#i just dont feel like i can have other ppl in my life without eventually hurting them or having them regret choosing to know me

[gaystardykeco]

becoming abundantly clear that the less i socialize with ppl the worse im getting at it and the worse i get at it the less i socialize with ppl

#its just so frustrating bc like now i have few enough conversations with ppl that i really can spend hours obsessing over each one #and then i can find all the missteps i made and things i said wrong and just fixate on them for hours and hours #and really its on me bc i should be able to have friendly conversation without fucking up this much every time #but its just exhausting like i really do just need to isolate fully as painful as it may be bc my social skills are just getting worse #and its at the point where subjecting other ppl to them will ultimately only make them annoyed with me or disappointed in me #idk i know this all sounds silly im just tired of being so selfish and not having better control of what i say #like i think so hard all the time about how i can be a better friend and talk about myself less and then i get the chance to and just...don #i just feel like theres smth fundamentally wrong with me where the person i am is just not someone ppl want to be around #and no matter how hard i try to fix it i just end up right back here again #i feel like ppl think i stopped talking to them bc i didnt want to talk to them but thats really not it at all #i just dont feel like i can have other ppl in my life without eventually hurting them or having them regret choosing to know me #i just feel like looking back at any year of my life is looking back at so many ppl that are so much happier now that im not in their lives #and that hurts so bad and i dont know how to not be that person anymore

[desire-mona]

things abt dps i feel like we dont address enough (photos attached will be shit quality, i took screenshots from yt clips LMAO)

heavily ib @pencileraser1's post abt stuff he noticed n such

the fucking KIDS at welton. the CHILDREN. maybe its just me but i always find myself forgetting that welton isnt a highschool + there are in fact a lot more students than the ones we're focusing on. thats what makes welton so like. evil? to me? they start pushing these kids into a box EARLY.

related, i wouldve LOVED to see how(/if?) keating taught these kids, or rly any other class! he has other classes!!! i think!

ok. of course. neil is a smoker, we've touched on that. but charlie is too?? and he's the one who provides the cigs???? obviously the easy explanation is that he does it to be rebellious and stuff but also Is There Something Else. much to think abt. also wondering where he gets his cigs but thats not rly anything i dont think.

this ones just funny but when mr perry tells the boys they can take a seat and todd simply does not. i KNOW he wasnt sitting before and he needs to unpack and stuff but ITS STILL FUNNY.

"take your seats boys"

"🧍"

also my guilty pleasure is the dps but its todd being anxious video bc man usually crack videos arent my jam but unfortunately i find it so funny

also!!! neil calling his dad sir. obviously its something so glaringly obvious that we dont need to have a discussion abt how theres a disconnect between them. like wow rly thanks mona i didnt know. but come on!!! it makes me sad!!! also they shake hands later in this scene and its the most affectionate/ friendly we see these two get. and its a handshake. and i think what makes it worse is that neil is a SUPER physically affectionate person with his friends. if u watch the movie and pay attention to how often he's touching someone else then ur gonna be like man. he rly was jumping at every opportunity huh.

something about the way neil and the boys act around mr perry makes me view him as more of a drill sargent than anything. everyone immediately stands upon him entering the room. they dont sit until given permission. it rly puts the whole military school thing into perspective but NOT ENOUGH TO SATISFY ME. as much as i hate mr perry, i wanna know what his life was like growing up. this man lived thru the great depression AND wwii, theres stories.

cam's stupid fucking face when keatings behind him larping ghosts. i will never stop talking about how sassy this kid is. the dps redheads go criminally unacknowledged in terms of comedy because OH MY GOD. CAM AND MEEKS WERE SO FUCKING FUNNY??? they both pulled the most dastardly judgemental looks and they make me cackle. a bit earlier in this scene meeks goes full 🙄🤨 on sniffles (tissue kid. i call him sniffles) and it is, without exaggeration, my fav part of the movie.

the fact that i totally thought knox was gonna fall off his bike and eat shit in this scene. it would be so out of place since dps isn't exactly full of physical comedy but GOD i still fully anticipated it. either that or him getting attacked by a bird. theres totally symbolism surrounding birds in this movie btw and idk what to make of it. if any of u lovely ppl have a theory then lmk immediately.

keating so accurately calling cam out being like "is this right is this right. am i walking right." BC YESSS. i will eventually make a fully fledged cam post but to briefly touch on it, i find cam to be very confused on what is right, usually in terms of morals. a whole situation of confusing your personal values with the rules, thinking theyre one in the same, and completely abandoning what u actually believe. unfortunately i think neils death rly amplified that nd is what led him to tattle. cuz cam is still willing to break the rules in the beginning of the movie!! he's outwardly judgemental but he still does it!! much to discuss, i promise i will eventually.

keatings face after todd yawps!!! theres not much to say here he is just so proud!!! sweet little moment!!!! keatpostin!!!!!!!!

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

u guys know im an avid knox hater but this made me giggle. rip knox overstreet u wouldve loved twitch streaming.

THE SPECIFICS OF THIS SHOT. i was gonna make a post a while ago being like "idk i find it funny that the main focus of this shot isnt even one of the poets" and then i realised that WAITTTTTTT THATS THE POINT!!!! keating reached kids besides the poets!!! u didnt have to be in the dead poets society to be affected by the way he taught his classes!!! u just had to be his student!!!!! also i love the fact that the kids who stayed seated r ASHAMED. EMBARRASSED.

the ending shot. oihghgghgg. it was SUCH a choice to set it up this way and honestly i adore peter for making it. this shot is SOOOO UNCOMFORTABLE TO LOOK AT and i love it. when i first watched this i was like "uhm ok interesting choice putting todd between this kids legs but I GET IT. one of the biggest things i remember from the film classes i took is that the way u set up shots is sooo important narratively, and one way to rly push the narrative is the space around a character in a shot. for example! if u have a character on screen surrounded by a TON of negative space then it rly emphasises how alone/ isolated they are. on the other end of the spectrum (the todd spectrum), if you surround a character in a shot with other objects or obstructions, like todd and this kids legs, then it rly emphasises how trapped and confined they are. looking at this makes me feel like. claustrophobic almost, like it's genuinely a bit harder to breathe looking at it. TODD IS STILL TRAPPED IN THAT SCHOOL. YES HE STOOD ON THE DESK AND YES HE NOW HAS THE MOTIVATION TO BE MORE CONFIDENT BC OF NEIL BUT HE! IS STILL! TRAPPED THERE!

more on todd since im on a roll here.

i was also gonna add that we dont rly talk about todd personality wise outside of poetry and anxiety but then i realised, what else is there? we dont really see much about him as a person outside of that, and i think thats the point! todd is constantly overshadowed by his brother, we know that, but i dont think we realise HOW MUCH that ties in with his entire character. quite honestly, outside of poetry and anxiety, ALL we have surrounding todd is his brother and his achievements. and of course! that makes sense! his parents want him to be just like his brother, they dont care about who he is as a person. UGH.

the desk set scene rly is the most insight we'll get into todds actual personality and desires imo, and thats what kills me. he wants a car!!!! get this boy a car!!!!!!!!! we rly see him start to open up before neils death and i wouldve LOVED to get to know todd when he's actually in a place to be himself!! but of course we never got that! sobs.

anywho. thats all i have for now. PLEASE share ur thoughts if u have any pls pls pls. encouraging discussion!! i love love love hearing about the specifics nd stuff, theres soooo much to pick apart abt this movie so i wanna hear everyones thoughts.

#desire mona #media #i wanna drink this movie dude #and smoke it #and inject it into my veins #etc #dead poets society #neil perry #todd anderson #charlie dalton #steven meeks #knox overstreet #richard cameron #john keating #banger

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Gay wrongs tournament, semifinals of the losers bracket

Propaganda:

For Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu:

you've got the founder of the fantasy ancient Chinese CIA and the leader of what is essentially the mafia and then they're soulmates and in love. they're both willing to kill anyone who dares hurt the other while also just wanting a soft domestic life together

Zhou Zishu is an assassin and spymaster who put the current Emperor on the throne, and then quit his job by faking his death (kinda, hes still dying but not as fast as he was supposed to). Had done A Lot on his old job, including murdering children (more than one, and at least one of them in a way I can't even describe without several trigger warnings), exterminating whole families, war crimes (and i dont mean this in a buzzword way, i mean "organized a public execution of foreign diplomats during war time")… btw he doesn't feel particularly bad about any of this, because he believes it was necessary. Like he wouldn't do it for fun, but he thinks the ends (putting a good Emperor on the throne) justified the means (all of the atrocities). As a retiree, he definitely cut down on the amount of morally reprehensible murder, but not murder in general. He still routinely kills ppl, he just doesn't go out of his way to kill more. Wen Kexing, meanwhile, is the Ghost Valley Master - Ghost Valley being a place where the worst of criminals are exiled. Even in such a place, he has reputation as a complete lunatic, owed partially to the fact that he either skinned a man or fed him his own flesh or both at one point, and partially to him having a rule where he would kill anyone who came closer than 3 meters to him. But in truth, everything he'd done was to survive the Ghost Valley and eventually take revenge for his parents, who were brutally murdered when he was only nine. By the start of the novel's timeline, he put his plan in motion - the plan that would drown jianghu in blood, but also deliver poetic justice to all responsible for his parents' deaths, as well as all who'd commit the same crime given the chance. And these two men, these two murderers and schemers, meet - and unexpectedly, find in each other the person who /understands/. The person who is just as ruthless and whose hands are just as bloody, but also the person who knows standing at the top of the world is not worth it, who seeks the same freedom of leaving it all behind, and who is still, underneath it all, a human, with human heart seeking connection. So you have this couple who understand each other with barely a word, and who want the same things - who are so hungry for domesticity and for people they can just goof around with when all their lives they had to measure every step and word - but ALSO where one half a couple is like "i gotta go murder hundreds in revenge" and the other half is like "ok pick you up at 6". (This btw is why I'm submitting novel's iteration of the couple in particular. Show wenzhou with their ridiculous breakups over morality could Never.) Also they were both hiding who they are when they first met, and later flirted about having figured each other out. Finally, I'll leave you my favorite quote that just. perfectly sums up their relationship: "And just like that, they fell asleep in each other's arms, steeped in the smell of blood."

You’ve probably already had submissions for them but I’ll add on. One of them founded an assassin’s guild and killed a staggering number of people. His malewife is the leader of a sect of insane murderous outcasts, and he attained his position by proving to be the most crazy and murder happy of them all. Most of the plot involves him wandering around watching his schemes get more people killed. Together they adopt a kid that was only orphaned due to said scheming (oops). They’re terrible and I love them.

For Legolas and Gimli:

They literally have a running competition between the two over who has more kills. And non-canon my ass, Legolas took Gimli to valinor

They kill alot of orcs together. They make it into a competition. Better minds than i have spoken about the couple ness

#losers bracket semifinals #word of honor #lotr #lord of the rings #legolas #gimli #wen kexing #zhou zishu

[goferwashere]

FELL FOR THE HYPNOSIS !

omg omg okay first question.. what was it like for Disco Kid being possessed / realizing he's possessed for the first time ? how did he feel, what was his reaction, was he scared ?? how does he come to terms with it and does it affect his day to day life ?

SECOND im soo curious as to how Tiger gets all this dirt on ppl . like is he a realllly good listener or is he just rlly sly ? or is it something more of him playing a clueless role so that the others that are monsters will trust him ? WHATS ALL THAT ABTT HES NOSEYYY

third i have no excuse for this one but im a big fan of Soda and Bull being fond of each other but if i remember correctly, in this AU Soda isn't so tolerant of monsters ... did that muddle their relationship ? does Soda know abt his close friend being a monster ? HOW DOES IT GOOOOO

I COULD COME UP WITH MORE BUT IM LITERALLY GOING CRAZY NOT KNOWING THE ANSWERS TO THESE ONES AND I DONT WANNA TAKE UP ALL YOUR TIME !! thanks 4 seeing this if u do and THANK U FOR GIVING US SUCH A SICK ASS AU !! 🩷

YAYYYYY ILY BUGGY YOU ALWAYS COME IN CLUTCH HELPING ME W MY BRAINROT

Okay I’ll go one at a time & sorry if they’re a bit long lol

1. Disco pulled up to the wrong address when going dancing, and didn’t know it until it was too late. He was going through his run down building expecting to find a race happening in one of the rooms, but this place was actually an abandoned WVBA building. They had a big dip in popularity in between the mid 90’s and the late 2000’s, and they had to get rid of a few of their properties. This place just so happened to be the building that Kid Quick died in. So obviously having his resting place disturbed ‘woke him up’, and he checked out the guy wandering around the building. He looked fit, and kinda reminded him of himself, so he just kinda… walked into his body. Quietly.

Disco felt a weird shiver, and definitely felt off when it happened, but nothing was obviously out of the ordinary so he brushed it off. He eventually found the right address and partied the rest of the night away.

Quick rode shotgun in Disco’s body for at least a few weeks without saying anything. He did feel kinda bad, and was definitely going to say something eventually (he was not.) so when Disco saw a translucent guy sitting on his couch trying to turn on his TV he almost passed out.

Quick freaked out and tried to wake him up, but only ended up possessing his body, which freaked both of them out further. (Okay well maybe Quick was excited to have a body again but Disco was NOT a happy camper.)

It was a miracle that Quick convinced Disco not to call an exorcist. But they sat down and had conversation about their lives, like old friends. When Quick told his story about dying in the ring, Disco offered to help him out. He seemed like a chill guy and as long he didn’t run away with Disco’s body he was okay with sharing.

The rest was history! (Again I am working on that oneshot where they’re the protags so I hope I can finish that soon 😋)

2. OKAYY so Tiger is all about playing dumb. He’ll intentionally act clueless about situations he already knows all about to see if he can get new info, or will see how the person he’s talking to feels about what’s going on.

Example if Aran and Macho Man were beefing, he’d *conveniently* pass by and go to both of them separately later, without telling them that they’d talked to the other person. He can get a read on their vibe yk?

He also uses his magic to hide himself when important conversations are being had, or will send a clone to gather info if he’s busy. He’s running a whole operation. He has to know about everything that’s happening, because how can he tease people with knowledge he shouldn’t know if he doesn’t know anything at all?

I do think some of the other boxers have just kinda accepted that nothing is a secret from him.

But I think the big mystery he’s really after is Sandman’s identity. Like he wants to know if he’s a human or monster SOOO BAD. He knows that would be world ending knowledge so that’s his ultimate goal. No luck so far though.

3. Soda and Bull were both initially on good terms and had a lot of respect for each other until their first fight. Bull saw how hard Soda was pushing to try and beat him, to the point where he thought Soda was going to die from over exerting himself. But in an effort to make a good impression with the other monsters (since he was still relatively new at the time), still beat Soda’s ass.

Soda had received word from Great Tiger beforehand that Bull was actually a monster. He thought that if he could beat him in this fight then somehow it would ‘make up’ for the fact that bull was a monster, and they could carry on with being friends despite their differences.

But Soda lost, and was pretty crushed by the defeat. Their relationship soured after this, though Bull never really knew why. He was upset about it, but some pep talk from the monsters saying that ‘he’s better off hanging out with them’ had bull turn his back on Soda.

ALSO WITH ALL THAT SAID PLEASE TAKE UP MORE MY TIME I LOVE ANSWERING THESE QUESTIONS IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS INTERESTED IN MY AU 🧡

#punch out!! #punch out #punch out monster hunter au #disco kid #kid quick #great tiger #soda popinski #bald bull #punch out headcanons #THESE WERE SO FUN TO WRITE THANK YOU #please please if you have any more I’m begging you to send them to me #that goes for anyone else too!! #oh lawd

[hatsunevitu]

so yes i have a kyman university au which i am writing now where they enter the same uni (they didn’t know it until it was too late) and start fighting ‘cause ppl actually like cartman because they dont know about all those terrible things he’s done.

i feel like even professors would dislike kyle for how he acts around cartman.

cartman: So moral values, on the other hand, although are not mandatory to follow, are extremely significant in people’s lives. They are the reason why people understand the importance of equality, honesty and self control. And even though they are not written in any legal documents or Constitution, people who don’t live by their standards or whose values differ from the rest of society are eventually called deviants and threaten the law system. Basically, summing up what I have just said, life without moral values would be a complete disaster and would cause chaos and disorder.

professor: Very well, Eri–

kyle, rolling his eyes and snorting: Oh, please.

professor: Is there a problem, mister Broflovski?

kyle: I’m sorry, but– As if he knows anything about moral values.

professor: And what do you mean by that unexpected accusation?

cartman: I apologise, Professor, me and Kyle were… acquainted before. I believe he’s talking about those times.

kyle: Yes, I am! You shouldn’t even be allowed to study Law in the first place!

cartman: Wow, Kyle. Rude.

professor: Young man, everyone is allowed to study law, no matter what things they’ve done in the past.

kyle: But you don’t understand, he’s…

professor: And I don’t want to judge my students by their past. Right now I see in Eric Cartman a good, responsible, hard-working and smart man, and you… well, you’ve already spoiled my impression.

kyle, shocked: What– But– It’s–

cartman: Can I now continue my answer, Professor?

professor: Sure, Eric, go on. And you *(refers to kyle)* – please, refrain from unasked comments in my classes.

kyle: But– …Okay, I’m… sorry. Won’t happen again.

#south park #sp #please lmk if anyoneee wants to know more abt this plot #i love them and i love this au sm #eric cartman #kyman #kyle broflovski #sp kyman #kyle x cartman #cartman x kyle #sp cartman #sp kyle #kyman au

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

silly love confessions: i keep falling in love with older men. except its not even romantic strictly i just become so attached and adoring towards dudes 10+ years older than me..its like romantic and physical adoration + big brother + idol worship............. to me its fine and i'm accepting it and in my mind love is good so its something to be happy about but honestly this situation kind of ruined one of my closest relationships because i made him uncomfortable i guess. I dont know, having a crush often feels creepy i suppose. but I wish there were more accepted ways to love someone to the extent i love people besides romantic love. I don't really want to date anyone I just want to communicate my adoration and affection and have it be reciprocated without there being the issues of whether you can be in a monogamous relationship or not......idk kind of rambling here but i feel like you are one of few people who could understand when i say i feel like my love is religious. and it keeps being tainted by the expectations of modern society. anyway happy valentines day !!!!! love u!!!!!

lolol...me as hell in my early 20s!! everyone i dated was in their 30s, men and women. i have always acted like an elderly person lmao so at the time it was impossible to find anyone my own age i cld relate to. Also probably some subconscious thing to do w my orphan's nature, having no adult guidance for the latter half of my childhood lol..

Also i totally understand wat u mean by wishing love wasnt so "regulated" by certain standards. A huge turning point for me around age 25 was realizing i want to love my friends & family & even strangers as unconditionally as possible even though its bound to get me hurt. i wanted to finally allow myself to b open to people & embrace them without judgement. my life has rly unfolded since that time 5/6 yrs ago & even tho it's been a bumpy ride, it has eventually lead me to the ppl who fully reciprocate this attitude, platonically or otherwise.

So dont be afraid to let your open heart lead the way, it's a rare treasure. One person's sincere unconditional love can be the catalyst for so much positive transformation & healing in the lives of others who feel lost & alone. thankyou for your confession & happy Vday to you too anon <333

[murdrdocs]

celeste I’m dying and need help (this is super fucking long I’m actually so sorry)

so this guy that I’ve been friends with since literally 8th fucking grade likes me and asked me to go out with him but I don’t like him back but I’m too scared to reject him because I’m the type of person to feel AWFUL if I hurt someone’s feelings. Everyone tells me that it’s not my problem and that I shouldn’t feel bad but like I CANT.

I really wished I liked him bc he’s super sweet and literally said he’d buy me sour patch kids and give them to me when we go out (but I feel bad when people buy things/do nice things for me too) and I’ve been trying to give him so many hints by either straight up avoiding him when he asks me out (this is all over text btw) and I also told him “if I wanted sour patch kids, yk id get them myself. plus I feel bad when people buy things for me” and he’s like persistent on it.

and to make it worse, he got rejected by a different girl a few months ago and literally cried. me and my friends (cause he’s in our friend group) were like “comforting him” (basically telling him she wasn’t worth his time bc she was kinda rude abt rejecting him) and stuff like that, so I don’t wanna hurt him again.

he knows I had a toxic ex but doesn’t know the full extent, and bc of that ex, I’ve literally not had a crush since him bc he traumatized me.

anyways I genuinely tried summarizing this super quick but I’m sorry it got so long, I understand if you don’t want to respond/read the whole thing, but if you do then thank you!!! <333 (sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes I’m just panicking rn and my autocorrect is working overtime)

-‼️

okay i'm gonna give it to u so straight: u gotta bite the bullet man. i get that ur empathetic but think abt this, if u do go out w him your feelings are most likely not going to change. then you'll be stuck, eventually he'll figure out/find out that u don't rlly like him. and it'll be a massive gigantic shit of a mess.

it sucks and it can be a sticky situation but the only way you'll get out of it is by being honest and putting ur foot down so to speak. plus it'll suck for a little while but if he's a good and true friend, he'll eventually move on and you guys will be just Friends again. and you can't be upset abt it forever like actually. you'll feel bad for a little while but eventually your body/mind will do what it needs to and you'll be okay again.

as for going abt it, avoidance neverrrr works in my experience. (been there trust) you have to tell him straight up that u dont want him. and if he is still persistent, then that's a major red flag (also trust me) and u do not want that in ur life.

also also, ppl get hurt unfortunately that is a part of life. if u don't hurt him, someone else will (sounds bad but it's true) and u aren't responsible for other ppl's feelings/how they react. all u can do is live ur truth and look out for no. 1.

anyway i hoped this helped? i am ... not the best at giving advice pertaining to men/guys/boy species without being a bitch abt it but i truly did try to set aside my erm ... dislike to help u. but get other advice too and ultimately go w ur gut (and ur head be logical but not too logical)

#it'll all work out eventually dw #celeste’s chats #–𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 ‼️

[limpfisted]

while wyll is a very well intentioned person part of the game is about subverting tropes, and to ME hes MY special princess. he is by no stretch of the imagination “perfect” n hes not SUPPOSED to be perfect, n he has glaring flaws present in the text in subtext that make him very interesting narratively

while wyll trying to fight monsters and devils to save people is objectively good

in dnd, monsters, devils, goblins, even animals in the context of this game. theyre still literally people. theyre capable of language and complex thoughts and motivations

while im not about to be like (fire emblem vc) DIMITRI. KILLS. WOMEN. wyll’s quest to be a generic lawful good human warrior male is not as black and white as he wants it to be

and he can be a hypocrite and a liar

and he can be dumb and needlessly vicious. he stands in the middle of the room with priestess guts and to her face goes “tav lets just kill her. lets kill everyone here lets blow this nasty wench to smithereens” and u have to go priestess guts i am so sorry my friend would fucking say that to you. while we are. trying. to be SNEAKY, WYLLIAM!!

he DOES try to kill karlach. he probs killed other innocent prisoners of zariel. he thought it was the right thing to do, its reasonable. but he still did it. n he never faces tbe consequences or even the guilt.in fact he only faces consequences n guilt when he does the RIGHT thing

wyll IS a very kind and tolerant person to a point but its interesting to see like. who deserves second chances to wyll. and why

like obviously being a generic goblin killer doesnt make u a bad person or anything. its good to kill momsters that are hurting ppl. but hes eventually going to hv to look back on the things hes done for mizora and the devils hes killed, and go “hm.” bc even tho he HAD to do it. he also justified it. and that makes it worse

its honestly kind of interesting he doesnt hv anything to say abt freeing 7000 hungry vampire spawn. n when ascended astarion mentions them, wyll asks how many ppl astarion has killed. “dozens, hundreds?” bro it was 7007 ppl, u know the exact number. he cant even wrap his head around it

like everything else in his life—i dont think he really knows how to weigh the burden of that decision bc he can really never let himself feel the full severity of anything without going “ok moving on” or “let my next action prove my worth.” (ie when he tells karlach hes been a beast but he still wants to prove himself, when u tell him hes a monster, he will still prove himself to the sword coast n be tbeir protector.)

its a very rich thing, hes going on his own little narrative journey here where hes realizing what kind of man and hero he wants to be, same as all the rest of them

n a part of that is coming to terms with things like balduran being a lie, n baldurs gate being so much less than he remembers

something i really enjoy abt the game as someone who considers themself an existentialist is. the burden of freedom. we are condemned to be free. despite the facticities and realities of the world n other ppls reactions to our decisions—we alone make our choices n deal with those consequences

wyll is always, always making the best of a bad situation, hes always doing the best he can, hes always doing what he thinks is right, he always tries to be kind and good and gentle to the people “who deserve it.”

but hes only human, and the road to hell is paved with good intentions

when it comes to morals and “goodness”—sometimes being guided by fairy tales and legends is…. lazy moralizing, that will lead to more pain for everyone, wyll included

wyll DID do good things for the people of the sword coast. and that matters. but u know what. everybodys got something to atone for, pobodys nerfect

again this is not a wyll hate post this is actually a WYLL IS AN INTERESTING CHARACTER AND INTERESTING CHARACTERS HAVE FLAWS post lol. hes really not as goody goody as people think. he loves murder and blood tbh, just u know, the murder and blood of evil doers

#ooc #hc

[desi-lgbt-fest]

I am submitting the mlm yjhd because I cannot reblog the og post for some reason

Hooo boy. Where do I even start. So let’s call naina Nayan, okay.

Here, he’s burying himself in studies not just because he’s an introvert, but also because he’s gay and wants to become financially independent very fast so that he can be himself without worrying about stuff like “what will my family say”(yes I know people with this thought process). And also wants to help people. He also feels like an outcast because he’s known for a long time that he’s different. Now he meets Aditi(who’s bi, okay??), and decides to go on that trip.

Now let’s come to the topic of Bunny. Bunny did not know he was queer(and let’s face it he would probably not label himself for a bit and is also probably demisexual), until he started travelling. Now on that trip, Nayan starts to like Bunny, but thinks that there’s no way that Bunny will reciprocate. Now, from the wikipedia, and this would stay the same, except for the marriage bit and also with changed pronouns.

At the end of the trip, Naina is close to telling Bunny that she has feelings for him, but is interrupted by Avi who reveals Bunny is accepted into the graduate school of journalism at Northwestern University in Chicago. Naina realizes that love and marriage have no part in Bunny’s plans and remains silent but is happy for him as he is following his passion.

Then when they meet again, Bunny has got his shit figured out. He’s confident about himself and his identity, and he is working as a videographer, travelling the world. Nayan is working in a clinic. They rekindle a friendship at first, because yk, it is nice to have a queer friend. He’s also not feeling good about missing his father’s death because he never had the chance to come out to him. Oh and I kinda wanna make Avi a bit of a dick here as well(like the ones who act accepting and open but who knows what’s up in their minds)

Aditi is now getting married. She’s happy, she’s fine, everything’s fine. I’m not gonna write much about her arc with Taran except they’re bi 4 bi. And ofc Avi stereotypes like “all bi ppl cheat”

Now. Bunny’s feelings for Nayan grow once again, and Nayan finds himself becoming attracted to Bunny too. However, he doesn’t want to get Nayan’s heart broken again, so he avoids his friends. Even though he is now FULLY gone on Nayan. They argue, and in the heat of the moment, Bunny tells Nayan that he can’t keep on hanging out with him, because he will fall in love with him again, and Nayan won’t again. Bunny eventually comes closer to Nayan and kisses him. Afterwards, they admit they love each other, but neither is willing to give up a career to follow the other. They like, goodbye each other. Think it’s best they forget and all that.

On the night of Aditi’s wedding, Bunny leaves for Paris. At the airport, he realizes what he is leaving behind and instead calls a friend and asks for advice(I’m tired of reconciliation arcs okay?). On New Year’s Eve, Nayan, alone at home, receives a surprise visit from Bunny. He explains he has turned down his dream job to be with him. Nayan fears that he might regret his decision later. Bunny counters that he is happy with him and wants to continue travelling, but with him, arguing that somehow they can make a life together.

Avi gets his head out of his ass. Aditi is like, FUCKING FINALLY, and yeah. that’s it.

NOW MUSIC:

All songs are unisex because fuck it that’s why.

Also Dilliwali girlfriend can get a new vibe here because now it can be interpreted as “he found who he truly was and stopped living a lie”.

Badtameez dil is 10x more flamboyant.

DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON KABIRA

Ilahi can have like, him discovering himself and discovering the world and those two being presented as parallels.

#submission #mlm #writing #desi queer #desi lgbt

[ihavenothingtodo10220]

do u ever think how in life we are told to aim for so much success and reach our full potential but then every other average person including celebs, idols etc etc are or have already done so, so why should we also need so much wealth or why should we need to put ourselves out there.

im constantly torn between wanting a simple affordable life that id be happy with maybe in the countryside (but its not affordable nowadays to live simply we still have to slave away) and the other side is that i have a need to constantly prove myself and to gain some type of recognition cause we are always told from kids to aim for the top paying jobs etc etc, most of that is what celebs have or do. i mean it cant always be that great what do rich ppl keep buying for each other dont they run out of things to own eventually cause they already own most rich people items?

fair enough if celebs and idols have talents but i dont im not even remotely pretty enough to do whatever it is they do but again its alwayd the what if i wouldve done things differently, maybe it would feel less narcissitic to want a bit of what celebs have if i already had done something differently yonks ago

the other issue is i no longer feel so attached to society if at all like i dont care to succeed i dont care to fail, im neither fussed if im alive or dead it just dont matter to me anymore, in the end the only thing thats going to happen is i will eventually pass away so no ones exactly going to miss me even in death or heaven as people still have their own lives i wouldnt or havent been anyone special at all

its almost saying how it only matters if its someone rich and famous so we have to be a somebody in order to be remembered otherwise we generally end up being a nobody as it is the way the internet goes into meltdown when celebs pass away as if it wasnt to be expected at some point. but if we arent on social media or we dont have a following we honestly do not matter even if we dont have partners or social group either like im so irrelevant no one gonna notice bar immediate family if i stop existing rofl

the way we have to do everything via a screen and screens are everywhere doesnt help me at all cause i feel further distanced from folk and like i dont belong, i dont need nor want a following but its almost being forced on all of us like people.

even idols cant do anything without needing to show their fans but the idols wouldnt notice every single fan to ever exist would they? all the interactions with celebs that fans have is always monentary or beifly. stays even treat bangchan like a long term permenanttherapist friend. yet neither if them truly know one another, so why do we get so attached to the idea of having thoughts and feelings towards someone whos never going to know us so again it dont matter if we do or dont exist as long as these idols and celebs briefly have enough fame for them to get by

but then what am i someone who just does nothing for a living cause i dont want what others want out of life if that makes sense? i either end up feeling like im from the wrong era dont belong with my generation dont belong with next generations would probably have preferred being in previous generations when things were simpler and affordable

sorry if this ask is a bit morbid, nihilistic or pessimistic i have so many mixed thoughts and feelings about existing lately what do you think? i mean obviously there is much narcissism in the world as it is so wouldnt we just be adding to it? am i just having nearly mid life crisis early? idfk anymore

Honestly people tell you to aim high because not only is it the best way to survive, but also because you can easily improve things. Many people who’ve done a lot were considered sub par, and the main reason they did was pure spite to the people who looked down on them and had more, and then they eventually became those people. It’s a cycle, and it’s human nature. And in this society, whether we like it or not, only the successful can truly be sure they can make it. Even middle-class families can easily crash and burn in the blink of an eye with losing their job and end up without anything to eat. But the successful don’t really have to worry about that, because they have a lot to fall back on. Things are also getting more and more expensive, and only the wealthy can really keep up with that. It’s sad, but reality.

And yeah, I think fans put so much pressure on idols because they’re just that. Idols. They idolize them and see them as these perfect beings far above any and everything, and they delude themselves into thinking they can be with them one day. So if an idol makes one wrong move, or dates someone, that false image comes crashing down. You don’t see that in the west simply because we don’t idolize celebrities to that same capacity. To us they’re not necessarily idols, and they’re much more open about their humanity.

[klein-babylon]

hey quick(lmao) question how do I actually begin to be happy and not feel miserable for absoutely no reason while for example waiting alone at the bus stop probably because of realising I lost (better off without them but still)almost all people to hang out with like I just let the emotions get me thinking its pathetic how I should be having fun instead of standing there alone. See, how do I get out of this mental state I dont need to be euphoric and happy about small everyday things just, normal, neutral or cynical, how do I achieve being cynical and high spirited at all times and shake off this parasitic dramatising its tiring me out girl

Invest in yourself (food, education, travel, unique experiences, hobbies), learn to forgive, embrace being dramatic (and the drama will fade away), prioritise socialising, make socialising easy by being yourself from the get go, stop taking life so seriously you’re one of 8 billion people, you are just an animal sharing this planet with trillions of other animals and living organisms

I had to embrace being dramatic and had to learn to be able to laugh at myself … omg my advice is so simple and basic but it works haha

I had to do so many things to be a happy person… I had to figure out my childhood trauma which was a lot.. and when I say figure out I mean I had to realise what aspects of my personality were a result of bad things happening to me rather than my true personality traits. And then I removed those personality traits that were a result of bad things such as.. fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, impulsive attention seeking behaviours, emptiness. And I’m left feeling pretty pure and childlike (in the biblical way) and kind..

I had to forgive everybody which was so hard but it will bring you permanent peace! Which is everything

Don’t be alone for too long, but being alone can bring you all sorts of realisations and results. But it can trap you.. ‘it’ being loneliness. It’s not good for us..

I say.. embrace being dramatic.. stop taking things/yourself/other people/opinions/expectatins/situations so seriously.. work out your true core beliefs and personality traits, and remove the rest, go back to your child self… get into religion, your heritage. For me , the secret to my happiness is what doctors and scientists and influencers say: healthy diet, socialising, working, exercising, resting. But in more details.. this is what I did to change myself from default emo to default happy inspired girl

I eat an organic whole food diet and am 90% vegetarian, trying to become vegan eventually, cuz i value my body and how i physically feel. It’s more expensive to eat organic, but there’s no price for your health. You NEEEED to prioritise your health . Refocus your energy from feeling empty and sad and focus it on feeling nourished and beautiful and healthy. And you will feel 100x better than before. I realised that how I physically feel is so connected to how I mentally feel

I pray and meditate every day, I also daydream every day which I reckon is a form of prayer, it’s made my intuition stronger. I cherish my psychic powers which are real lol they’re unlocked right now. Third eye is open. Also yoga classes/meditation classes are everywhere and i really recommend you go to one early in the morning. Meditating for some reason is intimidating to lots of ppl but you just need to focus on your breathing tbh and keep yourself in the present. The present is all you have by the way you should repeat this to yourself whenever you feel sad and empty. And also it’s so annoying and difficult at first but you need to sit with the feeling of sadness and or emptiness.. I used to freak out at it cuz I thought I was crazy for feeling utterly empty so frequently. But in fact it’s a blessing, you’re like a little lamb, the emptiness is pure. All that emptiness you’re feeling is cleaning out your heart and making way for all these new amazing deep feelings..

I also unintentionally exercise every day cuz I choose to not have a car and i have a bike instead. Also I get in water nearly every day which is like a baptism. And movement is like the foundation for mental health literally

You need to create a group of people you can laugh with and be truly yourself with which is easier said than done. But even if it’s one person you’re luckier than millions of ppl

Work doesn’t need to be your passion and it shouldn’t be taken seriously, it’s a way to make money so you can spend it on things that will benefit you

Resting is going to fix u. And I mean real rest not just lying down.. like.. work yourself out, exhaust yourself, spend a few days alone and treat yourself to real relaxation and luxury. Who gives a fuck. Cuz now you have all this time to reflect , plan, moodboard. Scroll Pinterest. Life is so good in those moments where you’re in your bed under a warm blanket and you’re listening to music and scrolling Pinterest. There’s nothing you need to worry about literally except the name of your new Pinterest board.. it feels so good to feel comfortable and secure. Just chase that feeling outside of your day to day and you’ll be fine

Also you need to stop caring that was the one thing that made me never depressed again. As soon as I just stopped caring what people think about me (which is easy if you actually try it) most of the suffering in my life vanished. Maybe it’s cuz a lot of my suffering came from other ppl tho

[joculatrixster]

I personally think Nickel and Balloon being mad at eachother for the rest of time would be boring, but Suitcase should have been brought up at some point, yeah

Also the Bowbot thing isn't that Fan mourned her, it's that both Fan and Test tube felt bad for Bow due to how she died and wanted to give her a new chance of life in the competition, and also no other character has the knowledge they do to be able to build a whole robot version of someone

sigh ok listen up bc apparently this is a conversation now.

i never said they had to be mad at eachother forever. litterly thanks for assuming i ment that when ballon wasnt even mad at nickle he was more tired of being harrassed the hatred was mostly kne sided and fed by nickle's bitterness. but if they want to make up thats fine...qhen its set up and excuted ina relaistic way.

their reconciliation was rushed and boring as shit. if u think characters magically getting along and trusting eachother after having bad blood and one litterly isolating, harrassing, and bullying the other for behavoir he himself has is more intersting than a rivalry born out of 2 people being more alike than they r willing to admit but one wants to get better and the other doesn't and maybe they EVENTUALLY become friends after build up then i dont know what to tell u. i mean for me personally, ballon and nickle had a wonderful dynamic to rip into, but if u want to just make them play nice and forgive each other that easily and become buddies fine. i personally like complex and consistent writting that makes payoffs like that feel earned but fine.

also my point? still stands? if a character should have been like "bow deserved better" it should have been marsh or apple or hell even oj. one of her actual friends? ya knwo not the guy who was a stan of the show thay got her killed? an actual friend of hers could have asked testtube or fan to make bow bot. i never said any of them could have made bow bot i just dont think they should have had the idea all thjngs considered it comes outta nowhere. its still stupid as fuck thats how she came into being and not to mention weird af to not tell other ppl who actually mourned bow they were gonna do that. but ok.

listen i dont give a fuck if ppl like III but i came to II2 for character growth and consistent writting, when III was not canon fine like whatever but if thats the canon continuation of some of my favorite characters then i have a right to say that shit was boring and out of character. not what i signed up for, u can have light hearted without erasing set up or rushing archs

#GIRL IM SO TIRED IM NOT WRITTING THE FUCKKGN EASSY #JUST LET ME HAVE NEGATIVE OPIONS TYMBLR ARGGGG #anon #inanimate insanity #ii #object show community #rose rambles

[syfynjvall]

ok. Okok. i think i’ve got my jumbled up thoughts altogether so! here they are under the cut (and it won’t be spoiler free so heads up!)

N’s route: man… i think when i played i was on a “i havent seen these characters in years” goggles high, ie graduation goggles if you will, but now that im thinking on it, it wasn’t super erm. cohesive. like when you can choose to say ily early on but then if you dont and N says it later, theres no option to reciprocate? odd. also there is no conflict resolution for the argument, it’s just kinda brushed aside.

what i did like was that if you play with an equally romantic partner as n, they do have a bunch of nice little moments. i’ve seen ppl say they come off clingy but like. i didnt see it that way. to me it comes across as more just that they’re SO passionate and so focused about protecting everyone (as shown in the backstory) but i can see why it’s off putting to others

F route: very cute little moments w the detective, absolute dream of a partner if you ask me. them talking about their mom? ruined me a bit why lie. also the “you’re the most delicious thing i’ve tasted” oof. my pulse was weak lads

i didnt like that there wasnt an ily choice for them?? doesnt make sense to me??? out of all the routes i feel like their would have been the most natural place to have an ily, but i digress. anyway. F love and supremacy always

A route: mixed feelings for sure.. i did feel like some of it was a bit ooc or like, i was just getting mixed signals. they’d say one thing and then contradict it a paragraph later and i was like. huh. ok.

overall tho… i will be so real with you guys it was kind of delicious. dare i say it was maybe my favorite. ik some ppl thought it moved too fast and i can see that! but for me it’s really not /that/ fast. think about if you read a book series that’s 2 or 3 books and it’s a slowburn. usually the couple will admit their feelings by the end of the second book or smth. and it’s not like A actually expressed their feelings and then jumped into a relationship yk?? personally i found the “one kiss and i cant have you anymore, this is done, i can’t let myself feel this” absolutely scrumptious. the slowburn is still in action even tho they kissed to me! but ig why some ppl didnt love it. bonus; them crying outside the detectives door didn’t feel ooc to me either. they bottked up feelings for 900 years and then watched the person they love almost die like. three times. and then consequently shoved them away again so there’s no way they’d be able to keep all of THAT inside. walls r bound to break eventually. anyway i did think this route was inconsistent at times but generally. i had a blast w all that pain and suffering

M’s route: i still dont really know how i feel about this one tbh. i did like a lot of it: the bakery scene, the lil not date, the scene in the shower especially. to me that felt very natural, just like. intimate and personal without being too fast or whatever. big fan. might think about that for the rest of my life. also if you’re on verda’s route with m the dinner party scene was equal parts awkward and funny so that was fun. AND as meh and underwhelming as the auction was, them saying they were willing to give more for the detective than they ever thought… mwah. there were moments where M felt ooc but i think i liked half of it. probably 😭

overall like i said before.. plot wise it isnt very cohesive and it’s not very exciting, it felt more romance focused than plot focused which ig makes sense but? idk. i like the thrill

if you’ve stuck thru this whole essay you’re a saint. and drop more of your thoughts into my inbox bc im curious to know what yall are thinking!

#twc #twc spoilers #THIS WAS SO LONG IM SORRY #addie.txt

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Gay wrongs tournament, round 2 of the losers bracket

Propaganda:

For Vegas and Pete:

Evil babygirl & stealthily evil babyboy. Vegas, known committer of atrocities, and Pete, who didn't rise up the ranks of being a mafia bodyguard for nothing. Never forget how Pete brutally shot and killed his coworker who dared to shoot Vegas in front of him.

I mean. They both kill people all the time. They even have evil gay BDSM sex. It's all right there.

it's plainly obvious to anyone even looking in their direction how murder husbands they are. both have canonically killed multiple people, often on screen. Not to mention the onscreen scene of Vegas literally torturing someone. 

For Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu:

you've got the founder of the fantasy ancient Chinese CIA and the leader of what is essentially the mafia and then they're soulmates and in love. they're both willing to kill anyone who dares hurt the other while also just wanting a soft domestic life together

Zhou Zishu is an assassin and spymaster who put the current Emperor on the throne, and then quit his job by faking his death (kinda, hes still dying but not as fast as he was supposed to). Had done A Lot on his old job, including murdering children (more than one, and at least one of them in a way I can't even describe without several trigger warnings), exterminating whole families, war crimes (and i dont mean this in a buzzword way, i mean "organized a public execution of foreign diplomats during war time")… btw he doesn't feel particularly bad about any of this, because he believes it was necessary. Like he wouldn't do it for fun, but he thinks the ends (putting a good Emperor on the throne) justified the means (all of the atrocities). As a retiree, he definitely cut down on the amount of morally reprehensible murder, but not murder in general. He still routinely kills ppl, he just doesn't go out of his way to kill more. Wen Kexing, meanwhile, is the Ghost Valley Master - Ghost Valley being a place where the worst of criminals are exiled. Even in such a place, he has reputation as a complete lunatic, owed partially to the fact that he either skinned a man or fed him his own flesh or both at one point, and partially to him having a rule where he would kill anyone who came closer than 3 meters to him. But in truth, everything he'd done was to survive the Ghost Valley and eventually take revenge for his parents, who were brutally murdered when he was only nine. By the start of the novel's timeline, he put his plan in motion - the plan that would drown jianghu in blood, but also deliver poetic justice to all responsible for his parents' deaths, as well as all who'd commit the same crime given the chance. And these two men, these two murderers and schemers, meet - and unexpectedly, find in each other the person who /understands/. The person who is just as ruthless and whose hands are just as bloody, but also the person who knows standing at the top of the world is not worth it, who seeks the same freedom of leaving it all behind, and who is still, underneath it all, a human, with human heart seeking connection. So you have this couple who understand each other with barely a word, and who want the same things - who are so hungry for domesticity and for people they can just goof around with when all their lives they had to measure every step and word - but ALSO where one half a couple is like "i gotta go murder hundreds in revenge" and the other half is like "ok pick you up at 6". (This btw is why I'm submitting novel's iteration of the couple in particular. Show wenzhou with their ridiculous breakups over morality could Never.) Also they were both hiding who they are when they first met, and later flirted about having figured each other out. Finally, I'll leave you my favorite quote that just. perfectly sums up their relationship: "And just like that, they fell asleep in each other's arms, steeped in the smell of blood."

You’ve probably already had submissions for them but I’ll add on. One of them founded an assassin’s guild and killed a staggering number of people. His malewife is the leader of a sect of insane murderous outcasts, and he attained his position by proving to be the most crazy and murder happy of them all. Most of the plot involves him wandering around watching his schemes get more people killed. Together they adopt a kid that was only orphaned due to said scheming (oops). They’re terrible and I love them.

#losers bracket round 2 #word of honor #kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #faraway wanderers #vegas theerapanyakul #pete saengtham #wen kexing #zhou zishu #wenzhou #vegaspete

[vodid]

I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS IF YOU DONT MIND—

How many words do you currently have on your next chapter of Vulnerability? If you’ve started it, of course, life can get rough sometime •~•

What inspired you to make your Vulnerability and The Obsidian King fanfictions? Personal experiences or seeing some other people doing some romantic stuff or maybe another fanfiction?

What’s the best part of writing these two stories? Developing the world, the actual characters, the romance?

What are your current favorite scenes in The Obsidian King fanfiction? Mine is when Prowl requests Jazz at that festival thing to welcome Prowl as king to play a piece that Jazz wrote himself. OH and when Prowl and Jazz stole sweets, that was really cute and adorable and omg I love them so much

Was there anything like really really big that you had to research for your two books that took awhile and maybe frustrated you a bit trying to figure out how to write that one scene or chapter?

Will you ever have a full cover design for your two fanfictions? I find it really interesting and cool when fanfiction writers put a cover at the beginning of their fanfiction as if it’s a real book! Of course if you’re never going to do that, it’s cool, I love all your fanart of them anyways and will just fan over it!

Where do you like to write? Like, in your bedroom, library, coffee shop? I personally like to write in my bedroom, all snuggled up and cozy. Except when I end up getting distracted by something in my room that takes me away from my story for a good 20 minutes or so -~-

LAST QUESTION I have so many, but a few of these are pretty big questions to answer so I’ll just send some more some other time ^-^

How does it feel knowing that people all around the world are reading your fanfictions and connecting with your story? Like, Vulnerability has 316 kudos and 4340 hits, and your Obsidian King fanfiction has 151 kudos and 1959 hits. Like- that’s a lot of people man, so how does that feel knowing you are pretty popular in terms of fanart and fanfiction writing?

WAH HELLO HSDGFHSDFS anon coming in clutch with these questions ok ok oh boy here we go. long ask, long answer \o/

currently, i'm at about 1.4k words. a big portion of that is the beginning/setup of the chapter and the rest is lots of dialogue. the average word count for the chapters seems to land above 6.5k words (ch2 was over 8k!) and since this chapter is probably going to be the most important of the entire fic, it may come out to be way more 🤔 we shall see

the obsidian king was purely because ppl kept getting curious if there was a fic, which made me think about it and it got me writing <3 it's not my proudest piece but i've had fun making it! it's an expansive universe and i'm afraid i may have bitten off more than i could chew and without the right prep, so i've lost a lot of confidence for it unfortunately

vulnerability on the other hand came after i binged the biggest blitzbee fics (such as roe, omtop, showstoppers). i told myself i probably wouldn't end up writing a fic for them but a good scene eventually occurred to me and i went with it. the more i fleshed out the setting, the more i realized how much i wanted to explore the raw concept of their ship that appears in many of their longfics. i wanted to dig into and challenge the typical "enemies in a life-or-death situation they must help each other get out of and end up in a secret relationship until blitzwing leaves the decepticons" — not because i didn't like that dynamic (are you kidding me i ADORE it) but because — copying and pasting an ao3 reply of mine — i wanted to take that and put my own huge spin to it. i wanted their growth to happen willingly and not out of necessity. a test to see, can this ship happen without a dire situation they're stuck in while staying true to their core characterizations? basically, is there a pattern to this ship for a reason or can it realistically work outside of that? it's been very fun :)

favorite thing about writing obkau is just all the idiots in love scenes. had me kicking my feet and smiling like a goof writing all that. the romance may be quick in that fic (speedrun!) but its for the shits n giggles n blushes — and on that note, my favorite scene also has to be the kitchen raid or perhaps the first time they were in the crystal gardens together :)

a lot of the research that's gone into obkau was more so for the au rather than the fic itself. things about crystals and their healing properties, names for ocs, city-states, lore doors to the lore mansion that needed a lore key to unlock, only obtainable through giant rants with my buddy mag until something clicks.

now, vulnerability is The Fic where the past 3 years of practice have been coming together and finally paying off. a lot of that practice was put into jazzprowl fics that unfortunately never made it out of my wips just yet, but they caused the many hours and days i spent studying plots, characterizations, natural and unique character dialogue, hidden details that circle back around... and that brings me to the next question: research! oh man...

i've brought up that i used suna_scribble's writing advice for reference, so i'll skip that part. that research did take me about a full month to look through and apply to my fic's plot, and i continued to develop it as time went on but it didn't particularly frustrate me. it did get tedious at times having to get certain points and details to come together but it was more of a fun challenge if anything. so along with that, in between chapters, i'd spend a couple weeks (legit hours a day straight) researching bpd for blitzwing. mounds and mounds of research. i looked at clinical sites, personal blogs of those with bpd, reddit/quora for outside (albeit very stigmatized but still important) perspectives, and admittedly, i glanced at fanfics to see how it was portrayed there (while still remaining critical of any inaccuracies). it is difficult to write an experience i've never had so figuring out that aspect probably took the most amount of effort to get through — and i'm still working on it! as the fic goes on, i hope for a better and more realistic portrayal of blitzwing's bpd, as it's pretty much become the driving force of the story and his character development

also i'm sure if anyone's been closely following my blog, they'd know i started learning german solely for the fact that i was trying to find a simple german phrase for blitzwing to say in my fic. and i now use my lil studies to sprinkle some more german into blitzwing's dialogue :)

i've thought about covers, mostly for one of the j/p wips i mentioned earlier, but not so much obkau or vulnerability. HOWEVER, i have thought of inserting illustrations into the obsidian king for certain scenes. like in between paragraphs or at the very end of a chapter. i never got around to exploring that more but with vulnerability, it could be a possibility too (i did make that comic but thats not something i'd insert in the fic itself)

i don't have many options for places to write but i've tried a good few spots. where i end up most is in the basement (basically our family room) with a bird video on for my cat. i've had a hard time writing in my bedroom and at places not my house (except back in high school, i would write ALL the time when i had the chance — if i wasn't already busy reading fic) but i once sat outside with my phone when it was drizzling and wrote out a good portion of chapter 1 for vulnerability. never been able to replicate that tho besides once bringing my laptop out on a sunny day. few times, i've done some writing in bed, typically before sleep, but most of it was reading over what i had already written and making small edits since i prefer to use my laptop for writing (felt that about the distraction tho lol guess in a way, it's easier to get distracted on my phone than my laptop)

in all honesty, those numbers pale in comparison to what my art and my old old writing back on ffn (no i am NOT showing you.) garnered (as well as other tf fics), but regardless of that, those are pretty big numbers and it will always feel weird if i think too hard about it. weird in a good way. it's easy to think of kudos and hits as just numbers but those are, in fact, people. individual people who decided to give your work a shot and drop a lil heart on it. out of the millions of things they could have possibly chosen, they chose yours.

call me humble, call me oblivious, but i really am not fully aware of my influence in the fandom. i don't know how i impact others, how many truly know me and like my work, how many find me to be cool or famous in our little corner of the world, how most even perceive me, and i certainly don't know the effects of my writing. i'm just a guy making art of stupid little gays and y'all are hitching a ride

feel free to ask more :)

#vulnerability fic

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

ummmmm. I used to know about this stuff to get bi girls hi. ♒☀️ ♏🌕 ♎🌅 UWU

ohh...this is an interesting combo :0 and based on the other question u asked me, i have some thoughts:

so, with aquarius sun n libra rising, it'll give u this nature of being very open-hearted n friendly to everyone, this light and bubbly airiness is what ppl will pick up from u, probly a lot of ppl think u are flirting with them even when u think ur just being normal. the air signs are good at making everyone feel like their bestie, and it does come from a genuine place of wanting to know n love everyone. but this is only the surface! cus underneath lies the scorpio moon, quite contrasting to the airy sun n rising. scorpio is said to be the most difficult moon placement, often indicating a troubled and misunderstood upbringing, a controlling or unsafe home life, a deep wound that is often kept hidden away. it leads to this inner intensity that can be polarizing, especially if ppl are used to seeing u as the light hearted silly sugarcoated air sign. whereas air signs seek to connect with everyone at a surface level, scorpio moon seeks to completely MERGE with One person, they crave a mutual obsession so devoted that its almost debilitating to every other facet of life. its an ideal thats difficult to actualize and so many scorpio moons go thru life feeling this unbearable longing that can push them to extremes. to have a better understanding of this its also important to take into account ur venus, mars, and anything else that might be aspecting ur moon. but from this small amount of info, my advice is.. keep leaning into your airiness, be kind and gracious to others without expecting much in return, dont hold onto people so tight that they become smothered. eventually someone will enter your life who will be totally captivated by that scorpioness, they will be able to match that energy and appreciate you wholly. its rare and that makes it all the more worth the wait <3 in the mean time just be hot and have fun !!!! hope that helps n is true to what u have experienced. ^^