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codezeta-liveblog-blog · 5 years

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Interlude 1 - The good ol’ Wildbow shitty-character/nice-bacsktory switcheroo

> Gathered Pages: 1

First interlude-ish. Seems to be an excerpt from Grandma Rose. All of my yes. See, I think I've mentioned it before. I dont know to what extent more famous books like GoT and LotR do this, but when I was young I had a medieval themed story I used to read, "Chronicles of the Emerse World" or something like that, A italian book that never had an english translation for some reason, in between a couple chapters there would be parts of hystory books talking about a new location or something, basically serving as free exposition. What I'm getting at is that when I was a kid it didn't bother me, but looking back it seems like a really cheap way for a less-than-avarage book to explain stuff it could have used its characters for. I dont know what to expect of this, but that it will not be blind exposition, but a deeper look into a character we have already got to know but keeps being surrounded in mystery. Only question is if its just us reading it or are our characters seeing this as well.

> February 6th, 1931 > > These words are my own for me alone and nothing I write here is meant to be binding. > > Dear Diary > > I am supposed to start with dear diary but daddy is very strict about what I say and how. Daddy said writing this diary would teach me to write better and that is very important but I have to write that at the top of every new part. Daddy said he would never read my diary but if I did not write that part at the top for every new part then he would whup me. I asked how he would know if he never read it and he said he would just know. I believe him.

I... dont remember the year this story is set in. I'm going to say it is set in 2013/2014. Except I also dont remember how old she was when she died. Is she already awoken, I doubt it, this is most probably a test for her to hone her speech, it would be a bit dangerous to awaken her and have the risk of her losing her powers because of writing something or forgetting to write something. Unless it os really that easy, you only need to write a paragraph and you are free to go.

> I was very very very careful when I asked daddy if it would be a bad whupping or a regular whupping and he asked me if I remembered when I got whupped and peed pink. I said yes I did and daddy got a really mean and angry look on his face and said the whupping I got this time would be worse if I did not remember to write that every time. Then he said he was not sure if it would work and I should tell no lies even when I write things down.

Yay to heavy parental abuse.

> I should explain what happened the other time because you are my diary and you do not know anything except what I wrote here. It was when I was playing with Pearl even though I was ixplicitly told I mustnt. She kept telling me she knew a fun game and she gave me one of her toys to hold, then she took my hand and pulled me along. Part of the game she said was that we had to go into her familys shed. Her sisters and older cousins were there and they all had sticks and things. They started hitting me over and over and kept knocking me down and would not let me leave. > > I was lucky that everyone in Pearls family that isn’t a daddy is a girl and they were not very strong. I bunched up into a ball and I shouted what daddy told me to shout if anyone every hurts me and I do not think I can get away. WITH THIS BLOOD SHED I PAY YOU FURFUR. EXACT MY REVENGE. Daddy said it sounded convincing and if it came to that and Furfur listend I would not be much worse off. I rememberd it because Furfur always sounded like an awfuly silly name.

I'm going to guess this is the girl-only family and that Pearl is probably one of the eldest ones there right now. Are they all pale and platinum blonde or is that just in my mind?

> Pearl and her sisters and her cousin ran when I said that and I went home. I cryed and cryed the entire way and I fell down a lot because my leg hurt where I got hit. I even scuffed my bottom lip and chin on the road when I fell on the path up to the house because its a hill and its steep in places. > > When I got home I told daddy what happened and he got really really really angry. I was scared he would whup me but he cleaned me up and wiped up the blood instead. He asked me lots of questions about what happened like had I played with Pearl before and how did I get away. Then he asked me about Pearl and where we would play and if I ever saw Pearl playing after sunday school. Then he put me to bed and told me I did not have to go to Sunday school the next day.

He is trying to figure out if any magic was involved I see. 2019 re-read thoughts: Now I know its more like he is trying to better locate the, most probably, Duchamp girl for his... later endeavor lets call it that.

> I forgot I wasn’t going to sunday school and I woke up and daddy was sitting in the living room with a drink looking out the window. He looked scary because he had that mean and angry look he has sometimes when he whups me and he was wearing the clothes from yesterday and he hadn’t shaved his face. He left without saying anything except to tell me I had to stay home. > > Then he came back and he changed and shaved and we ate and daddy told me that whatever came next I was forbidden to cry. > > There was a knock on the door and then Pearl’s Mama came inside dressed in her sunday best. Daddy made tea and gave Pearl’s mama a cup and gave me a cup and made a cup for himself and they talked about everything except me and Pearl. He looked and sounded danjerous and so did she but in a diferent way. Then Pearl’s mama asked about hair and he reached into his pocket and he pulled out all this blond hair tied into a knot in the middle and he put it over his knee. > > She asked for it and he asked for her to promise he wouldn’t get in trouble and that I would be safe from her daughter. They shook hands and then he gave her the hair. She asked if it was all there and he said yes. Then she asked if she could trust him and he smiled and said no but she had no choice. > > I didn’t know where the hair came from until I went to school the next day and I saw Pearl with her hair cut shorter than most of the boys. Mrs. Packman said it was because of bugs and we shouldn’t laugh but I knew the truth. Even though Pearl and her family hit me with sticks I felt really bad because Pearl always loved her long hair. Even when braided it was long enough to touch her bottom. She won’t even look at me now and she acts scared.

I wonder if this has to do with furfur, a spirit that cuts and collects hair, or if its just something that her father did on the side. Wasn't their family focused on females? Maybe Furfur is a barba-whatsis “safety-name” of sorts. 2019 re-read thought: This would however conflict with my earlier interpretation of the father himself going out to get the hair. BUT, maybe he wanted location informations to pass on to the demon. Then ONCE AGAIN, wasn’t Barbatorem ‘acquired’ by Rose, or was it in the family?

> It was only after that was over that daddy whupped me. It was almost as bad as being hit with the sticks because I was already sore. I peed pink after. The peeing hurt and I would stamp and drum my feet on the stepstool in front of the loo to distract myself until daddy belowed for me to stop. > > He asked me if I learned the lesson and I said yes. He asked me what the lesson was and I said it was I needed to listen. He asked me why I needed to listen and I said if I was disobedient and did not listen then everyone would hurt me. He said that was close enough.

It seems the disgusting methods of teaching were common. I didnt respect her before, but fuck me if it doesnt make sense that she came out the way she did. If her children didnt receive beatings, they probably had to hear a million times how worse she had it when she was their age, which is just as bad in a different way, psychological pressure to never complain.

> If I have to be truthful then I need to say my feelings hurt almost as bad as any of it. I wish someone would explain this better. Daddy said it was a trick but I said I did not think it made sense that someone my age could plan a trick like that and plan ahead to have people waiting in the shed like Pearl did. > > Daddy said the members of the Duchamp family could and they would do worse because they were scared of me so I could never ever never ever be friends with them. I asked him not even when I was an adult and he said when I am an adult I will know better or I deserve what I get.

Ooh, they feared her since BEFORE she was a practictioner. Interesting.

> I think I started having the bad dreams around then. Every night for a long time. Then one night daddy came and picked me up and he carried me to his bed. He told me the deal was I was allowed to cry but only so long as it was night and my head was on the pillow. In daylight I cannot cry or show weakness. He held me and he stroked my hair until I started to fall asleep and I felt safer. I cryed myself to sleep and I felt better. > > After the bad dreams went away, I went back to sleeping in my own bed. Daddy had me pick a special object to me and sit naked in a circle while I read from a book. He said it would be better if mommy was here but I need to learn to defend myself sooner than later. > > I don’t know how to defend myself yet. I do know that I was really worried about being lonly forever. My mommy is away buying a book and she has been gone since winter and she should have come back by now. I am not allowed to make friends if they belong to certain families and I am not allowed to make friends if they are already friends with someone from one of those families. Because most people here are like that I cannot make any friends my age. > > But there are things that aren’t my age or my daddy’s age or even the age of the house that want to be my friend now. Tricky things and scary things and things that offer me gifts like Pearl offered me the toy before she took me to the shed. I have to be very very careful but I do not feel as lonly anymore.

So she has already awakened by the time of writing this. A lot of politics going on as expected, which are sure to fuck up one's childhood. Which makes me wonder if there really isn't one of her children who doesn't already know about all this stuff and the how and why she did what she did and seemingly didnt involve them in all this. Also seemed like she was temporarily cursed on top of everything. 2019 re-read thoughts: I’m more and more conviced as time goes on that she was just having bad dreams because of intense trauma.

> This took me a real long time to write. I am still learning and I have to stop and think before each thing I write to make sure I am not lying. It made me feel better and I think it was a good idea. > > I am going to go give my dad a hug now for letting me write this diary and then I am going to go talk to tricky things. > > Yours, > > Rose Thorburn > > ■ > > March 9th, 1932 > > These words are my own for me alone and nothing I write here is meant to be binding. > > Dear Diary > > Arsepint lives up to his name. The dirty rotten bastard. > > I played a game with Arsepint and his followers today and he cheated! He wanted a lot of things and the only thing I was willing to give him was a kiss. I am still tasting bad eggs and garbage from the peck I gave him on the cheek. He said a lot of very rude things to me after. > > I asked daddy for advice and he told me I had to earn a victory or none of the goblins around here would respect me. I asked him how to win a victory and he took me to the library and helped me pick out books. > > Some of these books are so thick I can put my hand down flat on the spine and have room on either side. I asked and daddy said that being good at books is not always about reading a lot but its sometimes about knowing where to start looking. > > He also said I needed to stop asking so many questions. He said I have answers and I need to look for them on my own. > > Wish me luck Mr. Diary. I will let you know how I am doing. > > Rose Thorburn > > ■ > > June 18th, 1932 > > These words are my own for me alone and nothing I write here is meant to be binding. > > Dear Diary, > > I did it! > > Winning was easy. Now I have a Arsepint in a cage. I have to bring him food and water once every day or he is allowed to let himself free. > > The hard part is punishing him. How do you punish a Arsepint? > > How long would I have to lock him up before he agreed to do a song and dance about how mangy and pathetic he is in compirison to me? I could make him do it every time he met another person for a whole year! > > He wont like it but I didnt like having to read all those books. I was so bored I nearly cried. > > I told daddy, but he didn’t seem to understand. He gave me a pat on the head and told me to go read some more, so I would know good ways to use Arsepint. > > Victoriasly yours, > > Rose Thorburn

Oh I see where this is going. Its exactly showing how it all became this descending spiral. It has to be here you to make us think. This is at the end of an arc where the final point is our duo awakening. I believe this is showing us what could happen to our dear characters in the future, and what has to become of them as they enter in this new world. From innocence to vengeance in everything around you.

> September 15th, 1939

> > These words are my own, for my eyes alone, and nothing I write here is binding. You know the routine. > > Dear Diary, > > I am in a bind. I am so sorry I ignored you these past two weeks, dear diary, but much has been going on. > > I am in Montreal now, in a different school. They put me in a private school so I could learn more useful languages. It is a very religious school. There’s something witty I’m supposed to say about that but I’m too upset. > > Daddy let me bring some books, giving me a special suitcase that could hide them. It has been so dull, and the school is so strict, I don’t have much to occupy myself with. I would explore the school and meet the goblins and ghosts in the darkest corners, but they watch us like hawks watch mice. > > I’ve only been here a week and something happened. I could see the other girls spending time together, girls who have known each other from kindergarten. I couldn’t thrust myself into the middle of them, so I took a book outdoors. I told myself I would enjoy the crisp weather before the cold shuts us inside for months on end, walking away from the school to make sure I could read in peace. I was approached and told a teacher wanted me, and I had to stow the book away inside a hollow tree, because I certainly wasn’t about to take it into the school proper. I made sure there wasn’t anyone around to see, but someone figured it out. > > Of course it was a ruse. I’ve been so on guard against trickster spirits and goblins, I’ve forgotten to keep my guard up around other humans. The book was taken, then turned over to the head office in quick order when the taker found out what it was. > > I thought I had it settled when I threatened and spelled the girls who took and handed over the book, ensured that nobody knew it was them or me. Things are only getting worse, now, with the faculty on a warpath, hunting for the real owner of the book. They are threatening to take away privileges, to punish the entire school, and it’s only a matter of time before one of them bends to the pressure and points her finger at me. I’ve hidden my books with one working, and I can play innocent, but I fret. > > I need the book back, but I have only a few tricks at my disposal, and no creatures of any worth that I might bargain with. Ancient ghosts with little power left, and lesser spirits. > > We have been given time for self study. I’m using the chance to write and collect my thoughts. I need a strategy but I’m not sure what doors are open to me. Some religious grounds are benign but others are dangerous. What if someone asks along specific channels and an inquisitor is alerted?

Cool to know that more common religious methods also have power over the world of magic.

> The school, as well. There is so much talk of the war, and so much emphasis placed on making the school proud. The faculty keeps saying they want goodness and success to come out of this dark time, and they will see the subject of this book as a dark thing. > > If they trace this back to me and come to see me as the source of this great disappointment and a stain on their pride, the hate might be even greater than what the inquisitors might direct at me. > > Above all else, I fret about my mother. She spends so much time and effort collecting her books, I worry about what might happen if I lose one.

So its not only Rose, I imagine, that gathered the books of the library. Her mother seems to be almost a collector of sorts. The absent sort of mother as well, leaving her more and more exposed to her father’s methods of teaching.

> I must find a way in. If the ghosts are almost useless, I will simply have to use a great many of them. There are other lesser spirits, as well. They will have to do, as allies go. > > I must say I thought being at a new school with no reputation would help. Its worse. Now, just a week in, I feel more pressure than I ever have, but I have nobody to turn to, not even to argue with or vent on. I wonder if being hated may well be better than being a nobody. > > Rose D. Thorburn

And there it is. The turning point for her character maybe. A focal point of stress, family pressure and societal reprimand and behaviour she has to adhere. Changing her completely to what we've grown to lovehate. 2019 re-read thoughts: It also must be said that this is the first point, at least that we see, of her having to use resources outside of merely the books themselves. She has to apply her knowledge to obtain current, and low, resources to achieve her goal in a stressful situation. Cool to know that this is after the Great War, if anyone is knowledgeable, how was Canada's involvement in the war? Interesting to note that it’s her first addition of the ‘D.’ in her signing her name. Why would that be? Recognizing her father in some way? But why here and now? We see her later chaning this again IIRC.

> September 20th, 1939 > > These words are my own, for my eyes alone, and nothing I write here is binding. > > Dear Diary, > > Disaster, but not disaster of the kind I expected. > > In their quizzing of the students and their gentle and not so gentle probing, the interest of the faculty spurred the interest of the students. Word got around about the book, and I ended up being one of no less than three groups aiming to get into the headmaster’s office and get a better look at the book. > > I bid the ghosts to scare the others, but a braver group pressed on. Minnie from the year above me, her friends, and her cousin Herb. I think they were almost thrilled by what I sent their way. Herb might be the one who kept talking about joining the fight and being a hero. Maybe that drove him to fight past fear. Maybe he’s a moron. > > With a measure of help, I slipped into a cat’s body to spy on the new owners of the book. With learned tricks, I joined the shadows in slipping beneath the door. I thought I could snatch up the book and run. > > I did not expect what I saw. They were doing things that proper boys and girls shouldn’t do until marriage. Herb with one of Minnie’s friends and Minnie with one of Herb’s friends, and another two friends pairing up nearby. > > Dear diary, I don’t know how to name or explain the feelings that found me then. There was a kind of anxiety, warm, low in my belly, very real disgust. Surprising, when I’ve dealt with the most vulgar of goblins. > > My father has an eye for justice, or an eye for a lack of it. In a way, I might have viewed the world through his eyes when I saw that scene. I saw something unjust that outraged me and wounded my pride, compelling me to act.

Jeez, I thought the feeling was of simple disgust, but theres some ingrained envy in this isnt there? Of not being ‘normal’, of not being ‘in the know’, of thinking of something so seemingly enjoyable as disgusting places her from her pedestal where she thought she was from being into the magical world and down a peg below the commoners, actually enjoying their lives. No 24/7 stress, no traumas, no gods and ghosts and monsters. Just friends, love and sex.

> I feel wretched when I think that the action I was compelled to was fleeing. > > The Lord of Montreal reached out to me last night, communicating through my dreams. He has heard whisperings, as Lords do, and now I have a greater merchant spirit turned mortal turned god breathing down my neck. He would like for the book to be found, and will forgive me my error if I retrieve the book and ensure the ones who took it don’t pursue such things in the future. > > I have to confront the mundane humans, and I must do it while feeling as if they are somehow more distorted and unfamiliar than many of the beings I read about in my books. > > I have been born into a world that one in a thousand people have the slightest idea on. I know of goblins and boggarts, ghosts and elementals, demons and draiodhe. Yet I feel as though I’m the ignorant one, here. They are the ones who have been inducted into alluring, forbidden wrongs. > > This writing was meant to help me clarify my thoughts, but I don’t feel clarified. > > Rose D. Thorburn.

Quick rethorical question: was Grandma Rose asexual? Or simply misinformed? I find all of this from this entry very nice character traits.

> September 25th, 1939 > > These words are my own for me alone and nothing I write here is meant to be binding. > > Dear Diary, > > I don’t know what to do. > > I had no chance to write, for I was watched closely, and I had no privacy until now. I tried, but I couldn’t secure the book before they had a chance to use it. They called a goblin to them, and the ritual gave it power to attack. Minnie suffered the brunt of it, and the rest of us were caught. > > The police seem to think Herb and his friends as responsible. I was confused at first, but now I think it makes a kind of sense. Boys, a fraction too young to go to war. They intruded on a girl’s school, and they make for ready suspects when Minnie is hollowed out, left with only a vacant stare, unresponsive and unmoving but for the monotonous rocking of her body. Her body was untouched, but that doesn’t count for enough. > > When the books do tell of evil things being loosed, they often make it exciting. The mission is a rescue, a race against time. Here, three or four lives were utterly ruined, and they may never find out why. They were given no chance, except to leave dangerous things be. A practitioner could have done more to help, but I am more a novice than a full fledged wielder of power. I caught the goblin, I kept the scene clear. I was there when police arrived to answer the screams, and now I am a witness. > > I still I don’t understand it, and I don’t know what my place in this is supposed to be. > > The books say the ignorant may rewrite their own memories. Perhaps they will blame themselves. Perhaps Herb and his friends will convince themselves they were responsible. That strikes me as being nearly as horrifying as anything that happened to Minnie.

These feelings are all very complex and seem to run deep into her character. Not much to comment on, just well done, gotta see more of where this all leads, but I'd say that Rose is generally scared of some of the world, maybe of the way consequences can be twisted. All these entries thus far HAVE been having something to do with consequences of her actions.

> They may instead choose to let their recollection of what happened to Minnie fade from their minds, a curious incident they don’t let themselves dwell on. > > I just sat with my pen poised over paper for long enough I needed to dip my pen again. It’s more horrifying still, but it’s horror I feel on Minnie’s behalf. I think it’s the scariest thing I can imagine. Dying and having your existence erased from the world. To be painted over and forgotten. > > It’s my first time facing the aftermath of a situation like this. Removed from the books. It gnawed at me every day the girls and I were confined to the rooms on the top floor of the dormitory, while I waited to talk to police, and the entire way home. It eats at me still.

Oh no, its much different. She is scared of erasure. Of death. She will want to prolong her time as alive, maybe? But that wouldn’t fit would it? Because she died of a pretty regular age. So maybe what this points out is ust that she wants to go out with a bang. A particularly silent bang as we have been seeing.

> A small blessing that it was a goblin of no particular status or power. It could have been far worse. > > I expected the usual sort of punishment from my father. > > I did not expect my mother, returned from a year-long trip, to meet me in front of the house. > > Her first question was after my welfare. I told her I was well, but that the police might reach out to ask more questions, and that I might be asked to Montreal to attend court. > > Her second question was about the Lord of Montreal. I assured her I left things on good terms. > > Her third question, of course, was about her books. > > I assured her the books were well, showing her each of the texts I’d taken with me. > > With that, she left to return to her study, leaving me with her detestable snake and with Father. Even now, as I write this, the house has a smell, very like the aroma in that scene I stumbled on with Minnie and the rest, that had unsettled me so much. > > Ampelos was staring at me, and even though that snake face doesn’t show a damned hint of an expression, I could tell he knew, as though he read my mind. His every movement mocked me. > > It feels like there’s always the group, and then there’s me, standing apart.

I didnt comment on before, but Rose did transform into a cat, and I see no signs of a familiar. A snake can imply so many things. Seeking the truth, coersing others, greed, toxin but also medicine and treatment.

> Ampelos is my mother’s familiar, so he is her ally. My father is, of course, my mother’s partner. > > And then there is me. > > I think, writing this, I have settled on how I feel. Mortified. It’s a good word. > > I cannot make another mistake like I did, but I can’t cover every avenue by myself. I’m too young to take a familiar for life, and I have no friends here. > > I was home, and I felt more homesick than ever. I still do, writing this. > > Ampelos knew all this, and he silently mocked me. My father was in a good mood, but I didn’t hear his words and I think my silence annoyed him. > > He was upset over the girl that the goblin attacked, that I’d let the book out of my sight. He said it was my responsibility. > > I was angry, and I think both of us were a little surprised at how much emotion came out. I said a lot of things, and I was careful to keep my word, but I don’t remember much of it. > > I blamed him, because making friends was hard before, but impossible once I became a practitioner. > > I told him the truth. That I was given the responsibility too soon. Other families don’t let children have powers. I’m sixteen, but I’ve had powers for almost half of my life. > > And then I swore. I swore I wouldn’t ever make my children go through this. I would let them lead lives untouched by all of this. > > Never have I seen him react like he did. As if he’d heard me and he actually listened.

> Ampelos was still there, smug.

> > I don’t know why I did it, but I took hold of Ampelos’ tail, seized a letter opener from the nearest shelf, and I stabbed him, fixing the tail to the arm of the loveseat. I ran, before my father or mother could catch me.

Ooooooohhh fuuuuucccck! Well, we know the weight of making oaths. But what is the weight of hurting a familiar? I still don't quite understand how the snake could be taunting her either when it can only look hiss and move. Maybe its her imagination, maybe its something only she would understand, what it represented in her day-to-day life with her absent, albeit seemingly respectable but also willfully ignorant mother.

> As I said, mortified. I know I have responsibilities. I’ve done irreperable damage by swearing an emotional oath. One I’ll have to keep or be forsworn. > > I know I’ll have to go back and bow my head, accept my due punishment. It’s well after dark, and writing is getting harder as even moonlight is harder to come by. I’m sitting out of sight, using my bookpack as a seat, but trouble is sure to find me. I almost hope it will. > > I don’t know what to do, > > Rose D. Thorburn.

:( She just did the same homeless thing Blake did, didn’t she? She totally did.

> September 25th, 1939 > > Dear Diary, > > I’m not going to write the bit at the beginning. I know there is no use in it. It doesn’t protect me or do anything. I’ve known for a good while, and right now feels like a good time to make a change. I’m fairly certain I never made a promise, more because my father wouldn’t have exacted one from me than because I remember anything that well.

Another answer. You cant just make protections in written letter for your lies. It was just practice.

> I’m not sure if I should write this down, but when I sit here, muddy and bleeding in spots, scuffed and bruised, I think of Minnie, and I think I want to preserve as much of myself as I can. Even the gory bits. > > I found trouble. Aimon Behaim. Years older than me, visiting home while an injury heals. An enemy. > > He mocked me, following me, and it took me minutes to realize why he wasn’t doing more. My mother was back, and he was scared. > > I called him on it, and I offended his pride. He teased me, a working of spirits to bring raindrops down from leaves overhead, and I retaliated by throwing down the clay doll I keep Arsepint inside, giving an order to attack. Something of an overreaction. > > I didn’t think that a soldier might be carrying a firearm.

That sounds like trouble.

> I had to order Arsepint away before he could kill my oldest servant, and Aimon closed the distance, and pressed the gun to my head. I spat in his face, he grabbed me by the hair, and we fought. I dug my fingernails into his bandages, he tried to throw me over the edge of grass so I might fall in the lake, and I pulled him after me. > > Like my argument with my father, I can’t say everything that happened. It was stupid, ignoble, and animal. > > I look at him now, lying still beside me, and I think maybe Aimon was just as scared and frustrated as I was. A different kind of fear and frustration, but it was there. > > Somewhere along the line, he decided to let me win. I ended up above him, pinning him. > > He didn’t expect me to call Arsepint back, and have the lesser goblin bring me the dropped firearm. > > With a gun to his head, he refused to say uncle. To relent in the simplest, smallest way. I think that was when I realized we were the same. There was only us.

The first time she didnt feel alone maybe. The only time she ever had a group.

> And Arsepint. But allowances must be made. > > He kissed me, and I kissed him back. > > Things went to natural places from there. > > I’m enjoying sitting here, watching Aimon’s bare chest rising and falling. He has a bloody nose and it’s making him snore, and I like that. > > When I’m writing, dear Diary, I sometimes like to think that you’re communicating with me, when my thoughts clarify and I can jump to new ideas. It’s sad, that I give you an identity, when you’re only one of a long series of notebooks, but I’ll hold to the idea because it makes it easier to put pen to paper. > > If you were communicating with me, I’d think you just pointed out how Aimon and I were connected in the heat of the moment. You might be telling me I could have an ally in this. A way to make up for the damage I’ve done to my family with a careless oath. > > But Minnie is still fresh in my mind. Trusting the wrong person is a telling mistake, with consequences and damage. > > And I think of my first diary, your predecessor. Of Pearl, who offered me an enticement before dragging me off to where I could be beaten. > > I don’t know what to do, but it’s a more comfortable sort of doubt. At worst, I have an enemy I know and that’s better than having and knowing nothing at all. My predecessors will have to bear with me. > > R.D.T.

And thus she would forever go into a life of doubt. I now trust that she was the author of most books rather than her mom contributing to most of them as I thought before. She was reclusive, we don’t know anything about a grandfather. Ok. Thats the end of Bonds and we end it by seeing how the family bonds that began this arc and this story started, what are they built on. Things make a lot more sense and I'm very satisfied with what we've got thus far. Everyone just seems... unhappy, never satisfied. Those are dangerous feelings for people with power in their hands.

I'm currently in a shed in the middle of the woods, I'll maybe do an after arc thoughts. Something more in-depth. But that is a big maybe, becuase right now, I'm diving right into Arc 2!!

2019 clarification: Reminder that this was all written January 2018. That trip seems so long ago!

#CodeZeta liveblogs #pact #PactArc1 #Pact1.x

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thedappleddragon · 3 years

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hehehe today I did something exiting >:) BUT IF UR MY IRL FRIEND STOP READING BECAUSE ITS A SURPRISE.

but first we’re going chronologically. my cat woke me up by clawing at my sheets for the first time in a while. every morning she used to paw at my sheets, snag one claw in them, and detach it with her mouth until I got up to feed her or whatever. so it felt weird and reminded me of when I was waking up at noon everyday for a while. I said goodbye to my mom because she’s taking a trip to see her best friend/boyfriend to help with her mental health. I talked with her a bit and waved her goodbye and went back inside. I had breakfast and lily wanted to keep going outside, but I didnt want to go out because it was cold. I went out the first couple times she asked, but for the rest of the day I just opened the door to let her in and out, keeping an eye on her. I filled out 2 sketchbook pages because my brain was busy with other things. I played a little harvest moon and got to summer and finally looked up some of the mechanics like fertilizer and stuff. but mostly I was thinking about my friend’s birthday party and the formal dress code for the first half, how I dont have many dresses, and how cool it would be to make one myself. so I scoured Etsy and joann’s for dress patterns until I found one with a circle skirt and a sweetheart neckline that I thought looked really cute. ive never make clothes before, so I hope I do a good job. I wanted to go to Joanns but I had to wait for my sister to get home from track practice, so I just kinda sat at home alone. I'm usually more or less alone all day anyway, so I dont know why this felt so different. when she finally did come home dad handed us $40 for Taco Bell and to put gas in his car and we were off. my sister and I talked about what she did at track and my job interview yesterday while I did a mediocre job driving. when we got there I wasn't really sure what I was looking for, so I just kept going around in the clearence section touching everything that I thought could be a cute color/pattern for this dress. there were a lot of interesting fabrics and a lot of ugly ones I could only imagine on a toddlers and tiaras beautypagent dress. we settled on this light blue fabric with a white flower/leaf design and a soft plain blue fabric for the front panel and lining. it was about $33 worth of fabric, which I thought was a little expensive until I realized we would have paid more than double if it was full price. the patterned fabric is thin and flows nicely but isn't see-through which I really like, and the solid blue is very soft and stretchy. I'll probably use scraps from both after I'm done for other stuff. I wasn't sure what measurements I needed so I handed the lady at the fabric cutting booth my phone with a picture of the fabric requirements. she was very sleepy and had to convert between centimeters and yards, and I just watched as she unrolled the fabric and made very small snips. aaaah I love the fabric section of Joanns, even tho im horribly indecisive and I spent way too long just wandering and mulling it over. but im happy with my choice! I didnt want to pick a fabric I wasn't in love with, since it would suck ass if I put hundreds of hours of work into this dress and hated the outcome. OH MY GOD I JUST REMEMBERD THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. THIS DRESS WILL HAVE POCKETS!! :D I can make the pockets as big as I please >:) I'm fitting a small child in these pockets if it kills me. lmao I'll probably just follow the pattern and do the size it tells me. speaking of sizing after we got home with Taco Bell and joking about among us tiktoks in the car, I read through the pdfs and locked myself in the bathroom to take measurements, going through the list 3 times just to make sure I got an average. I kept landing between a 44 and a 46, but I must have taken my front and back waist measurements wrong?? they were way too short and not even on the sizing chart, so I guess I was thinking my waist was higher than it actually is. I decided for simplicity to use the 46 pattern all around. I only landed in 44 with the neck and bust numbers, but I can alwasy pull it in at the seams I need be. ohhhh I hope it turns out good.... I haven't even begin cutting or patterning yet, I still need to cut out the paper pattern I printed off. but first I wanted to use a big paper cutter to cut a centimeter off each page to make lining up and taping things easier. my little paper cutter only fits the short side of printer paper :( so I'll either use and exacto knife and a ruler on all 25 sheets or see if dad's work or the library will let me use a big one. tbh I'll probably do the first thing. I also learned how to do a bunch of seams today, some of which I might practice and use for my dress. and I called my dad’s boss about job openings, but he didnt answer so I left a message. I ALSO said for gas in cash for the first time today, which was a little weird. it was simple enough but I probably looked like a fool to the booth lady. I would get stared on at least prepping the paper patterns tonight, but its almost 2 am and my cat is asleep on my feet so I guess im trapped here.

#while I was looking through dress patterns online I saw one for a French victorian ball gown and tbh I was tempted #I thought about doing a gingham dress since its a picnic party but I thought that linings the little squares would be too much work and #next to impossible #thanks for coming to my ted talk #April 2021 daily #2021 daily #im obsessed with how the lady folded my yards of fabric into neat little squares

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squigglyness · 7 years

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Get to know me (Tag)

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

aw thanks @comfortablysarcasticslytherintj lov u okay also this is So Many help

LAST: 1. Drink: wAteR 2. Phone call: mom.. 3. Text message: idk i don’t remember to text back 4. Song you listen to: all i know is i have a MCR song stuck in my head and idk which one it is 5. Time you cried: either like two days ago or two weeks ago i can’t remember also why is this question ALWAYS included

HAVE YOU: alright u know what lemme just say yes and now let’s just forget this section 6. Dated someone twice: 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: 8. Been cheated on: 9. Lost someone special: 10. Been depressed: 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up:

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Black

13. Red

14. Green&Gold&White&DarkPurple&Brown

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Sorta

16. Fallen out of love: I mean you’d have to fall in love first rite 17. Laughed until you cried: ye 18. Found out someone was talking about you: if i did i don’t remember, it doesn’t really matter 20. Found out who your friends are: is it just me or does this sound childish 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: i don’t have FB tho

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: just rememberd i actually do have facebook and no i know none of them 23. Do you have any pets: i did until i moved and i still have my plants but i consider them children 24. Do you want to change your name: that’d be nice but as long as people don’t use my first name i’m good 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: nothing. my birthday is actually coming up again in like a week and i hope to watch LOTR 26. What time do you wake up: when i’m not overly depressed, 5:30 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeeeeep 28. Name something you can’t wait for: going to sleep, i’m not excited about much these days tbh 29. When was the last time you saw your mom?: last weekend 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: HAHAHA how about being productive without health problems 31. What are you listening to right now: the fan... it’s unusual but i’m actually not listening to music 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: well my brother 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: having to introduce myself and answer questions and talk about myself almost daily bc i keep meeting new people and they all seem to wanna know everythiiinggg also i hate questions that i don’t have a clear answer on yet, just pls don’t 34. Most visited website: probably google docs lmao 35. Mole/s: u know u watch too many crime shows with ur mom when u immediately think of deep cover agents 36. Mark/s: what does this mean? scars? let’s not 37. Childhood dream: djkfl;d to be a boy and to make art 38. Hair color: i have never in my life been able to decide what color my hair is. i’m just gonna go with goldish brown idk that makes it sound light but it’s not idkkkk 39. Long or short hair: short short short short short 40. Do you have a crush on someone: no no no why would i do that 41. What do you like about yourself?: skin color, complexion, hair, eyes, idk man sometimes i like everythign about me and sometimes the opposite 42. Piercings: 2 on each ear 43. Blood type: idkkkkk 44. Nicknames? Ricky, Ericky, Eric, Ricks, Rosie, (btw pls don’t), Rosa, then what my parents call me, Rica Rose and Rosebud lmao. btw i prefer Rose, or Ricky, that’s fine too 45. Relationship status: jUsT mE 46. Zodiac: cancer 47. Pronouns: any 48. Favorite TV Show: I don’t watch tv much i spend all my time i have to waste reading articles but Doctor Who, Merlin, NCIS bc it’s a tradition in my family, ... 50. Right or left hand: left 51. Surgery: nope 52. Hair dyed in different color: i’ve had red, pink, purple, blonde, brown 53. Sport: lol when i was a kid i did dance and gymnastics (might i say, i was actually really good at that..) and in school i did volleyball (worst semester of my life), track, and powerlifting 55. Vacation: well i’m going to Europe during Christmas with my sisters 56. Pair of trainers: these are shoes right?? tbh i don’t care enough to answer i’m sick rn

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: well i’m vegan and let me just say i love mac n cheese 58. Drinking: just water 59. I’m about to: there’s a good chance i’m about to fall asleep here on the floor 62. Want: TO GET IT TOGETHER AND BE THE MOST PRODUCTIVE also i just wanna draw but i can’t get it together enough even to do that 63. Get married: probably out of the question, sigh 64. Career: i just wanna research physics stuff and sell art on the side ok 65. Hugs or kisses: kisses are nice in theory and i don’t understand the purpose of hugs also pls no 66. Lips or eyes: what does this even mean?? if i had one adn not the other that’d be weird. but eyes are nice 67. Shorter or taller: i’m shorter and i have no desire to be tall 68. Older or younger: i think 50-60 is such a beautiful age tbh but i like being my own age too. i can’t wait to have silver hair and be a Wise One like Gandalf. (okay yeah tbh i just wanna be gandalf) 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: i would just prefer to like myself 71. Sensitive or loud: i’m really not either?? 72. Hook up or relationship: neither???? i guess if i had to choose then relationship but only if it’s not a romantic relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: neither really..

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: why would i do that 75. Drank hard liquor: well if i did i don’t remember 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: when i was a kid i lost so many pairs of glasses my mom is convinced i threw them away 77. Turned someone down: is this not a common thing?? oops 78. Sex on the first date: i’m ace pls 79. Broken someone’s heart: ooooooooops 80. Had your heart broken: lmao yeah 81. Been arrested: noop 82. Cried when someone died: nope 83. Fallen for a friend: how can u fall for someoen who isn’t ur friend

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84: Yourself: yeah 85. Miracles: sure 86. Love at first sight: how many more questions about love are there?? also no that doesn’t even make sense 87. Santa Claus: ?????????????????? 88. Kiss on the first date: i’ve never felt the need to go on a date but if i did i think i would already know the person really well so it wouldn’t be weird so yeah sure buuuuut i’m not goign on any dates so it’s not happening\

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: ideally, best friends live in the same city as u,,, and i have no friends here really,,,,,, i had a best friend when i was 4-6 tho. i mean. if anyone wants to be my bff lemme know that’d be nice 91. Eye color: dark blue green with gold specks 92. Favorite movie: lmao the lego movie

okay now i have to tag people??i hardly have any friends here on tumblr this is too hard but k lemme try

@iitwillbe @hermionesmenacinglook @introvertentropy @strawberrylovely @seoul-warrior @dont-give-a-bother alright i am 2 sick and 2 tired to finish goodnight

#look at this pointless thing i did #cool

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icyhobi · 7 years

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YOU ARE AN AMAZING PERSON AND YOU HAVE AMAZING PEOPLE AROUND YOU!! HAVE A GOOD DAY AHEAD AND I HOPE YOU EAT A LOT THAT IS ALL 💓

Thank you so much! And btw everyone, i’ll be answering all the asks i have in my inbox rn, since i don’t wanna let it pile up even more. So beware, this is a long ass post! (and idk if it will show up on mobile properly :(

fullydecaffeinateddinosaur said:AHHHHHH I love Forgotten, I hope you’ll make a part two (but if you don’t that’s okay). DONT LET THE HATERS BRING YOU DOWN!!! You’re an amazing writer.

thank you so much for liking it!

Anonymous said:Don’t stop writing! I think that a non was just jealous and if that persone doesn’t like smut well she don’t have to read them! Don’t let anyone to drag you down because I love your stories! 😘

lool dw, i definately won’t stop writing!

Anonymous said:PLEASE MAKE A PART TWO TO FORGOTTEN 😭😭😭😭

umm, i’m still deciding if i should or not… i just, idk...

Anonymous said:DAMN. FORGOTTEN GOT ME FUCKED UP. YOU ARE DEFINITELY MY FAVORITE WRITER WOW I LOVE YOU♥️

OMG AM I REALLY!??! WOOOW!!! THANK YOU!

Anonymous said:Is forgotten supossed to have a second part? :) Sorry if my english is bad

no, don’t be sorry your english is perfectly fine! and im still thinking about it!

Anonymous said:Omg forgotten was soooooooo good!!! Please do another part!!

thanks! and maybe ;)

Anonymous said:Forgotten made me shed actual tears 😭 are you going to be continuing it?

did it really? was it too harsh? and im still not too sure if i will

Anonymous said:will their be a forgotten pt 2?

who knows…

Anonymous said:Guuuuurrrrl i read your fic (forgotten) and i looooved it soooo much that i wanted to re-read it (its that a word? Sorry spanish speaker here hahah) but i couldn’t remember your nameee and i spend the entire day looking for you (cause i only rememberd the “mochi” part) and i finally fouuuuuuund youuu!!!!!! So pleeeeease keep it up with the good work! Please make chapter 2! Loveeeee yaa! Saludos desde el fin del mundo!

yaaay you found me!!!

Anonymous said:I LOVE FORGOTTEN AHHHHHHHHHHH ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

THANK YOU!!!!!!

Anonymous said:I need part 2 of forgotten now because like I’m crying and omg the feels

Anonymous said:I was wondering if you’re ever going to continue forgotten! The ending was such a twist and I cried while reading it LMAO i think it would make a good full fanfic!! Pls at least make a part 2 I’m dying RN

Anonymous said:will there be a pt2 of forgotten?

Anonymous said:Wow forgotten got me fucked up!! I loved it I loved it I loved it!!!!! Do you think there’ll be a part two for this or is it the only one?

Anonymous said:MOCHIIII I love you and your an amazing writer but Forgotten gave me da feels man!!!!!! I finally found someone I hate (Tae’s cheater of a wifu) XD. Is there anyway you might continue the story though with a happy (revenge on the witch as well 😈) ending?????

Anonymous said:Holy moly forgotten is so good!!! I hope you do a part two❤️❤️❤️

Anonymous said:BUT UR GOING TO MAKE A PART 2 TO FORGOTTEN RIGHT?!!!!!

Anonymous said:Part 2 of forgotten plz omg I loved it it was so good💙💙

Anonymous said:omggggg your Taehyung uni story defos needs a part 2!! i loved it!!

figureinglifeout said:Omg pls tell me forgotten has a sequel. Tae can’t do OC dirty like that

fairyrink said:I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED AND WHY TAE IS ENGAGED TO THAT GIRL BUT UM I NEED EXPLANATIONS SO I NEED TO KNOW IF YOURE DOING A PART 2 OF FORGOTTEN PLEASE!!! 😭😭❤️❤️

Anonymous said:Will there be part 2 of Forgotten? I really hope there will be more it can’t end like that! That bish can’t win!

Anonymous said:OMG!! I really liked Forgotten a lot even if it did break my heart at the end :’( Are you thinking of making a part two or something like that cause that was really good and I just want Taehyung x reader to be together even though that’s unlikely 💔😅

Anonymous said:Is Forgotten going to be a series?

Anonymous said:Ah also forgot to ask: is Forgotten a one shot? - moose anon

Anonymous said:I’m sorry but Forgotten has me yelling WTF. Like, I knew something like that would happen, BUT I STILL WASNT READY. UGH MY HEART. FUDGE MUFFINS. - moose anon

xsnapplex said:Mochi!! I really hope you make Forgotten a series, because classic you out a cliff hanger in it… T-T I almost lost my mind at the end. But it was sooooo goood

ahh okay, so i decided to answer these asks all together since they are basically asking the same thing. first of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LIKING IT!!! xoxo im like so happy you guys enjoyed it! and to answer your questions, im still not to sure if there will be a second part unfortunately… we’ll just have to see!

Anonymous said:Lol I think you made me a sucker for hybrid ffs 😂 but i love “take it like a puppy” so much. ❤️😊😘😍

aww thank you! lmao i really like hybrid aus too!

Anonymous said:😭😭😭😭 I wasn’t ready for it. I’m a crying mess now after forgotten it was soooo good. If it’s a oneshot it’s beautiful and really sad but if there’s gonna be another part… *fingers crossed*

thank you sooo much!! and nooo dont cry!!

sanha-ii said:Okay right, the story Forgotten got me tense as! The cliffhanger at the end is actually making me shriek due to the amount of theories I’m getting, will there be a part 2 by any chance or is this a story where you let the readers suffer forever😂😂

ikr? it was such a twist lol. and idk, maybe i’ll just be mean and let you guys suffer…. *insert even laugh*

Anonymous said:WTF TAEHYUNG AND SEULGI ENDED UP TOGETHER?????? AND TAEHYUNG DOESNT REMEMBER THE READER??????

IKR RIGHT!?!??! LIKE WHAAAATTTT????

zara-zaza said:Forgotten was so good!!! But if it was me I would have slaped the shit out of Seulgi the second time I saw her 😂😂 but just a question does Tae really don’t remember her or was he just mad at her?

loool it was so shocking thoo. and well…. i cant say… ;)

Anonymous said:Ahhhh I’m so freaking hooked on “Forgotten”!!! Ugh I kinda wish that the reader moved on from Taehyung but it soooo good either way! I love the way you write and I can’t wait to see what happens next ♡♡♡♡♡

ikr poor reader! :( And thank you for liking it!

Anonymous said:Oh my god! A second part in forgotten, please! Y/N deserves to be happy and Seulgi SHOULD DIE! I’m sorry, I’m just being really over dramatic

But is Seulgi really the bad guy here? I mean maybe was hurt because Y/n left… but Seulgi clearly leave him tho… ;)

Anonymous said:PLEASE DO A TEASE PT 3 I WILL SELL MY SOUL FOR IT HAVSHBAHAHSH U WRITE SO GOOD IM STUCK IN THE REALM OF UR GOOD FICS

lool thank you! and im sorry bby, but tease was only meant to be a two-shot :(

Anonymous said:uM, eXCusE U?! How dare you write something as good as forgotten and LEAVE US ON A CLIFFHANGER LIKE THAT?! iT’S LIKE pURusaSION BTS style!!!!!

loool my style is usually ending things off on cliffhangers!!!

Anonymous said:Please do another part of tease I can’t take the ending please my love

srry bby, but i won’t :/

Anonymous said:i just finished reading the taehyung x reader, forgotten and im crying at how you ended it. you’re a great writer, bless you.

loool it was so mean right??? BUT THANK YOU!!! xoxo :”)

Anonymous said:omg Forgotten was sooo good and sad it legit brought me to tears 😭❤️ and the plot twist at the end got me so fucked up I was expecting a happy ending :’D

aww sorry bby!! i didn’t mean to make you cry

Anonymous said:WTF WRITER NIM YOU MADE ME CRY IM CRYING WHY DID YOU HURT ME WITH THAT ENDING HOW COULD YOU?! IM JUST GONNA GO CRY NOW AND I HOPE SEULGI DIES AND ROTS!¡ I’m in pain, you better fix this 😭 - Psychotic Jungkook stan anon

ohhhh are you threatening me???? LOOOOL im so cruel, right???

Anonymous said:OMG how… how could you end Forgotten just like that pls have mercy on yn …. i can’t believe you …. oh god

hmmm we’ll see… ;)

Anonymous said:Fanfic request: Could you write a fanfic about Min Yoongi (x Reader) where he was a mass murderer or gang leader/criminal that fell in love with you on a job of his. (Something like that at least. I don’t really know. But I thought that we should start recommending stuff that wasn’t just the mankae line lol)

thank you for requesting! but unfortunately i not taking in requests since i have too much stories to work on atm! srry again!

Anonymous said:Forgotten.. I’m literally about to die now.😫😭 WHYYYYYYYYYY!?! UGHHHHHH. Getting my heart attacked and stomped on was not how I wanted to end my night.😭😫😂 Anyways, it’s beautifully written! I love your fanfics (even if they do bring my heart an enormous amount of pain)!💕😘

aww im so sorry! i didnt mean to hurt your guys! i just wanted to write something very angsty!! but thank you so much for reading it!

Anonymous said:There is a part of me that wants to kiss you but another part of me that wants to ask you ‘why?’ Also why does everyone use Selugi as 'that girl’ in fanfics? I like I am getting into R.V and I am starting to like her. ~Edgy ❤❤ (Kiss part spoke louder that was amazing also I am a sucker for angst it fuels my soul. Love u)

loool aww edgy, your soo funny!

Anyways, this took a long time to answer, but thank you eveyone who sent me an ask! i seriously love you guys!!!

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