#i dont even know if i like this anymore

[writersmacchiato]

Todd can’t help the way he feels about you.

You’re kind to him, always nice, so patient. Never getting annoyed when he stumbles over his words or goes quiet as he gets lost in his head trying to think of the best response, forgetting to answer.

It’s why when he overhears your friend teasing you about a crush, his heart instantly sinks to his stomach, feeling sick, because there’s no doubt in his mind that it’s not him.

It could never be someone like Todd who would hold such attention from you.

Things like that didn’t happen to Todd.

He should leave it alone. He should forget he ever heard anything. He should really leave you alone, his senior of one year, and find friends his own age.

But he doesn’t seem to click with anyone else.

He felt desperately like a puppy scorned of any attention when you first smiled at him, all kind angles, nothing malicious in the way you talked to him so nicely.

You’re overcompensating, with your kindness. For all the bad things that have happened to you. You’ve let him into your life, sharing things that not a lot of your friend group knew (not that Todd knew this, to him it was common knowledge). And he’s surprised that your life isn’t perfect.

For all the shitty, horrible, terrible things that have occurred, you’re just as determined to be the opposite. To be a light instead of the darkness that is so easy to succumb to.

“I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up,” you whisper to him one night, sneaking away from the party with your lukewarm drink and his soda that’s beginning to taste flat.

Your head leans against his shoulder and he tries to breathe evenly, to be the perfect shoulder for you.

“I was really lonely. It felt like no matter what I did, I never fit in. People liked me, but no one wanted to be my best friend. So, I guess I never want anyone else to feel like that.”

Todd thinks about that night a lot. The weight of you against him, how the air was crisp, and the scent of your shampoo drifting into his senses.

He wonders if you’ve brought him into your circle out of pity. If you don’t see him as a friend, but as a past version of yourself laden with no friends. If you’re trying to reach into the past and rewrite the story. He doesn’t like to think about it too much because it hurts.

Really, he should try to spend less time thinking about you. But the more he tries to forget, the more he thinks.

He can’t stop thinking about the word crush. His dictionary has been opened to the C section so many times that it has a natural crease there now, flipping to the page as soon as he opens the book.

Crush: a strong but temporary feeling of liking someone.

It could be just a harmless tease from your friend. As far as he knows, there is no one who you could have a crush on. He watches you a lot, and there’s not a lot of people you spend frequent time with outside of your friends and him.

This endless thought that could be nothing that is leading him into a slow descent into obsession. It bothers him.

Someone who could yield your affections must be someone special, worthy of such attention.

But what if it’s not? What if it’s someone who wouldn’t be careful with your heart, wouldn’t take the time to learn the workings of your mind? What if your feelings are not temporary?

Todd loses sleep over it, worry gnawing at the edges of his thoughts until he’s become edgy.

You notice, of course, that Todd will withdraw into himself. With gentle coaxing, he’ll return but sometimes he stays stuck.

Lately he’s been stuck and nothing you’ve done has been able to break through.

He shocks you by finding you in the library, clearly still caught in the webs of his overthinking mind. Appearing normal as he pulls out a textbook and notebook, pen tapping against the palm of his hand.

The words blurt out of his mouth, rushed through in a painful exhale that sounds more breathy than he intended. He hadn't even meant to say that.

“You have a crush?” He asks.

And then stops, breath hitching, heart beginning to race.

He doesn’t want to know. Can’t bear to watch the way your lips form the name of someone who isn’t him.

Instead, you smile at him. Shrugging your arms and sighing.

“Not you too! Everyone is pestering me over it.” You avoid the question, Todd is quick to notice.

“I overheard Meeks.” Todd says.

“He’s such an instigator.” You roll your eyes.

Todd knows you well enough to know that you’ve purposefully not answered him. It brings a small flutter to his chest.

“Do you?”

It’s painful, to dig in and search for an answer that he know will hurt. Rubbing salt into the wound that is his aching heart. But he has to know. It’s like an itch he can’t reach.

“Yes, Todd, I do. Although calling it a crush is silly. It’s much stronger than that.” You say, very quietly.

Or maybe Todd can’t hear you well over the sudden rushing in his ears.

“Oh.” It’s all he can manage.

Crush, is simple and small. Temporary.

Stronger than a crush? Well. That’s not so simple or small.

“Todd, can you look at me?”

He can't. Eyes glued to the floor of the library, feeling his cheeks flush with warmth and his stomach twist into knots. Slippery and hot as he tries to calm the sudden urge to be sick.

You reach out to grab his clammy hands, giving them a firm squeeze. He manages to squeeze back.

“It’s okay, breathe.” You count out the breaths for him until they’re no longer shaky.

His cheeks are still flushed, but not with anxiety. Feeling the sweat on his neck begin to cool. Stomach settling.

“Todd, I really like you. A lot.” You grin. “I have a crush on you.”

“Why me?”

“Because you’re you.”

Todd has another fitful night of sleep, but this time it's because he can't stop thinking about the moment in the library. Flushed with embarrassment, but also with a giddiness. Thinking of what you had said, to him alone and him only:

"I'm infatuated with you, Todd Anderson."

#todd anderson x reader #dead poets society x reader #dps x reader #todd anderson imagine #dead poets society imagine #dps imagine #dps #dead poets society #todd anderson #i dont even know if i like this anymore #but here have some writing!!!!!!!!!!!

[valeriannnn]

weakest link

#ffxiv #valerianart #alphinaud leveilleur #thancred waters #underexplored relationship imho #nobody talks about it anymore but i dont think you can go through something like that- #spending weeks or more believing youve destroyed your movement #your family #knowing the slaughter and ruin befalling them is due to your own inadequacy #- without it living in you for the rest of your life #you are forgiven #absolved even #but some things cant be washed away

[morebird]

still obsessed with him 😳

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 fanart #astarion #bg3 astarion #astarion ancunin #no matter how much I try #this vampire lives rent free in my head #like i am not even THAT interested in bg3 anymore #but i see astarion and my brain turns to mush #anyways if you like the first one i have a little something extra #dont know when i'll finish it tho #probably this year lol

[apathyfairy]

last year i found a wii at goodwill for 25 dollars and it came with everything except a wiimote but it was in such good condition i was like hell yeah ill take it how hard can it be to find a wiimote. the answer is it's nearly impossible to find them at thrift stores now so i've spent like 8 months looking for ones in thrift stores but there wasn't a single one and then online but i just couldn't bring myself to spend 30 dollars on one single wiimote so i waited so. patiently. and then 2 weeks ago i finally found one at goodwill for 9 dollars but it was absolutely disgusting and the battery cover was missing and the compartment was all corroded so i put it back and regretted it the whole week but then this last weekend i went to savers and there was an absolutely perfect wiimote just sitting there with no corrosion and a jacket and the wrist strap and motion plus and the nunchuck was there too and i got it all for 10 dollars so the moral of the story is that sometimes things seem right for you in the moment but you have to recognize that they aren't and leave them behind so the things that are meant for you will in fact find you when the time is right. peace and love <3

#for real though im so happy i cant even lie like i regretted selling my wii soooooo much but anyway im back baby <3 #im disinfecting everything rn bc i have a germ problem but once it it's done.....i am SO back #when i first got it i didnt have the remote right so i couldnt plug it in and make sure that it worked but i did just plug it into an outle #to make sure it ran and it did and wii sports resort popped out of the drive so thats fun bc i didnt have that one #and anyway i might cry when i hear the menu sound ngl ngl. #but the city i live in is like an overgrown retirement home and so the goodwill is full of old people things and this wii had stickers #like explaining which cord was which so i just know it was a wii that they bought for like grandmas house and only played it when they were #over there so anyway cant wait to see what's on there and if the news channel and weather channel are still on the homepage even though #i dont think they work anymore lol #also shoutout to the type a kid who kept their wiimote in such perfect condition that i wanted to cry when i saw it sitting on the shelf #ty <3

[crunchchute]

Shotgun wedding

Inspo from a Mac Conner artwork; uncropped under the cut - slight blood cw

#crunchchute art #my art #sam and max #productive procrastination in the form of sammymack wedding photos? #sams fine its just uhhh its spilled wine or something #i have a huge wip for these two which i dont know how to continue with and i also thought about another thing that i would like to try but #i ended up doing this instead #blood #cw blood #cw guns #ask to tag #theres so much clutter at the end i wasnt even sure what im drawing anymore. need to go back to simpler stuff cause my brain cant do frills #and folds and dresses in general

[greatestjubilee]

bleh

#hi all. lucy here #i have barely been drawing lately because ive just been unable to #like i feel like i lost my spark. i dunno #i used to draw so much and make so many comics when i was absolute rock bottom mentally #like the funnier i was the worse i was doing #ive been better lately but i truly feel like ive almost sacrificed my ability to draw or create stuff for some more mental stability #i just....i dont know. i feel like i can't do anything i used to do with art. like im not funny or have no ideas or just think stuff like #oh ill just draw this because people will wanna see it #but i gave that up because not even i wanna see it anymore #i hope that i can feel like drawing again one day i just dont know how to get it back. it really feels like ive lost a major part of myself #this is my rambling here just to let you know i am still around just kind of laying low because im drained

[bucksbisexualawakening]

the progression from "there's a morning snack and a midday snack" and "20 bucks for pizza" buck looking after his friend's kid to "bobby's famous lasagne: 6 types of cheese cooked to perfection" buck cooking for his family to "that's makes me your sous chef" teaching his kid how to cook is making me go so feral.

#going from two separate things - like how normal friends who aren't co-parenting would organised it - to the most domestic thing ever #to being the good responsible parent and making sure he eats real food before cookies #AND and the motifs that've been established: teaching to cook as father/son bonding and cooking food as a demonstration of love #im UNWELLLLL #buckley diaz family #911 abc #right from the pilot buck has had an intense care for children (but was also immature himself) #and we've seen him grow into a person who is literally becoming a father. (alongside his increasing ability to cook - which he is learning #from his own father figure) #children - specifically caring for children and being a father - has been tied to very important parts of buck's character development #thoughout the seasons #that man wants nothing more than to be a father AND HE IS ONE. #i dont even know if what im saying is coherent anymore but you get my drift #season 6 911 #lynnsaysstuff

[skunkes]

old drawings i found and enjoyed while looking for something else

#a doodley #i dont know what happened. some of these are from so little ago and i cant do em anymore #i used to take full color full body couple comms now i cant even draw oc self ship interactions anymore. #granted the comms werent that good either but ykwim i cant even do it for leisure anymore #and its also so weird when i look at my old stuff that i always have like. non linear improvement. it rises and falls all the time #thats not good! why cant i Keep what i learn! and why does Learning make my art worse when im trying to make it better.... #its crazy seeing how well i could draw faces (sometimes) before i started studying faces. now they rarely look as good. #alas. once again i feel im the result of a non artist forcing their way to it ykwim #an equivalent of a land mammal trying to live underwater

[hazellekat]

ppl are scared the mcu is gonna pair she hulk with daredevil like its the worst thing ever, and my bi emotional ass is just here like "yes i think matt murdock deserves to be carried bridal style by a big green lady" and "matt wouldn't care whether jen is hulked out or not"

#like you cant tell me matt murdock wouldnt be the most attentive when jen vents #and jen would know how to show matt a level of softness he doesnt usually accept #i think it has potential #whether or not it happens in the show #i think their dynamic would be very fun #she hulk #she-hulk #she hulk attorney at law #she-hulk attorney at law #jennifer walters #matt murdock #daredevil #she hulk spoilers #marvel #mcu #yall dont know how to enjoy things anymore i swear #u dont gotta like them as a pair but to complain before anything has even happened yet is so tiring #ill be over here shipping the red and green like its christmas by myself

[thelotiongod]

The skrunkies <3 i hate them. Erm anyways hey im new to tumblr 😃 i’ve been exploring and i repost ALOT because i like going back at it and having laughs or inspiration!!

#smallishbeans #joel smallishbeans #ethoslab #etho fanart #double life #i dont rlly know how to work tumblr #smalletho #fanart #trafficshipping #implied smalletho?? #trafficblr #traffic doesnt even seem like a word anymore

[heynhay]

i love everybody because i love you

#klance #vld #voltron #lance mcclain #keith kogane #heynhay sees keith and is like DOCTOR!!!! TAKE THAT MANS PATHETIC CAT AURA OUTPUT AND INCREASE IT BY TEN THOUSAND!!! #i need you guys to listen to the linked songs. tell me you do that #because i cannot make it clear enough that i dont just choose a similar ish song. when i link a song in the desc it means from start to end #i had that song in mind. or even playing. definitely looped it several dozen times #and this is an easy one too! one like everyone knows! i didnt even go niche this time! #(strawberry blonde was just too perfect) #it was a hard choice between this and I Want You though for RFSNCIB #anyway thats 3/6 mitski albums represented. #can i keep doing one a day til i finish? dubious. but possible. #just for the record. after this keith like lit a building on fire or something #he couldnt fucking take it anymore #caption is a bit misleading. keith would not love everybody bc he loves lance. #in fact i think mostly it would drive him to threaten others with violence #but for a split second. this split second. #...maybe he does #art #my art #mitski

[scullcrusher101xd]

so glad the movie finally confirmed tf2 heavy and tf2 soldier as hatred`s real parents!

#bc i heard people say his features look like if heavy and soldier were mixed #i dont headcanon this thouh im joking im jokimg #also i had to draw me two wifes soldier and sgt interacting #i think hatred wouldnt react with <:( face at soldier`s head collection as i drew him but i needed that reaction for a comedic effect #the punchline is : soldier is crazy! everybody laugh. #why tf are images so frigin huge here duuuuuuuuuhhhhh #venture bros #sgt hatred #tf2 soldier the demon that lives in my head #I dont even know if the second image is funny everyone so used to soldiers heads that they have no shock value anymore

[user-name-h3re]

i'm posting these mediocre sketches before school kicks my ass again

#camp camp #camp camp fanart #cc preston #god im so pissed my computer never lasts long enoug for me to finish at least ONE drawing #and i dont even have time to go fix it because of exams #cc nikki #cc nurf #AAND i cant download episodes anymore so now i feel like a huge failure #cc gwen #save me cc episode 3 season 5 #cc neil #cc ered #my art #i think preston and nikki would bond over nikki's new found femininity #since they most likely didn't get along very well before because of their differences #nikki could teach him how to fight idk #this episode validated my trans ered headcanon and my camp counselor ered headcanon #tough being right all the time #i really like that ered and nurf are both trying to become better people #i know they wont treat nurf's quote on quote growth seriously but im so happy to see so much focus on ered #i genuinly never thought this would ever happen im over the moon #ered<3333

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

i think sometimes people forget dazai is 15 in fifteen

#not in the sense that they dont treat him as a fucked up kid. they also dont do that but its a different issue #but in the way people apply that statement he gives mori to his current self #like 'is there really any value to this thing we call living' or whatever #like i know i say words of a man who has not yet met chuuya nakahara #but like those are genuinely the words of a dazai with no chuuya in his life yet #by the end of fifteen chuuyas given dazai motivation to try at living and i think from that point forward the statement he made doesn't like #i dont think it covers his current ideas on the topic anymore #its not that there isn't any value to living it's that he specifically is incapable of finding it or smth something like that #and even then i think that gets warped more as time goes on yk #idk. take anything i say abt dazai with a spoonful of salt im not as caught up as i should be

[sunspinecity]

its so crazy that staff was like "yeah we're adding the grand exchange shop to fix the rampant issue of ancient gene clutter!" and we were all like "yay!" and then they just. didn't fix the issue of clutter in the marketplace. which was what we all actually cared about. And now it's to the point where i've been camping this mp with 5 min timers for (no joke) the last 9 fucking hours trying to find Secondary Gene: Striation (MODERN) while every ancient variation has stocked plentifully and often. and when the next ancient inevitably comes out next month it's going to get even worse. like. Man.

#sometimes i wonder if they even play the damn game bc if they did they would realize how bad the mp is rn. ''chime they have personal accs'' #then why haven't they fixed this if they know. Like do they know. DO THEY KNOW? I dont know im going fucking insane rn man. 9 hours. #fr #flight rising #ancients #chimechatter #it did stock finally btw sometime during hour 9. im good i dont need it anymore. but like. Nine fuckin hours for a single gene. insane shit #what is so hard about just stuffing all the ancient genes in the grand exchange shop where theyre always stocked & can have dom discounts #& then leaving the treasure MP for the moderns. i am demoralized.

[lokh]

WAIT SHUROS DAD SAID HE WANTED HIM TO BRING SOMETHING BACK INTERESTING.... AND WHO IS MORE INTERESTING THAN LAIOS....

#he also cited lack of flexibility in thinking. so surely the solution is shuro realising u can like men.......... #wait... wait imagine. this wasnt the point of the post but everyone imagine with me #fake dating au but not on purpose shuro Does bring back the fucking king of the risen golden kingdom #but his dad takes it as him bringing his significant other back and says he wins #and laios goes But thats not- #and shuro claps his hand over his mouth like Wait a minute. #and when he gets back everyone agrees its the dumbest thing he could have done #im torn between chilchuck laughing or screaming at him. and kabru straight up murdering him #i dont know if itll be a recreation of the laios proximity disgust meter #or he comes back to a party popper exploding in his face with the banner Congrats on your marriage! #maybe both #god it is so difficult to come up with a ship name for them #but i need to. even if im just populating the tag with my screaming #laishuro????? maybe???? #they dont have a lot of overlapping letters... #ok laishuro is free and also this is the only post that comes up if u search it here. weve done it lads #laishuro #dungeon meshi #will that even show up in the tags anymore. im a fool