#hope they'll make it better

[transmechanicus]

Really fucked up that two ppl can care about each other and make their best efforts to communicate and still end up hurting each other so badly they cannot stand to be in the same room.

#my stuff #i feel soooo bad talking to my therapist about the same topics over multiple weeks #like i feel like they're sooo sick of it like damn can this bitch get Over It alreadyyyy #hi yes actually can we talk about the near catastrophic sense of betrayal and loss that has haunted my soul for over a month? #can we talk about how I overcompensate for other's possible feelings and emotions to desperately mask my terror at feeling out of control #can we talk about how even when I know ppl acted with logical reasons necessary for their situation it still hurt me? #and that this pain fills me up with so much anger and frustration that I'm powerless to put anywhere that won't hurt someone #so it just cooks me inside and makes me grind my teeth constantly for weeks #im so angry i did not deserve to be treated like this it's not fair and I have no capacity to fix it or control when it feels better #i just have to survive and wait until i forget about it and hope they don't decide to reach out and fuck it all up #cause i can see that happening #i'll finally be free of thinking about them and generally going about my day unbothered and they'll ask to get coffee or something #and I have no idea what I should do in that scenario. because I don't think we can be friends. #and you have not treated me with the compassion and warmth I treated you #i would want to say mean things. hurtful things. I would want to bite back for once. #and that's not me. that's not who I want to be. #i don't wanna see you. go away. don't talk to me if you're not going to make the pain go away.

[ladymidnight-goesforth]

I'm in a Feylin mood today.

From one of my favorite scenes in ACOTAR:

His lips brushed mine—testing, soft and warm. He pulled back a little. He was still staring at me, and I stared right back as he kissed me again, harder, but nothing like the way he’d kissed my neck. He withdrew more fully this time and watched me. "That's it?" I demanded, and he laughed and kissed me fiercely.

They're so soft for each other in this chapter. I miss them. T_T

EDIT: This is from the "I'm thinking I might kiss you"/"Then do it" scene in ch. 25. I should have been more specific. Sorry about that!

#i hope to finish this in time for feylin week #i really should be working on tamlin week stuff #but like i said i was in a mood #btw those are supposed to be wisps floating behind them #they'll look better rendered #but it's just about setting the scene right now anyway #acotar chapter 25 #pro acotar book 1 #feylin #pro feylin #my art #my fanart #my sketches #acotar fanart #feylin fanart #lady midnight makes

[yuseirra]

I did see that one reload screencap of ryoji in front of the piano...

will he get a social link with the male protagonist this time?? Is that confirmed or is it a forever lost cause this'll be his last chance to, too..

#persona 3 reload #persona 3 #p3 reload #ryomina #it makes so much more sense plot-wise too..it's something that should have been there in the first place(I think so at least) #it's a tradition for persona's new editions to get more social links ..so I do hope they add more to this #the creators would know better than I ;v; I hope they do a great job #the sees boys need theirs too but I heard that's not happening-still looking forward to the extra scenes they'll put in #doodle #I wish we could take him to places the way we do for velvet room attendants

[pushing500]

It's a good thing we have two competent adult doctors in the colony now. Hopefully, Vasso is very appreciative of Bella's help with all these sick people.

We've built some "Alien Compliance Centres" around our colony so that the bizarre weather and red fog doesn't give us a mood debuff... But we didn't expect them to get quite so excited about the weather, either!

Vasso's wanderlust trait has been putting him in a very sour mood lately, and our stockpiles of choice meat are dwindling, so Brax's offer of a psylink neuroformer, camp loot, a chance to leave the colony, and hopes for replenishing our supplies is readily accepted! It did mean we had to drag Laursen and M.M. out of the hospital to come help, but I'm sure it will all be fine.

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#rimworld #gracie plays #The Children of Ecthuctu #art #my art #traditional art #rimworld art #unpolished art #“Sleeping Sickness” does not sound fun #I hope everybody gets better quickly #With Bella and Vasso's care they're sure to be recovered in no time <3 #The Alien Compliance Centre makes me viscerally uncomfortable #But in a cool way y'know #I feel like it's good for the horrible eldritch cult to be mind-controlled every once in a while #Hopefully the grocery run goes well! #We need more human meat asap #everybody is whining that they haven't had any for ages #with any luck they'll be eating properly again soon! #have a fabulous day <3 <3 <3

[hikaru-hoshina]

i love porun

#i'm glad i preordered this #i wanted it so much as a child #peak 2000 magical girl aesthetic #it doesn't have the mini games as the 2005 one but the quality is definitely better #and it plays the audio of the transformation fully while the 2005 does only a short music and porun says it's shiny luminous #so yeah it's great hope they'll keep making pretty memories items #I need the kokoro perfume and smile pact pls #precure #pretty cure #futari wa precure max heart #shiny luminous #porun

[kimwexlersponytail]

The only thing that kept me going was knowing you were here.

#bcsedit #better call saul #mcwexler #jimmy x kim #kim wexler #jimmy mcgill #been seeing a lot of people saying that they don't deserve a happy ending after everything and though i get why that's being said #i disagree with the idea that they must be punished by the narrative in the form of an absolutely devastating end where they both die or #are broken down even further because they're Bad People and they Deserve It...their relationship is the heart of the show and #i don't believe that the writers spent over half a decade building this relationship up just to leave everything hanging in the balance #we can argue all day about jimmy and kim being Good or Bad but they love each other. they do. and bcs is a love story #do i believe that they're going to live happily ever after and get a fairytale ending? no of course not but i don't see a doom and gloom end #for them either. narratively speaking jimmy has been in prison all this time and who knows what kim has been up to all this time #i just don't think it would be narratively satisfying if the ending was about punishing them i really don't #i think it's going to be bittersweet for sure but there's no doubt in my mind that it'll be full of heart.... #but god all of the takes about jimmy not deserving to meet up with kim in the gene timeline are just making me root for it even harder #and i really hope the world turns back to color the moment he sees her and idc how many people think it's cheesy <3 #and you know what someday maybe they'll finally get their house. #mine

[carterashofficial]

Half-drow Tav, seeing Astarian: classic good looks, white hair, red eyes. let me guess: you're half-drow?

Astarian: you could not be more wrong, but im delighted you were thinking of me

#astarian #tav #bg3 tav #tavily #she was so off base for the first couple days they knew each other #poor Tavily thought he was Like Her and she was hoping she could find some solidarity #she grew up in one of the better Drow Houses but like she's not just Half Drow she's also Half Elf #and the Drow *hate* Elves so like she's an abomination to them #only reason she wasn't killed when younger was that she is uncannily good with a blade #so she see Astarian and is like “oh you might be like me!!!” #poor sweet summer child no he is not #she's not fazed by the vampire thing as much as he thought she would be #ironically they do find solidarity together in that “their lives fucking sucked pre-tadpole” #as they learn each other's backstories they'll go to the ends of hte earth to protect each other #once Cazador is dead Tavily cuts off his head and heart to burn Just In Case b/c magic is weird #Astarian helps her break into her drow family's house in the underdark to assassinate her great-aunt #theyre both vicious fighters but in 2 different ways #Astarian believes in overkill and enjoying the slaughter and making it personal if thats an option #tavily is brutal and efficient and doesn't linger over bodies once theyre down

[caernua]

i literally entered 2024 like it was 2014 i am sitting here reading all of solas' dialogue with the other companions on the wiki and looking up old patrick weekes tweets and listening to the trespasser soundtrack and reading posts with speculation from 8 years ago i am the world's stupidest soldier

#but hey it's better that it got to me now than earlier right 💀💀💀 #IT'S SO FUNNY HOW I KEEP RUNNING INTO PEOPLE SAYING 'omg hope they take their time with da4 release it in 2-3 years even!!' #and they're dated like. 6+ years ago lmao #but idk what they'll do bc like... they have to include the inquisitor somehow right.............right...................pleath #and you know what i realized even if da4 isn't that great... inquisition wasn't deemed as that great either but i fucking loved it #if it's even close to as good as inquisition i will be so happy #just... make it nowhere close to da2 and i'm good<3333333333333333333333 #.txt

[frecklystars]

THE LOVES OF MY LIFE OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 it's been so long since I've rly felt love bursting in my chest for any F/Os and I am feeling so so so so much for my girlboss girlfriend and my horsegirl boyfriend 😭😭😭💖💞💓💓💗💖💕💕💕💟💝

Her smile!!! god!!!! HIS smile!!!! god!!! these two are fucking saving my life I can't believe how much these characters are helping me get through the worst time of my life. THESE TWO are helping me get back into self shipping and helping me feel safe again when I really thought I'd never ever recover. I'm collecting screenshots of these characters and sighing with hearts in my eyes every time... I haven't done that in over a year... I'm making gifsets and writing fics and doodling again... it's all because of them and I'm such a weepy mess over it

#love notes #💕♫♪ ♡ You're the pink in my cheeks 🎀🌸✨♡ #💕 I'll fight for you!! - ̗̀🐎🏖️✨ ̖́- #every time i make a love notes post with them i get teary eyed and um this isnt an exception 😭😭 #theyre making me so happy and i havent felt this way in so long #im fucking happy you guys... god i havent felt. joy. with any F/Os in so so so so long!!!!! #self shipping is like. the core part of me. its all i've got and i went so long without it. that piece of me I NEED #fuck i finally found two F/Os who i know love me no matter what #and they're holding my hands telling me they'll never ever hurt me. wouldnt dream it. couldnt even fathom it #and slowly but surely i HOPE i will get back into self shipping just in general especially for transformers #but god. god!!!! god!!! i owe them my life!!!! #i couldnt fucking take it anymore i was falling so far and they!!!! are here!!!! in my heart!!!! #i was doing so fucking badly i was about to give up and they just. this movie comes out and im suddenly hopeful?? #pinkest movie of all time barbie rly said keri fuck your ptsd fuck your abuser youre getting better #and youll love pink again and youre gonna be okay and im like yes maam whatever u say maam #god 😭😭 sorry i know i talk abt them a lot but its been so long #and i know i keep repeating! that its been so long! i know i dont shut up about how im hurting! but! #i cant! describe how overwhelmed i feel! its like a part of me that was dead for a year is slowly coming back to life #and the fucking relief... i am just awash with tears

[merrilark]

Something something the poetry of Klaus being able to traverse not just through other people's heavens via the Void but across dimensions as well because Death is the one commonality that binds all the universes that are and ever will be together.

#idk if they'll play with it but that could be a really interesting way for the umbrellas to get back to their home/actual world. #like maybe he figures out how to get them through the void? they all die and klaus brings them back into their own world? idk. spitballing. #but i do love the poetry of death in tua and how klaus turns it into something good and comforting. #something *hopeful*. you know? #the umbrella academy #klaus hargreeves #robert sheehan #merri mumbles #actually now that i said that i realize that would be impossible bc the kugelblitz ate the entire universe. #but maybe they could go to a better alt world or something. i dont know lmao. #OR maybe they all die and kick it up happily in the void bc the apocalypse is inevitable. #kind of hope that wouldnt be the case but. i could see it. it would just be very nihilistic and make their fight seem useless. #if they're all just gonna die anyway yk?

[the-acid-pear]

I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.

#luly talks #i do relinquish in the pain and the agony but dont get me wrong the thought of any of them 3 getting jailed makes me SO sad #rog esp since he's the one im writing about and the biggest nerve wreck #gingi voice they'll be the last one to pick the board game for prison-game-night.......... #actually yknow i wonder if rog would end up almost believing it after all when you try to gaslight him for the shits and giggles #(as in: telling HE was victim of the bite of 87 and the like) he tells you to not do that bc his brain is already scrambled or something #so there's a chance perhaps he'd believe it if he had everyone constantly accussing him of it? #not like it'd matter much i have no hopes for the dsaf justice system i know its been 35 years since jack got framed but still #i just remembered when the option popped up i said ''god im really becoming steven 😭'' #first time i made the joke too was when i said ''imagine your boss sucks so bad you turn suicidal'' no clue what the context was #OH YEAH JAKE SAYING HE'D RATHER FUCKING DIE THAN KEEP WORKING HERE yeah. poor guy. #anyway im derailing my own post again uhhh. yeah. yeah i dont trust any phoney is avoiding the death sentence #dsaf #roger jones #dsaf roger #btw just for the sake of yapping longer i truly cant decide whether harry or jake would survive better in the enviroment #probably jake to be honest. I mean Harry has a lot of experience inside freddy's but he didnt really live outside it muhc #jake is so confrontational though #hey did you guys watch the hit movie felon? sure that guy wasn't framed but. i feel like jake would end up w that attitude #except for. you know. everything else that happens in the hit movie felon. #hey actually forget about this game go watch the 10/10 movie Felon from 2008 starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff #because its one of my all time fave movies and probably the saddest i've seen #not bc there arent movies that are more tragic but bc no movie was able to break thru my walls of idgaf and make me cry anyway #yeah you thought i couldnt bring up my movie fixations on my different fandom posts well you were WRONG in fact #im gonna go tag my other post i left untagged yesterday bc my ass was Cooking

[chipped-chimera]

I am ... Idk man. I'm pissed. I'm sad. I'm angry. So the Green Neon Tetras I got absolutely came down with ich and there was so much fucking conflicting information out there ... well it delayed me treating it. Heck I was trying to just be sure I was seeing what I was seeing at first.

Anyway I've lost 3. I think it might be 4 this morning. By tomorrow I suspect it'll be two more. If any manage to scrape through it'll be down to 4. If I'm lucky.

Everyone else (Corycats, Starlight Bristlenose) are fine. Though the Corycats show some signs of being itchy, nothing's become visible and they were on the tank the day I started treatment. Yeah I know, quarantine tank yadda yadda. But considering a 100ml bottle of medication costs 40 bucks and I need to use it for 14 days minimum at 4.5 mL a day - no way was I doing two tanks. It's likely I'm going to run out soon and money is tight since this decided to happen right around me replacing my HDD.

I cried when the first one died. Now I just feel ... numb. My mood has been awful, which isn't looking great for my very expensive rTMS treatment - I'm literally at halfway today. I should have seen results. Instead I'm bouncing between hating myself and angry at everything else because information is so diluted and despite researching this tank for over three months straight, trying so goddamn hard not to fuck up - I fucked up. I know I shouldn't blame myself, but a part of me deep down does. Because maybe I was too stupid to realise on such tiny fish the situation was only going to get worse faster. Then I'm angry I feel stupid because the information isn't clear, or that I feel stupid for crying over a fish because that's what normal people think. I hate how everything is really affordable but then medicines are so prohibitive it'd be more cost effective to let them all fucking die. I hate how people regard fish as objects, decorations for their goddamn bathroom or some kind of 'investment' for rarer varieties, swimming in sterile tanks like their a goddamn floating gold bar - not a life. A living, breathing, thinking little life. That I let down. So yeah I'll fucking cry because no one else will.

This tank was supposed to be a source of relief while I went through this intense treatment but now it's just a trigger for me ruminating over and over. I worry with the tetra population so depleted it's going to cause them more stress making them more likely to die. I'm scared to do water changes, though I need to keep doing them.

I'm angry this parasite is so common it's considered to be encountered by anyone new to the hobby within 6 months, because it takes no prisoners - any kind of fish can get it. I'm angry research only revealed the possibility of a vaccine a few years ago, despite fish being the most owned pet globally. I'm angry the reputable, best aquarium shop in my entire city had tetra carrying this and there's jack shit I can do. I don't know whether to tell them or not even bother. Given the entire shop runs on what I suspect are the same sumps, it's likely everything has the risk.

Maybe I'm just stupid and this is all my fault.

I'll keep trying. I'll buy another 40 dollar bottle and treat them for the 14 days and aone more week just in case. I put too much work into this to give up.

#kerytalk #ventposting #pet death tw #pet death #only saving sliver of hope for me right now is im being cleared for anxiety treatment with rTMS #so they'll flip the coil to the other side of my brain and start working on disrupting the neurons where my likely overactive anxiety is #hopefully it does something because after this ... idk man. it feels like the end of the road. #either get brain surgery or accept I'll always feel awful #part of me feels it wont work anyway because its the world that makes me feel this way #I'm this way because of what they did to me #to get better ... i feel the world would have to change. but every day it just seems to get worse #depression #sorry i just ... had to yell somewhere. im sick of holding all this pain so quietly by myself #yes i am seeing a psychologist but im literally on last resort before brain surgery here

[im2tired4usernames]

My parents should be fuckin ashamed

#you borrow 80 bucks then can only find me 21 back then i put that 21 into good for your kids then spend the rest of my paycheck getting #diapers pull ups medicine more food for kids and then i fill up the 15 passenger van and then when dad asks why i don't have money to eat #on my lunchbreaks at work like I'm some over spending wild irresponsible bitch when he's the one going to concerts and paying for fancy dat #s and jewelry for his gf and buying groceries for her but you know it's fine #take all my time and energy #so that i literally am a zombie and fall asleep on the very very very limited free time i get #(after doin extra chores to earn said free time) #wo that i fall asleep half way in which isn't fair to my partner and isn't fair to me #take all my income so i cant afford anything #take all my time #take all my energy #YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED YOU GROOMED ME AND MESHED THE FAMILY'S ENTIRE LIFE STYLE FOR ME TO BE LIKE THIS #I CANT MAKE HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS BECAUSE I JUST CAN NOT FUNCTION IF I'M NOT GIVING EVERYTHING TO SOMEONE #IT SUCKS I HATE IT #THEY'LL NEVER ADMIT THEY FUCKED ME OVER #EVER #THEY'LL NEVER DO ANYTHING TO FIX IT OR CHANGE #AND I HAVE NO HOPE FOR ANY CHANGES #MY LITTLE SIBLINGS SEE WHAT I DO FOR THEM AND THEY HUG ME AND TELL ME HOW MUCH THEY LIVE ME #'thank you so much for taking care of us' that tell me all the time 'you do so much for us' #it breaks my heart i wish i could give them the world i love them so much they deserve so much better #my mom lost her chance to be decent my dad better learn soon otherwise all his kids minus his favorite will hate him #i love ny parents #and i know they live me and my siblings #but they groomed me into the most miserable personification of elder daughter syndrome and they should be ashamed for what they've done #and be ashamed that they sucked so bad that they're own child had to step up

[apomekhanes]

Apparently marvel isn't making eternals 2 anymore which is terrible fucking news but anyways your fic is the sequel now

my fic is the sequel now, it's official!!!!!!

#i still have hope that they'll unbury it and make like a 10-years-on prequel #because it's gonna age better than some of the other franchises anyway #BUT in the case that they don't. my fic is there!

[piplupod]

mother: "theres this great job where you'd be on-call to come in!"

me: "ahhh i don't really want to be on-call, that would stress me out a lot because I'd always be on edge,,"

mother: "no you wouldn't, you could make it your thing!"

me: "...my thing?"

mother: "being on call! it'd be great! :)"

me: "i would probably be crying like... a lot ahaha. because I would always be on edge never knowing when to expect having to go into work, yknow?"

mother: "nooo, you could just make it a thing!"

me: "sorry, what do you mean by thing?"

AND I NEVER FOUND OUT !!

#i feel very ill fdsjkl tonight was ... not good #not the worst definitely not the worst #just. a lot of diet talk and making fun of other ppl that she expected us to all laugh at (and we did. idk if they found it funny.) #and brother labelling some influencer having rape charges against him just ''internet drama'' #number one: i dont want to hear about that. number two: that is not just ''drama'' that is like. serious. what the fuck is wrong w youuuu #my mother will say that all the food i eat is very bad for me and do that while knowing full well i struggle to eat Anything #and say that simply Adding things to the diet is pointless bc ur poisoning urself still! u have to Take Out things! i cant fucking do that! #im still baffled that two years ago when i tried to go to them for help when i was almost fainting from not eating they just shrugged at me #''okay? why are u telling us this?'' BECAUSE YOU ARE MY PARENTS. AND I AM TRYING TO GET HELP. #i should've known better than to try tbh but like. its so hard to completely let go of every sliver of hope that they'll... be kind #like me saying i was feeling suicidal a few yrs ago just garnered a ''oh don't start this again. we're not doing this again.'' #and me admitting my own damn self to the psych ward just had her telling me ''i dont think you actually needed to go :/'' #mother dearest if it werent for the other fuckers in the brain (caused by you abusing me) then i would've been dead several times over #i am so fucking tired i am so sick of these ppl it is so incredibly painful and terrifying that this is supposed to be my family #this is the one support system i get in life. and it is no support system at all. i am fucked !! i am so unbelievably fucked!!! #i know other ppl make it thru but they are much stronger than me. i am lacking something that they all have lmao. i am cowardly and weak!!! #i have been trying so fucking hard to figure out how to like. make this work. how to survive in this society and its just. impossible #i think we're back to the clock ticking down as my bank account runs out #i cannot be employed and ppl keep telling me disability won't accept me so i am just. unanimously fucked over i suppose #i have two years !! two years until i run out of money!!! thats a lot of time!! to make all the art i want to make!! #i will make this work for these two years i will cope and make my art and disconnect and daydream through the intolerable parts #i will make these two years so good sdfjkl im gonna make it to the end of them #sorry this is all coming flooding out fsjdkl i've just tried so hard to be like. positive abt things and laugh abt things and be okay #im tired of trying to make it okay fdsjkl i am wallowing tonight i guess. boohoo poor little me fdsjkl i'll probably get over it soon #just need to like. let a little of the pressure leak out so i don't completely crack and do smth stupid #it will be okay !!! or as okay as it can be !!! this will be blocked out by tomorrow morning probably!! #or it'll have to be LMAO i have my silly old lady yarn group tomorrow and i need to be Normal for that #suicide tw #abuse tw #ed tw

[fatesdeath]

@afterdeaths liked for a starter & get's Adrian (for Xander)

"do you typically have ghosts follow you all the time or is today just special?" he asks as he enters the building, head cocked to the side. Adrian's attention had been peaked---normally, he doesn't see too many ghosts hanging about that wished to be seen, but today, it seemed like all he could do was stare in awe. to say he's fascinated would be an understatement. "i was asked to consult in a case today---d'ya know what it was for?" he waits a moment and then, with a smile, Adrian informs him, "i was asked to speak to a child's dog that just passed away. sweet kid---was absolutely devastated he couldn't see Sparky, too."

#afterdeaths #[ 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑 ] // Adrian. #doing these banners really has made my life easier lmao my friend is helping me make better looking ones but !! #i hope this suits u lmao i told u i wanted Adrian and Xander to meet #i think they'll have an interesting dynamic for sure