#i initially made this for myself but yeah sure the fandom can have this too

[kieflo]

protagrivals in after epochs (new sasakure uk song)

#pokemon #project voltage #trainer serena #trainer brendan #trainer red #trainer ethan #rival silver #trainer may #trainer dawn #n harmonia #trainer hilbert #trainer calem #trainer selene #trainer juliana #trainer florian #trainer victor #trainer gloria #trainer elio #trainer rosa #trainer nate #trainer lucas #trainer lyra #trainer leaf #trainer elaine #trainer chase #im not main tagging hilda because THATS JUST HER PANTS IM SO SORRY #i cant believe they gave hatsune miku pokeprotag trauma #THEY GAVE FLORIAN BLONDE HAIR HELPPPP #i initially made this for myself but yeah sure the fandom can have this too

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

Hello. I am wondering why you start liking Takeomi. He is the most hated character by the fandom and your choice of wet soggy cat is very unique. I want to listen your ramblings.

Oh anon, if only I knew

I'll try to remember how it happened, that much I think I got it.

So, when I first got into TR, my mind mostly focused on Mitsuya and the Shiba (mostly Taiju), so much so that I ended up writing a lot more than I thought I ever will on Taiju and explaining where his behavior comes from

Because it seems like a lot of people missed some important information. And by doing that I was able to show them details they had missed (prove that I was right in previous posts where I didn't justified myself and basically got called a liar by someone in the notes which incredibly pissed me off-) and, although that doesn't excuse what Taiju did, it does explain it and makes him more.. real? Maybe not relatable, but his domestic abuse didn't pop up out of nowhere and a lot of people know what intergenerational trauma can do so while still hating Taiju they could understand him better.

Then, having finished my Taiju analysis which also opened my eyes since I found more than what I initially thought about; I myself was able to understand him better and so I thought-

Why not do that with every hated characters in the fandom?

I don't quite recall if my (at the time, very slight) interest in Takeomi happened a bit before or at that time, but the reason why I focused on him before the others (which, uh, aren't a lot anyway) was because I saw stuffs written about him which I didn't really agree with? Like, yeah, he was flawed and raised his siblings badly - especially when next to Shinichiro who was (at least depicted as)(and try to be) good at it - but they were kinda amplifying things

I know that a lot of people relate to Sanzu, or just, love him, and since they saw things I haven't seen, I told myself 'well, let's investigate, then' and then I wrote about 17k words on Takeomi's psychology.

I literally walked myself into the Takeomi rabbit-hole (what a FUCKING mistake /positive)

Takeomi did neglect his siblings, and passive-aggressively verbally, or even emotionally, abused Sanzu and for most of the fandom, is not attractive (and, let's not lie, beauty is a redeeming quality for a lot of characters regardless of fandom. How many characters, no matter their faults, get forgiven by fans just because they're hot, uh?). So he sucks, yeah

You know what he did do? acknowledged his mistakes, apologized for them and would have started his redemption arc if Wakui had had the time for that when warping up the story

He made mistakes, he's flawed, he's human, he wasn't even supposed to be here because he only entered the delinquent world to keep following Shinichiro, his ego which was back then very weak and non-existent got inflated for either survival or because he received so many compliments he didn't know what to do with it if not both because he was a k i d.

Most of the characters in TR are kids or young adults when they commit things they shouldn't have done. And yes, you can hold them accountable for it but they didn't know better - they didn't have the tools to

Now, why do I like Takeomi.

First of all - the amount of flaws he has. Don't think I need to make the list, I think everyone's got it (although make sure to remember he's got an inferiority complex and it's most likely that he also has an imposter syndrome so he's just like me fr-). But even with that, he's never an antagonist. He does things wrong but he's on our side (he's just very deaf to anyone's opinion that doesn't fit his). He sucked at raising his siblings as a kid himself (before his superiority complex developed and during it too - albeit in different ways) but that's just.. realistic? Not that it takes away the seriousness of it and the consequences, but how else could it have been? The impact on Sanzu were disastrous (not that they were the only reason why Sanzu lost it), I understand that, I don't erase that nor deny it BUT THERE'S A REASON WHY TAKEOMI IS LIKE THIS, TOO. And if people blame Takeomi for his actions (which, again, fair.) then blame Sanzu for his!! he was willing to mass murder hundreds of people!!! including his sister!!! he killed a few people!! argh. But Sanzu got his tragic-backstory/childhood shown and has a design that appeals to most, so I guess it's harder to hold him accountable for the seriousness of his actions (I like Sanzu, don't get me wrong. But sometimes the hypocrisy of some fans makes me a tiny bit angry 🙃)

Anyway, reason 84123286 of why I need Takeomi's backstory. Bc, honestly, from what we know of him as a kid+his coping mechanisms as a teen/adult, it would make sense to me if one of the reason he was so hostile to Sanzu was because he saw himself in him and Didn't Like ItTM (for different reasons) (!!! Which would add nicely to Shinichiro seeing himself in Mikey!!! more sano-akashi parallels, lets goooooooo) Talking about the parallels between the two, the fact he's Shinichiro's narrative foil compels me lots. Takeomi is quite literally Shinichiro with a negative filter on. And how can he survived that? How can he cope with the fact that no matter how much he wants and tries to be Shinichiro he'd never succeed? He'd always be the pale copy, the wood statue covered with golden leaves that are peeling away with time next to the pure gold statue. The Teru Teru Bozu that fails to chase the rain away and is going to be decapitated for his ineptitude. He'd always be himself and that's what he hates the most. He'd always be compared to Shinichiro and there's nothing he can do about it. And he can't even be angry at Shinichiro. That's his best friend. He loves him. He has been the first to love him. He has been there before anyone else. He can't lose Shinichiro, Shinichiro gave him everything. Everything he cares about, he sees value of, at least. Immaculate.

I'll also die on the hill that he is competent. He himself has no idea on what but he is (he mixes everything. For him it'd go like this: he gets praised but he's done nothing, Shinichiro has done everything which means they praised him for what Shinichiro has done. Which means what Shinichiro do, he does too. Which means Shinichiro's achievements are his as well! right? He didn't do anything by himself, there's no need to praise him for something else.)(he's fully blind that strategically-speaking and in other brainy-brain domains he's competent af. Bc since it comes 'easily' to him - since he doesn't struggle much with it, or in contrary he struggles so much he cannot possibly be good at it, then there's nothing to praise. And like, for him what Shinichiro does deserve to be praised. What he himself does is just.. things he does so compliments feel shallow)(+Bonten strives as much as Bad Toman and Manila if not more, yet there's no Kisaki. Ofc there's still Koko so that helps, but Takeomi is new to the team and got recruited (at least that what Senju said) in Brahman for his ~wisdom~)

He's also the only character who was around before Shinichiro 1) became a big brother 2) became a delinquent and that has to mean something. They're the only ones left to remember how the other was before their life went to shit

In the final timeline, he looks so healthy. He made peace with himself, his relationship with his siblings is good, he made amends. He healed, they healed. His relationship with Shinichiro, Benkei and Wakasa is good too everything's great. He learnt to understand what he is competent in and focus on it; he's not Shinichiro, he'll never be and that's okay. He's him and what he is complete Shinichiro just as Shinichiro complete him – they take care of one another's flaws but can also know live independently from each other. Perhaps, perhaps Takeomi stopped being so dependent of him

Appearance-wise, I love dark hair+green eyes combo in general so it wasn't that hard (plus there are some godly fanarts out there)

And of course: despite his complexity, at the end of the day - he's really just a pathetic wet poor excuse of a man who can't do anything right and isn't that endearing

I'm slowly getting out of the denial-phase to enter my acceptance-phase when it comes to loving Takeomi. Liking things most people hate or are neutral about is smth I hate for Reasons but it also seems to always happen lolololol. Will try to talk more about Takeomi when it comes to my mind, in case ppl who also love him but don't want to make it known because of his bad reputation in the fandom saw my posts and feel a bit more okay and comfortable with loving him

#sorry for not answering earlier yesterday was a lot busier than expected #funfact: 'cute' and 'pathetic' in japanese are basically the same word (its a bit more complicated than that but im not in the mood to #develop) #answering asks #the fandom situation isn't the same but — what i like about takeomi is the same thing i like about Toji in Jjk #they love their son/sibs they cant handle the responsibilities they have debts/flaws in quantity and the non-surprise id feel if it becomes #official Takeomi is the black sheep of his family #theyre emotionally avoidant they can't show their love their n1 coping mechanisms is avoidance etc etc

[discluded]

rewatched some old mileapo interviews and I just find myself smiling every time mile retells his and apo's history because he tells it so excitedly with a huge smile on his face even though he probably told that story a hundred of times already. also I never realized that he said he watched apo's dramas before. he really is apo's biggest supporter 😩

anon, Apo is sooooo famous, many people have watched his series! 🥺 From Mile's Wan(der) Day where the street vendor they bought scorpions from recognized Apo (which didn't make the cut SOBSSS. I know it was because Apo didn't want to take away from Mile's shine BUT STILLLLL LET MILE BRAG ABOUT HOW HE SNAGGED A FAMOUS HOTTIE)

Here's this perspective from a Thai fan who's been a fan for several years about Apo's career:

I wrote this because i saw some comments from interfans insult Apo about his famous in the past. As a thai fan for several years , I accepted that Apo is not superstar in thailand. And at that time, in previous company DID NOT EXPORT their soap opera/series, their focus market is in local thai only. But i can say that Apo is an artist IN TREND as always among hundreds artists in same company. And fandoms culture is not strong for Thai artist.

And i would like to top up a bit more that , he got a lot of choices from organizers asking to join their series especially action role which his outstanding talented , but because during that time he was studying in university.

So attend 2-3 series in a year might made him tough on time management.

In 2014-2018 under previous company contract , he was 11 filmography both main and support roles, 8-9 shows, >20 cover magazine. Also he was a model in several fashion shows. And his series still 2-3 times re-run until now.

His name&face still be remembered by wide ppl.

Hope all of my explanation can clarify you all on his famous.

From a mommy who humbly proud on son.

Which makes it even more sad Apo felt pressured to quit an art he loves to make since the terrible working environment made him so unhappy, because it seemed like he was building a strong career for himself domestically and he was beloved by TV producers and fashion designers.

So we also really need to thank Mile for making sure KPTS stayed afloat because Apo really talked about KPTS like it was a last ditch effort in acting and would have left probably for another [permanent] hiatus if it had fallen through. Maybe would have returned much older like Ke Huy Quan did in EEAAO (not that age is a problem! just so many years of projects that wouldn't have happened...).

But what we should be really envious of is Mile's Y/N Wattpad fic life... "So like, I'm rich and smart and was a model and I met this hottie while modelling but I didn't know I liked guys then and then he became super famous but then he quit acting and then fate brought us back together again and now we are very cute and gross" 💀 if I didn't love Mile so much, I'd probably hate his fortune.....

And yeah, the way they both tell the story together in the early days of their casting relationship (e.g. Funday Show) is soooo different compared to even the way they tell the story even during Kinnporsche series promo as it was airing

(starts at 2:55 here)

There's one in particular I'm thinking of during KPTS promo where Mile talks about seeing Apo on the catwalk but being too shy to talk to him before Apo approaches him… (drop the link if you have it, I gotta run to a meeting in 5 minutes).

Yeah, Mile's enthusiasm for their first meet-cute story is so obvious from the start and he progressively remembers/reveals more and more details, while Apo's is initially more reserved but now super enthusiastic about it. As @sinnadreams pointed out, Apo in Funday was testing the waters while also making Mile work for it/chase him and now he is confident and secure and Mile is even more *continues to tell longer and longer versions of the same story*

It really feels like one of Those Couples Stories couples tell about themselves. I think you know what I mean if you know.

And yes, Mile is #1 apocolleague, watch out ofc admin, Mile is not letting you have that spot!!!

#mile is apo's biggest fan #famous apo #actor apo nattawin #apo nattawin #mileapo #old but gold #mileapo x funday #mile phakphum #mile phakphum's y/n wattpad fic life #mile wan(der) day #kinnporsche

[rubberduckyrye]

I really wanna hear your thoughts on the racism with Angie, I may not have been in the fandom for like 5 years now, but I have ALWAYS been so bothered by how she and Gonta are treated by the narrative and fandom back then but nobody wanted to talk about that back then too, so it's been refreshing seeing it brought up by you.

Honestly I've been screaming about Gonta ever since I got into the fandom--like, back in 2018? Angie I've known for a while her story was a bunch of racist stereotypes but as a pastey pastey white person, I wasn't sure how much I should speak on it. I started talking about it more casually on my blog at first, and now I'm just screaming it into the void because everyone keeps ignoring or dismissing me about it.

I'll start off by saying that the extent of her racist caricature was really brought to my attention by my partner Celest, and she pointed out the initial stereotypes that lead me to further researching on Pacific Islander cultures, Indigenous cultures, and the stereotypes that are associated with them. Even the use of "Atua", while at first glance seems to be more accurate and inclusive, is incredibly inaccurate at best, and racist at worst.

But I'm getting ahead of myself--time to wipe my hands of this once and for all and talk about the thing that the fandom doesn't want to talk about--how Angie is a racist stereotype of Indigenous and Pacific Islander cultures.

I'm gonna need a lot of resources for this one.

So the biggest problem with Angie is how she is characterized/heavily coded to be Native Hawaiian/an indigenous Polynesian young woman. While I can't find any specific articles about specifically Indigenous Polynesian stereotypes regarding it, I know for a fact that the "Merciless Indian Savage" applies heavily to native/indigenous Polynesian cultures just from the horrible media I was subjected to as a child by my own father. Of course I was never taught about how racist it was until I learned it for myself, but I've seen many a movie where Pacific Islanders, specifically indigenous, were portrayed as savage, violent subhuman cultures that horrifically sacrificed human lives and blood.

I can't tell if this just, isn't well documented or I'm bad at finding research material, but I have first hand experience seeing this stereotype in modern media, so I know it's a thing. Like in King Kong movies--I remember those older movies being especially bad about it. This movie was made in 2005 and is one of the most racist depictions I've ever seen and be warned this is quite disgusting to watch with the context of this being incredibly fucking racist.

(Please remember that King Kong's island is, well, an uncharted island called Skull Island. It's an island in the middle of the ocean. Do I need to say any more as to why this is a huge problem.)

The top comments on this video are also incredibly fucking racist too:

"The natives are scarier than the big scary monster" "I would be scared of directing this scene" like Jesus fucking Christ do you people even hear yourselves.

Anyway. Yeah this movie's depiction of natives is incredibly racist and I'm sorry to subject you to this scene. I just want to specify what I mean though when I say I've seen this shit so much in media and yet I'm struggling to find people talking about it. Like, I'm not going crazy, right?

Still.

The fact that in Angie's FTEs, she bluntly describes blood and even implies human sacrifices is enough to invoke such horrible cringe from me, but the fact that her "native island" is referred to as "strange" with fauna that attack humans is also reminiscent of the racism presented for specifically Pacific Islander stereotypes.

This specific instance is especially telling, because--

If this "DeepSea" shipping service can ship just about anything--including organ meat, children, and blood--then what on earth is Angie talking about when she says they don't stock "Offerings"?

The likelihood is that she's referring to adult humans--as these children from this "shipping" company are clearly trafficking human children, blood, and organ meat. Since we know blood offerings are something from "Angie's culture", it can't be blood offering's she's referring to. Since it only lacks those two things according to Angie, that's the only thing that can be really inferred/implied--adult human sacrifices.

This is also shown here in Kaede's second FTE with her:

Angie is having a nightmare about the blood/human sacrifices necessary for her "culture" and "island", and is clearly struggling and horrified with it. This also plays into the racist stereotype in that Angie is Not Like the Other Savages and condemns her people's practices, even if only internally/privately, and portrays her as a victim of something almost cult-like--which from the clip you saw above, is still a heavily racist stereotype of indigenous cultures due to how the "Merciless Violent Savage" appears cult-like when you involve human sacrifices.

So let's talk about Atua.

This is very much only in the english version, but the use of Atua to replace "god" in a more singular fashion is incredibly inaccurate. From my understanding, "Atua" more so refers to the gods of Māori mythology. The way Angie refers to Atua in canon is more like how one would refer to a singular god. The Hawaiian Kupua, something that wikipedia seems to suggest is the Native Hawaiian version of Atua, also expresses polytheistic customs.

So yeah. the English dub made it worse.

But wait, there's more!

Now I have. No idea where this "custom" came from, as when I looked it up I just got a whole lot of nothing--but notice how Shuichi is reacting to it. The custom presented is supposed to be extremely weird and even terrifying, invoking the reader to see Angie as strange/abnormal. She continues on talking about her "island's customs", and--

The sexuality presented here is very obvious--presenting the fluidity of sexuality one might see in Pacific Islander cultures as abnormal, bizarre, or down-right wrong. A small article for this one because I cannot find the other one I originally read: 1 but the general idea is that Christan/Conservative ideology has oppressed the gender and sexuality of a lot of Polynesian cultures. To express that Angie's culture is "exotic" and "strange" for its fluid sexuality is inherently racist in nature. I don't think this is an intended character flaw--this is blatantly the bias of the writers for V3.

Now for this specific one, I've completely lost the article I read it on, so take my words with a grain of salt. However, a big stereotype of Polynesian cultures is that they are extremely carefree--something that we see Angie being in canon without her FTEs. This is portrayed as a mask by the fandom, however, so it's a bit of a sketchy one to include. Still wanted to mention it though.

Anyway--these are all things I've learned from doing research, and I still can't find a lot of information about it. Pacific Islanders/Polynesians/Native Hawaiian people are often incredibly silenced and spoken over, which is why writing this post up was so incredibly frustrating to me.

I know these stereotypes exists for these cultures--but I cannot find many resources on the subject matter.

As someone who is trying their hardest to be racially aware and sensitive, it is very frustrating to try and comb the internet to find resources to reference, and the best thing you can find is a god-damn Wikipedia page. No, really. I could not find any reliable sources on anything outside of Wikipedia. Again I could just be really bad at finding research material/it could also be that the internet is getting so much worse about finding articles on subjects like this, but I digress. The fact that it's this difficult to find things--and then to re-find things, as I mentioned earlier, some of the articles I found are just, gone now--is a testament to how much of a problem this really is.

And it's so frustrating that I keep getting silenced/ignored about the matter because I want to learn. I want to learn what stereotypes to avoid for this demographic of people and their culture. I want to learn how I can fix a character like Angie--who I DO like, by the way--and make her much less of a stereotype in my own AU. I want to learn if the Atua and the Kupua are interchangeable words like Wikipedia suggests. I want to learn for my own Native Hawaiian OC so I can write him correctly. I, as a white person who doesn't have access to this culture, want to learn about it so I can accurately portray it and help fight against the negative stereotypes that people 5 years ago thought was "great storytelling."

But I can't learn anything if the fandom keeps ignoring me because they're too afraid to acknowledge the racism is there at all, in fear that them liking a racist caricature of a character makes them racist.

And to that, I say: Please stop ignoring me. I want to learn. I want to talk to people about the subject. I want to find someone willing to talk about the culture and educate me. I can't do that if I am constantly ignored.

So. Yeah.

Sorry if this is a little haphazard, my brain died halfway through making it because finding the research materials to showcase my points was incredibly difficult. Literally have been here for hours.

I hope this can be spread around though--so people understand why it's important to have this discussion, why it's important to acknowledge the racism, and why it's so frustrating to feel silenced/ignored when all you want to do is better yourself and your own knowledge.

So... let's talk. Let's talk about the racism in Angie's character--and how we, as a fandom, can address it.

#Angie Yonaga #Danganronpa V3 #DRV3 #new danganronpa v3 killing harmony #Racism discussion

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted on Tuesdays.

Interview with Lydia Bower

Lydia Bower has written some true classic X-Files fics. Do yourself a favor and dig into her collection! She has 29 stories at Gossamer and 35 stories at AO3.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

Actually, yes, it does. With AO3 becoming the premiere spot for fanfic (rightfully so, by the way) I assumed most of the newer fans were unaware of the Gossamer Archive and the few other sites still available for the older fics. So I was delighted to come back into the fandom and see folks reccing a lot of the classics.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

I remember how incredible it felt when I initially found people who got me, who were just as stupidly invested in this weird little TV show as I was. It was like nothing else I’d ever experienced. There were message boards and newsgroup lists and email lists; anything you wanted to talk about, you could find a place to do it. I loved the post-episode discussions and would spend hours at that. We had a week (or months) between episodes, so nothing went undissected. We were all very, um, focused. Yeah, focused is as good a word as any.

And then the fanfic started showing up. That was it for me; I was all in. I can still remember going first to Vincent’s archive and it was like achieving a state of nirvana. The heavens opened up, the birds began to sing, and all was right with the world.

What did I take away from it? More friendships and good memories than I can count. That’s something I’ll carry with me for the rest of my days. Oh, and the two best imaginary friends a person can have: Mulder and Scully. I carry them too, etched indelibly on my being.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

I was involved with all of it in the beginning. I bounced from newsgroups to mailing lists to message boards to web sites. Around the 5th or 6th season it got to be a bit much since I was also doing a lot of writing then, so I narrowed things down and got the majority of my fix from The Haven message board and the smaller Primal Screamers email group.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

As I said before, the friendships and the good times with fellow Philes. I also took away a better sense of who I am as a writer and how to use that to hone my skills. I learned how to look at media as a whole with a more critical and analytical eye and to dig beneath the surface of what I was consuming. I learned how to better express myself and maintain a cool head while in the midst of a fiery discussion. I became more confident of who I am and the worth of my opinions. I finished growing up, basically. Most of all, I learned how to just let go and enjoy being a fan of something so incredible that still connects with people almost 30 years later. That’s a legacy to be proud of.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

I’ve always been drawn to the paranormal and the strange, and when I caught an ad for TXF, I made sure to tune in. The Pilot itself was enough to hook me. It was creepy and a little scary and the two leads were incredibly smart. It didn’t hurt that they were also good-looking and had smoking hot chemistry. Like the kind that jumps in through your eyeballs and settles into a low boil somewhere below the waist.

The final act of my undoing came with the episode Conduit. By the end of it I knew the show had a firm grip on my soul. Mulder captured my heart that night, too. He still has it. He’s one of a very small handful of characters I’ve encountered over the years that I just get, at a bone-deep level I can’t even begin to explain. I am him and he is me.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I’d been writing fanfic since the mid-80s but hit the proverbial wall that is writer’s block right around the time the show premiered. I wanted to write TXF fanfic from the start, but the muse wasn’t having it. She reappeared not long after The Field Where I Died first aired. I hopped around on the web a bit and found much wailing and gnashing of teeth on the shipper front. The muse decided we needed to give my fellow shippers something to make them feel better and give them a bit of hope. So I wrote Games. And the rest is history.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

I reacquainted myself with it earlier this year after an extended absence. I walked away from the show and the fandom after my utter disappointment with the direction the show took after the 7th season. I just couldn’t choke down what TPTB were trying to feed me in S8, and completely tuned out of S9 (with the exception of the finale). I saw IWTB a couple years after it was released in theaters and watched the revival, too. Sadly, nothing I saw there made me want to dive back in. Then one night this past spring I was poking around for something to watch and caught Paper Hearts on a broadcast channel. That was all it took. That feeling I thought I’d lost came roaring back and I settled in for a complete S1-7 rewatch. I poked around looking for a spot to call home and came back to my safe place on Tumblr.

I’m neck-deep now, for however long that feeling lasts, and devoting a lot of my free time (again) to this weird little show about aliens and monsters and two people who love each other dearly. And I’m writing fanfic again - after another bout of writer’s block that lasted almost seven years.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

I got pretty deeply involved with the Game of Thrones fandom when the show began. I was already a fan of George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Fire and Ice book series and liked what I saw the first few years. I wrote several fanfics in the ASOIAF universe, and I’m still involved, but only from the perspective of a book fan. The show went too far off the rails toward the end of its run and killed my love for it.

Compared to TXF, I think it’s a much more segmented fandom. There are several small groups built around dozens of characters there, instead of what I see in TXF fanbase as a larger, more inclusive community. I think it’s safe to say we’re all here for Mulder & Scully in one respect or another. The other characters get their share of love too, but it’s the MSR that draws us in and helps keep us here. Other than that, fangirling is fangirling. You find your tribe and take it from there.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Well, let’s start with Fox Mulder, with the why of it being what I tried to explain earlier. Dana Scully, because I want to be her when I grow up, but without all the emotional and physical damage she had to endure. I’m also a fan of Sandor Clegane from ASOIAF. Stu Redman from Stephen King’s The Stand. Kevin Garvey and Nora Durst from the HBO show The Leftovers. Olivia Dunham and the Bishops from Fringe. The Three Musketeers that make up the core group of the TV show Evil. I could go on, but I don’t want to bore you. Suffice to say I’m drawn to characters who are complex, damaged, and deeply flawed, but are trying their best to do the right thing and who are ultimately perfectly imperfect human beings.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

At present, every day. I’m very much back in over my head right now. If I’m not watching it, I’m writing about it, or talking about it. I don’t know how to obsess just a little bit when it comes to TXF and Moose and Squirrel.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

Absolutely! It’s almost overwhelming how much fanfic I have to catch up on, let alone the new fics being posted daily; and all that while trying to reread some of my old favorites on Gossamer and the other OG archives. I don’t have time to read fanfics in other fandoms right now. Maybe someday.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

How much room do you have for this? <g> Okay, in no particular order and no doubt forgetting some folks, I’ll read anything by these OG authors: Karen Rasch, Terma99, Nascent, Jill Selby, Madeleine Partous, Meredith, Kipler, MCA, Anne Haynes (Paula Graves), Penumbra (@mashnotesofthemythopoeic), Rachel Anton, Joyce McKibben, Tim Scott, Darwin_xf (@darwin-xf), Suzanne Schramm, Prufrock’s Love, Sue Barringer, Mustang Sally, Rivkat, Dianora, Plausible Deniability, A.I. Irving, Rachel Howard, MD1016, Punk Maneuverability (@seepunkrun), bugs, Dasha K (@dashakay​), Khyber, Blackwood, and OneMillionAndNine.

As far as new to me authors (OG or not), these folks are also talented wordsmiths: leiascully (@leiascully), Aloysia_Virgata (@aloysiavirgata), audries, and lepusarcticus (@lepus-arcticus). I’m sure there are more great authors out there, but I haven’t had as much time as I’d like to dig into the newer stuff on AO3.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

TXF: Pass You By, Light Don’t Sleep, Red Letter Day, Primal Sympathy, In the Ruins, Dance Without Sleeping, and Incomplete. I’ll stop there but please understand that they’re all my babies and I love them equally. I’m also very fond of the Let Everything Happen to You series I recently completed.

ASOIAF: These Scars We Wear, The Calling, Beggar’s Banquet.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I’m doing both. I’ve written and posted 10 new fanfics since I came back into the fold and I’m working on another one right now. I also have a casefile WIP I’m struggling with that I began during the early part of S4 and set aside when the cancer arc reared its head.

I’m also in the process of bringing all my older stuff from Gossamer and my defunct website over to AO3. I think I still have 2 or 3 shorter pieces still to be moved and one post-Fight the Future fic I wrote that’s lost somewhere on the net. If anyone has a copy of my fanfic titled Shift laying around, please give me a holler! [Lilydale note: Fic found! I had a copy and sent it to Lydia.]

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

See above!

Where do you get ideas for stories?

From the ether. Seriously. Something, whether it be a line of dialogue, a question, an image, or a scene, will just pop into my head and demand my time. I’ve written 6,000-word fanfics just to slip in a single line. I don’t know how the muse works or why; I’m just along for the ride.

What's the story behind your pen name?

I always published under my own name until I set up my AO3 account. I went with wonderland there because I’m like Alice when I’m writing: I fall down the rabbit hole into Wonderland and enter a different reality.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

Yeah, they know I write it but not where to find it. Though I suppose a Google search would make it easy enough to locate. My family and friends have always been supportive of my writing, albeit confused that I’ve chosen to write fanfic instead of “real” fiction. Yeah, I know.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

wonderland on AO3

@amplifyme on Tumblr

amplifyme271 on the bird app

Lydia Bower everywhere else

Thanks for your invitation, Lilydale, this was fun!

#new post #old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #lydia bower

[estbela]

For the favorite character ask game, could you answer for Ro? :)

Of course!! Although, you mean all 50 questions or just specific ones? Because while it may take some time, I could answer for him all 50 because I love him so much <3333 and I'm insane enough to do it.

Actually nevermind I'm gonna try to answer all 50 because I am insane :]

Do you project onto this character?

Yeah and I think at this point everyone knows it!! Some of my headcanons for Ro are inspired by traits of mine, I guess? Also me making him AFAB trans genderqueer in modern times is kinda inspired by me, haha(although the way my gender works is different from my HCs for her). Some stuff that happen to him in my stories are also kind of inspired by myself, in a way? I mean, I kinda have an image in my head of how her childhood went, and in some ways I've made it similar to mine (although obviously it's pretty different too)

2. Did you always like this character?

Well, not exactly? When I first discovered Hetalia, I did like Ro, but I focused on other characters a lot more. But I guess I always did.

3. What first drew you to this character?

Well... the fact that he's the personification of my country, I suppose? I also like his design a lot, and his personality.

4. Did you initially dislike/hate this character?

Not really. I always liked him.

5. If this character were a woman, would you honestly still like them? Or in reverse, what if they were a man?

Well, of course!!! I think his character can work really well as a guy or a girl or whatever really(I love him so much I'm giving him all the genders lol). Sometimes I do change his gender/genderbend him depending on the story I wanna write.

6. Do you have any nicknames or pet names you use for this character?

Well, I do call him Ro. Sometimes I call him "lynxie" in my head, cause of the lynx being her national. I also sometimes call him "this fucker".

7. Does the character’s age matter to you?

Kinda?? I see him as being 24-26 physically in modern times, and almost 2000 years old in reality (i've got a post about my HCs for his age over the years linked in my pinned). I don't like it when people make him be born around the time Wallachia got founded, because I've already mentioned I see him as being far older.

8. Does the character’s looks/design matter to you?

In a way? While I do change the colour of Ro's hair (and his hair length sometimes as well), and the colour of her eyes, I do like his canon design. So I guess it matters?

9. Does this character remind you of anyone you know? Does that affect how you see them?

Y'know what. He does kinda remind me of one of my friends, which I have just realised now. It doens't really affect the way I see him, thought.

10. Do you see yourself in this character even without projecting?

In a way, I suppose I do. In his mostly cheerful nature and outlook on life.

11. How did you “fall in love” with this character?

Hmm...I had just gotten back in the fandom, and got really into Romania's history. And the rest is well...history lol

12. If you could write effortlessly and as much as you wanted, what story (s) would you write for this character?

GODDDD I would write so many stories. I would probably write about all of Romania's history, and his relations with a lot of different countries and so much serbro fanfic.

13. If you could draw effortlessly and as much as you wanted, what scene (s) would you draw for this character?

Honestly, not sure.

14. Are you physically attracted to this character?

Not really.

15. Are your thoughts surrounding this character usually sexual, non-sexual, or a mix of both?

Mostly non-sexual.

16. Have you ever cried when thinking about this character? Genuinely?

I...might occasionally tear up a little when thinking about Ro.

17. Have you ever felt physical pain over this character? (ex: physical heartache).

A few times. Maybe. Not sure.

18. Do you prefer to see this character suffer or know peace? Angst or comfort? Both?

Honestly, both. I like seeing him suffer then give her some peace.

19. Does this character serve as a stress ball/ security blanket for you? Something you run to after a bad day to feel safe or happier?

I'll be honest, yeah. Thinking about him gives me a lot of comfort when I have a shitty day.

20. Do you feel affectionate towards this character?

Yeah, I love her a lot!!!!

21. Are your feelings about this character platonic, romantic, or familial? All of these feelings at once maybe?

A mix of all three, maybe. Perhaps not romantic, tho.

22. Do you think you will always love this character?

I think he'll always have a special place in my heart, yeah.

23. Has this character permanently altered or impacted your psyche in a way you won’t forget?

...maybe? Yes? I'm not sure. Hetalia in general has altered my psyche in a way I won't forget.

24. Do you ever dream about this character? If so, describe a dream you once had about them.

I haven't dreamed about him (or if I did, I don't remember)

25. What kind of fan-fiction do you read about this character? If you don’t read fan-fics about them, why not?

All kinds, honestly. But mostly human AUs that seem interesting or historical fiction.

26. If you look for this character’s name on AO3, what tags are you including or excluding?

i dunno...I don't really include or exclude tags usually. Although I rarely read AU stories where he is a vampire, because I've read enough vampire stuff with Ro for a lifetime(not saying people can't write stuff like that, just that it's not my favourite thing ppl do with Ro but I think if it's written well I'll give it a chance).

27. Do you like to ship this character with other characters or do you prefer not to?

Well, yeah. I ship him with like a million characters because I find Romania's relations with other countries interesting to explore. Characters I ship him with the most: Serbia(my OC), Bulgaria, Hungary, Prussia, Greece (kind of), England (kind of).

28. Do you get defensive about this character? If yes, then why?

Well, it depends. But I suppose I do? If I feel like someone misunderstands him, I may get a little defensive and want to say something, but I end up keeping it to myself because there is no point in defending a character to someone who doesn't get him anyway.

29. Do you affectionately bully this character?

Yes <333 he's my lovable idiot who represses his emotions so much and has the worst abandonment and trust issues known to mankind

30. Are you especially sensitive about this character?

Sometimes.

31. Are you ashamed of liking this character?

Well, sometimes I feel a bit ashamed of liking hetalia, but I honestly don't feel bad about liking Ro.

32. If you could make this character a meal, what would you make them?

Honestly, I am not sure. I'd like to make him something that he'd like. Maybe cabbage rolls. I think she'd like those. Or something with garlic, as I HC that he really likes garlic.

33. Are you “blinded by love” for this character or do you accept any flaws they may have?

His flaws are one of the reasons I love him, actually. But sometimes I think I do think of him through rose-coloured glasses, haha.

34. Does this character inspire you with little things in your daily life?

Yeah. Inspires me to keep going even if life is shitty at the moment, for one day I'll be free.

35. Has this character ever prevented you from sleeping because you can’t stop thinking about them?

A few times.

36. Do you feel a spiritual/soulmate connection with this character?

Maybe? I feel a lot of affection for him, but that's mostly because I see myself in him somewhat, not because I love him like that. I guess, yeah, in some manner?

37. Is your love for this character a secret from people you know in real life?

In general the fact that I like hetalia is a secret I keep from the people I know, besides my friends who do know about my love for Ro <3

38. Do you tend to joke more about dying or killing for this character? Both? What causes the distinction?

Honestly, I don't really make jokes like that, well not for Ro. But y'know what, I'd probably kill for him.

39. Do you feel lovesick over this character?

Yeah...mostly when I think of ships involving him.

40. Are you very empathetic towards this character? When they feel a certain way in the story, do you feel those emotions too?

Yes!!! It's probably becausr I see myself a lot in him, but yes. When he feels things, I often feel it too to an extent. Probably why writing him is so therapeutic for me.

41. Do you prefer to interact with this character directly via self-insert/reader type content? Or do you enjoy seeing them mostly with other characters in the story and/or your OCs?

When I was younger, I used to enjoy self insert/reader stuff, and to an extent I still do, but it was kind of ruined for me (and I've tried to make self-insert OCs in the past but I always end up changing them so much they become their own full fledged characters pretty different from me besides some traits that remain). I do enjoy seeing him interact with other characters and my OCs tho.

42. If you could, would you write this character a song or poem?

Yeah. I plan to one day.

43. What type of weather makes you think of this character?

Windy weather. Snowing. Rain.

44. Which season makes you think of this character?

All seasons, but mostly winter and autumm.

45. Do you feel as if you are intimately familiar with this character?

At this point I probably am.

46. How much do bad interpretations of this character upset you?

Well, it honestly kind of depends on the interpretations. Whenever I see bad interpretations of him, I mostly get annoyed. If I were to see an interpretation of him that I felt was not only bad, but offensive, I would get upset then but I thankfully haven't seen something like that yet.

47. Does this character ever make you laugh sincerely?

Yeah a lot!!!!

48. What’s your favorite physical/design feature for this character?

I like his haircut, his fangs, his canon outfit, honestly most things about him!!!!

49. What’s your favorite personality trait in this character?

This isn't a trait represented in canon, and moreso a headcanon of mine, but I think it's maybe that despite it all the shit he went through, she never truly lost his rebellious attitude, and his hope for independence and freedom. Even if it made his life harder at times, he still tried to keep true to himself in a way, even if to survive she had to adapt and change a lot. He might have matured, but he's still a rebel at heart.

50. Link your fav song, playlist, aesthetic board, fan-fiction, reference pile, personal artwork, analysis post, meme, headcanon, or quote for this character.

My pinterest board for him: https://pin.it/3zyAqZ3OB

Song: techincally it's more related to serbro than to him, but Two Punks In Love is totally their song. For one song that reminds me of only Ro, that would be maybe "Home" by Passenger. Or "She Used To Be Mine" from the waitress. And many more songs.

i still kinda like this drawing I did of him even if my art style has changed since then.

Most of my HCs and analysis posts about Ro are linked in my pinned! :]

the ask game

#Asks #Hetalia #Romania #Aph #Hws #Can't believe I answered 50 questions about this guy #Guess I do truly love him

[satashiiwrites]

WIP Whenever

So. @quietborderline knows this but I’ve been debating a major re-write and finishing of An Andromeda Tale after the whole… taking of my words thing last month and it’s really been sticking with me. I’m currently working on my WIP Big Bang (yay for trying to write 50k in a month!) which I can’t share per the rules of the Bang… and I’ve been outlining my July Rough Trade project which is going to be quite the fandom departure for me as well.

I may have overcommitted to things is what i’m saying… but i’m also seriously going to try and edit AAT… and have a regular posting schedule (yeah I know i’m not great with deadlines). So. For WIP Wednesday/Whenever… have a partially rewritten prologue with some new chapter art (aka procrastination at its finest).

Tagged by @outtoshatter and no-pressure tagging @monsterrae1 @alyxmastershipper @tkwritesdumbassassins @missanniewhimsy @megasaurus-regina @westernlarch @kikiroo @whimsyswastry and whoever else wants to play along.

Banner by radio chatter.

Title: An Andromeda Tale: The Making of a Pathfinder and a King, Book 1, Prologue.

Fandom: Mass Effect Andromeda

Pairing: Endgame for everything is MReyder. There’s a bunch of other pairings that make an appearance in the course of the story including some OCs.

Summary:

Scott Ryder never saw his life going this way, not that anyone ever asked him his opinion. Now he's pathfinder with too many people depending on his young shoulders and trying to figure out what he actually wants for himself. Reyes Vidal, man of mystery, former pilot and now sometimes smuggler. Who knows where he came from or his motivations but he's come to Andromeda to change his destiny. What neither Scott nor Reyes could have predicted is what their lives would be once they came to Andromeda.

Tags/warnings: first revision (aka Grammerly committed manslaughter) version that needs more editing and re-writing, Alec Ryder’s A++ parenting. Aging the Ryder twins up slightly as well as Reyes because I can.

From the journal of S Ryder, 2185 CE December 3rd (2 days prior to launch of Ark Hyperion)

No one asked me what I wanted to do in life or if I wanted to do this. My life’s path has been chiefly decided by forces outside of my control, first my career path into the systems alliance as a marine, then my career determination of spec ops as a biotic, and on to N School for training. Nowhere for me to go but obtain the same designation as my father or else be seen as a failure. No one asked me if I liked my life in the Marines—had I been asked, I’d made do with my options and felt at times that someday I’d be happy with life as a marine and exploring the galaxy one boring posting at a time. 

Sure, my last posting made it clear I would go nowhere once The Arrest™️ happened. 

Thanks, Dad. My career really needed you to participate in and run illegal AI research. You could have at least tried not to get caught with your hand in the government funding cookie jar and make it extra licentious. 

The bottom line? When you’re the only son of a famous N7 Operative, options may seem open, but they really aren’t. 

My twin sister, Sara, somehow got herself out of the situation I found myself boxed into. I love Sara, but some days I hate that she got out. Then again, getting out isn’t what she seems to have wanted in the first place.  

My father, Alec Ryder—yeah, the disgraced N7 who has been in the press and got arrested for illegal AI research—has pulled off the ultimate guilt trip. Sara didn’t require any guilt. She’s joined of her own accord. I’m to report to processing tomorrow at 0730 for the Andromeda Initiative, and I’m going into cryo tomorrow evening. 

Dear old Dad is playing God with my life and has made it clear that Andromeda is the only option left for me. 

Since I’ve lost the few friends I can talk about anything with after signing the non-disclosure agreements this afternoon, I’ve decided to follow the suggestions of an old captain. When you can’t talk about it with anyone without destroying your security clearance, try processing through writing and then destroy the evidence or encrypt the hell out of it. 

I’m going to try writing down my feelings and covering them with enough encryption that Dad can’t get into—I’ve learned a lot more tech skills than the last time Dad decided I couldn’t have my own thoughts as a teenager. Hopefully, he’ll finally have learned to let me have my own thoughts and space (boundaries aren’t a new concept, Dad). And if no one ever reads this? Well, then, this journal is just for me and whoever manages to break into it--hopefully far in the future when I’m dead, and it doesn’t matter anyway. 

In the short time I’ve had to think about this, I’m worried about what we’ll find when we get to Andromeda. Then again, something is coming—something terrible. The rumors that Commander Shepard isn’t dead and that something bad is happening with the Collectors—I’m not sure how much I trust what I’ve heard and not heard. The rumors around the outpost weren’t reassuring before I left, but something has the vets spooked. I suppose running away to Andromeda might be less risky if the rumors are true. But why do I feel like I’m running away from my duty then? I don’t know how to process everything lately. I suppose I’ll just have to be a professional and take the role Dad’s giving me. Maybe I’ll figure things out on the way. 

I did see Sara before she went to final checks today—one last meal together in the Milky Way. She told me she was looking forward to a grand adventure as a family. She’s so optimistic about Andromeda—it’s hard to be concerned when she’s so happy. From my perspective, we’ve never done something as a family that’s ended well. Maybe this time, it’ll actually happen. I haven’t really been around or available for Sara since Mom died. I regret not doing what Mom wanted, but I thought maybe I could make my own choices and be a real, proper adult for once. Mom would be happy I’m going—I just wish I could have had the option to say no or yes. I don’t know if I’d be here if it were my choice. I’m ending things here for today. Hopefully, I’ll have time to write before the deep, frozen sleep of 600 years. 

#an andromeda tale #mreyder #mass effect andromeda #AAT-rewrites #Wip whenever #wip wednesday #scott ryder #epic slow burn

[ciaossu-imagines]

Yeah. Like I watched seven episodes the first day (so six after I initially sent you the message) and finished it the next. Like I wanted to get to Lawless’ episodes because I just wanted to know what he sounded like and then the episode ended with a small bit of him and I just needed to watch a bit more but after episode 7 I knew I could take a break. I just couldn’t stop because of how much I loved it  and wanted to see what would happen next. I see. I might be wrong here since I still haven’t touched the manga and have only watched the movie today but from what I saw on the wiki and in the movie, it seems like the movie takes place after the events of the 12th episode but covers events that happened before the Greed pair appeared (like it literally says it covers those events on the wiki so I’ll see for myself at some point). So it’s a bit different. But either way it was a really good movie and I definitely enjoyed it and hope you do as well. And that’s totally cool. Like I also took days to respond last time because I wasn’t able to find the time before then. And I sent so many messages this time, with sure some images but it’s still *a lot*. And thank you for saying that 😊 It also takes me really long so don’t feel bad  about it or anything. Take all the time you need.

I love how you’re surprised by Lawless since for me loving him just made sense. Me too when it comes down to Mikuni. Like the movie revealed some stuff about his past and even though it answered some things, I’m still really intrigued about him and just want to see his full life and how he got Abel. No. For a change you’re absolutely wrong. It’s Lawless’s constantly caring and protective side even though I know he doesn’t always say the best things (and can be quite merciless at times). Also like, he’s the only one who disagreed with all of his siblings about that thing in the past after the vote had been then so it shows how good his heart is. Licht is just not my kind of guy and he’s just far too aggressive towards Lawless at times for my liking. Like even if Lawless wasn’t one of my faves, I’d still think that. But I do really like their song. And yeah. Like I loved his voice first and then him. Which was a bit unfair but it is what it is. I love that the opening is so inspirational to you.

I think the anime might’ve gotten ahead in some ways but yeah, I’ll see. And it’s nice to hear that the manga is just as enjoyable. I don’t know when I’ll get to it, maybe in a few weeks or so, but I’ll definitely let you know then.

Thank you so much for the last bit of your message as well.

Also, on an entirely different note I wanted to check your fandom list to see whether there were any other anime I might liked and went to look up ‘Welcome to Demon School! Iruma-kun’ since that’s one of the first ones on your list. Upon seeing the poster and images, I was like “Too colourful for me” but I still scrolled down to see which voice actors it has and Lawless’s voice actor voices a main character (Alice Asmodeus) so I’ll probably also try to check that out and some point. Not only that but Hugh’s voice actor (who does Hinata in Haikyuu!!) is the main main character so yeah, no chance of resisting that.

C

So, because I don't know if C is actively keeping track on the replies, and to kind of group everything into one post to make it easier for them to read it, I'm going to group the replies on the post, the ones that came via inbox, and this reply to them into one big post! I hope nobody minds and that it all makes sense to read!

So, to start replying to C! I'm so glad you enjoyed the anime enough to speed through it like that. I love also that wanting to hear a particular voice actor in their part made you so excited for the upcoming episodes and I really enjoy how much voice actors work means to you, how you have all these favourite voice actors and really recognize and respect their hard work in bringing these beloved characters to the screen or their work in making these characters so beloved. I know there are active fandoms out there for particular voice actors, but I still always feel like they're a little underloved and not as recognized as they should be within fandom as a whole, so your excitement and love for them is great to see. As more of a manga reader myself, like I've said, I honestly don't know a lot of the voice actors as well as you do, but even I have my favourites (just as I have my favourite podcasters, because their voices soothe me and make me feel comforted). And I will definitely look forward to watching the movie then and am glad you enjoyed it!

And thank you, as always, my dear, for being so chill and patient when it comes to me taking a bit to reply to our messages. It's very appreciated, and please don't worry about taking your time to reply last time too, I knew you were celebrating with family and busy with holidays and really was surprised with how quick you had replied, considering it was the holiday season and I knew you had family around (and while I'll talk about it in our messages, really hope the trip was super fantastic).

And I was surprised! I love the fact that you surprise me, even as well as we've gotten to know each other. And I will guarantee that the manga goes more into Mikuni and Abel and it's really lovely (and some beautiful manga panels just artistically speaking, just giving my opinion here). And see, I think that might be another way the anime really differed from the manga, in reagards to the vote, because there were multiple siblings in the manga for sure who had been against it. And that is interesting to read, your views and interpretations of both Licht and Lawless so thank you so much for sharing that! It was a great read!

Lastly, before we get into the other messages and really getting into what thoughts people had on Servamp anime versus Servamp manga, I'm going to answer C properly on her last paragraph. Again, I'm trash with recognizing different voices (and do watch Welcome to Demon School! Iruma-kun dubbed, sue me, it's easier to do as I often sit and do my embroidery with the episodes) so I hadn't realized they shared a voice! Or that Hugh was also Hinata! That was cool to learn. I will say I love Alice and definitely think you'll enjoy him if you do end up trying Iruma-kun, though I'm actually making a pretty solid bet that he won't end up being your absolute favourite, even with the voice being an actor you love! Just not enough in common with your normal favourites, and I do think at least one of the staff will be among your favourites lists. I do see your 'very colourful' comments on Iruma-kun, but honestly, it's one of the more recent anime/mangas that really remind me of the classic Big 3 (Naruto, Bleach, One Piece) that were huge throughout the time I was coming into fandom proper and even being new, it has this great nostalgic vibe to me probably because of that. I would really recommend it to anyone who loves any of those.

Now into the actual comments and views on the manga versus anime for Servamp! Like I said, I don't know if C saw these on the actual post, so just reposting them here to make sure they do!

And this one came through the ask box!

I think I'm realizing that I'm actually probably really lenient on what I consider a good adaptation, haha, but maybe that's because I've suffered through some really terrible adaptions (2016 Berserk, which remains one of the worst I've ever seen, Deadman Wonderland's anime adaption which turned a largely horror based manga to kind of straight shounen, Bleach where the anime was at least a good 40% filler and which really did water down a lot of the battles, the dub of Ghost Stories which like…it's so bad it's funny and I honestly do feel bad for anyone who wanted and still wants a good dub of that, the Junji Ito anime collection which was doomed from the beginning because I really don't think there's a good way to properly translate Ito from page to screen, the way Soul Eater ended makes it to me a horrible adaption because fuck that ending, Saiyuki in a way because even though I do love the anime I'll admit it severely watered down a lot of things and did censor a lot to make it suitable for broadcast, the reminder that the 4kids dub of One Piece exists, Eyeshield 21's anime). So maybe I have been too forgiving because the general consensus does really seem to be that the manga and anime diverged greatly and that the best bet is to read the manga from the beginning to really get the full story. And, since I admit to being mostly manga now on that, though I do enjoy watching the anime every now and then, I do get and appreciate everyone's views on that! Thank you so much for everyone who chimed in on that, and I'll ask C, if they start the manga and decide to read it through, to let me know through ask box so all those fans who took the time to weigh in can know how C likes it and if they agree on the manga versus anime!

#admin chatter #servamp anime vs manga #c

[lavenoon]

HI, Luce! Can I be sappy for a moment? I just wanted to thank you a lot for making the discord server and your AU in general! It was already fun getting into the DA fandom, but getting into the server has been a whole other level of fun! I often wake up and really want to check it immediately in the morning to see what has happened while I was asleep. I almost didn't join at first because I am shy, though I'm glad I decided to do it anyways (training myself to get over social anxiety by interacting more, can't even tell you the amount of times I force myself to hit send XD) because it's always a great time all around! I've met some very nice people through it and even if it hasn't been open that long it really just became a nice kind of familiar very quickly <3 Your AU and all it's variations are so incredibly fun to discuss and provides so much inspiration and blorbo thoughts that accompany me throughout the day! I'm just so very glad we coincided in the same corner of this very vast internet! I'm sending you a giant hug and all the good vibes for your day <3

After trials and tribulations (got distracted) I finally got to this ask!

What makes is funnier is that I had to draft this and go work because obviously I didn't get further. NOW however <3

You may be sappy just know that I keep melting at this ask aaa

And I'm so happy you joined too!! And I'm glad (and proud - because man social anxiety is a bitch) that you're being brave and interact!! I'd miss you if you didn't!!

Now I'm gonna be sappy, be warned

Because, well, yeah! I love the server!! Initially I wasn't too sure about the idea, thought I'm getting ahead of myself, that there isn't actually that kind of interest - but I'm glad I asked friends in dms and also that one post on here and then made it happen, because it's just so so nice!

I'm a very chatty person by nature (when I'm comfortable), and I just. I love that I can just blurt out a thought and then y'all jump on it and make it better, enable me to make more, and make your own!! All while there's not this pressure for it all to be fully fleshed out already. It's more a dialogue, a development, and sparking so so many of the things that do make it on here also!

I'm of course not trying to make the server like, a dlc to tumblr content or anything, I don't mention it on here to tease anyone who isn't in it, I'm just a lot more comfortable chatting on there and I love the server! It feels like a, well, a cozy little cove! Everyone is nice and it's a fun place to show off anything new in life, blorbo related or not, or hanging in vc - I've actually done streams! With me doing art in my mornings there's just not that many people who could join in the first place, but in the server it's a nice little opt in option that allows for chatting on the side! I'm a little self conscious still about my art process but it's just so so neat to have people react immediately to what I'm cooking up? Like with the CS comic yesterday hehehe, telling/ later showing the twist as I'm sketching it? Hearing the reactions out loud? Definitely worth it!

And it's just. A comfortable little corner, doesn't feel too public, and even on the lurkier days it's just really cool to see the chaos and people sniping each other, it's a little community and I love it! I love seeing the little spontaneous doodles and the agentsona thoughts that wouldn't make it on tumblr simply from the way this site is set up, it's just chatting and I love it very very much. It's really really reassuring for me too because of that, it's direct interaction and wanted direct interaction from both sides! Because yeah, social anxiety (and also rejection sensitivity) is a bitch sometimes and tumblr is still a blogging website, not a chat website! (tumblr DMs are my mortal enemy, and not just because of the weird ones I got before)

So tldr; I'm also very very happy that we found ourselves overlapping spaces in the world wide web, because I am so happy to be here with you!

Also, you've been shown as online the entire time, I do hope you slept well despite whatever your phone is doing FHDJS

#answer let luce #chaotikanvas #server makes me feel mushy and warm and I regularly puddle in there #just slide in there whenever for some serotonin #there's SO many funny things happening I now understand why people put discord screenshots on blast on tumblr fghdjs #also the link in the original post is still valid #for anyone reading along and getting curious #the reblogs have an expired link but I edited the op #tho you can also ask for a new link? #I'm just. again thinking abt getting ahead of myself so I don't constantly advertise it usually fhdsj

[bluejay-writes]

Love is for Suckers - Bloomic - xyx/MC

You can read this whole fic on Ao3!

Fandom: Blooming Panic Rating: Teen - Heavy innuendo, because it's xyx and that's how he rolls. Pairings: Quest/CMC Updates: Often! The story is written and edited, but formatting is a time sink. Important Notes: Spoilers for xyx's Route. Half of this is a chatfic. Some animals are mentioned as having injuries in this fic - MC is a veterinarian, it's part of the job. Nothing graphic is mentioned, but sad things are sad sometimes ok?

Other than this initial teaser, which is not even the beginning of chapter 1, all of the fic will get posted on Ao3, with notifications of updates here. Tumblr's code doesn't like my chatfics and has eaten this post twice already and I'm just done. But I really wanted to share this with y'all.

During his voice modulator monologue moment, xyx leaned on his hand with his eyes shut, and Jess blatantly stared while he wasn’t looking back. Snakebites. Her favorite piercing. Sure, it wasn’t as adventurous as some, but… it was hot, ok? Of course, that meant when his eyes popped open to call her his ‘test bunny’, he caught her looking.

“Hey, you’re staring!”

“Shhh. I was watching respectfully.”

“Oh ho, is that it now? At least I wasn’t doing the accents, too!” he said the latter in a weird mélange of French and American, which made Jess laugh outright.

“Believe me, hearing an unaccented voice is a bloody pleasure.” Jess said, and xyx smiled.

“No joke, you actually sound like a piece of home.”

“Agreed. I think this is going pretty great for my first server call!”

“Yeah, same.” he said calmly, a soft smile on his face that sent a blush right to her cheeks.

Calm down, Jessica. He’s just a good looking man that sounds like he grew up down the street. Then what he’d said really filtered in, and she looked at him in confusion.

“…Wait, huh?”

“Huh, what?” He didn’t seem inclined to explain anything about claiming it to be his own first server call, if that even was what he was saying. “So what do you think of the server so far?”

“It’s pretty interesting.”

“Sure, sure, bound to be with this bunch of nerds.” he said, and she grinned.

“You’re one to talk, troll.”

“Me? A Troll? I’m hurt! Wounded even! But yes, I do consider myself the singular cool person among them.”

“Riiiight.” Jess rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue at him, careful to keep her own piercing hidden behind her lips. No use starting that discussion now, thanks.

“And on that note, it’s time for me to depart and go do more mysterious things. You, for one, have been an excellent test subject.”

#if I say i'm disappointed that the chatfics don't work on tumblr would anyone even believe me? #blooming panic #ao3 link #xyx/mc #bloomic

[420pogpills]

Hi! Feel free to ignore this if you don't want to get into it but I was wondering..

As a person who, back in October, wanted to leave the fandom initially and then changed their mind, how do you feel about the situation now you've had a few months to think about it?

I think there was a huge pressure on people to make a decision immediately and stick with it. You're one of the very few people (I've seen) who decided to leave and then came back on the same account, actually speaking about why they changed their mind.

Leaving out any speculation about the potential court case, strictly speaking about what was confirmed, were you able to distance yourself from the fandom a bit more and if so, did that change your perception of the situation and the betrayal you felt?

Have a good day!

(I hope I managed to get across that I'm asking with genuine curiosity, not to shame you for any feelings decisions)

hellooooo - yeah sure thing i really don't mind sharing my thoughts 😁 i'll put it under the cut so people can ignore it if they don't wanna get into this. apologies in advance it turned into a massive essay haha ~

100% taking time away to really think over everything contributed maaaassively towards how i feel currently. i agree i think initially a lot of people felt like they had to make a permanent choice, and maybe some people have changed their mind since but haven't felt confident enough to return or vice versa...

when a situation is really emotional and stressful like it was back then, a lot of thoughts and decisions are made purely in the present without much thought for the future. that's just human nature - especially if you're of the nd variety and struggle with things like decision making, emotional regulation, etc. that's why i always try really hard to choose my words carefully when expressing myself but my emotional regulation is fucking awful so i 100% have a tendency to have initial reactions that i'm not proud of, say things i don't mean, etc

me personally, i've gotten to a point in my life where i feel absolutely no shame or embarrassment in turning around and saying 'i know i said this a while ago but over time i came to change my mind so either i take it back or i'm changing my viewpoint'.

i believe i mentioned back then when everything went down that a lot of my disappointment and betrayal had a lot to do with myself. because i was one of the people that initially blindly defended dream - i had full confidence he wouldn't engage in private conversations with fans, especially using his main accounts, because dream is a smart guy so surely he wouldn't do something so stupid? (at the end of the day he's a young white male who rose to fame with unimaginable speed...) so when shit hit the fan and he came forward to say that he did have private conversations with fans, i was less disappointed in him and way more disappointed in myself.

that's a big part of why i think i was able to come back, because i left not just because i didn't think i could support dream again, but because i knew i needed to re-evaluate myself and my attachment to these creators, and bring myself back down to earth like 'hey! i know you love these guys but don't forget you don't actually know them! don't ever place love above morals! your morality should not be conditional based on who is involved in a situation!'

that's basically what i spent my time focusing on - i actually ended up detaching myself from the other fandom i was in at the time too, because i wanted to change really badly. i turned off all notifications, i stopped checking things religiously, i stopped watching streams and videos, etc. i spent a whole month just living my life, and working on my priorities, and i think it was exactly what i needed. because yes i came back, but i'm here with a much much healthier perspective than before.

so i came back to support them, but i'm basically doing so in a way that does not cost me anything financially nor mentally. i still do not have any of their twitter notifications on, i don't have their youtube or tiktok notifications on, i also use twitch prime to sub to george and no longer sub with actual money, i don't buy any merch, i don't stay up for streams if i know i've got somewhere to be the next day and i need sleep. i basically am in a place now where they are no longer the priority that they used to be. they are just these little dudes that i enjoy watching when i'm online and there happens to be content 😊

in regards to the situation itself - i will be honest, i haven't kept up massively. it may be ignorant of me, but as far as i'm aware there's really not much information available out there as is, so i'm going to believe they are - as they rightfully should - taking care of it all behind the scenes. i suppose i still don't fully know what to believe, but i've gotten past it now. there's still a part of me that feels disappointment towards dream, and i think that's okay - it serves as a reminder that i can't forget my priorities in life. i still am fond of him, i suppose not nearly as much as before because i don't see him in the same way anymore - but enough that i am able to enjoy his content again and continue being in this community.

this community has been like a lifeline for me for a very, very long time. and i think i would have come back even if i felt nothing for dream anymore, because at the end of the day, this community is us, made by us, kept active by us, and i can enjoy plenty of things with you guys without relying on dream to be my reason to stay 😁

i am sO SORRY for the length of this answer HAHAHA but thank you for your question and i hope all of my ramblings made some sense ❤️

#discourse #dreamwastaken #dream #drituation #not sure what else to tag this as #long post #<3333

[cg-saturn]

Hello! First I wanted to say I love you blog it's very cute and safe.

TW (I just wanted to put this in case it's only briefly mentioned): childhood neglect.

I was wondering if I could ask for some advice? (If you don't have any advice for this that's fine!!! No worries). I've been in a long distance platonic relationship with my caregiver for about 6 months now and I love her lots she's an amazing mama and a great friend too. But I've been struggling a tiny bit cause I wish she was a bit more strict with rules (I know crazy to hear a little wishing for someone MORE strict). She's very very lax with them which wasn't an issue initially cause I was VERY new to having a cg. But now I find myself wishing she'd put her foot down a little more. To clarify the reason I wish she would is because the few rules I do have are entirely for my own well being (bed time, food, water etc.) and I think to have someone making sure I follow them would give me the comfort and safety I need. I was pretty severely emotionally neglected as a child and I think to have her tell me no I need to go to bed (or equivalent) instead of letting everything slide would help me to know that she actually truly cares for my well being because my parents never really cared enough to pay attention to stuff like that. I'm unsure how to bring this up with her I'm worried that it would make her upset or make her question how good of a caregiver she is, even though she's never made me feel bad for expressing myself and she's an amazing mama! Idk I'm just rambling at this point but yeah

-🐸🐻

This was in my drafts im so so sorry for not replying sooner! :

Hey there little one, I'm so so sorry to hear this :( sometimes when a person is new to caretaking it can be hard to know the right level of enforcement a little needs. My biggest and most important suggestion is to bring it up while you're big enough to have that conversation- ask them if they can be a little stricter when it comes to things you need.

I make charts if you think that would help too! If you send me the activities you need more help with, I can make you a cute little sticker chart for encouragement! It may help to have a physical checklist of things that you need, and that way your caregiver can also follow up more and make sure you can get everything checked off.

I know having that conversation might be hard to bring up, especially if you're like me and get anxious about expressing any form of need. However, if someone cares about you, they will respect the request. I know what childhood neglect can do, and maybe expressing that trauma (or as much as you're comfortable sharing) can help your cg understand why they need to be a bit more strict on things. Explaining that you *need* them to help set bed times or making sure you've eaten enough in the day can help them get into a rhythm of checking on you. For example, Star and I always brush our teeth together and make sure to shower on the same day.

Long distance can be hard. Star and I first met online through the supernatural fandom on Instagram back in..... 2015..? We started off as platonic but one day when we were 15 we started dating. It's hard to be with someone who's far away, because your only communication is on the phone, and unfortunately that can lead to a lot of misunderstandings or issues with checking in if you or they are busy. Time zones can also be an issue for some long distance relationships, platonic or not. I've unfortunately had a lot of relationships that were long distance and the communication was just not there. We all get busy, and we all have times were we can't have our phone out to text- but it's important to communicate it beforehand so your friend/partner knows that you won't be avalible.

You deserve to be taken care of, and your partner should be able to listen to your requests and help as much as they can! Just remember that cgs are people too, and sometimes struggle to help without directions on what to do. Keep communication open, and remember that as long as you're both listening and being honest, things should be okay! Sending love and hugs!

Pippi Saturn 💕

#answered #sfw little community #sfw caregiver #sfw cgre #sfw little blog #sfw little things #sfw littlespace #sfw cglb #sfw cglre #sfw cgxl #sfw clgre #sfw age dreamer #sfw age regressor #sfw agere #sfw agere blog #sfw blog #sfw little #little space #sfw little boy #sfw little friends #sfw little girl #sfw little post #sfw little stuff #sfw smolspace #sfw interaction only #sfw babyspace #sfw babyre #sfw little one #sfw carer #sfw kiddo

[navxry]

🎟️

This is your ticket to go on a ramble of anything that’s on your mind or anything you want to go ahead and share! Lore, creations, thoughts, anything that’s interesting you lately.

Anon, I'm afraid you're giving me full rights to rant about the worst things in my head (/exag, it's not that bad I promise)

Anyways uh read more time!

Lowkey had thoughts of running a certain story in a different blog, or making a game for it. It's still in the works because I need to polish up a few things, make it make sense, etc., but it's still up there.

The reason why is actually pretty simple: I feel like people don't like to interact when it's not about the reader, so I decided that maybe I should make a game. It's going to have its own variation + my own indulgent version (that will NEVER see the light of day in my other blogs, fuck you), but I'm not sure if people would enjoy it. I know my friends would, but would someone that I don't know like that?

Speaking of which, I already have the blog made. 2, actually! One is for another purpose, which would be a love letter blog for a fandom. I missed writing IDV because I've left the game (it was becoming too much for my phone </3 sad time gamers), so I decided to try a love letter format for Yan IDV residents. I doubt I'll get traction, but it's a cute idea and self indulgent in a way, because I get to write my faves being in a variety of levels of unhinged.

I think I'm more or less hesitant on the first idea because it feels like the initial reception just... Didn't pan out so well haha. It feels like I'm trying to show my own personal stories to the wind, but the wind refuses to even acknowledge it's existence. With this method though, I can at least say that at least the people that like it will know where to look for it.

Again, it still needs polishing, it's not done and I sure as hell KNOW that it'll take months if I took the game route. However, I think it'll be worth it if I just push myself to try. It's the only thing I can feasibly do, after all.

To my friends who supported it and even to the people that followed the story in silence: thanks. You guys make it bearable for me to try this method. It sucks that it'll be something I (most likely) won't do on that blog and transferring it would be tough, but so is life atp. I'm probably gonna most likely cut it with plan B's ending (I knew my initial plan won't work orz), so uh. We'll see how it goes, yeah?

(also I am kinda glad I didn't get to 200 followers there ironically because MOST ARE FUCKING BOTS AND SOME ARE MINORS LIKE HELLO??? So unfortunately I have to block them en masse and tbh? I'm gonna update my rules for that. I don't want minors interacting there no sir.)

(yes I'm talking to a few of you that interacted there while knowing y'all are minors/ageless in your blogs. Don't think I don't see you.)

Anyways ty anon for giving me the ticket to rant, I needed that. Hopefully this didn't sound so depressing oops.

#'navina' deciphers... ⟡ 𓆪 #;; ill start on my va journeys (or readings lmao) soon #;; aka dming the people that rbed #;; though there MAY be a chance that i wont be able to depending on my schedule and if my sorry ass gets busy orz #;; hopefully not though but! we shall see

[perplexedflower]

Laws Of Love - Chapter 1: From Sparks To Flames

Fandom: Jericho.

Category: F/M.

Relationship: Bill Koehler x Female Reader.

Type: 5-chapter fanfiction.

Summary: Having to deal with the end of the world is not easy. But it gets even worse when you also have to start dealing with your own feelings. Bill Koehler's life takes a changing turn when a newcomer arrives in Jericho, and he soon comes to realize the day she walked into his home also marked the day the bomb in his heart went off.

Chronology: Season 1.

~~~~~~~~~~

Jericho, Kansas. A beautiful town I was glad to have discovered. A beautiful town I had decided to come to after a friend who had grown up there had talked to me about it, and even back then I was convinced it was the perfect place for me to settle in, giving me the opportunity to start a new life. However, all of these promising plans sounded perfectly reasonable until a presumed terrorist attack that had hit the country throughout had blown them away completely. The next few days afterward had been filled with nothing but dread, chaos, and doubt. It all started with a nuclear bomb exploding just across the state border in Denver, followed by a second nuclear explosion in Atlanta. Then, radioactive fallout threatened Jericho when a storm from the Denver area approached, so in order for the citizens to be protected, the entire town was moved to basements, public fallout shelters, and the local salt mine. As if it was not enough, despite electricity suddenly returning a few days later, a power spike started fires across town, mainly in the town library and at the trailer park, causing everyone to run left and right to try and contain them.

And as I recalled everything that had happened to me and this town since I had arrived, I stood still in the middle of the sidewalk, my hands buried deep inside my pockets and gazing at my newly bought house, now almost entirely burned down. With a sigh, I grabbed the walkie-talkie I had attached to my belt and reached Jake.

"Jake, how are things looking on your side? What progress have you made on the fires?"

Jake reached back to me instantly.

"The one at the library has been contained, I think they're almost done putting it out." He told me, his voice loud and panting.

"Awesome news. And what about the one over at Eric's house?"

"I've just finished taking care of it, it's out."

"Good."

"Well..."

I heard Jake mark a pause before sighing from the other side of the line.

"... Much of it is gutted."

"Not so good."

"Yeah..."

I marked a pause myself, looking straight in front of me.

"Say, Jake, if you're finished over at Eric's, can I ask you a favor?"

"Uh, sure." He answered with a hint of expectation. "What is it?"

"Well, my house is in ashes."

A short silence followed, as I had expected.

"... W-What? Did- Did your house get burned down too?"

"Yeah."

Yet another sigh from Jake was heard through the walkie-talkie.

"Shit... You're gonna need a new place to stay."

"That's what I need your help with. D'you think your father could help me out with this? Relocating me somewhere, someplace where I could spend the nights from now on, even just for a few days?"

"Of course, he will, hum... Meet me at our house, we'll go talk to him about it together."

"You got it. Thanks a lot, Jake."

Putting an end to our conversation, I set my walkie-talkie back around my belt. Taking one last look at my ex-house, I walked to my car and got in before driving to the Greens' home. With the streets empty of cars, it was only a matter of minutes before I got there, and I was slightly surprised to see I had arrived almost at the same time as Jake, who had visibly been given a lift from Eric, and both of us parked in front of their house. I stepped out of the car and walked toward the two brothers; but before I could make my way to them, Jake took the initiative and walked toward me quickly, before embracing me.

"I'm so sorry about your house." He told me in a warm and sincere tone while hugging me.

"I'm the one who's sorry for bothering you and your family for help." I replied while patting his back softly.

"It's only natural of us to help you." A deep voice rose from behind me.

I let go of Jake and turned around to see Eric, who had overheard our conversation and was walking toward us.

"Jake told me." He added.

I walked up to him and hugged him as well, after which all three of us walked inside their house, Jake leading the way. Stepping into the living room, I saw Johnston and Gail standing there, and she gasped lightly when seeing all three of us, visibly worried.

"Oh, I'm happy to see you kids are doing fine and have not been hurt by the fires in town."

I nodded with a slight smile, before turning to Jake, and we stared at each other before mutually nodding.

"In fact, I'm here to talk to you about that." I started. "My house... Well, let's say I don't have one anymore."

Gail covered her mouth and gasped once again.

"Oh, I'm so sorry honey..."

"Dad, we wanted to know if you could find a way for [Y/N] to have a new place to stay." Jake told his father, taking over for me.

Johnston nodded rapidly with a stern expression.

"Of course, it's-"

But his sentence was cut short by a series of coughing, leading Gail to hold him by the shoulders and make him sit down on their couch.

"It's no problem." He continued. "I'll get working on it right away."

I took a step forward and gestured my hands.

"No, Mayor Green- Please relay this task to someone else, you should think of yourself first and rest for now. You've done a lot for us today already... And I know you're not in the best shape. No offense to you, of course."

Eric took a step forward as well.

"She's right dad, you should ask the deputies for this instead. They can handle it."

Johnston nodded once more.

"You're right. I'll send them over to [Y/N]'s house immediately."

I scoffed, a little embarrassed.

"Oh, but... The town's already running low on law enforcement, you shouldn't bother the deputies with my issue, I'm sure they've got much more important business to take care of..."

"No, no..." Johnston cut me off before I could add more.

He paused for a brief second, seemingly pensive.

"Bill will take care of it, I'll tell him to come down from the station and drive to your house at once."

Hearing the good news, I smiled warmly while nodding at him.

"Thank you very much, Mayor Green."

I turned to Jake and Eric and smiled at them as well.

"And thank you guys too, I'll keep you updated on my situation."

Both brothers nodded back at me with smiles, and after having thanked everyone inside, I exited the house and got back in my car. Sitting behind the wheel, I adjusted my rearview mirror and took a deep breath in while looking at my reflection. I exhaled and smiled, then drove off, leaving the Greens behind. I got back to my house - if I could even still call it that -, and parked my car on the side of the road. Looking around, I saw the deputy had not arrived yet, so I got out and walked to the house, observing it from every angle. Taking my time, I slowly got to the front door and was about to step in, when I heard the sound of a vehicle parking from behind me. I turned around and saw a deputy stepping out of his car: the second he had closed the door, I felt my usual smile slowly vanish as our eyes met. My mind went blank for a second, forgetting all about the remains of my burned house, or the havoc happening all over town. He blinked a couple of times then shook his head, before looking behind me at the house.

"Wow..." He let out.

We walked toward each other as I was still staring at him.

"Yeah, wow..." I spoke softly. "You look..."

The deputy's attention was brought back to me and he stared at me with slight confusion at first, before one side of his mouth rose upward slightly.

"... Good?"

"I was about to say 'small for a deputy sheriff'." I said while frowning my eyebrows a little.

I scoffed and smiled cutely.

"But that too, I guess."

He smiled back at me, but suddenly changed his expression, looking slightly puzzled.

"Wait... I've never seen you around before, have I?"

"I don't think so. I'm new in town- well, in what's left of this town."

He opened his mouth just faintly while nodding slowly, then presented his hand out to me.

"Deputy Bill Koehler."

I shook his hand while keeping a warm smile.

"[Y/N] [Y/L/N]."

Smiling back at first, Bill then closed his eyes and shook his head as joy left his face.

"Listen, I'm sorry about your house... It must be hard for you..."

I looked over my shoulder quickly before shrugging.

"Oh, it's alright, I only got to live there for 4 days, I didn't know her very well."

It was not hard to see the deputy had been taken by surprise by my reply and that he did not really know how to follow up, seeing how perplexed he was. I decided to keep on joking around with him, so I turned around and came to stand next to him in front of the house.

"I think this fire was a sign to try and tell me the house needed a black repaint job." I casually said while putting my fists on my hips.

This time he could not help but chuckle, and I turned to look at him with a proud smile.

"What do you think?"

Yet again, the precious smile he wore slowly disappeared as he regained seriousness. He sighed and shook his head a little.

"I think I have no idea how to properly handle your issue and where to relocate you..."

Before I had time to talk back, Bill kept on going.

"I'm really sorry [Y/N], I'm trying to think of lodging where you could spend the night, but... With everything that's been happening lately, it's going to be hard to find an available place."

I shook my head slowly.

"It's okay, deputy, I'll figure something out. I'll go ask the Greens if they can put me up in their house-"

"No..." He interrupted me before I could keep talking. "The Greens are already gonna have Eric and April to accommodate for a while... You'd be too cramped in there."

The both of us stayed silent as he rubbed the bottom half of his face with his hand. I turned back to my house and looked at it some more, a myriad of thoughts crossing my mind.

"... I can always welcome you to stay over at my place until we find a more suitable solution." Bill suddenly offered.

I swiftly turned around and for once my smile disappeared.

"Deputy Koehler, it's out of the question..."

"Well, it's the only option I can think of at the moment."

"No, I..."

I shook my head while looking down at the ground and took a few steps toward him, before raising my head.

"You're already trying to help me plenty here, I don't want to be even more of a burden or bother to you, really-"

"I live alone, [Y/N]." He cut me off. "I assure you that you'd not be a bother."

He marked a pause, looking down, before looking back at me with sincere eyes.

"If anything, I'd appreciate the company."

I stared at him while sighing, having trouble deciding for myself.

"I have a spare room you'll be able to use as a bedroom, you'll have enough space for yourself."

But still, I was hesitant.

"I leave early in the morning and end my shifts at the police station late in the evening, so you'll have the house to yourself during the day whenever you'll want to stay there."

Seeing I was still not budging, he suddenly rose his arms in a heavy sigh.

"C'mon, what more do I need to say to convince you to stay at my place?"

I looked at him with slight surprise but quickly came to smile, and even felt myself blush a little. I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"Alright deputy, you win."

"Then it's settled." He chuckled lowly as he crossed his arms on his chest.

Scoffing lightly, I turned back to face the house, and I saw him follow my gaze.

"Have you had time to take a look inside yet?" He asked me while pointing at it.

"Briefly, yeah. In fact, I found out some of my belongings are still intact, although I didn't get the time to properly dig them out, so I was thinking of doing that right now."

He took a step forward while holding his belt with one hand.

"Oh... Well, let me help you with that, then."

"No, it's alright, really." I chuckled as I gestured my hand. "I'm sure you're already busy with plenty of other more important things."

At the exact moment his mouth opened, surely to contradict me and insist on helping me, his walkie-talkie transmitted a call from another deputy.

"Bill, I need you down at the station for something, come by as soon as you can."

I smiled cutely and pointed a finger at his belt.

"See? Told y'a."

Having to admit defeat, he picked up his walkie-talkie with a sigh.

"Alright Jimmy, I'll be there right away."

He turned back to me and took a step forward.

"Alright [Y/N]... You take your time packing your things, and once you're finished you meet me down at City Hall."

Still while talking to me, he made his way back to his car.

"I'll drive you to my place so that you can drop off everything you have." He finished.

"Yes sir, copy that." I replied in an exaggerated solemn manner.

He chuckled once more, and for just a split second, I caught a glance at his smile. I watched him climb back into his car before taking off, leaving me alone with the remains of my house.

"Well, it's just you and me now." I let out while gazing at it.

For the second time, I walked up to the front door and stepped inside: as carefully as I could, I made my way around the house, avoiding the debris lying everywhere, and inspected every nook and cranny, going room by room. Some cardboard boxes that I had stored in my bedroom had miraculously made it out, so I picked up everything that had not been destroyed and used them as temporary storage, putting all my things inside of them. After having inspected every room and made sure I had gotten everything that was left, it turned out I only managed to save two boxes worth of belongings, some more important than others. I stacked both boxes on top of each other and carried them outside, before chucking them into the backseat of my car.

"Well, it ain't a lot, but at least it won't take too much space in the deputy's house." I sighed as I tried to cheer myself up.

Just as I had been ordered, I got into my car and drove off to City Hall, to meet back with Bill. Once in town, I parked some distance away and entered the building. Pushing the door of the police station open, I started searching for him from where I was; just as I was about to walk deeper into the room, I spotted him near the front desk, and instead decided to stay beside the doorway. For an unexplainable reason, I did not make my way to him and simply stared at him, watching him work. It seemed both of us were deeply lost in thought, until Bill eventually looked up from the paperwork he was handling and met my gaze. As I remained silent and smiled at him, he walked up to me and gave me a sign of the head.

"Alright, let's go."

We both exited the station and only then, as we walked to our respective cars, did I notice I had parked mine next to his. I opened the backseat door and grabbed my boxes to put them in his car, but did the entire process slowly.

"I was thinking..." I started, pensive. "Can't I simply let my stuff in the car until tonight? I mean, we'll have to drive to your home at the end of the day anyway, so why not wait until then to drop my boxes off?"

I was just done putting the second box in Bill's car when he crossed his arms on his chest and shook his head slowly.

"No, that won't do. With all the breaking-in and stealing that's been going on lately... It'd be too risky to let your things inside the car. I wouldn't want to see the last of your belongings get taken away from you. Or my car to be vandalized because of it."

I chuckled softly while smiling a little.

"Besides, it's not too far from here, and I want to show you the road to take during the day, you won't really be able to get your bearings at night."

"All fair points I can't argue with." I told him while opening the passenger door.

We hit the road, and for the first few minutes of the drive, we both remained silent. I kept my thoughts to myself as I looked at the inside of Bill's car, then turned my head at the window: rolling it down, I set my elbow down and rested my chin on the palm of my hand. At one point during the ride, I could not help but chuckle quietly to myself while looking at the streets out the window.

"You know, deputy Koehler, the more I think about it, the more upset I am at this fire."

I could feel his eyes divert to me briefly, and I turned my head around to look at him.

"Because of it, I had to bother so many people left and right, you the first- Or should I say, the most."

Giving another look out the window, I rested my right arm on it.

"When I saw you working at the station, I just... pictured what your day would have been like if you hadn't needed to help me out. All the important work I interrupted..."

"Don't be silly, helping you is important." I heard him say without looking at him. "Just as important as all this paperwork I was handling. Hell, if anything, I'm more enjoying my day being out here than staying in town."

I turned my head to him a little and stared at him driving, his eyes fixated on the road.

"The only law enforcers left in town are practically just Jimmy and me. And we haven't been given a single second to breathe since the bombing happened."

He looked at me and cracked a glowing smile.

"Thanks for getting me out of City Hall."

I smiled back at him, feeling my cheeks redden slightly. Not long after our exchange, Bill slowed down as we were nearing a house.

"Alright, we're here." He announced.

After having parked, he went to open the front door while I got out and picked up my boxes from the backseat. We stepped inside together, and I instantly noticed his expression changing as he scanned the first floor left and right.

"I'm, hum, sorry about the mess..." He apologized, embarrassed.

"Hey, trust me, I've seen worse." I reassured him. "I really don't mind, so don't sweat it out."

Sending a half-smile my way, Bill proceeded to give me a quick tour of the house, starting with the kitchen and the living room on the first floor. Afterward, we went up a flight of stairs taking us to the second floor, where he showed me his bedroom, the bathroom, his office, and lastly, the spare room he had told me about. I walked into what would soon become my new bedroom, and put my boxes down on the floor; looking around me, I smiled warmly.

"It's a very lovely home you have."

I saw him smile faintly while standing in the doorway of the room, leaning on his shoulder.

"Thank you."

His eyes shifted focus and fell on my boxes, set down.

"I have to get back in town to keep on handling business, do you want to stay here for the rest of the day, the time for you to get used to the house and make yourself at home?"

"Oh, no." I quickly replied. "I'd feel horrible staying at home when the entire town is trying to bring itself back on its feet. I've got some people I need to go check on, and things to do around town, I've got to help out."

"I'll give you a lift back to town, then." Bill nodded.

"Thank you very much, deputy." I thanked him sincerely.

With that arranged, we both walked out of the house and back to his car. We got in and drove back to town, and similarly to before, the first few minutes of the ride were silent, apart from the sound of the engine and the agitation coming from the streets.

"By the way, [Y/N]..." Bill suddenly said, extracting me from my thoughts. "Why didn't you inform anyone about the fire spreading to your house?"

"Well, people were running left and right trying to stop the library and trailer park fires."

I shook my head and scoffed with a slight smile.

"The fire at my house was the least of your concerns, really. More important things had to be saved."

He looked at me without adding a word, a difficult expression on his face, after which he focused back on the road, and the inside of the car fell quiet again for the rest of the drive. By the time we arrived back at City Hall, it was the middle of the afternoon; after Bill had parked and dropped me off, I got out and started to head off into town.

"[Y/N], wait." He called out to me.

I stopped and turned around to him, about to enter the building.

"I usually end my shift around 9 PM... Is it okay with you to wait for me until then to get back home?"

I smiled at him while giving him a sign of the hand.

"It's no problem at all."

"Thank you... I would've gladly let you return home by yourself without having to wait for me, but I don't have a duplicate of my front door key... At least not on me. I'm almost sure I have one somewhere in the house, but I'd have to look for it."

"It's alright, we'll look for it later." I told him with a smile. "As for tonight, I'll just come by here around 9 to wait for you."

"Alright then." He nodded. "Well, you know where to find me if you need me for anything."

"Roger that." I nodded back with a smile.

As Bill entered the station, I turned around and went into town to go take care of my own business. The first thing I did was meet up with Jake and the rest of his family to update them on my housing situation, letting them know Bill had decided to set me up in his own house until we would find a more appropriate solution. I also asked Jake how things were looking around town, and I spent some time listening to him as he gave me a quick sum-up of everyone's situation. After I had paid the Greens a visit, I went around town and settled some things: but before I knew it, the evening soon came, and I decided to drop by Mary's bar before heading to City Hall, since they were located close to each other. I made my way to the police station slightly before the clock hit 9 PM, and seeing light inside the building, I decided to walk in to let Bill know I was there. But as I was about to open the door, it opened from the other end right in front of me; I stopped walking and before I had time to react, I bumped into him walking out.

"Oh, sorry-..." We both apologized awkwardly at the same time.

The two of us a little startled, we stood in front of the door and ended up chuckling lowly together.

"Well, you're right on time." Bill let out.

"So are you."

After regaining our composures, we made our way to our cars, yet again parked next to each other.

"We'll need to drive back home in both of our cars." He started explaining to me. "As I've previously told you, I wake up early in the morning, and I won't want to force you to wake up early tomorrow if it's just for me to give you a lift."

Arriving next to our cars, Bill turned to me.

"I think it'd be better for you if you had your car there already in the morning, that way you won't have to be too dependent on me."

"Well, you make a good point." I agreed while leaning against my car. "That works for me."

"Alright then, I'll lead the way." He stated.

Getting in our respective cars, we drove off and followed each other closely for a while. But after having driven away from the rest of the town, I suddenly felt a rumble beneath me. I slowed down for a second, wondering what it was, and noticed Bill did the same in front of me. However, mutually though without consulting each other, we both decided to keep on driving, ignoring the rumbling. But barely a few seconds later, the earth started to shake again, even stronger; this time, I saw Bill park his car on the side of the road, and I did the same. We both got out of our cars at the same time and instinctively looked at each other right away.

"Did you feel that too?" I asked him.

"Yeah."

Suddenly, a loud noise was heard from above our heads, leading us both to turn around and look up. We stared dumbstruck into the evening sky as two scintillating flame trails of what appeared to be ballistic missiles rose above our heads. I made my way to the sidewalk slowly while still looking up.

"What... is that?"

I heard Bill's footsteps slowly getting closer to me, and once they had stopped, I looked down and saw him standing by my side. I stared back at the sky as I heard him exhale deeply.

"The beginning of the end."

#bill koehler #bill koehler x reader #bill koehler x you #bill koehler fanfiction #bill koehler fanfictions #jericho #jericho fanfiction #jericho fanfictions #female reader #laws of love #chapter 1 #perplexedflower

[ryuusjacket]

okay so i wanted to share this post that i made a while back from my personal nsfw blog but i feel kinda embarrassed just reblogging it here and showing off the url to that blog publicly (i. literally have like 2 maybe 3 followers on this blog so far lmao) even tho like. i Do share the url w ppl who i trust and who Want to read long ass posts that go into indepth descriptions of my sexual identity, my sexual health, my desires/feelings with regards to sex, and my experiences w sex (w myself bc idk how to initiate a sexual encounter w another human being). you're welcome to dm me for the url if ur Really interested in reading turbo tmi content (it is all text btw. idk how to take nudes so those don't exist sorry)

ANYWAY i sometimes do thought dumps on there that involve nsfw topics like smut fanfic n stuff, so i've tried to brainstorm for my planned sskk fic on there before and well i actually found a wordy one i did where i rlly tried to explain in detail just exactly i Want to create and accomplish w this fic idea of mine. and even just re-reading the post myself, i found it to be very concise and illustrative of my goal for the fic's overall mood and tone. it was a very well-needed reminder for me to read my thought process from a month or so back when i was a bit more hyped to begin this project.

so yeah! anyway im just gonna copy and paste the whole damn post here bc i think it's an interesting read and good presentation of my inner thoughts wrt to what i'm hoping to write (hopefully) someday soon. and really... this fic idea is still barely in its infancy like there's still SO MUCH left to brainstorm and plan out like fuck!!! it's still too early to even start an outline doc (and that's like one of my fave parts of the fic writing process)

oh and some background context: a few months ago there was an event on twitter/ao3 (not sure if here on tumblr? i unfortunately don't follow many or any bsd/sskk blogs at ALL yet) for bottom akutagawa week which was HEAVEN for me 🥰🥰🥰 literally could not have been a better event to appeal to my interests in this fandom i s2g. and i got my hopes up that maybe i could write a lil fic in time to share during the week but that unfortunately didn't happen. anyway here's the post:

so i might not be able to write the bsd smut fic i was initially hoping to publish during the bottom aku fan week this week... but that doesn't mean i have to give up on this fic project completely! if anything now i don't have to worry about meeting an irrefutable deadline and i can technically do anything i want. so yeah i still wanna write this fic.

but first. i have to figure out What The Fuck i'm gonna write lmao cause i still don't fucking know. i was Intending to do a < 4k word one-shot fluffy getting together that somehow... transitions into a sex scene. and i still wanna do that... but i just. don't rlly have any specific detail or image or moment or dialogue line in mind to start building a story from. AND LIKE yeaH i know that sounds dumb cause it's like. if i don't have ANYTHING fantasized yet then WHY AM I EVEN BOTHERING to start this fic at all!?

.......im not really sure tbh lmao

nah it's cause i love these dudes and i wanna write something for them and interact w the sskk fan community.

i literally just. need to figure out the BARE BONES premise to this dang fic. like where tf is it gonna take place? is it mid/post-mission? is it at one of their flats? also WHERE are they gonna HAVE SEX???? im actually a big fan of sex scenes happening in non-conventional places (e.g. some dusty ass room in an abandoned building they were investigating or in a public restroom oR FUckinG in an airplane holy shit i haven't seen that one done yet lmao MILE HIGH CLUB ONE-SHOT LETS GOO) but yea idk maybe i should just. keep it simple and do what every other fic does and let them get down at ryuu's place in his luxuriously huge bed (that hasn't canonically been shown, let alone wherever he lives)

i should AT LEAST settle on how fast this fic is gonna be paced. tbh i kinda Always prefer sskk's first time being a bit... feverish and rushed. it just suits them best. maybe there’s a little angst or miscommunication of feelings/intentions thrown in before they Eventually get their shit/feelings together. but anyway i don’t wanna write that lmao that’s too complicated (but like. yeah. these are two Very complicated (i.e. traumatized) guys with a VERY complicated relationship so. yeah it’s actually kinda rare/weird to imagine things working out Too smoothly for them tbh). 

while objectively that complicated/messy/aggressive type shit is their Brand, i would still like to keep things soft and gentle and Nice. that stuff is Not Impossible w these two ofc. it’s... tricky, but def possible. and i wanna achieve That. a getting together that is soft, hesitant, shy, and puts a heavy emphasis on Both of these men’s inexperience wrt romance and sex (that. is. my. Shit. they are both virgins and absolutely clueless and i Refuse to accept anything other than that. ......okay no... that’s not rlly true... basically all of my fave fics have a somewhat experienced atsushi and that’s okay bc like. how else is he gonna be able to Take Care of ryuu if he doesn’t already have an idea of how to take care of someone during sex? anyway ryuu is the most virginal virgin of all virgins to exist THAT IS INDISPUTABLE!!!!!)

so. i guess what i’m wondering is... how fast can i manage to pace the flow of the story while still keeping it soft overall. cause i don’t feel like writing a super super hot n filthy sex scene that’s charged and exhilarating and just a fucking blur of fucking. i wanna write feely, emotional sex. an aching intimate exchange of trust between them, still laced w hesitance and anxiety and sheer disbelief that this is really happening and that they can have this. both of them express unwavering consideration for each other’s comfort, constantly asking for consent and reassuring the other that “yes, i want this. yes, that feels good. yes yes yes.” they’re both taking careful, yet still enthusiastic, steps together. TENDERNESS is my ultimate goal here.

so yeah anyway i’ll try to keep thinking about this and hopefully i can actually come up w some ideas that i wanna implement into whatever this fic eventually becomes. just haven’t had enough time.... or horniess.... to get down to some real brainstorming yet lmao

[stellocchia]

So, I once made a post about c!Tommy and c!Dream’s relationship throughout season 1 (which you can find here), but today I was thinking, why not do the same for the Exile Arc?

There are some people that still don’t seem to have a comprehensive idea of what actually went down during that time (either because they joined the fandom afterwards or haven’t watched it at the time) so I’ll try to do that here. I’ll cover the first 2 streams here, and then continue in the next part because this is gonna be way too damn long otherwise...

As always I’ll be talking only about the characters and the roleplay from here on out and also I’ll be touching on some very heavy topics under the cut (such as gaslighting and abuse). Also this is gonna be another one of my Overly Long Analysis, so... you know... be warned of that.

I’ll be going through this vod by vod, so It will be so long... God why do I always do this to myself?

Let’s start with TommyInnit Is Exiled From The Dream SMP... which is the vod when Tommy actually get’s exiled.

So, the exile scene per se has been covered a 100 times over, but, right after Tubbo asking Dream to “please detain and excort Tommy out of my country” Dream yeets Tommy off the walls and then he immediately establishes the general idea of how it’ll be in exile: “I don’t think you wanna die Tommy. You need to- to listen to me”.

Also it is to be noted that in this “exile” time and time again Dream establishes arbitrary rules that were most certanly not meant in the initial sentence (which is why it’s much more of a kidnapping then an actual exile). Starting from before they even leave L’Manburg completely. In fact when they are still in the vc with the others and still just down from the obsidian walls, Tommy and Dream have this exchange:

“Do I have any time to speak words? What can...” “NO. NO. NO. NO!” “what the...” 

And then right after (just after leaving the vc):

“Do you have food?” “Yeah...” “Good, we’ll be going a long while still” “Am I not allowed- well surely- surely I’m only exiled from L’Manburg-” “Oh, no no no. You’re exiled from everywhere that’s been touched”

The sentence was only for him to be exiled from L’Manburg. Dream theoretically only had authority over the Greater Dream smp in any case, so how come immediately Tommy’s “sentence” becomes being exiled from “everywhere that has been touched”? What authority did Dream have to exile him from the Badlands? Or the Holy Grounds (considering those are widely considered neutral)?

This is from right after Ghostbur joins them:

“Well, I don’t- I don’t have to come with you” “Well, I mean, I’ll kill you” (...) "I don’t have to follow you! I don’t-” “Tommy! Then I’ll just kill you. What happens if I kill you?” “I die...”

Again, technically Tubbo only asked Dream to escort Tommy out of his country, not all the way to his place of exile. Tommy here is right, he is exiled, he is not supposed to have a jailor going with him, he is not supposed to be imprisoned. All he supposedly had to do was get off the lands he wasn’t allowed into and then he’d be good. Of course Dream’s plans were different there.

Also the trend of constantly undermining anything Tommy is feeling at any given moment sure doesn’t stop with the Exile Arc! 

“No, no! I don’t want to head anywhere! I wanna to go back! I wanna go back!” “Fine fine, we’ll head this way then. It’s fine, this is fine” “I don’t wanna go!” “Tommy come on...”

Honorable mention to Dream talking about the first time he exiled Tommy:

“Do you remember- this is actually funny! Do you remember the first time you ever joined the server? And uhm... you got exiled? By me?” “Yeah?” “It’s kinda like that, except now if you don’t listen you die”

And the conditioning begins all the way here, with Dream trying to decide Tommy’s emotions for him:

“Oh... I hate you” “*laughs* Okay Tommy, you don’t hate me” “No, no I definitely do” “Noooo, you don’t hate me”

Cue Dream just blowing up Tommy’s second Summer Home after he explained that it was supposed to be a safe haven for him and Tubbo. Also note that Dream is already getting rid of any mob attacking Tommy even if at this point he still had armour and weapons to defend himself. I talked about this before, but Dream does seem to want Tommy to be as dependent on him as he is on Tommy, which is why during exile he made him dependent on him for protection/safety and company and in prison for food. Also Ghostbur going: “I don’t think this man is very nice...”, thank you Ghostbur, I wish you could remember that, but you’re trying your best and I appreciate it...

“How long is- how long am I exiled for? When can I just go back?” “You can’t (...) if you go back you die”

Again, not Dream’s decision to make. Tubbo was the one exiling Tommy meaning that, if Tubbo actually had the decision power in that istance, Tubbo was the one who should have decided when he could come back. Also, again reiterating the point from before:

“I thought I was only banished from L’Manburg, that was the deal, not the entirety of the smp-” “Oh no. No you’re banished far enough where they don’t see you”

Also, a little look into Tommy’s mentality here:

“Tubbo said he wasn’t thinking with emotion, but with reason, but: what the fuck is the point if there isn’t any- any emotion?!”

This is honestly why he is Dream’s exact opposite and probably why he finds him fun, while Tubbo is irrelevant to him. Tommy thinks emotions should always be taken into account when making decisions and he values sentimentality over everything. Dream is the opposite, to him emotions are irrelevant and sentimentality is a weakness. Tubbo is a bit of both, which makes his clash of ideologies with Dream a lot less evident. 

Anyway, they get to the island and Dream builds Tommy a dirt shack for him to set his spawn into. And then there is the first istance of Dream taking all of Tommy’s stuff (building blocks and food included) and blowing it up. Which, again, is in no way an actual exile condition. Tommy is in jail basically. He got kidnapped and now he is in jail. Also right after that Dream gives them food and obsidian (of course acting like he is doing them a big favour, when he actually just created that need), which Tommy bromptly refuses, later burning the obsidian.

Also Dream’s parting words here are: “I’ll see you never”. Which couldn’t be less true! There is quite a bit more after that, of Tommy and Ghostbur settling in, finding a ruined portal with some armour and the village nearby and Techno visiting, but this is about c!Dream and c!Tommy and it’s already incredibly long as is, so maybe I’ll talk about everything else another time...

Onto the next one: Tommy Is Alone in Exile with Dream...

This stream starts off with Bad visiting Tommy to give him a few presents (which consist of Chirp, 2 diamonds, an enderchest, and almost dead diamond pick with silk touch, some coocked chicken some bones and a few stacks of oak wood logs). Also Tommy sees Logsteshire for the first time. Then Dream arrives and he is not happy about the present (something something, having other people giving Tommy useful stuff would make him less reliant on Dream). Also Bad seems to be slightly scared of Dream since he immediately tells Tommy that he should not say that any of the stuff he gave him was from him. Anyway, Dream destroys everything, but Tommy, with Bad’s help, manages to save Chirp. Here’s their exchange in this scene of course:

“Tommy?” “Yes! Yes?!” “Do you have uh... something you wanna put on the floor here?” “Yes *throws in 3 red concrete blocks*” “Anything else Tommy?” “No! You’re evil by the way, you’re an evil man-” “Come on... I know there is something else you wanna drop down here...” “No there-... *gives disk to Bad* I don’t reckon there is!” “Okay are you sure...?” “Yes!” “Alright... how about uh- how about your armour Tommy?” “No this is- I actually earned this myself” “I know you did! Just drop it in the hole Tommy” “No, no! You can’t just come and demand things from me! I’ve been exiled, I’ve done your shit! What- what do you mean-” “Tommy~” “What?” *Dream hits Tommy with an enchanted netherite axe* “Drop them down~” “Hooooo okay okay okay!”

So, in case anyone was wondering, physical abuse is there as well. And this is fully depicted as physical abuse. Like, normally, with this being Minecraft, it is implied that violence is generally inconsequential, here though c!Tommy reacts to it clearly in pain and shock. There is no doubt there. 

Sapnap arrives at this point as well. After that Dream makes it a point that Tommy cannot have the enderchast that Bad gave him because you can never have enough random arbitrary rules when kidnapping someone apparently! 

“Why are you here? Why are you here? What- what could you- what could you possibly want more from me? You’ve tortured me-” “I’m just! I’m just... keeping an eye on you Tommy” 

I’ve highlighted this because, considering the last time Dream was there he said he would never see Tommy again, Tommy’s confusion here is more then understandable. But of course Dream acts like it’s obvious that he would be there and that it’s necessary to make sure that Tommy is not “up to no good”. Also, another extremely important exchange: 

“You’ve exiled me you stupid manipulative green bastard!” “Yeah I know! I know! And you know why I did that” “Yes? Yes?” “No, you know why” “Why?” “Because you don’t listen to me ever. You’re the only person who doesn’t ever listen to me (...) listen, you are like a little annoying bug in my room and it pisses me off so I take you and I put you outside and that’s what I did. And now I’m just making sure that you stay outside”

So... the bullshit about this being about George’s house is out of the window by the first proper exile stream. Also Dream goes in the ever increasing list of villains who, if annoyed enough, will reveal all their evil plans to the protagonist. Like Tommy screaches enough and Dream will immediately go in evil monologuing mode...

“So what do you actually want from me then?” “Well nothing, I’m just here to talk to you. Tommy, we’re still friends ok? Just because I exiled you doesn’t mean we’re not friends-” “Just because I killed your friends and family doesn’t mean we can’t be bros...” “Well, it’s true!”

Ok so, it’s confirmed that Dream would still go on with this “friendship” facade even if he killed Tubbo or Wilbur then. Also:

*Tommy sees a creeper* then in the most monotone tone ever: “Help me” Dream sprinting from the other side of the cave: “TOMMY!”. I love this scene and I love this two dumbasses (and I mean the cc’s here). Also, to go back to the serious stuff: once again Dream is the one killing every single mob around Tommy because he blew up all his means for defence. Also Bad and Sapnap are still there as well, but Dream is always the on interveening (mostly because he is the one following Tommy around more closely). I’ll have a few of the more interesting quotes here afterwards until the next interesting scene:

“If I had 8 legs I would fuck you all up” “Oooh, no you wouldn’t” (Dream de-valuing Tommy’s anger once again)

“Stop following me” “NO” “Well okay then...” (honestly this was just funny...)

“Can I call you Wilbur? Or is it Ghostbur...?” “You can call me whatever you like” (for those saying that Ghostbur not correcting Tommy was weird)

“Alright Wilbur, what do you need an enderchest for? I might make an exception but-” “We- we need it so that we can access our stuff from the old world, the old world” “But not to go back” “How would we be able to go back with an enderchest?” “Well I don’t know maybe there is stuff in there that’s... better” “Tommy do you have anything that could get you to go back? In the enderchest?” “A boat? What’d you mean?” “Yeah to be honest we just need wood to get back, it’s not really-” 

Here we have Ghostbur poking holes in one of the new rules that Dream added that day. As a matter of fact, why would an enderchest be dangerous? Tommy mostly keeps sentimental stuff in there and a bit of iron. Still that’s the whole point: Dream is trying to get Tommy under his control so he needs to bring him to a point where he’ll listen to his orders even when they don’t make any actual sense. Also, btw, Dream doesn’t actually give them an enderchest after this exchange.

“Do you want to come with me Tommy? Do you want to come with me and visit the old library?” “No no no” “Yes! Yes please!” “No he wants to stay here with me” “I don’t. I definitely don’t” “He does! He’s just trying to be nice to you Wilbur. He’s trying to be nice to you” “I’m not Wilbur, I want to come with you” (way to gaslight an amnesiac ghost...)

“So how long is Tommy supposed to be here?” “Like a week?” “Oh, a week is not bad!” “*laughing* No he’s here forever” (Like goddamn, imagine if every minor griefing was punished with permanent exile!)

“M-maybe like- does Tommy gets like visitations? Like once every month he get’s to go to L’Manburg-” “No! No no no” “No visitation, huh?” “No visitation” (well, let’s thank Sapnap for trying...)

So, after this Tommy gets his plan to go through the Nether and find a quick way to and from L’Manburg to, perhaps, sneak in unnoticed at some points. Dream “allows” him here to go to the Nether (even though technically there is no reason why the exile would extend to there as well), so they get to work on fixing a ruined portal. “Did you know, I apparently blew up a nation and killed everyone” (thank God we have Ghostbur, he makes everything better). One thing I want to note though: at this point Tommy still kills the mobs attacking him when Dream is not stalking him and doing it for him, which is kind of nice. We are still at the first exile stream though...

“Can I go back for like an hour and see all my friends?” “No, they can come here though. I-I mean Tommy, I think- I think that someone could come here and visit you, but you can’t ever go back. Like I-I don’t have anything against people coming here and visiting you if they want to. They don’t HAVE to, but they can if they really want to” “Tommy think of it this way: whenever you’re in prison you can’t just go and visit your friends, but they can come and visit you” “They can come and visit you, yeah, that’s actually a very- that’s a perfect analogy”

I wonder why the best analogy for Tommy’s situation is not a f*cking exile analogy, but actual prison. Maybe because he is confined to one place, not allowed to keep any personal items and never allowed to go back? Also they actually get to Nether hub at this point and there is the famous scene with Tommy looking at the lava: 

A curious thing about this scene (aside from being a clear indication of the beginning of Tommy’s depressive spiral) is both that Dream didn’t seem to particularly care about Tommy dying up until now (and in the future as well) as long as he is the one to kill him. Meaning that he seemed fine with it as long as he had control over it. And yet at the end there he agrees with Tommy’s statement of “it’s never my time to die” which kinda makes me think that Dream by this point was already entirely set on his idea of Tommy needing to be alive for Dream to control the whole server. Tommy and Dream head back to Logstedshire after this scene.

*Tommy looks at the lava while standing very close to the edge* “I’ll go back through just to... check and see” *Dream hits Tommy away from the edge* “Come on” *Tommy goes back to the edge and Dream pushes him away again, this time covering the hole* “It’s not your time to die yet Tommy” “It’s never my time to die” “That’s true” 

“Home sweet home...” “Home sweet home. I think it’ll be good! People might visit you all the time, I mean, I can visit you! It’s- it’s actually fun to come here! It’s a little bit- it’s a change of scenery, you know?” “It’s not fun to be stuck here” “Well... you’re not ’stuck’ it’s your vacation home!” “Can I go back? I’m ready...” “No but you can leave this area, you can go somewhere else. This is just- like, I took you far away, you can go further if you want”

So, if anyone is wondering, this is not, in fact, Dream giving Tommy more freedom. Especially considering that when Tommy does leave Logstedshire later on Dream literally hunts him down, so no, that was never an option. What Dream is doing here is make himself sound benevolent by comparison by telling Tommy that the only other options he has are worse since they are even further away.

“I’m here for a good time, not for a long time” (more hints towards Tommy’s depressive spiral)

“Guys how do you know when it’s too much?” (and again)

“Can I go and see the tree?” “Tommy, you can’t go and see the tree” “Dream why don’t you let him just- it’s not in L’Manburg! Why don’t you let him just see the tree and then escort him back?” 

Ghostbur my beloved, pointing out holes in Dream’s rules all the time. Something tells me that’s the reason why Dream tried to kill him later on...

Anyway! This concludes this first post because it’s... Oh fuck this is REALLY long.... welp! I’ll make the others in the next few days! 

#dreamwastaken #tommyinnit #ghostbur #dream smp #exile arc #tw abuse #tw manipulation #c!dream critical #character analysis #relationship analysis #this was supposed to be just all the quotes of c!dream being an asshole during the exile arc #then I went 'how about I write a couple of my thoughts in as well?' #and mistakes were made... #long post #my post