#i cannot even begin to explain how this song makes me fucking feel

[alonetogether]

SCAR CROSSED LOVERS FOREVER IM CHECKING MY SELF OUT FOREVER IM SAVING THIS ALL FOR LATER SCAR CROSSED LOVERS FOREVER HERE WE ARE UNTOUCHED FOREVER IM SAVING THIS ALL FOR LATER

#i cannot even begin to explain how this song makes me fucking feel #if you saw that typo no you didnt. im so tired

[just-some-random-blogger]

Losing Dogs

Neither you or Aegon wanted to get married. Neither you or Aegon wanted to marry each other. But at some point, you figured you should make the most of what you had, and so you offer your husband a deal he cannot refuse.

Aegon Targaryen x Reader | 6k+ | cw: fem!reader, wife!reader, arranged marriage/loveless marriage, smut (piv, virginity loss, rough/loveless sex) DD:DNE, alcoholism, violence, suicide/suicidal thoughts & ideation, mentions of domestic/child abuse, death, pregnancy/misarrange, aegon's mommy issues, insecurities, angst, typos, etc.

A/N: ... i had something to say about this fic but i forgot... maybe ill remember later???? edit: i did not remember. i thought of mitski while entitling this so go play i bet on losing dogs ig?

Tagging: @pinksirensong @aralezinspace @deniixlovezelda @azperja @sloanexx @risefallrise

You don't know what you have until it's gone.

Aegon only truly understood what this meant the day he was married and he was forbidden to drink a drop of alcohol.

As if it wasn't painful enough that he was going to be married to a complete stranger from some house he's never fucking heard of, he was erratic and uneasy the whole day because of the withdrawal. He loathes the preparation, the ceremony, the fucking pageantry of it all.

He thinks it was worse that you seemed to be so chipper the entire time. You smiled with a halo, skin shining with the light. You also seemingly did no wrong, judging by the praises you received from his mother and grandfather. But, who was he kidding, of course they fucking loved you, they chose you to be his prison keeper.

You did not press him once, not when you were preparing for the ceremony, not when you were at the feast, not even after the Queen encouraged you to dance.

Anyone with eyes could see from how he slumped on his chair during dinner that Aegon would rather die than circle around the room to this grating noise echoing the room.

The band begins to play another song and another round of dancing ensues.

He stares at the food on the table. Oh, to be a suckling pig.

The relief that coursed through him when he could finally leave was enough to knock him out. Except, he really wanted, no, needed a drink.

He crashes on his bed, belly down, and reaches for the cabinet door on his bedside table. He feels for his bottle, hand knocking into the corners of the compartment, but he sits up when he finds nothing.

He growls in frustration upon realizing this was definitely his mother's doing. Thief!

"I managed a cup."

Aegon struggles to look over his shoulder from his position. He rolls on his back as you walk to the side of the bed.

He stares at you. You offer a glass holding burgundy liquid. Your voice is soft and kind as you explain, "your mother would suspect me if I took a whole bottle."

Aegon pushes himself up and sits on the edge of the bed, facing you. He gulps at the wine you were offering.

Sure, he may not be the brightest, but anyone could tell this scene was the epitome of ulterior motives. Aegon leans on his thighs, "why are you doing this?"

You stare a moment. You clutch the cup in both hands and examine it. Again, your voice is gentle, "you are clearly in torment. It hurts my heart."

His eye twitches.

I see. It seems you were a fucking saint.

Aegon rips the glass out of your hands, some of the wine spills over. He downs the contents in one go, then chucks the glass across the room once he finished.

He looks back at you, glaring with watery eyes. He was exhausted, he was angry, and he wanted you to know it. But you don't flinch at the sound of the glass breaking. You didn't flinch at all when he showed aggression. Why didn't you flinch?

You press your lips and sigh. You step towards him and reach out.

He nervously straightens up and tilts his head back as you approach. His breath hitches when your warm hand touches his cheek. He blinks rapidly.

"It's been a long day. Would you like me to help you change?"

Again, his eye twitches.

And then he realizes what you mean.

Ah. So, this is what you wanted?

He releases a breath, eyes lowering. Your face falls into a slight frown.

He thinks about it for a moment. I mean, sex was sex and he was game. It didn't matter how he performed, his completion was all that mattered, really. And you were pretty enough, albeit irritatingly good.

When you stroke his hair, Aegon pulls at your skirts, causing you to squeak and topple, hands flying to his shoulders for support. Your faces are inches apart. He pulls you down until you have no other choice than to sit on his lap.

You can smell the remnants of the wine he just drank on his breath. Aegon brings his face closer to yours, and you let out a soft 'hmp'. You mutter, "I gather you don't want to change, but want to get out of your clothes."

He narrows his eyes as you shift on his lap and undo the buttons by his chest. He mutters dumbly, "this is what you wanted."

With knit brows, you retort, "I've not yet told you what I wanted." You shift on his lap again as you peel his top off. Amidst it, he asks, "what do you want?"

You grunt after ridding him of his top. You fold it in your arms then set it aside on the bed. You turn back to him. Aegon's breath hitches when you fondle with strings of his undershirt. He watches your lips as you mumble, "I want you to give me a ride on your dragon."

He furrows his brows. But that's what he just said.

You stand, only to lift your skirt and take your place back on his lap. This time, you straddle him.

Aegon gulps, hands coming to your hips like a magnet. He feels you grind on him; shaky breaths leave his lips in response. His hands scratch up your back and a moan escapes him when your nails trace his collarbones.

"Allow me one trip on Sunfyre, and in return, I'll be your magic lamp," you whisper, taking one of his hands, bringing it to the side of your ribs, "you may rub me where you like-"

His heart skips when you kiss his cheek.

"-and I will grant you all your wishes."

Aegon ticks.

The next moment, he pushes you down on the bed. He doesn't bother getting either of you naked, nor does he prepare you at all in fact. Thankfully, you were already wet.

You don't have the opportunity to ask him to be gentle, to explain you were a bride after all, and it was your wedding night.

Aegon grips your skirts as he fucks you like he means to prove a point. He snaps his hips roughly into you to assert dominance, to exemplify control. Sure, you offered yourself to him, but he was the one doing the work, and you were the one beneath him.

In truth, the pace he set gave you more pain rather than pleasure. And with how pent up he was, the rough tempo he set burnt him out way too quickly before it could make any of you feel good. And when he begins to lag, you start to feel good.

You notice this change and rub your nose against his. He recoils, unused to affection when fucking. It snaps him back into an aggressive trance.

You yelp. Aegon convinced himself it was a sound of bliss.

You kiss his jaw and work your way to his ear, hoping to calm him down. He tenses at the feel of your tongue on his lobe. It stokes flames in his belly and makes him involuntarily roll his hips slower to focus on the attention you're giving. In return, his pace is just enough for him to hit that spot that makes you throw your head back.

Aegon is startled by the scratchy groan that leaves your throat. He finds himself lifting his head to spectate, but you pull him into you by the nape and groan, "like that. Please- gods - that feels good."

His brows tense and he rolls his hips again, finding the same reaction.

You wrap your arms and legs around him, uncaring of how hot and sweaty you were getting. In the heat of the moment, you reach for his lips, needing them, needing something to wrap your own on.

Aegon kisses you. He kisses you with a strange twinge in his chest. He kisses you until he has to pull away and reposition himself to catch his building climax.

In a second, he's back to his fuck-loving self, only self-serving and lustful. As he gazes upon your writhing body, catching the beads of sweat on your skin, the concentration on your face, and the way you chant his name as you part your legs for him, he's overcome by another spirit. To watch you break, to watch you coil and collapse around him felt just as urgent as his need to come.

And so Aegon rubs your clit and forces you to peak first; you do it so well he curses loudly and comes after.

He lays on top of you for a moment, the overwhelming need to be held ripples through his body. He recalls how his whores shoo him away after he's done fucking them though. Before you can cradle him in your arms, he rolls off you.

You close your legs and and watch him strip himself and sequentially change. You watch him get back in bed and bring himself underneath the covers. He goes to sleep.

He fucking goes to sleep.

You feel hollow after this, but tell yourself it's nothing personal. You repeat this as you, yourself, get up and change, sequentially sleeping too. Or at least you try. You have fight the urge to cry for hours before you do.

The next morning, you bring up dragon riding to Aegon, and disappointed as you are, you are unsurprised to find that he was unwilling to give you such a thing.

It was a plain thing you were asking for, you explain. And it's exactly why he doesn't want to do it. It's clearly some trick, something to trap him, something he's going to regret. It was probably some ploy orchestrated by his mother.

Oh gods, he thinks, it's worse. It's a bonding experience so you can make him into your puppet. Fuck. No.

So, he does what he does best, and makes an excuse, "I don't feel like riding today. I'm still exhausted from the festivities."

You purse your lips and nod, "that's understandable. Would you like for me to get you something?"

Wait. You weren't going to argue about him not keeping his end of the deal?

You seem to catch this, considering your response and the way you take his hand. You place his palm on your chest. He can feel your pulse quicken as you mutter, "I am your magic lamp, husband. I wish to please you. I will prove this until you trust me enough to grant me a ride on dragonback."

He narrows his eyes, "you would grant me wishes, all in return for a ride on Sunfyre?"

You smile softly at him, "in return for respite, yes."

He doesn't trust your smile.

"I want to visit the Grey Cliffs. I have for a years now. I went there once as a child and long to go again."

"Why?" he knits his brows at your explanation, "what's there?"

You lower his hand and rub his skin, "respite, my prince."

Aegon pulls his hand away.

Very well. If that is what you want, then he will wear your wishes dry until you find it no longer worth the trouble.

Aegon wishes on his lamp everyday, and his wife sequentially plays entertainer, jester, servant, and slave.

He makes you bring a bottle of wine with you everywhere, and pour him a cup when he wishes. He loathes how you seem unbothered by it. He loathes how you don't even correct a visiting Lord who mistakes you for a cupbearer and simply serve him some wine. The Lord is mortified when he realizes you are his wife, a fucking princess. Aegon hates how you tell the man you were unbothered because you spent your whole life being a cupbearer to your father anyway.

He makes you do trivial tasks as well, sometimes tasks meant for more than one person at a time, and yet you still manage to do them, annoyingly better than the maids. When he demanded you cook him a full course meal, you did so all by yourself, and had the servants looking at you like you were some goddess.

He ripped a hole in his clothes then made you mend it. You covered the hole so seamlessly that he poked a bigger one right in front of you. And even then you don't give him the satisfaction of getting angry. You tell him you will embroider something on top of the hole and he storms off. He overhears you telling the servants, who applaud your level-headedness, that you were used to angry men, because your father was just the same.

You use each of these moments to somehow tell him you were the perfect wife and he had to oblige your stupid request at some point.

But then he found your flaw.

Aegon asked you to play the harpsichord for him, and you told him you did not know how. The woman who knew all did not know something? He would then proceed to hang this over your head. When he asked you for food, he'd tell you how much better it'd taste if he had entertainment. If he asked you to do something physically taxing for him, he's say that he wouldn't have asked you to do it, had you known how to play his 'favorite' instrument. He would use this as the reason why he could never bring you to Grey Cliffs.

It was all fun and games, but then you had to snitch, hadn't you?

"What are you doing to that poor girl!" Queen Alicent barked, making his ears ring.

Aegon groans from where he lies in bed. His mother rips the blankets off him, making him wake in a sour mood.

"She is your wife!" Alicent yells, "not your slave! Fine, you wish her to do tasks for you, tasks for your betterment. But to insult her standing by treating her like a maid is beneath a prince, Aegon!"

Aegon feels his throat tighten at the sight of his angry mother's face, "she is my wife," he growls, "I do with her as I please."

She strikes his cheek.

Aegon's head whips to the side. He doesn't have the energy to look back at her.

"You will no longer parade her as a cupbearer. I will have it decreed you are not ever served a drop of wine if you don't."

Alicent leaves after this. Aegon's anger explodes when the door closes.

He screams and rips at his hair. He kicks furniture around and eventually drops to the floor, exhausted, furious, and hurt. This was all your fault.

He screams again and claws the tears on his face. He slowly exhales through tight lips. His cheek is hot with saltwater. Who was he joking, this was all him.

This was all Aegon's doing.

His breathing is impeded by snot. He walks over to his window and stares at the ground below. If he jumps head first, not even the best maester in Westeros could fix him.

Before he can lean on the ledge, he is paralyzed in his spot by the sound of the door opening.

"I did not know she would be angry with you," you say.

Aegon looks back.

You see his red eyes and wet skin. He is a mirror to your younger self. You feel sick to your stomach. You try to explain, "I only asked if she could find a harpsichord teacher. I did not realize she would take offense in wanting to learn to play for you."

Aegon's heart aches at your naïve response. You were a stupid, perfect wife, and he, a stupid, petulant husband.

"I'm better off dead," he mumbles, looking back out the window. The call of the fall felt inviting, "want to push me, wife?"

You don't respond.

Aegon looks back at you, and suddenly you're only inches away. He tries to evade you, but you manage to catch his hand.

"We could jump together."

"What?"

Your face is blank. You part your lips, and for a moment, your eyes seem desperate, but then it's gone. You sigh, "dying is quite lonely," looking down, "I could keep you company."

Aegon stares at you. Tears stream down his face. "You're mad," he sniffles, yanking his hand away.

He walks over to his bed and collapses on it. He wraps himself in a blanket and feels sorry for himself, and angry at you for suggesting such a thing. Even now you want to be perfect by dying with him?

"I am," you mutter.

Aegon watches as you walk over to him. You sit on the floor beside his bed and look at your hands as you rub them.

"I cannot play the harpsichord, because my father does not like noise," you explain, "I was not allowed to make a sound or else I would be punished."

Aegon covers his head with a blanket but keeps his face visible, "he beat you, didn't he?"

You look at him, eyes melancholy, but still, he is the only one crying, "he beat everyone."

Aegon does not respond.

"I can sing though."

His brow raises, "how can you sing?"

"I would practice whenever he was gone, and sing for my mother in secret. It made her happy... happy enough."

He knew there was more to this confession, but he was too tired to ask about it, too tired to shed more tears.

"Would you like me to sing for you?"

"No."

"..."

"..."

"Would you like me to hold you?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

You stand from where you sat and get on the edge of the bed. Aegon watches as you slowly lie beside him. You bring an arm over him and pull him close. Aegon closes his eyes as you bring him into your chest.

You hold him until he falls asleep. Later that night, he asks you to hold him again. He also asks you to sing to him.

Aegon nestles his face in the crook of your neck. He wraps his arms around your torso, digging his fingers between your flesh and the bed. Your hushed voice reverberates in the bedroom, the song you sing is haunting and soothing. The vibrations from your chest lull him to sleep. You feel wetness pool by your clavicle but you make no note of it.

Aegon asks you to hold him the next morning after breaking fast. He asks you to stay with him in bed and to sing to him some more. When you have to leave his side, he asks to join you and waits until he can have you in his arms again.

Aegon becomes your shadow, and follows you around, under the promise of getting to share in your embrace. As you read and review letters or ledgers, your seat becomes Aegon's lap. He sleeps against you while you work without a fuss, cheek pressed against your back, arms fastened around your waist.

Sometimes, he notices the line that forms between your brows while you read and at some point, asks about it. You explain what causes it, and he is unmoved, as he is uninterested in politics that stress you. But when you read out to him, he finds comfort in your voice and asks you to read some. He falls asleep to your calm droning of circumstances he could not care less about. He groans and groggily awakens when you stop. He mumbles against your skin that you continue, pleadingly so.

When you had to leave the Keep for business, Aegon insisted that he joined you. When you brushed his cheek and explained to him why he could not go and that you would not be long, Aegon pushed you away and stormed off. You left without him anyway, and the treachery he felt was so great, he realized then how he could no longer go day to day without you. What was there to do, if you were not there?

And so Aegon desperately rubs his magic lamp and wishes upon you.

He wishes that you never leave without him again once you return.

He wishes that you promise to no longer make plans without him.

He traps you beneath him on your shared bed and wishes to be inside you. He kisses you and wishes to see you completely bared to him.

Aegon's mind is dizzy as he gazes upon the glory of your skin. He kisses your thighs, your hips, your breast, your lips.

Aegon wishes to surrender to you. He wishes that you undress him then pulls you on his body like a blanket. He wishes to see you take control. He wishes to see you cast your eyes upon him and lay your weight on his body.

He wishes to see you use him, to take what you need from him, to pleasure yourself, and to make him yours. He squeezes your thighs desperately when you moan out his name. This was much more maddening that what he imagined it would be.

He wishes to feel you come undone around him. He wishes he could forever feel the pleasure he did when he comes right after you do.

He wishes to hold you after. And when he holds you, when you lay on his chest and kiss him there, he wishes to never leave this moment ever again. He wishes to sing to you like you've sung to him.

"What are your plans tomorrow," Aegon asks as he draws nothings on your back.

You lift your head from his chest. He looks at you. You smile, "whatever you wish them to be."

He rubs your back and smiles, "I wish to take you to the Grey Cliffs."

Your expression drops, "what?"

He raises a brow at your reaction. You shift on your place. You straddle him again.

He looks up at you, noticing the line between your brows. He rubs your thighs, "you've granted me all my wishes. It's time I grant you yours." He shifts on his elbows and sits himself up, "it's time you meet my mount and-"

"We don't have to," you cut him off, placing your hands on his shoulders.

Aegon examines your expression. He listens to you sigh.

"I'd like to keep you-- wish to keep you..." you correct yourself, pushing him back down.

He looks up at you, feeling your hands rake up his body.

"...just like this," you finish, eyes solemn, lips curving into a soft smile, "I've not felt a thing like this in my entire life."

Aegon takes one of your hands and places it on his cheek. He whispers it like a secret, "neither have I."

You lean down to kiss him, "I wish to keep like this."

He kisses you back.

He is blindsided by how his wishes come to bite him in the arse. It's all crashing down on him. Suddenly, he wishes he didn't actually do any of those things with you.

He most of all wishes he heard you wrong. He wishes you didn't repeat yourself when he stupidly said, "what?"

"I'm with child," you speak slower, less excited yet excited still.

Aegon wishes you didn't look so excited. He wishes he fucking pulled out, but gods, you felt so good-- you feel so good around him, he felt so good inside you.

He realized the next moment, it couldn't be helped. You were going to have to bear his kids at one point or another. He wishes you didn't have to. He wishes his seed wouldn't take completely. He wishes you don't take it to term. He wishes he won't have to be a father. Fuck.

He realizes he's been too quiet and you were waiting for a response from him. Your face began to twist. Your smile fades.

"Congratulations," Aegon musters. He feels like he swallowed a metal ball. His eyes wander to your belly. He mumbles mindlessly, "I suppose."

Your face falls.

Aegon looks back at you. Your face is devoid of any semblance of the glow it normally holds. You look sick. You feel sick.

"I see," you say, unintentionally allowing him to hear your voice break. Aegon's brows furrow at it.

He shakes his head, "you will be a great mother," he chuckles dryly, "you mother me so well."

You offer him a smile, but Aegon can see how disconnected it was from your eyes. You say, "thank you."

When you leave him after this, he wishes he hadn't said a word. He wishes he just left it at congratulations. He wishes he just pretended like the idea of having a child didn't mortify him and make him sick to his stomach. He wishes he wasn't so ill-suited to be a father.

Ageon no longer wishes for anything after this.

He no longer wishes to hold you, though he so badly wanted to. He no longer wishes to hear you sing, nor does he wish to hear you read to him. He no longer wishes to be around you, though his body urged him to follow you around like the lost soul he was.

He wishes he didn't wonder what you were doing at every moment of the day. He so desperately wishes to rid you from his mind completely that he drowns himself in his first and only true love, alcohol.

Fuck. He wishes he hadn't taken this route to his room. He wishes you hadn't taken this route to wherever it was you were going. He wishes he just turned around and fled like the coward he was, because then, you wouldn't have spoken to him.

"Husband," you curtsey.

Aegon stiffens and uncomfortably avoids your eyes.

You catch it, feeling your chest tighten painfully. You clear your throat and take a deep breath to steel yourself, "I thought you should know that I will be travelling."

Aegon looks at you.

"I have a ship ready and I'll be visiting the Grey Cliffs. Do not wait up for me."

His face falls. He opens his mouth, but doesn't have an opportunity to speak.

"I thought you should also know that I am no longer carrying."

His eyes widen.

"It's not an uncommon occurrence the first few months," you say simply, "I suppose the gods do not wish me to be a mother."

Aegon feels like a murderer. He wants to say something, to apologize, to comfort you, but he can't. He's too taken aback to do a single thing.

He turns into stone when you take his hand. You step forward and place his palm on your chest. Your heart is slow as you speak, "you won't have to worry about anything anymore, Aegon. Today is the end of our shared torment."

Aegon's stomach drops when you kiss him.

His eyes are glassy. You pull away before you can kiss him back. He wants to hold you, but the sadness in your eyes reminds him he is undeserving. You kiss his wrist, "goodbye, my love. I love you."

His heart thumps as you walk away.

Aegon is manic. He basks in the mess he's made and feels crushed by it all.

He finally acts after wasting so much time feeling sorry for himself. You were long out of his sight by the time he started running. This is why he headed to the dragonpit and got on Sunfyre.

"WAIT!" he screams, just as your boat leaves the dock.

Aegon watches as you run to the edge of the boat. He lands Sunfyre and runs as far to the edge of the docks as he could.

"Aegon-"

"Take me with you!" he pleads, "let me be the one to take you to where you must go!"

You look back. The ship stops. The crew brings down a boat and on it, you are rowed back to the dock.

He crushes you in his arms once he reaches you.

"Aegon," you mutter.

"Forgive me," he shudders, "I... I wish you let me do this for you."

"Aegon," your voice croaks. You push him away, "go home."

His heart drops. He breaks away to look at you. Your words feel like a stab at his thorax. It was presumptuous of him to assume you'd want him back, but it doesn't kill him inside any less.

"I've come to realize this is a trip I must go on myself," you mutter.

He shakes his head, "no. Please." He motions an arm out to his mount, "one wish. That I grant you one wish before you throw me away forever is... is--"

Your throat constricts at his words. Tears rush down your eyes, "I'm not throwing you away--"

"Please," he squeezes both your hands in his, "please, let me do this for you."

The flight to the Grey Cliffs is quiet, save for the whoosh of winds and the roars of the golden dragon you both rode. You always imagined it would be freeing, but only now did you know how it freeing it truly felt to fly. You knew now you'd forever chase the euphoric crush of air against your skin.

Aegon, who sat behind you, looks at your form as you outstretch your arms and close your eyes. Your body presses against him, and in this moment, he is unable to hold back from wrapping an arm around you and sparing a kiss on your shoulder. You are snapped out of your trance because of this.

The Grey Cliffs are dark and gloomy when you get there. Aegon realizes when you land that it got its name from the weather conditions.

He helps you down and surveys the area, trying to make out which part of this drear land was so special to you that you wished to go here.

You catch his expression and squeeze his hand.

Aegon turns to you.

You give a solemn look, "the view is better on the edge."

Aegon strokes Sunfyre's cheek, commanding him to stay before you lead him by the hand to the edge of the cliff. Once you get there, he feels queasy looking down at the crashing waves far beneath him. In contrast, you seem comforted by the view. His brows furrow at the deep breath you give out.

When you look at him, his stomach feels it, the comfort you felt upon witnessing the violent waves. Whatever it was that compelled you to this place was the same force that compelled him to kiss you.

He reaches out for your cheek, his other hand coming to you back. He pulls you close. His heart twinges when you stop him from kissing you.

"Aegon-"

"Forgive me," he cuts, "I beg."

You gawk at him. He brushes your hair which was wildly flinging with the breeze.

"You must know by now that I am craven. I lack the spine and the wit to be of any use to you."

Your eyes water. Your lips quiver.

"I would be a hopeless father, worse than my own, no doubt."

"Aegon," you babble as sobs overtake you.

Aegon, himself, succumbs to tears. He wipes the ones streaming down your face before taking a breath, "but you made me feel a love I do not deserve."

You swallow a heavy lump in your throat.

"I love you," he confesses.

"No," you pierce his heart. You shake your head in disagreement, "Aegon, this is a mistake. Bringing you here was a mistake."

"No!" he blurts louder than needed, "this was a choice," he looks down, "I choose to rip my insides out for you to devour. I am miserable, much more in the heat of your hate, but most of all without you."

His downturned eyes land on your face when you grab his wrists. You croak, "I do not hate you."

Aegon is not relieved by the admission, but he chooses to believe you mean it. He smiles softly, "good."

"But I do hate this life I live."

He clenches his jaw. Of course you do.

"You saved me," you press a hand on his cheek, taking your turn to wipe his tears, "even if for a moment."

"I made you miserable."

You chuckle. The sound makes his heart skip.

"You filled my life with purpose," you smile softly, "even when you did not mean to."

Aegon knits his brows deeply and takes your hands. He brings them to his lips and kisses them.

"But accidents happen. You must remember that accidents happen all the time."

Aegon shakes his head, "this is not an accident. Believe me when I say I chose to do this, I- ... I choose to love you."

You sob and turn to your feet.

"Please... believe me."

You sniffle and nod, slowly looking up at him, "I believe you."

You lunge into his arms and seal him into a tight hug. He hugs you back like it's his only way of surviving.

A crack of thunder startles Sunfyre. He becomes restless and steals away Aegon's attention, panicked that he might flee and leave them here.

He pulls away and takes a step towards her. He holds your hand, urging you to follow, "we should go before it rains."

You hug him from behind and press your face into his back, "thank you for taking me on Sunfyre."

"It was a long time coming."

"I've always wondered what it would be like to fly. And now that I know how peaceful it is, I'm ready to fly one last time."

He turns to you as you slowly come to his side. You hold his hand. He looks at you as you turn to Sunfyre. He promises, "I will take you on dragonback as many times as you wish."

You smile, but your eyes are fixed on his dragon. You release his hand and wrap your arms around yourself, "he is beautiful. You must never tire looking at him."

Aegon gazes upon Sunfyre. He takes in his golden scales and has newfound appreciation.

You take a step back.

"He is. To be honest, it's been long since I, myself, took him out of the pit. He must enjoy this day as much as you do."

"Aegon, you must understand that what I have to say has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me."

Aegon turns to you. He watches you tighten your arms around yourself. You must be cold. He rubs your shoulders.

You shake your head and turn him back to his dragon, "look at Sunfyre."

He knits his brows, "I'm looking."

"For so long," you release him, "I've wanted to fly free, to find my peace here in the cliffs. This was before I even met you." You point at the golden dragon, "I choose to love you too, but accidents happen, like if Sunfyre were to fly away, and you were to be left here alone."

Aegon stares at his ride for a moment as you lower your hand. He tries to makes sense of your words, but he cannot for the life of him understand.

He sighs, "what accident? Why do you keep-"

Aegon is flooded by confusion when he turns and finds you nowhere behind him. A split second later, he lets a horrified scream and the fear that claws into him makes his knees buckle. He crumbles to the ground and crawls to the edge of the cliff. He screams so loud that Sunfyre roars back and comes towards him.

Aegon watches as the red seafoam bubbles at the foot of the cliff. He watches as the crimson waves slowly slosh back into its original tint.

Rain begins to pour, and his tears taste no longer salty.

Was this the flying you ached for? Was this the relief you sought?

When he returns to King's Landing, dripping wet, he breaks down in front of his mother, weeping as he clutched his skirts.

Queen Alicent is obviously disturbed. She instructs her servants to get his son a change of clothes and some towels. She looks down at him, "what's happened? What's wrong, Aegon?"

"An accident-" he barely manages to say, "there's been an accident."

"An accident?!"

Aegon's mind goes blank. A bitter taste

You don't know what you have until it's gone.

#aegon fanfic #aegon targaryen fanfic #aegon targaryen #aegon smut #aegon angst #aegon targaryen angst #house of the dragon angst #house of the dragon fanfic #house of the dragon #aegon x reader #aegon x you #aegon ii targaryen #aegon ii targaryen fanfic #aegon targaryen x you #aegon targaryen x reader #aegon ii targaryen x reader #aegon ii targaryen x you #aegon ii fanfic

[pinksturniolo]

Biggest Fan: Part Three

Chris Sturniolo x Fem Reader

Summary: The one in which a fan gets rear ended in a car accident by none other than Christopher Sturniolo during her stay in Los Angeles.

A/N: This is my first series I will be publishing on here! There will most likely be 3 or 4 parts. I hope you like it and I’m really excited to share with you all. :)

Content Warnings: smut, oral receiving/giving, fingering, raw penetration, swearing, throat fucking, bondage (if you are not comfortable with that please don’t read), mentions of a head injuries, mentions of a car accident

word count: 4,423

side note: sorry for the long wait!! it was a crazy day lol but here it is <3

inspired by this song:

You ended up needing three stitches.

Apparently, you had underestimated the cut on your forehead and if it wasn’t for Isabel, you would’ve just left it with the bandage Chris had put on for you. After you left the triplets house, she insisted that you go to an urgent care and get it checked out. You explained the details of the whole night to her, starting from when you left your hotel room to get Wendy’s up until the moment Matt knocked on Chris’ door.

“Holy shit. Our first night in L.A. and you manage to get in a car accident with Chris Sturniolo which ends up in him eating you out? What kind of black magic have you been doing?” Isabel jokes as you look out the car window, avoiding eye contact with her. You were on the way back to your hotel after leaving the urgent care. You groan, covering your face with your hands in embarrassment.  “Let’s never talk about this again, please.” You reply.

At the same time, your phone rings, Chris’ name flashing across the screen. Your heart immediately jumps, and you look at Isabel in fear, showing her the name.

“Oh my god. Answer it!” She says, her eyes wide, glancing at you and to the road, trying to focus on driving.

“Fuck no! I cannot talk to him right now… How did he even get my number?” You wonder aloud. The call goes to voicemail and almost immediately after, you receive 2 text messages from him.

Hey. I got your number from Matt. Just wanted to make sure you’re good.

He called the tow place so they could get your tire fixed and take it to your hotel. Lmk when they drop it off.

You read the messages but don’t reply, putting your phone back down and leaning back in your seat. Exhaustion was beginning to set in. You hadn’t slept in almost 24 hours. “Why didn’t you answer?” Isabel asks.

“It’s not that I don’t want to talk to him… I just feel utterly mortified from what happened. It was an amazing night, don’t get me wrong. He’s cool as fuck. I guess I’m just being insecure, but I feel embarrassed about it. It’s not like me to do one-night stands. What if he just regrets it?” You tell her, really starting to question everything that happened last night.

 “Y/N. Stop. You seriously need to get out of your head and give yourself some credit. He’s obviously interested in you if he’s calling and texting you. You’re hot okay. Any guy would want you.” She says, making you smile.

“Besides, we came to L.A. for a reason, right? To let loose and have fun. This is best case scenario Y/N, might as well make the most of it.” She adds, turning into the hotel parking lot.

Isabel was one your best friends, one of the reasons being she always gave the best advice and knew what you needed to hear while not sugar coating anything. You had always appreciated her for that. She parks and you both unbuckle your seatbelts, grabbing your things and getting out of the car. “You know what, you’re right. I need to stop overthinking things so much.” You say as you walk into the hotel lobby, getting into the elevator. She smiles at you and gives you a hug. “Exactly.” She replies. You both head to your rooms and once you hit the bed, you knock out, unable to keep your eyes open for one more second.

When you finally wake up, it’s 6 p.m., the sun starting to set outside. You had slept the whole day. You yawn and stretch, getting out of your bed and heading to the shower so you could wake up.

You still have Chris’ clothes on and can smell the scent of his cologne lingering as you take them off. You remember that your wet clothes are still in a pile on his bathroom floor, silently cursing to yourself for forgetting them there. Now you had a reason to see him again.

You decide to go wash his clothes at the hotel laundry mat once you finish in the shower. You still haven’t called or texted him back, a feeling of guilt washing over you. You know that you should, but you just can’t bring yourself to do it yet. What were you so afraid of?

You were afraid of how good it felt being with him. The connection you felt scared you and you hadn’t even gone all the way with him. But you couldn’t get him out of your head. Last night played over and over in your head like a broken record.

The way he made you laugh. The lustful look in his eyes. The feeling of his hands gripping your waist. The way his lips felt on your neck. The feeling of his hair tickling the insides of your thighs as he licked and sucked and fingered you until you were whimpering his name. The way his voice sounded…

“Anything to get you in bed next to me, princess.”

“You look so pretty like this.”

“Cum for me sweetheart.”

His words played repeatedly in your head as you lay in your bed, a movie playing on the tv, but you couldn’t pay attention. All you could think about was him. You burned a hole into your phone as you stared at it.

Stop being a pussy. Just call him. You think, picking up your phone and dialing his number.

Your heart races as it rings, and you almost change your mind and hang up at the last minute when he finally picks up. “Y/N?” He says. “Hey.” You respond, the cheesiest grin appearing on your face the minute you hear him say your name.

“I was starting to think you ghosted me.”

“Well, I actually was until I remembered you still have my clothes and I have yours.”

“Funny joke. I washed your clothes earlier, you can come get them anytime. Unless you want me to bring them to you?”

“Uh… I’ll let you know. Me and my friends planned a hiking trip for tomorrow.”

“…. Okay. No worries. Hey, did you get your car back?”

“Yes, I did. Thank you so much for that, and please tell Nick and Matt thank you for me as well.”

“Of course. How’s the cut?”

“I actually ended up going to urgent care and getting three stitches. But they were pretty small, it was no big deal.”

“Damn. I’m sorry, Y/N. I knew we should’ve called the ambulance.”

“Chris, it’s okay, I promise. How’s the Kia? I was too in shock to even ask last night.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. The bumper is a little messed up and one of the lights broke but I think your car ended up taking most of the damage… Sorry again.”

“Well at least it’s not worse. You do owe me a frosty though.”

“Hm, I would argue a McFlurry makes up for it way better.”

You and Chris end up talking and laughing almost the whole night about anything and everything. Everything except the things that occurred in his bed. You’re too hesitant to bring it up and he seems to take the hint, not mentioning it either.

The next day, you and your friends take a trip up to Big Bear, hiking for most of the day. You enjoy the views and spending time with them. You still can’t help but realize that you’re not a hundred percent in the moment, counting the minutes until you could get back to the city and talk to Chris again.

Chris’ mind hadn’t stopped racing since the morning you left his house. His heart ached as he watched your friend drive off with you in the passenger seat, feeling like a love drunk fool.

He immediately asked Matt for your number from when you had exchanged information after the accident, a knowing look in his eye when he gave it to him. “Gonna ask her on a date or what?” Matt teased him, which he ignored completely.

“Don’t pretend like I didn’t hear some interesting noises coming from your room last night!” He shouts as Chris runs downstairs to be alone in his room.

His heart sank when you didn’t answer his call and he chalked it up to the fact that you were probably just tired and needed sleep. Which he desperately needed as well but he couldn’t help and wait for you to text or call him back as he made himself busy, cleaning up his room and washing your clothes when he found them still lying on his bathroom floor.

After a couple hours passed though, he lost hope of getting your phone call and finally laid down, deciding he should get some rest. He tossed and turned for a while though, unable to get the memory of last night out of his head.

The look in your eyes when you told him to touch you. The way your lips felt on his, your hands in his hair. The sweet sounds you made as he tasted you. The way you clenched around his fingers as he made you orgasm, the way his name sounded as you screamed it.

Fuck. He was down bad and he knew it.

There was an infectious energy between you two and he craved more of it. He finally fell asleep thinking of you and when he woke up, the sun was setting.

Matt and Nick forced him to come out of his room and eat something. He talked with them for a while, avoiding mentioning you. He took a shower and was about to turn on a TV show to try and get his mind off you when you called. He couldn’t help the goofy smile that plastered his face as he answered, grateful to hear your voice again.

Hours later that night, when you and him had finally hung up, he already knew. It had only been a day, but he just knew he wanted more time with you, to take care of you in all the ways you deserved. When you told him you would be on a hiking trip the next day and wouldn’t have service to text him, he couldn’t ignore the way it made his heart sink.

He was falling for you, head over heels.

As soon as you got back to your hotel, you were exhausted and your feet ached. You took a shower and lay down, sending Chris a quick text message.

Hey :) Just got home, I think my feet might fall off lol. It was great though, I’ll send you pictures in the morning. Sorry I can’t talk tonight but call me when you wake up!

The next few days passed incredibly fast. Chris had to go to Boston unfortunately, but he told you he would be back the day before you left to go back home.

You and your friends spent time at the beach, walked the Hollywood Walk of Fame, danced at the club, and did all the things you had came to do. It truly was the best vacation you had been on.

You and Chris texted nonstop and stayed up talking on the phone when you could. He was one of the sweetest people you had met, and the more you got to know him, the more you wanted nothing but to spend every second with him. How could your feelings grow so strong in such a short time?

The night Chris came back home, you were in your hotel room, most of your belongings packed and ready to go. You were in your nicest set of silk pajamas, brushing your hair for the hundredth time as you waited for him to arrive.

You both agreed that he would come over with the clothes you left at his house, and you could give him his. But you both knew it was more than that. There was unfinished business, and as eager as you were to finish it, you were still a bit nervous.

Chris arrived a few minutes earlier then he said he would, a soft knock sounding at your door that summoned those damn butterflies again.

You took a deep breath, opening the door to reveal him there, cheeky smile as always, both of his arms resting on the door frame above him. He was wearing jeans and one of his fresh love t-shirts. Does this man ever not look good?

“Fancy seeing you here.” He says as you step aside, allowing him to walk in. You laugh, going over to grab his clothes for him.

He sets a bag with yours in it on the table in your room. As you go to hand the clothes to him, he doesn’t take them right away.

You hold it out awkwardly, an expectant look on your face as he raises his eyebrows at you. “Are you not gonna take them?” You ask, lowering your arms down.

“Is that it then?” He responds, giving you a look that has your heart starting to beat faster. “What do you mean?” You say, dragging it out longer. You couldn’t just jump his bones the minute he walked in, could you?

“Don’t play stupid with me, Y/N.” He speaks lowly, making your heart feel like it’s doing flips inside your chest. He pushes the clothes in your arms down to the floor and moves closer to you, now inches from your face.

“Do you know how crazy you drive me? I haven’t stopped thinking about you since you left.” He says quietly. You feel his breath across your lips as he moves even closer, smirking at the obvious effect he has on you, as a deep blush fans across your face. He places his hands on either side of your face, his thumbs stroking softly. “You have no idea of all the things I wanna do to you…” he breaths, his lips brushing yours. “Then show me.” You whisper.

He wastes no time placing his lips on yours as you kiss him back, your mouth opening to allow his tongue to tangle with yours as your arms go up to wrap around his neck. He moves his hands down to your hips as they slip under your thin shirt, the feeling of his hands on your bare skin giving you tingles down your spine. He slips his hands to your ass, squeezing tightly, making you moan in his mouth. “Jump.” He instructs and as you do, he picks you up, your legs wrapping around his waist.

He walks towards your bed, your lips still joined in a sloppy kiss, setting you down on it and hovering on top of you.  You can’t control the moans that slip from your mouth as he leaves spongy, wet kisses down your neck and chest, removing your shirt and his in the process, and you allow your body to respond to his commands, and to his satisfaction he discovers you don’t have a bra on so he can leave more love bites on your breasts.

He takes his time sucking on them and rolling his tongue slowly over each of your nipples. You wrap your legs around his waist, feeling how hard he is, and you can’t help but buck your hips up into his, causing him to moan out, his mouth travelling back up to your neck which seems to be his favorite spot to kiss you.

He notices the hickeys he left on you the first night you spent together and smirks at you as he pulls his head up, whispering in your ear. “Do you like seeing my marks on you? Does it make you wet knowing that you’re all mine baby?” Fuck. This man will be the death of you.

“Yes, Chris.” You breath out, again bucking your hips up onto his rock hard dick currently straining through his jeans. He hums in satisfaction, grabbing your wrists in one hand and holding them above your head. “If you keep doing that, I’m not gonna last.” He warns, his fucked-out expression as he looks at you, making your already wet center soaking.

Of course, this makes you grind on him again, the feeling of it too good to stop. He grips your wrists tighter in his hand, undoing his belt and taking it off his jeans. He then wraps it around your wrists, belting them together tight enough to where you can’t move them but not too tight to where it’s uncomfortable for you.

“Is this okay?” he asks, pausing to look into your eyes, searching for any hesitation. “Yes.” You respond, your heart racing and pussy throbbing so much it almost hurts. “Promise? Just tell me to stop if you need me to.” He says, sliding your silk shorts down your legs, discarding them on the floor.

“Yes, I promise.” You say back, anticipating his next move. He bites his lips, his eyes taking in your naked body, your lace panties the only thing left. “So beautiful, princess. Just for me.” he whispers as if he’s saying it to himself, but you hear him and you think you just might pass out from how sweet it sounds.

He pulls you slightly down the bed, your hips on the edge as he leans down, knees hitting the floor, his head now level between your legs.

His blue eyes burn into yours as he wraps your thighs around his face and wastes no time pulling your panties aside to let his tongue slick through your wet folds, up and down, side to side on your clit and then back down to tease your entrance. You cry out loudly, throwing your head back and squeeze your thighs around his head relentlessly which only makes him hold you in place even tighter, ensuring you’ll have more bruises in the morning.

The position he has you in and the constriction of his belt around your wrists is enough to send you over the edge. The feeling is indescribable, and your whole body is ablaze with euphoria.

It doesn’t take long until you feel yourself close to an orgasm as he moans dirty words against you. “Fuck baby, I missed you. I touched myself so many times remembering how good you taste.” His voice sends deep vibrations through you. “Are you gonna cum for me princess? I want you to cum all over my tongue.”

He then grabs your hips, guiding them to thrust against his face as you ride his tongue. “Oh my God, yes Chris!” You scream, letting him use your body to get off on him.  You cum hard, your body shaking as you continue to moan his name. He helps you ride it out, his hands gently rubbing your legs and thighs and he gets up to take the belt off, rubbing your wrists as well.

He kisses you softly as you catch your breath. You feel fueled by lust, the need to make him moan your name strong when you look him in the eyes, an idea popping into your head. “I want you fuck my throat.” You say, the surprise in his face makes you laugh but you’re serious as you sit up to unbutton his jeans and pull them down his legs.

“Yeah?” He responds, a playful fire in his eyes. “Mhm.” You hum, biting your lip and the innocent look in your eyes almost makes him lose it then and there. He stands up at the edge of the bed and you turn your body the opposite way, laying down flat so now your head hangs off the edge.  

“Tap my thigh if you need me to stop, okay?” He says, his breathing heavy as he pulls his dick out of his boxers and from the view you currently have, it looks huge, veins running along his shaft and precum oozing out of the tip. He brings it to your mouth, and you open to wrap your lips around it, your tongue swirling around him teasingly. “Fuck…” He whimpers lowly, trying to contain himself as he slides it further slowly, your saliva coating him.

 Your cheeks hollow around him and he pauses halfway, letting you adjust to him. He waits a few seconds before going deeper, brushing the back of your throat, making you slightly gag. He moans loudly at the feeling, which makes you hum around him. You are enjoying every minute of this.

He starts to slowly thrust himself down your throat, careful to pause every now and then when he feels you gag. But you quickly get used to it and reach up to grab his hand, motioning for him to continue. He picks up the pace, loud moans now leaving his mouth which only makes you wetter. “Fuuuuckk… Y/N. Feels so good.” He breathes out. He wants to cum down your throat so badly but at this point he needs to feel himself inside you more than he’s ever needed anything.

He pulls out and helps you back into an upright position on the bed, laying you down against the pillows. “Please tell me you’re on the pill.” He says, pulling your panties off and discarding them somewhere along with the pile of clothes forming on the floor. “Yes.” You respond, grateful you were because you wanted nothing more than to feel his bare skin against yours.

He takes your legs, spreading you open for him again and rubs his cock against your entrance teasingly. “Please, Chris. I need you.” You whimper, gripping his arms and wrapping your legs around his lower back. “No need to beg, sweetheart. You got me.” He responds as he pushes himself inside you.

You both moan in ecstasy at the feeling, your eyes rolling back as he continues to sink himself all the way into you. “God, Chris…” You say, a slight burning as you adjust to his size.

He groans loudy, thrusting into you slowly, the sight of your blissful expression and the way your tits bounce with each movement almost sending him over the edge. You meet his hips with yours each time, uncontrollable moans pouring out of you. “I love making you sound like this baby. Tell me only I can make you feel this good, Y/N.” He says, his breath shaky but his grip on your legs strong.

“Yes, Chris. Only you can do this to me. Feels so- ah- so gooood.” You respond, at this point ready to do anything he says. The feeling of him inside you is like no other. He moves harder and faster, hitting your g spot with each thrust.

You clench around him and he feels your wetness drip down his cock. The pleasure you give him is unmatched but the way he feels being close to you like this, your bodies becoming one has him in a state of bliss. He knows you’re close and wraps you tighter around him, his face falling to yours, one hand pressing into the mattress, the other hand pressing down slightly on your abdomen.

You cry out at the sensation, wrapping your arms around his neck and tugging his hair.

“Can you cum again for me baby? Please… I wanna fill you up while you scream my name.” He says, his hips slamming into you, pounding you over and over again. “Please baby. Please cum for me.” The needy sound in his voice and the pace of his thrusting brings you to your second orgasm, clenching around his cock and releasing all over him.

Your whimpers are swallowed by him as he kisses you, his orgasm shortly coming after yours, spilling himself inside you. You both gasp for air, completely spent, and he stays there for a few minutes, holding you as you both catch your breath.

Once you both have settled down, he grabs a damp towel and cleans you up. You lay together, Chris rubbing circles on your back as you hold him. “Goodnight, princess.” He whispers and you both drift off to a peaceful sleep.

The next morning you and Chris spend exploring each other’s bodies in every possible way in the time you have left before you have to check out of the hotel.

Under the sheets, he covers every inch of your body in kisses. In the shower, he fucks you up against the glass, pulling your wet hair from behind you. On the couch, you ride him until your legs shake, while he whimpers in your ear.

When it came time for you to leave, you tried not to cry but it was bittersweet. You and Chris had shared something special, and you both agreed there was more between you two then just amazing sex.

He made you promise to call and text him anytime you could, and the good thing was, your hometown was on the East Coast which would make it easier for you guys to meet up when he visited Boston.

And you kept your promises while he kept his, each time you got to see each other was better than the last. You couldn’t get enough of each other, and he made you feel so comfortable in your own skin. You silently thanked the universe for putting the events of that night of the accident into motion because if you hadn’t met Chris, life wouldn’t be the same.

chris & y/n:

a/n: and there it is!!! my first series completed :) pleaseeee let me know what yall thought! matt series next???

#chris sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets #biggest fan

[chaifootsteps]

College anon dropping in to say that the dubs aren't very good. Some, like the french one, sound like the text went through google translate (and the dubbing in general is terrible despite France having a good rep in the industry). The Italian version of Poison is low-key good tho

As for my reaction to Poison, imagine that gif of the happy yellow emoji looking traumatized/dead inside. I stared at the screen wondering what led me to watching this and how ANYONE would think this was a good scene. Vivziepop claiming that the leaks don't represent the full scene was right for once... It was so much worse. I could think of a more tasteful way to picture it in 5 seconds, it isn't that hard. She could have even kept most of the scene, just remove the graphic stuff to keep the suggestive dancing (a smart idea that should have remained subtle) and maybe keep the Val part à la Addict to show that, yeah, on top of "working" all night (because the graphic scenes made it obvious he stopped "enjoying" work early during the night), Val SA'd him and that shows the entirety of the hell he's going through. It explains why he breaks down and lashes out. Viv didn't need to keep most of the SA, the entire thing was implied.

Also episode 4 comes out of left field. Yes, it was foreshadowed since the beginning but why is Angel suddenly returning his calls? We SAW him ignore Val. He clearly HATES him. Since when is Husk calling him out and badgering him about being "fake"?? They've known each other for a WEEK. It's way too early for that. It's like we're missing 3-4 episodes of development in-between. Angel reconnecting with Val and showing hints that this is indeed a facade, Husk knowing a lot about everyone and giving a damn... This should be a mid-end of season arc for Angel. I'd personally make it end of season 1 so that he can show change during season 2, beginning as someone new, someone who slowly tries to show he cares and let down his bravado in small amounts, with clear hints of being a little scared of the reactions, until it naturally becomes his full-time persona. Maybe have Charlie notice at some point and subtly encourage him, DELIGHTED (in caps because that girl is extra) that Angel is getting better but having to keep her excitement in in fear of scaring him off (because Charlie should have SOME sort of emotional intelligence ffs).

Loser, Baby feels out of place. This is NOT the appropriate reaction to Angel's words. Did they rewrite the dialogue but not the song?? Here's how it sounds:

Angel: I feel like I've gotta be Val's perfect whore all the time so I'm trying to break myself enough he will be alone—

Husk: Well, it's okay to be a loser, baby! Look at me, I'm a failure too. You ain't special and it's okay!

....So Angel is a loser/failure/broken but Val is still into him??? Did they realize that this should send him the wrong message?! That Val will "love" him no matter what and that Angel cannot be free, that he's been making himself miserable for NOTHING?? First of all, Husk's greediness and addictions are NOTHING like Angel's situation. He signed with his real name. That alone implies that Val snatched him early on as he arrived. On top of that, he's being abused every way possible on the regular, for no fault of his own, and is self-destructing. He cannot kill himself and Val won't let him be killed. This is NOTHING like Husk losing a game for more power and being forced to be a bartender.

Here's how it should have gone for the song to work:

Angel: So?! The real me is a good for nothing loser who died in a ditch from some shitty coke! THIS is the famous, hotter than Hell pornstar that everyone wanna fuck! And I've— I've gotta be the part. 'Cause if I'm not... If I ain't then who am I?

Angel's fear should have been about being seen as who he was, as some loser that nobody loved. Let him feel like he beat his father, that now he's someone so suck it dad! You were wrong! Let Angel behave as if his life was a porn movie because that's all he knows now and what he thinks he should be like. Instead of trying to ruin himself so that Val discards him, have him try to be perfect... Because that'll stop the abuse, right? Val is happy when he acts like that. The perverts worship him. No one cares about Anthony.

That would make Loser, Baby work. It would achieve its goal of saying "it's okay to suck, we all do! Look at me, I'm a loser but my life isn't over!" and get Angel to accept that he's enough as he is. If you add in a few episodes beforehand to set it up, it could have worked better instead of being insensitive.

Personally I would have entirely changed the Angel/Val dynamic. Val can still be a whiny bitch but not in a drama queen way as is implied. He gets like that whenever he loses control of his favorite. Have one of the Vees groan and say something about Angel having done something as if it happened often. Make them used to Val throwing a fit because he didn't get what he wanted out of Angel or because he's having a jealousy fit. It already makes Val more controlling. It'll make the messages scene hit harder as, yeah, we can see why Angel left, the dude is unstable and obsessed. I'd be a little more fucked-up and have Angel kinda love him. Ofc in the Stockholm Syndrome way, he's been abused so much he's too attached to leave. That shift in dynamic would explain why he eventually goes back despite everything. Like in the show, he feels ignored in favor of the new resident and the way he's dismissed and talked about makes him feel like shit. He checks his phone again and ends up listening to Val's new voice messages... And this time, they're sickeningly sweet in a row. He's sorry, he's begging for him to come back. He loves him. And that's enough for Angel to go out or answer him. Put a few episodes in-between where Angel seems... Off? How weird, he's jumpy, more on his phone. He's out for parts of the episodes or clearly focused on something else. Then we get episode 4, where everyone culminates to show how bad the situation is for him. I'd personally not have Val hit him. He's smart enough to not leave bruises on his top whore. However, he's manipulative and threatening. There's no doubt that he COULD hit Angel whenever, especially with the way he cowers. Angel tries to diffuse the situation, so well that it's heartbreaking, and he gets bold. That line when he doesn't reply "Yes Val" is meant with silence as we wait for Val's reaction, waiting for him to blow up. A beat. He doesn't. He's not calm but he's not as angry. He's not going to hit him. He thanks Angel, touching him while the other flinches, a hint that he handles Angel roughly in this kind of situation, and just as Angel looks relieved, he announces that he'll have to work all night, distressing Angel again.

Ofc that would require extensive research and talk to specialists to do it well. Viv's audience can be stupid so it's more of a struggle to make it clear that none of this is Angel's fault and to not romantize this shit but it's more interesting than Val being so obviously abusive. IMHO he almost transformed into someone else in that episode and it could work but we didn't see enough of him to go "oh that's the old abuser trick! he's not as nice as he is with others when he's with his victim!". Idk how to put it sensibly but the impression he gave me was "whiny manchild who sadly was given enough power by Daddy Vox to abuse someone" instead of the intended "terrifying Overlord who is unstable and abusing his power to abuse whichever worker he fancies at the moment". I dunno Chai I just think it would work better if he were more manipulative and welding his power in other ways than by force. Like Angel isn't scared by his strength but by his influence. Also I would low-key find a way to make it so that Angel, mistakenly, thinks he can get away with some things to explain how he'd leave for the Hotel. Like having him not be a perfect victim. While he tries to cater to Val and keep him happy out of fear (and/or care because abuse fucks you up), he sometimes provokes him or tries to do his own thing. It'd show he's his own person and stuff. Sadly that would be lost on Viv's stans and it would absolutely spark some victim-shaming stuff or worse. But I think if she's gonna try to portray something like this, she could do with some nuance and not so... Cliché? Of course, it happens like this to too many people but it feels like she's applying a trope with no thought into it. The most cookie-cutter depiction she could do for quick satisfaction or to tick that case. A bit like how Stolitz is a mix of multiple tropes and is a terribly done version of that trope where a noble falls in love with someone whose class is lower with a sprinkle of badly done transactional relationship that sparks feelings. Thinking of HB, HH has better representation of abuse but not by much. I feel like if Stella was a man, she'd have written it this way? It felt like fetish fuel hiding underneath the surface whereas Stella was lazy writing.

I dunno man, I wanted to rant about Charlie and her design but episode 4 hit me like a wall of bricks

Thank you for all of this, College Anon. This was a great read, and you're right, the Italian version of Poison goes so much harder than the English.

Also Italian Val's voice is...yeah, 10/10 stars on that one. Mama mia.

#Anonymous #viv stuff #actual blog post #hazbin hotel critical #video reply

[laenordeservedbetter]

If Only You Knew — Rhaenyra Targaryen x Fem!Reader

Summary: You demand an answer to why the princess has been meddling in your affairs.

Words: 1.2k

Pairing: Rhaenyra Targaryen x Fem!Reader

Warning: Internalized homophobia (it gets resolved quickly), fighting, language

For those who aren't aware, the word "queer" can mean "odd". I want to clarify things in case there's any confusion in the first paragraph. And as always, I made a Taylor Swift song reference here. I saw an opportunity and I took it. If any of you are wondering, yes, this is also from my other account but I'm posting it here.

not my gif. || main masterlist || previous work

—

The entirety of your stroll in the woods with a potential suitor had been to your liking up until Rhaenyra knocked him off with her horse. The Princess whom you have shared your childhood with was acting unmistakably queer nowadays. She did not have the slightest bit of decorum when she gawked at the unfortunate lord, her eyes flaring with vexation. If you look hard enough, you might be able to witness a fire burning among them. It was no secret that whoever faces the end of Rhaenyra’s wrath would not see another day without terror. You could have reasoned to yourself that Rhaenyra was just having a lamentable time if this was the first lord she drove off in your presence. No matter how much you give effort, you want to express to Rhaenyra that she has taken this too far for it was not the first, second, or fifth time she destroyed your meetings. It was the nth.

Rhaenyra prided herself in her scrupulous attention to detail, confirming that she knows where and when you would be if you are not by her side. “I thought you could use some saving so I asked around.” She says as if what she did was no big deal.

You storm off angrily, no remark spewing out of your mouth even if there are a million things you could say to the princess right about now.

Why is she being so infuriating? Can’t she see that if I don’t find a lord to marry me sooner than late, my family’s reputation would be ruined?! I am not like her! She knows I am not a princess and that I am disposable yet here she is again, coming in my territory and demolishing my chances of getting a husband!

“Lady Y/n, wait! Y/n, where are you going?!” Rhaenyra tugs at the reins of her horse, urging the animal to go faster in order to reach you in time. You look back, seeing that she is close. Regardless of Rhaenyra having the upper hand, you will yourself to pick up the pace, now absorbed in running. “You’ll get injured! Please slow down!”

“Go fuck yourself!” You force yourself into a halt as Rhaenyra blocks your path. Her catching up to you was bound to happen due to her having a horse, though that does not mean you were happy with the outcome.

Rhaenyra gasps, her face and neck shining with sweat. She holds a hand next to her heart, out of breath from speedily winning the makeshift race that you launched. If only you knew how much you mean to her, maybe you’d see her motives in a different light. Once Rhaenyra gets off the horse, she walks over to explain.

However, you steal that chance from her by beginning to get your thoughts off of your chest. “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, RHAENYRA?! DO YOU HAVE THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE RUINING MINE? I… I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? DID YOU DECIDE ‘HEY, I’M GOING TO SCARE OFF Y/N’S SUITORS’ ON A WHIM? THAT LORD WAS MY LAST CHANCE. NOW, ALL THANKS TO YOU, NO ONE WILL WANT ME!” Your chest tightens as your eyes fill with unshed tears. If only Rhaenyra knows why she cannot have you to herself all the time…

The Princess bites the insides of her cheek, struggling to locate the right words to offer you. “I… I didn’t know you disapproved.”

Because you have already released what you needed to let out, you instantly feel obligated to hear Rhaenyra’s side. You walk until her face has the littlest distance from yours as possible. You would make sure she knows that – “Rhaenyra Targaryen, you are my best friend. But in spite of that, there are days when you cause me a large sum of misery. Tell me what is causing you such distress and I’ll fix it so that you can go on your merry way and I can do my job as a lady.” You stated miserably, feeling defeated. You didn’t want to ruin your friendship over this mistake. Deep down, you cherish Rhaenyra above the laws of gods and men. Except you think it is wrong to feel this way. The Septas in the keep surely think so. What you feel for her is more than friendship. Someday, those feelings might get you killed if that information gets into the wrong hands.

“Do you really want to know?” Rhaenyra blinks, her amethyst eyes swimming with tears. When she bares her soul to you, Rhaenyra thinks you will not feel the same. No matter, she mutters inside her head that is drowning in a sea filled with thoughts of her own making. If this will be the last time I can hold her close to me, I will not let my chance slip away like a moment in time because she was never mine to start off with.

You shake your head, getting prepared for heartbreak.

“I love you.”

The words ring in your ears like the chants of the men during tourneys. She cannot mean… There’s a lump in your throat that is acting as a barrier for your response, feeling like it’s all dried up. You laugh it off. Rhaenyra always jested in major circumstances.

“If you think I am jesting, then you are wrong. I am telling the truth, Y/n/n.” Rhaenyra admits, “When I see you with those suitors, it feels like my heart is not mine own and I have the urge to scare them off because I should be the one doing those grand gestures. Not them. You are my best friend. You don’t know what I’d do if someone unworthy of your love came to take you away. You don’t know what I’d do for you. Despise me all you want but that would not relinquish my desire of protecting you from them. What I feel… It’s real. I know it is,”

“Fuck the Septas, fuck the Kingdom, and fuck whoever decided that a woman’s only duty is to get married and produce heirs. We can live our lives together wherever you want. Say the word and we’ll go somewhere free of our duty. . . Or. . . If you cannot look at me the same way, I’ll go. You will not see me again. I would do all those things because I love you so much it appears as if a dragon is burning me alive on the inside every occasion that I see you entertain someone else.”

You clutch Rhaenyra’s hand, “I love you too, Rhaenyra.” Nothing else matters in the world upon hearing the words you’ve wanted to listen to since you fell in love. “Let’s run away.”

Rhaenyra grins from ear to ear while you connect your lips together. Her hands circle around your waist to keep you as close as possible. You melt against her, forbidding any rational thought to cross your mind and allowing Rhaenyra to take the lead. She hasn’t been this happy for a long time.

When you pull away for air, Rhaenyra turns her head to the distance, surveying the dragonpit. “Would you mind if I bring Syrax with us?”

“No, Princess. I love that dragon as much as you do.”

“That I will not question, my lady.”

You can say that love is the death of duty.

#rhaenyra targaryen x reader #queen rhaenyra #rhaenyra targaryen #princess rhaenyra #rhaenyra x reader

[k0nanharv3y]

Since I didn't find a promising list of Fanfics with Mikey Centric, I'M MAKING MY OWN

You can leave suggestions, THEY DON'T HAVE TO BE FROM 2012 OR MIKEY, JUST THAT HE IS MY FAVORITE CHARACTER AND THE BOYS FROM 2012 WERE VERY FUCKED, but I am also open to reading from all the series and all the characters. (If you recommend LFLS I'm going to throw you out the window)

This will be constantly updated, but it's like... 3 in the morning here and I have school tomorrow

HEY SUNSHINE The darkness is safe but darkness is still darkness. Everyone needs sunshine to make the darkness feel less bleak.

Underground there was no sunshine.

Mikey decided that he would be that light no matter what it did to him

-My favorite story of all time, if you like Badass Mikey this is your story

REMEMBER YOUR MISSION 8 times Mikey drifted with someone...

...and one time he didn't need to.

-The 2012! TMNT x Pacific Rim AU It's good, it's worth it a thousand times, but it's more to pass the time and be calm from so much angst

Edit - REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT ANGST? WELL, I LIED TO YOU *starts crying on the floor*

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE MEANS (and it's killing me) "Finally, they could try and regain their lost childhood, to be a family again.

Except…

His family didn’t feel like family anymore.

-Do I... do I have to explain this? It's... I cried a thousand times when I read it, it's worth a thousand times the moon but... I'M STILL CRYING MY GOD

SPRAY PAINT, VIOLENCE AND SUPERHEROES Miles and Mikey meet up and decide to fight crime together. Absolute chaos ensues.

Turns out, bad guys don't like turtles and spiders together very much.

-I NEED TO SAY THAT I AM A SHELLSHOCKED FAN, I LOVE THEM, THEY ARE MY BABIES

FIVE MINUTES 'TIL SELF DESTRUCT Even the mightiest of ninja cannot always avoid illness. In Mikey's case, it's the one thing he's never quite been able to dodge. But when a simple cold leaves the family's youngest without a voice, misadventures quickly turn into discoveries as the family bands together. Let the sick days begin

-It's fun, it's VERY good to pass the time, I really liked the narrative and how the brothers interacted

BABY BROTHER When it comes to Mikey

Leo indulges, Raph protects and Donnie teaches

-THEY MAKE ME GO QKAJQIHDJQJANQNDKQLA I LOVE THEM THEY DESERVE THE FUCKING WORLD

TWO HALVES OF A WHOLE HEART Whenever Mikey isn't feeling to great, he'll seek out his older brother.

-I CAN'T I LOVE THEM

I CAN'T HANDLE REJECTION Michelangelo breaks the TV.

-It couldn't all be so fluff, it takes a little bit of a lot of depression to live

WHERE DO WE BEGIN? (the rubble or our sins) Mikey is hit by cuddle pollen, and he and his brothers try to deal with it. (And maybe heal some family wounds along the way.)

-You don't know it's sad until the sad thing comes

ONE MORE NIGHT (please, just for tonight) The night before his big trip, Mikey's brothers stood him up. He pretends he's not hurt about this

-You know you should cry, you didn't because you're a monster.

BE LIKE YOUR BROTHER (and never like yourself) Three times Mikey tried to be like his big brothers.

And one time they told him he didn't have to

-Ah, I could read this a thousand and one times.

WHAT NICOTINE DOES Mikey looks for a way to sleep again without nightmares. He's not doing his best

-Ah, yes, this is me promoting my own fanfic

SONG OF A SUNNY DAY (fading into dusk) The lair has been filled with nothing but the sounds of a heart monitor and quiet. It's too quiet for Mikey, so he goes on a solo run of the city. He finds a violin case on the ground and decides to take it home

-I have love for this story. It was one of the first ones I read and the reason I returned to my love of the violin. Don't look for much angst... they serve it as a main dish

SO HERE'S TO THE HEARTACHE The sequel to "You don't know what love means (and it's killing me)"

-I JUST *CRY INTENSELY*

A CALCULATED PLAN Mourning the loss of splinter, the four turtles struggle to maintain a positive relationship with each other. But when Leo finds a letter saying that Donatello will be the new leader, the divide between the brothers becomes larger.

-HAHAHAHHAHA you are going to suffer so bad

SWAY On an undercover mission to stop a villain’s scheme, one named King Pen who was hosting a party Mikey meets Miles and they have a dance. Let’s sway!

-WOAHHHH I WANT A BOYFRIEND SO HARD *cries*

EMPATHY AMPLIFIED Mikey’s always been one to shoulder his brother’s pain. What happens when the family therapist begins to experience mystic empathy? New powers plus old habits die hard.

-I just... FUCK OFF MAN I READ IT DURING THE NIGHT 'CUZ I HAD A HYPERFIXATION U NEED TO READ THIS

THE SHINOBI'S GARDEN

-Compilation of one-shots of series that I love and will leave here below

DEVIL TOOK YOUR HAND Michelangelo gets ambushed; the Shredder gets another chance to test his mind control serum (I... can't say it)

ALL THE SMALL THINGS An experiment gone wrong de-aged Donnie back into a toddler. Good thing Mikey's great with kids. (ABUBUBUBUAAAHHH I LOVE THEM SM)

RECORD-BREAKING HEAT Losing power overnight may also mean losing your pet cat, if she's made of ice cream (Yeah,... *cry*)

IF WISHES WERE FISHES Raph, Leo and Donnie are quadruplets whose baby brother died the day they were born. When Raphael brings home a new friend with wide blue eyes, a face full of freckles, and a brown belt in karate, the whole family gets a taste of what it might have been like had Michelangelo survived (I just love this story :])

WALK WITH OPEN HANDS Mikey’s head snaps up like a rubber band, so fast it hurts his neck. His father is standing in the doorway, whole and unharmed and strong. He tilts his head, taking in the probably dumb way Mikey is just standing there staring up at him (I'm pretty sure I still don't understand the ending. BUT FUCK, IT'S A WORK OF DAMN ART)

TRAVELING SO FAR TO GET THERE The sound of the apocalypse is a pop number from 1968 by The Foundations. And that’s only because Raphael’s little brother didn’t have the common courtesy to get a decent punk-rock song stuck in his head on the day they fell into this hellscape in the first place. He’s just saying, The Clash or The Offspring or even Fall Out Boy would make more sense, like, thematically. Instead he’s stuck listening to—. “WHY DO YOU BUILD ME UP! BUTTERCUP, BABY, JUST TO LET ME DOWN!". “Mikey,” he yells across the street, “I swear to GOD!” (Long description, and yes, The Foundations became my favorite artists for a week just because of this story)

PROBLEM CHILD Michelangelo has three overprotective big brothers, some questionable friends, a burgeoning need to make himself useful, and a lot of growing up to do. (MY GOSH YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS ONE)

I'VE BEEN AFRAID OF CHANGING It’s not fair. Donnie’s so smart. He’s tired and overworked and unhappy, but he’s smart. How can he get this one thing so wrong? How can he not know Mikey as well as he used to, like all of those years of being each other’s best friends and co-conspirators and secret-keepers from where they were relegated to the “B Team” aren’t as intrinsic and important and fundamental to him as they are to Mikey? How can he look at Mikey, right in the face, and not understand him at all?. Something breaks. (I hate myself for thinking the deleted scenes from 2007 were trash)

-And like these stories, she has thousands more, only these are my favorites and they have Mikey in them, but yes, it has Leo and Usagi, Raph and Casey, Donnie being... Donnie i guess

#rottmnt #rottmnt mikey #save rottmnt #mikey hamato #rottmnt michelangelo #fanfic #leo rottmnt #rottmnt donatello #tmnt #mikey tmnt #mikey deserved much more in 2012 #2012 mikey #2012 leo #2012 raph #2012 donnie #Reading recommendations

[quantumshade]

🔥favorite and least favorite doctor who episodes (if you can choose at all lol)

OUGH this is hard... can i do top five and bottom five maybe

bottom five:

let's kill h*tler. do i need to explain this one? i don't think i need to explain this one

spyfall part 2. i don't think i need to explain this one either.

girl in the fireplace. i know that's the one my pfp is from. rose is just so pretty in it. anyway. it's a poorly written episode that gets way too much praise, not to mention just how painfully ooc everyone is. you can really feel how much moffat hates rose in that one. and also it feels so gross when you think about how the real madame de pompadour was groomed from age 6 to be a king's consort and basically allowed no agency in her life whatsoever, coupled with moffat's weird obsession with "someone meets the doctor as a little kid and grows up to be obsessed with him" is so painfully... icky.

kill the moon. outside of being an awful episode with a weirdly anti abortion message, it's the episode that made SO MANY PEOPLE give up on my baby girl twelve. if you stopped watching twelve because of that episode i'm begging you on my knees to give him another shot his era is so so good other than a couple stinkers.

legend of the sea devils. i cannot even begin to express my sheer hatred for this episode. everything about it sucks so so bad and i'm beating it with hammers in my mind 24/7. it's just everything i hate about the chibnall era coalesced into one steaming pile of dogshit.

top five:

heaven sent. sorry to be basic but. heaven sent. i love it so much it's so perfect. and reading it through a classics lens makes it even better. i'm planning on doing the capstone for my degree (partly) on this episode as a modern representation of katabasis. the acting, the music, rachel talalay's directing, g-d. it's so good.

dalek. honestly every single one of nine's episodes fuck so hard and i don't dislike a single one of them. but eccleston really acted his ass off in this one and it's such a wonderful exploration of the doctor's time war trauma. it's the only episode that manages to make daleks scary. rose is amazing in it. "it's not the one pointing a gun at me" and "and what about you, doctor? what the hell are you changing into?" "oh rose. they're all dead" OUGHHHH. the ending hits so fucking hard.

mummy on the orient express. i think i'm legally obligated to put this one on my top five because i have watched it nearly a dozen times this year alone. it's such a good episode. great monster. clara and the doctor both get to be incredibly bisexual. it's the one episode of doctor who in which the phrase "sex machine" exists. what more could you possibly ask for.

the christmas invasion. it's sooooo good it's so good. it's tied with the husbands of river song as my favorite christmas special, but it's higher on my list of Overall Episodes. if that makes sense. again rose is incredible in it. david tennant makes the entrance of all time. they're so in love and so fucking stupid about it. song for ten... well i woke up today... and the world was a restless plaaaace.... it could have been that way for me........

the pilot. bill is gorgeous and perfect and wonderful. twelve being a wacky professor was the best choice anyone has ever made. it's like a crash course in doctor who but also a fun and well made episode with absolutely gorgeous music. i love it i love it i love it. murray gold put the s10 soundtrack on spotify right now.

it's so hard limiting myself to just five... i'm sure i'll think of an episode tomorrow and be like DAMN that should have been on the list... but that's okay <3

#i wanted to put turn left on the top 5 list because i truly love it #but i don't rewatch it as much as the other ones because it makes me sad </3 #doctor who #send me a 🔥 and a topic and i’ll say an unpopular opinion

[speedierthanasubmarine]

Season 2

God, I’m vacillating between feeling ambivalent and downright antagonistic about this show rn

Before I begin, lemme explain two things about me and watching shows:

A) I don’t really care about the genre or type of a show; I enjoy any kind of show as long as it can commit to being itself. my issue is when there’s some sort of dissonance (or worse, gaslighting) between what the show thinks it is and what I’m being shown on screen: if something is a comedy then let it be a comedy. Have some serious scenes but keep the overall tone comedic or it’s not a comedy anymore. If you want me to take it seriously I will, but if you then don’t take it seriously and then try and twist it around that’s when I begin to get pissed off. (My biggest gripe with episode 3 of this season) Also please just be what you are. If you decide you want to be something else that’s fine, but then commit to it. If you say you are something and act like something else but then continue to reinforce that you are the initial thing you claimed to be it makes me want to clean out my ears with a chainsaw.

2) I can vibe and enjoy anything I watch as long as you don’t break my immersion. Ik this is a pretentious statement for commentators on YouTube to shout but hear me out; I will consume media as though it’s almost a documentary or an in person experience. I will pretty much accept anything the characters or setting gives me as long as the show can make me believe it is the characters and setting giving them to me. The issue begins when I stop wondering what’s going on with characters and their inner worlds and start wondering what’s going on with the production staff; IE instead of my brain going “Oh my God what is blitzo thinking, that was ridiculous” it goes “Oh my God what was Viv thinking that was ridiculous” this will occur when the plot stops feeling like an actual sequence of events and starts feeling like something my students tell me to justify why they didn’t do their homework

I understand these are more of me issues than Viv ones but this post will partially be explaining why this season didn’t work for me on a personal level and will be why I don’t think certain aspects worked on a critical, technical, and objective level. Sorry if I ramble

To start off with positives the voice work in this show is freakin stellar. I don’t know how or why but Stolas’s voice actor has stolen the season, the random cracks and squawks making him sound even more bird like than ever. Stella actually also has that quality and it’s really neat they also found a bird woman. Two of my favorite lines are when he screams for the divorce in E1 (that squawk sounded like an actual bird, are we sure this guy is not a bird?!) and when he exclaims “FUCK” when blitz bites him, my words cannot articulate all the emotions I can hear conveyed in that single word. Alex Brightman (shocker) also absolutely slays Fizz and his delivery kept a smile on my face throughout some of the most difficult times in the show. Additionally Stolas’s dad (AKA FRIGGING JAFAR) saying “stop your bitch crying” is my new favorite thing ever

The animation was just as vibrant and awesome as ever and I want to highlight episode 3’s fight sequence with Millie because it was crisp as a crisp and the 3D shot of Moxxie threatening his dad, I remember seeing that and whistling aloud, that was a fantastic sequence and the animation was by far the best part of the episode for me.

The songs this time just didn’t hit as hard as the first for me, but this is completely subjective. my favorite one this time around was Look at this; Alex Brightman made that song genuinely delightful and I lost it when he started just saying shit in Italian, that song is so funny

Ozzie and Fizz are very cute, I enjoyed bits of them. I also love how this is so not how I’m used to hearing either of their voices, it’s rather like watching the Rock and RDJ being in a loving relationship, it’s just so random and jarring I think it loops back around to working and I enjoy that.

Viv is a fantastic technical director with amazing ideas and concepts, my issues lie with her writing, execution, and lack of professionalism.

Ive seen a lot of people say that the relationships in this season frustrated them because there doesn’t seem to be any continuity from episode to episode and each one seems to return to the status quo by the end with no impact on the overall story, except I didn’t really have an issue with this. In season 1 there was no continuity! Moxxie went through the same character arc in 3 different episodes! There was a new antagonist introduced in almost each episode; Fizz, Verosica, CHERUB, Stryker, DHORKS, and Ozzie, and barring fizz none of them connected to each other, so I kinda assumed that there was just no continuity in this show and that it’s all just kinda go with the flow good old fashioned fun; in the same way Ever After High was a show where they just kept repeating the same stuff over and over but like who cares, it’s a fun show. This didn’t bother me at all. But then the show started contradicting itself… all of a sudden there was continuity. What? stuff was brought back from previous episodes, Moxxies dad, Stryker, Ozzie, events that transpired were referenced, but only certain ones, wtf?! Wait a minute… If there is continuity in the show, then my whole explanation is worthless! NEVER MIND (?!)

Whatever, that’s plot contrivances, and honestly more of a me issue, I’m not watching this show for the plot (even though yes I am but whatever) who the hell watches shows for plot, I can get past that, the vibes are still there, right? I can still enjoy the zany chill vibes? The comedic tone?! WRONG! I mean, some of them are still there, which imo made it worse,but then the show started to bring in very somber and serious moments, character building, then subsequent character assassination (honestly what tf was episode 5) and then out of nowhere some sort of backstory and themes while still maintaining that it’s an episodic comedy and ow, my neck hurts from all this whiplash. Dear Helluva Boss: Are you a comedy or not, are you episodic or not, are your characters real people or not? Pick a tone Show, make up your mind. To illustrate this I’m going to point to the (sigh) Dildos/“Im bisexual” scene in episode 3 and contrast it with the Angel’s dressing room scene in hazbin episode 4. Both scenes are in shows that are meant to be more lighthearted and comedic yet within them there is heavy subject matter being portrayed. but in the case of hazbin E4 it took its subject matter seriously, so in the scene with Val and Angel they played it completely straight and so subsequently it hit hard. To illustrate further, in S1 E6 moxxies tripping balls song (god I miss season 1) despite it being a more emotional scene than usual the entire show was committed to being played for laughs, no one is playing the scene seriously, including moxxie. Blitzes portion of the song is played completely straight by everyone involved, it being cartoonish isn’t comedic, it’s messy and hellish, the result makes it hit harder because both scenes are consistent with themselves which is the the key here. (I bring up this scene because some can point out that the Hazbin one had Amazon to help regulate whereas this is an indie project and therefore has more room for error, but in this hypothetical argument I follow up with this point I should have used initially. Will I go back and delete the Hazbin part of my argument? No.) The scene in E3S2 opts not to do that, with moxxie playing the scene completely seriously and everyone else around him acting like parodies. It was like he was in the wrong show. (I thought it felt weird and disjointed and I just hated that whole episode.) If it’s a joke, play it as a joke, and it could have been a funny joke! If it’s not a joke treat it with the same severity as Val and Angel in E4 of hazbin, because the subject you’re portraying is heavy. If she had picked a lane you could have had either a really strong scene as you had with Angel Dust or a very dark comedic scene as you had with the Imps trying to convince an old man to kill himself in season 1. The end product is the best of no worlds

womp womp

The whole season kinda suffers from this issue, which is what really brought it down for me. I guess this is subjective, but it feels like I have an objective point in here I’m not verbalizing well. If you want to help out, go for it in the comments.

Another thing that this season fell short on: PACING. The scene where Fizz signs to the little deaf kid (wait a minute why is this kid in hell WHAT DID YOU DO-) was adorable. I paused the show and texted my friend about how cute the scene was and the second I pressed play I am just SMASHED with the annoying troll guy and I got whiplash. My neck really hurts guys please stop doing that. This was the most egregious example of bad pacing, but the whole show suffers from it. Let your moments breathe, please, allow the audience to enjoy them, I promise we’re not going anywhere. And if someone wants to argue “they had no time, they had to get as much crammed in as possible” I’m going to point to the scene where Ozzie is in his dildo factory making dildos for 40 seconds. The scene did nothing and told us nothing, if you can have shit like that you can add 3 seconds for us to breathe after emotional scenes. The pacing is just generally shite throughout the season. A friend of mine pointed out that because this is a crowd funded indie project there’s no guarantee how many episodes Viv will have so in order to make the story work she has to cram as much as possible into each episode so she can have proper setup for her story. This argument doesn’t work on either side. If she doesn’t know how many episodes she’s going to have so she’s trying to cram as much as she can in as little time as possible than why don’t any of the episodes seem to be building any sort of connectivity or narrative? Why do new things keep being introduced on top of each other with no explanation or lasting effects? Why all the time meandering with stuff that means nothing if you’re pressed for time, every episode should be connected and concise. If this really were the case, every episode would be like E7S1, with not a moment spent on anything else. Maybe she thinks that’s what she’s doing, and she’s just doing it badly. If that’s the case then again, this is worthless and never mind. However If it is an episodic show with no plot… then why such a rush? Why the heavy content? Why the lack of comedy? Why the mini plots? why isn’t every episode just a chill time with filler arcs? Why all the world building and setups? Why the random stakes? On top of that, if it does have a plot, just not the one I was expecting or promised in season one, IE: the business and any of the related villains, then you’ve wasted my time and taken a shart on my shoes because that’s what you advertised! This show is about a boss! It’s in the title! You telling a story then switching to telling a worse story and then saying it doesn’t matter because you’re not telling any story regardless but then saying “stay tuned because the good story I was telling might matter soon in this new not story I’m currently bullshitting my way through” is JJ Abram’s storytelling IE fuckery. I don’t fuck around with fuckery. This is an objective criticism, this show fails as both a story and non story kind of show.

Additionally we have lost the plot in terms of a story engine here which tbh kinda frustrates me. I remember really liking the premise of the show; I cared about them building up a business, that was why i continued to watch it! But womp womp once again, there is no more of that in this show, barring one episode. Let that sink in. there was 1 episode in this whole ass season that actually was related to the effing premise and it wasn’t even very funny! Yes, the idea of them trying to find the murderer has potential but they didn’t execute it well. This is both subjective and objective, because objectively not giving the product you advertised is kinda shitty, and subjectively I don’t like what I received as a substitute.

My criticism is not boiling down to “She should have done it like this idea I had!” Because that’s not valid criticism, that’s just being butthurt that a creator didn’t read your mind when making her show. There are lots of people that are doing that, and that’s not how you critique media. “imagine how much stronger this could have been if my headcannon was cannon” is not a criticism, that’s a weak wishful statement, so please don’t take what I say as that. I’m giving actual constructive criticism, not “put me on your writing staff because I’m better at it than you” criticism. I think this was the point she was trying to make with the troll character in Episode 7. Shoddy execution, but a good point nonetheless.

In conclusion, I wrote this whole ass novel on this show because I loved it. I’m sad that season 2 turned out to be what it was. A friend of mine said I shouldn’t approach criticizing this show like an actual show because it’s not one, it’s an indie project, and I don’t think that’s fair. Every piece of art should be held to the same standard because everything had capacity to be great, whether made by a massive studio or an indie group. Every piece of art is a form of communication, and I think Viv has something to say, which is why I refuse to give her exemption. Her work deserves to be paid attention, and subsequently, her work deserves to be approached with the same amount of critical thinking and nuance that I apply to everything. She deserves to be taken seriously, which I did. I hope I got my point across well.

#ash #thoughts #helluva boss #review #essay #analysis #vivziepop critical #helluva boss critical #vivziepop #testing a theory

[vacant2007]

goofy things i do

-mentally shut down as soon as i try to type this because oh my god why would you commit your thoughts to text. what are you some kind of self-obsessed ignorant tool

-hype myself up for like 3 days to finally make a Funnie Joak that ive been planning for like 2 years. if nobody laughs at joke, kill self

-walk thru grocery store shopping normally but vibrating with fear and absolutely certain everybody there hates every fiber of my being and would love to see me dead

-almost cry when thinking about how i exist and how unappealing and gross i am and how i cannot take myself seriously because i am so subhuman and repulsive and pointless that even wishing someone would love me is an unholy amount of embarrassing that i cant even begin to process

-if someone mentions an interest of mine casually, immediately clam up and do my damndest to pretend i barely care because if they see me like visibly react or get excited or anything it will be SO confusing and weird and cringe and it will be the talk of the century for them when im not around. or worse they will say 'lol why do you like that so much' which as we all know is a valid reason to consider suicide

-never keep a journal even in private. you think im just gonna say how i feel about things directly? so that the audience of nobody can mock me? i think the fuck not

-behaving bizarrely secretively about purchases and things i buy because id actually rather die than be asked why i bought something/wanted something

-want to hurl myself off a cliff when asked things like 'what's your favorite movie'

-lie about random shit for no reason like oh my god they will hate me FOREVER if i tell them i went to Walmart. I'm gonna say i uhhhhh went to the library. ok cool

-push the existence of new acquaintances who might want to be my friend so fucking far out of my mind that i genuinely forget to attempt contacting them

-get new clothes i think are cool, then never wear them because i feel like the worlds stupidest silly little boy in my shitty little fit

-before stating a fact to someone in a text or whatever, even if i know the fact is 100% true, google it and check it from multiple sources multiple times and read them over and over to make sure i'm not misunderstanding or misreading or otherwise about to make a fool of myself by saying something like, grass is green. once i am satisfied that i will Not sound stupid for stating that grass is green, press send and wait in agony

-on walks around the neighborhood with earbuds in, check every 30 seconds to make sure they're actually connected and that nobody is hearing my music. not only because it would seem really inconsiderate and strange to be blasting music out in public, but also because they will probably think the songs i like are really stupid

-put everybody i interact with into categories based on which sensitive aspects of myself i am willing to share with them at any given time. don't mix them up! i can't be telling personal-emotional stuff to the infodumps guy or vice versa.

-get so violently upset when someone is a little rude that i fantasize about beating them to a pulp while in reality i am just hiding and holding back tears

-avoid being seen in public spaces as much as possible because everytime someone's eyes notice me i feel like they are full of malice even though i cannot adequately explain what malice looks like in a person's eyes. best to just assume all gazes are malignant, then

-wonder why i am So Alone And Lonely while the unread DMs and text messages pile up on me, or fizzle out because I didn't say anything meaningful back

-leave behind me a series of friendly people who probably did try their best to include me and get to know me, but i couldn't find it in me to trust or listen to

-everytime i have to do something no matter how normal it is, wait till someone else does it first so i can gauge whether anyone thought they were stupid or weird and if not, copy exactly how they do it

-worry this is a stupid list

-wonder if there's enough things on this list or if i'm forgetting something that was crucial to The Vibe of it and without it the post will just seem dumb

-put this in the drafts as soon as i get done typing it, where it will ostensibly rot for all of time!



#eh maybe ill post it lol like #maybe somebody with avpd will see it and go 'oh me. lol' and it will encourage me to look into this further #sorry though LMAO i will hopefully get back to using this blog for what i usually use it for soon.i just. dont want this on my main #probably for these exact reasons! #vent cw #personal #suicide mention #tw suicidality #avpd #avoidant personality disorder #(potentially. maybe. said in a very trigger-shy way) #actuallytraumatized #actuallyabused

[yume-x-hanabi]

I thought of simply copy/pasting my twitter thread but you know what, we’re on Tumblr, we’re allowed proper paragraphs, so let me just ramble like in the good old days :p

Assorted B²TSM Headcanons pt.1: Worldbuilding

Honestly the funniest thing about this fandom is that the entire canon consists in four skits, two music videos, and a song. That is to say, BARELY FUCKING ANYTHING. Guys, I’m used to a video game with extensive lore developed over several games, eight guidebooks, thirteen Drama CDs, five short story series, and some manga. I cannot begin to tell you how different this experience has been 😂 Anyway, as frustrating it can be to have barely anything concrete to go with, it also means… it’s free real estate, baby 😎

A. The Time Machine

So, I’ve been thinking about the mechanics of the whole time-travelling thing for a bit longer than is healthy, and I’ve developed some potential ways it could go that could be fun to play with.

But first, a crack theory I’ve become very fond of: the "time machine" gave them new young & healthy bodies, but the creation of those bodies was influenced by whoever was operating the machine at the time. That's why they all look vaguely like Brett or Eddy—I mean, Bang YG and his assistant. That would also explain the fact they can all speak modern English (+ the accents).

Now let’s look at a couple ways they could have been brought to the future:

1. Actual, full-fledged time-travel

They were plucked from some point of their lives and dragged to the future with no warning. That opens up a few possibilities:

1.a. Continuity errors. Plucking them from their past lives will alter the timeline, and probably change the world of classical music irrevocably. Basically Bang YG u done goof. You’re gonna need forty Ling Ling stones to fix that mess. Oh boy.

1.b. The timeline is not affected, which means they’re fated to go back to their own time at some point, probably with some very convenient memory loss (this was a common plot in HP time-travel fics when I used to be into it /tangent). This one comes with high angst potential: knowing their time here is limited, having to make the most of it, and the worst is that they won’t even be able to use future knowledge to make their past lives better when they go back. Oh the drama, oh the angst.

1.c. The timeline is not affected, because this basically creates a parallel universe, in which history up to the use of the time machine remains unaffected.

Whichever scenario you go with in this category, this means they were brought over when they were still relatively young, and likely haven’t yet composed some of the great hits they’re known for. Imagine Tchaik and Shosty talking about Beethoven’s 9th symphony, meanwhile he’s like “huh, I have no memory of this piece”. That can lead to some complex feelings, knowing such-and-such famous piece is yours but in a way it’s not (not yet). Or, worse, learning about facts from their personal lives that haven’t happened yet. Momo realizing he’s got about five years left to live when he goes back to his era (in scenario 1.b.)

2. Kind of a reincarnation AU

So this summer I watched Paripi Koumei, which is a very fun and light-hearted anime (highly recommended), and I bring it up here because I really like the concept and think it could apply here. The premise of the anime is that famous strategist Zhuge Liang (Kongming) from the Three Kingdoms is reborn in modern-day Tokyo after he dies. He basically spawns in modern Shibuya with a youthful appearance and all his memories. So, I thought this could be a way to go with how the “time machine” works here: it brings the guys’ consciousness from the point of their deaths and gives them a younger body (a copy of their own, or *see crack theory above*).

That means they know exactly what they did in their past lives. That also means that they remember their own deaths. Very trauma, much angst.

On a brighter note, that means they’re here to stay. They’re basically given a second chance at life, in a world that’s hopefully a bit easier to live in than their past one.

B. The Band’s Concept

I can’t imagine the public being told they’re the real deal. I mean, imagine if people learned that there was a time machine out there that could bring loved ones back to life. That would cause unending chaos. And that’s if they’re believed to begin with—the most likely reaction would be to dismiss it as a prank.

So, the “official” version they’re going with is that it’s simply the band’s concept, that they’re roleplaying the composers (like I think there’s a kpop group whose concept is that the members represent the zodiac signs). So, in essence, they’re pretending to be random guys who’re pretending to be their actual selves XD

Regarding roles, there is much debate about who the maknae is. Is it Shosty, because his birth date is the most recent? Or is it Mozart, who’s the youngest in terms of actual years lived in his previous life? I like to think that the company never confirms either ways and lets the fans argue about it to their hearts’ contents. It’s part of the mystery~

(In truth, the actual members don’t give a damn about “roles”, they’re just there to make music.)

(Maybe that’s part of their unconventional side that makes them popular among some people.)

Also, Pag wasn’t meant to be brought to the future, it’s a result of a time machine mishap. He basically barged his way into their debut because “How dare they form a band without me, greatest violin virtuoso Niccolò Paganini?! Mamma mia…” and now he’s hanging around. Not quite an official member, but often heavily involved (whether they want it or not). Mozart says he’s their mascot. No one is sure how to feel about that statement.

Lastly, since so far they’ve either been using their last names or nicknames to address each other, I’ve developed some headcanon that their last names are their stage names, but also simply the names they go by now in their day-to-day lives. Like they’ve shed their first names, it’s a thing of the past, an identity they can’t truly assume anymore. Maybe that’s why they’re so fond of nicknames, because it gives them a more personal touch (Mozart started the trend, and it caught on very fast after that). They do still use full names from time to time in certain circumstances, and that’s what’s on official documents, but… it’s complicated. I like to think they eventually start reclaiming their full identity between themselves as time passes and they grow more comfortable in their new circumstances and their bond grows closer. (Names as a sign of intimacy, in my fandoms? It’s more likely than you think!)

Anyway that’s it for the worldbuilding side. I have a few more posts planned about different aspects of this universe and their characters.

Feel free to share your thoughts on this, and your own headcanons if you have some!

#in which i subject my whole follow list to my new obsession #feel free to mute the tags if you're only here for Tales lol #anyway i have way too many feelings about this dumb fictional band #b2tsm #b²tsm #b²tsm headcanons #if we're not careful i'll have a ship manifesto ready by the end of the year #that's how deep i am atm #long post

[waterparksdrama]

ok now do Greatest Hits

took me a while, sorry anon but i needed to be in a certain mood for it and i'm more willing to listen to this in full even if it's long.

greatest hits - as far as intro songs go i think this is a good one. i like the vocal effects and the way it builds into this stormy atmosphere before going quiet again. 8/10

fuzzy - FUCK YEAH FUZZY WOOOOOOO!!!!! this song is so chewy i don't know how to explain it. the song is about awsten's sleepless nights/sleep paralysis/nightmares but in a really fun way and there's no annoying lyrics here i literally cannot complain about this song the bassline is godly. 10/10

lowkey as hell - and from that hype we are brought back down. i was kinda meh about this song when this came out and i'm still like kinda meh about it lol. it's very much a waterparks song (big rock chorus, lyrics complaining about something stupid that no one else would really) but nothing that really makes it stands out. i think the lyrical sentiment of trying to be there for someone whether it be fans or friends despite your own problems is sweet though i will admit. 6/10

numb - when this first came out i was like "this just sounds like a fandom b side" and what do you know i was close enough. good song to hype up to live i will admit it's a lot better like that than studio recorded. another fucking song complaining how fans only like him when he's sad and more lyrics that were tweets he put in a song for some reason. which. eye roll. c'mon man. 6/10

violet! - i like the transition from numb to this it's fun. a more pop oriented song with it's 80s pop like guitars in the beginning before evolving into this sparkly chorus. lyrically it's about a supposed stalker fan awsten had and with some of these exaggerated lyrics it's hard to tell how real that is, but his own mindset on the situation is clearer than that. i like it. it's fun and tells a story regardless. 7/10

snow globe - when this came out i was listening to a lot of classical piano so i really dug the intro because it reminded me of this piece called la campanella. i like the cold atmosphere it builds with the heavy autotune and desolate synths. lyrically, this follows awsten's self doubts and experience living as a public figure, how he simultaneously experiences loneliness while thousands people know him (loose term) from his music to his online posts. one time i used one of those online mashup sites to create a mashup between this and frou frou foxes in midsummer fires by cocateau twins and it was godly. 7/10 but the remix i got for it gets 8/10 bc shoegaze.

just kidding - cmon man. a song about feeling like shit, what else is there to say. the song chronicles awsten's mental struggles of feeling hated with a touch of implications of using someone as a distraction from this while being passive aggressive to them at the same time. sonically, it rides a sort of chill emo rap wave you might hear as background music to a lofi anime beats youtube if awsten wasn't singing specifically during the chorus where this annoying vocal effect sort of sounds like it's mocking his own words (which i guess is the point? but still). the song is more annoying than sympathetic for me and i don't understand why de'wayne and travis rallied for this song so hard. 4/10

the secret life of me - okay we're back to decent songs again. the sparkly guitars and drums remind me of a classic sonic game soundtrack. the song follows awsten's disassociation after just kidding, where instead of being caught in throes of reality, he gets caught in a maladaptive daydream of better things. i do that too so i can't really bitch here. 8/10

american graffiti - titled after a george lucas movie that was made to "appeal to the mainstream", it's a song about becoming a spectacle of fan interest and dealing with those expectation (believe me you don't have to tell me the irony of me reviewing any of this rn). awsten said this song was supposed to be a "pop punk but make it good" sort of thing so essentially they just made a neck deep song. the song reprises and seems to twist the lyrics from lowkey as hell ("if you need me, i'm here now") showing how that while it is good he can be so accessible, he's so accessible to the point that it's kind of meaningless to the general public. 8/10

you'd be paranoid too (if everyone you knew was out to get you) - wow another self reference. who would've thought. it's another fucking song about anxiety and living as a public figure and at this point in the album when it's so long and repeated so much it's kinda just like "do you have other things to complain about or..." sonically it feels kinda basic with it's rock anthem feel. there's a weird dichotomy between the suicidal lyrics and the ones that try to be lighthearted and it's just. well it's a song. 5/10

fruit roll ups - i like the transition. not much i can say about other parts of this song. was the autotune always this grating. anyways this song follows awsten trying to use random shit he bought as an excuse for someone to try seeing him. instrumentally, it's a lot better but oh my god these vocals and lyrics. i'm not even that convinced he even likes this person that much. also i've had band nerds tell me the song is actually in 6/8 time which makes awsten's statement at the beginning a lie. 4/10

LIKE IT - you guys know how much i love horrible music (i help run a waterparks blog after all) so when i heard this i was like "oh my god this is like modern the blue poptarts, my favorite terrible band." everything down to the rapping feels like a refined version of "it ain't easy being gangsta". again, it's another complaining song, but i think it works better than the other ones because it's not as tonally jarring and gets away with being bitchy by being so ridiculous instrumentally. i feel like he's like one line away from saying that old "cruisin down the street in my tight jeans" line (i learned that was an eazy e interpolation a couple years back isn't that weird). 8/10

gladiator (interlude) - i like the instrumental i don't like josh madden because he's another shill in the madden family and also one time someone said he looked like a thumb so now when i hear this i just think of that. either way his rambling about gladiators as an allegory for working in entertainment becomes very relevant to the next song 6/10

magnetic - the genius page may have rejected my annotations to this song but just remember i am always right. linked to gladiator, this song deals with awsten's internal battle between his public persona and his personal life, which bleed into each other and gets him lost in everything and nothing with things he hates. i love this song i can't lie. not only is this a pretty good lyrically, the electronic tinged guitars are so addictive and crunchy in all the right ways. god and the ending??? god it's so good. 9/10

crying over it all - a love song to someone that doesn't exist lol. a sweet song to someone that's supposed to stay behind once the band is gone and awsten exists outside of that. i really like zeph's backing vocals in this it really adds to this dreamy fantasy the song tries to build. 7/10

ice bath - the sister interlude to the intro title track. a song using the intro vocals and "wakes up" back into reality and awsten gets caught back into his materialism to cope with his mental struggles. 6/10

see you in the future - a song that essentially a chaotic ramble of awsten's life at that point that for the most part settles on focusing on the future (for better or for worse). a lot of these lyrics are probably just tweets awsten never sent amongst the random shit and attempts at insight in his life. it's. certainly a song but i can't lie the drums at the end are so primal and larger than life i remember screaming so hard when otto was doing that live. 6/10

in conclusion, a lot of this album is complaining about the same thing (i mean what waterparks album isn't that at it's core really), but it makes up for its (usually lyrical) faults in some songs with its out of this world, chaotic production. it is still a solid 3/5 stars in my book and this relisten made me realize it's been so long since i overplayed magnetic that i can enjoy it again so thanks for that sort of anon. greatest hits more like greatest shits *ba dum tss*

-iz

#track by track

[epros]

hey guys do you remember when i first got into milgram and made a crazy post about haruka? im about to ramble a bit because i dont feel like making something more in depth but remember when in that post i talked about how my first impression of the girl hes with as a child was not his sister 9or friend???) but his idealized self? well i decided afterwards that both of those things can be true and the release of “all knowing all-agony” solidified that for me hey. dont walk away. let me explain. (deckard cain voice) stay a while and listen... its obvious that harukas relationship with his parents (particularly his mother) is very fraught. they clearly dont care for him. when they have a daughter who is “normal” (not an effeminate ‘son’ who is developing differently than other children) (because haruka is autistic) (if you get it you get it) they stop pretending to care about haruka and focus on the daughter instead and haruka is like what the fuck 😐... haruka killed her for 2 reasons: 1. because he was sick of being neglected by their parents who favored her, particularly their mother because idk the dad has to be absent or a serial killer considering haruka didnt even attempt to latch onto him for approval in the absence of his mothers love (dad does not want a girly “son” even if said son will join the serial killer business) (i cannot explain this further at the moment but it makes sense if youre me or tshirt) (to be brief the fact haruka had been previous validated for killing someone/something and thinks killing Again will totally earn more love and validation is so strange and makes no sense even in the context of if the death was because of his parents taxidermy hobby because theres a stark difference in killing an animal and killing a person and most taxidermied animals are already dead not killed For The Sake Of Taxidermy in this the year of 2022 so someone is a serial killer) and 2. because he was like well there can only be one girl here and youre a REAL girl which is not fair . But if youre gone i will be the girl again. #win the fact all knowing all agony starts with lines like “why was i born like this / why does it hurt so much?” and “you kept calling me ‘hopeless’, you never called me by my name / you were always comparing me to someone else / you were always generous, except towards me / i will definitely make you love me again” and him going into his mothers(?) jewelry drawer and taking a necklace (that might have been his sisters 🤨✍????) is like. there is something happening here. the insistence that “i wasnt wrong, i wasnt wrong” (which was also present weakness) during the chorus, along with pleas for someone to “hug me again as you once did” and “dont leave me alone, dont leave me” and, like the beginning of the song, “why was i born like this? why does it hurt so much?” just makes the soup in my brain start bubbling the real meat of what im trying to talk about comes from lines like “i just wanted to be your good boy. why am i crying again?” and “i will keep on killing to be a good boy”. near the end we also get “why was i born to be me? why does it hurt so much?” like, his mother only validated him when he was a “boy”, and he was killing. apparently. but doing this is painful for him. existing as a boy and also killing people(?) (things?) for attention isnt something haruka particularly wants to do but its what gets the attention he needs. i havent forgotten that in weakness he asked “how many more times do i have to do this so i can be human?” implying if he does not kill he is not human enough. but also his mother was clearly distraught at the end of the video when haruka was on a pile of animal corpses (which was an awesome visual just btw) theres something going on anyway the point im winding to is haruka is a girl actually and maybe her dad is a serial killer (who knows) her mom sucked and maybe she killed her sister out of frustration and neglect and also because she wanted to steal her gender (but haruka was a girl before her sister came into the picture make no mistake she did not decide to become a girl because her sister got more attention and love than she did. but it did prove to her in her mind that oh well if im a girl then 🤨... like do you get it?)

tshirt put it thusly after we watched all knowing all agony: “i'm just like. narrativizing this in my head like "oh and haruka self consciously models himself after specific women in order to gain their approval and also disavow the femininity as emerging intrinsically from him-- btw also his dad is killing people" which i think sums up what im trying to say because ive just kind of been on a stream of consciousness ramble because i fell asleep thinking about harukaisms last night truly i cant get over the repetition of lines like “why was i born like this why does it hurt so much” “i wanted to be your good boy / why am i crying again” like im sorry but there is something so gender about taking on the habits of the women around you and being agonized by the fact you are not physically like them and crying over being a boy but wanting to be a boy because its what you “are” and the only thing your parents will see you as and they are the only source of love and validation you have in your life even though they are not validating or loving you and resent you the more you try to gain their affections. LIKE MAKE IT MAKE SENSE ? also i think its really funny if harukas dad IS a serial killer because we have someone like kotoko who is gungho for vigilante justice so much so she beat the shit out of an 11 year old cult survivor (i wont forgive milgram fandom for voting amane guilty btw) and mikoto who is so stressed by familial responsibility and work that he started disassociating and beat a guy to death with a baseball bat and also shidou botched surgeries for reasons currently unclear (finger paresthesia? moving a loved one up on the organ donor list? both?) and its just like. haruka with the actual lucid serial killer dad. who also kills people because she feels like she has to. i dont know its just really funny to think about... (theres also futas whole thing and kazuis and yunos but they arent killers. probably. futa wasnt a willfully malicious murderer he just accidentally doxxed a woman alongside the guy who was sexually harassing her and social pressure drove her to suicide. kazui is a closeted gay man with a wife who may or may not have killed herself. i wrote a whole thing about it remember? and yuno had an abortion. which like, is against the law, especially if she didnt have the ‘fathers’ consent to do it, and depending on the method of abortion. mahiru has something going on idfk if shes a stalker or what. and then theres haruka and muu. muu is so funny spoiled rich lesbian schoolgirl who is feeling super validated that her murder was justified because she was being bullied and now she has haruka to yank around. falling back on her old ojou-sama hobbies. good for her) milgram is so funny.... anyway tl;dr i do think haruka displayed girl power when she murdered her sister(?) and whoever or whatever else she might have killed for attention and voting her innocent/forgiven is the best option (because its the funniest option for her future development)

#milgram #sakurai haruka #you all should have voted mikoto innocent too because it would have been funny #you see it isnt about what is 'best' for the characters interests and positive character development its about what is funniest #fandom said they cared about 'positive character development' and voted amane guilty like get real #anyway #i forgot to preface the post but i talk about haruka being a girl and murder and abortion and animal death #just fyi

[lostmykeysie]

Hellooo Keysie!!!

I am a massive fan of absolutely everything that you do (You could probably commit a felony and I'd be delighted.) I would not be exaggerating if I said you were my favorite author on Ao3 (It's true, you are.) I take so much pleasure in the way you write. It's hilarious and entertaining, but so painfully honest when it needs to be. I cannot even begin to express how incredible THH and TML are. Genuinely my favorite fic/series on the platform. I get unbelievably happy when I see you've updated with a new chapter and I get so excited when I read them. Your characterizations are wonderful! I'm especially a fan of Remus and Regulus (Wonder what that means for me as a person). The way you portray their friendship dynamic is just *chef's kiss*. Okay, this is getting a bit long now but TLDR; you are absolutely amazing and your fics are amazing and I love everything that you do!

PS: Keep being awesome

no i am a crier you're making my eyes wet :(((((((((((((( i feel really embarrassed and lame you do not have to be so lovely and sweet to me what if i collapse???? what then???

not to be Open & Honest With You but (i'm going on a lame rant on my lunch break so i'll stick this bollocks beneath the cut i'm so sorry you did not ask for this you should probably just ignore me you poor poor chicken)

i enjoy writing this shit so much and i can't imagine going about my life not writing??

which is absolutely insane as a thought because i only started writing fic just over a year ago. prior to that i had never even contemplated writing a story in any form, 0 original thought 0 idea how i would even go about that...

when i was a kid i used to write poems (i can't believe i'm saying this out loud) and even worse when i was a teen i used to write songs (again. shoot me. i do not miss the band days what was i doing i can't believe i did that) but STORIES??? not even in the realm of possibility.

now i have 325k words published on ao3 (i just checked. wtf) and if we ignore everything prior to chimaera & the wolf because i had NO IDEA what i was doing (and you can tell. big yikes. if i cared about being an embarrassment i think i would have cleansed my ao3 by now) that's like 250k words on this silly not-so-little story that i love so much and think about all the time and am having the greatest time ever writing. like it's genuinely a lovely experience. sometimes i write a line or a paragraph and i'm like oh.... i am.. proud??? of that??? i wrote that and it's actually kinda... something???? and as someone with literal 0 talents and skills and interests and hobbies i had no idea how rewarding making something would be? and then being proud of making it?? it's mad

and then on top of that hearing that yeah i'm having a good time but so are other people?? that are reading it? that want to continue reading it???? that tell me their favourite lines and plot twists and get excited when i post?????? and say lovely wonderful nice things to me about my writing?????? what the actual fuck lol. i can't explain how weird that is to comprehend honestly

anyway. i'm sorry for this it was so lame. but thank you for being so nice to me it makes me feel all wonky and embarrassed but in a lovely way and it means a lot and christ alive what is wrong with me i am putting an end to this right now

#someone asked me a q #lovely wonderful babe #yet another stream of consciousness i am so sorry #i took my meds properly today #i don't know if this whole thing is a good or a bad sign #anyway #this is so embarrassing i am sorry genuinely #brb jumping off a cliff

[moonlit-stay]

I just came across a clip from a recent fansign event of a STAY asking Chan about Channie's Room.

In response to the question the STAY asked him, he told them "I don't do Channie's Room anymore, so um..." and then briefly explained to the STAY that he will not be doing Channie's Room anymore because "the company said no".

I cannot even begin to explain the pain I feel in my heart. Watching that clip was so fucking devastating.

Chan has done Channie's Room for us every week without fail (unless he straight up could not, but he always made up for it) for years. Before V-Live was terminated, each of the members had their own reoccurring series, and for Chan it was Channie's Room. Why now, after all these years he's suddenly not allowed to do it anymore, is a question I doubt even the company themselves could answer.

I have been so eagerly awaiting that tiny little notification to click on for months, I never thought this would be what happened instead.

I miss hearing him tell us about what game he's been playing these days or giving us updates on games he's told us about previously. I miss watching him create songs on the spot and seeing how invested he gets in his craft. I miss listening to music with him and doing our own little listening parties for every comeback. I miss listening to his behind stories and him letting us listen to the guide and demo versions of their songs. I miss him telling us the line distribution of every song we asked about with zero hesitation. I miss seeing the sparkle and love in his eyes whenever he had a special guest. I miss all the random ideas that he would come up with to do for Channie's Room. I miss him reading out pick-up lines and dishing them out all the same. I miss listening to him talk about his friends, both in the industry and back home in Australia. I miss listening to him talk about his family and the kids. I miss him shyly talking about Ryan Reynolds and anyone else he looks up to. I miss the obnoxiously colored wall of his studio and the black couch that almost always had a spotify pillow propped up in the corner of the couch and a black hoodie of some sort. I miss staring at his desk chair as the chosen intro song plays in the background while we wait for him to come into frame. I miss seeing his shy smile as he sits down and looks at us with so much love in his eyes. I miss hearing his shy little "hi" after he slowly turned down the intro song. I miss our big hugs and his cute little wink and ending pose. I miss his adorable little giggles and his beautiful smile. I miss hearing his "thank you STAYs, thank you baby STAYs, and I will see you next time..."

Most of all, I just miss him.

Channie's Room was my safe place. He always managed to go live when I needed him most and these past few months have been rough for me. Knowing that I won't have that safe place anymore feels like someone ripped my heart out of my chest and has left me stranded in an ocean of darkness.

I have never liked the company, but this is truly something I will never, ever forgive them for. You have taken so much from us and unless you give it back, there is nothing you can do to make up for it or fill the void this loss has created.

I am so sorry to the baby STAYs that were never given the opportunity to experience how special Channie's Room was.

#moonlit stay's random tings #stray kids #I'm not okay

[gerogerigaogaigar]

Talking Heads - More Songs About Buildings And Food

This album is the beginning of the legendary team up of David Byrne and Brian Eno. Rather than help polish their sound Eno understood that the shaky offbeat nature of the music was the appeal. Byrne's anxiety and confusion towards things around him is, as usual, in full display. Now this isn't really my favorite Talking Heads album, but that's like saying it isn't my favorite flavor of ice cream. Still I feel like there is a steady step up in quality for each of their first four albums and this one being in the middle of that evolution makes me feel like it's more or less on here because of Take Me To The River. That leads into my last point. Take Me To The River is one of their best songs. I've gushed about how much I like Al Green before so when I say that I much prefer the Talking Heads version you understand how much that means. Green's soulful original has nothing on the neurotic spin that Byrne gives the song.

Parliament - Mothership Connection

The influence this album, and the entire P-Funk catalogue, has had on music is staggering. Tracks from Mothership Connection are some of the most frequently sampled in all of hip hop history and George Clinton still produces to this day. But that's not what it's about, that's just what it is. I cannot explain to you in words why a song whose lyrics sheet is mostly "Gaga goo ga Gaga goo ga Gaga goo ga ga" is one of the best things ever written. I could put on the reviewer hat and talk about how the mythology represents an idea of hyper positive afrofuturism that necessarily can't take itself too seriously without diluting the message and how this relates to the dying excitement for the civil rights movement from the 60s. But that is only half the story. The other half is an interstellar DJ coming at you from the Chocolate Milky Way to tell you about the messianic Starchild and his battle with perpetual downer Sir Nose d'Voidoffunk. It's chaotic, funky, psychedelic, utterly thrilling, infinitely memorable and just one of the best albums of all time. It's honestly fucked up that it isn't at least within the top 100.

Luther Vandross - Never Too Much

This is my first time knowingly listening to Luther Vandross. He seems really happy! Like usually when you get a soul funk type guy he's always got this seductive smoldering vibe going on. But Vandross is just so excited to brag about how good his girl is. I can hear his smile. He's backed by a fantastically corny all synth funk orchestra with a hint of disco. It's not an album I'd put on myself, but I was definitely enjoying it.

My Chemical Romance - The Black Parade

Gerard Way seriously shows of their musical chops on this album. While I like other MCR records better, I can't deny that this has the best musical arrangements. And yes, you heard me right I prefer the rest of MCR's discography over Black Parade. Yes even Danger Days. Fite me. The thing about Black Parade is that, while a fantastic album overall, it feels lyrically extremely overwrought in places. And I'm sorry, but this is specifically a problem for me in most of the actually popular songs on the album. Mama, Teenagers, and yes even the title track kinda have me rolling my eyes a bit. And the bonus track, Blood, makes me want to jump out of my skin from schadenfreude. Thankfully these moments don't tank the album quality overall, but I think it deflates a bit from Mama onward.

Funkadelic - One Nation Under A Groove

It may seem odd that George Clinton led two bands simultaneously that shared most of their personnel. But see Parliament was more dance oriented and focused of the spiritual character focused side of the P-Funk mythos where Funkadelic was more psychedelic and soul focused with an emphasis on secular aspects of the mythology. This album focuses on tight grooves and long form improvisation while Uncle Jam tells you how to pledge allegiance to the nation of Funkadelica. You can always count on not getting normal ass shit where George Clinton is involved. And this album is just that. Long bass grooves with the guitar doing basically whatever it want and gang vocals that are mostly weird chants. This is the only album where you'll hear someone yell "the world is a toll free toilet" over literally the best groove you've ever heard.

Big Star - Radio City

#1 Record is obviously the better record so why was it rated lower than this one? It clearly goes Radio City < Third < #1 Record. Whatever, more or less repaste what I said about their first record but with like 30% less enthusiasm I guess? Don't misunderstand me, I love this record. I love Alex Chilton's rougher more indie take on power pop. Definitely listen to all three Big Star records, they're fantastic. (Also listen to Chilton's solo debut Like Flies On Sherbet. Everyone hates it because it sucks but its also secretly actually really good. But it does suck tho. Like in a good way.)

#talking heads #parliament #luther vandross #my chemical romance #funkadelic #big star #500 album gauntlet

[charred-angel-ribs]

Ok, I have to get this out. I have been listening to "You Stupid Face" by Kaden MacKay for so long now (I wanna say years but I don't know how long it's been out, but it's been for a very very long time, at least a year) and I have only ever heard up to the third (3rd) verse, which is where I thought it ended, and that the love interest betrayed them and then died or something to that extent, and that it ended sad. I loved the song. But then I heard it on spotify a few months ago, and saw that it was like six (6) minutes long, and figured that it had just been bulked out with some more instrumental, and as I was listening, I figured that was the case, and then there was the pause, and I thought it was over. It was a beautiful song and it sounded brilliant with the extra innstrumental, AND THEN IT KEEPS GOING WITH THAT BUILD UP AND I FUCKING DIED LIKE HOLY SHIT-

I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN HOW IMMENSLY HAPPY AND GIDDY AND EXCITEDTHIS SONG MAKES ME FEEL, IT'S ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE IT. YOU CAN HEAR THE PURE LOVE AND EMOTION IN KADEN'S VOICE AND IT MAKES ME GRIN SO MUCH AND THAT BUILD UP HALF WAY THROUGH AND THE WAY IT'S WRITTEN AND THE WAY IT'S PLAYED AND THE WAY IT'S SUNG AND THE WAY IT'S SPOKEN AND EVERYTHING ELSE I CANNOT FUCKING HANDLE THE SHEER JOY THIS SONG GIVES ME IT'S BRILLIANT IT'S WONDERFUL IT'S GORGEOUS IT'S FANTASTIC IT'S AMAZING IT'S SO MUCH TO ME AND I LOVE IT MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY.

It gives me such an immense need to hug someone, to dance with someone, to sing with someone or just by myself, to just scream/shout to get this energy out, it gives me emotional sensory overload (/pos).

This song is love. And I fucking love it.

It doesn't matter how many times I listen to it, again and again, that part where it moves on past the third (3rd) verse still hits me so hard and I wouldn't have it any other way.

#🌱 talks #cw: swearing #cw: death mention #cw: caps #kaden mackay #your stupid face #music #positive rant