#i honestly think I had ADHD too but I have no idea if I am | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

unoriginal-and-dumb · 2 months

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I am doing things I AM DOING THINGS I AM!

Explanations for designs and some head canons below here :3

Infected - Asian-American Autistic ADHD aroace (😈) trans. Yknow Wybie from Coraline? Yea like that but like incredibly annoying. His voice sounds like it’s coming from a shitty mic all the time

Lampert (design by @lucid-daydreaming-art )- Autistic 🇸🇪 ja aroace (😈) funny lamp guy Robots-esque probably kinda talks like baymax honestly, I mean a bit different but yknow, the general idea

(I talk about these 2 enough it’s the others turns)

Poob - I think they are a dumb little critter. They run around and their arms flail in the wind like paper. When they try to clap is makes dog toy squeaking sounds. I don’t think they abide by the rules of physics which is why they are stupid looking ❤️ they have hammer space but it is only for weed related items. The curator of the forever weed brownie, if you will. I think they sound like X from bfb. Aroace (😈)

Pest - literally hates poob because they are small and annoying. Uhhh funky legs because I think he would have funky legs. I stole his eyes because well no real reason, but I think if he was like extra pissed you would see his eyes. Since he is like thief maxxing I do not think he would be wearing anything beyond a hoodie and sweatpants, something trying to be non-assuming I guess. He has hair I think but it is very short no way would he want to deal with that. I don’t have a voice hc for him yet. Aroace (😈)

Bive - she a freakkkkk ehhh. I think she is like freakishly tall, has funny bird legs, raggedy ass scrawny tail, and is constantly covered in hair. Her teeth are kinda just floating on her hair head, so if you punched her hard enough they would just go flying out and she would have to put them back into her head silly girl. I think she is also trans hahaahhahahahaha!!! I think she kinda sounds like ENA from dream bbq, the uhh angry side I believe. Ace (😈)

Split - I gave her dog ears because I think they are cute :) she’s probably like normal ish height Bive is just weirdly tall. She looks very nice and friendly but could probably throw a boulder at you and you will die sowyyyy. Gods most chillaxxed soldier. She gives me kind older lady feelings, even if she weren’t older. I dunno she would be like one of those people who have a comically large purse full of hard candy except it would all be banana flavored. I think she has a slower voice, HAVENT gotten an exact idea for her voice yet but she seems very calm. Ace (😈)

Pilby - I didn’t really add or change their design because I already liked it a lot. I think they are very sweet and kind looking, would make a great plush too but I guess we are not ready to talk about that (YES I am still bitter about it) I think being around them is akin to looking outside a window at an apple orchard while it’s raining a bit. I think they sound a bit like raggedy Anne, based on the creators response too. Aroace (😈)

Spud! - I honestly did not have much come to me for his design, they are just a bit of a funky feller and im not sure how I would add to it honestly. Oh but I do think that they run like an ostrich and it is very scary. Also while drawing I was debating why he had a bow and decided that Gnarpy was like CONGRATZ IN ZURVIVING THE TEZTZ and now Spud! Just has a stupid little yuor did it ribbon. Honestly no clue for voice hc… aroace (😈)

Gnarpy - had a lot of fun with xis design honestly. The redesign reminded me a lot of Stitch so I kinda just shoved that into xim. I think they act a lot like Zim. Like a lot. Probably equally as stupid. I think xis second arms are retractable, like stitch, and xe uses that as a very very shitty disguise that everyone can see right through but just don’t mention because xe seems to be having a good time. I think xe sounds like Four from BFB (the earlier episodes mostly) aroace (😈)

DRRETRO - I think that her head that we see in the game is like a projection of herself, Wagstaff Don’t Starve style. Her body would be like excruciatingly normal besides her head, too. Like go to the hospital and see a nurse, that’s just what she looks like. Very normal, it’s a bit unnerving since her head is that. She’s like those overly friendly posters in a very uncomfortable place type of feeling. She doesn’t have fur either, she’s just a weird cat doctor thing. She acts exactly like Doctor Barber from Flapjack. No voice hc, but she speaks in meows so probably just meowing. Aroace (😈)

Mark - I started thinking about tf2 and Anton blast. Anyway, he is completely made from wood other than the clothes. Beard is carved in, not sure if I got that across in the drawing though. Uh yea I don’t have much I just really like engineer. He wears flannel and a construction vest just like any good law avoiding construction worker. Definitely does not so legal things on his construction sites but does not give two shits about that and also probably would try to employ Lampert when he was younger for free workers (no im not projecting what are you talking about). How on the nose would it be to say he sounds like engineer because I just drew wooden engineer with a beard. Ace (😈)

Wallter - sorry wallter fans I had no ideas while drawing him. I dunno he’s big and he’s cement, so I kept him blocky. Urrrrr he has a can of grey stuff jingle jingle. He is the cement embodiment of that one tweet that’s like “nothing better than a glass of wine, except for maybe #men. #yep #imgay! He kinda seems like one of those lowkey scary bald gay guys who are nice but are also scary and still bald. He’s bald. No idea on voice maybe concrete sliding on asphalt for 10 hours. Ace (😈)

#all of them are at least asexual #I MAKE THE RULES I WOULD KNOW!#sigh yes I understand if you have separate ideas I don’t control that don’t leave hate I am aware #I’ll tag when I finish the all of them in a separate post

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copperbadge · 1 month

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RE watching thoughts: I’m not 100% sure, but it might be that the whole “I am not my thoughts” is about engaging and identifying with your metacognition MORE than your initial thoughts. Because I get where you’re coming from - what is a consciousness but a collection of thoughts and feelings? But you can also have thoughts about your own thoughts that are more useful for dealing with whatever situation you’re in, I guess. (Random aside - every time I start thinking about thinking about thinking my brain inevitably starts thinking about Tiffany Aching and The Wee Free Men.)

I really should have replied to this ask sooner because it's going to seem like a non-sequitur now (this was sent much earlier in March) but I'm kind of glad I didn't, because I've been chatting with people about this and I think I understand more why there's an emphasis in some therapies on the idea that we are not our thoughts.

(I uh, haven't read the Tiffany books so I'm not much help there.)

I am coming to understand that many, perhaps most, people judge themselves, comprehensively and harshly, based on their thoughts. Perhaps it's just a lot of people who struggle with mental health, but given the commonality of the sentiment I don't know if I'd confine it that tightly; generally it appears that people cannot conceive of themselves as anything other than a binary of good or bad. So many people I've talked to about this portion of DBT, the watching-questioning-identifying thoughts portion, say that it helps to snap them out of a spiral of "I'm a horrible person, I deserve to suffer/die, I can never be redeemed" after they've failed at something, or had a negative thought, or reacted poorly to an unexpected event.

That is not something I've ever experienced. I mean, jokingly maybe, but not in a real, internal sense.

And that's not to brag -- I'm not saying I think I'm a good person, either, because I don't think I'm a good person. I don't conceive of myself in terms of good or bad. I never cuddle my cats and think "I'm such a good cat dad" or forget to feed them and think "I should die now." I have a perpetual morally neutral attitude towards my own existence; my thoughts and actions might trend me one direction or another but I'm aware of the temporary nature of that. If I fuck up I'll worry about who I might have hurt or whether I'll be fired or what's going to happen as a consequence, if I am polite to someone who didn't deserve it I know I was acting kindly in the moment, but I don't make an inherent moral judgement of myself based on that. And it seems like the vast majority of people do. Which you would think would make me feel pretty good about myself, but honestly...I don't know.

A lot of people I know who have ADHD or are Autistic have talked about seeing themselves as other, as alien -- like that one webcomic artist who draws themself with little antennae to indicate they're strange and different. I've always understood why one might do that, but I never felt that way myself, before or after the diagnosis. After all, let's remember, I was The Normal* Child of my siblings, and if I was The Normal One before the diagnosis, why wouldn't I remain Mostly Normal after?

* As ever, I'm using "normal" as a cultural term, to indicate what we think of as mainstream, not because normal is a thing that really exists.

My life has been relatively solitary -- I have friends and family and I love them but I'm rarely part of a large group, I don't spend a lot of time out in public interacting with people, I'm not a big socializer. Before the Adderall, I really couldn't be, I took too much psychic damage from interpersonal interaction, so I chose those very carefully. And now my DBT class has been a rare moment when I'm encountering contradictions to a lot of my assumptions about the way human beings in our society interact, react, and behave. I just...don't fit that mold very well. I think of it as having crossed wiring, not in the sense that I'm faulty but just in the sense that I'm very, very different. Not Normal. It's not exactly a bad feeling but it's certainly not a great one, internalizing the sensation of alienness.

DBT is proving to be a mixed bag but not in the way I or my therapist intended -- it seems to be either things I was already instinctively doing or things that simply do not apply to me. In one way it's disappointing because it means there isn't much help to be had (we're a little over halfway through the course and I keep thinking "Maybe next class will be useful") but on the other hand it's validating that so much of what I came up with myself as unconscious coping mechanisms is literally what I would have been told to do anyway.

Sometimes it's a combination of both, though, which really blows. I guess most people, if they reframe another person's actions, actually find emotional relief in that, and I don't. An example from the class is that if someone is rude to you, you can consider how they might be having a hard day, and be polite in return; that's great, in terms of defusing a situation, and it's something I do a fair amount of. But apparently it's also something that for most people results in feeling less awful about the interaction, and that's not the case for me. Which is why so much of DBT feels to me like lying to oneself. It's not lying for most people.

So, yeah. I'm going to finish out the course and keep trying things with the therapist but I suspect given everything, I might already be at "as good as it gets" in terms of emotional work. Which isn't the worst thing in the world, and there is still the option to try medication that could help, but I think there will come a point where I'm going to have to deal with the fallout of just how different I am, and how that has impacted my life. Might end up a good thing; something I've really been trying to resolve is unhappiness over being unpartnered and highly likely to remain that way, and at least if this provides a better understanding of why, then perhaps I can process that and put it to rest in a way I've been trying to do but not succeeding well at.

So, we'll see. But I find it both fascinating and kind of horrifying how many people can believe they are irredeemably bad, even if the belief is only temporary, simply because they had an uncharitable thought or impulse. It makes me somewhat grateful for the crossed wires, at least.

#sam has adhd #therapy #dbt

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krypticcafe · 1 year

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Hi! I love your writing sm!!! Could I request how the boys + könig would react to a reader with curly hair? (We’re talking tight, kinky coily curls)

COD:MWII Boys w/a curly-haired partner

rating: PG-13

character(s): GN!Reader, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, John Price, John "Soap" McTavish, Simon "Ghost" Riley, Gary "Roach" Sanderson, König, Hound

warning(s): none

a/n: aw thank you! And I love this request!! I'm not someone with curly, kinky hair, but I hear a lot about how they're super underrepresented. Even I'm tired of the "brushed his hand through your hair" or the "y/n with a messy bun/straight hair" bc PLEASSEE, my hair is a rat's nest, this would not work 💀 Anyways, I hope I did you justice and lmk if I got anything wrong!!

Gaz

Let's be honest, it's nothing new to him. He's experienced with coily, kinky hair, whether it be himself or his family or a friend.

I actually like to think he experimented with longer hairstyles before cutting it for military.

He gets you the most out of all of them, honestly. Knows exactly what you mean when you need a certain product or talk about maintenance, doesn't belittle you when you get upset over your hair, and helps a lot, too.

He doesn't have to do as much maintenance, so he doesn't use too much product, but sometimes he'll eye yours and make a note to try some for himself.

Since you and Gaz can trust each other, you sometimes have nights where you help style each other, just to spend some quality time.

Also yes, you guys have matching bonnets, it was actually his idea. You guys take so many pics together, too.

Gaz will notice if your hair looks healthier or fresher, and while he always thinks your curls are beautiful, he'll make extra compliments so that you know that he pays attention.

Oh, and if you do something special with it? He's all over you, all like, "What's the special occasion? Or am I just lucky today?"

Price

Your hair was one of the many reasons Price had noticed you so much, particularly because the military didn't really allow room for soldiers to do much with their hair and most have to gel it down if necessary.

When you tell him about the amount of care that goes into it, he starts thinking that his facial hair routine isn't so bad after all.

Once you get together, he starts looking into the product you need to get.

Unfortunately, he will have a bit of a hard time, so it's probably best if you show him the ropes for stuff like oils for protective styles, specific tools you use, etc. Otherwise, he'll be wandering around the aisle for a while. Please.

Sometimes, there'll be days where both of you guys take up the bathroom and go through your routines together, it's a pretty good way for him to learn your process and for you to learn his. There's a mutual respect.

Realistically, I don't think you would let either party take over for each other. At least, not for a long time.

If you put on a real nice outfit and let your natural hair out, oh this man will be on his knees, so use that information wisely.

Soap

Ooo, he's obsessed, I'm telling ya!!

Definitely gets stunned at how much it takes for you to take care of those curls, but not surprised that it's so difficult.

He does kinda wonder how you deal with it if you're someone that's on the battlefield.

You definitely had to tell him off for toying with it once, and he has stopped, but it's taking every inch of him to keep his ADHD ass from mindlessly twirling one between his fingers whenever you guys cuddle. But he isn't gonna do it! Unless you let him, then he loves how the texture feels.

You won't admit it, but sometimes you only let him touch it because of how happy it makes him, and you know he's being as respectful as possible.

He'll always be your #1 hype man too! Loves it when you experiment!!

You've definitely caught him wearing your bonnet multiple times, too.

One time, you decided to tease him by guiding him to help you detangle your hair, and frustration was absolutely worth it.

He got so pouty afterward when he had to give up, but you let him know he did a good job trying.

Ghost

He doesn't mean to be rude but he's definitely like "Can't be that bad."

And then you show him your grocery list.

It is that bad.

He gets frustrated and just buys one of everything, walking out of the store with like a dozen bags. He memorizes the ones you pick so there's that at least.

Don't mind him, he's just a bit blunt because he'll then ask, "Why don't you just cut/gel it?". Just explain it, and he'll respect your choice, though it intimidates him a little.

At one point, you're actually the one that lets him feel your hair, so he knows what it's like. He would never touch it unless invited, he's got too much self-control. People also become too intimidated by him to try to touch your hair too, so that's a plus.

It oddly soothes him, he likes how the texture feels on his fingers and especially when it's softer than usual.

One time, you used your own hand to help guide his through your hair, and oh man, was he flustered. Mans was glitching out for a few seconds.

Roach

He thinks your curls are so cute,

Like he literally can't stop watching you because of how they move when you walk.

On occasions where you let him touch it, you'll find that whenever you both are close to each other and really deep in an activity or conversation, he'll absent-mindedly roll a curl between his fingers.

His hands are good for many things, signing, fighting, and other fun stuff. Styling your hair is included!

One of his favorite things to do is help you find and try new styles with your hair. Roach loves looking up and researching about your hair type and what you can do with it, he finds it all super interesting!

Often buys you clips, beads, or whatever he thinks is pretty so you can try it on!

Loves to kiss your head because of how your hair tickles his face a little. He's been tempted to just bury his face in the back of your neck just to plant a bunch of kisses on more than one occasion.

On days where you put extra care into your curls, he's absolutely showing you off to everyone! He wants others to know how hard you worked to look so damn good!! (Gary says it's a full-time job, really)

König

Expect to find him staring all starstruck a lot.

Like a lot.

When you tell him it's your natural hair, he's surprised, he thought you just did a lot of work to make your curls so coily.

He once asked (very) politely if he could touch your hair, and because he was (extremely) nice about it, you let him.

Only for him to panic when the velcro from his glove got caught and he apologized a dozen times over. Afterwards, he treated you like porcelain, keeping his hands straight at his sides around you and acting like a spooked animal.

It got to a point where you had to confront him and tell him it was an honest mistake, and he didn't have to apologize which made him apologize more.

On the other hand, König enjoys watching you do your hair, just sitting there quietly with the occasional question. Sometimes, he helps comb your hair, but that's the most he'll let himself do since he doesn't want to mess things up.

Really loves how your products smell.

While he thinks you look amazing no matter what, he likes it best when you go natural.

Hound

Knows a lot more than you expected. They aren't well-versed, but they know more than the average person when it comes to the deal with kinky hair.

They'll go out with you on shopping trips and often help you pick out scents, one that you like but one that isn't too sensitive for their nose, it's something you didn't expect them to enjoy so much.

You can trust her to always have stuff on hand for you if you live separately or in different quarters. Oils, creams, custards, moisturizers, a hair pick (all from your fave brands, of course), she's got you.

He surprises you again when you come home one day, way too tired to do your routine, so he offers to do it for you.

If this was a test, they passed!! They even knew how to brush your hair the right way not to damage it and had already refilled some of your stock.

After that, you often find him helping on wash days when you're far too exhausted, as his way of pampering you. His favorite thing is doing your edges.

Her scary dog privileges also help ward off weirdos trying to touch your hair, and much like Soap, she hypes you up regardless if it's a frizzy day or a special occasion.

Expect them to be mildly addicted to the way your hair smells, it's literally one of their comforts because of how much it reminds them of you.

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iloveundertaesooomuch · 4 months

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Some advice from AU Calebs!

Heck yeah I did it! Finally i finished ONE of the HUNDREDS AU crossover ideas I have in my head!! Crossovers are fun guys!! (I apologise for a bad english in advance. Writing this it a rush.)

"It's ok to ask for help." (A Reverse Of Feathers And Mud by @jess-the-vampire)

I couldn't make a crossover meme without the legend. Sorry, not sorry. He is such a sad lad but tries to stay positive and be happy for his family uydfykudsutsudskudsluds (*dies*). I have to admitt, Caleb's dad energy is too strong for me to handle without wanting a hug him. No wonder! He was THE grandpa for centuries straight without a break. At least Caleb gets his whole family together in the end. Comics with him and either Hunter and Philip or Luz and Eda make me run in cirles around the room aaaa.

"You are not a burden." (Brother's Keeper by @idoodlestuffsometimes)

Damn, you definetly created one of the darkest AU in the fandom. Each time I re-read AU related posts I scream my lungs out because it is so angsty and so great. I am genuinely scared of your Belos ngl, because.. this man didnt loose anything and he still proceeds to do all that stuff. Enconter with him has 0 survival rate.

POOR CALEB! At least in the world of memes he had an opportunity to flee the captivity twice (the bald head and the car). This man had no moment of mental rest for centuries oh my God. One of my friends wants to fight his brother personally to protec Caleb at all cost sksksk. Well, at least Hunter will always have an actually loving relative! And if the happy ending is going to be canon, I think the future looks great, especially knowing how much pain all your characters go through currently. (And I think both Caleb and Hunter would need the "you are not a burdain" affirmations. At least some form of support in their situation.)

You said in the latest ask-answer that BK!Caleb was supposed to have white streaks in his hair so I attempted to add them. Hope they look fine! Colors for the outfit I got from Belos, so they would match, I guess???

"Murder is okay." (Loose Strings by @oldmanpip)

My bro, brother, friend... Despite you being not to involved on the discord server, my brain is still rotting with your great awesome AUs. And I know you know that. Your Caleb is really loose in all sences of that word and I love that. Wonder if your AUs will ever be available to the public. Because oh boy oh boy they deserve to be recognised. (Loose Caleb is such a conservative grandpa who never did anything wrong, wdym?)

"Your feelings matter." (Pip In Time by @celestialscribbler)

Honestly? Man, your comic is the reason I got invested in Witteclaw couple at all. Even if the "Pip in time" is not their story, but you wrote their teen romance so sweetly. Those two melted my heart... I scream each time I re-read your comic for 100th time. Just WOAH my brain goes brrr! And Caleb as a character is also written really really well. I love him so much. He is such good brother but MAN HE NEEDS A BREAK FROM BEING AN ADULT! BOY! Insirt crying and heart emojis here.

(PS: hope you still care about your health!)

My thoughts:

I have been drawing this for more than a month I think? And the only reason for that is my university. I hope to actually get an ADHD diagnosis because something is clearly wrong with me. But thats not the point.

There are so many ideas in my head. Goofy and not. The only problem is that I have less and less ability to do what I want lately. I wish I could bring them all to life, but at the same I dont know if anyone will be interested. Would AU crossovers look too self-indulgent? Or nah? Idk. (Just Grimwalker-Isle already has so much potential for stupid ridiculous fun I am runnin on coffee juice.)

Litteraly my mind is plagued with different fun plots and possibilities I am going crazy. But I also have A TON of WIPs that I need to finish. Perhaps I will attempt to manage everything at once, but, no promises.

Wish me luck on my exams!

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trashpandacraft · 10 months

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hi! ok so i'm going to talk about one of my top-five favourite things, which is: dyeing stuff! this is going to be specifically about dyeing protein fibres (animal fibres—wool, alpaca, silk, etc) in a pretty low-key way in your kitchen.

to be clear up front: this is not the most scientific, most perfectly reproducible, or most Objectively Correct way to dye things. i get a lot of fibre that i like this way, though, and i think that other people can, too.

fibre i've dyed that i think is neat:

you can also dye yarn like this:

yes, i like blue a lot. i also really like variegation and heathering, which is why most of the fibre here has patches of white—it's an intentional choice that i've made. you can make different choices.

here is what you need to dye things:

fibre, vinegar, dye, a pot, heat, and some water.

that was so you don't get overwhelmed by the impending wall of text. here is what you need to dye things (it's the same stuff!), but with way more detail:

fibre or yarn. this is the big one, obviously. i tend to dye in 100-200 gram batches, because that's approximately what fits on my stovetop easily. if you're very nervous about felting or harming your fibre, you can use stuff that's been treated to be superwash, start with yarn (which is harder to felt than fibre is), or use a felt-resistant breed like dorset or suffolk. honestly, though, i learned with merino because that's what i had, and it was fine. again, though, this guide is only for protein fibres. it will not work for things like cotton. the only exception to this is nylon, which will take on some colour, but less than a protein fibre will.

a mordant. this is a fancy way of saying a thing that makes dye stick, and for what we're doing here, it's citric acid or vinegar. your grocery store definitely has at least one of them, though if you can choose, i prefer citric acid, because i love wet wool smell but i do not always love wet wool vinegar smell.

dye. i use acid dyes, and am personally deeply loyal to dharma acid dyes, but ashford and jacquard acid dyes work the same way. if you don't want to buy dye or don't have access to it, food colouring will often work, as well, though i haven't tried this with natural food colourings and have no idea how well they'll work.

a dedicated dye pot. ok, if you're doing food dyes, you don't need this. if you're not, it's definitely best practice, though i don't know how dangerous it is not to. any large metal pot will do, but my favourite option is hotel pans, which are those huge metal pan/tray things that hold food at buffets and the like. i have a full-size one that's 15cm deep, and a half-size one that's 4cm deep. they're great because they let you lay out the fibre you're working with so you can see most of it in a single layer.

dedicated dye utensils. as before, i don't know how much of a huge deal this is. i'll be honest and admit that for several years i had a single pair of tongs that got used for all tong-requiring events, including dyeing, and i'm still alive. i suggest that you have at least a big spoon, and a big spoon and tongs are even better.

something to mix the dye in. yeah, i use empty plastic sports drink or soda bottles for this. you can be fancy and get mason jars or little squirt bottles or whatever, and if you get super into dyeing you'll want to mix up dye stocks, but that's way outside the scope of what we're doing here. i like the powerade bottles that have a little squirty mouthpiece, because it's fun to squirt dye onto things.

personal protective equipment. i think this is the part of things that freaks people out. ideally, you wear plastic gloves and a mask (yeah, like your covid masks) when you're working with dye. realistically, i almost never remember to put on gloves and just accept that my hands are going to be blue sometimes. you should wear a mask, because dye is an irritant, but the world is an imperfect place and i have wicked bad adhd and sometimes i forget. this isn't advice. i'm just being honest. you should use some kind of safety stuff. you probably won't die if you don't.

you might also want some little random bits: an old toothbrush or paintbrush, a pipe cleaner, some toothpicks, etc. this is mostly if you like speckles, or if you want very small patches of colour.

so first: there are a million ways to dye things, and i'm not convinced that any of them are objectively correct. i do what i do and it works for me. some of the things i do are the opposite of what most guides suggest, but i do them because i like the effects they create.

ok, that's all the background stuff you need. let's dye some stuff!

the number one most important thing to remember when you're dyeing is this:

you can always add more colour. you cannot take it away.

that's in fancy writing and bold because every once in a while i forget this, and every single time i end up regretting it.

here is how to dye things:

put water, citric acid (or vinegar), and fibre into a pot. add dye and heat. let cool completely. rinse the fibre in cool water, then hang to dry.

like, sure, we're going to go into way more detail, but push come to shove, if you do that, you're going to end up with dyed fibre. there are a lot of tutorials telling you that you must soak your fibre first, or you must add your citric acid this way, or hold the water at exactly this temperature, and i'm here to tell you that while any of these things can give you different results, those results aren't necessarily better.

the only way that you can totally screw this up is by accidentally felting your fibre, so before i get into the way more detail part of things, i'm going to talk about that.

how not to felt your fibre

i feel like if you've read this far, you know how things felt: wool, heat, and agitation. you may also notice that at least two of these things are required for dyeing. this can be stressful! but you don't have to be afraid of it. there's only been one time that i felted something to the point that it was unusable, and that happened because i literally fell asleep for several hours while the pot was on the stove. you can avoid doing this by simply setting an alarm—this is a good idea anyhow, because you'll want to check on your dye pot!

when you're dyeing, use the lowest heat that you can while still keeping the water at a simmer. if your stove, like mine, has one burner that's wildly unpredictable and sort of out of control, you may want to look for some sort of flame diffuser, also called a flame tamer or a simmer ring. i bought one on amazon for about fourteen dollars, and it's literally just a thick metal circle. it works fine.

you can also keep the heat low by using a pot with a thick bottom, though in my experience those are expensive, and if i had one i would be using it for soup, not wool.

avoid shocking your wool—never put room temperature wool into hot water, and never put hot wool into cold water. leave your wool in the dye bath until it's cooled completely, which for me usually means overnight.

finally, obviously you have to move the fibre around some. you'll need to peek under it in the pan, and when you're done, you have to rinse it and squish out the water. try to minimise handling, though. don't run water directly onto the fibre, don't get a wooden spoon and stir your dye pot around, don't wring the fibre dry when it's done.

you're probably never going to be perfect. i often find that i lose a gram or two of wool where fibres have grabbed onto each other, or where parts of the ends clumped up. it's not really felted, just sort of compacted, but it's not great to work with, and i'd rather lose a gram of fibre than fuss with the clumpy bits.

back to how to dye things

let's take it step by step, assuming a hundred grams of fibre.

put your pan on the stove and fill it halfway with water. add either a teaspoon of citric acid or a tablespoon of vinegar. this is going to help the dye strike, or stick to the fibre. the teaspoon/tablespoon is a guideline, but one that it's fine to exceed. adding more will help the dye strike faster, which can be useful if you're trying to create blocks of colour on your fibre. i usually err on the side of a little more than the guidelines, and just eyeball this—if you feel like the dye isn't taking well, you can add more later.

add your fibre to the pan. this is the first place you have to think about what you want the finished fibre to look like! you can put it into the pan any way you want, but i suggest trying to keep it in a relatively even layer, regardless of what that layer looks like. here are some ways to get specific effects:

if you want a gradient from one end of the fibre to the other, use a rectangular pan and lay your fibre out so that the line of it is parallel to the short sides of the pan

if you want a short, repeating gradient, use a rectangular pan and lay your fibre out so that the line of it is parallel to the long sides of the pan

if you want something that starts with very close repeats that get further apart as you go down the fibre, make an approximate spiral

if you don't want A Pattern (i usually don't) just lay things out in a single layer, more or less

here comes the next exciting part! decide if you want to let your fibre soak or not. again, doing or not doing this gives you some different effects!

soaking your fibre will mean that dye takes more evenly. if you want consistent colours, you'll want to soak.

not soaking your fibre means that the dye takes less evenly. the fibre on top will have less acid available to it, spends less time in the dye bath, and also has to actually get wet before it will start to dye. i actually love doing this, and think it affords a lot of cool opportunities to play with and layer colours.

if you're soaking, leave the fibre there until it's submerged. if not, don't.

now you're going to add dye! decision time, again.

you can add dye when the water is cold, which will give you more even dye coverage, and in my experience gives the colours more time to mix together

you can add dye when when the water is hot, which will give you less even coverage, and tends to encourage the colours to stay more delineated

probably surprising no one, i tend to heat the water first unless i'm starting with a base colour or i'm doing a two-colour gradient.

time to mix up some dye

as i mentioned earlier, i'm assuming that you're using powered acid dyes for this. if you're not, this mixing up part is technically optional—but doing it gives you way more control about how and where you place your colours, so i'm going to assume that you'll do it.

i usually mix dye in some sort of empty drink bottle. regardless of what you're using, before you add dye to anything, put some water in the bottle, wipe off the lip, put the lid on tightly, and shake the bottle vigorously. if there is any leakage at all, do not use that bottle. find a better bottle. if your bottle cap doesn't seal well or if you have an empty condiment bottle that's just a little wonky or whatever, you will get dye all over the kitchen, and your landlord will be really really mad about it, and you will regret your life choices. (if you own your kitchen, you can do whatever you want, but this isn't about you and you know it.)

so you have a bottle that seals tightly! great job. dump out the water and carefully put some dye powder into the bottle. remember earlier how i said you should be wearing a mask? this is the part where you should be wearing a mask.

i know that people are reading this and going, ok, but how much dye do i put in?

my answer is put in the amount that feels right in your heart, and don't forget the number one rule of dyeing things, which is that you can always add more colour, but you cannot take it away.

this isn't a very scientific answer. most dyes have a guideline about how much to use, expressed as a percentage of the dry weight of the fibre, which is what you use to get the whole quantity of fibre dyed evenly. for dharma dyes, it's like 1.5-2%, i think ashford is 1%, and jacquard is more like 2-4%, depending on the colour.

here is the problems with doing that in your kitchen: first, using that much dye will get you an evenly dyed piece of fibre, which—for me, at least—is basically the opposite of what i want. second, and more importantly, unless you have one of those teeny tiny scales used by jewelers and drug dealers, your kitchen scale will not weigh out such tiny quantities with any accuracy. third, if you do it like this, you really have to plan what you're doing ahead of time, because there's a point after which no more dye will bind! the fibre will be like enough thank u that's it i'm good and that'll be it, so you lose some of your ability to decide that actually, you want more green.

you can probably guess, at this point, that i don't weigh the dye. once you've done a couple batches of fibre with a given brand of dye, you'll start to get the vibes for how much you should use. if you really want a guideline, for a hundred grams of fibre, start with a quarter teaspoon of a given colour. you can add more—either more of this colour or a different one—later, as desired.

put your dye in the empty bottle, and then fill the bottle partway with hot water. the amount of water doesn't really matter here, nor does the specific temperature of the water. i usually fill about 3/4 of the way, because that way there's plenty of room for this next step, which is: wipe the lip of the bottle, recap it tightly, and then shake it up real good. the dye powder is going to dissolve into the water, and you now have a bottle of dye!

if you're going for a gradient, you might want to mix up your second colour so you can add them at (basically) the same time for more even mixing. if you're not, or if you only have one mixing bottle, you can do them one at a time.

oh my god we're finally putting dye on the fibre

are you ready? it's time!!

you have basically infinite options for how to do this, and many of them will give you different effects. here are some ideas:

pour the dye all at one side of the pan. and if you don't add anything else, your fibre will fade from the colour of the dye to the natural colour of the fibre

pour two colours, one at either side of the pan. depending on how much dye you use (and remember, you can always add more), this will give you either chunks of colour surrounded by white, or a two-colour gradient

add all the dye to unheated water and mix it gently, then let the fibre soak for a few minutes longer before turning on the heat. this will give you a fairly even colour

pour randomly all over, and you'll either end up with a tonal yarn or a heathered one, depending on how much dye you're using

add the dye to the water under the dry fibre, which will sink in and take up more dye on the bottom of the fibre than the top

if your heat wasn't on before, it should be now, and you're going to let the dye hang out in the hot but not boiling water for a while. how long? well, one of the cool things about dyeing with these dyes is that they exhaust, which means that when the dye has been sucked up by the fibre, the surrounding water will be clear. how long this takes will depend on the specific dye, how much of it you used, how much mordant you used, etc. i try to check every fifteen minutes.

reminder: if you started with room temperature water, the dye's not going to start taking until the water heats up, so don't check it after fifteen minutes and freak out that nothing has happened. it is fully normal for it to take up to an hour for the dye to exhaust. don't turn up the temperature, just give it time.

yay it worked!

at this point, you have a pot of hot water with some beautifully coloured fibre in it! but maybe it's not beautiful enough. maybe you want...more colours.

that's cool as hell and you should go for it. we mentioned two-colour gradients up there, but what if you want something else?

the answer, probably obviously, is adding more dye.

first, a caveat: while you can successfully make multicoloured gradients like this, it's more difficult than you think, and if it gets messed up—all the colours bleed into each other, say—it turns into a muddy mess. my suggestion is to stick to two (or three at most!) colour gradients until you have a much better feel for what you're doing.

let's talk about ways you can add more colour. you have two options: big colour and little colour.

big colour is going to add a lot of colour—you're going to mix up the dye and pour it just like you did before, but paying more attention to places that don't have dye yet. sometimes it's the middle of a gradient, or the white splotches from random pouring, or the half of the fibre that wasn't submerged when you started. or maybe you dyed the whole thing yellow, and now you want to add a blue gradient over top. whatever!

if you don't want to freehand pour, consider buying a couple large syringes, or a bottle with a squeezy top. these are also fun because you can easily get more colour between the laid-out fibre, or even under it.

in the pictures at the start of this post, the red-and-gold top and both yarns were dyed by adding big colour.

little colour isn't going to add big patches, but is going to add speckling, tonal depth, or smaller patches of colour. all of the blue-base fibres and the yellow-and-blue yarn were dyed like this.

if you're still reading this closely, you might have caught that i just said both yarns were dyed with big colour, and that the yellow-and-blue yarn was also dyed with little colour. these are both true! the base colours of the yarn were done to make big colour, but if you look at the full-size image, there are also a bunch of speckles. you can do whatever you want! no one can stop you!

here are some ways to add little colour:

mix up some dye, but use less water. add drops of the dye, either directly onto the fibre (more dramatic!) or in the water (tonal!)

use a toothpick to grab a little bit of dye powder and drop it into the dye bath (similar to the previous one, but a little less predictable)

put on a damn facemask. take a clean toothbrush, paintbrush, or pipecleaner, and just barely touch it to the dye powder. gently flick or tap the brush to add speckles of that colour

find a salt shaker that you're never going to use for anything but this. put citric acid, salt (to make it distribute better), and dye powder into it, and shake it up (with the holes covered, please cover the holes) to make sure they're evenly distributed. gently shake this over the fibre to add speckles, but more of them, and clustered together

put a little dye in a spray bottle and gently mist the exposed fibre, kinda glazing it with colour

another thing is that if you like a natural coloured yarn with dyed speckles, you can do any of these techniques without doing big colour first. the only thing to note when doing this is that you'll want to be very sure to spread out the fibre well, and maybe to consider dyeing one side, then very very carefully flipping it over and getting the other side.

ok, now what?

let's say that you've added all the colours that you want, and you've let your bath simmer long enough that the water is clear, or nearly clear. (if it's not, check troubleshooting, below.)

put the lid on your pan and walk away. if you don't have a lid, just walk away, but it's less dramatic.

the super frustrating part here is that the safest thing to do is wait until the water and fibre is fully cooled before you do anything else.

have i ignored this? yes

has it ever gone horribly wrong? not horribly wrong, but it's definitely caused me to lose an inch or two of roving on occasion

is it way more stressful if you don't wait? absolutely yes

honestly maybe just go to bed and deal with your fibre in the morning

so now let's say that it's morning and you slept long enough that your water and fibre are both room temperature, which often actually feels quite cool on your hands.

you have to drain your fibre. there are two ways to do this:

lift the fibre out of the water. this has the upside of not risking dumping your beautiful fibre into your sink, and not needing to maneuver a full pot of water, both of which are admirable. the downside is that wet fibre is fragile, and you'll want to be careful to support it.

dump the water out of the pan. this has the upside of minimising how much handling you're doing of the fibre, as well as (in my opinion) making rinsing easier. the downside is attempting to keep the fibre into the pot while you dump the water into the sink, and also needing to carry around a full pot of water.

secret third option: dump the fibre (and the water) into a strainer. upside: very easy, and you can keep the fibre in the strainer while you rinse, minimising both how much it needs to be handled and the weight on the fibre. downside: i never remember that this is an option until i'm already elbows-deep in acidulated water, discovering every tiny cuticle tear.

you're going to fill your dyepot with water again so that you can rinse the fibre. you want to minimise thermal shock, so keep the water temperature as close to the temperature of the fibre as you can, and don't run the water directly onto the fibre. i like to pull all the fibre to one side of the pan, and fill the pan on the other side.

side note: if you, smart person, remembered that you can use a colander, simply fill a pot with water, put the colander in the pot, and gently agitate the colander.

if you, person who is deeply relatable, did not remember you can use a colander and now have a pot with clean water and fibre, gently move your fibre in the water to encourage any excess dye and also citric acid to get out of there.

drain your fibre again, and this time, you're going to squeeze it dry. you're still trying to minimise agitation, so this isn't a 'wring it out' situation, it's a 'gently squish it between your hands and/or a hand and the side of the pot' situation.

hang your fibre to dry. remember what i was saying earlier about it being fragile? let me suggest, here, that you do not simply drape the entire length over a single hanger or something and hope for the best. if you literally have a single hanger, at least drape it back and forth a bit, but better if you can use more than one hanger, or a clothes drying rack, or that weird metal wine rack thing that came with your fridge that you've never used, or whatever.

important reminder: drip-drying things will make your floor wet! if you live somewhere very clear with no major roads or pollen nearby, you can probably dry things outside, but if you don't, you'll probably want to position the drying rack in a bath, shower, laundry area, or otherwise over something that will catch and/or absorb the water.

how long it takes for the fibre to dry is another unknowable variable. if it's warm and dry where you are, it might literally be overnight. if it's damp and cool, it can take days. the batch i posted a couple days ago literally took almost a full week to dry. spread it out as best you can, gently squeeze out the water you can, and otherwise you just have to wait.

you're done!

when it's dry, that's it, you're done! you might find that you need to pick off some little lint balls or a bit of compacted or slightly felted fibre from the tips, but other than that, you should be good to go.

like most fibre stuff, this is best maintained by handwashing in cool water. you may see a little bit of dye or colour loss the first time you wash it, which is pretty normal and nothing to worry about.

congratulations! you made it to the end of this incredibly long post, and if you followed along, you've just dyed some fibre!

troubleshooting

this isn't dyed enough! i want more colours!

add more dye! i'm not the boss of you.

this is true even after the fibre is all done and dryed. there's nothing that says you can't dye it again—you can, and i have.

some fibre seems to require more dye than others. silk, for example, dyes beautifully with acid dyes, but also needs way more dye than i expect it to.

remember that if you're dyeing something that's a wool/cotton blend, for example, the cotton isn't going to dye. the only exception is nylon, which will kinda dye, but not as dramatically. this guide will not work for plant fibres.

this is too dyed! i want fewer colours!

please refer back to the number one most important thing about dyeing, which—as you know—is: you can always add more colour, but you cannot take it away.

pull out some more fibre and try again. this has a learning curve, just like any other fibre craft.

these colours don't look like i expected!

this can be about a lot of things.

colour guides, especially if you're looking at them online, aren't always very accurate.

colour guides tend to assume that you're dyeing a single colour at the suggested dye percentage of weight, and using less than that will give paler colours.

dyes, especially if you're mixing brands, can interact with each other and behave in ways you didn't expect.

dyes can also break, which is when they split into their component colour molecules. this happens commonly with blacks and browns, food colouring, and anything that dharma trading has marked as 'advanced'. some people find this very desirable and seek it out; some people are very frustrated by it.

the ph of your water can sometimes affect your dye. i've been lucky enough that i've only lived places with lead problems, not weird ph stuff, so i haven't investigated this closely, but if you're consistently not getting the results you expect, even going for a single, solid-colour dye, look at the ph.

my dye water's not clear!

if you used a quarter teaspoon of dye and a hundred grams of fibre, and it's been, say, 45 minutes of actually hot water and your water still isn't clear, you probably didn't use enough mordant, and you should add some more citric acid or vinegar to encourage the dye to get in there and do its thing.

if you used you used more like a teaspoon of dye, or if the citric acid doesn't change anything, you used too much dye for your fibre. you can either shrug and pour it down the drain, or you can add some more fibre and dye that, too.

my rinse water's not clear!

you probably used too much dye. it's ok—just keep rinsing it, gently, until it's more or less clear.

some colours just like to run—you know how every once in a while you get a yarn and it just bleeds a little bit every time you wash it? sometimes it's just like that. i wouldn't worry about it too much.

my fibre has felty/clumpy bits!

a little bit of this is normal, especially at the ends of a fibre that felts easily (this means you, merino!)

pick off the bits that you don't like—this is generally fairly easy, and involves very minimal fibre loss. i don't bother doing it until i sit down to spin, and then just pull off bits as i come to them.

if there's a lot of felty/clumpy bits, more than you can reasonably pick out, you agitated the fibre too much. there's not much for this other than trying to card it out, which may or may not work.

sometimes this happens because your stove got weirdly aggressive and boiled your fibre. especially for wool that's prone to felting, the bubbling and jostling can be enough to encourage more clinginess than you'd like.

i want my dyeing to be reproducible!

this is kinda doable. it's a handmade thing, so it's always going to have some natural variance, but you can do it.

buy a jeweler's scale that measures in fractions of a gram.

start measuring your dye and acid, and take detailed notes about what you do.

follow those notes in the future, and you'll be probably 90% of the way there.

i want to dye with natural dyes!

i fully support this and have played around with it a little bit myself, but absolutely do not know enough about it to advise you.

the internet is very large and full of many people who are much smarter than i am, and i feel confident that at least one of them is desperate to tell you all about how to do natural dyeing.

i am, at this point, not that person.

i want to dye plant fibres!

i am begging you to find another guide, because this one will not work.

you didn't answer my question!

that's what my inbox is for

i have to reiterate that i'm just a person with real specific interests who started dyeing things because i couldn't find or afford the kinds of colourways that i wanted.

i am not a professional

i will do my best to answer questions, but sometimes the answer is 'just fuck around until you find out'

plant fi—

shhhhh

the end

thank you for reading this incredibly long post! i might make another one in the near future, either so i can show pictures or because i took out an entire section about how to choose colours and pick a colour scheme and work with colours, and i kinda want to talk more about that, but this is no joke almost six thousand words long, so i thought, you know. maybe not tonight.

anyhow, i hope that this was useful to someone! thank you for letting me talk about one of my very favourite things.

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 16 days

Note

wibta if i refused to help my classmates going forward?

i am in university for a science degree. i have been struggling for almost my entire degree due to undiagnosed ADHD and autism, as well as my habit from grade school of working myself too hard. i went into burnout from 2020-2022 and failed most courses i took. i had to cut down on my work significantly so i could stay in university and finish my degree. it's been 5 years and i'm just over halfway finished. the end's not in sight yet, but it's getting there.

this semester, i'm taking two courses that i've struggled in previously and am retaking actually. the term will most likely be over once this is posted. one i've finished twice but didn't have a high enough grade to move forward (chemistry) and the other i've dropped 2 times before to avoid failing (calculus). the subject areas might give more context, and my chemistry course isn't introductory. they're also notoriously very difficult, and most people end up retaking this chemistry course several times. they're both needed for my degree and a similar degree. someone in both classes (2 different people) made group chats specifically so we could help each other. at first it was a very good idea, and i myself benefitted from them, managing to get a really high mark on a math assignment because of the group chat and sharing our work/processes.

this term is the one term we have a mid-semester break, and while the details are irrelevant here, i went away during this break, and i came back in a fairly poor mental state. i didn't want to share my work anymore, and said i was uncomfortable doing so. this got me mocked (i believe, but no one's commented on it or said anything to me about it) in my math class group chat when i asked for the notes after having to leave class early due to the noise. i have misophonia, and i was incredibly close to shouting "shut the fuck up" one say when they honestly just wouldn't stop talking. it's been a problem this term in this class where several groups in the class have been chatting amongst themselves during lecture. my friend (i think we're friends?) emailed our professor (i think i was named in the email), and he addressed the class about it, but as a whole, has told me directly that there wasn't much else he could do about it since they might be talking to each other to understand better.

at this point, there's only about 3 weeks left of classes and then finals, so it's not worth dropping out, especially since i don't think i'm in danger of failing. but that was all kind of just background info. it's been a rough semester for me.

in my chemistry class, we have weekly lab reports. they aren't huge, 10+ page reports, and i can usually do them in about 2-3 hours of work total. i usually work on them in small pieces throughout the week, so i can focus on other assignments as well as lectures. they're due at the beginning of lab, and we have lab on friday afternoons. this wouldn't be an issue if not for thursdays.

at the beginning of the semester, i made myself kinda known as Someone Who Has Answers. i like to help people when they're struggling, and i know that these are difficult classes, and i have past experience taking them with these instructors specifically, so i helped in any which way i could. after our mid-semester break, i was in no mood to help anyone. but on thursday evenings and friday mornings, i would get text messages from a few people asking me about the lab report. but not just a few messages. i would get asked on EVERY BIT of the lab report. i try to be patient, as i understand hidden struggles. but i was at the end of my rope. i never snapped, and i always tried to help them, but sometimes i was very frustrated because on thursdays, i have 2 classes (doesn't sound like a lot, but at my school, my lectures are 2-3 hours long, so it's about 5 hours total of lectures) at two different campuses, so i leave at about 7:30am and get home at about 5:30-6:00pm. it's my night to clean the kitchen as well, so my patience is very thin at the end of the day. i never agreed to help them, and they are texting me. i don't know how to tell them "i'm in no mood to help" but it made me so upset to the point that i was saying that next semester, i wouldn't give my number to anyone. i'm not a tutor, and i'm struggling to stay afloat myself in these classes. i don't have all of the answers, and tbh i'm not even confident on most of my answers. i've tried to make this clear, but they still come to me for help. next semester, i'm retaking ANOTHER course that i failed (not failed, but didn't get a high enough mark to move forward) and i honestly feel like a dick for not helping when i could and should help.

this is probably a nonissue tbh. i'm on the verge of dropping out myself because i took on too much this semester and this just kinda feels like it's all more than i can handle.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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bitemegamer · 2 months

Text

Log 01: A Note and Meeting Qiu and Tamarack (Long Post)

Something about this intro... It makes my heart ache in the best way possible. It's the start, the start to a new section of a new life. It is the Fall, the air is cooling down and I can feel it hitting my nose.

*Forgive me, I shall be using MC thoughts as that of my own and basing things off of how I would react, I shall be using first person writing

I decided, since my MC is 10 and I was a little bit of a nut at this time, I would have him believe that it was a ghost that poked him instead of him being rational about it.

He gets greeted with this paper, and... Honestly, how WOULD your little kid thoughts (esp that of someone who did believe in ghosts) think this meant?

*I blurred the last name for my own reasons, thank you very much*

I really, truly wished to be Nancy Drew or one of the Hardy Boys. I spend so much time watching mysteries with my mom. Probably way too much time.

Too bad I am going to break those rules, Mother! Muahahaha! I am a little troublemaker. Just kidding. However, it's okay. I have a way to bend the rules... Just a little bit ;)

*Proceeds to go to the woods, which to me feels like straying even further??? tbh, knowing myself as a kid, I would have done this without thinking too deeply*

Oh where shall I be going? On a cool quest! Off I go to the amazing and great unknown!

WHAT??? Man... :( I know for a fact I would have been so upset, yet a little relieved. Had I gone further into the forest, I might have freaked out just a little bit.

The ghost inhabits this building.

Also, random thought/feeling/vibe that I am feeling... This reminds me so much of when I was a little kid doing my own thing, just wandering about and feeling like the whole world was amazing and whimsical. As a kid, I would always go out of my way to have some sort of fun and adventure... Even if that meant getting lost or making something out of nothing.

A RACCOON!

If I end up dying, let it be known that I met the end of my life with the coolest animal ever.

I'm sure said kid feels very different about a total stranger being in their backyard climbing up their fort.

lol, he thinks I'm quirky...

I mean... You were the one who sent the note... Right? Right? Oh God, never mind--

Don't look at me like that *SOB SOB* I'm trembling over here as if I am some sort of scared little grey hound!

Nice to meet you as well, Qiu!

*Snorts*

OCD Autism meeting and seeing someone with ADHD for the first time be like (joking):

I decided to be a little more nicer to him and politely just point it out to him:

This honestly does beg the question for me... How often has Qiu lost something simply from people just not telling him that he dropped his pages.

That's it, Bud. You. Me. We're going to be in it together. You're never going to lose something like that again while I'm around you.

He'll listen to me, but he will have no idea what I am talking about. At least he tries.

Making art out of trash... I see.

Yeah... Maybe my joke about ADHD might not be as much of a joke as I thought it was.. Hm...

Oh... OH... She's so cute, she makes me wanna cry..

Tamarack really went: 'Wow, okay, *bye*.

Well... Since I have exceeded my image limit for this post, I do believe that I can have this a closing moment... As of now, my MC has met both of the wonderful romantic/friend interests and I think they're both so wonderful!

I know that I am currently playing the Demo at the moment, but goodness this is so cute. This reminds me so much of my days after school and spending time with my friends around this time period.

I can't wait to finish this intro out and write more about my silly little thoughts... Until then, I hope you guys have enjoyed my little comments. I love doing that when I play games.

#our life #gb patch games #our life now and forever #olnf #game logging #qiu lin #our life qiu #our life tamarack #tamarack baumann

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docholligay · 2 months

Text

Going through someone's blog and seeing two posts, like...4 days apart ? Of:

Post a: neurotypical people don't understand how much of a struggle it is to listen to them talk about stuff I don't care about :( I wish it was socially acceptable to tell them I'm not interested, ever.

Post b: honestly hurts so much when you can tell someone doesn't care about your special interest. :(

I just want to cup your face and go, "please reread those and let's talk about social kindness"

I did block them, I think I am reaching a friggin... point break over here. I have been weird all my life, I was an EXTREMELY lonely child, and if someone wanted to tell me about their pet lizard I would have died happy, and if they had listened to me talk about the time Kate Harony burned down a barn to get doc out of prison, my tiny child heart would have burst. Like, that's give and take.

I've been trying to express this deep deep SCRATCH of irritation for weeks now, and I think a closer step to it, is... neurotypical, if we believe anyone is, people, also have feelings and needs and preferences. They ALSO get to decide what they can and can't live with.

I have a pretty classic and overwhelming strain of ADHD. Though, I feel less and less like saying the word for it matters, and get closer and closer to identifying as Fucking Weird. My mother is broadly neurotypical. She gets to have her feelings be hurt if I don't want to hear about her and her boyfriend's day at Costco. That's what she did with her day. She wants to tell me. I owe her that if I want to talk about my run, for example. I listen to jetty talk about coding even though I legitimately don't understand. I try and follow along!

I get tired of the idea that you don't ever have to put effort into relationships, and if you do, they aren't good relationships. And this attendant idea that being nice is masking behavior when it's you, but it's just kindness when it's other people doing it.

If it is true that you don't owe anyone anything, then the reverse is also true. No one owes you anything. This is not how I want to live.

There are things I do that are basically harmless: I have a lot of trouble sitting still, I'm twitchy and startle easily, and a million other small things that as it turns out I'm actually not going to mention because I don't like attention being drawn to them and i hate it when people notice, and I know they do.

None of those things really affect other people.

There are also things I do that are anywhere from annoying to harmful: I forget things, I interrupt people,* I sometimes zone out and lose the thread of whatever was going on.

If I love people, and I want them to love me, I have to treat them with that love as much as is possible. If I forget something, and make someone feel rejected, that is true whether or not I can pin a diagnosis to their lives. I hate to say it, but, "treat people as you would like to be treated" is often a very good guideline. Do you want someone to listen to you talk about the video game you really love? Then you should listen to them talk about Crossfit. Or, I guess the secret third option is, maybe you don't want to be friends, but that, too, is a choice.

I've been working with my three year old on conversation, and we've come up with things you can ask people if you'd like to get to know them better. Her current favorites are "What's your favorite animal?" and "what's your favorite color of crayon?" I think these are both great topics for a three year old. I want to teach her that if she wants people to talk to her and be engaged with her, she will have to give them the same.

This is true of everyone. Everyone has feelings. Everyone has interests and thoughts and preferences. I cannot emphasize enough how important I think it is to remember that life is a chorus, and none of us are the soloist. We are here for each other. Other people are not your backing vocals.

*this is also a cultural issue, though. I don't actually experience problems with this in some circles.

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thedudeplayinggalaga2 · 11 months

Text

See You In The Morning?

Kate Bishop x GN Reader

3K Words

Warnings: Mentions of injury, Angst, Language, Questionable punctuation, I think that's it?

A/N: This is the very first full fic I've ever written and Grammer/Punctuation has never been a strength of mine. I also have no idea if this story makes any sense but I had a good time writing.

You had forgotten to take your ADHD meds this morning, and now you were really paying for it. As you sat at your desk stopping and staring and stopping a multitude of different tasks without actually finishing any of them.

It was Kate's fault really, she had completely thrown off your routine as she had a tendency to do. It was a rather chaotic routine but it still got you out the door in enough time to grab breakfast and make sure you took your stimulant before getting to work.

But last night Kate hadn't come home, she had sent you a quick text telling you not to wait up. This happened fairly often since you'd moved in, and she would usually come home at 3 or 4am. But she hadn't made it home till this morning when you'd already been up and getting ready for work.

You grimaced to yourself thinking about the conversation you'd had with her.

"How's your other lover?" You'd asked

"Listen I know that's a joke but it's not a very funny one! I'm so sorry, I really am! But this mission I've been working for weeks finally had a big break and I needed to follow this lead! I'm so close to catching this guy!"

"It was a joke, and I'm glad you made some headway on your mission, but I did feel sad and concerned when I woke up this morning and you still weren't home." You said this to her with your back turned as you made lucky his breakfast.

You heard Kate get up and walk over to you, she put a hand on your shoulder. You turned to face her and had gotten the first good look at her face since she'd gotten home. You gasped "Kate, that's a pretty nasty cut above your eye! What the hell happened!?"

"I... Well.. you see there was a guy with a bat and.."

You didn't give her time to finish cause honestly you didn't think you wanted to know the rest. So you'd pulled her into the bathroom and started cleaning and patching up her various wounds before having to rush out the door so you would only be slightly late to work.

And now here you are, having a highly unproductive day and also worrying about Kate. She had been having way more late nights than normal recently, and pretty much always came home a little beat up. She definitely wasn't getting anywhere near enough sleep, you assumed this was probably why she had been super distant as of late. And last week she had forgotten about Lucky's vet appointment which was probably the most concerning thing of all.

You've been with Kate long enough to know and understand that this is just what dating a superhero can be like sometimes. But this time it was really starting to effect your relationship for some reason. Things where so inconsistent between the two of you, partly because you never saw each other and partly because when you did Kate didn't talk much about anything of substance.

As Kate had grown more distant you'd started to get shorter with her, finding less and less patience which you normally had a bottomless amount of for her. You'd also stopped planning dates with her, stopped waiting up for her even if she said she wasn't going to be too late, and you'd been regrettablely a little too harsh with her when she forgot Lucky's appointment and you'd hauled ass across town to take him.

Sitting at your desk, switching between the same three programs over and over again you started to tear up. You didn't like this, you didn't like feeling so disconnected from her. You hated how you two seemed to be living completely different lives. Because goddamit you loved Kate Bishop so much! You loved being her partner. Kate was absolutely wonderful! She was passionate, brave, and very caring. She used her skills and talents to help other people, something you admired very much about her. She made you feel seen in a way nobody had ever really seen you before. But most of all Kate made you feel safe, not just physically but emotionally too. She had always felt like home.

----

The subway commute home was never your favorite, it was always so busy this time of day and wildly overstimulating. But you tried to spend the ride figuring out your game plan for when you got home. You wanted to talk to Kate, if she was even home, but you didn't want to create conflict especially if she was going to be leaving again tonight.

As you walked into your apartment Lucky nearly knocked you to the ground, absolutely showering you in kisses.

"Ok! Ok! Lucky I love you too! But we talked about this buddy, you can't just jump somebody at the door!" You said pushing him off before giving him a scratch behind the ears.

You checked that Lucky had water and decided to let him outside as you assumed he'd been inside all day. Then you went to search for Kate.

You found her passed out in your bed on top of the blankets letting you know she'd falled asleep as soon as she laid down. You smiled though as you noticed she was wearing one of your hoodies and probably your sweatpants too.

You bent down the kiss the top of her head before settling down next to her in the bed. Stroking some hair out of her face you couldn't help but smile at your beautiful girlfriend and her slightly battered face.

"What time is it" Kate mumbled so quietly you could barely hear what she said.

"It's about 4:30 my love."

"You're home early."

"Yeah.... I was having a really bad brain day so my manager told me to just go home." You hoped she wouldn't press any further, but that was wishful thinking.

Kate finally opened her eyes to look at you, worry evident in them. "Must have been a real bad brain day for Stark Industries to suddenly prioritize mental health over productivity."

You let out a soft laugh, "Well I definitely wasn't being productive so more likely it just seemed like a waste of company time for me to be there."

Kate sat up against the headboard next to you, looking even more worried, she tapped your forehead softly with her finger "What's goin on up in there?"

You gave her a half hearted smile, "Well I forgot to take my meds this morning which isn't the end of the world but it definitely didn't help, there's also no way I've had enough protein today, and ...." You trailed off trying to decide if now was really the best time to tell her that you were also very worried about her and about your relationship. You decided against it because honestly you couldn't remember the last time you'd just sat in bed with her and you wanted to keep those vibes goin.

"Yeah, that's pretty much it."

"Hope you weren't trying for an Oscar with that performance, because I definitely didn't buy it!" Kate said teasingly.

You groaned looking up at the ceiling "Sorry Kate, I just feel a little overwhelmed right now." Which was entirely true, you did feel very overwhelmed and your brain was going about 200 miles an hour.

"That's okay, how about we get some food and take Lucky for a walk?" She said suppressing a yawn.

"Are you sure? I know you're probably exhausted! You can rest more before you have to go to work."

Kate put her hand on your face stroking your cheek with her thumb. "Yes I'm sure baby, you're having a bad brain day, so let's get some food in you and take a little walk. Also..... I've missed you."

You leaned your head into her hand a little. "I've really missed you to my love."

----

Kate treated you to your favorite restaurant that had some outdoor pet friendly seating so Lucky could join. And now you were walking through central parking doing your best to keep Lucky from trying to chase squirrels.

You'd been walking in silence for a few moments when you finally broke it. "Kate, I was also having a hard time at work today because I was worried about you. And well, also about us...."

Kate slowed down and turned to look at you with a frown on her face "Worried because I was hurt this morning? Because really it was nothing! I appreciate you patching me up, you do a better job than me, but really I'm okay! It looks way worse than it is!" She rambled.

"Well obviously I don't like it when you come home hurt, but it's more to do with how distant you've been. I know how important what you do is, and I would never ask you not to do it! But... You haven't been home much recently, and when you are you seem so distant...." You trailed off realizing you didn't know where this was going.

Kate was quiet for what felt like forever but than she said "This guy I'm trying to catch, he's like really really bad, like I would tell you how bad he is but I really don't want to burden you with that knowledge. It's really hard for me not to think about it when I'm home I guess." She was just staring at the ground now as you walked, and the way her demeanor changed you could tell that this was really weighing on her.

Before you could respond she continued, "But, what did you mean that you're also worried about us?" Her voice getting quieter, almost nervous.

"Well.... I guess I just feel like we are living two completely different lives, passing like ships in the night hardly ever seeing each other. And when we do it's like you're not actually there, or I'm being grumpy with you. This is the first time in weeks we've actually had dinner together. Kate I love you so so much! But I'm getting worried because I want to support you, but I can't do that if I'm always being shut out."

You sat down on a bench taking Kate's hand in yours as she sat next to you. You studied her face trying to figure out what she was thinking.

"I don't like shutting you out.... I just want you to be safe and to not have to deal with the things I do."

"And I do appreciate you leaving out the gruesome details truly, you don't have to tell me everything, but it would be nice if I could at least know what you are feeling sometimes. Because otherwise I have to just try and guess."

Kate nodded her head looking out into the park thoughtfully. "Well right now I'm feeling like I'm absolutely failing at everything! I spent all night tracking that son of a bitch for nothing! I've really dropped the ball on my relationship with you, like I caused a whole ass bad brain day for you! And last week I forgot about Lucky's vet appointment!"

You opened your mouth to something but Kate quickly cut you off "I swear the god Y/N if you say anything about the vet appointment I'm emailing Pepper Pots to tell her you steal all your really good ideas from your intern!"

You gasped dramatically clutching your chest for emphasis "Okay! Uncalled for! But Pepper would know you were lying because my intern, bless his heart, couldn't tell you the difference between a PDF and a JPEG with a gun to his head."

"Okay! So a bad threat but I hope I made my point clear."

"Yes, I swear to never speak or the vet incident again. And I also will apologize for being so harsh on you about it too." You said more soflty "I definitely could have handled that better, I made it a bigger deal than it needed to be and you didn't deserve that. What I was going to say is thank you for telling me how you're feeling, it helps me understand where you're heads at a bit better."

You were going to say more but Kate leaned her head on your shoulder and started playing with your fingers causing your brain to short circuit for a half second.

"Do you think I'm failing?" Kate asked in a whisper.

You stared at her hand intertwined with yours for a minute before responding. "No Kate, I don't think you're failing, I know this bad dude is giving you a run for your money, but he doesn't know who he's up against! Kate Bishop, the world's greatest archer! You're gonna get him, you always figure it out."

Kate sat up and gave you another small smile, she looked down at lucky who was now sitting at her feet enthralled with a stick he had found. "What about us? Am I failing at this relationship?"

"My love, the fact that we are sitting here having this conversation is proof that neither of us are failing." You truly did believe that, and also kind of said it to reassure yourself too because recently you'd been wondering the same thing. "I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to be your partner. I knew there would be nights spent without you, secrets I couldn't know, and the occasional missed vet appointment...."

"Y/N!" Kate said warningly

"Last time I swear!" You said quickly putting your hands up. "But recently you haven't been talking to me about.... Well... Pretty much anything. And I miss you Kate, it feels like you've been gone for weeks and I miss you."

Kate looked at you with tears in her eyes "God I've missed you too Y/N. I do want to talk to you about how I'm feeling and what I'm doing. I just don't want you to get caught up in all this. I don't want you to get hurt."

"Well right now it's hurting me to not know anything that's going on with you."

She nodded "Yeah, I understand, I feel like I don't know what's going on with you right now either, like I don't even know what your current hyper fixation food is and I always know that."

"Well right now it's those little babybel cheeses, but last week it was BBQ chicken pizza from that place down the street from us."

"I bet Lucky enjoyed that one." Kate leaned down to take Lucky's stick before he shredded it more than he already had.

"Oh he very much did! Everyday I come home without it he looks at me as if it's the greatest betrayal he's ever experienced."

Kate stood offering you her had so you could continue your walk. "Y/N I promise that as soon as I catch that bastard my first priority will be making sure we get some quality time together okay? And in the meantime I will be better at communicating."

"Okay, I love you Kate, and I know you're gonna get him!"

---

You had gotten back home a few minutes ago and you were getting Lucky his dinner. You expected Kate was in your room putting her suit on assuming she would probably be heading out soon. So you were surprised when she walked into the kitchen wearing her signature purple sweatshirt and your sweatpants.

"I do need to go back out tonight but I thought it'd be nice for both of us if we maybe watched a movie or something before you go to bed?" She asked hopefully.

This made light up instantly, but then you frowned at the prospect of having to try and pay attention to any entire feature length film. "I would love that, but seeing as I didn't complete even one task at work today I just don't think I'm gonna be able to watch a movie."

Kate looked thoughtful "Good point, should have thought of that. Okay.... How about we watch TikToks together with New Girl playing in the background?"

"And that Bishop is possible the best idea you've ever had!"

So you and Kate spent the rest of the evening cuddled up on the couch doing exactly that.

---

You and Lucky had just gotten into bed for the night and Kate was getting ready to head out. She came and sat on the edge of the bed leaning in to give you a kiss. "Y/N if I don't get this guy tonight I don't know what else I'm gonna do."

"Well, have you asked Clint for advice?"

"No, he's on vacation with his family and I don't want to bother him."

You nodded, being sure that while Clint loved Kate and was always helping her out, he probably wouldn't appreciate his family vacation being interrupted by whatever it was Kate was doing. "Okay, fair, well I'm here for whatever happens. I might not be a superhero but I do work for a very powerful company and Jerry from the biotech department owes me about 20 favors. And I'll be her to patch you up, just try not to break anything cause then I really will have to insist on taking you to the ER."

Kate gave you a massive grin as she said "You're my superhero though."

"Okay! That was so cheesy it was physically painful to hear! Imma need you to go now!"

Kate responded with the first genuine laugh you had heard from her in weeks before leaning in to give you another kiss.

As she left the room she turned to look at you and Lucky all tucked into bed. "I love you both, I'll see you in the morning?"

"We love you too! Ummm... If it's not too much to ask, do you think you could bring me breakfast in the morning? I have to do two days worth of work tomorrow and it would help a lot!"

#kate bishop fanfiction #kate bishop fic #kate bishop x reader #mcu fanfiction #kate bishop x y/n

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sihtricfedaraaahvicius · 1 year

Text

I have been thinking of ways to make it a fun read for those who want to know about my comic con trip. This is the best I could do.

it was my first time going to a con alone, I have massive social anxiety and am still trying to learn how to live with adhd/sensory overload issues

this was a really, really big deal as I have never done this for any other series/group of actors

At 10AM their Q&A panel started

I was in disbelief seeing Alex, Arnas, Mark and Timothy

In real life?????? WHAT?????

They are ALL beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!

No, really, so beautiful?? And for what???

also funny as hell

It eased me knowing how good their energy was

After the panel Arnas walked past me

He didn't look at me tho (well my back was turned to him at first)

but I did fuck up the text message I was writing when I saw him so close once I looked up

My first photo op was with Arnas an hour later

Boy I was nervous

Legit thought I would pass out seconds before

He said HELLO

And suddenly I was looking into his eyes

HIS!!!! EYES!!!!!!

I was so flustered because wow?????

WOW!!

also he looks taller on tv???

But JUST AS BEAUTIFUL IRL

"Do you want to pick me up?" I blurted out

"I? you? SURE!" he stammered

Mans really went for it and picked me up

I thought we were posing already

But lil dude leaned in closer to me

Supported me with his thigh too???

Oh man those thighs….

Whewhhh

Also after the pic I saw my leg had rested onto his leg too???

But yeah so basically he had me in his arms AND in his lap??

He felt so warm

And soft

So comfortable…

what was I saying

OH, right, the picture so yes

After he put me back on my feet we both looked a lil??? Lost???

And I asked for a quick hug which he gave and HHHHH

I thought I looked really silly in my pic but when I saw it I nearly screamed

I love it

Okay then my picture with Mark and Arnas

I was still nervous but also hyper as fuck at that point (bc my meds kicked in)

You had to wait around a lil corner before your pic got taken

The group pics were taken all together, so Alexander was there and I think Timothy too but honestly I didn't see him because well:

I walked in the booth and did my regular HELLO *jazz hands/deer in headlights*

What was I thinking???? Lmao

And I locked eyes with Alexander and WOW

Beautiful man

But he got shoved away by the staff because I only had a photo with Mark & Arnas

sorry

Mark: wow that was high energy (he chuckled aaaaahhh)

"YOU!!!!" Arnas yelled with big eyes

Mark: do you have a pose in mind?

Me: no, I'm just?????

Mark: okay we'll-

Arnas blurted out(and I type in caps so you understand how hyper he was and how FAST he rambled): I HAVE AN IDEA!!! YOU COME STAND HERE *he pointed next to him* AND WE LIFT YOU UP BY YOUR HANDS LIKE THIS *he grabbed my hand!!!!* IS THAT OKAY? *looking into my eyes* ARE YOU- ARE YOU SAFE????? *he nodded with a lowkey concerned look*

Mans was really double checking if I was comfortable with his idea

Arnas really wanted to lift me up again huh????

They took my hands

Mark placed his hand on my upper arm

Arnas wrapped his hand around my elbow

luckily everything went so fast I could not think about that one fic request in my messages which I almost finished about a threesome with Sihtric and Finan

ANYWAY

I looked at Mark

Who gave me a mild concerned smile????? dude????

"Just don't drop me" I whispered under my breath

And they lifted me up and for some reason everyone in the room went like "ooohhh" admiringly

???? idk why

Probably because they lifted me very graceful and smoothly

Once I was back on my feet again I thanked Mark as Arnas ran to the photographer

Arnas: wait, I think I looked down when you took the photo, let me see??

I froze midway, looking at Arnas, and I shrugged like??? Is the pic good???

Everything seemed fine and I thanked them again and walked off

I like to believe Arnas just wanted to take the pic again so he could lift me up once more HAHA

Just kidding

I didn't noticed during the pic itself but Arnas stood adorably close to me while Mark was more casual

and MARK'S FACE LMAOOOOOO

I just crack up every time I see the pic

Mark really squished my arm tho

Also why does Arnas look so good??

I don't even know what his expression is but yes please

Also, Arnas, clean your sneakers baby boy

AUTOGRAPH TIME (only Arnas tho, I'm a broke girl)

I brought the Lords of the North book for him to sign (first book Sihtric appears in)

Arnas: wauw!!! Lords of the North!! Can I- is that inside?

Me: ehhh I would prefer it if you uhh like on the cover…

(I misunderstood him, I only noticed when I heard our conversation back, he meant if it was really the book inside the loose cover, but I thought he wanted to sign inside the book)

Arnas: just an autograph? or???

Me, feeling confident: you can write an entire poem if you want

Arnas: I can write a poem?

Me: go nuts…

Arnas: Sanne, Sanne… in the sky…. Sanne, Sanne…. Sanne, Sanne, like the sun… this is gonna be weird. Sanne, Sanne, like the sun… shine upon us, will you hon?

hon????????????????

Yeah I died

I watched him write and noticed how he writes like me

Me: I love how he just gradually gets larger handwriting

Arnas: that's my like-

Me: NO BUT SAME (I feared I offended him, I speak without thinking sometimes)

Arnas: No, no, but the people are- they say you have mental issues if you like- if your writing goes like this

Me: no! But it's, yes! But I think it's an ADHD thing, which is what I have

Arnas: you like… like… yeah

Me: And since my childhood they were like "your handwriting is…it's really bad"

Arnas: Yeah! Yeah, I've been, always been told that.

Me: and I can't write like this… I always write every letter together

Arnas: I know! I've someth- when I, if I j-journal I usually do that, but I'm, I'm trying to copy my dad because his handwriting is… *gets distracted by his poem* shine upon us…

Arnas: taking a lot of space. I did write a poem! I don't know, you told me to. I hope I didn't mess it up.

(I reassured him he didn't)

I asked if he wanted to take the selfie after that

Arnas: absolutely! SANNEEEEEEEE!!!!

Here we just both had the zoomies

He fumbled with the popsocket on my phone and I lowkey gestured apologising?????

Arnas: I love these. *wrapped his arm around me*. No, no, I just wanna put my finger in this(the popsocket!!). Cause I always, I always rip them off

Me: oh don't do that

Arnas: well, cause, OH

He accidentally took the photo already as he was rambling

He took a few pics

Arnas: give us a hug *he leaned in*

Me: distracted as he had just handed my phone

Arnas: GIVE US A HUG

Me: wAIT of course

*he pulled me in*

Oh my god?????

Me, after hug: I also wanted to tell you that-

Arnas: you smell nice!

?????????????????????

Me: oh thank you! But I wanted to tell you that I recently saw Deadly Code, because my boyfriend is from Lithuania too so-

Arnas: OOOOH I saw you!! You lived there, right????

Me: wait, no, what???

Arnas: because I saw the pictures on instagram! I mean you tagged me and you had pictures of Lithuania, right?

Me, somehow very boldly: were you stalking my page? (jokingly)

Arnas: WELL… you tagged me in something and I was like "who is this girl?" and then I went to your page and I saw the pictures

Please know that I only tagged him in a few of my insta stories about TLK, and I know he only saw the first one I tagged him in, which is nearly two months ago now????? So it had to be that time he went to my page and why tf did he remember

I'm crying

Asdhbfjkhk

He then asked my boyfriend's name and told me to greet my bf in Lithuanian

I thanked him in Lithuanian and he said it back to me, and said something like he'll see me next time again (guess I kinda have to meet him again now huh)

After that I went to Alexander his line, next to Arnas, for a selfie

Arnas looked at me several times again as I was waiting there

It made me nervous so I tried to avoid his eyes LMAO

ALEXANDER

Oh my, so sweet, so calm!!!!

Complete opposite of Arnas his chaotic energy

Such an angel

All of them are angels btw

And then I went home bc tired

Later that night I made a lil insta post about the day and explained to my followers how it went and how I handled it, as they know what big of a deal it was for me to do all this on my own

Then Arnas liked my post the next morning

And he fucking commented: WELL DONE

And now I'm here….

Still smiling like an idiot

Also my bf was legit a bit bitter about Arnas his behaviour and his words to me

oopsie

Anyway

yeah that was it... this post is way too long. I don't have the digital pics yet so yeah this is it

#the last kingdom #arnas fedaravicius #alexander dreymon #mark rowley #finan #sihtric #uhtred

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hatredmadeofgold · 3 months

Note

thinking about samuraiden again but this time with the eroticism of the machine... realistically there is no tactical advantage to Raiden having sensitive receptors but a man can dream

Honestly as a fic writer who also loves to read and write smut of the ships I like, this had been on my mind as well since I first really got into samuraiden. I think Raiden's cyborg design had been created with some eroticism in mind, and I mean both mgs4 and mgr.

Sure, there might be no tactical advantage of sensitive receptors but... I study in the medical field and would beg to differ. Even though he underwent full body cybernetic augmentation in mgr, a death machine like Raiden still has a human brain. For said human brain to function fully and operate that body, it has to be artificially recreated identically to its organic form, just much more enhanced for that added effectiveness and durability. And yeah, the brain also needs the sex hormones (testosterone, estradiol, progesterone), and these aren't created in the brain... they are created in one's sexual organs. So this is point number one as to why I think he has at least something in his body producing these hormones artificially (but it's also my argument as to why I think he has genitals after all). Although the idea of Raiden receiving a Nebido shot injected into his butt cheek every 3 months is kinda funny to me lmao

Now regarding sensors, I also was thinking about that, erogenous ones too. Came to the conclusion from my studies that you'd get the highest efficiency in a combat cyborg not by numbing or omitting sensations, because they are needed for brain and body to interact with each other in perfect sync. The advantage of cyborgs is that these nerves cannot be permanently damaged, unlike those in the human body, and they could even be enhanced, maybe even increased in their sensitivity... you know where I am going here, right? 😏 Now, permanent hypersensitivity has more downsides than upsides, but a temporary enhancement of certain sensors in certain areas could be quite enjoyable for certain things. I also like the idea of cyborg bondage through (consensual) hacks which temporarily restrict movement of the limbs, no ropes needed to restrain the pretty boy.

Cyborgs can be so versatile when it comes to erotic things. Like, what they got between their legs could probably be tweaked, altered, exchanged, enhanced. He could have a dick (and it could look like a fantasy sex toy, or just like a regular one), a pussy, or he could have both at the same time. Many many variations possible.

The fantasy is limitless, and I think Sam certainly thinks of the eroticism of the machine just as much 💕

I think that they'd have a BDSM relationship dynamic of some sort, and I could imagine Raiden's cyborg body giving Sam lots of inspiration for kinky roleplay.

I plan on writing about that a lot in the near future, be that in regards to @mgsr-sing-to-me or as standalone smut oneshots with a little bit of plot (sometimes it may be within Sing to Me's universe but just not in the main fic).

When that will be is entirely dependent on my ADHD to be kind to me and also my studies unfortunately 😔 But it's on my to do list.

#samuraiden #Raiden mgr #Raiden mgs #Jetstream Sam #Samuel Rodrigues #mgr #mgrr #metal gear rising #metal gear rising revengeance #sing to me #Raiden #anon #ask #long post

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ghostflowerhotpotch · 10 months

Text

I KNEW I WASN'T CRAZY

THERE ARE DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF THE MOVIE FLOATING AROUND.

I NOTICE THIS AND I WASN'T SURE WHAT TO THINK.

Okay okay, I guess is time to give admit a couple of things; one of them is that as for now, I had watched this movie in theatres 5 times; and no it would not be all of them. I have no idea how much of the movie I had seen outside theatres because doing this analysis can make me watch a scene from three to ten times.

Another caveat to all of this is that I have ADHD, which means I can either miss something that was plainly on the screen because it wasn't too interesting to me, or, I would be picking on crap that no on else even thought about until I point it out but to me feels obvious.

Honestly one of the praises I have for this movie is being able to keep my attention for over two hours without me getting bored or restless; not to say every person with ADHD can't sit still watching movies, but for me personally is a challenge. I concentrate more on books.

I am getting sidetrack again, the thing is that I NOTICE THESE STUFF.

I watched the movie the day it came out, which meant I also watched the movie when the audio was a bit off. So I was expecting in sub sequence viewings to be different.

This may be just me, but in my first viewing I could had swore the presentation on the logos was different; they were fewer and there were more versions of Lord Miller's logos for what I recall.

There is also a difference when Lyla appears at first.

I noticed The Spot's dialogue, the Hobie Bubble, and Ben's different dialogue, but at first I just thought "Huh? That looks/sounds different, oh I may just be mixing up stuff."

Remember what I mentioned about my memory? It's quite funny, I can remember exact quotes from books I obsessed over a decade ago; but if you put me a picture of a client from my workplace, and ask me if this person came yesterday or on Monday, I may legit not know.

Rule of thumb if that is I am hyperfixating on it chances I will remember things correctly, but I also didn't think there would legit be different versions of a movie, so it seemed more feasible that I just didn't remember it right.

I also have some audio processing issues and the movie is hard to hear on certain parts unless you have headphones; so I thought perhaps I just heard wrong and my mind filled the blanks.

Gwen's dialogue? Oh that was the part where I thought for a hot minute I lost it.

Last time I went to the theatres I realized Gwen's dialogue while looking for Miles was missing, which of course I caught on because I am obsessed with them; and I notice right away that was missing.

When I went to check on with my friends, they were surprised to hear me say that because they also remembered it.

I will let out on a little secret; the post of "Please No!"? The second reason I put that video on that post, was in case I was right about things changing.

I am not sure how this movie will be distributed, and if the different versions may had to do with the audio mixing issues; meaning the first version could get lost eventually once this movie is properly on screening.

So, I got the video, uploaded on the post and linked to the original; because in case I am right and Gwen's dialogue gets cuts on that moment, I have proof that no, it was like that at one point, or in one version.

Sorry for the incredibly long ramble, I will come with an analysis soon. But I needed to share this here because 1) I am not crazy, and 2) If I discover parts of my analysis don't match the final version, well, I have proof that I wasn't making stuff up.

Thanks for reading!

#atsv #across the spiderverse #astvs spoilers #across the spiderverse spoilers #news #I guess I can tag it with that?

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rothjuje · 2 months

Text

Thank you guys for all the bedroom setup advice!! Someone pointed out how heavy a tub full of water is, so maybe bunk beds would be fine. Several people mentioned that Gen will want a full eventually too which honestly I hadn’t considered. She’s such a tiny peanut it’s hard for me to picture her in a big bed. Alyssa and George have always been giants, they take after my side of the family while Gen takes after Justin’s. I like the lofted bed idea but only saw a twin option, I’m sure there’s a full option. We’re going to a furniture store this weekend to look around.

Such a weird week with the kids not having school Tuesday. Normally days off are chaotic and crazy but the kids were all in a great mood, we had a slow morning and then played outside the rest of the day (thank Gd for rain suits).

Being able to go outside again is such a parenting game changer. So, so, so thankful it’s above 40 degrees and staying light until 5:45 now. We played outside from 3:30-5:30 this afternoon and everyone came in tired and happy, we had a peaceful dinner and bedtime and everyone fell asleep quickly.

We registered Gen for MWF next year (instead of T/Th). Mainly so I could get more done/potentially focus on a career, but also because it’s been so good for her. But something I didn’t realize until after we signed her up was Justin gets every other Friday off…so we can have day dates twice a month. We have had exactly three dates outside the house since we moved here (I remember them well.. a movie, out for drinks, and a cemetery walk). I think it will be so, so good for our relationship. Especially since life has been absolute chaos since we moved here 20 months ago (fixing up the house, adjusting to life across the country, but also so many freak medical things/minor surgeries and one major one).

I am doing all the things right to manage my ADHD (sleeping enough, eating well, daily exercise) and it helps but definitely is not a cure. There was a moment last year when George started sleeping through the night and it was my first time sleeping through the night in 4 years so I thought my ADHD was cured just because I had energy again…so naive. I took a wellness class at a yoga studio a couple nights ago and we had to sit down on mats and listen quietly. And the room was quiet. Everyone seemed so quiet and relaxed, just sitting still. And listening. I tried to listen and tried to stay still but I am a leg shaker. My brain was zipping around in so many different directions. I just cannot think in a straight line unless I am physically moving. I didn’t even realize how bad it was honestly until I saw everyone else be so normal and calm. Yikes..

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fuck-customers · 3 months

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Sorry in advance. This one is gonna be REAL long and vent-y.

So I currently have a retail job that I've been at for 4 years. I'll be honestly, it's never been a great job and since it's retail, I obviously never intended to stay there forever. Honestly, I've stayed there longer than I intended to, due to a lot of disasters in my personal life. (legal battles, house fire, homelessness) And because it was easier to just stay at a job that I already had and was already established and trained and knew the drill vs. going through these personal disasters at a new job, trying to give a good impression and perform well while hiding the fact that I'm miserable and going through a lot of difficulties that I do not want to bring into work/have bosses or coworkers be aware of. (I feel very hesitant to share any personal info at work, because I worry that any shared info not work-related can be used against me, in minor and major ways. But perhaps I'm being unnecessarily paranoid.)

However, after all this time of me dragging my feet, it is unfortunately clear to me that I am going to have to get another job. My job was always part-time (with a promise that was a lie about being promoted to full-time with good performance) but now my hours have majorly decreased from 12-30 hours per week when I was first hired, to now getting 3-6 hours EVERY OTHER WEEK.

So now I have begrudgingly resigned myself to accept the fact that I need to apply for jobs. I'm terrified. I've accepted it, but I'm terrified.

I don't have very much work experience. I had a seasonal job before my current job (3 months) and I've been at my current job for (a bit over) 4 years, which looks good because it shows loyalty, commitment, blah, blah, blah. But that's IT. 2 jobs. No degree or license or qualifications. I was in a few clubs in high school, but I'm too old to be listing my high school achievements. I can't afford college. And I know that a lot of job applications have auto-delete programs that will just trash an application if it doesn't have the correct buzzwords...but how am I supposed to know the correct buzzwords? I've also heard about ghost listings where companies post job listings they never intend to fill so they get a tax write off or whatever. (Idk if this is true, but the idea is enough to terrify me) I also have a hearing disability and I suspect (but am undiagnosed) that I have a learning/neurological disability, possibly ADHD or mild autism.

So there's ALL THAT weighing on my mind. And then on top of all of that, I'm scared out of my mind about my own personal situation.

I figure I can probably fake it well enough for the first week or so, maybe the first month if I'm really crafty and lucky (I figure I can get through the application process by listing my P.O. box as an address without putting that it's a P.O. box. And I have a lot of clothes from before becoming homeless that I can change into so I'm not constantly wearing the same clothes) but eventually people at this hypothetical new job will figure out that I live in a car (I can change my outfits and use dry shampoo on my hair, but trust me, from experience I know that I can really only go about a week and a half without a proper shower before it becomes very noticeable, no matter how much dry shampoo I use. I am a female woman with medium-length hair, for perspective) and will treat me differently and disrespect me and treat me as less than human. Or possibly take advantage of me, shoving extra work on me because I "need the money" and making me a scapegoat. Or worse, firing me. Sure, it's illegal (I think) but if they really want you gone, they can find any minor mistake you have made (and being new at a job, I will likely make a few) and use that as an excuse to fire me. Or lay me off due to "budget cuts" or some bullshit. If they want you gone, they can make it happen.

But most importantly, I don't feel good about myself. I've never had particularly high self-esteem, but in past interviews, I was able to list positive traits of mine and spin the less positive ones in a good light.

But now I don't even remember a positive thing about me. It doesn't help that my mother (whose car I live in) puts me down every chance she gets. Every day, she calls me a loser with a dead-end job and tells me I need to get a new job, without listening to what I tell her I need from her to do so. (She doesn't have a job, but of course that's not a problem) For example, I do not have word on my laptop. I need to go somewhere (library? the paperclips store? Unfortunately the work network place in my area that used to help with job applications, resumes, etc shut down) to use a computer with word to update my resume, as the one I have on my computer does not have my current job. (I tried to use the online version...what a nightmare. Also, sure there ARE resume websites where you can use their templates and make your resume....for a price. Usually $50+ that I can't afford for something I will use exactly once.) She refuses to help, even though I think her laptop has word, but I am not certain, and instead just repeats the same things over and over like a broken record. "You need to get a better job." "You're going to die a loser at a dead-end job if you don't quit." "You need to get a full-time job." (Sidenote: she herself has not even glanced at job listings. There are NO full-time jobs available, unless you are a licensed professional, a doctor, nurse, teacher, etc.)

But despite all of that, I need a new job. I held our for the holidays, thinking with the holiday rush, I'd get more hours and I could use that to keep me afloat while looking for a new job in the new year. Well. Our hours continually got CUT during the holidays and I suspect the store may go out of business and I do not want to still work there when it does. (Even though I would LOVE to watch it burn) The harsh reality is that I need a new job. I just have absolutely no faith that I can find anything much better than my current job. I expect the most I'll find is part-time of 20-30 hours per week, which is still better than 3-6 every other week, but I truly need a full-time job. Which will not happen.

Posted by admin Rodney.

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gffa · 1 year

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Sorry in advance if this is an incoherent ramble, but I have Thoughts about the Jedi and emotional regulation I want to share with you, if it's okay.

So I have ADHD and pretty strong emotional disregulation that I really, really struggle with. In my late teens/early twenties I was convinced that my emotions, all of them, were inherently destructive and harmful to others because of how intense they are.

My favorite Star Wars character is Anakin and I think you can guess why 😅. I don't really like admitting it but I understand him and relate to him sooo much.

Okay here's the relevant part: I love the Jedi Order's teachings about mindfulness and emotional control. So often I do feel ruled by my emotions! I can so easily see how embracing that leads to the dark side, and I know that staying in the light really is a constant battle against one's own darkness because I've done that! Without the psychic/telekinetic powers, obviously, but honestly it's a good thing I can't accidentally fling objects around the room if I get upset. I've often wished the Jedi Order was real and I could be part of it just so I could learn to better control my emotions.

It's why I just don't get the argument that Jedi "repress" their emotions. Where does that even come from? They have such sensible responses to such stressful situations. And unbridled unregulated emotion is NOT a good thing, as I know far too well. The Sith don't practice "emotional freedom" or whatever those people call it. With my disregulation problems I'm not "free," I'm even more shackled by it. I hate it and I want to control it- which is what the Jedi practice.

Anyway, just wanted to share my point of view on that whole debate. I also just want to say thanks for running this blog! I adore your meta posts and I love your unending Jedi positivity. You're definitely my favorite Star Wars blog. You're so good at articulating analyses that I can see for myself in the text but am terrible at putting into words lol. I'm sorry that your popularity attracts so many people who want to argue with you or be nasty. I hope you know how happy you make us fellow Jedi-supporters. 😊

Hi! This ask was from before today’s discussion on the Force and emotions (here and here), so it’s good timing to come across it in my drafts again! You and I are in a similar boat--I relate to Anakin the most, too. And I had a lot of years in my life without a solid grasp on my emotions, where my anger was entirely justifiable, but it was absolute misery and cost me a lot of time and relationships with people. In the moment, it felt good to lash out with that anger, but I was consumed by it, that’s all I was so much of the time, and it really, really was not good to let my emotions run rampant that way. So, I understand and I’m sorry that you’ve gone through that and I’m glad you seem like you’re in a better place now. While the Jedi may not be real, thankfully a lot of the same ideas totally are, like Buddhism is real, different kinds of therapy techniques are real, we absolutely can learn to regulate our emotions, even if it’s really hard. You could probably even do a Google search for “how to learn to regulate my emotions” and find some good starting places! I can’t speak for any part of fandom, especially one I’m not part of, but I suspect that a lot of the “Jedi repress emotions” thing comes from a conflict of how mainstream media almost always supports the idea that emotions fuel powers, that if you tap into your anger or any other intense emotion, you’ll get a major power-up and you can save the day with it. Think of almost any major display of power in a superhero movie and it’s usually because the character just had an explosion of emotion, right? Because their control on their temper finally snapped or because they suddenly became tunnel-visioned about who they needed to save. It’s everywhere. Star Wars, in contrast, says:

But we’re primed to think emotional regulation is suppression. We’re primed to think that it’s not being true to ourselves, that we’re chaining a part of ourselves up. We’re primed to think that any kind of sacrifice or concession to the greater society is suppression of the self. So, along come the Jedi who say, “Actually, emotional regulation is good. Sometimes you do have to sacrifice things to make the world better, but the selfness love for other people is worth it.” we’re primed to think they’re suppressing themselves and living half-lived lives. But that’s not true for the worldbuilding in Star Wars. Individualism is not king in Star Wars. Selflness and care for others and the willingness to understand that life is impermanent and we have to let go of things are the core themes. And you’re absolutely right--one of Lucas’ themes in Star Wars is, "Most of my movies are about the fact that you're in that little place, it's the little prison in your brain—the door's open but you can't leave. But all you have to do is walk out and say, 'Hey! I'm gonna do this.'” (Sundance Q&A, 2015) and “All of my movies are about one thing. Which is the fact that the only prison you’re in is the prison of your mind. And if you decide to open the door and get out, you can. There’s nothing stopping you.“ (American Voices, 2015) The dark side is a prison in your mind, one you’re trapping yourself into. You’re not free, your emotions are ruling you. They control you because you can’t stop yourself from screaming or lashing out or destroying things in your rage, you can’t stop from saying hurtful things to the people you care about. That’s not freedom, that’s being dragged along in the wake of your own unchecked feelings. It’s a dark pit that you have to decide to climb out of. And the Jedi echo that theme: "You said we would be trapped." "Not by the cave you were but by your mind. Lessons, you have learned. Find courage, you did. Hope, patience. Trust, confidence, and selflessness." --Yoda, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, “The Gathering”

#jedi order #meta

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