#my essays | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dragonflavoredcake · 2 years

Text

In Defense of Beauty and the Beast

It makes me mad to still see people talking about how Beauty and the Beast is about Stockholm Syndrome.

No. Just no. The story doesn't line up with Stockholm Syndrome. Belle does not fall for Adam (aka the Beast) while he's still being horrible to her. Early example:

She does not give him an INCH. He's bellowing and demanding she come to dinner or starve, and she stands her ground. Most people would give in. Belle is not most people. She will not be forced to do anything she doesn't want to, and if you try, you're gonna end up facedown in the mud.

She only starts being nice to Adam after he risks and nearly sacrifices his life to save hers. They had the option to completely split and forget about each other after the West Wing scene (and may I say Belle is hella manipulative in tricking Cogsworth and Lumiere to head off without her, she would be a terrifying villain). Adam could've let Belle vanish into the night, but he didn't. Belle could've left Adam to die in the snow and gone back to her father, but she didn't.

This is a major turning point in their relationship, but even then, she isn't nice when he's mean. When he yells at her while she's patching him up, she yells right back, and he can't even argue that the whole issue started because of his refusal to control his temper.

Since it's Disney, they fall in love over the course of a song.

Early movie Adam would never try to feed the birds. It's not a completely 180, he still gets frustrated when the birds won't fly into his hands, but Belle helps him out and helps him get that one bird to eat from his hands before he's covered in them. Belle watches from behind a tree for a part of this. Adam doesn't realize she's watching him, but he still entertains the birds. He doesn't become uninterested or shoo them away when he thinks she's not watching.

Belle throws a snowball and starts a snowball fight. Again, early movie Adam would never. Midmovie Adam joins in enthusiastically.

(Perhaps a little too enthusiastically, if that giant snowball is anything to go by.)

And can we talk about this little scene?

They're having porridge, Belle is eating it with a spoon like a proper French lady, and Adam is basically eating like a dog. Belle averts her eyes because awkward, and Adam sees her reaction and picks up his own spoon. A spoon that's much too small for his giant paws. A spoon he's visibly uncomfortable picking up. He can't effectively eat with it, and he looks absolutely ridiculous, but he tries.

And Belle sees him trying, so she finds a middle ground: drinking the porridge. No need for silverware, but still more suitable for polite society than eating like a dog.

Again, Adam is making a genuine effort for unselfish reasons, and that is when Belle really warms up to him. They spend the whole of Something There becoming friends and then falling in love.

Tale as Old as Time is the big romantic number, and you know what? Belle leads most of it. The dance was her idea; Adam agreed and arranged for it to happen. She comes down the staircase first, and Adam has to meet her where she stands.

They eat dinner beforehand (where Adam successfully uses a spoon!), and Belle's the one who pulls Adam to the dance floor. Yes, she's in following position, but she's guiding him, placing his hands as they get into position. When Adam gets over his nerves and is ready to take the lead, she lets him.

There's the thing about ballroom dance: you can't dance with an unwilling partner. You also can't dance with a control freak. If I'm in lead position, I have to trust that my partner will understand what I want them to do and execute it well. If I'm in following position, I have to trust that my partner will correctly signal what moves they want and won't try to make me do anything that makes me uncomfortable. There's no micromanaging in dance—if you try to control someone else's movement, you're going to completely ruin both their part of the dance and yours.

All this makes the big emotional moment hurt: when Adam lets Belle go. This is also where the Stockholm Syndrome theory entirely shatters: everything leading up to this point has involved Adam completely relinquishing what little control he had over Belle and losing the drive to demand that control. He respects her and doesn't want to control her. When she passes through the castle gates, she leaves Adam's influence entirely.

Adam really doesn't leave the castle. He never really expects Belle to come back. He lets her go because Maurice is important to Belle, and he can't find it in him anymore to force her to stay. It's hardly even a question of whether to let her go, even though it's such a searing loss that he won't even defend himself or give order to defend the castle from Gaston's army.

He won't even defend himself against Gaston until he sees Belle down in the courtyard. As he's lying there, dying, he expresses shock that Belle came back. And it's THEN that we get the magic "I love you."

That's also why the end isn't completely cheap. No, I don't really like Adam's human design, I think it's a little too symmetrical and "perfect" (especially in the "big reveal" turnaround shot), but the whole "stare into his eyes" shot is meant to establish that Belle can tell that he's the same person she saw grow from a selfish brat into a respectful and selfless man. If he'd just been some handsome rando or a reset to pre-curse Adam, she wouldn't have kissed him.

When the transformation first happens, she's scared. She backs away because she doesn't recognize him. She reaches out to him, but draws her hand back because she doesn't know if that's her Adam. But then . . .

"It is you!"

That's the line that seals it. Belle wants the Adam she fell in love with, the Adam who struggled with spoons, the Adam who gave her a library, the Adam who worked to improve himself and let her take the lead.

She completely left his sphere of influence and came back on her own. If Belle didn't love Adam, she could've let Gaston's army kill him. If Adam didn't love Belle, he wouldn't have agreed so quickly to let her go care for Maurice when it clearly hurt him so much.

Belle doesn't love Adam because she was manipulated or because he turned handsome. She loves him because he grew into a better person who was her perfect partner and complement.

I will now get off my soapbox

#beauty and the beast #beauty and the beast 1991 #belle #adam #prince adam #gaston #maurice #disney #walt disney animation #my thoughts #short essays #my essays

1K notes · View notes

raggedyfink · 1 year

Text

Essay on the relationship between goth and grunge

Goth is a music based subculture created in the 80s. Pioneered by bands such as Bauhaus, Siouxsie and the Banshees and The Cure, it is a subculture with a convoluted history and tumultuous developments. Its aesthetic, sonic and lifestyle components being influenced primarily by horror films, avant garde art, music, cinema and literature, campy b movies, glam rock, punk, old Hollywood and classic literature, it has been among the most surviving counterculture amongst others of the same era, especially among teens and adults. It has survived, and continues to struggle against, numerous misconceptions and stereotypes by the media, perverted men and posers deliberately warping the scene to their advantage due to the efforts of those among the scene. It has clearly defined values and characteristics of those who choose to participate in the scene, that revolve around clubbing, social participation, seeing and being seen, political and cultural conscientiousness, creativity, insular tastes in media and hobbies and overall can be seen as a means of self help and building of one’s identity.

Grunge, on the other hand, at first seems the radical opposite.

Grunge, also a music based subculture, was created in Seattle in the 90s, although there is evidence to support that grunge type sounds have been around prior to the 90s in the form of bands such as Flipper and Green River. Nevertheless, grunge was popularized by bands such as Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden and Alice In Chains, becoming huge throughout the beginning to the middle of the decade. Amongst the members of Gen X who participated in the scene, the unfashion and sonic elements of grunge was influenced by feelings of directionless and lack of hope for the future, as the workforce at the time was still dominated by boomers who refused to leave space for Gen X. These historical components can be seen the deliberately slovenly fashion of grunge adherents in the form of flannel shirts, t shirts and ripped jeans, many Nirvana lyrics being purposely directionless to represent such feelings by Kurt Cobain, and an overall reclaiming of the stigma of poverty to combat the material excessiveness of the 80s. Grunge, as a sound, varies from the punk sounds of Mudhoney, alternative rock such as Nirvana, sludgy metal in the form of The Melvins, Soundgarden and Alice In Chains to an evenly sounded Mother Love Bone, but can be best described as a mix between Punk and Metal.

According to many goths and punks around at grunge’s rise to popularity, grunge was an especially disliked scene, due to the punks feelings of many grunge kids being the same individuals who bullied and ostracized the alternative crowd of the 80s, and would have done the same to Kurt Cobain had he never became famous, along with many goths and punks disliking the toxic masculinity displayed by grunge adherents in fashion and behavior, especially in regards to many hair metal bands going in a grunge direction.

Grunge has been documented and dissected, much to the dismay of those involved, since the beginning. The most famous example of this phenomenon is Marc Jacobs Perry Ellis fashion “grunge” runway of 1992-1993, reportedly so disliked it was burned by Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love, along with causing Jacobs to be fired by Perry Ellis, due to an increasing concern of the commercialization of grunge that it never really recovered from to this day, another stark contrast it has from goth. If you look up grunge now on the internet, you will find a warped idea of grunge in the form of expensive fast fashion brands and clothing, Instagram accounts featuring hyper sexualized depictions of vaguely alternative women and the remaining devotees of true grunge culture in the form of old men and young people alike on the internet posting of bands like Nirvana.

At first glance, especially looking at the masculine sides of grunge, that goth and grunge are inherently incompatible, and due to grunge’s popularity eating at the goth scenes previous dominance in youth culture of yesteryear. But, I would like to offer a different argument from an angle no one has quite considered. The feminine elements of grunge.

Kinderwhore, is a variant of grunge fashion worn by women in grunge bands and within grunge scenes that was created by Kat Bjelland of Babes in Toyland and popularized by Courtney Love.

Where exactly Kinderwhore gets its name is from journalist Everett True, during an interview with Kurt Cobain and Courtney love. The fashion revolves around purposely inflating traditional, girlish fashions to cartoonish levels, and then subverting them via aggressive, masculine behavior to avoid potential insecurities. Meaning, many women in grunge bands who dressed kinderwhore would always be as aggressive on stage as the men, oftentimes singing feminist lyrics.

The fashion itself revolves around babydoll dresses, slip dresses and Mary janes or combat boots, along with ripped tights, chokers, leather jackets, cardigans and dresses with lace details or Peter Pan collars.

Kinderwhore is related to riot grrl, which is a subset of punk that was underground in the 90s in contrast to grunge, but some within the grunge scene, especially Courtney Love, rejected and denied her work being riot grrl in the first place. If one sees riot grrls middle class origins, white feminism, exclusionary behavior towards trans women, and superficial lyrical and social attitudes, it’s easy to see why many within punk and grunge scenes would want to distance themselves from it. That being said, riot grrls only contribution worth noting to punk was it’s push towards inclusiveness to women due to punk growing increasingly misogynistic and unsafe for women in the 80s, and its efforts have done the most to make punk a better space for women.

What attracts many goths to goth fashion is a deliberate subversion of gender and gender roles in the form of its visuals. Many goths, men and women, would both wear makeup and dress masculine or feminine as they desired, especially due to goth’s acceptance of those deemed “different” by broader society. With keeping in mind to Kinderwhore, a fashion style that also revolves around subverting gender expectations, it is to be expected that among women of goth and grunge, a meeting was destined to take place. Among the women of 90s goth, it was common for them to combine goth fashion with kinderwhore looks.

In the 90s new wave bands such as Strawberry Switchblade, and deathrock bands such as Cinema Strange have experimented with Kindergoth (kinderwhore + goth) looks, that ultimately led designers such as Anna Sui sending her team to scout goth clubs to take inspiration for designs for future garments that would oftentimes be out of reach for many goths due to lack of affordability for the working class individuals in the scene.

With all these examples in terms of visuals, goth and grunge inspired looks is a feasible venture provided it is put under feminine lenses. Many attempts have been made by those who understand neither scene to create a “grunge goth” hybrid, as seen in many online accounts and opportunistic business ventures by outsiders, but a true grunge goth fusion would combine goth fashion with the ever subversive kinderwhore fashion, its legacy seen in many online aesthetics including the Morute aesthetic, a sister aesthetic subculture used primarily as a means of coping with childhood trauma via the means of girlish femininity combined with grunge and American gothic encapsulated by the works of Nicole Dollanganger and an assortment of women photographers on tumblr and beyond.

Sonically, there can be a case for similarities between goth and grunge. Both use a distorted bass, use vocals that howl and scream and punk like guitars. With these similarities in mind, I believe it is feasible for a grunge/deathrock hybrid band to exist, but as of this writing I cannot find a band that has done this. Perhaps some day.

Sources:

Some wear leather some wear lace by Andi Harriman

https://youtu.be/peEUXhCY8lY by Angela Benedict and the comments cited

My dad, a true grunger :)

Various accounts from old punks on Reddit on r/punk

Marc Jacobs’s Perry Ellis Grunge Show: The Collection That Sent a Electric Shock Through '90s Fashion | Vogue

323 notes · View notes

goforth-ladymidnight · 2 months

Text

On ACOTAR Faeries and Names

For some reason, SJM undoes most, if not all, of traditional faerie lore in her books. (I haven't read TOG or CC so I can't comment on those.) The cynical part of me thinks it's because faeries can be difficult to write well, therefore she took the easy route; the more forgiving part of me thinks it's because she set out to explore why humans believed certain myths about faeries, but then lost interest as she spent more and more time in the realm of the Night Court. (Side note: I find it odd that SJM chose to emphasize that the Illyrians are NOT really faeries, whether High or "lesser". I honestly wonder why that is.) Regardless, there's nothing very faerie about SJM's High Fae, etc. except for their ethereal beauty and pointed ears and the fact that they can do magic, I guess.

I've already written about Aging and Lying when it comes to ACOTAR's Faeries, and I thought I'd touch on another aspect of faerie lore that SJM chooses to ignore. (Heh, that rhymes.)

Names.

His [Rhysand's] eyes shifted to my face. “What’s your name, love?” Giving him my name—and my family name—would lead only to more pain and suffering. He might very well find my family and drag them into Prythian to torment, just to amuse himself. But he could steal my name from my mind if I hesitated for too long. Keeping my mind blank and calm, I blurted the first name that came to mind, a village friend of my sisters’ whom I’d never spoken to and whose face I couldn’t recall. “Clare Beddor.” My voice was nothing more than a gasp. ~ACOTAR ch. 26

Clare and her family are killed because Rhys revealed that name to Amarantha, even though he admitted later (in the next book) that he thought she made it up. So, Feyre's fears were not unfounded, but once she is Under the Mountain with everyone else, she is still reluctant to give her name when Amarantha asks for it.

Lucien is even brought forward and refuses to give away Feyre's name. For his defiance, Amarantha orders Rhysand to shatter his mind before Feyre finally gives in and shouts her name for everyone to hear. The Lady of Autumn even repays her sacrifice by helping her with one of Amarantha's "household tasks".

What is the sacrifice, though? It would seem that the only reason Amarantha wants to know her name is because Feyre knows hers, and wants to address her "properly":

“Feyre,” Amarantha said, testing my name, the taste of the two syllables on her tongue. “An old name—from our earlier dialects. Well, Feyre,” she said. I could have wept with relief when she didn’t ask for my family name. “I promised you a riddle.” ~ACOTAR ch. 35

In traditional faerie lore, it is said that names have power, so giving a faerie your name gives them power over you. (It is important to note that they cannot take anything from you. It has to be given.)

There is a scene in Hayao Miyazaki's animated classic in which the young protagonist Chihiro signs a contract to work for the sorceress Yubaba. In a beautifully animated sequence, her signature floats away and into Yubaba's waiting palm. She literally signed away her name. Chihiro is then given a new name in exchange: Sen. By the next day, she has already forgotten her original name and her purpose (freeing her enchanted parents). It is only when another ensorcelled young man gives her the bundle of her old clothes with a card in the pocket (with her name written on it) that she remembers who she was, and why she's there.

I just think it could have been very interesting to give Feyre a similar plotline in ACOTAR. By giving Amarantha her name, she no longer has it, and can no longer remember it. (And since the story is told in first person, it's easier to convey.)

How she gets her name back could be handled in one of two ways: Lucien gives back her name like the true friend he is, or she doesn't remember it until the very end.

If we explore the second option, this is what I'm thinking: Amarantha sought to break Feyre in mind, body, and spirit. The one thing she could never take from Feyre was her love for Tamlin.

“I love you,” I said. “No matter what she says about it, no matter if it’s only with my insignificant human heart. Even when they burn my body, I’ll love you.” My lips trembled, and my vision clouded before several warm tears slipped down my chilled face. I didn’t wipe them away. ~ACOTAR ch. 43

In my Faeries and Lying essay (linked above), I think it would have been more powerful for Amarantha to want Feyre to admit to lying about her love for Tamlin. In the same vein, I think it would be that much more impactful for Feyre to admit that even if she does not know her own name, she knows she loves Tamlin, and that's enough.

It's the one thing Amarantha couldn't take from her. It's the reason Feyre went Under the Mountain in the first place. And most importantly, it's the answer to the riddle. Love. And that's enough.

#my essays #sjm critical #the farther we get from the first book #the less magical it gets #acotar is a better standalone book #acotar worldbuilding #missed opportunities

39 notes · View notes

thatseventiesbitch · 3 months

Text

If anyone is interested, last week Danny Masterson's team moved for him to be freed on bail. It will go to the judge now.

It's pretty funny.

Among their arguments:

He's lived an 'exemplary, law-abiding life' (except for all the raping, I guess??), and he isn't a threat to anyone, including the Jane Does from the trial (they have an ongoing Civil case against him claiming he/Scientology have harassed and threatened their families for years, including poisoning one of their dogs).

He's very close to his family - mother, siblings, wife and daughter - and they depend on him (Maybe true, idk - but also true that they're all Scientologists and DM has officially been declared as a 'Suppressive Person' in the wake of his conviction, which means they are to cut him out of their lives completely. In the wake of this, his ex-wife quietly left the organization. This is a whole rabbit hole, y'all).

And of course, Danny's philanthropic efforts to aid a charity for firefighters in the aftermath of 9/11 is heavily emphasized. Because, you know. That's really fucking relevant.

This goes in front of Judge Olmedo next. I, uh. I don't think it's going to get a whole lot further than that. But we shall see!

#tw: Danny Masterson #Danny Masterson #That 70s Show #That '70s Show #T70S #T7S #my essays #I am feeling a little spicy today in case you couldn't tell

38 notes · View notes

einsteinsugly · 3 months

Text

Why That 90s Show is an AU. I finally have compiled all the evidence!

1. Jay is too old to be Jackie's child. He's sixteen and legally driving a car in 1995. The OG show ended in 1980, and Jay didn't exist. The math ain't mathing!

2. Mila Kunis mentioned the same goddamn thing above, in multiple interviews (such as this one). So the creators knew, and were reminded, but didn't give a damn.

3. In this Variety article, creator Gregg Mettler admitted he "hadn't painted himself into a continuity corner with how the original show ended." He didn't rewatch the show, and followed his heart instead of basic logistics.

4. This is pure speculation, but Jackie and Fez were likely just cobbled in to heed to Wilmer's demands. There was an extended negotiation with him, and he appeared in episode 3, rather than in the pilot with the others. Mila, in a Today show interview, mentioned that they were intending on discarding Jackie and Fez in its entirety. This is Mila paraphrasing their response, down below.

"That's too weird for audiences. Now you and Ashton are together."

#that 70s show #that 90s show #my essays #mila kunis #eww

33 notes · View notes

gerrysherry · 2 months

Note

How is Aaron Bushnell a racist?

he clearly doesn't see gazans or Israelis as people

he's a white savior trying to recreate Jesus and save palestinians by dying on the cross by fire

he also called Jews lizard people but that antisemitism which isn't always racism but can be. He also all Israelis are guilty of war crimes because they can be drafted.

so don't go "OH Germaine said antisemites are racist" or "Germaine said he's racist because he hates Israelis"

I said he's racist because he thinks that the best way to save starving Gazans who could be killed at any moment is DIE HIMSELF because he believes Israel will draft HIM too

and people are stanning him as if he's the second coming of christ and drowning out actual Palestinean and Gazan voices for depressed white boy who pulled a deadly publicity stunt

people are quick to appropriate POC only language for him (rest in power) and violently shut down any POC (antizionist POC who are also pro-palestine) because being anti-aaron MUST mean you hate palestineans

So if you do that YOU are AS RACIST as the white boy you sanctified for politically commiting suicide and doing nothing else to help anyone

#aaron bushnell #racism #antisemitism #performative activism #my essays #my rants #fuck the racist white boy #and fuck his stans #stop fandomizing the war

24 notes · View notes

wutheringskies · 5 months

Text

List: Wei Ying's Attitude Towards Lan Zhan (Pt 1)

Cloud Recesses Arc (Chronological)

1. First Impression: Lan Zhan is very, very pretty with a stern expression on his face, as if he's in mourning. Learning of his reputation, learning that he's well-spoken, smart and academically an ace.

2. Their dynamic forms: Wei Wuxian is annoyed by how Lan Wangji treats him, how he appears to be an immovable polished piece of jade and wishes to break through his composure by annoying him - he wants to be treated specially.

3. Respecting Lan Zhan's talents and genuine desire for friendship: Learning that Lan Zhan's reputation isn't fake. Despite being so young, he can carry three people onto his sword, think logically, and help people. Secondly, Wei Wuxian respects his integrity as Lan Zhan punishes himself as well for breaking the rules, despite the gap in their status. He wishes to become closer to Lan Wangji as they share similar values.

4. The first tones of romance: Wei Wuxian has always been interested in seeing how Lan Wangji would be as a romantic partner, thus baiting him with porn and "girls in Yunmeng." As Wei Wuxian hangs out with his friends, he sees Lan Wangji alone and wants to give him friends as well - the kind that Lan Wangji will like - so, he gives him two rabbits, which were in a compromising position and turned out to be both male. Secondly, he is very interested in Lan An's story as this is a new context to be applied to Lan Wangji.

Pre-Sunshot Campaign

1. Lan Wangji as his maiden: Wei Wuxian unknowingly always puts Lan Wangji into the place of a "maiden" - what I mean by this is that, when the girls chase after him in Yunmeng, he sighs and thinks of Lan Wangji. When he sees Lan Wangji's forehead ribbons, he thinks of pulling a girl's ponytails and tugs it. Thus, he has moved on from baiting Lan Zhan with girls to see how he would be in a romantic context to placing Lan Zhan as the maiden in a heterosexual context.

2. Stage of Denial: As Wei Wuxian's feelings for Lan Wangji keep surging subconsciously, yet he keeps facing with one rejection after the other, a proud man as him enters the stage of denial. Here, he constantly lies to himself, gives excuses for his actions, hides his thoughts and reframes events - aka, he gaslights himself.

• We know he has been thinking of Lan Zhan well after studying in Gusu (he studied for 3 months, Jiang Cheng studied for a year. In the lotus pod extra he's still talking about Lan Zhan and it's a common occurrence, so at least until 9 months later, he's still talking about him) yet he says in Qishan Archery Competition that he has forgotten about him. Secondly, he says he doesn't recognize Lan Wangji, yet he mentions that his fingers look suited to playing the guqin, thus he already recognizes this handsome man and his emotions surge, yet he calms himself down by framing his thoughts to make himself seem less attached.

• This behavior continues throughout the Qishan Wen Indoctrination. He went to Mianmian's side to get the perfume pouch after he heard it had medicinal herbs, and Lan Zhan's leg was injured. Yet Lan Zhan gets jealous and refuses his help, Wei Wuxian later takes a jab at his broken leg when he's bejng supported by Jiang Cheng - upset that he was refused once more.

• At this point, 2 years after meeting Lan Zhan, Wei Wuxian is giving up on his thoughts of them becoming friends, even petulantly whining to Lan Zhan, that "why do you not like me???"

• He shoves all of his feelings down, and accepts that he needs to give Lan Zhan more space.

• Yet even after the Xuanwu Cave, we can see that though he wished to give Lan Zhan more space, he continued to ask questions after question about him to Jiang Cheng.

Sunshot Campaign

1. Takes a Hint: Now, Wei Wuxian is no longer a child. He has been through too many things, has too many responsibilities to worry about his "childhood ambition" of becoming friends with Lan Zhan. After his return, the first thing they do is have a fight - to Wei Wuxian's point of view, it is that, after each of his attempts to become closer have been squashed, now finally they're fighting - aka, they are on opposite sides. Thus, Lan Wangji suddenly turning 180 degrees back by wanting to take him back to Gusu registers as a "punishment." He simply can't even imagine a context where Lan Zhan likes him. Thus, this stage, I call - Wei Wuxian takes a hint (the wrong one.)

2. Confusion and Hurt: Wei Wuxian is already suffering through major identity crisis and plenty of trauma. In such a setting, he cannot evaluate Lan Wangjj's actions and arguments with him as "concern, care or worry." He cannot think of his opinions over digging graves etc as "righteous." Lan Wangji is "against him." Wei Wuxian suppresses his feelings well, and has moved on from wanting to be friends. Yet he does not agree with those who call them enemies - refusing to take Lan Zhan's behavior towards him as "hate."

Post-Sunshot Campaign

1. Hiding all his weaknesses: Now, Sunshot Campaign is over and Wei Wuxian is very aware that he's going to be hated by everyone sooner or later. He's scared and he doesn't know what to do, where he stands, and also regrets some of what he has done. He is without any backing, without any support - he covers up his vulnerability by standing up too tall, by talking arrogantly, by pretending that he's so strong - in his act, he doesn't notice Lan Zhan subtly moving towards him (metaphorically and literally), and walks past him, leaving him behind.

2. Shifting of Dynamic, Rekindling Hope and Extreme Fear and Vulnerability: Now that for the first time in years, that Wei Wuxian has time to breathe and momentarily, no immediate responsibilities or distractions his feeling surge again. He is still in denial about his feelings, but now the amount of gaslighting he does is truly remarkable. Firstly, he wished to place Lan Zhan in a romantic context (whether or not it included him), secondly he imagined Lan Zhan as a maiden for HIM, now thirdly, he is placing himself into the spot of "the maiden"

-> Throwing flowers at Lan Zhan along with other girls

-> Conveniently making the remark that of course, he doesn't imagine that Lan Zhan will ever take the initiative and kiss someone (aka, he wishes Lan Zhan will take initiative because he's put himself out there for so long, and he is tired.)

Now, Wei Wuxian's feelings towards Lan Zhan are very much real, the minor crush growing into something more - like a flower bud that wants to be watered to bloom. But since it isn't welcomed, he forces them back into his heart:

1. Admitting he finds Lan Zhan handsome - admitting some degree of physical attraction and admiration by throwing a flower at him.

2. Asking for his headband knowing it is somehow symbolic (something important to him, a privelege). Subconsciously playing Wangxian, and then finally getting kissed. For some reason, he FAILS to mention Lan Zhan's signature scent of sandalwood despite his senses being so keen. Why? In my opinion - it's him suppressing that thought. He knows the maiden is remarkably strong, he has an inkling that it is HIM so, he allows the kiss to go on, excusing it with the excuse that "how embarrassed the maiden will be once he sees her." After all, even when Lan Zhan asks him much later "you didn't know whom the person was so why didn't you resist, and then why did you tell me this?" Wei Wuxian doesn't answer him, but instead laughs at him for being jealous. In truth, I feel, this is another one of Wei Wuxian's deflections.

He knows admitting that he smelt the sandalwood would make it impossible for him to not relate to Lan Zhan. He knows only Lan Zhan was in the vicinity. He knows only Lan Zhan has showed any significant connection to him - someone like Wei Wuxian would definitely know if a girl liked him. But he can't read Lan Zhan. He also knows Lan Zhan is conveniently acting different than usual - yet, he doesn't probe too much, which is uncharacteristic of him. Not to mention, Lan Zhan is showing significant negative emotion towards him - asking him to go away. Wei Wuxian subtly sneaks in one of the doubts he's carried for three years now, "do you hate me?" But it's unanswered. Wei Wuxian is afraid and he's feeling self conscious again, eyes tearing up, so what does he do?

Act pretentious.

"Of course, I've a lot of experience. Even if it was you, it doesn't matter, haha. This isn't special to me. You aren't making me feel anything special. You aren't making me weak. You aren't hurting me."

After this, he is relieved. He has hid well. His feeling are hidden perfectly. To confirm, he even asks Lan Zhan og he's ever kissed, etc. Lan Zhan doesn't say yes or no, but Wei Wuxian has convinced himself that it wouldn't have been Lan Zhan. He makes up an imaginary maiden who kissed him. He says he never tried to find her to not embarass her. After he is sure it wasn't Lan Zhan, he is not interested in finding out who kissed him.

Successfully gaslighted □

The next incident is at Yunmeng, and it's by far the most obvious thing Wei Wuxian has done to show his feelings towards Lan Wangji. He casually admits that Lan Zhan is very handsome, and bestows plenty of flowers of all meanings upon him.

But the most important is the peony. Wei Wuxian reaches out towards Lan Wangji all the time. Each time, he's a bit more hurt, a bit more scared, a bit more vulnerable. So, this time, he's giving Lan Wangji and his surging feelings a chance - either Lan Wangji takes it and he allows his feelings to surge, or Lan Wangji doesn't take it and he swallows all his feelings back inside, rewrites the whole narrative and moves on with his life.

Thus, he throws out a flower that can either mean "a confession" or a separation.

He doesn't expect Lan Wangji to come up the inn. He expects it to be a separation. But he does come up - yet what follows is an argument, their last one. From Lan Wangji's point of view, it is also last time he asks Wei Wuxian to come to Gusu with him - to walk the same path moving forward, a last offer of protection. In a way both of them are confessing, yet they don't know.

When they part on dubious terms, Wei Wuxian doesn't know what to do - Lan Wangji DID come up, he did talk to him - that is not indifference or hate. It does not guarantee separation. Wei Wuxian just takes it as concern, without any confirmation from Lan Wangji himself.

Now, Wei Wuxian goes back to Lotus Pier in a dark mood. He says he met someone who wanted to lock him up - in a way, it must be addressed that Wei Wuxian's feelings are like chains for him. They don't liberate him. He needs to constantly suppress them. Jiang Cheng remarks it must have been Wei Wuxian who called out to Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian comments that he himself is ridiculous. He is frustrated over his feelings, unable to understand why he is placing himself into a position like this, why he has hopes only for them to be crushed again and again, yet unable to actually realize anything as he hasn't admitted it all to himself yet. Later, they talk about Yanli and Zixuan, and Wei Wuxian finds himself the perfect cover to talk to his shijie. He asks why people like one another - why does he have to feel so scared and afraid and vulnerable - and tells himself he's asking on part of his shijie. He convinces himself that he won't ever like anyone that much, thus once again - suppressing his feelings.

Later, at Koi Tower, he drinks from Lan Wangji's cup, unable to see him be disrespected and presents his case to the banquet. He ends up having to threaten everyone. Wei Wuxian HAS to make himself into something he is not. He's unafraid. At least that is what he wants to think.

Wei Wuxian glanced over at him (Lan Wangji). In those eyes, light as cat’s eye chrysoberyl, he saw his own near-hideous reflection.

This is how he truly feels - not just about himself (my boy literally has to carry a fake persona and be so strong and so alone for YEARS) but also how he perceives Lan Wangji's attitude towards him, and it stings him, but luckily he has more things to do than worry about how Lan Zhan feels about him.

YiLing Laozu

1. A ray of hope, separation and acceptance: Few weeks in the Burial Mounds has matured Wei Wuxian. He is naturally someone who works better when there is a goal, when there are people depending onto him. He has made his decision to walk his chosen path to its bitter end. Far away from the public's eyes, with his fear of being hated and ostracized, realized, now it is like he has little to lose, so he tries to make the best of it. When Lan Zhan visits YiLing, Wei Wuxian doesn't throw any curveballs to him. He doesn't ask too much, doesn't hope for anything, doesn't play around. Just enjoys some company time with him. Even when Lan Zhan brings up their persistent issues and pushes back them into the sphere of reality, Wei Wuxian deflects and only then shows some of his frustration. Yet, when Lan Zhan leaves, he chases after him to bid him goodbye. He tells him of his chosen path, asks him to form his own opinions about things, shows some trust in his integrity. They eventually go their own ways, the mood sombre. This time Wei Wuxian accepts that they aren't meant to be friends, but does say that they aren't enemies. Just people meant to walk separate paths. Thus, his feelings are no longer useful to him. They can't lead towards anything. He accepts it.

2. Extreme, Extreme Hurt: Acceptance doesn't mean it does not hurt. Just how long has Wei Wuxian suppressed his feelings? Just how long has he swallowed every hurt, every rejection? Just how many times has he called out first? Just how many times had he waited? When Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji stand on different sides in Nightless City with their weapons pointed at each other, Wei Wuxian finally "terms" Lan Wangji's attitude towards him: I knew from the start that we would have a real fight like this one, sooner or later. You've always found me disagreeable, no matter what.

"Wei WuXian had already lost his judgement. He was already half-mad, half-unconscious. All evil was being augmented by him. He felt that everyone loathed him and he loathed everyone as well. He wouldn’t be scared no matter who came at him. It wouldn’t matter no matter who came at him. It was all the same anyway."

He'd been scared, vulnerable and weak for so long, masking it with a layer of arrogance and humor. Yet now he simply can't do it any longer and his fears spill out, the darker thoughts he'd suppressed. He's like a child crying, saying it won't matter whatever his feelings were, he'd hurt them all. He was done of being hurt and scared, of hiding, of being treated like the problem. Note, that he has always wanted to be Lan Wangji's friend, always stated that they weren't enemies even when everyone around him laughed at his audacity. Now, he is done harboring hopes. He is ready to spill out all those things he's been holding back, all the fears he held.

Yet later, Lan Wangji is the one who helps him, hides him away, talks to him softly. If any part of Wei Wuxian was conscious, he'd have felt utter and complete exhaustion. "Get lost." As in, he is done. He doesn't wish for Lan Wangji to owe anything to him. He doesn't wish to change his perspectives once again. He has lost all hope, all will. He doesn't want to deal with it anymore. He can't leave by himself, he can't pretend otherwise, he can't make excuses, he can't hide in the face of Lan Wangji's action - so he can only drive him away.

Conclusion

If Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji ever had a few years of peace after they hit the age of eighteen, they would've figured their feelings out. Yet, everytime something is about to come out of their relationship, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji go through a major ordeal that pushes them back to base zero. In their first life, their relationship ends on a tragedy.

Lan Wangji's full-grown tree of his feelings doesn't get to provide Wei Ying with its shade, left forever alone until the tree eventually dies. Meanwhile, Wei Ying's sprouts never get the water it needs to grow spontaneously.

One can't fall in love as deeply as Wei Ying is with Lan Zhan after his revival in just three months. Thus, I hope this post made it easier to see just how deep his feelings ran. I will write a follow-up post about his attitude towards Lan Zhan in his second life!

Do let me know your thoughts as well.

#mdzs #mdzs novel #my meta #my thoughts #mdzs meta #my essays #wangxian #lan wangji #wei wuxian #lan zhan #wei ying #mo dao zu shi

281 notes · View notes

smart-academic-solutions · 6 months

Text

“AND THEN WHAT?? 🤪🤣😂”

#college #college life #student #study #studying #university #student life #study space #study hard #exam stress #my essays #study motivation #meme humor #i procrastinate too much #lol memes #tumblr memes #video memes #memes #meme

83 notes · View notes

burningvelvet · 6 months

Text

i thought nothing could be worse than the burning of byron’s memoirs but i stand corrected after reading jane austen’s poor wikipedia page

because at least we still have thousands of byron’s letters and journals which are mostly uncensored and which reveal his personality in all of it’s aspects, flaws and all, and everyone in his circle documented every detail of his life because he was a huge celebrity. his letters are considered some of the most brutally transparent ever written. i'm just using him as an example; him and austen shared the same publisher, lived during the same time, both very studied.

but with jane austen? we don’t get that honesty or that truly full picture. her relatives are the main sources of information, and all her surviving letters were carefully selected by them to portray her according to a specific agenda which would favor them, and so the true extent of her personality can never be as fully ascertained.

but at the same time... i don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. she doesn't seem to have wanted attention for herself but to have likely preferred privacy, and her books have gotten more acclaim that she ever could have comprehended -- her books are the way we access her, her life, her thoughts and her voice. i think that about all writers, though i do love biographical criticism and biography.

some writers we know nothing about and some writers we know everything about -- at least they all live on in their writing, yes. but on the one hand, i'm grateful all writers live on in their work (as a fan of history and literature) and on the other hand, my unquenchable curiousity does get annoyed with the lack of available information. i would really love to read an extensive series of austen diaries. there is something sort of voyeuristic about this, i know, but there is also a love of preserving the niche parts of history, the parts that others overlook, the undervalued parts (letters, diaries, receipts, notes, scraps, drafts, juvenilia, etc.)

marcus aurelius wanted his diaries burned but perverse curiousity, likely driven by excessive admiration, led to their preservation, and thus we have his meditations which is now one of the most valued pieces of literature ever. so i think letters and diaries, and any piece of writing, does have immense value, even when it borders on a violation of privacy or has the potential to ruin a reputation.

i think this all simply ties in to the fact that i don't believe in book-burning in any form. embarrassing love letters from 1812 ARE important, depressing diary entries from 1818 ARE important. i could go on and on and on but the point is that i think all words and all history are imporant. in my classes we've discussed how archival technology is at the forefront of all human knowledge: what do we keep, what do we preserve, what do we spend more time on salvaging?

it just kills me that so much has been burned and destroyed, regardless of all the intense ethical discussions which could derive from all this, which could go on for a million years. my point is that it is tragic that so much of austen's work was destroyed, and it is tragic that byron's memoirs were destroyed even though we have so much of his work any way. any loss of writing is a loss to posterity.

107 notes · View notes