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xxnomadsxx · 2 months

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so floyds colors in the movie look just ever so slightly duller than they did when the brozone bros were younger (at least to me) and that coupled with the down facing ear tips leads me to believe he’s a little gray himself (not surprising after…everything)

maybe thats one of the reasons he didn’t come back? he used to be the sensitive one, most likely the peace maker of the family who tried to talk things out (as seen when he tries to talk vanner into letting him go) and put on a smile to hide his own issues

what if he didn’t come back because he couldn’t do that anymore? that the issues he kept to himself were starting to affect his color and he thought others knowing would cause more issues then it would solve? that is until he was kidnapped and physically couldn’t.

now don’t be fooled im not defending him leaving branch alone by any means it was still a terrible thing to do im honestly just speculating with the little screen time floyd got

i love your au and the fun ideas that come with it keep it up with the amazing work!

also may i be dubbed 🐝 anon?

Thanks for the love!!! And don’t worry I’ll keep it up!

Floyd definitely had to have been grey right?!!?! Especially for a good period of time since his ears were deformed similar to Branch’s and when the other trolls went grey there ears stayed the same so he had to have been grey for a good period of time (maybe he turned grey during a rough patch in his solo career and felt like a failure leaving Branch for a failing career)

Honestly it would be hypocritical of me to hate on Floyd for not coming back because he was ashamed of being grey (when a part of the grey village au is how all the grey pop trolls are to ashamed to go back to pop village)

I give the brothers a lot of hate as you can see in my past posts with how the village is shown to despise them! When in reality I do LOVE them to!! I just have a lot of hate for their actions and feel they should be given consequences for them, such as their brother moving on and getting a new family (plus an entire village that hates them) Honestly I think it’s fine that they left, family can’t be forced to stay with you your entire life (like when your siblings go to college) my problem is how they left during an ARGUMENT! How they cut contact, How they left A BABY!!! In a town with a yearly genocide of trolls (and their grandma) He was left in the care of an old lady, an old lady who was old (I have nothing against grandparent caretakers) She would have had a difficult time raising a baby with her age (not to mention being a gambler, weird thing to learn about her) She seems to have done really well raising Branch from flashbacks in the show or when she’s talked about BUT STILL!! She also could’ve dropped dead any second (who knows what a trolls life expectancy is?!?!?! She could’ve been on death’s doorstep for all we know!)My point is they left him in a bad environment where he could die by the hands of troll eating Bergens Rosie did good, but she was old (also she let all her underage grandkids leave LIKE WHAT??!!?!! She was just playing rummy during the fight too 😦 wtf Rosie!!!)

Sorry this was a bit of a rant- and I don’t mean to offend anyone with how I think it was bad that grandma Rosiepuff was made his guardian because she is old!! I was mostly speaking through my cousins experience with how grandparents can’t be as attentive as they should when taking care of a kid (let alone a baby) because of their age, they will try their best they just have problems due to being older (I mean their bodies aren’t exactly as they used to be)

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holocene-sims · 2 months

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next // previous

august 25, 2021 9:00 p.m. seoul

**TW: SUICIDE MENTION**

[grant] hey, not to bring up the previous conversation, but uh, i wanted to say i'm sorry you had to deal with me the same year you were going through so much. it wasn't fair.

[henry] it's okay, grant. i don't think your motivation for being an addict and attempting suicide that year was, "yeah, fuck henry, i want to make his life so much worse right now. his dad's dead, he may not have enough credits to get his degree this may, and now me!"

[grant] it doesn't matter what it was. the fact is that my problems hurt other people. i didn't just harm myself. and i was not a pleasant person that last year when you really needed pleasantry.

[henry] yeah, i'm not going to lie to you, that very last year of college, i thought the version of you i knew and loved was gone.

[grant] i was insufferable.

[henry] correct. you were an asshole.

[henry] for the most part. you did try to be good again and be there for me when my dad died.

[henry] it was weird. i hadn't seen you sober in years, but when i called you for the first time in a few weeks because there was no one else besides soobin i wanted to talk to about my dad dying, you showed up to my place kind of normal again.

[henry] i don't want to say "sober" because you probably weren't, but you were at least on fewer substances than i was used to at the time, so you seemed sober.

[henry] you weren't in a place to show up for people long-term because you were suffering, too, but you tried. you checked on me every day for a few weeks until finals hit and everything got crazy for everyone. well, no, until we threw that intervention for you right before finals. nonetheless, i appreciated the effort.

[henry] it stopped me from cutting you out, so there's that.

[henry] i'm not trying to sound rude either, please don't take it that way. it was just a lot. i would have regretted it if i cut you out, and i didn't want to at my core because i do not want to do life without you, but i didn't think you had it in you to get out of that spiral you were in for years. i really did not. i thought you were done for.

[henry] i'm sensitive, even if i never sound like it. i was mad at you for bad behavior, but i was also, um, really sad to see you like that. i love you. i've loved you as a brother and a best friend for almost my entire life. and i did not think i could stomach watching you die at your own hand. it made me sick.

[henry] and it probably makes me a bad friend to have felt that way. one, to have thought about cutting you out, and two, to have had so little faith left in you. you deserved more faith from me. if the roles were reversed, you'd never give up on me.

[grant] don't say that. everyone has their limit, and it's hard to know where it is until you finally hit it. i would have one, too.

[grant] and man, you were meant to feel that way. i meant it when i told you i pushed people away purposely.

[grant] whatever conscience and consciousness i had during that time always reminded me that i was terrified of hurting other people. i was very well aware i was probably causing, like, terrible amounts of pain to my friends and family, and i didn't want to do more damage when i killed myself, so...

[grant] yeah, i always meant to kill myself. i thought about it every day for years, honestly all the way back into high school, and i got super close to trying it about a billion times, but i only ever went through with any of my plans once.

[grant] and i'll regret for the rest of my life that you and my grandparents had to see what i did to myself on graduation night.

[grant] but anyway, i chose to have those awful behaviors because i felt like if i ran everybody off and made them leave, they'd be glad i was dead and wouldn't hate me for what i did and just forget me.

[grant] terrible, terrible strategy! like holy shit! i also entirely regret acting out like that, the much happier and stable version of myself from the last, like, eight years realizes that made everything worse and wouldn't have fixed anything anyway.

[grant] trying not to hurt people by hurting them upfront is a fucked up strategy. just entirely fucked up and counterintuitive.

[henry] no, it wouldn't have worked. you'd have left everyone traumatized by not being able to repair things with you.

[henry] so, whether you like it or not, people do like you. people tend to really, really like you. you have a very magnetic, charming personality that very few other people in the world share.

[henry] and people do want you around. i want you around.

[henry] i know what i just said, but i really do want you around.

[henry] but also, wow. i guess you did a great job at trying to run us off since it almost worked on me.

[grant] it was easier than acknowledging people care about me or worry about me. i'm not good at that.

[grant] oh, and in those rare early moments where i thought that i needed help, i was scared everyone would only ever see me as a fucked up shell of a human being. like if i got better, i would still be reduced to the guy with problems.

[grant] i'm glad that i regret trying to kill myself. there's a lot i would have missed out on, including the chance to be nice to myself. but i do worry that some of those things are true, that fucked up is the only way people see me, even strangers.

[grant] i feel like glass sometimes. like everyone looks through me and sees the worst in me and only the worst.

[henry] i'm sorry you feel that way.

[henry] it's a little ironic, though. the more you hold back from telling your loved ones these things or try to push us away so we never see you struggling with anything ever, the more we worry you have the same exact problems that almost killed you before.

[grant] i've really backed myself into a corner, eh?

[henry] there's about a million things i could respond to that with, but here's the most important one. you're worth worrying about.

[henry] you spend your life looking after people and telling everyone to care about others, like you just told me to worry about my future kids, but you seriously do not believe you deserve that in return, and i don't get it. no, i do, but i don't.

[henry] yes, your parents taught you that you don't deserve love, but then again...

[grant] i'm trying to believe. and i have gotten at least a little better. my birthday, you know? i handled that pretty well.

[henry] everyone has flaws. we could and should try harder to not emphasize yours so much. but i don't see those flaws first. and if i do think about them, it's because i don't want them to take you away.

[henry] you don't see my flaws first, do you? clearly, you don't. right? you don't act like you see them.

[henry] the person i see you as is the kid who became friends with me two decades ago. some random nice kid who approached the one new kid at the park sitting by himself and played with him even though they couldn't talk to each other yet. some random kid who learned the basics of my language on the internet to write me a sweet letter saying, "hi, i'm grant, i'm six years old, and i want to be your friend." it didn't even matter it was written poorly.

[henry] i see a lot of good things in you. remember, i was just telling everyone about how nice you were to help me save the first dinner i hosted for soobin. a day ago, you helped me get over failure, one of my lifelong biggest fears, for an hour or two.

[henry] but i think our beginning sums you up nicely. i don't know anyone else who would have gone to such lengths for some nobody new kid. you didn't owe me your time or your respect and yet you gave it to me. and that was a weird time in my life. everything turned upside down when i moved. to have a friend like you then was...

[henry] and of course, nothing's changed. you're still a kind person. you're funny. you're smart. you're just you. you're one of the only people on earth who isn't fake. the kid i remember isn't gone. i'm glad he survived. i'm glad i didn't lose him.

[grant] despite everything, it's still me?

[henry] yes. but so we're clear, you don't have to do nice things to be worthy of being liked. you're likable on your own. i'm only saying that your kindness stands out to me, and i know that you value that trait, so it bears mentioning. you've been very good to me. i can forgive the times when you weren't. i've been a jackass before, too. i've probably been a jackass to you.

[grant] i feel like we've said thanks a lot today but thanks for sticking with me. don't feel bad that you thought i couldn't get better. that was my fault. but you're still here. and you showed up on graduation night for me. i'm beyond sorry that you had to see any of that, like i cannot repent or apologize enough in my lifetime, but thank you.

[grant] i owe you my life.

[grant] i owe you a lot but that first.

[grant] i've said it before but it should be repeated, you know? i definitely would have died if you didn't come that night. aside from my uncle, you're the only one i know who can pick a lock.

[henry] just do not make me do it again. i would show up a second time, but it would be better on my psyche if that was unnecessary.

[grant] it won't happen again. i've been good for a long time, but i'm great now and most of all, appropriately medicated for bipolar disorder. it's all going to be okay.

[grant] we're going to go home, continue being best friends forever, you're going to be a great dad one day.

[henry] and you will get your job back!

[grant] great minds think alike! now, how much longer until the arcade? i promise i'll let you win a game of air hockey for once.

#tw suicide #tw suicide mention #tw drug mention #ts4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #sims 4 storytelling #simblr #hlcn: everything the stars promised #I'M NOT SORRY THIS IS SO LONG GUYS IT'S WORTH IT IMO #ALSO THE GRADUATION DAY INCIDENT I'VE WRITTEN ABOUT FOR YEARSSSSSS IS FINALLY BEING EXPLAINED #this is a sad post in many ways but i'm excited to be tying up some of these storylines i created a long ass time ago #also i was trying to be extra safe about the tws here because i never know if the tags alone are enough #post x100 script: sometimes we don't get to see grant's flaws bc this story is through his perspective but here we go here's a look at them #holocene.docx #holocene.png #hlcn: grant #hlcn: henry

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miracles-and-butterflies · 11 days

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Is there a logical, non-asshole reason absolutely no in the family knows or cares that Mirabel is gone without a trace in the Cyclone AU? Are your bitch villain versions of Dolores and Isabela in Cyclone just that much worse in the AU? So much so that they forgot they had a younger sis/cousin? The other family so idiotic that they forget Julieta has three daughters? Is Bruno a moron in this AU? I don't understand the Ride the Cyclone AU. Loved the musical. Yours looks like it's going to be great, but I'm utterly confused. Why leave Mirabel out completely? Do you hate her that much?

To answer this simply: same reason in the musical why they don’t remember Jane/Penny. It’s not rocket science. 🤷‍♀️

For the last time: I don’t hate Mirabel. I think that’s pretty obvious. Why the hell would I use her so much if I didn’t? Why would she be my profile picture?

Nobody in the family hates her either, so I’m very confused as to what implied that for you and honestly suggest you read things over again.

Also what is this “bitch villain versions” thing about? There is no villain in this. I’ll admit Dolores has a spike in ambition and is somewhat more callous to the group (she had to fit Ocean’s arc), but given the fact they just experienced a lot of trauma, you can’t expect them to all know exactly what the right thing to do in the situation is. They are all trying, but the truth of the matter is that they are scared, hurt and confused.

I digress, let’s get into the ambiguous mystery of Mirabel in Ride the Cyclone AU.

When the theme park came to town, Mirabel was asked if she wanted to go - of which, she said no, due to not liking heights, speed, etc. Subsequently, only the other four kids went with Bruno acting as a chaperone (in the background - the kids only met up with him for lunch, pre-Mirabel’s arrival).

While they were doing that, Mirabel went to visit her paternal grandparents, delivering some of her mother’s cooking to them. She did visit them, they took what they wanted and she left; quicker than usual. On her way back, she ran into Dolores, who having gotten whiplash from Isabela on the bumper-carts, was more than happy to see her with healing food. Eventually, Mirabel was convinced to wonder around the fairground - to also provide healing food, if/when Dolores needed it later.

She chickened out of all the rides but did nosy around the stalls and things. Luisa won her a doll on the classic “test your strength” game, which she also broke in the process. There had been some light, typical sibling teasing from the others about her not going on any rides that built through the course of the afternoon. So by the time they decided to ride the Cyclone, she was starting to feel peer pressure. At last minute, she ran after them and joined the queue - having nowhere to put her doll, she took it with her.

Luisa, Isabela and Camilo were too distracted in their own nonsense, they didn’t initially hear or notice Mirabel board with them. Dolores did, obviously because of her gift and well, she was sat next to the girl… cut to the axle breaking and the kids die.

In limbo, the group have no memory of a fifth rider. (As in the musical, the kids have no idea who Jane Doe, so they similarly had their memories wiped). Jane, or in this case, Desconcida don’t have any memories or knowledge of before either.

Back in reality, the family do care about Mirabel. However, as Mirabel was so against the idea of going to the theme park, they don’t really consider the fifth body was hers. (Though, they did all go and try identify the body - the entire thing was pretty mangled and the clothes were indistinguishable, so there was no way of knowing in their defence). Their belief is that on the way back home, Mirabel saw the crash and panicked, running away.

They do spend weeks looking for her, leading search parties. But they never find her or any trace of the girl, so nobody knows what happened.

And Bruno’s vision only shows the four kids, with the slight view of a headless body in the back. There was not enough to indicate anything about the fifth rider’s identity.

#encanto #ask me anything #encanto ride the cyclone au

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elliebartlets · 19 hours

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my initial and subsequent thoughts on the ttpd songs.

warning: this is not eloquently worded. I was also high while listening to some of them

fortnight

* “I was a functioning alcoholic until no one noticed my new aesthetic” ??? What the hell does that even mean??

* I don’t mind the beat/flow of the song but at the same time it’s kinda boring.

* on first listen I didn’t mind it, I think it’d be a grower or just like a nice background song

later thoughts:

* It’s fine but I still don’t get the appeal of it

the tortured poets department

* It’s alright? I don’t like some of the lyrics (“I scratch your head and you fall asleep like a tattooed golden retriever”) again, what lmao or the name dropping of people (Charlie Puth, Lucy, Jack)

later thoughts:

* I like some parts of this song but other parts I really don’t.

* I also think it could be cut by like a minute

my boy only breaks his favorite toys

* I honestly don’t know how I feel about this one? I don’t love it, I don’t hate it, I don’t have any strong opinions on this one. it’s just there. I think it could be a grower?

later thoughts:

* it grew on me, but still not my favorite.

down bad:

* this one’s ok. I don’t mind it but again, I think it could be a grower

* I think my problem so far with these songs is that they feel more like background songs to me. songs I can easily zone out to. and that’s fine in some situations, but I want a song that grabs my attention and stays there.

later thoughts:

* still feel pretty much the same. Its fine but not my favorite

so long, london:

* not bad. I think I can appreciate it objectively, and know this is probably gonna be a favorite by a lot of people, but for me it’ll probably be just a song that’s there and if it’s on it’s on but I won’t seek it out.

but daddy I love him:

* ok apparently a lot of people rank this one very low (I’m guessing it’s because it’s about Matty Healy?) but I don’t mind it??

fresh out the slammer:

* *I’m now listening to this album high*

* can’t remember how it went but I didn’t mind it! it was kinda catchy

later thoughts

* one of my favorites

Florida!!!

* “my friends all smell like weed or little babies” Taylor again, what the fuck??

* hearing Florence and Taylor on a song is wild lol

later thoughts:

* not sure what this song is about or how I feel about it but I like Florence’s part

guilty as sin?

* I like this one

* A lot

* idk if it cause I’m high or am I getting kinda country vibes? like “older taylor” sound?

* I’m liking this one

later thoughts:

* probably my favorite on the album!!

who’s afraid of little old me?

* I’m getting little red riding hood vibes from the title??? I think it’s because it reminds me of Who’s afraid of Virginia Woolf? and also who’s afraid of the big bad wolf? So hearing Wolf makes me think of little red riding hood lol

* Idk what she’s talking about but to me it’s now a canon song about the big bad wolf in little red riding hood

* non-high thoughts: Jesus idk why I thought of red riding hood lmao but anyway, nothing crazy standing out to me. decent enough I guess?

I can fix him

* dude I didn’t even register this song I was trying to make me little red riding hood thing make sense

* non-high thoughts: this did nothing for me lol

loml

* started thinking about my grandparents at the beginning and then zoned for a bit out lol

* but I like this one a lot!!!

* very calming and I liked some of the lyric play

later thoughts:

* one of my favorites!!

I can do it with a broken heart

* ok. Bitch werk.

* I’m shaking my ass

* Oh shittttt I’m on the club floorrr

* Omg super Mario

* Ok this is a bopppp wtf

* Where is this song taking me???

* and we’re back to head bopping

* serious video games mode

* Omg it just ended

* Damn okkk!!

later thoughts:

* this song is fun but I need to be in the mood to listen to it

the smallest man who ever lived

* I’m kinda upset this one is slow and sad i want the fun beat back!!!

* I really liked the last minute and a half ish tho!!

later thoughts:

* still really like the last minute and a half

the alchemy

* idk but I’m getting nice vibes

* Like music wise. idk what the lyrics are saying, I’m too high for that

later thoughts:

* don’t have a strong opinion on this one tbh

clara bow

* I like this one

* STEVIE NICKS REFERENCE?!!?!?

* didn’t like her referencing herself at the end tho

later thoughts:

* still like this one a lot.

the black dog

* yeah this one’s fine. not my favorite and probably wouldn’t see it out but it’s decent enough.

later thoughts:

* I like it more than when I first listened to it.

imgomnagetyouback

* I was super focused on this song and I liked it!!

the albatross

* yeah. good. I’m getting tired tbh lol I may finish the rest tomorrow

later thoughts:

* one of my favorites!!

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

*it’s now the next morning and I’m not high anymore*

* This one’s fine, kinda boring. I did not register any of the lyrics lol

How did it end?

* I didn’t mind this one. the lyrics were good, but idk I really don’t like a lot of the slower songs on here it seems

so high school

* I like the production

* some of the lyrics were fine, some were kinda cringy? which I wanna say is what she was going for cause it’s supposed to be how she feels like she’s in high school with him but I don’t think she intended for them to be lol

later thoughts:

* yeah same thoughts as when I first listened to it.

i hate it here

* I appreciate the theme of disassociation and going into your own little world or wanting to go into a different time, but it didn’t really do anything for me

thanK you aIMee

* gee I wonder who this song’s about…

* I like the production, although the song just sounds recycled and similar to some of her other songs to me

I look in people’s windows

* “cause I’m a deranged weirdo” ok glad she said it not me lol

* in all seriousness it’s a nice, light sounding song (production wise). kinda reminds me of its nice to have a friend: short, a little different from the other songs

the prophecy

* I like this one. I like the melodies and how she sings it

Cassandra

* kinda boring but she has nice vocals

Peter

* I like the lyrics more than the music/production

the bolter

* I like this one.

* Not much to say but it’s got a nice rhythm and it’s cute and light

later thoughts:

* I like it more on subsequent listens

robin

* its not bad, but it’s another zone out song for me.

the manuscript

* again, not bad, but it’s not doing anything for me.

#taylor swift #ttpd

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poolsidescientist · 2 years

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How I Almost Became an Evangelical

I’m not American but as someone who a) watches the news b) knows people in the US and c) is capable of basic compassion the Roe v. Wade overturning is deeply disturbing. The American Supreme Court has six members responsible for (including other rulings such as preventing gun control, etc.) more loss of life than even the most prolific of serial killers. And it only feels like the beginning of the hard-fought rights they hope to overturn. They’re able to do this because the right, especially Evangelicals have fought for it so hard for so long. I’ll never forgot how I almost became one of them.

Unlike many, I wasn’t born into an Evangelical family. I actually have an interfaith background (half-Jewish and half Christian). I had family on both sides but only a handful of them were in any way reliable and/or in the area. Both my parents were treated kinda terribly by their siblings and we didn't really have a religious or ethnic community aside from a few family friends and my grandparents. My dad’s family was Jewish but not religious and we spent the Jewish holidays with a few family friends but the few times I went to the synagogue I found it stifling (I hated the whole women sitting in a separate box thing) and because my mom wasn’t Jewish I wasn’t really part of that community unless I went out of the way to convert which kid me, was not really into. My mom’s parents never really went to church. We had our ethnic Christian traditions but weren’t Protestant or Catholic like all the other Christians around me. I wasn’t the right kind of white person. I learned this early on. I also learned to tic whichever box on the Protestant/Catholic form that the people around me valued most.

When I was around 8-9 my mom and I started going to church. It was pretty liberal and accepting and honestly, that aspect of it was great. I really wanted to learn about Christianity and connect with people, especially as I grew into a teenager. People were nice but nobody really cared and again, I felt like I was the wrong kind of person. I tried to get involved and tried really hard to find a way for them to value me. It was a brick wall. By my teen years there were several serious illnesses in my family and a lot of instability. I desperately needed support and thankfully I had a few nice neighbours but overall it was empty. I was there physically but with all the other stresses in my life I was a mess. I was a good student, I worked hard in my extracurriculars and to help my family out but it was never enough.

I think I was 15 when I ended up going to some Evangelical convention for some reason. It was silly, ideologically a bit empty but I remember doing something I had yet to do at a church before. Make friends. So, I ended up going to my friend’s church and youth group. It was in the area and I didn’t know anyone. I had no baggage and honestly, the youth group was great and part of me is forever thankful for it. I learned that I could be funny, and charming, and outgoing. I got to be a teenager. I didn’t have to perform or prove I deserved to be there. It was one of the few places in my life I actually let myself have fun. And I wasn’t alone. I made friends with my friends parents, we shared jokes and baked goods. When my mom was late as she always was picking me up one of the youth group leaders would stay and chat with me. I did activities at my other church and I spent a lot of time alone in the parking lot. Here, I wasn’t left out in the cold. I wasn’t left out at all.

I would go to that church and sometimes it would be amazing sermons but other times there would be homophobic or anti-abortion/sex education rants. A roll of the dice. But at the same time people would make sure I was okay or bring food if my dad was in the hospital. Everything they stood for was against my values, but they loved me whereas the good people with the good values didn’t. Maybe I didn’t deserve the love of good people and this was all I could ever hope for. This was the community I could get. I loved them. And in spite of everything, a part of me will always kinda love them.

One of my youth group leaders, the one who waited for my mom with me, died on my 20th birthday. I still think of him sometimes. The funeral made me sick. It wasn’t about him. It was an infomercial about becoming an Evangelical. I’m surprised it wasn’t a hotline. I think that was the first big crack in my thinking that caused me to reevaluate my life. I loved the church enough to live with but not die for. But on and off I came and went from both places. A year later my father died. The good liberal people came to the funeral but the Evangelicals were the ones who really showed up. In spite of everything I could still talk to them. The next few years were back and forth. I tried a new church on for size. I finished my bachelor’s degree. I job hunted. Everything was back and forth. I did a Master’s degree. I made friends in all the places. I couldn’t commit but I couldn’t let go. Somehow I’ve learned enough diplomacy to have everyone like me but nobody be too attached to me. I’ve kept their politics from being my problem. If someone had fallen in love with me I would have stayed and never looked back.

I think the turning point was getting into my current field of study as a PhD student. At this point being an Evangelical is bad for my career but honestly, it’s more than that. I’ve made friends from so many different backgrounds. They are filled with their own loves and fears and hopes and dreams and I cannot commit to a community which sees them as less than human. They deserve better, not just because I love them but because they are people. I also have enough education, enough social support, enough of a career potential that I can step forward. I’m still a Christian, I still believe in God but I can do better. I have to do better. I know now that I can.

So, you might be at the end of this novel asking what this has to do with Roe v. Wade and the Evangelical right? Well, the thing is, they’re successful because they let people in. At least in my experience, and I’m not speaking for anyone else, my experiences probably aren’t anywhere near universal and I have my share of privilege, they want you to be one of them. With those churches I didn’t hit the brick wall of not having the right family or right ethnic background or was good enough to deserve love and support. No. They encouraged me to join in their beliefs and share their community. They called and brought food and listened and put effort into raising their youth. The Evangelical right, cruel as they are support their community. If you don’t take care of people’s basic material and social needs nothing you have to say matters in the end. And they know this. And they are consistent. If hadn’t gotten into grad school, or had someone fall in love with me, or I was just a little more vulnerable I would never have left. And there’s always someone just a little more vulnerable.

#such is life #religion #politics #christianity #boy howdy did I write a lot #I don't usually share this much #but I guess I had so much to say so uh #here it is

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disco-cola · 8 months

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damn im literally having a crisis again realizing that im turning 27 next month and i still live in the same city suburb i was born in like i have never lived anyplace else than this town my entire family lives here and i have a very small but close family (my mom, brother and grandparents) and couldnt imagine living far apart from them like we dont see each other daily sometimes not even weekly but talk on the phone almost daily and me with my anxious hypochondric ass i couldnt imagine living anywhere else not near them like i know sooo many people my age live far away from their families but ive had it in 2 cases that friends of mine who arent from here originally have had a family member suddenly p4ssing 4way and not making it home in time and i just couldnt fucking live with that like i hate it here so much i hate my suburb but i hate the city itself too like even more because its just too overrun too try hard hip too yuppie i literally do not even wanna hang out let alone live closer to the center no thanks but i am sort of craving a little more excitement but theres like no city in germany or actually the entirety of fucking eu central and west i am actually drawn to?? i'd love to maybe live by the baltic sea for a while but living there must be unbearable in the summer with all the tourists and otherwise its pretty much d€ad up there ugh i honestly wish my entire family would just pack up and be willing to move too like i would have no problem whatsoever getting out of here in that case but they would never lmao (also lets be real we would be at each others throats in less than a day all together) but i honestly feel so stuck and even tho mentally i still feel exactly the same as i did at 20 years old (probs because my life is still very similar to what it was like then) society tells me time is running out and you can only do such stuff when you're young and ugh i really wanna be living in the states for a few months but i have virtually no money no job (no motivation) am plagued by chronic illnesses and am an avid enjoyer of healthcare and gun control (i just want the US landscapes, some stores and most importantly the places where rock history was made like the states are just more rock n roll and i love the retro americana aesthetic thats all i want)

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hdsienna · 1 year

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hello! nice to meet you all! i'm j and i'm here to bring you kang sienna (kang siyoung)! a 20 year old somewhat starlet who's trying her hand at this industry again, mainly because she's mostly funded by her parents who don't care more to invest in her. she has siblings and step-siblings but she's not close to any of them.

if she's not at the company or dorms, she's with her friends and when they have breaks, her focus is on seeing her grandparents.

below! you'll find more about siyoung and as well as some rough plots! also, if anyone wants to give me to permission to use their profile layout bc im too lazy to make my own, pls!

about

her mother and father divorced when she was 10 years old, her mother is an actress and her father a music producer. he works with a lot of korean artist.

she lived in gwangju until she was 5 but often visits her grandparents, her satoori has stayed due to this and she's proud of it.

her parents did one of those baby tv shows so she was in the public eye at a young age.

from age 9 - 12 in a few popular drama's. mainly at the pushing off her parents. so when the divorce came, it was messy (mainly on her dad's side) and very public. finally, the cord was cut and her father went back to america. they've only talked on the phone a few times, he sends money and gifts but they don't have a relationship.

her mom threw herself into work and was barely around, deeming sienna old enough to fend for herself.

her mom never really wanted kids so sienna was able to be a wild child for a bit (still is sorta)

she faded from the spotlight and developed her interest more, siyoung always liked attention so becoming an idol was her new goal. in trying out her skills, she was a good performer and leaned well into rap and dance but she doesn't consider herself a horrible vocalist.

maybe, she's more of a daddy's girl than thought.

she joined a company and there were red flags but her debut came fast! due to lack of funds, they had to build the group themselves really and the company banked on her former fame

honestly, the group didn't do horrible but there were long breaks between comebacks and then it came out the company was a front for money laundering.

they disbanded and she was still in highschool.

wild child bloomed then, more partying, drinking and smoking. at one point she had dreams but now she was aimless, doing what she could to get attention with no goals.

this was channeled into making her own music but it's not something she shared, she still enjoyed busking and dancing and hanging out in the 'underground' scene but it amounted to nothing

the adults around her didn't care and those that would, siyoung was good at putting up a front

she's an out-going girl, maybe a little desperate to be liked at times. she doesn't manage her anger well in that it she bottles it up until it explodes on the right or wrong person

she's signed under starlight!

i have plans in the future for an attitude scandal / past bullying thing

not that she was a bully but she would give as good as she got and even more. revenge doesn't need to be served cold as long as it's served.

she's good to those she likes and vile to those she hates.

a girl who teeters the edge and could easily slip into 'mean' girl mode

her sense of humor is a little dark, morbid

a soft grunge girl who loves one piece and the sims, horror moves, thrillers but can also wallow in self-induce misery if you can't her on the right day.

is very worried about her age and debuting

ideas

she speaks perfect english and korean so if someone needs help in either

muses who act? i don't think it's her arc maybe but she doesn't mind helping people read lines

someone who's fans of her parents

someone who's seen her act in dramas and wonder if it's the same little girl or who someone who does know

she's rich and she doesn't mind showing it so muses who either vibe with that or don't? resentment over shopping trips maybe? or someone who's irked because she chooses expensive places and offers to pay and they think it's pity?

someone she's had beef with in high school?

someone she stood up for in high school?

pls give me this idea. someone (or friend) fucked with her in high school and in response, she stole their man. she's never been sorry.

rivals

one great love, would've been when she was 18-19 and dated for a year, they broke up with her. could've been a player or even siyoung was too intense as a girl friend (extreme opposite of her parents loveless marriage) and they couldn't take it

a boy who was a player, played with her and then broke up with her by dating someone new...they meet again and he doesn't realize it's her

a boy she ghosted and some other small quick relationships that ended

muses that she partied with

a good bestie and a good circle of friends

muses who are into producing and muses she met while busking in hongdae!

someone who doesn’t see her talents and thinks she only got where she got through money! let’s have fun with it (she’d agree, to get a sense of her personality)

if you've seen something you like, let me know or like this post! can't wait to plot with you all!

#3rd. gear. ooc

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raleighcat17 · 6 months

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My Eras Tour Movie Experience

Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, so the saying goes. I'm an everyone, so I guess I have both. I saw the Eras Tour movie on Friday of the opening weekend, and here are some things I notices. As thousands and thousands of us attended shows and/or watched from home via social media, it seems foolish to offer a spoiler alert. But if you fixate on things like I do and haven't seen the tour movie yet, then maybe you don't want to read this.

Overall, I really enjoyed reliving the concert. It was nice to see the stage and background graphics from a different angle, and I honestly wish I had paid more attention to them. I felt like the all of the other performers on the stage got to shine as well, which was super cool.

Specific things I noticed (and made covert notes about on my phone):

I don't go to the movies much, but I felt that the theaters took advantage of having us as a captive audience - the previews seemed to go on forever!

I really really hated seeing Travis' smug mug in a State Farm commercial before the movie. All part of the story indeed. That sucked, and kind of soured my mood a bit before the movie came on.

As others have pointed out, some of the very first images on the screen are rainbows. Because of course they are (I'm old, southern, and getting salty - piss or get off the pot, T)

The vocals that they open with are a little rough. I know she had to have been pretty worn out, both physically and vocally, when this was filmed, but the some of the vocals are…yeah.

Every time I hear Tolerate It, I get a different vibe from it. I know songwriting isn't exactly a precision instrument (well, ok, it is in T's hands), and that our strongest emotions rarely have a single influence. I have seen people say that they think the song is about Scott B pushing T to stay in the closet. I know they were probably really close for a while, but this song just feels so personal to me, especially the way it's performed. It feels like her dad to me. I thought about maybe a grandparent, but it looks like they all passed when she was pretty young. I can't unsee her dad as the antagonist, and it's heartbreaking. Hope my interpretation is way off.

Let's just agree that Taylor's hair is practically it's own life form and just does whatever the hell it wants most of the time. Unfortunately, it did different things on the different days this was filmed. The humidity must have changed drastically or something, because the hair goes from flattened (her usual performance look) to fuzzy and back again, sometimes within the same song. That was a bit jarring, and once I saw it, I couldn't stop looking for it.

Folklore - ahh, one of my favorite sets. I never noticed before how her mike stand in the cabin is made to look like a branch. That was cute. Her 'lonely millennial' speech regarding quarantine made me snicker, because wasn't she supposed to have quarantined with Joe the beau? That made no sense to me…

Her hair in My Tears Ricochet is just out there wildin'. It is something else entirely, but I think it was at least consistent for the song.

Even though Taylor really puts on a show when she performs, she cranks it up a few notches when the cameras are around. Sometimes I feel like it's almost too much, but that's just a personal observation. This show is already so over the top with the costumes, props, and performances, though, I didn't think it needed more. At this point, I wonder if she's even aware she does this?

Sometimes the transitions between sections seemed a bit…choppy, maybe.

I loved the fans and errors stuff at the end credits, but could have done without the close-up crowd shots during the movie. I wanted to see Taylor and the performance, not pretty girls sobbing with happiness.

Overall, I enjoyed it, and I hope we get a longer cut, or maybe 2 parts to it, when it comes to video. Justice for the songs that got the axe!

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lemonluvgirl · 2 years

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Writing ask. No 19 and 21.

Thank you, @curiousnonny

19. My writing journey, bumps along the way, where am I now and where am I going?

I've been creating imaginary worlds and making up stories since I was very young. I started reading at an extremely early age, around 3 years old. (No lie, my grandparents still have old VHS tapes of me sitting down and reading the newspaper to my grandpa when I was 3) So storytelling and reading have been central to my life from the very beginning.

Growing up I always wanted to be a writer. I filled up notebook after notebook of stories and plays over the years with fanfiction (before I even knew what fanfiction was) and also with original stories. Because I liked to hand write my stories it was hard for me to share my work easily, or make it accessible. I didn’t hear about FFN until I was a senior in high school or a freshman in college. (I can’t remember the exact year) I tried reading a few stories and made an account but quickly lost interest in trying to post (back then I was into a different fandom lol don’t hate me please I was young and very impressionable) and went back to my manuscripts and journals. I got used to writing on the computer as I got older, because most of my assignments in college had to be typed and turned in electronically. I still occasionally write down plot ideas by hand, and later transfer them to my computer when I get home, but now for the most part I’ve switched to using a laptop.

Even though writing was my dream job, due to financial constraints when I was deciding which college to go to, I ended up accepting a scholarship to pursue education and become a teacher instead of following my dream to study creative writing. This career choice made it hard for me to continue my writing. Instead I spent most of my time dedicated to furthering my education and focusing on my family. My sophomore year of college and the years after that my writing went dormant. I stopped writing from the age of 25 to 29. But I still read books like crazy.

Then the pandemic happened and my father passed away because of it.

That life altering experience led me to pick up writing again. At the time I got very emotionally attached to The Hunger Games and Katniss' character. So I decided to try and write fanfiction again. My very first work, Burning Bright & Blazing Free poured out of me in a span of two months. Its dramatic, emotional, and very raw at times, but I think it perfectly encapsulates many of the lingering emotions I was trying to work through after my father’s death. Namely, the idea of loss that comes about because of circumstances beyond our control and how the human heart tries to cope with that, and eventually turn the idea of loss around into something powerful, like hope and true love.

Its a real messy doozy, but I will always love that story because it came from a very real place inside my heart, and I dedicated it in memory of my wonderful dad, who was my biggest supporter when it came to my love of books and writing.

So as far as where I am now as a writer, you could say I’m still pretty new to everything. My first fic celebrated its one year anniversary back in July of this year so I’m still a rookie, but I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon.

21. Could You ever quit writing? Why/why not? Do you wish you could?

Exaggerative office memes aside, I honestly don’t think I could.

Its such a part of me, and after that stint I went through during college where I didn’t write for years I realized that I lost a part of myself during that time. Writing is something that makes me, me.

I much prefer who I am when I am actively writing and engaging in storytelling of some kind. It feeds a deep need inside of myself to be creative and let that creativity flow outward to share with others.

And its wonderful to be part of such a lovely and amazing community of fans and writers who share the same interests that I do! I love this Hunger Games fandom so much! It really helped me reconnect with the larger world after the pandemic and all the trauma I experienced. So President Snow would probably have to hijack me to get me to put my figurative author’s pen down and turn away from all this.

#ask answered #me #My writing #writer asks #lemonluvanswers

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cilantrospirit · 1 year

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@girlpetrarca tagged me in this so here goes! (thanks <3)

1. Are you named after anyone?

sort of! my name has the same meaning as my favorite aunt's name, but in Latin because I come from a long line of total nerds

2. When was the last time you cried?

due to the wind and weird sleep my left eye has been randomly weeping out a long and dramatic tear every 40 minutes or so for the past three days. looking forward to that being over because it makes my mask wet (horrible texture) and every time I go to wipe it I smudge my glasses (I have suffered more than jesus)

3. Do you have kids?

not in a literal sense, but I do have some ambiguous form of dissociative multiplicity and in that context some of me is the kid of other parts of me. it's how I think of myself, and it does mean that I do some stereotypical young parent behaviors but directed at myself, on the other hand I materially do not have the ability to take care of another body right now, even if I think I'd be a great parent to an actual kid. I respect kids a lot but I don't get along with them easily, so I'm afraid that when I become a parent (with my qpps) I won't be preferred by my kids for anything! but that's okay as long as they know they are loved. it does give me pause about fostering, though. :(

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

yes, but not very much over text unless it's extremely clear, because I struggle with understanding it. honestly being sarcastic very often but barely able to figure out when other people are is perhaps my most annoying trait.

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

depends on the context? if there are other people around the first thing I notice is how they are positioned in a group and how they talk to others. are they being left out? are they excluding someone else? are they comfortable? are they goofing off? are they earnestly trying to stop their friend from goofing off so they can be on task? it's usually the most relevant information about that person in the moment.

if I'm meeting someone for the first time and no one else is around (usually when hiking or in elevators) I notice their shoes first, then either the rest of their outfit or where they're looking at me.

6. What's your eye colour?

a grayish green-blue

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

as long as that choice has a reason for it and makes sense I think I like both equally. if I had to choose one for this exact moment, scary is my move.

8. Any special talents?

ask your mom um actual answer is I have a hard time delineating between a talent and just being better than average at something. and I hate saying "oh I'm a genius" or "oh I'm so good at writing" when both of those measures seem totally arbitrary, but gun to my head my talents are creative writing, comedy/wit, and understanding and applying the humanities. so... being a nerd? I feel that I lack talents in the way most of my friends have them, because for a variety of reasons I have trouble applying my ideas, but people tell me I have innovative ones, which could be a talent if it could be applied to anything!! tldr I have no talents outside of my own head

9. Where were you born?

a hospital in Oregon

10. What are your hobbies?

writing, exercising (does this even count as a hobby? for me it does), reading, stampmaking, canoeing and kayaking, ttrpgs (my favorites are homebrew by my friends, but I play monster hearts and d&d too), backpacking/camping, and going on expeditions (I give myself quests and go out exploring until I can achieve them, ex: ask 15 people and see for how many of them their coat is their favorite color, identify a new moss, fill a notebook page with overheard dialogue)

11. Do you have any pets?

not at school, but I have a cat named Kangarudy Purrfuzz a.k.a. Mr. Limousine Legs who is wonderful, and my grandparents live in town so I get to see their cat, Pienza, fairly often. she's fun to be around but should not be allowed outside and I hate how many birds she kills

^ two Rudys and a Pi, they are on opposite ends of the hedonism spectrum

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

I'm not in any sports right now, but I have played soccer and basketball, and been on a dragonboating and outrigger canoe team before. I miss paddling, but I have no way to travel to the practices of my city's team until I get a car. I do go to the gym pretty often and weightlift, which I know can be a sport.

13. How tall are you?

5'2"/158cm

14. Favourite subject in school?

paleontology and cartography; outside of my major it's literature hands down

15. Dream job?

museum curator at a natural history museum with good funding; my dream is to make connecting with the natural world more accessible for all, not just physically but also in terms of how information is shared and presented. I see a lot of issues with how curation is handled now in that many museums are very focused on explaining what we know, but not able to present how we know things about the world with any ease, and it does nothing to combat distrust of science! I also know for a fact that people of all ages learn best from play/practice and the trend of reserving that style of display for kids' sections is a waste of potential engagement. I could go on about specific exhibits I've drafted and other issues I see, but this is not the place for all that!

my very unrealistic dream jobs are poet laureate and stay-at-home foster parent

@ anyone who wants to answer these please tag me! bit tired to actually tag anyone I'm just a little guy in a huge sweater on a snowy night. drinking my little jasmine tea from my moomin mug. so don't expect me to do anything!!

#took a break in the middle of writing this to go play in the snow(!) for over an hour because I love being outside when it's still falling #it's the first snow of this year that's stuck!#in which they speak #tag game

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smallraindrops-blog · 2 years

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I think i seen you talked about this before but I would love to know your thoughts on Hypnos and wmftd!Y/N as parents.

putting my rambling thoughts under readmore.

I think Hypnos as a parent would be very much indulgent and encourage all forms of creativity for them. He is definitely the one that reads the bedtime stories to them and is the parents they come for cuddling or to talk.

Y/N would be the parent that set and enforce boundaries however he is gentle with them and tries to explain why. He would also be their playmate, rough housing with them and taking them on journeys to their grandparents.(his parents are thrilled for grand babies) Later on, he would be their trainer as he was for Zagreus.

I think y/n would struggle at first, he never planned on becoming a parent especially since he was very much dead. He worries that he is not being a good parent, that he is too cold and strict. He often feels he fall short of his family needs. Slowly he would find his way, thanks to his parents and Hypnos.

Hypnos would have his struggle as well, one hand now he understands his mom a little bit better but on the other hand, he also knows he would never treat his kids like that. He also worries that he is not doing enough for them and hates sending them out when they are adults.

I think Hypnos would most definitely be called ‘Dad’ and Y/N would be ‘Father’

So honestly I think their first child would be a total accident. And it would happen while they are still in the house.

The way I imagine it going down is that while in the dream state/world, Hypnos would find an odd shaped cloud not moving and reach in to see if he could find out why and touch something solid. He pulls it out because his curiosity wouldn’t consider not knowing and he ends up pulling out little baby Morpheus.

There would be a beat of silence between the baby and parent as Hypnos stare in shock at what looks like a baby clone of him before Morpheus starts crying his little heart out.

So Hypnos would panic(™) and come back to the real world with a screaming baby in his arms, he immediately tries to find his mother, only the one time he really needs her, she is out of the house.

So he goes to Y/N who nearly has a heart attack. (If you asked him before he became a parent if he would rather have children or fight Ares again, he would have picked the fight) The panic only makes the baby cry even more and Hypnos is about to join the baby in crying.

So Y/N get them into the bedchambers (y/n is sure it is a dream and he will wake soon. Yup, this is fine. Nothing is on fire. Yup.)

“Blanket.” Hypnos ordered Y/N, who picked out the softest blanket he could find. Eventually they got the little baby to calm down. Even in his panic, Hypnos was already falling in love with his little son. Once he calms down, he would talk in a smoothing voice and pressing kisses against the baby’s chubby cheeks.

Y/n would keep his distance for the first day or two until Hypnos talked him into holding the baby.

Once Morpheus is put in Y/N’s arms, he falls in love as well. He never says it right out but he actually loves how much Morpheus looks just like Hypnos, same hair, same eyes and he had seen that same pout on Hypnos’ face countless times.

Eventually the other children would follow (with much less panic), all equally loved and cared for.

#Wake me from this dreaming #asks and replies

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godspeedwarrior · 4 months

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Recently I happened upon the mother of an old friend while wandering the halls of a recent con. We exchanged pleasantries despite our probably having met only once prior many years ago. We'll call her Margo.

Taking a break from my wanderlust, Margo decided to join me to lounge by the convention center's large bay windows. A lovely view I don't assume many con-goers care to take a step away from panels or the dealers room to enjoy. It would no doubt be a beloved spot for cosplay photos, but much of that experience was behind me at this point in my life. It was almost eery in how quiet the area was compared to the rest of the expo center

I suppose that's what truly got the conversation going. To break the awkward silence, I asked how things were going with her and her daughter(we'll go with Kat), since Kat was how we met.

With almost a sneer, Margo remarked how she wished she had any idea. First she dropped out of college, moved in with friends Margo didn't feel good about, and changed from this eccentric extroverted person onto a recluse that shunned the world. It actually struck me how long it had been as Margo began to unravel her tale of woe over Kat's life.

I had assumed in that time Kat would have Margo reminisce about how proud Kat was coming along. Before the major blow out in our cosplay group, Kat was honestly the most talented out of everyone. I'd dare even say the most strong willed too.

With our mutual friend being her daughter, I can understand how the dynamic of our two relationships would differ too. Where I had seen Kat as a peer with great talent and promise, Margo watched as she basically threw all that potential away for nothing.

I didn't feel quite the same negative connotation about dropping out. But with more insight, I could understand Margo's frustration. For me, I went to college because my mom asked me to. I didn't have any plans with my life because anything I actually wanted to do as a child was labeled a fantasy. Frankly, I hated school and was happier with my life in the job field getting a feel for what I liked doing.

But Kat had been working on becoming an artist all her life. And not like a painter, but a special FX artist. Someone who makes props or designs for movies. She had scholarships she worked for, schools picked out, and probably more planned for her future.

But something changed. And part of me was concerned it started with the end of the cosplay group.

See, back when we hung out, Kat's only boyfriend cheated on her with a girl from our cosplay group, got caught, broke it off, and was now married to the other woman who was the vice president of that group. I had been kind of on the outset of the group at the time because I only found out what happened because by chance I walked into the same restaurant Kat and the cheater's sister discussing the drama at!

But at the time, Kat seemed to be taking the whole thing well. Even had the sister on her side. So I just assumed she was going to start over in college and come out on top.

But here we were talking like Kat had given up. She didn't talk to any of her old friends. Her and her best friend of 18 years had a major falling out. It was like her life suddenly spiraled out of control, and Margo felt totally helpless on what to do.

Margo tells me, Kat used to talk about becoming successful, finding a man and settling down to have a family. But anymore, she talks about love as poison, children as a bane of her existence, and that she dying alone is the best she can do for anyone.

To lighten the mood I changed topics. Told her about how I met my wife, the fire in our apartment building that displaced us for 6 months, how I now had two beautiful children; and was blessed with grandparents willing to take them off my hands for a weekend. And lamented how crazy it was how things could change so drastically in 5 years.

She laughed and asked to see photos. Proudly telling me that she could see how good of a father I was becoming. Tried to share some wisdom about parenting, and hoped my kids didn't run into Kat's problem.

And all I could think to say was, that she needs time. I wasn't ready to have children until this point in my life. I needed my years of suffering and exploration. I don't look back fondly on my time in depression, but it's an experience I can relate to now.

She then asked me something I didn't expect.

According to Kat's stories about me, I had a habit of just wandering about cons and never really interacting with much that was going on at them. Which part of that was true, but I imparted onto her why I liked to wander.

Over the years, cons have kind of lost their luster. Back in the 2000's some cons were a wild west of nerd culture and media. Back then we were all a bunch of weebs imposing on the classical nerds. Full of excitement about our first dealers room. Going to a big city for the first time. Getting lost on the way there, and being in awe of the venue. The age of the yaoi paddle has come and gone. Anime is main stream. The internet's meme culture has peaked. And the cliques have taken over.

If anything, I wander the halls of each venue to explore. And sadly, I think the thing I'm looking for is my old enthusiasm for cons.

I relate back to when Kat and I first met. She was dressed as Ciel Phantomhive and her best friend was dressed as Mad Mod. It was my first time at our local game expo and I had just gotten together the best version of Link my new to sewing hands had managed to piece together. They had a costume contest and I was just excited to be apart of the experience. Right after judging, the main floor was turned into the dance floor and we danced well into the night. I wished nights like that didn't have to end, but I was also exhausted afterwards, so I can only say that in hindsight.

I remembered Kat so fondly that when I ran into her and her friend at the Japanese festival, I recognized her immediately. This was when I had met the cheater and her sister too, and the four of them formed the cosplay group.

It felt so strange to be apart of something that I was there for, but not really be involved with how it worked. Basically, anytime a con came up, I was there for the ride. Ironically, when I think back, I probably was just invited because I was the only one who could drive the cheater's parent's massive SUV.

But that was such an early time in our friendship.

Then Margo threw me for another loop. She asked if I felt Kat would have made a good mother. It took me a moment to realize that maybe Margo was asking if she had been a good mother.

It was a tricky question, especially considering my own background. The long and short of it was,"I don't know." My parents divorced when I was four. It wasn't until recently that I even knew what a good relationship was, and even now still have to work on it because of my own bias. Kat being a mother should be her decision.

I waited to have kids until now because I felt I needed to live my life without any major responsibilities to bind down my decisions. After a year of working in martial arts, and having a greater understanding of children, I truly felt I was ready to have my own. From what I'm hearing about Kat, she's still got a lot to figure out.

"Ahh, sometimes I wish you two had gotten together." Margo said with smirk.

This wasn't something I wanted to hear.

"What makes you say that?" I say with dread in my heart.

I had never been forth coming with anyone about my feelings towards Kat. I may have felt she was probably the most beautiful women I had ever seen upon first meeting, but I didn't have the guts to admit that then. I wanted to get to know her first, be a friend that liked something more than a pretty face. In hindsight, I may have been unwittingly open about my feelings. But Kat never showed interest back, so I simply thought she didn't feel the same.

Margo gave me almost a disappointed look, "Well, she did talk about a lot about you." My heart sank. "Then when I finally got to meet you, you seemed much more compatible than that Jeremy guy she was with at the time." Considering he cheated, that's an understatement.

"I guess, I just see your happiness and wish it was my own. You've grown into such wonderful man, it's practically a shame to see what she's missed out on."

I have to stop her there.

I'm no psych major, but that whole thing was really fucked up to me. Envy aside, Kat and I are not the same people we were 5 years ago. We'll never know what our compatibility is because we never gave it a shot. And frankly, I'm the man I am today because of my wife. I tried to play it cool, but that really was a dickish thing to say.

I know she meant well, but Kat's life isn't over just because she's in a rough spot in life. And her life wouldn't magically be better if we had gotten together back then.

I tell Margo that you can't live life on "what-ifs" and wishful thinking. It's disrespectful to the present where you can actually change things. Then I reassure her that she just needs to be there for Kat and help how she can. If she's really in a dark place, then it's emotional support that she needs more than anything. That's what I needed in my years of depression.

Put simply, a person won't fix what isn't broken. Until they see the problem themselves nothing is "broken" about them. I wish it was as simple as pointing it out, but no one likes anything being inherently wrong with them either.

We said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. I eventually shook it off, but the shock of it all still remains. I know I said it on the spot, but I think I needed to hear it as much as Margo did.

Stick to the present, it's the only place you can change anything.

#storytime

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servin-up-surveys · 6 months

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survey #188

Have you ever wished you had been born the opposite sex? No. Gender/sex has never been a thing I feel some sort of attachment towards, like it plays absolutely zero role in my view of myself and my level of comfort as this human being that I am. I'm honestly really grateful for that since trans people regularly go through fucking hell by people whose lives are entirely unaffected by how they choose to identify and live.

Have you ever been insulted or called names by a significant other? Not while we dated/knew each other.

Do you drink more frequently than once a week? I don't even drink once a month. It's normally only celebratory, and even then I drink very little and with a puny alcohol concentration because I hate the taste of alcohol.

Do you have any step-grandparents? Yeah, but I don't consider him my grandfather. He and my maternal grandmother weren't married long before she died, and he's just... not family to me. I don't dislike him, he's just not someone I consider real family. He just married the grandmother that I despised.

Have you ever been to a same-sex wedding? I haven't yet.

Have you ever attempted to pick a lock? Did you succeed? No.

Do you like sour candy? Yes, I love it.

Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? Probably like, Venice.

Is there anybody you’re not ashamed to tell anything to? No. By no fault of others, I am just very, VERY easily excruciatingly embarrassed, even over things I've been told aren't embarrassing at all.

Are you disrespectful to a lot of people? I sure try not to be, I don't think so.

Do you like the color pink? um YES, it's my favorite general color and basically all its tints and shades make up my most beloved colors lol.

Ever kissed someone your parents hated? No. Apparently at the time Sara and I dated Mom didn't really like her, but she didn't hate her until she spoke ill of me.

Are you drifting away from your best friend? Absolutely not, I really do love him more every day. He's the bestest best friend I've ever had.

Would you feel hurt if your last ex was in a relationship? Not at all, I don't care what she does.

Is there anyone who seems to always be under the influence of something when you see them or talk to them? Does it bug you? No.

Do you and your boyfriend or girlfriend fight a lot? Nope.

Have you ever cleaned up someone else’s vomit? The day I thought would never be possible finally came and I helped Girt with this, lol. Granted it was not a lot like at all, and it was barely digested so it was less ew than it coulda been. He swallowed wrong and food kinda got caught.

Does your boyfriend or girlfriend get mad/jealous when you talk about the opposite sex? No, he's an adult that's secure in his relationship.

The last time you burned your tongue or mouth, what were you eating? It wasn't severe or anything, but I had some angry spaghetti awhile ago lol

Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? NO but i dream of this

What’s your favorite flavor of Doritos? Cool ranch.

Do you feel free to post how you feel on Facebook? I mean I feel free to, but I sure as hell don't. I rarely post things about my actual life on there, I just share memes or pretty/cute/motivational stuff. I have a very strong "Brittany literally no one cares" mindset on there and I just feel awkward talking about my life.

Do you read Reddit? If so, how often and what subreddits do you like? No, Reddit is Girt's thing, I've never really explored it.

Do you know anyone who's had a baby recently? Not VERY recently.

Do you listen to any podcasts? How do you listen to them? No, that's another one of Girt's likes.

Why did you leave your last job? I don't enjoy anxiety attacks that leave me crying in the restroom.

Do you know anyone who has been through a divorce? lmfao plenty of people, divorce isn't exactly rare.

Would someone being either a cat or dog person affect you dating them? No, unless they hated cats and weren't willing to potentially one day live with one if we stayed together. I will not get rid of Roman for a partner.

When was the last time you had a PopTart? Many months ago. I don't really eat them because they're completely non-filling to me so are just empty calories.

Would you ever jump into a fire to save your best friend? I can pretty much guarantee I would, I guess UNLESS it was a situation where I'd 100% inexorably obviously die, but I still kinda feel like if it was Girt in there, I'd try no matter what.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done? I think my darkest demon will always be the fear that maybe I was emotionally abusive to Jason after we split. I really don't know if my behavior qualifies, but I don't like thinking about it.

Do you think walruses are cute? I do.

Do you know anyone named Trey? Not one living. One of my elementary school puppy-dog crushes was named Trey, and I later found out because of Mom that he later died via drug overdose as a teen or young adult. His parents or someone had a road named after him.

What was the name of your last or current math teacher? I don't even remember his name.

Do you know anyone with a lip piercing? Yeah, me, lol. Probably many others. Most people I've known who've had them took them out by now, but certainly not all.

Do you own any hair ribbons? No.

Have you ever given birth? Nope, gonna pass on that.

Do you enjoy making out? If I'm in the mood to.

What’s your favorite class you’ve ever had? I had a lot of fun in high school art classes, especially my I think junior year.

Would you rather get [another] tattoo or piercing? If I could only pick one, a tattoo.

Do you prefer cold or room temperature drinking water? I will not drink water that isn't at least pretty darn cold, because otherwise I hate it. Room temperature water is so disgusting to me. One of the most relatable obscure posts I've ever seen was someone describing warm water as "soft" and cold water as "pointy," aND IT'S INSANE HOW *CLEARLY* I GET IT, LIKE I 100% KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN, and it plays a role in why I only like cold water.

When you read a book, do you use a bookmark or simply dog ear/fold the top of the page? I just dog-ear, though for a book I really cherish, I'd want a bookmark. I prefer bookmarks in all cases, but I don't always care enough.

Do you know anyone who owns a gun? my brother in christ I live in the South

Have you ever seen a panda in real life? Where was it? No, but I would LOVE to, of course if the zoo took proper care of them.

Have you ever had Covid? What was your experience like? Once, yes. My primary symptom was an extremely sore throat, and I ended up losing my voice for a couple weeks, I wanna say. For many months after I could feel phlegm in my lungs and I'd often hack it up with a strong cough, but I will say I consider myself lucky in that my experience with it wasn't nearly as bad as I've seen others deal with. I got vaccinated (which no, I do not regret and I fully encourage vaccines).

Has a romantic partner ever given you a pet as a gift? No, and I don't really want this to happen unless I'm in on it. I don't want to be gifted a random pet. The only situation where this would be acceptable for me is if they knew it was a pet I wanted and was in a state to properly provide for them.

Have you ever been bitten by a spider? It's certainly possible I have at some point in 27 years of life, but I don't have an even remotely memorable experience of one.

Tell us something that made you happy yesterday: Mom and I watched Hocus Pocus 2! I'd been wanting to see it since I first heard it was being produced, I just at the same time don't really watch movies; I have to be in a very specific mood, and yesterday evening we watched it. I loved it, but the original still has my heart.

How many people have you been really in love with? Two.

Are you a seafood fan? In general, no; the only seafood I enjoy is shrimp. I haven't tried a lot, but I've at least found I generally dislike the taste of fish.

Give me a random word in another language. Tell me what it means. "Meerkat" in German is "erdmännchen," which literally translates to "little earth men" and I think that's absolutely precious.

Would you prefer a pet rat, mouse, snake, lizard or spider? I love all of them!! However if I could only pick one of these to have, it's gotta be a snake.

Can you keep a pokerface and not show your emotions easily? HAHAHAHAHA NOOOOOOO

Do you think rainbows are pretty or overrated? Man, who thinks rainbows are OVERRATED? If you don't think every single time you see one that rainbows aren't cool as fuck get outta my face bro

Do you like carrot cake? Surprisingly, yes.

What’s the grossest/worst thing you’ve ever seen in a public restroom? Blood completely covering the underside of the toilet seat. I went into a gas station bathroom with my then-best friend, and she'd recently discovered she was pregnant so was being VERY careful with basically everything, and I could not fucking believe when she checked the seat.

What’s the worst relationship advice you’ve ever seen? Misogynistic shit. If you think it's bad everywhere, come to the southern USA.

Have you ever volunteered in a hospital? If not, would you ever want to? No no no no. Hospitals are very upsetting for me.

Have you ever had a disappointing Christmas, or any disappointing holiday if you don’t celebrate Christmas? I remember one specific year as a kid and I wanna wring her throat lmao, I was so blessed with how hard my mom specifically always went, but Dad too.

Have you ever had to give a pet away? Yes; a number of cats over the years, our old nightmare of a dog Bentley, and my young iguana Kaiju because I did not have the funds to house him properly. He was growing too fast and that terrarium wasn't gonna cut it.

What’s the junkiest junk food you’ve ever eaten? Hmmmm, I can't say I'm sure.

Did you play pretend a lot as a child? Were there any recurring plots or themes? Oh I certainly did, I loved this. I played house and Barbies with my sisters, and my big "plot" as a kiddo was with some toy dinosaurs, crocodiles, deer, and Pokemon figurines that I had an ongoing story for that I sure as hell barely remember now, other than the crocodile and deer were married and had two kids that were the other croc and fawn, lol. The dinosaurs were the villains. I also loved making blanket forts where I pretended inside was a burrow and I was a meerkat (this should surprise NOBODY). I also liked making fucking "penguin nests" out of the rocks in our driveway??????????? One more lil tidbit I remember is I liked to take a leaf and pile seeds and little plant bits onto it, kinda mimicking A Bug's Life, which I was obsessed with.

How do you feel about runny egg yolks? Fucking disgusting, I will not poke it with my tongue.

Have you ever hidden a relationship from your family? Well, yes, technically. Joel and I never actually dated, but something not okay was going on between us.

Have you ever used a view-master? YES!!!!!!!! omg I was obsessed

Do you know any sex workers? If so, how do they feel about their job? Not that I'm aware of.

What kind of wild animals do you see most frequently where you live? Birds, squirrels, opossums, raccoons, deer.

Do you and your parents share any of the same hobbies? Mom and I both like to write, but she doesn't do it much, sadly. Dad and I both enjoy fishing, even though I don't really do it anymore because I feel mean lol.

Who was the worst friend you ever had? Honestly, when it boils down to it, probably Sara. Maybe Colleen, not sure.

Do your parents and grandparents get along with each other? I think Dad and his family were cool. I don't really know how Mom and her dad were, he died when I was like two, but my mother and her mom had a very rough relationship. My grandma was straight-up abusive to her, and Mom just wanted approval and love from her up to the day she died. By the way, guess which kid of hers took care of her on her deathbed?

#survey #surveys #personal questions #random questions #questionnaire

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speakfreelyyounggrasshopper · 9 months

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Sadness.

Walking away wasn’t easy. I have cried so much today because of it and I keep feeling regret in my heart over it. My love for you is still there and still strong but I feel like I’m only going to help you in the long run. You may think differently but that’s only temporary. You may think you won’t love again but with your heart and the person you are, I know you will find love again.

I hope when you do, that love is so pure. I hope she does right by you and treats you right all the time. I hope she becomes your dream girl. The one that makes you want to wake up every day with a smile on your face and brings you happiness that you that never felt before. The one who can make you laugh endlessly and the one you can trust over anything.

You deserve to be treat and respected like a king because you are amazing in so many ways. Your heart is so good and that one of the many reasons why I fell hard for you. You aren’t perfect but you are someone who loves hard and cares deeply. Your soul is so rare but so incredible. Your way of thinking about things and figure things out was great to watch.

Leaving you isn’t something I wanted to do but felt I needed to do because everything that has happened has taken a different turn for us. We’re so focused on different things in life and our paths aren’t the same, just like our timings. You don’t understand how heartbroken I feel right now after this morning. I keep replaying all my memories of you and with you. I have watch my videos of you so many times and stared at my photos of you/us.

My love for you is still there and it’s never stopped. I know I will never stop having that love for you and I will always be there for you no matter what because you are so special to me. You sit in a special spot next to my grandparents who were/is my entire world. Losing them was a huge impact on me and it’s a wound that never healed. You mean that much to me because that’s how much love i have for you.

This is not easy for me and I regret it. You was the one person who was my best friend from January 17th 2023 until now. I wasn’t expecting you to come into my life, make such a beautiful impact on my life/heart, and have me fall so deeply in love with you. You was my rock thro so many hard times. You was there for me when I was alone while my dad was in hospital and you was ready to come be by my side. You listen to me about my problems in my life. You made me laugh when I wanted to cry. You have done so much for me and yet, I still hurt you the way I did.

Honestly, you’ve had my heart since the start and I truly believe you’ll have my heart forever. I have never loved and cared for someone I’ve dated this much like I do for you. No one has made me feel the feelings you made have and no one has made me fall so deeply in love with them this quickly. I have never been attached to someone before you. My attachment to you made me feel so content just being in the same room as you or want to hear your voice/talk to you all the time. No one has ever made me crave their touch, their love, their attention, their affection, and etc.

Just loving you has been the best gift I’ve ever gotten in life. Everything else was a bonus. You are so amazing in so many ways and I wish I could have shown you that. I wish I have done better by your side and not constantly hurt you. I wish I was a good person and good partner to you. I wish I didn’t break your trust or your heart. I wish I did so many right things than wrong. I will forever be sorry for all the wrong I did to you constantly and all the pain I caused you.

Please know that I love you more than words could ever tell you. I hate that I ended things with you. I hate that this is reality for me. I keep crying for you and my heart is broken because I did this to us. I threw everything away because I’m so messed up in the head and my guilt from hurting you last month took a toll on me. Letting you go is truly a regrettable loss and walking away is truly the hardest thing I can do.

#notes

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phronima-theway · 10 months

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It Can Always Be Worse Right?

It's hard to talk about my past, in some ways it still hurts, but in more ways... Ive become more aware over the years at how much worse it could have been, and all the children who didn't get lucky like I did, people who don't even survive.

So whenever someone asks, I usually say it could have been worse.

There are also a lot of good things in my life that wouldn't be as they are if I was brought through this world in any different way.

All the same, if I am going to share this story, we need to know how it begins.

So I think my actual life began pretty normally, I was born to married parents. I think we were relatively poor, but as a kid I don't think I realized that.

I spent most of my time outside playing with friends, my grandparents lived in the neighborhood so I got to see them all the time.

We lived in FL and there were tons of ducks. I loved rescuing babies with my dad and taking them to the wildlife preserve across the ferry.

Sounds pretty normal right?

Well, from my earliest memories there is also 1 specific thing that has always stood out.

Ive always hated my mother, she was a terrible person to us and my dad. Even as a child I knew that.

My earliest memory is her screaming at my grandpa for trying to make me feel better about a stupid pool hose...

And watching my dog try to swim away in a boat dock area after she threw him in and drove away.

Or how she'd sit and mock me while I tried to clean the house for my dad.

She was mean, neglectful, hateful, and used to leave us outside of bars or home alone whenever my dad was at work because she was literally cheating on him.

I was molested as a kid by my dad's best friend and even after it was found out, she was dating him before he went to jail.

When my dad found out he had cancer, she told him she couldn't wait until he died before she just dissapeared from our lives all together.

I knew this... even as a kid, and has taken many years as an adult to heal from the type of pain her complete lack of existence or care about my life has caused.

I still don't speak to her, but I can understand she is just fallen, and honestly, her absence has been a blessing even though the other things in my life.

She won't be a big part of the story going forward, she never has been, but when I look back at my beginning...

I had love- and it was very traumatically ripped away from me.

And where I SHOULD have found comfort, I had none.

Thats a bit cryptic, but a hint at next time, where I'll talk a little more about when things started going wrong.

#lifestories #bad moms #trauma

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