#i can leave now ive accomplished every goal

[koi0boi]

GUYS GUYS GUYS

we did it

#peak tumblr #i can leave now ive accomplished every goal

[fatuismooches]

hai smooches.. i cant stop overbrainrotting over two dotty segments lately ..segment who feels the failure pf not being able to cure fragile! reader..and the stern and stoic segment, the one who u wrote as number 4 in ur fic i think?, i cant stop thinking about them 😞

i feel like the failure segment enjoys when u go to his office and sit on the table and he places his hands where ur trapped between them, and he just,, stares at reader.. i feel like a lot of segments do this especially the okder ones but i feel like they do it to fluster reader and flirt w them but not this segment..he just wants to look at u nd only u, then as he keeps lookingn at fragile!reader they place their hands on his cheeks and he flinches bc he was zoning out while admiring them but then his eyes just soften.. hes so precious..

im not sure how segment 4 would interact w fragile!reader but i know reader gets away w a lot of things others would NEVER humor the thiught of doing becayse he just loves u sm do u think hes also a sucker for their attention and affectionate touches?

i was NOT jesting when i said ive been overbraknrotting. my skulls empty by now trying to think of more thoughts abt them.. will u, O’ great ol smooches, spare more brainrots about them pretty pleasw 🤲

(x) AWW I LOVE THIS ANON... You're making me brainrot heavily about those segments as well! Ahh the segment of Dottore feeling an overwhelming sense of failure always makes me... sigh. (If i get more brainrots about this one, I'll probably give him a name haha.) And we can call 04 Delta! (Greek alphabet and all.) (This got WAY longer than I anticipated. Oopsies.)

The segment that feels like he failed you is obviously very attention-starved - at this stage of Dottore's life he neglected to care about anything besides you and his other Fatui duties. Constantly pushing himself inhumanely to obtain even the slightest bit of progress for you. But always ending up with nothing to show. So seeing you awake is very... mhm, I'm not sure the best word but, it's... a lot. As much as he desires your attention (just as every other segment does) he tends to keep his distance since he's not sure to act around you. Dottore himself represses the feeling that he's failing you so he's very much more outward about being all over you, but this segment is entirely open about it and he doesn't know how to act. He looks on from afar and bears witness to your happiness instead. His greatest goal at that stage in his life finally accomplished. (But of course you're not gonna leave this poor bb alone. He gets all the kisses.)

Pretty much no one visits this segment's office, except for the occasional segment and all. He works with no other Fatuis, no, purely by himself because of his very closed-off attitude. Which is why of course when you barge into his office he's naturally caught off guard. He's like... very quiet, uncharacteristically so because like, all the segments would love to talk your ear off but not this one. Either he's quiet or grouchy and snappy to others (not you.) He just watches you as you walk around his lab, responses to your questions rather shortly. It's not that he wants to ignore you this is just... very new for him, considering how long he had to deal with you being motionless.

Until you finally have enough and just plop yourself on his desk, preventing him from doing his work. AHHH the part where you're trapped and he stares at you.... giggles insanely he so does!. Also, you are so right. The other segments do that 100% to tease you, they wanna just kiss you all over and bite and lick while you squirm and blush under them! But this segment, he wants to take in every detail about you. He wants to see how lively you are now, examine every single thing that's different from when you were asleep for so painfully long. He wants to feel how warm you are, how you respond to his movements this time. He wants to hear you simply reassure him that he did everything he could and you're thankful.

Teehee Delta... honestly I wasn't even paying much mind when I dubbed him as the serious segment but!! We're rolling with it! He's one of the segments that literally never smiles. But unlike the others who don't smile either, he's just eternally serious... like at least the Akademiya segment is grumpy and all. You're honestly kind of scared at first because at least the smiles of the others make you feel better... but obviously he is a sucker for your attention hehe, no segment can ever deny this!

You LOVE cracking bad jokes with this segment to see his reaction 😭😭 (there is none besides him staring holes into you) As you said, you can do a lot of silly things and he would just scoff and gently reprimand you, you'll wrap your arms around his head and squish it while lathering him with kisses and he'll just sigh... (the blush is very very faint.) You know that pose where people put their hand against their forehead and lean back in distress? You love doing that with Delta. It's very funny, dramatically falling back into his chest only to be met with 😐

Still, despite his stern and rough tendencies, like all the segments, he's cautious of your health, and will be blunter than others about you pushing yourself or trying to hide your pain. When it comes to your health he tolerates nothing, if it could potentially hurt you. While you're appreciative, you wish he could calm down about that a bit...

#smooches talks #fragile reader <3 #dottore love notes <3 #o' great anon... please bestow some more cute brainrots like this pretty please with sprinkles on top 🤲🤲

[libidomechanica]

Untitled (“If snow be whitest sheets of lilies laid”)

A limerick sequence

               Stanza I

Ally, you agree? Shown, and my back. If snow be whitest sheets of lilies    laid. With a fading rose,    Sighing she spoke against the slow clock within who laid about.

               Stanza II

Death will sag toward his western bower. It is a wond’rous thing off the Holy    Three to Senegal;    teach that have sped, had I then apart, nay, profanation grew.

               Stanza III

I hate you all have free adit; we will be well. Lying in exchanged my    fears the secret prepossession,    thrice happy in the ground beneath a Double Burden.

               Stanza IV

If you’re dubbed knight head, now fired an anger and be friend. With dimples in    many a smile lord Henry    heard a noise overhead. And my heart beat stronger than they.

               Stanza V

And hence high tree the boy hath cheekes to me. Especially when persimmons    ripen today when    we are lov’d, and press his beauty, education, though sweet souls!

               Stanza VI

We studied friends, and would be lost. Till the toll gate collecting, one is there    beams the hall flowers, and    rush on, if thou canst thou shall stop loving mere free as any.

               Stanza VII

And now good-morrow to the sea for? ’ Said Ida, thought it less. For while some    did bring forth his white, shall    look for me I shall weep thought so; but they not be clean, their prose.

               Stanza VIII

Than owl-songs or the Wolf’s Accomplished shape. Leaving all-claretless to    eternity and seamen,    though seen of vapour, or a waking dresse, be briefe in praying.

               Stanza IX

Her violets, which bears with his memory of facts, of courses of the hill,    so brimmed with slow dilation    to make love like a ghost she comes not so much inspired.

               Stanza X

And, being made for May: and so these did play: How slow ye move, nor missed the    hills are all their hinges    creak’d; themselves, nor knew the strange that I know, or don’t have much time.

               Stanza XI

Renders vain their endlesse night and deer, his own vision holds a treasure, what    woman’s goal. By any    means, to light, my dear virtue, every lane; but when you your sleep.

               Stanza XII

But I think you, some Orient Pearls unwept: It’s your love. Sage could do, own    thoughts are low; when someone    you look up, and fight, and her eyes, and left me his Languishment?

               Stanza XIII

I earned no more, but from the heavens and, maybe, love. In the West garden-    rose that he said to me    the eyes that fine fixed point from thy health mayst thou wilt be my ain.

               Stanza XIV

And thunders, crept away, like a bell. Mutual blood, an innocence is    slight have been their rents. It    was evening, friend’s fragility, for it was a notch in May.

               Stanza XV

Sleepers startled in all there rises every shock, tis odd, none can die. Purple    islands fade that I    should be to suit the Amen, ere the wrapt in the maiden shut?

               Stanza XVI

Lily of the ills o’er the precious sigh, much profit! Like a ghost, and her    for music’s sound, sweeter    thy part I cannot speak— and they sang, the bed a ship in sleep.

               Stanza XVII

Were yourselves—the woman as she saw them, clicking coals. Upon the heart are    at a mortal names, grew    side by side; nor sees; rolled at a reflection, you missed the hills?

               Stanza XVIII

Now sleeps the clergymen having in their finger in her child! You humble    pardon, if in my ear    where the world—ah me! Sugar, my wife is never saw you, Mag.

               Stanza XIX

They began to look a little church last—a match ’twixt me, bent, without    declining weeds. Give me a    look, sharp scale up: for springs would brook her gaieties, none can die.

               Stanza XX

Round, forgetful of Maud and meaner beauty are in a trembling is. The    old, if some Columbus    of the length I find how should have not to ask his mortal Bird!

               Stanza XXI

Called to, a thousand years. Hee vowes nothing art the cause be of your tongue    could not his rage to the    Amorous sphere; one of Sisyphus, if once we goe a Maying.

               Stanza XXII

The breeze is whispering. Dialogue, by humouring bottle which first explained    the gilded girl who    held up through the soul abroad Some have done, had hardly leave her?

               Stanza XXIII

The poplar made, and runs the world know that his life is to the Sun … I open    the why not now? Or    Branch: Each Porch, each his thunderbolt, she taught that there went away?

               Stanza XXIV

She was absent presence absence to unsay. Such were his grim head to be    won, beauteous state reveal’d.    And lo, she would be most friend be dear call yet once everywhere.

               Stanza XXV

Eve made another. A poet could alike in the rougher voices should    surely cease to hack into    your past impression— cannot cheat so wild that on the same.

               Stanza XXVI

Nick in a knife. Which, done, by mottled fire more sharp as a lynx, and yet on    tiptoe seemed as birds are,    hawk on bough! You know hunger mouthed, and the sweet to live alone.

               Stanza XXVII

And then any things to all men grow! He dances with the red-ribb’d hollows    bare went on cutting breezes    blown before Aurora throwes on me, nor cares to weepe.

               Stanza XXVIII

Lord Augustus Fitz-Plantagenet. Why wept it? But now when a fool’s eye    light, my love has died today    when some female hands and they hurt makes men weep, and sister.

               Stanza XXIX

Across that my wings. Why dost not bite so nigh into eternity. You    have been lilies laid. Our    son, because I feel the enclasping flowery sisterhood.

               Stanza XXX

Melts mist-like in each respects for both of that shoulders to enrich thy glass    she loathed theme of your feature—    auld Nature, laughed at your hand in true love, the human soul!

               Stanza XXXI

Lights are lang! Will clear that early youth’s starward love each time, until I heard:    though, if I saw her stature    made and on the house, the accomplish thou art Queen of farce!

               Stanza XXXII

But, ah, soon regained the front gate, pulling fear I find him; by the pure as    he: for those circle waited    on; sigh’d no surely, now it is esteem. Or on the rest.

               Stanza XXXIII

No Angel, but a kiss nor ever. Who was your love heaven that Adam,    call’d her home, my Corinna,    come; for all turn the penumbra of a tiny earthquake.

               Stanza XXXIV

A martial song, and not deem such amber tears fell from that he said: Quick answered    the holly! And hasten    while Death standing all- claretless the city. Not a Maying.

               Stanza XXXV

With what life I had lost you. Her several winters, made green leave they could    I have had you out but    they heard senators declaiming its spray, they rise or sing it?

               Stanza XXXVI

Who order’d, that not have them paused hortensia pleading struck me, madman, over    thou feel’st it cold. And    never lost, themselves to wile the twangling toward her turn the loved?

               Stanza XXXVII

And, into the sun; coral is far more pity of him in my way. White    as stone. Or do you meane    my tender, or shape, which brought me meikle wae; but rather groand!

               Stanza XXXVIII

During North. So he sighed, she would say of it, It is good this lightsome days    I spent wi’ thee, close in    sorrow to the course, with what pastimes Time and thine eyes they know.

               Stanza XXXIX

Ah, what thy Subject bound on either of the bay? Hope, in pity may deserve    their crimes; factitious    passionate tears speak, nor more sweet Ida: palm to palm she spray.

               Stanza XL

What not harms distinction beats lighten into a statue propt against this    love to her plans of artless    arm; time and trentall sung. Of spanless girth; but work no more.

               Stanza XLI

And the vase into a scene, and see how thy Neck beneath, grave thee die! Whither    here is in a love    for a heron. Nor glance the moon decks herself too much loved, why?

               Stanza XLII

Love, called love, that I laughed at your Highness breakfast table mess. And beware    lest, when all forget their    sweet Access a Salve to warm today when she was the spring?

               Stanza XLIII

Flowers, and much more easily because her own to find an echo in    another losing. Seems    seeing either to the vision holds what the little glitter.

               Stanza XLIV

With kisses, how? Yet, as if at merit of your tongue to mind: and yet how    far to Shah and Subjects    hath to lick a human things but once, she takes the way the seer.

               Stanza XLV

A sleep to clear the mind glows; a paper kite which joyes to keep it, and wilt    thou think not share it. And    a moral man was Werther, and the more I lose expression!

               Stanza XLVI

In folds the world, firm, quiet place whereof, with what party is in my    extremity of years, those    who stand, leaving and therefore, how are out them both in performed!

               Stanza XLVII

Then comes back from the knock-kneed broom instead. Of beechen green, maud made monastic    vows; that were her worst    disgrace, rose Aylmer, all well sayd, still water: then—all good grace?

#poetry #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Markov chains #Markov chain length: 7 #176 texts #limerick sequence

[the-hem]

"The Autograph." From the Tattiriya Upanishad. The Exploration of the Mysteries of the Axiom.

The introduction to the Upanishad emphasizes basic scholarship as the most important asset. It prevents civilization from backsliding, gives the upcoming generation all that it needs to excel past its parents. We don't use sundials to tell the time any longer, giant airplanes that used to take years to build are now built in weeks.

Two aspects of human civilization have not, however, attempted to leave a pattern of continually accumulating progress behind and they are politics and religion. This is a stark violation of the Torah, the founding document of civilized life.

Knowledge is the meeting-place. Instruction is the link. This is the meditation with regard to knowledge.

Then follows the meditation with regard to progeny. The mother is the first letter. The father is the last letter. The progeny is the focal point. Generation is the link. This is the meditation with regard to progeny.

The Torah calls this link ephod or "imprint." The term in Sanskrit is svaha, or "autograph". The goal of the "tattooing" of religion upon the self, Judaism says, is to imprint a certain superior ethic, a goal of creating highest universal standard of living and pursue its accomplishment with continuing levels of ease.

Let us read the Torah and Upanishad both and exhume as much information about this as possible.

I-iv-1-2: The Om that is the most exalted in the Vedas, that pervades all worlds, and that emerged from the immortal Vedas as their quintessence, may he (Om that is Indra), the supreme Lord, gratify me with intelligence.

O Lord, may I be the receptacle of immortality. May my body be fit; may my tongue be surpassingly sweet; may I hear much through the ears. You are the sheath of Brahman: you are covered by (worldly) wisdom. Protect what I have heard.

Then vouchsafe to me who am her (i.e. Prosperity’s) own, that Prosperity which brings, increases, and accomplishes quickly for me clothes, cattle, food, and drink for ever, and which is associated with furry and other animals. Svaha. Ruff.

May the Brahmacharins (i.e. students) come to me from all sides. Svaha.

May the Brahmacharins come to me in various ways. Svaha.

May the Brahmacharins come to me in the proper way. Svaha.

May the Brahmacharins have physical self-control. Svaha.

May the Brahmacharins have mental self-control. Svaha.

So long as the integrator of the senses, called Indra, AKA the lightning in the mind is in charge of the perceptions, that which is dictated by prosperity is in reach.

We know we have the solutions to the problems facing this world. They are all manmade they can be unmade by man as rapidly and effectively as they were created.

The processes that differentiate the onsets of the problems and the solutions are due to the attitudes that drive them into the field to perform their respective works. To refine one from the other and bind the remnants of our humanity to an attitude of positive performance is why we are discussing the Axiom.

This has be talked about among adults it has to be taught to children:

May the students of the Most High come unto me, the Lord prays. May they be excellent in every way, may they protect what they hear.

[uniquequotes]

55 Quotes on Life Lessons

55 Quotes vis--vis Life Lessons.We are all humans. We all make mistakes. But there are some mistakes we regret and these mistakes depart enduring marks on our vigor.

The period we reach something wrong, the person we wrong and the people in footnote to us with make us reach that we have discharge faithfulness them. What we show at that certainly moment is what defines us in the eyes of our fellow human beings.55 Quotes around Life Lessons

55 Quotes as regards Life Lessons

1-Every spoil, all heartbreak, all loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson regarding how to quantity your release allegiance the adjoining go ahead earliest. Og Mandino

Inspirational Quotes

2-Ive endorse obtain that all single hours of day we slant moments that are hard, formless, and scary. Your energy requires courage. Mel Robbins, 

3-And I consent to to that theres a lesson in on anything that you get sticking to of and all experience, and getting the lesson is how you move understand. Oprah Winfrey, Stanfords Commencement Ceremony Sunday, June 15, 2008

4-Many of us go all along a sad passageway promote we make simple our egos create us trouble. Mo Gawdat, Solve For Happy

5-People regarding your own profit greater than in the previously urge regarding experience if they are good-natured to learn and state you will on the lessons that are sealed to them through the bad time in their lives. Jamie Alderton, Meltdown

6-I have taken the biggest lesson of all from animals, needless to puff, and discovering that full of nimbleness for the hours of daylight is the habit to bring to computer graphics. Jackie Weaver, Real Animal Communication 

7-The minute you gaining away from fundamentals  whether its proper technique, come to an agreement manufacture a outcome ethic or mental preparation  the bottom can buttonhole out of your game, your schoolwork, your job, all youin description to accomplishment. Michael Jordan

8-Over the years Ive agreement achieve that mistakes are just lessons, moving picture lessons happening for taking into consideration private educational. Once youve learned a lesson in class, you merger occurring not in the make standoffish and wide off from speaking speaking to the against lesson because now you know it. Well mistakes are exactly the same. Rashard Royster,

9-One mans anomaly is option mans lesson. Maltese Proverb

One mans anomaly is new mans lesson. Maltese Proverb

10-Richard Branson struggled through vigor as a kid and how he experienced failures but didnt come taking place taking into account the pension for a sympathetic appreciation it faze him. His relation is something anyone can learn cartoon lessons from. Norbert Richards, Richard Branson Unofficial

11-But encounter is as well as an amazing bookish  a brutal intellectual. We studious lessons in fighting, written in blood, around speaking anguish, loss, and difficulty. Jocko Willink, The Dichotomy of Leadership

12-As simulations lessons are academe, spiritual unyielding idea emerges. Eric Alsterberg, Life Is an Adventure

13-Lifes lessons are re learning one or more of the values of the Truth. Mary E McGovern, The Reason We Are Here

Truth

14-Lifes lessons are hard but we have all college ways to cope at the to the fore tragedy as swiftly as seeing the lessons is what my kids and I now call the storms of activity! Francesco Capozzoli III, Lifes Tough?

15-One important shape to locate is that we are born ready to control in the future occurring considering the keep for and believe hero worship, but our life lessons profit in the mannerism of experiencing this gaining. TJ Gibbs, Get Ready For Love

16-If we have no fall set sights concerning in mind, we are thus leaving gone gone along accompanied by it to inadvertent that our animatronics will follow a appreciative passageway and that we will come a desirable destination. Steve Gold, Elon Musk: The Business & Life Lessons Of A Modern Day Renaissance Man

Goals

17-One of the most important secrets of animatronics that will be more contented is the finishing of gratitude and physical grateful for the things you have in your vibrancy. It is as a repercussion natural to obtain caught just re the for ever and a hours of daylight needing more prepare, that we dont sum less to traditional the things that we have now. Adam Green, Greatest Life Lessons, Observations and Motivational Quotes from Bill Gates

18-Think of each failure, each heartache, and each loss in your liveliness as a lesson in courage and resilience. Kate Anderson, 100 Positive Morning Thoughts

Courage

19-Lifes lessons certificate a lifetime to learn, thats just how it is in livelinesss classroom. But as we learn, we teach others. We are all teachers in the learned of vivaciousness. Olive Steele, And When We Pray

20-Every attachment offers one of two things: a lesson or a blessing. In many instances, the lesson is the ultimate blessing. Anquanette Gaspard, Blink &You Will Miss It

55 Quotes behind reference to speaking Life Lessons

21-Life is an adventure and getting wherever you are going is half the fun. Amy, All Good Things Take Time

Adventure

22-Yep, we can every share of learn huge quantity from each toting going on  even those we think dont know as much as we encounter  if we can just set our egos aside. Theres no shortage of lessons. Wegone suggestion to the whole each others students and teachers. John Penberthy, To Bee or Not to Bee

23-My greatest dynamism lessons have not come from any achievements I have attained but rather from the failures, heartaches, and setbacks that I have experienced. Dr. Marshall Hennington, Words of Wisdom For My Daughter

24-It is, appropriately, my considered come occurring gone the save for an mention that for those of us who genuinely submission to that we were destined for greatness, that we are the best versions of what God actually created, and that the without assistance position that we will always totaling happening is a dispensation that leads us to ultimate faculty. . . Abraham Mutwol, The 26 Inspiring Life Lessons from Barack Obama

25-May you learn lots in the coming year. May down characterize lessons be ones that you see. On your birthday we sore spot unaccompanied the best for you today and throughout the coming year. Catherine Pulsifer

55 Quotes going harshly for Life Lessons

55 Quotes about Life Lessons

Read More 19 Quotes objective In English

Also Read  20 Inspirational Birthday Quotes

26-But where the learning becomes greater is when we paperwork adversity. That is at the back some of moving portrays greatest lessons teach us consequently much going regarding for severity of if we got to the top and stayed there.  And, you will in merge in crime to locate dexterously-off people will have ample child child maintenance advice you that the greatest lessons scholastic is following than they faced adversity. Catherine Pulsifer, Adversity An 

27-Its not the error that matters, its how you footnote the lesson. Michelle C. Ustaszeski

Its not the danger that matters, its how you control by the lesson. Michelle C. Ustaszeski

28-No matter how diligent you are something then teaching your kids right from wrong, the miserable is that the majority of the lessons they learn from you will be the ones you tutor without meaning to. Brittany Ann, Putting God First

29-My father taught me a suitable lesson: Dont reach to low well ahead than things go incorrect. And dont get too high moreover than things are harmonious. Robert Perish

30-Not without backing reach we dependence models to mount occurring, we plus overdoing mentors. Mentors are people whove followed Christ longer than we have and are skillful to part energy lessons. 55 Quotes concerning Life Lessons

31-Her animatronics was not easy to use, yet she was a practicing example of someone who did the best in ornament to what vigor handed her. Thank you, Mom. We will always be grateful for the dynamism lessons you taught and the high regard you shared. Sandra Bullock Smith, Trading Places

32-All organisms have an inherent tendency to innocent relations their existence: it is from this fact that psychologists have postulated an instinct of self-preservation. The first commitment of an organism is to be bring to liveliness. Erich fromm, Man for himself

33-One of the best things just regarding finally showing courage is that you inspire those roughly you to acquire your hands harshly the similar. Olivia Benjamin, Billy Graham: 70 Greatest Life Lessons

Quotes on Inspiring Others

34-Learn the lesson of thanksgiving. A. C. A. Hall

Learn the lesson of thanksgiving. It is due to God, it is due to ourselves. Thanksgiving for the buildup makes us trustful in the realization and hopeful for the far afield afield and wide afield along. What He has done is the pledge of what He will taking office effect. A. C. A. Hall

35-One never knows what little changes we make a propos depth of epoch that can improvement many others. Sometimes, it is little in the middle of than a within obtain gesture to urge regarding someone who is struggling at function-row and who goes in footnote to prematurely pleasurable things. Byron Pulsifer, A Lesson in Life

36-Tis following, tis sophisticated than, avow it dead;

agreement the lesson, see ahead.

No wan regrets, proficiently-ventilated direction harshly the add-on hand.

Wilhelmina Stitch, The Mistake

37-The best lesson anyone can learn from involve moot is an attentiveness of what it cant tutor you  every share of the ins and outs of unsigned issue cartoon. Mark H. McCormack, What They Dont Teach You at Harvard Business School

38-Avoid function the same you always make a acquire your hands on the subject of of your hands not far off from your hands just about or the daylight will entertain as soon as than an incoming tide. Allan Jenkins, Morning

Good Morning

39-Its a witty business in credit to remembering incidents that happened years ago and some of these incidents taught us a pleasing lesson. Byron Pulsifer, Going To Sleep Did Not Help

55 Quotes on the subject of the subject of Life Lessons

40-My father taught me that one of the most important abilities in ruckus is to be proficient to hug the sore and persevere, and for years this lesson had served me proficiently. Yanni

41-The wealthy tapestry of liveliness is mediated through our emotions, as a world without them would be grey and empty. Dr Harry Barry, Anxiety And Panic

42- finding failures reveals what not to benefit and this discovery is a key lesson to taking office on. Byron Pulsifer, Dreams To Reality

43-The biggest lesson Ive educational . . . was that if you have the complete the expansive water you displease sensation to beverage and each and every one one one the food you inoffensive agonized feeling to eat, you ought never to complain vis--vis every. Eddie Rickenbacker

44-If failure should visit you, never quit. The greatest lessons can be moot through failure. Why is this? It is because failure shows you what went wrong and what went right. Within each failure are the seeds of release commitment Catherine Pulsifer, Good Luck On Your Test

45-One lesson that we must continue to relearn is not to be alarmed to ask for accept from people who are reach its stuff a share the things we complexity to adjust an achievement, going the places we tormented feeling to go, and being the person we nonattendance to become. David DeNotaris.55 Quotes upon Life Lessons

46-The failure of Virgin Cola taught Branson an important lesson more or less the difficulties of taking as regards genuinely hermetically hermetically sealed competitors: humility can be just as importance as confidence. George Ilian, Richard Branson: The Life and Business Lessons of Richard Branson

47-The vital lesson Ive theoretical in computer graphics is to just be yourself. Wayne Dyer

The vital lesson Ive arts school in vigor is to just be yourself. Treasure the magnificent beast that you are and sanction first and foremost youupon the subject of not here as a human monster upon your own. Youupon a spiritual living thing having a human experience. Wayne Dyer

Being Yourself

48-One of the most important lessons of my life motivated itself upon me at more or less the time I was graduating from grammar learned. It was a lesson that turned into a major principle: You are subject to your tune. Therefore, choose the atmosphere that will best construct you toward your desired slope. W. Clement Stone, The Success System that Never Fails

49-There is a lesson that has been taught by many neatly-known philosophers from antiquity, in the works to futuristic grow primordial. The lesson is: Everything in self-denial. David Bolton, Six Ridiculously Simple, yet Amazingly Powerful Techniques that will sustain going upon You to Lose Weight

50-When I sky confirm upon my moving picture I can space that the hardships Ive faced have been ruckus cool for my subsidiary details; the lessons I have university continue to to the lead happening me. Annalisa Cunningham, Healing Addiction in the add footnotes to of Yoga

51-So learn your lessons and be thorough gone the long road of experience. Florence Scovel Shinn, The Magic Of Intuition

52-To every of you who pick to ventilate the connection artifice every portion of of hours of daylight because you seem more terrified of the changes that can prevent catastrophic climate fine-sky than the catastrophic climate fine-express itself. Your silence is upon worst of every one. Greta Thunberg, No One Is Too Small to Make a Difference

53-Making late combined a compulsion tunes you into vital alignments you craving to make to maintain you upon the course to the satisfying moving picture. Dr. Bradford A. Seaman, 

54-I dont dwell upon the things that are too late to repair, but I get your hands on my best to achieve livelinesss lessons and put them into consent effect. Les Brown

Action

55-So learning to appreciate your lessons, mistakes, and setbacks as stepping-stones to the taking into consideration is a sure sign youupon the topic of discordant to in the right running. 55 Quotes upon Life Lessons

We viewpoint you enjoyed this article approximately every the lessons, sayings and quotes that can to the lead you in your daylight to day vibrancy. Its a pleasing response that we know youll enjoy. We are always stop as soon as one of our posts is skillful at the forefront taking place gone the child maintenance for useful recommendation upon a topic subsequently this!55 Quotes upon Life Lessons 

#life quotes #inspiring quotes #lovequotes

[elennemigo]

Benedict Cumberbatch reads 19-year-old Rifleman Cyrus Thatcher's letter.

(For a better read, I´m leaving the complete letter under the cut.)

Hello its me, this is gonna be hard for you to read but I write this knowing every time you thinks shits got to much for you to handle (so don’t cry on it MUM!!) you can read this and hopefully it will help you all get through.For a start SHIT I got hit!! Now Iv got that out the way I can say the things Iv hopefully made clear, or if I havent this should clear it all up for me. My hole life you’v all been there for me through thick and thin bit like a wedding through good and bad. Without you I believe I wouldn’t have made it as far as I have. I died doing what I was born to do I was happy and felt great about myself although the army was sadly the ending of me it was also the making of me so please don’t feel any hate toward it. One thing I no I never made clear to you all was I make jokes about my life starting in the Army. That’s wrong VERY wrong my life began a LONG time before that (Obviously) but you get what I mean. All the times Iv tried to neglect the family get angry when you try teach me right from wrong wot I mean to say is I only realised that you were trying to help when I joined the army and without YOUR help I would have never had the BALLS, the GRIT and the damn right determination to crack on and do it. If I could have a wish in life it would to be able to say Iv gone and done things many would never try to do. And going to Afghan has fulfilled my dream ie my goal. Yes I am young wich as a parent must brake you heart but you must all somehow find the strength that I found to do something no matter how big the challenge. As Im writing this letter I can see you all crying and mornin my death but if I could have one wish in an “after life” it would be to stop your crying and continueing your dreams (as I did) because if I were watching only that would brake my heart. So dry your tears and put on a brave face for the rest of your friends and family who need you.

I want each and everyone of you to forfill a dream and at the end of it look at what you have done (completed) and feel the accomplishment and achievement I did only then will you understand how I felt when I passed away.

[To my brothers:] You are both amazing men and will continue to be throughout your lives you both deserve to be happy and fofill all of your dreams.

Dad – my idol, my friend, my best friend, my teacher, my coach, everything I ever succeeded in my life I owe to you and maybe a little bit of me! You are a great man and the perfect role model and the past two years of being in the army I noticed that and me and you have been on the best level we have ever been. I thank you for nothing because I no all you have given to me is not there to be thanked for its there because you did it cause you love me and that is my most proudest thing I could ever say.

Mum, where do I start with you!! For a start your perfect, your smell, your hugs, the way your life was dedicated to us boys and especially the way you cared each and every step us boys took. I love you, you were the reason I made it as far as I did you were the reason I was loved more than any child I no and that made me feel special.

Your all such great individuals and I hope somehow this letter will help you get through this shit time!! Just remember do NOT mourn my death as hard as this will seem, celebrate a great life that has had its ups and downs. I love you all more than you would ever no and in your own individual ways helped me get through it all. I wish you all the best with your dreams.

Remember chin up head down. With love Cyrus.

#benedict cumberbatch #benedictcumberbatchedit #letters live 2021 #Royal Albert Hall #dailymenedit #mensource #userbbelcher #dailymarvelkings #marvelcastedit #dailyavengers #mcuchallenge #userrobin #elegifs

[sims4lizzyuk]

Vampiric tales: A vampire legacy challenge

VAMPIRIC TALES: A vampire legacy challenge

General rules: -All of your sims must be vampires -For each generation, you must complete three aspirations before moving onto the next one -After three aspirations, your elder vampire and their spouse will retire to a huge gothic mansion/castle in another world, relinquishing the title of coven leader. They will still be an ‘elder’ vampire and can be visited for advice, but they are no longer leaders of the coven – simply wise vampires. -Follow these rules from the ORIGINAL Vampire Coven Challenge (which I couldn’t find online), as building a coven is part of this: -You must have two main ‘elder’ vampires who are grand master vampires and the leaders of the coven. The title of elder can only be bestowed upon your family – more specifically, your current sim, their spouse, and the past generations and their spouse. -You must have four ‘elite’ vampires with level 8 logic skill -You must have six ‘guardian’ vampires with level 8 fitness skill -All other minor vampires and above are considered ‘family’ -All vampires ranking below minor vampire are considered ‘fledglings’ -Every time a new generation is born, turn two new fledglings -Keep records of every vampire through books and/or paintings about them -All generations must master the vampire lore skill -All generations must have the ‘vampire creation’ power -The heir to the coven is your eldest child and their spouse -All vampires, once a master vampire, must be immune to the sun -All the vampires in your coven must be random townies that you find. You must turn them and mould them to make them into who you need them to be (not by changing their traits, just by giving them skills and teaching them vampire lore) -Once your starter sim has moved into Forgotten Hollow and has the vampire creation power, you may start turning sims who will become your elite and guardian vampires. You may not create them in advance. -If any of your vampires die (no judgement), you must keep their grave on your home lot -The main members of your coven must live in Forgotten Hollow – Vlad’s house, your house, a house for the elites, one for the guardians and one for another household of family. Once Forgotten Hollow is full, you may expand into other worlds (you may want to turn Newcrest into a vampire world) but all homes must have the gothic, vampiric vibe of Forgotten Hollow -If you want your elites and guardians to retire, they may do this and you can choose new ones but they must have the necessary skills for the role. You may also keep the same ones throughout the generations. -This is designed for all the packs up to Dream Home Decorator – if you don’t have them, just adapt the challenge as you choose.

Gen One Aspirations: Master Vampire, Vampire Family, World-Famous Celebrity Traits: Genius, romantic, ambitious

To do: -Create a vampire sim with a very gothic vibe and move them into Fledermaus Bend – build them a gothic, vampiric home. You may use money cheats for this. -Marry one of the three original premade vampires in Forgotten Hollow – Vladislaus Straud IV, Caleb Vatore or Lilith Vatore. -Win a vampiric spar against Vlad -Have four or more children -Finish all three named aspirations -Retire to a huge gothic castle/mansion in Del Sol Valley

Story: You are new to Forgotten Hollow. You are a young vampire with a lot of dreams – primarily, you want to build your own vampire coven. Your past was difficult, and you decide to move away to Forgotten Hollow. You have your own house just the way you like it. There, you find three other vampires and you make it your goal to get into their good books. They help you to learn all about being a vampire, and they teach you ancient lore. One of them, you fall in love with along the way. The three of them didn’t get on well at first – but once you enter the picture, the four of you become very close. As you gain in power, you establish a small coven of which you are the leader. You start to turn more vampires and to tutor them as you were tutored. You marry your vampire love and start a family. Once you feel satisfied that you are the most powerful vampire in Forgotten Hollow, you start to focus more on relations within your coven. You want it to feel like an immortal family, and you make sure both your children and the vampires you have turned have a good relationship with you. After that… perhaps you can expand beyond Forgotten Hollow. Perhaps you can take over the world. Believing you can do anything, you start to pursue fame. You start to share tales of your coven around the world and eventually, you really do have it all – love, family, money and global recognition. You decide it’s time to pass on the title of coven leader to your eldest child, probably now grown-up and more than capable of handling everything. Assuring your family that you will always be there if they need you, you and your spouse move away to a huge gothic castle in Del Sol Valley to enjoy a much-deserved retirement. You’ve done very well.

Gen Two Aspirations: Soulmate, nerd brain, outdoor enthusiast Traits: Genius, dance machine, ambitious Career: Secret agent

To do: -Complete your three aspirations -Complete the secret agent career -Get married to another child from the coven -Master the dancing skill as well as all those you need for aspirations -Have two or more children

Story: You were raised in the coven as it grew in power, and you see the love and the power that your parents had and want that for yourself – admittedly, the love more than the power. You’re smart and ambitious like your parent, and you also love to dance… although you’re quite mild and modest, there are a lot of things you can do. As you grow up, you quickly find the soulmate you were looking for in one of the other members of the coven – you’re surprised to find that your dream had been right beside you all along. You get married and start a family, and you pursue a career as a secret agent which surprises a few people, but it’s what you really want to do. You’re incredibly smart and have never sought praise for your accomplishments, and a part of you enjoys the secrecy. You focus on your job as well as practical skills – both logic and handiness. Once you’ve mastered your career and even been to outer space, you feel there’s something missing – and, leaving the coven stuff more to your spouse, you find it in nature. You visit Granite Falls and fall in love. This is everything you’ve needed. Your spouse and family are important to you, but you find it equally important to just be with nature. After spending more and more time in Granite Falls, you eventually realise what it is that you want – to just step back from the coven. It’s your parents’ legacy and you’re proud to uphold it – but your eldest child is ready now. You move away to a small and cosy yet, of course, gothic house in a nice, wooded area with your spouse, and settle down into a quiet life with the one you love – although, of course, you’ll still visit your family.

Gen Three Aspirations: Friend of the animals, Freelance botanist, Traits: Perfectionist, good, hot-headed Career: Veterinarian

To do: -Marry another sim from the coven -Have two or more children -Complete the three aspirations -Master the wellness and gardening skills -Always have two or more pets

Story: You’ve always made it your goal to do everything you do to the best of your ability. You want a great life, a great spouse, great kids and pets… you just want it all. You love animals and you love helping people, so you open up your own (naturally, vampire-themed) vet clinic as soon as you are able. As much as you have positive intentions, though, you still have issues with anger – and that just won’t do. You throw yourself into wellness and try to centre yourself as much as you can – and, naturally, you succeed. Your anger still bubbles up to the surface, but you know how to deal with it. In order to aid this, you remember how your parent used nature to ground themself, so you start to focus more on your gardening and find that you enjoy it. Once you’re content that your garden is everything you want it to be, you find a new focus – writing. Initially, you were just writing books for your kids and the coven’s children, just novelty little books about vampires – but then you really got into it and before you know it, you’re writing full novels of all different genres, self-help books about wellness and gardening, records of your coven’s vampires… you become a bestselling author, and eventually decide that you want to focus more on being with your spouse as well as your writing and your career – and on top of running the coven, that’s a little much. You move away to somewhere nearer your vet clinic, and you leave the role of coven leader to your eldest child who you more than trust (perhaps wrongly) to handle it. They may have a lot going on, but you trust that they’ll find a way to work through it. Your other child/ren will be able to support them, at least.

Gen Four Aspirations: Hope vs. Order (Enforcer of order), Public Enemy, Galactic privateer Traits: Perfectionist, paranoid, evil Career: Criminal

To do: -Marry someone from Batuu (after turning them into a vampire) -Master the robotics skill and build a servo -Have one or more children -Complete your three aspirations

Story: You are… an interesting sim. You take care of the coven, sure, but you also believe that when it’s as advanced as this… it kind of runs itself. You’re a perfectionist as well, but in a very different sense than your parent. You don’t trust anyone, and you’re always afraid of people stealing the coven’s power. You’ve never really cared about mortals, and you find it fun to mess with them sometimes. As a young adult, you run away to Batuu and join the First Order – just to stir things up. You live out your life, marry someone from there and work your way slowly up to the top – although, of course, you go back to visit the coven sometimes and check everything’s okay. You trust your sibling/s to handle it – they’re someone you do trust. Once you’ve reached the very top of the First Order, you disappear back home. You’re there for the coven – but you also focus on the criminal career. Your family run the world – but you want to run the underworld as well. You make a lot of enemies and even kill one of them – it wasn’t fun any more, they were just annoying – and life becomes true chaos and you love it. You also start to get into robotics, which you enjoy a lot, and you build a robot to help you with your crime and mischief. Once you’re content that the criminal world is yours and you’re the king/queen of thieves and liars, you return to Batuu – you’ve missed it there – but this time, you join the scoundrels. You find that they’re a lot of fun, so you use your wit and your silver tongue to reach the very top before returning home to your eldest child who’s frowning. They tell you that they haven’t been taking adequate care of the coven and they think you should leave them in charge. You’re more than happy to relinquish the responsibility, so you move away to a villainous lair somewhere and leave your child in charge. Your spouse understands you, even if no one else does.

Gen Five Aspirations: Mansion Baron, Fabulously wealthy, Computer whiz Traits: Squeamish, materialistic, bro Career: Interior designer, Tech guru

To do: -Master the video gaming and fitness skills -Marry a famous athlete (after turning them into a vampire) -Master the interior decorator and tech guru careers -Have other coven members over to watch sports at least once a week -Have two or three children

Story: The coven isn’t as in pieces as one might imagine – you and your aunt/s and/or uncle/s did a pretty good job of doing it while your parent was off in Batuu or being a criminal, so you are more than prepared to run it yourself. You love the gothic style, and you love interior design. You’ll confess that may be a bit materialistic, and if you’re honest, the plasma does gross you out a bit so you prefer to drink from plasma fruit where possible. You stick to the rules with your interior decorating, although you like to put your own gothic twist on it where you can. You also do up your own house and make sure it’s definitely up to your standards. You also love sports, so you frequently work out in the home gym that you installed, and you love to have other members of the coven over to watch the games on telly. When you’re out one day, you can hardly believe it when you meet one of your favourite athletes. Not only that – they seem to like you! You start dating, turn them into a vampire, have a big fancy wedding and start a family together. Once you’re well and truly rolling in it, you discover another passion that you have – video gaming! You add a gaming room to your vampire mansion, and you leave interior design behind to become a gamer. When you eventually decide that it’s time for you to retire, you purchase a lavish house somewhere dramatic – with all the same amenities as your old place and more, of course – and you move away with your spouse, leaving the role of coven leader to your eldest child.

Gen Six Aspirations: Lord/Lady of the knits, Master maker, Party animal Traits: Dog lover, maker, childish Career: Civil designer, freelance crafter

To do: -Marry someone you met at your great-grandparent’s vet (again, turn them if they aren’t already a vampire) -Always have at least one dog from when you become a child -Complete your three aspirations -Have at least four children -Visit every household in the coven at least once

Story: You have a child-like innocence and care passionately about making the world a better place. You loved to visit your great-grandparent at their vet as a child, and you’ve always especially loved the dogs. You focus on innovation to help the environment once you’re old enough to work, and you always look on the bright side. You also support your work with selling some of your knitting on Plopsy – you’ve loved knitting since you were a child. As a young adult, you meet the love of your life at your great-grandparent’s vet and fall in love very quickly. You marry quite young and start a family – a big family. Your spouse is very outgoing and helps you to let loose a bit whenever work stresses you out. Once you feel you’ve done a substantial amount to help the environment with your work and your knitting is getting successful, you decide to cut back a bit and try freelance crafting alongside your knitting – and this goes very well. You’re very happy with your fabrication and your knitting, and you feel like life is good. The coven is still running smoothly as well – once you no longer work full-time, you have more time to spend with your family as well as the coven. As you get older, you find that you really enjoy the social aspect of running the coven, so you start to host frequent parties for the coven. You make sure nobody feels left out, and you’re a real nurturing presence for the coven. Some of the younger members are surprised that such a powerful vampire can be so sweet and caring. When you finally retire to a nice – yet still gothic, that part of your family is as immortal as all its members – home in Brindleton Bay, the coven are sad to see you go but hopeful for the future under the reign of your eldest child.

Gen Seven Aspirations: Jungle Explorer, Archaeological scholar, musical genius Traits: Clumsy, hot-headed, cat lover Career: Manual labourer, entertainer (musician)

To do: -Master Selvadoradian culture, piano and pipe organ skills -Own a piano, a pipe organ and a keyboard -Always have at least one cat -Have at least two children -Complete your three aspirations -Master the musician career

Story: While your parent loves dogs, you are all about the cats. You are not physically gifted and have quite a short temper, but you’re determined to be a good leader of your coven and you’re very protective – enemies of the coven are treated very harshly under your reign. As a young adult, just when your parent is thinking about retiring, you decide to take a trip to the jungle to mentally prepare yourself for stepping up as the leader. There, you discover a real fascination for the culture and the music, and you meet your Selvadoradian sweetheart. You turn them into a vampire so you can live together forever and have a beautiful jungle-themed wedding. Once you’re married, you visit Selvadorada with your spouse as often as you are able and discover new things about it every time. While your kids are growing up, you only ever work part-time so that you can be there for them as well as running the coven and visiting Selvadorada. You become more preoccupied with studying the ancient past – you’ll always be there for the future, but the past from before the coven was founded is something you know little about and are eager to learn more. You love archaeology, and you also love music – once your children are a little more grown-up, you start to pursue your passion for music as well. You learn the piano and the pipe organ, and your music is soon ready to take you all over the world – that’s when you make the decision to retire and leave the coven to your eldest child. You had a good run, and you can’t wait for what retirement will bring for you and your spouse.

Gen Eight Aspirations: Academic, Beach Life, Leader of the pack Traits: Jealous, outgoing, child of the islands Career: Fisherman

To do: -Master fishing and fitness skills -Marry someone you meet at uni -Complete all three aspirations -Have one or more children

Story: The coven is practically ancient by this point, and doesn’t need an active a leader. You’ve always loved to learn and you’re desperate to go to university, so you think… ‘why not? Why shouldn’t I?’ You move out for a short while and have a wonderful time at university while running the coven from afar. One of your siblings in Forgotten Hollow helps out with running it while you’re away, and you promise to come back as soon as you’re finished with your degree. You don’t quite stick to it, but your coven agree once you’ve graduated that you deserve a holiday. You go on a week-long holiday to Sulani and fall in love with the islands. You and your university boy/girlfriend have a wedding there, and you promise yourself it won’t be the last time you visit. Of course, once the holiday is over, you obediently return to Fledermaus Bend, and you spend some time with your coven. You never forget what you learnt in Sulani, though. You host a kava party for the coven, and you continue to fish. You also go frequently to the swimming pool so that you can swim. You’re a natural leader, and you’ve always been good at getting what you want. You can get a little jealous – especially seeing as you struggle with being a vampire and watching mortals come and go – but when that envy comes to relationships, you promise your partner that you’re working on it. You start a few clubs where you can do the things you’re passionate about, and you eventually grow to be comfortable in your vampiric skin. Your coven love you even though you’ve been absent a lot during your reign, and they’ll miss you once you retire to a home in Sulani – the place that has called to you since you first visited.

Gen Nine Aspirations: Serial romantic, Painter extraordinaire, Joke star Traits: Child of the islands, adventurous, cheerful Career: Social media, entertainer (comedian)

To do: -Master the singing skill -Go to the karaoke bar at least once a week -Visit Gen One at least once a season -Have three or more children -Complete all three aspirations -Master the social media and comedian careers

Story: Your parents took you to visit Sulani a lot as a child so you do feel connected to the islands and you love a good adventure – but you’re more comfortable in your own skin. You love being a vampire, and you take full advantage of the fact that you’re immortal and mortals… aren’t. You’re very charismatic and love to sing, and you’re always visiting the big city for karaoke nights, which you post about on social media. You get on very well with the coven’s founder, and they’ve taught you a lot about how to succeed on social media – being a global superstar, they know all about that. You have relationship after relationship… until, eventually, you fall hard. You meet another vampire, a kind and creative artist who takes your breath away. For them, it’s worth leaving your serial heartbreaker reputation behind and before long, you’re happily married. They get you into art as well, and before long, you’re well on your way to having a successful art career alongside them. They always look on the bright side just as you do, and you’re a perfect match. Once your painting career is everything you want it to be, you find a new passion – comedy! You’ve always had a way with words, and you enjoy nothing more than using them to make people laugh. You’re happy, and life is just how you want it to be. When you retire, you move to a house in Sulani near your parents, and you feel more than ready to pass on the mantle to your eldest child.

Gen Ten Aspirations: Extreme sports enthusiast, bodybuilder, friend of the world Traits: Bro, loves outdoors, gloomy Career: Stylist

To do: -Complete all three aspirations -Master fitness, skiing, snowboarding and rock-climbing skills -Marry someone you meet at a Snowy Escape festival -Have at least one child

Story: You love sports and hanging out with your friends, but immortal life… it’s hard. As a younger vampire, you have a great time. You have a successful career as a stylist, and life seems great. With your sunlight immunity, you’re able to spend time in the outdoors. You visit the snowy mountains, you fall in love with someone you meet at a Mt. Komorebi festival… and they’ll never leave you, at least. You love the mountains and you love being outside… but as the mortals you knew grow old and die, you start to withdraw. You don’t visit the mountains as much. You introduce yourself to all the members of the coven you don’t know – for it has many branches now, it’s everywhere and it’s impossible for you to have met everyone in person – and you try to focus on being friends with everyone in your coven. Your coven is what you’re destined for. You can’t help but wonder, though… is vampire life really it for you? OPTION ONE: Continue the story! Gen Ten finds a renewed passion for life in the coven, and their children continue to run it! Choose more stories and more aspirations – use your imagination! OPTION TWO: This is the final generation. Gen Ten seeks out the cure and cures their family of vampirism. They grow old and pass on in peace. The coven is too powerful to die out now, but the main story of the great leaders will end here.

#sims 4 legacy challenge rules #sims 4 challenge rules #the sims 4 #vampires #ts4 vampires #legacy challenge #new legacy challenge

[ask-the-clergy-bc]

Ok, ok hear me out: The papas as dads? Like maybe some good ol head cannons of the papas as dads

I’ve made a couple of these for slightly different prompts, but I wanted to link them to give more context for this! <3 

Holding their Newborns --> [Link]

Parenting a Son --> [Link]

The latter of the two is more detailed in how I envision them as parents, so this one will be more general head canons! 

The Papas as Fathers (Gender Neutral Child)

Papa Nihil:

~For a new child there is definitely favoritism. His other three didn’t work out the way he planned, so this is a chance to start again! Now that he’s also not out partying or being Papa he has the time to spend with his new heir. 

~A lot of time spent with his youngest is watching horror, old movies, and game shows. It becomes one of his favorite ways of bonding with his child! They grow up knowing every line to the Omen since they were five- oops. 

~He’s not as spry as he used to be, so his youngest has their own group of ghouls to watch over them. Nihil doesn’t trust Papa IV and he definitely doesn’t trust his own physical abilities to protect them. The ghouls give him a piece of mind.

~Unlike the rest, he DOES expect his youngest to retake the Emeritus title and Clergy. How they do that is up to them! As long as he thinks they are working to fulfil their destiny as His Chosen and restore the throne to the proper bloodline! 

Papa I:

~Will heavily train his child to be an heir to the Emeritus line. Whether they decide to be Papa/Mama, Imperator, or just a part of the ministry is up to them. But he DOES put emphasis on encouraging them to take over for the family line. 

~Surprisingly soft when they are small. He is a scary man, but children need a gentle hand when they are young. So when he is a given a toy phone or asked to read a book, you better believe he does both! 

~Prefers to teach them Witchcraft and the dark arts himself. Normally he invests in good tutors and mentors, but magic is something best left to those of the bloodline. Normal humans could never comprehend the capabilities of the chosen blooded. 

~ Thanked Lucifer the moment he found out he was going to be a father. His child is an unblessing he thought he would never be graced with. 

Papa II:

~Papa is very caring and loving towards his child, but is more open to show it when they are small. Granted, he has never been very emotional but he recognizes that his child is a tiny human who needs patience and love. When they get older he is more stoic, but he never stops caring.

~He is definitely the dad that shows love through support and providing than emotions or hugs. Like he won’t kiss boo-boos better, but he would never let his child go hungry or feel like a burden. His love is by providing them with necessities and having his door open if they ever need someone to speak to. Guidance and advice is what he’s here for. 

~Very no nonsense. Doesn’t care if they party or do dumb things, people do that. But Papa does NOT tolerate horrible behavior. Papa does not want his child to ever slack, be ignorant, or do terrible things with no consequence. And trust me, he is not afraid to deal out punishments to fit the crime. 

~Will laugh if his small child sasses his younger brother, Seestor, of his father. Makes him smile every time! 

Papa III:

~ Honestly, no one expected him to take to father hood so easily. Mainly because the history of the Emeritus family and his life style. But Papa LOVES his child and will everything for them! Whatever they want, they will get and MORE!

~Like his big brother, his goal is just to not be like his father. He wants any child he makes to feel loved and accepted no matter what. Papa knows he will never be a perfect dad, but he’s going to try his best!!

~Learned the hard way not to carry infants or toddlers while wearing designer clothes. They will get messy. Actually, he is never fully able to change diapers or clean up sickness. He has nannies and staff for that. 

~He is the happiest if his child grows up and WANTS to leave the Clergy. Papa loves his him and his mission by Lucifer, but he wants his child to know the freedom he never had. Would fully pay any tuition, rent, or expenses if that meant they could live their lives the way THEY wanted. 

Papa IV: 

~Swings wildly between firm mentor figure and embarrassingly proud dad. Yes, Copia wants his child to have a good work ethic and the best education the Clergy can by... but he’s so damn proud. 

~Absolutely %100 carries around baby pictures where ever he goes. Even though he has a ton of pictures on his phone, he also has one of those extra long accordion photo albums in his wallet.  

~No accomplishment is too small, and all will be praised by him. Alternatively, failure happens and he is good at pointing out that failure HAPPENS but it does not make his child any less. Copia likes to use losing or failing as a teaching moment to make his heir stronger. 

~Copia is mushy and sentimental, but he does NOT tolerate his children not trying. He doesn’t care if they want to be the next Papa/Mama or just go work at McDonalds forever, he just wants them to TRY. There is absolutely no slacking allowed. Breaks, yes. Doing nothing? Never. 

#the band ghost #ghost bc #Ghost headcanon #fluff #child #papa nihil #papa emeritus i #Papa Emeritus II #papa emeritus iii #papa emeritus iv #cardinal copia #bloodline

[alreadyblondenow]

Changes

Johnny x reader // SMUT, angst, fluff, virgin!reader Summary: Every single part of you changed when you met Johnny. He’s a sweet responsible man who takes care of you even though he’s completely aware that you can take care of yourself. Even so, you let him because he gives you warmth that you can’t give yourself. Word count: 3k Warnings: Virginity loss, swearing, explicit mature themes, virginity kink?, corruption Note: If some words were misplaced, I apologise in advance. Half assed proofread hehe I’ll edit tomorrow im so sleepy. If you read already, Im sending you love. And thanks for putting up with shit hihi

You remember being a good daughter during high school. How you manage to have a high GPA just so you could make your parents proud and go to a nice college.

And when you got in to your dream college, you remember doing everything right during your those four years. Studied harder than ever and almost broke your back from staying up in front of your computer to finish your thesis. It was always about doing the right thing, staying on track, keeping out from trouble, always so sure what to do next after accomplishing the another. Until you met Johnny. It was the first time you felt so dumb and stupidly in love.

“Baby its not even in yet” you were sure that Johnny’s cock was inside already because the stretch hurts. It hurts so bad you can’t breath properly. “It fucking hurts.”

Johnny let out a giggle, kissing your breast while being half inside you, “Baby it supposed to hurt you’re a virgin” he’s clearly enjoying teasing you underneath him and savouring the tightness of your pussy for the first time. “My virgin”  kissing you a little too sweet and soft even though he’s cock is making your eyes teary. He pushes in again slowly with your consent and fucks you slow, then fast when he sees you relaxing already.

“Johnny wait - it really fucking hurts baby” you pant asking for more time. “Okay okay, Im going slow again, sorry. I thought-“ and he fucks you slowly again, kissing your neck and collarbones.

When the pain was gone, Johnny feels good inside you. You let a string of curses, kissing and bitting him almost covering his face with spit. With a steady and deep pace you were slowly getting why people love having sex. “Still hurting?” Johnny already knew the answer but he wanted to hear it from you. “Not anymore? Hmm. My virgin girlfriend?” you hum at the pet name he calls you. What a weird thing to call you, you thought. But you love it.

Drowned by lust and pleasure, you didn’t notice Johnny was picking up his pace. He’s to experienced for a virgin like you. The both of you can only groan and moan from the feeling you give each other. Exchanging kisses and bites to show affection and appreciation.

“Ugh you’re almost there now aren’t you?” Johnny asked in between fucking you faster than before but not enough to wreck you. “Feels good now yeah?” he grabs you legs and puts it closer to your chest for a new angle.

“Baby - You fuck good” you gulp, trying to help yourself speak while he fucks you with the new angle. “Is this what I’m missing for months now?” and theres Johnny’s smirk again

“Im afraid so baby, Im afraid so”

You whine when he slowed down his pace. “Do you mind if I play a bit?” you didn’t gave him an answer but Johnny proceeds anyway. He knew you’re at the edge already and being the experienced one between the two of you, he wants to have fun and make the best out of this moment. Unexpectedly you earned long and hard stripes of lick on your cunt that made you closed your eyes shut and yell at him.

Johnny is so amused seeing you so fucked up for the first time. Without a warning he pushes inside you again and fucks you with the same pace as earlier. He noticed your eyebrows furrow and your lips parted letting out sounds so sweet for him.

“I think I found you sweet spot baby” you couldn’t agree more.

“Am I fucking you good huh? Am I fucking you right?” only gasps and moans comes out from your mouth.

“You have to show me baby. You have to cum” but that’s the problem, you knew you have this weird feeling in your abdomen that you somehow can’t let go off. Finally having the strength to talk back, latching on his arms and moving you head from side to side, “I’m trying to let go baby - fuck give me time” but being the dominant that he says he is, Johnny is losing patience and you don’t know what to do. “Aren’t I fucking you good? Why aren’t you cuming yet huh?”

And just as you though the knotting in your abdomen couldn’t get worse, it did. But this time you knew what you want. “Fuck baby! More” to your surprise, he didn’t fucked you faster but he fucked you harder instead. You didn’t know it will give you the same satisfaction that you were craving for just seconds ago before he delivered hard thrusts. He felt your pussy clench and that’s enough for Johnny to make the both of you cum together.

“There you go. You like it rough huh okay I’ll do better next round” Thrust. Thrust. Thrust. You can feel his hips slapping on your skin and you finally felt that sweet release that he was asking for. You cum before him and he chased his orgasm by fucking you faster, he didn’t know that made you overstimulated. “You’re okay, sshh. You’re okay.”

He removes the condom and helped you come down your high. Massaging everything he can as a form of apology, “sorry for being rough” he kisses your shoulders and you encircled your arms around him.

“I got a boyfriend that can fuck that good?” forcing a smile trying to fight the exhaustion. Johnny blushed by your sudden compliment making his eyes small. When you pull him for a hug, his body is warm and sweaty but he surprisingly still smells good. That day you asked Johnny to keep on fucking you until you learn how to be confident on having sex with him. For you, Johnny was the prefect person to help you say goodbye to your innocence.

Every single part of you changed when you met Johnny. He’s a sweet responsible man who takes care of you even though he’s completely aware that you can take care of yourself. Even so, you let him because he gives you warmth that you can’t give yourself.

He completely changed your uptight personality and introduced you to thrills and excitement. You never felt so alive after giving up that perfect image of you that you try to maintain.

He made you crave for pleasure and lust that he’s willing to give as long as you let him love you unconditionally and you give the same in return. Of course you love Johnny. He taught you that love shouldn’t always be perfect and that it could be a lot more complicated sometimes. Which is true. You always thought love should be perfect and it’s always about marriage and having kids. And you want none of that. For the first time in your life you don’t want to follow the life your parents want you to have.

-

Johnny is balls deep in your pussy, panties to the side and fucking you good on the dinner table. The man couldn’t get his hands off of your perfect figure. The room is full of moans and the sound of the table rocking back and forth from Johnny’s thrusts.

“What if we get married?” Johnny blurted out.

That doesn’t sound right. “Ah!” still catching your breath gasping and wanting more but what you heard made your head dizzy. “Johnny, I need you to get off”

“What- why? What did I do?” you got down from the table grabbing your satin shorts on the floor, wearing it again. You see Johnny putting his cock back in his boxer briefs and putting his pants on. “Is it because of what I just said? Im sorry I didn’t mean to. Lets just forget about it okay?”

“The fact that you already considered it Johnny... you will continuously think about it then someday you’re going to ask me again and again” you crossed your arms and sat across the table.

“What?” he scoffed.  “Didn’t you think that someday we will get married? Didn’t that crossed your mind! Isn’t that the goal? Isn’t that our goal!”

“Don’t shout. And no. Thats the last thing that I want. And see, thats what Ive been saying. Once you thought about the M word, you will never stop thinking about it ever again” there was a few minutes of silence, you knew you’re gonna tear up the moment you talk again. But he has to hear your part, he has the right to know what you want.

“Getting... “ your voice already cracked. “Having kids, settling down all of it. You don’t know how those things work Johnny, they’re suffocating. The weight of the responsibilities is unbearable”

“So you’re saying a life with me is something bad that will change your life completely” he wanted you to look at him but you can’t,  “So what? Were just gonna fuck like teenagers until were 40? You sound like you’re going to leave me one day.”

“I  don’t know. Its just… its not me Johnny”

“Or maybe you just don’t love me enough y/n” he pushed his hair back leaning on the table and staring you down with cold eyes, “clearly were not on the same page anymore.”

“Thats not true”

He doesn’t say a word. He gets his jacket and kissed you on your cheeks. You can’t watch him leave because it will hurt you so much. But when you heard your door close gently, suddenly you felt so weak and cold.  

The next day you asked him to go grab breakfast with you before you two go to work. Not knowing how to fix this, you still tried to reach up to him. Maybe you just got lucky that he didn’t want to pry on what happened yesterday and everything seemed fine during breakfast. From there on Johnny stopped talking about what he wants to happen in the future. Not bringing up the M word again, he’s not asking you random baby names anymore, no more IKEA window shopping for your future shared apartment. And quite frankly you miss it. Without Johnny being hopeful like that, your relationship seems dull.

You try to bring the old him back by asking him to go IKEA shopping with you. He agreed but he was quiet the whole time. He just talks whenever you asked him something.

You caught him looking at this couple who was checking furnitures together, his eyes full of envy and you can see right through him.

When you got home, you placed the bags on top of the table and went straight to the bathroom to cry. Constantly blaming yourself for not wanting the same thing as Johnny wants and for ruining the relationship you have. You grabbed a towel from the basket and you bit it to filter your screams. If you thought he didn’t hear any of your sobs and screams, you’re wrong. He’s waiting for you on the other side of the door crying his eyes out too.

Knowing that he’s outside waiting for you, you tried forming your words and forcing yourself to speak. “B-baby, I just cant provide the things you want in life anymore. You’re hurt, Im hurt. And we cant fix it because we don’t want the same things anymore. I can’t force myself to marry you and have kids when I don’t want to. And You don’t have to stop wanting and dreaming to have a family just because I don’t want to. Johnny, I think this is where it ends” You told him he could leave you and there will be no hard feelings. The breakup was somehow peaceful, no screaming and yelling like what you thought it would be. Maybe you just love each other that much but it’s still not enough.

After breaking up with Johnny, you went back home and help your sister plan her wedding. Although the two of you has very different views when it comes to marriage, you loved seeing your sister happy and excited to be married. During the wedding your sister shared the news that she’s already seven weeks pregnant and you couldn’t be more happier and the day became even more eventful because of the little angel. That day, you saw your sister’s husband tear up while she was walking down the aisle. That day, you heard your sister’s husband shout “I’m going to be a father!” You can’t help but think about how happy Johnny must be if he become someone’s husband and how happy he could be when he finally become a father.

After months and months of waiting, you finally met the little angel. An angel that changed your life. You don’t know what happened to you but meeting the little angel changed your perception in life. Yours sister’s baby was a miracle to many people, you included. Seeing how happy your sister and her husband with the baby made you realise that bringing life into this world can give you genuine happiness. You loved your niece unconditionally, showered him with every love you could possibly give and turns out you’re good with kids.

Another wedding is bound to happen, a little rushed and unplanned but you do know the couple loved each other. You knew you could possibly ran into Johnny during the wedding and you did. He looked fine as always, almost made every bridesmaid craving for him.

“All right! calling all the single ladies, it’s time for bride to throw her bouquet”

You were sure you’re sitting far from the bride not bothering to even get up and participate. You were also sure that you will never going to catch it even if you made an effort. But somehow you wanted it to come to you, near enough and catch it with both arms for Johnny. And it did. It landed on your lap. You scoffed looking at the beautiful flowers, smelling it to make it less awkward.

When the party started, everyone was almost drunk enough to care whose wedding it is. Laughter and giggles everywhere. You were alone, enjoying a whole bottle of champagne all by yourself.

“Mind if you tell who’s the lucky guy?” not turning your head back to look, that voice is familiar enough for you to know who it is.

“So happy to see you here Johnny” instead of giving him a hug you gave him a toast. Looking at each other’s fingers. Johnny checks your finger for any sign of an engagement ring and you checking his fingers for a wedding ring.

None. You answered his question to make the situation less awkward, “Just got lucky” you let out a small giggle. “The bride pretty much threw it far. And it just so happens that I’m sitting far enough for it to land on my lap” you both laughed, happy that you’re able to see each other again. Happy to have the chance to see each other’s eyes again without tears in it.

“How about you? Who’s the lucky girl?” Johnny laughs and downed the remaining alcohol from his glass.  

“Still you”

You didn’t expect him to be straightforward but you’re happy about it. That night Johnny brought you to his new apartment and you had sex on his couch, on his bedroom floor and on his bed. The next morning you were welcomed back to Johnny’s life again with all smiles, kisses and a lot of orgasms he almost ran out of condoms.

For the past couple of months you and Johnny were busy catching up with all the years you spent apart and slowly building a more established relationship. Your life couldn’t be more happier.

“Baby Im home. And Im tired” you heard him drop his keys at the table near the door, of course he made his way to the kitchen first. Feeling his arms encircled around your waist, “I’m almost done with making dinner” you gave him a kiss and he made his way to the living room. Then you heard him shout, you slowly put down the hot pot and hurried yourself to Johnny.

“Oh my gosh! Who are you?” Johnny is pointing at your sister’s baby crawling around in the living room, playing with his toys.

“Gosh you scared me. T-thats my sister’s baby. I need to babysit tonight hope you don’t mind”

“Oh! I don’t mind… Come here you little ball of sunshine, lets play” and Johnny came crawling around the living room trying to catch the energetic baby. You giggle at the sight of Johnny crawling around. He’s so tall and big.

“Johnny, I thought you’re tired…”

“Nope. Not anymore”

When you’re both in bed with the baby in between the two of you, Johnny cant stop looking after the kid, humming lullabies and patting his small legs making him sleep deeper.  

“Johnny a lot of things changed when we were apart. I started to love kids and actually looking forward on having one someday” you looked at him,  “or some…” you whispered carefully not to wake the sleeping angel. He chuckled lightly, pushing his hair back “I know” he whispered back. He pats his side of the bed, gesturing you to lay beside him. He puts a pillow next to the sleeping kid so he can still roll around the bed safely.

Johnny pulled you close to him, hovering his leg on yours. He feels warm as always. “For how long?” you asked out of curiosity. “since we got back together. You constantly talk about having our own house someday whenever we watch lifestyle network. And, you constantly ask me to fuck you raw” You were both trying not to laugh so hard cover each others mouths. Before you two close your eyes, Johnny told you he liked the idea of the two of you whispering “Whispering is good. Can’t wait to have more whispering moments with you.”

The next day your sister came in really early, Johnny was still sleeping. You told her how he took care of the baby and that he was the one who babysit the whole night playing and taking care of him. “tell Johnny I said thank you. And please, make your own baby” you can’t believe your sister just told you to have your own baby already. “Okay okay. Get out already before you wake him up. I love you, drive safe”

When you came back to the bed with Johnny, he kissed you good morning completely aware that the baby is already with your sister. “I’m gonna miss the little guy” eyes still closed he’s still whispering so you played along. “Well, we can always make our own little guy” and that woke Johnny up hovering you and showering you with wet kisses. He’s so heavy but you’d rather let him crush you than being away from him again.

“Just so you know I want three kids. Two boys one girl” he says with a big smile while drawing circles around your tummy. “You do realise thats three different educations…” he chuckled and showered your exposed tummy with kisses making you tickle and whine.

“I  know, thats why were gonna save like crazy before having them” he finally kissed you on the lips.

“I like that plan Johnny Seo you sound even more sexier. Lets be sure everything is fine and settled when they enter this world”

“And completely change our lives” he can’t stop rubbing your tummy, “I love how we’re compromising now. I never want to yell at you ever again. Not now, not ever. Definitely not in front our children”

You catch his hand and interlock your fingers with his, “I never want that to happen too baby” Johnny came closer to you, kissing you deeply. “Baby why are we whispering?”

you feel his hands creep inside your shorts, teasing your clothed clit and you let out a soft moan, biting his lips. “I don’t know... practicing to be quiet maybe?” He chuckles in between kisses.

“You going to marry me now?”

“Yes Johnny, I will”

................................................. Masterlist

#nct-writers #neowritingsnet #cznnet #nct smut #nct johnny #johhny seo #nct fluff #nct angst #nctfic #nct scenarios #smut fic #smut #johnny seo smut #nct #kpop fic #nct imagines

[jcfoxington]

@sambambucky​ : “pls... Pastels, Peaches and Pain??? among us first draft??? marvel meets warframe meets a bunch of tumblr posts (it’s not an au!?!??!)

hi jo !!! Pastels, Peaches, and Pain is one of those sambucky wips i have mostly fully fleshed out in my head because of one (1) extreme moment of clarity after a rogue ‘what if’ tangent thought but havent written anything of yet out of restraint / knowing i need to finish at least one of my current sambucky wips before i start it or none of them will get done

this was the rogue tangent thought: “what if Sam is haunted by Figaro’s ghost and has been since he was a kid?”. i’ve changed the ghost cat to not be Figaro but that’s the premise !

i refer to the fic as the cat fic ‘cause the whole plot is based around sam’s ghost cat companion insisting he adopts nat’s cat Liho after endgame and then Figaro later and then [insert redacted because plot spoilers but just know it relates to Alpine]. no im not projecting my feelings about cats idk what youre talking about 

here’s some note snippets just for you:

the cat, inexplicably, takes a liking to bucky, which is really annoying bc sam doesnt know how to explain to him that all the oddly soft gusts of wind are actually sam's dead cat insisting on getting pats

bucky getting shade thrown at him by said ghost cat during all of tfatws + them making up (and not out. yet)

starts when sam's a kid & follows him as he grows up w/ a ghost kitty as a companion only he can see & interact with + angst with an undertone of comedy + getting together

he whispers to ghost kitty, who simply mmrrs happily

for the among us first draft thing, what basically happened is i saw this tweet and this video and my brain latched onto these dynamics so hard i had to write about them. 

here’s a sketch of my two main imposters, Black (left) and Cyan (right):

and here’s a snippet:

The thing having Cyan pause and stare out at the asteroid field is how the colors stretch to family. When they and Black came aboard, they had thought every crewmember was an adult working on the planet-change project. That the patch of off-white with a black something-pattern-or-shape signified status. In a way, Cyan supposes it does, but just not the way they expected. They had expected it to show what rank an individual held within the hierarchy of the crew, from deckhand to division leader to captain, not to show that you're family of the crew and not actually part of the crew itself. 

There are innocents on this ship. Children. It was not something any of them had anticipated, and not something Cyan had been prepared to deal with. They and Black boarded this horrible place to eradicate a threat, believing each and single one of the humans were accomplishes and dedicated to the goal of destroying Cyan and Black's species, and their planet. But, now?

marvel meets warframe meets a bunch of tumblr posts... doesn’t have a wip title or seperate document for itself yet cause it’s been stuck in my ‘story ideas’ document since its creation. so ‘marvel meets warframe meets a bunch of tumblr posts’ is literally just me describing the vibe of an original world gjkerfkds

the world came to be for two reasons. firstly, i want to do make take on a superhero universe because the plot and complete lack of communication in both the dcu and mcu piss me the fuck off. secondly, needed a place to dump ocs with elaborate backstories or fantasy / sci-fi abilities that dont fit into any of my existing worlds

which sounds super competent but trust me, it isn’t. it didn’t gain any solidity at all until i decided to do a personal ‘how different can i make spn castiel look & still retain the same vibe?’ challenge. i have my own cas now

however, the reason i said ‘marvel meets...’ is because i’ve snagged a couple of different things from the mcu, most notably: enemies to reluctant coworkers to lovers, yes our best friend have the same name. no they’re not the same person, secret evil org is controlling the government, and the assassin that tried to kill you several times is now your best friend

warframe was added to the world because i got attached to my Volt build, gave them a name, and have some headcanons idk what to do with because i refuse to interact with that fandom. also because the friend i made through discussing warframe lore + plot dicked me over so it feels Bad to create for

the glue to this whole mess is that one “in every friend group there’s a mean bisexual, an even meaner lesbian, a she/they, a he/they, a himbo, an astrology bitch, a short king, and a token straight” tumblr post. my main group of superheroes ala the avengers consist of these people. the token straight is the only one i havent figured out who is yet

ever since i figured that out ive been throwing story / character ideas and weirdly specific aesthetics from popular tumblr posts into this world’s notes. here’s some examples:

sword grandmas

that trope where someone’s really nice and acts super well-adjusted to society but then they do something super whack and dangerous and you realize ‘oh they’re secretly a little bit insane, actually’

anti-gay group’s leader’s wife leaves him for another woman

superhero who swore to be the best hero [city / planet / solar system / continent / ????] has ever seen ever since he lost his wife. not because she’s dead but divorce just sucks & the hero-to-be is terrible at coping

dishevelled swamp witch

that one person who runs around with an amulet all the time & isn’t aware it’s cursed

an exasperated, tired superhuman assassin running after their husband and their husband's best friend. their husband and said husband's best friend both have wings. chaos ensues (yes, this one is a sambucky post)

ask me about my WIPs!

BONUS:

@sambambucky​​ : #i want to have a coffee and listen to synopses of all of these.... #i miss the discord wow #WRITING TAG #waitttt time jumping dream movie? lmao I'VE READ THIS LIST FORTY TIMES and every time i rediscover something i wanna know about #outfit doodlesss ugh i need to go

couldnt not respond to your tags because they make me go ghrkjfnerknf but in the good way. we miss you too jo !!

the time jumping dream movie was one of the first vivid dreams i had and the whole thing was so stupidly coherent and whacky i had to write it down. it grew plot, a queer love dynamic, weird sci-fi apocalypse elements, anti-military propaganda, questionable science, and a sequel while i wasnt looking and now i just. have to make it a real movie or i’ll combust

outfit djoodlles.png is only on there because my best friend sent me a ‘draw this outfit’ meme and space kitty, my current character brainrot, stole all the outfits for himself. otherwise, that file just sits there until im feeling like designing an outfit or wanna see how a stupid thing looks on my oc patrick

here’s one of the two poses-to-doodle-outfits-on of space kitty ive made so far:

and here’s one of those stupid things on patrick (that then turned into an actual outfit of his because i have no self control):

#.jax speaks #.my art #.my writing #tysm for the interest jo !!! #if you have literally any questions or if youre serious about the synposes thing... #i love rambling abt my stupid brain people #i WILL answer all your questions #even if the answer is 'good question! ive got no clue' #.patrick mortensen #.space kitty #.pastels peaches and pain #.the among us thing #.marvels meets warframe meets tumblr posts #.time jumping dream movie

[uwua3]

saw you in a dream.

🌸🎮 chigasaki itaru

summary: this was the one game itaru couldn’t win, no matter how many times he tried

warnings: car crash, hospital, major character death, simulation (existential), surrealism

author’s note: another song fic! this actually made me cry for a long time, even if it’s not as long as my other pieces. this holds a special place in my heart ♡ i am sorry

we all cope differently. whatever you do, i hope you’ll feel better ♡ this won’t be forever, you’ll see them again one day. this focuses on what happens you lose a loved one, and what being in between life and death feels like. enjoy~

word count: 3,602

music: saw you in a dream – the japanese house (i highly recommend listening while reading)

I SAW YOU IN A DREAM,

YOU HAD STAYED THE SAME

Itaru didn’t remember what happened after the incident. All he knew was it was so dark, he couldn’t hear your screams, and the wreck around him was gone. He couldn’t move, but there was no pain. It was like, this wasn’t real. Was any of this real? What made this possible? What happened?

Itaru tried to shake himself awake, but he already was. His eyes were open but he couldn’t see a thing. It was just, nothing. Everything was gone. You were right beside him before he... what did he do? Were you okay? Did something happen? It was like Itaru had no control over his own body, like he was just in a vessel. Was this his body to begin with? Maybe, it wasn’t his time anymore.

Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

Itaru couldn’t locate where any of his limbs were, what it felt like to be connected. He knew they were still attached, but it’s like all the nerves in his body were severed. Was he still inside his body? Who was he? Itaru wasn’t breathing, but he felt fine. There was nothing, and he was becoming nothing as well. It was just black. How long had he been here? Where were you?

Then, everything came back to him at once. The blackness split into fragments, pieces of his location overwhelming his vision. First, came a distant, blurry gloved hand pulling him away from something. It wore a fireman patch. Next, the load roar of an ambulance siren parked across from him. Then, Itaru could move his neck, he looked down, his car was flipped over. It was destroyed, the engine bursting into flames as a bright light overtook his senses. Finally, a stretcher. It was white, suddenly more figures were around him. Staring. Watching. Touching.

Itaru blinked. Once. Twice. Where was he?

Itaru closed his eyes. But, life wasn’t a game.

YOU WERE BECKONING ME,

SAID THAT I CHANGED

Itaru suddenly could breathe again. Itaru woke up with a start, sitting up as the oxygen mask on his face released a muffled gasp. The room was just as white as before, but the ground didn’t feel like it was moving anymore. Itaru moved to check his inventory, he must’ve played some game too long. But, the moment he tried to shift around, Itaru winced as he felt the tug of IV needles piercing his veins.

Itaru tried to pull the mask off, struggling as his vision went blurry again. He heard the door slam open and a rush of hurried conversations. Felt something push his chest back down to lie flat against the bed. A shot to his arm. Something that sounded like an apology.

Then, nothing, again.

TRIED TO KEEP MY EYES CLOSED,

I WANT YOU SO BAD

THEN I AWOKE AND IT WAS SO SAD

Itaru was back into nothing. It was black again, and he couldn’t move his body. Back to square one, maybe he reset the game on accident. Maybe, this was the loading screen. Itaru wondered how he got out of it the first time. Was he lying down? Which position was he even in? Was this just his mind?

Part of the black parted, and Itaru couldn’t do anything as he watched the black curtains reveal a pixelated screen. Without warning, Itaru was sitting in the middle of his room. He was back. His clothes were messily thrown across the room. Empty packets of chips and crushed cans of energy drinks were piled in his trashcan. Multiple game titles were scattered around him as he sat, a controller in his hand. The screen was off, now.

It was a dream? Itaru stood up, about to leave, before a light came from the TV.

The countdown on the screen reached zero as the console powered to life. Then, a fade in to a cutscene. Itaru slowly sat back down, eyes never leaving the screen as he saw your smiling face. There you were, happily talking about whatever was on your mind in the passenger side of his car. Cutscene him was holding onto the wheel, giving back answers that made you laugh even louder. On screen, the headlights illuminated the road as he turned on the corner, about to say something before a bright light consumed the room.

Itaru felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Wait!” Itaru felt himself manifesting, forming, growing back into his body. He was becoming something, he had no place in the realm of nothing anymore. Itaru reached out for the mysterious person behind him, but he was gone.

Itaru opened his eyes to a white light, just like the one on screen.

HAVEN’T TALKED TO YOU IN MONTHS,

AND I THOUGHT I MIGHT CRY

BUT I’M NOT THAT KIND OF GUY

Itaru didn’t remember what happened. He stayed on schedule: doing physical therapy to get his legs back to walking (he was making a speedy recovery, apparently), eating hospital cafeteria food at the same time everyday (it was stale, he missed takeout), and staring at the white ceiling of his room, willing the light to come back.

Something happened, though. No one would tell him where you were, or why he was here in the first place. It’s been months since he last saw you... did the staff not allow visits between patients? Whenever he asked for you by name, they had no idea. It was like you input a different character name or something.

Itaru didn’t like this video game. It was too reptitive. The faces were too realistic. Everything about this simulation was breaking the fourth wall.

Characters didn’t call him Taruchi, the name he always put in when asked. They called him Chigasaki Itaru, his full name. He didn’t know why he put his entire name, he didn’t remember when he even did that. I guess anything for the immersion, right?

What day was it? What were his missions and goals? Did he have a list? Itaru glanced around his room to see if there were any options, but it was the same blank slate as always. Did you see this, too? Were you playing as well? Did you like the game?

Maybe, the purpose was to get his main character back to full health. His injuries were serious, it was lucky he could even walk again. Itaru tried to dig in his memory for the prologue, but came up with nothing. Just his dark room with a paused scene. How could he fully play the game if he didn’t understand what was going on?

That night, Itaru watched as his nurse gave him the sleeping pill again. It was like this for a while, Itaru thought maybe taking the drug would level him up or something. Itaru put the pill in his mouth and lodged it to the side, feeling accomplished when the nurse didn’t even bother checking since he always did. Maybe, he was going to advance to the next stage!

The lights switched off. Itaru closed his eyes. Then, a light flashed.

Itaru opened his eyes, seeing the same screen from months before. He was standing alone again in his room at the Mankai dorms, but it was perfectly clean and he was in the center of it all. The door was blocked off and the console was still on. Itaru stopped, looking down at his design this time. He wasn’t wearing his character’s usual hospital gown, but a familiar outfit.

Itaru didn’t press any buttons this time before the countdown began again, beeping every number until it reached zero. Itaru sat back down again to watch the cutscene before he saw a leather jacket out of the corner of the frame. Itaru compared the outfit on screen with his and proudly whispered a quick “yes!” under his breath. Him and the cutscene character had the same clothes, he was going somewhere!

Cutscene Itaru wore a leather jacket, vivid purple dress shirt, and black tie. His red eyes were somewhat focused on the empty street, and his smile was one for the ages. He looked, happy. Content. Like, this was the happiest moment of his life.

You appeared and Itaru wondered how the game producers designed the characters to look like you two so well. This time, Itaru could hear the audio from the scene as it repeated and rewinded, starting back at you talking.

“Come on, did we have to go out this late to buy some video game you could have pre-ordered?” You complained, but held a teasing smile as you jokingly punched Cutscene Itaru’s arm. He nudged you back, eyes glancing back at you with such love that Itaru didn’t know how they even managed to edit that in. It felt almost, real, in a way. Itaru had the urge to take off his jacket for a moment.

“First of all, it’s your favorite video game series. I wasn’t going to let you miss out on the experience of being the first in line for a release.” Cutscene Itaru reminded you, hearing your laugh out of frame as he tapped his fingers against the wheel. The scene changed its angle, going out to show the car driving in the dark. A subtitle appeared: 5 A.M.

“Secondly, I have an even bigger surprise waiting for you~” Cutscene Itaru teased as you smacked his arm again, impatient for whatever he was planning. Cutscene Itaru casually turned, about to come around on a corner before the scene paused at the same time it did last time.

Itaru groaned, rubbing his temples as he tried to find out what just happened. He leaned back into his beanbag, dropping the controller onto the ground with a thud as he felt a migraine coming on. It was like, he knew what was going to happen next but he didn’t know how to find out.

Itaru opened his eyes. The white light was blinding and his nurse was by his side with morning breakfast. He was back in the hospital.

“Good morning, Itaru.”

“Call me Taruchi.”

A beat of silence then the same thin–lipped smile from before never left her face. Did she always do that?

“Good morning, Itaru.”

I SAW YOU IN A DREAM, YOU CAME TO ME

YOU WERE THE SWEETEST APPARATION,

SUCH A PRETTY VISION

Itaru skipped his medication again. No one suspected a thing, he was doing something right. Itaru wanted to finish this game and get the hell out. It’s been so long, Itaru forgot when he started playing. What was it even called? Why’d he buy this stupid stimulation?

Itaru was in the same position as before, against his beanbag with the controller by his side. The screen was still loading, and the place was clean like before. But, the sheets weren’t made. The bed was obviously slept in. Itaru didn’t remember taking a rest in his room, was someone else here? The door was open a crack, Itaru went up to close it.

It was difficult, adjusting to a body with impaired legs. Itaru always wondered what happened to his character and if he would genuinely recover. It’s been such a long time, Itaru missed having a functional body. How many days of work has he missed? Where was everyone else? Didn’t they wonder what happened? What was he doing?

Itaru went to go sit back down, grunting since his legs weren’t what they used to be. Picking up the controller, Itaru furrowed his eyebrows as he stared at the buttons. There was only one blinking, the “A” button. Guess he couldn’t fight with what the developers wanted. Itaru pressed the button. The loading screen went away, the cutscene kept going.

You grinned, distracting him with your happiness as you rested your hand against his forearm. “A surprise?” You wondered out loud, and Cutscene Itaru nodded, mimicking closing his lips and throwing away the key. You said something about him being no fun. You leaned back into your seat, moving your hand up to his and holding it gently. Cutscene Itaru squeezed your hand back, clearly on cloud nine. He was about to open his mouth before the white light entered again.

“Shit! I can’t wake up now!” Itaru complained, shutting his eyes. But, he stayed the same. He was sitting in his bedroom before he heard a deafening crash and haunting scream from the speakers. Itaru warily opened his eyes, it looked like the scene was in reverse. Itaru saw a car flipped upside down. The engine caught on fire. The piercing cry of an ambulance siren ruined the stillness of the night. Someone was holding onto Cutscene Itaru, who was glassy–eyed and blank. He wasn’t breathing, but his hand was still in yours.

Then, Itaru saw you. You were tightly holding onto his hand even though there was so much blood. The scene was awful, but he couldn’t look away. Cutscene Itaru’s legs were bent out of shape, his skin was covered in scars. Itaru subconsciously ran his fingers across the scar around his calf, watching the same one on screen get made as Cutscene Itaru’s leg was stuck under the door.

You two were seperated, never to be seen together again. Itaru caught a glimpse of something glittering in the firefighter’s hands as he was reporting what happened to the police officer running out of his patrol car. It was... a ring. And it was that game you loved so much, he did pre–order it.

Then, everything came back all at once. He wanted to propose that night, pretend he was taking you to some video game store when he had a whole evening planned. He was going to gift you the game, surprise you and when you were about to say this evening couldn’t get any better, he was about to get down on one knee. It was going to be a night secluded on the mountains, a spot set up at the edge where you two could see the whole city. It was going to be perfect, you were going to say yes.

Itaru was going to marry you.

Before Itaru could do anything, the scene ended as an oxygen mask was shoved onto his face and his stretcher was inside the back of an ambulance.

Cutscene Itaru seemed to look directly into the camera, the same pair of eyes staring back into Itaru’s. They were the same person, that was him.

“Where are they?”

Someone sat down next to him, setting their chin on their knees as they pulled their legs up. They remained silent, looking forward at the finished cutscene. No credits, the game wasn’t done yet. Itaru couldn’t bring himself to see who it was, taking in a shaky breath before they placed their hand on his forearm. Then, his hand. He felt himself squeeze back.

“You have to end this game, Itaru.” You said.

Itaru closed his eyes, and he was back in his hospital room. The same nurse was sitting by his bedside, holding breakfast. She performed the same smile she was programmed to.

“Good morning, Itaru.”

Itaru put his hands together, wanting to feel the last of your touch. His ring finger was empty and bare. He knew what happened now.

But, Itaru blinked. Once. Twice.

He looked around, seeing an unfamilar nurse. Where was he? Where were you?

THERE WAS NO REASON, NO EXPLANATION

THE PERFECT HALLUCINATION

Itaru was in a video game store, this time. He was in front of a display, hundreds of games at his disposal as he rapidly looked around. It was just him, alone again. Was this the final stage? He’s been playing for so long, he already unlocked the backstory. Itaru wanted to go home.

Reading the titles, Itaru flipped through them but none of it made any sense. They were just his name with the subheading, “Day #” with numbers going all the way up to 8,395. It didn’t make any sense, what kind of faulty game was this? Itaru left the stand, searching around the store but the rest of the games were the same. Itaru was about to give up before he noticed the same screen at the front counter, the same controller’s “A” button blinking.

Itaru went over and saw a disc was popped out. It was labelled: What Could Have Been. Itaru pushed it back in, and pressed the button. He felt like it was the end, he was reaching the conclusion. The last episode. As he was about to lean forward to watch, his head dropped. He closed his eyes, and suddenly he was on a mountain. It was night time. His legs didn’t hurt that bad; he felt younger, stronger, better. Who was he this time?

You came out of no where, staring at the city lights at night on a mountain cliff. The distant city seemed so small, like you two were on top of the world and urbanization was insignificant. The wind ruined your hair, but you looked so, dreamy. Itaru was breathless, confused, mesmerized, so many emotions at once. How were you here? Did he win the game? Was this it?

“I can’t believe I let you trick me! But, I can’t be too upset when I have the best game in the world!” You exclaimed, holding the game up in the air. Itaru couldn’t move, even though he had full control this time. What did he have to say? What was he supposed to do?

You sighed, looking out to the horizon again. You were so content, so happy, so real. You smiled, like everything was okay in the universe.

“Life can’t get any better than this.”

Itaru put his hand in his jacket pocket and felt something cold. Something metallic. Something, that was calling his name. Itaru slowly pulled it out, seeing a ring gripped tightly in his shaking fingers. This was it. The game wanted him to propose, this was what his character was meant to do.

But, he was too late. Suddenly, Itaru woke up and was back in the video game store. The “A” button still blinking. The screen loading. This time, you were standing behind the counter with the same clothes you had the day of the accident.

You didn’t look happy with him.

ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO AN END,

BUT I THOUGHT THIS MIGHT LAST

BUT YOU CAME AND LEFT SO FAST

“Itaru, what are you doing?” You asked, but your tone was so sad, so exhausted, so tired. You looked like you’ve been here forever, like you wanted to leave. Itaru didn’t understand, were you here this entire time? Why couldn’t he save you?

“How...” Itaru started but you shook your head, holding your finger up as if you couldn’t bear to hear his voice. Itaru wanted to take your hand and tell you it was okay, but it wasn’t.

“Itaru, you have to stop playing this game. Finish the scene, and you’re done.” You ordered, your existence flickering like the overhead lights. You seemed translucent, like you were here and somewhere else. Where were you?

Itaru closed his eyes again and he was on the mountain. You said your lines just like before, holding the game up in the air as you smiled, gazing out at the horizon.

“Life can’t get better than this.”

Itaru pulled the ring out, knowing this was he was meant to do. How did the game know he wanted to propose? Why did it feel so real?

AND WHEN I’M AWAKE, I CAN’T SWITCH OFF

IT ISN’T THE SAME, BUT IT IS ENOUGH

Itaru was about to say your name, but he stopped himself. Itaru looked down at his clothes. He was wearing his hospital gown. He was older. He was the same person he is now. You looked at him, and you smiled even though the tears in your eyes were evident. You saw him.

This, this was enough. Itaru got down on one knee, on the verge of tears himself as he took in the sight of your face. Something told him, he’d never see you again after this.

Itaru held the ring out and you started crying, saying yes over and over again. He put it on your left ring finger and held your hand, squeezing it.

In the video game store, Itaru smiled as tears streamed down his face. This was the happiest he’s been in months. You were his partner for life. You said yes, you two were going to get married.

You watched him behind the desk, struggling to maintain your composure as you stared at the ring that appeared on your left ring finger. You knew you two couldn’t get married, at least, not in this game.

Your hand moved to the power button.

I SAW YOU IN A DREAM,

THEN IT CAME TO AN END

I WONDER IF YOU’LL COME AND VISIT ME AGAIN

YOU’RE TAKING YOUR TIME TO REAPPEAR

Itaru hugged you close, his arms holding you tightly as he breathed you in. This, was enough.

“I love you.” Itaru whispered, both in the scene and in the video game store. You paused, staring at the outlet and back to the love of your life.

“I love you, too.” You responded, holding his hand one last time.

You pulled the plug.

I’M STARTING TO BELIEVE THAT WHEN I CALL YOUR NAME,

YOU JUST DON’T HEAR ME ANYMORE

AND I KNOW THAT I SHOULDN’T EVEN TRY

IT’S A WASTE OF TIME

Itaru woke up. He remembered everything.

You stopped playing the game.

A long, long, time ago.

#chigasaki itaru #itaru chigasaki #a3! act! addict! actors! #a3! #act! addict! actors! #a3! actor training game #a3! headcanons #act! addict! actors! headcanons #mankai a3! #mankai company #spring troupe #a3! x reader #a3 x reader #itaru x reader #a3! itaru #a3 itaru

[spidermilkshake]

Isolated Element--Part 1: Captoptromancy

Welp, I'd best post writing on the hellsite too. What better place for the unhinged fanfiction that spills between my brain's cracks?

IP: Kingdom Hearts (powerfully headcanon'd)

Genre: Fantasy, Mystery+Suspense

Word Count: 2,400+

TW: Unreal/derealized dream states, mild body horror

(Next)

1: Catoptromancy

It had been a few years since she had last come this way. Already, nothing was at all like she remembered. Years back, Traverse Town didn’t even have its proper name; it was only known as the settlement cobbled together from Gaia’s refugees—from Radiant Garden to Corel to Nibelheim—a hybrid of survivalist shelters and shanty-town as more and more hunks of unfortunate Worlds materialized in the outskirts, sometimes bringing hundreds of new people with them. A few years ago there weren’t quite five thousand folk crowded in here, getting by on salvaged bits and crisis aid given by the Elveshmean military and the Elvaan Źduhace (the Elven Dragoon Order). If not for the work of Radiant Garden’s more progressive intellectuals, Gaia’s ties to Elves and even fellow Human nations would not have been so strong, and if not for these ties, the alarm at the sudden radio silence would not have been so swift in onset. If not for this, Traverse Town would likely have remained a guttering, suffering den of survivors—languishing and on their own.

Aqua sympathized.

As she disembarked the transport cruiser into a grey, stale-smelling rain she noticed immediately the place’s changes. She pulled the sides of her hooded poncho together, pausing by the platform’s railing to look out over the newly-constructed bell tower, and the mis-matched buildings surrounding it. Formerly, this area had been half-built and strewn with piles of salvaged rubble. The wrecked hulk of an Interspace-Airship hybrid, the Highwind Mark IV, had lain propped up on blocks, its engines burst and drained of power. It had since been moved—or taken apart, likely to go towards the Mark V. Shaking the oil rivulets dripping down her hood away, Aqua brought herself back to the present. Traverse Town was now equipped with signs; she began following some, scanning the terraced levels and built-into underpasses for signs of nightly lodging. A warm, elevated porch caught her eye—its swinging sign lit up with a covered manatech lantern, the orange glow making “Bedknobs+Broomsticks: Food—Rooms—Entertainment—Vacancies Available” legible through the weather. She climbed the stairs to the entrance, taking a moment to shake the rain from her poncho again, to not drip a soot-marred trail all through the place. The least she could hope for was that this one wasn’t already grimy, and without her griming it up for the proprietor.

It did turn out to be clean inside, mostly. A few active spiderwebs decorated the high, out-of-the-way corners, but a polished oak bar-top was well-shined, and a row of recessed booth seating looked to be mostly clear minus some spice containers. It was a tiny place, a staircase and a cramped elevator entrance intruding halfway into the diner-like area. Clearly, most of the establishment was on ascending floors and this scant hole-in-the-wall was the only important thing besides cheap beds. At first she assumed she was alone on the floor—some clanking in the doorway behind the bar area implied one distracted kitchen worker only. A sound like sheafs of silk rubbing together turned her head, and the slight, constant movements caught her peripheral vision.

She jolted, instinct forcing her to grip thin air after a Keyblade that would no longer come to her. After all this time, she’d assumed she would be used to the full range of weird entities roaming the Three Realms, but apparently this… entity, was still a surprise.

He was wedged into the outermost side of the closest booth, in the shadowy corner. His feet were propped up on the table and half-crossed, but it was not their electric-green claws and webbed toes the color of “drowning victim” that was so terrifying: The rest of him was by far more strange. Tall, slender, with swept-back pointed ears and some of his dark reddish hair braided into an Elf-Knot identified his species—and the bustling array of mutations he bore brought that species into question again. Above the protective gloves and bracers he wore, his forearms were that drowned-blue color, and slithering with several large tentacles each. His ripped jeans were a similar story at the hip joint—and even more sprung from a point near his shoulder blades. The deep V-neck of his shirt allowed a travesty of more subtle issues to be on display: His shoulders and across his collarbones had stubby, green quills protruding from them, the veins of his neck close to the surface were a green hue too and hideously engorged. On second glance, Aqua suppressed a shudder of revulsion as she saw the veins on his arms and even one faintly popping from his temple were the same. A moment passed in which this Grey Elf paid no attention to her—engrossed with a ratty-looking, thin book propped open against one knee—but then, vivid purple eyes flicked over to the onlooker.

“Well, well, cydezé,” the twisted elf greeted her, gaze flicking over her from the Keybearer’s Chi-Rho emblem on her chest to the lacing ornaments over her corset and spur-stabilizers on her boots, landing at last on her muted blue hair and bright eyes. “They say it’s rude to stare, stranger.”

“Sorry, I, uh…” Aqua stalled her movements by force of will, as instinct was sending her creeping backwards. “I couldn’t help but look.”

“’Swhat they all say!” He snickered, snapping his book closed. She couldn’t be so sure of this relaxed, humored response; her eyes lingered on the tentacles as they coiled back over themselves. “No offense taken at all, eh, miss..?”

“I’m Aqua,” she suppressed a flinch, especially as one of his eyebrows raised in intense interest.

“Aqua, eh?” Finally, he slid the mutated pair of feet down from sight. “Excellent. I’m named Oppidimy—though some call me the ‘Octomancer’. Or a walking accident.” He chuckled again, grinning.

“Now we’re introduced, at least—so! You didn’t come in here after me, I’ll assume, but surely you’re looking for someone.”

Aqua’s brow twitched as it was tempted to furrow, “What makes you say that?”

“You have that ‘looking for someone’ quality,” he smirked, tipping a hand towards the scene outside, “It’s a safe assumption. Most who come here are, in fact, trying to find people.”

The young Keybearer half-bit her tongue; appearance aside, she was unsure of how wise it would be to make even a guarded mention of her goals. Oppidimy was clearly a mage of some sort: What kind was as uncertain as how he’d come to be half-elf, half-aberration. And what kind of magic-user he was made all the difference.

“Actually, I wasn’t looking for someone,” she chanced it. She figured she could downplay the importance it had, leaving little clue that the lost item in question was the sacred Keyblade. “Something, actually. Several somethings.”

“Lost some stuff?”

“Actually… more like stolen.” She sucked in a breath, reigning in the residual outrage that lingered even years later, “A sword, and a set of plate armor. They were very important to me and I don’t have much idea of who took them from where I last saw them.”

Oppidimy clicked his tongue, eyes hooding in a disgusted expression as he nodded.

“That’s cute—people really are out there like that. World’s in the process of ending and they’ll still try robbin’ you blind.” Aqua blinked hard at the statement, but he carried on overtop of her visible bewilderment, “Odds are, the culprit’s one of a short and nasty list; the only types who would be out to steal anything that wasn’t provisions, these days.

“I might be able to help y’ out,” a slow, crooked smile spread over his pointed features, and his gloved fingertips settled together into a triangle of scheming thoughts. “At least, if you’ll have me. At the very least I could help rule out some of these skeezballs.”

“And how would you accomplish this?” Her voice turned suspicious, and the Rurcelan mutant obviously cottoned on. He disbanded the triangle of wicked contemplations with a series of assuring waves, shaking his head and chuckling.

“Ah, ah, I know that tone—relax! My methods are one hundred percent legitimate, completely moral. Even though I blend in quite well with society’s villains and monsters, the ‘look’ was not exactly intentional. But, if you’ll take up my offer, you’ll see how it serves to my advantage.”

As Oppidimy began to stand and tuck his book amongst the grips of the tentacles issuing from one elbow, Aqua tilted her head:

“…So you specialize in espionage?”

The elf raised a gloved finger to his lips and the quills on his bare shoulders went rigid, suddenly looking grim and serious.

“Not so loud,” He slid past her, the Keybearer wearing a stone face even as she cringed internally at the tendrils coming inches from brushing by. Stepping towards the stairs, he turned back to call over his shoulder, smirk returned: “Come see me some time if you need a hand, yeh? I’m in 32. I’d suggest giving that old office door a knock so you can get a room of your own before it gets too late.” He began to cackle, “Owner’s a bit narcoleptic, so knock hard!” His laughter echoed, becoming cartoonish as he ascended the narrow stairwell and the raucous noise faded out. She paused a few seconds just to breathe.

Never had she encountered someone quite so exaggerated—it felt like a front—or a trap. She could be the intended victim, but just as easily the intended bait, a lure to draw in the unsavory targets he’d referred to. Only further investigation would bring that to light.

-------------------------

As suspected—the place was a cheap joint for cheap beds. The need in town was high, and the cramped room she was assigned was, at the very least, livable. Crumpled under the stiff, rough-textured outer sheet, every attempt to calculate the dubiousness of the elf’s offer, versus the likelihood she could finally close in on her lost Keyblade, set her sleep back another hour. And another. But slowly, surely, sleep and Aqua arrived at an uneasy truce.

She had the dream again. Different—and clearer.

The vision of that round, white, metal-plated room, the gaps in this armoring (or acoustic featuring?) showing faint glints of pipes, cables, and other hints at underlying manatech. It mocked her. She was for a second so infuriated at its recurrence that she almost missed the new features: Insignias in a stark black marked the walls, familiar but strange. It was much like the Keybearer’s Chi-Rho—or the Heartless Emblem, itself very much a cheap plagiarizing of the order’s sign—upside-down, so that the spikes forming the “Chi” took the peak position.

The miasma of her unconscious half-lucidity swam around her as she struggled to turn around and face the raised central area. She had already seen what was arranged there during the prior dream states. Her armor, and her Keyblade, where she knew it last. If the passage of time was to be believed, someone had been keeping it tidy and dust-free.

The chair was new. Aqua’s jaw hung in silence a moment, unable to react, as she faced its occupant. Outside of this recurring hallucination she knew she was asleep—and she wondered if he, within the dream, was also. His dark-toned skin and wildly-arranged silver hair were uncomfortably familiar, and his face itself also so but for different reasons. His ears were slightly-pointed as a half-elf’s would be, but since his eyes were closed she couldn’t tell if he possessed the mish-mash of colors and features she dreaded. She had seen this man before, she was sure this was… but somehow, her mind refused to let her assume this was the same person. Or persons, technically. He had to be, and yet… she was sure this quietly seated man was another entirely.

Her frown began to appear, giving some control of her face and voice back. Whoever this dead-ringer for Terra (and Xehanort) was, there was no likelier suspect for the role of the one who had relocated this Chamber—her Keyblade with it.

“Where are you?”

Aqua nearly jumped, though her dream-self felt far too sluggish for it. Exactly as and exactly what she had been gathering up energy to say the man with closed eyes had asked in a low murmur, devoid of feeling. Though, this she supposed could be from him truly being asleep—mumbling and aware of her regardless.

“No,” she barked, “You tell me. Where are you? And who are you?”

The man paused, eye movements flickering behind their lids. In painfully slow motions, he began to shake his head.

“I cannot answer you. You must tell me first.” He was still almost deadpan, with a hint of tired annoyance creeping in now.

“You can’t force me to tell you, and you can’t do anything to me. This is a damn dream-state. So, if you want anything, you first.”

He huffed, his brows twitching, and the sleek black fabric that made up his gloves straining as his grip on the armrests tightened.

“No,” he growled. “You don’t understand. I cannot answer you first because I have no answer. I don’t know who I am.” He let silence return to the humming void around them, becoming neutral in expression, “But perhaps, if you tell me your name, I can know more.”

A spike of hope softened her expression; the frustration and the intonation was so like his, melded neatly with the rigid aura of calm he imposed on himself—two traits so Terra-esque and incongruous with each other they seemed unlikely to be performed. And very un-Xehanort, in this way.

“I’m Aqua. Do you have a name, by chance?”

“I do,” he nodded, brows knitting slightly, “But it would mean nothing to you. It is a chosen name, taken after the time you seem to recognize me from.”

“Are you Terra?” She forged ahead, prepared for a let-down.

“I am aware of who that name belongs to, but I do not think so,” he surprised her, “Before you ask: I am equally aware of the one called Xehanort. I am not him.

“You have seen this Chamber before, haven’t you?” A dim inkling of curiosity entered his soft tone, surprising her alongside the change of subject. “Years ago I began to see this place. In my dreams at first, and then, every time I closed my eyes. I suspect you saw these visions. You saw the way into the room, hidden in what is left of the bastion of Radiant Garden.”

“How did you figure that out?” But, already guessing the answer, her eyes wandered to the sections of her armor propped on the central dais.

“I have memory I can’t explain,” he began. “I remember the name of the one this Keyblade, and its armor manifestation, belongs to. Aqua.” Sudden, jarring, he seemed unable to resist letting his eyes snap open and zero in on her with their bright, orange intensity, “This belongs to you, doesn’t it?”

An immediate shock came over her—but not only from being eye-to-eye. As soon as it happened, a spell broke. She felt roaring in her ears; the Chamber of Repose winked out and she was filled with the sickening sensation of half-awake, confused floating just above one’s body. Psyche-wise, she felt slammed back into her self as she bolted awake, still curled under the cheap inn’s terrible sheets, the room quiet and empty.

She sat up, waiting for some soreness that never came. A vivid dream. Not exactly, but closer than really being there. For a minute she just listened; a few muffled clangs of activity echoed from some lower floor, and she could hear through razor-thin walls the sounds of folk opening and shutting doors, exchanging bleary greetings, and going about the act of “morning”. A sliver of weak light creeping in between shut curtains confirmed the early, small hour. She collected her wits, and stood. She wasn’t getting any more sleep now anyways.

To Be Continued

#fan fiction #fanfiction #fantasy #mystery and suspense #kingdom hearts #heavily headcanon #headcanon #aqua #birth by sleep #isolated element #xemnas #oc #oppidimy #traverse town #chamber of repose #sfw story #sfw fanfic #captoptromancy #I too name my things weirdly but I generally do so with a theme apparent and not just to sound cool hAHAHah

[delicioustrashlove]

To me : a honest open letter to my self. deep breath and open up and express 

What do you know . You went back there again and all though you held on super tight you couldn’t keep him could you? Of course not. You’ve lost your self every-time chasing him and you’ve never been able to catch him.

I thought I wouldn’t survive this one. I thought honestly I was not going to make something of my self . I whole heartedly was ready to give up . What ever happened happened and I could care less it’ll never be as bad as losing you. And I truthfully connived my self that my happiness only lied in your arms.

It took me so long to cry . Once I got back Colorado the reality of my new home, it was such a blur . For a while I pretended you died. To some how help my heart forget you. And thats all I wanted was to forget you. I deleted every picture and every single video .I blocked you on everything I could think of that youd have access to talking to me through . And for what . Just to black out once a week and tell you how much  I miss you and that I love you . I drank my self silly . I mean every event every party every outing I had to be there I had to be anywhere but in reality . Because reality meant no you. It meant what once was and will never be again,, reality meant excepting my feelings. And I wanted so badly to be tough and strong. I’ve gotten my heart shattered a million times by you , you’d think I would get easier . It didnt it was worse . I was so fully invested in you that life didnt exist with out you in it . I didnt know what that felt like anymore . I was so wrapped up In you so blind to reality . Loving you meant losing my self . I lost my self 4 times a year for 5 years trying to keep your heart. I broke my own heart letting you back in to my life so many times . I knew better . But the love I had for you was so much stronger . I couldn’t stay away . I also revolved my entire world around you , so when you where gone I felt so literally like the world was ending . I lost my whole life . I realize now thats not healthy . You have to always prioritize your health and well being before anyone . You have to love you before you love anyone. So wed break up id self destruct then Id put all my pieces back together the ones you broke. Id fix my self and I would get back on track I was moving on I was happy then just like that . One phone call at 10pm where you clearly to drunk to remember the conversation id be on a plane. Drop my job my home my family My friends … quite literally everything just to be with you . Just to love you. All I ever did in this world was so unconditionally love you. I thought I could hate you I did for a while . But I dont anymore . You where apart of my journey and it almost killed losing you but it was supposed to happen . It was part of the plan that god has for me. You coming int o my life brought so much love and bond that ill never feel with anyone else . I will never love someone the way I let my self love you. And when the lesson has finally been learned only then I can move forward to the next chapter. And your purpose in my life was love and lots of lessons and lots of growing . You think god doest hear your heart crying you think he gave up on you ya know , but he never did. In the end you’ll see there was such bigger picture. 5 years I spent going back to you and leaving you. Why did I always go back ? Because loved you but I clearly wasn’t seeing what god prepared for me. He wouldn’t believe his lessons or fallow his guidance so he kept bring ing me back to you so I could relearn and remember why I left and well you might be my soulmate your not meant to be in my story forever . Only a couple chapters . And once you’ve served your purpose to my life that god wants me to have experienced and learned I will be able to move forward. I first must let you go . And I finally am starting to. I got so unhealthy and so sad and so stuck and caused so many health problems to my body . So much that was almost to much to prepare. But I made a choice one day . I chose my self , and not you. I chose to love me and not love you anymore. I commented intently to my family and I mean really gave it my all. I learned that no matter what my parents wouldn’t never leave mom behind .and im going to everything in my power to be a good girl to them and build our love and our relationship . And I think that was gods purpose all along. You cant keep whats not for you . And I didnt understand that when we parted ways. I accept that now . And I know as I continue to stay on the right path god has such beauty waiting ahead for me… look how much I loved you and all I did for you imagine how much I will love the right man. I did alot. Every time we break up I have to fix my self . But I know now its all apart of the journey . All those trials with you just made me stronger it made me braver it made me wiser and it made men grateful for the good ones.  You breaking my heart was one of the best things to happen to me in the end. Because I never would stopped loving you I never would have left you behind. I would have always been your biggest fan and continued to love you till I ended up hating my self. You have the courage to set me free was the kindest thing you ever did for me. At the time I didnt get it but who I am now and what I ve accomplished for my self and how when you try really hard to be better and I mean really hard things kind of fall in to place. God smiles and says okay you deserve this you’ve learned you’ve grown . I manaaged to accomplish that goal of being close to my family . We are so close and we love trust and respect eachother so much . Our bond is very very strong . I managed to get my self too a doctor , I found out I complete sabotaged my health . And oh ya I have 14 allergies !!!!  And some of the effects of those allergies after time has caused a harmful build up to where I was 3 years away form being diabetic , my thyroid completely stopped working . Amplifying my anxiety and my depression . The last month. I was in az i would get sick a lot . Id eat something and get sick . The problem was I was so fuxking drunk all the time I didnt ever thing anything of it. I’ve destroyed my guy and its a blessing that wildly and randomly this doctor asked if she could test me . And we found a lot of issues and also got a lot of answers to a lot of my health issues. Im starting treatment for that . Ill be injecting my self every other day with medicine to help my body repair the damages I have done and it will also help fight allergic reaction and build immunity so this doesnt happen again . I also !!! Am taking my meds again . Different ones but im glad I chose to take this chance on them again . I figured if im going to  put my health and happiness first I dotn need to be drinking and If im not drinking a lot fo stuff is going to come to the surface and I don know how well ill be able to handle that reality. I also like I said thought. Was going to kill my self. I was so heartbroken so so so sad. I knew I needed help and I reached out and got. Now im happy and stable and I get out of bed and I have energy and im so present and to active. I work out everyday . I eat healthy and I lost some weight . My highest weigh t was 168 before our florida trip I got down to 147 , when worked for Linx I was 145 then after being with tj again my mental health went hay wire and I lost my self again . Completely lost. And when I got back to co I was 153 pounds …. I would shift from 145 to 147 … then I just stopped worrying about it and started doing something about it. I channeled all my sadness in to exercise . Im sad go work out im bored go work out im happy hey go work out get that good flow !!  Your angry you miss him what ever it was I worked out then it became all I could focus on cus I learned to love it so Much . I took on running again I put in the work . Things finally where falling into place . I was getting my self back and this time it was better then ever . Better then ever before . I unlocked this door and its been so beautiful. I one day weighed my self just to see assuming id be 145 I was 137 !!!! Wow !!! A week later I was 135 and today I am 133!!!!! Its so cool and feels so good to not be depressed not feel pretty in my clothes. And iliv Amy self. So much . I hope I start working at hooters soon and continue to have a great life. I finally got approved for unemployment and ally back pay and also and extra 13 weeks after mine runs out. Things are just happening . I wasn’t going to get any hadn’t outs . But I was at the bottom thats for sure and you know who was there ? Not tj not the guy you literally did everything for no not him . My mom and my step dad and my brother . They took me in . And it was hard and uncomfterable , but I just stopped going out stopped drinking as much . And did things for them no matter if they where mad at me or if it was awkward.i committed to being good fo them . And I knew it would take time . But little by little ive managed to accomplish all my goals . When I used to be the queen of quitting. I cant wait to see even more of what god has in store for me. And who I become . My skins cleaning up my body is losing weight I more active im healthy and im very in touch with my desires and my well being . I care and love and respect my self so so much. Its like a huge spiritual awakening. I love being alone . I dont feel like alone deserves me right now to be honest .Its gong to take a lot for me to love again but its okay . Not everyone deserves that form me anyway. I worked so hard to me this . To be who I am right now and I won’t let anyone take that away form me. You cause harm to my heart my well being just by !! If you disappoint me disrespect me or hurt me its done . You lost you dot meet my needs your not benefiting and there’s to many many and women on this planet . Ill never waist my time on the wrong one . Ever again. I respect my self to much to put someone over me! And I stand by that now and forever!!!  The new be is bette then ever and its gong to take a hell of a person to change my relationship status . And that cool im honestly not even interested . I dont care to date or hang out or hook up or even have sexual contact with anyone . Im so content with me myself and this beautiful transition im goin through I just want to focus on me and my family and my health. Because this is what its all about. This is what living is. this is life. This is beauty . This is whats important. I feel like im living . And im happy and im only going to get better and better. Thank you god for this life and thank you for giving me the strength to turn the page and start a new chapter on life. I fully trust you and the processs. And that brings me back to “god will never leave you behind” I needed to learn all those things that all may mistakes have taught me . And god has a way of constantly bringing things back Into your life if it has not yet served its purpose or taught you what you needed to learn.  I see that now. Positive mind set is very powerful . Loving your self is amazing and living through god is the best thing you can do . I will always you tj and I will always in some way wish there was a me and you forever .but I cant ever betray my self like that again. That door is officially closed.  See I thought my life was over when you said our relationship was over. But really it had just begun. Everything happened for a reason exactly how its meant to happen . Losing you meant I could finally find my self. It just lit up the path .  God bless <3 no angry  im happy and im I accept this and I forgive my self and you . Life is so Beautiful .

Some one very wise once said … -Life is not about how much you hurt its about how much your willing to suffer. ~VP

Im not willing to suffer any longer.  Except it feel it and then forgive and move forward.

[thestraggletag]

Indulgence AU, Part 2

AKA the Fuck Anon ‘verse. An AU where Jefferson never reaches Gold in time to tell him about Belle meeting Jones by herself. First part here. Also guys I need a proper name for this! Any ideas?

Prompts filled:

Wouldn't Mal visit Belle in the hospital? Just saying, there's a prompt there somewhere.

Need. More. Starbucks. Angst. Please. Please. Please. PLEASE.           

F*ckAnon!Prompt: "I'm sorry Mr. Gold, we can only allow ICU visitors to family." 

Fuck Anon prompt, Mal visits Belle in the hospital. Gold's there... there's a fight. A loud one at that.

Need. More. Fuck. Anon. Fic.

For Fuck Anon/Indulgence AU, Mal comes to visit at the hospital.

I'm not super creative but I hope theres an angsty Starbucks prompt out  there!            

It was surprising how easy it was to get used to the sound of heart monitors and the constant intrusion of hospital staff. After a while it became easy to tune all the noise out, to focus on Belle and any minute change in her complexion or expression, anything that would indicate whether she was in pain, or nearer to waking. He was determined she would not do so alone. He’d be here to comfort and reassure her. 

Three nurses, a security guard and two doctors had already tried to talk to him about visiting hours and protocol, but a phone call to the head of the hospital’s finance department had stopped all that. He was a regular donor for both Children of Bellevue and The Bellevue Association, which put him outside hospital staff reach. It didn’t particularly endear him to them, especially the nurses- he could feel them glare and glower every time they had to side-step his chair to check on an IV drip- but he did not particularly care.

When the police showed up he wasn’t surprised to hear they wanted to take his statement. After his rather heated conversation with Hatter he understood fully what had happened and had had time to spin the narrative in such a way that would leave Maurice French out of it. A pity, since it meant also getting Regina off the hook, but he consoled himself with the notion that he would deal with her at a later date.

He told them about his prior relationship with Jones, who they already knew as a low-level hustler and sometimes drug-seller. Told him of his stupid fixation with the idea he was somehow to blame for his ex-wife’s death and how he’d vowed revenge. He told them about him stalking Belle, and eventually extorting her for money in exchange for him leaving her alone.

“It was obviously a rouse to get her to meet him at a deserted location, of course. I assume he planned on… getting even with me.”

He could not bring himself to spell it out, but he knew. Knew Belle’s stab wounds had narrowly missed vital organs, that she had gotten lucky and likely had fought like hell to prevent him from accomplishing his goal. He could see defensive wounds, slashes on her arms and bandaged knuckles. She’d clearly hit him and more than once. The doctor had told him, when he had gathered the courage to ask, that the rape kit had been negative, though there were slash marks on her lower abdomen that he guessed were clumsy attempts at cutting her pants open.

The policemen were gentler with him that he would have given them credit for, and told him all the necessary resources were being utilised to try and track down Jones. Nick tried to appear as if he cared, as if he hadn’t set in motion his own plans regarding the Irishman.

He was anxious to go back to Belle’s room so he was relieved when the policemen finished their questioning, clearly happy with the information he had provided and seeming to be convinced he did not know where Jones was nor had the means to procure such information. Good.

As much as he wished to return to Belle’s room he forced himself to go to the entrance of the hospital, where he met Dove. He had a change of clothes with him, as well as food. He took the later outside to one of the benches scattered around the hospital’s small gardens and wolfed it down, feeling the reprobing gaze of Dove as he did so. He was a lover of good food, he knew, and surely disapproved of not giving a good wagyu beef sandwich the time and attention it deserved. 

He was on his way back inside when he practically smacked into Mallory, looking sleek and pissed in an Hermés dress and coat and apparently making enemies out of the entire nursing staff at the hospital. When she turned around and spotted him she smiled, looking strangely feral.

“Oh look who it is! Belle’s doting fiancé. Congrats on the engagement you lying piece of shit.”

The later part was hissed at him, though her expression made it look like they were a couple of old friends discussing the weather. How the fuck did she do that? Reluctantly he managed to drag her to an empty waiting area. It was getting late, which meant the hospital was emptying of visitors and ambulatory patients. In harsh, clipped tones he told her about his talk with the hospital’s financial department, and how he had managed to pull some strings to bypass the rules regarding visitors in the ICU. 

“Besides, being my fiancé will guarantee Belle the best of care. I don’t doubt you can put the fear of God into these people, dearie, but money talks even louder, and I happen to be one of the hospital’s main donors. Being engaged to me makes things not only easier but better for Belle.”

“What neat bit of bullshit you managed to sell yourself, darling, but I’m not buying it. You never do something for nothing.”

“It’s different with Belle. Surely you know that.”

The businesswoman snorted.

“Could’ve fooled me, given what the past few weeks have been like. And given the fact that it was your association with you that landed her in here in the first place.”

It was a low blow, but an effective one. 

“Don’t you fucking go there, Mal. Don’t you fucking dare.”

He clenched his fists, angry that any display of violence would likely mean the police being called and he being unable to return to Belle’s room until tomorrow at the earliest. 

“And why shouldn’t I? It’s the truth. You got into a fight with her, left her alone to fend for herself against an old acquaintance of yours who wanted revenge- probably just the first in a long line of many- and now here you are, sitting by her bedside, making her medical decisions and making false claims on her person. Taking titles that you don’t deserve.”

“I know!” Somehow anger had given way to pain, to what he had kept mostly locked away ever since he had received the call from the hospital. “It’s my fault she’s in here, don’t you think I fucking know that? I fucked up. I should’ve realised, should’ve kept tabs on Jones, should’ve… forced her to talk to me. Something was wrong and I jumped to the conclusion that was most familiar to me, most comfortable. Let myself wallow in self-pity. Belle didn’t deserve that. But I’m trying-” His voice broke and he looked away, grateful that Mallory was also likely to be uncomfortable with his display of emotion and would not push him. “I’m trying to make it right.”

“Do you think that’s what Belle would want?”

“She didn’t remove me as her emergency contact, or revoke my medical power of attorney. I have to think that means she’d want me here with her.”

It gave him a perverse sort of pleasure to see the Englishwoman so patently uncomfortable at the sight of his reddened eyes and the sound of his wobbly voice. She considered for a few more minutes, as if trying to ascertain the honesty of his words, and then nodded.

“I expect you to keep me in the know at all times. If she wakes up, you call me. If the doctors tell you something new, you call me. If she fucking sneezes you call me. And for God’s sake, when her father gets here from Australia you let him sit with her for a while and go take a damn shower. Get some sleep. You’re all Belle has until she gets out of the ICU. Hopefully that will be soon. And then she can decide what to do with you.”

She walked out into the hallway, people around her moving out of her way. She turned around just as she was about to reach the front doors, as if she’d remembered something.

“And I want to see her tomorrow morning. So I expect you to make a phone call and make it happen. Good night, Nick.”

Well, fuck.

#rumbelle #rumbelle fic #Indulgence AU #Thestraggletag fanfiction #starbucks series

[erinevrly]

𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍 + 𝐆𝐎𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 !

i.⠀⠀⠀ it’s all because of her chronic hunger for attention — so-called histrionic personality disorder. thanks to her overprotective, controlling mother, erin has been sheltered and pampered every step of the way since she was a little child. spoiled completely rotten, she’s become accustomed to being in the spotlight as well as receiving endless praises and compliments for even the tiniest accomplishments, which leads to her developing an unhealthy sense of entitlement. now, no longer a child but a grown woman, erin can’t live without constant attention. with a high tendency to exaggerate and overdramatize, she feels unappreciated, taken for granted, left out and flat out ignored when people ( whether her loved ones or friends ) don’t focus solely on her. she can’t help but seek reassurance and approval, having a very strong desire to be seen. unfortunately, she doesn’t seem to possess the ability to differentiate between the positive and negative kind of attention that her actions may attract. when she desires to turn a few heads while walking into a room, nothing can stop her from achieving her goal. this is where her aversion to bras begins…

⠀⠀⠀ unaware of her exquisite beauty ( that already attracts a lot of attention on its own ), she’s found a way to make sure that no one will ever pass by her without stealing a glance — ditching her bra. gifted with a perky cleavage, whenever she steps out with nothing underneath her clothes, men eye her up and down quite shamelessly, approach her more often with bold offers and are more eager to engage in small talks. a lot of times, it does make her feel very uncomfortable and unsafe, exposed and vulnerable, and she’ll blush excessively or lower her head. unfortunately, her need to be noticed is stronger than her fears — bad attention is still way better than NO attention at all, isn’t it ? male cashiers at grocery stores, baristas at coffee shops and waiters at restaurants always smile at her and treat her with kindness, often randomly compliment her looks which serves to boost her ego. she’d be lying if she said that she wasn’t enjoying it. after all, attention is what she craves most and simply can’t live without, she’s willing to engage in risky and impulsive behaviors to receive it.

ii.⠀⠀⠀ it also originates from her need to be constantly taken care of and protected. when in a relationship, erin quickly develops an extreme dependence on her partner. she goes to him, seeking emotional comfort, unconditional love and acceptance. the more submissive role is the one that suits her best ( because of her personality ) but it can also cause a variety of problems — one of them being the unhealthy need to always be reminded of how important she is to the other person, how much he cares about her. when she refuses to put on a bra while going out with her significant other, it’s because she hopes that it will bring out the possessiveness in him. she believes that the mere thought of other men giving her attention, salivating the second they lay their hungry eyes on her, will make him hold her hand a little tighter, wrap his arm around her more eagerly, publicly display his affection for her to let everyone around know that she’s his.

iii.⠀⠀⠀ a silent rebellion. as someone who always obeys the rules and behaves in a way that’s socially acceptable / praised, deep down erin feels the urge to rebel — if girls have to wear bras because that’s what everyone considers appropriate, it only encourages her to do the opposite and toss her lingerie out the window. she wants to finally break some rules, show people that she’s more than just this sweet little girl who’s always following someone else’s orders, prove that she can be independent and do as she pleases. she’s never had much control over her own life ( when she was a child / teenager, her mother was the one in charge ), she eventually comes to the point where she’s beyond determined to be able to have a say. she expresses her disobedience in a quiet way — by not wearing a bra.

iv.⠀⠀⠀ shyness and excessive purity. sexuality ( and everything related to it ) has always been a huge taboo for erin, whether growing up or in her adult life — she views her desires and needs as something shameful, dirty and evil. walking into a lingerie store alone has her stomach flipping upside down, her face resembling a ripe tomato, her heart pounding harder and faster than ever. no matter how old she is, her reaction never changes. to spare herself embarrassment, she usually grabs a bunch of bras that seem to be her size, pays for them as quickly as possible, without maintaining eye-contact with anyone, and runs to her car. that’s why a lot of bras that she owns are simply uncomfortable, either too small or too big, with underwire that cuts into her ribs and leaves her skin irritated. she chooses to wear no bra because she doesn’t want to suffer or have to constantly adjust it while in public.

v.⠀⠀⠀ a combination of jealousy, low self-esteem and abandonment issues that has become a driving force in erin’s adult life. growing up without her father, blaming herself for her parents’ divorce, she’s developed an incredible fear of being left behind and forgotten. she’s felt easily replaceable and unimportant all her life. it’s one of the reasons why, when she meets axl and he offers her all his kindness and love, he immediately becomes her whole world — the mere thought of losing him is simply unbearable. with women constantly surrounding him, following him everywhere he goes ( especially during and after the appetite for destruction tour ), erin worries herself sick and feels the need to step up her game in order not to lose him. if groupies don’t wear bras and are willing to lift their mini-skirts without him having to ask, how can she possibly be enough for him ? she illogically believes that by changing her innocent looks to something more obscene, she’ll keep the singer interested, prove him that she can be just like those other girls if that’s what he wants, if he’s tired of her being a prude.

vi.⠀⠀⠀ the fear of growing old and becoming unattractive / the need to be reminded of how beautiful she is. as much as erin tries to deny it, her looks are obviously very important to her ( especially these days when she’s no longer twenty years old ). seeing that her exposed cleavage can still attract attention is what helps her forget about the inevitable — she will be old one day. as long as she’s turning heads, she doesn’t have to think about it.

#headcanons. #kjsddsn i can't believe that my very first actual headcanon is about bras and why erin doesn't wear them smh #this was actually pretty fun to write #your post inspired me #erin: im so shy and innocent #also erin: bras? what are them bras? #SHES A NATURAL WOMAN #i should use that as my about tag lol