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vampiresfromxenon · 8 months

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I Wanted To

Astarion x gn! Reader/Tav

Almost 3.5k words

Tags: Fluff, kisses, cuddling, angst, biting mention, no use of y/n, words of affection (so much sappiness), soft! Astarion, they’re in love your honor!!

CW: Slight mentions of SA and trauma (extremely minor, incredibly light piece)

Summary: You and Astarion decide to start your relationship over once you both confess your feelings. It's a mutual decision to take things extremely slow, celebrating little victories of intimacy here and there. Tonight, you can't hide your words of affection as he becomes more comfortable and vulnerable around you.

It’s been a few months traveling with this rowdy crew, and you can’t help but smile thinking about how much you love them all. Granted, they all piss you off on the daily, what from Shadowheart and Lae’zel attempting to kill each other, to Gale eating your favorite pair of enchanted gloves, but you can’t help yourself from smiling every time you think about how close you’ve all grown. One particular member in the party you have become very close with stands out a bit more than the rest, and thoughts about him are enough to make you unsettlingly giddy.

For the longest time, you and the pale elf fought your feelings, too cold to warm up to each other. You both had a wicked past, something that tainted your current perceptions of love and romance. His may have been far more extreme than yours, but regardless of that fact, your feelings and emotions were still valid. For a short few weeks, you found yourselves being extra intimate, dismissing it all as stress relief and nothing more. Those little excursions were merely there as a form of self protection: He gained your trust and protection, and you felt less alone and vulnerable at night. Or, so you thought, until you noticed how distant he was, his eyes never meeting yours every time he sought to pleasure you.

It wasn’t until recently that these barriers slowly began to be chipped away for the both of you, your infatuation not only becoming more real, but unfortunately, more terrifying. One night, you approached him, being brave and understanding if he had other thoughts about what you two could be. It was late, most of the camp either asleep or preparing for bed. You approached him, a soft hand on his shoulder, even though he was well aware you were there. What you were there for though, remained a mystery to him. He turned, smiling at you, taking your hand and kissing it affectionately. As your heart raced, you began a discussion with him, asking his thoughts and feelings about your ‘connection’ rather than just bombarding him with an overwhelming confession of love.

He seemed stunned to say the least, unsure of what to say or how to feel. It was strange for him, his cold heart beating a little faster, feeling a little warmer at the sight of you in front of him, actually seeing him for him and not just another plaything. All these feelings were bubbling up inside him because, for the first time in a long time, someone not only asked him what he wanted in a romantic relationship, but they respected anything he said on that subject matter. In all his nervousness, he felt that he could be honest in his reciprocation to see how far you two could go, this time with real feelings. That was a few weeks ago, and all this time since has been magical.

You haven’t intimately slept together since just before that night, instead establishing boundaries and focusing more on the non-sexual ways to be intimate, loving, and kind. He loves the way your hand brushes his, the way your fingers interlace with his as he moves in to hold your hand. You love the way his hand lands on your back, stretching to your hip to pull you closer to him, especially when meeting new people from town to town. While you still struggle with eye-contact in general, it feels easier around him, especially now since he has found himself to be more comfortable actually looking at you, taking in your appearance and being more present in your conversations.

For many nights now, you’ve been cuddled up nicely in one or the other’s tent, fingers interlaced, hands gently wrapped around hips, legs occasionally intertwined. He still continues to feed on you, though he makes sure to gain your permission before bed each night. On the nights where you felt too tired, too drained mentally even, he would leave you be, hoping to keep you as comfortable as possible. Those nights were just as romantic, as you could feel his breath against your neck as he cuddles you tightly, his lips on your shoulder as he falls into the soft rhythm of sleep.

Tonight didn’t start off any differently from any other night; you both gathered in his tent, doing your nightly routines as per usual (always before promptly passing out until the next morning hit you like a boulder). Most nights he would wear a nice, silky pajama set, one he purchased from an unreasonably expensive fashion designer in a small village. You didn’t have as luxurious of pajamas, but yours still covered most of your body, keeping you feeling safe and snuggled up each night.

Neither of you expected that this night would change everything.

He’s standing off to the side of your shared bedroll, changing into his pajamas while your back is turned to him, fiddling with the blanket you both share. You notice just how used this blanket is, and you realize that it might have been the only thing giving him comfort, the feeling of security over the past 200 or so years. Astarion was far from one to share, whether it was his feelings or his belongings, and it isn’t long before you have a second realization: you are possibly the only person to have ever slept with that blanket besides him. Your fingers gently roll the decaying fabric between your fingers, taking in all of his memories that have been exhausted on the threads.

You hear him walking over and you drop your thoughts about the blanket, not wanting to pry into more of his distressing past. He kneels, picking up the blanket and sliding next to you, your bodies touching in an instant. Turning your attention away from the blanket, you look up to see your love is shirtless, moving around in the bedroll, trying to be more comfortable at your side.

You know just how insecure he is about his scars from Cazador, that disgusting, vile, treacherous bitch, but it was so lovely to see him stepping out of his comfort zone. While you’re quick to notice this new change, he’s even quicker to notice your reaction. Diving back into his comfort charm, he smirks at you, loading a phrase to protect his vulnerable side.

“Like what you see, darling?” His eyes flutter to the side a bit, and you immediately notice his withdrawal from the conversation. With a calm and gentle hand, you caress his cheek, turning his attention back to you.

“I always love what I see…” You smile, your eyes looking at him in such a way that your face beams with pride, though you try to find a balance between that and neutral so as to not overwhelm him. To see just how much he trusts you, is willing to open up to you and be vulnerable… Your heart can barely take it. In a quiet voice you’re sure to check in on him, wanting to make sure he feels secure in his choice. “Don’t feel you have to do this for me though, okay?”

His hand reaches up to hold yours against his cold cheek, his stare suddenly becoming more present. “I wanted to.” His voice is low, his hand taking yours off his face as he leans in gently to kiss your palm. He kisses your forehead before moving to lie down, making himself comfortable in your small space.

You sit there for a moment, considering your options. You don’t want to make him uncomfortable, but you want him to be aware that you feel the same sense of shared comfort. As he turns to the side, looking at a book he left on the ground earlier, you move to remove your shirt, tossing it off to the side. He moves the book away from you both so you don’t roll into it in the night. Turning back to face you, he pauses, taking in the sight of your bare chest. He looks up at you, tilting his head, nearly asking you the same question you just asked him.

Before he can say anything, you lean slightly closer to him, your voice a loud whisper. “I wanted to.” His eyes soften, and you can tell he’s flattered by this display of intimacy. You begin to crawl under the old blanket with him, and he pulls you close, his hand around your waist. The feel of his cold, soft skin against your bare back is enough to send shivers down your spine, and you realize that this must be so close to what heaven feels like. His free hand reaches up and caresses your jaw before tangling in your hair, gently playing with it as he knows it helps you fall asleep.

Your hand rests on his bare chest, feeling the rhythm of his heartbeat slowing down as he continues to relax in your care. You lie there for a while, trying to sleep, but something is keeping you awake. Perhaps it’s the looming threat that you could all die soon in brutally vicious ways, or the fact that you don’t want to waste a single second enjoying this time with your new lover. Suppose you’ll never truly know.

Regardless of what is keeping you up on this night, you begin to feel a little restless, unable to lie there in that position for too much longer without your arms going numb. You sit up a little, leaning on the arm you’ve been lying on, trying to not wake your companion. However, his body shifts with you, and it appears that he is still just as awake as you are.

“I didn't wake you, did I?” You whisper in a worried voice.

“Not in the slightest, my dear. Unable to sleep tonight, as I am sure you understand.”

You sigh, still leaning over him slightly, his hand that was once on your waist now drawing circles on your shoulder blade, the hand in your hair now resting on your hip. You want to speak, but you find yourself getting lost in the way his face looks in the moonlight peeking through his tent flap. It frames his face so perfectly, almost as if this scene was sculpted by the Gods. He notices your sudden distance, and he is quick to check in on you.

“Are you alright, love?” He asks, a tinge of concern in his voice, once again tilting his head like a confused puppy.

“Sorry… Yes, yes. More than alright.” You reassure him, not breaking your focus. A beat; he attempts to determine what’s on your mind. Thinking he’s found it, he smirks.

“Admiring how beautiful I am?”

“Yeah… Just looking at creases around your eyes…” You say in a loving tone, not even remotely aware of how backhanded the comment you just made sounds.

He begins to shuffle, pushing you away, offended by your lack of sincerity. “Alright, there’s no need-”

“No! Not like that.” You chuckle, snapping back into reality. You grab him, pulling him back to you, his head pressing back into the pillow below you.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I just-” You can’t stop yourself from laughing a little at the sight of your pouting partner underneath you.

You notice just how unamused he is, and you abruptly stop laughing, clearing your throat and composing yourself in a more serious manner. Your hand reaches up and the pad of your thumb brushes against his crows feet, your mind falling back into your feelings of love and adoration for him.

“The way your eyes crinkle when you laugh… The way your eyes sharpen when you’re glaring at me, like you are right now… The way they soften every time I walk in the room… I love those wrinkles, they’re such a beautiful part of you.” He relaxes again, taking in your words, though still unhappy at your mention of his wrinkles, making him feel old. Though, no matter how much he hates his aging characteristics being brought up, he will never turn away any form of flattery.

“Well, augh. You really are sweet, aren’t you? But I’m sure you like more of me than just my dreaded wrinkles.” He was definitely fishing for compliments, that much was obvious, but he wasn’t aware of just how much you wanted to smother him in loving words. You lean forward and kiss his crows feet on both sides, surprising him. Smiling, your thumb traces over his eyebrows, taking in their shape and feel.

“My eyebrows, really? Nothing else catching your eye?” He whines, his hands going back to resting on your shoulder blade and hip. He can feel your body shake as you laugh, your head falling forward towards his chest as you continue to giggle from his pouting. You bring your head back up, focusing on his face once more.

“One thing at a time, dearest.” You pause, analyzing the shape of his eyebrows. Just how sharp they are, how often he uses them to his advantage when he is charming people. As you continue to gaze at them, he raises one of them, making your heart go crazy.

“You’re so expressive. Your eyebrows are so perfectly shaped, the way you use them like a weapon… I know it’s silly, I know they’re just eyebrows, but they’re your eyebrows, and they mean so much to me.” You trail off, your face flushed with embarrassment as you realize just how overly sentimental your words are. He smiles at you, knowing just how hard you’re trying, and appreciating every second of it. You kiss his eyebrows before quickly moving on.

Your fingers trace along his face, noticing his mole. By now he’s exhausted, you’re three for three with things he’s sensitive about. “Darling, if this is your way of making me feel less upset about not being able to look in mirrors, I must say it’s starting to work.” His words deceive his face and body language, but you still try to abide by his wishes.

Wanting to show your love, without spending too much time on it, you mention how much the mole under his eye suits him, how he would almost seem incomplete without a beauty spot. The usage of ‘beauty’ in ‘beauty spot’ convinced him to let it slide, but the ice you were dreamily skating on was wearing thin. Kissing his mole, you move on once again.

The skin of his nose was soft as you trace the pad of your finger down the bridge of his nose. “Your nose… it’s so sharp. Don’t laugh, but one of my favorite feelings is when I wake up and your nose is either on my back or my neck. I can feel your breathing on my skin, your nose pressed against me while you sleep. It’s so calming, having any little part of you so close to me.” He looks at you a little confused, mostly due to the fact that you’re still here appreciating him. The things you’re saying, they’re so small and insignificant, yet you enunciate each word like it’s the most important thing you’ll ever say. Each word has a purpose, a meaning, and they fall out of your mouth effortlessly; something he still has yet to learn how to do.

You kiss the tip of his nose, your fingers tracing down his face to his smile lines. Oh his smile lines. You just can’t help but adore his smile lines, no matter how much he absolutely hates them. He hates them because they age him, but you love them for all the same reason. To know he laughs, smiles, has any semblance of being happy is enough for you to be overjoyed at the sight of these lines that prove the existence that he has been able to enjoy life enough to have physical proof on his face.

“Don’t you dare.” He teases, though you wish he could bear with you for just a moment to explain your thoughts. Figuring you could do it another time, as tonight has already had enough excitement, you kiss his smile lines and spare him from your honeyed words.

Last, but certainly not least: his lips. Your thumb traces over his lips which are closed together, gently pushing up just enough to where you wonder if he was trying to secretly kiss your thumb. As you continue to run your thumb over his lips, reminiscing on all the times your own experienced his, he takes you by surprise.

Removing the hand from your hip, his thumb graces your lips, and you find yourself trying to inconspicuously kiss at it like he did to you just moments ago. You open your mouth to speak, but he uses his finger to silence you, gently shushing you.

“My turn.” His voice is smooth and tender as his thumb continues to trace over your slightly parted lips. “Your lips… They have always been so soft and inviting.” He pauses, still staring at them.

“I must admit, I despised them at first.” A confused expression crosses your face just before he continues. “They would taunt me on a daily basis, the one thing I couldn’t have no matter how much charm I threw at you. When I was eventually graced with them, I loathed the way my name would be cried out from them, almost as if you were saying it like a prayer. It tore me apart, wanting something I wasn’t sure I actually wanted, or even felt like I deserved…” He trails off, though his gaze remains constant on you.

“How do they make you feel now?” You softly ask, just barely loud enough for even yourself to hear.

He thinks on this for a moment, searching for the proper word.

“Safe.”

He leans up to you, cupping your cheek as he kisses you, the most delicate and loving kiss you two have ever shared. You both pull from the kiss, exercising restraint and respect for your pre-established boundaries. A hand resting on his chest, you encourage him to lie back on the pillow once more, which he does. You lean forward, kissing every part of his face that you mentioned, as well as a few spots just because you wanted to. Kissing his lips again, you pull apart just enough to whisper against his lips.

“I admire everything about you. Every aspect of you is just so lovely… Thank you for being here, with me. I don’t ever want to leave your side.”

He smiles, his fangs poking out this time. His hand moves a strand of hair out of your face as he clears his throat.

“And thank you for all the kisses.” He says, resuming his usual charm. You try to hide your slight disappointment, but you know he is trying his best and you can’t expect him to always meet you halfway, especially in this time of healing.

“Always.” You whisper, lying down next to him as he wraps his arms around you, holding you closely. It’s late, and now that you have this feeling lifted off your chest, you find it easier to sleep. Your heart rate begins to slow, your breathing finding its usual pattern, your lover wrapped up tightly with you.

When you’re on the edge of falling asleep, you feel his head tilting down towards yours, which is resting on his chest. His lips kiss the top of your head, his chin then resting on that same spot. A quiet voice breaks the air, unaware that it still has an audience.

“I love you.”

You freeze, unsure of whether or not you have actually fallen into a dream state, or if you just heard him correctly. In this state of grogginess, your body shifts as you attempt to determine the truth.

“Shit. Did you hear that?”

“Mhm.” You sleepily groan. He lets out a sigh of relief, thinking he’s talking to you in your sleep like he has before. Settling further into the bedroll, making himself more comfortable, he pulls you tighter, finally deciding to rest.

“I love you too.” You break the silence, your voice more awake this time. His eyes flash open, his red irises laser focused on you. You can feel his heart pounding as you rest on his chest, and you lean over and kiss just above his heart.

“Safe.” Is all you can say before promptly passing out, your warm skin slowly heating up his own. He sits there for another moment, taking in the events of today. It was a lot, to say the least, but he felt comfortable and confident in his decisions, and that was almost truly a first for him. His hand finds its way back into your hair, stroking it as he begins to drift off to sleep, for the first time in a long time feeling comfortable, guarded, protected, safe.

Author’s Note:

He’s extremely OOC, I’m 95% sure lmao but I love making characters total softies, even if we don’t see that side of them in the media they’re from. (I'm still in the very beginning of Act 2 so I'm learning a lot about him through this site too)

I’ve never experienced love, I’m also sure that’s obvious- I’ve always wanted to do something like this with someone though (look at their face and kiss all my favorite spots). While I was writing this, I felt so awkward writing such sappy dialogue, but I realized that moments like these aren’t smooth and rehearsed; feelings get mushy and oftentimes people say dumb and dorky things because they’re just so in love. I hope it gets translated that way at least hahaha

My Spotify is fucked because I listen to specific songs on repeat whenever I write. I have probably about 4-5 hours of “Blue Moon” by Billie Holiday logged on there now because of all the time planning, writing, and thinking about this fic- I got this song from Neil’s Astarion playlist, it’s so sweet and loving :)

Edit: So many people are saying he’s actually pretty in character so thank you for the validation because I was nervous 😭

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soymikki · 2 years

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Espers in Ekubo🔴Land

Honestly when I first saw the Oshitoame collab art I couldn't help thinking the rollercoaster looked a bit emptier than it should. They've been leaving poor Sho out of official art for a bit so i drew up a comic to compensate

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 5 months

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Call that a Cave Story.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wen chao #wang lingjiao #mianmian #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #I had to cut the comic with JC 'holding WWX back from fighting the Wen Assholes' but it is with me in spirit.#It reads (to me) a little bit like JC is scared of Core Melting Hand and wants to have an excuse to hold on to WWX for comfort.#As far as I can recall they are around 15-17 in this arc.#And a guy who can rip out your golden core? The thing we know JC truly puts so much weight upon that he feels meaningless without it?#Yeah that's pretty terrifying. I hope WWX hugs back (he will not)#I have a lot more thoughts on Wang Lingjiao and Mianmian but I will keep them for later.#WLJ is a character I feel got done a little dirty because she has a ton of interesting potential that gets pushed aside for Mean Villainess #Let's be fully honest. Wen Chao and Wang Lingjiao are *THE* characters the Protag of one of those 'Reincarnated as the villain!' stories #Set up to be assholes to the main character and meeting a horrible end in retribution.#Do you think MXTX thought about that? How Wen Chao is basically the original Shen QiugQiu?#Who's going to be the brave soul who writes A transmigrator in wen chao's body (accidently makes wwx fall in love with him) story?#Though If we are going with “any mxtx character sho dies transmigrates to another book” WHO is the transmigrator?#Hear me out. I think it should be Original Liu Qingge. I think he and wwx would make a funny duo and I want to see it so bad.#AND the contrast of womanizer Wen Chao VS 'What is a woman' LQG.

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sciderman · 6 months

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thinking of spider-man's first silly little suit (and his silly little webwings)

thinking of you all the time (webwings)

#how i love teenage peter parker and would die for him. silly little guy.#i love how casually superheroes just came up with their superhero names in the classic comics.#well! i'll be spiderman i guess!#mr fantastic is the best one though. he just wanted to be called that. i bet he was sitting on it for years.#bet he called himself that in his head for years. and now finally he has an excuse to get other people to call him it.#reed richards you are hilarious #same as the green goblin actually he's so funny. “i'll make it my favourite color! green!”#superheros and villains are so funny when you think about them.#sci speaks #i dont know why superhero media is trying to trick me into taking these guys seriously. theyre so stupid goofy. all of them.#batman?? you want me to take a guy who runs with the name batman seriously???

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swordmaid · 9 days

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i am wide awake thinking about that post canon jb au again when I should be sleeping …!!! such is the nature of the jbrainrot…

#the whole setting is jb hanging out in the rock post war #and tyrion became lord of the westerlands / the rock is his but he’s off doing stuff in kingslanding and jaime is just filling in for him #atm . but after tyrion comes back his original plan WAS he’ll get married to brienne right away and they can move back to tarth or be #travelling hedge knights together or whatever brienne wants to do he’s down for it. but the important thing is that he wants to stay with #her .. so he’s using the time they have together currently to court her bc she deserves that at least !!#so jaime goes off trying to court and woo brienne but she just thinks they’re hanging out bc they got relatively close in the war #so jaime being touchy feely isn’t anything new. jaime making innuendos and being kinda flirty isn’t anything new either #but this time he means it LOL he’s like I want to kiss you SO badly and brienne will be like lol silly jaime (:#I was also thinking they’d help rebuild lannisport just bc it’s a time for healing now and it would be good for the people to get to know #jaime and the lannisters in general bc of how they would just used to sit high above the rock looking down on everyone #but now jaime is like. actively helping and being known and being with the people rather than just being that absent distant lord #also he’s thinking he might as well try and foster some relationship with the commoners to his house bc it’s for tyrion anyway #so he’s off doing that and brienne is tagging along bc she does not want to go home yet #she wants to stay with him and she’s helping out as an excuse to stay a little longer but she doesn’t exactly want to leave him #but how do you tell someone that and ignore the big glaring part that she’s actually in love with him and the fact that they both survived #the war is getting her hopeful???? u want her to admit that?? like a normal person??? no..!!#so she’s just staying and helping out bc a) it’s the sensible thing to do b) so she can bask on the sun that is Jaime Lannister #for like a few more days. weeks. maybe a month bc the weather is soooo bad in the stormlands rn 🙄😳#anyway jb hanging out! and everything is going well and good but jaime is now getting popular w the people and he’s also looking quite #rugged and handsome post war now that he’s thirty flirty and thriving and he also has a new scar across his lip that makes his #smirks even more ! rogueish … ! and he looks quite nice with the greying hair 👀 so now there’s gossips around him #not to mention he’s single too and I think if you were one of the heroes who helped win the war they’ll forget the kingslaying #man with no honor business so lo and behold brienne eavesdrops a group of ladies bc she’s a chismosa at heart and they’re talking about a #potential marriage for a lord lannister (!!!) and there’s going to be a big tourney held in Kingslanding for it (!!!)#and brienne remembers jaime mentioning the ought to go to Kingslanding in the next few weeks (!!!) and now she’s remembering jaime IS a #lord though not theee lord of the westerlands STILL a lord from one of the seven houses and he’s single and very eligible for marriage rn #and now she’s realising everything is returning back the way it was before the war where society rules matters and she has her own role as #now the evenstar bc rip selwyn and jaime has his own role too and the court is a whole different battlefield #one that she isn’t equipped in and even though she had found some new confidence in herself bc killing a bunch of ice invisible zombies #with your own magic sword will do that for you she doesn’t think (and she’s being objective not negative) she stands a chance in THAT

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whoopsiesnodaisies · 11 months

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Hate to say it, but I am a Severus Snape hater

I've had a crush on my friends, and they dated someone I didn't approve of... but I never called my friend a slur cause of it

#marauders #marauders era #james & peter & remus & sirius #dead gay wizards #fuck snape #if you like him that is fine like you do you #you're all gonna be like “but what about Regulus he's awful too” yes so true great point #but Reg doesn't know any better and Snape does know better like Reg was raised to hate muggle borns or else he'd literally be killed #Snape has no excuse though imo and I can't justify the way he treated Harry afterwords either #like if you really loved her then take care of her damn kid

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crimeronan · 1 year

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it's a little funny to me that people on here who haven't watched house md and have only heard about it through the grapevine seem to think that the asexuality episode is the only time that the show egregiously erred about a sensitive topic most people at the time knew nothing about. like i swear to god on EVERY post on here about the show being hashtag problematic there's ALWAYS someone in the comments going "and it was bad about asexuality which makes it worse!" and yes the show was bad about asexuality (i am ace. i know) and yes that happened at a time when asexuality was essentially unknown to almost everyone in america, but citing that as though it's like.... a singular event that only happened to one marginalized group who happened to be Particularly hated is like... very very Very much ignoring how frequent and systematic these writing choices were.

in curating a list of episodes to skip i'm finding archived contemporary articles written the DAY after episodes came out from various relevant organizations saying "hey!! hey!! this is the first time most of the american public has ever encountered this issue and you were fucking cruel and evil about it!!" about topics including but not limited to: asexuality, intersexism (TWICE), homophobia, Deaf culture, autism, schizophrenia, psychosis, low empathy, AIDS, and racial medical disparities. this is not the end of the list it's just the ones i can remember rn. the writers of the show did not ONLY think that asexuality doesn't exist. the writers of the show were afflicted with south-park-itis wherein every time they heard about literally any marginalized group having feelings or opinions different from the mainstream, they went, "wow, i don't like that! what's the best way to mock and belittle them as thoroughly as possible so that everyone knows that we're very very smart and know everything and these nasty people are very very stupid and deserve to be othered??"

the show doesn't Just suck about asexuality. it sucks about everything. and it's not because it's a cute tongue-in-cheek "ooo we hate everyone equally 🤗" thing. it's because the writers were actively vitriolic and cruel and inhumane about every single person they didn't care to understand. it's bad. the ace episode is not an outlier, it's par for the course for the entire series.

#house md #hate crimes md #love that that's a fandom tag. it is more apt than people realize #it's one of those shows where people always go 'hes SUPPOSED to be an asshole' and you go #'yeah because. because the writers wanted an excuse to be assholes. you get that there were motivations here right'#the same exact conceit and execution as south park. unfortunately when house is compelling and good it's COMPELLING AND GOOD #but it's not consistently that at all. there is no consistent morality or messaging #the messaging is simply 'we're angry at marginalized people and hate them and want to tell you about it'#'but some of us do have big feelings about addiction and disability and so we'll put those in there too. fuck you though'#like alright.#negative

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tortoisesshells · 5 days

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if you were in control of a dark shadows adaption (or, hypothetically, could alter the original; whichever you find more interesting to think about!) what does your ideal version of 1795 look like? are there things you would change? things you’d want to keep?

Let me preface this by saying I do genuinely like or appreciate a lot of the 1795 arc! When it's at its best, it's a tragedy born out of hubris and the terrible things we'll do for the people we love (or the terrible things we'll do to hold on to love. or the problem of love without respect). I'm up to episode 741, and the confrontation between Joshua and Barnabas over the latter's coffin is still one of the best scenes in the show, for my money. That said; Broadly speaking, most of my problems with 1795 either have to do with characterization, or with historical context: that DS's unwillingness to delve into historical realities undercuts its ability to talk about monsters, and that it completely mishandles Vicki to the point of functionally ruining the nominal main character (who, to be fair, was already being pushed out).

Historical Context: DS loves the past, conceptually, but it really doesn't deal in historical conditions, and that's on full display in 1795 - witchcraft trials? zippers? claiming a house built in the early 20th century, with the attendant architectural style, was actually built in the years leading up to 1795? okay. I forgive that, because we do live, narratively, in a world with witches and vampires and curses and passenger rail service north of Portland, ME after 1965 - and in a make-believe world where the costumes are as good as a budget of a crisp single and a pb&j can make 'em. I say this mostly lovingly: DS simply is not the kind of show that cares about historical plausibility, let alone accuracy. Plus, Reverend Trask was great, and on the basis of giving Jerry Lacy scenery to chew on, the witchcraft trial plotline is excused.

More seriously and damningly, I do think it's a glaring omission on a show being made and aired in the late 1960s to have three characters said to be from the (fictional) wealthiest family of planters and enslavers on Martinique and have that go unexamined and unpacked, especially when commentary on class in Collinsport has been a constant undercurrent (sometimes more of an under-trickle, or under-vague-breeze) since episode one - and because Joshua Collins is very explicit about how beneficial the connection between the two families will be for the Collinses, who always need cargo for their ships. [Since David Ford's here, you'll forgive the reference to 1776: "Molasses to Rum" playing vaguely in the background] But that's the problem with Post-Barnabas DS. Since there's a Collins running around befanged and literally drinking the blood of others, the show's lost interest in discussing how, exactly, the Collinses became wealthy and powerful, beyond the odd occasional reference to the fishing fleet and cannery or, in 1795, the shipyards. We've got a real vampire, what do we need all that metaphorical monstrosity and class/race/gender analysis for?

As a choice the show's made, I think it fundamentally undercuts one of the show's most reliable and interesting points of commentary: how charming and human some monsters are, or that humanity and monstrosity are not entirely mutually exclusive conditions.

also speaking of monstrosity. the show excuses Barnabas for so much outright evil because he preys on sex workers, primarily, and other assorted poor men and women of Collinsport, who the show ... doesn't really see as people. but that's a separate but not unrelated rant.

Characterization: really, this is about Vicki. So much of what I dislike about 1795 has to do with Vicki's characterization changing for the worse (granted, I think this problem starts much earlier, but see digression a below) once she hits the ground in 1795, AND that the 1795 arc continuously insulates her from the important parts of DS's narrative. If the whole point of Vicki landing in the past was to explain how it all began (whether that's Barnabas's vampirism, or the opening of the great house at Collinwood - Sarah's ghostly goals are unclear here), she's party to neither: Vicki spends very little time in Collinwood, and is kept completely apart from even a hint of knowledge that Barnabas is a vampire. In effect: Vicki, as nominal main character, gets sent into the past, but not as a character - she's just a windowpane, or a magic mirror as far as her importance to the narrative goes. Which is unfortunate for her, because as a character taking up space, she's given screen-time without agency, intelligence, or inner life. The only change that being dragged by her puppet strings through 1795 effects in Vicki Winters is a rope-burn from a failed hanging, an infected gunshot wound, and a I-wish-he-were-more-permanently-dead rebound boyfriend whose response to Vicki panicking about being hanged was to slap her for being hysterical.

Forgive me for being unimpressed.

As far as fixing it goes - there's where I've been striking out. She's fatally passive in 1795 as written. Why doesn't Vicki try to figure out how to get back to her present? (and if she doesn't, perhaps ... gesture at why Vicki might feel like there's not a lot to return to in the present? She nearly jumped from Widows' Hill about 10 episodes before 1795 started.) Why does Vicki persist in making herself suspicious, when she was introduced as a character hampered more by inexperience than true ignorance? In the idea 1795 that lives in my head, why wouldn't Vicki try to figure out who the real witch was, because - given her experiences with the supernatural! - surely a witch might be any help in getting her out of the 18th century and back into the present? End of day, she needs a real plot which doesn't end with her in prison unconnected to the Collinses. Whether that's searching for an escape hatch back to the Swinging Sixties, or Sarah's ghost giving her clear instructions - some kind of a goal! - Vicki either shouldn't exist in 1795 (recycle Moltke as another Collins sibling? that would add a wrinkle to the question of Vicki's antecedents) or she has to be given something to do.

&, finally ...

Digression A: In fairness to the 1795 arc, I think the arc was only following a pattern of characterization and plot involvement that started with Barnabas's arrival: first, that Vicki initially wasn't really involved in the Barnabas plot because she was more involved with the Liz & Jason plot, and, unfortunately for Vicki, everyone still talks about Barnabas, where no one (alas for Patrick and Bennett!) talks up the blackmail thing; second, I think, that the one-two punch of the definitive end of the era of metaphorical monsters & the Burke recast meant that a lot of the dramatic tension that Vicki was carrying either got dismissed or dissipated. We're not playing Jane Eyre any more, we're doing Dracula: Vicki's relationship with Roger and David no longer bears any dramatic weight. We've completely sidelined the question of Vicki's origins, so whether or not Liz is her mother doesn't matter (and the revelation and dismissal of Liz's not-actually-monstrous conduct sort of defangs that relationship, too? oh, Liz isn't actually a murderer? so mother or not, there's no strain on her relationship with the conspicuously virtuous Vicki.). Burke's no longer threatening to burn down Collinsport for revenge, and all of his various relationships with the Collinses or Collinsport denizens have gotten abruptly normalized, so there's no tension to his relationship with Vicki any more: he's rich (don't ask where the money came from), he's in love with her, and now he's chummy with all her friends/stand-in family members. He doesn't even have conversations that are totally just about pens or guns with Roger, for god's sake. The show kicked out all the pillars Victoria Winters as a character had been built on, and it only gets worse after 1795. No wonder Moltke left.

#I'm trying to be diplomatic & considered about this but much as I love 1795 the show refusing to play out Joshua's desire for the contract;#to carry cargo for the du Pres plantation to its logical end undercuts the fundamental monstrousness of the Collinses.#this is my personal opinion but: Barnabas isn't a monster because he's a vampire. Barnabas is a monster because he's typical of his class:#he fucks Angelique and expects to get away with it because she's a servant. He kills Jeremiah in a duel out of jealousy and excuses it;#as justified in light of Jeremiah's betrayal (which was not knowingly or willingly done) even though Jeremiah deloped;#he preys on the poor and vulnerable of Collinsport for their life blood just like his family - only more literally!#I'm not expecting this show to have a coherent moral viewpoint but for the love of mary mother of god. stop trying to make me believe;#Barnabas is inherently good. he's not. but fortunately he doesn't have to be good to be interesting.#ANYWAY.#i've been asking myself whether i actually understand what the show is trying to do and perhaps i don't;#maybe this is all just a lot of projection on my part. who can say. but you asked my opinion & this is what doesn't work about 1795 for me.#polkaknox talks #long post #meta #the news from collinsport #god. i've got so much more to say about the historical context - where it's genuinely interesting (Joshua's sneering at noble titles;#while founding a dynasty himself!) versus incoherent (witchcraft trials. whatever's going on with that naval contract. etc.)

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tampatom12 · 1 month

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Tampa Bay Buccaneers Team Reporter Casey Phillips: So you and Gronk got your 90th touchdown connection against Atlanta [Tom: Yeah!], which puts you second all time in the NFL. Why is he the guy you have this connection with?

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Tom Brady: He's hard not to have a connection with...he's so easy to like, be his teammate, to throw the ball to 'im, from a quarterback aspect. Just like, the connection we had since the beginning of our relationship, you know what I mean? He got picked when he was pretty young to come play together with me in New England and I think that position [the tight end] is so like, critical to the success of a quarterback because that throw to him is always available; you know, he's always a tough matchup to defend and then you put his incredible athletic ability and athleticism, uh, his speed; all the things that matter, but then there's an intellectual part that people don't see because they always think that Gronk is soft all the time but Gronk is a very very smart player, [and] person; he has very high awareness of everything, so we've been able to play together for a long time and do some really great things together and ummm...he just continues to blow me away. I mean, with all the stuff that he does as a player and how I seen him like, you know, go from a 20-year-old, 21 year-old kid to now, you know, he's just...he's so mature, [is] such a professional and...he LOVES football. He loves playin' and competin'. I think we're all...this team loves him as they should because he's just an amazing guy.

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Tom Brady talking about his Relationship with Rob Gronkowski // via the Tampa Bay Buccaneers YouTube Channel // Sunday, December 19th, 2021

#YES I realize that these are photos of them from their Patriot days and this quote is from their Tampa Bay era!!!#The quote fits with the images though and is a testament to how long they've been *like that*!!!!!! 🤩😍🔥💯💗💞#I wrote down what Tom said verbatim!!!#He loves Rob so SO much and SO deeply...#Excuse me while I go scream and cry and bang on a wall!!!!!!!!!#They are GOALS fr FR!!!!!!!#And now commentary on the last picture:#They are MARRIED ok; like the way they're holding on to each other and literally in each other's personal space?!?!?!?!#PLEASSSSEEEEE 🥺🥹😭🤧💗💓💞❣️❣️#Even in the first two pictures you can EASILY TELL how they're just in their own little world together despite all of the cameras and other #people around them!!!!!!!#I wanna know who took these photos 👀🧐🕵🏻‍♀️...what did they see that isn't on camera?!#Alright...that's all for now <3 #(((Anyway...!!)))#Tom Brady #Rob Gronkowski #New England Patriots #Tampa Bay Buccaneers #Tom/Rob #Rob/Tom #Gronkady #TB12 #RG87 #throwback!!#tampatom12.posts #babes #love

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chirpsythismorning · 1 year

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Mike couldn't say I love you to El for the longest time and it's because friends don't lie aka he sees her as a friend...

#stranger things #mike wheeler #analysis #byler #wait #but if you think about it #as much as mike is flawed #bc he is #him not being able to follow through with telling 'i love you' is one of the most honest thing a person can do #and this is where the ga and toxic milkvans get the whole excuse mixed up #that being why mike has a hard time telling el he loves her for so long #and it's not bc their parents don't say it and so they're scared of saying it and being left or something (?)#they are incapable of saying i love you when they don't truly feel it #that's it #they don't want to end up miserable like their parents #they don't want to end up in a relationship where there is a guise for love but in reality it's just not there like it should be #that's why nancy couldn't say it to steve #and that's why mike couldn't say it el #and i do believe that this is a good quality to have #though mike and nancy did go about it in confusing ways #it's a story and so that kind of needs to happen to keep things interesting #but this is something so subtle while also being so obvious #bc mike does care for el SO much #and that's why he just can't lie to her #he can't say i love you to her when that's not truly how he feels #least of all when he has this feeling deep down that his heart belongs to someone else #that's what makes lying that much harder for him #bc he knows what love feels like #but it's just not how he feels about el #it's how he feels about will

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pk-sideblog · 6 months

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Also, before someone decides to argue, I am a NaruSaku and SasuLee shipper. I literally think Sasuke is queer, but that doesn't erase that some of y'all just hate women. Because there is sincerely nothing Sakura Haruno has done that she A) Hasn't shown growth and moved away from behavior wise B) That isn't nearly as close to the same level of bad that Sasuke, Itachi, Neji, Gaara, Obito, or even Naruto "Probably would have been the coolest guy" Uzumaki have done. But, people rush to defend them but cannot extend the same grace to Sakura who was just an annoying teen girl?

You don't have to like her, but some of y'all need to really reflect and realize your dislike of her is rooted in some base of misogyny and because a femme presenting woman dared to be close to your favorites; or for some that a not femme enough presenting woman dared to not kiss your power fantasy's feet. Ultimately, sexism is a disease and it's disturbing the hold it still has on the Naruto fandom.

#discourse #pro sakura haruno #fandom sexism #fandom salt #Seriously #I am bored and tired of Sakura insulting #Sasuke is not a prize #Sasuke has been though a lot but THAT DOES NOT MAKE HIM A POOR DEFENSLESS FLOWER THAT NEEDS TO BE PROTECTED FROM THE EVIL WOMAN WHO WANTS TO #KISS HIM #FIRST OF ALL #He almost killed her so like straight up he can protect himself #Also #Sakura literally after a certain point loved him but focused on what was best Naruto's Sake #Sakura is not nearly as Sasuke obsessed as fans scream #Yall shoulf be looking at Naruto for that #Also Sasuke is just not that great of a person in Shippuden but y'all think mentall illness is an excuse fot everything #No one in Team 7 eas a perfect angel but you rush yo give Naruto Sasuke and Kakashi grace #Even Sai #But never Sakura the one woman #Hmm why is that

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andro-dino · 6 months

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Hi sorry for the ask jumpscare. I've been craving some Nile angst recently and may you could provide some of that Nile angst. (bc I randomly remembered the unrequited love Nile/Kyouya clip a while back. But it doesn't have to be about that.)

oooouhhh Nile angst,,, I haven’t had any angst thoughts in a while.

I think Nile’s interesting bc despite what he goes through, he’s actually very levelheaded and calm about it most of the time. I think he’s a very logical person and able to kinda see a lot of situations two steps ahead already, so he’s able to keep cool (for the most part) in the present. I think there’s a lot you could do with that there. I think the most obvious one is the emotional repression angle, where he’s almost too far ahead to the point where he’s not really letting himself feel in the moment. Like, he’s surprisingly chill about Kyoya’s outburst and split off from the group in fury considering how close they are, and he justifies that knowing that that’s just the kind of person Kyoya is and he wouldn’t expect him to stay tied down to something for long, and yet there’s still something about it that makes his stomach turn. He knows Kyoya’s a free spirit and not necessarily the friendliest person, so this isn’t really that out of character for him, yet part of him still wanted Kyoya to consider him a little more. For how close he thought the two were, they weren’t really getting much time together, and now with this, it only made him feel less secure about their bond. It’s kind of a feeling of his rationalism clashing with his own feelings and attachments, yk?

Another route I actually remembered I have thought a bit about before is how much Nile worries over Kyoya. Nile cares for Kyoya a ton, more than Kyoya probably even realizes, but he also knows that Kyoya has NO sense of self preservation and just wishes he would stop being so goddamn stubborn and reckless all the time. This thought is kinda inspired by wild fang vs gan gan galaxy, where Kyoya is super beat up and in no shape to battle after his battle with Gingka, yet still insists on going out there, despite Nile’s protests. Again, Nile kinda just accepts this as part of Kyoya’s character, but it worries him so much. I can definitely see and argument breaking out about that, and I think it could be interesting if Nile argued in this case that it’s selfish of Kyoya to be so reckless because of how much it disregards everyone else around him. It’s selfish because every time he does it, Nile is worried sick about what might happen to him, and he doesn’t even take the time to think about how his actions are causing that and considering anyone’s feelings besides his own. Like, not to pull out the “Why can’t you take care of yourself, if not for yourself then for me?” right now but like basically that. I’ve thought about this idea more lightheartedly before (I have an old ass doodle somewhere of Nile bandaging Kyoya up while the two yell at each other, ala “THIS IS STUPID IM FINE CHRIST THAT HURTS” “WELL MAYBE IF YOU WERENT GOING AROUND OVEREXERTING YOURSELF AND THROWING YOURSELF INTO TORNADOES, NEITHER OF US WOULD BE IN THIS SITUATION”) but I think it’s a very easy concept to make more angsty if you add more heartache into it.

Nile in general strikes me as the kind of independent but lonely type. In my head at least, he has a kind of duality between being fine on his own, and even preferring it at most points, but so desperately craving human connection and care. I think that’s part of what lets he and Kyoya get along so well in the first place, both are very free spirited and independent, but are able to understand each other and mesh more comfortably because of that. And with that, since there is a degree of yearning and relishing in that connection once he gets it, it’s only all the more confusing and painful once it’s called into question. Him kinda being under the impression that their relationship was something they both enjoyed more than being complete loners most of the time, yet he’s so willing to separate and say he doesn’t need anyone at all. Nile kinda figured they both needed each other a bit, so it’s strange realizing that may have been more one sided than he initially realized.

#axel’s silly little thoughts #nile beyblade #my ask box is always open I love being insane about fictional characters 🫶#always looking for more excuses to talk excessively about things im insane about #Nile’s a character who I think is very easy to make angsty but I always worry it’s gonna be ooc for him since he is so chill in canon #it’s fun to think abt that though #I think you could also for the very easy route of Nile realizing Kyoya’s entire being revolving around Gingka and being like #’hey what the fuck’#but I’m not really a big kyogin guy so I don’t really like to think about it much lolz <3

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