coughs loudly. scheduling this post for slightly later today so i have time to get lunch and not chicken out before it goes up
firstly i gotta apologise for dropping off the face of the earth. in hindsight it was creeping up on me for a long time I just didn't think anything of it/had enough stuff going on to ignore it for a while, but ive been wrestling with pretty abysmal mental health that just kinda hit me like a truck back in august. i wont get too much into it but things just ground to a halt and in the span of a week or so it legitimately felt like i stopped being a Person- i just stagnated, felt like i lost the ability and will to do anything or enjoy things or create like i used to, all my energy went into keeping it together in front of my family, and it made me way too anxious and ashamed and guilty to want to show my face. like who would want to put up with my stupid bullshit, right (wrong! that idea just made me unbelievably worse and i regret it extremely, but my anxiety was going extremely unchecked at this time). i don't think i've ever been that depressed before and i didn't at all know how to handle it or begin to claw my way out
fortunately, a combination of getting exercise + touching grass regularly and new enrichment/hyperfixations to latch onto like an orphaned duckling are very recently kicking some life back into me so to speak. who wouldve thought. and now where i used to still feel stomach-turning dread and paranoia thinking about getting back on tumblr and discord a week or two ago, it finally feels like i can handle dipping my toes back in. i'm making this post first bc i know most of my friends will see it, and that feels less taxing than explaining myself a bunch of different times over and over and dragging it out, but ofc i will try and get back into conversation when and as i can (askbox and discord is still best to reach me if you wanted). i'm just really sorry, and I hope you can forgive me, for making you worry or otherwise
i'm not sure what to do from here (i'm considering maybe moving main blogs to a clean slate eventually? this one will still be here i couldnt bear to get rid of it, i've just had it since i was 16 there's Baggage attached) but i'll be trying to ease my way back into relative normalcy before doing anything big ofc. in the meantime i will be vaguely floating around here again. see you around and thank you for your time..
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Since atla is again having an extra surge of popularity, I'm shooting my shot:
[ID: (Rest of image description in alt). At the bottom of the image sits the text: "Zuko: Okay. Well, I can't remember how it starts, but the punchline is "leaf me alone, I'm bushed."" ID end].
Did we ever find out what the setup for this joke was? I feel kinda haunted by it. If not- anyone wanna make their best or worst guesses?
edit: I now know what "I'm bushed" mean, but go ahead anyway 👍
haunted thoughts in tags ↓
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Gonna do a painting a day until they tell us the truth
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obito's version of madara's life and konoha's foundation etc. is so funny like it just makes no fucking scents! lol. like .. i remember when i read this for the first time i was like um. huh?? like madara and his motives, it all seems so nebulous in there. the uchiha and senju, they want to make peace but madara is like ugh, no, i would rather keep fightinggg 😣 but then he's like alright man, whatever, we will make peace but THEN. hashirama wants to become hokage (which .. not true) and like madara, again, is like ummm no, EYE want to become hokage (also not true) lets fight to the death abt it. and also his clansmen, they hate him (that part is true i guess) but he also did tell them before that he'd rather keep fighting! so his brother's sacrifice would be worth it like obito is like "i told them WHERE is ur fighting spirit?? where has all ur hatred and willingness to keep killing each other gone" or smth and like "madara" in the memory is shown to like rant abt it to his clansmen who then do decide that they hate him (which. understandable?? LMFAO) and at some point he's like well they BETRAYED me :( so i left the village to come back later and fucking blow the shit out of it like it just doesnt make any sense? Madara makes no sense in this story. maybe the real madara was just fucking senile as fuck when he told obito all of this but like obviously he also wanted to hide some details. no details abt him and hashirama, no details abt the nature of their bond and his death etc. but i think he might also just not be a very good liar. asfsgdhds. like he just doesnt fill in the blanks very well. doesnt seem so concerned abt how all that makes HIM look either. he's just like yeah, i was obsessed with power and battle so i destroyed everything for myself ^_^ not MY fault tho. write this down. and obito is like alright alright .. ✍🤨 sure
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Haha what if,,what if I made a future AU where they were all counselors at camp Campbell,,,
(I say "what if" like i haven't already been developing one in my brain)
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I had a sneaking suspicion already but Hobie Brown Spiderpunk really highlights how many of you people looooove the punk aesthetic and calling yourself and things 'punk' but either can't stand by or know absolutely nothing about the music or the ideology
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My friend is already finishing up season 1 of Good Omens :D
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long fucking rant about the joy of reading a good book. (not at all accurate title)
I just finished reading Felidae! incredible book I really love the story and- okay bear with me. I got the book a few years back because my mom mentioned reading it when she was younger. I told her I'd want to read it as well and she went through the painstaking process of finding it (which was not easy because the Author is a right fucking prick so his books aren't really sold anymore.)
so we found it on ebay eventually.( god knows I am not givin that author my money) I left it alone for a few years, had other shit to read and actually did not read much at all during that time...
right fast forward I decide I should read it because one of my terrible habits is starting thousands of things at once and never really finishing any of em. SO AND THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING! I read the first 3 pages or so n talked to my mom and brother about it shortly, saying I liked the way it was written, the characters, the exposition, etc etc- AND at the mention of the plot my brother goes "oh! I've heard of that! it's the book that some german studio made into that horrifying animated movie adaptation!" AND IT ALL CAME CRASHING DOWN
because I remember what he meant because you KNOW tiny me with unrestricted internet access had seen some clips of the gory , disturbing cat-movie before! and you know what? I was unfortunate (or maybe fortunate , seeing how I'm a massive horror fan now) enough to watch "Watership down" as a kid so when I saw Felidae being ranked even HIGHER than that movie in those "ooh horrofying disturbing kids movieees ooh" lists, I swore I'd never watch it..
and here we are, I read that boook so fast and it is actually incredibly entertaining (i also just have never read a "krimi" before so I definitely have a high appreciation for the genre now)
I am incredibly excited to watch the movie. JUST AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH a 2D animated thriller-detective cat movie with horrorfying scenes and absurd amounts of gore??? COUNT ME IN
TL:DR : I realize that reading is fun if you actually have a good book to read and obsess over the story of a cat solving a series of cat murders
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As someone who maintains that Luciana thought Erik was going to look like Timothée Chalamet, who treasures Luciana and has two AUs where she prospers in the works, as someone who BELIEVES in the potential they had, upon seeing this image I--
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Thunderings are happening, my brain has funneled off into hcs mode
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anyway my issue with a lot of other helpols (which just makes me avoid the larger community and do my own thing in my corner) is that a lot of them are recon (which is fine!!!) but i am inherently informal and weird as shit in my practice. i call hades and hestia my spiritual dad/mom, hermes gets donuts as offerings when i’m trying to get to class on time and avoid traffic, i once asked artemis to keep deer from jumping out in front of my car on a road trip home with an offering of granola/sports bars. when people get too formal with the gods and pull out the titles, i usually bail bc it makes me uncomfortable. my relationship with my deities is extremely deep and connected, and it’s not that people who have more formal relationships with them can’t also have those, but it’s that if i called hades “lord hades” with any seriousness, he’d hit me with a rock, basically.
i don’t judge other people for their practices or more formal relationships bc honestly, it’s between you and your gods, but like… my go-to offering is the pomegranate brookside dark chocolates, and yes. sometimes i eat them out of my offering dishes the next day.
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maybe i need to steal a name from a fictional character. that's usually the best. the question is who
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