i do im just. fucked. #fuck #im sk tired #im so fucking tired #i dont have energy to talk to friends and i wnat to so bad #all my energy is bejng used ul by living with my fucking abusers #and i cant fucking help my friends anymore #im spending all my energy trying to keep my abusers from killing me #god #im tired #im so tired #i jusg want it to stop #candyskiez vent

[buppypuppy]

.

#vent post essay ahead lol #having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad. #the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like #i mean im talking abou t me here obviously. #being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like. #it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help. #i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to #like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m #i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s #i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's #it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus #i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li #i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like #ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!! #because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know #and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like . #i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad. #my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik #my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine #makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS #it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well. #i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum #fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri #you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though #so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do #and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode #and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate. #i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day. #jane mary cry one tear

[technovillain]

tim schafer has an insurmountable amount of swag and i need to be like him

#guy who i look up to fr #knowing that he got his start in point and click games makes me more confident abt my own ideas #but also point and click games are just. not popular anymore. sad. #but just the way he talks about his ideas. i understand that. i want to work with a team like the psychonauts team oh man #ahgghhghghgghgh i want to be a career artist so bad #some people are afraid art as a career would kill their interest in it but #i cannot kill my art interest for more than 3 days. if i dont draw or do something creative for 3 days i get this horrible itch #and i cannot stop myself from indulging in art every second of every day i am always thinking of it so i feel like i just #have to make my living from it. its the best thing that i could do for myself. if im going to be insane about creating art #it better be my job #god #i am going to be so mushy about art sorry im watching psychodyssey #what 2 hours white noise does to adhd bitches #i always forget abt white noise and the Effect it has on me this shit is so awesome #.txt

[poems-of-a-lover]

im so jealous of cis guys. being able to grow up how they want and being confident in themselves and just. im so fuckin jealous. it is so hard. SO hard. to feel comfortable with someone else in a relationship when im not comfortable with myself. i hate it.

#i know this is stupid #im supposed to be proud of being trans and love myself no matter what and be proud of my identity but #fuck man sometimes id just give anything to be cis #like this shit sucks #i dont wanna fuckin do this anymore im tired of it #'nick ur only 18' YEAH I KNOW AND ITS STILL BAD #god im pissed off #i just. i hate that i cant be proud of who i am bc im not someone else. #im losing my mind i think #i wish i was cis so fuckin bad u guys. i wanna have the experiences of growing up as a boy that i missed out on. #i wish i couldve went to school dances in a suit and not had to worry about being stared at #i wish i could dress how i wanted and present myself how i feel comfortable without hearing those goddamn whispers behind my back #im sick and fuckin tired of it #anyway <3 im done <3 im gonna go watch youtube and pretend like i dont exist <3 #vent #dysphoria mention

[the-kipsabian]

why do i even bother reblogging my fics or posting my fics or writing my fics lmao who gives a fuck

#if i post something i need to be vocal about it for it to get noticed and then that makes me annoying so #i just cant win #i can reblog and post as much as i want its not going to make a difference #yeah i know niche within a niche fandom blah blah blah but still it is extending to even more popular stuff ssssooooooo #i dont know. i feel sad about this again tonight. as if it will make a difference either #just fuck man what the fuck am i supposed to do about this shit i really fucking dont know anymore #just. god. fuck #night is an absolute mess on main

[illogicalghost]

anyone else learn about the nuclear arms race and mutually assured destruction at an impressionable young age, had an existential crisis about how we almost ended all life on the planet in thermonuclear hellfire and made it uninhabitable for thousands of years multiple times because of political differences, and we still have enough warheads on earth to destroy it a hundred times over sitting in the hands of insane megalomaniac politicians who could just end it all with a press of a button and never fully recovered since?

#hahhahaahhahahaa #im fine :-) #in high school i had a bad case of 'no hope for this world' disease which was real hard to parse out from the major depressive disorder #it got real bleak! not gonna lie! #its hard to care about your math homework when youre convinced the world is going to fucking end bc we live under the rule of insane people #looking back now its easy to think i overreacted a bit. but holy shit being a teenager fucking sucks #you cant do anything about how bad the world sucks. all u can do is sit there and look at the news and get fucking depressed #cant vote. cant protest. cant articulate how i feel bc my brain is still growing and i have a math test tmrw. #its like. i just wanted a fucking break. #i didn't want to kill myself. i didnt necessarily want to die. i just wanted a break. bc everything fucking SUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!! #god im so glad im not a fucking teenager anymore. wow this derailed a bit. hi. im okay now pls dont worry about me #personal #but yeah i still have nightmares now and then about nuclear war. shits scary as hell #and then u look at all the fucked up shit happening around the world and its hard not to lose hope for humanity :| #i want to like humans but unfortunately a lot of us seem to fucking suck. hopefully its not the majority #im doing waayyyyy better as an adult but damn its hard sometimes :/

[lusalemaart]

dooo tle. scrible.

#i. am on my seishin shit rn. seishit. i. cannot stop. thinking about him. #oh my god. so far im keeping up with posting my shit. woah. mostly bc ig locked me out actually but. whatever #....sittin on a mountain top well above the clouds i dont feel lik e im about todrop hanging in the palace i dont harbor any malice imma be #n up in the slums imma been up in that palace im INFINITY sacred geometry living SIM PA LY universe aligned i feel the SYNERGY #thats why they call me temple PRIEST mother FUCKA #....i...dont think you trusyt. in. my . self righteous su #i #cide #i. cry #....... #when angels deserve to DIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE #I digress #muroi seishin #shiki #alright back on my unpriv grind aaaaaahhhhhh #seishin muroi #must i try anymore i really dont want to render i just want to scribble #i really do. im tired. #actually im not done i have more thoughts. sorry gotta talk a lot. but. #i just love seishin so much. i love sunako being like HMMM sobota seems perfect. i like the authors works. i bet hes all fucked up. #judging by the way he writes he sounds AWFUL and DEPLORABLE and REVOLTING to the EYES #and then she sees him for the first time and is just like Oh you're just a Guy. You're just a regular old Dude. #makes you wonder just what exactly his published works look like #love that. emo little lad. #on the outside i am fine. on the inside i am... god why have you forsaken me.

[agayconcept]

.

#oh for fucks sake #if i have to listen to my shithead of a mother bitch and whine and moan about me being disabled one more fuckinG time i s2g #she's been going on for 20 mins abt how annoying it is that i had to go lie down for a bit bc i had a migraine and a pain flare up #which meant i guess that she didnt get to make dinner when she wanted to (i told her she could just eat w/o me like who cares) #so now she's on a rampage abt how inconvenient it is to her and how i ruin her schedule and her life all the time etc etc #and when i responded calmly w 'well what would u like me to do- snap my fingers and not be disabled anymore? u TOLD me to go lie down.' #she exploded and is like 'oh noOoo ofc not nothing is ever ur fault u just accidentally do these things' #bitch WHAT THINGS ????? #exist as disabled ??? be in so much pain i spend most of my life these days in bed ??? be unable to function to ur standards ???? #do u Hear urself ?? #now she's sitting on the couch pouting and fuming like a toddler bc i was in bed for 2 hours instead of 30 mins (bc too much pain to get up) #and throwing a tantrum like that is in any way normal or acceptable behaviour #'u always do this! but nooo u can do w/e u want cant u ?? u dont have to consider others!!' #ma'am... #a) no i dont have to consider others when it comes to taking care of myself and my debilitating illnesses. that's an insane thing to suggest #b) nobody told u u could not do w/e the fuck u wanted while i was out of commission. u just did this to have more to complain abt #c) ah yes bc i 'want' to be bedbound in excruciating pain. that was a choice i made. for funsies. for the bit. #whaT ????? #god someone save me im gonna lose my mind w this shit #not to mention she's also belligerently drunk so like. there's that also. cant have any proper convo bc of it (not that i wanna talk to her) #jesus fUcking chrisT #i gotta get out of here #this woman is so immensely hateful #ya sorry i ruined ur life by being born this way and now ur stuck 'putting up' w me and 'my shit' (<- actual things she has said many times) #fuuuuuck me. #anyway. #negative #ableism #verbal abuse #ask to tag

[tomurakii]

I truly apologise but I've never found a character more irritating than Ruby Rocks. It is severely impacting my ability to watch a crown of candy because this bratty literally-the-embodiment-of-the-status-quo bitter bastard child won't stop sulking and being shitty to the only good surviving member of this royal bloodline (Saccharina).

The immediate Rocks family in general is so unsympathetic, I'm sorry but if you want me to feel bad over your personal growth journey you can't ALSO be a monarch who has absolute power over an entire nation-state. If you had literally the best education of everyone in your country and you're still an idiot I don't know what to tell you except that you're a resource hoarding pig who has not earned an iota of the power or luxury you have. They have SERVANTS and all they do is complain about going to class or doing their job. Hey if it sucks so bad demolish the state and redistribute your wealth <3 you won't <3

#shes just wrong and a brat. ive found it difficult to sympathise with the monarch characters the whole time but shes the worst of the 3 #i was her age 3 months ago and I've NEVER been as stupid and ignorant and selfish as she is #youre gonna send thousands of your people to die at war over your own petty vendetta??? you grow up in immense privilege and all you do is #complain about the tiny bit of responsibility it comes with but the second someone else (who has worked infinitely harder and suffered #infinitely more) comes along and is willing to take that responsibility you hate her and talk shit and try and turn people against her #because she'll “uphold the status quo” WHERE did you get that from. she has more respect for the people and awareness about the monarchy #than you EVER have. youre a fuckin idiot rich kid. this is game of thrones-themed 1400s monarchy. some 30% of kids die in their first year #barely any of them can read. 90% of your people have experienced the death of their parents or siblings firsthand #but rather than ending the war you're gonna send MORE of them to die fighting the empire over your personal vendetta #saccharina has NEVER been pro church??? she is quite literally only taking the throne to CHANGE the status quo #meanwhile your ass would probably keel over and die after 2 seconds without the luxury that status quo has afforded you your entire life #you dont want to change SHIT. youre just mad it isnt you or your OTHER sister on the throne anymore. your dad is the fuckin EMPEROR #you ARE the status quo. “changing the status quo” means people come and take your house from you brat ass loser. it means they kill your #father. you dont want that youre just making excuses because youre a stupid brat who got oneshotted your first time leaving the castle #because despite 18 years of the best possible education you dont understand simple concepts like “people want to kill royalty” #jet died because she was immature and by god if ruby isnt carrying on her legacy

[skenpiel]

wish i was a witch for real that would be so badass. god i would do anything for a magic broom

#legitimately my biggest wish like if i found a genie thatd be the first thing id ask #id be like ok make me a witch i have to be able to use magic wands and make potions and have flying brooms and talk to cats #god. god. god. god. god. god. god. none of you understand how badly i wish i were a witch. #i wish i had a flying bbroom so bad like the rest of the stuff would be awesome too but magic broom is like number 1........... #god i want it so bad. i want it so bad im tearing up /srs #waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh waaaaaaaaaaaahhhh waaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaahahhhhhhhhhhhhh #i dont care about anything else i had a dream the other week that i had a magic broom #and what i did was fly out at night and overlook the forest where i grew up and then smoked hella weed up there #i was getting LITERALLY wizard high #i wish so badly i had a magic broom none of you could even understand how badly i want it #in the dream i also snuck out by just opening my window and taking flight........ #i wish that was real. i cant leave the house undetected anymore i used to be able to in my old house but now i cant #i dont need it as much anymore so it isnt a very big problem but it still bums me out #if i had a magic broom none of that would matter........ i want one SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i wish i could lucid dream and then i could fly on a broom everyday all the time. UGH!!!!!! #seriously i want to be able to lucid dream...... if i could do that whenever i wanted i would be unstoppable #and also unwakeable. lol #i would never want to do anything else but at least i wouldnt need booze to make me not feel like shit so itd be better still -_- #me and madotsuki r holding hands btw were like the same exact person