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tgcg · 4 months

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bad mouther, hole master

TG: kissing with tongue is gross as hell

CG: COME THE FUCK OFF IT.

TG: what

CG: I'M SAYING SHUT UP.

TG: oh

CG: IT'S NOT THAT WEIRD. IT'S LIKE THE NATURAL PROGRESSION OF REGULAR KISSING TO EVENTUALLY INCLUDE THAT. IF YOU HAD ANY SEMBLANCE OF ROMANCE GHOSTING THROUGH THE DEVOLVING REMNANTS OF YOUR THINKPAN YOU'D APPRECIATE WHAT IT BRINGS TO THE NUTRITION PLATFORM OF ANY CONSENTING CONCUPISCENT RELATIONSHIP!

TG: youre talking about it like its a goddamn military weapon or some shit

TG: some kinda scientific fuckin method to fondle a dudes mouth with your own mouth thats

TG: thats gross

TG: this isnt supposed to be a debate before fuckin congress on the pros and cons of getting your mack on

TG: its i would say a reasonably personal thing to react about and thats just my reaction man you dont gotta arbitrate it

TG: and like why the hell do they have to linger on it so long in these movies do they really want me to immerse myself in people necking each other that much

TG: roll the sounds around in my earholes like im swilling a fine fuckin wine

TG: well my professional opinion is that shit tastes and sounds mad gross and tbh i havent seen a single movie where it was close to being any kind of necessary

TG: its just a cringy waste of everyones time

CG: YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, AND I DISAGREE WITH EVERYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF YOUR IGNORANCE GASH, YOU LUMP OF TIGHT-LIPPED CLUELESSNESS.

TG: did you just homestar me

CG: FOR THE SAKE OF ARGUMENT, SINCE YOU'RE APPARENTLY DESPERATE TO START SHIT WITH ME RIGHT NOW: HAVE YOU EVER EVEN DONE IT?

TG: hell no

CG: THANK YOU FOR PROVING MY POINT.

TG: proving your point--

TG: bro have uh

TG: have YOU???

CG: EXCUSE ME? HAVE I WHAT?

TG: come on

TG: i walked into this stupid conversation with a fucking shovel and by god am i digging myself a damn hole big and wide enough for every dave across time to squeeze in so i might as well get cosy in this shit before we all start collectively shoving dirt in our mouths

TG: bet your ass im taking you down with me though

TG: grab your spade and get digging man

CG: GRAB MY WHAT????????

TG: just tell me

CG: ???????!!!!!!!!

TG: karkat

CG: NO!

TG: f-

CG: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!!!!! WHAT PART OF "SHUT UP" DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND????

TG: wait no

TG: oh my god dude

TG: you can spin that shit all you want but you can do it the hell away from me

TG: i do not need to be hip to your weirdo foursquare fantasies

TG: patently not my business

CG: STOP RIGHT THERE. JUST SHUT IT. I AM PUTTING US OUT OF OUR MISERY RIGHT NOW. I AM CONDUCTING AN ACT OF MERCY ON THIS INSANE FUCKING CONVERSATION AND YOU ARE GOING TO ZIP YOUR LIPS AND TAKE IT.

CG: HERE IT IS: YOUR SINGLE OPPORTUNITY TO PRETEND YOU NEVER SAID THAT TO ME. I AM GOING TO FORGET YOU MADE A COMPLETE MOCKERY OF ME AND MY CULTURE THIS ONE TIME. AND LET YOU CONTINUE TO DIG YOUR STUPID, SHITTY HOLE.

CG: AND DAVE, I AM BEGGING YOU NOT TO WASTE IT.

CG: TO ANSWER YOUR SHOCKINGLY INAPPROPRIATE QUESTION, NO I HAVE NOT DONE IT.

CG: WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK.

CG: HAPPY?

TG: ……..

TG: way to defuse the situation solid work

TG: real gold star effort grabbin that lit wick and blowing on it

TG: ok first of all you asked me first so dont act like im the one being a weirdo about this

TG: second of all i didnt mean it like that and you know it

TG: THIRD of all what the hell was the point of engaging the knightly theatrics then if you cant even verify that shit

CG: WELL FUCK, SORRY DAVE! I GUESS I'M JUST A FUCKING ROMANCE ENTHUSIAST! I GUESS I GIVE A MAJOR SHIT ABOUT THE THING YOU'RE OPENLY MOCKING TO MY FACE! IS THAT SO IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO WRAP YOUR THOUGHT SPONGE AROUND?

CG: AND IT WAS COMPLETELY REASONABLE FOR ME TO ASK YOU THAT, YOU CONGEALED FETID NOOKSTAIN! MY STATUS ON THE MATTER HAS LITERALLY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE POINT EITHER OF US IS TRYING TO MAKE.

CG: TRY TO KEEP YOUR NUGBONE FROM CAVING IN ON ITSELF WHEN I DROP THIS BOMBSHELL: I'M ALLOWED TO HAVE OPINIONS ON THINGS I ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT, EVEN IF I HAVEN'T DONE THEM! I DON'T JUST GO TROUNCING THE FUCK ABOUT LOBBING MY UNFOUNDED OPINIONS AT PEOPLE LIKE I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING. UNLIKE SOMEONE WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE INVOLVED IN THIS CONVERSATION WE'RE HAVING RIGHT NOW!

TG: youre

CG: I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU BY THE WAY. THE SOMEONE IS YOU.

TG: oh gimme a break

TG: bro youre going apeshit over something you havent even done

TG: you know what that sounds like to me it sounds like an overcompensating fake fan who doesnt get any

TG: you heard of troll napoleon complex

CG: AT LEAST I ACTUALLY FORMED MY OPINION BASED ON CAREFUL CONSIDERATION --

TG: -- oh yeah i bet huh

CG: -- INSTEAD OF JUST BANKING ON NUBJERK --

TG: -- not a real thing you just said

CG: -- REACTIONS AND WRINKLING MY SNIFF NUB AT ANY SIGNS OF GENUINE PHYSICAL INTIMACY!

TG: stop saying nub

CG: YOU EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED BULGEWAD

TG: not too much worse than being a perpetual fountain of emotional diarrhea

CG: DON'T YOU DARE.

CG: DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO USE THAT AS A "GOTCHA", YOU--… YOU! FUCK!

TG: dude did you actually run out of insults

TG: okay this is getting concerning

TG: youre the international dude of verbal dunks

TG: that can not be happening

CG: AAGHRJRGHJRGRHJAGHRJGRHJAGRHJRGRHJRGRHRJR

TG: you cant run out of em youre like the ultimate peddler of hate

CG: YOU DON'T THINK I'M CRITICALLY AWARE OF THE HOOFBEASTSHIT I'M SPEWING NIGH FUCKING CONSTANTLY?! I AM PAINFULLY COGNIZANT OF HOW MORONIC EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS!!!!

TG: feel like ive done some damage here

CG: ESPECIALLY MYSELF!

TG: alright bud time to calm down

CG: YOU CALM DOWN!!!!

TG: okay whatever!

CG: WHATEVER!!!!!!!!

TG: jeez

…

TG: here

…

CG: UGH.

TG: yeah

TG: really glad stuff like this happens in private

CG: YEAH. SAME HERE.

CG: JEGUS, CAN WE GO BACK TO BEFORE WE HAD THIS CONVERSATION? I DON'T ASK YOU MANY FAVORS, SO SURELY YOUR SLURRY OF ILL-DEFINED TIME POWERS CAN ALLOW YOU TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

CG: JUST LIKE, WIPE THAT WHOLE THING OFF THE SLATE.

CG: LET'S START OVER. SAY, FIVE MINUTES AGO. HOW DOES THAT SOUND?

TG: what conversation?

CG: OKAY, GOTCHA.

#davekat #dave strider #karkat vantas #homestuck #comix #bad mouther hole master

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trainingdummyrabbit · 1 month

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which character ya wanna post about? (invitation to go off)

ouuHGUHUGHHG ive been rotating this around for hours bc ive redirected myself like 5 times since u sent it but ithink i got it i got it this time. i wanna talk abt porccubus. ok gimme a minute gimme a minute

so like. i know theyre technically the same thing, across lobcorp/ruina, but i really really wanna dissect the weird contrast it has going on there. (though, isuppose, their "same"ness is kinda up in the air re:abnos, considering there was a librarian snippet abt child of the galaxy being more "vicious", but wwwwwweh [waves hands around])

so like. the thing about lobcorp porccubus is that its just. an odd fucking creature. like yeah obviously, but its about the way its perception seems to weave around it. its core themes, that of pleasure and euphoria, uncontainable and uncontrollable, would imply that its something impulsive, stimulation-seeking, something that is driven wholly by desire and would be difficult to pin down. however, the way that its logs and flavor text are written give off a much more... subdued vibe, for lack of better words to describe it.

it is the source of that elation, yes, but everything in the way it holds itself is so withdrawn. it simply floats there, yes, but there is little to no mention of it making any moves of its own (which, now that i recheck its info log, is also mentioned plaintext!) and its in-work flavor text seems to speak with the tone of someone Studying it, Speaking about it, rather than observations of its movements or descriptions of its mindset. its all very distant. speaking in third person to someone who is listening. ...right?

which is to say: whats wrong with this dog. its story implies direct exploitation yet it just… it Just. its some strange little animal. its not malevolent and trying to kill people for fun. but it also isnt all sad like petals plucked from a daisy. it just Is. it has almost the same sort of feel as some sort of object. and yet it is clearly alive. does it have a will? it must; as abnormalities Do. so what is it? it functions by its own rules and just kinda Goes Here. does it want? does it need?

porccubus itself acts more like a Service or Trade than an actual creature. you walk in and interact with it, and it knows what to do in response. game of trust - it does a little song and dance as is its nature, yet doesnt seem to desire much more.

which also brings me to the shackle-- the little necklace around its neck. it speaks about how it was chained up, for whatever reason, and yet nobody seems to have any idea why. and porccubus... just doesnt seem to mind it. never mentions it. its such a particular type of indifference. (i suppose another good question is what is it shackled to?) and even further still... what does it mean that the ego gift it grants Is that necklace?

lc!porccubus as a creature is laced with restraint. both in a literal sense, And in an internal sense. pleasure and euphoria, yet it is definitively restrained. it cannot reach out first. it does not act on its own, but rather waits for something else to reach out First. even when it breaches, it (according to what im reading,) simply... waits. waits for an approach. (you Must approach it. it has to be a Choice.) theres something very Aimless about it, mechanical almost. i cant really sum it up in any way other than That Is An Animal.

...which brings a very interesting contrast between It and its Ruina counterpart. in the library, its much more Jubilant. it speaks, for one, which is something i straight up didnt know it did for a while. the way that it presents itself outwardly is much more outspoken-- inviting, wanting someone to engage, trying to persuade that first step. it yearns! pet it! it wants to share what it has to give, but it still wants that hand of yours offered to it First. its happy! its happy! come be happy with it!! dance with it, play with it! its demeanor is so much more forward, more present... more conscious.

and crucially... that shackle is no longer tied about its neck. rather, it dangles loose from the end of its tail, almost like an accessory rather than something granted/given to it. does this represent the release of former ties? it certainly acts more free than it did before-- whatever was holding it back, is it gone now? is its shift in demeanor the jubilant frolicking of that which has never been able to soar? is this what allows its nature of wishing to share that elation to shine through? much like a dog chained to a stake, finally being set loose in an open field.

in an unspoken turn of events, porccubus seems to focus on Release. release of ties, release of inhibitions, release of that which had been holding you back. it wants nothing more than to give what it is experiencing to those which are weighed down by things that keep them unhappy. and yet, it does nothing to truly alleviate what those woes are, simply covering them up with a layer of unrelenting sweetness.

..............which of course, brings me to angela. yeah yall thought i could go an essay without her?? lol. lmao.

on the floor realization centered around her staunch desire to live, it almost seems to stick out like a sore thumb. with all of the withdrawn mourning and wishing that the rest of the phases share, pleasure is an odd slap in the face, almost. but... it really does make it hit that much harder-- Especially with that which was expanded upon above. the imagery of unshackling yourself from that which held you down, allowing yourself to feel things you never were able to-- never were Allowed to. is that not what she stands for, here?

its reaching towards an open door, trying to grasp to any amount of Living that you can reach-- you deserve that much, at least. at the Very least. you Have to be allowed something. but not only is it that desire, but its also the Ignorance. the understanding that no matter what you mask it with, all that baggage still remains. chasing those short, intense bursts of happiness-- everything else still continues to eat away at what's underneath. and yet, theres still a consciousness to that. even further than that, a commitment.

who cares what becomes of you because of this? this happiness-- this which you were never allowed to so much as dream of-- is right within your grasp. and to taste it for even the smallest of moments, the briefest amount of time-- that makes it worth it. it was all worth it. nothing matters more than this complete devotion to sensation. it doesnt matter if it tears you apart from the inside, this is what you were always looking for. this is what you deserve. and youll do anything to hold onto it.

in some odd way, it really is about rotting.

in conclusion,

#THANKYOUUUU um um um. this ended up longer than i thought itd b and im not sure if its coherent but i think abt it all the time godbles #ispent like an hour typing in circles yesterday but i GOT it. igot it. i gotit.#piktalk #projmoon #long post #...speaking of its ties to the art floors themes... its one that kinda hit harder th more i teased out abt it.#bc that Is very real. that almost paradoxical lashing out in that way; desiring even if it kills you; even if thats what you wanted t avoid #its the want to reclaim the self through any means necessary. its discordant. it almost seems helpful. but...#...anyway i just think its funny is all ^w^ funy silly lil thang !

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spacexseven · 2 years

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(2/4 sorry realized dazais was super long split it into two its 4 parts now) ur sooooooo right about dazai and this scenario SO right the fucking bastard probably does this to randoms for fun on the weekends. sidenote im going with mafia dazai for this just cuz he has more room to be Evil and i also dont think kunikida would allow ANY of these antics if he was there. warning hes gonna be SUUUPER mean i kinda softboy-ed aku but i cant bring myself to do the same to dazai </3

darling is just some civilian with ties to an enemy syndicate or works somewhere they need access to as an average employee with a convenient amount of security clearance, no one really that special on paper, and he’s pissed. he’s stuck with some no-name loser for the foreseeable future? how demeaning. this work is so beneath him as an executive, can’t he make one of his subordinates do it?

he’s amazing at the flirty coworker persona, and even BETTER at the loving boyfriend schtick. scarily so, when you consider that he spends a lot of his downtime thinking about how much you bore him and he cant wait to get rid of you. similar to what he does to chuuya in wan, every perceived slight you commit against him is put down to paper so he can get his appropriate vengeance when the time comes. you hummed and it got on his nerves, he’ll be sure to break your jaw. you touched his hand today, for that he’ll rip your fingernails off one by one. stuff like that.

he starts to warm up to you as time goes on. the surefire way to dazai’s heart is to give him unselfish care. something as small as packing him something for lunch since he only eats crab out of a can; to something as big as nursing him through a drug or alcohol induced stupor after one of his many attempts on his own life. he wakes up the next morning clean, comfortable, and with a very minimal headache due to the cold washcloth you put on his head. why did you bother doing that?

yea i don't think ada dazai could do half these things and get away with it either so we'll stick to pm dazai!! i do have a question tho, can you find crab in a can? is it edible?? it sounds strange to me i only eat tuna (lol) out of a can...lol this got much longer than i planned for, sorry in advance!!

cw: yandere character, obsessive behavior, possessive behavior, unhealthy relationships, toxic relationships, dazai is an asshole, mentions of violence and murder, manipulation, deceit, emotional abuse, jealousy, kidnapping, imprisonment.

ask continued: (3/4) good news: he’s attached now! at the hip! hes a little obvious, really. dazais always flirty, but now hes CLINGY. and JEALOUS. he seemed so Above being affectionate or possessive of you, before. much too self-confident, you supposed. but now you’re lucky if you can manage to get out of bed without having to escape the IRONCLAD GRIP hes got you in, and do NOT even get me STARTED on how he reacts to ANYONE so much as looking at you! you’re his! his his his his HIS! you both love each other, so you belong to one another! simple as that!

bad news: you have recently figured out that you shouldve been scared of him. of course, you find his little notebook, and something inside of you is SCREAMING at you to read it, and what you find shatters your view of him forever. you brushed off the really weird vibe you got from him initially, cuz he was so nice! attentive! you never really got attention like that from anyone before, it was all too easy for him to get you caught up. stupid stupid stupid.

worse news: he notices, when you start to pull away from him. you’re making excuses not to see him, not to sleep in the same bed as him. you get all stiff when he gets too close to you, and you wont kiss him back. doesnt take him long to figure out what happened. takes him even less time to come up with a plan to make sure you cant run away from him. don’t be scared, he loves you so much! he’ll show you how sorry he is for saying all those mean things!

it's not like dazai was new to the whole leech-out-information-from-an-unsuspecting-victim-and-kill-them-after routine, but he definitely didn't like this part of his job. it's so terribly boring as compared to his go-to way of getting information (interrogations! torture! shorter and less effort needed!) it takes too much effort to make sure his target likes him enough to lower their guard around him and spoonfeed him the information he needs. it takes even longer to safely send back acquired information to the pm without anyone suspecting him to be the mole, and usually these missions take months if not years. he doesn't want to invest to much time in something like this, especially when he knows his target is the most boring person to walk upon this planet.

if he was assigned to the leader of some crime syndicate, or maybe the secret mastermind behind a revolution, or even a top-level military agent, he might find the thrill somewhat entertaining. after all, there's something quite wonderful in wrapping an untouchable person around his finger.

but you...

you were painfully ordinary. he understood why it had to be you, a somewhat 'regular' member of the ability group, trusted enough to have access to information that would be useful, but not too high up in the ranks. not to mention, you would eventually be moved up and allowed access into even more highly guarded secrets. if he didn't get to you now, he might never get you at all. if you were too important you'd never trust anyone, and you'd be too paranoid to let slip even seemingly unimportant details. it had to be you, and now.

and he was good at his job. he was charming but not suspiciously so, and not so well known that he would be identified. still, as he watched you before his infiltration had officially started, he realized that you were a fool. too trusting, too smiling, and far too friendly. even akutagawa would have been suited for this job, you wouldn't have suspected a thing. maybe you'd even like the whole grumbling outcast thing he had going on. but no matter how much he whined or complained or groaned, nothing was done about it. he was stuck with you until he finished the mission.

it was probably his hatred towards you that caused him to act so recklessly, and moving the relationship so quickly—from strangers to moving in together within a month. it wasn't hard to have you eating right out of his hand, with some saccharine smiles and soft looks, gentle stroking and—you practically had stars in your eyes. what a fool, he thought, ignoring how the softening of his eyes when you cheerfully ran into his arms happened somewhat naturally. you must have been desperate if you so eagerly accepted his sudden advances.

he still hated you, of course. he recorded your wrongdoings so he could unleash his fury later, when you were no longer of use. that time you ran your fingers through his hair, he swore to break each and every bone in your hand. and when you dragged him out on dates he planned out the appropriate punishment, same as when you touched him or kissed him or smiled up at him with so much warmth it made him sick—you made him sick, and you'd pay for that, eventually.

surprisingly, despite his overall sleazy and cruel demeanor—he never paid for dates (even though he was given the funds), and never bought you presents after the third one. he never initiated any physical affection, and straight up ignored your calls sometimes—after you were officially dating you still seemed to like him. you probably idolized him, after being starved of affection for so long. any crumb of affection he gave you, whether it was a fake smile or a stiff pat, you'd eagerly eat up. it was so pathetic he almost felt bad for you. even know, this relationship wasn't real, but you were a fool who thought you found love. not like this arrangement was anything you should be mourning.

were you hoping he'd turn back to the charming guy you met all those weeks ago? did you really have no clue that you fell in love with a lie? or maybe, you just couldn't comprehend someone using you. after all, you weren't very wealthy or connected to anyone influential. all you had was your job, and that was meaningless to most people. perhaps you thought he was most people, because it was so easy to get things out of you. at night, when the two of you were awkwardly lying down in bed, he just had to roll over, throw an arm around you and whisper into your ear, asking about your day. and then everything came pouring out. you weren't so stupid as to directly admit you worked for an ability organization, but the details were still correct. you'd tell him about the planning you had to do for a company event nearby, and just as you said, a week later the group he was targeting was there for something. it was so easy, now, to intercept all their plans. you were annoying but...somewhat useful.

and then...it happened.

dazai didn't realize there had been a last-minute change in plans. your group had come onto the meeting spot earlier than you had said they would be, and he was caught red-handed inside the building. to his surprise, you, without even stopping to consider his intentions, immediately shot up to defend him, excusing him saying that he probably just stopped by to visit you. your coworkers relaxed and slowly agreed. they, too, thought dazai didn't know about the 'company' you worked for, and thought he was just being a considerate boyfriend. it couldn't be farther from the truth, but he didn't care what they thought.

you saved him.

and it wasn't the only time, either. there were the times you've nursed him back to health after yet another one of his stupid stunts, the times you've waited hours for him to turn up for a date, complaining but never actually mad, the times you've made him something to eat, knowing he didn't care much about eating healthy. it infuriated him how genuinely selfless you were, even to an asshole like him.

you cared about him, like you cared for everyone else in your life, even though he knew he didn't deserve it. it was so nice, though, as much as he hated admitting it, to be cared for. to be looked after and loved genuinely despite his shortcomings. sometimes he wondered if you'd only love him more if he cleaned up his act. the more you smiled at him and gently nudged him awake and asked him if he ate and showed him things you thought he'd like, the more he realized he was getting a little attached to you.

and then, he came to a decision.

you were far too nice to him for him to just leave you to die after this mission. and you were far too kind to have such a terrible boyfriend. he could at least try to completely win you over now before you inevitably found out about his true intentions and then, you'd really hate him since he would have killed your friends. he decided you would stay with him, regardless of how the mission went.

he probably should have considered your confusion when your usually aloof boyfriend suddenly became a completely new person. you'd wake up and get ready to leave when an arm suddenly wraps around you and dazai whines at you about not leaving. whines! the same man who'd rarely say a word to you until breakfast was acting so...clingy all of a sudden, though you'd be lying if you said you hated it. suddenly your days were filled with constant kissing and an arm always around you, dazai showing up at your workplace more often to grab lunch with you and boldly flirting with you. sure, there was something quite terrifying about the way he glared at your coworkers, his eyes so blank it was eerie, but you forgot all about it once he snuggled into your neck and placed a kiss on your collarbone.

and then there was his insistence that you were being overworked when he normally wouldn't have cared what time you came home, as long as you did come home, going so far as to contacting your boss to demand you get more time off. of course, everyone laughed it off as your boyfriend simply being concerned for your health and your boss complied, shortening your hours and granting you a long overdue break. your life was just so perfect now. and to think you were worried about him wanting to break up. whenever you asked dazai why he was suddenly so expressive, however, he would only give you a vague answer about realizing it was unfair of him to let out his anger by treating you coldly and wanting to fix things. because, as he said so often, he loved you.

"nobody could love you as much as i do," he would say, "seriously, i think i could die in my love for you. you're everything to me and i love you so much."

maybe you should have noticed how...intense his feelings were then,

it all came crashing down one day when you saw a text on his phone—someone asking him to gather more information about the ability users in the group you were in. he wasn't supposed to know about that, and by the looks of it, he had been using you to steal intel the entire time. though you felt stupid now, you were more concerned about how you could put an end to it now, especially because you were in so deep with him. at least a while back you could have quickly ended things with him using the reason of being a terrible partner, but now, it would only raise suspicion with him and your coworkers. how were you to explain your boyfriend had been spying on you the entire time to anyone? what would they do to you, and worse yet, what was he planning to do to you once he had no use for you?

the only logical thing to do, in your eyes, was to slowly drift away and eventually break things off with him. his only source of information would be closed then, and you would be safe. the problem was, it was pretty much impossible to leave him. he was always by your side, held you tight as you slept, dropped you off at work and even knew all your friends. how were you supposed to explain to anyone that your boyfriend was going to kill you once he destroyed your group?

as you already figured out, dazai wasn't stupid. it was about time you found out, but now his plans had changed. no more killing you. he could keep you with him permanently now, after forcing you to quit. he didn't need your help anymore for the next part of the plan, which only required him to eradicate the group since they weren't willing to comply to the port mafia's demands. it wasn't like he expected you to sit down and hear him out after finding out he was sort of using you all along, but still, it hurt when you scowled at him and screamed at him. oh well. he could figure it out.

as he smiled down at your bound figure, your eyes wide at the blood soaking his coat, realizing what he had just done, he decided he would stop at nothing to convince you of how much he loved you.

really, he wouldn't trade this for the world.

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artbyhauk · 3 months

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do you have what it takes?

in many ways, the games industry as we know it is giving off death rattles, likely on account of people whose sole priority is numbers having this idea that growth is infinite- and independent of the state of the world. everything can be nailed down into handy little strategies and powerpoints, surefire plans to make insane numbers- and boom, one day the plan falls through and the same people whose purpose is the survival of a business get off scot free while thousands of workers lose their livelihoods.

i have some views i have been told are radical regarding business as a game studio owner.

First, i believe that success is random and incredibly situational. All you inherently can do to affect it is manipulate chances. You could have all the money and eyes on you in the world and flop, you could release a 2 dollar asset flip and gain terrifying amounts of attention overnight. In all ways, releasing a game is a gamble consisting of a million chance successes to even get to this point. Hell, not dying before you drop your work is a chance success in itself.

More money and more time gets you more chances. Easy as, and pretending otherwise is futile. In the end its all chance, and you work with what you have- which brings me to my second point: working within your means.

I dont think i'll ever understand pretending you have money you dont have- i'm just not wired to. Loans terrify me, i cannot ever 'expect' a revenue- what business do i have expecting anyone to give me money? Am i forcing people to buy my product? You either have money or you dont.

Unless you can afford to, dont hire people. Its cruel to promise people money where there is none. There cant be any growth if there is no ground to grow on.

These two things might very well make me bad at business. But if business is cheating people out of money and lying to myself and others, maybe thats not a thing i wanna be good at.

I suppose it makes sense though. I own a business out of necessity. I'm forced to care about powerpoints and plans and strategies, to put my belief in social media and neatly defined target audiences, because they let me create my art. But they also drive me insane, pushing against my moral compass and putting me face to face with a cruel industry that combines all the worst aspects of art, film and technology.

Ironically, this industry is also thoroughly hostile to art. Everything must have a proven success or rely on cheap tactics to earn revenue. Exploration, the unique and creative approaches are shunned and dismissed. Even the notion that a work can exist not to be a success, but to further games as a medium seems incomprehensible. Because in the end, its all about the bottom line.

i think, that to 'have what it takes' to survive the games industry, you need to be a cockroach. Work within your means, survive, and hunker down to fend for yourself- because capital will either eat this industry alive or vanish from it, and at that point what else will there be but art and love for the medium?

On the plus side, the small inherit the scraps from giants.

#personal #gamedev

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lorillee · 2 months

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why.... do you..... not like.... obito?

in short? because hes annoying as hell

in long: hes just kind of a poorly written character with a kind of dumb motivation and his place in the story is just a complete and utter mess and i really cant bring myself to care enough to sympathize with him and he seriously needs to stop whining about a girl he knew twenty years ago who didnt even have a romantic interest in him like you are almost thirty whole years old.MOVE ON. i dont care hes traumatized and emotionally stunted or whatever i seriously do not he does not compel me in the slightest. his relationship with kakashi is boring and every time kishimoto tried to tell me that he and naruto had literally anything in common i wanted to blow up the entire show. the most interesting thing about his character is how entirely and completely and bafflingly self-absorbed he is. actually im just going to go ahead and share a long winded complaint i wrote since i think it does a pretty good job explaining why i personally dislike him as a character and why i think his writing is just nonsense:

naruto as a series tends to plays a bit loose with its arc structure, but we preeetty consistently get a antagonist that naruto gets a battle with (see: mist kid whos name escapes me, gaara, kabuto, sasuke, deidara, four hearts akatsuki guy, pain, etc), some of whom are decidedly more relevant to naruto than others. kabuto, deidara, and four hearts akatsuki guy arent really set up as anything particularly personal to naruto and this is fine - it works plenty well within the context of the arcs and everybodys happy. mist kid is obviously a foil for naruto because everybody hated him so much forever and in his desperation for literally anybody to care about him he turned himself into a weapon without any desires or feelings of his own, gaara is a foil for naruto in the sense that everybody hated him so much forever because he's a jinchuriki and he closed himself off and hated everybody right back and lost control, sasuke is .well. sasuke. , and pain is a fellow student of jiraiya who wants to enforce peace on the world in a way that sucks. for the latter antagonists, naruto's battles with them arent just "i need to stop this guy from [blowing up the world/running away]" but also ideological ones, having to do with the running ideas of the horrors of the ninja world/system & keeping your heart open even if you get burned & the importance of love and human connection and a functioning support system and so on and so forth.

Regarding Obito. his position of relevance in this arc is really frankly just kind of bizarre. his existence prior is pretty much entirely a reason for why kakashi is the way he is and is never brought up in any context outside of kakashi staring at that dumb memorial. and then he gets brought back to be a main antagonist of the 4th ninja war arc …?.? ?? for. reasons? his motivations are obviously relevant to the horrors of war and the terrible awful system that runs on it but the crux of it is entirely focused on rin and really makes it look like his epic genjutsu world peace plan is less about the circumstances that made everything happen the way it did and more about omg rin…… rin rin rin……………… rin?!? rin. rin . did i mention rin? in case you forSorry.got. rin. like i imagine the intention is supposed to be that the rin thing is supposed to be a lens through which to view "wow this system sucks balls and obito wants to change that" but also im really not sure if thats even the case because again. its litreally just always rin rin rin. which i think is a significant barrier to making naruto's whole thing with obito relevant also because like. okay. obito and naruto have no direct connection, and their mutual connection of kakashi is literally entirely irrelevant. if anything SASUKE is more relevant to obito by virtue of both being uchiha and also that obito was involved in the uchiha family slaughter. but kishimoto decided he didnt really care enough to bring this up so WHATEVER. I GUESS. obito's weirdness in the plot is further excaberated by again the fact that he's set up as kakashi's personal baggage and i still think its super tremendously bizarre that kishimoto decided that naruto teaching him the value of friendship was the way to wrap this up despite the fact that. it just does not fit. it doesnt fit. at All.

like. instead of dealing with the actual connections naruto (or sasuke, but hes really not contributing too much on this front) has to him through other characters, kishimoto decided what he wanted to do with obito was make him a parallel to naruto and sasuke simultaneously and did. A REALLY BAD JOB. ive already complained extensively about this so im not going to bother repeating it but this is very very very intentional as kishimoto WILL NOT LET YOU FORGET OR MISUNDERSTAND and through this attempts to shoehorn in his thematic connection and ideological clash.

(note re: having complained about the parallels thing extensively. this is a slightly edited for clarity direct message to a friend referring to a previous conversation so you cant actually find anything on this blog about it but actually while we're here i'm going to go ahead and paste my complaint on kishimoto's inability to understand what makes a foil or even just a normal parallel work as it relates to obito:

the finale as it has been its not like worlds worst but it also kind of feels strangely divorced from the. well honestly a lot of things but imo the biggest problem here is that obito has no actual genuine connection to naruto, either personally or narratively. like because what this is supposed to be is naruto is to sasuke as hashirama is to madara as kakashi is to obito except also the reverse simultaneously neither of which kind of doesnt really work beyond a really tremendously surface level view especially with kakashi and obito because they were never like even friends until the 2 minutes before obito "died" in the first place but this is mildly off topic. but anyways i have to assume kishimoto's vision was like well since sasuke and obito are like parallels (THEYRE NOT.) naruto has a narrative connection to him so it works (IT DOESNT.) like because kishimoto loves foils in concept but more often than not hes kind of bad at pulling them off because he doesnt really understand what makes a foil work. like the whole thing with omg obito and naruto are literally just the same is NOT EVEN TRUE. NOT EVEN TRUE. NOT EVEN TRUE AT ALL.

like in the extended obito flashback they take the most surface level things and then completely divorce it from any of the context its in so we can be like omg………… obito just like naruto……… when it srsly does not apply at all. like omg obito was an orphan… and wanted to be hokage…… and he cared about other people………… SO HES JUST LIKE NARUTO! and its like NO???? WHGHUG???? like sasuke and gaara work as foils for naruto specifically because they had similar circumstances growing up, and those circumstances significantly contributed to how sasuke&gaara were consumed by loneliness and hatred and shut everybody out and wanted to blow up the entire world forever and ever whereas naruto did not because he found companionship and love and never gave up or in and all of this has. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH OBITO. LEGITIMATELY NOBODY ACTUALLY DISLIKED HIM EXCEPT FOR KAKASHI WHO THOUGHT HE WAS KIND OF ANNOYING. this is straight up completely incomparable to the isolation that sasuke & naruto experienced and to act like they're similar enough for this to work is kind of an insult to what naruto & sasuke have been through. obito's villain story is that some tremendously horrible things happened to him and he saw the girl he had a crush on when he was like 12 use the guy who he gave his eyeball to and asked to protect her as an instrument for her suicide and decided he hated everything forever and that love is impossible and we're all meant to be miserable forever and you cant be happy in reality and again absolutely none of this has anything at all to do with what naruto or gaara or sasuke went through. at all. like these situations are not even in the least amount comparable and its actually baffling. KISHIMOTO WHAT ARE YOU DOING. <- end discussion of badly attempted parallels)

however. because the bulk of obitos beef is not with the system but rather with the fact that rin died, it kind of puts a massive damper on the ideological clash side of things. like naruto is no stranger to the horrors of the ninja system and is also a personal victim of the way it functions and what it does to the people he loves, but he and obito arent so much clashing over what should be done about it (aka exploding reality and mind controlling everybody into a dream that sucks vs actually doing something about the damage thats been done and tearing apart destructive systems of abuse) but rather the importance of human connection. and like the latter isnt bad in a vacuum it can literally work fine, but obito and naruto do not share a similar ground on this front. this topic is important and relevant to naruto because the village threw him under the bus and backed over him 57 times in a row and he grew up almost entirely on his own and hated by everybody and it works for situations like gaara because theyre the same on this front, but this is NOT THE CASE FOR OBITO. obito's situation is ENTIRELY IRRELEVANT to this particular topic - yes he was apparently an orphan or whatever but literally everybody thought he was fine except for kakashi who thought he was annoying. his situation, on the other hand, is extremely very very wildly relevant to the konoha war machine both in the sense of getting sent out to war at the age of 12 and rin dying, which naruto understands maybe a bit less through his own personal experiences but intimately well through those of the people he knows and loves and who have had their entire lives upended by this. and this entire thing wouldve been exponentially improved imo if either a) a significant part of obitos downfall was a lack of connection or a refusal to open up his heart again or b) if the ideological clash was about the konoha war machine and what is to be done about it. but instead we just get this weird thing that doesnt really work for two characters who arent really relevant to each other and i seriously just want kakashi to kill that guy.BUT ITS WHATEVER .

also for additional context for the "lets tear obito apart with a pack of dogs" posts i have literally like Just finished shippuden and i was making those posts while me & my friend were watching the obito episodes. also also if you disagree with anything ive said here thats great wonderful go make your own post about how im wrong and how obito is the most understood character in naruto or something idgaf

#ask #anon #also the fact that he was running around with naruto and sakura and kakashi for so long at the finale genuinely drove me insane like LEAVE #it just doesnt make any sense at all for this to be team 7. and also this guy who sucks. FOR SO LONG #like he seriosuly shouldve died and given kakashi his sharigan WAY EARLIER IN THIS FIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTT LIKE WHAT IS THISSSS #but whatever.TCH!

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hiemaldesirae · 20 days

Note

Arrax here with more Vox/Lucifer bestie AU (also you can use any of this at any time btw =3) (also, though this sounds Vox/Lucifer it is NOT. Lucifer is just extremely possessive of his friends. He doesn't have many. Well he has one. So. Yeah. Just don't tell Al, I wanna keep him guessing. Lol)

So a few days afterward the broadcast where Vox's death comes out, Lucifer shows up at the Vee tower, excited. Apparently he's been invited to the hotel for a dinner and game night with everyone. Which would be fine, except Lucifer overheard Char-char tell Maggie--"It's Vaggie, Luc, or Vagatha if you prefer." Vox murmurs as he works. That's it's partnered and he'd be partnered to either one of the residents or Mammon who's visiting. "Charlie wants you to bring Mammon to the Hotel?" Vox asks, fully turning away from his work eyes wide. "Really, Luc?"

Lucifer shakes his head. "To her the sins are just her fun loving Aunt(s) and Uncles. She doesn't know how most of them feel about sinners. Especially how Mammon feels about sinners--so you see my dilemma. Mammon would take Alcaster's--"Alastor's, Luc,"--general, uh... whateverness as an invitation to kill Every sinner in the hotel, no matter what Char-char feels. He'll just think money or gifts could rebuy her love."

Vox winces. "Damn, Luc...your brother's a bit fucked up." "He landed on his head after The Fall, and Hell just encouraged his vices. If it was Bee who was visiting I wouldn't be ask you this, but...can you please come with me? It's not a formal dinner--we'll be eating take-away while playing games, just like we do while we play video games or read at the palace! It'll be just like our regular Friday nights and entire Saturdays!" Lucifer says, grinning happily. Neither notice two glowing eyes with a smile that widen with *RAGE* upon spotting Lucifer with Vox.

Vix snorts. "Except for the last six Saturdays we've been going upstairs to the human realm and tormenting humans--we even convinced two guys they'd been abducted by aliens-" "No anal probing! You can do anything else, but no anal probing!" Lucifer smirked interrupting his best friend. "Is that why you turned them into ducks? And, sure I'll come. It'll be good to get away from Vel for a bit. She's been a bit upset about the loss of Valentino. "

"Do I really need a reason to turn anything into ducks? But yes, it was. They've settled in nicely at the university pond we left them at...." *he cocks his head at the mention of Valentino.* "Ah, yes! As a thank you for that--" *he purrs, voice rich with power and sin*--he leans forward, demon form coming out and kisses Vox directly on the mouth.

Vox's eyes widen, before he feels it: undeniable power flowing through him, and not something he could only use once--it was something that would permanently be a part of him. He could feel it burning into his circuits, into his Cyan blood and wires. He feels the hidden spines that line his spine slide out, sparks sliding from the top one from his neck down to the largest one that emerges right before the curve of his ass. He feels his body itch, his claws burn as this new power settles into him, and he pants.

Lucifer pulls away, a dark grin on his face. "Now no Sinner or exorcist can dare take you--YOUR hard work from you. My friend, Voxtech will never fall. Should that Velottie leave, you can do it without her. " He purrs, gently rubbing Vox's shoulder a dark possessiveness in his eyes.

Neither see the glowing red eyes and smile that disappear afterwards, but both notice Vox's radio burst to life, Alastor's voice more unhinged then usual.

arrax youre killing me here. youre killing me im dead and deceased bury me face down or else ill dig myself out of my grave and reanimate myself solely to watch for the next installation of your own little au in my inbox

i genuinely cant even think of anything to add onto this. i usually try to add on a bit more to your guys' thoughts but im actually speechless this time what the fuck am i supposed to say to this. this is probably how contemporary artists felt beholding the work of michelangelo for the first time. i mean like. fucking hell man what do you expect me to do with this i am but a little guy....... this is like dropping shakespeares completed play trilogys in front of my face and asking what id add onto it

#ran rambles #hazbin hotel #general asks #lucifer/vox bestie au #i keep telling you you guys think i am smarter than i am. i am most certainly not #its like handing a toddler paintbrushes and guiding them to the sistine chapel to ask them to paint on #What the fuck am i supposed to add to this except my general astonishment #youre all too talented why are you writing in my inbox you should be on ao3 (<- read like you would read 'she should be at the club')

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vaguely-yandere · 2 years

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tbh despite my lowkey sadistic nature, i just can’t bring myself to degrade people</3 i mean, i CAN degrade people and insult my sister all the time, but not romantic partners (unless they ask).

god forbid something PUBLIC. i’ll do a round in a forest or smth, but only because it’s so secluded and the chances of being caught are really really low.

spitting’s another huge no for me. i don’t like making my partners feel like absolute shit bc i get guilty and kinda sad.

with all my roughness i just can’t do it</333

no shame to people who like it, though

all i wanna do is fuck sensitive yandere literally senseless and give praise yk

-poised darling

ah, yes yes! a bit of healthy teasing (which is encouraged heavily by the sensitive yandere if their moans are anything to go by) along with some pegging & praise is good as well! i suppose i have been very mean to sensitive yandere as of late, that poor thing would adore having some sweetness added to their life! esp their sex life (just dont forget how gross sensitive yandere is. they wont force you to do anything but theyll never object to anything you bring up)

i bet praise gets sensitive yandere a whole NEW type of worked up! humiliation and stuff would make them so sensitive, so ashamed, so guilty but praise would automatically overstimulate them and trust me, they've tried their hardest to work through all times of overstimulation just for you. thats why they did exposure therapy! <3

but i really hope you know a good upholster or cover everything you own in plastic and a LOT of water/gatorade in your house because praise will have them gushing for you. they go through a lot of pairs of underwear too :( cant help it, you praised them for getting your fast food order right and kissed them on the cheek! how else were they supposed to react! and you bet they return your affections ten fold... if they can manage to get through their sentence without getting reduced to whimpers because well, your full attention is on them and its just making them so nervous!

and i love the idea you painted earlier, of them being putty in their darlings arms after a round or two, unable to work up the energy to even tremble as their darling cleans them so thoroughly and gently, eventually falling asleep in their arms or mostly asleep if you only have a shower. the poor baby can barely even remember that its you touching them, unable to make their usual whimpers or pleas of more and when it first happens, you're terrified you fucked the obsession out of them but when they wake up it just returns ten fold.

oh and i can see them now, face pressed into a pillow, ass up as they get fucked, having to wear a gag because theyre just so loud and you dont mind, you love their sounds! but your neighbors... well, lets just say you wanna avoid as many embarrassing moments as possible, even if you enjoy humiliating your yandere sometimes (consent goes both way, ESP in voyeurism!) and their face is so red, your pillow is gonna need to go in the dryer from their tears! and if youre in a position where they can hold onto you, you know they'll push your hips closer with their heels, cling to you like a life line as you fuck them nice and hard. they just cant stop themselves, especially when they get sex drunk and just look at you with that dopey fucked out look and its just so adorable when you get them to that sweet spot where they forget theyre obsessed with you and can initiate contact without basically having a panic attack over it. the sloppy kisses, the grabby hands, the vague groans that kinda sound like words, the snuggling oh! its just so so cute! esp when theyre too tired to even get up and they whine when you leave the room for any reason <3

just seeing this anxiety riddled, sweaty, panting, flushing face mess turning into a pure puddle of happiness, the only thing they know pleasure and the fact you bring it,,, i can clearly see the yandere waking up in your arms and starting to hyperventilate, tensing up and just being so embarrassed but you just bring them closer and they nearly explode. cutie!

and their moans! i hope you love vocal partners cause they moan every time you move inside of them(if theyre still coherent at that point) or touch their junk or kiss their neck, anything! breathy little "ah, ah, ah! please, feels good! so go-ah!-od" if you havent managed to make them incoherent (dont worry, its a bit harder than you might think. they worked very hard to make sure you could still use them after they cum <3)

#poised darling #yandere #yandere scenarios #yandere x you #sensitive yandere #yandere imagines #yandere x darling #yandere x y/n #yandere smut #asks

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soldier-poet-king · 1 year

Text

I love my Nonna dearly but I also just got my first real "here's how you should find a man" advice so truly 2023 IS my Charlotte Lucas year

To be fair, I'll give them credit, this is one of the first times my family has pulled this shit on me. I suppose my "I'm too busy focusing on school" excuse that I used through all 8 years of undergrad and grad school doesn't really work now that I've been working full-time for a year. And she also didn't bring it up in front of everyone or out of the blue, it came up because we had been discussing how insane my motherhas been about babies lately and my Nonna said "oh it's BC she's waiting for grandkids"

And like??? Just because my mother got married and had kids by my age (which may have been the right decision for her, this isn't judging even if I think her life went to shit bc of it) doesn't mean it's the right decision for ME

In fact, it is the ABSOLUTE WRONG decision for me. Theres a whole long list of reasons why I'm not getting married + or having children, including but not limited to: the trauma of my parents marriage and my childhood, my own ongoing health stuff, the whole religious queer anxiety guilt complex I've got going, the fact that if I were to get pregnant the resulting mental health crisis and dysphoria would undoubtedly make me *** y'know not soemthing that is frequently a source of nightmares for me or anything, my inability to take care of myself let alone CHILDREN, and the anxiety of raising children religious when I don't even know wtf is going on with me, CHILDREN??? IN THIS ECONOMY????

Ofc I can't exactly say any of this to my Nonna who, while incredibly sweet and loving and Good, is also like. Not at all exposed to these concepts and would probably freak out if I was like hello yes I am a big fat queer and I rlly hate the concept of gender and societal ideas of womanhood :) it also doesn't help that rlly the only single, middle aged woman my Nonna knows is this lady who works at the church who is DEFINITELY a badly closeted lesbian but also she's super fuckin mean and condescending and no one likes her BC she's a bitch, on top of the whole being a badly closeted lesbian in a conservative heteronormative religious environment

Like even IF I were to get licitly Catholic married to a man. You wanna find one for me??? My Nonna was like "go to church more to find a man" HELLO??? WHERE??I GO TO MASS EVERY WEEK?? Every religious man I know irl is a radtrad women can't wear pants type or is a manchild. Even if I COULD find a normal man, he'd have to get real cool about some stuff real quick. In that forever dilemma of too leftist queer for the religious and too religious for the leftist queers. (Obvs your partner doesn't have to be your duplicate but I'm like. Generally being on the same page. The same BALLPARK. is probably conducive to having a healthy relationship, y'know?)

Besides a significant part of my having 0 social life is because I am living in my parents basement which is in a shitty not-a-suburb of mostly immigrant families with youngish kids or super old folks from when the neighborhood was built, so it's poor and run down but also super fuckin far from anything To Do, so it's the WORST of both worlds of urban sprawl. And I have no car. And I already spend 2.5 hrs a day commuting for work. And I'm chronically tired. And joining a fencing club or taking art class or whatever costs MONEY y'know the thing I'm trying to SAVE by living in this hell place???? She literally said in the same convo "live here as long as possible to save money" like??? YOU CANT HAVE UR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO as long as I'm living here I'm NOT going out and meeting ppl BC there is literally Nowhere To Go. Big box stores like Walmart? Yet another strip mall? The highway??? THIS IS SOULLESS HELL of neither nature NOR accessible city amenities

And anyway, I would rather be in a long term marriage for tax benefits relationship anyway. Not platonic, not romantic, but a secret third thing (jk but also serious). Like. Mutual devotion that blurs the lines and transcends labels. It could be completely chaste. It could not be. It's not a dealbreaker really. It's about trust and devotion and companionship and love. But also I'm insane and I KNOW how insane and obsessive I sound, and society prioritizes nuclear family relationships and not the weird ass shit I crave, and I feel too much too fast and would ruin any relationship I had even if I WERE to somehow find someone who prioritizes those things too

So like. It's fine. Most days (not all ofc, but I'm trying) I'm okay with this and being on my own and learning to cultivate my own peace and Goodness and I know who I am and what I believe and what I trust to be Good and I'm working toward that and I'm not sacrificing it for anything. But also. Can you give a bitch a break. Please. I'm so fkin tired

#franposting #my bday isnt even til JUNE #im going to bitch anyway #im genuinely really upset but part of that is bc my headache has come back #and its worse than ever #i might cry but my head already hurts too much #i got really good news at work and only the men in my family made a big deal #the women were just. meh. and ofc none of them have careers so why should ot be important to me?#as the only granddaughter ofc :))))#i am going. to crawl into bed. hair washed. lavender candle on.#do a lil meal planning. and then read or maybe just sleep.#tmrws goals after church are gym and grocery shopping before dnd #have to make my body hurt so much i cant think again #ofc bro 1 has claimed the car. so maybe i cant go #god. gos. i fuckin need to get out of here #but i literally cannot afford even studio apt rent in the city #and moving to one of the boroughs doesnt gwt me any closer to anything esp without a car #literally. just like. fuckin kill me #or find me a decently paid not soul killing job in a smaller city or even a town #where i could have a garden #or a porch swing. sit in. the sunlight

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magicxc · 6 months

Text

Hills and Valleys

Synopsis: Legend has it that Halloween is strictly for the scares. With ghouls and goblins, vampires and werewolves, witches and broomsticks, who could disagree?

However, all this friend group wanted was a little trick or treat. Sprinkle in a few party favors, loud music, and a cabin in the woods, the myth was bound to come true.

Lurking around the corner is danger like never before, eager to bring this night to a bloody finish.

So join these friends as they fight to make it through a Halloween they’ll never forget, proving that "the scare" is more than just a fantasy.

Word Count: 2640

Warnings: gut punch....right in the feels, lots of blood this chapter

Chapter 4 - Stephanie’s POV

Series Masterlist

“Shut up, all of you,” Jason yelped. “Every minute we spend here is a minute more that sick freak has the upper hand, possibly plotting.

“And unless one of you can squeeze through those bars, the only way we’re getting out of here is through that door,” Em chimed in.

“Lorenzo, think man, does your family keep a spare key anywhere around here?”

“Uhh ye- yeah, I think so. Hell if I know where it could be at this point Jason.”

“Where is it usually?” Em asks.

“By a rack near the back door.”

“There were no keys when I checked back there,” Jason pointed out. “Fuck, we need to get moving NOW.

Honestly the only thing I feel is pure, white, hot rage pulsing through my veins right now. My anger has seen many people on the receiving end of my quick witted insults, and Lenny was no exception tonight - though I have to make a mental note to apologise later. Clearly I'm not level headed, even on a good day, and this high stress situation is only making it worse. Im not the friend for logical thinking, Im the friend that fucks shit up; so I murmur a quick thank you to the military man for rounding us altogether and making things a little more seamless.

Quick to dish out orders, he directs Lenny to the master bedroom to try and get some signal, Em to the second bedroom, himself to the kitchen and living room, me to the bathroom and any miscellaneous closet doors, while Lynn works on picking the deadlock.

I all but race to the bathroom, flicking on the light switch to get an idea of exactly what can help us in here.

Rummaging through the cabinet for anything sharp, I can’t even remember what it is that I’m supposed to be looking for - my mind aimlessly wondering about while my body ransacks this poor bathroom.

Pill bottles flying in the air, creams toppled over, and shower curtains screeching open, it’s only until my fist lands against the wall does it dawn on me that all I’ve done is trashed the damn place.

One of my best friends is lying face down in a watery grave and I can't even keep it together long enough to do something about it; it’s pathetic really.

For as long as I can remember I’ve always been unfazed, anger rearing its ugly head in place of the rest of my emotions. And this time is no different. There's a literal animal out there hunting people down and I'm supposed to what, sit down and cry about it? No, that can come later. Just this once, I’d like to help my friends out the same way they’ve helped me. My walls have been crumbling since the day they walked into my life, so the very least I can do is find us a way out of here.

Head planted against the bathroom wall, I take a couple deep breaths in and slowly blow them out, repeating this a few more times. I'm no good to anyone in a state of fury but I’ll be damned if five people cant find a way out of a fucking house - what type of looney toons shit is that.

Sliding my fist down the wall and at my side, I take a careful look around for something that could help us open up the door, keys be damned at this point.

Is ammonia strong enough to melt the bars, I think to myself. Shaking my head, I put it back, noting that all I'd do is suffocate us. Taking on another search of the room, I come across more cleaning solutions, soaps, and tissue boxes of sorts.

Fingertips drumming against the counter tops, I try to think of a way to freedom with a tube of toothpaste - throwing it in the trash bin when I come up empty.

Frustration threatens to rise once more and for the sake of it, I march toward the tub just to make sure every base is covered, stopping dead in my tracks as I hit what feels to be a goldmine. There’s a small window in the wall of the tub, bar-free and screaming out to me. How didn’t I see it before is beyond me, but now isn’t the time for questions.

Lips curling upward, I muster up a small smile at my new revelation and get inside to check it out.

Stepping in the tub, I notice that it’s a bit smaller up close, somewhere around 24x18 if I had to guess. Hands gliding across the smooth panel, I reach for the latch and pull it across to see if it’ll open.

Eyes crinkling at the corners I almost let out a happy dance right then and there; small bits of breeze whipping against my clammy skin in newfound hope.

Sizing up the window, I edge closer to the pane, standing on tippy toes to assess the outside. From the angle of the house, the bathroom lines up with the kitchen which is right out of view of the front yard. So, if whoever hurt Julez is still lurking around, they’re more than likely focused on the front and back doors, giving us somewhat of an element of surprise.

Dammit, all those leaves on the ground are sure to give it away though, I sigh. There’s nothing that cuts through the quiet quite like that.

Maybe we can form a bit of a distraction, I think. Have Lynn and Jason make lots of commotion at the front door while two or three of us sneak out the window.

And then there’s the height, another thought creeps in. This window is shoulder length at best so whoever climbs through will more than likely need a boost. And not to mention the small size. It’s not ideal for the average person to squeeze through.

"Ahhhh fuck," I screamed; palm slamming against the damp wall.

It's like we take two steps forward and four steps back with this shit. And the lake house? Lenny’s parents are gonna have to see me personally once we get out of here cause what the actual hell is the point of barricading oneself inside like this? Even though Lynn was dead ass wrong, it does make you wonder what exactly went on in here.

Fuck it, I didn't just find possibly the only way out of the house just to squander this opportunity. Someone is gonna fit through this window and get us the hell out of here come hell or high water - and just to be clear, I am the hell AND the high water.

So first things first, none of the guys broad shoulders stand a chance of getting through there. Lynn is on the thicker side of things, so that leaves me and Em. It’ll still be a tight squeeze, but I think we could make it work.

"I’ve never been more grateful for a flat ass till now," I mumbled.

Lenny will give us a boost, we’ll climb through, start the car, and drive til we get enough cell signal to call the police. Ohhh, we should also grab a knife or something just to be safe.

Digging into my pockets, jaws clenched in concentration, my fingers slither over everything from gum to lip gloss, until it finally slithers over that familiar bumpy texture.

Blowing out a breath of relief, I fish the spray out of my pockets and mouth a thanks to the heavens for having this with me. Pepper gel: my bestest friend of all, especially on late nights when I have to walk back to my car after a double shift.

“Yessss, at least this’ll buy us enough time and space away from that freak if we come across them,” I murmured.

It seems all my boxes are checked off, so I close the window, lock it back, and get ready to tell the group my grand plan. Whew, I'm just itching at the idea of this night finally coming to an end. Shit, who knows the kind of people we’ll be once this is all over.

Will we grow closer or will this night show us that somehow our friend group isn’t strong enough to withstand all this crap. Maybe for once I won’t have to spend my days apologising to everyone, but can actively work on keeping us together. That sick fuck may have taken out one of us, but I’ll be damned if I let them be the reason we separate. These people, my friends- no my family is what I look forward to when I picture my life old and gray, so I need us to get through this crappy night in one piece.

Turning on my heels, I make my way toward the edge of the bathtub, one leg halfway over until the person at the door stops me in my tracks.

“Geeze, you scared me,” I sighed, hands clutching my chest. “I never really pegged you for such a quiet walker.

Stepping out of the tub entirely, I continue to the door, arms flailing in the air as I go on to lay out the plan.

“Now, here’s where you come in -“

My words get cut off by the swift motion. I see it before I feel it and by the time my body has a chance to catch up to what's going on, blood starts gushing from my neck; my nervous system finally registering how sharp the pain is.

Dropping to my knees, a voiceless scream tears through my throat; pathetic gasping the only sound I can muster up as my hands fly to my neck to stop the never ending downpour.

The pain is excruciating and the blood oozes through my fingers quicker than I can stop it. My head feels dizzier by the minute and the grip on my wound loosens by the second.

Eye contact between us two never cease and I see a hint of a smile threaten to creep up, washed away by the stumbling on the staircase. They dash out of the door, closing it behind them while I sink further into the tiled floor; fear putting me in a metaphorical chokehold as I put myself into a literal one.

I hear Lenny’s booming footsteps burst through what feels like every door but mine; panic sourcing through me as I now feel cold sweat line my forehead.

He finally pops in, that goofy grin instantly dropping once he takes in the scene.

Disheveled, Lenny combs his hands through his hair, a big indicator of when he feels most stressed. And I would be too, but motherfucker I’m on the floor, help me dammit - is what I really want to say, though it doesn’t quite come out the way I intend it to.

Rushing over to me, Lenny starts shouting but I can barely stay tuned; my body threatening to dip out of consciousness.

“Oh shit, oh shit, shit,” he hissed. “Steph it’s gonna be alright, I just need you to hold on for a minute.”

There’s a thick, course cloth that wraps around me, and I feel like a baby being swaddled. The warmth that runs down my body soothes it from the chilly air and all I want to do is take a nap, wrapped in Lenny’s strong arms; if only to relieve myself from the hangover that’s sure to come. The blanket feels a little too tight and thankfully I don’t have to tell him to loosen it.

“AYEEEEEEEEE,” he screeched. “YOU GUYS GET IN HERE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.”

Eyes steadily closing, sleep seems like the best course of action right now. All I need is a little break. Just a quick nap and then we can find a way out of here.

“Steph, baby talk to me,” he shakes me. “Who did this to you?”

It’s the horde of screaming that annoys me most of all. Can’t they see I’m trying to sleep?

Head slumped to the side, I see everyone gathered by the doorway, terror etched onto each face but one. That motherfucking bitch.

They did this. Fuck the window and the plan, Lenny the person you need to worry about is right in front of you. At least that’s what I’d like to think I said.

Holding me tighter in his arms Lenny shushes me, rocking us back and forth, desperately urging me to save my voice and energy until we can get some help.

This is it isn’t it? The look on everyone's face says it; or hopes for it. There’s nothing about the chilling screams and the panicked pacing that brings me comfort. This right here is where my story ends. I'm decades away from the gray life I imagined I’d live out, tears brimming over at the idea.

Feet splashing through the blood and plopping beside me, it's Lynn whose voice I manage to make out; she and Lenny drowned out by my loud heartbeats.

“I don’t fucking know Lynn, for goodness sake make yourself useful.”

“Both of you shut up,” Jason barks. “Dude tell me you got enough service to get us some hel- to get Steph some help.”

Wrapped tightly in Lennys arms, I feel myself losing the battle with consciousness. I’ve lost probably about half my blood, the room is spinning and I can’t for the life of me remember why I’m on the bathroom floor.

Eyes darting around the room, they land on the culprit and the salty tears flow freely. Mustering up the last bit of energy I have left, I manage to point my index finger, as best I can, at the perpetrator.

Get that mother fucker and get the hell out of dodge is what I try to say, but all that comes out is this wet, gurgled plea for help. Between the rocking and the chaos, no one notices my last ditch effort and all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs.

I’m scared, fuck I’m so scared. There’s this saying that goes something along the lines of one day we all went outside and played with our neighborhood friends for what we didn’t realise would be the last time. Who would’ve thought the same would apply here?!

Who would’ve thought this would be our last ever party. My last time promising to be back home before the sun rises to my dad. The last time Lenny and I would banter for the sake of it. The last time Em and I bonded over similar tastes. Or the last time we’d tease Lynn about her endless boyfriends. Had I known this would be the last time I’d see Julez, I would’ve hugged her a little tighter.

This friend group has been all that and more for me. They’re literally the siblings I’ve never had. They’ve accepted me wholly and at the same time made me more considerate. They’ve been my literal shoulders to cry on and have seen me through every emotion there is. So why can’t they see me point this motherfucker out? Please! Let me at least do this one last thing for y’all. Please, don't let this final attempt be in vain.

Tears stopping and blood slowing, my muscles slacken while my lips manage one final, small smile; hoping that in the future they’ll at least pour one out for the homie once they make it out of here safely.

Although this was no doubt painful, I hope what awaits me on the other side feels much similar to being carried to your bedroom when you were a child and fell asleep on the couch during a family party; hoping most of all that I can still hear the laughter and the noise from the next room.

#Emmy Writes #Emmy Tries #Spooky Szn #Halloween Kills #Halloween Series #Halloween #Hills and Valleys #Original Story and Characters #Horror #are you crying?#cause I am #RIPPPP

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catboii · 4 months

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((Not to be majorly ooc on the rp blog but my anxiety is through the roof today and i kinda just need to vent.

I've been back to work for maybe 2 or 3 weeks after taking some time off for my mental health. And upon coming back I've had countless issues with logging in. Multiple systems have either been disabled, locked, or I just forgot a password and it needed resetting but it's not just a case of *change* done.

And yesterday which is a nice quiet day on the phones and I was hoping it would all be sorted so I had a nice intro back on, still not done. One manager said the one single system I had left to fix should be an easy one and he seemed pissed that no one had done it already, but the IT guys closed like half an hour before we figured it out. So I was supposed to go see him when I started today to get it sorted, get back on the phones. Easy! Sorted!

But today. The lift is busted. Worse, they're doing some scheduled* maintenance. So multiple people in charge knew this was happening. I don't like to call myself disabled outside of certain contexts, I prefer "less able-bodied" or something, because physically I can walk, physically I can stand for maybe half an hour if for some reason my life depended on it. But it's the chronic pain and fatigue, the connective tissue issues, random minor dislocating of joints and Ataxia that means I use a walking aid and even with that I'm slow, awkward and off balance, I walk into things like desks and walls, going from sitting to standing I need to steady myself with both hands on something or I'll topple over. On top of that I'm asthmatic and although it's medium risk, it's specifically cold weather and exercise triggered, it's really exacerbated by central heating and air conditioning. I've given myself 3 asthma attacks in the last few months just by existing at home and doing general chores.

I cant do even one set of these stairs. And my desk is on the 2nd floor (that's 2 floors up if anyone is reading this and isn't sure bc i think in the US the "first floor" is our "ground floor" then the first floor up is the "first floor" lol).

I do have a desk set up down here still, in the barely used training area, and normally I would just jump on it and go about my day with no help apart from our work chat I barely get a useful reply from, but I've been off sick for like 3 months. Things have changed that I'm not sure about and if there's a complaint you're supposed to bring it to your manager... I'm way too anxious to even try taking any phone calls right now.

But I'm also being paid for being here with just one system issue that should be easily fixable. If I get called out on it I dunno what to say apart from "if I'm left alone I will break down"...

I'm making myself sick I just. I dunno what to do.

#ooc post.#.vat file #I have to go back to my desk bc I'm a good little capitalist pawn.#I'm not even using my breaks right bc I didn't use the stamp in program this morning but i don't wanna get caught out #i finish in 2 hours though. but i dunno if they'll still be working on the lift tomorrow so it might just be more of the same.#sorry I'm just. really anxious.#/rant off #not looking for advice I'm just. need to vent.

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just-rogi · 11 days

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this is so stupid but im depressed, and im angry im depressed because i want to be happy right now you dont understand. i have been struggling so fucking bad these past few months when my health went downhill and i had to go on medical leave, i couldnt see my friends for so long, and i stopped getting paid and its fine i have money saved up but i feel insane guilt at spending any money on anything at all for pleasure while im off work. like ive dropped hundreds on doctors appointments in the past two months and cant rationalize concert tickets or shit. ive been having just bouts of anxiety and grief and i can manage them because i know HOW to manage them but its just frustrating doing all the depression upkeep when i WANT to be happy. i turned twenty two last month and i havent celebrated my birthday since i was in fourth grade because of reasons, and i was really scared of being let down so i just dont celebrate, but this year i begged my closest friend- i dont want a party i dont want people there, i just want to not be alone, and not be sad and i want to listen to 22 by taylor swift. and due to an emergency she had to cancel on me at nine pm the night before and i was so upset about changing plans i just wasnt able to regulate my emotions or be there with my other friend who showed up at my apartment unexpectedly, because i wasnt emotionally ready to be happy, i just didnt want to be devastatingly sad. I have been waiting to play 22 by taylor swift on my 22nd birthday for at least a decade. its so fucking stupid, its SO fucking stupid, but i was so disoriented and depressed that i cant bring myself to listen to it which is dumb because its not even a good song but it was supposed to be happy. my grandmother was the only member of my family who wished me a happy birthday, and less than a week later was easter and i wasnt invited but all my siblings were there. and im trying so hard to go for walks and talk to friends and go to the library and make art, but i keep going to doctors appointments and i cant do shit i used to be able to do and i feel so isolated at home... and it just kinda hit me... im not excited to listen to the new taylor swift album tonight. what the fuck. im taylor swift girl. im like THE swiftie friend. there were people in highschool who only knew me because i loved taylor swift, hell even on tumblr i was known for my stochastic terrorist taylor swift post that went viral, and.... i dont care. Its not even that i dont care- its that i actively dont WANT to listen to the album tonight. my phone lock screen is a sylvia plath poem, i have a full shelf of just my favorite poets, like poetry and taylor swift are my favorite things in the world and everyone knows it... and im not excited. what the fuck. i want to be excited again. i want to be happy about this. im sick of doing depression manitence and going outside and eating fruit and taking showers and going on walks. IM ANGRY BECAUSE IM SICK AND I DONT HAVE ANSWERS AND EVERY WEEK IS A NEW DOCTORS APPOINTMENT AND I DONT EVEN GET TO BE HAPPY ABOUT TAYLOR SWIFT???? cmon man its hard enough i just want to be feeling something again. i deserve to be happy about this so why am i miserable and apathetic. i get it. im a swiftie and taylor isnt even that good and its not even something special because she releases new music every other week..... but man... i want to be excited about something again. its not my fault this time- i did everything right and im still just so fucking sad i cant cope

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happyandticklish · 1 year

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wait no because those rants are so relatable??? sometimes I find myself questioning if I'm still even ticklish, like I remember what it was like from when I was younger but now it can be so hard to laugh and it sucks because I really really want to. there are acceptions like if I go to get a checkup and they're checking heart rate or if I'm getting a back scratch I suddenly cant keep myself still or quiet, but then??? for example just last week a friend offered to tickle me when they came over and I was ecstatic that they'd offer, agreed like it was the best day of my life, only to barely feel it at all. It's genuinely upsetting and I was a little surprised to see these rants under your blog because whenever I get sad about not being as sensitive as I'd like I always think about your tumblr @ name and how great it is that people out there get to experience it to a fuller extent even if I got a smaller end of the stick. like no cap that has genuinely been my thought process and it's what brings me to a melancholy conclusion almost every time. Didn't know it was common to be like this? made my week seeing to I'm not the only one. like I actually dont know what to say this feels so refreshing thank you!!!!!????? ( + the anons :)

Aaaaaaa I'm glad you could take some comfort in this anon!! ^^ Even if it was born out of an intense lee mood and hormonal shit at 3 in the morning, it's cool that it actually resonated with some people! I COMPLETELY get your first point, there's so many moments of things that aren't supposed to tickle tickling (like shower pressures or putting your hands on the outside of a blender or someone pinching me) and it's hard to be chill about it, but then the second you ACTUALLY get tickled it's just,,, nothing.

If it makes you feel any better, I genuinely do believe that it is purely a matter of technique. The fact that other things are tickling you shows that at the very least you are ticklish, it just has to be unlocked through other methods.

A lot of times if you're anticipating the tickling, it can be easier to control your reactions, because you feel in control with it. Obviously most people aren't comfortable with this right away and you don't have to pick this option, but something as simple as tying your hands up so they're unable to help you can work, as it immediatelly increases vulnerability. Blindfolds and teasing can also help with that.

Also, sometimes it's about directing your ler, even if it feels awkward or stilted. If they stumble across something that even slightly tickles, have them stay there, maybe try more or less pressure, show them whether scratchy tickles or poking works, whether your need rough digging and grabbing or gentle traces. Everyone's different, and a lot of times the things that work on one person will be rendered null and void on another. Using tools can be useful too, or lotion, anything to increase your sensitivity.

Being ticklish is just as much a state of mind as it is a physical ability, so getting to a place where (a) you feel comfortable laughing and reacting around your ler and (b) you also kind of DON'T feel comfortable around them, more in the, 'they make you nervous and giggly right off the bat' type of thing. Our inhibitions can often choke up our responses, so teaching yourself to relax in those circumstances can greatly help.

It might also be that you're just not that ticklish, and that's okay too! Being a lee/switch is entirely based around how you feel about tickling as opposed to actually being ticklish. You can be a barely sensitive at all lee who still enjoys the feeling, or a hyper ticklish ler who can't stand to be touched, and both are incredibly valid! You should never feel like you're of less value because you feel like you aren't meeting certain "qualifications" of what a lee/ler/switch should be.

Here's to hoping you can get tickled to your heart's content in the future!

#tickling #asks #answered ask #the fact that you thought that about my blog specifically is both mind boggling and flattering ajsgjji #but nope im afraid i also experience this and also havent even gotten tickled that much in my life haha #although if it does bring you comfort i have gotten like #LEGIT tickled once #and even if it wasnt as bad/intense as i thought tickling was supposed to be #they more than made up for it with the teasing and mood of the session and it did genuinely get hard to sit still through it #more than a couple times actually lol #and i even apologized probably too much about not laughing and they assured me it was cool #cause they could just watch my facial expressions instead #which was infinitely flustering let me tell you #all that to say the right ler will completely understand if youre not immediatelly responsive right away ^^

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