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thefreakandthehair · 26 days

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apollo, who?

There are three absolute truths when it comes to Steve Harrington:

The first is that Steve is a gifted athlete.

The second is that Steve was born to thrive in the summertime.

And the third, much to Eddie Munson’s chagrin and horror, is that the combination of the first two truths will be his undoing. In public, no less, because the universe has apparently concocted a plan to let Eddie live but to make him suffer nonetheless.

Unloading the van had been easy enough— Steve grabbing the cooler stacked to the brim with soda, water, and snacks and Eddie watching as he’d trekked through the sand to where Robin and Nancy set up their chairs and beach umbrella. Most of the kids were long gone already, staking their claim with blankets and towels a few feet away from Robin and Nancy, leaving Eddie to snag the sunblock he’s basically been made to swear a blood oath to Wayne that he’ll apply generously over his scars.

He leans back over the passenger seat to grab it from the center console, along with his walkman and sunglasses, and when he turns back around, he stops dead.

Steve’s shirtless.

In the span of ten seconds, Steve’s already shirtless on the beach, nothing but swim trunks hanging from his hips, and Eddie realizes he’s underestimated how fucking beautiful this sight might be.

The edge of Lake Michigan laps at the rippled sands as Steve reels back and tosses a football that Eddie’s pretty sure materialized out of nowhere to Lucas a few yards down the shore. All of his freckles and moles and scars out on full display, the sun beats down on his tanned skin and uncharacteristically messy hair that Eddie’s watched slowly morph from chestnut to ash brown over the course of the season.

As Eddie applies his stupid sunblock, he lets himself stare unnoticed. Lucas throws what Eddie assumes is a good pass if Steve’s celebratory, “Great spiral!” means anything and when he puts on his sunglasses, it’s more to shield the blinding light of Steve’s smile than the sun. Maybe it’s cliche, maybe it’s overdone and contrived, but Eddie can’t stop himself from comparing Steve to a Greek fucking God.

Apollo, who?

El appears next to Steve and Eddie continues to watch— about three layers of sunblock in at this point because he’s lost track— as Steve demonstrates something. Holding the football in one hand, he points at the laces and seems to check in with El for understanding before handing it over to her and adjusting her grip slightly. When she attempts to throw it to Lucas, it falls short and lands in the sand just a few feet away from where she and Steve stand.

Eddie’s chest fucking swells as Steve trots over to grab it and simply hands it to her again, smile in place to counteract El’s pout. Three or four tries later, the ball flies straight enough for Lucas to catch it and Jesus H. Christ, Steve cheers like she scored a touchdown, or whatever the fuck it’s called.

He can’t leave the side of the van. If he makes his way down to the beach, it’ll be all over for him. He’ll have to hide in the water the entire time, and now there’s too much sunblock on his face to blame the inevitable flush on sunburn. It’s fine, he can hang back. Everyone looks preoccupied anyways and with any luck, no one will notice he’s not enjoying the surf and sand with everyone else until it’s time to leave—

“Eddie!”

Right, he thinks to himself. I have no luck.

Steve waves at him to come join, turning that sunshine smile directly at him and it’s a direct hit. Apparently, even on the opposite side of the sands, he’s still a goner.

“Eddie! C’mon, what’re you waiting for?” He calls out again, both hands resting on his hips.

It does nothing to quell his urge to stare at places friends aren’t supposed to stare at. As far as he knows, the only person to have picked up on his unfortunate crush is Nancy, who’d seemed to understand the importance of discretion and hasn’t said a word. If he can leave this beach day with his secret intact, he’ll chalk it up as a success.

“I’m comin’, I’m comin’!”

With a deep breath, he locks and slams the passenger door to the van and walks out onto the hot sand, barefoot with his sneakers in one hand, SPF 70 in the other, and sunglasses hung over his nose. Distantly, he recognizes the grittiness of the sand beneath his toes and the earthy scent of the freshwater stretching out for miles in front of him but more acutely, he just keeps his eyes on Steve.

Please let these glasses be tinted, he thinks.

“Finally, what the hell were you doing up there?” Steve asks when he makes it down the narrow path lines with tall grass.

“Aw, did you miss me, Big Boy?” Eddie drones with a smirk. If he just acts normal, no one will know the difference. It’s not like Steve ever flirts back—

“And if I did?”

He hasn't planned for that response. All he’s prepared for is a gentle eye roll, maybe a flustered laugh or furrowed brow, and now Steve’s shirtless, sun-baked, sweat dripping from his temple and suggesting he missed him.

What the fuck.

“Heads-up!” Lucas yells and Steve turns just in time to take two steps backward and catch the football coming in their direction.

There’s no way for Lucas to have known he’d just saved Eddie from something horrendously embarrassing, but he’ll find a way to thank him all the same.

“Ever throw a football?” Steve holds the oblong ball in one hand, wiggling it at shoulder height with a grin. “I taught El how to throw a spiral, so I think I can teach you, too.”

Okay, actually, he’s still being subjected to something humiliating.

“Sports have never really been my—”

“Don’t start with that, c’mere. It’s easy.” Steve gestures with a nod of his head for Eddie to join him further out on the beach and like a satellite to its orbit, he follows.

It takes way more attempts than it did El— something Max was all too quick to point out loudly— but he does eventually throw something that Steve considers a spiral. Maybe it would’ve taken fewer tries if Steve hadn’t insisted on standing directly behind him, adjusting his stance and grip with his chest damn near pressed against Eddie’s back.

Of all the unfair cards life has dealt him, this has to be the worst. More than once, he makes eye contact with Nancy who raises an eyebrow and smirks before returning her attention to whatever she and Robin are talking about.

Probably him. Him and Steve and his dumb, dumb, dumb crush that’s ruining his life. It’s fine.

When he finally throws the ball at an acceptable angle, Steve claps him on the shoulder and stands next to him, effectively draping an arm over both shoulders.

“See? That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

He swallows and turns, breath catching his throat. All of the sun has brought Steve’s freckles to the forefront, a shade darker than usual with new tiny pinpricks of color appearing along his nose with a faint pink hue along his cheekbones.

If they weren’t in public, he’d do something very, very stupid. Instead, he clears his throat subtly and finds words.

“Sure, yeah, I’m a regular sports guy now, Steve. Guess I’ve gotta find something to teach you, huh? Y’know, return the favor?”

“I’ve always wanted to learn guitar. You can show me the basics some time. Or uh,” Steve grins and lowers his voice. “I’m sure there are some other things we can learn together.”

Eddie’s fully lost track of how many times he’s been caught off-guard so far today, but this one takes the cake. Steve’s fucking flirting with him. Actually flirting with him. Beating him over the goddamn head with it, really.

“Yeah! Yeah, uh, yeah,” he repeats, smooth. “To both, I mean. Yeah, to both.”

Steve squeezes his shoulder and unravels his arm with a hopeful expression.

“We’ll talk more when we aren’t surrounded by nosy shits, especially those two,” Steve nods at Robin and Nancy who wave with their fingers. “In the meantime, race you to the water?”

“What is it with you jocks?”

He barely has time to get the question out before Steve takes off, plunging into the water a solid foot before Eddie even reaches the shore.

“That’s cheating, Harrington!” He bellows, running through the sand to join him, heart thundering between his ribs and head still spinning from what just happened.

“Sounds like what I’d expect from someone who just lost,” Steve shoots back, taking a breath and submerging himself before popping back up.

Hair slicked back with the freshwater of Lake Michigan, Eddie watches as Steve runs both hands through it, then down his face and back into the lake. Water droplets glisten off his skin and Eddie wades a little closer, finding Steve’s hands once they’re submerged enough to disguise it.

“Oh, contraire,” Eddie muses. “I feel like I just won.”

#steddie #steddie fic #steddie fanfic #steddie fanfiction #steve harrington x eddie munson #eddie munson x steve harrington #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #stranger things fic #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #myblurbs

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delulujuls · 4 months

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gifted | cl16

hi! i couldn't help myself so here is something with a bit of festive spirit. also i can't believe that is only a week left til christmas lmao

anyway, enjoy this one as well!

summary: y/n decided to finally reveal her feelings, a lot of miscommunication in the house of ferrari, fav red duo being completely chaotic (and all of that with christmas songs playing in the background)

warnings: none, its kinda fluffy at the end tho

pairing: charles leclerc x fem!ferraridriver

Even though there was only a week left until Christmas, the festive atmosphere was practically unnoticeable due to the amount of work still involved.

Although the season was over and most of the sporting events had passed, the work was still piling up and had no plans to end.

Y/N sat in the chill room, waiting for two interviews she was scheduled to have later that day. She had been at Ferrari's headquarters since the morning, recording materials for social media. Of course she was accompanied by Charles, who was currently lost somewhere.

At that moment it was to her advantage, as she was lying on the couch and browsing the Internet, looking for a Christmas gift for him. Which, by the way, was quite a challenge.

Y/N and Charles became teammates three years ago. Three years were enough for the couple to find a common language and, apart from working together, became friends. Even though they knew each other well, the issue of gifts always remained problematic. What's worse, the girl's love language was giving gifts and surprises, so she always tried to give the best gifts for various occasions. Charles, however, was a tough guy to please.

She sighed, closing another tab in her browser. Time was running out and she still had no specific gift or even an idea of what specific direction she could go. Especially since this year her task was much more difficult, because for several weeks Y/N had a problem with looking at Charles only as a friend. At the beginning, everyone is in denial that no, he's just a friend, there's nothing in common between us and nothing more serious will ever happen, but when you spend so much time together and the bond is so strong and emotional, it's hard not to fall head over heels in love.

Which in Y/N's case just happened.

The problem, however, was that the girl had absolutely no idea how to admit her feelings to her friend. So she decided that this year's Christmas gift would be perfect and meaningful enough for Charles to connect the dots and understand that the girl's feelings were beyond their friendship. At least this was the scenario Y/N had hoped for.

"You look like you just ran the race of the century"

Charles said, which brought his friend out of her thoughts. He held two cups of coffee in his hands, he gave one of them to the girl and plopped down next to her on the sofa.

"I think I need your help."

Y/N said and looked at him as her last resort, which he actually was.

"Something happened?"

He asked and his expression immediately became worried.

"What Christmas present would you be happy about?"

Charles frowned at her direct question.

"Are you asking what you should buy me for Christmas?"

"No, what should I buy for you, but what would a guy around your age with similar interests generally be happy with?"

It was obvious that the contacts in Leclerc's brain were working like crazy, but despite this, they were unable to understand the given command.

"I like someone and I would like to show it to him with a gift. And since I have no idea, I'm asking you for advice"

She explained, trying to sound very convincing. Of course she lied like hell but she assumed that it was darkest under the street lamp and if she played it right, Charles wouldn't guess anything and would also give her a great gift idea.

Leclerc, hearing her words, only nodded and took a sip of his coffee. It was obvious that he was thinking hard and really wanted to help her with the answer.

"Maybe a leather belt, a wallet?"

Y/N frowned.

"Would you be happy with a belt or a leather wallet?"

"I don't, but I'm trying to give you some ideas. I would be happy with a new tennis racket, mine is currently being repaired and I don't know if it's time for a new one."

"A tennis racket?"

Charles nodded, but then changed the subject completely.

"By the way, firstly, why I don't know anything about the fact that you like someone, secondly, why I didn't receive any photo for analysis and thirdly, if you want to show your feelings through a gift, then I think you should do something with your own hand. Or at least show that it means a lot to you"

Y/N analyzed his words carefully. The racket idea wasn't a bad idea, especially since she could have gone a step further and, in addition to the racket, bought them a stay on the court together. Charles tried many times to convince her to play with him, but Y/N had no idea how to play tennis and in her eyes, making a fool of herself on the first date was a bad idea to impress her love interest.

"You actually helped me, you know?"

The girl said and smiled at him. Charles probably helped her more than he expected.

"That's great because you could help me too."

He replied, glancing at her. Y/Ns stomach dropped to her throat, but she decided to act unfazed. In a second of inattention, everything could go to hell.

"Do you also need some gift inspiration?"

"Yes, and I have exactly the same problem as you."

Charles sighed and drank his coffee.

"Some time ago I met a girl. We met a few times and it seems to be nice between us. I would like to give her a gift so that she can see that I care."

"You didn't mention anything about dating anyone."

Y/N said, trying to adopt as neutral a tone as possible. However, her heart was pounding like crazy and she had no idea whether Charles was following her tactics and was actually asking her what she would like to get, whether he had actually met someone and would like to reveal his feelings soon.

"Neither do you, so we're even."

He replied and laughed.

The girl shifted on the couch, feeling her stomach hurt from nerves. She was about to continue talking to him when someone entered the room and informed her that everything for her interview was ready.

Y/N apologized to him and stood up, saying that they would come back to this conversation. However, she sincerely hoped that today was her last day at the headquarters and that she would not have to come here until the new year, which would mean that she would not have to be in Charles' company.

To be honest, she felt idiotic. What if Charles is actually dating someone? What an idiot she would look like if she admitted her feelings.

When she finished all her duties at the company, she returned to the hotel without a word. She spent the rest of the evening on social media searching for any photos or mentions of whether Charles Leclerc was currently dating anyone.

The lack of any information did not help her at all. His words kept drilling a hole in her head, causing all the pre-Christmas cheer to evaporate from her like a burst balloon.

Maybe she was in a bad mood, but at least she had the idea of a Christmas surprise off her mind. She also hoped that Charles' new friend would give him some great gift, for fuck's sake.

The girl threw the phone into the pillows and fell onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. The thoughts swirling in her head were interrupted by the sound of an incoming message. The notification "new message from: lord perceval" appeared on the screen

"You still haven't helped me with the gift."

"If you want to show your feelings through a gift, I think you should make something with your own hands. Or at least show that it means a lot to you."

She replied, quoting exactly what he had recommended to her a few hours earlier.

She locked her phone again and stuffed it under her pillow. Y/N hoped that by the time they met again, she would have gotten over her feelings and Charles would be her teammate again. And the teammate only.

The next day, the girl returned to Monaco, spending preparations for Christmas alone. This year she happened to be spending the holidays alone. Did it bother her much? Not particularly.

She decided to spend this time in peace and quiet. She kept her phone on airplane mode most of the time and she also avoided social media. Did she have any specific goal for this? The only goal was to avoid Charles, both direct contact with him and any mention of him.

On Christmas Eve morning, she went in search of a Christmas tree, which she bought, brought it herself and even installed it in the corner of the living room, wanting to prove her independence at all costs. Although it was all pricked by fresh, sharp needles, the tree still looked beautiful. While she was in the process of decorating it, she heard a knock on the door. She flinched almost so much that she almost dropped the bauble from her hands.

She hung it on a branch and went to open it. How surprised she was when standing in front of her was none other than Charles himself.

"Hey. Something happened that you are here?"

The girl asked, glancing at him.

"I guess so, since I haven't had any contact with you for several days."

"I've been busy. You know, Christmas and all that craziness."

Charles looked at her worriedly, trying to read the truth on her face that he felt like she was hiding from him.

"Everything's all right?"

Y/N just nodded.

"I'm just busy. I guess you are too, so run away to your place. You're probably planning a big family Christmas Eve."

"Can I go in?"

The girl sighed, knowing full well that she wouldn't get rid of him anytime soon. She walked deeper into the apartment, leaving the door open for him. She went to the Christmas tree and took another ornament out of the box and hung it on the tree.

Charles followed her without a word. There was silence inside and the only sign heralding Christmas Eve afternoon was the Christmas tree standing in the corner, which she was decorating in silence. There was no indication that Y/N would be expecting guests in a few hours, so he was surprised that if she was to catch a plane back to her hometown today, she should have been getting ready to leave long ago.

"How are you spending Christmas?"

He spoke after a moment, walking up to her. Without thinking, he took the bauble out of the box and carefully hung it as well on the Christmas tree.

"Here"

"When are the guests coming? I don't want to disturb you."

He laughed quietly, trying to lighten the atmosphere that seemed extremely thick to him. However, when he glanced at his friend, she was straightening the decorations on the tree with a sad expression on her face.

"Why did you come anyway?"

"What do you mean?"

Charles asked, frowning.

"From what you said, you have another girl you should be interested in."

The Monegasque was silent for a moment, having no idea what she was talking about. However, when he connected the dots, he understood what she meant.

"Are you the one who's jealous?"

Charles asked and he couldn't hide his smile. But she was absolutely not in a mood for jokes.

"I'm not jealous, I'm just stating a fact"

"As I see, your entire attention has been completely taken over by your love interest, because since the last time I saw you, you have only replied to me four times."

The girl remained silent, gritting her teeth. She felt like an idiot again.

"Talk to me Y\N, please"

Charles touched her arm, trying to get her attention. He was afraid that something bad was happening between them and he couldn't imagine losing his friend.

"I have nothing to tell you, Charles."

"Nothing, absolutely nothing?"

He asked, looking at her. When she shook her head, he let go of her arm and snorted.

"Wow, your new boyfriend material totally took you away from me."

"There's no new boyfriend material!"

Y/N exploded, no longer able to stand the stupidity that she herself allowed to come to fruition.

"There isn't any and there won't be any, at least not when you are there, damn it!"

"What do you mean?"

Leclerc frowned.

"I like you, idiot! I like you, a lot!"

Y/N felt tears in her eyes and a blush on her cheeks. She was angry with herself for not being able to stand it and gave vent to her emotions, she was sad knowing that she would face some rejection and she was ashamed that despite everything she gave in and confessed her feelings to him.

Charles smiled when he saw the person standing in front of him. Currently in a messy bun, with eyes full of tears, in red Christmas pajamas. And he wasn't smiling because he was amused by her feelings, not at all. He smiled with happiness, because he felt exactly the same.

He stepped closer to her and took her face in his hands, wiping her wet cheeks with his thumbs.

"You couldn't have told me that straight?"

"How could I tell you that I like you, we are friends!"

She said, breaking down into another wave of tears. Seeing his smile made her feel even worse.

"Do you find it so funny? I knew it, I knew perfectly well that it would be like this!"

Y/N wanted to break away from him, but he held her tightly. He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, wanting her to finally calm down.

It worked magically, because the girl froze when she felt his lips on her. He pulled away from her after a moment and stroked her face with his thumbs.

"I like you too, crazy."

"Really?"

"Of course I do. Except I guess we had the exact same fears about revealing our feelings."

"But you said you were dating someone."

Y/N looked at him confused.

"I wanted to spite you. I was a little stung when you said you liked someone."

"I only asked because I wanted to know directly what you would be happy about. I wanted to give you a nice gift from which you could conclude that I like you."

Charles laughed and pulled her to him, hugging her tightly.

The girl squeezed her eyes shut and hugged him, breathing heavily.

"I'm sorry, it was totally stupid"

"For Christmas we should buy each other textbooks for successful communication"

Charles laughed, rubbing her back.

"Doesn't change the fact that you're probably busy today."

Y/N replied, pulling away from him and wiping the remaining tears from her face.

"Say hello to your family from me and wish them a Merry Christmas"

"You will be able to do it yourself. I invite you to join us"

He replied, handing her the last bauble from the box.

The girl looked at him uncertainly.

"I can't, Charles. I can't come empty-handed."

"I think your presence will be the best gift for everyone."

Y/N still wasn't convinced. However, he smiled reassuringly.

"Trust me"

She nodded and took the bauble from him, hanging it on the tree.

He hugged her and kissed her hair.

"Don't feel bad, from all this confusion I didn't manage to prepare any gift either. I didn't want to be a rival for your love interest."

He said and laughed quietly.

Y/N huffed and snuggled into him again.

Standing in each other's arms, they both couldn't believe that after such turmoil they finally managed to talk about their feelings. In an extremely twisted way, fortunately with a positive result. For both of them it was definitely the best gift in the world and the upcoming Christmas Eve evening looked really promising too.

#f1 imagines #f1 one shot #f1 #formula 1 #f1 oneshots #f1 imagine #charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #cl16 #charles leclerc fluff #charles leclerc oneshot #charles leclerc imagine

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runningfrom2am · 2 months

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cold nights // part twenty-three

summary: you were back in the capitol, and you would be damned if you didn't try your hardest to make it worthwhile.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 5.1k

masterlists / nav / requests

tags/warnings: tribute!reader and mentor!coriolanus, r is very sweet (too kind for this world. literally.), sunshine x grumpy trope kinda, he falls first, violence typical for the source material, depictions of mental illness, also she's is very smart (as she should), district twelve!reader.

a/n: yayyyy s3 is here!! this has SO much potential and there is so much i want to do with this from here but i believe this will be the last season!!

my asks are also open to talk about this series! (i do have emoji anons open now too!)

send me any and all of your thoughts! here!

series masterlist // playlist

You had the train car all to yourselves. Few peacekeepers were allowed to leave in the wake of the murders, and for that you were thankful. You were able to let Tybalt out to explore the car, but he mostly stayed on your lap.

You felt guilty about taking him, you didn't even want to ask until your mother insisted, and Coryo wouldn't deny you bringing him. You thought about maybe taking him to a vet when you arrived. There were hardly any in Twelve, none of which made time for domestic animals that weren't livestock of some kind. You had to assume that in the Capitol that was a completely different story, so maybe this would be good for him.

It was dark by now, and Coryo was fast asleep on the bench next to you, head pressed to the window. You suspect he hadn't slept at all the night before.

"Sejanus." You whisper. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah." He replies quietly, sitting across from you at the small table.

"Are you okay?" Your question is met with a few beats of silence.

"I was meant to go with them." He whispers. "I didn't want to go back there."

"The Capitol?" You ask. "Why not?"

"It's not my home." He answers simply. You can hardly see his face in the dark, but you can tell he's sad. Grieving the life he could have had.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"Sejanus?" You whisper, leaning forward to try and see him.

"Hm?"

"Was Lennox going too?"

"No." You can see the shadow of him shaking his head in the dark. "He was only going to bring some supplies for us out to the cabin at the lake and leave them for us to pick up on our way."

You breathe a quiet sigh of relief. He couldn't have left. You knew you couldn't bear it- and your parents would not cope well losing another child. You thought he wouldn't do that, but you weren't confident enough to say for certain. You'd much rather have a rebel for a brother than never see him again. Though, to you, helping friends was hardly an act of rebellion.

"What... what are you going to take?" You ask, hoping to change the topic. It was nice to have him talking again. "At the university, I mean."

"Medicine. I'd like to be a doctor, I think. I want to help people, maybe out in the Districts."

"Of course." You grin. "That's so like you. Your patients will be very lucky people."

"It'll never be enough." He shakes his head and you frown. "I can't help everyone. And everyone outside the Capitol needs it so bad. Did you know my father is the head of munitions in District Two? I'll never be able to make up for the pain my name has caused. Never."

"Well..." You look down at the cat curled up next to you. "You saved Tybs. I can't even tell you how much that means to me. Everything you do will mean so much to people. Even if it's just one person, I think that is more than enough. To try is more than enough."

You see the ghost of a smile twitch on his lips. "Thanks, Y/N. You're gonna do good things, too."

"How unhappy is he who cannot forgive himself."

Sejanus sighs. "Extremely."

A few hours later, it was your turn to sleep. At least, to try. It was hard to get comfortable, curled up on one of the benches with a bag of your clothes as a pillow and Tybalt insisting on sleeping on top of you.

You were just drifting off, you could hardly keep your eyes open, when quickly a nightmare jolts you awake. Bang! The sound of a gunshot- in your dream state you know it's the bullet that found a home in Cole Harlem. The next 'bang' was the sound of your head hitting the table next to you when you shoot back up, unintentionally scaring your cat off of your side.

You hiss, placing a hand on the side of your head and rubbing it through the pain. "Ow..."

"Y/N? Are you okay?" You hear Coryo ask quietly, followed by footsteps across the centre aisle of the train car.

"Mhm." You hum, trying to squint to see him in the poor lighting. It must be almost morning- there's a blue wash beginning to paint over everything onboard, including his form as he's crouched down next to you.

"Let me see..." He says softly, hands already lifted ready to touch you. To see if he can help.

You move a little closer, dropping your hand so he can gently cradle your face in his larger ones, using a finger to turn your head to the side as he examines the bump on your temple.

It's impossible for him to see in this lighting, but if there was blood he would be able to tell. "Just a bump." He whispers. "You'll be alright."

You just nod slightly under his grip, eyes searching for his in the dark. Neither of you want to move. Being this close to you, having you come home with him is a gift he wouldn't dare miss by blinking too slowly or letting his hold on you drift.

"Nightmare?" He asks quietly and you just nod again. Without a word, you're moving back on the bench to the window and he is sliding into the spot next to you. "Do you think you'll be able to get back to sleep?"

"No." You answer softly, giving a slight shake of your head.

"Can I ask what it was about?" He asks. "Tigris always told me talking about it helps."

You chew your lip, looking away from him and down at the empty table. "Cole."

Coryo tenses next to you, his jaw clicking from the small movement. "I... I am sorry." He doesn't know what to say besides that- and he feels like telling you that dirtbag deserved it would do little to help the situation.

"Can I tell you a secret?" You whisper, voice mostly steady.

He nods, watching you expectantly. You take a deep breath. "I'm glad he's dead."

You must be a changed woman. It was hardly like you to say something like that- let alone feel it, but keeping it in would just keep you up at night. Coryo wouldn't hate you for it, you're sure.

He looks at you, head tilted while he confirms with himself that you did, in fact, just say the words he heard. You were the most gentle soul in Panem, he was sure, so what on earth could he have done to you to make you say something like that? Now he was more sure than ever that he did deserve it. "What did he do to you?" His gaze softens as it finds yours, and you slightly shake your head.

"It's... kind of a long story." You whisper.

"I have all the time in the world for you."

He sees the ghost of a smile tug at your lips, and you look down at your lap to process your thoughts. "He just... doesn't, didn't know how to take no for an answer." You try to explain it briefly, but the way Coryo's eyes widen makes you backtrack. "I mean, no. I'm sorry. He didn't hurt me. Well, he did, but not in the way that that sounded like." You take a deep breath. "He asked me if I would like to go on a date with him, and I said no, thank you, because I knew him and I knew he had a temper and I didn't think we would work. So, he would wait outside my school and follow me home everyday. He kept asking, I kept saying no, but he didn't listen. It only made him more mad."

It was a rare occasion that you felt so numb talking about someone who had died. "Then, about three months before the games, I guess he couldn't take the rejection anymore and he dragged me away and... I don't know how to describe it... beat me up. I suppose." You laugh dryly, only noticeable to Coryo because he was watching. "Lennox found us, really got into it with him and then had to literally carry me home with his own black eye and bleeding nose."

He nods slightly in understanding, holding himself together from throwing a fist through the window. He was right. That piece of human garbage did deserve it. Now he had every right to be glad he was dead, and so do you. It makes sense to him now, of course you'd only be pleased with a murder if it was someone who had hurt your brother- the fact that he had hurt you the way he did had nothing to do with it.

"You have every right to be happy." He tells you. "Shit, to be honest now I'm wishing I shot him myself."

"Coryo..." You sigh, frowning at him.

"Too far?" He laughs, and you can't help but join him.

"Yes!"

"'Kay, sorry, love. I'll keep it to myself." He raises his hands defensively, cocking his head to the side.

You're quiet for a moment. It's torturous for you both. "He's the reason I went in after you." Your voice is lowered now, noticeably. "He said that I had to go out on that date with him after you left, otherwise I shouldn't be shocked if my Pa ends up executed for treason."

Coryo swallows, staring at you in absolute shock. It just kept getting worse.

"I was terrified, I didn't know what to do, I couldn't be alone anymore. You would have left the next morning and I would have been with him. And I knew he wouldn't have let me talk to you ever again, and I was so scared you would hate me and you'd never know that I didn't have a choice."

"I could never hate you." He says, taking the calculated risk of reaching out to touch your hair, rolling the ends of the soft strands between his fingers. "It'd break my heart, but I wouldn't hate you."

"That's almost worse." You laugh quietly, eyes locked on his hand at your side.

"I'm glad you're coming with us. I don't know how I could live without you." He glances down at your lips, only a shadow in the dark as you pull your bottom lip between your teeth.

"Morning without you is a dwindled dawn." You agree, and that's all he can handle before he has to kiss you again.

He's so gentle when he holds your jaw in his hand and presses his lips to yours that you aren't sure if there really was a static shock that accompanied it or if that was just your body reacting to his skin on your own.

"I love you, Y/N/N." You almost swallow his words, smiling against his lips. "You know that, right?"

"I love you too, Coryo."

You tried to get as much sleep as possible over the two day ride, waking when the sun rises and you could feel the heat on your skin. You could see the tall buildings that made up the city in the distance.

People say that a ride back always feels faster, because you're familiar with the path; that your mind chooses to forget the uneventful sections. You believe it. The ride home had felt like it took an eternity, but this time it felt too fast. You were nervous; scared, more than excited. Even though this is supposed to be a good thing.

If Coryo had just asked if you would like to go with him, what would you have said? No matter how many hours you put into the question, you really don't know. Not until Cole threatened your family, anyways. You would have had to turn him down, then. Regardless, you were never given the privilege of a choice.

This isn't about him. You have to remind yourself. This is about saving your family, in more ways than one.

Maybe it really was a good thing that Cole was shot. You curse yourself for even thinking such a thing, but with him alive the only possible outcome was him having your father killed. You could only be the perfect girlfriend for so long- you knew him, one mistake from you and he would make true on his word. Then you would have to marry him in order to have another income. Your winnings from the games would only take you so far on your own.

You're not sure if it's the swaying of the train that's really making you sick.

You would get your answer an hour later when your train crossed the bridge over the river, and the Capitol was in full, glorious view.

You could physically feel the blood draining from your face as you stare out the window, unable to look away. You looked like a deer in headlights.

"Y/N/N?" Coryo hums, placing a hand on your leg. "You okay?"

You nod slightly, but you're hardly processing what's happening around you.

He frowns, leaning forward to be able to get a closer look at your face. You look like you're about to vomit or faint or both. "Look." He smiles, patting your leg and pointing out the window. "That tall building there, you see it?" You nod slowly, watching where he's pointing. "Up on the top floor there's a restaurant with big floor to ceiling windows that overlook the river and the mountains. It's beautiful." He's never been there, but he's heard it's incredible.

"And over there, that smaller, longer building is a mall." He tells you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and sliding closer as you continue to follow his hand. "On the outside there's this ice cream shop that makes the most amazing flavours. Literally anything you can imagine." He chuckles slightly. "I'll take you there."

You smile slightly, and the colour begins to return to your face with a slight rosiness in your cheeks.

"After the tunnel we'll pass the university." He grins. "It's a really nice campus, you'll love it there. They have a massive library."

You close your eyes as the train plunges into the darkness of the tunnel, nodding slightly.

"What would you like to do? We can go anywhere."

"I... today I'd just like to go home." You answer quietly.

"Of course, love. But another day, sometime in the future."

You think for a moment. "Is there a vet here?" You ask and he nods.

"I'd like to take Tybs to get looked at. He's not sick, or anything... but he's never been to the vet before so I'd just like to make sure he's in good health." You explain.

"Yeah, we can definitely do that." Coryo agrees. "And there's this bookstore that's three stories tall, you'll love it." He adds.

"Can I meet your cousin?"

"Yes, love. Of course. She'll live with us, you'll be the best of friends." Coryo explains, squeezing your shoulder. He hadn't yet considered you meeting his family, he didn't even have the chance to tell them you were coming. It would be fine, he knew that. They had the room and the funds to support another person now, that wasn't even a question. Tigris had been dying to meet you, wanting to know every detail about you before the games and especially in his phone calls home while he was in Twelve.

He realized suddenly that maybe he should be worried about his Grandma'am. He knew she had a prejudice against people in the Districts, she had voiced as much during his mentorship. She had even influenced a similar attitude in him his whole life- but you were different. You weren't like them, and she would have to learn that, but that didn't make him any less nervous about what she might say to you until then.

"I'm excited." You tell him, forcing yourself to only think about the good things to come.

Your hands are shaking as you pull into the station. You can already see it's a different one than you were pulled from last time, the first place you met Coryo. You grab your bags, holding the one containing Tybalt close to your chest as the door opens and you walk out. He wasn't too fond of getting back inside after having the freedom of roaming the train car, but you were grateful he was not a very temperamental cat.

Mostly, the station was deserted. There were a few peacekeepers here and there, but you still felt as though all eyes were on you.

You didn't notice when your friends were greeted by their waiting family members, still looking around and processing your surroundings.

"Y/N/N?" Coryo's voice brings you back to reality, and you realize you hadn't taken a single step away from the train yet. "Come here."

You smile as you walk over, eyeing who you assume to be his cousin.

"Hello, there." You grin, giving a slight wave but still holding tightly onto your cat.

"Y/N." Tigris smiles, her blonde hair draped over her shoulders in meticulously styled curls. "It's so amazing to meet you! I'm Tigris, Coryo's cousin."

"Yes, you as well." You nod, trying to mask your nervousness with a smile. "How are you?"

"I'm amazing, I am just so pleased you're here. What a great surprise!" She claps, and you take in her outfit. You've never seen such fine materials, outside maybe the silk scarf Coryo gave you that is now tucked in the old suitcase sitting next to his feet. You wonder if she made the clothes she was wearing, remembering he said she was a designer.

"Coryo has told me so much about you. I've been excited to meet you."

"I really wanted to come see you before the games but I couldn't get away from work, I'm so sorry this is the first time we're meeting." She says and you swallow, nodding slightly in response. "Will you be staying with us?"

"If... if that's okay." You say, looking to Coryo who nods.

"Of course that's okay." He answers on her behalf, but she nods in agreement.

"Yes, you're always welcome. We're so happy to have you."

"Thank you." You breathe a silent sigh of relief.

"We should get going, yeah?" Tigris says and you nod, adjusting your hold on the bag in your arms.

They start to walk, already talking about all the excitement of the trip when you get a tap on your shoulder. You jump slightly, turning and pulling your bag closer to your chest.

"Sorry, dear. I didn't mean to startle you." The woman smiling sadly at you must be Sejanus's Ma. He's standing with her, so it was the only assumption you could make.

"It's okay." You reply quietly, smiling at her politely.

"Y/N, this is my Ma." Sejanus introduces you, confirming your suspicions.

"Nice to meet you." You smile, and she brings her hands up to place on your shoulders, gently rubbing them.

"It's so good to meet you, dear." You feel so greatly comforted by her already. "Sejanus told me you would be staying for a while."

"Yes, ma'am."

"You call me Ma." She quickly corrects you, and you match her smile. You could cry- the burning behind your eyes is telling you that you just might. "We know damn well how hard this transition is, so if you need anything at all at any time, you call us. Okay? We'll help you however we can. With anything."

You smile at them, tears filling your eyes. "Thank you." You sniff, and she pulls you into a hug.

Graciously, and awkwardly with Tybalt still between you, you accept. You never want her to let go.

"Of course, dear. You'll always have a home away from home with us if you need it."

"I can no other answer make, but thanks, and thanks." You say, tears flowing now. You never seem to stop crying- but for the first time in a long time, it was from real happiness.

"Twelfth Night." Ma says as she pulls away, still holding your arms.

You laugh slightly, biting into your bottom lip and nodding. "Yes! You've read it?"

"I brushed up after Coriolanus came around asking for Romeo and Juliet." Ma shrugs, letting you go and letting Sejanus give you a hug as well.

"Coryo has our number. Call anytime, I mean it." He tells you and you nod against his shoulder. "But I'll see you soon, okay? We'll hangout all the time."

"All the time." You agree as he lets you go. "I don't want to keep them waiting, so..."

"Yes, of course. It was so good to meet you." Ma smiles.

"You as well, Ma. I'll see you soon I am certain." You wave goodbye and catch up to Coryo and Tigris, who stopped just a little ways away to wait for you. "Sorry..."

Tigris wipes the worried expression off her face. Coryo probably just had to explain why you were there. "Don't worry about it! Ready to go?"

"Yes." You grin, quickly wiping your eyes. "Lead the way."

There are so many things that you hadn't considered on the train ride. Such as, where was the nearest post office? Or how is Tybs going to handle being indoors constantly? You'll have to get him a litter box- you've never had one before since he was mostly an outdoor cat, and would he need toys now that there probably wouldn't be mice or birds for him to hunt?

Also, there was the immediately obvious fact that the stares you were getting were endless. People even stopped you asking for pictures on the way back- Coryo had to tell them no. Several times. It wasn't any longer than a twenty minute walk.

Everyone seemed so excited to see you, to talk to you. Or, talk at you, rather. It was uncomfortable, but it was so different than what you were used to at home. Especially after the games, people tended to literally cross the street to avoid talking to you. Here, it was the opposite. You were some kind of celebrity. You knew Capitol people liked the games, but you didn't know it was like this. You tried to be polite, but being celebrated for something so awful is hard to swallow. You almost preferred the shame that came with being avoided.

"Is it normally like that?" You ask quietly as you walk into the lobby of a tall building, the floors and pillars lined with white marble. You had never seen anything like it.

"I'm not sure." Coryo answers honestly. "You are the first Victor to ever come back, but like I said, people loved you. Thousands of people watched just for you. That's why I won the Plinth Prize- you boosted the viewership beyond what's ever been seen before."

"Oh." You answer simply, following them into a set of silver sliding doors in the wall.

"When we get up I'll make you something to eat, you guys must be starving." Tigris says as the mechanical doors slide shut again, and you tilt your head.

"Uhm... I-" Your question is halted by a steady shake of the small room you're in, and it feels like you're moving.

Coryo looks over at you and your wide eyes, furrowing his brow. "What's wrong?"

"Are we moving?" You ask, looking around. You're surrounded by mirrors, only seeing endless reflections of the three of you.

Tigris covers her mouth to hide her smile, and Coryo laughs. "Yes, love." The two of them look at each other briefly. "This is an elevator, in a second the doors will open and we'll be at our apartment."

"Oh, wow." You laugh slightly, in a small amount of shock.

"I didn't even think that you might not know what it is, I'm sorry." Coryo chuckles, gently rubbing circles onto your back as the doors slide open again and just like he told you, you were somewhere new.

"That's okay, I just have a lot to learn apparently." You giggle, shaking your head as you step out of the so-called "elevator". You look back inside it as the doors slide shut. "So, how does it work?"

"Honestly, I am not entirely sure of the mechanics of it but there's a motor up top, and when you press that button it lifts to you and then lowers to where you want to go." He explains as Tigris pulls out her key to unlock the door. "It didn't work for over ten years, so it's kind of new to me too."

He's trying to make you feel less embarrassed, and that makes you smile at him. "I see. That's neat."

"It is, isn't it?" Coryo grins. He was in absolute awe of you everyday, but now that he's realized that there are so many things you don't know, even as the smartest person he's ever met, and that he wants to show you absolutely everything. Had you even tried ice cream before? What else would be new to you? There were certainly no cars besides peacekeeper trucks in Twelve, not that he had seen anyways, so it must have been jarring for you to see civilian vehicles on the walk back. He should have asked.

As adorable that it was that there were things you had never seen before, it almost worried him in a way he hadn't considered before. You would need him around a lot- not that he minded one bit. He had liked that about the games, he knew where you were while you were caged up at the zoo and he could leave and come back with the comfort of knowing you would be there waiting for him.

His thoughts are interrupted when Tigris gets the door open, shouting for their grandma'am. He takes a deep breath, smiling as he holds the door for you. It is good to be home.

"We have company!" Tigris calls out as you walk in, and you look around focussed on keeping your mouth shut as not to physically gawk at their home. Their apartment was beautiful, with a somewhat open concept and halls that spun off in all directions from the main foyer.

"Oh, lovely! We haven't had company in ages. You should get the tea on, dear." You hear his grandmothers voice before you see her, sparing a glance at Coryo. If he's nervous, he doesn't look it.

She looks like the sweetest old lady, her white hair matching the shade of her silk robe and slippers. "Oh, Coryo!" She smiles, heading straight to him and giving him a hug. "How we have missed you..."

"I missed you too, grandma'am." He sighs, gentle as he hugs her back. When he lets her go, it seems like she has noticed you for the first time.

The excited smile on her face fades instantaneously as she looks you up and down. "Who's this?"

"This is Y/N. You remember I told you about her, right?"

"I do." She nods, a sour look on her face as she stares at you.

"Hello, you must be Coriolanus's grandmother, it is so lovely to finally meet you." You smile, readjusting your bag so you can hold it in one arm in order to extend your hand to her to shake. She doesn't take it. "You have a beautiful home, Mrs. Snow." You continue when she doesn't answer you, holding your smile and trying not to seem terrified. It was like the lead-up to the games all over again.

"What's in her bag?" She asks Coryo when she sees it move, ignoring you altogether as you awkwardly drop your hand.

"That's Tybalt, her cat. He's the softest thing, you'll love him." He smiles, an apologetic look in his eyes as he glances over at you. This is exactly what he was afraid of.

"A cat?" His grandmother gasps, taking a step back with a hand to her chest. For a moment, you were scared she was about to have a heart attack.

"Grandma'am, you love cats!" Tigris says, stepping back in from the kitchen with a kettle in hand. "Y/N, come join us in the sitting room. I'm just getting some snacks together."

"Not feral ones!" She replies, appalled.

"Oh, he's not feral, Ma'am." You assure her. "Unless you're a mouse or a bird, he's the gentlest animal alive."

"Coriolanus Snow how dare you bring these... these strays into our home!" Now she's talking like you aren't even there, and you can't help but laugh nervously.

You look away, anywhere but at either of them. Maybe you would be calling Sejanus and his Ma for somewhere to stay by the end of the afternoon.

"They aren't strays." He defends you quickly, frowning. Okay, this was what he was afraid of.

"Here, come sit, Y/N." Tigris says quietly, placing the kettle back down and guiding you out of the room with hands on your shoulders. "I am so, so sorry." She whispers as you walk away.

"It's quite alright." You insist. "She didn't know I was coming, it was all so short notice. I completely understand." She didn't even know you were staying yet.

The sound of Coryo talking down his grandmother faded into muffled sounds as Tigris closes the door to what looks to be a bedroom. "No, no it's not right." Tigris frowns, shaking her head. "I don't want to make excuses for her but the war and the dark days were so hard on her, a lot of the blame was placed on the people from the Districts. She lost both her children and she never really came back from that."

"No, I do understand." You smile sadly. "I'm so sorry you and your family went through that. It must have been so difficult."

"The war was awful for everyone." Tigris shakes her head. "Please, don't apologize to us. No one came out of that unharmed."

"Do you mind if I let Tybalt out?" You ask, eager to change the subject.

"Please." Tigris grins, clearly just as relieved that you weren't horribly offended by their grandmothers behaviour. "I'm excited to meet him."

You smile, crouching down and opening up the carrier for him to hop out. He does so promptly, taking advantage of the opportunity.

"He's so cute!" Tigris squeaks, crouching down to pet him. He was a little jarred at first by new surroundings, but he quickly accepted them when she began petting him. "It'll be so nice to have a fluffy friend here."

"Thank you for being okay with me bringing him." You smile, taking the time to look around the room yourself. Everything looked hardly touched, all sparkly and new with corner windows lighting up the space beautifully.

"Our home is your home." She smiles, standing up again and Tybalt is quick to run over to you, rubbing up against your legs. "That applies to both of you. Grandma'am will come around."

"Thank you." You smile. "The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience."

When she smiles, you can see outside of the blonde hair how her and Coryo are related. "You truly are something else."

"Oh, I hope that's a good thing..." You laugh.

"Yes, absolutely." She laughs. "I'll go get that tea going again and get the guest room all set up for you. The bathroom is right across the hall if you need it, and Coryo will come get you when grandma'am has relaxed a bit."

"Thank you." You say again, watching your cat hop up onto the desk against the back wall.

She gives you a quick hug. "Welcome home." She says softly, shutting the door behind her as she leaves.

taglist: @soulessjourney , @that-veela-girl , @dreamyysouls, @rockstarbfs, @maysileeewrites , @baybieruth , @kitscutie, @fratboyharrysgf0201 , @totallynotkaibiased , @stelleduarte , @secretsicanthideanymore , @bejeweledreverie , @drewsandsebastianswife , @niicole-87 , @queenofshinigamis , @innercreationflower , @nallasstuff , @iovemoonyy , @thatmarvelchick19 , @wearemadeofstardust0 , @regulusblackcore , @puredreamagination , @fantasticchaosthing , @becauseseaotters , @secretsicanthideanymore , @strawberryflavouredkisses

okay suddenly tumblr isn't letting me tag more people than this so i just made some cuts unfortunately :') i just left the max amount of people i could whose users i recognized and see in my notifs all the time :) if you're not on here and you should be i'm so sorry!

also this taglist is closed now!! if you’d like to get a notification when i update, turn on my post notifications!! i promise i won’t spam y'all :,)

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inchidentally · 4 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/piastrisms/738775293993549824?source=share

I NEED YOUR ANALYSIS OF THIS VIDEO! PLEASE <3

okay listen this has spun me out into a whOLE thing so let's take another trip down a road I like to call Why is the Non-RPF Real Life Relationship between Oscar and Lando So Endearing and Boyish and Sweet:

so my absolute favorite thing about Lando's face when he's relaxed or in his natural element is how absolutely every. single. emotion. he's feeling is broadcast at equal volume. his vulnerability is a massive part of his charisma. but! he has to have the right habitat! streaming, Youtube, his lifelong friends - those are the right habitat.

F1 is not naturally the right habitat.

when Carlos found Lando on his proverbial driver's doorstep he did not know what to make of him and Lando was barely able to squeak out a few words around anyone new or when a camera was around. but! Carlos trained Lando into how to bounce a dynamic between the two of them just like he'd been doing with his last awkward baby, Max. interestingly Max was much more excitable and eager to please of the two and Lando's intense shyness took a LOT of work to get past. but once Carlos had gotten the drift of Lando's super silly sense of humor it was smooth sailing. and then with Daniel it was even easier because half the time Daniel knew he was expected to carry the conversation. it's interesting because Lando allowed a bit of that old shyness to come back and it definitely disarmed Daniel a bit in a satisfying way. but thanks to those big personalities, Lando found his F1 self and even started to deal back and lead occasionally. of course DTS and a lot of media pilloried him for this because apparently what Carlos and Daniel do naturally is seen as snottish and bratty for him to do. the Youtube/streamer personality where he felt so safe did not at all translate onto other platforms and media.

so it hasn't been smooth sailing for Little Lando Norris to know how to be as a person in F1.

cut to 2023 and with the advent of Oscar we've seen a slow dismantling of Lando's F1 PR personality completely in his content with Oscar over the season. their very first unboxeds Lando was still wearing his guarded PR face and assuming he should lead and carry all the content. it was still sort of around for the Jenga/Garden Games challenges but had started to soften around the Austin filming (including the Finish the Lyrics classics). at some point, Lando truly realized that Oscar would still be fond of him even when Lando was in a terrible, low blood sugar type mood (Tic Tac Toe etc) and oh wow!

their content could really just be Lando being whatever he was feeling that day/that moment and Oscar smiling and finding him funny/cute/fascinating! that was enough! he didn't even know that was allowed! (and maybe it wouldn't have been if Oscar wasn't there to bolster him)

and that's when we started getting unguarded, authentic Lando instead of entertaining Lando. and it's because Oscar was the person next to him representing all of us, trying to tell Lando that we just wanted to see him. we didn't care if he was 'on' or not. he's just an interesting outdoor cat we want to watch go about his life.

which is why we got Lando letting himself sit and stare right back at Oscar like this.

where we can see his expressions do that slow blossoming thing, and right in full view of just Oscar. it's the anti-DTS material because it isn't open to the camera and easy to manipulate. narrative television hates when two people go into quiet, subtle communication because it can't be made into a false dramatic arc. (trust me they'll invent one using chopped up footage and even more chopped up commentary lol they always do but it'll be uphill work)

but when you contrast this with the nonstop, quick back-and-forth Lando has with Carlos and Daniel it's where we pick up on the something that's so unique to Lando with Oscar. it's wrong and making way too big an assumption to say it's a closer friendship bc you can't quantify other people's friendships that way. but it's very, very different to those friendships. and the biggest difference that we on the outside can see is that Lando allows himself to determine exactly How He Will Be. and that might change from one minute to the next! and that doesn't always go down well with most people!

but every time, no matter what, Oscar smiles and laughs and everything Lando does is alright. he gets it. Lando means no harm and he's got a good, warm heart. if he likes you then that won't change just because his mood changes.

like their end of season message. Lando went from doing a great job summarizing his thoughts for the viewers, handed it over to Oscar and just... watched. didn't get bored and stare at the camera or off into space. I actually compiled just how often Lando spends staring openly at Oscar into one long gif lol:

he fully knows he's still on camera but he turns himself into a viewer instead of bouncing around and off of what Oscar is saying. Oscar gave him that, he can give it right back.

and there's no specific Lando-Oscar dynamic like there is Lando-Carlos and Lando-Daniel. hell, Lando's got a dynamic with just about anyone. except! Max F, Martin Garrix (and probably quite a few of his friendships that we're never actually even shown) and Oscar. with those people we see Lando be precisely whatever he's feeling at that moment because they'll either indulge it or enjoy it depending on how good or bad the mood is. if it's Lando, it's all good.

I feel like there's a commonality with those people of being quiet but strong as opposed to the big and bold of most of the F1 drivers on the grid. Max F absolutely has obvious similarities to Oscar (I still love how much he sided with Oscar when he watched the 'most likely to' video). I don't know a lot about Martin but it's literally a DJ's job to be enough apart from the crowd to read it and they set the energy passively through what they spin. Oscar is a fun guy who loves being around the people he cares about but he's never The Guy that it all turns around.

and for their own reasons, they find Lando inherently fascinating and lovable. whereas Lando has to inhabit Carlos', Daniel's, George's, etc etc worlds because they are in themselves The Guy Everyone's Watching just like Lando. Lando has to share. he has to figure it out. but guys like Max F and Oscar do not have the energy or interest in being The Guy. they'd choose privacy over popularity every single time if they were made to. and actually come to think of it, they have actively chosen privacy at the expense of popularity quite a few times.

because let's look at Oscar's face when Lando teasingly brings up Oscar's sprint win:

Oscar gives Lando that genuine, affectionate smile and ducks his head because he wants Lando to know that he appreciates it. in truth, that Sprint win was hailed by wider F1 community as being a massive achievement for a rookie in the Max V era of dominance. they both know that it is. but Oscar didn't posture or show off about it and for that Lando has made sure to bring it up on his behalf time and again. Oscar gave him that, Lando can give it back to him.

which is even sweeter going back to that post race video because Oscar gives Lando that same affectionate, private smile. he's had to throw the video's content over to Lando and Lando gave him that big affectionate smile first because this is how they do these videos. it's always awkward - especially if their results that day weren't great - but they know that together they can do these videos and share a laugh over how absurd it feels sometimes.

and the hint of a private joke between the two of them is there early on and you can just feel Lando relax into it.

and when you skip all the way to their last race media duties and this interview, it truly surprised me how much Lando kept checking in with Oscar - the rookie! -as he was answering. when he found himself giving boring PR answers he threw in a joke that he knew Oscar would crease up over. sure enough it loosened them both up.

and like, that's where the vulnerability and openness comes from now with Lando. he's got a teammate who is basically the same age, who gets him and who actively wants Lando to just be Lando. who clearly threw Lando at first by inadvertently foiling those attempts to establish a dynamic or a bromance. who Lando probably at first thought was just shy and awkward. but Oscar stayed true to who he is and kept that door open for Lando to eventually walk through.

so when it's the two of them, it's everyone else who's on the outside looking in. they're just being themselves. if that doesn't make everyone else feel entertained or happy they honestly don't care - and will probably share a secretive little smile about it.

it's also why they sometimes do that twinning thing and creep everyone out asfgjlaflsgjf

#inchreplies #landoscar #I may have outdone myself this time lol #might actually test the patience of some folks #inch gets weird #mine #inchidentallyanessay

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lady0lunamoon · 6 months

Text

Okay! My honest opinion on "Miraculous World: Paris"?

It was AMAZING!!!!

Lot's of action, some funny moments, very emotional and lots of tension!

One thing I especially love is how the Special wastes absolutely no time with getting straight into the action!

Something I hate about many movies is how they just waste so much time setting up the plot that by the time it finally gets to the good stuff, half the movie is already over!

The writers really have my respect for not doing that here! After the opening, they waste no time and immediately get straight to the actual plot!

Another thing i really love about the special is the way they handled Shadybug and Claw Noir!

I kept saying that Shady and Claw have the potential to become the best Miraculous villains ever, even if they get redeemed, and as far as I'm concerned, i was totally right about that because these two are officially my favorite Miraculous villains!!! 🖤

[WARNING!! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!]

For one, I love villains like Shadybug who are driven by a desire to not be hurt anymore!

I felt so bad for her when she cried while reading Marinette's diary! 😢

And I found it so touching how she first acted cold and rude towards Sabine but quickly backtracked on her attitude, when Sabine continued to speak kindly to her!

It showed that Shadybug wished she'd have a loving mother like that and she'd actually be grateful for it!

I am truly touched by how vurnerable she looked throughout that entire scene!

💔💔💔

🖤And I absolutely love how sassy and unhinged Claw Noir is!🖤

The guy freaking cataclysmed himself ON PURPOSE FOR NO APPEARANT REASON!!

At least I can't think of a reason why he did that! And even while cataclysmed, he still managed to put up one heck of a fight throughout the entire special!!

And It's very interesting how his motivation is a lot like Monarch's, but at the same time not!

Claw Noir does want his mother back, but he seems more hurt by the fact that his father doesn't seem as upset as he is!

Although it's not that hard to read the signs that Shadyverse!Gabriel infact is impacted by his wife's death!

If I had to guess, it looks very much like Claw THOUGHT his father easily moved on and continued to focus on his work as a fashion designer and forgot about Emily, while what he was really doing was using the butterfly miraculous to create superheroes and trying to stop the Supreme, most likely to create a safe world for their son!

I also love how both Shady and Claw wear different masks to hide their sadness : Shadybug acts cold and unfeeling while Claw Noir is more outgoing and unhinged! Claw is basically that one character who is a little b*tch but is just too charismatic to hate!

[SPOILERS OVER]

There might've been a few things I had hoped to see in the special that weren't there, but that's okay because a lack of one or two good possible elements is still better than the presence of multiple bad elements — which mind you was NOT present in this special at all!

The show often has some moments that really made me cringe, but I couldn't find a SINGLE bad moment in this special!

[SPOILERS]

So the fact that we didn't get much personal father-son drama between Batterfly and Claw Noir (Which was justified since, contrary to what i assumed, they don't know each others secret identities) or the fact that neither CelesteCat's white suit and hair nore Claw Noir's giant Cataclysm triggered Ladybug's Chat Blanc PTSD (because we don't talk about this enough in Season 5) don't bother me much!

My worries about Ubiquity, despite being featured heavily in promotional material, barely appearing in the actual special (because she only had one appearence in all the trailers) were also put to rest! Even though Alya isn't Ubiqity for long at first, she still gets turned back into her a few times! Giving her enough screentime that I see no reason to get mad over her being promoted so much even though she doesn't actually stick around throughout the entire special!

[SPOILERS END]

Whoever says this show lost it's touch should definetly watch this!

Which is another little meta detail I really love in this special :

'Hope' is a central theme in the special, and it was so good that it also gave me hope that the show can return to it's former glory!

Despite a lot of controversy surrounding the show for quite a while now, this special proves that, just like Shadybug, Claw Noir and Batterfly's world, the show itself can also still be saved!

#miraculous world #miraculous paris #shadybug and claw noir #review #This is my new favorite special now #Maybe even my new favorite episode!#I just loved everything about it!#miraculous ladybug #shadybug #claw noir #miraculous shadybug #miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir #Who said the show lost its touch!?#This special is the best thing ever and everyone who says it's bad is dead to me!!!

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tremendouskoalachild · 11 days

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i like Barriss Offee well enough but don't enjoy anything she's in and haven't watched or read any of it in like 12 years so. i'd appreciate an update or correction if anyone knowledgeable sees this. but here's my likely very skewed understanding of the situation:

2002's attack of the clones arena scene has many jedi, though most show up for a single shot or so, and they have many different alien designs to make it visually interesting. a lot of them don't do anything (not to distract from the main characters' action and because of the limitations of a greenscreen set, as well as some of the costumes and prosthetics not being well suited to action).

two of these background jedi are green-ish ladies with facial markings and head coverings (is this originally for a practical reason because face paint is more complicated when the character's hairline is visible? i don't know enough about film make-up to guess)

Lucas isn't interested in or simply doesn't have the time to establish lore for random background characters, and movie tie-in material is pumped out quickly to drive hype for the films and make the most out of the films' relevance. the early reference books and pre-aotc novels are not very consistent (remember when Tholothians were canonically just humans wearing funny hats for a while? i remember). Luminara and Barriss are officially humans and Jedi Knights for a bit. Barriss' face markings are connected to Depa Billaba's culture.

Barriss doesn't have an official age for a while but is assumed to be around Anakin's age or a bit older.

the Mirialan species is established in the lore, Barriss and Luminara being members. their tattoos are now a part of Mirialan culture. it is established that Mirialans have a deep cultural respect for the Force and Mirialan Jedi often take other Mirialans on as students.

authors are allowed to play around with the side characters because that won't impact the films. Barriss is established as a talented compassionate healer and is the main character of the MedStar duology (2004).

Barriss is at first planned to be one of the Jedi shown executed during Order 66 but the scene is cancelled, much like Shaak Ti and Luminara.

The Clone Wars 3D animated show (2008) begins development a while after the prequels end and slowly starts overwriting the Clone Wars multimedia project, because it is made with Lucas. an effort is made to keep the two projects consistent but it becomes more and more difficult the longer the show goes on. the show does incorporate some lore or events from prior media, but regularly changes them to fit its plot and characterization.

Ahsoka is the child audience pov character and needs a peer for some storylines. there are no young teen girl Jedi in the films but Barriss is close enough and her design fits well with the tcw aesthetic, which often prefers hairless characters for its animation style, especially in the early seasons. she is changed to be around Ahsoka's age and a Padawan.

Ahsoka and Barriss are established to be close, paralleled from time to time, and the writer of their main arc together later claims he intended a romance between them. (i only got this second hand and haven't fact checked this.). the barrissoka fandom forms.

Barriss disappears from the show, which focuses on different arcs for a few seasons.

Filoni is writing an important arc for Ahsoka, which needs to challenge her emotionally and philosophically as well as physically, and must culminate with her leaving the Jedi in order to be absent during Revenge of the Sith. he decides to bring back Barriss as an adversary, for the emotional drama of being betrayed by a friend.

Barriss is intended to die during this 2012 arc but Filoni ends up sparing her for undisclosed future plans. she gets arrested and imprisoned instead.

her character's previous ending, shown in the original novels as dying in service of the Jedi on Felucia, doesn't seem to work at all anymore. the MedStar duology is extremely dubiously canon at this point. the canon reset is imminent and lucasfilm has more or less stopped pretending all these events are part of the same continuity. wookieepedia editors are in shambles.

the multimedia project is officially declared Legends in 2014, and Barriss doesn't appear in tcw's new canon tie-ins. her characterization now comes only from the show. she doesn't show up in any of the prequel-era projects for years, until the novel Queen's Hope (2022).

Filoni's new canon show Rebels (2014) introduces new adversaries in the form of inquisitors, former Jedi who are now hunting survivors. one of the more prominent villains is a female Mirialan inquisitor. there is rampant fan speculation that this is Barriss. it isn't.

Ahsoka becomes a main part of the show. the fandom keeps hoping for Barriss to reappear with her. she doesn't.

Filoni creates a tcw spin-off focusing on Ahsoka (and Dooku) in 2022. Barriss doesn't appear.

Ahsoka gets her own post-original trilogy show by Filoni in 2023. there is some speculation Barriss could appear, possibly as a mysterious new inquisitor character. she doesn't.

in 2024 there is a new season of the animated tcw spinoff, prominently featuring inquisitors. Barriss is now a main character, picking up a while after the Wrong Jedi arc. it has been something like 12 years since we last saw her.

#barriss offee #barrissoka #is that about it barriss stans. i wanna know

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onaperduamedee · 8 months

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Thoughts on episode 4

The post-cold open scenes with Anveare putting on her armor for a day of political intrigue was beautiful. I love the way this world comes off as cruel and ruthless, and how often characters talk about it being broken.

Perrin, Elyas and Hopper scenes were the most enjoyable to me. I'm really digging their energy together and the Wolf language is cleverly, beautifully shown. Perrin and Hopper were adorable, and Elyas "adopting" Perrin makes them the first healthy mentor/mentee relationship of this season. There isn't enough of them though.

So Moiraine is 70-80... I don't know what to do with that information. I understand why they did it story-wise, but you remove A Lot of Moiraine's motivations by doing that. I'll have to WAFO. I'm very attached to the parallel between Siuan, Moiraine and Lan, and the EF5 when they started out: cutting it for the sake of a point already driven home by Liandrin's son seems wasteful.

I like that Liandrin works so hard to gain Nynaev'es trust because it makes Nyn's taking her "help" at face value much more believable than in the books (where she was frankly gullible). Nyn's rejection of the White Tower is leading her straight into Liandrin's arms and thus playing into the Dark One's hand. Nynaeve is going to feel so betrayed and her distrust of every AS will grow tenfold. The show hasn't made clear yet except in bonus material that Liandrin is specifically a DF which is confusing.

Moiraine's machinations are fun, as are Liandrin's, but the latter work better for me because we're getting so much more insights into hers. I cannot fault Alanna for believing Mo may be a DF because Mo, I love you, but you are at your shadiest here. That said, the Logain and Moiraine scene was a lot.

Where the hell is Siuan? At this point, I am assuming that two scenes in her empty study and multiple characters mentioning her absence are significant details enough for her to be doing something really important off screen. Is she on a secret mission? Is she trapped somewhere? What in the Light is going on?

I love Egwene with my whole heart. I love Nyn with my whole heart. I find their relationship fascinating but I'm really not sure about how they are being written. I like that the estrangement is paralleling Anvaere and Moiraine but Egwene and Nyn's relationship is different and it's bugging me. It's keeping with the books' theme of communication being the characters' greatest foe.

Egwene wanting to protect her friends and feeling like she failed Rand at the Eye... Yeah, that jealousy angle is BS and Elayne misread the situation through and through. Egwene is feeling useless not jealous, which is why she makes rash decisions at every turn to go help her friends.

Extremely unsure about this Min/Mat business. I like that Min is unwittingly embroiled in DF business and promised something she truly desires by Ishamael. I like less that Mat seems not to have an arc at all. They do have fantastic chemistry though so the writers hit jackpot.

The visual of Lanfear getting stabbed and replaced by Moiraine... Perfect. Between the colour schemes, the choking, and the location, they are really driving home that Lanfear is a dark mirror to Moiraine. I'm looking forward to Moiraine unearthing Lanfear's twisted teachings of Rand.

I really enjoy meeting Alanna's family and the dynamic between Maksim, Ivhon and Lan. I love seeing that Aes Sedai can have a fulfilling family life outside of the Tower because that was one of my greatest points of frustration in the books.

The Lan plot is really not doing it for me though. The incertitude about Moiraine's status is making it difficult to embrace this storyline as the characters are always dancing around whether or not Mo and Lan are indefinitely severed. I was curious about Lan getting a storyline outside of Moiraine, but he really isn't? I also dislike the idea that Lan just apparently doesn't care about their mission outside of Moiraine? He learns that Rand is alive and goes "not my problem"? If Mo and Lan were really fighting in lockstep, why is he abandoning their mission now?

As much as I love Moiraine getting to sleuth around Cairhien and avoid her terrifying sister, her storyline is dragging as well. We really need to move forward with the power thing or at least get an insight into what she is thinking because she's losing the general audience's sympathy and I cannot fault them.

The episode was tied by the theme of family in its various forms, biological, adopted, packs, sisterhood, with the biggest parallels between Nyn and Eggy, and Moiraine and Anvaere. Funnily this also sets Rand as part of the Forsaken pack. I suspect that unfortunately Lanfear did a lot of damage to his psyche and the fact that he has more bursts of anger, one ending in him choking Moiraine, is telling. It's exciting.

Overall, I'll have to wait to see how certain plots will resolve to judge whether or not their execution was satisfying here because I'm very unsure about them.

#The wheel of time #wot show spoilers #wot s2 spoilers #wot season 2 spoilers #Wheel of time season 2 spoilers #wheel of time s2 spoilers #Remblai #Wot S2 review #Minor spoilers for New Spring and elements from TGH covered in the show

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gingerylangylang1979 · 10 months

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Season 3, 4, 5 and story structure: Where are we currently?

The WGA and SAG strike are definitely putting any further seasons in jeopardy. Given this is currently the top FX show I do think they will pick up production again at some point... I hope and pray.

This season was titled The Bear Part 2. But we have no idea how many parts are intended or even if the number of parts are already planned. But I thought it was pretty bold to assign a part. Storer has said last season was kind of an intro/setup so I feel the story is just getting started more than we are now at the middle. Why? This season seems to still be building towards a climax, more than the actual climax.

Three act story structure includes Setup, Confrontation, Resolution. Four act story structure includes Setup, Rising Action, Conflict, Resolution. Five act story structure includes Exposition, Rising Action, Climax, Falling Action, and Resolution. These are very simplified breakdowns because there are elements within the elements, but you get the idea for pacing. This could easily be plotted out with each season aligning with each element of structure or some could be combined. But let’s just assume each season is one element. What does season one and two imply about future seasons and where exactly do you think we are in the story? What do you think THE CONFLICT will be?

I just don’t think Carmy’s conflict this season is enough to be THE big conflict of the series. I think the bigger central conflict will build off of his lack of balance and prioritization, but I don’t think opening the restaurant on a tight deadline, getting stuck in the freezer, and ruining the relationship with Claire is THE THING. If they only do three seasons I guess they could fit a bigger conflict and resolution into one season but I still feel like we don’t know everyone well enough to wrap everything up in a satisfying way in three seasons, especially with 10 episodes.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just being greedy and want five seasons. I don’t want more than that but I do think there is enough material to fully utilize three more seasons and tell a complete, rich, epic story without it dragging.

I think the key is to figure out what is the central conflict. Have we seen it already or is it yet to come?

This is another reason I’m so irritated with production with streaming. Rarely are show runners allowed the space to fully flesh out the best story structure. Number of seasons and episodes per season are so condensed and there is no security. Previously, even if ratings declined, if a show was a big enough hit in the first and second season, there was usually some kind of security of it being around five seasons because it would likely still generate enough revenue to be considered a cash cow. The fear before was a show going on too long and getting stale. Now shows barely have a chance at that, which is partly positive, but I feel some shows are rushed because they only get two to three seasons. Yet, they wonder why audiences are fickle? It’s partly because you don’t let us fully engage with a good story. Also, there are just too many damn shows. I would much rather have fewer better shows with bigger audiences.

I really hope whatever Storer has in mind, he is allowed to complete it with the time he needs.

#the bear fx #carmy berzatto #chris storer #story structure #wga strike #sag strike

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gunkreads · 7 months

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Okay, but for real this time.

What on earth were they thinking with Nynaeve's non-arc this season? The arches were a dead end--there was no clear intent with those and no clear change, either forward or backward progress, in her. Instead of framing the arches as "Face your fears so you can solidify your sense of self and cement your motivations to becoming an Aes Sedai", they were just framed as "Face your fears. 'Cause." The show did not follow the arches up with any reason why they had to happen. There was no payoff for them. Why did she go through them? What tools did she gain from them? What scars did she gain from them that she didn't already have? The mental damage done in the arches overlaps too evenly with the issues she already had to deserve an entire episode of major focus. She came out of them almost identical to how she went in.

Why has the show changed the nature of her block? Why did she end this season not only completely impotent, but also DIRECTLY overshadowed by other characters whose roles in the story give them no reason to step into Nynaeve's role as a combat medic.

Okay, so let's assume that the showrunners have decided that they wanna slow-burn Nynaeve's arc to become a healer--they want to have Nynaeve be outstripped by her closest friends, have them become her superiors at the thing that used to be Her Thing, then have a big heroic speedrun where she breaks her block and makes a ton of progress and is Healer Supreme. If this is gonna be what they do, they're fucking it up. One, I just don't like it, but two, more importantly, they have not focused enough on her specific failures. The show has only focused on Nynaeve's inability to channel. In the show, like in the books, that's not really something she cares about; instead, she cares about her inability to Heal. Of course, channeling is how she does that, but it's secondary to the actual ability to make things better. Because the show doesn't do enough to emphasize the specific reason she's frustrated with her block, it feels like she's missing the ENTIRE core of her motivation. Don't like it. Whatever. Moving on.

Actually, not quite yet: What was up with cutting back to the Looney Toons girls sitting in the exact same position in the courtyard like 4 times in that last episode? What function did that serve? The function I believe it served was to do an embarrassingly bad job reiterating that Nynaeve can't channel. We know. Why did you take multiple separate scenes to establish that? Why did it take her so long to realize she couldn't use this power that she's almost never used? I know that "being arrowshot" is not high on the list of problems a Wisdom has to fix on a daily basis, but come on, man. It's a flesh wound; you know what to do with flesh wounds.

Why has Nynaeve been rewritten throughout the show into such a panicky person? She had such a strong sense of focus in S1, but S2 has really knocked her down too many pegs, in my opinion. I get that the whole "almost dying" thing made everything much harder to approach--though it was completely unmentioned in S2 for some reason--but the writing in S2 completely stagnated Nynaeve. She never did a single goddamn thing on purpose and was dragged everywhere she went. Even though it was only 3 episodes, I would've liked a little more actual back-and-forth between her and Elayne, with each of them getting corrected by the other, rather than just... Nynaeve being wrong every time. I don't feel that this does any credit to Elayne, either.

Elayne is very nearly a non-character, not in the sense that she's actively dull, just that she's... so off-puttingly normal and level-headed. First off, why is she just big chillin with an arrow through her leg? Ach, whatever. I'm a little upset that I don't really have enough material with her that I can make any solid assertions.

Except...

Are you fucking kidding me with that shit at the end? She's the one to Heal Rand's gut wound? What the hell and/or fuck? Robert Jordan did not make an entire cast of women while carefully omitting "nice, polite, awkwardly maternal healer love interest" for these assholes to make a mockery of the surgical precision with which he avoided that.

Anyway.

Where was my sword fight in the sky? Don't answer that. I just miss it.

Also, what the hell was up with that Joss Whedon-ass "let's all team up together! Woohoo team moment!" shit against Ishamael? How hokey can we get? Please tell me that was the cap.

Also also, what was the big old power jump for Rand suddenly being able to control his channeling? Did one little conversation with Logain and one bit of practice breaking Moiraine's shielding make him able to fucking Terminator a crowd of dudes? Like... Ach, whatever, I'll just phone in the analysis and say it's a sign that Lews Therin got a much stronger grip on him after he rejected Lanfear.

Hey. Where was Ingtar's beautiful, beautiful last stand? Where was his admission that he was a Darkfriend, but he believed Rand could save them all, so he was betraying the Dark? I know where it was; they dropped it in S1E8 when they had Rand head off on his own, eliminating any chance to set it up. Still sad they cut such an amazing scene.

Anyway, Egwene and Perrin are the main characters and everyone else is a sideshow. They're the only characters in the show who seem to have actual arcs, or progress of any kind, on the single-season scale. Sure, Rand and Mat changed between seasons, but during this seasons, they were mostly static. The most basic metric I know for this is that if you transplanted their E8 selves into E1, they wouldn't have made any crucially different choices that didn't involve "knowing secrets".

Season 1 started strong and fell off linearly as it went, then ended in the dirt. Season 2 started weak, built up to be fucking stellar around episodes 5-7, then fell off a fucking cliff in the last episode. I dunno.

Once again, I'm having a pretty solid time with each episode, but the show just feels badly-written. Little clarity of purpose.

#wheel of time on prime

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fanterfane · 10 months

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The State of FanterFane, Now in ADHD!~

HEY YA'LL!

That's something I do now I guess, I say "YA'LL"! Either way, It's time for the first status update since the BIG ONE earlier this year. If you don't remember it or you're new, firstly, welcome, secondly, you can read it here: https://www.deviantart.com/fanterfane/journal/The-State-of-FanterFane-950469980. A lot of what I said here I'm still struggling with, and probably always will be, so it's still relevant. I've been told that several people have been recommended that post by Patreon because of it's high engagement, so I feel especial need to give the algorithm something better to serve. Also, this post is mainly about my struggles with ADHD, but it has other things and status updates sprinkled throughout. If you or someone you know has ADHD, I hope this helps!

For the sake of brevity though, I'll do a TL:DR right here. I developed carpal tunnel two months ago, and I've been working on treating it. It's been going pretty good lately, especially now that I finally have gotten my hands on ADHD medication after my long time lack thereof. As such, I've become much more productive and much, much happier! Things are looking up for me, and I'm hopeful for the future! Social acceptance for who I am now is still sometimes rough, but going better. SFW commissions have done wonders for my mental health, and I have plans for new art projects, commission queues, and more to try and do. I hope that you'll all continue to be the thing I get up for in the morning as I work to accomplish them! I'll be going on vacation next week, and I hope you all have a great summer!

Now for the super long part I don't fault anyone for NOT reading, here we go!

Earlier this year, it felt like I was spiraling down an unrecoverable path. Things I tried to do just wouldn't materialize. I would identify a problem like "My car is dirty" or "My room is messy" or even just "I should read and respond to this DM" and instead of working to solve it my anxiety would start up and make it so that I put it off. What if I messed it up? I was always so tired too, I just felt emotionless whenever I didn't feel sad. What if I just didn't deserve it anyway? What if all of this is a mistake? Those sorts of questions would plague me no matter what, preventing me from solving the very things giving me anxiety spiraling into even more anxiety. It was dumb, but mental health quite often is. It was getting so bad, that writing dialog and even just reading things started feeling like an anxiety induced dyslexic impossibility. For the longest time I assumed it was just depression, and that it would get better with time, but it hasn't over the years. Instead, it's only gotten worse year over year.

Now, I always get a little bit depressed every winter. Seasonal depression gets me down every year without fail, but this year was quite a bit more intense. The struggle between the two lives I live was really getting to me. I'd been doing ever more and more introspection, and discovering all the ways the way I was raised screwed me up definitely didn't help. Repressed memories often have a reason for being repressed. It doesn't help when the people you want to love you the most are the least supportive in your life, and might have even been partly the cause of some of your more unhealthy tendencies. Regardless of their intentions.

A big part of this issue though, I think at least, is that I've been unmedicated for my ADHD since High School. I stopped taking it as a Sophomore because I felt like I was smart enough to pass school without it, and that it wasn't helping me. The stigma against stimulants and medication in general was a big part of that decision. I was not self-aware enough at the time to realize that almost immediately my attention started suffering. It started slowly, too slowly for me to realize it at the moment, but gradually it became harder and harder to pay attention to class work over the years. It got so bad that in order for me to NOT fall asleep during class, I'd doodle on my classwork cause it kept me stimulated enough to stay awake. I'd always made good grades though, so I coasted through highschool on information osmosis and went on to community college, where it really started to catch up with me. Although again, I didn't realize it.

In community college, I had a couple of bad classes that really jarred me. Physics and Calculus. Physics was hard because the teacher was bad at teaching it, and 75% of that class failed the final, so I don't feel very bad about it. But the calculus class though, was the first time I'd ever felt like I'd failed myself in a class. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't understand the derivatives they tried to teach me. I passed, barely, but that was one of the times where I think my ADHD caught up to me, even if I didn't realize it. It wasn't much, but it was definitely a sign of things to come.

Once I got out of community college, I took a gap year between it and a longer stay at a university. During that time, I started trying to work on art more and more as a hobby. I started drawing possession, corruption, femboys, all that sorta wonderful stuff. Then Covid hit. My gap year turned to two, and suddenly that was long enough for me to have started an actual *career* doing this. Which was beyond crazy to me. It motivated me to no end, I wanted nothing more than to create and have fun creating for all my followers.

In the end though, my ADHD caught up to me. Like it always does. Once the initial honeymoon phase was over, and I settled into the hum and drum of being an online digital artist, it reared its head again.

You see, ADHD is not something that goes away. You may not think about it, but it's always there. ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, potentially being renamed soon to the ASD spectrum, is a mental disorder affecting the brain's dopamine pathway. People with ADHD struggle because they have less dopamine for everything than most other people do. This either leads to hyperactivity, because you need to do MORE to feel the normal amount of reward chemical (how I was when I was younger). Or it leads to Inattention, because nothing you do feels rewarded or worthwhile (how I am now). There's just physically not enough dopamine being released in my brain for it to function properly most of the time. That's why ADHD is treated with stimulants like Adderall or Vyvanse, because they stimulate the release of more dopamine in the pathways. Making everything feel *right*. My symptoms may have changed over the years through things like masking and other stuff, but I realized recently that it never went away.

At the end of last year, I started watching ADHD Youtube videos that were recommended to me by my friends who also have ADHD. Lo and behold, a lot of what I was struggling with was the poster child of adulthood with ADHD. Anxiety, inability to do basic tasks, procrastination, lack of motivation, etc etc. I was especially hit hard by the concept of "Executive Dysfunction". Executive dysfunction, common with ADHD, impairs planning, task prioritization, memory, execution, and emotional regulation. All things I've been struggling with for years to various extents. Also things that got worse whenever I was depressed.

Naturally, the first thing someone might do to solve this, is get treated/medicated. So that's what I tried. I enrolled in a private health care plan (self-employment doesn't get healthcare through their employer, GO USA) just to find out that it was in the middle of a ADHD medication shortage. I was eligible to get approved for VyVanse, the meds I took when I was a kid, because they were 500$ a bottle. My insurance was 250$ a month. So they denied it, citing that I "Haven't tried the other medications." The ones that I tried getting, Adderall and a couple other ones, were never in stock. Even my friends who already had medication started being unable to get any at all. It was around that time that I made The State of FanterFane post, because this really hit me hard. I'd done everything I was supposed to, but the world still shot me down for it.

Then, on top of everything else, I developed Carpal Tunnel. Which screwed me up even more mentally and physically. Suddenly, even when I WAS motivated (which was getting rarer and rarer) I couldn't even draw then because my wrist was constantly in pain. It really started feeling like things really were unsalvageable. I truly felt without hope for the first time since college, and before that high school. Like everything I had done up to that point was pointless, and only resulted in me sacrificing my health for something that would've never worked out.

...Until the first week of this month, June 2023. When one of my friends was able to get their hands on Adderall again, signaling the end of the shortage. I immediately took my prescription to my local pharmacy, and got my first ever bottle of Adderall XR. I had high hopes for what it would do for me, but the thing I didn't expect was for me to regain hope.

The next day, I took my first dose and proceeded to start deep cleaning and rearranging my entire room. I did laundry, folded clothes, wiped away dust EVERYWHERE, organized my belongings and important files for the first time EVER, unpacked moving boxes that hadn't moved in 2 years and much, much more! Essentially, I turned my entire room upside down over the course of a week. I can't really put into words just how liberating it felt, how finally being able to just see a problem, and then solve it immediately without any anxiety or self-doubt changed *everything*. Even better, every task completed was less anxiety to affect me whenever I felt down or depressed. I can't hate myself for having a messy room when it's so clean, it's literally *rearranged* after all!

To put it simply, it felt like my brain was *working again*. For the first time in literal YEARS. Once I was done cleaning, I moved onto working on art, posting, responding to messages and sorting personal files. These past three weeks have been three of the most productive weeks I've had in a very long time. I feel like I've not been this productive since the initial honeymoon phase of Dullahan Dilemma and the Attenborough collection (callback!). All the while, I got better at treating my carpal tunnel, to the point where it's not constantly pins and needling me anymore, and it even feels just generally better all the time! I've been getting better and better at doing various tasks, and I believe I'm truly on the road to recovery now.

Things from here are looking up! Genuinely! I wouldn't be here either if it wasn't for all of you kind people supporting me, even through the toughest times. I'm beyond grateful for that. I'd worship the ground you all walk on if I could. Without ya'll, I would not be here today. Forgive me for taking on a somewhat political tone, but I have no idea who I'd even be at this point without all of you, and all of my wonderful friends that I’ve met while doing this. Perhaps I'd have fallen deeper into the alt-right pipeline as a disenfranchised southern white guy. Becoming more homophobic and repressing my inner self even more than I already had been my entire life due to my upbringing. That was the only place I felt like I could fit into the conservative worldview my folks raised me in, after all. Maybe I would've gone back to school for a degree I couldn't use and in debt, landing in a terrible corporate job that didn't care for me. At least I would've got health insurance then, but also maybe all of my health problems would've gotten worse and worse and never got better, since I never would've had the motivation to fix them by working out, losing weight, and watching my diet. I honestly don't know, and thinking too deeply about the "what-ifs'' of it is pointless.

But now, what I can say is that when all the anxiety clears and the depression abates, I'm truly happy. For the first time in my life, I feel like I actually have an identity. Like my emotions actually do matter and that I'm not just some soulless machine whose only goal in life is to make money. I'm a human being. Although I may not be created in God's image, I have thoughts, feelings, and most importantly, flaws. I'm gay/bisexual, I'm not very masculine nor do I desire to be so, I like having long hair, and I like doing more effeminate things that most guys in the crowd I was falling into would balk at and blame on chemicals in the water. In other words, I feel healthier than ever. Mentally AND physically. I thank all of you, each and every single one, for staying with me throughout all of this. If any of you ever feel like you wanna reach out, especially if I can help you in some comparatively small way, please do. My DMs are always open, it's the LEAST I can do.

Some other things I should touch on- I've gotten a lot of surprising support for my transition from my extended family and friends. The closest is still the most difficult, I can't get my nails painted for instance, I was told not to when I asked, much to my chagrin. I've got a pride bracelet I've been wearing around, and no one has said anything about it, so that's good I suppose. Fox news still blares on the television in the living room, even after all the stuff that's gone down with *that* channel in recent times. I've given up on trying to convince them otherwise. I’ve been discredited anyway because I draw "X-rated shit", that doesn't make enough money. Even though as far as most people my generation are faring financially, I'm doing pretty good!

The SFW commissions have been going fantastic! Especially on the mental health side of things. It's helped me realize that I do in fact, have options. I'm not trapped doing one thing forever, which is honestly the thing that was scaring me the most. Just like the threat of a soul-draining corporate job till the day I die. I don't have to worry about what I'll be doing in 10 years, because I think I've built enough support and especially self-taught skill that no matter what I do, I'll be okay. It's only up from here, and I've even been feeling the flame of passion returning for TF and other lewdness! So you can for sure expect to see much more of that over the next few years, no matter what!

Speaking of money though, I have more plans for the future now too. I'm gonna make more money by doing more commissions and creating more sources of revenue. Just so that I can afford to move out, and get away from this toxic environment I find myself in. The cheapest apartments where I live run for about 750$ a month, so I'm hoping to save up over the next year and move the hell out. I think I'll be able to afford it, provided there are no extraneous events that hurt me financially. I'll be trying things like more YCH's, sketch commission streams like the patreon request streams, art packs, and maybe even merch! Ya'll be the first to be notified about any of this. The first YCH auction will hopefully be this weekend! It will be based on Nyan Cat possession, and the MC will be trying to run away from the cringey 2000's era meme culture that haunts them to this day. Thing is, the past has a funny way of coming back to haunt you!~

Finally, I'm going on vacation next week to see some friends in LA! If you're someone I know/trust around the LA area, and you wanna meet up, let me know in DMs and we'll see if we can arrange it! I may take a further vacation the week after for rest, but after that we'll be back to regularly scheduled LEWDNESS work!

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for coming with me and supporting me on this journey. Happy pride month, and I hope everyone has a great Summer! I love all of you! Here's to several more years of FanterFane!

XOXO,

FanterFane

#announcement #adhd #my adhd #living with adhd

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booasaur · 1 year

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Booasaur, have you seen this Gotham Knights teaser? (Twittercom/TheCW_GothamK/status/1652070244356182018?s=20

Clickable: https://twitter.com/TheCW_GothamK/status/1652070244356182018?s=20

WHAT!

Well! I expected something, but I wasn't sure. I mean. Well. No show would do this and not go there, right?

So, like, this teaser is from April 28th?? And nobody mentioned--you know, I SAW this frame, in the Twitter tags, I just assumed it was an edit and scrolled by... Okay, some of the comments make more sense now, lol.

But so it wasn't in the next two eps that have aired since, and it really doesn't feel like the next ep leaves much room for this kind of thing? Let's see... Oh, here's the summary:

After one of their own is captured by the Court of Owls, the knights find themselves in a race against the clock; Stephanie and Harper work together to locate a crucial piece of material that could save their team member.

Welllll, so it's actually featuring them teaming up enough to be in the summary?? Well, that makes sense, after an ep so heavy on Turner and Duela, probably these two were were taping this ep. Maybe they'll be in a situation where they have to blend in...? Lol, I don't know.

Oh, this is a 13 ep season? I thought just 10 and we were about to finish things off. Well, then, I'm not sure when this clip fits in. There seems a lot we haven't seen yet and also doesn't feel like it'll fit into the next ep, maybe this is covering the whole second half of the season?

But anyway, thanks for sharing, anon! I kind of wish this was a surprise in the ep itself, but it's not revealing that much, and it gives us something to look forward to and more confidence in the ship, so yeah, I think I'm happy to have seen it. :)

#replies #femslash related stuff #sent on 20230510 #Anonymous #5 #gotham knights #gotham knights spoilers #harper x stephanie #sharper #this whole post is me finding out new things I could have easily found out earlier

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antisocialxconstruct · 2 years

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I didn't like Cyberpunk: Edgerunners but I can't think of a clever heading

Okay every time I come back to work on this my thesis changes a little bit so I'm just going to start like this: full disclosure, I went into Edgerunners mostly out of morbid curiosity and I was prepared not to like it very much. I have no real love either for CDPR's game or for Pondsmith's source material, and this show would have needed to bring some pretty show-stopping, foundation-shaking ideas to the setting in order to win me over. It did not do that. That said, also in the spirit of full disclosure, there were moments where I did find myself genuinely kind of enjoying watching it. It's a good looking and well-acted show that has some high points, especially around the middle of the series, although in the end they mostly just leave me wishing that those high points could be transplanted into a different, better story.

(Also I will be spoiling major plot points as well as the finale. Read at your discretion.)

Ultimately, I was never going to actually, genuinely like Edgerunners for the simple fact that I hate "cyberpsychosis" as a concept. In fact I'm comfortable saying it's by far one of the worst tropes the cyberpunk genre has been burdened with and patently refuses to examine, right up there with the gratuitous orientalism and weird contempt for sex workers. I don't know that Pondsmith was the very first to introduce the idea into the genre, but I think it's safe to say that Cyberpunk (the ttrpg) had enough of a hand in popularizing it to solidly lodge transhumanist discussions in the ditch of "but what if cybernetic enhancements made you CrAzY" for the last thirty years.

Not only is the idea that "psychosis = indiscriminate violence" just pure, uncut ableism (psychotic people are statistically far more likely to be the victims of abuse and violence than the perpetrators), but from a narrative standpoint, assuming that extensive cybernetics are just an automatic ticket to losing your mind and dying in a rain of blood and viscera is lazy. It's boring. It depends on a complete disinterest and refusal to engage with the nuances of individual characters' personalities and mental states, or the way societal bias and pressure might impact someone's perception of themself or other modded people.

The most frustrating thing to me is that Edgerunners feels like it almost manages to actually have something to say on this subject, but I don't think it's self-aware enough to commit to it. The first episode presents us with a pretty clear thesis: the only way to survive and succeed in Night City is to be enhanced; and an equally clear antithesis: being too enhanced will inevitably destroy you. This feels like a potentially really interesting dichotomy, but while these ideas will both prove to be true and central to the plot, it's mostly just in the sense that... they are both true statements. There will be no examination of why, or how those two contradictions interact with each other, or what creates and influences this reality.

And it's not like there isn't room to interrogate this concept in a nuanced way. The kinds of cybernetics most prominently on display in the show are disproportionately combat-focused--things explicitly designed to make a single person better at hurting and killing. So you could argue that the mental degradation could have less to do with the physical reality of being modded, and more to do with the baseline personality required to electively turn your own body into a weapon, or the pressure placed on the human psyche by realizing you now have the ability to kill, easily and indiscriminately, in a way you never could before. But this is not what the universe's lore tells us. If it was, there would have been no reason for Maine (the obligatory seasoned mentor/father figure) to succumb to cyberpsychosis when he was clearly incredibly grounded and invested in the safety and wellbeing of his team, and cybernetically enhanced for the demands of the work he did rather than for the simple glee of violence. If it was about individuals, there would be no reason for characters to remark often throughout the series about the novelty of David being able to withstand the Sandevistan, a single implant that really does nothing more than make him exceptionally fast but is apparently so powerful and taxing on the body that it alone could make the average person into a "cyberpsycho" (ugh). If it was about individuals I would have sooner expected a villain arc from the classmate tormenting David in the first few episodes (whose name I don't remember because he quickly becomes completely irrelevant) who seemed to delight in the sheer fact that he had muscle augments that made bullying easier and more violent.

So maybe the show gets a little closer to saying something about SocietyTM? After all, the first episode does a great job of establishing how utterly desolate it is trying to exist in Night City without money (it's actually one of the few aspects of the show I genuinely liked). Then it's reinforced multiple times that the average person's only choices for survival are the endless grind of climbing the corporate ladder (as David's mother wanted for him before she died) or the endless urban warfare of being a mercenary (as he chooses for himself), with the ultimate irony being that the mercs still work for the corporations anyway. I think I would probably argue that this is the central theme of the story, which ends with David as a pawn in an arms race between two major corporations, which had no real bearing on his life and still rather dramatically, literally, tears him apart. And in the end, he still convinces himself that he chose this, that it was something noble that he did for someone else's sake, rather than something he was driven into both by direct manipulation and by societal circumstances far beyond his control. The corps push cybernetics on everyone, indiscriminately, convince them that it's the normal and desirable way of life, and don't care that they're creating monsters and causing massive and constant losses of human life. It's not a bad premise, and it's woven through the narrative effectively enough that I had to sit with it a bit to piece it together but came away feeling like it came through clearly.

My problem with that is that at best, "cyberpsychosis" adds nothing to this premise except shock value and an excuse for gratuitous violence. At worst, it skews the message into something far more hurtful and less compelling. Capitalist society does create monsters, but it's the ultra-wealthy and ultra-powerful who lose any capacity to sympathize with the rest of humanity. Within the Cyberpunk universe, "cyberpsychos" feel far more analogous to addicts and petty criminals--the idea being that some people just choose to put something into their body that makes them worse, that makes them dangerous, that they're not "good enough" to know their limits, and they should be feared and hated for it. But addicts are people who are desperate, lost, and grasping for any scrap of power and control they can wrest from their own circumstances, even at the expense of their own health and wellbeing, or that of the people around them. They are victims, and creating a universe where their analogues are presented as monsters, as indiscriminate mass-killers who can only be stopped by militarized police aggression, is disgusting.

So, I don't know. Am I asking too much from a 10-episode shonen anime that mostly exists as a video game tie-in? Maybe. But then maybe the 10-episode video game tie-in anime should have focused on something less lofty.

#maybe I need a tag for like... reviews and actual genre analysis #anyway I'm not gonna actually put this in the show's tag that would be gauche #rom speaks

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