#i dont know if this makes any sense. im so genuinely upset about it.

[aclairvoyant]

red vs blue was queerbaiting us.

no, seriously. let's talk about it.

roosterteeth, as a company, prided themselves on always doing better and making strides, especially in their later years. they made a big deal about having canon queer characters in their series, particularly in rwby. i'm in no way saying they never cared about queer stories/characters, because they had a lot of queer people working on multiple series over the years, but this time i'm specifically talking about how queer characters, stories, and relationships were used to bait audiences for red vs blue.

yes, i'm talking about grif and simmons.

i'm aware that not every instance of two characters being close constitutes attraction, and i'm also aware that despite there being a lot of gay jokes at the expense of these two, that doesn't actually make them gay.

however.

everything that started as jokes was gradually evolved into a deep, genuine relationship between these two. the opening line, what was originally a throwaway gag, became the most quotable line because of how it permeates the show. "do you ever wonder why we're here?" / "it's one of life's great mysteries." becomes how grif and simmons connect with both each other and the audience, and it's incredibly rare that any other characters have this specific call and response. the ultimate payoff comes in the finale, where simmons asks, "did you ever figure out why we were here?"

from the very beginning, these two are an established pair, complimentary to each other's characters and very rarely without the other.

gags about them acting like an old married couple and calling them gay evolved into full-on, genuine bonds between them, break-ups and subsequent reunions where a character jokes about waiting to see them kiss, them literally having sex in a closet and being too embarrassed to talk about it, and grif asking simmons to run away with him in the finale.

simmons discharged him (which in the context of the show, is quite possibly the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for grif) and the first thing grif thought of was simmons coming home with him.

about that finale:

WHY DID THEY SEPARATE GRIF AND SIMMONS.

the duo established in the FIRST SCENE of the entire show ends with grif going back to earth and simmons staying in blood gulch?? alone???? this genuinely upset me. they are a pair. do not separate. simmons, who was so torn up after grif voluntarily leaving that he talked about it for weeks to anyone who would listen. grif, who regretted leaving so bad he went full castaway and was willing to team up with locus just to get back to simmmons specifically.

roosterteeth specifically played into the relationship between these two and knew damn well what they were doing. longing stares. break-ups. emotional reunions. almost confessions. "come with me." the closet scene. sharing rooms everywhere. "do you ever wonder why we're here?" "it's one of life's great mysteries."

thanks for the series and the characters, roosterteeth. it's almost iconic that the one thing that never changed was the fucking queerbait.

#i dont know if this makes any sense. im so genuinely upset about it. #red vs blue #grif #simmons #grimmons #rvb restoration #rvb spoilers #personal

[kirexa]

There's a lot of things that if you guys knew you would probably yell at me abt

#not in a mental health related way just generally #i sat through one of my finals doing absolutely nothing the whole time because i had no idea what i was supposed to do and was too #embarrassed to ask.. i genuinely listened and really tried to figure out what i was supposed to to but the intructions just made no sense in #my mind. and everyone else just knew what we were supposed to do so i didnt ask and tried to figure it out but there was no online instructi #ons at all #......this was in the class i had a 0 in #i try i just dont understand anything and its rly upsetting #im so worried about how this will effect me in the future..... #im getting taken out of that class thank fuck but. i really am worried. #and to get taken out of that class one of my classes need to be moved and its the only class i share with any of my friends and i dont want #to have no friends in any of my classes #....the problem here probly lies in the fact that i only have 2 people i would really call friends in the same grade and not class structure #ive been trying to make friends since the start of school but im too scared to and everyone already seems to know someone else and i dont #know how to make more friends... #im not shy with absolute strangers rhat i have no intentions to interact with again so why am i so scared to make friends #sorry this got really venty #vent #kirexa vents

[deafeninggardenerpanda]

i'd love to hear about manmaru metadede !!! i heard it's really Gay but no one ever details it. not a lot of it is translated too, as far as i know, but i really like it.. any excuse to talk about something you like is good too

NO YEA not a lot is translated and the manga itself is already more niche compared to like, mopupupu so its not too well known. translation efforts have really started picking up the past year though (shoutout to @/kirby-manga-translated they do great work). if it needed to be restated for new followers since i havent tl'd in a while, i know a decent amount of japanese so i read them on my own :)c

shoutout to my guy @/rosakikoza as well for giving me his scans hehe. the majority of images below are his or taken from his scans. the rest are mine

*deep breath* the tangent. im gonna need to put this under a cut dont mind me 😍😍😍 did i say 3 paragraphs? i meant 20. like 20 paragraphs

meta knight is absolutely pathetic and incredibly down bad for dedede this manga. its adorable. multiple people ive talked to or seen have come to the conclusion it seems like he has a huge crush on him. a quick brief for those who dont know but this mangas meta is admittedly Veryyyyy different from how you'd expect a meta knight to be. uncharacteristically friendly and cheerful and. pathetic is really the best word for it. hes kinda a loser. incredibly protective of dedede, he switches between two modes of fussing over him quite a bit and semi-often going into incredible rage bloodlust modes over protecting him or his image (youll see a good amount of jp fanwork depict this version of him as a yandere for that reason)

theres also been more than one occasion where meta knight tries to commit seppuku upon accidently doing something he sees as unforgivable towards his king (its in the chapter i just screenshotted above too, another time he broke dededes clock and freaked out about it). i-. dont consider this a cute ship thing for the record im just stating it to emphasize the extent of metas obsession towards dedede this manga. the mans got Problems...

apart from that, also quite differing from most interpretations of both of them, both of them seem to genuinely really like spending time around each other all the time. it comes off as casually domestic and is very cute...

regardless of my attempts to brief it, i dont feel like im explaining this very well so lemme just show you a frankly ridiculous amount of reasons for why i keep feeling like this mangaka ships metadede

-fake kiss: self explanatory

-fake proposal: also self explanatory

mk: Will you marry me!?

ddd: Yes!

context for this scene is that theyre rehearsing for a play, but actually its later revealed that meta knight is playing the princess while dedede is playing the male protag so im not exactly sure it makes sense that hes the one proposing here. my speculation is that to make the proposal seem legit for the gag they Had to use meta LMAO but thats just my take

also to be noted, right after kirby hears the proposal he immediately runs off and tries to tell everyone the news before ddd+mk stop him and explain that its fake. hes not thrown off or weirded out at the idea that they could be getting married in the slightest. kirby says gay rights Real i love him sm

-this one is from what i call the memory loss chapter:

dedede loses his memories from getting hit in the head too hard. the gang figures out that beating dedede up or otherwise causing him injury causes him to regain some of them back though, to which kirby attempts to harm him with increasingly violent means, much to meta knights horror. mk spends the entire chapter trying to protect dedede from him, and it doesnt work obviously, but after a particularly hard hit dedede remembers everyone again... except for meta knight. to which meta knight gets upset about and lets kirby lay into dedede for real. you see where people get the yandere personality from now right. i dont recall this trait coming out too often but ill talk more about it later

-the whole chapter thats a cinderella retelling with dedede and meta knight. also also self explanatory COME ON LOOK AT THIS ONE. LOOK AT IT.

mk: Y…You're…

ddd: Wow, he's so beautiful!! It's like I'm dreaming…!

-theres the mangaka chapter which is a more recent one

the gang makes manga for dedede. meta knight's manga is about how cool, brave, and heroic dedede is. mysteriously enough however the only thing hes good at is drawing dededes face and nothing else. the implications of this one drive me absolutely insane. is it supposed to imply that meta knight stares at his face all day?? admires his appearance??? he looks at him so much he basically has his face memorized????? HUH???????? theres no heterosexual explanation for this. acting like a teenager with a crush out here got damn

=various images im sharing out of context because they r cute

head pats. holding hands and reaching the goal together. peak.

KNIGHT DRESSUP FOR THE KNIGHT. AHAAHGH

ddd: Hoho, pretty spiffy don'cha think?

mk: Ohh!? It suits you!!

fellas is it gay to shout "OHH! META KNIGHT!!" with a dopey grin on your face upon being saved like a damsel in distress

sometimes meta knight acts domestic as fuck too. his copy abilities as he states are: cook! clean!! and sleep!!!

regarding my thoughts on their dynamic in this series overall, i think theyre absolutely adorable. meta knight emits dog energy in this one. eager golden retriever towards dedede, though dedede has his sweet moments towards meta knight too. (viewing it with a shipping lens just for this post ofc) while meta is the more active crusher, some of the stuff above seems to imply that dedede has feelings in return as well :') they just get along really well too its great. theres a different chapter where they perform as a comedy duo. theyve done plays in multiple chapters. its my hc for these versions of them that they love doing performances of all kinds together and do a lot of rehearsals and writing in their free time...

and the yandere stuff i feel like i should address as well. i try not to take some aspects Too seriously because its to be expected things are over emphasized for the sake of the joke with gag mangas. but oh man the man definitely has problems. he needs therapy. i tried to be transparent in listing those aspects as well so people can make their own conclusions on it But theres one more thing id like to mention regarding that

meta knights personality has been shifting to be different from what i listed, as of the most recent volume. my beloved forgotten land arc... a first for this series in that, while the chapters still retain their gag humor and dont take themselves that seriously, its a serialized story that mostly follows along with the game plot that lasts nearly the whole volume (as opposed to other game arcs in this manga being episodic stories, using the games as their theme rather than a full on setting). with the more serious tone of the serialized story, theres a frankly startling hint of character development i never wouldve expected from a gag manga at the end of it

kirby gets ko'd the first round of the meta knight cup so meta knight joins the meta knight cup instead. turns out when he does that the final boss of the cup is dedede. meta knight Really doesnt want to hurt dedede and so dedede promptly kicks his ass without a second thought and wins the tournament. while the crowd cheers for dedede's victory, meta and dedede have a small talk where dedede tells him he doesnt need to fuss so much about hurting him/him getting hurt. presumably this is supposed to mark the end of meta knights intense overprotectiveness because (its never been clear-cut due to the nature of the manga previously, so its a lil hard to say) dededes shown he can handle himself, or like, isnt some fragile thing. i really hope itll stick around because i think its a great addition to both of their characters. the meta-knights have also been appearing way more frequently as of very recent chapters (ones that havent been compiled into a volume yet) which seem to also hint to meta knight getting more independence to his character from dedede's loyal servant. im very excited to see where it goes :D

and like, last last disclaimer if anyone needed it; even tho i love metadede and i like to see things through ship glasses sometimes i absolutely try my best to keep my biases out of my translations. putting out accurate translations means a lot to me! this entire post is me purposely putting the ship glasses on so please dont take it as "omg metadede is canon in this manga". you know way back when i was the only active translator for this manga someone tweeted at the mangaka on twitter mentioning that there were english translations around and he replied to that person. didnt respond to the fan translation thing specifically but the fact that he could know who i am definitely kinda terrifies me. if anyone goes around saying that his manga is the metadede manga because of me and he even has the slightest sliver of a chance of seeing that i will kill yall fr LOL

#asks #anonymous #metadede

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I (27m) the asshole for wanting my boyfriend (28m) to be attracted to me?

This involves sex as a topic but won't get explicit, I'll keep it vague. I'm asexual. Completely sex repulsed in a physical sense, mostly due to autistic sensory issues. I've never had any interest in sex and didn't have any libido at all before going on testosterone, so the way most allosexuals tend to view and think of sex is something I've always struggled to understand.

In previous relationships, my asexuality was handled in different ways depending on the person. One boyfriend was totally fine just not having a sexual aspect to our relationship, another one had a hookup he got my approval on. The compromise me and my last boyfriend came up with was that he'd text me his fantasies about me and that did a lot for him without me having to physically be in the situation, and even if I didn't get anything sexual out of it I did enjoy it. It was a confidence boost. I dont generally consider myself attractive or desirable, i wear sweaters in summer because im so self conscious, and this compromise actually did a lot to help me see myself in a different light.

I recently got into a new relationship and, as with every relationship I've been in, there's inevitably a discussion about how we're going to compromise on this issue. My new boyfriend didn't know anything about asexuality and barely understood when I explained but he's very insistent about not crossing my boundaries, which I appreciate. But the problem is, since he'd never considered sexuality from a less direct angle, he didn't really know where to even start with ideas when we were trying to work out a compromise. So, I started making suggestions, thinking back to what worked for other people I'd dated. Just abstaining wasn't going to be doable for him so I didn't suggest it, and he wouldn't be comfortable with a hookup.

I remembered my ex used to be able to get something out of telling me about his fantasies so I asked if that was something he'd be into. I wasn't angling to try to get him to agree to something, I genuinely just wanted to know whether or not that was an option to consider. He didn't actually answer at first, he went quiet and then he answered the question with another question and asked "wouldn't something like that make you uncomfortable?" And I said "no, because the physical component is the thing I have issues with, not the subject matter itself. So long as I don't have to directly engage in the situation, I'm golden."

I don't know if this is something that was really stupid of me to say and my autistic ass just didn't realize, but since he's so careful about my boundaries and comfort and tends to fret, I thought his problem in the moment was worry that I'd be making myself uncomfortable in an attempt to meet his needs. So I hurried to reassure him and said not only would it not make me uncomfortable, I'd enjoy it in a way. Not sexually, but I enjoy knowing that my partner is attracted to me. It makes me feel good about myself.

He got really upset. He doesn’t get upset easily and hadn't ever gotten properly upset with me before (at least not to this extent) so I was very taken aback, but I was floored by his reason for being upset. Not word for word, but he essentially said "so basically you want me to frustrate myself to feed your ego?"

I was, I think understandably, completely fucking appalled by such a suggestion. I said of course not, I was just suggesting something I knew worked for someone else because even if it wasn't his thing, we could narrow down options by process of elimination. Which made logical sense, to me. He wasn't calmed though, he started saying things like "so, you want your partner to be attracted to you even though you never plan on actually letting them act on that attraction? Do you see how cruel that is?" And... I don’t know, which is why I'm submitting this here. Is that cruel?

From my perspective, I would think it's only natural to want to know your partner finds you attractive, doesn't everyone want to be wanted to some degree? I don't get some sort of sadistic thrill out of it as he seemed to be implying, and I don't want it to impact my partners in a negative way. If this was something he would find frustrating then no, of course I wouldn't want him to frustrate himself, we could look at other options. When I made the suggestion, I figured the worst that would happen was he'd say no and we'd narrow down the list of options. I never imagined my moral character would be called into question.

He's usually so, so nice to me and it hit really hard for someone who’s usually so fond of me to say I sounded selfish and vain. Both actual words he used when this devolved into an argument. I explained my reasoning for suggesting it to begin with but he said the issue isn’t the suggestion, it's that he thinks that it's fucked up of me to want my partner to be attracted to me when I'm not going to indulge that attraction and it makes him wonder if I'm really a different, worse person deep down and he's only now getting to see it. He called it a red flag. That seemed like such a leap to me but I don't want to dismiss the suggestion out of hand. Many bad people think they're good people, so it's not out of the question.

This was our first real argument, previous disagreements had been talked out very calmly but emotions ran high with this one. I dont know if this is something that triggered him for deeper reasons, considering his reaction was so intensely out of the norm for him, or if the whole thing just looks entirely different from the perspective of someone who isn't sex repulsed.

Am I the asshole here? Is it really as fucked up as he says that I enjoy knowing my partner is attracted to me even though I won't agree to have sex with them?

We didn't discuss the topic any more that night, and it hasn't been brought up since. He hasn't been treating me differently than before, but he's always proactively apologized before when he was in the wrong about things and he hasn't this time, so to me that says he still stands by what he said. His words have stuck with me and they’re eating at me. I feel like such a horrible person, and I have no idea if I should feel more or less guilty about this.

Tl;dr: my boyfriend is upset that I like knowing my partners are attracted to me even though I don't want to and don't intend to have sex with them bc he thinks that's majorly fucked up and a red flag.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[ganondoodle]

genuine genuine genuine question- wwwhy do you not like the zonai? (zonau? not sure if thats like. the worlds coolest plural or a translation difference) given your content with more monstery designs i would have thought they'd be up your alley!! however. i have also not played skyward sword (as much as id like to) and i know most of peoples upset with their existence and the totk storyline is because of its conflicts with that plot? i'm very excited to see what you do with your rewrite/botw2!! given their slight presence in faron in botw, it would be cool to see you repurpose the zonai in some way that doesn't conflict with the plot you're going for, something that makes more sense with the cryptic kinda bare minimum we had in botw? sorry if you've explained your stance on the zonai before <3

hhhhhhhh i had ranted alot about it but i hope you are prepared- (also "zonai" is sonau in german but im choosing to write it with a z so people recognize it at least, im pretty sure zonau is also the orignal japanese word for them)

i am fine with their design, in fact, i LIKE their character designs, however i dont like everything else about them.

and no its also not bc it affects skyward sword bc it doesnt affect ANYTHING in skyward sword, bc skyward sword is the VERY FIRST zelda game in the timeline and totk is nowhere near it, totk draws several paralels towards skysw bc its meant a sort of soft reset for this new era but its really just thematic overlap and references bc those are cool (i know alot of people are trying to convince the entire fandom that totk somehow is crammed into the old timeline but trust me its never anywhere near confirmed nor does it make any sense, heres the lil graphic i made last month to clarify how i think its meant to be understood .. quite obviously even -

i dont mean to sound .. mean, but some people read too much into little phrases or references to older titles (like first king of hyrule .. doesnt have to mean the literal firstest of the first ones in all of forgotten history ever, just the first of THIS hyrule for example), and while im not against theories i am very annoyed when people try to say its somehow canon when its NOT)

with that out of the way;

i dont like how they are 'integrated' into botws world, they feel unnatural and shoved in everywhere, they have been everywhere and did everythign better and cooler and no part of (this) hyrule was untouched by them their architecture feels not integrated well either and design wise its rather bland, while the sheikah shrines for example while obviously not natural and very 'techy' they still build a harmonizing contrast while the totk shrines are pretty laughably unfitting compared to them the basically complete disappearance of all sheikah tech related stuff bothers me immensely bc why would you just get rid of it istead of developing it further (i know about purahs towers and think they are just like a worse version of the previous ones; and before this argument comes up again, them destryoing it all -somehow- bc they were afraid of it being taken over again is a dumb excuse bc then they should be even more scared of zonau tech- even MORE unknown and advanced tech literally falling from the sky) you could have done SO MUCH with the ancient shiekah tech it drives me nuts

i also think it tipped the delicate balance of the kinda medival setting + high tech that botw had set up compeltely over, the zonau tech just .. is so painfully obviously only the way it is to give you little lego parts to glue together (i know its a focus of the game ... or at least the gamePLAY but it could have been done better, again i think they managed the balance perfectly with shiekah tech, its weird and isnt natural but doesnt endanger the believability of it ... the zonau tech just throws that out the window rly ... how cool would it have been if you could built lil guardian walk thingies djknhfkd )

in general they just feel like a complete replacement for the ancient shiekah and are so SO desperately trying to make the zonau the COOLER and BETTER versions of what the shiekah were (you COULD have connected them in a cool way, like there being ancient shiekah labs build in the old zonau mining facilities bc they used zonau tech as basis for their own tech etc)

like instead of building on the set up and potential botw had prepared, they just scrambled to make a 'better' version of botw, like oh no forget THAT ancient civilization we have an EVEN MORE ancient, and EVEN MORE highly developed peoples there that were also everywhere before you but also were never really hinted at- and then repeat botws structure .__.

having an old and forgotten civilization of whom only some withered ruins remain gave botw a much more real feeling, a world with a history that you will never know (you know, bc that makes it intriguing and is just .. a good choice of worldbuilding imo)- and then totk comes along and reveals everything and also nothing, we know too much of them to be intrigued by their mystery and also not enough to actually care about them (also them beign presented as the good perfectly perfectestest kingdom of light that can do no wrong other than underestimate the eeeevil guy while they also had their hands on every part of the land and made all other races be their face and nameless servants just ... thats weird man!! i know its a game, even if its only aimed at kids my god they arent stupid either!! you really present me with that and expect me to take it at face value what argh)

again i think they COULD have been integrated into it, but the way it was done completely threw me off, im not mad about them EXISTING but about how it was DONE in the game

the way they were done robs not just totk but also botw of mystery and intrigue, for example i much rather had them stay a mystery, only ever talked about in some text and some old and almost completely withered ruins left, you never get so see what happened there in the past, you can only guess, but you have to deal with the fallout anyway and thats just ONE possibility, there are so many and it feels like they chose the most boring one every single time

sometimes knowing less is better than knowing half

(maybe i can make it clearer when .. or if i can get to illustrate what could have worked -in my opinion- better .... sorry for ranting again ;__; )

#ganondoodles answers #ganondoodles talks #zelda #totk #ganondoodles rants #i WANT to like this game so damn much #but cant with the way it was done #and i didnt have big expectations either #sorry if i sound agressive #the way i type just reads to others like that somehow #im desperately yelling in my cage with tears in my eyes thinking about the potential it all had

[stevie-petey]

It's a little sad that Jonathan thinks the kids don't like him anymore 😭 would you be open to talking more about Jon and the kids dynamic and how it changed. (Even though it's mainly Dustin who's a little shit)

yes !!! i based jons relationship with the kids on how its portrayed in the show and how i think bug would change some aspects :)

in canon, we dont really see much of jon and the kids tbh. in season 1 hes close with them and knows where to find them thanks to will, and he adores his brother, so naturally hed know his friends. at the end of 1 we see jon teasing the party in the basement and they seem to like him, but apart from that we truly dont see jons interactions with the kids whatsoever after that. he gets with nancy and it seems like he starts spending more time with just will and his fam and her.

so for come home, bug is a HUGE reason for jons relationship with the party. not only is will involved, but bug is too. she adores all the kids and jon always tagged along when they were growing up to hang with her. they were her adventures with the kids, jon just joined in because of his crush n love for her. bug went to all their campaigns (that they allowed), she loved babysitting them, and she genuinely formed friendships with each of the kids in the party. as we know, she became their big sister as well <3

all this is to say that for come home, jons relationship with the party is more an extension of his relationship with bug. when youre friends with bug and have her in your life, the kids are just naturally apart of the deal. either you take her and the party, or you can kiss that relationship goodbye tbh (hence why she loves steve, he immediately takes those cute lil fuckers in)

jumping to now in season 3 of come home: jon IS bummed that the party seems to no longer like him. however, its not entirely their fault. when jon pulls away from bug and gets with nance, he by proxy pulls away from the kids. in a sense, he moreso mourns the fact that hes growing up and so are the kids and that his relationship with bug is different now as well :( i think with dustin, that one stings a bit more because he grew up at the henderson house just like bug grew up at the byers house. he had his own lil friendship with dustin, something between the two of em, but the second jons indecision between bug and nancy hurt his sister, dustin immediately severed any ties to the guy. bug comes first, always, and dustin will always take her side.

in saying this, i guess all the kids took bugs side in the Divorce lmao. they all truly love her and see her as family, shes their favorite person, so when they see bug crying over jon in season 1 (despite how much she tried to hide it) they all were kinda like :/ dude wtf. not cool.

for jon, this is a reminder that he hurt bug. this, ultimately, is why the kids pulling away makes him so upset. they remind him of what he did, of how his confused feelings hurt the person everyone loves the most, and jon can never escape that

hope this made sense i am rambling sm but i love talking about jon <333 im proud of how i managed to characterize him and how his character is a reflection of bug and bug a reflection of him <33

#ask #anon #m speaks #ch insight #jon u are my baby

[ewyband]

explaining HRT to my parents and acceptance

hello everypony, if you don't know, im non binary. im gonna be really vulnerable here for a hot sec but i just wanted to share my experience because its something ive found very difficult to write about in musical form.

gender has always been super confusing for me and whilst there were signs of me being trans when i was younger, its only something thats become apparent in the last three years. i wont bore anyone explaining my experience of where i stand with my gender but i wanted to share my experiences with HRT and the process of telling my parents about it.

i started seriously considering HRT around around a year ago and decided to take the plunge around two months ago because every time i looked in the mirror, i noticed more chest hairs, thicker body hair, broader shoulders and a squarer jawline -- this all makes me extremely dysphoric and i hated it. the conclusion i came to was, this was all going to continue to intensify throughout me aging and so the main question was: do i want to age on testosterone or estrogen? once i started estrogen i felt so much better about myself, almost instantly (as in, within the first few days). my mood has drastically increased and i have 'breakdowns' way less now which is great!! one thing i was scared about was chest growth and the day before i started estrogen, i was very tired from a long day and had a breakdown because i was quite literally mourning my freedom. i never really have been more confident shirtless or anything but i mourned swimming in the sea, in lakes, in rivers and in tarns on the mountain tops -- the sense of freedom you feel when you're fresh out of an ice cold tarn on a mountain is indescribable. however, now i have responsibilities, i have a career i have to make work, i have people i need to please and for some reason i felt not being able to be shirtless was another freedom i could potentially have snatched away from me. when i told my mum about me starting HRT she said 'well, i'm sure you've made an informed decision so i'll just tell you the same thing i've said about weed: just be careful okay' which was a genuinely pleasant surprise when my dad found out, my mum called me saying 'just in case you get a call from your dad, he's really worried and he's been losing sleep over it. if he calls you, please dont argue with him, just agree with him for now for our sake' my dad did end up calling me and i explained everything and any worries that he had. he had a lot of questions but i managed to answer everything without getting too upset. towards the end of our call i thought he said 'i just needed you to understand' to which i replied 'yeah i understand, its okay to be anxious, because i definitely was' and he replied 'no, i said "i just needed to understand"' im really grateful for my parents being so accepting and its genuinely strengthened our relationship. even though they're pretty hit and miss with calling me my correct pronouns, they still love me and havent disowned me and im really grateful for that.

anyways, thanks for coming to my ted talk

#trans #nonbinary

[hannieehaee]

Idk if this is appropriate or not (feel free if this is something you don't want to answer) but as a casual kpop stan who really only stans seventeen and listens to other kpop artists on a somewhat frequent basis I just feel as though seventeen is reaching their peak in a way that's far from satisfying. Like idk if this makes sense but to me it seems as tho the members are struggling to keep out of "scandals" with mingyu's incident last year, minghao/seoksoon being labeled as fat phobic earlier this year over out of context clips and now with Joshua (he's not even close to being my favorite member but these rumors and pregnancy stories are honestly making me so upset rn) ...as a fan who feels a genuine attachment to these people it's hard for me to be happy because while Ik the boys deserve every good thing coming their way fame comes with a price and that price is what I'm worried about. Like I get that Pledis isn't SM and seventeen definitely see themselves as family unlike NCT who view themselves more as colleagues I'm so scared that Joshua will eventually leave like Lucas or heaven forbid anything more drastic happens. It's just that I always see these "we could never save them" posts but then the same people who post them also comment the worst things forgetting that idols are humans too. I'm super sorry for the long ask but I just read that jeonghan got hurt and that made me think of the rest of the members and everything else they've been going thru. I'm not even the type of person to get attached to people I barely know but with Seventeen it's like I'm really and honestly praying for their success because they seem that THAT genuine group of people who are just trying their best. Sorry for the rambling

i get what ur saying. dont worry abt sending a long ask! ur welcome to rant abt svt in my inbox whenever! honestly i havent stanned for too long so idk how things were before this past year but i do worry for them lately :/ theyre getting injured too often and they get no rest. i dont like how pledis/hybe are managing them at all. theyve been constantly touring japan very repeatedly for seemingly no good reason at all which has obviously tired them out (theyve been dropping like flies, LITERALLY). pledis had the opportunity to promote them in ways that didnt involve constant performances but have just chosen not to for some reason. i really hope they get to rest soon (unlikely tho since theyre likely gonna have a world tour next year).

about the joshua thing. i feel sosososo bad for him. idk and idc if hes really dating that girl honestly. i do feel like it was kinda dumb of her to consistently post herself in the same places/clothes as him if they really wanted to keep it a secret BUT neither of them deserved the hate/scrutiny they got for it. not even with the pregnancy thingy on her stories. i don't think joshua and lucas' situations are comparable whatsoever since joshua has not done anything wrong unlike lucas. im hoping pledis somehow protects him better but thats unlikely. i dont think any member of svt will ever leave bc as u said, theyre family. cant rlly compare to nct tho lol bc i only stan svt so idk any other groups' dynamics like that. i do get what ur saying tho i have friends who stan nct and svt and theyve said to me that they do see a drastic difference in dynamics between the two groups but thats neither here nor there.

lastly, i have the best hopes for svt. they keep saying theyll only go up from here and i believe that. idk how that will play out with military service in consideration or with what seems to be chronic incidents that keep happening to them (gyu, cheol, and han in the past few months) but i trust and hope they'll be okay. they have a very established fanbase and a rlly good support group with one another so i only see good things for them in the future. hope they get at least a month off soon though.

#hope i didnt sound like im coming at u anon i agree with most of the things u said 😭 #and i totally underatand ur worries theyre very valid! things have been very hectic in caratland for a while now #hope theyll all be ok #and also hoping han has a speedy recovery poor guy shouldntve been performing on a bad ankle this whole time :(

[mundanememorize]

my long gender post lol

idk how long it’ll actually be but like. god i’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of “knowing since you were a kid” recently and for the longest time i thought i didn’t really know but recently i’ve remembered and realized to an extent i did know but in the vein of “who cares” and i guess i just always assumed everyone else felt the same. like i just thought everyone was like who cares, but ill just wear this thing because everyone else does.

and i used to be really nervous and somewhat afraid of bringing up my autism and other things in relation to my gender because so many people use it to discount and discredit your experience, especially when it’s brought up as a cause of you being trans. i’ve always been afraid of someone coming up to me and saying “you’re not trans you’re just autistic and confused” which would be a double punch for me.

but i’ve started realizing thinking that way as a kid, before i knew any words to describe myself other than “weird”, was me knowing i just thought everyone also felt like that. and i have that issue often. that i just assume everyone sees the same thing as me, and then thinking we all process that information the same because i just think that’s how brains work.

what makes me sad is you can’t even be “odd” anymore. if people just saw me as some really weird off the deep end “girl” still i wouldn’t really care. i really try not to care what others perceive me as in terms of gender because to me it’s “not their business”. but even just having really weird or unique clothes at this point can get you clocked or treated weird. and i mean this to point out how awful it is that if you just dress kind of “weird” there is a larger chance of you being hurt or turned away or ostracized.

now when you dress “odd” you immediately have an agenda. you have some sick disease or people roll your eyes when you’re around. and i’ve never understood this hateful lens of obsession people have with clothes. i love clothes i definitely have a clothes obsession but they have always been some form of a costume to me. because that’s what they are. you dress up how you’d like to look like in them. so if i have the ability to dress how i desire why wouldn’t i? and if i was a “girl” you would still look at me funny. if i was a “guy” you definitely would. and because i lie inbetween ill never be taken seriously and ill always have this large neon sign above my head that flashes “NONBINARY” which people hate. people get so mad.

over the years i’ve tried to become “tougher” through saying i’m more “reasonable” than other nonbinary people. i just wear t shirt and jeans and im just like you! im more masculine and im nonbinary but i will only use he him! but oh my god it’s wearing down on my soul. it’s grating. and i’m so upset that i made myself do this. for myself for others and im mad that it’s something i felt like i had to perpetuate to be “taken seriously”. being a person is the most unserious thing in the world.

i’m so tired of “gender roles” and i have been since i was 12 and saw others sharing this sentiment and im tired because its confusing. it doesn’t make sense even historically. when boys wore pink because its closer to red. but suddenly now it’s some omen that an “agenda got you”. i have never understood any of this so i’ve never participated but by doing that i was punished. and when i participated i was hurt worse. there’s no point in playing this made up game so why should i have to care im sorry i really don’t. i dont at all.

i’m not trying to make a big point or anything. i mean this as when i was a kid i had absolutely no concept of gender. and when i tried to it hurt me awfully bad. my parents themselves were not that strict with gender roles besides telling me what the world would expect but i could always do “boy” and “girl” things. i mean this as when i was a child i genuinely thought i was a boy because i would sex myself by counting my ribs to make sure i had 13 (…) and i “always did” (i was like 7 lol). i had no concept because lionesses do all the work and big blue peacocks are male. this shit is all stupid and it never made sense to me since i was a kid. and i don’t think it will ever be “because” of anything. people will always try to put a cause but i felt like this when my life was perfect and happy when i was 6 years old and i had no hardships. it felt like this when it got harder it felt like this when it got worse it feels like this now. there’s no point to this.

this is very very long but i have been nonstop thinking about it. i have always felt stuck in my gender identity because of the rules put on this stuff and im sooooo so so tired about it. i feel like ive come out 5000 times because i dont know what im supposed to be. i’ve tried hard to find labels and do them right over and over but god. and it’s not that i don’t identify or feel connected to being queer, i very much do, but to me (and especially at this point) i don’t feel connected to being the “alternative” because it doesn’t make any sense. but being queer and especially trans you get painted as the undesirable alternative. you become “what happens sometimes” and then they’ll try to explain it. give it reason. their parents weren’t the best. they have a gene or a mental disorder or illness. they’re autistic and confused. they have identity issues. they’ll grow out of it. but i’m soooo tired of having to have an explanation. oh my god. because no one else does and when you point it out they get mad and turn it on you.

i don’t really have a nice way to wrap this up. and this is not the 5001 coming out post. i’ve known i’m gender fluid for the past 2ish years. i know what i am. i’m queer. as in odd as in gay as in “alternative” as in shapeless as in confusing. i know who exactly i am by being an ever changing thing but that’s seen as being unstable and lost in yourself instead of curious or intrigued by others explorations. i am just sick of having to explain myself to cis people and having to be seen as a “good example” in every facet of my life, related and unrelated to this.

#i am very nervous to visit my family this weekend can you tell #it’s fine sorry this it’s so long i jsuy have nonstop been thinking about this stuff bc ive been getting more comfortable with how i feel #but now i’m just like kind of pissed off. lol

[ca-kie]

the downfall of steve harrington in s4

hi im back i forgot abt this acc. anyway i wanna rant about what the fuck the duffers turned steve into in season 4.

tl;dr - stancy doesnt make any sense, im genuinely upset it coming back is technically canon

~

literally what happened???? seasons 2 & 3 gave steve so much character development; he acknowledged that he was a terrible boyfriend towards nancy, and began to move on. then s4 fucked it all up and somehow he's in love with nancy still? like it frustrates me so much, sure nance is the one who got away but i dont think he really knew her.

ive seen a ton of people talk about this; if nance and steve were to get back together, she'd be running away from her dreams and becoming what she hated the most. her parents. jonathan is fully supportive of her aspirations to become a journalist, while i bet steve doesnt even know that shes interested in it so much.

lalala team jancy, team ronance... i just want what will be best for nance, or for everyone for that matter. BUT WE ALL HAVE ONE ENEMY: stancy.

there are just so many things WRONG with that ship. i am genuinely so frustrated that this shit is CANON. like im genuinely so upset over it...

the REAL nancy would not ever consider going back to steve. sure, with the strain her and jon have atm, she'd probably think abt it. but she's a smart girl! she knows why they didnt work out, i mean he hurt her!! completely disregarded her trauma!! even if thats in the past, their dreams are just way different!

they also dont KNOW EACH OTHER HELLO

RONANCE makes more fucking sense if the duffers wanted jancy gone. nancy being an independent woman works as well tho :3

ugh i just. its so disappointing. steve's character went completely backwards. i hate it so much.

~

i am open to others' opinions btw! pls reblog, or comment or whateva &lt;3

#ೄྀ fifi's yipper yapper! ˊˎ #steve harrington #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #jonathan byers #jancy #stancy #ronance #stranger things #steve harrington what have they done to you #nancy babes ur smarter than this

[nerdygaymormon]

hello! o/ im a queer teenager from canada! i lead my highschool's gsa and am very active in the queer community around us. we raised $800 for the Trevor Project last year, raised $500 towards a chest binder breakroom at our school and are officially putting on the school's first all-age queer prom this may!

however, im very confused at the moment. i grew up in an atheist household and have never really found myself believing in God or anything religious. while i still dont think i believe ALL of it, lately ive been doing a lot of thinking after finding an old pocket bible that belonged to my great grandmother (she practically raised me but i never knew she was religious, she never mentioned it at all) and flipping through it and reading her flagged scriptures (i believe thats what theyre called, forgive me if im wrong), etc.

i then resorted to the internet and have been doing a bit of research and am now very conflicted about my feelings and beliefs. i now have moments where i genuinely believe there is something/someone divine out there. i find myself... almost talking to it, sometimes? i dont really know how to describe it. i even tried praying the other day for the first time in my life. (i probably didnt do it right if theres a proper way, but the point is i did it and i surprised myself.)

even though i have these moments, i still have times where i doubt it all. aside from the occasional joke, ive always done my best to be respectful of people's faith, but never saw myself believing until now. and when i say believe, like i said before, it isnt all of it. (like the creation of the world, etc)

i feel sort of fake in a way i dont know how to describe because of my conflicted feelings and how i dont believe everything. there are a lot of things i want to say about it but i really cant pull words from the emotions and i keep trying to. i also dont really have anyone in my life who i can talk to about this stuff. my family will not take me seriously and none of my friends and teachers are religious.

i dont know if you take asks like this, and its totally fine if you dont, but if you have any kind of advice it would be greatly appreciated.

sorry for the long ask, but thanks so much! hope youre having a wonderful day my friend 🤍

Congratulations for all you accomplish for queer students at your school! That's amazing!!!

That you find some aspects with religion resonates with you shouldn't be surprising or upsetting. Humans have been creating and practicing religions since before there was recorded history. There seems to be a need that is satisfied by religion.

In a broad sense, religion does 3 thing:

1. It provides an explanation for natural phenomena. Why is the ground shaking? Why did the sun go dark temporarily? Why is there a drought? Why is dad sick? Why did a hurricane pummel New Orleans?

2. Religions provide meaning to life. Religion provides answers for what is the purpose of life and what happens when we die. Religions are a vehicle for passing along the wisdom from past generations from hundreds and thousands of years ago.

3. Religion helps humans build community and encourages cooperation among those who believe. Religious belief also helps people develop self-discipline. Unfortunately, religions also have been used to define who is in a community and who is not, and this has led to a lot of harm and even wars

Beyond all these macro reasons, religion is experienced at the individual level. An individual prays and receive comfort and answers and feels a larger entity cares about them. Their faith gives them a purpose. They have a community that is meaningful in their lives. This is part of the truth of their lived experience and can't be easily quantified. It's what makes religion still relevant in the lives of many people today

[tibbycaps]

-

every time i see a new zine pop up i get a pit of dread in my stomach because i want to apply but also i dont want to risk not getting in because not getting into tht one zine made me spiral so bad bc irl stuff was also happening at the time and i eventually just came to the irrational conclusion that the mods probably hated me personally and also i shouldnt have wasted 4 years getting an art degree if i cant even do one random zine and thats why they also led me on w that one tweet. i think that part fucks me up the most because i really truly started believing i was gonna get in 100% when the account replied to my tweet when they didnt do that for anyone else. and i genuinely dont know if its dramatic of me or not to be upset by it bc i try to be aware i have rsd so its hard to rationalize these things. and i know it’s irrational but at the same time if i think about it too much im like oh i see i understand now this makes total sense. im worried its an unspoken rule ive never noticed that zines are a friend based thing and bc im not friends w people everyone is like why is this guy applying. is he illiterate. and i feel like any time the topic of zines comes up in a chat i annoy the shit out of everyone bc i cant help being like “oo im nervous i wont get in :(“ i need to stop saying that all the time i know. sorry

#vent #starting art teaching made my confidence improve somewhat maybe i was just a little chronically online #will probably delete this later sorry for being mental illness on main #cw vent

[kaeyx]

I honestly dont think people understand that Asmo is literally the only one from the transfer of Obey Me to Nightbringer that didnt treat MC differently from day 1. (disclaimer, i havent played nightbringer in MONTHS im still on like lesson 14 if that gives you ANY idea on how long its been since ive played) But like...........yes people notice it but i dont think people UNDERSTAND it. Asmodeus was THE ONLY ONE. Solomon is the exception but imagine you build a life with these people, you build relationships with these people, your like romantically involved with at least one of them, your best friends with at least one, youve shared secrets with them, you share a connection with them that NOBODY does, and then you get thrown into the past and ALL of that gets erased, all of the affection, all of the memories, your pacts, all of the time and effort you put into them is basically just.....gone. So imagine how it must feel to have Mammon back to being how he was at the start, or how it must feel to be shut out by Lucifer again (as a lucifer persuer it was so fucking hard to get through to him and to be thrown out and forced to worm my way back into his heart again- EXCUSE ME!? LIKE BITCH I EARNED MY PLACE IN HIS HEART HOW DARE YOU-!? THAT TOOK TIME-! ) Or how it must feel when Satan doesnt look at Mc the same anymore, or how it must feel when Simeon doesnt show the same amount of love he did before, and then being able to have that sense of........liek.....warmth when talking to Asmo because you know that....nothings really changed. Asmo is still YOUR Asmo. Asmo is the ONLY one, out of everyone, who treats Mc like nothing really changed the moment they met in NB. Its like......Solo and Asmo are not only a package deal, but theyre also a sense of familiarity and comfort in the chaos that is being thrown into the past and being told "you'll be happier here" (also i feel like i have a right to be extremely upset with whomever yeeted MC into the past because ITS MY CHOICE ON WHETHER OR NOT ILL BE HAPPY NOT URS WHY TF DO U GET TO DECIDE IF IM HAPPY OR NOT!? WHAT IF I /WANTED/ LUCI TO KILL ME?! HUH!? LIKE. BITHC. YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I FIND KINKY OR NAH STFU >:( its my life how dare you try to tell me whatll make me happy- tho im 100% okay with it if it means i can romance Dia and Barbs within the plot instead of just gathering intimicy points- like.....marry me pls dia i beg of u- pls for the love of the gods make me ur husband- on my hands and knees for u ANYWAYS-) I feel like thats something nobody really pays attention to and like.....understands and acknowledges about NB is that like....everyone else changed EXCEPT Asmo- SORRY IF THIS ISNT LIKE A THIRST OR ANYTHING LEO I JUST THIS HAS BEEN ON MY MIND FOR A WHILE AND I WANTED TO SHARE <3

It's a rlly good point! Asmo is generally very nice to MC even when they're a complete stranger, and it's a bit harder to tell when his affection becomes... deeper? More genuine? Idk how to say it, when he starts caring for them as a person instead of just "cute/interesting new person to play with", but he's still being nice even in that first stage. Beel also behaves like this imo, he's very sweet and opens up to MC pretty quickly (especially when compared to like. Lucifer or Satan)

#asmo.obey me

[definitelynotshouting]

Hello I’m here!!

Raaah I meant to talk about the latest chapter sooner but I kept forgetting :,))

But anyway! This chapter really hit home for me and I really resonate with Grian, and I feel so SO scared for him at the same time. The idea that he’s so dead set on hurting himself so badly and mumbo has no idea - along with the rest of the hermits - is very scary, and very effective.

And the fact that they’ve already witnessed him trying to hurt himself in such a way and they’re all trying to cope with that is so. It’s so good. The way you show how each person is dealing with Grian’s attempt is so good because you’re showing them all experiencing different forms of grief.

Mumbo yelled because he was afraid. Tango is trying to help Grian any time he can. Scar is trying to make him laugh. X is dead set on finding a way to save him. Pearl is upset with him. It’s such a good way of showing that grief can manifest in so many different ways, and no one is perfect- they do things like yell because they’re scared, or overstep because they want to help. No one prepares you for grief, and you do an amazing job of showing that.

I can’t express how badly I want to hold Grian’s hand. To me he feels like such a lost soul that feels there’s no hope for him. I have so much sympathy for this depiction of him.

It feels so.. “doomsday” to me?? If that makes sense? The way Grian talks about wanting to go outside and experience the sun and the grass and the sky for one last time before he leaves for good. I feel the bittersweet feeling he must be feeling; not wanting to hurt his friends’ feelings but simultaneously feeling like there’s no other option for him and he just has to do this, so he wants to have a good last day.

It pains my heart so much but in a good way- this is all extremely /pos I cannot express that enough. I think it’s so impressive that you’re able to capture such intense feelings through writing- that’s seriously incredible and if what I’m feeling when reading your story is what you’re after; you’re doing an amazing job!

Ok, I don’t want to overwhelm you so I’ll stop there- but needless to say I’m super excited to see where this story goes and I hope you’re doing well <3

- binge reader

BINGER READER ANON MY HEART....... ohhh this is such a sweet ask and im so unwell abt it /pos

Words cannot express how happy i am that you're resonating so hard with my fic 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i feel so honored to be touching people's lives with this, i literally dont know how to articulate how much messages like these mean to me. And im just!!!! So pleased that you like what im doing with all these varying depictions of grief!!! From the start i truly wanted to explore different reactions and what i felt these characters would do when placed in such a fraught and urgent situation, and im indescribably glad im hitting the mark on what ive been aiming for.

Its been really enriching for me to explore all these myriad reactions to grief; i remember when i first wrote Mumbo in chapter 3, i was a bit worried about the potential reception-- but it felt so right to let him express his fear through anger. And with Pearl, ive loved taking a deep dive into her own fear and trauma and letting it play out in front of Grian during this situation. Literally everyone is so fun to dive into for all the reasons you've said-- Tango is in fix-it mode, Xisuma is pinning all his efforts on one desperate hope, and Scar is deflecting and trying to buy as much time as possible just to keep Grian alive a little longer. Their various reactions are so important to me, especially in how, like you said, nothing truly prepares you for grief-- and it often manifests in unconventional ways. Its been a real treat to depict that, and its something that i feel has some overlooked merit in the emotional realism department that im glad im able to bring to the table

Im truly so touched by this commentary, so don't worry about overwhelming me!!! Im just so genuinely happy people are getting so much out of my writing, its all ive wanted for such a long time, and finally being able to really reach people with it is a dream come true❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

#shouting speaks #asks #hunger au #compliments #OUGH OUGH OUGH [POISON DAMAGE TICK SOUND] /POS #also im so ;;;;;; abt grian too like i know im the one writing him but it genuinely is tragic how he feels rn #it makes me want to wrap him up in a hug #gods..... im so excited for chap 10 guys yall have no idea #RAAAAAAH #thank u binge reader anon one thousand kisses for u mwah mwah this made my day #txt

[dootiexcupcake]

Final Round

First part

Second part

Pairing: Seungcheol x reader

Warnings: angst , toxic friendships , no happy ending

Tags: angst, Jeonghan comes back :D

Word count: 1.3k

A/N: this was a request for @enhacolor ! Also the final installment for this angst series :((. i dont wanna exhaust it and end up hating it so im capping it off here.

.·:¨ ✘♚✘ ¨:·.·:¨ ✘♚✘ ¨:·.·:¨ ✘♚✘ ¨:·.·:¨ ✘♚✘ ¨:·.

Two weeks. It took two weeks for you and Seungcheol to get to where you guys are right now.

Last week when you called him he finally decided to pick up and the conversation was…strained to say the least. But you kept your hopes up and had Jeonghans reassuring words playing in your head to stop you from crying on the phone with Seungcheol as he gave you curt answers to your questions.

That didn’t stop you from sobbing as soon as you hung up though.

But today is a new day, right? After your phone call with him you guys agreed to meet up at your place to talk things over officially. So that’s a good start.

You’re pacing back and forth in your living room when you hear a knock at the door.

You open the door and give Cheol a warm smile and he returns it with a tight smile. You both wordlessly make your way over to the living room and sit next to each other on the couch, giving the other ample amount of space to not cause any discomfort that could lead to another dispute.

“So,” you start “how are things?” This all feels so strange. You guys have known each other long enough to not have these sort of awkward conversations anymore. 

Why am I making it so weird?

“Everything is fine.” He affirmed. It was the first word he’s spoken to you since he walked in. First time in weeks since you’ve heard his voice in person. 

God…you really missed him.

“But..we should definitely talk about what happened.” His posture straightens as he starts to get more serious, finally looking at you instead of the carpet.

“Yeah. Do you wanna start?”

“No, I wanna hear you first. I didn’t hear you out last time so….I’m gonna do that now.” His tone was uncharacteristically soft, like he was trying his hardest not to upset you. It confused you but you dismissed it as him just trying to be nice.

“Oh uh well..I-I’m just hurt by what you said, you know? I mean, I understand that you have been dealing with a lot at work too! I didn’t mean to stress you out even more.” Hearing the tone of your own voice come off so small makes you squeeze your eyes shut and shake your head, mentally kicking yourself for being so unsure of everything single thing you say and do. You hate to say it but, it sounds so… childish. 

‘I definitely could have worded that to sound less…pitiful.’

“No you’re right.” Seungcheol replies, he rest a hand on your shoulder to dissipate the stress building up within you. A gesture you are familiar with from him, but today it feels so very different. So foreign.

“I’m sorry for how I reacted. It was uncalled for and rude. You’re my friend and I shouldn’t ever treat you like that.” He graciously apologizes. You’re taken aback by his words, it’s not like he’s never apologized before. But the way he worded it so unnatural, his flat tone of voice, the way he was looking in your direction but never directly at you. It felt strange.

The atmosphere in the room is indescribable. You desperately want to assume Seungcheol is just acting weird because of how things went last time. It was a tense argument. One that neither of you have had with each other before. Obviously the aftershocks of it would put anyone on edge for a while.

However the other part of you feels some dishonesty emanating off of him. Why Seungcheol would supposedly lie about his apology doesn’t make sense to you. But that doesn’t ease the nagging voice in the back of your head insisting that is the truth.

“I wanna apologize to you too. When I called you cold and..distant. it really wasn’t ok for me to just come after you like that.” You look at him, you’re genuinely apologetic and you hope he can see it on you face. Seungcheol looks away from you momentarily, you see his face tense but it happens so quickly you can’t pin point exactly what emotion he expressed. He looks back at you and shrugs his shoulders and lazily shakes his head.

“I forgive you. I would have said the same thing if I was in your place.” He says, another tight smile brandishing his face.

You know Seungcheol well enough to see right through that blatant lie. This man is bold and he will always tell it like it is. You were holding back when you said that to him.  He, respectfully, would not have. Instead, he would have straight up asked why you were avoiding him.

“Look, this whole situation was really messy. We’re both sorry and that’s all that matters, right?” He says matter of factly.

“I guess..”

“Right! So, let’s just put this all behind us and move on. I really missed you, you know.” Seungcheols shoulders relax and his face softens. It all looks so natural, unlike everything else he’s been doing this whole time. You furrow you eyebrows at him wondering why he was being so hasty with this conversation. “How about we meet up next week and get some lunch? Just try and get back into the swing of things so everything can get back to normal.” He suddenly proposes.

“Um yeah, I-i’ll let you know if I’m free.”

“Great!” Seunghceol practically leaps out of the couch and heads to the doorway. “See you around!”

And he’s gone. 

Everything is back to normal now…

“Tell me everything he said.” Jeonghan urged on the other side of the phone. Audibly just as perplexed as you are with this whole ordeal. So you tell him everything.

You tell him how fast the conversation went by, how weird Seungcheol was acting the whole time, how dismissive he was.

“God this dude…” Jeonghan mumbled angrily, “I’m so sorry that he messed all of this up for you. That is so not ok.”

Messed this up?

“What do you mean by that Hannie?” You ask after a brief pause.

“Well, I mean by him messing things up between you guys, you know?” He said quickly. You can’t see it but by the tone of his voice, you know for a fact that he’s toying with the hem of his shirt. He always did that when he gets anxious.

“Jeonghan…” you say slowly, voice dropping dangerously low as you try to pull whatever it is he’s hiding out of him.

The line goes silent for a while.

Until he finally speaks up.

“I talked to him.”

Why did that not surprise you?

“He didn’t like you being upset at him for so long so he called me and asked me for advice on what to say to make you…get over it. That’s what he said at least. I’m not saying that you need to ‘get over it’ though!” He stammered over his words, desperately trying to justify himself. After a while of you not responding he lets out a sigh, “He’s been busy, real busy! You know that. He’s not thinking straight is all. Deep down he really does mean his apology its just..not showing yet.”

You let his words wash over you like a thunderstorm. 

Too busy to properly apologize? Not thinking straight enough to care? So caught up in his work he had his buddy feed him lines to read off?

huh.

“I gotta go.” Is all you gave as a reply. Too numb to truly tell Jeonghan how much this hurt you. Too emotionally overdrawn to explain how stupid this all makes you feel. 

So stupid for forgetting the fact that Jeonghan has known Seungcheol longer than you. So stupid for thinking that you were special enough to ever be accepted in their friend group.

Jeonghan speaks up again for the last time, cutting you out of your thoughts.

“I’m sorry.”

main m.list

svt m.list

#seungcheol angst #seungcheol x reader #seungcheol x you #seungcheol x y/n #seungcheol x gn reader #seventeen imagine #seventeen angst #seventeen x y/n #seventeen x you #seventeen x reader #seventeen x gn reader #svt x reader #svt x y/n #svt x you

[unhingedkinfessions]

hi hi !!! its me again <3 kin walmart anon :)

after reading other peoples experiences, ive gotta talk about something that ive noticed is a pretty common thing amongst certain types of kin servers. and thats just… blacklists that are both user compiled and extremely strict.

this never made sense to me. especially if said blacklist is 400 miles long and has some of the wackiest shit on it. i actually still have access to the one from kin walmart, here are some of my favs:

- the word “bounce”

- the phrase “bouncing ball”

- mother mentions (all forms: mom, mother, etc)

- oranges (the fruit)

- school/mentions of schoolwork

- therapy

- Talking about private conversations/going to have a private conversation in a public setting

- any mention of the ocean

-

im also going to say, blacklists are fine. user compiled blacklists are okay but… i think there should be a better way to manage them. especially in spaces that have 100+ members. no hate to anyone who has these triggers either. i just think that there’s a line. there should be a line. and most times, ive found that the line is nonexistent. it should be up to user’s specifically to adjust their experience accordingly. im so sorry that i want to talk about the bouncing ball i stole from dollar general, maybe just dont read the conversation.

i understand that this take can be somewhat controversial, its why i don’t… talk about it without hiding behind anonymity. but i think, especially in kin spaces, blacklists are almost… idk.. taken advantage of?

idk this ended up being more rambly than intended, i just love talking about kin walmart and some of the whacky shit that went on there. stay tuned for our next episode; kin home depot

- kin walmart anon

NO YOU'RE SO RIGHT IS THE THING. there is a point where you need to be responsible for yourself and not place the responsibility/blame on others for not remembering every trigger on a mile long blacklist. you have to know when to step away from a conversation if there's a topic that triggers or upsets you, not demand everyone else conform to You. especially if it's extremely specific (such as the bounce example you gave) or extremely vague and frequently mentioned (moms, school, etc.). there's a lot of issues with those kinds of things and if you're in a Public space with lots of people, you gotta be responsible for your own well-being. it's different if it's a smaller group of friends, of course. there's a difference between 'friends' who continuously overstep your boundaries/comfort and large servers where people are just going to make general discussion about whatever.

the amnt of servers ive been in w mile-long user-compiled blacklists where people throw a gd Fit if you so much as allude to one of the 5000 "problematic medias" theyve put on the bl.... ok not that much actually cuz im thinking of one example in particular i was in multiple servers w. but you know. and a lot of shit can just be like. squicks or stuff they don't like, rather than something that will genuinely trigger them.

i swear some kinnies just can't manage big servers in general. once i was in a server of at Least 100 members - that was not even a kin server, it was for smth else but had a lot of kinnies - where there weren't any like, actual chat moderators (just some ppl who had permissions for unrelated reasons). there was a user-compiled blacklist that was rarely updated w requests, and one day out of boredom & frustration with the lack of organization, i went and sorted the long ass list by Category and Alphabetically. i was not even a mod i just DID THAT. the admins of that server sucked so bad they didn't know how to manage anything and were generally some of the worst people on the planet.

#Anonymous #kin walmart anon #mod bender #kinfessions #sorry this got long. LOL. #i also mirror anon's sentiments that specific/vague/ANY trigger is okay and valid to have ok? you can't control what triggers you #it's just a matter of people making it Other ppls problem. and not stepping away if you're upset. n expecting 100+ ppl to revolve around u #kin server stories