#i kinda hate my brain sometimes :]

[adrift-in-thyme]

After a month (or more since I started preparing in September) of nonstop writing it’s WEIRD to be able to just…chill

#my brain: what do you think you’re doing picking up that switch?? #NO you can’t just read that fic! #and NO you can’t watch that show!! #chop chop you’ve gotta finish today’s fic #me: …but I don’t have to write a fic for today #it’s kinda nice but at the same time…kinda not XD #it’s almost fun to have this contained sort of stress #and yeah I almost gave up multiple times last month #but all that frustration and lack of motivation disappears when it’s all said and done #writing is such a weird hobby lol #it’s so freaking difficult that sometimes I have it #*hate* #yet I can’t go a day without wanting to do it #trin rambles

[crystalline-sanders]

hey don't cry (takes your riverway and makes it human)

don't worry pal is there too, he's just in the kitchen cooking dinner for his boys

#art #fanart #bmc squip #be more chill #squip #riverway #west riverway #*gestures vaguely* #i don't know they're kinda just there and they're bouncing around in my brain very aggressively #river is the only one who has a job and he works at olive garden and he hates it bc he Hates customers and customer service #so sometimes he just comes home and is so very drained #this is one of those times #bmc au #au #human squip au

[whump-n-comfort]

when you read a fic that gives you a hyper-specific whump scenario that you know would either A.) take forever to find in another story or B.) hasn't been written at all so the obvious conclusion is that you have to write it yourself

#whump meme #~my stuff~ #my brain hates me sometimes lmao #i just want a story where two characters are stuck in a broken down car in the middle of winter and having an argument #which leads to one stomping outside in some petty attempt to 'find help' while the other person doesn't realize #what is happening at first. they think their friend is just taking a quick second to catch their thoughts. not the best idea in a snow stor #but the other option is them tearing each others heads off so a little separation is fine. but then their friend starts walking away #and keeps going. so now they have to chase after them to corral them back into the car #because yeah its broken but its still somewhat warm unlike this suicide mission you are attempting!! #and then theres a big blow up because they have kinda been the shit-stirrer so their friend just is #im fixing it!! im being not annoying/useless/something related to whatever they were arguing about!! #so now they get slapped in the face with the fact that they've been taking out their bad day/week on their friend #who was simply being themself and trying to cheer them up/be nice #and when they eventually get back in the car the friend now feels like shit because they not only wasted heat from the car #but they also dragged their friend outside just bcuz they were being a brat so didn't they just prove the other person's point? #so now the two are just in a guilt huddle apologizing for being idiots as they inevitably wait for their rescue #bonus points if the rescue involves their rescuers trying to separate them and the other person just *refuses* to let their friend go #because they have a need to keep the first person warm after feeling like they essentially forced them out into the cold #is that too much to ask?? (i could turn this into an A talks to B scenario... also thinking about my OCs but when am i not lol)

[li-esonthefloor]

not to bring real world problems into my fiction but i wonder if elympios/trigleph in particular has a housing issue too

like. if ludger WANTED to move out and get his own apartment, once he finally got a job. Could he. physically, could he, while only working one normal civilian job

julius got their apartment as a teenager but he was a full fledged spirius agent already then :'D it's not a huge place but the complex seems nice and is at a good location. what does that say about ludger's hypothetical chances as a lil baby cook

#i hate bringing the real world into fiction #but sometimes your brain thinks things #i dont remember enough from the game #squints #there are probably a few things like. the whole. planet is practically dead thing. that could point some kinda way #or the amount of tall buildings that could all be apartment complexes for all i know #well i guess that doesn't technically mean just anyone could get an apartment :upside_down: #GET THE REAL WORLD OUTTA MY FICTION. DAMMIT #im sorry #i did this to myself #tox2 tag

[munamania]

ok im a really chill and normal person and i get over things and am well adjusted but take a walk with me here. just give me my time to complain when im not in the absolute fucking trenches. and yes i believe i suffered more than those in trench warfare. it was literally a lesbian situationship with a bistraight girl come on. just. magenta choppy shag with the roots coming in. camo cargo pants black t shirt with red lettering and striped long sleeve (sign someone likes music. confirmed). lip ring big black stud earrings and nails. red docs. i think lesbians should be allowed to kill one dyke baiter in their lifetime idc

#and now we're gonna get into some quiet parts and youre just gonna let me have this #i. am so sick. first of all it was kinda funny how people ik ended up sorta surrounding her. felt good. but like we've shared a space #together since everything. i can like be in her presence it's seriously fine. that said. i do sometimes miss her #i say this after going through the really hating her guts period bc of her evil evil evil ways. and feeling like she's lame as hell bc she #s. but i mean it's me talking i have my problems too. i Hate the way we always so naturally act in sync. and i hate that we've both picked #each others' brains for hours so it's like. i knew you once and now we can't even look each other in the eye and that just really sucks #and i feel like. not that i strictly believe in these things. but we were sort of twin flames. i largely suffered for like. basically #falling in love w her. and i know i didn't leave as much of a mark. but i still hope it sucked a little for her #and i'll admit i think it'd be some sort of miracle if we could ever talk civilly. unfortunately we work in two ways #literally behaving in Ways and borderline fucking or not speaking. so. here we are #and i already humiliatingly tried to extend an olive branch this summer so im not gonna be fucking stupid. yk #but GOD how annoying. i did talk to situationship today and we were relatively normal so at least that's not deathly awkward #it's still. definitely um. stiff. but not terrible #i need to get to the club. pretend theres a cig emoji im on desktop rn #sorry for this. #film girl saga

[turninthefrickenfrogsgay2]

My brain has blessed(cursed?) me with this shit.

I'm so sorry for this.

Please don't bully me, but. I've been thinking about, like, what if UA decided to, oh idk, "remake" Hazbin Hotel or something. Like, live action with UA teachers n maybe some students? And post it on a UA official website or something? I swear, there's something wrong with my brain. At first I've been thinking about it as a joke, but I dont think it's a joke anymore, man. Like, I made this a whole thing. Basically, this is what I'm thinking:

Nezu decides to remake Hazbin Hotel starring the teachers (and students if they wanna join) for some reason. So, they make sets and costumes and shit. They make a cast and, what's this?, Aizawa and Yamada are Vaggie and Charlie? (Of course I made this an erasermic thing.) They agree, albeit reluctantly, and things are going great, until. the More Than Anything reprise. Y'know, the scene where Charlie and Vaggie KISS?

This is stupid and im not gonna continue this idea👍 Do with this information what you will, I don't even know why I posted this.

#God I hate my brain sometimes #I just had to make a post about this because I cant keep my thoughts to myself #I'm so sorry for this💀 #erasermic #hazbin hotel #hazbin #aizawa #eraserhead #present mic #yamada #aizawa shouta #charlie hazbin hotel #vaggie hazbin hotel #Why did I do this?? #Mha #Bnha #hazbin spoilers #I think #probably #kinda #Frog rambles

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sometimes i find the degree to which i cannot concentrate very alarming #like bro i canno read. i have so much to do but i wanna sleep forever #i just have to get up and go somewhere else. normally id go transfer algae or run but im stuck inside and .y fingers r all cold #usually its just in the morning that I get thr high distress so its prob the meds #but yesterday was kinda fucked. ugh.i just need to run around but i cant #i have such a sinister combo of: brain stops me from being able to b productive and if im not productive i am compelled to do horrible #things. mood issues and 0cd is horrible. horrible feedback loop #i just wish i could breathe. itll b fine. eventually itll b summer again and itll b fine #its like someone's squeezing my throat. like im sick but i kno its just that im anxious #i was doing so well the past few days in terms of reading and productivity despite the distress #and im trying to b kind and roll with the punches but its so hard #like i kno i need to relax and not resist bc resistance makes it worse but it's just hard and im worried this is how itll always b #i wish i could go back on lamicta1. i felt way better on low dose of that then i do on low dose of abi1ify. its so hard to stay on this #just bc of how my head works. and like things were complicated with the lamicta1. maybe i wouldnt habe had a reaction if i didnt get a #tatto0 while upping the dose but now im marked as allergic so i prob wont b allowed to try any of thr anti convulsive type antidepressants #ugh. i hate this. its so frustrating #unrelated

[rusty-gloinks]

is it normal to still feel guilty after apologizing??

#Like sometimes I’ll make a mistake (which is human .everyone does) #And I’ll apologize a couple of times for it !!yet .when I do I just feel like the whole situation hasn’t been resolved #Like if I never apologized?? When I did!!!! #And I keep thinking of the situation over and over again which is really annoying .especially when I’m thinking of normal things and it jus #Pops up in my brain #Wrenbles #Also I feel really awkward and get kinda anxious about it #It’ll be like the smallest thing and it just bugs me so much and I hate it

[castielafflicted]

what is it about being off my birth control that makes my choking kink come out in full fucking force

#zeph posting #like. sometimes its more than normal. #but dear fucking god its been in my brain the whole goddamn time #trying to get off like yeah im reading hot shit but why cant i come without my hand on my throat #fun fact autoerotic asphyxiation is more common in men. gender affirming kink. #just my hands tho im not fucking stupid. im in to breathplay but not risking my life #like. god itd be hot. it would feel so much better to use more than my hand. but also i do not want to pass out. #i got off track here what was this post about #its not even just me being choked. i wanna choke someone else too. #i knew i was kinda into breath play and choking when i was 18 but not this much #i hate jackles so much for being choked for real on screen bc something abt that scene made me so much more into it

[tvrningout-a]

to all the people i have yet to message back, i'm so sorry and i promise i love your ideas!! i'm just having a period of really bad motivation and forgetfulness. pls feel free to kick me in the butt ( ; ω ; )

#and anxiety bc i've forgotten to respond to things so rip me asdfg #truly sometimes it's just me vs. the fear that people will hate me for taking too long to respond #i kinda hate this about me bc i feel like it makes it hard to get close to others at times #wish my brain could just let me be social without there being the perfect conditions first/me fighting it till it listens to me asdfg #get ready to ramble | ooc #i'm here kinda? kinda #feeling a lil awkward rn so i'm probably gonna be working on icons for chiyo

[chaotictomtom]

☹️

#DID making a chill time a sudden uneasy and weird time #let me enjoy my weekend please #i hate it here (brain) #j got triggered abt smth and that fucked me up for a sec i feel like in slowmo and so uneasy #it's such a weird and bad feeling #idk what to do to get better #it's rrally scary sometimes #sorry no one cares im just. kinda weirded out too much idk what to do

[zoppzoop]

GAAHAHHHHH

#venting in the tags #maybe its just past darkness and the Bad Thoughts which i shouldnt listen to are clouding my brain too much #but i feel so fucking weird and inadequate over everything rn #im unable to work on drawings as i usually would have and its kinda plaguing everything which it should like yeah i love drawing but #i cant let just one aspect of me ruin everything. right? the fact that i havent been able to draw as well as i usually can should make me #feel sick to the stomach and unsure about everything i do but it happening and i hate it. #plus i got the ipad id saved up from the comms to buy and its fun and nice and all and maybe i just need more practice with it but i feel #like im not able to draw on it even more? and i spent the whole day trying to get used to it but its just not as good?? and then when i went #back to the no screen wacom i couldnt get a hang of it becuase idek its just not happening #and also the fucking art block wants me dead i swear i want to draw so bad and i have so many ideas but the moment i start anything its just #crumbles down into nothingness and i hate everything i do and gods fuck i want to cry but i can because there are people at home and #usually im a big 'crybaby' when im at home but i dont fucjing wanna be like that anymore like i can handly my shit myself im fine. #i dont need to just fuckinf cry abiut it becuase thats not gonna fox anything but also i feel like crying might just make me feel better #but then id have to hear shit from my family and i know theyre just teasing in a /pos way but i dont wanna fucking deal with that #plus my brother iust talking to him os annoying sometimes like he talks about things so condescendingly and fucking hel dude shut #the fuck up i dont need you telling me that my art is something people can 'just do' and the fact that i was able to get the ipad #'basically for free since i got that money from the little drawings i make' as if they dont fucking mean anything to you like #shut the fucking fuck up dude i worked hard on those and even though i dont like my own shit sometimes i still fucking work hard on those #fuck you you bitch #i think a lot of things are just piling up and i need to sleep #tomorrow will be a new dawn and a fresh start and maybe ill hate myself less #ps. note to anyone reading the tags #im fine i just needed to yell out and express my frustration a bit. some sleep will help surely.

[rust-berrie]

ERM ERM HI I JUST WANTED TO SAY I’M REALLY HAPPY YOU LIKE MY SHANE ART SO MUCH CAUSE YOURE A COOL ARTIST TOO OK BYE

WAHJHFGJ I'M GLAD!!!! I SHOULD BE THANKING YOU FOR DOING GODS WORK. BY MAKING HIM WHAT HE TRULY LOOKS LIKE. I LOVE YOUR STYLE AND YOUR SHANE. HE HAS SUCH A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEARTTT!!!!!!!! <<333 BANGING MY FISTS ON THE TABLE

#this genuinely made my whole month #tumblr is so art positive i hate posting on other sites😭😭 #also. like i said. #all shanes r good shanes #and i will die on that hill #but seeing him skinny or like #lean #is like seeing a malnourished cat #sorry #put some meat on his bones and then some #why are so many people afraid of making fat characters fat #to be fair he does look kinda skinny in his canon portrait tho💀 #not the point actually do not care fat shane supremacy #but sometimes i fear that it comes from a place of woobification yk #not art #sorry i have. a lot of thoughts about this. #watch me spew out my 20000 contradicting thoughts #ANYWAYS CHECK OUT THIS ARTIST HIS ART IS SO GOOD AND WARMS MY HEART AND BRAIN AND

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#im just gonna complain abt it here bc i just have to accept that i can't irl bc no one else gets it #its hard to b a dyslexic grad student. u have to read so much. and its good. lots of reading is good. u just have to contend with a soul #crushing amout of discouragement at the fact u just kinda cant read while ur peers r like sure i can read this in class and have things to #say abt it. if u make me read in my head in class i literally cannot fucking tell u what i just read. not a god damn thing and if i try to #let my computer read to me i cant fucking pay attention for long enough so i just have to accept that from here on out ill have to #physically read papers aloud which i hate so much. its the only way i can fucking understand things and it still makes me feel dumb bc ill #somehow still space out while reading and have to reread like 4 times before i understand wtf is being said. it takes forever and it takes #energy and i dont like talking very much and it also restricts me to only being able to read at home which is frustrating #and im like i need to stop my brain from distracting myself with things that dont matter and my counselor is like: ur ocd is trying to make #work ur whole life and im like yeah thats how i got it. its the only way i can keep swimming with the non dyslexics #so its like wtf do i do? i kinda have to take the hit and make work my whole life rn. morn the loss of other things for a while #i dunno im still a bummer rn. like im probably coming off as more an asocial freak than normal bc its hard to talk ans maintain conversation #rn. but whatever. sometimes things just suck and theres nothing u can do abt it but accept it and move on. ill learn lots of things with all #the reading i have to do and that's never a bad thing ...no matter how much i dont give a fuck abt animals #like jesus. i could not even begin to give a fuck about like 95% of mammals. fish r cool tho. plants too #but microbes is where its at. i dont understand y ppl dont understand how cool they r. oh well ill just have to tell them #if i can find my fucking enthusiasm. ugh i have to make one of my classes read a paper and i have to work with someone abt find it. she #works with like rabbits. i refuse to assign a mammal paper. i fucking refuse. we will do plants or microbes or fucking paleontology #i will fight her on this. ugh. light filtering or orchid speciation would b perfect. annoying #at least i get to work with some culturs this week #unrelated

[zodiacsea]

digging a big hole in the floor and lying down there forever and ever and ever

#漫言 #sometimes being a guy who is rawdogging life even tho my brain hates me is kinda fun #other times. well. i think i would eat a whole bag of antidepressants in one gulp

[swiggity-swexual-i-am-asexual]

despite many years in many art classes and having it explained to me several times by several people, I still just don’t ‘get’ colors. if I wanna use them I either got have a palette made for me, have just memorized what looks nice together, or just hope for the best as I pick out the colors. I am insanely jealous of people who just. understand them. y’all are wizards.

#don’t get me started on the people who just paint mix perfect matches #I can kinda do it with light gels or. in one interesting case. paper #but that’s a different SORT of mixing. #I’ll just stick to pen and ink I suppose TT-TT #I don’t hate it but I don’t like that it won’t CLICK #I can’t tell if it’s better or worse with digital #i feel like all my colors just look too bright even when I’m not? using bright colors?? #sometimes I’ll just do the drawing and then make an extra layer and basically #put a filter over it? like. #choose a hue and make it fairly transparent and have that over the entire drawing #usually a darker one cause AGAIN too bright colors #anyways you can ignore me I’m having Art Style Woahs rn #I feel like I stagnated and all my stuff looks. eh. high school anime sketchbook. if that makes sense #on me to do like. artsy things and improvement etc etc but first I gotta complain a little or my brain will just eat itself again