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am-i-the-asshole-official · 5 months

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AITA for not telling someone I wasn't their bully 100% of the time

Hey so I was a shitty kid and i willbe TA for most of the story. However the ambiguous non-ending spins around my head nonstop

! In high-school I met a friend, Lacy (mtf) who had recently come out. We bonded over mutual Fandoms and shared classes and ended up pooling friends. I was already tight friends with one other girl we can call Sam. Sam went to another school but me and her had been best friends for many years and talked constantly online. After spending a lot of time with Lacy, and with L and S in a group, I started to get a little crush. Me and Lacy had this habit of passing comic notes to eachother between classes and they were just so fun. Anyways I ended up passing them one asking them out and she agreed. We talked about it casually after and I kept the note. In the background, me and Sam talk constantly about Lacy. Outside of school, online, Lacy often goes on long rants and tangents and caps it off being painfully self depreciating and insinuating self harm. I honestly don't hold that against her too much, given how young we were and how much stuff was going on. Very quickly I realize this tiny crush evaporates in the heat of her stomping rants. My gut sinks when Lacy mentions we are dating. It's been less than a day. Sam messages me immediately and I make the terrible snap decision to lie. I lie about it and I have the evidence so my version becomes correct. I tell Sam I didn't *really* ask Lacy out, blah blah. The lie doesn't end. Lacy has an explosive breakdown about it, well warranted, and I lie to adults and school administrators as well. We were friends, I guess she got too attached, we talk all the time but no. I never asked her to date. Papers signed, case closed. Lacy blocks me everywhere. The year ends. I resign to never speaking to her, as the unquestioned bully in this situation I wouldn't have the right to approach her about it. I think I send one anon ask completely unrelated to her or our lives, then block her back as is only fair.

Short hop forwards a month or two. Sam sends me a message about an update to Lacys blog. Lacy is otherkin and Sam is laughing at the kin list, sending anon messages mocking Lacy about the choices and identity. Very unfamiliar with otherkin but struggling with gender thoughts myself I don't respond much.

Fast forward a few years. Me and Sam don't talk much now. I got a boyfriend and couldn't help love how much he ignored me. Everything else fell through cracks. Working at my restaurant job one day, who else comes in but Lacy. We are very busy, I try to be quick, don't make eye contact. "Party of....for Lacy?" She nods. The lobby is full so they walk out the door and never come back. Later when my shift is over I unblock and check her blog. She's made a post saying I was her abuser and had sent her constant anon hate since bullying her in hs. Checking her ask tag I see Sam on anon sends 3-6 hate messages a year. I do nothing and leave everyone be and move on.

Another 3 years goes by. Sam reaches out. She's terminally ill, and we speak stiffly for a few IMs. I don't forgive myself for leaving her and decide it's best we don't keep talking. Another few years and Sam passes. Our old friends go through Sam's papers and pc files reminiscing and find pages and pages of shared chat logs between me L and S. It really was a harsh reminder of how cruel I had been, speaking behind Lacys back and lying. I don't doubt I caused her lasting trauma with my actions.

Part of me wanted to reach out to Lacy and apologize, explaining myself and the misunderstanding and clearing the lie not because I wanted to feel absolved I just that it's finally done now. But it feels so cruel to do it when 1. As the original bully it's still not my place to seek closure 2. I can't just toss my friends corpse under this bus for no reason.

It's soon a decade since we all left school so the time seems well past. I just can't stop thinking about all the mistakes. And there seems no reason to bring it all up after all Sam can't say anything about it anymore and nobody is hurt believing i said these things. So, AITA for not telling Lacy it wasn't me bullying her most of the time?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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geminibsworld · 5 months

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teachers pet pt.4

warnings: smut, slow burn, jealousy, whatever yk idk i just write shit LOL

summary: daisy and tom continue to sneak around

🫧the other parts are on my masterlist def read those before this 🫧

🌿

daisy bit tom’s bottom lip teasingly, he hums in response, his rougher hands gliding on her back. her hands pulling on his expensive dress shirt not caring about wrinkles, tom and daisy kiss. he pants into the kiss, she lets go of his shirt, as her fingers go for his waist band, he pulls away as one of his hands catches her wrist. his forehead on hers, he places a small kiss on her lips, she pouts at him. he smiles before pulling away, and returning to sit at his desk. daisy crossed her legs turning and facing him. she watched him start up his laptop, and he slid on his glasses to start on the computer. he sighs rubbing his forehead, as his phone rings, he ignores it typing in his log in information. the call ends, as another starts. daisy peaks at his phone, she knows who it is. his wife.

“aren’t you going to answer that?” she asks, humming, twirling his waves. his hair had gotten so long that two hooks peaked out behind his hair, she loved it. she especially loved tugging on it. he sighs making a face looking at daisy. he thought she was so beautiful, so beautiful that nothing else ever mattered.

“not when i’m with you,” he says, smiling at her. he then grabs his phone, and puts it on do not disturb. daisy laughs, shaking her head. she then pulled her legs up on the desk, her knees touching her chest. tom typed away on the computer, before they heard a knock the door.

“tom, it’s your wife,” a woman’s voice spoke, daisy and tom looked at each other. daisy hopped down, quickly grabbing her bag about to leave. tom held a hand out to her and opened the door, daisy stood motionlessly by a bunch of filing cabinets unsure of what to do.

“Michelle,” he says, annoyed. michelle shoves past him, looking around the room before her eyes land on daisy. she makes a face before turning to tom.

“this her?” she asks, pointing a manicured finger at daisy. daisy makes a face, her brows furrowed and she looked confused as ever.

“what?” daisy asks, confusion all over her face, she stepped forward, “how does she know about me?”

“oh please, he talks about you all the time. i’m surprised a small girl like you can handle him though,” michelle laughs, daisys cheeks burn as she looks at tom.

“what’re you doing here?” he asks, politely but his face said otherwise, “i’m working right now. i don’t need any distractions,”

“oh is that why she’s here?” michelle laughs, her brown hair in perfect curls. almost everything about her was perfect, daisy couldn’t help but feel weird.

“yeah.. i’m gonna go- i’ll see you later,” daisy says, looking down to leave, tom groans following her to the door. daisy turns and looks at him making a face, her eyes quickly going to michelle. michelle smirks leaning on his desk, eyeing the two.

“aw well aren’t you sweet? comforting your baby?” she asks, dryly, eyeing tom. tom scoffs, rolling his eyes.

“can you leave?” he asks, trying to plead her. michelle eyes daisy and tom, daisys eyes warred and cheeks burned from embarrassment. she didn’t know why she was crying. tom rubbed daisy hand, trying to comfort her the only way he could at the moment. he wanted to pull her into a hug, but he couldn’t.

“you’re no fun, tommy,” michelle says, smirking at him playfully before glancing at daisy one last time. daisy eyed michelle, blinking away her tears. tom sighed, squeezing daisys hand gently before pulling his hand away from her.

“well, i guess ill go.. what’s for dinner tonight tommy?” michelle asks, staring at him with a certain look in her eyes. daisy scoffed rolling her eyes before pulling out her phone, she wanted to text ellie to rescue her.

“just go, i’ll call you when im on the way home,” tom says, quietly his hands on michelle’s shoulders, reaching around her pulling the wooden door open pushing michelle out. daisy didn’t say a word as tom shut the door, he cleared his throat.

“i’m sorry- about her,” he says, walking up to her. he stands in front of her looking down at her, his eyes filled with worry as he searches daisys face. their eyes meet, and he sighs. pulling her into a tight hug, his arms wrapped around her completely enclosing her body. her arms slowly wrapped around his waist as she has her head laying below his chest. she sniffles and inhales his scent, reminding her he’s hers. the scent of expensive cologne and lavender filled her senses.

“i’m sorry,” he mumbles, leaning down placing a kiss on the top of her head. rubbing her back softly, she sighs pulling away looking up at him, his hands lay on her waist. he stares at her, giving her a small smile.

“you’re so beautiful, you know that? so beautiful and sweet, like a daisy,”

🫧

daisy was in tom’s class today, she had felt weird ever since she met michelle. so weird, that she didn’t ever want to see or hear about michelle again. like she doesn’t exist.

“daisy, can you come up here please?” tom’s voice interrupts her thoughts, she glances at ellie before she stands up and walks up to him at his desk. he was on his lap top, wearing a loose sweater his collar bones showing and she noticed he was wearing a silver chain necklace.

“yes, Mr. blyth?” she asks, looking down at him. he smirks ever so slightly, before sliding a paper over. it says, ‘meet me after class’ she smiles at him grabbing the paper before returning to her seat next to ellie.

ellie glances at the paper, giving daisy a look. daisy giggles, crossing her legs bouncing her food against the seat in front of her.

“daisy,” a boys voice came from behind her, ellie and daisy turned around to look at him. it was jackson, a guy who has been obsessed with daisy for years. not in a creepy way, but in a ‘i want you so bad way’

“what,” daisy whispers, not wanting tom to look in her direction. jackson scoffs, ellie makes a face.

“what, dick?” ellie asks, attitude in her voice. daisy laughs, turning to look at him.

“chill el,” jackson laughs, before meeting eyes with daisy, “do you want to hang out later?”

“me? hang out with you?” daisy asks. quietly quickly glancing back at tom. ellie clears her throat, daisy snaps back. tom was staring right at them.

“uh- ill let you know later?” daisy says, turning around to face him quickly. he smirks, nodding at her. the bell rang, daisy and ellie began to pack up. as daisy stands up, she glances towards tom’s desk. he wasn’t there, she didn’t know where he was and she was nervous. she hoped he still wanted to meet.

ellie and daisy share a smile as ellie leaves daisys side, daisy walks to tom’s desk and peaks around. she walked towards the back where the auditorium was connected to the actual classroom, she saw tom. he looked annoyed, he was sweeping the stage.

“tom..” daisy says quietly, tom looks up at her and gives her a small smile. she smiles back walking closer to him. she stands in front of where he’s sweeping, with her hands clasped in front of her.

“you look beautiful as always my daisy,” he mumbles still sweeping, not looking at her. he sighs placing the broom against the wall, he wipes his hands on his jeans as daisy eyes his large, veiny hands.

“thank you, why did you want me to stay after?” daisy asks, cocking her head to the side. her hair falls behind her back. tom spins on his heel, his palms pressed against the wall. daisy makes a straight face, tom had a unreadable look on his face.

“what did he want?” tom asks, his brows furrowed at daisy. daisy lets out a dry laugh.

“really? this is what we’re doing?” she asks, shaking her head. tom shoves himself off the wall, walking towards her. daisy scoffs and rolls her eyes beginning to walk away.

“i asked you a question,” he says, grabbing daisy’s wrist. daisy snaps her head back, yanking her wrist away. her skin still burning where his hand was.

“fuck off,” she grumbles, walking away. tom follows behind her, she picks up the pace slightly. tom wraps his arms around daisy, engulfing her, she squeals as he picks her up.

“oh my god, are you fucking joking tom?” she groans loudly and dramatically. tom laughs, a true belly laugh. he shook his head, carrying daisy to his office slamming the door behind him.

he drops daisy on the ground, she scoffs at him. he turns and locks the door, before pulling daisy into him on the desk, she lets out a gasp. she stood between his thighs, his hands tight on her hips. she chewed her bottom lip anxiously, her doe eyes stared at him.

“now, i asked a question, remember? be a good girl for me and answer me,” he says, his voice low. his eyes searching all over her face, his finger tips digging into her bony hips. she makes a face, wincing.

“all he did was ask me to hang out, and i said i’d let him know, no big deal,” she shrugs, her eyes meeting tom’s eyes. the blue piercing into daisy’s green eyes. she felt her breath hitch as tom held his jaw tightly, his fingers digging into her harder.

“no big deal?” he says, his eyes trailing down her body. she nods quickly, agreeing with what he says.

“no big deal,” she confirms, tom lets go of her hips to grab her ass, she gasps as he pulls her completely into him. his face hard, as her jaw slacks at him.

“i’ll show you no big deal,” he mumbles, “bend over my lap for me,” his hands roughly squeezing the flesh under her skirt.

“w-what?” she asked, her anxiety rising. bend over his lap? what? he raises his brows at her, she gulps.

“be a good girl, and bend over my lap. now.” he says, his voice and low and husky. she couldn’t help but feel herself pool in her panties. her eyes widened at him.

“you heard me, get over here. please, i’m not gonna ask again,” he says, monotoned as ever. he pats his lap, she walks over to him slowly standing on the side. he places her hand on the small of her back, gently nudging her.

she slowly bends over his lap, she gulps feeling nervous. tom slowly pushes up her dress, his rougher hand feeling over her soft pale skin. gripping and squeezing the flesh, she could feel herself getting wetter by the second. she couldn’t help it, she found it embarrassing that she gets that wet. but it’s him. his hand smoothes over her soft flesh before his fingers dip between her cheeks sliding down slowly and teasingly. she anticipated him touching her. he tsk’d before he spoke.

“already so wet,” he mumbles, “so perfect,” he leans over to the side to look at her bent over his lap.

“i’ll do a few baby, promise. you’ll probably like it,” he says, she can hear the smile on his face. she chews her lip, biting the skin off her lip. he rubs the soft flesh some more, his finger dipping down and taking one finger teasing her clothed pussy. his finger teased her clit under the panties, she couldn’t help but let out a hiss. his finger softly rubbed between her folds. daisy lets out a small moan, her back arching into his touch.

“feel good baby?” he asks, almost mockingly. she nods bucking her hips gently. he chuckles at her.

he removes his hand, and she lets out a moan of disappointment. he laughs, before his hand meets her cheek. the pale flesh jiggled as a pink handprint appeared, a squeal escapes her lips. daisy felt her panties drench, his hand came down again. she moaned, loudly.

“yeah? be so fucking loud that little prick can hear you,” tom says, sarcastic and bitter. his hand flying down again, a red mark on her bottom. he couldn’t help but smirk at the site.

“one more baby, tell ‘em who’s mine,” he says, a smirk evident in his voice. daisy peels skin off her lips in anticipation and anxiety. his hand came down a lot slower, but still hard as he hit the same spot he’s been. the hand print red now. he liked how it looked on her. she was his.

daisy had tears in her eyes, she couldn’t help it. the pain stung but the pleasure made her feel good. tom coos as he rubs her red cheek.

“you did so good, now stand up for me,” her lip quivers as she sits up. he fixes her dress, his eyes racking in her body. then finally meeting her eyes, he stands up from his seat. he gives her a quick kiss on the forehead, before rubbing her cheeks with both of his hands.

“my good girl,” he smiles, kissing her again. her eyes red from the tears, and her cheeks stained. she smiles up at him, before he leans down pressing a lingering kiss to her lips.

“daisy- woah!” daisy and tom jump apart, a scream leaving their lips together. she holds her chest as she looks over and sees ellie. tom groans to himself.

“i would say get a room but that was my bad y’all,” ellie teases, smirking at them. tom can’t help but feel annoyed. daisys eyes glance at tom, before meeting ellie’s.

“that was cute by the way, the whole stroking her cheek and kissing her forehead,” ellie laughs, tom shakes his head walking away, leaving just ellie and daisy.

“are you serious el?” daisy complains, throwing her arms up. ellie laughs, not taking things serious at all.

“what? it was cute,” ellie shrugs, daisy groans.

“listen my bad- i didn’t even see you all till that. i won’t tell on him, fuck you’re my best friend.” ellie says, trying to help by offering a small smile.

“dude, he doesn’t care. he could fired for this. if you saw, who else would? his fucking wife knows already and we’ve met!” daisy throws her face in her hands as she leans against the wall. ellie pouts making a face before furrowing her brows, confused as ever.

“wait you met her?” ellie asks, suddenly. daisy makes a face rolling her eyes.

🕸️

daisy showed up tom’s apartment, wanting nothing more than to see him. it snowed today, the cloudy grey sky and ice on the trees matched daisys mood. she hadn’t seen tom in two weeks, he hasn’t even been at the college. he’s just been sending us work through our lap tops, she felt like she was going crazy.

she knocks on the door, feeling nervous her heart racing. tom opens the door, dressed in a black hoodie and sweatpants, he looks like he just woke up.

“morning,” he says, his voice gruff and cracked. she felt weak in the knees even after a simple word. her mouth opened to say something but nothing came out. he smirks, his hair a messly long. he stretches, while yawning his hoodie lifting up, his lower toned abdomen exposed. daisys eyes travel downwards, she felt her mouth go dry.

“daisy, it’s too cold for flowers. your cheeks and nose is so red,” he says, a soft smile on his cheeks. his hand reached out for hers, she reached her arm out her fingers grabbing his hand.

he pulls her into the warm apartment, pulling her into him. he kisses her, hard. she can’t help but let a noise in surprise, she then kisses them back. his hands tangled into her waves. her hands gripping his hoodie, they disconnect breathing heavy as they both pull off their hoodies. their lips reconnect again, his rough hand gripping her left breast his tongue softly gliding over her hard bud. their lips fighting against each other, she moans into his mouth. he takes that opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth, their tongues wrestle. her hand reaches into his pants, grabbing his hard member. he groans into her mouth, his hand playing with her bud still. he pulls away and picks her up shoving her into the front door, he rips her leggings she lets out a loud gasp. he pulls down his pants, and spits in his hand before jerking off slowly before positioning him at her hole. he slowly enters her, her mouth falls into a ‘o’ shape. tom admires her as he slowly inserts himself inside of her. her pink lips falling open and her eyes squeeze shut.

“been thinkin about you the whole time. i’m surprised i didn’t see you sooner baby,” he moans, before pulling out and sliding all the way in again. she screams, tom moans as her tight gummy walls accept him.

“you feel so fuckin good,” he moans, his hips going at a steady pace. both of his hand cupping her fleshy ass, daisy moans a response. her nails digging into his biceps.

“fuck- tom i’ve missed you,” she cries out, her head hitting the wall with a thud. tom lets a out a laugh, and she begins to laugh to. his thrusts slow down, before he completely stops. daisy lets our a sad moan.

“don’t stop, please,” her hands stroking his toned arms. he nods with a small smirk before, continuing harder and faster. his hard dick inside of her, filling her up completely tapping her cervix.

“oh fuck,” she whimpers, he groans throwing his head back. his hips relentlessly pounding into hers. daisys eyes screw shut tightly as she begins to feel close.

“my pretty, sweet daisy. such a good girl, taking my cock so so well,” he coos to her, she whimpers as she begins to clench around him. he groans speeding up, before they both cry out loudly.

“oh fuck- daddy- fuck,” she moans out, a loud pornographic moan as tom moans, her name leaving his lips many times.

“my good girl, how i’ve missed you,” he says, collapsing onto her. his forehead against hers, she breathes heavily as she gives him a sweet kiss.

“i’ve missed you, so much.”’

#tom blyth #tbosas #billy the kid #ballad of songbirds and snakes #billy the kid 2022 #coriolanus snow #tom blyth smut #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #tom blyth x reader

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visionthefox · 2 months

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Im feeling silly , I was looking over my logs of texts I often write to myself, an idea of what ever I want to do in the future And I found a horror idea based on a dream I had- I still somewhat remember it- I have a fear of getting lost and trapped - because I did get lost some few times in my life~ but for some reason my dream changed to "Im running" to "watch as someone else needs to survive" and I guess was to not get too scared? anyways, all I know I was in a abandoment plex, or shopping mall, I was in the play area MIND YOU this was before FNAF RUIN was even a thing! but I used to watch ppl explore abandoment places at night- soo ok, based on this dream of being lost, and running from something, I created an AU I never once shared to anyone sooo feeling silly! I want to let it out~ in resume! actually short one What if Fazbear got tired of weird stuff happening in the daycare, robots coming in and out, missing tech- a fucking death star? and their animatronics getting too comfortable walking away.. so much so is getting the brand in trouble so one night- FazCo just - reset both Sun and Moon, one night they sleep in the room they have, some humans walk in, since they work there Computer can not harm them, Computer tried to wake Moon but failed the next day, both brothers forgor everything and everyone, but something is off, Sun is not nervious nor shy, far from it, he seems to take a leadship, be harsh, sassy and somewhat mean-Moon in the other hand? he is calm, silent, cold only to human and robots, not kids, he is obedient to Sun only, and will be mean to everyone else. idk what exactly happened, but the plex grew darker, as maybe the aura of the change made everyone freak out, since Moon was literally paying FazCo to let him do anything, yet the company reset him as nothing.. soon chaos happend, and Eclipse , who mind you now has a body of his own -and I have no idea on what arc this happened, I just know he still hated everyone and didnt died- tried to walk in the daycare, only to Find Moon staring at him at the top on the play structure, Eclipse tease Moon but soon see something is not ok. Moon let him walk in, and worst, he just stared at him like a cat set on a prey, is only when Sun walked out from the ball pit he stared at Eclispe , and in a cheerfull yet cold tone said "oh, you are not part of FazCo line.. you are a bootleg? sorry~ we dont allow bootlegs in here! you need to leave!" and before Eclipse can say shit, Moon chease him away, Eclipse doesnt know why- but he ran away, maybe because Moon seems to be in his "kill code mode" but he just runs NOW this is the meat of the AU, Eclipse is forced to survive not getting seen by anyone, not even gregrory because he soon realized, every door is locked with new code only the rest on the glamrooks know, he tried to find the code, but just can not.. this is all I got, in my notes I had that Sun tried to reset Eclipse too thinking he just "needed some repains too" but I think Sun wanting Eclipse gone is more scary~ so yea, idk what to do with this so Im letting this out here- I may flesh out this idea? but I dont think I may actually draw it I just knew I wanted some horror related AU with sams at the time I wrote my dream down, I wanted true horror an scene I rememebr is Eclipse running inside one of the tubes, is all dark, only his eyes glow, and he is freaking out, Moon is cheasing him like a actual robot, no much of his personality showing - Eclipse clips up to the play structure, and finds a way out, not before he hears Sun teasing "please come out! we will make you better! you need to follwo FazCo rules~"

#sams #tsams #the sun and moon show #sams au #tsams au #horror au I guess?#also idk what will happend to Lunar- I gues he is safe with monty #also at the time I had this dream Earth wasnt in the cast #if she were to be added she too had to stay hidden since Moon would never allowe her not Lunar to be own by FazCo

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appleatcha · 6 months

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Its been very, very rough. I can't bring myself to be open with the one or two people I speak to about how bad it is. If you speak to me regularly and see this, well here's my admission of guilt. I'm doing way worse than I let on.

Almost every day for a week now I write messages and record audio messages of me talking about how im really doing. But then I just delete them. I don't see a point in sending them. I feel like it would just feed into my anxiety and stress more.

I've cried at work every day this week. Over stress of life. My son struggling, myself struggling, the house being messy, the cats, it all. My main concern is my son obviously. I put spending time with him and making sure he's taken care of before anything else. But I just feel so overwhelmed. I'm constantly rushing all day. Except at work. At work I sit with nothing to do most of the time right now, and im left to sit and marinate on everything.

My brain is so stress-logged that I've made dumb mistakes at work, forgot to take the trash out for garbage pickup, left my water on top of the car today and ended up breaking my cup when it was launched off my car when I moved, forgot my sons bookbag at home and was nearly late for work rushing to get it to him.

If I let myself think about it, I crumble. And nobody wants to hear it. My friends who grew up with my husband and me aren't close enough to me to care. My husband's close friend just says "I wish i knew what to say".

The place my husband worked and died is right behind the Walmart where we live now. My son and i stopped and went inside the gas station beside it yesterday. The only time I'd been In there was with my husband. When we got back in the car I started to cry.

I feel like people think I should be angry and hateful and not care about him anymore. And I am angry. I do have days I think "fuck you". But its just not that easy. I loved him and I have no clue what was really going on in his mind. I can guess and have feelings but I just will never know.

In a recent video, Peter Monn was talking about addiction and helping people through it and he said "love isn't enough. If love was enough, there wouldn't be 12 step programs or detox programs or suboxone". And something about it just clicked in my head. And I think of my husband saying "this isn't worth being sober". Maybe what he was meaning to say was "love isn't enough."

I'll never know. I don't know if ill ever be able to open my heart to another relationship ever again. Part of me is desperate for it, part of me is desperate to stay away forever.

But the main thing is that my mental health is not great. It's not even this grand loud, chaotic energetic bad like it usually is. I'm not having full on panic attacks, telling my friends about what I'm feeling. It's a silent, calm drowning. Which I can't say I've ever experienced.

I'm not suicidal or anything like that. I could never do that to my son. I want to keep going. It's just really fucking rough. And I don't think people who are getting upset at me not responding or being active really grasp that. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, but its such a hard and treacherous path to that light. In my worst moments, I fear there is no light. That its all just ruined. But right now, I don't think that's true.

Its hard to imagine that January or even May were the same year as today. January, celebrating my one year marriage anniversary, working as a housekeeper. March, a housewife knowing something was up with my husband but not knowing what. August, an unemployed widow unsure of what happened, and December, a working single mom who happens to have been widowed, with more answers but also more questions now than I did the day he died.

Trying to take it moment by moment

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effervescentdragon · 2 months

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Re your interviewers not even sure what to ask anymore ask, that’s me but with the fandom lol. I’m literally this close to just starting to translate all of Toto’s German interviews just to feel like there is Any reason for me to still be here doing Stuff in this fandom, like what am I doing, exactly? Make predictable guesses as to who’s gonna win, only get surprised by DNFs and engine failures and battling in the mid-field, have my grandpa tell me ‘the races have really been going downhill’ and log off??

i posted sth about jude bellinghams dick game on insta on main yday and og bff asked me what im compensating for w footie posting and should he be worried abt my mental state and i said f1, because im just not incentivised to watch it anymore at the moment? im hoping it changes when races stop being so early - i am sad i missed nico's commentary the most tbh. i guess fandoms come and go and things get more and less interesting but the thing for me is - if im not enjoying it, i won't make myself watch/read/do it just because i've made it my Thing. i can have many Things. we all can. i think, when something doesn't bring joy, its good to step back. give yourself time. f1 will be there. 🫂

i also think there is this insidious thing that you have to be "productive" in a fandom, that you have to do, be doing something to justify your presence in it. i know i've felt off because im not churning out 10 ficlets a day anymore, but the fact is - you don't have to DO anything to BE in the fandom (this feels like some metaphor for life but i only took one sip of coffee today so far). fandom is about enjoyment, yohr enjoyment and sharing that enjoyment with people who also love a certain piece of media or whatever. this capitalist bullshit of treating a fandom space like it's a job (what am i contributing? have i met my quota of posting about my blorbo today? how many followers do i have?) like... who the fuck cares. i still count myself into the silm fandom and i havent posted about it in ages. doctor who, star trek, hell, fucking x men and cap america and hannibal and so many things. i am still a fan of so many things that bring me enjoyment. thats why im a fan in a fandom.

i guess what i'm teying to say is that its really hard sometimes, when you lose interest or get disheartened by someting thats brought you joy before. when you feel like you're "failing" at liking something. but i try to remember - im a person, i have interests, interests change. a thing i loved isnt that anymore. okay. not okay, but it's fine. you may find joy again, you may surorise yourself, or you may just drift to something else. you're no less you, and no less a fan, if your intensity isn't the same now as it was yesterday or a decade ago. and with f1... its changing so much that its honestly pretty understandable to feel that way. bff stopped watching during the seb era, came back when it looked like seb might win w ferrari, then skipped the whole lewis era. og bff skipped merc domination era completely. my cousins husband stopped watching the moment alonso won. ive had friends stop watching the moment max won. it happens.

what im saying, too fucking long and winded bcs apparently im in a mood today - dont force yourself into something that doesnt bring you joy. theres so much joy to be found in this world deapite everything, and you're no less you for losing an interest in a fandom.

#akira answers asks #lovely moots 💕#this got long and i hope it makes sense in some way. or helps. idk.#f1

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arsenicflame · 2 months

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i think, ultimately, the problem is that i dont want to get better.

its more nuanced than that, obviously. i would love to be better. i would love to exist and grow without pain and suffering and just. i want to be better.

but better for me doesnt ever look like that. the best hand ill get is a life of constantly fighting to feel stable, to be anything resembling ok. ill never be over this and ill never have to stop fighting and its. so fucking hard.

i try to see hope in the every day. i love my friends with everything ive got, i do the things that make me happy, i make my own joy where i can but. its never enough. its never going to be enough. none of these things are ever going to outweigh the burden of everything else. i get so fucking drained trying to live a normal life, i cant even do half the things a person is expected to do to exist. i dont think i ever will.

i think. i dont think the person i would be if i was better is someone i truly want to be, either. i dont think im fun to be around or a particularly good friend or anything. i find myself abrasive and too intense and in general, not someone people truly enjoy, and it would only be worse if i wasnt weighed down by my own issues. i dont think the person i am or would be is someone worth fighting for. and i know, i know i would never think these things about anyone else but. here we are. here i am. acknowledging it takes work to find stability and i dont want to, dont have the energy to, the motivation to put that work in for myself.

i wish i did. i really wish i did but i cant change the fact that i dont. the future is a black hole of nothingness and misery for me and no amount of small hopes change that.

the future is the night sky and yes, theres sparks of light in there, but theres so, so much darkness to get through to find them.

and im already so tired.

im gonna log off now for a bit i think, if youve got me somewhere else ill probably still be reachable there (or as reachable as i ever am, i guess) but i think im gonna take some space to think things over.

i appreciate everything anyone has ever done for me but you cant help me if i cant help myself, and i dont expect you to.

i want the world for you, i want you to keep fighting and find hope and have happy and fulfilling lives surrounded by love. i hope you can have that. working on getting better is so hard, but i hope the world is kind to you, i hope your effort is worth it. i hope you keep being someones star, because i know you were mine. i love you.

#nyxtalks #vent #long post. sorta

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mydigitaldiaryz · 2 months

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Entry Log #4

TW; im not sure at this point . im really just writing whatever sparks up in my mind. i need to clear it up a bit.

My days have been dulling. everything is so boring to me; it's almost insane. ive been losing motivation for everything, ive become to tired; everything that has brought me joy is gone. even when i try to recreate it in any sort of way, nothing happens anymore. it's useless really. all i feel is just this stupid, overwhelming feeling of emotion and disappointment that i can't decipher anymore.

I've been getting into random pills, nothing too bad like drugs, just pills that are bought over-the-counter, just to stop it, have my mind run slower and just think one thought at a time, but I think that ultimitely makes me feel worse, since it just takes a stop to all the depressing things i feel about myself, always my mind telling me to take more. It's so harmful to me and my mental health, always making me far too numb than I already have felt, but it just feels so much more nicer. Like I can't care anymore, whatever happens, whatever I do, I just can't give one singular shit. It has my brain all scrambled so I can't really overthink that hard, which is perfect, since my mind is going to be fuzzy either way.

My favorite pill so far has been Tylenol. I've been abusing it for a short while, just to get that feeling of adrenline and fear that this final pill could be the last one ending my life. That's the only sort of joy I feel when it comes to my life now. The fun it takes me, impulsively spending my life over some bunches of pills. It's almost too addicting to stop, I might add.

Of course, it's never too much that it gets to the point of a really bad overdosage, but just a little bit more than suggested, like for example, the one I did earlier today was 2,500 mg of Tylenol, but also yesterday night too, counting inside the 24 hour time period, it was 2,000 mg of Tylenol, too. So, adding all of that together is 4,500 mg. Which isn't that bad. I'm pretty sure the severe overdosage is 7,000 mg, which is nowhere near it. Or atleast that's what I'm guessing, but I'm really no doctor, so I have no idea what's really going on.

I don't know what else to do with myself than cut and take overdosages of pills. I can barely do anything, let alone actually live a normal life. It's sad knowing I could do so much more, but because of how mentally fucked I am in the head, I'll never really go as far as I or my mother planned. I know my mom is disappointed in me for being such a screw-up of a child she wish she never had the misfortune of giving birth to. I know she wants me since yeah, I'm still her kid afterall, but I also know for a fact she doesn't want someone LIKE me.

I can't stand hanging out with my friends now too, not after the fact that I can tell all of them can't stand being around me either. I know they just got bored of me so quick, and only keep me around for some punching bag they make fun of and laugh at. I hate how I'm always the butt of the joke, always the one getting made fun of. I don't get it, really. What's so bad about me? What's so wrong about me? I can tell they also shit-talk me so badly. And my girlfriend, I know for a fact she's just waiting for me to break up with her so she can stop hanging out with a shitty, ugly loser like me. She probably doesn't even actually like me, she just doesn't want to feel alone, just like how other people use me for. To just stop feeling alone with themselves. To look like they aren't lonely. It's pathetic of me, really. To stand around and act like they aren't sticking to me until their friend comes over so they don't look alone, because I can't stand being lonely too. Even though I constantly feel it everyday, no matter what, even when I have so much people surrounding me and showing that they actually like being around me for once.

I can't stand anything, anymore. I'm just so tired with being alive. I just want to disappear. Everything is just so frustrating, I've been planning for so long how to end it all, a delicate and perfect plan that I know would fall through if I attempted it. I haven't tried yet, but I wish to. God, do I really want to.

I just don't know anymore. I just want to die.

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szif · 10 months

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i think i should let all my game accounts die (except howrse. because i think thats actually a good thing? will elaborate later.) and then ill go and just leave them like that? and if i want consistent engagement through playing them then i will do it. i keep on logging onto games just to get a "daily reward" which i think is a pretty disgusting thing to implement in your game first of all, but im also pretty hooked up on it so i think i will just. not care? i will let my nationstates die (im so sad about it, but i literally do not care about it anymore because i just log on to keep it from dying? i genuinely do not even play it anymore i dont improve my country in it nothing happens at all. im just attached to it despite my attachment having no basis in my actual feelings.)

oh, also, youtube is forbidden unless im literally looking up a certain topic or if im looking at specific channels for specific things to see. i wont ever use it to look at new videos and i will NEVER. and i repeat never. use it for music anymore. i am not allowed to click on ANY music ever on it (i guess i could make an exception for all iterations of bad apple because i literally binge th........ no i cant, actually, repeatedly listening to the same song will just make me binge everything else and get obsessive about other music i dont wanna hear about. this is the price until i get to self-regulate myself)

hm, what else? oh yeah i actually have to do stuff, i think. i should fill my daily quota of things i do (my music listening log which is a daily thing, i should get one entry ready once and thats it. no more. i think listening to more than one album is fine its just that i think im spending way too much time on those and having some sort of regulation for it may be good. makes me appreciate music more, i think.

ohhhh oh my fucking god i should also set up a list of things to actually do. like, i have hobbies, i actually do, they are simply buried beneath all the stuff i obsessively do for no reason at all because my brain forces me to "consume stimuli". so i will go on and do a list of things and then maybe depending on what im feeling ill do those? seems like a good idea to me. and i will really have to push myself to actually do things i like but maybe itll stick as a habit? i really hope so.

also yes, this plan is taking into account that humans (i am a human) are random creatures and we respond to stimuli which is how restricting most things in my life won't have a lot of effect and it may be detrimental, however, i would love to state that i am swapping meaningless, distasteful stimuli for a different type of enriching one, because i think improving my "quality of life" this way will be rewarding, even if it seems punishing.

and when im gonna start doing this...........? now. yeah. now. like, if you wait around and go "hm, i actually dont know, i should start at new years eve, i should start tomorrow, next week, next month" youre not gonna do anything because you are letting your own obsessiveness get in the way of your plans and you didn't strengthen your will towards doing what you have to do. so yes, im doing it now. BUT im also just setting up everything i need to do so faults. mistakes are fine i just have to repeatedly do it so my brain gets it. its fine

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theadventuresofsteven · 1 year

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lmao im leaving so im not alone

I guess this is like one of those “oh no i went for a walk through the past and now im feeling nostalgic” moments (insert ‘bruh’ sound effect). It’s not healthy for me to keep coming back to this website that reminded me of everything that I was when I was young. Maybe the memories that I missed with people that were significant in my life (cough cough @dreamcowboy) were the main factors that I would remanence about the past. But the reason why I missed the past so much was because now that I’m an architect in Hawaii and being a full ass adult is terrifying, this concept makes me feel like Atlas carrying the burdens of the world. Except the “world” in this metaphor is alcoholism and chronic masturbation. It got to the point where I would run to past experiences since, although not all of those memories were great, they were at least comforting and familiar.

Replaying moments in my head made me at least feel like I wasn’t alone and that maybe I wasn’t turning into a miserable 50 year old white man that day drinks because their wife has an opioid problem and that Frank from HR didn’t just tank his entire retirement pension. The past was always a place in which I could come back to if the world was too harsh to handle. But the more I went back to the past the more I realized this weird contradicting feeling that would creep over me. The feeling that even though I was running to a time when I felt not alone, it only made me feel even more alone. Well, bud, that’s cause I could always return to a place that no one inhabits anymore. You know how in Mario 64 you can jump into those lil paintings and the mario guy goes “yahoo its mario time”? Thats what it felt like. But when I would come back I was still just mario and those adventures were just memories.

(Bro that fucking mario analogy gave me a fucking aneurism i think my irresponsible bad habits have fully killed my brain cells)

So i’ve decided to stop running to the past and move forward where everyone else is. Maybe that way I won’t feel this constant impending dread.

:^)

So why even write this whole thing? Who do I have to prove this shit to? Well honestly it’s like one of the last places where I can still see what Dri (if you still go by that) is up to. So this is the part where I kinda directly just address you (hehe sorry bud but it has been like 5 years).

I know I fucked up a lot in high school and I know I was a terrible partner to you and put you through some of the most heinous shit. I definitely shouldn’t have dropped off those things at your door but honestly since seeing that post you made about how much I fucked up your life I thought that one last throw of “hey im sorry man i hope we can be square” was a good idea lol.

I know you definitely don’t want to ever hear from me every again cause I was terrible to you, but to me it’s not that simple. You were legit a huge part of my life and you were actually the first human being that I could look in the eyes and say without a shadow of a doubt that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I know I didn’t show it but also I was a hormonal teenager. Looking back at every other person I’ve ever been with they really were just extensions of the personality of you that I always loved.

But i know I’m pushin this shit too far or whatever. I really wished that we could’ve kept in touch but i know that doing so wouldn’t have helped either of us so I guess after 5 (6?) years i’m gonna try and stop going back and reliving moments that we shared. (sappy i know but hey my understanding of love is litterally based off of Television and Movies so don’t blame me, blame the Adam Smith and his invisible hand).

I really wish the best for you and your family (hope your dog is doin well :^) ) and I’m truly sorry for ruining things between us. I’m gonna stalk your page more to read those poems you wrote about me one last time before I finally log off this cesspool of a website lol.

Take care, Dri.

Yours Truly,

Changqi

#goodbye #@dreamcowboy #tumblr #social media #one last post

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xxjunesroomxx · 2 months

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that post is funny especially bc i am actively feeling very suicidal right now like i was just about to make a post (this is now the post btw) about how i need to log off all social media because i can twist anything into a reason to kill myself and everything and anything just really triggers that thought but what am i supposed to do. rot and hate everything while even more insanely bored? at the very least i see cool art sometimes or something remotely funny on here even if everything else makes me want to die. this is quite a damned if i do damned if i don't situation because i dont have the resources to properly deal with this shit. i could tell my friends im so super suicidal i guess but what does that benefit. it does nothing except put pressure on them to make me not want to die and to feel bad for me or even perhaps guilty they can't just fix me or something, and everyone has their own mental illness to deal with already. what would actually benefit is having friends i talk to frequently (not my current friends' fault whatsoever, it just so happens atm i dont talk with anyone 24/7 like ive been used to for several years and yearn to have again) and computer to fucking do anything together with them on because my phone cannot do jack nor shit. perhaps even an irl partner to move in with so i can be alive for once. i think all of that would sufficiently keep me from going on social media

a job may also physically keep me too busy and tired to go on social media but you see the issue there is that would make me want to kill myself more. but i need one anyway to get things i want like a computer and potentially a shitty awful apartment so shrug we'll see what happens. if i die i die i guess

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crowcryptid · 9 months

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spoilers for ac6 below :3

I just finished new game + and it’s obvious that they intended for you to do the fires route first and then do the liberator route.

Cause the new content is almost entirely about helping the RLF.

I did it backwards so it’s like. “Im helping! I’m being helpful! Ok now that I’ve given them false hope time to burn them to a crisp lol get trolled”

Don’t talk to me about Rusty that’s Not Real trust me in both endings he just um.. he just runs away it’s fine. :]

Ayres fight is SUCH bs oh my god. It just sucks to see the enemy dodge the second you press anything. I thought the chapter 4 boss was bad with the input reading, but she’s even worse. It only took me 3 tries but I got so close on the first 2 tries and died cause I couldn’t land ANYTHING once she got to like 10% health. Any other boss would have died but she perfect dodged literally everything and I died 5 seconds later. Even my assault armor didn’t do anything cause she would dodge out of it every single time.

I didn’t feel like spending an hour or two on it so I switched to zims. She just dodges like 90% of your attacks once she starts flying around. The shotgun spread is pretty much the only reason I was able to hit her with them. Didn’t even bother trying to melee her, I just used the 10 count missiles launchers and hoped for the best. But nothing survives the dual zim. Nothing.

I somehow managed to pick the harder missions every time in my first run. This one was so much easier. I did die once to the chap 4 boss though. Fuck that thing. Fuck those wheels too. I grabbed every log and part so I had to deal with them. They actually managed to kill me so I had to do that twice.

I can’t believe how much easier Walter is as a final boss. I definitely didn’t get to hear all his dialogue. It’s actually kind of sad that he’s so weak.

I guess to make up for the weak final boss you’ve got Chatty/Carla and Snail. I thought they were VERY annoying, but my first playthrough build was a slow quad leg so I could never dodge anything and that’s probably why I found those fights so annoying. Key word here is annoying, not so much input reading bs. Just spammy heavy hitting attacks + my slow giant mech meant I was getting melted.

The stuff they throw at you in the fires route is nothin. Didn’t even use 2 repair kits on those levels. But then it’s made up for by.. an annoying boss. So take your pick.

Liberator > Fires for me.

I still think the hardest thing in the game (so far) was Michigan. Mainly because of ammo. That’s the only mission I ever ran out of all ammo on, during multiple attempts. Finishing by punching while being so low on health was stressful. That’s also when I learned that punching has a cooldown meter?? Why?

All throughout new game + I used Walters armor with some high accuracy arms so I was a lot faster than my first run. Switched between machine guns, various pistols, and various rifles, except for the end where I said fuck it we Zimming. I mainly used the medium weight and heavy weight plain old lock on missiles and various melee weapons for my back slots. Everything else just seems too inconsistent, and multi lock deals with all the fodder to save ammo. I really wish the guns in this had more ammo. The pistols really need more shots. I think the energy pistols and needle guns ended up being my favorite, somehow. Also I really liked the basically lightsaber weapon u get but it was not useful for most bosses so I didn’t use it as much as I wanted to.

New game ++ begins now. I didn’t have this one spoiled for me so yay

Idk if I will have the strength to S rank every level. Some levels seem very tedious. Idk how tight the time limits are though. That’s what worries me. I’m bad at going fast against bosses.

#I tried to mess around with color schemes this time but #it didn’t last and I went through the last half of the game with a plain white mech lol #I see other peoples colorful builds n I’m like ‘cool’ but for whatever reason I can’t stand being brightly colored in games #even thought white is a bright color but u get what I mean. I can’t do like. pure red or blue or some shit it drives me insane

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hexcryingwolf · 1 year

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im not spending my days in a depressive suicidal fog like i did for the first couple of years after the 2018 fallout. im not constantly thinking about and remembering and questioning and doubting everything that happened anymore. i have healed a lot. i am so much better than i was

but finding out that [information i hope to god comes to light sooner rather than later] lit this fire in me. im not scared anymore, im fucking angry. angry about the lies. angry about how they treat people. angry that nothing ever got any fucking better. angry that im a joke to them because i had the audacity to Not Handle the Trauma of Finding Out Someone I Trusted and Considered a Friend was a Dogfucker with perfect poise and tact.

we never talked about that. i dont remember ever talking about that in the server. i talked about it with glip privately but not in a way to process my pain, i was trying to support them and pushed my trauma aside for them. i know when i first saw those videos i talked about it in the server but i dont think, once the truth about marl came out, that i ever really took the time to talk about it in relation to that. i was too concerned with supporting glip

and its not their fault i did that obviously, that was my own actions and i own that much. im not blaming them for anything here. i just want it to be understood that i had this trauma and never took the time to process it and maybe thats why i lashed out so much. maybe thats why everything hurt me so deeply. maybe thats why i was so fucking scared all the time.

thats understandable, right? like. we never talked about the animal abuse but i should have. i should have brought it up in therapy way sooner than i did, and even when i did it wasnt a focus, it was just a footnote to the rest of it. i dont remember anyone else being as bothered by it as i was. so we didnt talk about it. i used self harm to train myself out of thinking about it instead of talking about it. one time in the box i tried to talk about it but glip shut us down because “(they) hadnt taken the time to process it yet”. i know we couldve gone to dms, i know that logically. can it be understood that logic sometimes gets overwritten by emotion? or is that just a personal defect, i should have known better. in the face of this horrid, monstrous thing, i should have known how to handle it logically

i remember glip being, kinda. like it was this eureka moment for them when they understood that the reason the zoo shit upset me so much was because i saw it as animal abuse. i hate to phrase it like that - “i saw it as” - because it fucking *is* abuse. knowing some of the shit i know now it makes sense they reacted that way, i guess? but it sucks cuz there were dozens of active people in that server, a lot of whom were my *friends*, but i just had to stew in this pain and never let it LEAK. we talked so much about how my bad feelings leaked out onto others. and that was bad. it was bad that i couldnt hide my pain? im not sure. i wish i understood. i wish i could see the logs. id fucking settle for talking to someone with access to the logs who i could trust was being honest with me, even without directly giving me any logs at all. but no one like that exists, i dont think

i know glip didnt think my pain was real. january 2019, i was feeling so hurt and mistreated by them but i REFUSED to believe they were just being a bitch to me. so i make up this motivation where theyve been hurting me because they want me to retaliate somehow. i ask axi about it and they dont try to stop me, they tell me to write my callout. so i did, and then i was the villain. i was a joke. how dare i “put on a brave face” during the scene with them, after how badly i had hurt them with a wimpy callout i never shared and they never read. im sure it *DID* hurt you glip. but what about the pain i was feeling in the first place? i did that because i was being hurt by you, but i wanted to believe youd only ever do that to me for some good reason. maybe to teach me something? to teach the rest of the server something? can you understand that that didnt come from a place of anger or wanting to hurt you, it came from the pain *i* was feeling but was trying to deny, because i didnt want to believe youd hurt me.

its ok that you didnt/dont like me glip. im over it. but i cared so much about you i refused to believe you might just not like me. when i thought, maybe they want me to retaliate? maybe this is some plot? it fucked me up so badly. so i went to axi and they didnt try, just said “well youd just take my trying as part of the scheme” and maybe i would have but we’ll never know because *they didnt even try*. so it was easier to believe that you were hurting me for some greater purpose than it was to believe we just werent compatible as people

i dont know. this turned into more of a vent than i meant it to. theres so much i cant process properly because i cant read minds and i dont have the logs and ill just carry this pain forever. at least its smaller than it was

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rrxnjun · 1 year

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well imean ur view on them matters the most so iguess i understand why u deleted them😭

SCHOOL IS THE WORST!!! can't even have free time smh i don't understand why school has to be this stressful that u are scared to even take a proper break from learning it's actually the worssstt😭

wait by recommendation do u mean like songs shows or blogs?:o or all of the above?:o KEVIN IS SO GREAT SO IM GLAD U HAVE THAT SOFT SPOT FOR HIM HE IS JUST TOO LOVELY AND FUNNY AND EVERYTHING!! eric is one of the funniest in the group imo so i'm happy that u are enjoying them on hwaiting!!!! dude u should stan them actually their discography is almost immaculate (their new ost is kind of 😟 for me so if u ever start listening to them do not start with that) BUT I HOPE U END UP WITH THEM LIKE TREASURE LMAO i genuinely think tho that by looking at their insta/twitter pics u would probably love them like they are just so aesthetic and well i guess trendy (?) (especially q) but they are just so great and if for nothing else i think it's completely worth it for sunwoo😁👍 THE PICS IN THAT PINK HOODIE WERE 🤌🤌 BUT THE TIKTOK THAT WAS JUST CRAZY I HAD IT ON LOOP AS WELL LMAO but u know i think this is a sign that once ur treasure era calms down a bit u should have ur theboyz era next hihi

MANIFESTING U WONT FAIL THEN!!! academic validation sucks ass i'm waiting till i be at peace with not getting good grades😃👍 probably university will help but i have to get in one first ig😭 but iguess i'm glad u are mostly at peace with it now (?) i be just can't imagine how rough it must have been to get to that point😭 (i hope ur enjoying the break from it then u will be back stronger than ever to write sometime in june ofc)

MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS TBH THAT IM GLAD I LOGGED ON TODAY CUZ IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO SAD IF I MISSSD IT JUST CUZ OF SCHOOL WORK AND U JUST COMPLETELY MADE MY DAY WITH IT ACTUALLY (liebestraum anon💕💘)

no bc school either takes up all my time or energy or makes my mood drop so much i dont wanna write anymore 😭😭 but i wrote a bit today so im happy happy happy maybe i can get something out even during exam season !!! also a chat w my friend about this one fic idea i had kind of convinced me to write for trasure after exams but....we'll see how that goes.👁

i mean all of the above i need all song recs and also content recs 🤭 i think i already mentioned that im a big fan of the reveal album so preferably something w those vibes ?? but im down for everything hihi. KEVIN IS THE LOML my affection towards him is the same i had for mark lee before i stanned nct 😭😭 theres always this one member that sucks me in and makes me stan LMAO. id love to be besties w eric btw. AHAHAHA "once your treasure era calms down" girl- 😭😭 i mean valid. ive always had the boyz in the back of my mind so this is surely a sign to stan. sunwoo is worth it❤

the moment i got into uni i experienced the BIGGEST gifted kid burnout like i never had to study all throughout middle and high school so i automatically thought im super smart and intelligent since ive always been a straight A student but uni was a wake up call and let me know that i am NOT as gifted as i thought i was 😎 so im putting a lot of effort to get C's and im good LMAOO. was kinda sad by the fact that its not A's but when i almost had to drop out bc of almost failing a class i was like yknow what fuck academic validation lets just....get this degree and get it over with. hope your experience is different tho bc i was crushed 😭

as always i loved hearing from u 🥰🥰 opening up my inbox to seeing your ask is always a "FRIEND!!!" moment for me DHSJSJ

#💌ask #liebestraum anon

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