#i had to stop here cuz theres a limit????? WHAT
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i have SO MANY hc's abt martin's family?? like. they're canon to me now. let me try n tell y'all, but btw some ages are not. still very set but yh. also i'll focuse on his mother's side cause i hc martin as half-polish half-korean, n while he does keep in contact, it is far away. but i guess i'll start this hc list by saying:
the first time martin does go to korea is when his mother goes to the care home (or whatever you'd call it) n he feels safe enough to do so. he's around 22/23 years old. the entire family is delighted to see him and all speak english with him, some more broken than others, but martin did learn korean (i hc that he is pretty good at learning languages) n pleades them to let him use it.
also they were shocked at how old he is now, since this part of the family is the one with the most children, so ofc they dont have time for everyone, but omg!! adult!! has a job!! also they dont judge him for not finishing college, and a lot of them are also fat or chubby. just fyi. when he leaves, they decide to send him soju on any given holiday, his birthdays, his mum's birthdays, etc. to the point where martin Does Not Know what to do with all the alcohol in his home.
martin's polish grandparents have kept their lives very secret due to the fact that they had to run away from the country due to committing crimes. they flew to england, and changed their names. they chose blackwood as the last name because it was an author that they both liked n also the reason why they met. the only reason his family ever found out abt this is because after they had died, the children were cleaning their room and stuff n found some journals with their original names ripped, scribbled, painted over, etc. it's the biggest mystery in his family, right next to what happened to his father
the polish side of the family has 6 children, 8 originally, but one died at birth and another tragically went missing when he was five. it consists of 4 women and 2 men (the two dead children were 2 boys, n according to their ages, these siblings had a pattern of boy-girl-boy-girl, which is kinda funny).
the oldest is Uncle Ron, then it's martin's mum, then the boy who died at childbirth, then twins 1 girl 1 boy, then another aunt, then the missing child, and finally the youngest sister, Aunt Z short for Zelda. She is 12 years older than martin
(btw i did math for this just so yknow) forget what i said abt the ages i got it all figured out SO: (martin is 28 for reference) Uncle ron- 54; Martin's mum- 53; dead son- 21 years older; twins- 47; Aunt- 44; missing son- 14 years older; Aunt Z- 40. i do not have months n shit figured out cuz frankly i dont give a fuck but yh. also his grandma was 23 when she had Ron, his grandpa was also 23 but he is 2 months younger than her
Uncle Ron is a sweetheart and Martin's fav uncle. He has a cottage and a farm up in scotland, with a forest surrounding it, and he has an affinity for befriending the wild animals in it, most importantly, bears, which i just found out do not exist there but tbh theres fear god thingies in this universe so u can fuck off if u pull my none existent PENIS because of this, anyways. he introduced 5 year old martin to them and the mama bear at the time thought he was one of her cubs n almost took him away. Uncle Ron has photos of all of this. martin has those photos on his phone. Also Uncle Ron is pretty lean, more than 2 meters tall, n also ace and pan. He found this out much later in life but he's proud he did and is very happy rn. His voice is akin to Con O'Neill but a lil deeper and with some accent from the years living in Scotland (besides the english accent i mean)
imma skip martins mum, except for the fact that recently i thought of the hilarity of her being bisexual and knowing martin was gay since he was 5, but got meaner when he came out because of bad luck, she also got sicker n therefore her mind deteriorated more then. Martin only finds this out through his Aunt Z when he first started his archival assistant job. boy was going through it.
THE TWINS! i dont have names yet BUT the aunt is known for being a bit bland but nice, with a horrid first marriage but now doing much better with her second husband. she did, however, with the second one, create a HELLISH pair of twins, also boy n girl, who martin babysat Once. never again. she's also bisexual but isnt very sure so she doesnt think much abt it. the uncle, however, went to prison, for aggravated assault and attempted murder (the guy was a nazi and also just a horrible person besides that fact, so he does not regret it); because of good behaviour he got out earlier, around the time martin was 17. he had only been in martin's life since he was 2 so he kinda missed a lot, like him coming out, which he does, which his uncle responds with him telling him that "it's not rly homosexuality if youre on top, i know it, i did that while i was locked up." martin didnt have much to comment but im happy to report that a decade just relaxing and coming back to normal life again has made him realize a lot of things, like the fact that he is gay. he's out of the country, in Portugal, just chilling n living life, still single btw hehe.
the next aunt is the one everyone hates since she is homophobic n racist n just a cunt rly. also shes the only one who is naturally blonde which was just a red flag from the start /hj; everyone else is a raging red head, darker the older you are, the only exceptions being the twins, the aunt is strawberry blonde and the uncle has dark brown hair, almost black. no one cares for the homophobic aunt, since shes also out of the country, somewhere in the USA
AND AT LAST!!! Aunt Z... listen im gonna be honest with y'all, i based her entire personality on Katya, the drag queen, lil bits n bobs, the only difference is that she pursued an art career but was in and out of rehab for most of Martin's childhood, only truly coming out when he was around 23/24 years old, getting back to work and having more sober fun. she is a delight, and isnt afraid of helping martin out with money problems since her time in rehab got her into some great contacts n her art is booming, which also means shes travelling a lot. she is the only one martin truly accepts help from just because she will annoy the fuck out of u otherwise so. u might as well. also, i have some au's where she meets the archival crew and falls in LOVE with Tim n Sasha, she loves them; she is pan, leans more towards girls, and may be non binary but she isnt sure yet, she'll figure it out.
regarding children n cousins, martin is the oldest bby in both families. besides the demon twins, the homophobic aunt has some kids but she had them all the way over on the USA so they dont know them well. the boring aunt, besides the twins from the second marriage, has an older child with the first one, and they are non binary, as well as having a pet frog and snake, whom Martin loves. they're also goth, and remind Martin of gerry once they read his statements. there's no other children.
on the korean side of the family, theres 4 children, one of them being martin's father, status unknown, and their mother is alive. she also cooks very well, tho ofc her children help her as well, but she likes doing things herself. when martin goes there the first time he cried when he ate her food and had to quickly reassure her that its because he loved it too much.
martin's father is the oldest, then a sister, and then 2 younger brothers. i dont have names yet nor ages more because martin also doesnt rly interact with them much, tho he wishes he did.
this is the family with a lot of children. ignoring martin's father, the sister had 4 children, the next brother had 5, and the last brother had 4, making that 13 children. and yes, the two brothers workship their wives, cuz ofmg. the only thing i have rn is that the oldest cousin of martin's from this side is only some months younger than him, and one of his cousins is actually studying art in the UK, so they're pretty close. she's on her last year when martin is 28. his youngest cousin on this side of the family is 13, and martin is his fav cousin btw. mostly because whenever they would all play games, during that first visit, whenever martin would sit out of a game, he'd help his bby cousin cheat and win. all his other cousins are incredibly offended by this.
#tma#the magnus archives#martin blackwood#tmalesbeen talks#tma headcanons#i had to stop here cuz theres a limit????? WHAT#horrible#anyways yh i love them basically
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the vocal themes from frontiers describe a specific theme on their lyrics and it gradually turns from fear to acceptance (i suppose) i’ll be talking abt these (in the order of their “appearance” in game): i’m here, undefeatable, break through it all, find your flame, vandalize.
(also spoilers)
i’m here is a lot about doubting and reassurance. it starts with sonic “leaving the life he knew before” “finding the truth of who he’s meant to become”, revealing a degree of uncertainty. despite the fact sonic has always moved forward, “to new horizons”, he “fights this fear, with his life”, fights the fear of losing his friends. but in the next pre-chorus, it seems like he can hear his friends (“don’t be afraid, i will be with you”) who are trying to reassure him and give him the strength he needs to keep on fighting. in the end, he still moves forward, but now he’s more assured as “the way ahead’s becoming clear.”
undefeatable is about a strong sense of confidence that overshadows the real emotions sonic is feeling (a topic touched by the next song as well). that’s mostly fear. sonic seems to be handling everything well so far, even saying that “think im on 11 but im on a 9, guess u dont really know me” which shows he really believes he is “undefeatable” and that makes sense, especially since he is in his super form for the first time since the beginning of their adventure and is certain the chaos emeralds will help him complete his mission (he doesnt know yet that the emeralds disperse after visiting a different island). however, he keeps repeating “face your fear” and it serves as a reminder to himself that he cant avoid this emotion. “i used to never know/this feeling’s just a ghost” is him trying to persuade himself that this fear is momentary and that he has to focus on the battle to keep moving forward.
break through it all is about accepting and overcoming the fear. sonic still tries to convince himself to keep the fight going (“dont look down”) but at the same time he’s calling out to his enemy (”show yourself”). that’s when he’s found most of his friends but has yet to find tails. he wants to end this and quickly, so he doesnt wait for the enemy to appear on its own. now he knows that he “cant hide from what he feels”, he’s still afraid but more determined (”no more compromise, this is do or die”) and ready to risk it all. half of the chorus is sonic’s friends hyping him up, telling him that he “wont fade out, cuz the fire in him never dies” and that he shouldnt stop cuz they have a mission. sonic has been listening to them and he knows they have been with him this whole time, so he accepts that they will be okay cuz they are fighting alongside him (”we wont stop until the battle’s won”) and until the end of the song, sonic talks on behalf of all of them.
find your flame is about the ultimate disappearance of that fear. theres no fear overshadowing what he has to do (”take a seat, im on a mission”) and he’s carrying his friends with him in this one (”we wont back down”). sonic has surpassed his frontiers (”im here to go beyond my limit”), he is at the worst state possible (cybercorrpution) and is eager to end the fight, even more now that hes reunited with his little bro. (”i’ve been waiting for my moment to strike”). he has no inhibitions, he’s not restraining himself, he’s not feigning confidence but he is filled with it (all the pre-chorus indicates that).
now, heres an interesting take (which ofc may be completely wrong but oh well): “will the whole world know your name/ when we dance with destiny?” is a line asked by sage, trying to understand sonic. “im never gonna stop believing” is tails’ response as he tries to prevent sonic from doubting himself. he is the only one who has been with sonic for the longest time, the only one who “has been there and has seen it”, sonic’s willpower and strength, so he reminds him that “he’ll find his flame” (it connects with the conversation sage and tails had regarding sonic’s abilities). and now, sonic is sure that this is “the end of the show” and that he’ll find his flame thanks to his friends.
vandalize is about the aftermath. sonic was betrayed (”you promised to help me rebuild/you caught me off guard”) he is in pain. this whole adventure has left a mark, it has vandalized his heart. from losing his friends, to finding them, to not being able to save them, to having to find the chaos emeralds again and again while fighting the cyber corruption and then getting betrayed but also barely managing to make it out in one piece yet not being able to save everyone (rip sage). there’s no fear. just determination, certainty. and pain. even when the physical pain stops, the emotional damage (LOL) has been dealt. no matter what happens next, this adventure has left a mark on sonic.
#thats all i guess#(Not me singing bring you back while writing this down)#im bored to edit this further so#here you go people#what do yall think#sonic frontiers spoilers#sonic frontiers#sth#sonic the hedgehog#miles tails prower#sonic and tails#sage the ai#im here#undefeatable#break through it all#find your flame#vandalize
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have eaten fuck all today. if I didnt fucking hate doing shit in this household id make myself brownies. but it feels so awful to bake when you know that you're hogging up space that someone else might need. and the sink is kinda full so id feel so fucking horrible if i didnt wash all the dishes and shit i used for baking. I fucking hate this house. and its getting late so id feel bad for making noise as well. I fucking hate it here. because all of these things i dont want to do are because i myself fucking hate it when someone else does it. fucking hate it when the counters are full of shit. hate it when theres easily washable dishes in the sink. hate it when people are being noisy in the house at fucking 22. hate it when they fucking leave any light on, because every fucking light in this house is bright as shit. I don't fucking get how blind these two are to need a light to see as soon as the sun isnt shining right into the room.
i swear that there was some positive post or something i saw recently that i thought really helped me stay calm in these situations, but i dont remember anything like that now. oh my god I hate living with people. it should be a fucking crime to force someone to live with other people for this long. if I had the option to move into my own place right now, you would have to pay me a lot of fucking money to get me to not go. like genuinely my price for staying here, if i had the option, would be at least a million euros. and at that point i could afford to move onto my own anyway, without having to worry much about anything. so its not like id stay even at that point. and if you said that I couldnt use the money to move out,,. tbh whats the time limit. how long do i have to stay here for the money. if its 2 years id probably take 10 mil. but if I had to live here forever, there is literally no amount that would get me to stay. like genuinely you could give me enough money to fucking end climate change and i wouldnt fucking do it. btw isnt that fucked up how rich people could legit just stop climate change but they just dont want to. controversial opinion but we should feed them to whales. wait hold on. why cant we just shoot all the oil into space? like all the fucking oil barons are like "ooh we need to get it out of the ground cuz were cleaning nature" which is bullshit and all, but why cant the famously space obsessed rich people just send the oil to space if its polluting the earth so much. its not like they fucking care about the milkyway getting polluted. what if we made a hole into the ozone layer again and just shot all the greenhouse gases out of it? i mean not literally all of them cuz earth would freeze over but you know, all the surplus. and why not get rid of some extra while we're at it, make the earth cold but still livable. or maybe just cool. i mean the drastic change in temperature would fuck up everything for a while but thats just natural selection doing its thing. maybe we can push all the billionaires into like florida or something, so the natural disasters are more likely to kill them. convince them that theres a bunch of oil there. wait no cuz the fuckers dont live where they make money do they. cuz they dont wanna live in the horrible conditions they're making people go through to exploit them.
anyway what was this post about? like,, me hating my family or something.
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GUYS IH MY GOD THERES NO WORD LIMIT ON HERE
Intro]
Four, three, two, fuck you
Listen up y'all, this shit is ironic
Strider's beats are best suited to trolls hooked on phonics!
[Verse 1]
Karkalicious: definition, makes Terezi loco
She wants to know the secrets that she can't taste in my photo
Dyin' just to know the flavor
I ain't doin' her no favors
No reasons why I tease
Her flush just comes and goes like seasons
(Four, three, two, Fuck you)
[Chorus]
I'm karkalicious (so delicious)
No, I don't do kismesis
And if you read any fanfics
All that shit is fictitious
I blow kisses (mwah!)
Don't matter if we're just moirails
Trolls be lining down the veil for a chance to fill a pail
So delicious (super sweet)
So delicious (fuckin' adorabloodthirsty)
So delicious (even Egbert wants a piece of me)
I'm karkalicious (l-l-l-l-like candy, candy)
[Interlude]
Karkalicious def-
Karkalicious def-
Goddammit, Doc Scratch stop fucking around with my mic-
[Verse 2]
Karkalicious definition makes the shippers crazy
Nepeta's always squealin', cutesy pet names like karkitty
I'm the k to the a, r, k, the a, the t
And the majority of pairings had better include me
[Chorus]
I'm karkalicious (so delicious)
My body stays vicious
All the highbloods feelin' nervous 'cuz I'm doing some fitness
Zahhak's my witness (whistle)
Bet that ship curls Nepeta's tail
And he'll be needing all the towels 'cuz I'mma make him sweat pails
So delicious (super sweet)
So delicious (fuckin' adorabloodthirsty)
So delicious (even Egbert wants a piece of me)
I'm karkalicious (now you nooksuckers hold the fuck up, check it out)
[Bridge]
Baby, baby, baby
If you really want me
Honey get some patience
Maybe then you'll get a taste
I'll be tasty, tasty
I'll be laced with lacy
It's so tasty, tasty
It'll make you crazy
T to the a, to the s-t-e-y - fuckin' tasty, t to the a to the s-t-e-y - fuckin' tasty
D to the e, to the l-i-c-i-o-u-s, to the d, to the e, to the, to the--
I'll just spell it out for you
All the time I turn around trolls gather round always sniffin' at me, wanna guess the color of my blood
I just wanna say it now - I ain't trying to round up any drama, little fucker I just don't want you to know
And I guess I'm coming off as just a little insecure although I keep on repeating how the secret's fucking awesome
But I'm tryin' to tell, it's a secret that I just don't wanna tell
[Chorus]
Terezi says I smell...
Delicious (so delicious)
No, I don't do kismesis
And if you read any fanfics
All that shit is fictitious
I blow kisses (mwah!)
Don't matter if we're just moirails
Trolls be lining down the veil for a chance to fill a pail
My body stays vicious
Zahhak's been feeling nervous 'cuz I got down to business
Nepeta's my witness (meow~!)
I'll even let her first ship sail
Just watch that kitten be the first in line to fill a pail
[Extended Chorus]
So delicious (eridan, see)
So delicious (you can trust me)
So delicious (I'll help you be)
I'm karkalicious, l-l-like candy, candy
It's so delicious (ay, ay, ay, ay)
So delicious (ay, ay, ay, ay)
So delicious (ay, ay, ay, ay)
I'm karkalicious, (she says my blood is like candy, candy)
[Outro]
T to the a, to the s-t-e-y - fuckin' tasty, t to the a to the s-t-e-y - fuckin' tasty
D to the e, to the l-i-c-i-o-u-s
T to the a, to the s t e y - fuckin' tasty. T to the a, to the, to the, to the, to the
To the d to the e, to the l-i-c-i-o-u-s
To the d to the e, to the l-i-c-i-o-u-s
To the d to the e, to the l-i-c-i-o-u-s to the d, to the e, to the...now, wait just a motherfuckin' second
[Outro Interlude]
Do I seriously have to spell this shit until the end of the fucking song?
I mean, whoever fucking wrote the original never had access to spellcheck I guess
Because t-a-s-t-e-y does not spell tasty. Was this fergie douchemuffin illiterate or something?
What do you mean human rap artists are the only ones brave enough to write their own grammatical train wrecks and call it music!? What the fuck even is Will Smith doing?
He doesn't throw down sick fires anymore!?
Fuck this shit, I quit!
[Instrumental Outro]
God fucking damn it Dave
There goes the last shit that I ever gave!
Isn't it ironic?
Used to be platonic
Then I realized
I'm horns over heels for-
God fucking damn it Dave
Making bedroom eyes at any pretty boy, or girl, or troll
He always knows just how to piss me off
Even if I beg he won't lay off
God fucking damn it Dave
If only I could manage to escape
But your lips are witchcraft
Don't you fucking dare laugh!
Just leave me alone
I just need some time alone
No, I just need some time alone
No, I just need some time alonе
No, I just need some time alone!
God fucking damn it Davе
This bridge is shitty
So you might feel pity
For my tragic tale of incompatibility
Can you distract me when he's so attractively
Holding my weakness against me, the bastard!
Will he persist even after I kiss him?
I hate him, I love him
But I keep on
Trying to prove that I
Love how I swoon
I'm loosing my confidence
I want you
I want you
I want you
I want you
I want you
I want you
I want you
God fucking damn it Dave
If I had a star to wish on
For my life, I can't imagine
Any other stoic prick compares
Mirror shades won't hide it if you stare
Love me, hate me, fuck me, I don't care
God fucking damn it Dave
I might not be real experienced with humans
But who am I fooling, while my blood is pooling
At the pit of me, as I lie awake and
God fucking damn it Dave
Whisper in my ear, with your stupid voice
Tell me that you love me, that you're thinking of me
Straight and to the point
That is why I hate you
God fucking damn it Dave
*zip*
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hi im now going to annoy you with telling you what i think of the playlists, i didnt listen to them fully but here are some thoughts i had while folding my laundry <3
wm moves only
i am in love with this playlist, theres so many good songs on there, everybody wants to rule the world, brown eyed girl, only you, faith, a little respect, i cannot tell you how right this playlist is, its just seb
f1 offseason
you really made my listen to the dutch national anthem, wow, shame on you /lh, the highlight of this one is definitely fernando cuz i to can only think of nando when that song plays also really loving the fact that you put the chain on there, it was such an epic opening/theme song i miss it ;-;
sunshine on my mind
iufchaifhdap[ihf[oih how can you start with fade into you and expect me not to cry, i listend to like three songs cuz the pain is to much, wow do i miss that man, i feel so silly
in my helmet
there are deffenilty some songs in there that would be so good to race to
ahhhh not annoying at all i love that you took the time to do this <3333333
i'm glad you feel that those songs are seb because i tried very hard to make it that way based on my limited knowledge of his music taste !!!! i think it's full of bangers too but i am biased 😋
sorry for the dutch national anthem hahah i think we all have ptsd now from hearing it so much !!! also ty for the chain recognition bc i heard it when i was out the other night and i just yelled "F1 THEME SONG!!!!!!!!!!" over the music at my friend and she was just like what r u on about 🤨
also i'm sorry for making u sad i just get so in my feelings when i listen to music and then the blorbo thoughts just start and i cannot stop, but i'm glad we can feel sad and silly together <33
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Welcome Home (Part 5)
ok so bc tumblr has a fucking limit to 30 photos per post i had to make a part 5
continuation under the cut
I AM LOSING MY FUCKING MIND I ACTUALLY GOT THE PASSWORD CORRECT
so i looked at the worksheet and was like 'ok so the answers are Barnaby, Sally, Poppy, Julie and Wally'
and since the code is 5 characters i just took the first letter of their names, in all caps and put it in
AND THEN BAM HERE I AM
idk if this is the only code that works or if there's other codes that lead to different things but i found one of them !!!
its a distorted version of the exhibition page
THERES FUCKING PICTURES HOLY SHIT DUDE
i read the text aloud and lost my mind and now my brother thinks im crazy LMAOAOAOOAO
ok so !! who wrote this
the text on the distorted exhibition page AND the actual page full of possible password combinations
also the person's monologue was about hearing a phone ring and ring but being unable to answer it
then the upside down blacked-out text feels like its Wally just because it's like 'ring ring hello can you hear me call back soon'
and whoever the haunted-by-phone-ringing person is said that they had a dream of Wally holding a phone and calling them
time to look at the pictures
the photos are of a... messed-up version of the exhibition? pretty sure its the exhibition
maybe the person is the Question-Answerer
i think this picture and some of the other ones are behind the 'staff only' curtain that you can see here
oh yeah it definitely is you can see the black ink on the wall behind the cover of the other side !!
that black spiral thing, like from underneath Home in The Neighborhood page
oh my god
yeah ok so definitely i think the person who was looking for the password was the Question-Answerer or one of their staff
also the '~ Wally Darling' thats underneath the response email ???? oh holy shit dude
well the sticky note explains why the video of someone using the telephone in the exhibition was wearing a glove
oh hey its that one drawing of Frank
alright so the sticky note,,, i think it says "This art was NOT in the shipment PLEASE stop using the work printer to prank me" maybe ??? probably something like that at least
this is so cool
also you can see a paint roller so someone from the staff there, probably the person who said they 'tore up the workspace' when looking for a ringing phone (Question-Answerer?)
also the blacklight stuff is interesting
whatever was in the safe was supposed to be the prize for getting the worksheet answers correct so,,, maybe when u got it correct they brought u in here like 'hey sorry cant give u the prize rn cuz its in a safe lol here' or smth ?!?!??!
oh yeah i think thats a blacklight on the table too
also !! i noticed a toy telephone but it looks like it attaches to those square toys from my childhood ?!??!
like these things but they were square
also on the right wall on the back of the picture is a printed picture of that drawing of Wally sitting on a really high chair
and there's a tv and a book!! its cover is like that one that Clown Illustrations used in their announcement of the site coming back up !!!
so fascinating
ah thats why they have a blacklight
there's a link at the bottom of the email
i know its not a virus bc i dont think Clown or anyone who worked on this would do that but i am afraid to open it
gonna do it anyways
ok the link isnt loading for me LOL so nevermind that i guess
so the written stuff u can see on here is VERY interesting
maybe it wasnt the Question-Answerer spiraling to get the safe code but THIS is the Question-Answerer wondering what the fuck is going on
they seem to have a thing about thinking people are pranking them
there's also some hidden faded text that i can just barely see
you could probably see it with a blacklight in real life but i think you might have to edit this photo to see it
unfortunately i dont have the tools to do that LOL so well. i'll just see if someone else has i guess
hm
the style of pages between the 'password please' one and the 'am i being pranked by everyone' is different
and there's TWO notebooks
the one sent by the WHRP team and the Question-Answerer's notebook
so i think the page that didnt have lines (password please) belongs to the red notebook?
ok nevermind i was wrong
that open notebook makes me think its of the red notebook so then
ok THIS is definitely from the red notebook so actually maybe the other open page one was from the brown notebook???
i can barely read the text on the letter lol
i really wish i could have gone to this exhibit and seen all this in person for myself <//3
i wonder if it was even possible for guests to access this area tho lol
handprints on the wall
its the safe!! and that one drawing of Wally !!!
oh you can see the square pyramid telephone from closer here
also that script at the side is the same script from that one secret link
also a tv !! i wonder what we'll see on it if it will ever be fixed
so fascinating
these are printed emails, so who's putting that text in the blacklight?
ah!!! its clickable !! the 'it's in here' !!
leads to this
how odd
OH STARS
audio with a tab titled 'soon'
its audio of Wally saying 'let me in' how fascinating
im so excited to get all these audios and work out the order cuz i know its gonna be fucking crazy
unfortunately thats gonna be all because i have to sleep now !! but im sure i'll finish going through the website tomorrow for sure !! goodnight
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Cathartic- Yellow Metal Lyrics
Heres where I am with the lyrics, I referenced @25Goldenn on twitter for some of it that I couldn’t comprehend.
*music*
0:23
Dark matter, like painted splatters, they fit better, the old saying, the way it goes, better the devil you do then you don’t know. I hit pedals and switch levers, my heart metal, I can't settle, im part trouble, they are not subtle. I fuck good so fuck cuddles, burst bubbles the thrist levels at new heights, i down doubles, and got baked til I felt high, my face puzzled, felt muddled, far strung and your floors woodent, the thought might but the fit wouldn’t. A fortnight
0:46 - 1:00
And I thought right, it’s all bark and no bite, I’m Tony Stark still embarking on a dream, took a bit of time to take darkness from the team. Seen what I saw. Heartless on the sleeve. Tried to burn my wings, so I put them in a piece on my chest , at peace no rest.
1:00-1:15
Flipped this on it’s head. Rip the script up now, flip it don’t pretend, slipping shit again, Fakers all around me, I’ve been living in pretense. Fake friends won’t make amends. There’s no need, these mean comments control the scenes. Attentionseekers, the spine is weakened
1:15-1:24
This family needs, what a family needs, and the planet bleeds, the damaged trees. It’s never leaving til we ascend so fuck the fence, and until they stop killing colour it’s fuck the feds.
1:22 - 1:44
You must be off it, I mean it, you know you ain’t never get with the judging and I used to dread growing my beard too long, never felt I belonged, but it's really long like a minute I ain’t looking to no mans for the limits, They’re feeling timid, I’m telling them who they mimic, why they don't look like a clinic …. Why they don't get no women, Still, we’re just fucking girls, Lost in the wrong world, Jurassic, now to this vermin
1:41- 1: 50
Kicking the game I’m serving, these losers are never learning, my fire is forever burning, adding it to my fuel, seems like I’m always focused on never becoming you, These locals that rob us feeling … was for a reason.
1:52-2:02
I’m seeing my new beginnings, watch out this loser’s winning, and no water is too deep to swim in Like I’m about to see a killing, I’m all the way that and living, flawless and feeling lawless, the prison now to the gimmicks, my vision is set to something,
2:03-:2:20
I’m watching you bitches plummet, no matches here for my cunning, you rappers are feeling done in, switching your genre, running and Running your jaw, stunting, pulling at straws, something I think you’re a poor effort, deaf and tone deaf and I ain’t treat you separate. Living, I’m in my element, riding it like a … never lose me to fentanyl, scared when I take a benadryl. Keeping it green in general
2:20- 2:46
Think that you remain irrelevant. Look at yourself with reverence, hoping to always elevate. Celibate of these thoughts, killing themselves with sedatives. In comparison to eminem, you’re feeling feminine. Impolitically correct, still dropping on my dick. And I never gave a fuck about what they say abt my shit, I’ve been moving things in my mind like it’s this mountain dew Memories have made me wonder if one day I’m after you. What’s the purpose that you do, is what you're hoping that they learn, i’d like to say i’m done but it’s getting up on my nerves
2:46 -2:55
I’m looking at my life, saying what do I deserve. It’s hard to say I know when I’m walking through the dirt. Talking while you’re nothing I can see for what it’s worth. I’m tired of feeling hurt and I’ve tried enough but nothing works.
2:55-3:40
I’m racking up excuses while I’m slacking off on work. Chit chatting is the usual, talking to this clerk, i beg you don’t include me. I might write it on my shirt so everytime they see me, the oldest know to swerve. SWERVE Life is potent, bits of fucked shit… till they took notice weren’t no hocus pocus, it was hard work that got me heard so i put in the graph like google maps but the whole earth
… around my door mat, taking over like the drones, rolling dirt up in miles like the water, and exploding like Annas hematoma. Don't need to see a slammer to know that I don't want to go man
I’m a showman. I’m just focused on the drama… like i’ve got my own insurance, show myself the pain, like i boxed it in the frame, if we’re about to talk greatness im great, the way you have to say my name like beyonce
“Say my name”
4:00-4:46
Just a bum with a cigarette, sun coming up, all my thoughts on the internet. Feeling deep, I’m just bored with the silhouette single sec, get fucked up for the thrill of it . killer streak playing Pacman. Like I came from the Philippines vanilla bean still a thing for the thrill of scene,
Theres a beam, UFO, Leave it well alone I aint moving, stood still on the peloton, telephone and its always on the dial tone, it's been a while since i’ve smiled at a milestone, seen a big pile in my mind stone, me against the world on my Jack Jones, Like I’m John Jones, With pictures in the condo, far from John Doe, in the ___, like I'm Johnny Bravo, got pravado, with a small dick sitting in golados, feeling far gone, cuz that last hit was the good shit, was that stay lit
4:48-5:02
You can never take my shit come and get me. On the top floor, cloud 9, fading, never bailing, felt amazing, inhaling, til my lungs two guns blazing. Overcome all the stunts that I pulled. A suit of just skin and then wool
5:02- 5:17
This life doesn’t give you no armour, a lot of myself can harm ya. I swear on what’s good, that I’m here till they take me. I pray that I’m wrinkled, at least over 80, and start moving like a ruler, ?damaged? Like a computer going fast, bars from the jeweler, bring the songs to the beach in hopes of finding tuna
5:18-5:36
…
5:36- 6:16
Grab a bat, lose my rag. Couple things got me mad, a couple people got me wrong and now I’m changing up the swag. Coming in and stealing it, I might take the whole bag. Feeling undefeated, I’m a beast with a reason, and imma lead the whole pack. Fearless like I’m Caesar, I’m just waiting for a chance to fill it up with diesel, and all I've been achieving is clocking miles in its region, moving like a legion.
Promise that I made to myself an allegiance. Do you still believe I’m a fool for ever leaving, staring at the ceiling, can never put a cap on achieving. I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving.
I’ve had about enough of being my own enemy, it’s time I grew up, a long way from 17. Always went against the grain, struggles in my life. Got some things to say when I stand up on a mike.
6:16-6:32
I ain’t dropping this for fame, I need this time, like therapy, it’s just to keep me sane. The truth is on my medicine, can’t put that on your plate.
Speeding into everything, bout time I fixed the brakes. Don’t say I can’t communicate , you know I conversate with you in several different ways. And I know you know it’s references, looking at your face.
6:33- 6:53
Can’t justify mistakes, like every man that made them, seems I ain't the one to blame. Lying to myself, only had so much to gain, so now I’m switching up the plate, see if that affects the place, im at on most days
I ain’t going with the usual so they looking at me strange. Confused, I can feel it all, I’m here to make a change. It’s cold at 3am outside, I’m walking with the dog, thanking god that you don’t talk at all, my mind is switching off
6:54-7:12
Driving down to find myself, cuz I’ve been getting lost, lived this selfless life and found I can give a toss. Lessons that I’ve learned I’ve tried teaching to myself. What I’ve learnt from certain people is that they’re better than myself.
So I surround myself with real ones, and you feel the plastic melt. Like burning toy soldiers that used to go up on the shelf. Recycle the ideas, conveying on the belt
7:14-7:29
.. circus, always hurting the way we felt? Embarrassed that we dreamt of bigger things and letting go of notions till we feel them in cement
Tired of only hoping, we feel broken men. Cuz the gravity is weight and has kept us to the ground, see the only people speaking with favors in their mouths
7:46-7:58
Got killer rhymes… no fillers, like godzilla, eating clouds cuz my smokes thicker, throat licker, my dope sicker, bringing people their hope like im the pope slicker, i hope you’re getting the point cuz i walk quicker
I thought my city was shit bcs I want bigger like my zipper couldn’t zip up fed up with the…my love is fickle.. Residual age has a primitive face
I see demise for your limited ways, Left it to simmer, simmer away…a fake glimmer in the haze
8:09-8:11
Feeling trapped this industry is a cage
8:34-8:50
Nobody’s speaking the truth, I’m offended by the State. Look at the state of the news, I’ve decided the argument, reciting my views, while they’ve been sat in their chairs, I’m feeling pressure to choose.
Standing here as one man, how can I do half when you’re half the person I am. If it wasn’t in your life, you didn’t choose it. It’s the funny thing about music. It’s the pain and beauty of it.
8:52-9:11
Don’t give a fuck what my suit is, it looks good so I wear it, better than the shoot that People’s wearing, changing the whole narrative for these basics and scarcity
Been facing the racists from back when i were a kiddie .born up in in 93’. been living in Bradford City..kicked me out of the schools, they had a problem with me hitting the kids that would call me p*** still sitting in the classroom chilling, and i'm angry now that I’m older I see they treat us different
9:12-9:25
got me thinking I’m the problem cuz they never dealt with those issues.
20 years later I’m still in the same boat, tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat. Came to tell you what I stand for, man I think you’re shit, a joke. How can I be civil, when they got me by the throat
9:25-9:35
Pushing my feelings down, you ain’t got it like them
‘Boy your skin is so light’, ok motherfucker take my name up on a flight. Try to convince immigration that your bloodline’s half white.
9:35-9:45
I don’t know how that’s acceptable, when life is more susceptible to perception, be the death of them. I’ve been looking at the sky saying where’s that day of reckoning, you had your prophets right when they say that you would speak to them.
9:45-9:55
I need justice in this life and I trust that it’s my fight, cuz when I’m writing it feels right to have them focused on the facts again. Focused on the rap again, hoping for the change, gunna put this on the map again
9:55-10:16
Writing in all caps again, the pain, it goes through me so I write the letter. All the shit that could have brought me but made me better.
I’m at home with a pain in my soul , yeh rap… cuz you know I was too real to contest it, my time was invested. Now I look at the industry, I see it infested, looking like kids who would write on nesquik.
10:17-10:29
My name ain’t on the list unless they label it ethnic.
I ain’t never gave a fuck about these jokers and jesters. Ain’t no answers for these things, so just save us the questions, man allowed of violence, cuz my silence is deafening, your opinion stinks, somebody get him a breath mint.
10:30- 10:42
Start to understand why they think that I’m threatening, I move in certain ways, couldn’t slow me with ketamine Now they all wanna hear me, got a table at letterman. Direction changed, like I changed up the lettering. Don’t believe the age ,bcs I move like a veteran.
10:42 - 10:47
Raised on the benefit for whose benefit, they’ll never learn shit, man, if the shoe fits.
…no words coming out when you open your mouth
And to be honest, it’s insulting, offensive to my wounds that have been salting. Tryna ask me questions that they know I never answer. I’d rather sit online and reply to the fan art
11:00-11:06
Fuck a sports car, coming through when i rapped
tell you what I like, farm life and the tractor
11:06- 11:17
Fake life, 'sup online, suck a fat one. You don’t wanna buy into that, none of that son. Sitting in the garden 98’ in the Datsun, seen some hot summers but I still remember that sun.
*music*
11:51- 12:34
I make millions off of my pain, cause I know a few millions still living that way
Dealing with the hurt, they should know cause they don’t deserve it, it hit deep cause i hit the nerve. Only way that the sheep learn if the street firm, in my ways I don’t wanna change, everything just stay the same
Who you tryna convince you understand, cant maintain, let the lights dim some, get the Chow Mein, flex, get the tape, right up at night
Why these men be nice to my face, be nice, i ain’t tryna be a gangsta ruins my vibe
Rather be low-key and on my phone. Never need the trophy or the show piece
Never show peace in a North Face fleece. Show kids this like i wrote my flip
Cause the sign might fit till the start i’m sick
12:37-13:05
Now you see where I come from, the world don’t. Only achievement in this life is the Jordans. Committing petty crimes out of boredom, we can’t afford them. So I stole it, need a rolex
Go make sense, get yourself a job, It’s a poor man’s game tryna sit and pray to god, he ain’t sorting out your problems, gotta sort them out yourself
Used to tell us fables, now I’m writing them myself, Cause we raw like animals we all just need some help
Cathartic, I’m an artist, trying to put my heart in
Felt double crossed like Leo in Departed
13:05- 13:27
For the knowledge i’m not charging see I got it all free
But my hunger kept me starving like i’m feening for the feed
I just Need a reason to see me bleeding for my creed. Trick you with the words like I keep em up my sleeve. Picking where I fit, I see me sitting with the queen
I ain’t doing it unless you’re used to saying please
Let me flow a bit, before I sting 'em with the bees, They tryna kill us with disease
(Music)
13:34- 14:12
Why does it feel like they had the same notebook and the same four looks
Like the rain won't touch on their face, so sus when they lie don’t trust not a minor
Please no fuss, I just move through the game like must
Something in the way i adjust till i stick, Free falling like the ship, free fall till i bust
Remember 21 brother gave no fucks. Trying to project when they give them looks
In the projects, in the objects us
In my own way, never gave me love, shoulda never started this, broken hearted kid
Dried up the feeling till I stole the lid
Don’t wanna relish in the fame but I can’t resist
14:46-14:58
I like the way we feel, I like the way, I like the way
Ain’t no mistake, i am a being
I ain’t tryna be a leader, been selling out since Jesus
All my rhymes are for the readers, between the lines, like Father time, I fuck Mother Nature
14:58-15:40
That’s what they get, the connotations. Tell 'em I lived a life, and then I lived a life of adjacent? like its…. and played it patient.
Alone on my own spaceship, always tryna find greatness, still defying lines, but I’m fighting in my prime.
Shining light like Kylo while imma kill it all the time. Aging like I’m wine
Asian in my face, but still my race you can’t define. Focused on defiance, imma fight it while it’s life.
Started something sick and on my mind is what’s next, just became a dad so now I’m taking all the cheques. Better know I’m staying and paying like it’s debt. Imma get it done, if it’s taking all my breath, sweat, and down I ain’t messing around til I’m the best
Speaking in full sentences, shoulda thought about a strategy before you went at the stratosphere about this… rings around Saturn, this ain’t a battle, I’m sat, I’m here
15:40-16:22
Catch me doing magic, hired and sounding tragic I think you could use practice and until that you get the blacklist and pull like a … actress? Fooling them like a catfish, schooling like a legend, happy to be the reference, fusing like iridescence, leaving them all guessing, leaking out of my brain like a pipe I aint fixing, shining like a star you can see it from a distance
Aint many of me around p*** I’m just different Certain stages to this level aint here because fame is to the devil fuck a label, imma do this from the ghetto, clean up like Im Dettol
I’m the man to put a bet on, sight smart like a weapon, this is my kind of setting, i write the world I’m sat in, while these others live on hype, i see them fight in how they type, the fruit is ripe for the taking, i think i might
16:22-16:57
Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here
16:58- 17:47
Eccentric things are mentioned like a kid stuck in detention tryna escape im just spitting what is written on the next page, spitting image of my dad in his young days
Born sinner when i’m livid i say fucks sake
Don’t worry i’m too cunning with no plumbing, the waterworks, i sung something that resonates, i thought it first like giving birth to the parrot perch
They see me do it and they know it works
Don’t know what’s worse: the way that you live your life or the way that you write a verse
You’ll be nervous, you don’t deserve it we’ll scratch the surface ill leave a crater, lift the dirt up to find the hurting
Can’t know for certain nothing is guaranteed, tryna be a better person than the world deserves to see cuz i see a lot of sharks still swimming in the sea
Cease and arrest what’s the reason.. And these the kinda kids we bringing up next
Distorted reality, all they needed was family, too hard to face, to see what the damage is
17:47
*i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, no, i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, *
18:04-18:38
Sometimes they ask the questions too deep to form a sentence, to disform, is this the norm, is this the sentence i feel defenseless i played the setlist, and all my sweat blood and tears, forgot to mention feeling lost, going off into different sections i feel like love wrecked it
If it’s not a drug why am i waiting for the next fix, affected, i cant believe that you left this
I guess I leave for the best wish, moving on like im fine for the lectures
We see it all from spectrums, cuz if we’re falling down we can fall down together
Staircase to heaven, mirror down the middle like 11, resentment on one side it won’t settle
18:38- 19:14
Mind fried but taking sense, they aint got a sense of themselves in the rich ends
Need to spell it out for them.. Made for them so witness
I know you feel afflicted but you always love it with me while im laughing at you, ya think you’re laughing with me
I try to (i love you) but im grown so they don’t fit me, my body thrown from the new to this old city so Im sick of sitting on my own, feeling so shitty, i’ve been on roads where its cold and the snow hitting
Its okay to be yourself, sit and talking to myself
I’ve been walking for the longest, just need a little rest, know i ain’t the strongest, I can feel it in my chest, talking about my feelings and of me, they get the best
19:14-19:59
They aint leaving, seeing breathing in my breath
Till death do us part is just seeded in my heart, like a work of art
Never winning,im just scared
Cant begin from the start, do i play a part in the rhythm of the night
I guess i’m onto something cuz the dark is feeling right
Every cloud got a lining, put my own miles in, like moralis, figured that they’re jealous, that they could just never tell us to change because the weather never made me question whether or not i’m not that level
Got rid of all the bullshit sitting in my way, most of them are full of shit i see it every day
I do hearing the same things that i do, maybe that shits hitting like haiku
How much do you pay for them to hype you
Recycle your flaws but they aint like new, leaving and conceded and full of diesel like engines that need a cleaning, the ending will be revealing. Even though we ain’t raising the facts, now we been facing.
20:01-20:52
The cactus with spikes, needing spaces. Different faces, the same story. A full body like straight body direct to your system.
Could never tell 'em we missed’ em. Not even with the thoughts, we gift them. Cuz they just take advantage, guess we are caught in a system.
My soul pouring out details of borrowed time, had enough of a fill, this is for sorrow time. I’m seeing visions of Heaven, I seen the severed line, between the gospel they speak and when theyre telling lies.
Remember telling a friend of mine, you’d sent of mine, identified like a 3rd eye. Got a habit of knowing now where the dirt lies. So benign. I ain’t sober after 9, so I fuck their minds. Why you flipping out, see another
Try to rep it from the city, fuck a chiller crew, repping for the nittys, trying to keep us down, raised on the social, don’t want to let us out of the system. Me, I insist we assist them, me alone putting shifts til I lift them
20:53-21:12
I know it’s hard, that’s why I like it, I’m fit to fight it, I’m from the North, I’m backing Tyson, it’s been decided, don’t see no light. They needing guiding, just redefining, realizing, I’m realigning, in full finance, they stay silenced.
Can’t be louder, I’m juiced up with no powder. I fix shit like a slick spanner. Gone green like Bruce Banner. So free Gaza on my banner
21:12-21:51
The real McCoy, I ain’t nothing to toy with, signifying peace like a Japanese Koi Fish. How did this happen, we’re moving backwards in our timeline, killing us with cyanide, Right up for the freedom 'til we transform like Ironhide
This is bout my feelings, the way that I move affects the fate that I’m sealing. Can’t say nothing, with that something being on the page, kept inside the pen like the bars that have been kept caged. See I always had a plan, since I was young, we had nothing man
Now it’s been a few years since I ain’t seen the fam, on foreign lands. Bout to climb Everest in the avalanche. Right into the riddles as soon as you were born. Never asking the question cuz it’s the norm. See I’m in a questionin’ session
21:52-22:03
Like the manner got a method to teaching a lesson, listen to MF Doom, he taught me like Ra’s Al Ghul. Felt like living in Gotham, the people were rotten. Still we play cartoons so it’s never forgotten.
22:03-22:15
Chilling at the top but we came from the bottom. Writing and jottin for them life by, spotting the difference
*Dreams, was growing out of me, sun promising that tomorrow it will rise, time playing games with my mind, I swear it will pass us by
Train goes on the tracks, smoke, I’m tired to hide my thoughts, so blinded in flames, Don’t know where we’re going, I have no way of knowing, only see what’s in my head
Can’t we wait a minute, so we can savour this, It’s on my brain again, these days, It on my brain again these days”
23:10-23:46
They’re hating on Palestine ways, The oh no Palace playing Prince on the Steinway, Sending out mind waves, stop them like crimewaves, Freedom fighter, Yellow Metal is my name
Like vipers, I see the sly ones, the snake that’s called Biden, none of them abiding what they might put in writing
We should be used to it by now, say whatever for the vote and then just choose another route, say they’d never kill another unless that brother’s skin is brown
I’m just telling you the facts, if you can’t take it, the truth naked, to bare bones and my thoughts lately, spitting politics.. Done ain’t it, Shit just gets me vexed, and now I’m sitting that I think of it
23:45-23:59
Feeling on the brink of it, whatever it is, Figure out some shit at least it feels that way
talk about my feelings and I don’t feel so strange, finding solace, that’s a promise, in Metropolis but being honest, can’t write a sonnet, without some pain
24:00-24:40
Can’t fade away, away so we can savour this, been on my brain again these days
Can't find a way to be so you can savour this, been on my brain these days
Singing the song for another, singing a song for another
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The live
A/N: Hii this is my first fic so please be nice! Also sorry if its short!
Reader X Tom Holland
FT: some of the Avengers cast.
Warnings: this is a tickle fic (no its not sexual), bad grammar.
Prompt: You just finished shooting a scene on set with your friends, and you found Tom in your trailer, you decided to go live.
Word count: 1,305
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You had finally wrapped up a pretty long scene with Robert Downey Jr and Chris Evans. aka Iron man and Captain America.
You had been working on the set with the Avengers for a little over 9 months now, so you havent been in any of the movies yet. Tho you have become really close with all the cast members.
You had an especially good bond with Tom Holland.
“Hey, Y/N!” Chris called out to you, “wanna come get a coffee with us?”
“No, im good! Thanks! I have tea in my trailer, ill just go there and relax.” You replied with a kind smile.
“Suit yourself! Were going out, we’ll be gone for a while!” Robert tried to change your mind.
“Im good! You can go!” You assured him.
“Kk.” He said trying to copy your language.
“Hey! I dont talk like that!” You fake whined.
“Mhm, okayy! Can we just go now? I want coffee!” Chris was already out the door.
“Coming!” Robert scoffed, and went with Chris.
You started heading for your trailer, you opened the door and saw Tom sitting on the couch.
“Y/N! Finally!” he whined.
“Oh! Tom! Hi, sorry had to retake the scene too many times.” You flopped on the couch next to him.
“Are they annoying you? Cuz that wouldn’t be suprising, they sometimes drive me crazy! But theyre fun to work with!” Tom said with a chuckle.
“No, no! Its fine, just wanted some tea.” You said as you stood up to go warm up some water.
“Hey! I already made tea!” he showed you the two cups of tea that were sitting on the counter.
“Thanks!” You flopped down on the couch and took the mug in hand.
“So... i’m bored! Wanna go live?” Tom said already opening instagram on his phone.
“Sure! I mean we got nothing else to do!” You said as you scooted a little closer to Tom.
“Alright! Let’s not make it too long tho, I wanna rest a little after this.” Tom said starting the live.
You nodded.
“Hey guys! We have a small break from shooting! So me and Y/N decided to go live!” Tom said nugging you.
“Hey! Don’t spill my tea!” You exclaimed, slapping his shoulder with one hand.
“Haha! Sorry!” He chuckled. He picked up his cup of tea and took a sip.
“Oh! Right! You don’t know who Y/N is yet! Maybe some of you do, that check the cast member list.” He talked to the camera while you took another sip. “Shes playing the role of the new character “Z” in the movie, shes a bit younger then me! So i finally have a friend here, unlike those old men and women.” He giggled, of course he was joking. He loved his other cast members.
“Rude! I like them more than you!” You said sarcastically and laughed at the face that Tom made.
His mouth was wide open and eyes big, he was just looking at you with disbelief. “Z! You can’t say that!!” He turned to you and fake whined.
“Did you just call be by my hero name? Hah! Okay, Spider-man!” You teased him.
The live was filled with the laughing emojis, they seemed to love you already!
“Don’t talk to me like that! I’m the mighty Spider-man!” He called out with pride.
You chuckled. “Okay, Spider-Boy!” you laughed.
He fake gasped while putting his hand to his chest. “How dare you! I could beat you in any battle!” Tom said getting into his Spider-Man character.
“Hah! Yeah right!” You scoffed and he looked at you with a glint of playfulness in his eyes.
“Watch me!” He exclaimed and tackled you to the couch.
He seemed to act if there were no people watching you do this.
“Hey! Tom! I-AGH!” You let out a squeak.
Tom looked at you. “... you ticklish?” He had a small smirk on his face.
“well.. I.. No?” You said with a stutter.
“So.. you wouldn’t mind if i.. DID THIS!” As he said that, he dug into your sides with both hands.
“AGH! TOM! NO! Stahahahap! Nohohooo!” You arched your back while trying to pry his hands off of your sides.
“Ha! You lied! It isnt wise to lie to Spider-Man! TAKE THIS!” He said as he dug into yout stomach.
“AAAAAGH! TOM! TOOOM! Ahahah! noOOo!” You cried out.
“Who is Tom? I’m Peter!” Tom said with a smrik that you could not see.
“OKOK! PETER! STAHAHAP! Nahahaaa!” You laughed your head off, and his teasing didn’t help very much.
“Hey, what’s so funny? Did I miss a joke? Tell meee!” Tom said as he dug deeper into your belly.
“NAHAHAHA! STAHAP! IM GONNA DIHIHIHIE!” You fell into histerics.
“Hey! You didn’t answer my question! Why are you laughing?? Z? Hello?” He teased you, he knew exactly what he was doing.
“PEHEHETER! YOUHAHAHA! YOU’RE TIHIHICKLING MEHEHEEE!” You screamed hoping he would stop, but you also didn’t.
“Ooooh! So that’s why you are laughing, huh? Didn’t take you for the type to be ticklish, Z!” Tom teased as the live was filled with laughing emojis and comments about your cute laugh.
“TOHOHO- I MEAN PEHETER! STAHAP! IHI CAHAHAN’T TAKE IHIT!” You were being pushed to your limit and Tom felt that, he started slowing down but not stopping completely.
Someone entered the live.. it was Robert Downey Jr.
Tom looked over at the live while he was still attacking your ribs, and saw Robert’s comment.
Robert wrote: “Hey, Y/N! You should’ve come with us! Regret it yet? Anyways.. were coming to save you.”
Tom read the comment and let go, “No, wait! You what? Robert!” he scrolled through the lives comments.
You were finally free and you could finally breathe. “Ehehh.. huff..”.
The comments were filled with “OOO!”, “You better run, Spider-man! Iron man is gonna get ya!”, and “OOOOH!”’s.
You sat up and looked over to Tom, when u saw his face in the camera you couldnt help but laugh. “Haha! what happened now??” You saw the You better run comment and realized.
“Hey, no! Y/N help me! He’s gonna actually kill me!” Tom looked over to you.
“Well.. i sujest-” KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.
“Come in!” You said with a laugh, Tom looked at you like you had just stabbed him.
“Heyyy! Y/N, you alive?” Robert and Chris entered your trailer.
“Yeheah! I couldn’t say the same for Tom tho!” You said while turning to Tom who just looked confused and scared at the same time.
Tom was still live, you grabbed the phone from the table and turned the camera, you knew what was going to happen.
“Hey... uhm- I have to go..” Tom said while slowly standing up.
“no can’t do, sorry kid.” Robert said as he grabbed Tom and tackled him to the ground.
“HEY HEY HEY! NOO! Rohobert!! Plehease don’t!” Tom said trying to fight back.
Chris just sat next to you and enjoyed the scene that was about to play out.
“Kid, i’m not even touching you yet!” Robert laughed.
“Whyhy are you talking like Stahark?” Tom said giggling.
“what do you mean? Peter? Are you alright?” Robert said in a sarcastic tone.
“Noho doHONHAHAHAA! ROHOBEHEHERTTT! NAHAHAHA!” Tom broke out in laughter for his fans to see.
Robert dug into his belly, that was one of his worst spots.
“Who’s Robert? I’m Iron Man!” Robert laughed to himself as he quoted the same thing Tom said to you.
Rest of the 10 minutes were filled with Spider-Man’s laughter, as Iron Man wrecked him. Captain America and Z watched the scene with amusement.
After sometime had passed and it was time to go to lseep, you opened Instagram and saw that a lot of people had tagged you and Tom in videos of you getting tickled.
You smiled and went to sleep.
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I hope you enjoyed the fic! I tried really hard to not make any mistakes, but theres probably a shit ton LMAO- That was it for now! I’ll be writing new fics as often as i can! Hope you liked it!
#!ticklish reader#tom holland tickle#marvel tickle fic#tickle fic#marvel tickle#!ticklish Tom Holland#tickle#tickle community#movie tickle#spiderman tickle#mcu tickle#marvel cinematic universe tickle
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It's alright if u don't wanna answer this cuz this argument gets people really riled up but do you think c!Techno is a tyrant or nah?
Cuz many c!techno apologists argue that he isn't just cuz he's an anarchist but I've also read a lot of essays that go against it and it'd be really interesting to see ur opinion on this
i think he, in some contexts, can most definitely be called tyrannical, yes. a tyrant? no.
to avoid spamming ppl w discourse we've all def heard before (and bc this ended up MASSIVE (like 2.3k ish), but fairly in depth bc i didnt wanna speak out of bad faith and wanted to be EXPLICTLY clear-- oops), the rest will be under readmore
so heres the thing i want to preface: i used to really LOVE c!techno. i joined beginning of s2, right when exile started, and he was arguably my favorite character. since then though i've fallen out with him a LOT, to the point i almost... actively despite him at times (though mainly in a toxic kind of way which i can acknowledge is flawed).
in short, his actions started to speak louder than his words and i lost investment in his personal character struggles because of the actions he took (doomsday was my breaking point. i get feeling angry and betrayed, as well as seeking revenge against lmanberg, but his actions went too far for me to CARE and it hurt so many more characters as well.)
so when i speak, i come from a place of disliking him but also somewhat understanding the position c!techno apologists come from: i used to be one of them myself.
NOW, do i think he's a tyrant? no. for reference in my analysis, i try to look up the definition of terms to make sure they are utilized properly. while "tyranny" and "tyrannical" can have multiple uses, tyrant itself is a more specific term. to combine the top two definitions, a tyrant is referring to "an extremely oppressive, unjust, or cruel absolute ruler (who governs without restrictions, especially one who seized power illegally.)"
techno's position as an anarchist, imo, DOES indeed make him unable to be a tyrant. tyrants are rulers with very clear power over others from a structural way. anarchists are about the lack of structure or power over others and instead viewing the people around you as equals in power.
in forming the syndicate, they very explicitly worked to not designate a leader and instead make it so that no one would have any power over the others systemically. techno may have taken a integral role, yes, but it doesn't make him suddenly "the leader", its a role that wouldve had to be filled by someone (even if it was democratic to decide who to invite, they'd need someone to hand over the invite itself yknow? like no matter WHAT there needed to be A ROLE)
one could argue that he IS a leader in the shadow hierarchy of the syndicate (which, yes, is a real and professional term used in management courses despite sounding like it comes from a 4kids yugioh dub) in that everyone CONSIDERS and looks to him a leader without him having any actual structural basis behind it, but to argue that allows him to be a tyrant is in bad faith i believe. especially because to the people he would be "ruling", he ISNT oppressive, unjust, or cruel. they are his friends and support network and critical for a lot of his personal development (since feelings of betrayal and trust issues are critical to his character and why he acts the way he does). I wish we were able to SEE this develop more, but oh well.
but like i said: tyrant is fairly specific in definition. TYRANNY, and thus TYRANNICAL are not as limited. I've discussed their definitions here. originally, i made that post because i was angry at a take i had seen that claimed that, like you said, because techno was an anarchist and not part of any government or leadership position, he couldn't be tyrannical. to which i heartily disagree.
for something to be tyrannical, they simply must have an overarching/oppressive power over someone or something. it would not be inaccurate if i were to say that something is "under the tyranny" of a concept, because what it means is that something is under the power of another thing/concept. you can frankly call anything tyranny if it is widespread/overarching and you don't like it. mask mandates? tyranny, its forcing me to act in "rigorous condition". hell, theres even such things as tyranny of the majority in which people agree too much on one thing and it gives them unfair power or tyranny of the minority where people with minority opinions have too much power (thats a very grossly oversimplified definition of both, but it covers the base idea well enough for my point)
the point im making above isnt meant to be taken as "anything can be worked to be defined as tyranny thus it is a meaningless claim", it is that tyranny (and again, thus tyrannical) are very open and nonrestrictive terms.
to make it easier to define, alongside the definitions provided i want to add an explicit clause that is (imo) implied in the original definition: tyranny is... well, bad. that is to say if someone has power over a group but literally everyone is fine with it and agrees to it, its not tyranny. thats just a group of people getting along and one happens to have power over another. a leader does NOT equal a tyrant (as discussed above), so leadership should not be equated with tyranny.
thus as an example: wilbur acting as president (before the election) may have been "unelected" with power over his citizens, but no one was upset with that power. thus, he is not a tyrant and not acting tyrannically (as well as the fact his power was, arguably, NOT rigourous or absolute but thats another topic for another time). SCHLATT however IS a tyrant, as his power was absolute (he did not consult his cabinet) and forced people to comply instead of them complying willingly, thus he was acting tyrannically.
now to finally get to the damn point of this essay: where does c!techno lie? honest answer? it depends slightly on your perspective, but it depends a LOT on the future of the syndicate.
techno is incredibly clear in his goals: no governments, no corruption. in fighting with pogtopia, he is actively working to topple a tyranny-- he isn't tyrannical for doing that.
when he strikes out on nov 16th, it is because he opposes them forming a new government. when they oppose him and disagree, he launches an attack against them. is this tyranny? maybe, but probably not. he IS trying to impose his own physical strength and power (as well as his resources) over the others to stop them from doing what HE doesn't want them to do.
however its more nuanced than that:
1. hes lashing out emotionally as well as politically. he feels betrayed by those he trusted and he believed that they would destroy the government then go (i'm ignoring any debates on if he did or did not know that they planned another government, though it is a source of debate). but typically idk about you but i dont call tyranny for someone fighting with another person.
2. he also may be acting with good intent again, in HIS EYES. if tubbo was part of manburg, whos to say he wont be just as bad? he, in his pov, is likely trying to stop another tyrant before they rise.
3. and finally, and tbh the most damning from any perspective: he gives up. he quickly leaves then RETIRES without intent to try and attack again until he is later provoked. tyranny is defined by it not just being power, but power being USED. if he doesn't use his power to try and impose any will, then he's not tyrannical.
Doomsday I am also not going to touch very in depth on for much of the same reasons. My answer is again a "maybe", depending on the weight you personally place on each issue:
1. he's lashing out as revenge for the butcher army and as revenge against tommy for "betraying" him (though this one we explicitly know he was ignoring the fact tommy did not want to go through with it, however he still did trust and respect tommy regardless so his feelings are understandable anyway)
2. he sees new lmanberg as corrupt and tyrannical (which is undeniable: house arrest for noncompliance, exile without counsel, execution without trial, etc), and thus obligated to destroy it
but also, theres the implicit understanding he's doing this to send a message: do not form a government, or else. its a display of force that also works to warn others unless they want a similar fate. phil even explicitly states that he is doing so to send that message, so one could assume techno is doing the same alongside his personal reasoning listed above.
what i just described is the use of a oppressive and harsh (physical) power in order to gain compliance from people (that compliance being 'not making a government'). does that sound familiar? exactly. it follows the definition(s) of tyranny given previously. technoblade is acting in a way that is, by very definition, tyrannical.
so the debate shifts: is he valid in doing so because he is trying to PREVENT corruption and tyranny. like i said, new lmanberg was undeniably corrupt at points. i held nothing against techno for trying to topple manburg, so does that apply to new lmanberg as well? short answer: i dont know. it depends on your specific opinion of what is acceptable. its like the paradox of tolerance: to have a truly tolerant society, you have to be intolerant of intolerance. to have a truly non-tyrannical society, do you need to have a tyranny enforcing it?
personally (and bc im a lmanberg loyalist /hj) i say it is. regardless of the corruption of new lmanberg, they are also giving a threat to EVERYONE. even those who are innocent, they are presented with the exact same threat and rule set: if you make a government, you will be destroyed.
(which, small divergence here, is part of why debating c!techno is so frustrating. so many times you end up hitting a "well it depends on your political views" situation and there ISNT a correct answer there. im here to analyze characters for fun, not debate political theory)
so: the syndicate then. this is where this debate really "took off" and i think its due to one very specific miscommunication about its goals and plans. the syndicate, upon formation, declares itself to stand against corruption and tyranny. when they are found, the syndicate would work to destroy it. so heres the golden question: what do THEY define as corruption and tyranny? if you were to go off c!techno's previous statements, seemingly "any government" is a valid answer. however, he also states he's fine with people just being in groups together hanging together.
what then DEFINES A GOVERNMENT for them? what lines do they have to sort out what does "deserve to be destroyed" and what does "deserve to exist freely"
this is a hypothetical i like to post when it comes to syndicate discourse:
i have a group of people. lets say 5 or so for example. they all live together and build together. any decisions made that would impact the entire group they make together and they must have a unanimous agreement in order to proceed, but otherwise they are free to be their own people and do their own thing. when you ask them, they tell you they are their own nation and they have a very clearly defined government: they are a direct democracy. does the syndicate have an obligation to attack?
there is absolutely no hierarchy present. there is no corruption present. but, they ARE indeed a government. is that then inherently negative? my answer is fuck no (see the whole "difference between a tyrant and a leader" thing above).
but THATS where the issue of this discourse LIES. in some people's eyes, the answer to that is YES. techno's made it clear "no government" is his personal view, but does that spread to the syndicate as a whole? do they act preemptively in case it DOES become corrupt? is it inherently corrupt because its a government, regardless of how it is ruled? the fact of the matter is because of how little we've seen the syndicate work as a SYNDICATE, we don't know that answer. so we're left to debate and speculate HOW they would act.
if the syndicate were to let that government exist, then they are not tyrannical. they are showing that they are working to stop tyranny and corruption, just like in pogtopia again.
if the syndicate were to destroy/attack that government, then they are tyrannical. simple as that. they are enforcing a rule of their own creation without any nuance or flexibility under the threat of absolute destruction.
miscommunication in debates comes, in my opinion, in the above. of course theres more points of nuance. for example:
would the syndicate allow a government like i had described with early lmanberg, where there is an established hierarchy but everyone in the country consents to said leadership? on one hand, there is no tyranny or corruption present which is what they are trying to work against. on the other hand, theres more a possibility of it occuring. perhaps they'd find a middle road between the two binary options of "leave or destroy" i am presenting, such as checking in occasionally to ensure no corruption occurs.
but if they were to destroy it without, for lack of a better word, "giving it a chance" they would be, in my opinion, tyrannical. they would be going aginst their words of opposing corruption and instead abusing their power to gain compliance.
your/others opinions may differ, again it depends on if you see it as worth it to possibly stop future tyranny or if a hierarchy is INHERENTLY a negative thing.
part of the reason so many blog gave up this debate, beyond not getting very clear answers for the syndicate, is because of the nuance present. there. is. no. right. answer. every single person will view it differently, because there is no universally agreed upon truth of right or wrong here. BUT, i hope this helps shed some light on the discussion and my thoughts on it
#dream smp#mcyt#techno#syndicate analysis#YEAH IM MAINTAGGING WHAT OF IT#also i-- idk if it should be crit tagged? i tried to be as fair and open as possible#lemme know what yall think#ANYWAY ANON IM SO FUCKING SORRY THIS THING ENDED UP 2.3K WORDS LONG#I JUST RLLY WNATED TO BE THOUROUGH AND AS FUCKING CENTRIST /HJ AS POSSIBLE FJDKSLFJ#its very nuanced and theres no right answer but you sure as hell know mine now#answered#anon#im at work rn im gonna get fucking fired for this FJDKSFJKL#/HJ HOPEFULLY IN THAT I AM AT WORK BUT I WONT GET FIRED#og post#(jeb bush voice) please clap
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Pt4.5 - the village of Blatta
this is a short (hopefully) story happened before you met Jaskier.
cuz i forgot to write this segment. and cuz im too busy to finish my long chapters in a week, and didnt wanna keep ppl waiting, if theres ppl waiting (hopefully lmao)
Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4
Pairing: Geralt of Rivia x reader
Word Count: 1931
Warnings: lack of proofread, language, blood, death
Summary: im giving up on this part completely, names and summary, my two nemesis
§
You sat at the edge of the bed, staring at your feet, having a silent debation inside your head.
“You’re up?” Geralt pushed open the door, saw you sitting at the bed, “Good, it’s getting late, we should keep moving.” “Oh, ok.” you nodded, stood up to grab your bag.
You came across this nice little village last night, and everyone was surprisingly friendly and welcoming. People invited you to their house and share food with you. Some even offered you their beds so you can have a good rest. To be honest the hospitality scared you a little, you were used to people being mean for you’re traveling with a witcher.
Walking out of this shabby wooden house, the sun was warm and bright. Couple of folks greeted you with a smile. The village looked busy, people were walking around preparing for something looked like an event, excitement floating in the air. You returned the greetings, feeling flattered.
“Oh! You are leaving?” a woman was holding a basket full of dead chicken under her arm, blood seeped through the woven basket and dripped to the ground. “What a pity! The festival is around the corner, you should stay! We love having guests! There’s going to be a feast!” You sneaked a glance towards Geralt, he seemed to have no interest at all in this feast, “Thank you for the kind offer, but we need to go now.” you tried to be as polite as you can. Not every day you get to meet someone who’s nice to you.
“Hey, um, maybe we should consider staying for a few more days?” you suggested, watching Geralt handed out an apple to Roach. “No, we need to head south, that’s what the contract said.” “Yeahhh but, it’s a feast! Feast means food!” you tried to persuade him, “We could use some free food! People here are nice- How many times did you actually receive a warm welcoming from others?” “You can stay all you want, I have a job to do.” he gave you a stern look.
You bit your lower lip, looked back over your shoulder at the small village.
“You know what, maybe I should.” you finally made your decision, “I’m staying.” Geralt stopped to look at you, didn’t understand what you were up to this time. “I’ve been thinking about this for, quite a while now... Now that we came across a lovely place, people here are friendly and welcoming... Maybe it’s time that we part ways.”
He didn’t reply.
You couldn’t tell how he felt about this.
“Don’t get me wrong, I really like traveling with you... It was fun, the adventures... And you were nice to me... But I feel like you’d rather travel alone- I mean, I get it, I’m just a weak-ass human girl, who is better stay behind when you hunt instead of getting in your way... And sometimes I get you- us- into trouble-” you realized you started babbling, so you stopped to take a breath in. “What I’m trying to say is, you are such a nice person that you probably don’t even notice that I’m just taking advantage of you... And I don’t want that. So I’m breaking this little group up. For our best interests.”
“Very well.” he untied Roach’s rein. “...That’s it?” you frowned, “You’re not gonna say something?” “I said ‘very well’.” “...” you rolled your eyes behind his back, “...Well, I guess that’s it then?” “Mmm.” Geralt hopped onto Roach. “It was nice meeting you, witcher.” “You too.” he nodded his head. “Take care, ok?” “Farewell, y/n.”
§
“Have some soup sir, it shall warm you up.” the merchant handed the witcher a wooden bowl. The witcher thanked him. Everything was quiet except for the slight crackling from the fire.
“Where are you from?” “Sodden, sir.” “You’re going north?” “Kovir, got some business to do there.” “Still got a long way then? There’s a small village on the way to replenish if you follow along this way.” “Small village? The village of Blatta? No sir! No one should ever go anywhere near that place, especially during this time of the year.” “Why?” “Those who travel frequently on this path all know the village of Blatta. It’s the village of worshipers of the Dark Lord. They hold a grand festival in name of their vicious god every year around this season, using the blood of their livestock to attract monsters, making sacrifices of children and young women and any outsiders who happened to come across their way and call that a ‘cleanse’- Where are you going sir? It’s not safe to travel in these woods at night- Sir!”
§
He was late when he arrived at the village.
There was no light in any of the houses, all the doors and shutters were closed. The pungent smell of blood was drowning him. Several dark shadows were squatting around, he could hear the sound of munching, slurping and the nasty noise coming from their throat. He took out a small tube, uncork it with his teeth, drank it all up and jumped off of Roach. He took a few steps forward with the momentum, took out his sword and carefully approached.
The faint light from the moon was not a problem to his witcher eyes, he slowly walked closer to the necrophages, formed a sign with his fingers. Flame bursted out from his hand. The monsters screamed and ran away into the woods.
The witcher looked down. All the bodies had their wrists and ankles tied up, dried animal blood mixed with their own congealed in their hair. It seemed like the villagers poured the blood of their livestock onto these poor lives and left them here to be devoured by the necrophages.
To his relief, he didn’t see anyone resembling your feature.
He heard something inside the house. He turned and saw pairs of eyes peeking through the crack of the shutters. The witcher felt anger quietly rising within him. He held tight to his sword, picked up his pace to follow the trace of the monsters into the forest.
§
You were hurt, you couldn't tell where exactly you were hurt due to the burning sensation spreading across your torso. But you didn’t dare to slow down.
You tripped against a rock and fell hard to the ground. The pistol in your hand almost misfired with your finger held tight against it. You tried to get up, but your limbs were weak from the pain.
All you could hear was your heartbeat and heavy panting.
You thought you lost them. The monsters. But you couldn’t lose the sight of the screaming children. You shook your head to get rid of the image before it brought up more traumatizing memory, and struggled to get up.
You knew you were lost in this forest, every direction looked the same, and the dim light of the crescent moon was not helping. You wiped your forehead with the back of your hand, felt the moisture there which you couldn’t tell if its sweat or blood. You took a few deep breaths to steady your heart and picked a random direction, quietly walked towards that way, praying to whoever’s out there this is not the way back to that horrific village.
§
The witcher was panting heavily. Standing in the middle of a pit which was full of the bodies of the creatures he just slew, on a bed of human bones and pieces of cloths. The stench of rotten flesh and the necrophage was piercing through his nose to his brain, but he didn’t move. He just stood there, eyes glancing around frantically around the once-monster-nest.
There was a snap of the twig behind him, sounded like thunder in this deadly silent woods. He turned around sharply, wielding his sword, ready to strike out.
You were at the edge of the pit, eyes wide, face pale as a sheet. He saw cuts above your eyebrow and on your arms and legs, and smelled dirt mixed with blood and sweat.
“Oh my god...” you said under your breath, staring at him. He realized what he looked like now, under the influence of his potion. He instinctively turned his face away.
“Geralt...” you jumped down the pit, ran to him with effort, and threw your arms around him. Geralt stiffened. “Are you hurt?” you quickly released him, pulled back to look at his face, then gave a quick scan down his body--- but you couldn’t tell with the limited moonlight, so your eyes shot right back at his face, “Geralt?” “...No.” he stared right back at you, and didn’t see what he was expecting in your eyes.
“...I’m so glad I found you...” you hugged him again. He now realized you were trembling. He put his hand on your back, “You’re safe now.” You nodded against his leather armor, didn’t care it smelled like shit.
You released him once more, “Let’s get out of this hell hole shall we?” trying to make a joke, but failed with your now shaking, choked voice. He nodded, sheathing his sword, “Maybe next time find a better village?” You let out a nervous laugh, took his forearm to climbed out of the pit.
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How I Digitally Paint like a Scenic Artist/Designer
Aka: how I did this and put my degree to good use.
LONG POST WARNING
Step 1: Research.
First off, get to your image search. If you are going to be using Google, you may want to type “-pinterest” in the search to eliminate the countless boards.
I had to figure out clothing that is vaguely late 1800s. I found a multitude of reference images that were fancier clothes- but I wanted to find images of clothing for kindred across all social classes. Photographs from the era and paintings are your friend. They will more accurately showcase what was worn.
After Fashion research comes location research. The 1890s in America is known for the rapid industrialization. Factories were getting bigger and work days were getting longer. But, I wanted the moonlight to be cascading into the place, illuminating the scene. This means I needed to find a structure that had skylights or let sunlight in. And the best images I found? Slaughterhouses. Fitting, huh?
The same rule for fashion still stands- if you can find photographs or paintings from the era- they’re better. There are tons of places still standing today from the 1800s. But today, they look WAY different. Ya know, Abandoned! So just be sure to take this into consideration if you search “abandoned slaughterhouses” or go trespassing like I did.
Lastly, pose research. Finding the poses for a fight scene can be tedious. So, I enlisted some help from a few fight choreographers and stunt men. You can record their fights and play them back at quarter or half speed. You can also get a mirror and flop on the floor a bunch. I did both. This lets you see the action/motion lines you are going to replicate in the drawing. Heres how we initially did fina’s pose:
And sometimes you have to go back and get a clean shot. I ended up using this pose for the axe.
Step 2: Set up and Background!
When you open a new file, set it to the dimensions and resolution you want. I was working at 600. Usually, I’m working at 300-350. You can always reduce resolution. Its hard to prevent fuzzy lines if you increase it later.
I cannot stress the following enough:
You work background to foreground. Big Shapes and areas to little shapes. Work your way forward. What this means is you need to fill in as much space as possible first. Then build your details. I prefer working as follows: Big Solid tones, Soft shadows, Dark Shadows, Highlights, then final blend. Once you finish this, put an overlay on top. This knocks everything back and helps create the illusion of depth. See this at work with the video below or here
Step 3: Figure Drawings + Composition
Utilize that research and images you collected to pose your characters. I create subfolders for each set of figures. Organization is important here. This will help keep you on the right layer and prevent the eternal digital artist struggle of “Fuck that was on the wrong layer!”
Even after you move on to lineart and shading, Keep the sketch layer as a reference. You may need to see what youre original notes/ figures looked like as you do the lineart and shade. Don’t be afraid to move them around and alter the composition rn. You want to be able to make changes. Make notes! Detail light sources!
I’m about to through out some art jargon:
You want to think about asymmetric balance. The easiest way to achieve this in an eye-pleasing manner is to use the Fibonacci spiral. Yeah. This boi:
Place your figures and actions in a similar sequence to the spiral and the viewer’s eye tends to naturally follow it. This is sometimes called the Golden Ratio in the art world.
Doesn’t need to be perfectly on the spiral. You can break it- but its an excellent tool to plan how things move in the piece.
Step 4: Lineart
Once you got things sketched- its time to do the lineart. I’m using clip studio paint’s standard brushes. Nothing fancy. I often switch between the G-pen and the For Effect Liner. Mapping and Turnip are for thicker lines.
Usually I set these pens to a specific thickness depending on where I’m drawing.
My background figures are lined at 0.05 thickness, the midground is .1 to .2, Fina is .3 and the foreground is .4. I set my stabilization high to help keep my lines smooth. Stabilization 100 means there’s a significant delay between where the pen is and the cursor. I like the stabilization to be at 20 for freehanding and at 50 ish for outlining. Dont become completely reliant on the stabilization though. Good and smooth lineart is drawn from the arm not the wrist. Your range of motion is severely limited if you only move your wrist. Practice moving from your elbow and you’ll be surprised how much smoother your lines get.
Once I finish lining the figures, I usually go around it with an outline. This does three things:
1. Solidifies the figure and cleans lineart for paint bucket tool. More on that in the next step.
2. Its a stylistic choice. Helps give it that comic book feel with a heavy outline.
3. Pushes figures forward or back in the composition. Thicker outline helps denote that a figure is farther forward than another. My background figures have no outline to push them away
Step 5: Digitally coloring
For each figure you are going to select outside the lineart.
Create a new layer under the lineart
Invert the selection. Paint bucket. You should now have a solid shape of the figure under the lineart. Do not deselect.
Create a new layer above the one color. Title it solid colors. Paint in thick, solid tones. I like to use the mapping pen and turnip pen to color in my solid tones: skin, clothing, hair, etc.
After that, deselect. Create a multiply layer if you can. If your program does not have a multiplier function, Pick a tone you want to use for shadows and lower the opacity (usually 30-40% I like to use lavenders or blue tones). It will not be as vibrant, but you can edit it in post. Select off of the solid colors layer. I like to start with skin tones. Use the airbrush tool to create soft shadows. You don’t want to create harsh lines on this layer.
Then repeat this process with harsh lines.
Then knock it all back with an overlay. If you dont have the ability to create an overlay, you can again drop a solid color and lower the opacity, but you’ll have to mess with the color balance/ brightness/contrast to let all the hard work come through.
You’re going to repeat this for every single figure. Here’s a few color theory tips though.
Your overlay colors should be darker (not more vibrant) in the foreground and lighter (avoid using pure white) in the background. This helps with the depth of the piece. Things closer tend to be darker (not always true, depends on lighting)
You can choose to use color theory to aid your shadows. Instead of choosing black or grey for shadows, choose a complimentary color. I used a lot of green for this piece, I used red for really dark shadows. Its not that black drains color- its just loses some depth if not used carefully.
Keep your colors consistent. Helps unify the piece. You can strategically break the consistency to draw focus. For example, Fina is the only figure with a true blue overlay. This helps her stand out from the other figures who have reds and greens.
Step 6: Touch Ups and Final Renderings
Now comes the most tedious part. If you’re like me, your computer fans have been whirring for the last few hours trying to render this monster of a file. If you havent already, SAVE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD
These are the last four layers I have for the entire piece. Here, I am trying to create effective and believable lighting. This kind of work I have only been able to achieve in clip studio or photoshop. You can do it with normal layers, but choose your colors CAREFULLY. Stay away from pure white. Carefully utilize your knowledge of light and shadow to create soft highlights. Harsh lines tend to be a stylistic choice for me. The final layer, subtract, dulls out harsh red tones. I used this as a final overlay to help put everyone and everything in the scene. Without it, things are a little too green and skin tones are a little too blushed for vampires.
The challenge here is I want to tone down the red, but not lose the vibrancy of the blood. So, shift it to a blue. This also helped reinforce the “nighttime” effect. Its only a slight change.
Final thoughts:
Whenever you finish something, its important to reflect.
1. I am so FUCKING PROUD OF MYSELF. This is easily one of the most complicated pieces I’ve done in a while- and I’ve made 16′ tall faux stained glass. Brag. Let yourself feel awesome cuz you just made something awesome.
2. I timed myself on the piece. I could have easily spent another 7 hours on it. But its important to know when to stop messing with it. Partially for budget reasons but also when you get down to the details you can make yourself go insane. Theres also a ton of detail work I lost cuz of overlays or its just too small to notice. Fina’s face? hard to see cuz its not close enough.
3. I needed to take frequent breaks for this piece. That was good. Resting and stretching was very important. That is one of the reasons why I was able to work so fast.
4. I started doing more digital art in April 2020. I have to say, practice makes perfect. I practice drawing and digital painting for at least 3 hours a day.
That discipline has allowed me to improve so rapidly. So- I don’t wanna hear shit about I can’t possibly get this good! Or I couldn’t even draw a stick figure! BULLSHIT. You can. Get yourself some free software like Krita or Autodesk sketchbook and start playing!
And thats what I got! Thanks for coming with me on this long post!
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Forgot to post my bullet point list of liveblogs/thoughts while I was in post limit jail yesterday, so under the keep reading it is if anyone wonders
• Girl help, it's 2pm and I have till 11pm till post limit resets
• I'm not liking any art because I don't like without reblogging
• When did Phil switch to dsmp? I swear he was doing he?
• Also is he spawn proofing ranboks house? Pog!
• But back to tubbo for now
• Is this the earliest I've hit post limit? Makes sense cuz I didn't sleep.
• Wtf happened on Phil's stream? Oh wait did he find the vault? And then the prime room?
• Apparently he found Carl.
• Just saw someone in Phil's chat say "wdym not ur son"... what do you think???
• Ranboos gonna come online to see his house been snowed.
• DID HE FIND ANOTHER THING? LMAO RANBOO REALLY BECAME A MOLE. OTHER HALF CONFIRMED?
• Might be using Twitter more than notes because it's such a long time
• PRIME BELL
• Tubbo and rnaboo are still shooting stuff? Brub
• Uh oh "let's talk about the dream smp" sounds so onimous...
• It's not serious thank god
• Sdlgkekfnnsa he added that :) knowing what he doing
• The indirects? Uhoh
• I wonder if he's going to address the clashes of certain lore bits
• Hmm gonna lie down because sleepy
• Kinds sleeby but heart go Nyoom
• Hope someone posts fundys lore stuff because I watching jack
• Tired in beddddd
• "We haven't had a sympathetic villain yet" almost true! I'd say wilbur was semi-sympathetic
• Ajfjrkgjsndnv did bad show up just to tell him to join the egg
• I'm getting deja vu
• Also heheh melamine doofensmirtz
• Based on the liveblogs I'm seeing, fundy is trying to move into the arctic. Okay
• Fundys actually on the smp, sorry Jack but I follow one manifoldtwt person so I see all of jack stuff
• I open Phil's stream to see tubbo stream sniping. How cannon is tub o being here? Also when did rnabok and tubbo join phil
• "How is Michael doing"
• Ranboo and tubbo also being in the call while Phil is dunking on fundy for butcher army
• And tubbo killed him
• Tubbo just hit and run fundy
• I am out of bed I got interested in other stuff to quickly
• Go see Michael Phil please
• Ranboo is such an enabler
• Tubbo villain arc that's just his normal self let's go
• This is so cruel, Tubbo why
• 'Aa batteries?'
• Poor fundy flkvkthmdna
• Among us role play time again but now it's town of Salem
• Tubbo just said 'platonic marriage'
• "Your what?"
• Hes definitely adopted rigkrjgnenca
• "Cake time you little shit"
• "Theres not a thought behind those eyes"
• 'Unbiological'
• TUBBO?
• RJGJEKCNSN DOES FU DG JUST NOT GET THAT TECHBO HATES TUBBO
• Please don't free the child fundy
• RANBOO AND TUBBO JUST DESTROYED FUNDY
• AHAHAHA WILBUR DIDNT TURN OUT FINE
• Phil boutta snoop?
• Fundy just got murdered in michaels room
• Fundy don't threaten the helicopter parents
• Aite tubbo that was a joke too far
• PHIL PLEASE DONT
• PLEASE
• Phil has shclatt
• GHOST SQUEEKS. NO. NOT AGAIN.
• awww fundy being excited Phil said "runs in the family"
• wh. How bad was my delay on Phil's stream? Totally different point when I switch to fundy
• I just can't bring myself to do school work rn I can't explain it, probably because a lot of it is tests
• Chat o7-ing with no context for c!fundy
• Fundy always accidentally screening himself over damn
• I know foxes are considered sneaky but man calm down
• HUH? GLOWING WOOOL? FUDBY?
• Just woke up. Tanbkk live.
• Tubbo I think that is called fanfic. No tubbo it is. Tubbo you can't deny it that's still fanfic.
• Bless ranboo for trying to help stop the belief that fanfics are all nsfw
• "Is tubbo drunk" have yall never seen a tired/chaotic person
• Tubbo thought Thomas sanders created vine???
• Going thru that big dream merch post and just blocking so many of them, cuz I don't want those people ever looking at my stuff
• Also so many of them are just... saying straight up misinfo
• "*sigh* are we being overprotective?" "...protection 4"
• "Prot 4 parents"
• Techno just vibing on the server eyes emoji
• Golddigger tubbo returns
• Techno just staring out the window
• He left rkgkrkgjsja
• Yet? ... ramboo???
• Chat stop being weirdchamp :)
• I think I should just not read chat rn
• I saw a dono mention ramboo maybe having EDS, ehlers-danlos syndrome and like... I lowkey been wondering similar stuff?
• I had EDS btw
• My doctor said there's something similar to EDS but involves growing... a lot. *looks at ranboos 6'6 self*
• FUXK OFF HEATWAVSZ OS ON MY RADIO AGAIN. FUXK YOJ
• Why do I suddenly feel really sad about something? Uh oh
• "LORE?" Chat asks while puffy describes how her toilet broke
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To put into perspective what having a manic episode due to bipolar disorder is like:
I walk into my grocery store this morning. I completely forget why I have come to the grocery store. I do not remember HOW I got to the grocery store.
I wander the produce section for some indescernable amount of time. I am overwhelmed by the selection of fruits. Did I even come here for fruits?? I do not remember. I grab a small pack of blackberries after Extremely thorough investigation, and I am allowed to leave the produce section.
Suddenly, I am struck with a realization, a memory. Breakfast! I’m in my way to work and I’m here to pick up breakfast! I only have ten minutes left to select and purchase a breakfast, how did I squander so much time looking at fruit!!! I also recall that I was looking for Yogurt, so I make my way to where I believe the yogurt section to be.
I am overwhelmed by the selection of yogurts available to me, but I know which one I am looking for. Chobani, vegan strawberry with the crunchy granola in the cup. I’m lactose intolerant, I cannot have other yogurts. I scan labels. I read labels CAREFULLY. I am running out of time and I CANNOT find my yogurt. I begin to cry infront of the yogurt section, seemingly alarming other shoppers.
I am very frustrated and upset about the yogurt, but then I remember that vegan yogurts are in the ORGANIC section, and Oh I Am The Fool, so I bee-line for it. I am very stressed in the Kroger now.
I locate vegan yogurt across the store. There are not many. They are OUT of strawberry Chobani and I don’t LIKE other flavors. I am going to cry again. I settle for Silk’s rasberry yogurt. I am deeply distressed that my first choice is not available, i get myself a kombucha and a choclate granola bar to feel better.
I irrationally hate the Kroger. I am very angery the grocery store has done this to me, I scan my breakfast at self check out with a sense of MALICE. I am still polite to the attendant on my way out the door, but I have momentarily decided to have a VENDETTA against Kroger. we should BOYCOTT Kroger for not having Chobani Vegan Strawberry Yogurt.
I am waiting at my bus stop several minutes later when I finally calm down and start writing this, feeling Very stupid.
This is a mild-case scenario. I was in no immediate danger, I was upset about yogurt in the grocery store and had a thirty minute breakfast-related fiasco that almost made me late to work. I’m in a much better place mentally than I have been a previous points in life, and I know this because I have been in MUCH more dangerous situations due to manic episodes before. I have a good support system. I have people I can call when I’m having an episode. I have a job thats fairly understanding of my challenges and limitations.
But this isn’t the case for a LOT of people with bipolar disorder. I feel incredibly privledged that my biggest problem this morning was just grocery shopping, because three years ago it was accidentally taking a manic trip to fucking Connecticut with no money to get back. Bipolar Disorder is recognized as a disability, and like, its for a good reason.
Theres so much stigma and shame around it, theres so little understanding from people about it. Its so hard to explain to people that I do not MEAN to be this way, I wish I wasn’t having meltdowns about yogurt but here we are.
Having a manic episode is like riding on a tilt-a-whirl; A lot of the time it’s very fun! Exciting, fast, everything feels like SO much. But sometimes you had too much funnel cake before the ride, or you didn’t even really Wanna get on but now you’re here and hyper-aware of the ricketyness of carnival rides. But you don’t get to just get off cuz you’re uncomfortable, youre stuck until the teenage ride-operator decides the ride is over and that sucks.
Idk where I’m really going with this, but I just wish I could make neurotypical people understand how hard it is to be like. the bare minimum of functional. If you know someone with bipolar disorder, just try to be understanding maybe? Like, mental illness is never an excuse to be a dick, but just keep in mind that some of us did NOT mean to cry in the yogurt section this morning, and are genuinely just having a hard time
#bipolar disorder#//DO NOT REBLOG#idk i just kinda needed to vent man this morning was a Bad brain time
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alright its time for me to post about sonic now. nobody asked for this.
personally. i think that the decline of sonic games is. well. nonlinear of course but its a combination of a lot of things that have been present for a while. i started thinking about this because i had knight of the wind stuck in my head while i showered and i thought “yknow i dont think the storybook games were that bad” and it evolved from there. readmore’d cuz its a longass post
first off. one of the things that was present in the games people consider “bad” is eggman NOT being the primary antagonist. i mean. fundamentally this makes sense. eggman has always been the primary antagonist in the games since the beginning, so suddenly introducing these throwaway villains is kind of a shot in the foot. what comes to mind is sonic lost world and the zeti because its like. sega wants us so badly to care about zavok and the rest of them but its just kind of difficult when theyre from yknow. sonic lost world and, fundamentally, throwaway villains. now i thought about this because. sonic lost world ISNT objectively a bad game i dont think. it has bad parts and i think those bad parts are mostly linked to the zeti being the primary antagonists. now this isnt saying that any game with eggman as the primary antagonist is good (ill get to forces later) but it plays a part.
now i couldnt entirely tell you when “eggman ISNT the primary antagonist” first turned up. i would assume sonic adventure because of chaos? which funnily enough links into my next point. the introduction of a secondary antagonist who either a) becomes a primary antagonist in the same game or a later game they’re part of or b) is meant to be some kind of counter to sonic. you could say it started in sonic 3. since knuckles acts as a secondary antagonist for most of the game. funnily enough though hes actually one of the only that stops being an antagonist in the same damn game. hes like “wait a second ive been fucking tricked” and turns to sonic’s side after seeing eggman doing his bastardly actions. so i’d say it actually started in sonic cd with metal sonic. he’s a reoccurring antagonist (the good kind) and was made with the sole purpose of Beating Sonic. in sonic heroes he becomes a primary antagonist in the true ending and whatever. in sonic adventure there’s chaos who becomes the primary antagonist in the true ending as well. now again. none of these games are BAD because of this aspect. sonic 3 is good, as is cd, heroes, and i think sonic adventure has its moments. but again this is just another piece to the puzzle.
the next thing i think thats sort of added to the decline is the fact that. well. corporations. yknow how it is with game design. as a game design student i know that theres fucked up shit going on in a lot of places and sega wanted to make sonic like mario. nintendo knows they have brand loyalty, just like disney does. nintendo slaps mario or pikachu onto something and it’ll sell and they KNOW that. sonic, less so, because hes yknow. got Controversy. sparks arguments about good and bad games. im particularly thinking about sonic boom here because that game had such potential that was stripped away not only by corporate greed (it being forced to be published onto the wii u, which, ill be real with you, i forgot existed) and hardware limitations, but by a lack of commuication within the actual company about WHERE the game was being published to. also dont get me started on how sega shafted the storyline. thats for another day.
overarching plot in sonic games is kind of fun in my opinion. i like a story i can get invested in. one that makes sense and like. you know. adds to the game. and this is the part where i talk about sonic forces.
sonic forces is kind of the culmination of a lot of these things. its a pander to the audience who loves classic sonic (as in, putting classic there for no reason as a nudge towards sonic generations), it features a secondary antagonist who attempts to become a primary antagonist (infinite needs work) and like. objectively id say that the phantom ruby is a bigger antagonist than eggman is. all the things that he does is down to the phantom ruby, and i dont entirely know how the phantom ruby even like. started existing. but we’ll just skip over that for now.
so eggman has infinite who he powers up with the phantom ruby and he becomes the metal sonic-esque character of the game. he’s meant to be sonic’s direct counter which is shown with infinite beating sonic at the start. but infinite just kind of. exists. as a throwaway villain. and the thing with throwaway villains is that infinite creates clones of some other villains (zavok, shadow (????) chaos and metal sonic) and that kinda confused me like. okay so you create fake versions of all these villains who turned against you for various reasons and also metal sonic??? who you could just create again??? but im going on a tangent.
the one thing i listed that forces didnt really feature was eggman not being the primary antagonist. i liked that he was the primary antagonist in forces. i just wish the story was better. and now i get to talk about story problems in sonic games. and as a writer, youre not getting spared.
ive talked abt sonic forces and story. i havent talked about other games and their story. sonic 06′s story was weak because it was trying too hard. the storybook games were good because the story was THERE. sonic gets put into this position of being a character from myths and characters we already know are filling the other positions. it was fun. sonic lost world, i dont really know cuz i never played it but from what i understood, eggman took the zeti’s planet and controlled them with a magic conch, and then the conch gets broken and the zeti fight back?? i dont know why the zeti hate sonic or why they roboticized tails but whatever.
fundamentally. sonic games are go fast. stop eggman. platform. of course eggman can be substituted for other antagonists like in adventure’s case where it becomes stop chaos. everything else in it is adding to the story (or in a lot of cases where its trying too hard, it detracts from everything) and like. adding different things is kind of fun sometimes. people didnt like the clunky controls of the werehog but i thought it was fun having the differences between daytime and nighttime levels. i think werehog had potential.
its less related but i also kinda wish they did what they did in sonic x and had sonic exist in a world with a lot of anthro animal characters instead of humans. i think forces did that okay. a lot of games have human characters like 06 and adventure, and it kind of blurs things. it doesnt make it a bad game if theres human characters but its still kind of. weird.
but anyway this wasnt clear or concise at all i just had some thoughts. i thought some of the marketing for sonic forces was funny like the welcome to the eggman empire video so you dont have to take anything from me.
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Hey could you do an ultron oneshot with 9, 23, and 25? I dont think anyone's requested him before and I think itd be cool if he was obsessive, but harsh and very jealous. And maybe tie the reader to tony cuz Ultron is a lot like tony? And i think this would be very interesting because Ultron has access to everything, so theres no hiding, at all.
Prompt #9: “I will never let you leave me.”
Prompt #23: “Stop acting so pathetic.”
Prompt #25: “You shouldn’t have tested my limits.”
Being up on the top floor of some building Ultron took over, all you had was a bed and a window. Unfortunately the window couldn’t open, it was one of those that was sealed shut for protection. Although it was nice to be at least able to see outside and dream about being back with your loved ones. One such loved one was your boyfriend Tony Stark, probably the whole reason he had set his sights on you in the first place.
Looking out at the moon you would often times talk out loud to yourself, desperately trying to picture yourself anywhere but where you actually were. “I miss you Tony, I hope you are looking out at the moon thinking of me too. One day I will be back in your warm loving arms.”You sighed sadly feeling a single tear slide down your cheek, not even bothering to wipe it away.
What you were unaware of was the fact that he had placed a surveillance camera and wiretap in your room to monitor your every movement. Hearing you mention Tony’s name just enraged him more than he had ever been before. How could you be thinking of him when you swore your loyalty to Ultron. Did you only do so to protect yourself? Had you been lying to him this entire time?
Slamming the door open you screamed at the top of your lungs, not expecting the sudden intrusion. “You are thinking of him again! I thought we went through this...he isn’t looking for you. He doesn’t care about you, you mean nothing to him.”Ultron spat venomously stalking towards you.
“I-I’m sorry I can’t help it, I-I miss him. Those are my feelings, I can’t change them because I want to.”You stuttered out trying to back away, hitting the wall behind you effectively trapping yourself.
“Stop acting so pathetic. You have been lying to me for months now, telling me you were over him. Get it through your little human head, that I will never let you leave me. I will kill Tony Stark if that will get him off your mind.”Ultron threatened caging you in. “You are just a little girl who wants someone to love them, and yet when I am in front of you offering such you deny me.”He growled slamming his hand against the wall cracking the concrete in its wake.
“I’m not acting pathetic, I am just finally accepting my truth. I am sorry if that upsets you, but please I will try harder… don’t harm Tony because of my actions. I promise to not mention him again.”You whimpered trying not to break down completely at the thought.
“You shouldn’t have tested my limits. I need to do something to punish you for being untruthful to me all this time. Here I was thinking we were moving past all of this bullshit, but you just couldn’t let it be. You will see your precious Tony again, lying in a pool of his own blood, and it will be your fault. Don’t defy me next time and maybe you will once again feel happiness.” Ultron scoffed moving away from you heading towards the door.
“PLEASE DON’T I SWEAR I WILL DO ANYTHING! DON’T HURT HIM!”You yelled out begging and pleading for his life.
“You should have thought of that before, it’s too late now. I’m sorry but I need to prove how serious I am, and you need to learn it.”Ultron replied seriously, slamming the door behind him sending you sobbing to your knees.
[Ultron you scary! I really hope you enjoy it and that it was what you were wanting my lovely! Thank you so much for the request, and I hope I did it justice!
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Do not rb
[2/2, 11:32 PM] Cristian Gómez: Ok, so here goes
[2/2, 11:34 PM] Cristian Gómez: Im sorry i talked over you and interupted you. I have this very bad tendency to not shut up when im nervous, especially around others.
[2/2, 11:34 PM] Cristian Gómez: Im sorry i had to ask you to buy me icecream, i know you said its no big deal but it is to me
[2/2, 11:35 PM] Cristian Gómez: Im sorry if i seemed boring and paranoid, ive just always lived in fear till i moved here and even though its been 2 years, i still find it hard to break habita
[2/2, 11:35 PM] Cristian Gómez: But please, i need you to tell me whats wrong
[2/2, 11:37 PM] Cristian Gómez: Remember how i told you i think of ways to escape and how could a person murder me and all that? I am very scared of the unknown and right now i do not be knowing whats up? Did i bore you, dis you find someone else, did you die? My mind keeps jumping to conclusions i know arent true but without your words i cant really kill them off
[2/2, 11:38 PM] Cristian Gómez: Im trying to be more attentive of you and stop being so self centered (which is an oximoron cuz telling other people that youre not thinking about yourself requires you to think about yourself but wrvr)
[2/2, 11:39 PM] Cristian Gómez: I watched letterkenny, i kinda spoiled that "surprise" when i texted you her face and the naked gym the frats wanted to make
[2/2, 11:39 PM] Cristian Gómez: But whatever, i did enjoy it and im thankful you showed me it
[2/2, 11:39 PM] Cristian Gómez: Also, imma pay you back that icecream 10x
[2/2, 11:41 PM] Cristian Gómez: I finally get payed on wednesday so ill buy the granpa sweater or the windbreaker or the patterned shirts, maybe ill stop by peace nook and get a candle, incense or soap you liked. Whatever it ends up being, ill make sure its shiny
[2/2, 11:41 PM] Cristian Gómez: Also, my friend said he could sneak us into his show on thursday, like i said, i really like his drag
[2/2, 11:42 PM] Cristian Gómez: If we sneak in, we may even get a couple drinks if we dont have bracelets
[2/2, 11:43 PM] Cristian Gómez: And if all you need is space, thats fine! I know i can be a bit much to handle, but please tell me so i dont go off the rails batshit crazy trying to figure out what went wrong
[2/2, 11:43 PM] Cristian Gómez: I only now realize that typing all this into a private convo is very batshit crazy
[2/2, 11:43 PM] Cristian Gómez: Remember that thing i just said about not shutting up??
[2/2, 11:44 PM] Cristian Gómez: I know theres a lot more i wanted to say but i forget
[2/2, 11:45 PM] Cristian Gómez: Oh, and i didnt really mean to be mean when i called you a nerd for tucking
[2/2, 11:45 PM] Cristian Gómez: Also, when i said you were tall, i just wasn't expecting that, cuz everyone ive ever gone out with ends up being smaller than me
[2/2, 11:46 PM] Cristian Gómez: Im sorry i behaved like a 12 yearold, i know its not very attractive to go into a relationship and feel its gonna be a babysitting gig
[2/2, 11:47 PM] Cristian Gómez: Even though im scared, i still challenge myself. Everytime i take a turn at a stoplight my first thought is how someone might run me over
[2/2, 11:48 PM] Cristian Gómez: Everytime its bellow 40, i think of that time i couldnt feel my hands for 2 hours, but i still get on my bike
[2/2, 11:48 PM] Cristian Gómez: And everytime i looked at your messages im reminded of all the sweet nothings people used to say to me to use me
[2/2, 11:49 PM] Cristian Gómez: All the see you laters and the we'll meet someday again
[2/2, 11:50 PM] Cristian Gómez: And even though im deadly terrified of typing something and losing you like ive lost everyone else, i still find the courage to send you something, anything so youd know i really do like you
[2/2, 11:50 PM] Cristian Gómez: I forgot how it felt
[2/2, 11:51 PM] Cristian Gómez: Ive been neeting people ive been interested in for 4 years now and youre the second one ive actually found that i cared about
[2/2, 11:51 PM] Cristian Gómez: Even ones i thought i cared about, i forgot in a week
[2/2, 11:52 PM] Cristian Gómez: And i know i said id stop being self centered and ill ive done is typed and typed, but i genuinely want you to give me a second chance, hopefully ill learn to shut up
[2/2, 11:53 PM] Cristian Gómez: I know youll probs only read this if i ever give you your codename, if i even post these, but this is helping
[2/2, 11:53 PM] Cristian Gómez: Also, sorry i called you adam
[2/2, 11:54 PM] Cristian Gómez: Maybe ill send the lot of these your way one day, where it doesnt matter cuz youre so close or so far appart
[2/2, 11:55 PM] Cristian Gómez: I know you dont want a psycho bf that cant be 10 mins away from you, but if youre leaving, could you please say why?
[2/2, 11:56 PM] Cristian Gómez: This is extremely pessimistic and theres that overworking brain again, but did you even care? I wanna say yes cuz you payed for my icecream and didnt just blow me off at the first chance, also you went out with me after a week or so of texts, most people would have just made something up, so i really appreciate you
[2/2, 11:57 PM] Cristian Gómez: UGHHH, i just need an answer at this point i dont mind if its yes or no
[2/2, 11:57 PM] Cristian Gómez: Did your messages get stuck? Did my phone mute you?
[2/3, 12:02 AM] Cristian Gómez: Oh yea, this goes without saying, but i dont wanna seem manipulative, these last couple day (oly shit its only been a day, why did i blow this out of proportion so damn much?!?) Have been very retrospective
[2/3, 12:03 AM] Cristian Gómez: I also dont want the gift to be manipulative, its something ive always believed in, ask my friends, no one should leave empty handed
[2/3, 12:04 AM] Cristian Gómez: And i probs would have only gotten you the candles, but bc you bought ice cream and youre so damn hot, ill bump it up
[2/3, 12:05 AM] Cristian Gómez: Im way overdue on payments and my bike insurance is almost up, but its only good for the other guy, so if i crash its very unlikely ill even need to pay them
[2/3, 7:50 AM] Cristian Gómez: Was it that i didnt try anything romantic? Didnt hold your hand or stayed away when i said goodbye? I dont know how to read limits so i just default to professional until someone tells me to do something
[2/3, 8:37 AM] Cristian Gómez: Was it the blue nails? I swear that was the jeans
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