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ethans-stars · 2 months

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Wait tell me about your Ethan Lore this sounds rad

YAY OMG okay if the other person is up for my yapping do tag them. i like people looking at my yapping

okay btw ethan goes by they/them (rarely she/he) and morgana goes by she/they

for starters, ethans parents are fucking assholes. lol. theyre distant and emotionally and verbally abusive (they are a bit physically abusive too). they suck weewee. ok.

now morgana? she hates them. she fucking hates their guts and she doesnt fucking care. their logic is well, if you cant love me, your own child, then im not gonna love you back. theyre independent and rely on their interests. (they LOVE LOVE LOVE collecting molts and sheds of animals, knitting creepy dolls, crafting stuff that look scary, and making origami. she tends to dip into mostly stuff that freak others out, but for her? huge comfort.)

and even with that being said, morgana struggles making friends and has horrible validation issues. they also struggle managing their anger and can lash out when people pick on her or ignore her right infront of her face.

ethan, is a bit different.

theyre loud, obnoxious, trying to be the best and center of attention of everything. they try to get everyone eyes on them and HATE when people focus on someone else.

they would hang out with people they didnt even like, they would try and make themself someone they werent just to appeal to people, "fix" their personality when they saw an error.

they were hungry for any attention, any validation or praise centered to THEM.

now, ethan hung out with streber, leon, blaz, aria, liv, and confi when they were 15. and.. ethan started to get unhealthy obsessed with streber because of how close they were.

ethan would try to do small acts of kindness back, even if they didnt exactly grasp the concept. all they wanted was the spotlight on them, they didnt like when no one payed attention to them.

ethan gave streber a bat earring, necklaces, rings, makeup, nail polish, and a gothic jacket that ethan didnt like anymore.

anyway, after a while, and up until when streber and ethan got into college (18-19, but they started dating when they were 19), ethan confessed to streber with a small bouquet of flowers. now, note, streber suffered a traumatic event when he was 16-17. (wont go into detail, but they did get hurt from something and is very uncomfortable with their shoulders and back being touched, aswell as people sneaking up on him.)

streber had 2 therapists then (technically just one, but he considers his mom a therapist because.. well she does work as a therapist, but streber technically wasnt a client.) and honestly, he didnt feel the need to refuse ethans offer of being boyfriends. (also btw!! smth silly, i hc streber as demiromantic :3) streber was already recovering kinda steadily (since it had been about 2-3 years since) and didnt find ethan too bad. so, he took the offer.

ethan.. shouldnt have been in a relationship. they were horrible at respecting boundaries and trying to focus attention on strebers feelings and would only try and stop doing something just to avoid streber yelling at him. ethan, also, again, had very bad issues with needing the attention on them. so, ethan would be very loving and nice to streber when he gave him attention.

but,, when streber needed attention? ethan would be kinda closed off, trying to shrug streber away and stop it from getting that attention.

now, big thing, streber cannot function in a relationship if their needs arent met, specifically with comfort and love towards them. it doesnt even have to be touch, it can be words, and thats all that they need for that love to get across.

ethan only gave streber a lot of focus and attention specifically only when streber would have intense panic attacks or breakdowns. sometimes ethan gradually tried to share some love and focus and care onto streber, but.. they didnt most of the time.

2 years, 2 months, and the two broke up. streber sobbed on this cliff where ethan and it had their first kiss together. streber threw the bouquet off the cliff.

even worse? ethan didnt even focus on the actual qualities of streber. they loved this specific idea of streber and never appreciated any part of them besides when ethan got attention.

ethan then went to therapy, and the two had a rift seperating eachother for a good while, then ethan.. started to heal, started to get better with themself and truly find who the fuck they were.

ethan broke off various things, but did start to indulge into things they genuinely liked. they broke off unhealthy friendships and they most importantly left their abusive parents and took in morgana to live with her (when ethan was able to adopt them).

ethan took up the hobbies of tattooing, making punk and goth music with blaz and two other friends, collecting furbies, collecting skulls of animals (romeo was a skull they made themself :3!!!!), making creepy dolls, and collecting crystals.

the main thing ethan DID have from the start of their unhealthy need for attention was tattooing. mostly due how taboo it was for being young and tattoos. yk? so yeah. they genuinely do like tattooing though :3

anyway, they became much more calm and started to seep more into actually focusing on peoples feelings. they stsrted to chill out and become much more laid back and instead of always being in a social situation and trying to find a point where they can get the spotlight on them, they focused on whatever was going on. say a conversation, ethan focused on every bit of what that person said just to make them feel important and listened to.

now, ethan and streber began to build their bond, and became much better friends. they have this same sassy and dramatic energy (as kind of shown in strebers rehearsal :3) that makes them really compatible sometimes, and they always have a good time laughing about it after it.

now.. with ethan, they.. kind of focused too much, to the point their new partner after streber took it to their advantage. their partner hurt them emotionally and verbally and manipulated them into thinking that ethan wasnt doing good enough, to the point they wouldnt focus on themself at all and would constantly try and improve themself in ways their partner wanted, and would not give themself any selfcare because they thought that all that mattered was their partner.

that relationship went down, and ethan healed from that more, trying to not bottle their feelings and expressing their emotions with their friends more.

and then... ethan started to like streber, again, but this time they loved the genuine parts of them, each small trait and habit. they loved streber.

they needed streber.

one day on a whim, ethan asked if streber wanted to try again. just for a week, or even less.

and they tried, and ethan was so loving and caring and tried super hard to show their emotions and take care of streber aswell, slowly treading through and giving streber so much love. it felt fulfilling for once, and streber felt genuinely loved.

..except.... it just.. something wasnt right.

every heavy makeout, every soft touch, every date. it just felt off, and streber couldnt figure out why.

it was until it realized.. they didnt see anything in ethan, they didnt really love them. it was just good close friends, and that was all streber could manage.

but.. it would try, it would try and give it more time. ethan had so much love to give, so they would let it last for a little bit more.

anddd. 2 months after, and streber just couldnt let it go on like this, seeing ethan give endless love to him when streber didnt even know how to return it back. streber didnt love ethan. they never did.

afterwards, ethan fell into a slight depression, becoming closed off to their friends and not interacting with streber for a while. streber would visit, but ethan was dry and eventually asked him to leave.

after a bit, ethan learned to accept the rejection and started to be okay with just being good friends with streber. streber looked happy and free not being with ethan, and ethan would accept that.

they talked it out, and were truly just close friends. that was the best way things could turn out.

(though!! one night, when ethan and streber were both high, they almost kissed. they talked it out more and made clear boundaries. ethan wouldnt be satisfied with FWB, and streber wouldnt really like a committed relationship with someone he didnt see romantically.)

holy fucking fucking shit. yeahl there y9u go

i hope that makes sense. yeah whatevrr behwhehhdhfuhfhffhfhdhdhhdhfghhghg

#spooky month #streber spooky month #ethan spooky month #gothicbats

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cluelylikesporn · 5 months

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okay exam update cuz im actually really pissed off.

so im autistic + adhd, and only been diagnosed relatively recently, so i havent really been getting assistance until now. (autism diagnosis last year, adhd 2 years ago.)

my last exam was (still is) this period, and im going home once i finish it. one of my other exams i was sent to special ed (it’s called different things in australia and other schools but i dont wanna get doxxed) and the chick helping me (we’ll call her charlie) told me she couldnt even read the questions out to me… like i legit get more help in my normal exam conditions.

she told me WHILE HAVING A PANIC ATTACK “i think i know why your so upset, because you know you dont listen in class and just sleep and draw on your hand.” cunt, what..?

HOW ARE YOU WORKING WITH NEURODIVERGENT KIDS..?

i literally have spent my whole life wondering why i cant listen in class and hearing “just reread it.” or “your not listening hard enough.” is so fucking tiring. maybe explain it? she refused to help me because i “wasnt approved” to have a helper

the school knows im autistic so why do i have to be approved to get the help i need? like you dont have to make up all these forms and files. you have teachers who can help me literally in the building who could help me but you refuse.

okok i got rlly off topic but tldr on what happened today:

my teacher sent me to the special ed area to do my exam (last time he did they told me to go back) also shout out to my english teacher hes a legend. he gave me my sheet, i took a ritalin, said bye to the people i liked and left. (i used to take ritalin daily but now i jst take it to focus better in exams and shit)

i went to se and saw a couple kids i knew. one i hated and didnt know why he was there, one who has some mental problems so i understood why he was there. hes a sweetie. and some chick i knew who broke her wrist and had to write on a laptop.

so one by one they were assigned a teacher who would sit with them and help them/ read out questions and then the lady said “oh chloe your not supposed to be here, you have to go back to class.”

are you fucking kidding me.

i completely understand its not her or my teachers fault im not meant to be there, but im allowed to be a little frustrated. i asked why i kept getting sent here and why i couldn’t get help.

same shit about documents and boring stuff.

keep in mind i get ndis funding so i thought that would impact my education experience but nope, literally nothing. i also understand there could be things my mum hasnt done and that’s completely ok she has her own life, but also THE SCHOOL KNOWS IM AUTISTIC. that should be enough. its like i only get the help if i start ditching class and become an eshay or some shit like i shouldnt have to become a troubled kid to get help.

so the lady said my only benefit i even got from the school is like 5 minutes extra time. and she told me i could either go back to class or do my exam here( which means i could get no help/ questions read to me.)

ngl this was dumb of me but i said ok bc i didnt want to go back to class after saying bye to everyone😭

so i sat there with one airpod in, a pen that didnt fucking work, the only help i could get was eavesdropping on what the assistant teachers were saying but they were so quiet. i did manage to write some stuff but it was pretty fucking stressful. i couldnt stop thinking about what charlie said (the lady helping me with my maths the week before.)

this may sound super dumb but i saw a crow fly onto a table outside and i felt like it was watching over me. like it was looking right at me. it made me feel a bit better and i got some work done.

it wouldve been fine if those fucking assistant teachers didnt keep giving me pitiful looks like bro. i know im fucked.

anyway i finished my exam (barely) and went to the bathroom to tell my friend ab what happened, caught a bus home and am about to play dbd 😾

sorry for the long post im jst so pissed😭 but ily guys and ill post i swear🙏

song of the day:

#five nights at freddy's #fnaf movie #spotify #the walking dead #dead by daylight #metal #metallica #elvira #autism #adhd #spiderman #scott pilgrim #rammstein #elton john #australia #exams

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stonerzelda · 17 days

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Relating to the panic attack post: had a similar thing happen when I was really depressed and got sensory overload. Couldn't sleep, anxiety at a 10, physically shaking feeling like my skin was vibrating. Literally nothing bad happened it just came out of nowhere and lasted for multiple days. Emotions can have weird physical symptoms and any substance can exacerbate that even when it's usually helpful. Wish I could give better advice but the best I got is to let it happen and ride it out, get as comfy as possible (weighted blankets are great if that's an option), find a good distraction if that's possible, and know that it's temporary. So sorry you're dealing with that. It suuuucks.

Thabk you so much ;__; it helps to hesr someone relate to what im saying and thabk you for the advice im tryinf to follow it im just like. Losing it over how long this is lasting 😭 its been allll dayyy and it wasnt triggered by anything i dont already go through like every other night so thats the part thats scaring me the most ig but ur right if im still able to think cleaely wnough and recognize it then it shouldnt be anything more serious than a panic attack. Its driving me absolutely up the wall lol but sincerely thank u so much for reaching out <3 it helps a lot to hear from u i hope u are having a lovely night

#anonymous #;______ ; this sux ♾️ but we persevere

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xxshadowbabexx · 29 days

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tw: another rant (depression, self deprecation, abandonment issues, sobriety, alcohol, eating disorder, self isolation, anxiety)

i feel so needy its stupid. i only have one (in person) friend and shes on vacay rn and like im happy for her but… idfk what to do with myself. i miss her and i feel lonely.

i thrive off of social interaction but i also have horrid social anxiety and so i can’t go places without her without having a panic attack. shes all that keeps me calm.

so i havent left my dorm in three days and i feel sick. cooped up. but i know it wont be worth it to go outside because ill just end up having a panic attack.

i cant tell her any of this either. she almost canceled the trip because she was worried about leaving me alone and its not fair of me to hold her back. she shouldnt have to worry about me like this.

she wont be back for another nine days :( idk what im gonna do.

it feels so dumb tho. like i can’t function when my friend is gone for a little bit? its embarrassing.

part of me wants to just run to the store and get some liquor, drink my problems away. but im two years sober and dont want to fuck it up. its just looking real tempting right now.

and i havent eaten since my blow up last night. my tummy hurts but im scared to eat. i dont want to deal with the guilt that always comes after.

i wanna cry about everything but im too tired. maybe i just need a nap idk. putting my thoughts out here the other day helped so im just hoping it helps again.

#tw food #tw ed diet #tw eating issues #tw disordered eating #tw depression #tw abandonment #tw anorexia #tw alcohol #tw sobriety #tw social anxiety

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utopianparody · 1 year

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Journal having possible BPD; an analysis

you read the title, im going to write on why i think Journal from PPT2 has traits of borderline personality disorder bc im very normal about this character and i like to study him like an ant (also i have bpd myself)

NOTES:

i already wrote down a thread on twitter so this is like a repost here

pwBPD stands for people with Borderline Personality Disorder, im typing this since im going to use the short version of said phrase

----------------------------

1) impulsive actions

knowing that Journal had an important task to stop Mr. Hand from escaping, it's no doubt that he would commit risks (even unplanned) to do his work, including;

- forcing himself to stay up to the point he barely had any sleep

- getting himself wet in the rain (since paper-based objects shouldnt be out on the water for too long)

- breaking relationships with others

there are other actions that i might have missed but these are the ones i could remember. in case you do not know, impulsivity is very common within pwBPD.

while things like consuming drugs and unsafe sexual intercourse arent included in the above list (i mean, ofc, this show doesn't contain adult themes especially when majority of its fanbase are minors), damaging positive relationships is part of this impulsivness.

2) unstable realtionships / splitting

as said before, Journal had seen breaking his positive relationships with others, notably with Treasure Chest and Post-It Note, over something they had said or did once.

that being TC with his immunity token and Post-It wanting to take a break from work, in which causes him to lash out on them for those reasons above. he was also seen acting negatively towards Ukulele and Bubble Wrap.

Journal's actions above can be similar to splitting (a BPD-exclusive term in which pwBPD tend to characterize themselves, other people, and situations in black and white), and it may contribute to relationships not being stable. it is possible for splitting episodes to be triggered from minor events or inconveniences (as said about TC and Post-It above)

3) intense emotions

Journal was seen to be more irritable as episodes went by, as his recent behavior include being bitter towards someone and having to easily lash out. he was also seen having fights and arguments with others characters, especially with Treasure Chest ever since episode 9 until 12.

One of the symptoms of BPD is that a person rapidly changes their emotions and even often.

he does not only have intense anger, but as well as intense fear or paranoia, and because of his stress-related paranoia, he feels more intensely than the others do.

4) psychosis

Journal is canonically psychotic as he had hallucinations shown on-screen twice. his hallucinations caused him to become more paranoid or, as in the recent episode, have a panic attack.

some pwBPD may likely have psychotic symptoms, although not common, it can still be possible.

5) favorite person

Journal likely has Post-It Note as his favorite person (fp for short). He seems to have a alot of trust with Post-It since he was the only one who tried to understand his struggles and is wiling to help Journal out on his work.

although, since episode 11, after Post-It Note said that he wanted to relax fron work for a bit and calmly told him to calm down, Journal got devistated and got angry at him for it, so he distanced himself from Post-It Note and continues to work by himself without his help.

"how would this tie to him having an fp?"

in some cases, pwBPD tend to put high (mostly unachievable) standards for their fp(s), and if those standards arent met, they will start splitting and push their fp(s) away for it.

even Journal's standard put on Post-It Note isnt as ridiculously high, Journal did lash out on him for not meeting it and this did end up hurting both parties at the end.

----------------------------

conclusion:

because of how his behavior connect to BPD symptoms listed above (there might be more that i might have missed), he is likely (if not heavily) implied to have borderline personality disorder

#shut up cupid #kangel.txt #ppt2 #paper puppets take 2 #ppt2 journal #object show #object shows #object show community #osc #character analysis

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little-elenaarchive · 1 year

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Elena's mental health

Elena sufferes from both PTSD and Survivors guilt, as well as depression.

While Elena does her best to seem well put together on the outside she is absolutely a mess on the inside.

Elena never really dealt with/deals with the effect that losing her parents had on her. Shes so busy trying to be perfect and seem ok so she can take care of Jeremy and Jenna that she believes it most of the time.

She did a brief bit of therapy after she got out of the hospital but elected not to stay in it because she was "better" and "ok now". Mostly she wanted to not LOOK like she was falling apart so people would stop babying her and she could take care of Jenna and Jeremy.

However her trauma still highly affects her daily.

Cars terrify her, shes able to get in one without having a panic attack now but if the car swerves, stops to quickly, goes too fast, or she hears a loud noise while in the car Elena freaks out.

Wickery Bridge is a trouble spot for Elena. She avoids it as completely as possible, she personally can NOT drive over it and she braces herself the entire time the car is making its way over the bridge while shes a passenger.

aside from the depressive bouts of reclusive nature, Elena also has her survivors guilt manifest as an insane need to be the perfect kid and take care of everyone. She has to make sure that she survived that reck for a reason. Her father was a doctor and her mother wanted so much for her. Why did she survive when they didnt?

Elena cant stand the thought of not being the person they wanted her to be so she takes everything and everyone on her shoulders endlessly trying to persue the feeling of being worthy she survived when her parents didnt.

Which in turn feeds her depressive cycles of breaking down, feeling hopeless, crying all the damn time, troubles eating/remembering to eat, trouble focusing on her school work, ect-

Which then feeds into her survivors guilt of not living up to expectations. Elena is trapped in this vicious cycle she both thinks she deserves and hates herself for going through.

She wont take any medication becuase that would mean admitting something was wrong, the same reason she dropped out of therapy.

Furthering her cycle of "Im fine." "Nothing is ok!"

Elena often writes about how not ok she really is and how no one notices.

"DEAR DIARY, I MADE IT THROUGH THE DAY. I MUST HAVE SAID ‘I’M FINE, THANKS’ AT LEAST 37 TIMES. AND I DIDN’T MEAN IT ONCE. BUT NO ONE NOTICED."

Sometimes she is ok with that, becuase it means shes doing a good job of pretending everything is ok. Other times she just genuinely wants someone to notice that she isn't ok and for them to hold her while she cries. No "it wont always hurt" No "It gets better with time" Elena doesnt want to hear any of that, not really. She just wants to break down somewhere safe with someone safe and just be... not ok for a moment, before she starts her "im fine" act all over again.

Unfortunately due to the emotional and mental discorse Elena goes through she has a tenancy to be impulsive- as apparently all of the Petrovas do.

part of this is mild untraditional suicidal thoughts or idealization.

How you ask? Elena routinely tries to die for other people. To save other people. She has multiple times decided that no one was going to die for her, she was going to die for them. It's part of her survivors guilt. She thinks she shouldnt have lived, and she can both give her life meaning and rectify the mistake if she dies saving someone else.

And almost polar opposite of Katherine "Better you die than I" Pierce.

#Headcanon #TW: Mental health #TW: suicidal thoughts

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noxiatoxia · 2 years

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hi its me the dead anon and i would like to share that maybe 2 nights ago i was up rlly late. and i was figuring out what i was going to write back to ur last response to my other ask when i got really tired

in my strange sleep deprived state i was hit with 'inspiration' and opened google docs. within a matter of a couple hours, from 1-2 am, i wrote a pages long fic where kaoru kills himself and hikaru was so upset and made myself cry so hard i passed out.

when i woke up i looked at it and it really wasn't that good?? but at the same time it was and it made me cry again so. theres that. if you were wondering what ive been doing instead of responding

anyway very sorry about dying. ive really wanted to send u asks but ive been stressed out so im not great at coming up with hcs. very uninspired (besides my weird kaoru suicide fic but. yk)

maybe this says something about my current mental state. maybe not. idk

NOOOOOOOOO HAHSJSOKDFJ I SHOULDNT LAUGH BUT THE IDEA YOU WOKE UP FROM A HALF AWAKE DAZE AND WERE LIKE "FUCK I GOTTA WRITE KAORU KILLING HIMSELF" CRIED, THEN PASSED OUT IS SUCH A FUNNY MENTAL IMAGE.

But like I GET IT!!! same shit happens to me. I'm about to sleep but inspo STRIKES and I HAVE to get it on paper. It actually happened last night... Idk if I'll turn the idea into a full fic I'll post but it was a comedic concept nonetheless

The idea of one of the twins dying always kills me bc it's like... SO fucking sad.... the heartbreak is too much for me... i like happy endings... But like, I get it. Sometimes you just gotta write super depressing stuff. I have before.

The idea tho of one of the twins having a nightmare abt the other dying... Oughh. Like some super vivid nighmare that has one of them bolting up in bed panting on the verge of tears, immediately seeking the other twin and hurriedly waking them up to make sure they're still alive.

Like for example, maybe Hikaru waking up a month after Kaoru had his really bad depressive episode that scared the shit out of him. In his nightmare though...things don't have such a happy ending. And Kaoru does what he worried so much about every night in that dream, and he loses his little brother, and it feels so real.

Hikaru wakes up with a really startled jolt and is on the verge of a panic attack. His first immediate course of action is to turn around and nearly shake Kaoru off the bed, panickedly saying his name.

Kaoru of course wakes up sleepy and confused, barely awake as Hikaru begins to squeeze the air out of him with a bear hug. He's mumbling some things Kaoru can't piece together in his tired state, but Kaoru can tell he's really upset...so he just holds Hikaru and sleepily mumbles some reassuring things to him, and it does make Hikaru feel better, just to hear him alive and well...

Also since I'm a sucker for close physical affection between the twins I like to think Hikaru sometimes kisses Kaoru on the cheek. He did it more when they were younger, but he still does it I think under special occasions. I think this would be one of them... He was just so broken up in his dream and it scared him so so badly, so as Kaoru is stroking his hair lazily and sleepily murmuring reassurances to him, Hikaru sniffling as he's trying NOT to burst into tears, he kisses Kaoru on the cheek. Kaoru makes a small confused noise because he isn't expecting it, but he gives Hikaru a kiss back. He basically ends up passing out after that bc he's barely awake as is but Hikaru stays up long after that, holding Kaoru and just listening to his steady, deep breaths and resting heartbeat. Just taking in the fact his brother is still here and alive.

He eventually falls asleep once dawn begins to filter through the curtains.

Also it's okay for not sending asks!!! Life is tough and busy. Your health & happiness is far more important!!! I really love your hikakao and ouran asks in general they are my day's highlight. But I'm here if you just want to send general asks about whatever :) DMs are always open too!

#ILL GET TO UR OTHER ASK A LITTLE LATER I HAVE THOUGHTS ON IT... MUCH TO SAY...#hikakao #ohshc #;noxiatalks2ya

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