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absurdthirst · 1 year

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A Fork in the Road {Dieter Bravo x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 14.9k

Warnings: Mentions of drugs, embezzlement, angst, desperation, irritation, mentions of anal plugs, oral sex (male and female receiving), vaginal sex, blackmail, extortion

Comments: Coming out of his latest rehab stint, Dieter Bravo learns he's broke. Money and everything he owns stolen, dropped from his agencies, he ends up crashing with you, his former assistant. Living with you and trying to make a comeback in Hollywood, Dieter comes to a fork in the road. Question is, which path will he choose?

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

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|| MasterList || Dieter Bravo MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

"What do you mean it's all gone?" Dieter asks the CEO of his investment company, sitting in his fancy office on Olive Street, and he stares in shock.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Bravo. Mr. Lewis took it all. We - we have background checks but I- I do not know what happened with your money. He has transferred it to multiple accounts and the police are tracing it but he knew what he was doing. While you were away-"

Dieter shakes his head, "I was in fucking rehab for three months. I come out and every penny I own is gone. Even my goddamn house. Who - what - someone should be responsible. I need my fucking money. I - I need to talk to someone about getting it back. Some reimbursement." Dieter growls, slapping his hand down on the desk and he could really use a hit right now to calm down.

"I'm sorry Mr. Bravo, we will let you know as soon as we have news. The FBI too. This is a high profile case."

Dieter shakes his head, "thanks for nothing, asshole." He growls, standing up, and he makes his way outside to hail a taxi. The state took his license after he was caught with a hospital worth of meds in the car, off his head on everything he could have taken without killing himself. It was stupid, he knows that now, but back then, he thought he was invincible. He only has one place he can go now. He gives the driver your address and when he arrives, he knocks on your door.

You pause the show you are watching, wondering who the hell is at the door. You didn’t order food and there is a very prominent No Soliciting sticker on your door. Not that you could buy anything anyway. Since Dieter has been at rehab, your paycheck hasn’t come through and every time you call Lewis’s office, they claim that he’s in a meeting and you will get a call back. It’s bad enough that you’ve been living on your savings and DoorDash-ing to pay the bills. Hopefully Dieter, will get his dumb ass out of rehab for the third time so you can get paid. “Dieter!” The man in question is in your doorway, looking miserable. “You’re out!”

Dieter pushes past you to enter your house. “I need your help.” He says immediately, spinning to face you. “I’m fucked.” He runs his fingers through his hair, longer since his stint in rehab. “I- Lewis is gone. He’s taken all my money. The house is gone. My car. All of it.” He reveals, “they can’t find him. Apparently the alphabet boys are trying to hunt it down but it’s gone and I- shit. I don’t have anywhere to live,”

Your jaw drops in shock. “What? How? Oh my god, no fucking wonder I haven’t been paid.”

Dieter frowns and shakes his head. “What the fuck do you mean?” He huffs. “I pay you.” You snort.

“Lewis paid me through your company.” You remind Dieter. “I was an employee, but I haven’t gotten a paycheck since you left for rehab and they kept telling me he would call me back.”

“That motherfucker.” Dieter hisses, pissed that you haven’t been paid. He never would have allowed that. You should’ve been paid even if he was in rehab. “I’m so sorry. Fucker, I can’t - fuck!” He shouts, clenching his fists before he calms down, remembering his coping methods despite the urge to call his dealer. “I need a favor.” He tells you, brushing down his sweatpants.

“What?” You ask and he sighs.

“I need a place to live. They’ve seized my house and I need somewhere to sleep. Can I- could I stay here?” He asks, face softening. “I swear you won’t even know I’m here.”

That’s a lie if you’ve ever heard one. Dieter is anything but quiet, or a good guest. However, you also know that without money or drugs, ninety-nine percent of Dieter's so called ‘friends’ are history. There’s no way you can kick him while he’s down, especially fresh out of rehab. It would send him straight back into a pile of pills. Sighing, you point at him. “I’m not cleaning up after you.” You warn him.

Dieter grins, rushing over to you and he cups your cheeks, kissing your lips. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” He rushes out, letting go of you and he grabs his phone. “I’ll get my stuff. Well, what I have left, from the hotel room I got yesterday after heading home to find I couldn’t get in my house. Thank you sweetheart. I owe you big when we get this shit sorted out. I’ll be back.” He tells you, typing in the address for the Uber. He only has enough money to last him a week or so, so he needs to get out there and start getting a new role.

You sigh and roll your eyes. “Save your money.” You huff, knowing that he won’t think about how expensive the Uber will be there and back. “I’ll take you to get your stuff so you don’t have to waste it on an Uber.” You know that he will land a new role quickly, he’s talented and your eyes widen slightly. “What about all your stuff? Your Oscar?”

“In storage apparently. The bastards let me have that and my Razzie. Hey, things get bad…I can sell those.” He jokes, despite knowing that even in his lowest moments, he never considered selling those precious items. “In storage for another two days or so. I gotta get it out.” He sighs, rubbing his cheek. “Bastard.” He curses Lewis, feeling like such a fool but he is determined to rise above it all. They will find his money and in the meantime, he just needs to get a new role to get some money coming in. “I’ll sort this out, promise.” He offers you an Oscar winning smile while you grab your purse.

You know that Dieter will probably sulk for at least a day or two. Which is fair considering he just had millions of dollars stolen from him. “I’m sorry.” You murmur softly as you both climb into your car and you start it up. “I know that you’re getting fucked over but I’m sure you will pick up a role quickly.” You pull out of the driveway and start down your street. “What hotel did you stay at?”

He flusters, “um, my cards have been stopped so I just - I only had cash. It’s the, uh, Motel 6 off of Hollywood Boulevard.” He bites his lip, knowing he’s had a hard fall from grace. “I don’t have a lot. Gotta get it from storage and I- I gotta look up an NA meeting nearby. It’s required.”

“Nothing wrong with a Motel 6.” You hum. You aren’t going to pile onto him. “We will get your stuff and swing by your storage room. See how much stuff is there.” As much as you rolled your eyes at Dieter’s antics, he had always insisted you be paid well for putting up with his shit. It was a lot more than other assistants. So helping him through this is something that you owe him. “Although, hopefully you haven’t painted the wall in this room?” You tease, reminding him of when he painted the murals on the wall in England while he was trapped on the Cliff Beasts set.

Dieter snorts, looking out of the window. “No. I didn’t. I, uh, haven’t really done a lot of painting since then. Been too busy. Well, until rehab.” He sighs, wishing he could go back in time to stop himself from getting in that car but he was so high at the time, he just wanted McDonalds and figured he’d drive. A stupid mistake that has cost him more than he could’ve imagined. “I’m gonna call my agent tomorrow. See what jobs I can get an audition for.”

You frown slightly, worried about how he will take this new development. You hadn’t wanted to worry him with it while he was in rehab, wanting him to focus on getting clean. “Uh, about that…”

Dieter groans. “What?”

You pull up to the red light and sigh, looking over at him, “your agent dropped you after the DWI. Said that she couldn’t keep you on. Too many incidents.”

Dieter stares at the red light, just processing the information, and it takes him several moments to react. He’s just blinking over and over again until the light turns green. “Fuck!” He shouts, his entire body shaking with the exclamation and he slaps the air. “Those fuckers! I - I’ll sue. I’ll get an attorney and sue them.” He growls but you sigh, “with what money?”

He pauses, slumping down in the seat as you drive. “Fuck.” He rubs his cheek, “shit.” He huffs, closing his eyes, accepting that he’s been dropped. “I, uh, I’ve auditioned without management before. When I got - when I was first starting out. I can do it again.”

You don’t mention the obvious. That Dieter Bravo has had several high profile incidents that would make any studio wary of taking him on. Instead you reach over and pat his thigh. “It will work out.” You tell him encouragingly. “I - I’m going to have to start looking for a job too.” The light turns green and you pull your hand away so you can drive. The motel isn’t too far and you wonder how long it will take before Dieter spirals. He doesn’t like when things don’t go his way.

Dieter sighs, “I’m sorry, sweetheart. You shouldn’t have had to do that. I know you want to be a writer one day. I, uh, have you been working on any scripts?” He asks, wanting to distract himself from his misery, his fuck ups.

Despite heavy drug use and at times questionable morals, Dieter actually listens. When he’s not being a prick. At least he actually listened to you and didn’t mock you when you had admitted it wasn’t your dream job to be a celebrity flunky. You wanted to make the movies. Screenwriter, really. “I’ve almost got one finished. Maybe you could read it for me?” You ask, knowing he might like feeling important, “point out things to punch it up?”

Dieter chuckles sharply, “not like I got anything else to do.” He sighs, feeling guilty, and he looks over at you. “Sorry. I- that was an asshole thing to say. I’d love to read it. You want me to read it?” He catches up with his mind, happy that you want him to read it. He’s just an actor. He merely says the lines.

The annoyance at his comment flares and then quickly dies. Dieter acts out when he’s upset, you know this. In a lot of ways, being his assistant was like having a child. “If you want.” You shrug slightly and pull into the parking lot of the motel. “You know what jumps out at you when you read scripts.”

Dieter pats his pants to find the key, glad you are helping him, and he is gonna have to find a way to thank you. Usually he would just buy something extravagant but he can’t do that now. “I’ll read it. Maybe you could cast me if it gets picked up?” He half jokes, opening the door after you park outside of the room he points too.

You hum, knowing that he might be perfect for the role, considering that you had based the character on him. “You might be perfect for it.” You tell him. The room is disheveled in typical Dieter fashion, making you grin. The man could not pick up his socks to save his life. “Already comfortable, I see.”

He blushes, knowing you’ve seen worse from him, but he can’t disrespect your home by acting like a drugged up raccoon. He rushes around trying to pick everything up but struggles. The drugs have really gotten to him in his older age.

He’s not paying you, but you still help him. Going into the bathroom to pick up the all natural products he insisted on. Luckily he still has plenty, because that shit is expensive and he won’t be able to afford it for long. He’ll be using a brand from the drugstore like everyone else. “Don’t forget your charger.” You remind him, knowing he always leaves it.

He offers you a grateful grunt before he grabs the charger, shoving it in his vegan leather duffel bag. He sighs once the room is cleaned up. “Fucking hated this place.” He huffs, spinning on his heel to head back out to your car, shoving his bags in the trunk and he gets in the front seat, already planning how he’s gonna get a role as soon as possible so he can get his lifestyle back.

You snort and shake your head. “You know that’s where they normally put the crew.” You tell him. “Only reason I get to stay in a room in the hotels you’re put up at is that it was written into your contract so I could manage you.”

“Seriously? They- the crew has to stay in places like this?” He asks, supposing he’s never really thought about it. Especially when he’s in a suite in a four or five star hotel. It makes him uncomfortable, to think of the crews he’s worked with having to stay in this motel whenever he goes anywhere.

“It’s not horrible, if they are clean. Which, thank God, they at least make sure of that. But yeah.” You pull out of the parking spot and pull around towards the street. “The talent is where they spend the money.”

Dieter nods, knowing that once he’s back in action, he will fight for better accommodations for the crew. “I’ll see what I can do about that.” He promises, “I’m glad you had a hotel room. You deserved it for putting up with my ass. I, uh, I’m hungry. I haven’t eaten for a couple of days.”

“Dieeeterrrr.” You sigh, hating how he doesn’t take care of himself. “Okay. We’ll get you something to eat.” You promise, looking over at him. “What do you want? Do you want to pick something up? I’ll pay for it.” You’re better off financially than he is. “What do you want?”

“Tacos.” He says, almost bashfully. His stomach growls now that he’s in a safe space and he isn’t stressed by the state of his financial affairs. He wants food and he decides to keep a note of whatever you get so he can pay you back when he gets his money back. “Can we get tacos?” He rephrases.

“Of course we can.” You nod, willing to get him whatever he wants, but tacos are easy. “We’ll have tacos and some chips and salsa for dinner. I’ve got some beer at the house too, just have a relaxing night.”

He nods, offering you a smile. “Thank you, sweetheart. Seriously, I couldn’t - I couldn’t do this without you.” He offers you a brief moment of appreciation and he knows he’d be lost without you. You soon pick up the tacos and salsa and chips and you drive home. He quickly sets his things in your guest room before you both settle down to eat. “To losing everything.” He toasts, wanting to make a joke of his utter fall from the pedestal Hollywood put him on.

You lift your own drink up. “To starting over sober.” You offer. “Maybe now I won’t have to walk into the orgies you would have.” You snort, shaking your head when you think about some of the shit that he would do.

He chuckles, unashamed of his sexual escapades despite most of them being drug induced. When he was high, he wanted contact, he wanted to feel wanted. Those stupid insecurities he’s carried his entire life since he was a kid driving him to crave intimacy. Even if he had to pay for it.

He knows now that he needs to continue going to therapy, to talk about his mother’s rejection of him and how that led to his habits. He knows he needs to go to NA and remain sober. He has no choice now. It’s cost him his career and his livelihood so he needs to focus on his sobriety and getting his career back. “No orgies.” He promises, “but I can have threesomes?” He asks. You raise your eyebrows and he chuckles, “no threesomes. Got it.”

God, you hadn’t considered Dieter bringing someone over. It wasn’t like you had an active dating life. You couldn’t when you were traveling with him or at his beck and call all the time. “Just let me know about your meetings.” You pick up one of your tacos. “I’ll take you. I want you to succeed.”

“Thank you.” He finds himself saying that again and he truly means it. He doesn’t know what he would’ve done if you hadn’t taken him in. “Can you get me some water?” He asks, acting like you are still employed by him and the moment you just had is gone.

You stare at him for a moment before you put your taco down and get up to get him some water. You should tell him no but you don’t. You’ll do it tomorrow. Tonight he just needs to relax. “Here.” You bring out a bottle of water you had in your refrigerator and hand it to him.

He doesn’t say thank you this time. Too used to you doing what he wants. He finishes his tacos and rubs his stomach, “fuck. I needed that.” He yawns, exhausted now that he’s full. It’s been a stressful two days and he didn’t exactly sleep well in the Motel 6. He pats his belly, “I’m gonna head to bed.” He stands up, leaving his plate and makes his way into the bedroom. He looks back at you, “it’s gonna be fun living together, right sweetheart? Goodnight.” He declares and disappears into the bedroom.

****

You’re going to fucking kill him. He’s awake at all damn hours of the night, doing God knows what. He leaves shit everywhere and expects the magic fucking maid fairy to pick it up. And if he fucking pisses on the toilet one more time you’re going to kill him. “I’m going to fucking kill him!” You hiss, yanking the dishwasher open to deposit the eight glasses you have found scattered around your house. Plus the bottle of cigarette butts from the porch - that went in the trash.

Dieter groans as he opens the bedroom door. It’s 3 in the afternoon and he was up all night trying to find auditions. It’s been a few weeks and he hasn’t found a single acting job. Unless he resorts to porn. He’d do it but it wouldn’t do his movie career any good. He is desperate to get a role. The money hasn’t been found by the FBI and they seem to have given up. He’s getting more and more desperate by the day and he is spiraling. When he stumbles into the kitchen, he sees you standing there with your arms crossed. “Everything okay?” He frowns, opening the fridge to take out the milk.

He doesn’t wait for you to answer, twisting the cap off the bottle and lifting the entire thing to his lips to start chugging. Making you wrinkle your nose as he drinks the milk straight from the jug. While you appreciate not messing up another cup, it’s gross. Especially when you know where Dieter Bravo’s lips have been at times. He’s in boxers and - is that your silk bathroom? You grit your teeth in frustration. Crocs round out the outfit, as well as his hair sticking up every direction. Obviously he just woke up. “No, everything isn’t ‘okay’, Bravo.” You hiss finally.

Dieter frowns, setting the milk down on the counter and he wipes his lips. “What’s wrong? Is it- shit. Did I leave the toilet seat up again?” He asks, knowing you hate that. He is trying to be less selfish but he’s been used to being pampered for years, it’s a hard habit to break.

“Yes.” You huff, rolling your eyes. “And leaving cups around the house for me to pick up. Drinking from the milk jug. That’s gross.” You throw your hands up. “You expect me to cook for you because you don’t know how. I just- Dieter, you have to start taking care of things yourself!”

Dieter shifts from one foot to the other, at least having the decency to look ashamed. “I- I’m sorry sweetheart. It’s just- no one has taught me. My mom…I never got shown how to do anything. Kinda had to figure it out for myself and by the time I had to really worry about that stuff, it was already being taken care of for me. I want to learn. Show me what I need to do.” He pleads, not wanting you to kick him out of your home. He’d be on the streets if he couldn’t find a shelter.

Your anger deflates quickly, shoulders rounding. You've heard him talk about the problems with his mom and you don’t want him to feel like it’s another hurdle in getting back on his feet. “Okay.” You agree, dropping your hands and taking a deep breath. You had known it was going to be exasperating at times to live with Dieter. “First thing, if you get it out, you put it up. Okay? We don’t have a maid and I’m going to be starting work soon.” You had an interview with another up and coming celebrity and you were just waiting on the call back, but you know it’s going to happen.

Dieter nods, “I can do that. When - when are you starting work?” He inquires, curious as to who you are going to be working for. He won’t admit it but he’s a little jealous to think of you with someone else. He doesn’t want you to be unemployed but he’s a little jealous of you working for another actor. “I won’t drink from the milk jug anymore.” He concedes.

“I’m expecting the call this week.” You had been told to stay by your phone, only waiting on the required background check. Which you know will come back good. “It’s supposed to be flexible so I can finish up my script.” Which he hadn’t read yet. You don’t bother to remind him of his promise to read it, but it kind of hurts your feelings.

The lightbulb goes off in Dieter’s head. Your script. That he was supposed to read. “Shit. I - can I get another copy? I swear I want to read it but it got lost in the other scripts I’m studying for auditions. I have one tomorrow. Finally. It’s not - it’s nothing special but it’s money.” He shrugs, knowing he needs to start from scratch after every agency in L.A seemed to laugh in his face about him getting back into acting. “I’m glad you’ve found something. Hopefully, this is temporary and I can start paying you again once I’ve gotten back into blockbusters. You want to - can you show me how to use the dishwasher?”

You are used to Dieter constantly switching from one topic to another so you don’t let it phase you. Instead you turn back to the machine and open it. “Sure. Come over here you big baby and I’ll show you how to load the dishwasher.”

He rushes over, watching you load the dishes. “Cups on top, dishes below and cutlery goes here.” You show him before you grab a dishwasher pod and show him how to turn it on. He bites his lip, turning towards you. “We might have to run through that again.” He admits, “and the washer? I should probably wash my clothes.” He had taken to stealing your robe and just lounging around in it unless he had to get dressed. He’s been a movie star for nearly thirty years. He hasn’t had to do much in his life.

You wrinkle your nose and nod. “I’m sure you have a pile of dirty clothes.” You’ve picked up plenty of the socks and other bullshit that Dieter left around, but you’ve not done any of his clothes. It doesn’t shock you that Dieter doesn’t know how to do laundry. “Have you at least used the laundry basket in the guest room? Or is everything laying around everywhere?”

He bites his lip, looking guilty enough to make you sigh. “Grab the basket and pick everything up so we can get it washed.” He nods and walks into the guest room, clothes everywhere and the blinds are closed. “We will wash the bedsheets too.” You tell him, not judging but you know you washed them a couple of weeks after he moved in and they haven’t been done since. “I’m sorry I’m so fucking useless.” Dieter starts to wail, sobbing as he sits down on the edge of the bed.

Oh boy. You kneel down and put your hand on Dieter’s knee. “Stop it.” You tell him sternly, making his eyes widen slightly as you take a tone with him that you haven’t before. “You are a talented man. Fucking gifted. You are smart. This is going to be a piece of cake for you to learn.” Your words soften slightly and you give him a small smile of encouragement. “Look at this like you are studying for a role. Your next role is that of a house husband.” You joke.

He sniffs, processing your words, and eventually he nods. Wiping his eyes, he knows you are right. He can do this. He has to do this. He offers you a watery smile, "house husband. Kinda like that." He chuckles and you snort, grinning at him. "Come on, let's get this gathered up and I will show you how to use the washer and dryer." You promise and he nods, determined to learn. Before you walk away, he reaches out to grab your hand, "thank you...for helping me with, well, everything."

****

When you open the door to your home, you hear Dieter cursing and he looks up when you find him in the kitchen. He’s covered in flour and cringes, “I, uh, I’m sorry about the mess.” He had tried to follow the recipe but in his enthusiasm, the kitchen is a disaster and he’s waiting for the cake to cook but he forgot how long it’s been in there for. He wanted to do something nice to thank you for letting him stay but he has officially run out of money for non essentials and he wanted to get you something.

You could be mad, probably should be considering that there is egg yolk dripping off the counter and flour everywhere - but all you can do is grin. “What’s all this?” You ask as you set your bag down on a blessedly clean chair and walk into the kitchen. Dieter looks around and motions to the oven.

“I, uh, I’m baking a cake.” You never thought you would find Dieter covered in flour and baking a cake in your kitchen but it's so damn cute that it makes you laugh.

“Really? That’s great!” You huff, it’s like he’s a little kid trying to make breakfast for mom and failing spectacularly. “Is it almost done? It smells like it.”

Dieter blushes, “I, uh, I forgot the timer.” He admits, “I just - I wanted to make something nice for you to say thank you for letting me live with you. I know I’m not the easiest man to have in the house and I- I thought this would be a nice way to say thanks. I’ve - shit - I made icing and I wanted it to be done before you got home.”

The thought is even sweeter when you realize why he is going through the effort and mess. “That’s okay.” You assure him, moving towards the oven and grabbing a pot holder. “If you want to check the doneness of a cake, stick a toothpick in it.” You instruct him as you open the door to a wave of heat and the delicious scent of a cake. “If it comes out clean, it’s done.”

Dieter nods, “I can do that.” He reaches for the drawer to grab a toothpick and he leans over, inserting it and it comes out clean. “Oh thank fuck I didn’t burn it.” He chuckles nervously. “Now we decorate it?” He guesses and you shake your head.

“You gotta let it cook first.”

He nods, sitting down after you turn off the oven. He taps his fingers, growing impatient. “Can’t we put it in the fridge? I want to decorate it for you. Can you act surprised? I just- it’s for you.” He adds bashfully.

It’s endearing, the way that he is very timid right now. Making your heart melt at how he is trying to do something nice for you. “It will be fine in the fridge.” You agree as you pull out a cooling rack for him to put it on. “I will go take a bath to relax and when I come out, I will be completely surprised by the wonderful thought.” You promise with a soft smile.

Dieter grins, grateful you’re playing along. “Oh! How was work today?” He asks, wondering how it’s been going with your new boss. He can’t deny he’s a little jealous but he won’t be childish for once and sulk. You are paying the bills after all.

“Honestly?” You take a deep breath and shake your head. “It was great. We get along fantastically and there’s not a whole lot of -” You remember you are talking to the man who had been your boss, who had made a lot of the foolish demands that would drive you crazy. “It’s going to be a good fit I think. The pay is nice.”

Dieter nods, a little sad you are working for someone else but he's happy you have found a job you like. He watches you hesitate for a second before you tell him you are going to have a bath and he sets to work on the cake. He patiently - impatiently really - waits for the cake to cool down then he decorates it with the frosting he had made. He had tried a bunch of it before he decided it was good enough for the cake and he manages to write out "thank you" in icing that he colored with cocoa powder. He knows it's not neat but it's the best he could do.

In the bath, you take your time, knowing that Dieter will probably need every second to ice the cake and hopefully clean up the kitchen a little. He’s been getting better, you have to admit that. Although he was still selfish sometimes, you know you won’t break him of that. It’s just a part of who Dieter is, although this is uncharacteristically kind of him. Maybe he’ll even read your script like he promised he would. After nearly an hour, you get out and get dressed in your lounge clothes and come back out into the living room. “I’m home.” You announce playfully.

Dieter has been anxious for you to see and taste the cake since he finished decorating it. It wasn’t easy to do and he hopes you don’t think he totally fucked it up. He watches you walk into the almost clean kitchen and he grins, proud of what he has accomplished. “Ta dah!” He gestures to the cake on the counter, praying you like it.

Walking into the kitchen, your eyes light up when you see the cake. “Diet! It’s- it’s wonderful.” You gush, the icing isn’t perfect and the lettering isn’t either but you love the effort that he put into this. It might be the sweetest thing that he’s ever done. Walking over to him, you kiss his cheek gently. “Thank you, I- I want to have a slice right now.” You hum, giving him a grin. “Have one with me?”

He blushes deeply at your praise, recognizing that need while he was in rehab and was in therapy. Always seeking the praise his mother never gave him. He is so happy to see you love it though and he grabs the knife and two plates, cutting into his creation with a little bit of melancholy since it took so long, but he’s eager for you to try it.

You pour two glasses of milk to have with the cake and smile when both you and Dieter sit down at the small table together. “You didn’t have to do this.” You promise him as you pick up your fork and cut off a piece of the cake. “But I love this. I’ve been craving something sweet and you’ve taken care of that.”

He waits for your reaction, almost frozen as he prays you don’t spit it out and say it tastes like shit. He knows it’s unlikely that you’d do that but who knows…his prior asshole self probably would’ve done that. “How is it?” He asks, biting his lip as he eagerly awaits your reaction.

Eyes widening in surprise, you make a noise of pleasure. “Holy shit.” You manage after you swallow. “It’s really good. I mean that, it’s really good.” You eagerly take another piece of the cake and shove it in your mouth and follow it up with a swallow of milk. “Oh my god.” You moan.

Your moan makes his long abandoned cock twitch. Fuck, you sounded so sweet. It’s been so long since he had anything other than his hand and right now, he wants to eat you more than the cake. He never really saw you as a sexual option when he employed you, even he has guidelines, but fuck, that moan. He shifts to cross his legs to hide his erection before he takes a bite of his own creation, his own moan escaping him.

Nodding in agreement, you try not to let Dieter’s sound get to you. Instead you focus on the cake and the immense pleasure you get from each sweet bite. It is perfect for satiating that sweet tooth you’ve had. Halfway through your slice, you look over at him. “This was really sweet. I appreciate it.” You give him a sweet smile. “I’m going to regret this when I don’t fit into my outfit next week.”

Dieter scoffs before he frowns, “what’s next week?” He asks, wondering what the hell you are doing. He knows you inside and out. You don’t date, you never have plans. He was your whole life up until he went to rehab again and that hasn’t really changed.

You hesitate for a second before you roll your eyes at yourself. Dieter doesn’t care what you do and you don’t work for him anymore. So it’s not like you have to worry about him calling you away now. “I have a date next Friday.” You announce with a small grin. “It might roll into Saturday if it goes well, who knows?” You add. It’s been awhile since you’ve gotten laid and you really need it at this point. You haven’t even masturbated since Dieter moved in.

That doesn’t sit well with Dieter. He swallows harshly, reaching for the milk to take a gulp and he forces every acting skill he has to offer you a smile and a “that’s nice.” He doesn’t say another word as he sets the glass down and takes another bite of the cake. “Who’s the guy?” He adds after several moments of heavy silence between you.

You bite your lip and reach for your own glass of milk for another drink. Wondering how Dieter will take the news of who you are going out on a date with. “Charlie Squires.” You admit, looking over at the cake and then back down at your plate. Charlie was an actor, someone who moved in the same circles Dieter had before his fall from grace, although Charlie wasn’t into the drug scene like Dieter was.

He clenches his jaw. Fuck, he hates Charlie. The current golden boy of Hollywood. He was in some fucking superhero movies and suddenly, he’s the next big thing. He’s muscular too. Bright blue eyes. Dieter huffs, setting down his fork. “Yeah. He’s, uh, he’s a nice guy.” He says it a little harshly but who can blame him? He doesn’t want you going on this date.

Dieter is not happy, that much is obvious, but you try to ignore it. “Yeah, it’s no big deal.” You promise lightly, not mentioning that Charlie had been the one to ask you and mention that he had been interested in getting to know you for a while. Actually had been asking around to find out where you had gone after Dieter dropped off the face of the planet before you had run into him at the studio where his next movie is being shot. “Dinner and whatever happens.”

Dieter offers you a tight smile, knowing he can’t ruin this for you. “That’s nice,” he says it a little sarcastically but you can’t blame him. He knows you should be out there, dating and getting laid, but he fucking hates the thought of you with Charlie. If he was truly honest with himself, he’d say anyone. He sighs and sets his fork down, “I’m gonna - I’m gonna do the dishes. You wanna finish your cake and find a movie or something?” He offers, needing a moment alone.

“Yeah.” You stare at him in confusion for a moment but he’s already pushing away from the table and turning back to the kitchen. Frowning, you shake your head and look down at the cake. Why can’t he be happy you have a date? Is it because you don’t belong with celebrities since you are just an assistant? Ironic considering this assistant is the only reason that he has a place to live. There weren’t lines of people begging him to live with them when he was at his lowest. You huff and pick up your cake to take it into the living room. If he couldn’t be happy for you, then fuck him.

****

Dieter taps his knee, anxious about you going on this date. He tries to be happy for you but something just isn’t sitting right with him. He runs his fingers through his hair, listening to you get ready and he stands when he hears the clink of your heels. He walks into the living room and his jaw drops at the pretty dress you’re wearing. “Holy shit.” He gasps

“Is it okay?” You are officially a little panicked but you can’t help it. You are going out with a celebrity. He had warned you that there might be paps around and you don’t want to embarrass him. “Not too much? Or is it not enough? I should change, shouldn’t I?”

He stares at you for another few minutes before he shakes his head, “no. No. It’s - it’s perfect. You look - you look fucking incredible.” He blinks dumbstruck. He’s always thought you were a beautiful woman but to see you going out on a date with someone he can’t stand, it kills him. He wants to beg you to not go, to stomp his feet like he would’ve done if you were still employed by him. He can’t do that, it’s not fair. “He’s gonna - he’s gonna be blown away.”

You smile in relief, reaching out to touch his shoulder in appreciation for calming you down. “Thanks.” You tilt your head at him curiously. “What are your plans tonight? Movie and pizza or do you have a date of your own?”

He snorts, “no. No. I’ll be here. Probably gonna try and find another audition.” He’s also been secretly reading your script. It’s brilliant and he’s made notes but he knows if you got it in the right hands, it would be picked up. He rubs his thighs and sits down on the sofa, trying to stop himself from making you stay. Old Dieter would’ve made up some excuse to stop you from going but he’s not that man anymore. He won’t be a selfish asshole.

You lean in and cup his cheek. “You will find an amazing project.” You promise him, bussing his cheek with a small kiss and smudging your lipstick on his skin. Your phone buzzes and your eyes widen slightly as you pull back. “Okay, that’s him.” You stand tall and straighten your dress. “Wish me luck!” Grabbing your purse, you quickly disappear out the door.

He watches you go and suddenly realizes that he doesn’t want you to go on this date. He wants you to go on a date with him. He wants you to be with him. You’ve been so good to him, teaching him life skills that his parents had neglected to teach him, too focused on him being an actor, and he can never repay you for that. He’s good for nearly an hour before he grabs his phone, deciding to get you back home from the date. He sends a quick text, “need you to come home ASAP. Dishwasher isn’t working.” It’s lame but it’s all he could think of.

You blow out a sigh when you see Dieter’s text. You reply. “It’s okay, I’ll look at it when I get home.” He probably didn’t set it right. You put your phone away but it dings again.

“It’s spraying water everywhere.”

“Shit.” You look over at Charlie and sigh. “I need to go back home, there’s apparently some kind of emergency. Water.”

When the door lock rattles, Dieter sits up straight and waits for you. He’s pleased that his excuse worked but he’s also guilty for ruining your date. You immediately walk into the kitchen to find the dishwasher running and no water. “What the hell, Bravo?” You hiss, stomping back into the living room where Dieter just sits with his arms crossed, pouting and refusing to look at you.

“The water isn’t leaking, so why exactly did you text me that it was?” You demand, glaring at him but he won’t even look at you. “Oh my fucking God!” You snap, annoyed that he is back up to his old tricks. “I’m leaving, and you better not text me fucking lies again. Unless the house is actually on fire!” You pull out your phone to text Charlie again, hoping you can salvage your date with him.

Dieter stands up, shaking his head. "No. I, uh, I'm sorry for lying but you can't go back on the date." He rushes out.

You narrow your eyes at him, "why not? I'm not your assistant anymore. You can't control what I do."

Dieter nods, "I know. I know. I just - fuck. Living with you is impossible." He growls.

Huffing incredulously, you can’t believe him. “Living with me is impossible?” You choke out. “I listen to 3 AM mantras when you can’t sleep and lord knows how many times to you jerking off. And yet I’m impossible to live with? When was the last time I fucking left a butt plug in the sink in the bathroom?”

Dieter pauses for a moment, not minding the idea of that, before he shakes his head. “No. No. You don’t fucking understand. Since I stopped - since I stopped taking drugs I have all of these stupid fucking emotions and I can’t - it’s so much to handle because you’re you and you’ve always been you, and I never noticed you before until now.” He pants and you cross your arms, “what the hell are you talking about, Bravo?” He huffs, taking a step closer to you. “It’s impossible to live with you because I’m in love with you.”

Scoffing, you shake your head. Dieter Bravo loves the idea of love but he only loves himself. “No you don’t, you just- you’re grateful that I gave you a place to stay.” You soften slightly, knowing Dieter still struggles with sobriety and has been working on keeping clean. It’s not been easy with the number of rejections he’s had professionally. “Dieter…” you step closer to him and brush his hair back. “It’s okay to be scared but just because I’m going on a date doesn’t mean I’m going to forget about you. Or kick you out. I didn’t kick you out when you nearly caught the kitchen on fire.” You smirk, remembering how panicked he had been when the pizza had been black coming out.

Dieter shakes his head, reaching out to grab your hips. "No. No. I - I know how I feel. I've never felt like this before. I can't wait for you to come home, I love just sitting beside you, not even talking. I love watching you when you are getting ready in the morning. I love the way your nose crinkles when you are writing. I love you. You are my home. I haven't - I haven't had a home. My parents just wanted me to make them money as an actor and they didn't hug me or look after me or do anything a parent should do. You taught me how to look after myself and you taught me what it feels like to belong somewhere. I love you. I love you." He shifts to kneel down, clinging to your legs and he closes his eyes, praying he doesn't lose you.

Of all the things you had thought would happen, having Dieter Bravo on his knees in front of you was the last of those. There have been a lot of times you imagined it, Dieter is handsome in a very carefree or messy kind of way and he cleans up very nicely. Charming when he wants to be. It’s not like you haven’t entertained fantasies with him, especially when you know he loves sex. Reaching down, your fingers slide through the curly strands of his hair. “Okay, I - I’ll stay home.” You murmur quietly, wondering if he really means it.

Dieter is relieved but he always wants to show you how much he loves you, how much he wants you. He lets go of your legs and runs his hands along their length. “Can I - I want to taste you. Tell me no if you don’t want me to touch you.” He orders, not wanting to cross the line.

You’ve always wondered if he was good in bed. You’ve heard that he was amazing, and that he was selfish. One particular incident was one lover throwing Dieter out of her room at one in the morning screaming about him being a two pump chump. He had been incredibly high. Right now though, his eyes are clear and lust filled. You swallow and nod, biting your lip as you give him permission.

He slowly, so slowly, reaches up to hook his fingers in your panties after sliding them under your dress. He pulls them down, his eyes on yours, and when you step out of them, he tosses them aside. He doesn’t dive in. No, he kisses along your calf up to your knee, licking the spot behind it and he kisses up your thigh, ducking his head under your dress and he groans at the heady scent of you. His lips kiss along your thigh and he sucks on your hip, making you gasp. He kisses along your mound until he breathes you in. Finally, his tongue slides between your folds, a heavy groan escaping his lips and vibrating into you at the tangy taste of you.

You’d expected him to be eager, rushed. Greedy with the number of swipes of his tongue before he was ready to move on. You hadn’t expected him to lick your cunt like he has all the time in the world. Tossing your head back, you moan, loving how slowly he explores you. Your hips shuffling forward, and your fingers grasping for his head while he tastes you. “Dieter.” You pant breathlessly, this once imagined scene now a reality in your living room.

Dieter groans, loving how you taste and he reaches for your thigh, lifting it onto his shoulder and he moans into your flesh when you open up for him, allowing him to push his tongue deep inside of you. For once, this isn’t about him. It’s about you and his love for you. Sex has always been mutual gratification but Dieter doesn’t care if you don’t fuck him or suck him after, he just wants to make you feel what he feels for you.

Whimpering, your head falls forward, hating how you can’t see him under your dress. You reach for the zipper, tugging it down so you can pull your dress over your head. Leaving you in just your bra and heels while Dieter’s head comes into view and you moan when his eyes open and look up at you.

He loves your moans, his hands gripping your ass to keep your hips tilted so he can delve deeper inside of you. His nose presses against your clit, he groans into your flesh, eager to make you cum and yet he’s in no rush. He flicks his tongue over your clit before sucking it into his mouth like those candies you give him from the jar you keep on your kitchen counter.

“Dieter, fuck.” You can’t believe how decadent this is. It’s almost sinful, just letting him slowly lick into your pussy like he’s learning anatomy through his tongue. “Knew your mouth had to be- be good.” His eyes are fixated on you like this is something he loves, and maybe he does. You had just assumed he was more of a taker than a giver.

Your moans make his cock ache in his sweats but he doesn’t touch himself, too obsessed with how you sound, how you taste. His tongue lathes over your clit before it dives back into your cunt, his fingers squeezing your ass to encourage you to rock against him. It’s the most selfless he’s ever been with a lover and that tells him everything he needs to know. You mean something to him.

You whimper, loving how eager he is. Your hips rock, rolling onto his tongue and you moan out his name again while your fingers sink into the strands of his hair. You've always wanted to pull his hair, sometimes out of frustration, but right now it's to guide him to go deeper. To devour you. "Fuck, Diet." You moan, eyes fluttering as you look down at this Oscar winning actor on his knees for you.

He obeys, eager to please, and slides his tongue deeper inside of you. His nose smushed against your clit and he turns his head side to side. Wanting, no needing, you to cum. He moans into your cunt, his eyes closing and he reaches up with one hand to squeeze your tit, pinching your nipple.

Gasping, your knees nearly buckle as you start to cum. You feel pleasure course through your system and nearly overtake everything but the flames that are flashing through your entire body. "Dieter!" Your hand pulls on his hair as you ride the waves of pleasure.

He keeps you pressed against him, working you through your orgasm. His fingers dig deep into your flesh as he drinks you down, his tongue lapping up every drop of your cum that you offer him. His cock aches but he won’t ask for anything, just happy to have made you cum.

It takes you a moment to realize your soul hasn't left your body. Opening your eyes and letting go of his hair so you can cup his cheek. "Holy shit." You giggle, looking down at him in wonder. "That was- fuck, that was amazing." You pant, noticing his cock is straining against his sweats. "And it looks like you enjoyed it, but I'm sure you are ready for more."

Dieter blushes as he lowers your leg. “You don’t - I’m not expecting anything back. I just - I wanted to show you what you mean to me. I can go jerk off.” He offers, not wanting you to feel like he did this just for the reciprocation even though he desperately wants to feel you, all of you.

"Shut up and get your ass in my bed, Bravo." You roll your eyes at him and bite your lip in amusement at the way he scrambles to obey you. Obviously eager to get inside you, to be able to fuck you.

He stumbles to your bedroom, flinging the door open, and he pulls his t-shirt over his head, shoving his sweats down to expose his hard cock. He’s unashamed of his nudity, far too used to closed sets and sharing multiple lovers. He is happy with himself and that’s evident as he stands there naked, waiting for his next orders.

You can’t help but giggle at the proud stance he’s in. His hands on his hips with his cock jutting out. He still has one croc on his foot, and his expression is needy. You reach behind you and unhook your bra to fling it across the bedroom so you are nude as well. “Lay down on the bed.” You order him softly. “I’ve imagined riding your cock a hundred times and I’m going to cum all over it.”

Dieter doesn’t have to be told twice, he shifts to lay down on the bed, kicking off the lone croc and his cock rests on his lower stomach while he waits for you to make your move. “Condom?” He asks, almost breathless as his eyes devour your tits.

You bite your lip. You should, but you know that Dieter hasn’t slept with anyone since he’s been out of rehab and he is surprisingly clean of STDs. Plus you have always imagined feeling him without the barrier of a condom. “I’m on birth control.” You offer quietly. “If you want a condom, I’ve got one in my purse but-“

“Fuck no!” He blurts out. It’s been so long since he went raw, not since his short-lived marriage back when he was thirty to another actress that turned out to be lust and drugs and led to a messy divorce. She still doesn’t speak to him. It’s been too damn long since he hasn’t worn a condom and to be inside of you…fuck, it almost has him cumming now without even touching you. “Please baby. Use my cock. I want you to take what you need from me.”

You moan softly, watching his cock twitch and you can see the small dribble of pre-cum pool on his belly. “Fuck.” You kneel on the bed and you can’t help but duck your head down and run your tongue up the underside of his cock.

Dieter yelps loudly and you giggle when you press your tongue to the slit. “Please baby, fuck me.” He begs, body tense as you show him some mercy and straddle his waist.

He watches you, in awe of your entire being, and he allows you the moment to grip his cock, slowly…so fucking slowly, you sink down onto his length. He hisses, hands raised and clenching his fists as he fights the urge to grab you. He wants to touch but this is about you.

Your head tilts back and you moan as he stretches you out. You had known he was thick, but there is a difference between seeing his cock and feeling him fill you up. “Oh fuck.” You whimper, ass flush against his thighs and you swivel your hips to grind down onto him. “Feels so fucking good, baby.”

“Can I touch you?” He asks, fingers twitching, and when you breathe out a “yes,” his hands are everywhere. He caresses your side, hands squeezing your tits until they rest on your hips, helping you rock on his cock. “Fuck. You feel - it’s better than any fucking drug.” He confesses, his entire body on fire from the feel of you and his heart pounds in his chest from emotion instead of coke.

You ride him slow, aware that he’s bigger than any of your toys. Closing your eyes as you grind down on him and then lift up to where his cock almost completely falls out of you. “You- you moved in just to fuck me.” You pant playfully. “Didn’t you? Still have your money too.”

Dieter snorts, his hands caressing your hips. “Oh yeah. I borrowed that twenty bucks from you yesterday for drug store deodorant and body wash because I love to mess around - shit - and make sure I got to fuck you. Fuck, you’re so wet.” He hisses when you sink back down onto him. You’re too good at this and it takes his breath away.

You smirk and lean down to press your lips to his. “Knew it.” You tease, pressing your breasts to his chest while you move up and down on his cock. He feels amazing and you wonder why the fuck you didn’t do this sooner. “At least you smell good.” You coo before you bite his chin.

He chuckles and presses his lips to yours for the first time, sliding his tongue into your mouth, and his hands caress your back before squeezing your ass. It’s languid and unlike the frantic fucks he has experienced in his active sex life. He isn’t in a rush to cum, content to let you seek your pleasure despite the need to fuck up into you and bury his cock deep. He pushes it aside and lets you ride him.

You’re kissing Dieter, you’re fucking Dieter. Dieter Fucking Bravo. The same man who drives you up a wall most days, whines and his brow flinches as he tries not to rock up into you. He’s trying to hold himself back. Pushing up slightly, you brace your hands on his chest, remembering how he had nearly died in that hotel in England. The reports were horrible and you hate that you hadn’t been there. It makes you bounce a little faster, reminding yourself that he’s here and for the moment, you have him.

He groans when you move a little harder and faster on his cock, his hands squeezing your waist and he shifts to sit up, taking your nipple into his mouth. He wants you to cum on his cock, to soak him. He sucks on your breast, his hands clinging to your back while you rock your hips onto his cock.

“Oh fuck, Deeeeee.” You whine when he bites down sharply, instantly soothing it with his tongue. It makes you squeeze him as you bounce on his cock, completely lost in the mind blowing reality that you are in bed with Dieter. “Gonna- gonna cum then I want- I want you to fuck me.” You pant breathlessly, throwing your head back so he can play with your tits easier. “Oh fuck.”

Dieter doesn’t refuse you, shifting you onto your back so he can start slamming his hips into you. The sounds in the room are absurd, skin slapping skin, moans and groans. Sweat beading on his neck as he grunts your name and demands you cum for him. “Please. Cum for me.” He whines, leaning down to take your nipple in his mouth again.

His plea, the scrape of his teeth and the perfect way that his cock shreds up into you triggers it. Practically screaming his name, you soak his cock in a torrent of your juices, the hardest orgasm you’ve had in forever.

Your cunt clamping down on his cock has him groaning your name and he works you through it with short, desperate thrusts of his hips. Your cries as he thrusts deep spur him on until his pace falters and he buries his cock deep, painting your walls with his cum. “Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Shit.” He pants, his forehead resting on your sternum.

It’s silent as the two of you try to catch your breath. His cock twitching inside your still fluttering walls while neither one of you moves. Now you wonder what to say, what to do. Slowly your hands move down from his shoulders to his sweaty back, caressing it slowly as he snuggles into your neck, apparently not ready to pull out of you.

Dieter murmurs your name, in awe of you and how incredible you are. You’re his saviour and it’s clear as day that he’s in love with you. “I love you.” He coos, kissing along your neck to your jaw before he pulls back to look at you.

Now that you’ve slept together, you wonder how long that feeling will last. Dieter is…fickle for lack of a better word and you hate to think that it might just be the emotional neediness behind all of this. “I love you too.” The words are simple for you to say, you do love him. You’ve loved him for a long time. Even if you couldn’t stand him when he was at his worst. It was one of the reasons you had stuck by him for so long.

Dieter inhales sharply at your confession and he has tears in his eyes as he buries his face in your neck. He hasn’t heard those words in so long, especially when you actually mean them. He has been used for his fame and his money for as long as he can remember - even by his own parents - so to hear you say you love him when he is at his lowest, with no money and no fame. You love him for him. For the chaos he is and the selfish asshole he is. You love him and that makes him sob into your neck, muttering he loves you over and over again.

You shush him softly, stroking his hair and his back while he works through his emotions. Not shaming him for his tears or wanting him to stop, just providing comfort. Your own kisses to his hair are gentle and it’s probably the only time a man has cried after sex with you, but you understand why. “I love you too.” You promise him, loving how he holds you close.

Dieter eventually falls asleep after pulling out of you and flipping down on the bed beside you. You watch him for a while before you clean up and get yourself something to eat. He has exhausted himself emotionally but you know it’s not a bad thing, he’s processing.

****

The next morning, Dieter wakes up to his phone ringing where you placed it on your dresser and he scrambles to answer it in case it’s a call back. He answers the phone with a groggy ‘hello’ and the producer who had been in charge at the audition he went to a few days ago is on the phone.

“Dieter. Hi, it’s Harriet. Can you come in today? I want to do another call back.” Her voice is sickly sweet which makes Dieter frown for a moment but he is so excited to have a callback, that he smiles.

“Absolutely. Let me know what time you want me in.” He responds eagerly.

“One this afternoon. I want you to come to my personal office for the call back.” She says and Dieter pauses, “uh, sure.”

She continues, “for a personal callback. I’ve heard about your numerous oral skills and I would like to experience it. I loved you in Hunger Strike. Your first movie too with the sex scene…I want to recreate that.” She coos and Dieter feels sick.

He knows how the industry works, especially for women, and it has been something he always fought again, but now, he’s on the receiving end and this is his chance to get back into Hollywood. He sighs, “um, okay. I’ll see you at one.” He tells her, his stomach feels like lead as he hangs up the phone.

You had woken up before Dieter and decided to go to the store. You wanted to make breakfast before you had to go to work. It was going to be a late night so your boss had told you to not even come in until around three. Something that you had wished Dieter had done sometimes. It didn’t matter though, you open the door with the bags on your arm. Right now, it just meant you could spend the morning with him.

Dieter stares at the phone for several moments until he hears the front door so he makes his way into the living room after grabbing his robe. "I, uh, I just had a call from the producer for that movie I auditioned for last week." He announces, crossing his arms as he watches you put the groceries away.

"What?" You stop with a carton of eggs in your hand and turn around with a happy grin on your face. "That's great, Dieter! I'm so proud of you, I knew you could find something that you wanted." It might not be exactly what he wanted but you also know that he's a fucking talented actor and could make one small opportunity into his big comeback. "When do you go in for your callback? Do you need a ride?"

He doesn't smile, lowering his arms from his chest. "It's, uh, more complicated than just going back to read the script. The producer....she wants me to, uh, she wants me to fuck her." He reveals, biting his lip, "she said she wants me to show her my oral skills and recreate the sex scene from my first movie."

Your own smile drops as you wait for him to tell you that he is turning down the call back. He doesn't. He just stands there waiting for you to say something. Your heart aches when you realize that everything last night was a lie. He couldn't love you, not the way that you needed him to. You don't share and Dieter Bravo is apparently willing to do anything to get back to his former status as a Hollywood star. "Congratulations." You offer flatly, turning to open the fridge so you can put the eggs inside. You're suddenly not hungry anymore.

Dieter lowers his arms, the guilt is overwhelming but this is his only chance to get back into acting. “I- I need to do this. It’s my only chance to get my life back. To get my money back. The FBI haven’t updated me and I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep mooching off of you until the day I die.”

“You’ll do what you need to do.” You had known Dieter was selfish, but this just proves that he’s not changed all that much. You take a deep breath. “You’re welcome to stay here until you get your money back, or you get paid.” You remind him before you finally turn around and meet his eyes. “But this….thing between us is over.” You decide. “I can’t be with you, with anyone, who is willing to sell his body to some producer for the chance at a starring role.

Dieter stares at you, his heart breaking, and he feels his eyes prick. Of course you don’t want him. Last night was just a fluke. He wants to support you again, he has to do this so he isn’t relying on you. It’s not fair. He wants to pull his own weight and he finally has an opportunity. “I- I finally have a chance to get my life back and you…okay. Fine. Fuck this shit. I’m gonna go to the callback. I’m gonna be a major actor again and you can go on your date with fucking golden boy Charlie.” He growls, spinning on his heel and he storms into his bedroom, slamming the door as tears stinging his eyes.

You don’t know why you are surprised, but you are. Tears slide down your cheeks as you methodically put away the rest of the groceries and shuffle to your bedroom. You hear Dieter shuffling around in his room and you bite your lip as you try not to sob. Part of you wants to be petty and remind him to shower before he fucks someone else, but you can’t, you don’t want to see him. He wants his life back, his old life, the life where you were nothing but his assistant. You close your door softly and sink down to the floor and start to cry in earnest.

****

“Welcome Mr. Bravo.” Cecilia, the producer coos as he walks into her office. He’s been anxious since he left the house. You haven’t spoken to him since that moment in the kitchen, locking yourself in your bedroom, and the guilt had gnawed at Dieter the rest of the morning. He had to use some concealer to cover up the puffy circles under his eyes. He offers the producer an Oscar winning smile and she shuts the door behind him and steps around him to lean against her desk. “You’ve got the role.” She announces.

Dieter grins, “really? Wow. Thank you. I can’t believe it. Really-”

She interrupts him but crosses her arms, “I didn’t finish, Dieter. You’ve got the role…but first, you gotta strip for me. I went to see your cock and then I want you to eat me out. Then I want to ride you.” She says like she’s ordering off a menu and Dieter is immediately uncomfortable.

For a second, he considers it. It’s just sex. He’s never thought anything of sex. It’s just a way to get off but last night with you…it was unlike anything he’s experienced. He bites his lip and she looks at him expectedly.

“Well?” She asks and he shakes his head. No career is worth ruining what he has with you. In fact, he’s found a new passion in painting and he will think about getting a new agency as an artist, not an actor.

“No. I- I can’t.” He tells Cecilia who frowns, “you can’t? Then I can’t offer you the role.” She blackmails him but he doesn’t care.

He backs away from her, thinking only of you and the heartbroken look you gave him. He can’t touch anyone else when you’ve stolen his heart. “Thanks but no thanks. Oh, and I’m gonna report you for sexual harassment.” He holds up his cell phone, using it for a rare moment to record the conservation he had with Cecilia.

“No. I, uh, I can give you the role. Just - delete the recording.”

Dieter shakes his head, finally knowing that acting is in his past. He smirks, “actually…there’s something you can do for me. My friend has a script. You’re gonna greenlight it for production, do whatever you can for it and I will delete the recording.” He offers and Cecilia nods, “fine.”

Dieter grins, hitting pause on the new recording. “Pleasure doing business with you. I’ll have the script delivered tomorrow.” He smirks, “I’ll delete the recording after I see the contract.” With that, he spins on his heel and makes his way out of her office with his dignity and excited to give you the good news.

You had heard Dieter getting ready for his casting call this morning. Swallowing down the heartbreak, you had dragged yourself out of bed and headed to work. Quiet enough that your boss had asked you what was wrong, you had told him a little lie and claimed you had a migraine. Making you feel bad because he had insisted you go home. Where you are now, curled under your freshly changed sheets - you couldn’t sleep on them again - and try to pretend that you don’t know exactly what Dieter Bravo is doing right now.

Dieter rushes through the front door, his eyes wide with excitement and he calls out your name. When you don’t respond, he knocks on your bedroom door. He knows you’re here, he saw your car. He had Ubered to the studio and back so you are home. “Sweetheart. Can I come in?” He asks.

“Go away, Dieter.” You lift your head from your pillow and call out. “I’m happy for you but I can’t celebrate with you.” Tears fill your eyes and you want to scream at him for actually coming to you after he slept with someone to get a role. Was he really so self absorbed?

He opens the door, hearing your voice crack, and he’s concerned. “Baby. What’s wrong?” He rushes over, kneeling on the bed when he sees your tear filled eyes. “Tell me what’s wrong.” He begs, cupping your cheeks

“Please.” You close your eyes and practically whimper as you turn your head away from him. “I know you’re excited, you're happy to be getting your life back - but- I can’t do this.” You choke out. “I can’t be happy that you told me you loved me and then fucked someone else.”

Dieter realizes what you think and he frantically shakes his head. "I didn't do it. I swear. I - I couldn't do it because she wasn't you. I didn't want to touch her. I turned down the role. I didn't want it if I had to do that and I don't - I decided I no longer want to be an actor. I want to be an artist. I want to paint."

It takes you a minute to process what he’s saying. Opening your eyes and turning back to him to blink in surprise. “Wha- you did?” You gasp. “You didn’t- you turned it down?” You halfway don’t believe it, knowing how much he wanted to go back to his former life. “I- really?”

He fumbles to get his phone out of his pocket, taking it out of the bag he puts it in that apparently blocks cellular waves from "his balls" and he presses play on the recording. He wants to prove to you that he's serious. He doesn't want that lifestyle anymore. He wants a home, he wants a family. He wants you.

Your jaw drops when you hear him tell the producer that he isn’t going to work with her. That he wants her to green light your script. “Dieter- I- is this for real? You’re blackmailing her for- for my script? You haven’t even read it.” You manage to get out.

He scoffs, "yes I have read it." He tells you to hold his phone and he rushes into his room, grabbing your script and he sets it down. He has been reading it at night, making notes, but it's brilliant and he knows this is your chance to make it big. "I won't be in Hollywood anymore but that doesn't mean you can't get your big break. Blackmail makes the world go round." He jokes, sitting on your bed and he sets the script in your lap.

“Dieter.” You reach out and touch the script’s cover, opening it up and seeing his loopy handwriting. “You- you’re going to leave acting behind?” You don’t understand, acting was Dieter’s entire life. It was all he had talked about since getting out of rehab.

He shrugs, “it’s no longer my passion. I’ve been, uh, painting outside while you’ve been at work and I have several pieces. I’m going to see if I can get an agent and get them displayed in a gallery. If fucking George Bush can do it, I’m sure I can.” He scoffs, “I - I want to show you a piece I just finished.” He bites his lip and shuffles off of the bed again. He walks into his bedroom to grab the canvas he painted of you, of how he sees you, and he carries it into your bedroom to display it.

You gasp, covering your mouth as you look at the canvas as he turns it around. He’s painted you and it’s….beautiful. You look almost angelic, the light in the eyes of the painting is bright and the smile loving. “Dieter- you painted this?” You ask in wonder, standing up and letting your script fall to the floor as you walk over to look closer at the canvas.

He nods, blushing at your tone, and he hopes you like it. “Uh, yeah. I, um, I just - I started it a couple of weeks after I moved in here and it’s - it’s how I see you.” He admits, his dark eyes meeting yours as you stand in front of him and he’s nervous, thinking you might hate it.

“It’s-“ Tears pool up in your eyes and start sliding down your cheeks again. “It’s so beautiful. I can’t- it’s so wonderful.” You tell him breathlessly, turning and reaching up to cup his cheek. “I can’t believe you see me like this.”

He flusters at your praise, happy you like it, and he leans into your touch. “I think you’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever known. You are beautiful, yes, but so kind and I - you put me in my place and I need that. You see me. The real me. Not the movie star or the sugar daddy. You see Dieter Bravo and I’ll love you forever for that.” He vows, “this is my ode to the woman I love.”

You bite your lip and lunge forward, pressing your lips to his. He turned down the sex, the role for you. He turned his back on acting for you because you know that he’s burned a bridge now. Permanently. And he put himself on the line to make your Hollywood dreams come true. “I love you, Dieter.” You promise between kisses.

He smiles, pulling back to set the canvas down before he grips your hips, pulling you flush against him. “I love you too baby. You’re gonna be amazing. A Hollywood screenwriter. That thing is Oscar worthy.” He gestures to your script before he presses his lips back to yours. “We could be an Oscar winning couple.” He jokes, kissing along your jaw.

You giggle, leaning into the fantasy for a moment. “I’ll bring you to all the red carpet events and you can be my arm candy.” You joke, knowing he do it in a heartbeat and be amazing. Dieter knows how to work a red carpet.

“Deal, baby. As long as you show me off.” He winks and reaches for you to lift you onto your bed. “Now, can I eat that pussy as a celebration for our new careers?” He hums, reaching for the waistband of your leggings but not doing anything until you say yes.

You shake your head, giggling at him and his eagerness. “Before you do, I need to tell you something.” You lean forward and cup his cheeks with both hands. “I’m proud of you for not going through it. Not sleeping with her.”

He blushes again at your praise, turning his head to kiss your palm. “I couldn't do it. Not when I kept thinking of you and how much I love you. It just - it wasn’t right and no matter what I would’ve gotten from it, it wasn’t worth losing you.” He hooks his fingers in your leggings, shifting out of your grip to pull them down. “Let me make you cum.” He pleads, almost whining, and he tosses your leggings aside after removing your shoes and he’s glad you weren’t wearing panties. He shifts to lay down between your thighs, his shoulders pushing them apart and he isn’t hesitant as he dives in to slide his tongue through your folds.

You moan softly, closing your eyes and loving how amazing that tongue is. Happy that he hadn’t used it on that producer today. “Dieter, fuck.” You whine. “Gonna keep that tongue for myself. No one else gets to have it.” You lift your legs and shift them up onto his shoulders while he settles between your thighs.

He hums in appreciation and his fingers dig into your thighs, keeping you spread so he can push his tongue deep inside of you. “Only yours.” He promises when he pulls back, smacking his lips, and he sucks your clit into his mouth.

“Dieter-” you push back on his head and he whines, unwilling to move away from you but you push his head back again. “Let me- let me sit on your face so I can suck your cock.” You beg breathlessly. You hadn’t gotten to have him in your mouth and you wanted it. You want to hear him moan for you.

“I am not going to turn that down.” He chuckles and then shifts onto his back beside you, fumbling to undo the pants he wore for the meeting and he shoves them down along with his briefs to expose his half hard cock. “Take a seat.” He pats his cheeks with a grin.

“Always wondered if this would shut you up.” You tease before you straddle his head and lower your hips to his mouth. Leaning forward so you can wrap your hand around his cock and pump him slowly while his tongue licks through your folds. “Oh fuck.” You whine, leaning in more to lick the tip of his cock.

Dieter smacks your ass, pulling you further down onto his face to practically smother him and he groans at the heat of your skin. Your mouth is heaven, hot and wet, and he struggles to not thrust his hips when you reach out to wrap your fingers around him.

Moaning around his cock, you twist your wrist and try to take him all the way down your throat. Loving the gasping pant that he breathes into your cunt, and the eager way that he sucks your clit into his mouth. Humming, you pull off his cock to lick up and down the length. “Oh fuck, so good baby.” You moan before you take him back into your mouth.

His hands are all over you, squeezing your ass, spreading your cheeks and he can’t help himself. He tilts his head so he can circle your puckered hole with his tongue, wanting to make you gasp his name.

You gasp out around his cock, pulling off of it. “Fuck, Dieter!” You cry out, eyes sliding closed and pinching tight in mortification of how good it feels. He chuckles as he flicks his tongue and you huff, sliding your hand down between his cheeks to press your own fingers against his hole while you suck on the tip of his cock.

“Oh fuck!” He groans against your ass cheek, fucking loving how you know what he wants. What he likes, without even asking. He hisses your name and surges forward to lap at your puckered hole, pushing his tongue into you before his tongue slides down to push into your cunt, alternating between each hole and his hand shifts under you so he can rub your clit with his thumb.

You pull off his cock again, sliding your fingers into your mouth to wet them before his thighs shuffle apart even more. You press against the ring of muscles, feeling it push in before it finally gives way, letting you sink your finger into him a bare inch. Making sure that you take his cock all the way down to the back of your throat while you start to pump your fingers gently inside him.

Dieter practically whines into your flesh. You’re blowing his mind and he fucking loves it. His hips buck unconsciously and he hisses your name when you push your fingers a little deeper. His tongue dives deep inside of you, his nose pressed against your ass and he wants, no needs, you to cum for him.

He’s being so good for you. Precum leaks into your mouth and you swallow it down eagerly. Rocking your hips back as much as you can while you curl your fingers up and listen to him keen into your folds. Giving him the sloppiest blow job of his life and one or two licks away from soaking his face in your cum.

He is feral, bucking up into your mouth while he sucks on your folds, his tongue dipping back into you and his thumb frantically rubs your clit. He’s so close but he needs you to cum first. He needs to hear you cum.

Your keening sound of pleasure is muffled around his cock, jaw slack as you push your hips back into his face and buck back onto his tongue. Cumming in a wave of pleasure, and squeezing his head between your thighs.

Dieter growls into your cunt, lapping up every drop you have to offer him until you take him deep down your throat, your fingers pushing deep inside of him, and it sends him over the edge. He cries into your pussy, his cock throbbing as he starts to cum down your throat.

You gulp him down as fast as you can, loving the way that he throbs in your mouth and whines when you curl your fingers up. Working him until every drop of his cum is swallowed down and you pull off his cock with a very satisfied gasp.

Dieter pants, shaking hands gripping you to try and turn you around to bring you into his chest. When you get the hint, he pulls you close and presses his lips to yours, sliding his tongue into your mouth. "I fucking love you." He groans, pulling back for a moment.

“I love you too.” You whisper softly, reaching up and caressing his cheek. “You are going to be a great artist, you are a great artist.” You murmur proudly. “And we’re going to make sure you are happy.”

Dieter smiles at you and winks. “You’re going to be happy too, you get to have me.” That makes you giggle and lean forward to press your lips to his. You do get to have him, in all his chaotic glory.

****

“Dieter! Diana, I’m home!” You rush through the door, depositing your keys and purse and laptop bag on the entryway table and kick off your shoes as you try to shed the day as quickly as possible. You’re late and even though you let him know you would be, you hate missing a second of your time at home. “Diet? Di?” You call, wondering where they are in the labyrinth you call a house, bigger than the one Dieter originally had. “Are you home?”

When you walk into the kitchen, Diana immediately rushes over to you. “Mama!” She cheers, clinging to your legs, and Dieter chuckles as he finishes the stroke on the canvas. He’s been teaching his daughter how to paint while the dinner cooks in the oven, but you are home now so he sets the brush down.

“Hey sexy mama.” He winks at you, standing up to stride over to press his lips to yours, his tongue dips into your mouth but nothing too X rated since Diana is squashed between you. “Long day at work?” He asks, kissing your jaw before he pulls back and looks down at his daughter.

You roll your eyes and nod. “Yeah, re-writes.” You huff. “The lead decided he was a better writer than me so they wanted me to rework the lines the way he wanted but then they didn’t fit, like I told them they wouldn’t.” The script that Dieter had blackmailed the producer into green lighting had been a blockbuster and now you have become a very popular name among studios.

"Fuck him." Dieter scoffs and Diana looks up at her father.

"Daddy! Bad words!" She reprimands, making him playfully roll his eyes.

"Sorry, baby girl. Daddy is gonna put a quarter in the jar." Dieter had promised Diana a new dollhouse with the money saved from the 'bad word jar' and Dieter's quarters have added up. "Dinner will be ready in a minute." Dieter tells you after he places a coin in the jar and he pours you a glass of wine. He's become quite the cook, making all sorts of dishes to an almost expertise level. "My agent called. Someone wants to buy the painting before I even finish it." He announces, pulling the lasagna out of the oven.

“Baby, that’s great!” You come over and kiss Dieter’s cheek so you don’t make him drop the lasagna. When you had gotten pregnant, Dieter had decided that he wanted to stay home, be a stay-at-home dad. Arguing that his little girl shouldn’t have to have a nanny all the time and he could paint around her schedule. You had fallen in love with him even more when you saw how committed he was to your daughter and the life you are creating, although he still lets a housekeeper come in and scrub the toilets. “That makes the fifth painting sold this year!”

Dieter blushes, proud of himself, and he sets the dish down, dishing out three servings and he sets the plates down at the kitchen table. "Dinner, baby girl." He tells Diana and he places his wine glass down as well as the glass of juice for Diana. He looks at you as you sit down and he feels a sudden rush of happiness. He never imagined he'd get to have a life like this. He was lost in the drugs and depression and anxiety but he's happy now, sober, and living a life he never imagined he could have.

He lifts his glass up towards you, "to a beautiful life." You grin, understanding what he means when you clink your glass against his. Diana moans, holding up her own glass and Dieter chuckles, clinking his glass against hers before you follow suit. He has everything he never knew he wanted and he wouldn't change it for the world...especially not for an acting career.

#pedro pascal #dieter bravo #dieter bravo x you #dieter bravo x f!reader #dieter bravo x reader #dieter bravo smut #dieter bravo fanfiction #dieter bravo imagine #dieter bravo the bubble

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pedriswife · 1 year

Text

𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 ☆ 𝐏𝐞𝐝𝐫𝐢 𝐆𝐨𝐧𝐳𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐳

《In which Pedri and the reader have been in a relationship for a while but its not as perfect as it seems.》

TW⚠️: mentions of cheating, swearing, mentions of heavy drinking and reckless behaviour, smut

~ the third and last part of the other woman series. Thank you guys for the love I have received on these imagines and hopefully you will like this and the next fics that will come in the future 🫶🏼💖

Since Gavi's phonecall, you didn't waste any time and rushed to get your shoes and coat on, running around your friend's apartment, trying to find your car keys. Once you were ready, you jumped in your car and made your way to where Gavi was staying.

Meanwhile, Gavi and Ferran were trying their hardest to get Pedri to look somewhat decent even though it proved harder than it looked; he was still a bit hungover, obvious in his slurred speech, eye bags visible from miles away.

"I fucking miss her man, how could I fuck up so badly, what is wrong with me" Pedri mumbled from the couch, "I love her so much and she's gone".

"Tio, you're saying all this to me as if I'm y/n. Shut the fuck up, get ready and you can tell her this when she comes here in 10 MINUTES!" Gavi yelled, having lost his patience with Pedri's bullshit.

Gavi's outburst however, had a sobering effect on Pedri who finally stood up and sat back down again from shock.

"You mean she's coming HERE? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SOONER" the boy started scrambling to pick up his dirty clothes from the floor and checked himself out in the nearby mirror.

"Man, I look like SHIT, Ferran help me with the hair!" - Pedri was finally involved with the misson on hand: to win his girlfriend back.

Suddenly, the 3 boys heard a knock on the door. Pedri smoothed himself out and sighed. "Let's do this" - he said.

☆

Gavi welcomed you into his flat, giving you a hug and a hello. Ferran did the same. As you turned round to enter the living room, you saw Pedri in the doorway. Immediately, you noticed the impact of your absence on him and felt a tinge of pity and guilt in your heart.

"We'll leave you guys to it" said Gavi as him and Ferran put their coats on, the latter grabbing his bag and car keys as well - "I'll stay over with Ferran, so you can have the flat to yourself" he finished off.

Pedri nodded and glanced at you. You, on the other hand, bid your goodbyes and stared down at the floor, unsure of what to do next. As you gathered your thoughts, Pedri started talking.

"Look y/n, I just need to say this one thing before anything. I realise that what I have done is wrong, I fucked up. I made you look like a fool and you definitely did not deserve that. I took advantage of your love and kindness and I would understand if you never wanted to see me again." - he whispered, coming down on his knees in front of you, literally begging - "but if you're willing to give this another go, I promise you, I'll spend the rest of my life making my mistakes up to you, proving that I'm worthy of your love" - when he finished, he had tears streaming down his cheeks and was looking up at you expectantly.

You knelt down to his level, flickering your gaze from his eyes to his lips. In the end, you let your actions be the response to his request; you kissed him passionately, to which he replied almost immediately due to his initial surprise. "Let's give this another go Pedro, I still love you and I'm willing to look past this and give ourselves a new start" - you said.

In response, Pedri kissed you this time and soon enough his tounge made its way into your mouth, an intrusion which you accepted. You moved backwards, towards the couch that Pedri was previously sat on, and pulled him even closer to you.

You slowly removed your coat just as Pedri started gently placing kisses on your neck, then up to your jaw, lips and back to your neck again. You let out a quiet moan when his lips made contact with the sweet spot under your ear. The action made him smirk against your skin; he loved it when he could turn you to jelly just by one motion.

"Are we about to fuck on Gavi's couch?" You interrupted the moment between you, making Pedri burst out laughing.

"I guess we are if you want to. But we're not fucking, I'm gonna make love to you. There's a big difference" he replied, with a hesitant smile on his face.

You smiled back at him, and wrapped one leg around his waist, pulling him back down to you. "Yeah I want to. Show me what you've got Gonzalez" you said, cheeky expression drawn on your face.

Pedri didn't waste any more time; he took the challenge very seriously. He attacked your neck once again, leaving marks that you are probably going to have to cover up the next morning. His hands travelled down, his fingers hooking around the loops of your jeans, as if asking for permission. You nodded, and Pedri slid the garment off your body. You returned the favour, taking off his shirt and joggers, taking in the view of his toned muscles and, of course, his abs.

This didn't go unnoticed by Pedri "like what you see?" He asked as if he didn't already know the answer to that.

You shook your head in agreement and roamed your hands around his torso. Pedri took this as a sign to continue; his fingers ghosted over your core, watching you respond to his teasing touches. Your breath hitched when he started moving his fingers in circular motions.

Having had enough of teasing you, he removed your panties and finally entered two of his fingers inside of you, slowly pulling them in and out, your body contorting, seeking more pleasure from him. He curled them up, steadily hitting your g-spot, your moans getting louder by the second.

"Pedro.. I wan- want you please" you gasped out, already nearing your high just from mere touching.

"But you already have me" he replied slowing down his movement just to speed them up again, enjoying how your body responded to his touch.

"I need you inside of me please" you begged, wanting to feel him fill you up, to feel complete. Your hand trailed down to the waistband of his boxers, pulling the piece of clothing down, revealing his already hard cock, leaking precum.

Pedri finally got the memo, and gave you a sweet kiss as he entered you. The feeling of fullness overcame you and you gasped, his mouth immediately swallowing any sound you made. He stayed still for a while,and then slowly started to rock his hips forward, the movement making the two of you moan simultaneously.

Your nails trailed down his back, grabbing onto his shoulders for extra support as his hips snapped forward, the sound of skin slapping, your moans and Pedri's soft grunts heard throughout the room.

You were nearing closer and felt a wave of pleasure wash over you as Pedri continued to thrust into you, trying to reaching his own high. A few seconds later, he stilled as he emptied himself out into you, giving you a soft kiss on your forehead. You stayed still, slowing down your breaths, legs still tangled up.

Despite your protests, Pedri got up and went to the bathroom, reaching for a cloth to wipe you down with as you were still coming back to yourself after your orgasm. When he finished, he got the bath running and picked you up, deciding that a relaxing bath is what you two needed at that moment.

Nothing was said but the atmosphere was clear; you were going to try again with your relationship, and Pedri was going to make sure that you always got the love that you deserved.

☆

A/N: the long awaited part 3, a happy ending since that is what the majority of my inbox consisted of😭I hope you like it guys. More fics coming up but feel free to request anything 🫶🏼

¡and remember guys, don't forgive your cheating partners unless it's Pedri😭¡

#pedri x reader #pedri #pedri gonzalez #pedro gonzalez #fc barca #fc barcelona #pablo gavi #ferran torres #Spotify #pedri imagine

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shady-the-simp · 2 years

Note

Okay ummm what about a Billy Lenz X reader who is just as nasty as him? I always see fics of billy being… well Billy and calling the reader a filthy piggy and the reader always has the same reaction to it. So I think it would be funny if they were like him and called him things like that and stuff- idk this sounds kinda stupid now that I’m reading it over again but oh well hopefully you understand what I mean :,)

Alright anon, my love <3. I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: explicit language, dirty talk, submissive male, mutual maturbation, masturbation, female reader, phone sex and any more I forgot

Billy always called the sorority when he felt that strange feeling build up in his stomach. He usually felt it after watching you, even when you did the most mundane of things. Like that time he hid in your closet and rubbed one out while you studied for an upcoming exam. Every time he called you never answered, even though he hoped you would.

He never thought you could be as naughty as him.

"Y/N! We're going to the store! Do you need anything?" Barb called out from the door.

"Just some smokes!" You yelled back, not raising your head from the book you were focused on.

"Way ahead of you..." She murmured before closing the door as the rest of the house left. You turned back to your book. It was getting to the good part, the killer chasing the poor girl through the streets. As you pictured the scene in your head, you felt a tingling between your legs. You rubbed your thighs together in hopes to get some sort of relief.

Little did you know, the brown haired man was watching you from the attic, stroking his cock at a furious pace, trying to bring himself to climax. He cried out as he came into his hands, but it wasn't all of it. He whimpered as he tried again, but his attempts were for naught. He slowly crawled over to the phone, picking it up and calling the number of the house.

You heard the phone rings and you put you book down, sighing as you walked down the stairs. You picked up the Phone and heard moaning from the other end.

"Hah~ Pretty piggy! Hahaha! You finally answered!" You heard the crazed voice yell into the receiver.

"Oh yeah? You touching yourself? Your stupid fucking cock all hard for me?" The moans amplified on the other end as you degraded him.

"Oh fuck!~ Pretty p-piggy! So naughty, just like Billy! Hahaha- fuck!" His moans interrupted his maniacal laughter.

You hated to admit it, but his moans turned you on.

"God, your disgusting Billy. Its cute~" You moaned into the receiver to rile him up.

"B-billy...cute?" He asked in between his moans.

"Yes Billy, you're cute." You said into the receiver as you slipped your hand into your pants.

"N-AH!" He yelled out as he came, body writhing in pleasure.

"There you go slut, let it all out~"

I hope this is what you meant Anon! All the loves -Kai <3

#billy lenz smut #black christmas 1974 #billy lenz x reader #slasher smut #slasher fucker

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letteredlettered · 7 months

Note

would you be ok with a comment along the lines of, "i don't even like [character/pairing/trope] but your writing is so good, i really love this fic"? to me that's one of the highest compliments i can give, but i've seen some authors and artists call it off-putting and a backhanded compliment, so i figured id ask you first

I am not often moved to comment, because I am Like That (and that's okay!!!), but I most often feel moved to comment if someone makes me like something I didn't think I would like. In fact, in general, the media that moves me most is often media that changes my mind in some way. And when I am moved in that way, I tell the creator the way they moved me because I agree with you, it's a high compliment.

So, the comment you describe is very nice and I would certainly welcome it.

However. I have definitely seen some folks call it off-putting, and frankly, I find this very understandable. A comment in the vein of the comment you outlined can go in a few ways:

This fic was so good that it made me like [character/pairing/trope], even though I usually hate [it/them]

I like this fic, even though I usually hate [character/pairing/trope]

I like this fic, but I hate [character/pairing/trope]

I would like this fic, but I hate [character/pairing/trope].

I don't like this fic because I hate [character/pairing/trope].

I hope that you can see there's a progression here.

I love comments like 1) and 2)--they're saying "I have a personal feeling, but I'm mentioning it to demonstrate your fic is great!".

I think 4) and 5) are mean, hopefully for obvious reasons. People can say it; I posted my fic in a public place, but I don't have to like it.

For me, 3) walks a line. It doesn't seem to be sharing a personal feeling to demonstrate affection for the fic. It's just sharing a personal feeling. And again, if one is posting a fic in a public place, one has to be prepared for people to say whatever they want in response.

That said, I would write fanfic even if I didn't plan to share it. (I wrote fanfic well before I knew it was a thing; they were just little stories I wrote for myself and never thought to share). I'm not saying I don't care about the response--in fact, quite the opposite. I may write for me, but the reason I post it is because I think other people might care about things I care about, engage with things that are meaningful to me, and enjoy something I've done.

If I've written a character, ship, or trope, it's probably because I enjoy that character, ship, or trope, and want to share that enjoyment with others. A person can tell me they don't enjoy those things. People can tell me anything they want! But it's not why I shared the thing I made; it's not what I'm looking for or hoping for; it's also not very relevant to me. I won't like it and I won't welcome it.

I will add that I have gotten enough comments in the vein of 4) and even 5) that 3) sometimes feels like you're basically saying 4), and sometimes 2) even feels like it starts bleeding into 3). This happens a lot in life: when you have a lot of the same kind of conversation, when a new person comes in and tries to have a slightly different conversation, it feels like it must be part of the same old conversation that you've already been having. It happens way more often on the internet. Because you can't see faces, people don't look or feel like new people, so they might as well be the last person that left that shitty comment.

This bleed-over is unfortunate, but it's also why the actual semantics of the comment feel really important. In the end, I try to be careful to respond to what people actually say, but honestly receiving comments can be a raw business. It's nice when people say nice things! But sometimes people dump on you. Posting a fic is opening yourself up and being vulnerable, which is why imo if you want to comment it's worth it to take a moment to think about how the comment will be received. So, thank you for being so thoughtful, and thank you for your ask.

#comment culture

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asmobeuses · 7 months

Note

Asmo give me any atsushi hcs fluff, angst destory my atsushi lover self DO IT!!!!!

Me ^

Atsushi HCS!

Warnings: Insecurity, mentions of bickering and arguments, hurt/comfort (u said angsty. Ask and u shall receive.)

I apologize in advance if these r ooc, I don't know much about his character UEUEUEUEUE💔

Tjis fucking loserboy!! He's completely whipped for u no doubt about it

He's constantly doting on you! Making sure you're okay, tending to any of your needs,

,,,making sure you're okaaaayyyy

(Ran out of things he does it's 3am spare me)

Treats you as if you're married lol

"Astushi we don't even live together"

Him cuz u said that

"How could you" :(

Apologize rn.

> Angst below the cut

Angsty (this is my shit right here)

He was very insecure about your relationship when it first began

He would always make sure to go above and beyond because he thought you'd leave him if he "wasn't enough" :((

Hug kiss and tell him he's important to you right NEOW!!!

No but fr his love language besides physical contact r words of affirmation

He constantly needs reassurance.

He may not need as much further on into your relationship, but don't think that means u stop giving it to him 🤨 (pause.)

Obviously like any couple, yall will have occasional disagreements that MIGHT turn into arguments if you're not careful

He loves you but damn does he get heated and passionate when it comes to his views on smth

At the end of each one he feel rlly bad tho, even if he wasn't the one who started it

Literally him after yall argue

Yall always end up making out up after every argument yall have.

You both end up forgetting about it after a night of movies n snacks n cuddles

The next day the Ada r like "you guys are on talking terms again?"

U and atushi in unison: "we weren't?"

Bonus angst

Thinking about atushi's reaction to you wanting a break and what caused it.

You love your boyfriend with every fiber of your being

But that doesn't mean you have the space on your shoulders to carry both his and your baggage.

Obviously you're there for eachother during your lowest, dont get me wrong!

There will be moments where his past is weighing in on him and he wants nothing but your reassurance!!

Butttttt his judgement gets clouded sometimes and he loses his emotional intelligence

Causing him not to notice when you're down in the dumps.

And this varies for whoever reading obv but in this case let's say you're the type of person to bottle up your emotions until one little thing tips the cup over

You end up blowing up at him over something small, really only because of how overwhelming your emotions got.

Now it's your turn to be like

(Hopefully) You end up feeling very guilty about your outburst

"Look, atsushi, I really think we need some time apart."

Whether you say that bevause you feel horrible about blowing up at him or you just need time alone to process your emotions is up to you 🫡

Prepare to be bombarded with questions.

"Are you breaking up with me?" no "Are you getting tired of me?" no "Is it because of something I did?" no

The list goes on

For the love of all things holy please make him shut up tell him you love him and just need time to yourself!!

He will understand and respect your decision, but prepare for him to look like a kicked puppy

Er... kitten?

Some type of cute creature that makes your heart clench when it looks sad.

Sorry idk where I'm going w this anymore

Yall always have a happy ending tho!! No matter what, there's no force that can keep you away from eachother permanently.

Would you like some coffee fluff with your sugar ansgt?

#✎ Asmo writes #bsd x reader #✎ Asmo's asks #do NOT give me the ok to write angst EVER #you will not be a happy camper..#im so sorry lyna #bsd headcanons #bsd angst #bsd fluff #atsushi x reader #atsushi x you #atsushi angst #atsushi fluff

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jakeysbuttsheeks · 4 months

Text

Godfather 1v

Warnings: profanity, age gap , mature themes, mentions of : overdose , drug use , substance use , death of parent , orphaning , other weird shit

Pairings: Jake X fem reader

Masterlist

You woke up in your bed , assuming Jake had carried you to bed last night after you fell asleep on his lap .

You were glad Jake and you had gone back to how it was when you were younger. You remembered particularly when Jake and your dad were barely adults and how much fun you used to have with them. It's a shame it had to end . But hopefully you and Jake could continue to keep it living through.

You took your time getting up , it was Sunday . But the thought of having to go work and your boss giving you a mouthful made you dread ever wanting to wake up tomorrow.

You grab your phone to see if your boss had replied to the text you sent him yesterday saying you couldn't make it to work .

Well fuck.

You slogged down stairs after you read the text your boss sent you , on your way to find Jake .

"what's wrong?" Jake asked as soon as you came down , he was sitting on the loveseat, watching some random show to down his coffee.

"I guess we both had to bear the consequences of having fun yesterday" you as you throw yourself on the couch .

"what do you mean?" Jake sets his coffee down on the short coffee table in front of him .

"I got fired" you sigh .

"the bastard! You're literally a kid! Does he really expect you to slog for him every single !?" Jake immediately got defensive.

"I guess so" you sigh again .

"I'm going to go find another job" you stand off the couch and decide not to waste another day.

"wait-" Jake stopped .

"I remember our manager saying we needed a- what's it called?- social media person- s social media strategist" Jake snapped his fingers when he got the name.

"jake-" you sigh " the whole point of having a job is so that I can pay you back for taking care of me and earn enough to get out of your hair without your help." You say .

"I'm only telling you there's a job for you. I'm not going to be paying you, my manager will do that" he says , searching his pockets for something.

"wait let me just call her" he says as he quickly pulls his phone out of his pocket.

"Jake you don't have to-" you shake your head .

"it's my job to take care of you and make sure you're ready to settle down on your own. Let me do what I'm supposed to" Jake says as he puts his phone to his ear .

You knew you already got the job before the phone call even ended . Ofcourse, Jake had to get his way.

"now you don't need to worry. You can just come to work with me" Jake smiles proudly as he ends the call with his manager. You didn't find it amusing. You didn't enjoy receiving things from people without feeling guilty about it.

"you really shouldn't have" you say , trying to prevent the corners of your mouth from drooping uncontrollably.

"why? It's about time you got into the music industry with your talents" Jake says , knowing this was going to be the start of something bigger . All the guitar lessons Jake had given you was finally going to pay off one day .

You would have more exposure to Jake and his band and understand how the music industry worked .

Growing up with a musically enriched community of people that got together and played tunes every weekend for your whole life did play a huge part in your secret desire to become a rockstar like Jake . But the idea seemed so impossible. You hated being on stage , and hated hearing yourself sing .

Jake had always been your idol and you secretly always wanted to be like him or- be with him? You didn't know . But you loved everything he did and you wished you could do it all with him .

When the band started exploding and Jake started touring, you'd watch behind the screen while you had to take care of your wasting away father .

But this was a chance . An opportunity to capture your dream . You wanted to earn it and not be handed it though. Jake knew that .

That's why he offered for you to start off as staff , to learn the music industry and perhaps beat it in hopes to share your own music with the world .

You remembered when the times you spent with Jake when he thought you guitar. He cheered you on when you got each thing right . He said you were gifted but you always believed it was all behind the teacher rather than the student.

☆⋆⋅─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────⋆⋅☆

You sat in your room and picked up your guitar that Jake had gifted you . it was lying in it's case in the corner of your room for a while. You plugged it in and smiled, reminiscing all the times you had with the guitar back when you were younger and didn't have to worry about adult things like money.

The first song to decided to play was a song that reminded you of Jake alot , baby I love your way by Peter Frampton. You adjusted the volume and gain so you wouldn't disturb Jake .

You started playing, descending into your own world, imaging you were on stage with the crown yelping for joy when they heard you play , adding on little riffs and licks . You wished you could be like Jake . Such a boon , here to heal all the world with his music.

Jake's ears perked the minute he heard the sound of a guitar that wasn't coming from him . He listened silently but you played so quietly, he could faintly hear your voice along with the guitar.

He couldn't help but creep his way upstairs, hoping to catch more of you playing and singing by yourself .

Your door was not closed fully , exposing a little crack , just enough to give him a good sight of you on your bed with your guitar on your lap .

His jaw dropped as he watched you , mesmerised , watching the way you so blissfully streamed into the song , strumming away while singing your heart out , little did he know , it was him you were thinking of while singing.

He couldn't help the hearts that swelled in his eyes as he watched you . Like he just knew you were meant for him .

He loved how you sounded and how you played guitar , like it was the only sound that could save him .

He loved how your eyes were closed tight , lost in your own word . And how you eyebrows were pinched together and tilted up , letting your emotions take over . He loved everything about watching you play and he wished he could watch you this way forever .

You abruptly stopped and practically jumped out of your skin when you heard a soft thump, you opened your eyes to see Jake by the door , with glassy eyes , his mouth dropped open .

"shit Jake you scared me!" You close your eyes tight for a second to calm yourself.

"that was fucking beautiful y|n-" he spoke like he was at loss for words as he opened the door wider to let himself in .

"you've gotten so good! You deserve to be on a fucking stage!" Jake yelled , walking into your room .

"shut up" you mutter , blushing hard.

"I'm not kidding! Jesus- you sounded so amazing" Jake says and you couldn't help but want to stuff your face in a pillow and scream .

"thank means so much coming from a rockstar" you smile , reminding yourself of who he was.

"don't kid yourself you're right there" Jake says as made himself comfortable on your bed in front of you .

"remember when you struggled to play F because it was a Barre chord and I made you keep trying so you threw a tantrum and said you hated me and said you'll never be like me?" Jake asked and you're eyes widened when you were reminded of something you'd completely forgotten.

"oh my god" you laugh , covering your face in embarrassment to think about how you screamed at him that time. You were in your raging teens.

"look at you now, Bloody spitting image of me" Jake teased and you shake your head.

"I'll still never be like you" you laugh lightly as you put your guitar down .

"you'll be better" Jake says placing his hand in your knee as you move to sit closer to him .

"no one's better than you" you mumble.

"everyone's better than me!" Jake scoffed with a laugh of disbelief.

"not to me they're not" you second.

"aw" Jake teased at your confession with a smug but also shy smile .

"okay you're not THAT great" you lie in embarrassment , rolling your eyes to seem like you're annoyed with him .

"sure. Liar!" he charges at you , tickling your sides because he knew that was where you were most ticklish.

You scream and fell back into your pillows , trying to get rid of him but all you could do was historically laugh in agony and wriggle under his touch .

Another thing you'd forgotten about was how Jake would tickle you everytime you lied as a kid . You dreaded his tickle attacks because he would never stop till you admit you were lying. And given he was much stronger than you , you couldn't fight him .

"Jake stop!" You scream through laughs , almost breaking into tears with the way your stomach contracted with hearty laughter .

"admit it" he teases as he fights your limbs to tickle you nonstop . At this point he was hovered on top of you , his hair falling down and curtaining around his face as he laughed at you menacingly.

"fine! FINE!" You cry out , barely able to breathe with the way you were laughing. He finally ceased and you whined in relief as your laughter died out, your cheeks aching.

Jake was still giggling, looking down at you with his arms propping his upper body over yours.

There was a silent exchange of intense eye contact before he lifted off you , clearing his throat as he sat back down by the foot of your bed . You sat up with his motion , still tired from laughing.

"are you coming with me to work or what?" Jake asks as he stand off your bed .

"now? Today?" You ask .

"yes today. Get your lazy ass up let's go . I'm leaving in 10" Jake says as he heads to your door . He knew fully well you weren't lazy and that you were actually very hardworking but he liked to tease.

He was excited to bring you to work with him for some reason. Excited that you'd be working with him and spending more time with him now . He was excited to have your skill . He was excited to have your company. He was was excited to have you.

Tags :

@mackalah @mindastreamofcolours @jjwasneverhere @themoreyou-love @gvf23 @sarah-gvf01 @thetroublegetssoloud71 @violetstarcatcher @brookekiszkaa @gvfmarge @mulberrimouse

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mink-place · 1 year

Note

Can I ask about hcs from la squadra how would they react if their partner is insecure? I mean, if they ask them if they still love them and if they really like them? sorry for my English and I hope you can understand 😭

Don't worry darling, your english is perfect ^^

Thank you a lot for your request<3

La Squadra with an insecure s/o

Risotto Nero

He may think it's his fault that you feel that way, since he doesn't express his feelings often and that can cause confussion.

But when he gets to know how insecure you feel, he'll start to tell you more that he loves you, even if he thinks is obvious.

When you are feeling low or you doubt his love for you, he's there to cuddle you and listen to all your thoughts.

“I don't say it often, but I love you, amore.”

Prosciutto

You're whAt?

What does even mean “insecure”?

Well, he's not so familiar with being insecure since his whole life he has been a really proud person.

He'll listen to your thoughts, and will ensure you that he loves you more than anything in the world, and that won't change.

It's probably that you'll get a whole bible of why you are important to him and why you are incredible.

You are amazing and he loves you, nobody will change that.

He knows that sometimes he's too harsh to other persons, and maybe you have got the wrong idea, so he'll try to get you to know his softie side more often.

“Don't you worry, you are more than enough to me and I love you, dear.”

Pesci

He's insecure himself, he feels like you could do better, he isn't worth your time.

But, surprisingly, he's better at comforting you than comforting himself.

When you told him that you were afraid that he doesn't love you anymore, he feels a little bad, maybe he didn't give you all the affection you wanted and you got the wrong idea.

Will try to convince you that he really likes you, he wants to spend his life with you, and he means it!

At the same time that he ensures you that all his feelings are true, his insecurities will also show.

So in the end you'll be comforting each other lol.

“You are incrediblea and I really mean it when I say I love you, I wouldn't joke with something like that! I'm sorry I didn't give you all the atention you needed, love.”

Formaggio

Yeah, he's too easy-going, but that doesn't mean he'll take your problems like nothing, he cares about you after all.

When you tell him all your insecurities, he'll give you a small talk where he tries to make you get over that thoughts, telling you all the things he finds amazing about you and things that he won't find in other persons.

Yeah, it maybe won't make you get over your thoughts, but he has a little plan.

Will leave you small notes all over the house where he tells you how much he loves you, on your bed, on the mirror, on the couch...

And will spend more time with you, hopefully making you forget those things.

“You are fucking amazing, the best person I have ever met and I love you so much, don't think I'm joking.”

Ghiaccio

He really doesn't know what to do, he knows that he has to comfort you and help you to get rid of those thoughts.

But he isn't good talking, so he gets nervous and shuts down.

Maybe that will make you feel worse, but he's just thinking about what to say, something clear that can express his love.

He'll murmur a little apology for making you feel that way and will tell you that you are amazing and that he loves you.

Maybe it won't help you, so he'll have to go for some advice to Melone.

He gets to know that he's better expressing himself by writting, so you'll receive a note that express all his love to you along with a little gift.

He'll really try to get better with his communication, he doesn't want you to feel that way.

“Sorry for not being able to find the right words, but my lack of vocal communication skills doesn't mean that I don't love you.”

Melone

Will listen to your problems and analize them to find solutions.

It's kinda wird that you feel that way since Melone express his love all the time, but maybe the way he does so confuses you.

His main love language is touch, so the first thing he does when you finish is hug you, caressing your head.

And then he'll softly speak to you, telling you that is okay to feel insecure, he doesn't invalidate you for feeling that way, he'll ask you about what do you feel that he could do to help you.

Of course he'll tell you that you are really important to him, he loves you and only you and those feelings are real.

Will take your advice of what he can do to help you and will try to express his love with words more often.

Illuso

Now, for a moment you'll get to see his softie side.

He may be a prude, but he knows what does it feel to be insecure and he doesn't want you to feel that way.

And yeah, maybe it's his fault since all the time he looks like a shitty boyfriend, but his feelings are deep down, he doesn't show them often.

Sometimes he chooses to be a dick when he knows he can do better with you, he doesn't mean to, it just happens.

For you, he'll try to change his ways, at least in private, he wants you to know that he's there for you and he loves you.

Will apologize for his behaviour and will ensure you that he loves you, he just needs to get out of his shell, and let his true feelings come out.

Hope this is alright :]

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seyaryminamoto · 6 months

Text

The Shadows in her Reflection: Sokkla Saturdays 2023

Day 4: Summer

Rated: M

On FF.net//On AO3

"He ran off with her?! He… he wasn't her prisoner but her ally all along?!"

Zuko's temper flared at any given trigger, but Azula tended to be the worst of them all. Now, though, he was presented with a new challenge in the form of learning that Azula apparently had more unexpected support than ever before, in any of their clashes: it appeared that Sokka had revealed to Kuei that he had run off willingly with Azula from the very start…

And they had escaped together now, again, according to the guards who had found Azula's cell door had been busted. Zuko had no idea where they'd gone or why, exactly, they were running together in the first place. He had sent his guards to search for them, as had Kuei, but who knew if they'd come by any clues or not…

"I cannot understand it any more than you do! She has poisoned his mind somehow, manipulated him into thinking ill of his past allies, like me!" Kuei squealed. "I… I bet she seduced him! Women like her cannot be trusted to be above such practices…!"

"She… huh?! You're talking about my sister here!" Zuko seemed to be on the verge of throwing up at the very notion that whatever connection existed between his sister and his friend might be of a carnal nature… "She doesn't need to sleep with anyone to have her way!"

"But I bet it wouldn't hurt much, you know? If she did," Toph interjected, carelessly.

Zuko shot her a confused stare. She smiled at him, sensing she had his attention. They were still sitting in a Palace living room. Zuko's forces had already taken off to canvass the city's outskirts while Kuei's soldiers searched inside Ba Sing Se, looking for any tracks or signs of where Azula and Sokka had run to after breaking out of prison. But Toph betrayed no eagerness to track them down… something that hadn't truly sunken in on Zuko so far.

"I know you love making fun of me, Toph, but maybe it's not the right time for it right now," he said, shaking his head. "Azula isn't that kind of person, and I'd love to think Sokka wouldn't get swept up in something like that… I mean, isn't he with Suki?"

"Sounds like he's not, actually," Toph said. Zuko's eyes widened. "When we talked, it sounded like that's over. I figured he was cheating on her with Azula at first too, you know…"

"W-why would you…?! Hell, what's the matter with all of you?!" Zuko winced, glaring at Kuei too. "Azula doesn't think with… her loins? Ugh! I don't even want to think of it! Stop bringing that up, it makes me sick!"

"Oh, come on, Sparky… you don't have to be so prudish. Would it bug you that much if I told you that I'd gladly go wild on you if I had the chance?"

Both Zuko and Kuei froze on the spot. Toph smirked, hands behind her head: she was definitely making progress here. Enough progress to hopefully secure an escape for those two…

"T-the hell?" Zuko said: his heart was pounding. Oh, she almost felt bad for this, but it was even endearing to find the Fire Lord would get nervous that way over being at the receiving end of shameless, bold flirting.

"What'd you mean, 'the hell'? Aren't you supposed to be a catch?" Toph smiled. "I'd like to know why! And as I can't even see if you're handsome, whatever that even amounts to, to begin with, might as well just figure out why you're appealing the only way I can, right?"

"Y-you…! What? Toph…!"

"You, uh, could leave that odd flirting for later, couldn't you?" asked Kuei, clearly off-put by the conversation topic. Zuko's face couldn't have been redder.

"Why? Prude King," Toph smirked. "Big deal, if I want to bang my friend…"

"You don't! S-stop saying that! You're just trying to embarrass me!" Zuko exclaimed, a hand up his forehead: Toph's laughter certainly didn't help dissuade him from his convictions that she was merely teasing him. "Ugh! Back to the subject! How did they get out in the first place?!"

"Why, I wish I knew. He must have had some strange invention on him…" said Kuei, scowling. "Something with which he melted the door's lock from the outside, but… it's strange. They checked him thoroughly, and while he was wearing some Dai Li uniform that was entirely out of place, he wasn't concealing any secret weapons or so. I don't know…"

"Wait. The door's lock?" Zuko said, brow furrowing. "It was… tampered with? Damaged?"

"It was, indeed," Kuei said. "I… I'll go check out if anyone has any new leads, if you'd like. I never meant to lose her, but at this point…! Well, I'll make sure to catch her before she slips out of the city, promised thing!"

Zuko's eyebrow twitched, but he nodded at Kuei: something had changed in him. Something dark, and swirling, and…

And that he meant to unleash upon his friend, once Kuei had left the room.

"Toph…" he said, with a fist tight, as he stepped close to her. She bit her lip. "The lock was… busted?"

"You know… I've held a torch for you since we were kids," Toph started saying, toying with a strand of her hair carelessly. Zuko's face contorted with frustration and outrage. "I don't know what it was, maybe the sound of your voice, or…"

"Toph! Did you break her out yourself?!"

Toph bit her lip… before nodding, a wicked smirk across her features. Zuko's jaw dropped.

"Why? Why?! Toph…!"

"I'll explain one day, maybe, but for now… you have your hands full trying to catch them as it is, don't you? What does it matter, why I did it or why I didn't…?"

"It's bad enough for Sokka to be in her pocket! You too?!" Zuko exclaimed, striking the wall right beside Toph with a spread palm. He glared at her closely, and she didn't even flinch.

"You know… this is how they started out, too," Toph smirked. "I helped him, even then. Pinned her to a wall for him, so he could get all close and personal with her, in the tunnels during the Invasion… nice of you to do the same thing. Here I thought I was the only one interested, but I guess I'm not."

Zuko gritted his teeth: he impulsively wanted to pull back, just to flee from her wild accusations or claims… but he couldn't afford to stop challenging her this time. Instead, he leaned closer still, as though to call her bluff – and perhaps it really was one, because she seemed slightly uncomfortable when he failed to run away bashfully, for once, before speaking with a deep, stern, authoritarian voice:

"Why did you do it… and where the hell did they go, Toph? Where the blazes is my sister?"

Toph breathed deeply: disquieting as his stubbornness might be, she didn't back down from challenges, not without issuing one of her own.

"Just what are you willing to do to find out, Zuko?"

___________________

Fleeing from Fire Nation soldiers certainly was something Sokka and Azula had in common, even if they'd never done it together: she used to be the one hunting him, back in the days of the war, and then she was the one who fled from her brother's forces, after the war ended…

Winding up dangling on a rope, under a bridge, holding onto Sokka for dear life as the troops struggled to find them, on the suspended bridge over a tall cliff, came as a surprise even when their circumstances had changed as much as they had recently. After going on the road again, bereft of the hot-air balloon they hadn't had the chance to retrieve, the pair were left with no choice but to run on foot… and that meant dodging and avoiding patrols from either the Earth Kingdom or the Fire Nation. This time, it was the latter.

"Where did they go?! They came right here!" screamed one of the soldiers, stomping on the bridge: it shifted, and Azula gritted her teeth as she pressed tighter to Sokka still: if they fell, they'd fall together. He was holding her firmly with one arm as the other grabbed the rope, which he had fastened over his wrist multiple times. It would hurt to hold their weight for that long… but the bastards had to leave soon. They had to go. They wouldn't stay on the bridge forever…

"Maybe they jumped, sir?" suggested a nervous soldier.

"Into the river, from this distance?" asked the leader: he scowled as he scrutinized the stream, so far away, so far below them… there was no sign of the people they were hunting there.

He snarled, shaking his head: it was their only lead. Maybe the river moved faster than it looked.

"Let's go! Follow the river, then!"

Azula gritted her teeth, remaining as quiet as possible as the bridge creaked under the heavy footsteps of all their pursuers. Sokka breathed deeply, waiting patiently even after they left… the bridge was broad enough that they hadn't been seen, but if they climbed out right away and any of the soldiers dared glance back at them, things would likely turn out a lot more unpleasant than they already were…

He glanced down at Azula, offering her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. She didn't grin back, though her eyes were aglow with unspoken gratitude for his quick plan: she had no idea what he was doing when he pulled out that rope, but when he told her to trust him and gripped her tightly, she hadn't hesitated to do that.

Trust… it was so strange, finding someone she actually trusted now. The feeling was foreign, but greatly welcome, nonetheless. It truly surprised her how clearer everything became, how much smoother… how she hardly felt out of place in the world as long as someone actually wanted her to be part of it, as Sokka did.

"Guess that worked?" Sokka said. Azula swallowed hard and nodded, though she angled her head away from his: the temptation to kiss him would arise again if she stared at his damn handsome face for a moment longer.

"You're resourceful, that much is true," Azula said. "Weird, truly, to be hunted by the Fire Nation along with someone else with that much experience fleeing from them…"

"Used to flee from you. And Zuko," Sokka said, with a weak grin. "I don't mind running from him still… but I won't run from you. Not anymore."

Azula couldn't hold back a small smile, even if it faded quickly: the weight of the mirror in her pocket spoke for itself. Sokka ought to know better than to flirt with her at all, but the jerk never seemed to stop… and he did it in such a good-mannered way that she couldn't help but be drawn in. If he were mischievous, she wouldn't feel any less appealed… but she gravitated towards his kindness, even if she hardly felt worthy of it. If she dared act on her impulses, she'd fully prove she wasn't, too.

"Should we…?" Azula asked, jerking her head at the bridge. Sokka nodded.

"They should be too far to see us now," he said.

He helped Azula climb back on the bridge, a slightly awkward process in which she used his boomerang to reach the edge of the bridge and balance herself on it to climb up. Then, she reached out for Sokka, and she clasped his hand firmly as she pulled him up too. Within moments, Sokka undid the strong knots on the rope that had ensured their survival and they rushed away anew, in the opposite direction from the soldiers had disappeared through.

They found a cave to rest in after another half hour, but they had plenty to discuss, this time around.

"As much as I enjoy dangling on bridges with you, we have to make up our minds about where we're going," Sokka said. "And how we're getting there. What's next for Yue? What does she want us to do?"

"Didn't we agree that you would be the one to choose this time?" Azula pointed out. Sokka's eyes widened.

"Oh, uh… right. Well, anything that's fine with her is fine with me," Sokka concluded, awkwardly scratching the back of his head. "Can't really say I have huge plans on where to go right now, so… unless she chooses something I really don't like this time, anything's good."

"If you say so…" Azula said, pulling up the mirror. Yue smiled warmly at her, and Azula raised an eyebrow. "What's next on the wish list, then? Got anything in mind?"

"Huh… well, Ba Sing Se was fun," Yue started, and Azula scoffed at the notion.

"Define 'fun,' if you please…"

"But I guess it might be a good idea to go elsewhere now. I did want to see the seasons, and we saw spring, so… the next one is summer!"

"Yue, you can't just force the seasons to happen whenever you want them to," Azula sighed. "It's still about a month before summer starts in the south. And frankly, we're going to be hounded and hunted in the Earth Kingdom far more persistently now. Might be better to go elsewhere."

"Wait… she wants to see summer?" Sokka asked, raising his eyebrows. "Well, that's doable."

"What?" Azula eyed him skeptically.

"There's this tropical nation I know about, you know? Where it's basically summer all year long?" Sokka asked, with a smirk.

Azula's eyes widened. She scoffed, shaking her head.

"Yue's been in the Fire Nation before. That's where she first latched onto me, remember?"

"But you were on the run. I didn't get to see all the sights!"

"Oh, so now we're picky, are we?" Azula scoffed. Yue giggled.

"I want to see more of your nation. Sokka is right, it's the land of summer! So… take me to the beach!"

"The beach?" Azula repeated, with a heavy sigh. "You're whimsical, that's for sure. As royal as can be, making that kind of request…"

"Ember Island had some really good beaches," Sokka reasoned, tapping the stubble on his chin. Azula winced.

"Ember Island?" she repeated. "It's also a great place to fuck with someone's head."

"You've been a frequent visitor, I take it?" Sokka asked. Azula scoffed.

"Unfortunately," she said. "My parents brought me there constantly when I was a child…"

"Oh, yeah. Zuko mentioned! I actually stayed in that house of yours, back in the times of the war?" Sokka said. "Zuko's done some repairs, I think. Might not be all complete yet, but it's probably looking better than whatever you remember of it."

"I'd gladly remember nothing of it," Azula sighed. "It can be worse to think of easier times. Can't help but wonder where I went wrong back when I was younger, you know? If I did anything so stupid as a child that it resulted in… well, every member of my family despising me. Maybe I'm just overthinking it, though. Must be the things I did later…"

"Well… your father's a piece of shit," Sokka said. Azula winced upon hearing him say so. "So, I doubt you're to blame for how he treated you."

"He praised and doted on me. Believed I was fated for greatness," Azula said. Sokka sighed.

"Maybe you are. Just… not the greatness he put into your head," he said.

"I doubt he was right about it anyway," Azula said, shaking her head. "If any of this is fate… maybe I'm just fated to be a mess."

"You're not that much of one, even if you try to convince yourself otherwise," Sokka said, with a gentle smile.

Azula scoffed: she shook her head carelessly, at first just to refuse his words… then, to make her hair a chaotic disaster, standing in wild directions, strands flying back and forth. Then, she stared at the amused Sokka matter-of-factly.

"Convinced yet?" she asked. He laughed, shaking his head.

She had only been teasing him, but she wound up smiling regardless. She looked at the mirror again, set on the floor as it was, and Yue giggled at the sight of her unkempt hair.

"It's not that bad, now, is it, Yue?" Azula asked.

"You look funny."

"Funny? Well, that's just offensive," Azula said, with a scoff.

"I… never really did anything like that. You know, just… loosening up my hair to see what it was like."

"Ah, well, I recommend it," Azula said. "Nothing better to convince your advocates that they're betting on the wrong ostrich horse than having a bad hair day. Not that Sokka would know anything about that, feels like he doesn't have any bad hair days…"

"You'd be shocked," Sokka smiled. Azula scoffed, looking at him derisively. "For real!"

"Nonsense. Yue and I, we understand each other in that respect. You have no say upon the matter," she declared, haughtily. Sokka chuckled and shook his head again.

"Maybe… I could try it?"

Azula blinked blankly before Yue bit her lip, raising a hand towards the adornments of her hair. A fair amount of it was loose… but not all of it. Twin braids ran together down either side of her face, and there was a complicated accessory that held it together in two different branches right at the back…

She started loosening everything, undoing every tangle of hair, an eager look on her face as her white hair slowly unfurled. Azula smirked at the sight of it, watching intently as Yue struggled with the trickier tangles… until, at last, all her white hair – and there was a lot of it – fell in careless waves around her face.

"There!" she said, enthusiastically. Azula chuckled.

"Mess it now. Shake your head like there's no tomorrow!" she said. Yue bit her lip, a giggle slipping past her lips before she followed Azula's suggestion.

The result had both Azula and Yue laughing at the chaos of unruly hair. Neither one was more presentable than the other… a notion entirely wild and foreign for the two princesses.

"Looks better on you than on me. See? Why be the perfect Moon Spirit when you can be a messy one instead?" Azula smiled. Yue giggled, running a hand through her tresses.

"It's going to be difficult to put it back together," she confessed. "But that was fun. Do you… mess your hair often?"

"I try not to. It becomes unruly too quickly," Azula said, running a hand over her hair to tame it too.

"Well… we have one more thing in common, then. The messy-haired royals," Yue giggled. Azula smiled.

"The Royally Unkempt," she concluded, and Yue burst out with laughter. "Fitting, truly… save for him. Curses, Sokka, you just sabotage all our team-naming efforts, you…"

He smiled at her with a fondness that caught Azula off guard. A part of her welcomed being watched with such warmth… just as she felt terribly self-aware about it, while Yue was right there.

"What?" Azula mouthed at him. Sokka shrugged.

"I don't know. I guess… I'm just happy to see you two are good friends," he said. Azula's eyes widened, and Yue grinned brightly in the mirror.

"I'm happy for it too. I… I don't think I'd ever had a female friend like this before."

"Well, you'd never had a friend to communicate with through mirrors or reflective surfaces, so that's for sure," Azula said, matter-of-factly… but she frowned at Yue anyway. "But… you didn't have friends, in the Northern Water Tribe?"

"I'm afraid I was a little isolated. Princess, after all… I didn't go to school like other kids my age. I barely knew any of them."

Azula frowned upon hearing those words. She ran her hand over her hair once more, an uncanny urge to reach trough the mirror to comfort the other royal suddenly blooming in her heart.

"Guess… guess we have more in common than we thought. Though I did have friends… just, not very good ones," Azula said, with a lop-sided smirk. "Then again, they'd say the same thing right back at me, but what can you do. I always did feel isolated as well. And after everything fell apart, well… it was as though I'd been alone all my life. Maybe… you felt that way, too?"

"A little. Memories helped, at times, but… being the Moon Spirit is lonely."

Azula grimaced: for once, the thought that Yue might have reached out desperately, as good throwing a line into the sea in the hopes of finding someone, anyone to talk to, crossed her mind. Was that, maybe, why she was so good-natured? Why she constantly seemed impressed by Azula? Had she latched onto her for greater reasons than the apparent…?

"Well… you're stuck with me now," Azula said, with a small smile. "For better or for worse, you're not alone anymore."

Her words struck Sokka deeply: not only because of Yue's loneliness, which he certainly felt no small amounts of guilt over, even if he hoped he and Azula might have helped Yue stem the feeling lately… but because the Fire Nation Princess had experienced no shortage of loneliness. Yet, precisely because she had, she was finally finding it in her to relate to Yue… wanting to do right by her. To help her fight her loneliness, and perhaps, find a solution for her own in the process, too.

"And what's the matter with you?"

Sokka winced: he dabbed at the tear that slipped past his eyes and he laughed, shaking his head.

"Nothing. I'm fine, I'm fine…"

"Is it so moving to see my hair being such a weird, wild mess?" Azula asked, shaking her head carelessly again – Yue laughed at her behavior, and Sokka rolled his eyes before shaking his head.

"You know what? You've asked for it. I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry, Yue! You'll be messy haired buddies again later, but right now…"

Yue hummed in surprise as Azula winced at Sokka's words: he pulled a brush out of his pack, and he approached her with a wicked smirk.

"Time to style your hair again, silly. Come on."

She sighed, letting him get away with that for the second time. Yue had a perfect view of the process, chuckling as Azula groaned over how much of a worrywart and a party-pooper Sokka dared be… but instead of focusing solely on that, she turned her attention to what actually mattered:

"Are you two sure you want to go to Ember Island?" she asked.

"I wouldn't say I'm sure-sure, but… you did say it was my turn to choose. So that'd be my pick, if Yue's happy with it," Sokka grinned carelessly. Azula sighed.

"Annoying. I hope you're not just expecting to… uh, perv out at random girls in swimsuits."

"Pfft! I'm a gentleman! I wouldn't do that!" he squeaked.

"He's lying, Yue. He's totally going to do exactly that," Azula smirked.

"Hey!"

Yue laughed, covering her mouth with a hand. Azula smiled warmly at her, but her grin receded when the Moon Spirit countered with a rather surprising statement.

"Maybe he's telling a half-truth… maybe he won't do it over every girl, but he might just do it over you!"

"He… what?! Don't say that!" Azula winced: she hated to see herself blushing as Yue giggled in the mirror.

"You are very beautiful. He'd have to be blind not to see it… and it's his friend who's blind, not him, right?"

"I… don't understand what's gotten into you," Azula said, bashfully: Sokka was almost done taming her hair by then.

"Is she saying you're the one who'll perv out at people in swimsuits, or…?"

His guess earned him an elbow to the ribs, but he rolled with laughter on the floor after taking the blow, nonetheless.

"Idiot. You're both weird," Azula growled, cheeks alight with embarrassment. "And I'd elbow your ribs too, Yue, but… you know. I can't physically. Just imagine the pain and live with the shame."

"Oh, I'll try," Yue laughed, nodding promptly.

"This being said… while it's summer all year long in the Fire Nation, it's going to be difficult to get there," Azula pointed out.

"Well, it wouldn't be easy, no… but there's a good reason to go right now. If Zuko could send his troops to hunt us as fast as that, doesn't that mean he's around here lately?" Sokka said. Azula raised an eyebrow.

"He… was in Ba Sing Se?" Azula said. "Huh. Then, if he's here… we have the way clear to the Fire Nation, at least, for a while. Ember Island isn't my usual area of operations, it might not be as protected as other cities…"

"See? It's not that bad if we're careful," Sokka grinned.

"We're not returning to the city to get the hot-air balloon, are we?" Azula asked.

"Oh, no. Too risky. Just as it was risky to fly out on it, they might have taken us down if they were watching for us by the walls," Sokka said. Azula sighed.

"Then what are we going to do? Do you have custody over the shaggy beast anytime soon?" she asked. Sokka snorted.

"That's not how that works, so no. But… hot-air balloons, you say?"

"We can't get it back and stealing another one's going to be…"

"I didn't say anything about stealing."

Azula frowned. Sokka smiled as he sat up, a proud smirk spreading over his face – Azula's damn stomach somersaulted over that confident expression on his features.

"I know a guy," he said, proudly.

"Again? Who?" Azula raised an eyebrow.

"Literally, the inventor of the balloons. If you'd like to know… I actually had a hand in their development and design, back in the days of the war."

"You… you're pulling my hair," Azula smiled.

"I'm done brushing it, so clearly, I'm not pulling it anymore," Sokka smirked. Azula rolled her eyes, but she failed to contain a chuckle. "Heh. You laughed."

"Fuck off," was her eloquent response, to which he laughed even harder. "You're serious? You can get us a hot-air balloon?"

"Problem is they'll know where we're going even if I do get it," Sokka reasoned, frowning. "We're close to where he lives these days, after he left the Northern Air Temple. I could go there, ask for a balloon, he most likely will give me one to borrow… and then we'll be very easy to track for your brother's forces."

"Not necessarily," Azula reasoned, raising an eyebrow. "Not if we… split up."

"What?" Sokka winced, his amusement receding.

"Just for a few days. Goodness, you're that worried about not being near me nowadays? That's terribly clingy of you," Azula smirked. "I could misdirect them away from you and the inventor. The Mechanist, right? Same one who made the Drill…"

"That's the guy," Sokka confirmed.

"If I flashily use my blue fire to lure them southeast… you can collect that balloon, then snatch me up one night, maybe, around the Fighting Cliffs," Azula said. "You know, the mountains right below Ba Sing Se? If we time it right, if you don't even land, they shouldn't notice the balloon at all and they won't know where we went. Will take a while for them to realize what we're doing… and if we need supplies, be it coal or food, we'll be free to land to get them once we're far away from Ba Sing Se. At least, far enough that word wouldn't travel quickly to Zuko and Kuei even if someone recognizes either of us all the way over there."

"That's… a good plan," Sokka said, begrudgingly. "But I would rather not leave you anyway."

"Don't be so silly," Azula smiled at him. "You'll be stuck with me in a balloon for weeks afterwards. Take this as a well-deserved respite from me."

What she didn't know was that Sokka actually didn't want a break from her at all… a notion that caught him by surprise as she continued lining out their plans. The urge to take her hand and not let it go should not have been so overwhelming… but it was, somehow. He had to put his everything into not telling her as much, into not acting on that impulse, as he agreed to her strategies.

Thus, a few hours later, she took off carelessly, carrying her pack, undoubtedly ready to bring about as much attention to herself as possible. Sokka sighed as he watched her leave, a burst of loneliness striking him so abruptly… since when was he so prone to missing people's company? Or was it just… her?

He shook his head and set out to the Mechanist's new home: the sooner he arrived, the faster he would be back with Azula.

The jolly inventor welcomed him gratefully into the small town he had taken residence at, and he provided him with supplies and a stylish hot-air balloon, with the latest upgrades to its design. Sokka offered him no end of gratitude before climbing aboard, relieved to sort out that predicament quickly enough. The plan was proceeding perfectly smoothly for him… and after three days apart from Azula, which was how long it had taken him to reach the Mechanist's home, he was more than ready to come find her.

He succeeded a day and a half later: by nightfall, he steered the hot-air balloon to one of the tallest peaks of the Fighting Cliffs to find Azula resting there, holding the mirror in one hand. Sokka smiled fondly at her before loosening his rope, lightly brushing it over her face until the discomfort caused her to snap awake, scowling…

Her eyes brightened visibly once she saw Sokka had returned.

"Been a while," Sokka smiled. "Ready?"

She couldn't help but grin too as she handed him her bags, first: he opened the balloon's basket, reaching down to hoist Azula aboard without landing at all, just as planned.

"Everything went swimmingly, I take it?" Azula asked: she hadn't let go of his hand yet after boarding, and that didn't bother him one bit. "This balloon is… nice, actually. More spacious, too."

"A new model," Sokka grinned. "More aerodynamic, from what he told me. We'll get there in no time."

"Then… go on and dazzle us with your piloting skills, why don't you?" Azula smiled: she set the mirror up on one of the available seats, as she sat down as well, and Yue smiled eagerly at the grand hot-air balloon… at the chance to see Sokka at work, handling the vehicle expertly once more.

The journey was faster this time, as they had enough supplies not to need to land at all until they reached Ember Island. Their time aloft in the sky proved amenable too, as they talked about just anything and everything, sharing stories about the war that startled and amazed Yue alike. Their strange journey, and the banter they shared, was proving enough to bring Azula to smile more honestly, more earnestly, than she had in years.

She'd sleep while cradling the mirror sometimes, and she even dozed off with her head on Sokka's lap once, the mirror resting on her chest. It almost felt as though the two girls were asleep… and it warmed Sokka's heart to feel the connection between them growing stronger than ever. Where Azula had been openly hostile and reluctant to host Yue at all, at first… by now, he had no doubts she had grown to fully, earnestly cherish her connection to the Moon Spirit. Instead of Azula being an outsider, in between him and Yue when she didn't belong there, now it was Sokka, instead, who appeared to be the odd one out…

And he actually kind of liked that.

He couldn't truly communicate with Yue, even if she could hear him and see him, as long as he was within her reflection's line of sight. But the more time went on, the less he longed to speak with her directly, to interact with her as Azula did… because Azula was there. That was Azula's role. Yue had never had friends before… not truly, not the way she did now, with Azula. He didn't want to be the only important, valuable person in Yue's life… and the more he grew to treasure Azula, the more he hoped she would be even more important for the Northern Water Tribe Princess than he ever had been. The two of them were so different, starkly so… but he had the feeling that Yue's influence on Azula was even more powerful than his own could ever hope to be. She inspired Azula to do better, to be better… to find joy and bliss in the simplest pleasures of life. Instead of locking her up, instead of hounding her and chasing her down… maybe that was what Azula needed, instead. A friend who would show her there was so much more worth in living life freely than by serving some old fart's wretched designs for nationalism, social superiority and Fire Nation control over the entire world.

Perhaps she'd go back to old habits once they reached her homeland, Sokka figured… but as they began their descent on Ember Island, a week later, the Princess's demeanor didn't change in any worrisome manner as she eyed the island with uncertainty.

"Is it…?" she started, running a hand over her hair. "What day is it, Sokka?"

"Uh, I've kind of lost track of time, so… no real clue," he smiled awkwardly.

"I think… we've arrived at a strange time in this damn island. I don't think I've ever been here for this before," Azula said, eyeing the place with uncertainty.

"It looks like… there's a procession across the streets? A celebration?" Sokka asked, intrigued. "What's that about?"

"It's… a celebration, yes," Azula said, tense. "A slightly less dignified one than most of what you might have heard about in the Fire Nation, though."

"What?" Sokka asked, amused. "That sounds dangerous… or amusing."

"Might be both," Azula said, with a dry grin. "It's a yearly tradition, particularly noisy and messy, in Ember Island. Lots of drinking, lots of gambling, firebending accidents…"

"What? What are they celebrating, exactly?" Sokka asked, confused.

"Uh, well, the technical, traditional explanation is found in the legend of the volcano from which the Fire Nation spawned?" Azula said, biting her lip. "And of course, Ember Island has a small volcano around which people convene, firebenders launch fire into the dormant volcano, as a manner of tribute to the land for giving us everything it has. It's… a celebration of life, you could call it?"

"Heh. Sounds fun," Sokka smiled. Azula bit her lip.

"Of course, well, celebrations of life tend to be a little… peculiar," she said. Sokka crooked an eyebrow. "By which I mean, well, people aren't simply going to chant songs and run around the island happily, they're going to, uh…"

"To…?"

"Create more life?"

Sokka's eyes widened. Azula's cheeks flushed.

"… This is a fertility festival," he concluded. Azula gritted her teeth.

"You know, we could always turn back," she suggested, with a dry grin. "Go to another island, where they don't celebrate this at all, and come back in a couple of days instead. That might just be…"

"I want to see it!"

Yue's sudden declaration caused Azula to wince and snarl. She turned towards the mirror, finding the eagerly smiling teenage princess closer to the mirror than ever before…

"It sounds like such a lively event!"

"Yue, half the people are going to be drunk, and the other half will be horny, some will very much be both things at once. I don't think you…"

"Well, it's still early. We can see everything before it comes to that!" Yue beamed. Azula huffed, and Sokka chuckled.

"The Water Tribes have some rites of this nature, you know? But probably none like this," he said, patting Azula's back. "Can't blame Yue for wanting to see it. I'm a little curious, myself. You and your people always prided yourselves on being oh so advanced and modern…"

"Well, I'm afraid we're not quite so modern yet that we'd know how to procreate with anything but sex," Azula said, cheeks flushing upon speaking of the subject as she did. Sokka laughed. "Either way, if you two are quite sure about what you want, fine. But… be careful, Sokka. Desperate girls might throw themselves at you if you're not."

"No worries, I'll just… stick with you," Sokka smiled. Azula blushed. "If anyone tries, I'll just say I'm with you and they'll back off."

"Hopefully," Azula said, cheeks red: it wasn't a lie, he truly had come with her… but evidently, he'd say the words to imply there was a relationship between them that didn't actually exist. As far as she knew.

She glanced at Yue in the mirror, finding her grinning eagerly. Azula swallowed hard: she wasn't about to do something stupid that could hurt the girl. And she wouldn't let Sokka do that, either. They'd be distant witnesses to the damn festival, that was that.

After safely tucking their balloon away in the Royal Family's private beach, they left their luggage in the house that, to Azula's surprise, appeared to be far more livable than it had been in her last visit. They cleaned up after the long journey, changing into fresh and light clothes, and they took off together to check out the sights in the island while showing as much of it as they could to the eager, delighted Yue.

The warm weather didn't disappoint, for they were drenched in sweat simply by walking down the streets. That moist heat of summer always compelled Azula to wish she could jump into the water, hoping the sea would ease the high temperatures slightly. The tall palm trees, the chirping of insects… she described that which Yue couldn't see or hear, while showing her as much of the colorful island to the Moon Spirit as possible through the limitations of the mirror.

They were immediately assailed by the salesmen from the stalls once they entered Ember Island's main streets, most of whom were eager to sell aphrodisiacs or even accessories for sexual purposes, most of which Azula didn't even dare guess the use of. She clasped Sokka's arm, reassuringly smiling at the sellers that they were just sightseeing, and she dragged him away quickly before he got any wild ideas in his head about any of the lotions, oils or harnesses some of those stalls were eager to sell to shameless customers.

"This is unreal. I'd heard it was messed up, but… it's weirder than I thought," Azula said. Sokka chuckled.

"I can't help but think it's kind of funny. I thought your people were very repressed about a lot of things… but not this, sounds like," he said.

"Honestly? This festival wasn't banned because it had a purpose in the times of the war: if you make your people procreate more, you get more soldiers to send out to war. It's bound to be the only reason why my forefathers didn't outlaw it as a crime against public order and morals," Azula explained, glancing about herself. "But… actually, there ought to be one area that's not so raunchy!"

She dragged Sokka eagerly in that direction to find foods that weren't being advertised for their sexual potential: there was even a small puppet play, where the children could witness the story of the volcano without any implications regarding how most fully-grown people actually celebrated this strange festival. They found something to eat there, and they rejoiced far more in the family-friendly activities than in looking for anything strange to spice up the bedroom life they didn't actually have.

But there was one particular stall that caught Azula's eye once they paced through less busy streets, by midafternoon. A woman in perfectly sober, proper clothes, sat with a disgruntled expression in a stall that nobody appeared to want to approach: 'Public Morals Protection Stall.'

"You! You two! Come, come, come quickly!" the woman exclaimed, startling them once she noticed they were staring.

"Uh… what's this?" Sokka smiled awkwardly as he obeyed her command.

The woman didn't answer him: instead, she stuffed his hands with a surprising assortment of objects with purposes he couldn't even fathom.

"At the very least, you two shall be safe!" the woman almost squealed, startling Azula with her passionate declaration. "Safe intercourse is possible! But these imbeciles…!"

"W-wait… safe? What do you mean by that?" Azula smiled awkwardly.

"I mean your husband there is holding a good assortment of measures to prevent pregnancy and diseases when you happen to copulate," the woman said: both Azula and Sokka winced upon hearing her declaration.

"W-wait, we're not… I mean, we're not exactly married?" Sokka said, with a weak smile. The woman yelped.

"All the more reason for you to use them!"

"What?!"

"If you're not married you should not be procreating and having children yet! Get married before you even start! Don't be like the rest of these fools who… who just keep making sure that this island thrives in countless, thousands, millions of babies...!"

"I'm quite sure there can't even be a million people living in this island, let alone a million babies…"

"There will be soon, when these fools have their way!" the woman exclaimed, shaking her head. "You have no idea how many girls will turn up two months from now in the sanatorium, having broken up with their mediocre boyfriends, begging for help with… well, reversing pregnancy."

"Oh," Sokka said, eyes wide.

"And do you even realize that the most common months for children to be born in our island are the tenth and eleventh months?! It's like a perpetual birthday celebration in every family!" the woman exclaimed, exasperated. "Care to guess why?"

"Because… this is the second month, and everyone procreates around the time of the festival?" Sokka smiled awkwardly.

"A smart lad indeed! See, you'll use protection for sure, yes you will!" the woman exclaimed, finally smiling proudly at him. Sokka's cheeks couldn't have been redder.

Then, she proceeded to explain the use of each of the objects and gadgets she'd given Sokka, including a manner of thin membranes he would be expected to wrap around his manhood, fruits that could affect male sperm and render its components temporarily inert, as well as seeds Azula would be expected to eat, or boil into tea, to prevent herself from conceiving any children. A few of the products were medicine in case of infections or diseases caught after the fact, too. The woman was delighted to hand them everything she did, free of charge, no doubt desperate to spread awareness to the rest of the island that there were far more responsible ways to indulge in their fun… but unfortunately, it looked like only a handful of people were willing to listen.

Sokka and Azula ambled out of that particular street five minutes later, winding up taking a corner quickly and hiding there with their load of new goods. They glanced at each other in surreal disbelief… and then they burst out laughing. Azula supported herself on his arm, as Sokka rested against the wall of a building, tears blinking in the corners of his eyes.

"That poor woman…!" he said.

"Let's hope her wisdom spreads one day… but with this kind of reckless crowd, I wouldn't bet my money on that," Azula said, wiping the tears in her own, too.

"Say… the stalls are pretty fun, but maybe we should do what we came here for," Sokka smiled, nudging Azula's pocket: Yue's mirror rested there. "Didn't she say she wanted to go to the beach?"

"Well, she did, but… I'm not exactly dressed for it, am I?" Azula said, tugging at her Earth Kingdom clothes. Sokka smirked.

"We can buy some new clothes for it now! There's stalls for that, too!" he exclaimed. Azula sighed.

"You love shopping far too much for your own good," Azula determined. Sokka snickered, leading her back into the streets.

An hour later, they had returned to the house with the results of that day's outing. They left their haul of equipment for responsible sex on a table by the living room, and they changed out of their casual Earth Kingdom clothes into classic Fire Nation garb. It struck Azula how long she had gone without wearing anything quite as bold as a swimsuit… all her last Fire Nation attires had been sober and formal, or combat-oriented. There was a tall mirror within the bathroom where she changed, and she blushed slightly upon realizing that a sneaky Moon Spirit was glancing at her with appreciative, raised eyebrows.

"Is it too bold?" Azula asked Yue, her voice deadpan and dry. Yue bit her lip, failing to stifle a mischievous smile.

"Bolder than anything you've worn around me. But you look amazing!" she exclaimed, beaming. "You really are beautiful, Azula."

"I don't feel beautiful, most days," Azula sighed, running her hand over her hair… finding she might actually not be so hard to convince of that right now. Staring at herself just now wasn't as unnerving, unpleasant, as it typically was…

Was she finding some peace with herself? Some manner of tranquility she hadn't really experienced for years, if ever before? It was still difficult to fathom thinking of herself as beautiful… but she'd have to try. At least, Sokka and Yue appeared to be visually impaired enough to think so…

"Are you okay with this?" Azula asked Yue. "I mean… me being around the guy you like, dressed like this? Or, uh, undressed, because honestly it almost feels like I'm not wearing anything, in this thing…"

"Why… I don't have anything to worry about," Yue smiled warmly. "I'm sure he'll be happy to see you enjoying yourself in the beach too!"

"Uh… hopefully. Maybe," Azula said, swallowing hard and breathing out heavily. "Okay, then. Fine. If he ends up being a perv and a creep or so, you'll have yourself to blame for pushing me at him."

"What? Sokka isn't either of those things!"

"We'll see about that," Azula smirked slightly. "You should get some, uh, spirit swimsuit of your own. You're bound to reflect on the waves, you know?"

"Oh… maybe. But probably only if they don't move around too much," Yue smiled awkwardly. "But I'll be fine like this. I approached Aang once when he was in the ocean, you know? And I didn't dress any differently than I do right now."

"Heh, fair enough," Azula shrugged, shaking her head. "Anyways… let's get going."

She wore a sarong over her waist that would at least conceal most her legs from ogling gazes. Not that she expected to draw many of those… but Sokka did say she was beautiful. Perhaps she really should cover up her torso further… who knew what Sokka might react more to, anyway? He'd see a lot of her skin, more than he ever had before… she needed to stop feeling self-aware about that, she really did.

She marched out of the bathroom to find Sokka standing by the living room table, still checking out the birth control and safe sex supplies, with a slight smirk on his face…

But she couldn't really register the expression when her eyes were entirely enticed by his strong, broad and muscular back.

"Oh! You're… b-back."

They froze for a moment, gaping at each other. Awkwardness settled between them as they took in the other, the bare chest Sokka presented for Azula – curses, he had grown far too fit in his adulthood – and the smooth abdomen she showed off before him – the dip of her hipbones, hiding under that skirt, sent his mind flying in some rather raunchy directions…

But they reeled it in. They reeled themselves in. They blushed, recognizing each other's interest… and stashing it aside. It wasn't the time for that.

"I've got the mirror here," Azula said, showing Sokka at Yue, as though that would suffice to remind him that she wasn't supposed to be his. At least… not yet. Not until Yue's situation was sorted out and they could take their time to figure out what to do with what was brewing between them.

Though, unfortunately, that resolve was slightly more difficult to stand by now than it ever had been…

"Right. Right," Sokka said, waving at Yue. "Hope I'm not too gross nowadays, compared to what I used to look like…"

"Gross?" Azula repeated. Sokka shrugged.

"She never did see me without a shirt, true, but… she's still sixteen," Sokka smiled awkwardly. "Might be I'm not exactly appealing to her right now."

Well, if Yue wanted to skip on that, Azula certainly would be happy to take over in her stead… 'gross', of all words, wasn't how she'd describe his surprisingly alluring body. She truly wanted to reach out to touch him and… and she wouldn't do that. She couldn't do that. She refused to do it at all.

Yue in the mirror, however, giggled and startled Azula. The Princess glanced at her to find the Moon Spirit smiling brightly in Sokka's direction.

"You really did grow up to be so handsome, Sokka," she said, beaming. "I… I hope you two can swim a lot! And maybe build a sandcastle? That's what people do in beaches, right?"

"Well, you can tell us what you want us to do, and we will," Azula said, with a careless shrug. Yue clapped happily.

"Then… a sandcastle!"

Yue's request proved tricky to fulfill: Sokka's ability to work with sand was astonishingly poor, to Azula's utter amusement. They discussed the possibility of heading out to the public beach, but instead, they stayed in the private one by the Fire Lord's villa, for it would be safer. Talking to Yue would draw less confused stares that way. It also meant that Sokka's skills at molding sand would only be judged by Azula, rather than by a large crowd.

"No, no, no! That tower is crumbling, Sokka, damn it!" Azula huffed, reaching over with the bucket to fix the tower that Sokka couldn't seem to compose properly. "Water! Use more water!"

"If I use too much it just crumbles anyway!" Sokka pouted. "You're such a perfectionist…"

"And you're not one at all. You… you meant that as an insult, too?" Azula scoffed. "Being a perfectionist is far better than being mediocre, just so you know…"

"I'm not mediocre!" Sokka's voice cracked, and Azula smirked as she knew she had successfully stoked his pride. "I'll do better than you! My own castle against yours! You'll see!"

It was a hilarious competition, one that Yue couldn't seem to stop laughing over as both struggled with different aspects of the composition of the castle – Sokka's castle certainly was a misshapen mass, more than anything, while Azula's frustrated her constantly, as she couldn't fully bring her vision to reality – instead, she would have to settle for a smaller, simpler building that she couldn't help but find frustrating.

And so, they tried again and again and again, and once they were finally close to success…!

A potent wave rushed in, without warning, and slammed into the side of both castles, nearly knocking Sokka and Azula off their feet.

"Nooooooo!" Sokka cried, hands up his hair as his grand work of sand architecture crumbled. "Not again! How dare you, sea?! How dare you?!"

"Oh, forget it! I'm not starting again, I'm done with…!" Azula exclaimed, turning towards the mirror…

… To find it was no longer there.

Azula's eyes widened: the foam was receding, and the water returning to the shore… and in it floated a surprised Yue, carried away by the ocean.

"YUE!"

Azula rushed out into the water, probably unnecessarily so: technically, Yue wouldn't go anywhere, even if her mirror did. But she still sprung out in a hurry, eager to pick up the mirror that kept going deeper into the water.

"Azula! Azula!" Sokka followed her, watching in surprise as the Princess loosened her sarong, tossing it aside before jumping fully into the water.

She certainly had a good form as a swimmer, but Sokka wasn't sure she'd be fast enough to reach the mirror right away. The water level would rise the deeper she went… and more waves were coming.

"Damn it…!" Sokka rushed after her, diving into the sea and swimming quickly to reach Azula. "Deep breath!"

Azula glanced back at him in confusion upon hearing him say that.

"Wave incoming!" Sokka explained.

Azula only had a small moment to obey his suggestion: the breath wasn't all that deep, but the wave crashed against her, she broke it with her body… and then she opened her eyes to realize the mirror was nowhere in sight.

"N-no… no!" she glanced back, trying to find it in the wave that had just rushed in, but she couldn't see it. Just as she couldn't see Sokka. "Sokka? Sokka?!"

Something rammed into her legs, not too violently, but hard enough to be noticeable: a shape underwater gave away that Sokka was floating below her, kicking fast and hard on his way… somewhere. Azula breathed deeply before sinking in, rushing in after him.

She reached for his back, touching it gently. He turned around, recognizing her with difficulty, squeezing her hand and urging her to catch up to him. Their breaths wouldn't last forever, but if they were going to find the mirror…

Something gleamed, deeper into the sea. It was falling lower and lower, dropping through the liquid… but the sun still gleamed upon its surface. That was enough for them to know where they had to go.

They kicked fast, speeding up further, and the mirror dropped lower still…

Their hands gripped it at the same time before they began kicking upwards instead.

Sokka wrapped an arm around her waist, and Azula wondered if he needed help… but when she surfaced, she realized he wanted her to break out of the surface first, instead.

Her hair whipped back chaotically as she took in a deep breath, cleansing her lungs. Sokka surfaced afterwards, his hair all over his face, and he shook his head violently to make the strands flop aside. They were floating deep in the ocean, and more waves would come next…

But they raised their hands, and the mirror sat between them indeed. Relieved sighs left both their lips.

"There… there! We've got it! We…!" Sokka gasped… when he felt the water receding again, reeling them deeper into the ocean.

"Sokka…!" Azula shrieked, grabbing onto him in a panic.

"Azula… I'm sorry," Sokka said, forcing her to let go of the mirror. "I hope this isn't a huge mistake…!"

He reeled his arm back, and he threw the mirror as powerfully as his arm could take it, all the way to the shore. Azula gasped as she saw it fly, partially grateful that his arm was strong enough to send it out of the water's reach… but hoping, just as well, that it wouldn't break against the sand after he'd thrown it quite so powerfully.

But they were still being dragged in, still in the currents' control.

"Breathe!" Sokka warned Azula: his grip around her tightened, and he dragged her under water.

He didn't go much lower than that: they felt the push of the surface wave, large and messy as it might be, and Sokka followed it as best as possible, letting the wave itself carry them closer to shore. They didn't make it too far, but they progressed towards the sand all the same as they resurfaced and continued swimming.

"We'll do that again…! Let the sea do the work for us…!" Sokka panted heavily. Azula nodded: his grip around her remained tight, their legs crashed when they kicked…

Another wave, and this time, they rode it carefully enough that Sokka's feet finally touched the sandy ground underneath them once again. He sighed in relief, walking a little further until Azula could stand properly in the water, too.

"Fuck… fuck," Sokka sighed, gripping Azula tightly. "You okay?"

"I'm… maybe a bit bruised. Hair's a mess. Got water in my ears, I think," Azula said. Sokka smiled awkwardly. "You?"

"Same," he laughed, though he glared at the sea with frustration. "It was a perfectly calm sea just a little while ago and now it went bonkers! What the hell was that about?"

"Huh… maybe the Ocean Spirit was trying to reclaim Yue," Azula proposed, playfully.

Sokka's eyes widened. The next wave rose, prepared to rush in once again.

"You're not saying…" Sokka glared at the water, and Azula smirked at his reaction.

"Sounds like your ex's new partner doesn't particularly care for us…" Azula said.

"You… HEY! If you want Yue for yourself, woo her properly, you bastard!" Sokka roared, splashing angrily. Azula laughed in his arms, pressing her face to his chest. "You're not taking that mirror, and I'm not handing it over, ever! You…! Uh… uh-oh."

Azula glanced again: apparently, Sokka's threat did not sit well with the Ocean Spirit, for a larger wave still rose in the distance…

"Run! RUN!" Sokka roared, grabbing Azula's hand and racing out of the water, knowing they would be goners otherwise.

The sea had receded enough that they could run across the wet sand without resistance. They kept going, they kept running, the wave broke, it was coming over them…

And it did exactly that, as good as drenching the entire bay and, of course, knocking Azula and Sokka off their feet once the last legs of water crashed hard against their calves, violently enough to break their balance and send them rolling across the wet sand. A rather wicked display by the Ocean Spirit, but an effective one to command proper respect from those who hadn't offered it any.

Sokka rolled over the sand, the water seeping through them and drenching them all over again. He clung to Azula nonetheless, shielding her from the impact with his body as best as he was able. It took him a moment to realize she was hugging him right back, face pressed against his chest.

"Now… now we're more bruised than before, heh," Sokka said, hand touching her flank, keeping her in place. "You okay?"

Azula breathed heavily and nodded. She sighed, eyeing him remorsefully after a moment.

"I… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have run off like that, after the mirror, I… fuck. I can see her whenever, wherever. The mirror isn't the only way…" Azula whispered. Sokka hummed, rolling them slightly so Azula would lie on her back.

"It's not. And I can get you another one too, if you lost this one," Sokka said. "But it's okay. We're fine, and hopefully the mirror is too… wherever it landed. I'll go fetch it in a bit…"

"Please," Azula said, with a small smile. "I… I don't want to lose it."

"I figured, but…" Sokka said, sitting up beside her. Azula sat too, shaking her head – sand clung to her hair, which was certainly more chaotic now than it had been before. "I still think I could've gotten you a new one, if you had. Maybe a prettier one, with a better finish? A little bigger, I don't know…"

"Heh," Azula smiled a little, lowering her gaze. "Didn't even think of that. I guess I just…"

"What?" Sokka asked, when she trailed off. Azula breathed out slowly, her heart pounding when she dared share her actual train of thought.

"That mirror is… the first gift anyone's given me since before Sozin's Comet."

Sokka froze in place. Azula bit her lip, breathing deeply as she forced herself to share more… to explain where this strange, unlikely bout of sentimentality had come from.

"I just didn't want… I mean, I don't even like it much, you already know I don't, but I didn't want to… to lose it anyway. Because you gave it to me. So… that. I'm sorry I was such a–…"

She couldn't finish the sentence, couldn't convey her full thoughts: she felt his hand reach for her neck, the other her cheek, and he raised her face so it would meet his as he leaned in to press his lips to hers.

The impulsive kiss caught Azula off guard entirely. Her eyes widened, and she raised a hand to push him away at first, by instinct alone…

Only to realize he was, indeed, kissing her.

A euphoric feeling she had not anticipated seemed to take root in her chest, roaring with a fierce, powerful emotion that brought her throat to thicken with tears, no matter how triumphant she might feel. The hand that had almost pushed him now fell upon his arm, upon the chest that had enticed her so…

She dove in, kissing him back without restraint.

She didn't care if he was pitying her, for once. The thought didn't even form fully in her head: he was kissing her. He had chosen to do it, so it was on him. She had kept her distance, she had sensed the feeling of intimacy and closeness developing between them, but she hadn't done anything out of place. She had behaved herself… but he didn't want her to. Clearly he didn't, or else he wouldn't be doing exactly what he was doing right now. And if he wanted her lips, she'd give them to him gladly. If he wanted her body… she might as well give him that, too.

His hands roamed her back, as he pressed her smoothly on the sand. He kissed her passionately, eagerly, ignoring the new waves that tickled their toes, pinning Azula in place as though to ensure that she wouldn't be able to run away this time, or shirk him off, or dismiss what was happening between them. He'd had enough of holding back when he could tell they both wanted the same thing…

This was new to her, entirely new. Her first kiss had happened in this island just as well, but it had been nothing like this. She had damn fished for it, hoped to catch his eye… now, she was on the receiving end of a passion more powerful than the waves that had rolled them earlier. He was as imposing as that ocean, and she welcomed him as the shore might, her cliffs finally eroded and ready to receive him.

Though the truth was that she didn't quite know what they were doing once Sokka's lips left hers, latching onto her neck instead. She gasped, knowing that was an avenue of intimacy she had never experienced… his hands moved over her flanks, slightly higher now, and – his thigh slipped between hers. His thigh was…

He gave her no quarter, no room to run away from the latest of their battles, if this could be called that at all. Her hands remained as good as inert upon his body… but she dared do more shortly, even if the tongue that jousted with hers threatened to throw her entirely out of balance. There was a danger to his bold touches, to the impulsive way in which he had pounced on her…

A danger she liked. A danger that set her heart on fire, racing at full speed.

Sokka was ready to have sex with her. He wanted to sleep with her.

And she wanted him to do it, just as well.

She moaned at last, when his lips found a weak spot on her neck. He sucked on it gently, then more intensely as he savored her, tasting her body as best he could, regardless of the saltwater that clung to it. Her hands finally moved, caressing his pectorals, his abdomen, his waist… she reached the hem of his swimming trunks, knowing that was all he wore. Her fingers dipped past the band, boldly daring reach down to touch, to grope his rear and squeeze it deviously. Sokka groaned: he wanted to do that too, did he? His hands indeed slipped down lower, to her waist… then, they jumped over to her thighs and from there, he raised her legs so they would lock behind his back.

While it wasn't ideal, he still could touch her like this. Her swimsuit bottoms were small, leaving very little to the imagination, and his hands cupped each buttock smoothly as he groaned against her neck. He growled hungrily before switching back to her lips, tasting her thoroughly once again, just as his hands massaged her intimately, touching her in ways no one had ever touched her before. Was this what desire felt like? Her cheeks flushed crimson, never having truly conceived that the day might come when someone would want her quite this badly. She didn't truly know why Sokka had gone wild on her this way, but she certainly had no complaints on that front so far: every daring, bold gesture on his part startled her, leading her to reel back out of fear of the unknown… only to discover that the unknown in this case was actually a surprisingly pleasant thing, instead. She trusted him, more than anyone… and so, she spread her legs wide open, pressing her chest into his, hoping he would continue to elicit sensations unparalleled upon her skin.

His groans into her mouth might just be having a stronger effect upon her lower body, for the warm tingles in her core strengthened each time his sounds echoed inside her. Likewise, his trunks tightened with every sensual moan that slipped from her throat. He couldn't have enough of those soft, shrill sounds, of eliciting that kind of response from his new lover… She gripped him more tightly, nails digging slightly in his skin, and Sokka hissed as he pressed his brow to hers.

"Hey, now…" he managed to say: she answered with a wicked laugh, one he found delicious enough to kiss off her mouth at once. Curses, he had to be losing his grip… but he found her laughter so seductive, much like everything about her was. He bucked his body against hers, and she responded with more of that moaning… he was losing it. He was really losing it…

Her head was buzzing with delight when she finally dared do something she truly didn't know how to do… oh, but how hard could it be? She allowed her hand to slide to the side, leaving the other one in place, fondling and rubbing his rear… while the other one slipped between their two bodies, touching coarse hair first until she finally found what she was seeking.

Sokka gasped, looking at her in surprise when her fingertips touched his manhood's base. Azula swallowed hard, smiling slightly at him.

"Guess… I found something," she concluded. Sokka swallowed hard.

"Can I…?" he asked. Azula shivered: he was seriously asking for permission now? The bastard truly knew how to make her legs feel like hot water, truly… he wanted more of her, more intimacy than they'd already found…

She nodded. She wanted more, too.

He responded to that permission by kissing her fiercely: one of his hands slid over her body, trailing inside the hem of her swimsuit bottom, and boldly slipping lower until the fingers dipped into her folds.

Azula gasped, and Sokka caught the sound with his mouth. He stared at her as he kissed her, and when she opened her eyes, she found his: she couldn't decide whether his finger's touch was more erotic or if the way he watched her, eyes so full of greed and lust, happened to be more powerful still…

She wanted to be naked with him, for him. She wanted to shed her every layer and let him see her as she was. He wouldn't run away: he wanted to see it all, too.

But before anything of the sort could happen, Sokka's fingertips rubbed smoothly, teasingly, over her folds. Was he trying to memorize her weakest spots, perhaps? Was he mapping out the way her body jolted and shifted with each caress? The clever bastard might just be doing exactly that…

She couldn't hold herself back at all. She couldn't help but surrender to the erotic situation: she threw her head back, and when his fingers rubbed her clit again, she didn't hold back from reaching the finish line right then and there.

Sokka gasped in surprise upon hearing her desperate, orgasmic moans. He was even weaker for her upon hearing them, and his curious fingers dared dip lower… he bit his lip as he dared enter her with one finger, finding her soft and tender, and thoroughly soaked.

"Hell…" he whispered. Azula's chest heaved against him as he continued to crush her to the sand.

She closed her eyes, and he dreaded the climax might just clear her head and she'd realize exactly what they had been doing, and that they'd been doing it out in the open…

Her hands rose to the back of his head, and she kissed him fiercely again, as though her earlier breathlessness had become a rather amusing addiction rather than a cause for concern…

"Azula…" Sokka groaned into her mouth, thrusting against her hand as though to sate his throbbing manhood: fuck, but he wanted her. He wanted to see just how compatible they truly were, on every level of the act…

"Sokka… Sokka…" she called for him, her voice a mere whisper unless his touch caused her to cry out louder. "Fuck…! S-Sokka, fuck… fuck me. Fuck me…!"

He hadn't actually expected her to ask for it, let alone after she had just finished. It suited her, of course, to be as unexpected as possible. He smiled in relief, heart pounding as he nodded eagerly.

"I want you. Fuck, I want you so badly…" he whispered: he tugged his trunks down properly now, and Azula wrapped a fist around his base: he was as good as fully erect already, and Sokka only groaned further as her hand helped him grow harder and larger still…

She could feel his size, she certainly feared he might be too big for her to accommodate him properly… but she didn't care. Oh, she didn't mind. She felt so smooth and supple now, as though she were made of rubber… and she certainly wanted more. She needed to know how it felt. She wanted to do exactly that with Sokka. She had wanted it for so much longer than she had let herself accept she did.

He tugged her swimsuit bottom aside, exposing enough of her core for him to breach: Azula gasped at the awareness of where they were being quite so inappropriate, realizing again that the water, while not as fierce and dangerous as before, still lapped at their feet on occasion… she gripped him, anticipation building as he kissed her reassuringly, finding the right entrance angle at last.

He pushed his way inside her.

Azula clenched up at first: the invasion certainly was complete now. If only this had been his long-term plan, she would have called it a resounding success. But where she had fought him off without fear ten years ago, today she didn't want to fight. She embraced him, instead… and he whispered warm words in her ears as he adjusted inside her.

"There… there. You okay? Breathe… loosen up, okay?"

Azula's breath hitched as she nodded, trying to obey him. The tension in her lower body might recede slowly, but there was a chance that he'd have to help with that. Maybe he didn't dare yet, but… oh, she wanted him to. She truly wanted him to…

"M-my… m-my breasts," Azula whispered. Sokka winced, pulling back as if fearful that he might have been crushing them. "T-touch them. Touch me. Sokka…"

"Oh… oh," Sokka smiled a little: she slapped his rear with the hand that remained there, as though encouraging him to get going already. He laughed, kissing her once more before thrusting slowly inside her…

His head moved to her neck as his fingers slid up finding the lower hem of her swimsuit's bra: he didn't settle for touching them under the cloth, instead yanking it up at a lack of knowledge of how to remove that precise swimsuit style… but with that, her breasts were delightfully exposed, and he pulled back just to admire them with a greedy, wicked smile. Her cheeks flushed as he ogled her: he liked what he saw. He really did…

"You're so… so damn perfect," Sokka whispered, startling Azula by his use of the word: she couldn't have been more imperfect as of late if she tried. Right now, she was covered in sand, her hair an unkempt mess… but he didn't lie. He couldn't have said it unless he meant it, so… maybe his notion of perfection was that removed from reality. Surely that was all there was to it…

His hands caressed her intimately, distracting her entirely from the light pain resulting from that initial penetration: it helped all the more when his lips latched onto her nipple, and Azula nearly screamed in bliss at the sensation. Oh, he had to do that again, and again, and on both sides, and…

He thrusted, and the pain seemed to fade to oblivion as he did. Its very final ripples were replaced by the booming arousal that threatened to run away with her for a second time already.

She gripped him tightly, and he was startled when it was her who thrusted upwards, as good as begging him to claim her.

And so he did, kissing her fiercely, giving free rein to the hands that caressed her intimately, to the hips that rolled recklessly into hers, his manhood dipping deeper and deeper, making his way through her as she opened up further and further… she had never been so excited in her life. She had never experienced anything on par with this. She damn near screamed with each hitch of pleasure, delighted to be fully pressed to the sand by him. Thankful, too, for his refusal to run away when she had nearly done that out of confusion at first: this exhilarant sensation was dangerously addictive, a high she wanted to chase without fail, knowing the fulfilling culmination would be even better than the one he had gifted her already…

He thrusted harder, faster, losing his grip on reality as his need for her overwhelmed him. His brow pressed against hers, his lips trailing all over her face, letting hers suck on his lower lip, a rather weak manner to stifle her own cries of passion…

His hips bucked, hands leaving her breasts briefly solely so he could hoist her hips carefully: the change in the angle of entry had her crying out even more desperately as he brushed more weak spots, as he claimed every part of her body she had never allowed herself to be ruled by… until today. Until that afternoon, when the shroud of dusk and the distance they kept from the rest of the beach's visitors might still not suffice to conceal Azula's next peak…

Her walls jolted so violently and pleasantly around his shaft that Sokka couldn't help but lose himself in the sensations, surrendering and succumbing to his primal need, unleashing himself deep inside her mere instants after she'd done the same thing.

He thrusted still, accompanying her as she navigated that climax, much as they had ridden the waves earlier. He didn't slow down until her walls slowed down, until they were no longer jolting… and by then, Sokka leaned over her chest, pressing soft kisses upon the exposed mounds he had wanted to explore so very thoroughly… maybe she would let him still. Maybe his failure to hold out for much longer wouldn't be punished all that harshly… but she truly hadn't made it easy at all. As far as he could tell, the past weeks of their relationship, probably since their drinking spree in Ba Sing Se's rooftops, had been the longest foreplay of all time.

"Sokka…" Azula called him. He groaned in response, still pressing his face to her breast: she would tell him he wasn't allowed to do that anymore, wouldn't she? Now that they were done, surely she would shove him off… "We… shit. We didn't use… any of that."

"Any of…?" Sokka blinked blankly, raising his head in confusion.

"The safe-sex stuff that woman… gave us," Azula admitted, cheeks flushed. Sokka's eyes widened.

"Uh… oh. Uh, heh, well… next time," he said, before his stomach sank: would there be a next time?

The smile on Azula's face suggested he wasn't wrong to hope for that, and his heart soared to see it.

"Well… better late than never, I suppose," she said, with a slight laugh. "Sokka…"

He smiled warmly, and she did the same before reeling him closer, arms wrapped around his neck. She kissed him again, unconcerned with how uncomfortable the sand was, careless about how shameless they were, letting themselves get carried away out in the open this way…

"Let's go… go inside," Sokka suggested, licking her lips. Azula hummed. "Come on. We can get the stuff and… and go again, when you're ready. If you want…"

"I want to. I… t-that was…" Azula said, with a small smile. Sokka grinned. "You know I'd never, well…"

"You're way too bold already for someone who's new at this," Sokka laughed, kissing her cheek. "I can only wonder how much wilder you're going to get in a couple more rounds…"

"Guess we'll see," Azula smiled: what the hell was this? She had no idea. She didn't think there was a rational explanation for it either. She just… liked this. Liked him. She wanted more of his thrusts, plowing into her with abandon… her heart raced with unbridled excitement upon knowing he wanted more of her, too. How much more? Would he grow bored of her? She hoped not. She truly hoped not…

Sokka sat up, and their bodies uncoupled. Azula gazed at him as he moved, knowing she remained exposed to him… doing absolutely nothing to change that. The way his greedy eyes locked on her nipples sent a special kind of shiver down her spine.

"Come here," Sokka whispered, slipping his arms underneath her body and hoisting her into his embrace.

She kissed him willfully again once he did that, and while he stumbled slightly while standing up, carrying her, he managed to do so in the end. They laughed together, brows touching, as Azula caressed his cheek gently.

"Weak on the knees?" she asked.

"Maybe a little," he admitted, earnestly. "Your fault for being so…"

"So?" Azula asked, amused by the sudden accusation.

"So seductive, I suppose that's the right word," Sokka laughed, kissing her neck as he marched her back towards the small road that led to the house. Azula moaned, wrapping arms and legs firmly around him. "Like it when I do that, do you?"

"Still haven't done anything I didn't like," Azula smiled. "I'll bite you if you do."

"And what are we going to do if I happen to like it when you bite me?"

She burst out laughing again, and Sokka smirked as he carried her inside, letting himself explore her body even if his hands had to remain firmly locked on her rear, keeping her in place. Azula had better chances to do it, caressing his shoulders, his chest, his strong neck… she claimed kisses off his lips constantly, and Sokka surrendered them generously each time, squeezing her ass when he did. If her mouth wasn't busy claiming his, his own would press to her collarbone, to her upper chest… and a couple of times, to her mounds and the nipples that were smoothly pressed against him.

"Like those, do you?" Azula asked teasingly, as they finally entered the house anew.

"Like you said… still haven't found the first thing I don't like about you," Sokka smiled, leaning in and sucking on her nipple teasingly. Azula moaned, arching back slightly as Sokka finally reached the living room… and the table filled with contraceptive methods, too.

They laughed as Sokka set Azula down on the table, and their adventures deciding which ones to use began then. They laughed together as they realized they'd mixed up some of the methods, with him eating the seeds while she ate the fruit at first, then switching it around. They decided to settle for that for the time being, though Azula was curious, regardless, about the membrane that Sokka didn't seem convinced by…

"I don't know if it'll feel the same, but fine, we can try it, we can…" he said, wrapping his arms around her as he kissed her again. "But right now…"

"Yes…?" Azula asked: she had rested plenty by now. She certainly was ready to go again…

"We should clean up."

Azula raised an eyebrow, and Sokka chuckled as he hoisted her into his arms again.

"We're going to keep doing this, aren't we? Why not clean up after…?" she asked: Sokka groaned, pressing his face to her neck and kissing it softly.

"Because… we've got sand everywhere, girl."

She winced and glanced towards the trail they'd left on their way inside the house. Indeed, there was sand scattered leading up to the table, and plenty on the table too, where he had placed her. She laughed, shaking her head, and the sand spilled down her back, out of her hair, causing her to shiver at the sensations.

"That's… a compelling argument," she conceded, laughing as Sokka carried her away. "As you wish."

"Bet it's going to feel a lot better without sand grains sticking into us everywhere," Sokka chuckled. "If we do it again out there, we'd better set down a towel."

"A good idea," Azula smiled, kissing him earnestly again.

They cleaned up together in the bathroom near Sokka's room: they finally dared be fully naked together, shedding the very exposed clothes they had still been wearing – Azula hadn't even fixed her top to cover her chest so far, and now she wouldn't bother doing it anyway, either. They washed each other thoroughly, intimately, though Sokka proved himself all over again as a grand catch for a lover once he focused particularly on cleaning her hair properly. Azula smiled: she hadn't indulged in the feeling of someone washing her hair for her in so long… what a delightful privilege to reclaim, and by the hands of her lover, who covered her neck in warm kisses while whispering wickedly delightful things in her ear…

Most people took their time to relax in the tub after cleaning up thoroughly: the eagerness led Sokka and Azula to forsake doing that. Instead, they marched into Sokka's chosen room, unable to get their hands off each other at all, trading no end of deep kisses as they finally fell into a comfortable, smooth bed.

All the while, their hearts didn't seem to stop racing. The thrills they felt in each other arms seemed unlike anything they had ever experienced – Azula, naturally, had known this would be an unprecedented matter for her… but Sokka could only smile brightly as he nibbled on her neck, as he fondled her chest, as he stirred her arousal, caressing her core: this was what he had been missing all along. This excitement, this thrill… he had never known he had been looking for it, but he had found it indeed. The cumbersome, dark year he had endured, begrudgingly, suddenly seemed so bright… for she was making it brighter. And she was dangerous, and chaotic, and wicked, and her sense of humor could be as unrefined as his… every single one of those things convinced him further that he was exactly where he always wanted to be, with the right person to be with, just as well.

They determined to spend the night in bed, then, learning each other thoroughly, touching intimately, finding their shared kinship could become something so much deeper than that. They hardly seemed to stop kissing, and they laughed together without restraint at each other's occurrences without fail. After two more rounds of sex, each smoother and more pleasant than the last, they lay together, with Sokka resting atop Azula, comfortably nestled atop her breasts, occasionally pressing soft kisses or even toying with the nipples – Azula even urged him to do it at times, prompting him to laugh as he pleasured her anew.

"Hope your first time was a lot better than you expected," Sokka chuckled, smiling warmly at her as he palmed her chest gently. She smiled, running her fingers through his smooth hair.

"I never expected one, frankly. Thought I'd die a virgin and I wasn't exactly upset about it. Didn't think I'd meet anyone worth doing this with," she whispered, kissing his brow softly. "You make it your life's mission to be contrarian to anything I'm resolved to do, as far as I can tell."

"Isn't it worth it, though?" Sokka grinned goofily. Azula laughed and shrugged.

"You're making it worth it, yes. Smug asshole," she whispered. Sokka snickered proudly.

"Safe to say Ember Island isn't that bad when you go with the right person, huh?" he asked, hand dipping lower, resting on her waist instead. Azula hummed in agreement, reeling him in for a deep kiss.

"Or the wrong person, for the right reasons," Azula laughed. Sokka scoffed. "What?"

"You're just being contrarian like me," he decided. Azula snorted. "You're going to pretend otherwise, are you?"

"Sokka… I'm not sure anyone's ever thought I'm the right fit for anything. Well, other than my father, when it was about sending me to do his bidding," Azula sighed. "We've had great sex, no doubt, but… you think that means I'm right for you?"

"No… I think everything else we shared before that means you're right for me," Sokka whispered, startling Azula. "What? You thought I'd only started wanting you right now?"

"W-well, no, but…"

"Didn't you hear I'd drawn Suki firebending once before?" Sokka smiled, leaning close to kiss her cheek. "The only girl I'd met who could firebend is in this bed with me, right now…"

"Pfft! You're not saying you wanted me like this all along! Sokka…?" Azula said, eyeing him skeptically. He snickered and shrugged.

"I'm not going to pretend I did it consciously, but…" he said. Azula scoffed.

"Sokka… you didn't have a crush on me, did you?"

"I…! Might have?"

"You're ridiculous," Azula snorted, bursting out with laughter again as Sokka groaned, pressing kisses to her neck.

"Well, you slept with the ridiculous idiot who has a crush on you and still has it and would love to keep on sleeping with you, so who's more ridiculous now?" he said.

"Still you," Azula decided. Sokka sighed and shrugged.

"Guess I'll live with that," he said, with a slight smile. "Did… did it never cross your mind? Back in the war, I mean. Ever looked at me and thought: 'oh, what a handsome peasant! If only he had been born Fire Nation, I would be expecting him to ask my father for my hand in marriage…' or so?"

"You really have some wild fantasies, don't you?" Azula smirked. Sokka chuckled and shrugged.

"An imagination is a healthy thing, Princess," he smiled, kissing her lips softly.

"Well… relinquish it a little bit as I tell you the truth," Azula said: Sokka's eyes widened.

"The… huh?" he raised his eyebrows.

"You… were indeed handsome. And when I realized you were actually with Suki, I was disappointed. If just a bit."

Sokka's eyes widened at her confession. She laughed, shaking her head.

"I did enjoy our clash in the tunnels far more than I should have. You're terribly dominant when you want to be," Azula smiled, trailing a hand over his flanks. "It's a good trait in a man… knowing when to stand his ground, as well as when to submit? Fascinating. So… yes, I liked you far more than I should have, I dare say. Never expected anything to happen, of course, and I wasn't about to admit it aloud to anyone, it was treasonous to so much as wonder what it might be like for you to kiss me, but…"

"Well… it's not treasonous now," Sokka smiled, pressing his lips to hers. "And you don't need to wonder much anymore."

"Still treasonous, actually," Azula said, with a slight smirk. "You're in bed with a wanted criminal, didn't you know that?"

"Oh, they can piss off," Sokka growled, and Azula laughed at his reaction. "They sure as hell don't want you as badly as I do."

"Is that right?" Azula laughed, before he kissed her long and tenderly.

The comfort they found together was next to none: Azula wanted more of this, more of him, maybe another round or twenty… her body might not be up for it anymore, she might need a break, but curses, if he asked for another, she would gladly push her limits just for him. Her arms looped around his neck, reeling him in, showing him she wanted him just as badly as he had said he wanted her…

He smiled warmly at her once they pulled back – no one ever smiled at her that way. She knew no one had done it before. Her heart tingled with hope, with bliss, to know that someone did now…

"I just…" he started, before smiling and shaking his head. Her heart jolted with anticipation and eagerness, wondering if he was about to admit he was as hooked on her as she was on him… or would he say something else instead? Who could ever hope to know…?

"What?" Azula nudged him. He laughed, shaking his head. "If it's that funny you should say it. Then, if it's not actually funny, I'll pinch you for getting my hopes up…"

"It's not funny, no," Sokka smiled, cupping her face. "But I think you don't want to hear it, actually."

"Unless you're about to say you were messing with me the whole time and none of this is real? I'm not sure I understand why I wouldn't want to hear it," Azula said, a sense of trepidation rising inside her. Even so, Sokka kept smiling, shaking his head.

"It's not a bad thing, it's just… I'm not sure you're ready to hear it," he said.

"Well… I did say I liked how honest you are, from quite early on actually," Azula said. "Might as well be honest and tell me what you were thinking rather than messing with me this way…"

Sokka breathed deeply, gazing at her with heartfelt emotion. He didn't want to tell her what he was thinking… but once he did, she'd understand exactly why that was the case.

"Very well. Might as well do it," he said, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. "What's on my mind, you ask? Well… that I'm pretty sure I love you, that's what."

Of all things he could've said, that hadn't so much as crossed Azula's mind.

Where she had forced herself to feel his touch in ways she wasn't used to, only to realize how pleasant it could be after it was done, this time she didn't restrain her impulses to run away. This time, she sat up on the bed, pulling back from him, leaving Sokka to hover where her chest had been moments ago while she pressed against the headboard, as though someone were threatening her rather than making a positive confession. Sokka sighed, gazing at her helplessly… to find immense fear in her eyes. Inexplicable fear, at that.

"Y-you… no. You don't," Azula said, shivering. Sokka raised an eyebrow. "No. You think you do, and you're crazy if you do, but that's not… no. Sokka, you couldn't possibly be… you didn't just say…"

Her eyes widened as she covered her mouth with a hand. Tears bloomed in her eyes:

Someone had told her he loved her.

Sokka loved her.

The initial denial shifted into a burst of disbelief: this wasn't true. It couldn't be true, only…

Sokka didn't lie.

It was a dream, then. It had to be. This couldn't be happening for good, not for real, not to her, because this wasn't what happened to her. No, granted, she didn't sleep with people either, considering this was the first time she'd done that, but… that was different. Sex wasn't love. It didn't have to be. And yet… and yet it might just be for Sokka.

And she had just rejected his confession by refusing to believe it, hadn't she?

"Sokka…!" she gasped, watching him sit up on the bed. He breathed out slowly, offering her a sad smile.

"I know what's going on in my heart, Azula," he said, reaching out to take her hands in his. "And I know it's… not normal, you know? It's… it's really wild, and reckless, and unexpected, and… and I'm enjoying it like nothing I've experienced in my life. You… you've made me happier than I remember being in ages, Azula. And I'm not saying all of this to get you to say the words back to me… I'm saying it so you know that I'm not impulsively blurting this out now because our sex is mind-blowing. It's… it's because I know I feel this way. And if it seems awful to you, and you don't want me to feel like this, I get it but… I can't do much about it, as it happens. You didn't really leave me much of a choice other than falling for you, so…"

"I didn't leave you a choice?" Azula asked, perplexed. "I… I didn't do anything."

"Exactly," Sokka smiled. Azula raised an eyebrow. "You didn't have to."

She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She stared at him in disbelief, perplexed, and Sokka smiled as he leaned in, pressing his lips softly to hers.

"You don't have to say it back. You don't even have to feel the same way about me," Sokka whispered, caressing her face affectionately. "If you did, well, I'd be a lucky bastard, but it's fine if you don't, too. Whatever makes you happier, whatever you want to do… we'll do it. This is… on your terms. Even if it's my impulsiveness that got us here to begin with…"

He chuckled, eyeing her with a tenderness that struck her deep down in her heart. Azula shivered, raising a hand to clasp his…

"I… I don't know how to love someone," Azula said. Sokka's smile receded. "I… you'd be better off if you didn't feel that way about me, of all people. I've never… Sokka, no one has ever said that to me before."

Sokka gritted his teeth: the revelation came as no surprise, considering everything he knew about her past, about her life until they had converged together as they had. He hadn't loved her all along, regardless of the guilty attraction he constantly tried to stifle and never acknowledge as such from years ago… he had believed she was dangerous, just as everyone else did. He hadn't given her much thought outside of knowing that, whenever she turned up, any given situation was bound to grow more complicated.

So it shouldn't have outraged him that she had never heard those words before. Her brother wasn't likely to speak them – he couldn't remember hearing him say them to Iroh, whom he certainly loved, so how would he ever say them to Azula? Her relationship with her mother was troubled in ways Sokka had scarcely understood, since Zuko didn't often talk about it, and when he did, he appeared not to understand it either. Her father, evidently, was out of the question entirely.

No one had ever loved her. If anyone had, she certainly had never felt it.

Sokka sighed, cupping her face and kissing her softly. He dreaded that she might shove him off, that she might reject his feelings, not out of distaste towards him, but out of fear. This was new territory for the Princess. She had reasons to be uneasy, uncertain… his heart pounded for her, and he longed to wipe away every sorrowful moment she had ever endured. When he pulled back, she appeared unusually lost and vulnerable.

"I don't know if I can… if I can love anyone to begin with," Azula whispered. "In the asylum, the things they said, well…"

"Nothing you've said about that place sounds like they had your best interests in mind at all, Azula," Sokka said, stroking her hair affectionately. "Sounds more like they were glorified jailors, trying to keep you out of Zuko's path for his peace of mind."

"That… might be accurate," Azula said, raising her eyebrows. "Doesn't mean they weren't right about me, though."

"Doesn't mean they were, either," Sokka said. Azula laughed softly.

"You keep giving me so much credit… Sokka, I'm not a good person," she whispered. "If you intend on pursuing this crazy idea of loving me… then you'd do best to keep that in mind. I won't make it easy for you. I haven't so far, as far as I can tell…"

"You'd think… but maybe that's true for anyone but me," Sokka smirked smugly – oh, how she hated the way her heart jolted at the sight of that confident smile upon his face. "I've already told you… I love the way you challenge me. I love that you make me work for… well, everything, really. It's crazy to say it, but… maybe I'm my most authentic self right now because you're with me. And while I'd never say I love myself, I… kind of like the man I've become ever since I've been by your side."

Azula swallowed hard, closing her eyes as though to hold back the tears.

"I'm… not sure I can do this. I don't want to hurt you," Azula said, her voice small. Sokka smiled.

"Well, I'm pretty hardy. I'll roll with the punches until we figure out how this works, how about that?" Sokka said. Azula sighed.

"Is that what a relationship should be like?" she asked. "I mean, I wouldn't know, but it sounds like a chore…"

"I'm a pain in the ass, I make bad jokes, I'm reckless and impulsive when I want to be, and I scold you when you do crazy but fun things like tampering with the tea in your uncle's shop…"

Azula couldn't stifle a chuckle at the memory of her mischief. Sokka smiled, caressing her hair and pressing his lips to her brow.

"If you can endure me at my most irksome… because, well, so far you've never said you won't," Sokka said, with a slight smile. "I'm pretty sure I can take you on no matter what."

"We'll have to test that thoroughly," Azula said, shaking her head. "I trust you in a lot of ways, but right now it sounds like you want to say all the right things, even if you do mean them, but you have an ulterior motive…"

"Do I, now?"

"You know, that you just want to make sure you have cleared the way to get into my pants," Azula declared, haughtily: she feared she might just piss him off, but that was exactly the point: he needed to remember who he was dealing with. Several rounds of incredible sex didn't erase that she…

He snorted and laughed, wrapping his arms around her tightly still, burying his face in her neck.

"S-Sokka…?"

"Test my resolve, then… go on," Sokka smiled, gazing at her warmly once he pulled back. "I dare you."

"You're… infuriating," she said, unable to hold back a slight smile.

"Am I?" he asked, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. Azula sighed.

"I… I'm sorry if I'm being a pain right now, but… Sokka, I want this," she whispered, earnestly. "I want you. I just… don't know how to make love work, I guess. I'm too new to it, too scared of fucking it up…"

"We'll figure it out together," Sokka smiled, taking her hand into his. "And if it's not working? We can always just… have sex anyway."

"Oh, really?" Azula laughed, and Sokka smirked shamelessly. "You're an opportunistic piece of work, Sokka."

"Come on, we're too good at it to stop just because you don't love me," Sokka laughed. Azula scoffed, taking his head in her hands to press an intense kiss to his lips. He responded gratefully, giving as good as he got, and they rolled back on the bed, this time with Azula atop him.

"I never said… I didn't love you," she whispered. Sokka smirked.

"Well, that's a promising start at least," he said, hands on her hips as she blushed, hovering above him, her breasts dangling temptingly in front of his greedy eyes. "Though we can finish that conversation later, I think my brain's just stopped working because, well…"

"What? Something the matter with the landscape?" Azula asked, amused by the sight of his lustful gaze.

"It's a glorious, perfect landscape, yep," Sokka said, smiling slightly as he raised a hand to fondle her chest.

Azula sighed: she could certainly do this, as he had told her. She could succumb to the need of physicality, of feeling his lips on her, his hands raking every curve upon her body, his manhood impaled firmly inside her. Even if she was as fucked up as the damnable asylum said she was, she could try this and defy their beliefs about her, too. Nothing would be quite as gratifying as proving Zuko and his goons wrong… though sleeping with Sokka might just be better than that, actually.

She leaned in, pressing him against the bed, and he laughed as she seemed to suffocate him between her breasts, pressed to his face. She smiled as she let herself forget the heavy matters, to instead unwind by basking in the very thing Sokka wanted to persuade her to do…

Her body would certainly charge her quite expensively for the extended exercise she was subjecting it to: she wasn't used to this, to everything Sokka awakened in her body. The arousal, the new discoveries she was making… she might just be overstimulated, and yet she couldn't have enough of hearing the wicked sounds of his mouth working upon her skin, feeling his warm, teasing tongue darting back and forth across her nipples anew…

She had started bucking her hips against him when she heard a startling sound, coming from deeper in the house.

She jumped away immediately, to Sokka's disappointment. He groaned in frustration, sitting up as she glared towards the door they'd left carelessly open.

"What was that?" she asked.

"Hopefully, just something dumb we misplaced, or that got misplaced ages ago and finally just… fell over?" Sokka said, pressing his face to her chest again. "We'll check it out after…"

Her heart was racing, and not solely because of the excitement Sokka elicited inside her: she pulled back, bringing her fingers to her mouth to urge him to be quiet. Sokka blinked blankly – his leisurely demeanor dwindled over her urgency. If Azula was that worried…

He glanced over too… and then they heard the sound of the front door, closing abruptly.

"Oh, shit," Sokka gasped: Azula yelped, climbing off him at once.

"Isn't Zuko looking for us in the Earth Kingdom?!" she asked Sokka urgently, scrambling out of the bed as he did the same. "What do I…? What do I wear? Sokka…"

"I've got my things here, give me a second," Sokka said, dropping by his bags, pulling them open as he began rummaging for clothes…

Footsteps. Dubitative ones, approaching the room.

"Who the hell would…?" Azula gasped, gritting her teeth and yanking the sheet off the bed – if nothing else, that would help cover her body while Sokka offered her his clothes to wear…

But by the time he flung a long tunic at her, while jumping into a set of pants of his own, the shadowy silhouette of whoever had arrived could be seen through the threshold of the room already… and it wasn't all that dark anymore: the sudden arrival brought a lantern along, and Azula's heart sank – she wouldn't have enough time to put anything on, curses, Sokka had barely just pulled his pants up when the third occupant of the house stepped into the room.

Her heart sank.

Her stomach too.

No, perhaps they imploded.

She had never quite wanted to be deleted from existence quite as badly as she did when her eyes met those of her mother.

Ursa stood in place holding up the lantern, confusion plain across her features as she glanced across the room… at first, she didn't recognize them. No surprise that she wouldn't have, of course, she hadn't seen Azula in a fairly long time and certainly not with her hair in utter disarray as it was… nor had she seen Sokka in this shape, either, holding up his pants awkwardly, his own hair down too. She must have thought they were drunk travelers, sneaking into an empty house for the sake of it…

But Sokka yelped with recognition, paling quickly… even if not as violently as Azula did.

Ursa's jaw dropped slowly. Azula shuddered, gripping the sheet around her body even more tightly. Of all people to walk into the damn room, of all possible people…!

"… Azula?"

The embarrassment of being caught by someone would have been bad enough. The mortification over it being her own mother, with whom she hadn't even spoken in ages, only made everything a million times more unbearable. Whatever progress she had made emotionally on that day with Sokka was poised to backtrack entirely because of this.

Ursa had enough sense to leave them to dress up, and Azula wistfully hoped she would just have taken off altogether. Panic flared in her when she wondered if she might have brought her wretched family too… but after leaving Sokka's room to dress up in her own, and then inspecting the house again, she heard no other voices, no sounds: no sign of Noren and Kiyi. She certainly preferred it that way, even if she would have actually preferred for her mother to not show up at all…

And now they sat on the steps that led outside to the beach, where she and Sokka had gotten carried away wonderfully and delightfully by their mutual attraction. Azula glared in the sand's direction, wishing to turn back time, to go back to feeling cherished and wanted and desired… rather than judged, despised, regretted, as she no doubt expected her mother would feel.

Sokka sat between them, his awkwardness palpable. No doubt he wanted to tell Ursa that he hadn't done anything harmful to Azula – he could even share that they'd tested some birth control methods, as suggested by the woman they'd met earlier that day – but he didn't dare. This tense situation was entirely unprecedented for any of them, and his occasional glances at Ursa revealed that she, clearly, didn't feel any better about it than he did.

He wanted to talk things over. So did Ursa. Azula, most likely, wanted to hear none of it.

"I…" Ursa started, her voice grating on Azula's nerves at once. "I had heard that you were in the Earth Kingdom. I didn't realize you would be, well… here."

"We're traveling a lot," Sokka responded, as calm as he could present himself. "Did, uh, did you know I was with her?"

"There was confusing information on the matter," Ursa smiled awkwardly. "It rather sounded like, uh…"

"Like I'd kidnapped, gagged, drugged him and dragged him with me everywhere?"

Azula's cutting tone sent shivers of the bad kind down Sokka's spine: he wanted to hug her, tell her everything would be fine… but he knew she wouldn't take well to that right now.

"Well… I hoped that wasn't the case," Ursa admitted. Azula let out a bark of sarcastic laughter.

"You hoped? Well, it's not, so I suppose you must be happy now," Azula growled.

"I'm… confused, if anything," Ursa said. Azula scoffed.

"If what confuses you is the obvious? My personal life is none of your business," she snapped. Ursa winced, and Sokka glanced at Azula mournfully.

"I… I guess not, but…" Ursa whispered, gritting her teeth.

"No. No, don't give me that damn tone, I'm not having it," Azula snapped: she pushed herself up, shaking her head and pacing in front of the stairs.

"Azula…" Sokka called her, but she ignored him. As much as she might have grown to care for him, this did not call for his intervention.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Azula asked, turning towards Ursa. "And without your damn family, too? What, are you sick of them as well by now? Did they finally bore you and you were looking for something more invigorating in Ember Island? Eager to replace your husband and daughter yet again, maybe?"

"Azula, I didn't…" Ursa started. Azula scoffed.

"Don't lie. That's exactly what you did. And don't pretend that you're sorry for it now," Azula growled. "I… I was a damn terrible daughter, sure I was. And my father? He was a nightmare of a husband to you, I'm sure! Everyone in your life was making you miserable, everyone but precious, perfect Zuko! Oh, Zuzu, the light in everyone's lives, the only person worth anything carrying Sozin's rotten blood…!"

She let out a laugh, shaking her head and turning away from her mother: the dark night left the stars to gleam brightly above them, and Azula shuddered as more words she should have withheld, that she should have never spoken, spilled from her lips.

"I'm under no delusions that I deserved a better mother," Azula hissed. Ursa winced next to Sokka. "Regardless of whatever nonsense you think of me, Sokka? I truly am not worth any of that. I'm a terrible person, a mess, living my life just for the sake of it, knowing I'm fated for nothing grand, nothing worthwhile, nothing significant! I don't have a purpose, not for myself, not for real! All I have is ten tons of baggage that I most likely deserve to carry, and yet…! And yet no one, ever, thought that maybe I didn't want to carry it. That maybe I just wanted… to find some stupid boy I might like, someone to have a normal life with, someone I could just be myself with, settle down without needing to be on the run, fleeing from a brother who wouldn't shed a tear if his bounty hunters and soldiers slaughtered me under his orders!"

"What…?" Ursa gasped.

"So I'm quite sorry, Mother, but I don't want to hear whatever excuses you want to make for everything you've done, or haven't done!" Azula exclaimed, glaring at her. "I don't need to hear it. I don't want to. If you get to be selfish, to run away with the man you actually wanted, and have a life of leisurely carelessness while forsaking your son and daughter? Then I get to be selfish and tell you I don't give a shit! I get to be selfish and fuck whoever I want to! I get to be selfish and sabotage Zuko and Iroh in whatever stupid ways I can, if I still can, because they vex me! And I get to walk away, just as you did, and forget that I even had a mother if I feel like it, just as you forgot about me! How does that sound?!"

Ursa gritted her teeth, lowering her gaze. She said nothing, and neither did Sokka. Azula dreaded her outburst might just chase him away, but as uncomfortable as he looked, he hadn't said anything still. He hadn't fled. He hadn't come to Ursa's rescue, either. That last thing was probably the most surprising of them all…

"There's… so much I never got to say," Ursa whispered at last, and Azula snarled. "But above all, I… I don't blame you for my mistakes. That's the main thing I need you to understand, Azula."

"You don't blame me?" Azula smiled slightly. "Well, that's too bad. I blame you for a ton of things, myself."

"You're right to," Ursa said. Azula huffed, shaking her head. "Azula, I know it must be annoying, frustrating to hear me say it, but…"

"It is, yes. Thanks for noticing," Azula said, sardonically.

"There's nothing I can do to make up for the past," Ursa said. Azula scoffed.

"Which is why you won't even try."

"I didn't say that…"

"Might as well have. You didn't come here to see me, you had no idea I was here, and I'm sure the first thing you'd like to do is run for the hills at once," Azula growled. "And I know that because that's how I feel about being anywhere near you. And I'm unloading all this on you, right here, right now, because I know the chances are I'll never see you again. So, mind you, while you're not the only person to blame for the fuckup I've become, you certainly are responsible for plenty of it."

Ursa gritted her teeth, lowering her gaze again.

"I… I know this is something you've carried with you for a long time," Ursa whispered. Azula frowned. "It's only grown worse, I'm sure, as time goes by. I… I can acknowledge I wronged you, Azula. I never did right by you…"

"Nobody did," Azula cut her, cleanly. "And yet… I suppose you assumed my father, of all people, would be able to raise me into being a respectable, dignified Princess one day?"

"I… I had no such expectations from your father, no."

"So you forsook me while knowing that he was a bastard who would have sacrificed my life in a heartbeat, if it had ever come to that, to win so much as petty victories in the war," Azula concluded. Ursa grimaced, lowering her gaze. "And I… I would've accepted it, yes. I served a greater purpose, after all! The Fire Nation's cause, furthering our march of civilization all across the world…! That was all that mattered, the only thing I should've spent my life doing, and instead, I wound up losing everything and becoming a wanted criminal, a complete wreck of a human being, if I'm even that, because you think I'm a monster after all…!"

"I don't…! Oh, Azula…!"

"That's fine, I must be one. Why deny it now?" Azula laughed sardonically, looking at Ursa mercilessly. "If I wasn't one all along, which I probably was, and you were most likely right about me the whole time, then I sure became one later, right? Because the moment someone was crazy enough to… to say he loved me? I felt like saying it right back and yet I was terrified, terrified right out of my mind because how could I possibly say that?! It would be a lie, a monster wouldn't possibly love someone and… and if I did? If I did, I'd fuck it up somehow! I'd hurt him, I'd mess up, because that's just all I can do, all I've ever done, as the monster I've become. And you know what? I own up to that fact… to being one. But don't you dare pretend… don't you dare pretend you're not responsible for who I am. You, my father… the two of you, hell, my uncle for underestimating and then despising me! My brother, for constantly trying to prove himself better than me instead of ever just being my brother?! None of you… none of you get away with pretending I was too far gone, that I could not be saved! If you had bloody tried, maybe I wouldn't have seen you in mirrors and in reflections, maybe you wouldn't have haunted me the way you did until I knew, for sure, that you had never cared about me and that you never would! 'I'm sorry I didn't love you enough'? What kind of blasted mother would say something like that?! You had a choice! You could've done better, and you didn't! And this… this is your retribution for it. The daughter you revile, letting you know you're never going to live down the shame of your responsibility in who she has become. Because, believe it or not, I'm not all good now. I'm not, even if I'm trying to fulfill someone's dream, I…"

She faltered suddenly.

Her words brought back something that had escaped her mind blissfully, carelessly, so far.

She froze up, covering her mouth with a hand. The rushing disgust that overwhelmed her, that overtook her, was so much worse than being caught by Ursa…

"Azula?" Sokka frowned, standing up and approaching her: she held a hand out, stopping him at once.

"Stay… stay put. Stay there. I…" Azula said, snarling. "I can't do this right now. I can't do this anymore."

She marched back inside, an anguished expression across her face. Sokka raised a hand as though to stop her, but he didn't have the heart to do so. Instead, he sighed as he watched her leave, longing more than ever to hold her in his arms and protect her from everything that might harm her… even if it was someone who appeared to be as tame and unthreatening as Ursa.

The woman stood up, wiping tears from her eyes, but she released a heavy breath as she turned towards him.

"You'll… go after her?" she asked. Sokka nodded.

"I mean to. But I'll give her some more time," he said, biting his lip. "I have a feeling I know what… what's bothering her right now."

"I can leave," Ursa said. Sokka frowned. "Though… I mean to come back tomorrow anyway, provided you'll stay a little longer."

"You'll… leave? And stay where?" Sokka asked.

"There are plenty of inns. If that fails… Lo and Li might just have me," Ursa sighed. "Not the best place to stay, but it would do. I just… was she talking about you? When she said that… that someone told her he loved her?"

Sokka grimaced, nodding slowly. Ursa sighed, offering him a watery grin.

"Good. I'm glad… I'm glad you feel that way," she said.

"Do you feel that way, too?" Sokka asked, raising his eyebrows. Ursa's face fell again, and she lowered her gaze.

"My heart breaks every time I think of her," she whispered. "And the more time goes by… the more I realize just how much I wronged her. In fact, I… I needed to hear everything she said. She would likely think I'm patronizing her, no matter if I'm being fully honest…"

"She does have a tendency to think everyone's lying to her," Sokka admitted. Ursa winced. "Guess I'm lucky I'm the only one who's such a bad liar that she knows there's no way I'm being anything but honest."

"Well… she needs people like you in her life. Without a doubt," Ursa said, earnestly. "And I won't shirk away my responsibility in her state of mind. Which, well… has it improved, do you think? I've never done anything to help her with that, though, honestly… it sounds like I was the source of her mental disturbances, if anything."

"I don't know if the source, or the sole one, if you were, but… she's better," Sokka said, nodding. "She does see visions of someone else, not you, these days… but as much as I can't see her myself, she's really there. She's no mirage like you were."

"Wait… what?" Ursa frowned. Sokka sighed.

"I'm only telling you that because I assumed that you would want what's best for her. But if you say that you'll have her locked up in the asylum for seeing things, I…"

"That's…! I wouldn't have said that, not even years ago, Sokka. Though… what would you do, if I had said it?" Ursa asked. Sokka's eyebrow twitched as he glared at her distastefully.

"Honestly? Probably scooped her up and ran for the hills before either of us did anything we'd regret, whether to you or to guards or whoever came to get her," Sokka said. "But you won't do that, then?"

"No. I… no one can take her to that place anymore to begin with, I thought Zuko would've told you about that. But more than that, I know I've failed her, Sokka, but I want to do better. I want to do right by her," Ursa said, earnestly. Sokka raised an eyebrow, puzzled by what Ursa had implied about the asylum, but choosing to focus on Azula instead. "Even if I have no idea how, right now. But… I'm done running away. I'm responsible for my daughter. I can do better for her sake. I want to. I just… don't even know where to start."

"Saying you'll come back tomorrow is a good start, I think," Sokka said. "Not wanting her hunted down… that's also good. But she's going to need much more than that. And mind you… while I'm willing to try to smooth some things over, I'm her ally, not yours. I'm with her. Don't ask me to help you build bridges between you two. It'll only anger her more."

"I understand," Ursa said, breathing deeply and nodding. "Thank you, Sokka. For your candidness… and for helping Azula as you have. I… well, I don't really know what kind of relationship you have, it seems to be, well…"

"We're not really sure yet either," Sokka admitted, cheeks red. "But we'll figure it out."

"I hope so. Just… take care of her," Ursa whispered. "None of us have, so far. I know I ask for more than I have any right to… most of all when I'm to blame for so many of her sorrows. But… don't leave her alone. Stay with her. Stand by her side and… and make sure she knows she can be loved. It won't be easy… but if she's already opened up this much to you, and you understand each other well, then… as long as she has you, she might just find true happiness, true peace, one day."

"I intend to bring them to her, yeah," Sokka said, with a small smile. "As much as I don't know what we are yet… I do know I would spend my life with her. I've only done it for a few months and I can't imagine my future without her in it anymore."

"That's… that's marvelous," Ursa smiled warmly, nodding at him. "Then… go. Go to her now and… and let her see that she's not alone. I'll go, and I'll come in the morning again. What I have in mind might not work out, but if it does, maybe… maybe I can start building those bridges after all."

"If you already have a plan in mind… that's good," Sokka said, smiling a little. Ursa nodded. "Good luck, then. See you in the morning."

"Have a good night, Sokka."

She was shockingly civil for someone who had just faced so many harsh accusations from her daughter, Sokka thought… accusations that might not have been off-base at all. But Sokka couldn't help but worry about Azula anyway: she wasn't fine, not only because of Ursa…

But because of Yue.

He found the Princess in her own room, unused as it had been, sitting in a corner, hugging her legs to her chest. He sighed, approaching her and taking his seat by the edge of the mattress.

"She's gone," Sokka said. Azula winced. "Says she'll be back in the morning, though."

"Right. As if," Azula said, shivering. "Doesn't even matter if she does, because I… S-Sokka, just… go back to your room. Go and…"

"Azula," Sokka sighed, as Azula sobbed and shook her head. "I know what's wrong now. At least, I think I do and…"

"Did you so much as think about her at all? Did she even cross your mind?" Azula snarled, raising her head, glaring at him almost accusingly. Sokka grimaced. "Because… she didn't cross mine at all. I bloody went into the water for the mirror and then… and then I forgot all about her. I was just so lost in what we did, what we had, how I was completely swept up by the whirlwind of it all and…!"

"I did think about her."

Azula froze, staring at Sokka in confusion and chagrin. Sokka climbed off the bed, kneeling before her.

"I knew what I was doing every step of the way," Sokka said. Azula's jaw dropped. "Problem is... you seem to think I'm not over Yue. And that's not true… not the way you think it is, anyway."

"The hell does that mean?" Azula said. "W-well, even if you're over her, you…!"

"I was in a relationship for ten years with another woman, Azula. If Yue didn't hate Suki, why would she hate you?" he asked. Azula scoffed.

"Because Suki didn't even know her! I… I'm the only person she can talk to! I'm the only one who can see her! I've spent all this time telling myself that no matter how many times you bat your eyelashes at me, how often you make it look like you want me just as much as I wanted you, it could never happen! I refused to be… t-to be a traitor. To hurt my… my friend. She is my friend, and I… I betrayed her."

"You didn't betray anyone," Sokka sighed, but Azula shook her head. "Azula, this between you and me isn't some wild affair behind my wife's back: Yue and I were kids! I loved her, yes, but how am I supposed to know if things between her and I would have lasted? Maybe Arnook would've shut things down if Yue hadn't sacrificed herself! Maybe he wouldn't have accepted a man of the Southern Water Tribe marrying his daughter! Maybe she would have changed her mind and found someone else… hell, she was supposed to marry someone else! And she was kissing me anyway, and leading me on, and spending time with me and then breaking my heart every time she walked away by telling me this thing between us couldn't last!"

Azula stared at him in astonishment after his tirade finished. Sokka breathed deeply, hands trembling as he struggled not to reach for hers until he knew for sure that he could do it.

"I told you already… I'm not traveling with you, I didn't join your journey, because I thought I'd get Yue back as a result," he said. "This is…"

"About doing right by her?" Azula cut him off, startling Sokka. "Do tell, how exactly are you and I doing right by her when I…? I can't even fathom… she must have noticed what happened. When we cleaned up, at least, there was water and I didn't even look. A mirror, surely, and I was so swept up with you that I couldn't…! I forgot all about her! Just like my mother forgot me!"

"Well, you're not Yue's mother…"

"No, I'm her friend! Her only friend!" Azula nearly screamed, shivering. "And I stabbed her in the back with you. Not because you think it was fine does it mean it really was. This isn't… it's not excusable. It's not forgivable! If everything was different, if she hadn't become the Moon Spirit, she would be with you! And then, you would have never taken one look at me because you would've been all about her! And I might as well have died alone, without anyone ever saying those damn words to me, without ever knowing what it felt like to… to connect with anyone! To feel like I was real, for once in my damn miserable life…! Like I… l-like I actually mattered. Like I…"

Sokka huffed, shaking his head and staring at Azula sternly. She didn't meet his gaze, hands going up to her hair.

"I'm… I'm unforgivable," Azula said.

"You think Yue would want me to live my entire life without experiencing anything properly just because I can't be with her?" Sokka asked. Azula laughed.

"I know I would… if I were in her shoes. I'm selfish like that, don't you know?" Azula said, glaring at him again. Sokka snarled.

"Selfish? If you were selfish you wouldn't be grieving for Yue's potentially broken heart as you are right now," Sokka said. "You'd have gone to a mirror to rub in her face that you've gone further with me than she ever had a chance to. You could do that, couldn't you? So why aren't you?"

"What kind of… unreasonable bastard are you?" Azula asked, glaring at him. Sokka raised his eyebrows.

"What? Want me to bring you some water, then, so you can do it?" he asked.

"I'd throw it at your face if you did," Azula hissed. Sokka smirked.

"And then I'd take you into my arms anyway. And if there were a reflection upon the water you flung at me, she'd see everything we're doing…"

"She wouldn't…! Not like that! She wouldn't see from the reflection of water on your body just because…!" Azula scoffed. Sokka chuckled, rising to his full height. She snarled, pushing herself up as she supported herself on the wall. "What the hell has gotten into you?"

"What? That I know you're wrong, that's what," Sokka said, with a careless shrug. "About everything, actually."

"The hell is that supposed to mean?" Azula snarled.

"I know Yue doesn't hate you because you and I have any manner of connection or relationship," Sokka said, firmly. "Toph was standing near the cell for a very long time, you know? While you confessed all the things you did. The mirror was in Toph's pocket then, and Yue surely overheard what you said. Before that? You set the mirror down that night, when we were drunk. We talked, and I said you were beautiful. She must have heard all of that, you were close enough that she would have…"

"Shut up…" Azula said, eyes widening.

"What did she say about any of those things?" Sokka asked, raising his eyebrows.

"She must have missed it…!" Azula said. Sokka smirked.

"Or she didn't. And she just… didn't hate you for it."

"That's not…!" Azula exclaimed, glaring at him in disbelief. "If that were the case, she'd be even more foolish than I thought! Who the hell would think it's fine for their best friend to sleep with the man they love?! What kind of…?!"

"Maybe the kind of person who knows that their material life had to be sacrificed, and who cherishes the people they left behind, and hopes they can live on to their full potential, whether they're around not!" Sokka exclaimed. Azula's eyes widened. "And mind you, I wouldn't call that foolish. I'd call that… wisdom. Soulfulness. Compassion. But I bet you think… it's just pity, right? All over again?"

"I didn't say that," Azula hissed. Sokka huffed. "I don't believe you."

"Then she's been lying about how miserable she is about you and me?" Sokka said, raising his eyebrows. "You're going to accuse her of lying again? Well, then, why do you care?"

"What do you mean, why do I care?" Azula scoffed. "Why wouldn't I care? What kind of monster do you think I am that…?"

"If she's lying to you, and pretending something's fine when it's not, maybe it's on her for not making things clear in the first place," Sokka said. Azula winced.

"Or maybe it's on me to not hurt someone the exact same way I was hurt? How is this so hard to understand, Sokka? Are you that eager to get back to where we left off?" Azula asked, eyes wide. "Men. Guess it's true that's the only thing you think about."

"Find Yue," Sokka said, firmly. Azula shook her head. "Talk to her. Hear what she actually has to say…"

"I won't."

"Azula…"

"I won't look in a mirror! I won't look at liquids, or metal, or… or even go to sleep!" Azula exclaimed. Sokka frowned. "I'm not seeing her again. I refuse. I couldn't possibly…! What kind of shameless piece of shit would I have to be to just go up to her and try to make her understand just why I made you cheat with…!"

"It's impossible to make you understand, is it?" Sokka sighed. "You really think that, across the ten years I spent with Suki, I was cheating on Yue?"

Azula shivered. She shook her head, glaring pointedly at the floor.

"I already told you… it's different because of… of the connection I have with Yue. Suki didn't have that," Azula said, closing her eyes. "As I do… as she's the sole reason why you're even here to begin with, I can't… can't disrespect her like that. I can't shame her, I can't…"

"Then say all that to her face," Sokka suggested. Azula frowned. "You know that's what friends do? They own up to their fuckups and accept whatever punishment they're deemed worthy of…"

"I don't need you to patronize me or lecture me about basic nonsense anyone knows," Azula hissed. "I said I don't want to see her. And she'd better not want to see me, either."

"What if she does?" Sokka asked. Azula snarled. "You can't run away from her forever and you know it. Even if you covered every cup of water you drink, she'd be able to speak to you as she has so far. Even if you stay awake for ten days, you'll end up passing out of exhaustion sooner than later. One way or another, Azula…"

"I don't…!" Azula gritted her teeth. "I'll just walk away! I'll leave you here, and when I have to face her again, I can do it by telling her that I'll never see you again!"

"Ah. Is that how it is?" Sokka asked, raising his eyebrows. Azula winced, covering her mouth with a hand. "Okay, then. Go on ahead and leave… but ask yourself why, exactly, you're crying just to think of doing that."

Azula winced again: her hand forcefully wiped the tear that spilled down her face, and Sokka approached her again, almost pinning her to the wall anew. Azula glared at him begrudgingly… not knowing whether she wanted him to leave or stay more.

"I don't want to go anywhere," Sokka told her, bluntly. "I wasn't lying earlier. You told me you were too complicated, too difficult to love? Well, I'm sure this is what you meant. And you know what? I'm ready to face it. To chase you all across the world if I must. To have my heart broken time and again… and even then, I won't give up on you. I gave up on Yue because of her duty, because she asked me to let go: I refuse to do the same with you. I learned my lesson. I'll be selfish… and I'll keep you to myself."

"I thought… you'd said this would be on my terms," Azula said, frowning. Sokka breathed deeply. "If my terms stipulate that you'd better get lost…"

"You'll have to convince me that's what you want," Sokka said. "You're supposed to be a better liar than that."

Azula gritted her teeth: Sokka leaned closer, a hand above her on the wall. She shook her head.

"Get out," she said. Sokka pressed his brow to hers.

"I won't leave you," he whispered. Azula snarled, more tears blooming in her eyes.

"You'll regret it if you don't," she said, with a slight sob. "I already regret enough things as it is…"

"I regret enough things too. Like not running to you in Omashu as soon as I saw how beautiful you were," Sokka said. Azula winced, confused by his claim. "Or fighting you when I had to, when I just wanted to get to know your name. Or resisting against you, when all I wanted to do was surrender. Pinning you to walls without kissing you senseless… leaving you behind in prisons, or temples, instead of reaching out to you and hoping you'd want to come along."

"I wouldn't have. Ever;" Azula said, firmly.

"No, you wouldn't have," Sokka said, with a smirk. "But I should have tried, anyway."

Azula gritted her teeth: he was infuriating. The way he spoke, the way he looked at her… all of it urged her to do the one thing she was resisting constantly, more so upon remembering, realizing, what a betrayal she had committed against Yue. But that was just who she was, wasn't it? The shameless fool who hurt everyone she cared for, who kept proving over and over that she wasn't worth their time… their love.

She snarled, raising her hands to grab Sokka's shirt. The expression on his eyes gave away that he expected her to shove him off, to reject him even though he intended to stay near her, to ensure she wouldn't run away or do anything reckless…

But she could certainly do something insanely reckless by pushing him violently.

Sokka gasped, falling heavily on his back on the bed.

A moment later, Azula climbed over him, her mouth ravenously claiming his.

It was just one last go… one final taste of the forbidden. What was one more? She was a traitor already. She had done something unforgivable as it was. If Yue would forgive her for the first slight, she'd have to forgive the second one too. If she wouldn't forgive her at all, what did it matter, in the end, if she fell into bed with him a second time?

She would be selfish. She would peel off his clothes, she would kiss him fiercely, she would devour his body much as he would do the same to hers, and then they would grind together lustfully, recklessly, knowing their time was limited, that every second that passed as they were entangled together brought them closer to the last. Her body shouldn't have been able to take it, after so much passion and excitement from mere hours ago… but she gave herself to him, regardless, one more time, and then another, and then…

She fell asleep in his arms. She couldn't tell he wasn't even close to dozing off yet once she was unconscious, eyes still open for a while longer as he clung to her firmly, refusing to let her go.

________________

The dark forces gripped her, holding her down, as they always did. Her hair no longer properly groomed, instead running loosely, spilling white, all around her body. But it was paler than before. Everything was darker, as though the restraints were spreading from farther away from where they had begun…

Azula gasped. She was part of this, whatever it was. She could feel Yue's lifeforce, somehow, beating in her own heart. Her guilt reared its head, but it grew even worse at the sight of her in such distress…

"Yue," she called: the Water Tribe Princess raised her head, her blue eyes meeting hers. "Yue… I…!"

"Go," Yue said, her voice tender and earnest. "Leave, before he returns. Go. I'll be fine."

"What? N-no, I… I can get you out. I will get you out, I… I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I…"

A cruel cackle: Yue's face paled further. Azula winced, recognizing the panic in Yue's features. She shook her head.

"Wake up. Wake up. Azula, please wake up…!"

"Yuuuueeeee!"

Azula gasped awake, eyes flying fully open after that unsettling vision… a stranger vision than any that had preceded it. She had never taken such physical shape within dreams… Yue had told her to leave…? To leave before someone else came back? She frowned, uncertainty gripping her chest as deep dread and fear swirled in her gut…

Sokka's arms were still firm around her, but Azula slipped out of his grip without much struggle, if only because he was heavily asleep by now, having passed out at some point after she did.

She couldn't fight the swirling fear in her heart right now, though. Even if she hadn't meant to do this, she had to right now. She would bear with the judgment and the hatred… but she needed to make sure Yue wasn't in danger.

Never had her dreams found any follow up in reality: too often she had seen Yue in darkness, particularly at first. Slowly, the dreams had shifted and she would be restrained by darkness, instead… but seldom would she speak. Never would she express that someone was a threat to Azula's safety. And that shrill laughter, then the deep voice calling her name at the end… they had felt inhumane. Surreal, unnatural…

She pulled her sleeping gown, dressing herself hastily in it and nothing else, before rushing to the bathroom. Dread swirled and threatened to break her as she finally reached the room… as she glanced into the mirror.

A perfectly well-groomed Yue, with no restraints to speak of, smiled at her when Azula finally raised her gaze.

"You… you're okay?" Azula asked. Yue smiled.

"Azula," she said, simply. "Isn't it late? You should be sleeping right now."

"I… I was. I just… had a dream. About you," Azula admitted, frowning. "I didn't really want to see you, whether in dreams or not, but…"

"Oh… huh," Yue said, eyeing her mournfully. "Well, you don't have to talk with me if you'd rather not do it. But I always like talking to you. What happened?"

"Nothing's… no. Sokka is right. Sokka… the bastard is always right when it comes to this kind of shit and I hate that about him, I…" Azula said, covering her face with her hands. "Yue, I'm sorry. I… I'm really sorry. I… I betrayed you."

"Me?" Yue asked, perplexed. "How, exactly…?"

"I… I was intimate with him. With Sokka." Azula gritted her teeth hugging herself, unable to hide the shame. "I was weak! He's… he's far more charming than he has any right to be, and he's affectionate, and kind, and I… I haven't had anyone show me that sort of kindness before. The way he reads me so clearly, the way he challenges me, it all just blurred and blinded me to the fact that… that this would be awful for you. And he says… surely you've overheard things. That you know that he and I… t-that we were fighting some damnable attraction for all this time. But we gave up like fools, and… and I should have told you about this. No, I just…! I shouldn't have done it at all."

Yue remained silent, watching Azula apprehensively. The Fire Nation Princess snarled, shaking her head.

"This isn't what… what a friend should do. I know it's not. I'm not a good friend, Yue. I'm not. You deserve better than this and… and he's an idiot. He deserves better than me too, but hey, if he was down for betraying you this way too? He definitely isn't worthy of you either. No more than I am. So… I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

She had made mistakes she couldn't take back. She had done terrible things Yue would never truly forgive her for. Unfortunately, Yue was still stuck with her despite that…

"It won't happen again," Azula swore, tears surging in her eyes as she said the words. "I… I will know my place. I won't slip up like that again, I promise, I…"

"Azula…" Yue called her, her voice carrying a strange, unusual tone with it. Azula swallowed hard, daring gaze up at the girl in the mirror…

Her expression wasn't that of outrage, or displeasure. Instead, it was…

"How was it?"

Curiosity. That's what it was.

Azula gawked at Yue as her jaw dropped. Yue shifted in place, blue eyes gleaming eagerly in the light of dawn as she waited for Azula to share…

"W-what the fuck? What did you just…? How was it?" Azula asked. Yue pouted. "Are you for real?!"

"I am! I never got that far with Sokka, evidently!" Yue pouted. "We were too young and there was no time and… you know, if I had lived long enough, I would have been happy to test those waters, but it never did happen. So, well, I thought I'd ask you! I hope he was a good lover…"

"You cannot be serious," Azula said: the dread that swirled in her gut seemed to freeze over. Yue blinked blankly.

"Why not? You just slept with him, why would you think I wouldn't be serious about it if you just did it…?" Yue huffed. "And don't start with your silly claims of having higher standards than I do: you're the one who slept with him after all."

"I…! Why are you acting like it doesn't matter that I did this?" Azula asked.

"What? Of course it matters!" Yue exclaimed. "It's very important and I'm really, really… curious. Intrigued. I really wondered if you'd share… but, well, other than a couple of glimpses of you two in the bathroom, I didn't get to see much…"

"T-that's…! That's private! What were you looking at?!" Azula exclaimed, cheeks flushed. Yue chuckled, covering her mouth with a hand.

"Honestly, I was a little curious about a lot of things," she laughed. "But I admit, it got a little too intense after a moment so I covered my eyes and then you were out of my field of vision when you were washing up or so. I only overheard a lot of kissing, and funny moans, and…"

"You might as well just kill me now. Smite me with your moon powers so I can get out of this conversation, please," Azula said, hiding her face behind her hands. Yue giggled.

"You don't understand?" Yue asked. Azula shook her head.

"You love him," Azula said, firmly. "He was supposed to be yours."

"He wasn't supposed to be anyone's," Yue said. Azula frowned. "That's… that's not how love works, Azula. It's up to Sokka to decide who he wants to be with. And right now… it looks like he really, really likes you! I really hope you two will be a great match…"

"Why?" Azula said, her heart pounding in her chest. "Yue, w-why would you…? Please tell me you understand why this makes no sense to me. I… I'm your friend, aren't I? Your first friend, you said? Why would you…?"

Yue gazed at her in perplexity… and then Azula's words seemed to sink in.

She smiled.

"Well… you're not wrong: I love Sokka," Yue said, earnestly. "But… I guess what you don't realize is that I love you too."

Azula froze. Her eyes widened, and she took a step back. Yue smiled warmly, hands by her chest.

"The truth is… well, I might have known more about what was happening between you sooner than you or Sokka knew I did," she said, with a guilty smile. "It's not just what I've overheard of you two when you thought I wasn't listening… it's how much I've grown to know you both. And you know what? I… I know you better than I know Sokka, actually. I didn't realize how little I knew of him until this journey started. I've come to learn so much more of him, of the man he has become, than I ever imagined…"

"Because of this trip?" Azula asked, perplexed. "But even then… you loved him before, didn't you?"

"I looked forward to getting to know more about him. To finding out if… if we were truly a good match or not," Yue laughed, with a shrug. "That can't be anymore. It has been the case for well over ten years now. When he first started out with Suki, well… I saw him hesitate. At first, I was jealous, yes, but… when he pulled away, I realized what the memory of me might do to him, if he couldn't move on. At that point… I couldn't be selfish. I didn't want to be. Instead… I hoped for his happiness. I knew it wasn't up to me to grant it to him anymore… but I hoped Suki could. And then it turned out that she didn't, to both of our surprises… but you? You… you and Sokka are better suited for each other than I ever imagined. So… maybe you're the answer, Azula."

"I… I'm not the answer for anyone. For anything," Azula said, tears spilling down her cheeks again. "It shouldn't be me, Yue, it should be…"

"Nobody gets to decide what should or shouldn't be," Yue said, firmly, if kindly. "Sokka has spent years suffering the guilt over failing to save me in the North Pole, for not defeating Admiral Zhao before he could kill Tui. Do you think it was his fault? Do you think Admiral Zhao was fated to do that, just as he pretended he was?"

"I… I don't know. I… I hope not. I don't think you could have ever been fated to just… die," Azula said, snarling. Yue smiled kindly at her.

"Nobody gets to decide what fate will turn out like for us," she said. "And if it was my fate to live my life with him, and misfortune changed that… then I want Sokka to find happiness in his life, all the same. I want him to find love… and I know he found exactly what he was looking for with you."

"I'm not… n-not worthy of this. Of your understanding," Azula said, covering her face with her hands. "I've been breaking things, constantly, hurting people deliberately, doing awful things without fail…! Why are you so compassionate? Why can you look me in the eye without… without disdain? Without hating me?"

"Because I love you," Yue said again, warmly. Azula shivered, shaking her head. "Because I see you, Azula… I see you so much more clearly than you think I can, stuck in these mirrors and bodies of water and metal. I really do. I've seen the kindness you don't want anyone to witness… the vulnerable sides you hide from those who would exploit them. I've seen your helplessness, your need for a purpose, your loneliness! And there's one thing I've never seen, in this year I've spent by your side: I've never seen a monster."

Azula shivered, her hands lowering as she dropped to her knees: suddenly, it was as though she were the teenager, the child, while Yue was the wise, older figure who could offer her guidance, who could show her the way no one else had ever bothered to point her to. Her throat closed in as she broke down in desperate tears…

She wasn't lying. Yue wasn't lying.

Azula crumbled, a hand upon the mirror, as though wanting to reach her… as though wanting to hug the Moon Spirit, offering her the kindness and compassion she had craved desperately, for so long. To think her mistake had been answered this way… as though it were no mistake whatsoever. As though she had made the right choice to fall in love with Sokka.

"I'm here for you," Yue said, warmly, earnestly. "I want you to be happy. I know just how much this means to you, because… it means just as much for me, too. We really do have so many things in common, Azula… down to even loving the same man. How could I ever blame you for feeling the way you do towards him, when I never could hold back, myself?"

She laughed guiltily, kneeling before Azula too. The Fire Nation Princess's dark hair spilled over her features, but when she raised her face, her eyes were earnest, emotionally charged like never before.

"You… you forgive me for this? You won't… w-won't tell me I can't be with him?" Azula asked. "You think I could…?"

Yue smiled tenderly: she raised her hand… and placed it right against hers. Azula's heart jolted for it.

"I'd be cross with you if you decided not to be with him because of me," Yue smirked slightly. "I don't have a chance with him anymore: you do. Don't waste it."

Azula's heart trembled upon hearing those words. Her generosity made no rational sense to her… but it was a shocking revelation, an offer she couldn't refuse… she wasn't strong enough to do it. She wanted Sokka, she craved him… and she didn't want to lose Yue either. She truly didn't want to. She…

She didn't want Yue to leave. After a year of trying to get rid of her… now Azula didn't want her to leave at all.

"I… I've never had a friend like you," Azula admitted, between sobs. Yue smiled kindly.

"And I haven't had one like you, either," Yue said. "It's kind of… thrilling, isn't it? Exciting?"

Azula trembled as she gazed at her friend, between tearful eyes. It looked like Yue was moments away from crying, too.

"I… I'll keep fulfilling your dream. The purpose you gave me. I promise, even if… i-if Sokka and I do go forward like that, I… I won't set you aside," Azula said. "I promise… I'll keep going. I'll do right by you. I'll take you everywhere… we'll see this world together."

"And you'll live all the experiences I couldn't," Yue said, beaming. "You're still in the material world… you really have to make the most of it. Eat all the wonderful foods… and have fun in the craziest places! Katara once talked about otter penguins in the South Pole… you and Sokka should go see them! And maybe even ride them…!"

"That sounds unreal. Riding a penguin…?" Azula repeated, and Yue laughed while nodding enthusiastically.

"She said it was doable, so I hope it is," she said. "You went swimming already, and you tried to build sandcastles…"

"They weren't anything noteworthy," Azula smiled. Yue giggled and shrugged.

"There's bound to be so much more… oh! You promised you'd try to see me in a drink!" Yue exclaimed. Azula laughed. "I want to try that too. Maybe I won't get drunk at all, but I could act like I am, and then maybe it'll be funny anyway."

"It might be," Azula said, earnestly. Yue grinned. "You… you want me to live my life. To… to actually live it, rather than sulking over what I lost, or trying to find petty revenges? To… to finally close the door to those stages of my life that… that no longer can be fixed? You can't reclaim what you lost, and neither can I… but we can look for a new future. Maybe one that… that you could be a part of, too."

"That would be wonderful," Yue said, with a heartfelt, pained smile. "But as it is… I'll just go on and experience life through you, somehow. That's enough for me, for now."

Azula shivered, nodding as she pressed her hand to the reflection of hers. Yue grinned kindly.

"I'm glad…" Yue whispered. "I'm really glad it was you. That the one person who could see me… was you."

Sokka had said those words first. He had told her he was glad Yue had connected to Azula, of all people… Azula's heart pounded heavily in her chest as she felt more tears spilling down her eyes: they loved her. They thought she mattered. They cared about her… in ways no one else ever had.

"I'm glad too," she finally said. "I'm glad I… I'm glad I can see you. I'm glad you're with me. I'm glad you're okay and not… n-not like in my damnable dreams where you're always in pain. I… I won't subject you to my nonsense with Sokka, I promise, but… please, stay with us. Stay. No matter how my bond with him might change, you… you're someone I treasure. I don't even know how it happened, or when, but I just… I really care about you, Yue. I…"

She couldn't believe herself. She laughed, pressing her brow to the glass as she knew the sentiment to be true. To be true to one more person, too, besides the one she would speak it to now. And while the feeling certainly could have different natures, and she was experiencing those differences already, the truth was one and one alone:

"I love you, too."

Yue giggled, beaming brightly upon hearing those words from Azula. The Princess smiled back at her, her tears finally drying as the darkness that wore her out, that dragged her down, seemed to slowly relinquish its grip upon her heart.

Just as the sun was rising, Azula's vision cleared. She saw Yue over her reflection's shoulder, and the heavy guilt, the unpleasant thoughts and emotions that had dragged her down faded away with astounding ease…

"Thank you," Azula said. Yue giggled again.

"I'm the one who's grateful," she said. "Now, though… might be good if you go back to Sokka. He might be scared that you're leaving him if he wakes up without you."

"He… oh, well," Azula smiled warmly. "He'll see that's not the case soon, I guess. I… I'll go fetch the mirror first, though. He threw it somewhere, I hope it didn't break…"

"Oh, I can tell you where it is once you come closer to it, like we did with the coins!" Yue exclaimed, beaming. Azula laughed and nodded.

"Very well."

It was a rather amusing quest, one Azula undertook with a cup of drinking water in her hands. Whenever Yue felt herself slipping into another reflection, she'd let Azula know and the Princess would rummage through the foliage and bushes to look for the mirror… until, at last, they found it sunken halfway into a small cluster of fortunately soft sand. It was intact. Azula grinned at Yue in it, drinking the water to quench her thirst, but not to chase her friend away, unlike how she used to do it before…

She was halfway back into the house, making up her mind to talk to Sokka about what happened with Yue, when she overheard a cluttering sound in the kitchen. The Princess frowned, a sense of dread rising in her chest: well, it was one thing to sort out her problems with Yue and Sokka, a whole other to deal with her mother, the likeliest culprit for those sounds…

At least, she thought so until she reached the kitchen to find Ursa, wearing an apron, her hair fastened awkwardly underneath a bandana, struggling to cook something in the stove.

Azula watched in perplexity, intrigued by her mother's clumsy kitchen work. Apparently, she wasn't a good cook… but how, exactly, had she survived in Hira'a with her new husband without knowing how to do that? Azula watched with confusion after Ursa cracked an egg and dropped half the crust in the frying pan.

"Not again…" she groaned, struggling to remove the crust with her fingertips.

"Guess we have one thing in common after all," Azula said, startling Ursa upon speaking to her. The woman turned nervously, finding Azula with a small smile, almost too small to be noticed, leaning on the door frame.

"Azula?" Ursa whispered her name with uncertainty. "You're… already awake."

"Need to dress up, though. Didn't expect you this early," Azula said, lowering her gaze: strange how her conversation with Yue had placated so much of her strife… to the point where her earlier unwillingness to be anywhere near her mother, and her immense guilt over her longing for Sokka, were suddenly, blissfully, gone… "I'd offer to stick around and help but I wouldn't be much use. All I can do effectively in a kitchen is… pour togarashi chili powder in tea, apparently. The one time I did anything related to cooking and the result was exactly what I intended it to be."

"I… do not follow," Ursa admitted, puzzled. Azula smiled and shook her head.

"I'll be back in a moment," she said. Ursa swallowed hard and nodded.

Sokka was still in bed once Azula returned to her room. She sat by the bedside for a moment, caressing his loose hair, before leaning close to kiss his brow softly.

"Hmm…?" he groaned. Azula smiled.

"Stay in bed. It's okay," she said.

"You okay…? Feels… damn early," Sokka said.

"I'll try and do something about breakfast," she said, brushing his hair out of his face. "You can sleep for a while longer."

"Hmm. 'Kay…" Sokka said, opening one eye and gazing at her with curiosity. "You… alright?"

"I'll explain later," Azula smiled.

She leaned in, and she pressed her lips softly to his. Sokka would truly be confused over her clarity, her tranquility… but he would likely understand where it had come from shortly. First, though, she had to handle her mother… and while she would cherish having Sokka's support during that conversation, it might be better if she faced Ursa alone. She had put Sokka through enough of an emotional ride since the past day, as it was.

"Sleep. I'll come fetch you in a bit."

"Okay…" Sokka said, with a gentle smile. "See you in a bit."

Azula breathed out slowly, watching over him as he closed his eyes again. She truly should tell him soon, too… just as she had told Yue. It was strange, going from never uttering those words to anyone… to suddenly hearing them from two people who had elicited the same feelings inside her, too. Love truly was a confusing, if fascinating thing…

She returned to the kitchen to find her mother anguished by her burning rice this time. Azula sighed, tending the flames and restraining them so Ursa wouldn't struggle as much… but it appeared to be pointless.

"I'm so helpless at chores like these… it's unbefitting of me, I know that, but I truly thought…" Ursa sighed.

"Did you not cook when you were living in Hira'a?" Azula asked "Or did you swap out memories somehow? While you're Noriko, you don't remember Ursa, and while you're Ursa…"

"No, no, I remember everything from both lives right now. Which means I remember I was in charge of cleaning while Noren handled the food," Ursa said, with a guilty smile. Azula laughed softly. "I hope Sokka is a better cook than us, if you truly aren't much of one, yourself."

"He's… not," Azula admitted, with a guilty chuckle. Ursa sighed, shaking her head.

"Well, may you always have ready foods to eat whenever you're hungry, if cooking is too hard," Ursa said. "I… well, wanted to make some things that aren't working out, of course. I'll keep trying, though! I brought many ingredients…"

"You really didn't have to bother," Azula said, taking her seat by the kitchen's table: Ursa truly had brought a pile of ingredients with her, most of them resting on the table in question.

"You may say that, but… I disagree," Ursa said, proudly. "I wanted to make… well, spice rice."

"Spice rice?" Azula raised her eyebrows, turning towards Ursa in confusion. "For breakfast?"

"I know, I know… a complicated conundrum," Ursa smiled guiltily. "I remember you asked for it, once. When we were staying in this house, during vacations. I told you spice rice was a meal for lunch or dinner, not breakfast…"

"And then we didn't have it for lunch, or dinner anyway," Azula remarked, with a slight pout. "Was it because you couldn't cook it?"

"More… because I had other ideas for meals in mind," Ursa confessed. Azula raised an eyebrow. "Servants helped with our meals back then, as you'll recall… I didn't really have to make anything. But I was terribly stubborn about certain things… still am, I suppose. And instead of listening to you… I did whatever I cared to and thought you were the selfish one instead."

Azula's eyes widened. Ursa sighed, smiling sadly at her.

"I won't ask you to forgive me, Azula. The spirits know I'm truly sorry, and that you're not wrong about so much of what you said last night," she said. "I knew I wasn't the best mother I could have been… but the true extent of the harm I caused you had never truly sunken in. If you felt any guilt over what you said, or how you said it… I assure you, you had every right to be as clear, as forthright, as you were. It was time I stopped pretending that I could hide from my worst mistakes the way I have for over a decade now."

"Well… that's not really what I expected to hear, but I'd rather hear that than 'you're just unreasonable and unfair', or so," Azula said, watching as Ursa sighed, stepping closer to her, standing beside her by the table.

"I don't want you to think I have excuses. Nothing I say would ever justify what I did to you, or what I didn't do, as the case might be," Ursa said. "But… the truth is, my failure to resolve our conflicts has been taking a greater toll on me than I was ready to acknowledge."

"That so?" Azula asked, raising an eyebrow. Ursa offered her a sad smile before pulling up a chair, too.

"You wondered… why I'm alone in Ember Island?"

Azula frowned: she wasn't sure that any answer to that question would satisfy her, or aid her mother's case…

"Thing is… I thought I could sort out this emptiness inside me," Ursa smiled, shaking her head as she gestured at her chest. "I thought I could do it by… by confronting your father. By visiting him in prison and telling him exactly what kind of heinous monster he was. By calling out what a selfish, heartless bastard he had been, and how he had hurt our children without remorse… I was right about everything I said, of course. And at first, I felt better. A slight relief, maybe, enough that I could hold Kiyi again without the same kind of dread as before…

"But a week later, it was back. Even if Kiyi didn't hate me as much for no longer being the mother she remembered, the unsettling feeling inside my gut couldn't seem to go away. And my mind kept returning to that moment, to standing at his prison cell, speaking out as I did… his accusing glare gave away that he didn't care about any of what I was saying. As though he thought it was… well, rich, I suppose, that I would say any of that. And once I realized why that bothered me… it hit me that every word I'd spoken against your father could so very easily be turned against me."

Azula froze, a fist tightening over her lap. Ursa gazed at her remorsefully.

"He was selfish… but so was I," Ursa said. "He was a monster? Well… a mother who forsakes her children ought to proudly own up to being one, too. I left you with the monster, too, so… I'm not blameless. I'm not simply his victim… I'm responsible for the pain you and Zuko felt under his control. And what's more, when it comes down to it… I'm to blame for so much more than that. I didn't do right by you, Azula, not even as you were a child. I… I painted a target on Zuko's back that caused Ozai to treat him as though he weren't his son! I… I could've done so many things differently, and I didn't. So, with so much that weighed on me, what right do I have to judge anyone else? Even if nothing I did compares to waging war upon the world… ultimately, I was far from the best person to pass judgment on Ozai when I was his accomplice at times, a willing witness, even…"

"Were you truly that?" Azula asked, perplexed. Ursa shrugged.

"I don't think anyone would judge it any differently than that, considering it was by my poison that your grandfather was killed," Ursa said. Azula's eyes widened.

"Huh. Well, then… that's somewhat close to what I suspected, I suppose," Azula said, frowning.

"Do I really get the right to pass judgment on anyone else when I'm responsible for something so heinous? I kept giving your father weapons to use as he pleased… even when you and Zuko weren't weapons at all, that's all he ever saw you as," Ursa said, shaking her head. "And while I doubt I could have stopped him, even if I'd tried… the truth is that I never really did. I pretended you would be safe because he preferred you over your brother… that you were no cause for concern when that couldn't have been further from the truth. I abandoned you, and… I can't even make up for it. I can't turn back time to fix that. My guilt, my remorse, my misery… Noren and Kiyi don't understand it. Zuko? Oh, he's… he's even worse, I'm afraid."

"Zuko is?" Azula asked, perplexed. Ursa shook her head.

"He has bottled up his feelings about what I did. He acts like he's fine with it. If he truly is, he's in dire need for a rude awakening," Ursa whispered. "And if he's not fine? Then he ought to do what you did and just… tell me everything. Just like Ozai does."

"Ozai?" Azula repeated, her chest tightening at the present way her mother spoke his name… she had never felt quite such sense of dread upon thinking of her father before. "What do you mean, 'does'? Do you…?"

"Do I visit him, still?" Ursa said, with a helpless smile. "Weekly. Sometimes more often than that."

"W-why? Why would you…?" Azula grimaced.

"Because he's the only person who won't mind my feelings and will tell me everything he thinks of me," Ursa laughed, smiling helplessly. "Despicable as he is… he's so much more honest than everyone else. And I need to hear the truth… I need it so badly, Azula. I'd rather be called every insult, every name he can think of, because I can just go ahead and do it right back at him. It's twisted, it's messed up… but I feel so much more alive, so much more real when I'm there, facing my true sins and flaws instead of pretending I never did anything wrong and that Zuko is right to act as though that's the case. When I sit at home, with Noren and Kiyi… they don't understand that I don't belong there. That I'm not Noriko anymore… not the person they need me to be. And the truth is… I don't even know who I am. Not anymore."

"And you came to Ember Island thinking you'd figure it out?" Azula asked. Ursa sighed.

"I come to Ember Island whenever I'm… overwhelmed, I guess, with the pretenses and the undeserved peace," she said. "They're used to it by now. I've been doing it for years. I take breaks… I try to meditate here, and then inevitably return to bad habits upon returning to the Capital. I know I should stop visiting Ozai, but… it's hard to help it. It's twisted to find that I appreciate him far more now than I ever did when he wasn't behind bars…"

"Well. Nice to know my parents are getting along great lately by screaming and calling names at each other," Azula said, crooking an eyebrow. Ursa sighed, with a hopeless smile.

"I wish I knew… how to do away with this strange urge to be around something that punishes me. I want to make use of this guilt, Azula… to turn it into something useful instead of moping with it or making anyone uncomfortable. You, in particular, I… I want to help you. I want to fix what I broke. I can't really do it, I know I can't… but I wish I could. If I can't do anything about the past, maybe I can about the future, I thought, but… that hinges on whether you'd ever want me to be part of it, too."

"Of my future?" Azula asked. "You do remember that I'm a wanted criminal, right?"

"I intend to have a word with your brother about that as soon as possible," Ursa said, with a frown. "He told me he was hunting you down to bring you home, strictly that. This you said about… his bounty hunters killing you? I cannot possibly fathom… I will have words with him about that, I promise."

"Well… if he'd listen to someone, it'd be you, I think, but who knows," Azula sighed, running a hand over her hair. "He thought I'd captured Sokka, so he thought I deserved to die for it, apparently. Dead or alive, says the poster…"

"Unbelievable," Ursa scowled.

"I had no intentions of letting him get to me. Though I don't know what else awaits me in the future besides… well, traveling more. Yue would want to…"

"Yue?"

Azula gritted her teeth: this would be difficult. She wasn't exactly trying to argue that her mental health was fine, but her mother was bound to want to lock her up in that asylum again if she thought she was hallucinating once more…

But she had to be honest. Ursa had been, so far. She might just surprise her.

"I told you I… I'd seen you in visions and dreams and reflections, right?" Azula said. Ursa nodded. "I was… well, in a bad place. After I found out the truth about you? Well, that ended. I didn't see you anywhere anymore. It helped, admittedly… I was no longer plagued by some random delusion telling me my future was going to be glorious… felt like even the hallucination had given up on me, heh. But then, about a year ago… I started seeing another person. Someone I didn't know. And it's… well, the Moon Spirit. Princess Yue."

Ursa frowned, though not with disgust. She seemed intrigued, instead.

"Sokka… well, he had a short-lived relationship with her, when they were teenagers. She died to take the Moon Spirit's place after Zhao killed it," Azula explained. Ursa gasped, covering her mouth with a hand. "So, well, she's a sixteen-year-old girl, basically, and she's been showing up in every reflection I see. In dreams, too, even if not all of them. At first, I just… wanted to get rid of her. But then, after I bumped into Sokka in the north? The two of them convinced me that if we tried to fulfill all of Yue's final wishes, mainly to see the world through our travels, well… we might just be able to offer her the peace she needs so she can return to her duties as the Moon Spirit properly, and the moon can glow fully again in the sky."

"Is that why… it's been so faded?" Ursa asked. Azula nodded. "My goodness…"

"I've… stopped causing as much trouble with my antics lately because I've been busy with this. Though, uh, I did cause a slight mishap in Ba Sing Se," Azula admitted, with an awkward smile. "That's what I was talking about earlier. I, uh, sabotaged one of Iroh's workdays by briefly infiltrating his teashop and pouring spice in all his teacups…"

"Azula…!" Ursa gasped. Azula smiled guiltily and shrugged.

"I don't have any excuses. It was a petty revenge, and I thought it was funny at the time…"

"It… oh, goodness, all those customers…" Ursa gasped, running a hand over her hair. Azula snickered. "You're so mischievous still, goodness, but… that's not exactly an act of terrorism. Just… a prank."

"Well, thank you. If Zuko returns to the Palace by the time you get there, please advocate in my defense by saying so," Azula smiled. "I got captured for it, Sokka and his friend Toph broke me out eventually. He and I ran away, and I suppose Zuko showed up at some point after we left and sent his soldiers after us. We figured, once Yue asked to see the summer, that we could come to the Fire Nation to show her the place while Zuko wasn't around… I didn't exactly intend to bump into you."

"Nor I into you… but I'm glad I did," Ursa said, warmly. Azula sighed.

"This is our most civilized conversation for as long as we've known each other, isn't it?" she said. Ursa smiled sadly and nodded.

"I'm afraid so," she said. "I'm glad you've found Sokka, and Yue… that they're both helping you. Maybe I wouldn't have been as effective as they have been… doesn't change that I should have tried anyway. But that you have such good friends is… uh, well. I suppose Sokka is more than a friend…"

"I don't know what's going on any more than you do, so… don't overthink it," Azula said, cheeks flushing. Ursa laughed.

"Well, as long as you're happy…" she said. "If you want any advice…"

"Relationship advice? From you?" Azula asked. Ursa shrugged.

"Learn to cook," she said. Azula snorted and laughed. "Also? If some prince tries to steal you away from him, well… don't let him."

"I have the feeling Sokka would be too threatening for anyone to… well, I'm too threatening for anyone who would want to take me anywhere," Azula said, rolling her eyes. "In itself… I have no idea how he's ever convinced himself that I'm worth, well, everything he's done for me. He had a life of his own, and he gave up on it fully just to join me on this journey."

"Maybe, just as he's helping you figure out who you are, you're helping him do the same thing without your awareness," Ursa smiled fondly at her. Azula raised her eyebrows. "That would be suitable, I hope. He's definitely taken with you."

"And like I said, I have no idea how," Azula shook her head. "I haven't been exactly the sweetest person in the world…"

"He might like you better because you're not," Ursa suggested. Azula laughed, shrugging at her idea.

"He's weird if that's how it is, but fine," she said, cheeks still red over discussing her romantic attachments in this way, and to discuss it with her mother, of all things… "You… you feel lost too, though? That's why you came here?"

"Well, yes, but… focus on yourself, Azula. If I never sort out whatever's messed up in my head, it'll be nothing less than I deserve," Ursa said, with a defeated smile.

"You're not serious," Azula sighed. "You… you could come with us too."

Ursa's eyes widened. Azula grimaced, rubbing the bridge of her nose after words she hadn't intended to say spilled out of her mouth.

"I mean… you and I probably have more things to talk about and resolve. And I would expect you to handle it with full honesty too, just as I'll be as blunt as you need me to be. If you're getting nowhere with Father, and of course you aren't… well, you could join us, maybe. Sokka might be fine with… w-well, I mean, we'll behave ourselves. I'm sure that he can show some restraint…"

"Hopefully," Ursa laughed. "Though, truly, I welcome the offer, but I wouldn't want to tag along just like that, Azula. I'm not sure where I'd fit in your group, and I really wouldn't want to cause you any trouble…"

"You wouldn't, I think, but… maybe it's time we stop screaming at each other and start actually looking for solutions," Azula decided: she didn't know where this good-natured, reasonable behavior was coming from… but she guessed it might just be Yue's influence, shining through her in its own way.

"You… you're sure?" Ursa asked, with a small smile. "I… well, wait. I might need to make a more compelling argument yet to truly earn joining you on this journey."

"What?" Azula smirked, as Ursa excitedly rummaged through her bags, the numerous shopping goods she had brought… before depositing a box in front of Azula.

"I would try to make them myself, but… I don't know how, as you've noticed. And I really didn't want to mess that up, particularly," Ursa smiled. Azula frowned, reaching for the box and opening it.

"You did not…" she gasped.

A cluster of mochi sat snugly inside the box, catching the fallen Princess by surprise entirely. Ursa laughed.

"You were going to buy me over with mochi. You… you are dangerous. Clever. I definitely take after you, this is the most effective manipulation technique anyone's used on me," Azula said: her stomach growled, and she only realized how hungry she was now that she had a chance to eat mochi to her heart's content.

"Try to… pace yourself. But it's okay if you don't, too," Ursa smiled sadly. "I owe you quite a lot of mochi, for all the times I forbade you from eating any. Those stomachaches of your childhood were something to behold…"

"They may have been, but this is… oh, I'm not holding back. I'm not strong enough. Sorry," Azula shook her head, picking up the first mochi and nearly dropping fully on the table in sheer bliss at the taste. "Coerced… by mochi. I'm so easily bought and paid for…"

Ursa laughed fondly, smiling at her daughter in a way she most likely hadn't before: what had changed in Azula through the night had opened the gates, the possibilities, of a true and proper reconciliation between them… and Ursa wouldn't waste that chance. She meant to make the most of Azula's offer, even if she'd have to send word to Noren and Kiyi about where she'd go…

She had been moments away from saying as much to Azula, proposing to go into town for a messenger hawk, when the front door blasted open violently.

The placid mood between mother and daughter, as they amended their estranged bond slowly, froze entirely when that abrupt noise caught them off guard. Azula jumped upright again, wanting more mochi but deciding to wait and assess this threat, instead…

She froze in place when a squad of Imperial Firebenders filed into the kitchen's area, hands raised threateningly.

"What…?" Azula gasped. Ursa snarled, stepping forward.

"What's the meaning of this?!" she asked: then it wasn't Ursa's doing that they were here? It couldn't be. She wouldn't have been so dishonest and shrewd, Azula would have picked up on it if there had been any subterfuge in her demeanor so far…

But no soldier responded to Ursa's demand for an explanation. Instead, someone else stepped out from among them. His hairpiece glowed under the rising sunlight, his cloak fluttering haughtily in his wake…

Azula's stomach sank. There was no way he was here now… no way he had tracked her down all the way here.

And yet Zuko stood before her and Ursa, a heavy scowl upon his face as he locked glares with his sister.

"Finally," he hissed, his tone foreboding and hostile. "Was about time you turned up, Azula."

#sokkla saturdays 2023 #sokklasaturdays #sokkla #sokka #azula #with a hint of teasing toko this time around #I have not done enough with that ship in my life so what can I say #mostly for comedy's sake #messing with Zuko should not be as fun as it is #also this is where the ssssmut is at #so if you wanted this story to go there here you go (?)#lots of plot twists in this one I think #and a likely surprising new addition to the story's cast #mostly surprising since I doubt most people expected me to ever bring her in voluntarily #but #we have learned to say fuck it to the comics in respect of her bland characterization #and give her proper dignity and respect #so I hope you guys shall enjoy her!#and I hope you guys will enjoy the whole chapter tbh #might be my favorite of the whole story...

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chatonarya · 2 months

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Gnosis and Monch

Original post on reddit.

In the CN 4.5 livestream, at last was announced the next installment of the Kjerag storyline and the sequel to Break The Ice, official title as of yet unknown. With the continuation of the Kjerag storyline, we can expect to see the return of most of the major characters of BI: the Silverash siblings and the Browntails, Gnosis, Kjera, and the fan favorite and highly anticipated Black Knight.

Many people are also expecting to see the return and possible playability of not just Degenbrecher, but also Monch, another favorite, which is not an undue expectation as her plotline was open-ended at the end of BI. (In addition, the Kjerag operators are numbered JC00–JC09, with JC06 and JC07 missing, so it’s quite fair to say we’ll be getting at least two more.)

With this is mind, I wanted to put this out there before the release of Kjerag 2, just to sort of once again share my thoughts and perhaps offer an alternative perspective on a divisive character.

Perhaps Gnosis’s most contentious act in the entirety of Break The Ice was his deception of his subordinate Monch, and indeed, for many readers, this was a moral event horizon that damned his character forever in their eyes. However, I didn’t feel that way, and this is an attempt to explain why, hopefully in a reasonable fashion. Let’s go through the story.

Our first interaction between Monch and Gnosis (and our first introduction to Monch) takes place in BI-1 After, a scene some time after Gnosis is "dismissed" from his post as CTO:

Monch: Sir Gnosis. Gnosis: I've warned that we should not converse on these occasions. Monch: Yes, my apologies. Only... I received an urgent message. The train carrying Rhodes Island's delegation is almost at Karlan's foot already. You had some interest in this company. Do you want to go and meet them? Gnosis: The Snow Realm has reached a major juncture. If they're external forces that have been drawn in, then I'll naturally meet them when the time comes. No need to go out of my way. Besides... I'm merely an employee on probation now. What position do I have as pretext to meet them? Monch: ...Sir… It really was disappointing to see how Enciodes acted, ejecting you as a figurehead just to appease the other two clans. Gnosis: Appease? Enciodes's thoughts are by no means as simple as that. I've heard Rhodes Island really did succeed in slowing the exacerbation of Ensia's Oripathy? Monch: Yes... Gnosis: Hm. Then they do, in fact, have the resources to win the Silverashes' favor. But the attention of Enciodes is both a blessing and curse. No easy judgments yet. Monch: You mean... Gnosis: There is no extraneous meaning to what I said. Anyhow, presumably those in the company must have applauded and cheered, the same way those two dilettantes did just now, hearing I was gone. Monch: None of them understand your worth, Sir Gnosis. Gnosis: Using the word 'worth' to describe a person implies that person can be weighed. Monch: Sir... Gnosis: By now, Enciodes should have proposed his idea for the Saintess to lead the Tri-Clan Council. The meeting hall, at this moment, should be utter chaos. Enciodes, in the end, this is the step you took after all. Monch: You're the one who understands Enciodes the most. Only you can stand in the way of his ambitions.

Interesting how the first thing Gnosis says to her is that they shouldn't be seen together under these circumstances; Monch’s true role as Gnosis’s subordinate and not one of the Browntails’ is a secret. Monch has made a misstep from the very first, and reading the whole conversation, they really don’t discuss or exchange any important information beyond Gnosis musing aloud (expositing for us, the readers) and Monch buttering him up.

It’s the latter to which I would like to draw attention. Aside from Monch’s initial question if Gnosis would like to go and meet with Rhodes Island (which she really should have known he couldn’t at that point), almost all of her lines carry some form of praise. Monch talks about how Enciodes shouldn’t have ousted him; how nobody understands Gnosis; how Gnosis is the only one who can stop Enciodes.

This is noteworthy because it’s our introduction to Monch as a character, the first time we meet her. What impression does she give? A sycophantic subordinate who doesn’t fully grasp the true depth of the events taking place but who has an almost blind devotion to her master, though not being quite as sharp. I’m not trying to paint her in the worst light, this is just how she comes across to me at first meeting: loyal, and very devoted to the point of inexplicable adulation, but who can’t really see as far ahead as her master does, either.

Let’s move onto their next scene in BI-3:

Monch: ...... All the requirements have been met, just as Madame Sciurus expected. Enciodes sent Weiss presumably as some kind of insurance policy. But that's not nearly enough. You are to ensure that things go according to Madame Sciurus's plans once Weiss is gone. Kjerag Warriors: Yes! Monch: ...... Gnosis: You were followed. Monch: ......! What?! I didn't... Gnosis: There was only one of them, now long gone, running after the men Sciurus assigned to you. Monch: I'm very sorry for betraying your expectations, Sir Gnosis. Gnosis: No, perhaps this is for the better. Monch: I'm prepared to be your pawn and to do whatever you say. Gnosis: I'm just a researcher, Monch. Pawns are meaningless to me. What I want is a partner that I can work with. Monch: ...... Gnosis: Proceed with the plan. Don't worry. Ratatos and Sciurus won't catch you. Monch: Understood.

The standout line for me is this one: “I want a partner I can work with.” This line, on second read, hits a little different. The word "partner" is a very loaded one for Gnosis. It's the equivalent of Enciodes's "dearest friend," and notice that this is how he returns the sentiment. "You're my partner-in-crime."

At this point, he's cozying up to the Browntails, and first impression of this line is that he's looking for someone else to finance his endeavors (be his "sugar daddy" as it were), but on second read, it's quite possible that he's referring to his relationship with Enciodes. He doesn't care about having the network of people that Enciodes has, moving them around the board, all of that. He just needs someone who will work with him and let him do his thing.

Is it possible that Monch interpreted his desire for a partner as a role she could fulfill? It’s possible, as I extrapolate later, though she does continue being servile to him throughout the ensuing events. But I can’t help but notice how she goes silent when she offers to be a pawn and he says he doesn’t need that. As mentioned above, Monch has a strange, borderline adoration of Gnosis that is unexplained as of this writing. Maybe she was secretly hoping to be his partner; maybe not in a business sense, but another sense, because…

…My interpretation as I read the story was that, for whatever reason, she harbors a crush on him. It would wholly explain her peculiar behavior towards him: her flattery in BI-1; her desperation to prove herself to him; her hanging onto his every word; her almost idolization of him; her unwavering support of him; her wounded feelings when he doesn’t trust her with the entire scheme; her returning of his dagger at the end.

And this is one of the things that lends to me the opinion that (as I will elaborate more on later) Monch is easily swayed by her emotions and generally in poor control of them, which isn’t befitting of her job or her position, particularly as it’s exceedingly clear that to Gnosis, Monch is merely his subordinate.

However, we lack context for “her most prized weapon,” the dagger Gnosis made for her. We don’t know why he did this; why he saw fit to bestow upon someone he clearly sees as a mere subordinate, albeit a fine one, an object which carries a heavy meaning for him. We also do not know why this token is so valuable to Monch other than because she admires him. We lack context and reasoning, in general, for why Monch is so servile towards Gnosis. The simplest explanation I can think of is that he did her a good turn in the past (not unlike Enciodes did for Weiss), or that she has a crush on him.

Second, look at Monch’s line here: “I’m prepared to do whatever you say.”

In addition to her adulation of him in BI-1, here she’s more explicit about her willingness to follow his commands. She couldn’t have possibly predicted the chain of events which he was planning, but she nevertheless states that no matter the situation, she will obey. This is no doubt as much as he expected from her, but I want to keep it in mind going into the next scene. Note also that once again, Monch has apparently made a mistake—she was followed—yet Gnosis allows this to slide without reprimanding her as it will not affect the rest of his plans.

Next, let's move onto BI-5 After, which is the next time we Monch and Gnosis together:

Gnosis: Are all the preparations in place? Monch: Yes. ...... Sir Gnosis! May I ask you a question...? Gnosis: Now this is rare. This might be the first time you've asked me anything. Go ahead. Monch: If I may be so bold. I'm afraid that the Browntails might get caught up in the investigation that follows, if we go through with our plan. I... I'm just worried that, now that you and the Browntails have formed an alliance, wouldn't it be detrimental to your plan if anything should happen to the Browntails? Gnosis: I've considered that, but it doesn't matter. What becomes of the Browntails isn't important. This is a rare opportunity, and I do not want it to go to waste. At the same time, I hope you'll know to save your own skin. Should worst come to pass, you needn't think about the Browntails. I know Enciodes. If your testimony is useful to him, he won't harm you. At least for the time being. And when the time comes, I will send men to ensure your safety. Monch: Sir Gnosis! I... Gnosis: What's the matter? If you are having any second thoughts, we can bring others to execute this plan in your stead. Monch: No...! Please, let me do it! Whatever your orders, Sir Gnosis… Your wish is my command.

This little conversation between Gnosis and Monch is another point of interest to me.

Monch worries about the Browntails, who have treated her so well, though she attempts to conceal her concern for them by worrying about it in relation to Gnosis's plan. Gnosis tells her not to worry about them, and to focus on saving herself when the time comes. (And we know now that Gnosis wasn’t really aligned with the Browntails, which is why he dismisses Monch’s concern about them.) Note also that she refers to it as “our plan,” for a moment there, which it’s really not; again, is she hoping to be his partner? Is she hoping that by proving herself worthy, by being bold and offering this observation and considering him, she can reach a new level in their relationship?

(This is another mistake on her part, by the way: she is a double agent. She is a spy. She has always been a spy. This is the reason Gnosis rebukes her for approaching him openly in BI-1. From the very first, she infiltrated the Browntail house as a Silverash mole. Getting emotionally attached to the people she's spying on and going to eventually betray is a massive no-no. We see her leading Sciurus on in BI-4 After, playing her animosity against Ratatos to Gnosis’s plan; earning Sciurus’s trust and manipulating her is part and parcel of Monch’s job.)

As she wavers, however, Gnosis offers to have someone else do the job in her stead. She, however, insists. She, clearly, wants to prove her devotion to him. So with all that in mind, Gnosis went ahead with the plan, expecting her to be able to handle it. Which she does, of course, and even earns his praise at the end.

So on Gnosis’ end, she was ready and capable for the emotional turmoil which awaited her; capable of setting aside her personal feelings to do what needs to be done (not unlike Gnosis himself). He took her at her word when she said she was prepared to do whatever he wanted, and that his wish was her command. Notice also how he says it might be the first time she's ever asked him anything; Monch has always followed his orders without question, which is another element he doubtless took into consideration.

This is another point of interest to me, as we can see by Gnosis offering Monch a way out, he notices and recognizes that she is wavering, particularly with her unusual question, which he willingly hears out. Remember, by his file, Gnosis isn't incapable of understanding others' feelings. With this moment, it's shown that Gnosis isn't forcing Monch to carry out this task. This is a gesture of kindness on his part. She may, however, have interpreted this as Gnosis lacking faith in her ability to carry out her mission, and that is why she doesn’t back down, aware though she is what it means for her.

I highlight this because despite his deception of Monch, he's still doing what he can to be as considerate of her as possible while still keeping a clear eye on the goal and what needs to be done. Worth noting, however, that because her role is so crucial, he cannot afford to have her falter at the important moment, so that's another reason behind his offer. But I don't believe that's the sole reason.

Was what Gnosis did nice?

Well, no. Obviously. This is the crux of the matter. It was not considerate of him to keep her out of the loop. She plays a crucial role in his scheme, yet he kept her ignorant out of necessity, and it’s likely that keeping her informed would not have made much difference in the execution of the plan.

But it was not a risk he was willing to take. He wasn't willing to risk the plan and increase the chances of something going awry solely for the sake of her feelings, as achieving his goal in this situation is far more important to him.

But despite that, unbeknownst to her, he always had a contingency plan for her. On the subject of that contingency plan, by the way, that's another thing worth noting. In saying that Enciodes won't harm her, he's reassuring her in a roundabout way, without spilling the beans, that she'll be fine. She just needs to follow her orders, keep her mouth shut, and she'll be okay (which we see later in BI-6 when they are both "captured" and allowed to go free once more). He also says he will send men to ensure her safety, so again, he has plans for her.

However…

Gnosis' justification for his actions

However, it's worth noting that up until BI-6, on the other side, nobody else knows, either: all of Enciodes's most trusted subordinates (Weiss, Matterhorn, and Degenbrecher) were equally ignorant. We know this from their reactions when all is revealed:

Matterhorn: Gnosis, Sir Enciodes has told us everything. We owe you much. Weiss: I never thought it could all be a ruse... Degenbrecher: Convincing performance.

Finally and most importantly, the situation at this juncture is a delicate one. Despite Enciodes’s confidence, Gnosis says these two lines to Enciodes before they part ways for the final act:

I only wish I have a chance to save you before your own arrogance ends up killing you. That is, if you make it back here alive.

As I've said before, regardless of whether or not you read their relationship as romantic or platonic, Enciodes is very important to Gnosis. Gnosis' primary concern right now is executing the rest of their plan and keeping him from getting killed if things go south, as Gnosis does not share Enciodes’ confidence that they’ve clinched their victory, evidenced by the way he chastises Enciodes for enjoying a challenge he cannot afford to lose. As he says, "there is no do-over." The state of affairs is still precarious despite their success in obtaining public support, and I don't think it's much of a stretch to suggest that if anyone involved slipped up prior to BI-6, both Gnosis and Enciodes would have been publicly lynched for their power grab.

Containing on, I would also like to add, as I've mentioned previously, that Gnosis's apology to Monch reminded me of Doyle's Sherlock Holmes and the occasional deception he would employ even against those he trusted deeply in order that his delicate plans would unfold as needed. In fact, it's a running theme throughout the stories that Holmes rarely reveals the true extent of his knowledge to his allies or his plans until the end when the case is resolved, lest something go awry. And in my humble opinion, it's not an inappropriate parallel as both Holmes and Gnosis are portrayed as extremely intellectual men who think with reason first and emotion second (while also being more emotional than first glance would indicate).

This is from "The Empty House", during which Holmes has reunited with Watson and recounts his escape from Reichenbach Falls and his subsequent life:

“I had only one confidant–my brother Mycroft. I owe you many apologies, my dear Watson, but it was all-important that it should be thought I was dead, and it is quite certain that you would not have written so convincing an account of my unhappy end had you not yourself thought that it was true. Several times during the last three years I have taken up my pen to write to you, but always I feared lest your affectionate regard for me should tempt you to some indiscretion which would betray my secret.”

There are also two more incidents where similar things occur (and there are probably more).

In The Hound of the Baskervilles, Holmes secretly follows Watson to Dartmoor, while allowing Watson to think he is in Baker Street attending to something else. This is so Watson can continue his investigation independently from Holmes in a different sphere without their enemies suspecting of Holmes’s presence. Here is an extract from chapter 12:

“Well, I am glad from my heart that you are here, for indeed the responsibility and the mystery were both becoming too much for my nerves. But how in the name of wonder did you come here, and what have you been doing? I thought that you were in Baker Street working out that case of blackmailing.” “That was what I wished you to think.” “Then you use me, and yet do not trust me!” I cried with some bitterness. “I think that I have deserved better at your hands, Holmes.” “My dear fellow, you have been invaluable to me in this as in many other cases, and I beg that you will forgive me if I have seemed to play a trick upon you. In truth, it was partly for your own sake that I did it, and it was my appreciation of the danger which you ran which led me to come down and examine the matter for myself. Had I been with Sir Henry and you it is confident that my point of view would have been the same as yours, and my presence would have warned our very formidable opponents to be on their guard. As it is, I have been able to get about as I could not possibly have done had I been living in the Hall, and I remain an unknown factor in the business, ready to throw in all my weight at a critical moment.” “But why keep me in the dark?” “For you to know could not have helped us and might possibly have led to my discovery. You would have wished to tell me something, or in your kindness you would have brought me out some comfort or other, and so an unnecessary risk would be run. I brought Cartwright down with me–you remember the little chap at the express office–and he has seen after my simple wants: a loaf of bread and a clean collar. What does man want more? He has given me an extra pair of eyes upon a very active pair of feet, and both have been invaluable.” “Then my reports have all been wasted!”–My voice trembled as I recalled the pains and the pride with which I had composed them. Holmes took a bundle of papers from his pocket. “Here are your reports, my dear fellow, and very well thumbed, I assure you. I made excellent arrangements, and they are only delayed one day upon their way. I must compliment you exceedingly upon the zeal and the intelligence which you have shown over an extraordinarily difficult case.” I was still rather raw over the deception which had been practised upon me, but the warmth of Holmes’s praise drove my anger from my mind. I felt also in my heart that he was right in what he said and that it was really best for our purpose that I should not have known that he was upon the moor.

In "The Dying Detective," (arguably the most egregious example, in fact) Holmes feigns being fatally ill with an exotic disease in order to draw out the murderer, who uses said disease as a murder weapon. Part of his plan entails sending Watson to beg the murderer (a Mr. Culverton Smith), who claims to know how to treat the illness, to come see Holmes. Holmes says this in the end:

“It was very essential that I should impress Mrs. Hudson with the reality of my condition, since she was to convey it to you, and you in turn to him. You won’t be offended, Watson? You will realize that among your many talents dissimulation finds no place, and that if you had shared my secret you would never have been able to impress Smith with the urgent necessity of his presence, which was the vital point of the whole scheme.”

But no matter the reactions of Mrs. Hudson and Dr. Watson, it's likely that Holmes will do it again, because that's how he is. Holmes cares deeply for Watson, but aware that Watson is not a good actor, he conceals information from him as is necessary to capture criminals. His work almost always supersedes all else for him.

Obviously, Monch is nowhere near as close to Gnosis as Watson is to Holmes, but we know he gave her one of his friendship tokens (her knife), and he is visibly affected at the end when she leaves it behind. So while the analogy doesn't fully work on that front, I think the Holmes/Gnosis parallel one does, as much like Holmes, when Gnosis decides on a plan, he executes it without much input from others, and to a certain extent, Enciodes is the same way (which is probably why they understand each other so well).

It's also clear that he recognizes her pain by the way he says he'll judge for himself what he'll say. He truly goes out of his way for her in this scene from BI-6. Let’s read it again:

Monch: Sir Gnosis… (Monch takes out a dagger from her boot. It is her most prized weapon. It is a gift that Gnosis made for her between his experiments. She lightly strokes the dagger, her eyes clouded with doubt and uncertainty.) Gnosis: Don't do anything stupid, Monch. Monch: ...... It looks like you're well… Thank goodness. Gnosis: I'm fine. You've done a great job. Monch: I... I promised you. Whatever your orders, your wish is my command… ...... Gnosis: Judging by your look, I assume you've figured it all out. Right, Enciodes and I had all of this planned in advance. Monch: ...... I see, so that's really how it is… The Silverashes' Weiss was waiting below the cliff to rescue me, and I've been wondering ever since. If this was all a charade planned in advance, then what role do I play in it? And now that I find you here, I'm finally sure… Gnosis: ...... My apologies. Monch: You needn't ever apologize to me… Gnosis: Monch, you stand firm in your beliefs. I understand, but I will judge for myself what I say. Monch: ...... Gnosis: Enciodes and I had a rift, leading me to leave Karlan Trade and make contact with Ratatos. That was our plan all along. And the fewer people who knew of this plan, the better. That's why I never told you. Monch: ...... Gnosis: Both of us knew the risks. I had to make sure even the finest details were under our control. Everything had to be absolutely perfect. This isn't one of my usual maneuvers... There is no do-over. If that displeases you in any way, I must apologize. Monch: ...... No... T-That's not it… ...... Why... Gnosis: What? Monch: It doesn't matter what it is you want to do or what plans you have. I… ...I will always support you. Gnosis: ...... Monch: Why didn't you believe me? You could've trusted me. Gnosis: ...... Monch, I hope you can understand. It's because I fully trust you that I handed you such an important task under those circumstances. I trust you, my finest subordinate, to perfectly execute my plans. Monch: ...... Gnosis: Don't overthink it. You've done very well, and everything is over now. Try to relax a little. You should take the time to rest. Monch: ...... Gnosis: Looks like you're not in the mood to talk… I'll come see you again. (Gnosis leaves.) Monch: ...... Trust me...? Who trusts me? And where are they...? ...... Sir Gnosis... Can I still trust you?

This is a very significant moment to me.

Gnosis, a man that we’ve seen so far be rather callous and undeniably ruthless, goes out of his way to:

– Reject the notion that an apology is unneeded

– Apologize

– Explain his actions

– Reconfirm that he does trust her

– Praise and reassure Monch that she has done well

For Gnosis, this is big.

He not only recognizes that Monch is likely feeling upset, but also that it's his responsibility to explain himself (he doesn't dismiss it when Weiss says it'd be better for Gnosis to explain to her), and takes the initiative to do so, refusing to allow the opportunity to slip by. He specifically states that he feels the apology is necessary. He also repeatedly emphasizes the necessity of his actions, harsh though they may have been, and praises her for carrying out her difficult role with aplomb.

It'd be so easy for him to simply brush her off, to let her believe whatever she wants, to dismiss her concerns and her feelings as unimportant, to carry on with the next phase of their plan, to toss her a flippant offhand comment and move on, but he doesn't.

You can almost argue that he speaks more kindly to Monch than he does to Enciodes, his partner-in-crime! He gives Enciodes a dressing-down in response to Enciodes' casual conversation when they reunite (which Enciodes isn't bothered by at all and reconfirms that they're unshakable friends as always), saving his concerned words about Enciodes returning alive for the very end.

However… What's a significant effort for Gnosis can be said to be the bare expected minimum for anyone else. He intentionally kept her in the dark about her true role in the farce and her true fate: apologizing and explaining is the least he could do.

(Though once again, a reminder: Monch is a spy, who willingly pledged herself to do whatever he needed. Spies must not become emotionally tangled with their targets, nor allow their emotions to sway their decisions.)

But, as I just said, it's worth noting however that if Gnosis didn't care about her at all, he wouldn't have gone to all this trouble. I'm not arguing he cares a lot, but he cares enough to do this, and enough to feel a sting when she leaves and symbolically rejects his friendship by leaving her dagger (his gift). It's clear that in Gnosis's eyes, he did nothing wrong, or that he did everything he could under the circumstances and did his best to ameliorate the situation and assuage Monch's doubts and hurt feelings.

And this may be another facet of their falling out: Gnosis's best, and Gnosis's way of doing things, wasn't enough for her. Whether what he did was wrong is up to interpretation, but to her, it was. And of course, she is entitled to feel that way. She's not required to be satisfied with his best if she feels it's lackluster, if her emotional needs are not being met (though the question arises if she ought to be having emotional needs in this relationship at all; if it wasn't a mistake on both their parts to conflate friendship with an inherently unequal relationship).

In addition, much like with Enciodes and his subordinates as I mentioned above, it's not even that Gnosis singled Monch out for deception: she says "you could have trusted me," but the fact of the matter is that he trusted nobody. If she had bowed out and someone else brought in, he wouldn't have told them either. What he did wasn't personal in the slightest. As he says, "the fewer people who knew, the better."

(And of course, it's just my personal feelings, but when I first read this scene, my kneejerk reaction was that Monch was the one being unreasonable in the face of his explanation, apology, and praise. She asked why, and he told her why, with a justification that made sense to me.)

Once again, notice this line: “I had to make sure even the finest details were under our control. Everything had to be absolutely perfect. This isn't one of my usual maneuvers... There is no do-over.”

It’s a matter of life and death. He couldn’t take the risk that Monch knowing may have thrown the plan off. Her behavior had to be absolutely genuine. She doesn't seem to grasp the severity of the situation, nor the scale of what they're attempting to do. Gnosis and Enciodes aren't merely moving some pieces around, they're executing a coup and orchestrating a power shift that will affect the entire country and its future. Yet Monch allows her emotions to cloud her head and take the forefront (perhaps on account of her crush), and focuses on Gnosis's deception of her rather than the reasons behind his actions and his praises and reassurances. By the line "my usual maneuvers," even, it's implied that he's done this before, it isn't the first time, and she might even have been part of such a “maneuver” before. What he and Enciodes are doing is of tremendous magnitude, and that is why he did what he did.

A further question can then be asked: how sincere is his apology at all? After all, while he explains himself, he stands firm in his decision to keep her ignorant, as he believes it was necessary. Personally, given the gravity of the situation, I think that's reasonable, but YMMV as it's a contentious moment (obviously). I believe, however, by his reactions both in this scene and when she leaves, that he was in earnest. As I said above, he did his best in his own way.

I'd also like to draw attention to her remark about Weiss waiting for her. Looking at BI-5 where she attacks Enciodes, the assumption made by those at the top is that it was a perilous leap, but it’s not really clear if they fully assume she’s dead. Would Enciodes really send people after her if he believed she was?

Her movement is swift as always, as though she is leaping across a river, and as though she is leaping off a tree. In an instant, her black figure springs off the ground, before falling and disappearing below the cliffs. Sharp: She leapt off... Enciodes: An unexpected choice. You didn't stop her. Sharp: That's not part of my mission. You don't seem so surprised either. Enciodes: There aren't many who can properly set up the pieces on the hunting grounds. If we search for evidence, we're bound to find some. Of course, having a witness would've saved us some trouble... Though whether the witness is alive or dead doesn't actually matter all that much. Sharp: Your underlings are absent… Enciodes: Perhaps they are tied up with the beasts running amok. [...] Arctosz: I'm only here to flush out the underhanded lowlife who dared to disrupt Kjeragandr's Grand Ceremony! They will pay for this! Enciodes: You are truly Kjeragandr's most faithful follower, Arctosz. I'm afraid you came too late, though. Arctosz: What do you mean? You would never let an assassin go. Where are you hiding him? Wait, this cliff... Don't tell me...! Enciodes: Exactly, Arctosz. My men will look for any traces of her.

“Any traces.” While this could be interpreted to mean any body parts in a literal sense, it could also mean where she’s gone.

I've seen some people say she tried to kill herself by jumping off the cliff, but I’m not completely certain on that: Gnosis talked about her testimony being useful, and said there would be people to ensure her safety and to “save herself,” i.e. not die, as I understood the situation. She had to be captured to be used against the Browntails. Weiss was there to ensure she didn't get away, but it’s not really clear if her leap was inherently suicidal. Gnosis told her he would have men for her—meaning that even if she took the radical way out or chose to run and hide, there would have been someone there. She was taken by surprise, however, that it was Weiss waiting for her, someone who ought to be on the opposite side at that point, and technically was as we know Weiss was ignorant of Gnosis’s gambit. This is obviously the moment where the pieces began to come together for her. (Interestingly enough, Matterhorn even calls Monch an "old friend" of Weiss's at the beginning of BI, even if he refers to Monch as "him" for some reason; typo, I assume.)

I admit, however, this may be simply my interpretation. But it's worth noting, as I said, that Gnosis wouldn't have mentioned testimony if the plan was never for her to be captured. It’s not really clear to me if Monch leaping off the cliff was her attempt to rebel against the plan, or following the plan; but I’m not inclined to think she was going against the plan given Gnosis’s comments as I’ve already outlined.

An additional note regarding the plan: this is pure speculation on my part, but to return to Gnosis’s comment of desiring a “partner” in BI-3, it’s possible that a part of the reason Monch felt so hurt about Gnosis’s deception is because she expected to be treated not as subordinate, but as an equal. She may have believed she was Gnosis's collaborator, which she really wasn't. She wanted to be trusted with everything; she wanted to be whatever he needed, be his “partner,” but ultimately, she was never on that level to him (which again you can add to the crush theory if you so choose).

Now, once again, I'm not saying she was wrong to feel hurt or that people were wrong to feel hurt on her behalf or sympathize with her pain. What he did would be a deal-breaker for a lot of people, and that's completely okay and understandable. After all, to go back to Sherlock Holmes, it takes a great heart to forgive such a slight. Monch is allowed to have feelings, and allowed to have those feelings hurt, and allowed to desire more consideration of those feelings.

In conclusion:

Fundamentally, Gnosis and Monch are extremely different people, who treat the people around them in extremely different ways, making them very ill-suited to each other. Gnosis is a cold and ruthless person who prioritizes goals above emotions, committing to the best route regardless of any wounded feelings it may generate. Monch is open with her emotions, wearing her heart on her sleeve and bonding quickly with others and easily caring about them, thriving under warmth and sincerity.

In addition, this makes Monch ill-suited to her job as double agent. This is not a strike against her or a bad thing, so much as I'm pointing out she should not be doing that job, and it likely led her into further emotional turmoil as the subordinate of someone essentially her polar opposite.

In fact, I'm almost inclined to contrast her with Weiss, who was also technically a double agent within RI: at the end of BI (and during), he apologizes to the Doctor for being on the opposite side, but makes it clear where his true loyalties lie and those loyalties will not change for him regardless of how fond he is of Rhodes Island. He would prefer not to raise his blade against his RI comrades, but he doesn’t waver in his sworn duty if it means he has to do so. (And funny enough, both Doc and Sharp understand this when they acknowledge it's nothing personal and hold no hard feelings against Weiss or Matterhorn for supporting their sworn master Enciodes Silverash.)

Contrast this with how Monch grew too attached to the Browntails—though one can’t really say “too attached for her good” because perhaps what she really needed was a more normal relationship than the one she had as Gnosis’s subordinate, and being with them gave her a new and different perspective that allowed her to break away from a position in which she was unhappy—the warmth and sincerity offered to Monch by Sciurus clearly fulfilled a need which she had been hitherto unaware of, and was a catalyst for her character development, giving her the strength to break away in the end (though she does the honorable thing and remains with Gnosis to finish executing their plans alongside Matterhorn and Weiss and only departs when all is over). This act was a significant character development for her, representing her recognition of her own desire to be fully and completely trusted by others, and her justified feelings that she desired and deserved a better treatment, and her willingness to pursue it.

As a final note, please be aware that I don't deny for a moment that Gnosis is a callous person. He cares little for the feelings of others, and he makes this point clear. Under the circumstances, though, his actions and explanations were sufficient justification for his behavior for me, and I was left slightly baffled by the outcry against his actions towards Monch when it appeared to me that he was as kind to her as the situation and his personality allowed. (I'm not trying to say he did nothing wrong; I'm trying to say that his motivations were understandable.)

However, obviously, YMMV, and one thing is clear: they are quite incompatible as people, and I believe it was for the best that they parted ways at the end of Break The Ice. I hope that Monch is able to move on from him and find new and better relationships where she has her emotional needs met, and that Gnosis will learn something from her departure.

TL;DR:

Gnosis did his best for Monch under the circumstances and as someone emotionally distant. His best wasn't good enough for her, so she rightfully left him. Their personalities and needs are so radically different that their fall-out in hindsight isn't surprising.

#arknights #arknights essay #my essays #gnosis #monch

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