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karamazovposting · 23 days

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On Ivan and bipolar disorder (part three)

This is my favorite part of this whole thing. I haven't written it yet, that's literally the opening line, but here I'll be talking about one of the most interesting (to me) aspects of Ivan's character: how the other characters perceive him; I already know I'll be having a blast writing this. Internal vs external perception is probably my favorite topic when it comes to character study, so I was thinking of doing something similar for Dmitri as well in the future because I noticed some things that I want to talk about. I'll think about it.

For once I don't have to make an introduction where I explain what I'll be going over in this because there's none to be made, so let's start from the beginning. The first time we see Ivan is when they're all waiting for Dmitri at the beginning of the book, and what does he do? He takes the piss out of everyone, of course. And I think that in everything that happens there and in the following passages (I was particularly struck by Father Zosima's words about him, which I've already mentioned in here) we pretty much have the key to Ivan's character, and he doesn't even give it to us himself (very fitting indeed). The first thing we find out is that Alyosha is afraid Ivan will be condescending towards the monks and while Ivan technically isn't, he still adopts a subtly mocking tone with them, which checks out considering that Miusov says Ivan feigns arrogance to mask his own insecurity. Also it's very telling that Ivan's demeanor changes when it comes to Zosima, I feel like he actually does respect him and to some extent appreciates his words. Funnily enough I've found myself in a similar situation in the past (atheist surrounded by nuns, my family was there, they told me some things I appreciated; I wasn't making fun of anyone though I swear) so I get it.

Speaking of words, there are many used for him in those chapters, and there are even more as the novel goes on, brushstroke after brushstroke painting a rather confusing and contradictory picture of this young man: he's bright yet insecure and "a tomb", he's weird and a misunderstood outcast in his own family yet he's charming (said by multiple characters in multiple occasions, I think it's the word that's used the most to describe him) and refined, yet again eccentric. He's paradoxical and a riddle (another word used multiple times), and his own father fears him more than he fears the son who almost beat him to death and at first I couldn't understand why, considering everyone else's opinion of Ivan and the fact that Ivan actually helped get Dmitri off of their father when he was beating him, but then I went back to Book Two and stumbled upon a line that managed to completely go over my head in the past (how could that happen? God, the horror!) that does explain a lot and looking back now, to me feels like one of the most important lines (about Ivan) of the whole novel:

What seemed to [Aleksej] strangest of all was that his brother Ivan, [...] who alone had such influence on his father that he could have stopped him [...]

I don't think I need to explain why I think this line (that you can find in The old buffoon for context) is crucial so I won't say much about it, but it also explains why Ivan's presence in the Karamazov household is seen as a guarantee for quiet and order (as stated during Dmitri's trial, and we also see it in the fact that both Dmitri and Pavel had in mind to murder Fyodor only if Ivan had been out of the picture, though for different reasons), and honestly it surprised me: I mean, Ivan's influence over other people plays a very important role in the story, but him having influence over his father? Fyodor Pavlovich Karamazov? Wow. Also I have something else to say about the quiet and order thing but it belongs in part four.

The rest of that line is also interesting in my opinion:

[...] [Ivan] sat now quite unmoved, with downcast eyes, apparently waiting with interest to see how it would end, as though he had nothing to do with it.

This, maybe trivial, line never really left my head, which means it must mean something to me. Maybe because that behaviour fits Ivan's character so well and I always like when he gets to act like a normal, unbothered, and even childish at times, twenty-three year old (he's not even angry there, what a rare occurrence) and because according to how the other characters speak of him, it feels unexpected (and turned out to be useful for this post).

Back to how others speak of him, someone (Fyodor I think) goes as far as saying that maybe Ivan deliberately seeks torment, which honestly feels a little too familiar to me and that's why that's another line I can't seem to get out of my head; when people have such a high opinion of you they do tend to blame your own struggle on you, at least in my experience, as it's their only way of rationalizing it. You should be better than that, you should be smarter than that. But you're not, so maybe you actually want it; why would such a brilliant person be like that otherwise? You're not allowed to be "weak" and I think Ivan is a perfect example of this as he has internalized this concept, but I'll go over it in part four.

But what does all this have to do with bipolar disorder? I'm getting there, but you'll have to bear with me because this whole thing gets quite intricated at this point and I have to be as clear as I can (and I can't, ever), so let's take a seemingly nonsensical step back to see the bigger picture.

None of the brothers are stupid: Dmitri is naive, impulsive and uneducated, sure, but the narrator does describe him as a fairly intelligent man in spite of it, Pavel was basically a child prodigy and a very smart young adult (and maybe I should talk about it sometime because everyone in the novel considers him to be capable but stupid and there's only one person who explicitly recognizes his intelligence in a genuine way apart from the narrator, guess who), and Aleksej, while also uneducated, isn't stupid either. But there is a particular emphasis put on Ivan's intelligence and it's hard to find a paragraph where he is present or where someone else is talking about him that doesn't mention it. Ivan is bright, Ivan is educated, Ivan is an academic. It's pretty much the first thing the other characters think of when thinking about him, it's almost some sort of morbid fixation. And it's not a positive thing either as it does nothing but feed into his insecurities and Pavel even uses it against him by telling him how intelligent he is over and over until he officially loses it. Ivan is smart to the point of being charming and admired, but that turns out to be a double-edged sword (of course) because everyone puts him on a pedestral and higher the pedestral, deadlier the fall, as we see in the second half of the novel. In my opinion the only one who seems to view him as a human being and not as some sort of ghost or higher, detached entity (apart from Zosima) is Alyosha; Dmitri considers Ivan to be better than everyone else including himself, Smerdyakov is...well, Smerdyakov, his father's attitude towards him is basically I don't understand what's up with him and I don't really care (in addition to what I said a few paragraphs ago) and even Katya is charmed by him more than she loves him, at least at first. Everyone else doesn't even really know him and that's partially his own fault, but I can't blame him.

Why do I consider this bipolar coding? To make it short, intelligent people are often considered charismatic and many psychiatric studies suggest that there's a link between bipolar disorder and high intelligence (which to me personally kind of feels like a consolation prize, like nature saying hey, you'll hate being alive but at least you're not an idiot!, thanks a lot I guess) and it's also worth mentioning that bipolar disorder is linked to creativity as well since Ivan has come up with multiple poems over the years, which means he must be a creative person to a certain degree. I haven't been citing my sources because this is not an academic paper and I'm just some guy on Tumblr who doesn't even study psychiatry and just happens to be basically cursed, but there's a book about this topic that I want to mention: Touched with Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament by American psychiatrist Kay Redfield Jamison; I've also read her (very relatable) autobiography and I'm a big fan of hers since she knows what she's talking about even more than the average psychiatrist because she has bipolar disorder herself. For anecdotal evidence, I keep a mental list of historical figures and artists (including contemporaries/celebrities who are still alive) diagnosed with bipolar disorder (so if you ever want to know if someone has/had it hit me up I guess) that I won't include here for obvious reasons, but let me just say that the doctors who did the aforementioned studies do seem to have a point (and I'm an artist myself). I want to make clear that I'm not trying to play into the overused, boring, inaccurate, and generally uncomfortable (for me at least) mentally ill tormented genius trope/stereotype and that it's obviously not what Dostoevsky was going for either; it's just that I've personally had people fixate on my intellect my whole life (not to mention the general weird fascination the average person has for mental illness and mentally ill people as well) and seeing Ivan go through that same experience combined with the studies I just mentioned made this association inevitable for me. Also people seem to find you more fun and charming when you're manic/hypomanic (only when you're the "right" kind of manic/hypomanic of course, when you're experiencing dysphoric mania/hypomania people just become ableist because that's the "wrong" kind of mania/hypomania, duh) which is...uhm...I don't really know how to feel about it honestly, but it's a fact so I'm mentioning it.

But what came first, Ivan's self-isolation or people's misunderstanding of him as a person? Is it the former that caused the latter or the other way around? To me this feels like having to talk about the good old chicken and egg dilemma and I still haven't figured it out in relation to myself, so I guess this will remain unanswered for now (or forever). But what I do know is that bipolar disorder is a lonely experience, no matter how hard someone tries to not make it lonely; people just don't get it even if you explain yourself a thousand times over and over. It doesn't mean you don't have relationships with others, it just means you know you have to keep some things to yourself sometimes and you get used to it, which seems to be Ivan's case too; to me the best example of it is when he's just about to tell Alyosha about the devil but stops himself from doing so and decides to push him away instead. In my opinion it's also connected to his inability to show "weakness" that I already mentioned and that is often one of the core experiences of living with bipolar disorder, but I won't go over that now. I'll just say the problem when it comes to Ivan is that everyone (the readers, the other characters, even himself) gets tangled in a net of performance; living with bipolar disorder feels like having to constantly keep up a certain kind of act (that I wouldn't even know how to explain) in front of others due to the stigma, and I'm pretty sure that's the case with every neurodivergence and invisible disability (bipolar disorder is in fact a disability and I'm legally disabled, that's why I mentioned ableism earlier). Ivan knows what people think and expect of him (we've seen it in his first real interaction with Alyosha and I've already talked about it in part two) and we see few moments when he goes mask off, and apart from those moments his facial expressions are always described as being forced or "off" in some other way. One thing that struck me is the significant contrast between what Mrs. Khokhlakova in particular says about him and how we actually see him behave when he doesn't bother with his forced coldness and collectedness (usually by himself or around his family): she talks about how refined and chivalrious he is multiple times because that's the side of him she sees (and almost everyone else sees), yet he's the character who swears the most (I don't know if "swearing" is the right term as in the novel there are no actual curse words in the modern sense but he doesn't really speak kindly does he); his language is even worse than Dmitri's. I'm not saying that being polite in public/formal settings and swearing like a sailor in private/informal settings is something unusual because I'm also like that (as I'm afraid you might have noticed, sorry for all the swearing!), I just wanted to point that out because to me it seems important in general and relevant for this post.

This doesn't mean I think of Ivan as a fake person because I would have to have that same opinion of myself and I don't, it's quite hard to explain if you haven't lived the bipolar experience first-hand or don't really know what masking is and I hope you'll understand what I'm trying to say here; it's just that he hides and polishes some parts of himself due to a combination of childhood emotional neglect, mental illness, and a personality that's difficult on its own (but really, when you have a disorder like this one it's quite hard to tell what's personality and what's mental illness, especially because at times they're one and the same; it shapes you and sometimes you can't even do anything about it and to me it's no surprise Ivan's sense of self is as warped as it is), all factors that contribute to his partially self-inflicted isolation. I mean, he does say himself to Alyosha that at first he kept him at a distance on purpose and you can also find a glimpse of that in his own philosophy: he openly says that he loves humanity but dislikes humans. He can only show affection from afar and I think that also reflects in the situation with Pavel and in Ivan's own guilt: I don't think Ivan lacks empathy (quite the opposite), he just doesn't have the tools to do anything with it. Could he really have done something? He says he would have if Pavel had explicitly told him to stay in their father's house (here the conversation shifts on the physical aspect of things as Ivan now feels guilty for also being physically distant from his family and not only emotionally), but Ivan's words are never really reliable. How can we expect someone who's incapable of getting close to people to help them? Even when trying to help Dmitri escape prison he's still rough with him. There's a reason why his thing with Katya is a mess as well and he refuses to admit that he loves her (he even says to Alyosha that he doesn't like her and he's with her only to prevent a catastrophe at Mitya's trial, which are later stated to be lies by the narrator): he always tries to convert his feelings into reason, otherwise his whole façade crumbles.

I also want to mention Ippolit Kirillovič's words about him at the trial because they seem very important to me, but only very briefly because first, many things he says have already been talked about in my other posts and second, it seems a little unfair to leave the other members of the family out because Ippolit Kirillovič says many interesting things about all of them; maybe I'll make a post about that in the future. Basically, Ippolit Kirillovič doesn't particularly like Ivan because he got the better of him in a couple public arguments they had in the past (very funny to me by the way), but he still prefaces his criticism of him by talking about his positive qualities (once again, his vigorous intellect and brilliant education) and saying he was welcome in their community (but not in the same way Dmitri was). This is yet another case of me not knowing where I'm going with this, but this particular instance stood out to me so it was worth mentioning; I think it summarizes the other characters' attitude towards Ivan quite well, but I can't really explain it.

Another thing that I noticed is that no one ever calls him by a nickname, not even Alyosha. I wrote a post about the use of names and nicknames in The Brothers Karamazov months ago but I hated the way it turned out because I felt like I wasn't making any sense so I decided to throw the whole thing away and I don't even know if I should try writing it again. Anyway, it's very interesting to me that pretty much everyone is referred to by a nickname (even Rakitin of all people) except for Ivan; not even Alyosha calls him anything other than his name (and if I remember correctly not even Katya, who talks to Ivan using the informal you, does). Actually, there are a couple instances where this does happen and that drives me even more insane because the first one happens at the beginning of the novel, when his father calls him Vanya a few times only to never do it again (and honestly Ivan didn't seem to like that either), and the second one is Rakitin mockingly referring to him as Vanechka when talking about him to Aleksej (because of course he'd never call Ivan that to his face and I also have a feeling he'd get decked if he tried). I don't really know where I'm going with this (again) but I wanted to throw it in anyway because it always stood out to me considering the only main characters that are never referred to like that are Fyodor, Ivan, and Smerdyakov and well, there seem to be implications here. In the aforementioned deleted post I wrote about this topic I mentioned sense of belonging (Mitya belongs there after all) and affection/connection (everyone loves Alyosha) in opposition to being excluded (Smerdyakov is not a legitimate son) and being unable to connect with others (Ivan is an outcast due to the multiple reasons I went over in the previous paragraphs). Maybe I really should try writing it again.

Well, I think I'm done for now. I found it a little hard to separate the themes of part three from the ones of part four, because the latter will focus on Ivan's self-perception (among what happens from Book Eleven to the epilogue and other, more "medical", things) but we see how he perceives himself through the devil but the devil is not an actual real person in the book so I couldn't really include that here and in my mind the themes of these two parts kind of blended together so I had to to figure out where to break them apart.

This took longer than usual (which bothers me but oh well) because I had to take a break from pretty much everything (which is why lately many posts have been queued) for a while due to the February-March period always being whacky for me bipolar-wise, mostly because of the seasonal change (something that plays a huge role in this shitshow of a disorder and something I'll go over in part four because surprise surprise) that always makes me mentally and physically tired. All of this, which can be summarized with bipolar disorder bipolar disordering, to say that I hope this part isn't as messy as it seems to me and that I hope you can't tell I wrote it during a time I wasn't getting enough sleep (I swear I did my best given the circumstances), and if I "disappear" or interact less from time to time it's usually because of this kind of stuff. I'm still not getting enough sleep by the way so I might take a break from serious posts again, I love that daylight savings time happens during one of the worst seasonal changes of the whole year for me every year and it doesn't mess with my disorder at all.

It sure didn't help that I chose to make part three more complicated than the others thinking it wouldn't go in a completely different direction than I had originally planned and wouldn't therefore have to reorganize my thoughts during a period I simply couldn't do so; I will obviously be punished for my hubris. But until then I'll be working on part four (and some other unfinished stuff I have in my drafts and have no idea when I'll post), which will be the last part of my bipolar Ivan Karamazov essay.

#I really hope you get what I mean sometimes I feel like I'm talking nonsense #also this is very long and I went a little on a tangent at some point but I mean y'all read Dostoevsky so you're used to it #and I've just noticed how often I use parenthesis I'm so sorry but I have a lot of thoughts #and I want to clarify that the part about hating being alive is a joke I'm okay now my humor is just a little uhm...questionable #the brothers karamazov #ivan karamazov #bipolar ivan karamazov agenda #thoughts #mine

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smidgen-of-hotboy · 1 day

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Our Angel of Brahma, pt. xi

Hello Travelers, before we begin I need to stress that this part of Our Angel of Brahma contains explicit violence. With that being said, consider this your warning for the following content: kidnapping (mentioned), assault, police brutality, interrogations, and some self-harm. I will be going back to add CW to previous parts and will update when those have been added in. If there are any warnings that you would like added to this part or any others do not hesitate to reach out in my ask box or DMs! Additionally: I am planning on transferring this series over to ao3 in the coming weeks. The google doc is starting to crash and that is my sign that this is no longer a self contained one shot au. It is a drabble. a nearly 19k long (and counting) drabble @ananxiousgenz @ceaseless-watchers-special-girl @the-private-eye @demonic-panini

Calypso walks into her office. Coffee mug in one hand, and her comms in the other. She hadn't checked her emails yet and had only briefly skimmed the messages Frannie had sent her early in the morning. Most of which didn’t make much sense and had been sent five hours before she was awake, which was by her standards, five hours too early to be doing absolutely anything important. She booted up the computer and took a long sip of her coffee. Her comms rang and it was un-surprisingly Frannie.

“Calypso Starr speaking–”

“Have you seen them yet?”

“Frannie. Good morning to you too. I believe conversations start with hello.”

“Right– hello, did you see them yet?”

“See what?” She opens her email and smiles reading the subject line “RE: THE CASE OF THE MISSING ANGEL”. Rita was creative. Calypso would give her that. But she also seemed just as scatterbrained as Frannie did at times. They both knew their way around computers and comms. More than Calypso ever learned from her mom, so she was in no position to really judge either of them. If anything, they had every right to laugh in her face for not being able to do all the work on her own. Some shit journalist she was turning up to be.

“The videos!” Frannie huffed and in the background, Calypso could make out the sound of a cabinet door opening and slamming shut. “Listen, I’m hanging up, and when you’re done with the videos and taking notes– and I mean all the videos, and all your notes– call me. Rita spent ninety-six hours trying to hunt all this down for you, kid. You better write the best damn article this side of the galaxy has ever seen! Because she ain’t helping you anymore after this, alright?”

Calypso opens her mouth to argue but the call ends right then. She sets her comms on the desk in its designated spot next to her coffee mug and one of the glass swans. She isn’t a kid. She’s a grown adult just like Frannie. Frannie was however much, much older than her. And it wouldn’t be the first time that she’s let an older lady step all over her.

Without anymore preamble, she takes a seat and opens the first video file.

The video starts with a lone woman sitting at a table. The room is bare and poorly lit with no windows. “State your name.” “Why should I? You already know who I am.” The woman’s dark hair falls out of her face revealing dark eyes and a few freckles. She glares at the camera. “And get that thing out of my face.” “No can do, now state your name.” The woman huffs hanging her head low to the table. “Eve Bell.” “Full name.” “Eevee Bell.” She jerks her chin up and snarls, “Happy?”

Calypso pauses the video. This is Eevee Bell. Eevee the same night she was taken from her home.The same night she tucked Baird into bed and promised nothing bad would happen to her. Calypso flips open her journal thumbing through the pages until she finds her notes on the “Dad” recording. She reads back over them and flips to the next blank page. She rummages around her desk for a bit before finding a pen tucked into her newly acquired swan pen holder. She hits play on the video, and begins taking notes.

“Very,” a figure walks around the camera to stand behind Eevee. They’re dressed in a freshly pressed uniform. Their epaulets are black, with two embroidered stars in silver thread. A Constable of high rank. They place one hand on her shoulder and grip her chin with the other. “Now look directly at the camera, and tell them exactly what you did.” She clenches her jaw and tries to pull away. The Constable keeps her firmly pinned in place. “Not gonna talk, huh.” “Over my dead body.” The Constable tsks and lets go of Eve’s face. Eevee, to her credit, rolls her shoulders as much as she could with her hands cuffed behind her back, and tilted her chin up higher. “You’ll hear me sing and squeal before I tell you anything you want.” The Constable shakes their head and laughs, “We’ll see how you feel after today.” They exit out of frame and a heavy door can be heard opening. Eevee looks over and her eyes go wide as three other uniformed Constables walk into the room. “Welcome to New Kinshasa, Eve.” The Constable says out of frame said. The video ends.

Calypso leans back in her seat. She glances down at her notes. Nothing. Blank. She puts her pen down and folds her hands over one another, leaning to rest her elbows on her desk. Her stomach does a strange thing, flipping up over on itself. The coffee is starting to kick in and give her heartburn.

From her research and based on Baird’s recordings, the Constabulary does not treat its prisoners kindly. Their treatment is not as harsh as Aurinko Permanent Corrections. No, nothing could compare to Palomine Aurinko, and nothing will ever come close to Hoosegow. But there’s a good reason the Solar Planets consider the Guardian Angel System a war crime and New Kinshasa has been charged off and on for committing multiples since the Galactic Civil War ended.

She grabs her comms and searches for anything she can find on the Constabulary on New Kinshasa and Brahma. She wasn’t expecting her quick galactic search to turn up anything. Just like everything else she’s been looking into privately, this too should have been a dead end. Instead, a tourism site hosted on a Saraswatan travelers guide comes up.

One of the main attractions to vacationing to Saraswati it turns out, is visiting New Kinshasa. Vacation to Saraswati, and set time aside for a three days, two nights trip to see New Kinshasa. Shuttle over on day one, and see New Kinshasa day two. Get to meet Constables, shake hands with Sergeants, and rub elbows with Inspectors off duty at hotel bars. Take a tour down main street and stop by the Skydeck: Edge of New Kinshasa and peer down at Brahma from up high.

The photos on the website are orderly and well lit. More than likely staged pieces of propaganda meant to make the average person forget about what happened to Brahma. If Calypso were anyone else even she’d believe it. But Baird’s recordings exist and Brahma has been suffering. Dark Matters can successfully scrub all records from the galaxy but they never stood a chance at stopping something from slipping through the cracks.

One of the photos on the website catches her eye. A Constable in uniform, with epauluets on their shoulders embroidered in silver thread. Perfectly stitched planets with tilted rings. They’re shaking hands with a man with grey hair and a peculiar mustache. A gold brooch with blue jewels is pinned to his suit. His wide smile reaches his eyes.

Calypso scrolls down to read the caption at the same time she reaches for her mug. She takes a long sip of her coffee.

Superintendent Constable Bishop shaking hands with art collector, Osiris Cygnet.

A “cygnet” is a word used to describe a baby swan. So named after the swan-shaped constellation, Cygnus, and -et indicates smallness.

If Calypso were the average person, she shouldn’t know this. As she leans back in her desk chair and stares at the swan pen holder, Calypso is reminded that she is not the average person. As she stands now running through her apartment, digging through a cardboard box for a gold swan brooch with sapphire eyes, she has not been the average person since childhood.

The storage unit came from a deceased art collector. He had an affinity for collecting crystal swans and counterfeit paintings. She sold most of the glass swans back to collectors on Earth while on her visit to her mother’s grave. She held on to the pen holder as a memento and sought out a pawn shop to trade in the brooch when the shop owner said she ought to keep it, “you don’t find jewels like that out there anymore.” Or whatever that meant.

“Shit shit shit shit–” she finds the brooch and races back to her office clutching it tight. Sure enough, it’s a good match.

Osiris Cygnet, art collector that vacationed sometime within the last ten years to Saraswati and took a shuttle trip to New Kinshasa. Just how the fuck did he get ahold of Baird’s recordings?

Superintendent Constable Bishop, Eve’s prison guard, and most likely, her future executioner. And he was promoted. At some point in the last twenty years, he was promoted. Multiple times.

The pin back on the brooch digs into her palm. Calypso clenches her teeth. She should let go before the wound is too deep and forms an ugly gash. She reaches with her free hand and hits play on the next video.

Eevee sits on the stone floor of a prison cell. She stares pointedly at the door. Occasionally her eyes flick up to the camera. Its hard to tell, but her face looks puffy. Her arms have bruises running from her elbows all the way down to her wrists. There are red marks on both wrists from wearing handcuffs. She pulls her knees up to her chest letting out a long groan of pain. The camera zooms in. It is just near inaudible, but the camera's microphone picks up her quiet voice. I hear your tune, like a songbird at noon. What a lovely trill, it makes me feel ill. Eve looks like she would curl tighter around herself if it were possible. Shrink into nothing. Make herself as small as a mote of dust. Like chimes in the wind, we were destined. A full-body shudder wracks through her. Birdie, I’m not comin’ home, I'm sorry to leave you all alone. A figure approaches the cell. They’re not in uniform but the way they approach Eve’s cell is not without confidence. “It’s a good song.” Eve jumps with tears in her eyes as she blinks at the person in front of her. “Hey baby, I came to bust you out.” The figure shoves their hands in their pockets. “Cyrus…” Eve slowly gets to her feet and crosses over to the bars of her cell. She holds a hand out. Cyrus takes it carefully, pressing his lips to her knuckles. She is nearly breathless as she asks, “What are you doing here?” “Like I said: busting you out.” “I–” Eve shakes her head. “No, you can’t. What about Iris? What about Baird? They need you more than I do right now! How'd you even get in here anyways?” Cyrus shrugs and pulls a key card out from his pocket. “Snuck onto a shuttle, knocked out a Constable, stole their key card? C'mon, Eve, it's not that hard.” “Not that hard– Cyrus! That's a death sentence! If you get caught–” “I won't get caught, alright? Peter Nureyev”– Eve flinches– “scared them shitless. They’re scrambling right now and too disorganized to notice me.” She's quiet, staring at their hands. “How long has it been already?” “Day five of the Warden Strike, second day without you. Camilla was the one who reached out to. Everyone else apparently was too afraid to, and the other Wardens are losing steam without someone to keep their morale up and minds motivated.” “And what about Baird? And Iris? You left them alone to try and rescue me? Cyrus, I'm a prisoner, not a princess in a tower.” Cyrus clicks his tongue. “Iris has been alone for a long time, they’ll be fine. And Baird isn’t alone, the Spade’s are taking care of him.” He plays thoughtlessly with her fingers. “You and I only have each other though. I promised your parents I’d look out for you, and I intend to keep that promise, til’ death do us part and all that.” Eve jerks her hand away to grip one of the bars. “Cyrus, look at me.” He lifts his head and flinches in response only slightly. “I came here willingly. And I’m not going to make it out of here alive. Eber and Camilla can barely afford to take care of themselves and Charlie. And Iris lost their family like you and I did. You and I both know what it's like to lose your parents. I don't want Baird to experience the same thing.” Cyrus shakes his head. “Eve you're thinking this all backwards. I'm the one that dragged you into this, let me take your place and get you out of it.” The video ends.

Calypso drops the brooch on her desk to run her hands through her hair. She tugs on the ends of her short bob.

Eevee pushed Cyrus away because he wanted revolution. And he got it. He got a revolution and it took everything from Baird.

These are real people. Not just voice recordings or a bedtime story a mother made up to soothe her distressed child. Baird, Eeve, Cyrus, and Iris. A real family. Charlie, Eber, and Camilla and their daughter, Evelyn. A spare family. Josie and the twins. Hank and Mrs. Darius. The Rats. Brahma was full of life. And it still is. Peter Nureyev is a legend to these people. Even if it turns out the name was fake, he was just as real as any of them.

And despite all their hardships, Cyrus still married Eevee and then Iris. Josie still went on to have twins. Camilla and Eber brought a daughter into the galaxy. Charlie chose to go down singing. Cyrus went out singing. Eve echoed a song. And Baird kept his head high and trilled for their memory.

The recordings from the comms were real. Are real. Calypso knows this. She doesn't have any faces to put to any names except now for Eve and a rough idea for Cyrus. They were alive.

Calypso hesitates to start the next video. She's seen more than enough already. More than plenty. There are still two videos left. She already knows how this ends. Eevee Bell walked out of her apartment in the middle of the night so her son wouldn’t have to wake up screaming and watch her be dragged out the front door. She did everything in her power to safeguard him from a War she never wanted to bring home in the first place. And what did it get her? What good did it do when two years later Baird watched what happened to his father anyways? What good did any of it do when they broadcasted Charlie’s execution?

Taking a deep breath, she hits play.

“Songbird,” Constable Bishop stands in front of Eve's cell. They keep one hand on their blaster. Eve tucks her chin down while pulling away from the bars. “Tired of singing? That's a pity. You know, a few hours ago, I was alerted that someone came to pay you a visit. I had the cameras checked and we put the facility in lockdown. You'll never believe what we found trying to fly the coop.” Two Constables drag a man into frame. It's Cyrus. Eve stands in place, her face drained of all its color. Cyrus tilts his head up. The two Constables flanking his side force him to stand, hoisting him up by his underarms. His hands remain pinned behind his back. . “I wouldn't be all smiley right now if I were in your shoes, Desrosiers.” Constable Bishop pulls their blaster from its holster. They click the safety off and point it directly at Cyrus. “Now then, here's how this is going to play out. Ms. Bell, you're going to admit that you organized the Warden strike, you're going to take the fall and you're going to accept the consequences.” “And if she doesn't?” The Constables holding Cyrus pull on his arms. He hisses through his teeth. “If she doesn't, then we'll blame you both. And then, with you both out of the way, we'll hunt down that Little Birdie of yours, pluck him from the nest, and make him sing us songs about how beautiful it is to be saved by New Kinshasa–” “I did it.” Eve crosses her cell and reaches out as far as she can to grab the Constable Bishop’s uniform. Her fingers just barely reach their elbow. “I organized the strike. It was all my idea to begin with. I knew it was risky and stupid but I did it anyways. I poisoned the watering hole–” “Eevee–” “And Cyrus had nothing to do with it. Joining the revolutionaries and inciting the Dome Wardens was all me. Let him go. Blame me for everything, say that I'm the Revolutionary's mother while you’re at it and publicly execute me. Tear me limb from limb– just let Cyrus go and leave my son out of this.” Constable Bishop holds her gaze. He lowers his blaster and gives her a curt nod, “I wasn't going to go that far, but if that's how you feel, well…” He put his blaster away. “I’m pleased you came around, Ms. Bell.” He turns to the other two Constables and motions for them to leave. “Escort the Pest off of New Kinshasa.” They grab hold of Cyrus’ jaw and force him to look up. “And if we ever catch you sneaking up here again, you’ll be publicly executed.” Eevee looks away as they drag Cyrus out of frame. His voice comes as a muffled shout that grows quieter and quieter. “Don’t look so down Ms. Bell. You made the right choice. New Kinshasa thanks you for your candor.” The video ends.

She lied. Eevee lied to Constable Bishop. Even if half of what she said did hold some truth to it, there were still lies she sprinkled in that they believed. At least they chose to believe them. And choosing to believe in something only grants it more power. It warps reality, and makes it more real.

Baird’s first recording that Calypso heard echoes in the back of her mind. Some say that the legend isn’t true. Some say that Eevee Bell set the Dome Wardens on strike. At least one person believes that she is Peter Nureyev’s mother.

Baird and Iris did not know everything. For whatever Cyrus was caught for finally, Constable Bishop made good on their promise and did eventually come back for him. They did not however publicly execute him.

They got Charlie instead.

With only one video left, Calypso hits play. She’s only slightly surprised to see Cyrus in a similar interrogation room to the one Eevee was in in the first video.

“There will be a free Brahma. There will be a free Brahma. Brahma will be–” “Do you ever, shut up!” Constable Bishop slams their fist against the table in front of Cyrus. His epauluets are different, now instead of two stars theres three. Cyrus winces clenching his jaw, but doesn’t draw away. “No wonder you got a divorce, I’d get one too if I was stuck married to you.” “Charmed, though I don’t find you pretty enough to marry… maybe if you lost the scrappy beard–” “Enough!” Constable Bishop drags a hand down their face, scratches at their stubble, and stares down at Cyrus. “All you have to do, is look at the camera,” they point to the one currently rolling, “and say exactly what you did.” “And then what? You’ll let me go scot free? You’ve already beat black and blue, I think I felt a tooth or two dislodge from my mouth. You willing to pay for my dentist bill?” “There are no dentist left on Brahma.” Constable Bishop circles around Cyrus and stands behind him. They grip his left shoulder, and guide his face up towards the camera with their other hand. “Now go on, tell them exactly who you are, and what you did.” Cyrus’ eyes are a muted green. His face is long and skin a darker shade of brown than Eevees’. He takes a deep, calming breath, and flashes a quick smile revealing a dimple on his left cheek. “My name is Peter Nureyev, and I am going to bring down New Kinshasa.” Constable Bishop lets go of Cyrus to whip out their blaster. They crack the blunt end against the back of his head. Constable Bishop’s hand and blaster come away slightly bloodied, and the shout Cyrus lets out echoes in the small room. “Think you’re so smart, huh? Try again.” “Cyrus Desrosiers-Bell, and when I get out of here,” Cyrus strains against his restraints baring his teeth in a sharp, sadistic grin, “I’m going to rip your fucking throat out!” Constable Bishop clicks the safety off their blaster. They press it to the side of Cyrus’ head. “Go on, keep talking. We don’t need you alive, you serve no greater purpose to your revolution. You get caught in New Kinshasa once and I let you go, shame on you. You get caught sneaking around New Kinshasa a second time and get far enough back home just outside your front door, shame on me.” Bishop tsks rechecking their blaster. “One jolt. That’s all you need.” “Well go on then,” Cyrus lifts his chin. His brows squish together. A small gasp escapes his lips. “You don’t scare me. Not the first time you’ve pressed that thing to my head.” After a moment, a comms goes off. The Constable checks it with a quick glance and relaxes. “You’re right,” they draw their blaster away from Cyrus but do not click the safety back in place. “I don't scare you enough. But she probably will.” A question forms on Cyrus’ lips but dies just as quickly as the interrogation room doors whirls open and close. Heavy bootsteps cross the room. A small shadow falls over Cyrus. His eyes go wide. “Eve, my angel…” Cyrus shakes his head, tearing his gaze away. He grits his teeth. “No. You killed her.” “Did we though? Constable,” the Bishop turns to the new arrival. They pass their blaster off to them. The new arrival walks into frame to accept the blaster. Standing beside Constable Bishop, is none other than Eevee Bell. The same dark hair, dark eyes, and constellation of freckles. A collar of some sort clasps snuggly around her neck. It is as if the soul that bubbled to life inside of her has been snuffed out. This may look like Eevee Bell, it may move like Eevee Bell, but it is not her. Not anymore. No song whistles from her lips as she levels the blaster pressing back against Cyrus’ head. “Eevee, baby,” the Constable places her finger over the trigger. “Now then, any last words, Desroisers-Bell?” Cyrus licks his lips and stares into the camera. “My angel, my angel. Set me free.” The Constable pulls the trigger. Her arm absorbs the recoil as Cyrus’ body seizes and–

Calypso closes out of the video and turns away. She presses her head between her legs gasping for lungfuls of air.

Rita spent ninety-two hours digging through Goddess knows what just to dig up this. The tumbling feeling in her stomach returns full force. Combined a racing heart and the rising bile in her throat, Calypso isn’t so sure anymore if she wants to call Frannie back. Maybe she ought to reach back out to Mister Mercury and try creative writing again. Maybe she ought to quit writing and journalism altogether, shuttle home to Venus, find a nice well off spouse, pop out another fucked up kid like her and her mother, and pat herself on the back for not dying to cancer or radiation poisoning or whatever. It might also do her a whole lot of good to find a therapist. At least looking for one wouldn’t kill her.

She waits until her heart has stopped racing and stomach settled back into place. Her pen feels like it’s barely there as she scratches down quick notes:

Eve gave the constable’s idea for public execution, thus Charlie.

Cyrus Desrosiers-Bell. He took Eevee’s last name? And then kept it after marrying Iris?

Cyrus was beat and taken away because he snuck on to New Kinshasa– twice. First time to try and save Eve (failed to) and second time for unknown reason (caught and tracked down). Could this be why/how Talia’s book club found a way to New Kinshasa?

Don’t know what song Cyrus sang as he was dragged away from Iris. Possibly some version of Charlie’s Lament?

How does Osiris Cygnet connect to all this?

What was the collar around Eve’s neck?

Constable Bishop’s promotions: have something to do with what happened to Eve? With what he did to Cyrus? (SIDE NOTE: I pray to my Goddess that whatever the hell happened to Eve, they did not do to Cyrus.)

… I pray that whatever they did to Eve, they did not improve and inflict upon Charlie.

She puts her pen back in the swan holder and examines the puncture wound in her palm. The injury is small, not a gash like she thought it might be. A bandage and anti-spetic and Calypso will be right as rain. Peachier than an Earthen Sunday morning.

“I need to find a hobby.” Calypso glances at the swan holder. Perhaps– no. Absolutely not.

She dresses her injury and calls Frannie back despite every part of her howling not to. Her coffee has long since gone cold. Normally this woudln’t be a problem. Just drop a few ice cubes in and presto. Or reheat the whole mug and presto. Today is one of those rare days where neither is an appealing option and the last of her six hundred cred coffee goes down the drain. Finally her call connects with Frannie.

“You finished the videos?”

“Frannie.”

“Right, hello. You finished the videos.” It’s not even a question anymore. Calypso hums turning away from her sink to lean her lower back against it. Slowly she lowers herself to the floor. “I’ll take that as a yes, okay! I asked Rita about Peter Nureyev like you wanted me to. And she turned back around within a day to tell me that there was nothing she could find about the man. He doesn’t exist. Just another legend.”

Calypso scoffs, “Well that’s impossible, I just saw the videos. Eve and Cyrus both mention him by name. Baird mentions him in his recordings by name. Camilla mentions him by name at some point. He has to be real.”

“Well I don’t know what to tell you, kid, but if Rita can’t find him, no one can. It’s impossible to find something or someone who doesn’t exist.”

“Or maybe he disappeared.”

Frannie hums, “Sure, maybe that. Look, kid,” Calypso bites her tongue, “I wanted to talk with you about asking for help. Remember how I said you won’t be asking Rita for anymore favors?”

“Yeah, yeah actually– Frannie what was that about?”

“Kid,” Calypso does not retain her inward groan, “Rita is a really good friend of mine. Me and her go way back to when we were just little ladies getting our noses dirty and toeses wet with cybersecurity. She went down the HCPD path, I went down a freelance one.

“My point though is that me and her aren’t the same little ladies we used to be anymore. We’re little old ladies now. And us little old ladies need our rest and relaxation. When Rita starts something she doesn’t know when to take a break. She puts her whole body into it.”

“Don’t you mean mind?”

“No, body. Rita has been sacrificing her own health for the better part of three decades now trying to help her Boss. He’s a prick at best and an asshole at his worst. He’s taken her for granted a lot.” Well, maybe she should find a better Boss, goes unsaid. “Their relationship is better now, but I’m not going to let another kid like you come and drag her around the whole galaxy.”

“For fucks sake Frannie– my name is Calypso! I’m not your damn kid!” Calypso pants. The swooping feeling returns. “I’m not you’re damn kid, I haven’t been anyone’s damn kid in over ten years, so stop calling me a fucking child! If you don’t want me talking to Ms. Rita anymore fine. I get it. You don’t wanna hear about my requests to her that’s fine. I’ll cut you out of it and–”

“Calyspo Starr.” Her jaw clamps shut narrowly avoiding biting her tongue. “If you reach out to Rita after today, I will cease to help you myself. You can take your little comms and find someone else willing to help you for free. All I’m asking, Ms. Starr, is that you don’t involve Rita any further. Have I made myself clear, Ms. Starr?”

Ms. Starr, I’m sorry but there’s nothing more we can do for your mother. Your next decisions are going to shape how the end of her life are going to be. Have you got a will lined up already?

Ms. Starr, I can’t accept your solo proposal. Everyone else found partners for this project at the start of the year. Maybe you can join a group and be their editor?

Ms. Starr, that will be a demerit for you. Let’s find you something more suitable in the lost and found. You wouldn’t want to mistaken for a ruffian, do you?

“Crystal.” Calypso ends the call before Frannie can respond. She calls back. Calypso decline the call and throws her comms across the kitchen. She watches as it skitters along the tile.

Alone. Shit writer. Parentless. Jobless. Flying by the seat of her pants and overpriced coffee grounds. She was never cut out to be a journalist. Maybe she ought to go off and find a cold ditch to lie down in. Or a warm ditch. Whichever she stumbles across first.

Just who is Calypso Starr? Who the hell does she think she is anyways? And what gave her the idea that any of this meant something to someone in the first place?

I choose to believe…

Calypso takes a deep breath and starts counting back from ten.

I choose to believe…

As she slowly exhales, true clarity rings through her mind. Baird chose to believe. And it doesn’t matter how, his recordings made it off-planet. And if not Calypso Starr to tell his story, to transcribe every last detail she can capture, then who else? Who else does that leave?

Calypso Starr, the rebel who didn’t wear the right uniform. The orphaned university student who scrapped by without any friends. And now, a Solar based, historical freelance journalist. Scratch that from the record: Galactic, historical freelance journalist. She’s worn half a dozen different hats over the years, but one thing has remained consistent: a Starr burns brightest before they go out. And if Baird Bell and Brahma are the undoing of her, then there’s nothing to be done about it. She’ll get to the end of the recordings and uncover the truth one or another. With or without Frannie’s help.

#our angel of brahma #ask to be tagged or removed #good god this part alone is a little over 5k #i did have a lot of fun writing this part and it answered a lot of questions i had personally about Calypso and also raised some new ones #hopefully some of y'alls questions have also been answered and some puzzle pieces are starting to click in place for ya.#looking at you in particular nyx bc i know you were dying to know what i was being all smart about figuring out #motherfucking swans are the death of me i stg-#a hotboy's writing #the penumbra podcast #the penumbra fanfic #i'm also debating on stopping posting this series in the main penumbra tag just to stop clogging it up #AND ALSO ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR THE RETURN OF MY SCUFFED FORMATTING ON TUMBLR #take that webbedsite!!

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brown-little-robin · 10 months

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#military surplus store trip 2 days ago #I got a very pink cowboy hat despite questioning everything about how I present myself. it was Calling to me #multiple people loved it and when I got home and put it on my 3 yo sister stopped in her tracks and said 'wow... you're soo pretty'#that has never happened before #so I Guess the pink cowboy hat will be a Special Fashion Thing #despite the little existential crisis it gives me every time I think about being a pink cowboy hat girl #which is a bit ridiculous but there you go.#I was so secretly dedicated to looking either vaguely emo (<333) or cuttingly defensively professional for a long time #that the idea of being COWBOY-aligned (CONSERVATIVE IDOLS UGH) and not only that but PINK (feminine??? >:O) really did not appeal #but it looks GOOD on me and... sigh. I don't have to make people know my personality by my clothes. I can just wear what I WANT to #and I really do LIKE the pink cowboy hat!! it's silly and awesome and goes clink and it's a COWBOY HAT man!!!#I get to be BOTH pink cowboy AND every other thing I am. I can still be CoolTM. I can still be completely myself.#those who love me will understand me. those who don't... don't have to understand me.#goodness gracious that was a lot of soul-searching over a HAT #I also got very very tough Army jungle combat boots #I am expecting them last well >:D and they make me feel SO POWERFUL #Robin processes emotions on main #I Guess XD #I only meant to tell y'all about my cool new items I swear

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storybycorey · 11 months

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#this may not mean much to those who haven't followed me for long #but for my long term followers I thought I'd share a super positive update about my oldest 17 yo son #you may remember that for years he's suffered immensely from anxiety depression and panic attacks #he's since been diagnosed with autism which explains a lot of it (as has my daughter)#but it was so bad we had to take him out of school in 7th grade and it's still questionable whether he'll graduate #he's spent 5 years having almost no social contact other than online & hasn't been able to participate in anything but family events #because of anxiety and panic attacks #but y'all #Y'ALL #he just started his FIRST JOB #we worked with voc rehab & they got him a job at a thrift store run by parents of an autistic child so they know exactly what pace he needs #and he WAS ABLE TO DO IT #you have NO IDEA how amazing this is for him #and how much of a relief it is for me #because this means he's doing better #and he may actually find his way out of this and be able to build himself a bit of a future #it's amazing you just don't know how amazing it is after the last five years of struggles we've been through #so sorry that was a novel but I'm just so proud of him #he has it in him I know that he does #he just needed a break from life for a few years to find that bit of strength

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uncanny-tranny · 7 months

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Hi! So i apologize preemptively if this seems like a silly or even nonsensical question, but im having a hard time getting into politics and more specifically finding more info regarding Anarchy.

It's been a subject I've been interested in for a while but never really branched out and looked further into bc everwhere I've looked, the info was always mushed into word vomit or it was someone giving their opinion regarding it.

Where could i learn more about it as a whole?

I haven't read anything from this site in a while, but I read a few essays from the Anarchist Library a while back. A few of those essays might be too opinionated, but that's kind of... the point of everything, if I'm honest (in addition to facts and statistics and whatnot). I'll recommend this site specifically because it is a bit more accessible for getting essays and also because you might find more specifics - I've read a few pieces years back on queer and trans anarchy, and found it helpful. Of course, some sources will be better than others, so exercise healthy questioning and interrogate whatever you do read.

Note that the hyperlink will take you to the front page of the Anarchist Library's website.

#ask #politics #anarchy #the way i see it anarchy is kind of an umbrella term #and people have specific intrest in groups for anarchy (e.g. queer anarchy)#so this is a very broad question to me. anarchy isn't just one thing #it often includes prison abolition and worker's rights and food rights and housing rights and a whole lot of other things #you will probably not find many sources if you don't include opinion pieces imo #opinion pieces can help you understand what you agree and don't agree with anarchist thought #i definitely understand wanting more hard facts though but don't necessarily write off opinion imo #it's honestly hard to get hard sources for anarchy only because it is broad and because we don't really live in the world anarchists want #we don't live in a world with widespread prison abolition so it can be hard to talk and conceptualize it only with hard facts #(though you absolutely can talk about how broken the prison system is *right now*)#(it's just that it *can* be hard to conceptualize how to radically change it)#obviously feel free to include anything else if y'all have your own sources. bonus if it is accessible and/or free 🫶👍#whatever update tumblr did has broken the hyperlink abilities 🙄🙄🙄#i edited it back in so hopefully it stays

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also-fours · 9 months

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hey guys

i have a question

why do y'all make fanart of every character in ATSV except jessica and margo

#this is a genuine question like actually why do y'all not talk about those two i barely see them in any ATSV fanart unless i deliberately #look for it in tags #atsv #spider verse #jessica drew #margo kess #AM I JUST MISSING LIKE #A LOT OF FANART??? HAVE I JUST NOT SEEN A LOT #does ATSV ben get a lot of art too and i dont know that either???#im questioning everything actually hold on can i delete this post y'all #please answer this kindly btw i am genuinely curious #okay well margo i get actually #same with ben #they're barely in the movie

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rindemption · 8 months

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I have a question

Posting my drawing practice and doodles and wips has, in the past, been a pretty effective way to get me to keep drawing. Accountability and all that.

Would there be any interest in seeing those posts here on my main blog, or would people rather I kept it to a side blog?

#sorry if this is a weird question #i just don't want to start posting drawings on my main if people aren't interested #as much as i wish i could self- motivate on the regular it doesn't always work #posting that I'm doing something puts it in my head that there's an expectation to finish it #which actually kinda works for me in most cases #whether or not it gets any interaction #but I'm well aware that I'm out of practice and my stuff doesn't look great right now #so i don't want to make anyone feel like they have to engage with something they didn't sign up to see #don't get me wrong #once I'm back on the horse anything I'm proud of is getting put on my main regardless #y'all are getting the chance to avoid the practice but the finished product is inescapable #I've got a migraine so I'm on a lot of painkillers right now I'll stop rambling 😅

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fluffy-lovely-clouds · 3 months

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Damn it... I got hit by the hazbin hotel fandom train

#In other words expect art soon #Ugh I'm such a loser nerd #BUT KEEP IN MIND PEOPLE I'VE RECENTLY BECOME AWARE OF THE DRAMA THAT SURROUNDS VIVSIE #I'VE READ ABOUT SOME OF THE STUFF POSSIBLY BEING DEBUNKED BUT STILL A LOT OF IT CAN'T BE CONFIRMED OR IS TRUE #I WANT Y'ALL TO KNOW I DON NOT STAN FOR HER OR SUPPORT HER #You know how you can like a piece of content but not the creator? Yeah that's me right now cause hazbin hotel has such potential for being #great story but I hate that it was #or still is being worked on by such questionable people.#That's why I've been pirating this shit and well also because I just don't have amazon prime lol

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ereborne · 6 months

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WIP ask game: "backflip, faceplant", please! (also what's your ao3 handle? if you got one/don't mind/other)

Backflip, faceplant! Of all of these working titles, this is the one I think might work best as an actual title. It’s fun to say—imagine me tilting my head one way and then the other as I say it—and more importantly it doesn’t require a full six-degrees-of-kevin-bacon word association game to make sense to a viewer outside my head: it’s what happens in the first scene of the fic.

Essentially, this is my Dick Grayson character exploration, turned sort of emotional fix-it. Dick gets kicked around so consistently in canon that he often doesn’t actually have the opportunity to live up to the Eldest Daughter characterization fandom loves to give him, and I am in the fashion of comics fans everywhere creating my own timeline mishmash to allow for a different outcome.

What if before Jason died, Dick had managed to carve out a little space separate from his anger with Bruce, for the foundations of the brotherly relationship we all want them to have? What if the first time he laid eyes on Tim, Dick turned a piece of his grief for Jason into determination to grow an even better brotherly relationship with him? And what if Dick’s choice to grow those relationships had knock-on effects all the way down the line?

Featuring such highlights as: Tim and Babs conspiring to make sure Dick is never without backup in Bludhaven, professionally emotionally and otherwise; brain-scrambled Jason still pretty much autopilot adopting Damian in Nanda Parbat because when a kid falls over in front of you, you pick them the fuck up; ongoing ‘who can spill punch on the worst gala guest’ competitions between the Foxes and Waynes (surprise winner Kate Kane); the Titans and the Teen Titans and Timmy’s Weirdass Friends Too all working together better and more often; me rejecting p much everything New 52 except Strix, Strix can stay; a gargoyle with Dick Grayson’s perfect butt being commissioned for the Gotham Belltower as a loving and heartfelt tribute to everybody’s best big brother.

I’m just writing whatever nonsense makes me happy with no regard to pacing, so it's gotten pretty sprawling—past sprawling, really, probably if I were going to post it up, I'd have the main story as one work and then a second work with multiple chapters of excerpted scenes—but it’s emotionally rewarding and an excellent thought exercise for me trying to decide what parts of DC’s bonkers-ass timeline(s) I think are important.

Crime Alley natives only respond well to respect, and they never feel comfortable unless they’ve got the advantage. Dick settles at the edge of the mat, dropping into an easy flat-footed squat, eye-level with the kid. The kid immediately stands up from his crouch, and Dick doesn’t smirk, just tilts his head up to keep meeting his eyes. “That was a good tumble.” The kid’s looking for a lie, but he won’t find one. He’d landed on his face in the end, sure, but he’d fallen well. “You’ve got good balance, got reach—great instincts, which is more important. Once you get the footwork down, you’ll be set.” Dick, looking up into those suspicious eyes, realizes as he says it exactly how true it is. It’ll be tricky, walking the line between Crime Alley and Bruce’s particular brand of do-goodery, but once the kid gets his feet underneath him, he’ll be amazing. Well. Nothing else for it, really. There’s nobody better at finding a tricky balance point than Dick. “Here, let me show you.”

#asks #nolanfa #thank you for asking!#this answer has gotten as sprawling and nonsensical as the fic document itself but hopefully it is also as much fun #as for the other half of your question: I don't have an AO3 handle #(or well I lie--my AO3 is Trickstersdaughter--I just haven't used it for anything other than kudos so far)#the WIP stuff I've been putting up this last year-ish is actually the closest I've ever come to posting any of my writing in like #a social-media-adjacent manner you know so that people who knew my name could see it #my early experiences with the internet taught me a lot of interesting lessons about decoupling my self from my content #and I've pretty much kept that habit up ever since #but the places I've been posting in so far are falling apart and my spot here on tumblr has been so consistently lovely (thank you <3)#and I'm reconsidering my approach #if/when I put up more things either they'll be here or I'll try to post links here as well so y'all can see them

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icemankazansky · 2 years

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Things I see on tumblr:

Things that will happen between Ice and Maverick meeting at TOPGUN and the availability to consumers of the earliest cell phones capable of texting:

the end of the Cold War

the United States elects two Presidents

the Exxon Valdez oil spill

the so-called "War on Drugs" begins

the fall of the Berlin Wall and the reunification of Germany

the Gulf War

the collapse of the Soviet Union

Starbucks

Al-Qaeda

the Tiananmen Square protests and subsequent massacre

Nelson Mandela is freed

the Hubble Telescope is launched

the Americans with Disabilities Act becomes law

the World Wide Web is designed, created, launched, and made available to the public

#Y'all are making me feel ancient #Come on I'm not even that old it's just that the world has changed A LOT and a huge % of people under 25 don't seem to realize it #I know the post in question is just a quick joke and no research went into it (why should it?)#But when you interact with media and especially when you create content for that media you have to have some concept of setting #And part of setting is time #Something I see A LOT in this fandom is Don't Ask Don't Tell making things worse or harder for LGBTQ service members #DADT sucked but it was actually an IMPROVEMENT over what was there before #It was not okay to be gay in the military before DADT #yes they could DD you for that #And worse #There are cases of servicemen who were just THOUGHT to be gay being MURDERED by other soldiers #I've kind of veered off topic and no #you shouldn't be expected to know every fact about a place you've never been or a time you weren't alive #Just realize that the world has changed SO MUCH in the last few decades #And maybe Google things occasionally #I'm sorry it's 5am why am I doing this

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galedekkarios · 4 months

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"there are no fics / rarely any fics where astarion is being loved and treated gently :(" <- me when i lie

#lol. lmao even #i know this sounds extremely haterrific but pls know that a) i'm giggling as i type this post and b) this is just me having eyes.#quick question has anyone saying that ever so much as glanced at ANY of the astarion tags. like even just once #they're literally the majority of ALL fic about this game and that's something a lot of ppl like to see and write and draw.#y'all even gang up on people who Don't view him as the soft buttercup y'all do n thus want a different dynamic with him.#this happens on multiple platforms too! if someone thinks differently then people throw the You're A Bad And Illiterate Person allegations #at them! like what do you MEAN there aren't any fics like that what do you MEAN that's unpopular i— 😭❓#it just makes me laugh what can i say. i see a good joke and i giggle it's as simple as that

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atthebell-moved · 1 year

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once again wilbur obviously knows tntduo comes across as romantic & homoerotic, they explicitly flirt and have feelings for each other in canon. his statement at vidcon was based off how stupid the question was-- they asked if they were dating/had been on dates and he said no bc yeah. they never dated. they did absolutely suck face in canon, but there were no dates.

he did not say there were no romantic feelings, and he obviously felt weird about answering without talking to q about it (clearly quackity does not give a fuck, lol). imagine doing stupid gay roleplay with your friend and then being asked in front of a huge in-person audience if you meant it slash r or slash p as if you are the sole authority. id say stupid shit too 😭

#bell.txt #he clearly felt awkward about it and also is veryyyyh careful about not appropriating queerness #which is stupid bc thats not what this is #but hes gotten a lot of shit for flirting and whatnot before so i understand his apprehension #same with q and the retconning shit like. its hard to feel responsible for telling a queer narrative #'the question' was ridiculous bc it was so poorly worded #and stupid to ask in the first place its obviously romantic like. do you have eyes #this is not me shitting on y'all i just find it weird how everyone took that with no grains of salt despite the entire context #and the fact that aside from that and like one other comment he's always implied it was romantic/homoerotic and thats whats in the text #death of the author etc. etc.#srry if this sounds mean i really dont mean it like that i just am confused about why people think ccwilbur doesn't get how it comes across #also i know this is literally an ancient conversation im not trying to do discourse im just explaining how i view ir #it*

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amiharana · 1 year

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BTS BOTW AU OMG WHAT??? pls share with the class immediately

LMFAODJFNKD it's honestly not even that interesting

back in 2019, i was writing for taegi week and the last day was a free day, and at the time i was still in my baby revalinker phase so i decided i wanted to write the most self-indulgent bts x botw au in which bts members took the places of botw characters. i actually had a tumblr post drafted to talk about this, but i guess we'll talk about it here now! in the case you are familiar with bts while also being a botw player, this could be of some interest to you.

i never actually got very far in writing it out (because i was 15 and school was beating my ass), but after reviewing the two unfinished drafts and the conceptual outlining style i do on every post, i remembered that i planned to rewrite the mount lanayru-calamity awakening memory with bts members as well as putting the revalink dynamic in there

please don't laugh i was 15 when i wrote this LMFAODJFKFJKD i don't plan on showing you what the unfinished drafts look like because like i said, i never got very far in writing them so there's nothing of interest to really note in either of those

as you can from the pic, i wrote V/taehyung as revali and SUGA/yoongi as link. looking back on it now, i probably would not have chosen yoongi as link and i should have written taehyung as link and yoongi as revali because that makes more sense regarding their personalities, but i guess 15-year-old me was really set on that dynamic. other characters included:

RM/kim namjoon as princess zelda

park jimin as mipha

jeon jungkook as baby sidon LOL

j-hope/jung hoseok as daruk

jin/kim seokjin as urbosa

and *drumroll*

bang pd as king rhoam bosphoramus hyrule ✋😩

i'm going to assume most of my mutuals and followers are probably not familiar with bts, so i'll try to give you a quick rundown!

V (or kim taehyung) is one of the group's vocalists and is one of my biases, or favorite member :> he's been my bias since 2018 when i became a bts fan! (the other one is jungkook he's the one in my pfp KJDHFHJKD) he has this show recently called 'jinny's kitchen' but i haven't watched it yet because i've been busy with school 😭 but from the clips i've seen that shit is funnyyy. SUGA (or min yoongi) is one of the rappers and he's coming out with a new album called 'D-DAY' soon + just released a song called 'people pt 2' ft. iu! the first part of 'people' on his last album was a fawking banger.

revalink had to be taehyung and yoongi because this au was originally intended to be uploaded for taehyung and yoongi (taegi)'s ship week. i definitely didn't place them as revali and link correctly, but i think know why i made it that way? there used to be this huge stereotype against yoongi that he was really mean and cold-hearted, and i was and always have been against that stereotype because bro really isn't like that. he's a soft sweet and sensitive tangerine boy fr! and making yoongi as revali wouldn't help that cause so i did what had to be done. i do think that taehyung still a relatively good fit for revali though; they be dramatic gays fr

RM (or kim namjoon) is the leader of bts, one of the rappers, and is a really smart guy. bro has an IQ of 148 and was also once one of the top 1% of students in south korea. so naturally, i made him zelda, the figurehead of the champions and the representation of the triforce of wisdom. but i was thinking about this connection more the other day when i first was writing out the post to talk about this, and i think namjoon and botw zelda actually have quite a few parallels. if anyone is interested in hearing more, please send an ask or a dm or something because i don't wanna make this post longer 😭

jimin is one of the group's vocalists and is also an incredible dancer. he had a solo debut recently with the album 'face' and title track 'like crazy' which you guys should all check out! :) but the reason why i put jimin as mipha is because he studied contemporary dance in high school and his personal style of dance tends to be very fluid and graceful, and like. do y'all see the connection lmao. mipha, being a zora in a watery domain? thus also being very fluid and graceful in her movements? TEEHEE

jungkook is the youngest member of the group another one of the vocalists and dancers, is my boyfriend and is Thee Golden Boy of K-pop and also the world. sidon being a baby pre-calamity and also everyone in general both in-game and online being obsessed with how boyfriend sidon is, as well as how polite and goofy jungkook is... i think the connection between jungkook and sidon is very clearly there LOL i also just didn't know how to include him in the story because i felt that jungkook just didn't fit into the personality of the other champions. if i had the chance to rewrite this au, i would have had jungkook as link because jungkook is so Main Character Vibes, and then taekook (taehyung and jungkook) would literally be revalink

back then, i remember having a difficult time trying to place who would be daruk and urbosa, but i think i made the right call with hoseok and jin. j-hope (or jung hoseok) is one of bts's rappers and is known as the sunshine of the group because he's just so energetic and positive, and i think that definitely matches with daruk's jovial and encouraging disposition. jin (kim seokjin) is one of the vocalists and is the eldest in the group, and as the kind of like "older brother" figure, he takes care of everyone in the group in a way that's different from how namjoon is as the leader y'know? i think urbosa fills that role for the champions because i personally think she might be the oldest of the group (daruk gives man in his 50s lowkey so i'm like hmmm) and takes care of them in a way that isn't the same as leading.

as for king rhoam bosphoramus hyrule... bang pd (or producer bang sihyuk) is the founder of the company bts is under and is the chairman of the label that bts eventually created. he is, in that sense, the "guy who made bts." he kind of has this fatherly relationship to the rest of bts, but that's where the similarities between him and king rhoam end LOL because rhoam is kind of an asshole who puts too much pressure on zelda and assembles the champions as his own tools to save the country, while bang pd is just this super chill guy who unlike other kpop ceos tends to stay out of the limelight and really just has a passion for making good music. but i thought it would be funny to emphasize a fatherly relationship between namjoon and bang pd KDJHFDKF

there's so many implied dynamics that could go here between the bts members as champions. like for one, taehyung and jimin are regarded as soulmate-besties in the bts fandom, so the implication that revali (taehyung) and mipha (jimin) are soulmate-besties is Feeding tf out of my brainworms like hell yeah. daruk and urbosa shenanigans are gonna line up perfectly with hoseok and jin's dynamic. NAMJOON (zelda) HAVING FEELINGS FOR YOONGI (link)? also lines up, these hoes have been living together for 10+ years and namjoon was practically proposing to yoongi in that one 'respect' performance.

idk.... maybe i'll come back to this, workshop it, and actually write it one day haha!

#revalink #loz #botw #loz botw #legend of zelda #amihan's revalinkverse #ask #cryiling #botw x bts #i know most of this was just me talking about why i chose certain bts members as botw characters #but idk what else to tell y'all about rewriting a scene LMAO u know how it goes down #rewriting it with bts members will probably only have a significant impact on armys tbh #also i'm looking at the outline doc again and my best idea out of this entire au #was mixing the names of the divine beasts with bt21 characters #vah ruta? i've never heard of her i only know vah chima #vah metah.... vah rajoris..... vah rumang.....#for my non-kpop/bts mutuals and followers #you are welcome to ask any questions about anything i just said i know it was a lot

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