#i dont understand it. idk why it bugs me so much | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

medicaltechnician · 4 months

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idk if its the late nights and lack of activity (my own fault) but i’ve been feeling like i need out of this friend group more and more. Idk what it is (i do, it just seems… petty and stupid. And just seems like a me problem not a them problem.)

problem ofc is that, there are a couple people i like as friends in the group. hell fuck i love them all and don’t want them out of my life completely. sort of wish that I didn’t have my ex out of my life completely. Maybe one day we can reconnect. But we both have to be more mature for that. We both need more growth. No idea how he’s doing.

I feel like I villified him a bit in my brain. Which was urged by my closest friend. Who I trust with my life so. (this was after I confessed maybe I have problems with him to to this friend. which was valid). Idk, people approach things differently. And I agree’d with my friend.

I think its a problem with how I talk. I guess I come off in absolutes? Idk. I give off, strange vibes when I talk. This tangent makes no sense to anybody but me.

But also, can’t just, drop em? They’re sort of my only friend group. It ain’t like I get out and about. I don’t mesh well with people. It sort of sucks that the most I’ve meshed well with is my ex, my bestie, and another friend. My ex is no contact so fuck me ig. My bestie is pre-occupied with other things and personally, I feel we’ve drifted a bit. I’m not too bothered by it? It’s neither of our faults, just taking different life paths. Also going from complete co-dependency to what we have now. What we have now is probably just normal friendship lmao. And then the other friend is a couple years younger than me, so obviously they do have their set of friends within their age group. Which I encourage them hanging out, like obviously. I see myself as more of an older brother figure ig. Try to part some wisdom I’ve gained. Then theres my crush and obviouslt rhats a mess, I wish I never had a crush on him so we could have a normal relationship. I wish I could have friends?? Idk. what am I talking bout?

So, yeah. I need to get out of the house more often so I can meet like-minded people (in the creative and path sense) so I can actually do the things I want to do. I don’t even need to be a producer or lead or director. Fuck I’m happy starting from the bottom and working my way up. (Ideal situation is mainly being on equal footing. I want people to give their input and ideas to my ideas, and vise versa)

#ker talks #it’s strange nowadays i feel like when i reach out im being annoying or smth #whether im reaching out for positive stuff or negative #when i do i rarely get a satisfactory response in my mind. feels like i’m being brushed off.#or ya know i’d like to hold a conversation thats got some meat to it? but it fizzles out #shit wondering if my bestie even wants to talk to me.#last time I came over I was hoping to watch jerma together and we did-ish. he sort of was textin/interacting with his crush #or just on his phone idk. call me a boomer but it bugs me when people r on their phone in a one on one situation #I understand if it’s a bigger group or if ya just checking it #but it seemed fuckin constant. it sucked. shit.#its worse when we get high together esp since i only get high alone so i tend to scroll a bit too #but itd be nice if when we got high we did stuff together esp in person next time we hang out i’ll keep note of this stuff and bring it up #just to make sure i aint making it up. esp cause i feel like im being stupidly jealous bout this #i see him interact with others? whats different bout me. he said he feels comfortable actually unmasking round me #and i know interaction drains him and fuck he went through so much and is trying his hardest to stay alive and sane rn #so idk i dont want to put more on his plate. but its fucking me up a bit too.#hell one of the things we went thru together. reacted differently and affected differently cause slightly different situations.#its honestly one of my working theories on why we drifted cause we keep reminding eachother of that night by interacting.#it sucks. alot. i dont want to be reminded of my failures. of the fact it traumatized him so fuckinf deeply and i failed.#and then i feel guilty for even feeling like shit bout the event cause i didnt have /that/ happen to me i just happrned to be there.#i need a goddamn professional to sort this out. it sucks ass. and i hate that it fuels my self hate #both to do with my inability to protect and feeling insignificant. overshadowed. thats the worse feeling of it all.

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zempumpkin · 6 months

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Ok I've been thinking about the cast of captain laserhawk and it's keeping bugging me cuz they dont have a canon age in the show and I have some hcs and want to talk about it

So I'm gonna start with Rayman since he's the one that is more difficult to get the age, and I'm gonna say. This man is OLD. Yeah I know, people though and think that he's like 40 or something?? And I understand why but he's more old than that and I'm gonna tell why

So like first of all he's been alive since eua existed, and since the beginning of the series they talk about how it's been a long time since eua became Eden, so yea, Idk how long it was but it probably been some decades.

I gonna use Sarah as an example cuz she was a kid and Eden already existed plus Rayman already did his shows, also Marcus was like 20 or something back there I think??? And when he appears again nowadays he looks old (probably 65?? Idk)

And also there's the fact that Rayman don't age, that's one of the reasons he became Eden's star

I think that he's like between 60-70 or something cuz he's been alive since before Eden existed plus I'm using Marcus as an example because his one of the only people that was more close to have lived in the eua before (the other one is Sarah's dad but he died soo)

Gonna talk about Bullfrog now cuz he's another one with the same thing going on

So we all know he's younger than Rayman (cuz of that one line "when I was your age" when Ramon and Bullfrog talked) and some people think that he's 18??? Which doesn't make sense like yes he's younger but not THAT younger

I saw that you turn into an assassin when you become 23, so he has to be at least 23 but by the looks and how much experience he shows to have, I think he would be like 27 at least (the same goes to Jade but I gonna talk about that in a minute)

Also quick talk rn but I don't really ship Rayfrog like yes it's cute but bcs of my hcs my mind can't let me and plus they talked just once, but I don't mind who shipp it and I respect it since everyone has their hc about them, and this being another reminder that this is just how I see the characters I can just talking bullshit if the creators decide to tell us about their canon ages

Moving on! Jade, so as I said before I think she would be in the same boat with bullfrog since she looks and acts young but not that much?? And plus they seem to be closer (as close as you can say when you know a person for like 2 days) so they probably have the same age

OMG I'M TALKING A LOUT HELP HUHHHHH OK QUICK WORK THIS IS HOW I SEE THEM IN GENERAL:

Jade and Bullfrog: 27

Dolph e Sarah: between 37-40

Alex: 2-3 years older than Dolph....probably....

Pey'j: 60 something

Rayman: 70 IDK HUHHHH

WELL SORRY FOR RAMBLING HERE I GOT DISTRACTED ANYWAY

#ramblings #text post #zem talks #hcs #captain lazerhawk spoilers #rayman #bullfrog #dolph laserhawk #captain laserhawk #pay'j #Jade #marcus holloway #help i talked a lot #I WANT TO TALK MORE ABOUT THEM #another time i talk more about idk #DEPENDS ON HOW YOU GUYS REACT TBH #HUHHHHHHHHHH

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glitchysquidd · 7 months

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glitchy, i know you probably didnt mean it all in a way of hate but like you do know the n word was used to talk down and rebuke people of dark skin back in the slavery days. And i understand that its said a lot in your area but like for you to support it is not really putting you in a good light.

like i dont think you personally say it but you basically stood up for kaz saying it and him saying it like that just doesnt sit well with me.

i just heard about the drama with you guys and melo a couple hours ago so like idk..

melo seemed pretty upset about it so like idk, im not trying to hate on you or anything im just tryin to say why so many people would get offended by it, which i agree with because even though im white it could still harm dark skinned people, even if the person saying it IS dark skinned

Okay, I completely get this.

I completely understand this, I don't stand for the word either, in fact it bugs me or irritates me to hear it. I need you to understand from my point of view.

I didn't want a situation.

I tried talking to melo about it quickly to get it done with but worded it all horribly. That's my bad, that's my fault.

Kaz does not say it often or even ever, he does not make racist jokes "all the time."

And yes it's still bad he even said it even once. And they left out the context that kaz was reading offensive memes with melo.

It wasn't overly aggressive in context.

Does it make it okay? No.

He even came to me about it later that night, saying he was uncomfortable that even he had said it.

He was upset with himself.

Rightfully so.

I feel it's fair to add he also felt slightly pressured by Melo asking him again and again if he's racist.

It's definitely my fault that I worded it in a way that made him seem definitely racist when thats my fault.

He shouldn't be receiving a lot of flak I think I should for the misinformation and poor wording.

I've even told my friends who have said it to stop. I know I still hang out with them but it's literally just the environment I live in.

I don't like this environment, I want to leave as soon as possible.

Melo has left out context, etc. And Kaz didn't talk them down, maybe it seemed that way from their view but... his jokes do kind of poke and prod in a friendly way. I understand maybe they were too nervous to ask or speak up. However Kaz didn't mean it in a mean way or harmful way.

And Melo isn't perfect in this situation either.

Are they wrong for talking about it and expressing worry? No, that's their right, they can do as they please.

Personally I don't like situations like this because then people are fighting with each other. I didn't mean to be scary to them because I'm a bigger artist I'm barely popular by actual normal standards.

I apologize on my mistakes, as so does Kazachi.

They didn't try to completely talk it through with me, I would have respectfully had a talk with them.

I in no way meant any harm in this situation.

I'll take my fault.

I know I'm not completely in the right.

I understand people who block me, and unfollow me. Feel free to do so.

There's nothing I can personally say to make the situation right. I'm not perfect, never was, I'm sorry.

You guys might not see me for awhile, as I'm not in a good head space currently, but I hope you guys have a nice time.

I will probably reply to a few more things.

But I cannot say much on the situation.

I just can't.

I'm sorry this even happened to begin with.

Any posts further on that don't talk about this situation are more than likely scheduled/queued.

I haven't been in a good head space in awhile and I definitely need a break from the internet.

#anon ask

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suffarustuffaru · 9 months

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I love your otto brainrot. He's favorite person to gush about in this series. I also love your analysis about one of the latest chapters and regarding Otto! ust, chef's kiss.

Anyhow, I would also like to add a crack theory about why otto never talked about his dp allowing him to talk to infants too. In this moment, it very much be because, as you said, he wants Spica to be eliminated. But! We're thinking small here. My question morphs into a more general perspective; why would Otto, and tappei to an extent, keep such information about his dp under wraps for this long, way before these Spica shenanigans? And I feel like the author may want to expand on that regard. Because as far as the rest of the crew knows (and as far as I remember), they know he can only talk to animals. But that chapter states he can talk to any living being (?), which I think may hint to it being a bigger fucking deal than we may realize. Like outside the Louis development, as well as Otto's frustration development, this power in of itself can cause a ripple of what Otto's capabilities are, and to not underestimate it.

So, now I wonder, would tappei utilize this tidbit for more development about Otto's power? What do you think?

aa thank you for liking my otto stuff!! i adore him a lot and arc 8 has me even more fixated on him bc his development is so Fascinating.... and also my fictional character type has always been the weird fucked up ones with terrible morals HAH.

OK ALSO LIKE i love your crack theory to bits. i think like the idea of his capabilities being A Little More Massive than they already are hasnt really occurred to me if only bc 1. i have like one braincell at a time and 2. ottos unhinged anger and various ugly habits (ie: doing things behind his friends backs HAH) were smth i was distracted by (positive) bc its so fascinating and now Finally everyone reading rezero knows hes crazy For Sure and 3. i think like. idk ive always kind of thought that his power is like super crazy like once you think about it. like iirc theres the canonical fact that other people in the fantasy world whove had ottos dp have gone like insane from it, so hes Basically the outlier here. and also hes insane anyway but his dp absolutely has partly to do with it. not only bc it like affects so much of his life with the constant overstimulation he experienced for a big chunk of his childhood along with the other effects it had with how he was behind his peers for a while and it made him socially awkward and anxious - but also like.

animals Are insane. a lot. genuinely. and then you have a power that allows you to understand them and hear their voices all the time. (more under read more bc its Long.)

theres so many fucked up animal facts out there HAH so i suppose that could just take like a couple google searches (god.... if oceans were in the fantasy world otto might go a little insane with all those sea creatures if he ever came close...) but i always feel like ottos learned at least a bit of his ruthlessness from that. and hes Definitely seen and heard shit (dont forget stuff like livestock ahah T^TT or bug infestations or something aljsdfls or the fact that otto would probably be seeing animal friends eat other animal friends or before he even knew he had his dp he could be eating some cattle he had a convo with like twenty minutes ago and ALSO garf and fred have their meat pie recipe that they adore and its like. that meat came from an animal and otto has most likely seen them make their meat pie before). but like nature is nature. its not always. Nice. survival of the fittest and things just die sometimes (ottos made various animal friends throughout his life and Many animals have smaller lifespans than him as well + some, such as bugs, are more fragile than him) and animals take actions according to their Nature (even if its. Bad, by human moral standards.) and all that - so i think the double whammy of ottos dp and him taking on merchant ideals is very much partly why hes so insane fr HAH.

I WENT A LITTLE OFF TOPIC BUT no yeah i agree. and i just think his dp has always been such a huge factor in what makes him so dangerous - its not only helped mold him into who he is as a person (especially when you remember that the rest of his family are Normal People and he Very Much Is Not Normal) but also like you said. his dp makes him extremely dangerous especially with the new information that he understands babies. iirc otto didnt Necessarily keep that bit of info under wraps - at least not before he met the emilia camp, bc the text said something about how hed take on side jobs where he babysat infants and hed be good at it bc he can understand the intent behind their wordless "words". and i definitely think otto - and tappei - havent really said anything on his ability to talk to infants before this bc it just hasnt come up in much relevant context until now. BUT I ALSO THINK YOU HAVE A POINT bc this does open like. a bit of a can of worms. theres these 2019 tappei qnas where he talks a bit about otto understanding "intent" -

Q: Is Otto's Blessing of the Spirit of Words limited to sounds that the speaker understands? Can he translate something Subaru wrote down in Japanese, or something that someone reads out loud phonetically without understanding it's meaning?

A: He can't. It's a blessing that conveys the intent of the other person's words, so if you said something like "Honbaradaratodetta", it wouldn't mean anything. It's just that, if Subaru had been saying "Honbaradaratodetta" for years to mean "What's for dinner?", it would convey that.

Q: About the "Blessing of the Spirit of Words" that Otto has, in cases where the same word can contain different meanings, can he discern the difference? (The English word 'servant' and a servant from Fate, etc.)

A: It's not the letters, but the speaker's intent that he picks up, so he could tell the difference.

but no yeah like........ ottos dp is specifically about Animals and well. humans and demihumans ARE animals. so it makes sense that it carries into humans and demihumans a bit so the whole catching someones intent thing is super fascinating and i feel like he could Definitely utilize it for more of his schemes?? esp when you combine that with the usual ways he uses his dp with animals - his power is Perfect for spying on others and gathering info in general. from my understanding of his power though, animals have to agree to help him, but given he can communicate with them and hes. well hes a good talker and also a bit of a manipulative bitch (affectionate) so like getting animals to help him doesnt seem like too much of an issue usually for him. so no but yeah his power is like. Off the Charts. and now we got big confirmation in the main story that he can UNDERSTAND PEOPLES INTENT BEHIND THEIR WORDS....? no yeah i think tappei will at least utilize it for the louis-spica plot things (ie otto wants her dead so hes just not gonna say anything about how he knows her true intent isnt to actually hurt anyone).

but i feel like otto could possibly use it for plans... or accidentally catch tidbits of info he shouldnt. im not entirely sure how, but. well. roswaal still hasnt delivered on his promise to kill everyone if even one person subaru cares about dies and Now roswaal knows that 1. otto plans to continue opposing subaru and emilia and keep pulling strings and 2. subaru wants louis to stay alive because he cares about her. it seems like massive emilia camp inner conflict is bound to happen at some point hah... the current situation is a ticking time bomb T^T and thats ON TOP of otto still working on restoring the book of wisdom... it all makes me wonder if otto will overhear a convo he shouldnt and catch the true underlying intent to otherwise innocent dialogue. or something like that.... or if louis's intent fluctuates in some way which otto will be Very aware of. if that happens. or if someone else somehow figures out ottos hiding the fact that he knows louis is innocent via his dp alsdjflsjdf. or maybe roswaal hints at his genocide plan and otto figures out the intent???? everyone is at a stalemate atm fr and im fascinated to see what comes next.

though. ok given otto went insane hearing the white whale..... well you could just fling mabeasts at him and maybe he'll shut up lajsdlfj bc using his dp (especially when overusing it gives him nosebleeds and headaches and pain and etc etc) against him is a Viable strategy to stop him among many others but like. the problem with otto is that hes persistent and Will hold a grudge against you if you wrong him. like i really do feel like he will hunt you down if you do which is the big Thing with otto. T^T hes unpredictable!!! especially now with arc 8 where hes been dragged through all these dangerous situations he did not sign up for and he just wants him and his friends to be safe but said friends want to save a whole country and NOW a sin archbishop alsdjflsjd.

like i really feel that hes so tired of things happening throughout his life out of control (remember his bad luck T^T and the way his dp used to fuck him over in his childhood? yeah T^T) that hes been trying to exert more and more control over his camp. bc like. vincent asking the emilia camp for help was nudged into that direction by otto. ottos also stepped a bit out of line by being hostile to julius and anastasia bc. otto that shit was unncessary aljsdlfjd theyre your camps allies!!!! and now ottos letting his camp be sus of louis by keeping quiet about her true intent. like otto is straight up like. hes kind of possessive of his camp isnt he? bc hes so fixated on making things go the way he wants (not that he wanted to help vollachia, but he wanted to help subaru and emilia which is why he pushed things in that direction, and now he wants to kill louis). it all makes me wonder if he'll ever have to use his dp against his camp given hes. kind of already doing that by lying to them - though itd probably be difficult to use his dp more actively against them if only bc they all already know what his dp is. theres no element of surprise there, but i think with the right circumstances he could possibly use it to figure out Something at least. bc like while he Does feel guilty, there is next to nothing stopping him from doing more shit on top of the shit hes been doing so far in arc 8 HAH. his moral compass is just literally broken and pointing straight down to hell. that mixed with his stubbornness and intellect and anger is like. well anyone going against otto is pretty fucked.

like. what is stopping him from sending a little bug to spy on subaru at all times. probably the fact that subaru and co. have a high chance of maybe noticing it and noticing that ottos keeping. too close of an eye on them. which would stop otto and his new declared "i walk in darkness" goal but all of this keeps making me wonder what lines otto WONT cross. and how far hes willing to go to do what he thinks is necessary to save his camp. and also what the consequences of his decisions will be.

but also like............................................... ok time for a crack theory of my own are you ready. anyway. can you imagine if ottos dp extended into fucking mind reading or something............ HAH.

#otto suwen #rezero #ask #this is a long response and it went a tiny bit off topic at a few points but i hope this made sense aljdslfjs #i dont have like. hyper specific predictions. but the detail that otto understands infants... and intent behind words in general... def #seems like a very specific writing choice fr. like tappei couldve simply said that ottos dp only extends to Animals animals. and not #humanoids. and i know tappei did the whole understands infants thing for the louis spica plot but like you im also wondering if he'll #utilize this part of ottos power more!!!#theres definitely a potential there. for sure.#arc 8 spoilers #but no yeah like ive been thinking about how ottos dp affects his psychology fr. like its not really talked about much past the overstimula #ion which makes sense bc thats affected SO MUCH of his life... but i also think that the. you know. understanding every animal ever is you #know kind of fucked up. once you think about it.#he got the ultimate cocktail of animal morality + merchant ideals and now hes got the moral compass of a chocolate eclair. except he ate th #chocolate eclair and then went welp guess my bffs new daughter figure kind of has to die haha :/#like. otto had to have understood death from a young age bc of his dp right?? like can you imagine. you see a bug crash too hard into somet #hing and you hear it die. you are like five. oh my god fr.

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theblackinnkeeper · 2 months

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Sorry, only messaging on anon cause I can’t send an ask on the right account but, I mean I totally get what you’re saying about Komaeda as a whole but I think some things are being overlooked. For one, in regards to his actions in well, the whole story really, I have to present a question. Do we hold children accountable for their actions? Yes, to a point, but we also acknowledge that their brains aren't developed and there are certain processes that they are quite literally incapable of. The same can be said of Komaeda. His brain is literally deteriorating, which in a way could be akin to a child with an undeveloped brain, and the parts that get damaged first in most cases of FTD are all parts of the brain that have to do with moral judgement. specifically the ability to recognize something as morally right or wrong, ability to recognize whats socially appropriate, and ability to empathize (this is all just mostly the ventromedial cortex, so there are countless other symptoms that come into play but) as well as an increasing loss of self awareness. If he were just mentally ill, i would agree that his actions are definitely his fault and his own but in this case, it's much trickier. is a person whose brain is literally deteriorating someone we should consider a moral agent? is this someone in control of themselves enough to be accountable for their actions in full? i wouldn't say so.

but also another thing is that i personally love chiaki, and i have no issues with hinami but i also think its odd that you're anti komahina. like, i mean there are ships im less fond of or that i even think would be better/worse than others but i dont see why if its not the one you like most that you need to reject it entirely. the only times i think thats really necessary is in cases of shipping abusers with their victims or ships thats are problematic i.e. age difference. beyond that, isnt it just easier to idk man…. accept that you’re not gonna agree with every ship you see? Just an observation.

I hear and I get what you are trying to say but I think you fail to get a few things while yes his dementia influences his actions to some degree it’s also due to his obsession with and as nagito said he doesn’t mind killing or being killed if it’s for the sake of hope and while his dementia does affect his perception a bit it’s not enough considering he’s one of the most perceptive characters in the game considering he’s the one who usually has it all figured out so I don’t think the comparison to a child really works with a character like him and if he’s at least aware enough to have a distinct sense of right and wrong(regardless of how screwed up it is) I do think that is enough to be held accountable

If you want to know it’s mostly because I find the ship to be toxic and the fans to be annoying (Everytime I criticize nagito’s actions guess how many fans are in the inbox or comment section are there it’s a pain I tell you) and I was annoyed at all the dr3 Chiaki hate plus hinanami hate (seriously if someone gripes about how despair arc forgot komahina again I’m gonna scream)

So I sort of decided that i should return the favor now I understand that there are worse ships out of there but none of their fans have ever given me a reason to go after them (unlike most komahina fans)

And because nagito’s treatment of hajime in chapter 4 and 5 just bugs me

Because while nagito doesn’t act like fuyuhiko(pre chapter 2) or hiyoko during this time what makes it bugs me is who he’s saying it to

Hajime is someone very insecure about himself and struggles with his self worth due to his lack of talent and very much doesn’t like having his insecurities touched at

So to see someone who supposedly loves him call him worthless And make him out to be dead weight just bugs me

And unlike Souda or toko who both get off on this kind of treatment hajime doesn’t not enjoy it

So it just annoys and disturbs me

I hope my answer was worth your time

#danganronpa #nagito komaeda #hajime hinata #chiaki nanami #anti komahina

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diodellet · 2 days

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hiya dio!! tossing in 3 (honkai star rail? 👀), 5, and 15!!

hiya ian! thanks for shooting me an ask!!

3.) Go to the [honkai star rail] tag and reblog some art you like that has under 100 notes

aight i gotchu oomfie, ill search for stuff to queue up 😤😤

5.) What genre do you like reading the best?

angst and hurt/comfort 🔛🔝!!!

it's painful, it's good, and it makes emotional processing so much easier and less burdensome because the difficulty goes into finding an okay sentence and stringing together ok-ish dialogue (but at least those can be solved with a banger ass playlist, ykw?)

augh special mention to one of my formative twst fics i love that grim has such a big role in this

15.) Worst fanfic tropes ever?

NOO!!!! U CANT MAKE ME SAY BAD THINGS ABT FANFIC!!! ALL FANFIC IS GOOD WHEN IT IS MADE WITH HEART!!!

(did i say bridal carry? ill just say it again for funsies HAHAHA i dont like bridal carries, it doesn't spark any joy, please just carry me like this🤧👇👇)

i'm usually really open-minded with reading fanfics... so aside from the obvious fanfic writing sins (using generative AI, plagiarism, not doing enough careful research for sensitive topics) OH WAIT--

(this is probably specific to genshin/hyv) but i Reaaaaally don't like it when fandom infantilizes characters that use the teenage model. like, there is such a thing as short adults! (me. i am one of them!) one time i saw someone say that lynette was probably a year younger than lyney and i was confused bcs aren't they twins??? like, are we forgetting that lynette was the primary "errand-goer" for the house of hearth upon getting her vision? girlie's probably seen more shit than lyney did.

^^semi-related to infantilizing characters, i dont like how some obm fics treat luke as a literal toddler. like, yes he's immature but he's got a good head on his shoulders and even if he's a low-ranked angel he probably has sm powers that he can make use of to protect MC. and i esp see how he gets left out even in gen/platonic fics and hcs. smtimes i feel compelled to look at the game's shitty pop quiz events for fanfic fuel (i mean, the luke tag has more ppl saying not to sexualize him than actual writing and that bugs me ://)

There used to be this really good obm fanfic (Nightmare by StarsEncrusted) and it had a plot point of helping luke get his wings, but it++the author's orig account got deleted from ao3. thankfully some fans had the foresight to archive it, so heres a wayback link to the fic and the accompanying side stories

i guess to expound more on my aversion to marriage in fanfic, it icks me when the characterization stops feeling like the characters themselves and the fic starts feeling heteronormative (also sometimes the writing comes across as if the marriage/childbirth "fixes" all those issues, which, it doesn't) and, well, i already kind of deal with the idea of "getting settled down" shoved in my face. it's really not for me. but i do understand why it's comforting to people, smtimes i can indulge in reading in it. but on a bad day, nah, i can't.

anyway, also special shout out to chat fics, they can be fun but idk it reads to me as a way to regurgitate overused incorrect quotes. (please some vines need to be laid to rest. also, can we stop quoting that one copaganda show oh my god)

(art appreciation ask questions, please bug me to rb some underrated fic and art)

#dellet-asks #mga chismoso kayo!!!!! (/j)#im alr wracking my brain on how to word what i dont like in fanfic sdfkjsldfjs without being nitpicky bcs writing hard #smtimes fanfic discourse is a subtle way of dissing writers who dont have english as their first language js #i have specific characterizations that muddle canon and fanon and itll probably piss off people on both sides #idk but if it makes the fic more interesting ill go for it (if i have the spoons for it)#also just as a disclaimer i like most incorrect quotes. just not the ones from b-(nasagasaan)#scint1llat3

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cheddar-inq · 4 months

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okay so i saw you reblogged that ask game

3 5 and 8

ooo okok !!!

3) how did you realize you were otherkin? how long have you known?

i think i realized it about 2 months ago, and i realized it by noticing that the same traits that made me realize i was a red fox were also mostly present in yellow lizards.

i picked up more kintypes quickly but just realizing that. thats not what a favorite animal is !!!!!

5) do you live in an area similar to your kintype’s habitat? if not, would you want to?

i do not, to any of my types- unless you count gargoyle geckos being kept as pets in houses then uhh yeah. and probably not tbh im really bad with being outside bc of bugs :(

8) do you often connect with your kintype(s)? if yes, how?

ooo hmm. i do yes it depends on the type. im only going to describe my otherkin types not therianthropy ones- i dont fully understand the question but im gonna try !!!!!

yellow lizard - i cant explain it but just. talking to people or being around my friends makes me feel so lizard bc they are very strong pack animals ig?? idk but thats a mostly unintentional way i connect with that one, not much else

cyan lizard - jumping on, around, or over things as well as growling at absolutely everything, playfully or not. whenever i have cyan lizard shifts i get a bit more destructive and chaotic

rivulet - taking baths, showers, or laying with my plushies. idk why but sometimes if i lay against my pillows or plushies or even like. a door or a box it feels like im laying with moon and that has been a very nice thought, as rivulet /silly

tysm for the ask !!!!!!!!

#therianthropy #otherkin #alterhuman #nonhuman

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the-gayest-sky-kid · 1 year

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realized i never posted this outside of the aeventi discord server and im actually kinda proud of the pictures so

now with annotations!!!

venti is nothing but a short king to me and i refuse to believe he'd be anywhere above my chin. aether gives off 5'4 energy and somehow everyone agrees with that. aether is always taller to me

age is obvious. we only know so much but i think the traveler is a lot older so thats why aether gets ++.

gender is for losers real bitches use he/him pronouns because they're cool and imitating their dead bestie. paimon ate aethers but. he/they. in my heart and soul.

my headcanons for venti depend solely upon the time of day or the weather or smth idk. regardless he is on the aroace-spec. aethers like fuck if i know???. and he doesn't fuck so he doesn't know

aether doesn't care that much but he leans more towards holding people cause then they dont run away from him in his dreams saying he came too late. or something. venti doesn't really care for spooning roles but he's actually always liked being held so (i see you sitting on your statue bozo)

venti keeps throwing his cape on aether. aether never actually asks for it but they do like it a lot. they both think it's really cute.

aether uses pet names ironically sometimes but only with people he wont see often or needs to sass. very aware of the importance and power of names. venti 'my warrior' 'my shining star' 'my hero' 'windblume' barbatos comes up with some new overly sentimental and important nickname every 10 seconds and he's about to make it everyones (aethers) business

i dont think aethers actually that introverted. we know they enjoy social gatherings and hanging out with friends and stuff. i think hes more just. normal. ventis a lot more social than him but he's not actually that extroverted.

venti 'my warrior youve worked so hard i understand how you feel' 'youre the gentlest soul ive ever met' barbatos is really good at conveying his affections through his words. of course though, hes more than familiar with the power of actions. aether knows how to give good advice and sweetalk but they definitely rely more on their actions to convey their thoughts

traveler 'your eyes remind me of the colour of the sky in my hometown' 'do you like the windblumes i picked for you' 'do you like the decorations in my house i can change them all if you hate it' aether is 100% the one that confesses first. i think venti would wait for them because he doesn't want to tie him down to anything but like. hes not oblivious.

aether completely and totally squashes bugs with his shoe on sight. i think it'd be funny if venti was really scared of them but he does appreciate all the life in this world so i feel like he's not actually that scared of them. he would scream for aether if there was a bug in the house just because its funny and they look so cool doing it

okay the thing is. they both have the potential to be equally good and bad drivers. venti can guide dvalin but he totally couldn't drive a waverider. aether could be decent at the waverider but he'd crash the dragon. they both could suck too.

venti can cook like 5 recipes total. hes pretty good at those, but like. only those. aether should definitely open a restaurant but they also like it sometimes when venti tries to cook. more often than not however aether makes dinner and ventis not complaining

aethers kinda neutral about it? there are times and things he could bare but ehhh. but he likes holding ventis hand a lot so he leans slightly more towards PDA. venti wants to kiss his boyfriend and its a free (and his) country so. but he definitely takes care to only do it when aethers comfortable. i feel like he only uses the really sentimental petnames alone though too. like 'my darling honorary knight' in front of people and 'my starfell apostle' or smth equally sappy and weird at home

aether knows venti can take care of himself. he knows everyone is more than capable of taking care of things. but their ally at low hp line (LET ME AT EM) leads me to believe they do have a protective streak. venti has seen his boyfriend fuck shit up literally everywhere they go and he knows a lot more about it than he lets on. He's definitely very chill about everything (like in the GAA) but that doesn't mean he isn't concerned sometimes.

i literally dont know. they're both like we've had a couple things that kinda went somewhere and kinda went nowhere at the same time. idk

horny level???? they are Asexual to me. i think ventis like. pretty low libido ace and aethers like while you were having sex *I* studied the blade. bitch. i think they make out sometimes but that's more of an intimacy thing

i choose to believe aether is kinda awkward. like dont get me wrong traveler is hilarious!!! in dialogue options and with paimon. and mona said they dont talk much so. i think hes only really funny in private, thoughts, or in his native language because some jokes dont translate very well. venti has his occasional moments but ultimately he is the more social one.

THEY ARE NOT VERY JEALOUS. TO ME. like they definitely have a large degree of healthy communication and trust. if they are jealous they talk to each other. i choose to believe aether is slightly more prone to it just because hes the more overprotective one and doesn't have like. song time powers.

so in conclusion: they are gay. your honor. homosexual even

#aeventi #venther #longer post #long post #my art :d #swearing cw #im normal about them can you tell #so normal 👍

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harukavoice · 7 months

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made a spotify playlist with all the milgram covers and their original songs to compare!! personal feelings on all of them below if you're curious (note: i like all of the covers and originals and i dont mean to talk badly about any!!)

Hibana Reloaded: minor upgrade (the instruments are the same in both i believe, but i do prefer how es's voice sounds slightly)

Two Breaths Walking: minor upgrade (the instrumentals are mostly the same but there are some changes that i like, most notably the beginning, also i loveee haruka's voice)

Sticky Bug: upgrade (the instrumental change is really nice and pleasant, plus yuno's voice is so fitting for the song)

Mozaik Role: major upgrade (i LOVE fuutas voice its so good, imo it sounds nicer than the lower tone of gumi)

Otome Dissection: minor upgrade (this was really hard bc i grew up with the original and i love it so much, but muu's voice does sound very nice with it)

Liar Dance: upgrade (both versions have different vibes and i love both, but i prefer shidou's, both the instrumental choice and the voice, and his laugh... omg its so good)

Psychogram: downgrade (YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THE OG ITS SO GOOD i loveeeee the instrumentals, mahiru's isn't bad either but personal preference for the original)

Yowamushi Mont Blanc: upgrade (very hard choice because both are so different, but kazui's unique voice and the stronger woodwind(idk which one im not a music nerd) sound won out, i definitely will be listening to both though)

Positive Parade: downgrade (i really love amane's version too but the original is so different and so good, personally i prefer the instruments mostly bc i do like amane's voice)

Mono Poisoner: slight downgrade (OKAY LISTEN TO ME I LOVEEE MIKOTO'S VERSION IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE COVERS but the original is such a banger, the instrumentals are slightly different and i love the change, both are amazing though)

Anti-Beat: slight upgrade (the instruments are a little different but it's mostly kotoko's voice that makes me prefer it, she sounds sooo good)

Android Girl: slight upgrade (this was another hard one bc i grew up with this song, but i love haruka's voice so i do prefer his)

Vampire: major downgrade (yuno's voice is good but i'm not a huge fan of the instrumental change, plus the backing vocals, not bad but not my thing personally, and i reallyyyy like the original so it was gonna be hard to beat anyway)

Salamander: major upgrade (my favorite cover hands down its amazing, i love the song in general but FUUTA'S VOICE just omg so good, anything with his voice is an automatic upgrade /hj, the aiaiaiaia part especially is sooo good in his voice)

DSCF: minor downgrade (good song either way, only thing is muu's makes me physically sick bc of the heavy bass, if it wasn't for that i'd prefer muu's though her voice is so good)

Delusion Tax: major upgrade (i'm not a fan of the instrumentals in the original, it's a bit too chiptune-y(?), also again shidou's voice so good)

Parasite: downgrade (i'm a bit biased bc i got attached to the original from a haruka edit, but i just don't like the instruments and vocals as much for mahiru's, i understand why they changed it but i prefer the sound of the og)

Neo Neon: upgrade (it just sounds so strange to me without kazui's distinct voice, both are good in different ways but i do prefer hearing the deep tone)

Animal: upgrade (AMANE'S VOICE IS SO GOOD WITH THIS SONG i like both but im so attached to the amane version with the vocals and instrumental changes, second favorite cover i listen to it on repeat all the time)

if i remember i'll update this post with reversable campaign and streaming heart, thank you if you actually read this far

#ive listened to these songs in the car to and from class for like two weeks straight im so glad ive finally decided how i feel about them #Spotify #milgram #haruka sakurai #yuno kashiki #fuuta kajiyama #muu kusunoki #shidou kirisaki #milgram mahiru #mahiru shiina #kazui mukuhara #amane momose #mikoto kayano #kotoko yuzuhira #es milgram

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jakowskis · 28 days

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im SO pissed i didnt listen to believe for a fucking year bc i heard bad things about it. im never listening to anyone else's opinions again cuz THAT WAS BRILLIANT. THAT WAS EVERYTHING I WANT OUT OF TORCHWOOD i mean it was still a bit shit highkey but it was EXACTLY what i want out of this garbage show. sooo fucking season one core (aka my fav) all sorts of dark horrific connotations and unhealthy dynamics but no emotional weight or responsibility xD once again i cannot tell if the writer was even fucking AWARE of a lot of the things he was implying but what i interpreted as being implied is making me fucking tear up the floorboards im. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

that was so cynical and bitter and awful and miserable and edgy and shitty ITS EVERYTHING I WANTED. i love torchwood being goofy i do but what draws me into the show and the reason it's become one of my most, uh, aggressive hyperfixations ever (which is ridic btw) is cuz its FUCKED UP AND UNHAPPY and that? was fuuuuucked. obsessed.

cult leader jack cult leader jack cult leader jack U DONT UNDERSTAND IT MAKES ME RABID and they ran with it i. stick figure violence stick figure violence. feeling rabid. AND HIS FUCKING SPEECH AT THE END. DOES HE KNOW??? hes so fucking deluded I LOVE IT. ITS FASCINATING he thinks hes good.... he thinks hes good... hes aware n he feels responsible and yet he doesnt SEE he doesnt see he thinks hes doing his best. NOOO it had the be intentional literally "jack tell us what that was about" "later lol" "sure yeah always later" and then hes like "YOU HAVE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY" GRRR JACK. JACK. also faith n believing.... ianto's trust. ianto's trust. you believe me like a god FUCK MY LIFEEEEEEEEEEE

jack always being five steps ahead + being 10x more competent than the team always makes me fucking roll my eyes but at this point i just kind of perceive it as the way tw constantly paints him as a deity figure. he can do no wrong

GWENS CYNICISM. TORCHWOOD BREAKING HER. TORCHWOOD BREAKING HER!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK it's toxic... it's toxic... this job gets inside you THIS JOB GETS INSIDE YOUUU. torchwood thesis statement: this job fucking breaks you.

FINALLY some good fucking tosh x owen food. DONT GET ME WRONG THAT WAS FUCKING AWFUL but that was sooooooo much more compelling than the fucking bullshit that canon gave us. owen being a toxic abusive fucking manchild + doing smth bad enough to tosh that she FINALLY went "wow THATS the man im obsessing over" like g-d i would've killedddd for that to happen in the show i HATE that she wasted herself on him. i hate it. her disgust and anger at him was so THERAPEUTIC for me 😭 idk what it says about me that the way i was grinning when they were arguing n bitching at each other was probs the closest ive ever gotten to actually shipping them HFKJDSF theres smth wrong w me. i just think s2 tosh is too fucking sweet and good and probably naive and i think owen could so easily fuck her up, like i don't think there's a world where he wouldn't hurt her tbh, and i don't want that to happen i adore her too much. like i don't think he's irredeemable, i ship him w other characters who i think could handle him, but i don't think tosh could, and that was validation of that opinion, you know? i'd be more willing to ship them if tosh was firm with him and didn't let him walk all over her, and it sucks that she didn't do that and got herself hurt and THATS what it took to make her call him tf out and tell him how much he sucks. ig a lot of why towen bugs me sm boils down to the fact that im not comfortable shipping someone who's kind of awful with someone who idealizes them and doesn't seem to grasp the scale of how bad they are. that's a recipe for an unhealthy dynamic and if i didn't like tosh i might be intrigued by it ngl HFSKDF but thats my babygirl and the idea of putting her thru Being With Him disgusts me. she deserves better until he gets his fucking shit together. which he never does and she never gets to have something good bc she was waiting for his shitty ass lmao YAYY!!

owen was AWFUL in that btw. and i adored him in it. my fav owen is an owen who's spiraling and destructively fixated on something for selfish purposes to the point that he doesnt care who he hurts to accomplish it. he's so villain coded fhsdkfjdsk he redeems himself in the show and i love that but the audios further explore the fact that he's got such a darkness to him he SO EASILY can be pushed into destroying everything. hes constantly on the precipice of monstrosity and cruelty bc of his own hurt. it's like hes so full of rot it leaks out of him and infects others and he hates it but he cant help it. i will never get over the doctor with poison fingers oh he makes my heart ache. he's just so misguided. he's so broken.

which brings us back to jack's speech. (him talking to the cult leader lady) "They were broken, and you were the person they turned to for help. If you don’t accept their problems, then don’t offer yourself as a solution." literally im gonna think about this for months. HE DOESNT SEE!!!!!!!!!

g-d and ianto's orientation or whatever. that was Fantastic ianto insight. he's so much more interesting when he's away from jack it's almost impressive.

i am just. gdddddddddddddddddddddddd. i am so distraught. help meeee

#sss #txt #torchwood posting #rereading this i did not mean to repeat things twice sm i was just rlly excited HFKDS sorry its annoying oops

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unwelcome-ozian · 1 year

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hey so i have a question and idk if this is an ask youre ok with answering, if not its fine- but so a week or so ago my mom offhandedly made a really weird really specific joke about me being fed balloons to traffic drugs as a child, and then immediately before i even said anything, started really aggressively saying she was joking and when i joked that it was a little suspicious that she was so aggressive about clarifying it was a joke, she said (slight paraphrasing) “well i thought i should say it because otherwise you’d be like ‘oh i don’t remember my childhood, did that actually happen?,,’” and then basically called me crazy by comparing me to a really notoriously eccentric friend i have, and when i called her out on it she accused me of being the one who was calling him (and myself) crazy, then when i said she was acting weird she started getting really flustered and it was super awkward and she was over explaining in a way she only does when she’s lying or trying to cover her ass, she kept giving me reasons that i wasn’t a drug mule as a child, and then she left extremely quickly and unnaturally after the whole interaction. I don’t have any memories of this, but the whole thing left me feeling extremely uneasy in a way i usually am not. I felt like I was in danger the rest of the night and even ended up sleeping with a weapon, which to be fair is a feeling i’ve had before but it’s never been exactly like this. I really felt like i found something out that i wasn’t supposed to, and that they would kill me for it. i do have ocd and this could’ve just been that, but it was weird. it felt more real and ive been very off balance since this, feeling very unsafe everywhere i go. i have a weapon by my bed at all times now just in case, but i have no idea why i am doing this because i have no memory of having any reason to.

im very polyfragmented (dont know why or what caused it, know i experienced some kind of severe childhood abuse but generally don’t remember anything from childhood before age 10) and i’ve been splitting much more than usual since this, idk why.

I have been badly triggered by mention of organized crime and drug rings in the past but i assumed it was just because it was a heavy topic. I also have symptoms and vague memories of csa, as well as csem/csam. some of my alters are intensely triggered by the word magazine, i dont know why.

i am having trouble getting this out, i feel like my mind is trying to stop me if that makes any sense, i feel like im sealing. my fate by typing this. i dont think i am but its a very heavy feeling. i just want to know if this is something i should actually be concerned about, or if i am just crazy and an attention seeking liar making up false stories for pity. my parents dont seem capable of anything like this at all, and i know i at least had a regular side of my life as a child with friends and school and stuff, but for some reason I’m scared and have been scared since my mom mentioned it, and i just need to know if this anything i should be worried about, or look into, or anything. if theres a possibility i experienced something awful and don’t remember it at all. its been really bugging me and scaring me for a bit,

im sorry this is a really long confusing ask, youre free to delete it. my mind is quite jumbled. sorry

No worries about the length of the ask. I want to assure you that you can write as much as you feel comfortable with.

I agree with you, it is an odd joke that your mother made. There is a saying that behind a joke there is some truth in it.

Ultimately you know your mother. Does she often turn things around on you when you have disagreements? From what you described it sounds like gas-lighting.

Feeling safe is so important. I understand the need/feeling/desire to sleep with a knife. Feels safe, I get it. My question is, who are “ they”? Who would try to kill you?

Which leads me back to safety. If you are physically safe, which only you can answer, and have been then you are likely safe. If not, what things do you feel you are able to do to work towards safety?

There are parts in your system who do remember the abuse and what occurred. With time perhaps they will share those things.

Take your time in deciding what you want to do. The choice is yours to make. There is something awful that occurred that led to you living with DID.

Take care,

#answers to questions #DID #organised crime

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i-need-some-advice-on · 2 months

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I need some advice to why im feeling upset over being confused for a specific thing.

Sorry for it being so long i just dont know how much info is needed for ppl to give me advice.

I work for a company, we are almost 100 employees so its not a mega corporation. Located in western europe. I really like my job.

Today we had a special day where we got to brainstorm ideas and showcase fun things for everyone etc. usually during these special days we are sorted into groups where we sit and discuss how to improve teamwork and communication etc, its usually the last thing in the agenda before AW.

So i sit among my colleagues chatting and one of the managers walks up to us and asks for a person from each department to form groups. So i assumed we we’re gonna do the same old discussion thing as always and joined a group.

There was no clear info on what we were gonna talk about. Or i mightve been the only one who missed that, because everyone started discussing jira tasks and asked me questions on what QA should know when it cames to bug testing graphics. And since I wasn’t prepared for the topic i didnt have a clear answer. But it was all in all a good discussion that we had for like an hour or so.

I get back to my desk in my department and asks the other artists what they discussed during their group meeting. And they looked at me confused going “we had no discussion group. We have all been working here the past hour.”

They had no idea about the meeting i just had. And i somehow felt very uncomfortable and confused and overall not happy all of a sudden. My manager had already left so i couldnt bring it up with him. I plan to do so on monday.

Thing is… i feel pretty upset? I even cried a little bit on the train home. I thought i was following our schedule but apparently i spent that hour on smth else. Why do i feel so bad about it?? Technically nothing bad happened and we had a good discussion. But i couldnt enjoy the AW and left early. And now i sit here with a big lump in my throat and i just dont know why.

Idk if its any good extra context but i have ADHD and it sometimes makes me miss out on details during meetings etc, and when they asked us to form groups there was a lot of talking from all directions so i def didnt hear everything they said. I also have experienced a panic attack that was triggered by work related things caused by lack of clear understanding of my work hours. But that stuff was months ago and i have recovered really well mentally, HR helped me get in touch with a good psychologist. Again i wanna emphasize that, compared to other work places, i love my job and i do feel happy working here. But idk maybe theres a connection between my past anxiety and the emotional confusion i now feel about being told to go to a meeting that wasnt on my schedule. And everyone else werent informed about it.

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