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gwennybriggs · 1 day

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Abracadabra:

Link if you want it:

Or! You can read it here :)

Word count: 1,475

Inspired by a line from a Chappell Roan song that’s been stuck in my head for weeks.

It’s a little spicy, but not too spicy! I’m not super comfortable writing smut, but decided to try it out again since it’s been a few years. Enjoy, cuties!

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The birds were chirping and the sun was shining bright when you woke up that morning; you knew it was going to be a wonderful day. You rolled out of bed, pulled on your skirt and blouse, and waltzed out the door to make a stop at the coffee shop down the street. It had become your normal Friday routine to stop and grab a hot chocolate for yourself, and a coffee for your favorite coworker, Melissa Schemmenti. In turn, Melissa would bring a danish for you and a muffin for herself. You weren’t exactly sure when or how it happened, but you looked forward to it every week.

It had been a bit of a stressful week with state testing and the kids were over it just as much as the teachers were. Janine convinced Ava to allow her to set up a talent show as a ‘carrot’ for the end of testing week.

“Carrot? What the hell you mean, carrot? Ain’t nobody lookin’ for a vegetable, girl.”

Janine rubbed her temples, “You know, like when you put a carrot in front of a horse to keep them moving. It’s a little motivation to get people through the week.”

“Whatever. You can have a talent show, just make sure Melissa stays off the stage with her horrific impressions. I simply cannot listen to her butcher The Godfather again.”

You prepared all week to share your magic tricks with the school. Jacob caught wind and asked if you would like to join him in his magic act, claiming that your combined expertise would win you more applause. You reluctantly agreed and spent all of Thursday evening with him at Melissa’s house practicing. It wouldn’t have been so bad if the redhead had been there, but she spent the evening with Barbara instead.

You could smell Melissa’s perfume before you even stepped foot in the lounge and it made you smile. During your first year at Abbott you developed the tiniest crush on her, but at this point, you were flat out in love with the woman. You didn’t exactly hide the fact that you liked her that way, but you never said it out loud either. Melissa had told you she was bisexual but leaned more towards men fairly early on in your friendship when you told her you were a lesbian. After sharing a bottle of wine together you asked her what her type was.

“Big burly men with beards who can take care of me or pretty little ladies who with let me take care of them. What about you? So I know what to look out for for ya,” she responded with a chuckle.

You fought yourself not to reply with a simple ‘you’ and gave her a vague description of herself instead. She raised an eyebrow but didn’t push. The two of you shared some casual flirting over time, but you just chalked it up to her treating you like a close friend.

The lounge was already buzzing when you walked in, everyone talking about what their students were doing for their acts or which teachers signed up. You crossed the room to set your things down before walking over to Melissa to exchange goods. She beamed up at you when you placed your hand on her shoulder and her cup on the table in front of her.

“I’ve been looking forward to this all week, thanks doll face,” she sipped her coffee and handed you a raspberry danish.

“Likewise! Thanks, pumpkin.” You winked at her and took your seat across the room with Janine, Gregory and Jacob, completely missing Melissa’s coy smile in response to the nickname.

The bell rang and everyone gathered their belongings to start the day. You and Melissa were the last ones in the room as you moved things in the fridge to fit your lunch. She came up behind you, resting her hand on your hip for balance as she leaned into the fridge with you to move her containers. You froze at the contact and mentally begged yourself not to blush. As she leaned further down, her hand slid over to your ass. Your eyes were glued to her cleavage, beautifully illuminated by the refrigerator light. You quickly turned your head when she caught you staring.

She stood up, her hand still slightly splayed your ass. Your face was beet red. “No need to steal glances hon, all you gotta do is ask,” she clicked her tongue and made her way out the door, swaying her hips dramatically. She knew you were watching.

More than a little flustered, you splashed cold water on your face and left to tend to your students. The hours ticked by and you struggled to focus on anything other than the feeling of Melissa’s hand on your backside. You were looking forward to spending lunch with her and Barbara, but Jacob insisted you practice with him one more time before the talent show. Between bites of pasta you made coins disappear and reappear from behind Jacob’s ear and cheered him on as he mastered revealing the chosen card.

The entire school gathered to watch the staff and students perform at the end of the day. You took a seat next to Melissa, waiting for your turn.

“You got any hidden talents you’re gonna share with us, red?” You poked at her side.

“Nah, can’t share my talents here kid. I wouldn’t be allowed back on school grounds,” she smirked. “Just joshin’, Ava forbade me from doing impressions so I’m stuck in the crowd. I’m excited to see what youse cooked up for your act though, Jacob hasn’t shut up about it.”

“Ha, I’m sure he hasn’t.”

Janine introduced your act and you followed Jacob onto the stage. The two of you played off of each other’s tricks with the crowd ooh-ing and aww-ing. You had always enjoyed tricking people with sleight of hand, but you enjoyed it even more when you were able to fool an entire auditorium. When the four minutes of fame were over you returned to your seat next to Melissa. She nodded her approval and continued to watch the show.

A few minutes later you excused yourself to use to restroom. The bathroom was empty and you did your business quickly. As you opened your stall door you jumped at the sight of Melissa sitting on the counter. You hadn’t even heard her come in.

“Oh Jesus!”

“It’s actually Melissa, but I get that one a lot.” She slid off the counter to stand next to you as you washed your hands.

“Very funny,” you rolled your eyes.

She moved closer, her breasts brushing your arm. “Yeah, but you like it when I’m cheesy like that.”

Your breathing hitched. “I d-do,” you stuttered and melting at the close proximity.

“So, tell me what else you like, gorgeous.” She was nearly straddling your right leg. Her eyes filled with fire as she brought her hand up to your cheek and traced a finger along your jaw line.

You stifled a whimper and bit your lip, unable to speak without making a fool of yourself. She moved even closer, now actually straddling your leg, you could feel the warmth of her. You placed your hands on the counter to keep yourself upright.

“I know you like magic.” She nuzzled her face into your hair and lowered her voice to a whisper, “I’ve got a wand and a rabbit.” She punctuated her sentence with a light nibble to your earlobe. You gasped; a cold chill ran up your spine and you couldn’t hide the shiver. Her hand on your left hip pulled you in between her legs so that her core was pressed firmly against your thigh.

You squeezed your eyes shut, you wanted her to ruin you right then and there, but the school day wasn’t over and the talent show was about to let out.

“Mel, I want this,” you whined and guided her free hand down to your soaked panties, wanting her to feel exactly how bad you wanted, needed, her. “But we can’t do that here, not now at least. Like you said, we wouldn’t be allowed back on a school grounds.”

She lifted your skirt so you could feel her own wetness through her leggings against your bare skin. “My house, eight o’clock.” Melissa kissed you with such fervor that it made you want to go back on your words. “Bring whatever other magic tricks you have up your sleeve, or in your nightstand drawer,” she winked and playfully smacked your ass as she walked away.

You tried desperately to gather your thoughts and some semblance of composure, your mind racing with the image of Melissa playing with her toys- and you. The redhead was going to be the death of you yet.

#abbott elementary #melissa schemmenti x you #melissa schemmenti x reader #jacob hill #ava coleman #janine teagues #magic tricks #red wine supernova

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vypridae · 3 months

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see look because i understand his voice actor said altruist isn't his last name,

BUT WOULDN'T IT BE REALLY FUNNY IF ALTRUIST WAS ALASTOR'S LAST NAME

#just taking into consideration a. alastor's entire character #and b. the meaning of altruist as a word #LIKE... UNTIL WE HAVE AN ACTUAL CONFIRMED LAST NAME #I MIGHT USE THAT JUST BECAUSE I THINK IT'S FUNNY #(his va did confirm it's not his last name btw on his twitter)#(but i will 100% go down in 'this is funny so it's canon to my brain for now' idea)#xanchats #alastor #alastor altruist #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel episode 8 #do i still need to tag that... ill keep tagging it for like until thursday this week probably #or friday #who knows

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honeysuckle-venom · 5 months

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My therapist had to cancel tomorrow and I'm not...it's not great timing. I mean it always sucks if she cancels but I just. I'm not. A real person right now. Idk how to explain it but. This is not Ideal.

#text post #my post #i mean it's fine and i'm the luckiest most spoiled patient ever anyway #bc i have therapy 3x a week and will see her on thursday #so it's stupid to complain #but! sometimes the friday to tuesday gap even though it's only a few days is difficult for me #and to have that extend a bit further when we've been dealing with some particularly complicated stuff is hard #last week all three sessions were really really intense and we didn't finish the topic they were on #and i had specific important Things to Talk About Tomorrow #whatever. i can make it until thursday. i will not actually dissolve into mist even though it feels that way

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freakwiththeknifecollection · 1 year

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When Dean said I need a damn win. Emotionally I am there

#I know it'll be okay but I'm also sick to death of saying it'll be okay and just grinning and bearing it #you know what last week was? Thursday my mom and I planned to have a girls day and just. everything went wrong and we went home early #Friday I planned to go to a friend's house for a gaming night and had an allergic reaction from dinner when I got there and had to go home #Saturday I woke up sick #and today is now my 8th day of being sick with barely any improvement #Friday I had a doctor's appointment and got concerning blood test results that I won't know more #about until I get the opinion of my other doctor on the 6th #so. I'm not having a good time. I would like a damn win actually #vent post #em rambles #personal #when I say last week I don't mean Thursday like a few days ago I mean last Thursday before that #and my doctors appointment was this Friday not last Friday. sorry I worded it confusingly I have a headache and I'm tired

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octal-alchemist · 10 months

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#going to bed in a min but want to ramble #i signed up for extra shifts and partial shifts next week like a dummy:)#so im expecting at least 53hrs #and i just found out i have paid sick days?? what?? and theyll expire in august #i have 48hrs of paid sick leave. but i cant get overtime pay on a week i use sick leave + i dont wanna do that to coworkers #i had just been going unpaid on the 3 days ive called in sick in the last 9 months oops #but now im so torn. if i was gonna call in sick for fun i would want to do it on thursdays Fridays but. those r the days i picked up #double shifts for. bc my shift is fully staffed those days but the previous shift is understaffed #and i know my boss wants me to just switch shifts for thpse days but i dont wanna ruin my sleep like that!!#hhhhhhhh #like i could do something like only working the partial early shift... feels mean tho #mb i will take days off on purpose and i can use paid sick days not pto? idk #i still have 65hrs pto and i dont know if that will also reset or something but it better not #working is so weird!!!!! i was unemployed so long im so confused by everything #i just wanna be independent and feel secure but its all confusing

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wizardnuke · 8 months

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i don't want to go to work tomorrow i am so tired. pleabse.

#everybody give it up for chronic illness #tomorrow is my last day til next saturday bc classes start on monday and ill be on campus from 11-2(? fact check) and then i have tuesday #off. and thursday off too. not permanently but i cut my weekday work hours way down and they didn't schedule me #at worst im only gonna be getting 16hrs a week for work but i don't expect that to always be the case #and i am so perfectly fine with not working tuesday #i did it Carefully. available from 6am to 4pm on tuesday and thursday. give me morning shifts on weekdays or just kill me dude #i don't even normally work fridays i did that to myself this time around. i coulda gone to dnd but no. Payment #gripping sink staring into mirror. and payment means we buy video games. for reward #we r tired but we now have bg3

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freakylilnutjob · 1 year

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why did I just enter for a chance to be in the band camino’s music video they’re shooing on friday

#they announce winners tomorrow #it’s supposed to be like 100 people I think #winner have to pay their own way for travel/food/lodging (understandable)#I’ll have to take off probably Thursday and Friday #which means I’d only work one day this week #and then booking a last minute flight and hotel and trying to con my brother into taking me to the airport…#idk how many people entered… honestly there might be a 50/50 chance #oh god #why did I do this #now I have an adrenaline rush and feel like I might have a panic attack #jesus christ #watch me have gotten this worked up for nothing #sav speaks #sav is going insane

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thewoolyworm · 2 years

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Literally having to fight my registrar's office tooth and nail to convince them that I have all my fucking credits so I can fucking graduate.

Yes. Trust an outdated computer program over the course list (which isn't even a year old btw) literally written by the dean himself. Very cool

#i hate college. i hate it so much somebody let me out please #i had a panic attack on friday because i thought i somehow overlooked something. turns out I'm not an idiot #did not mean i wasn't fucking nervous all weekend bc this bitch WOULD NOT ANSWER MY EMAILS #literally die. fuck you you musty bitch #i have until thursday to turn this stupid fucking application in and if they just sit there w their thumbs up their ass all week #instead of doing their fucking job i am going to commit a crime #it's so lucky i turned it in when i did. i can't imagine having to scramble last minute to fix all this in like two days #good job past me for not procrastinating for literally the first time in my life lmao #anyway #wooly rambles

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raksh-writes · 24 days

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Gosh, my neck is just really determined to kill me today, what in the hell??

#personal #vent #Raksh vents #its aching so badly its making me feel nauseous #at least yesterday's headache left me alobe #but neck ughhhh #what the hell why #I mean I have a suspicion #mom's been sick with flu the last couple of days #so maybe I caught it too and its just giving me weird symptoms??#I do feel completely decked out too #might the time changing too but damn #am I feeling absolutely exhausted #I at least did a little bit for my classes on friday in the morning #so I have that covered #my anxiety is still in the 'we go back to classes #tomorrow' so we await! no do! just wait!#so even my plans to play a bit more of BG3 on my last day of holiday will prob not work #I should be cooking for the next days tonight too #but Im too damned tired to spend hours in the kitchen #so I'll prob just prep the tofu and maybe cook the rice and do the rest tomorrow after classes #if I feel better #if not then I might just skip some classes on thursday to go back home earlier #I have so little fucks to give these days its way harder to feel bad about it 🙈#anyway that's a vent done #Im just gonna try to rest while I can today #and survive the week best as I can #and hopefully my neck will stop aching and I wont get any sicker #here's hoping!

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sprinklethetangerine · 4 months

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I'm gonna make..

Doughnuts

And I...

Kinda don't fucking want to

(Pretend there are sparkles there)

#i mean i want to make doughnuts cause ive been wanting to for a while but like...#dude im tired #you wanna know how BUSY my week is/was???#to properly explain I have to go to last week thursday #last Thursday i had a whole day trip from 8 am to 11 pm and i went on a 30 min hike followed by 2 hours of standing and a 4 hour bus ride #and that was only the END of the trip like I didnt even mention the rest of the trip #so i naturally came back home and practically became one with my bed #then the next day friday i had to go to another city which is a 1 to 2 hour car ride #to visit family cause my uncle was getting surgery #and i qas still a bit tired form the day before so the second i got there around 6 pm or so i felt nauseous #like really really nauseous and just slept #the next day i went to see my uncle after his surgery and this was a nice day cause i played games with my cousins #but the issue with that day was i spent 50% of it studying while still nauseous #then the day after i woke up still nauseous and didnt wanna go anywhere but i ahd to get on a 2 hr car ride back home #and dont forget that i also started studying as soon as i woke up all the way up to the car ride home #then i got home and hugged my bed and the immediate next day monday i had to go to school #and then ofc a school week so free time? never heard of her i have to do homework and study and all that #like by the time im done studying and doing homework its already late #and then this thursday so like today i came back form school and had to visit family #then as soon as i came back i sat with my friends for a bit but itd wasnt that fun cause i was tired and it was eh #now im home and tomorrow i have to pack my clothes for travel #and the entire weekend will be me packing clothes #then on monday i have to go to school and on tuesday i have to get on a plane to go see my dad #and only AFTER THAT PLANE RIDE will i be sorta free #i say sorta cause even while im there i still have to study and i have yet to organize meeting with one of my best friends #so like thats why i dont really wanna make doughnuts cause im just... really tired #but i still want to make them yk #idk i kinda just wanna sleep instead #should i just make the doughnuts??

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zvaigzdelasas · 3 months

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In the week since the International Court of Justice ruled that the Israeli government is plausibly committing genocide and ordered it to prevent potential further acts of genocide, Israeli forces have only continued committing atrocities against Palestinians.

Buoyed by the staying support of American officials, Israeli forces have killed at least 874 Palestinians and injured at least 1,490 in Gaza since last week’s ICJ ruling, according to Palestinian Health Ministry figures from Saturday, January 27, to Friday, February 2. That’s not to mention other acts of Israeli violence in the occupied West Bank and Jerusalem.The loss of life should not be dismissed as “collateral damage,” contrary to what Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has said.[...]

Backgrounding the atrocities in Gaza is the broader misery the entire population faces. The BBC noted that UNICEF’s biggest concern is the “estimated 19,000 children who are orphaned or have ended up alone with no adult to look after them.” CNN reported that Palestinians are eating grass and drinking polluted water amid famine conditions. The Guardian reported that 50-62 percent of all buildings in Gaza have likely been damaged or destroyed.

Earlier this week, a federal court affirmed the ICJ’s finding that Israel may be carrying out a genocide and warned the Biden administration to reconsider its unconditional support for Israel’s war effort. [...]

The Intercept asked Sen. John Fetterman, D-Pa., to comment on the court rulings that the accusations of genocide by Israel are credible. “I don’t accept that. I reject [the ruling of the International Court of Justice]. I don’t believe that is Israel’s intention: to commit genocide,” said Fetterman, who has emerged as one of Israel’s most staunch Democratic defenders, on Thursday. “I do believe that their goal is to neutralize or dislodge Hamas from that. And I believe that they certainly do not want to take the lives of any innocent Palestinians and I certainly don’t assign higher value to my children versus a Palestinian child. I mean, I wouldn’t want anybody to die throughout all this tragedy, and it’s just an awful situation.”

Within hours of the ICJ issuing its ruling last Friday, Israel alleged that 12 of 30,000 — 0.04 percent — employees of the United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees in the Near East were involved in Hamas’s attack on October 7. The United States immediately suspended its funding of UNRWA, the largest provider of humanitarian aid in Gaza, spurring a cascade of other nations to follow suit.

Sky News later obtained an Israeli document that actually downgrades the allegation to 0.02 percent of UNRWA staff (six people) being involved in Hamas’s attack. Sky News reported that the documents, which allege further ties between UNRWA and Hamas “make several claims that Sky News has not seen proof of and many of the claims, even if true, do not directly implicate UNRWA.”

The contrast between the U.S. decision to pause funding based on unverified allegations and its unwillingness to reconsider its military funding of Israel, despite serious allegations of genocide, is stark.

Fetterman also said that he supports the suspension of funding to UNRWA. When asked why the standard of suspending funding while investigating serious allegations doesn’t apply to the Israeli government, Fetterman dodged the question.

Fetterman: Well, again, it — well, it’s not. We need a full investigation and find out just how much a part of it was about that and how much, you know, the old question: how much they knew and when they knew that.

The Intercept: So you’re saying that for Israel as well?

Fetterman: Yeah, OK, so good, all right, well good.[...]

Reporter Said Arikat confronted State Department spokesperson Matthew Miller on the tension Wednesday. “I’ll say with respect to the charges of genocide [at the International Court of Justice], we believe that they’re unfounded,” Miller said. “We continue to support Israel’s right to take action to ensure that the terrorist attacks of October 7th cannot be repeated, but we want them to do so in a way that complies with — fully with international humanitarian law.”

Miller was then asked about Israel receiving aid even as Israeli government officials call for the ethnic cleansing of Palestinians and maintain good standing in government.

“When the secretary traveled to Israel on his most recent visit,” Miller said, “he made clear that he thought it was important that the Israeli government speak out against those matters and those comments publicly and reiterate that it is not the policy of the Israeli government to force Palestinians from Gaza.”[...]

Two days after the ICJ ordered the Israeli government to prevent and punish incitements of genocide from public officials, National Security Minister Itamar Ben-Gvir and Finance Minister Bezalel Smotrich were among 11 cabinet ministers and 15 coalition members of the Knesset who rallied at conference hosted by hundreds of settlers calling for the settlement of Gaza.

On Tuesday, Defense Minister Yoav Gallant reportedly told members of the Knesset’s Foreign Affairs and Defense Committee that after their military campaign ends, Israel will maintain military control of Gaza, so it can operate similarly to the way it does in the West Bank.

On Thursday, Smotrich said that allowing aid into Gaza contradicts the goals of Israel’s campaign, and that he spoke with Netanyahu, who supposedly assured him that things will change soon. Israeli ministers Benny Gantz and Gadi Eisenkot reportedly called to limit humanitarian aid as well. Meanwhile, at aid crossings, people in Israel have taken cue from their leaders, attempting to block aid trucks from entering Gaza, where hundreds of thousands of people — including the hostages held by Hamas — are at risk of starvation and malnutrition, every day since the ICJ ruling.

One clip even shows a right-wing activist telling an aid truck driver, a Palestinian citizen of Israel, that “I am the owner here, you are a slave here.”

2 Feb 24

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nomaishuttle · 11 months

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wahhhh i dont wanna go 2 work tmrw

#sad. very very sad.. i have 2 showrr #after my beef stew which js avtually evil bc after i eat beefstew i trully just wanna seep. forevrr #but i srsly NEED 2 shower i feel so yucky. rn #im scared tho.. tmrws my last day of training #and then im all on my lonesome. veey sad #im worried bc itll mean ill have No second floor training.bc we do second floor tuesday wednesday #and last week i did thursday friday and then ikl do mknday. SCARED BASICALLY!!#but my bffstie is making me like a umm. guide... since she knows some of the rooms #its sort of scary bc the rooms r wayyy more like. personalized obfi #bc they arent hotel rooms theyre apartments. yk..#saurr i gotta like. get used to that.. but i SHOULD usually have all the same rooms #each day. soz

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trendfag · 1 year

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holy shit i need to get my shit together

#i wish this would last lmao #like i wish i would do something about it #i should have got a train ticket for thursday and used friday to have a meeting w someone at uchicago while im up there #see if i cant get some help with the process of transferring / find out if its even technically a transfer at this point idk how this works #hm oh well i just will have to go back up to chicago sometime #or do a zoom meeting….sorry but i havent been in one since april and if you dont count therapy then in 2 years but im so sick of zoom meetin #i did friday because my friends have school this week #my friend im staying with when i asked how long she wants me said ‘friday to monday is fine’ ‘unless you want longer’#‘i just know during school i cant do much’ and so i took that to mean please just come friday to monday because i have school #because hes from the south and wouldnt just say that #last time i visited also for a concert it was during finals week #and they were going to the concert too but anyway so i asked how long they wanted me for and she was like since its finals week im gonna be #studying and stuff so i wont really be able to entertain you and i was like yeah no problem!! ill just come up the day before and leave day #after! and he was like thank you so much for thinking about me and finals and everything i really appreciate it #but then the day i left she was like….i wish i hadnt asked you not to stay longer #tag edit i misconstrued the thank you she gave me #so ok i asked how long do you want me he said well theres finals so probably not very long which like if youre down to just watch me study #and tske a final then thats not a problem but its up to you. and then i didnt reply for a bit probably half mental illness half being like #i want to stay longer but i dont want to like distract her and intrude and stuff so then she texyed me again asking if id decided how long i #was going to stay and i was like yeah i’ll leave day after concert so i dont distract you from studying or anything and then i think he #thought my feelings wwre hurt bc he was like im sorry i wish you could stay longer but i really appreciate you giving me my space but know #that literally any other week id be fine with you staying however long you want its just this week is a lot with the concert and finals #and i was like yeah of course i understand completely!! and idk if i realized then that he might have thought she hurt my feelings but i was #like yeah i get it! anyway. whatever.

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thatlittleegyptologist · 2 years

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UK Politics Rundown: BoJo's Bizarre Exit Edition

Ok, so, people keep asking me to explain what's going on in the UK right now, mostly because they're seeing Brits just revelling in the levels of fuckery going on. So, a brief bullet pointed run down:

Most of you have probably heard of the Sentient Mop that is Boris Johnson, former Prime Minister of the UK

Most of you probably know about his penchant for lying to the public and basically not giving a fuck about it

This culminated in a huge police investigation into literal parties this man held while we were in Covid lockdown. Including one the night before Prince Phillip's funeral at which the Queen sat alone. And if you know how the press reacted to that one, you know he was in the shit for it.

Anyway, he lied about many of those parties, got fined for attending those parties, and is still technically under Parliamentary investigation for lying to Parliament while stood on the floor of the House of Commons (the room where they yell about laws every day).

There was also a Vote of No Confidence, which is a way in which the Conservatives can remove the leader of their party if they think he's terrible. Boris won this, but by a smaller margin than he would have wanted. No new vote can be held for another year based on the current rules (more on this later)

Fast forward 2 weeks from the end of that to last week and we get some news about an MP (Chris Pincher) who initially seemed to have got drunk and done *something* (as yet it was undefined) and he was suspended from the Conservative party pending investigation.

The following day (Thursday) it emerged that it was because he had allegedly sexually assaulted two men while drunk at a Conservatives club, and that there had been reports of this behaviour before. So he had the whip (basically the ability to vote as a Conservative MP) removed.

On Friday tons of Conservatives did the rounds on the news with 'oh we didn't know he was Bad. Boris definitely didn't know or he wouldn't have appointed him to his position'

On Saturday Boris does an interview where the reporter challenges him and says 'you were told about this in December 2019), Boris then admits to knowing about it but says he 'forgot'.

People are piiiiiiiiiiiised

Fast forward to Tuesday this week (5th July 2022). Late Tuesday, two Cabinet Ministers (think of like the Secretary of State/Housing etc in the US, it's roughly equivalent) Rishi Sunak (Chancellor of the Exchequer) and Sajid Javid (Health Secretary) resign, citing Boris lying to them about many things but this being the final straw.

I mean sure lads, everything else was terrible but this is what did it huh?

Don't worry about it. Their resignations were designed to do exactly what's happened so it was a calculated move.

This kicks off what you've seen in the last 48hrs, with Cabinet Ministers, Senior Ministers, and Junior Ministers all resigning. At one point it was 6 resignations an hour.

The previous record for most ministers in a 24hr period resigning was 11 in 1932. Boris did 53.

Current total of resignations is 59. He fired Michael Gove (who's been hired and fired by the last 3 Prime Ministers, so congrats on that achievement Michael!) So it's basically at 60.

There are not enough ministers in jobs currently to run most departments

Press didn't know what to do with themselves and everyone in the UK was on Facebook marking themselves as 'attending' Boris' leaving party, and generally just having a great time with governmental collapse

Yesterday Boris refused to go. You may have seen footage of the entire House of Commons telling him goodbye very sarcastically. This is the normal levels of shithousery in the House of Commons, but it's also very funny.

Boris was still refusing to go late last night, saying he had a mandate from the people. You got this in 2019, love, it doesn't count anymore.

Literally everyone was writing letters and going on TV telling him to go, including people who'd got new jobs from him 24hrs before

Anyway, between 6:45am and 8am another 10 people resigned, which is how we got to 60 after yesterday's bonanza, and by 9:15am Boris said he would resign as PM and Tory Party leader

He is literally blaming everyone but himself at this point but no one is listening to him anymore

This has triggered a Leadership election, where untold horrors await us because that person will be the new Prime Minister....until they're forced to call a General Election

However, Boris still remains as Prime Minister for now. He said he'd stay until there was a new leader elected. So he's down, but he's not yet out.

But the fun doesn't stop yet! The 1922 Committee (the backbenches of the Tory Party in Parliament) has elections for positions on Monday and they might (and probably will) elect people who want to change the rules so that another Vote of No Confidence can be held. If that happens, the rules can be changed in less than 24hrs and they'll hold another vote to oust him before a new leader is elected. Personally, I hope Theresa May wears another ballgown to this vote after she did to the last one. Boris was the one who ousted her to become leader, so she's revelling in shithousery and it's fun to see Tory on Tory violence.

Highlights of all of this include: Reporters interrupting each other to say someone else just resigned, the people heckling Boris from the gates of Downing Street, the one guy who resigned while in a Parliamentary Committee meeting with Boris that was to discuss all the lies Boris has been telling (and informed him during this meeting. He's a Tory but the balls on that man jeez), Hugh Grant (yes, film star Hugh Grant) paying a bloke to go play the Benny Hill theme tune on Live speakers around Parliament, reporters interviewing Larry the Cat who is literally a cat and responsible for keeping the mice at bay, and every single person in the UK making memes/jokes/videos and just generally having a fantastic time as the government implodes.

Will a new leader change anything? No

Are the British public scared or worried about this? No

Is it just really really fucking funny? Yes. So funny

And that, guys, gals, and non binary pals, is the current account of what's going down in the UK as of 7th July (late afternoon).

#uk politics

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rafeandonlyrafe · 10 days

Text

pizza night

words: 2.2k

warnings: mentions/implications of sex but no actual smut, best friend!rafe, jealousy, angst but happy ending, friends to lovers, rafe with another girl, reader sleeps with kelce

“PIZZA NIGHT!” you shout, rafe letting out a whoop as you carry in the two boxes, plain cheese for you, and a mess of toppings for rafe.

“was worried you weren't gonna show up.” rafe glances at the clock. you're only about five minutes late, only running behind because the pizza place was busy and your order wasn't ready on time.

“as if i would miss our weekly pizza night.” you roll your eyes. you've had to shift times around occasionally to make sure you get the pizza night in, like for rafes football schedule, or you having to help your parents out at a fundraiser. for the past three years, it's been every thursday night, even both getting pizza from your respective locations while you facetime when you're not both in the outer banks.

“come here.” rafe opens his arms up to you. you step into his familiar hold, strong arms wrapping around you, tugging you against his chest. you inhale his scent, so uniquely rafe.

he's been your best friend for as long as you can remember, your parents being friends when both became pregnant around the same time. you did everything together. pizza nights started as plum puree, as your mom loves to joke.

“what do you wanna watch tonight?” rafe asks, knowing whatever you put on will soon become background noise to your chatting, rafe happy to listen to any gossip you have to say.

“umm…” you tap your finger against your chin as rafe plates your pizza for you, loading his plate with three slices for himself. you know he's already got your preferred drink sitting on the coffee table. “mulan.”

“sure.” rafe nods. he used to argue when he was younger. you'd want barbie swan lake or a romcom while he prefered superheroes and action. he learned throughout your friendship to just not fight it.

you immediately start to tell rafe the latest gossip, filling him in on everything he's missed since you saw him last, even though it was only two days ago.

“oh and you'll never guess!” you squeal. “callie, my friend from florida?” you see if the name jogs rafes memory, which he quickly nods. how could he forget. the one other friend that competes with him, despite you only seeing her for weeks at a time when you went to visit your grandparents in florida. “she's coming to the outer banks! she's gonna stay with us for the summer while her parents travel.”

“oh, nice.” rafe nods. he's happy for you, he really is, but he hopes she's not going to get in the way of his time with you, especially pizza night.

“girl, why didn’t you tell me rafe is hot as fuck?” callie giggles, looking out the window where rafe and a couple of his friends are chatting on the patio.

“ew.” you scrunch your nose up. you mean the criticism about callie finding him attractive, not about rafes looks, but callie doesn’t take it that way as she rolls her eyes.

“seriously, he’s so fine.” she slices into another lemon, handing one half to you as you squeeze it to make fresh lemonade.

you just frown. you don’t want callie to find rafe attractive and you’re not sure why the jealous feeling builds in your gut, so you quickly change the subject.

“wanna come to a party friday night? at kelces.” you question.

“oh my god, yes.” callie nods, helping you carry out cups while you bring out the pitcher of lemonade, pouring a glass for yourself and whichever one of your friends also wants one before sitting next to rafe.

callie takes the open spot on the other side of him as the conversation instantly strikes back up. you remain quieter than normal, eyes flicking between them as you watch them interact. you’re glad they’re getting along, truly, but you feel like gouging your eyes out when callie laughs and places her hand on his bicep.

“you okay?” rafe asks after everyone else had gone home, callie having taken your car back to your place to shower while you plan on asking rafe to drive you home.

“yeah.” you put on a wide smile. “whats up?”

“you just seem quieter than usual.” rafe watches your face carefully, noting the way your face falls before you perk back up with a shake of your head.

“nope, im fine. just glad you're getting along with callie!”

“speaking of…” rafe pulls his phone out, handing it to you. “can i have her number?”

“oh… yeah.” you nod quickly, grabbing his phone and typing in her number. you have it memorized along with rafes and your mom and dads, the only ones you’ve typed in enough to know by heart. “why do you want it though?”

“i thought i’d get to know her a bit.” rafe shrugs.

“okay.” you force a smile on your face before standing up. “im gonna walk home. see you thursday for pizza night!”

“y/n, wait-” rafe tries to call you back, but you’ve already disappeared into the house.

you struggle to knock on the door with the pizza boxes in your arms. usually its unlocked, or rafe is there to open it for you the second your car pulls in the driveway.

“shit.” rafe opens the door, his face pale.

“what?” you shove past him, needing to set the cardboard boxes down.

you walk into the kitchen, going to place the boxes down on the counter when you realize there is already a box sitting there, opened up with a couple slices missing. you carefully slide the boxes out of your arms onto the marble before looking at rafe.

“i-i forgot-” rafe says as you look into the living room, seeing callie sat on the couch, her eyes on the television screen as she takes a bite of pizza.

“you forgot about our pizza night?” you question, not even trying to hide your tears this time as they form in your eyes.

“i just didn’t realize it was thursday, y/n i-”

“its fine.” you shake your head, heading towards the door. you need to leave before your emotions explode.

“y/n, please.” rafe grabs your hand right as you reach for the doorknob.

“no.” you turn around to look at rafe, knowing that there are tears streaming down your cheeks, yet you still attempt to force a smile. “no, go. have fun with her.”

you pull out of his grasp and leave, rafe standing on the front porch watching you drive away.

“coming to the party?” callie asks, wearing a tiny dress with high heels, showing off her flawless legs.

“nah.” you shake your head. “im feeling kinda tired.”

“alright.” callie frowns, but doesn’t push you any farther as she walks towards the front door, looking back once before leaving.

you are genuinely tired. you stayed up all last night waiting to hear callie arrive back at your house from rafes. she didn’t get home until 10 in the morning the next day. you know rafe has slept with girls before, but usually when he’s way too drunk after a party, and never with a girl you considered your friend.

you turn the tv on to a random channel, just needing something to distract yourself and stop you from crying again.

hours tick by as the sun sets, your eyes burning from staring at the television and holding back tears when a sudden knock on the door makes you jump.

you stand up, hoping its rafe, hoping he’s coming to apologize and to put all his attention back on you. you feel bad when you open the door and see its topper, your face no doubt giving away your disappointment.

“y/n, are you okay?” he asks. “you aren’t at the party.” he states the obvious as you stand in your sweatpants and a flimsy tanktop.

“just not feeling it.” you shrug.

“is it… callie and rafe?” topper asks. he doesn’t need you to confirm as tears well in your eyes.

“i-i like him. i didn’t even realize until i saw them together.” you finally admit it to yourself why you’re so upset.

“shit.” topper pulls you into a hug as you cry into his shirt, glad for his comfort as he rubs his hand up and down your back, hoping he can help you feel better.

“i shouldn’t be telling you this…” topper sighs. “but kelce has a crush on you. if you want to go to the party and… i don’t know, make rafe jealous back.”

“he won’t get jealous.” you shake your head. “he likes her.”

topper just stares at you with a look of pity. so in your head about your friendship that you can’t even put together the pieces that rafe likes you back.

you look down at your outfit. honestly, you can’t even manage to put on anything other than your crocs, you’re not going to change into a dress and heels just to dance up on a guy you don’t even really like.

“just come wearing that.” topper says, sensing your apprehension. “im serious, you look good. it’ll show how different you are then all the other girls there.”

you look back into your house at your couch, the tv still turned on before looking back to topper. he nods at you with encouragement.

“i need to get drunk immediately.” you tell him as he laughs, pulling you out the door.

you let out a groan as you turn over, snuggling into water warm body is wrapped around you as sleep slowly clears from your head.

“good morning, beautiful.” kelce says, making you blink your eyes open as the memories of last night come back, of ignoring rafe and callie dancing together as you move to kelce. topper was beyond right about the outfit as you captured the eye of most of the guys there, especially rafe as he tried to get your attention, but you were up in kelces room before he could steal you away.

it felt good to sleep with kelce, but not completely right.

“morning.” you smile. kelce is handsome, especially with the warm morning light shining in on the two of you, but your heart hurts as you wish it was rafes face you were looking into.

“can i have you again?” kelce asks, reaching down to grab your ass.

“yeah.” you nod with a smile. another distraction won’t hurt.

“where were you?” rafe asks as you arrive home, not expecting to see him snuggled up to callie on the couch.

“sleeping with kelce.” you say with a shrug. if rafe isn’t gonna hide his relationship with callie, you certainly aren’t going to hide what you were doing either.

“he doesn’t care about you, y/n.” rafe stands up, callies face shifting to one of worry as she looks between the two of you, realization sinking in. “he just wants to sleep with you.”

“okay, and?” you laugh, a bitter, spiteful laugh. “he’s got a big dick, and maybe i just wanted to sleep with him too.”

you stomp away towards your room, blaring music from your speaker the second you’re inside. you don’t want to hear any noise rafe and callie might make as you flop down on your bed, quickly falling asleep despite the blaring music.

the music being turned down wakes you up as someone sits on your bed. you groan and turn onto your back, expecting to see rafe.

“callie?” you question, glancing at the bag slung over his shoulder and the suitcase sitting in your open doorway.

you sit up quickly. “are you going to stay with rafe?”

“no.” she says with a gentle laugh and shake of her head. “im going back to florida.”

“what?” you question.

“i didn’t mean to come between you and him. i thought you didn’t like him. i… i don’t want this to ruin our friendship, so i’m leaving. he was fun to be with, but it was never serious for either of us. he’s serious about you.”

the words sink in as you look to her with hope in your eyes. “you talked to him about it?”

“i did.” she smiles with a gentle nod, glancing towards the clock on your nightstand. “the taxi is waiting outside to take me to the airport.”

you shoot forward to wrap your arms around callie, pulling her into a tight hug. “thank you.”

“of course.” she holds you back just as tight. “come visit me in florida, okay?”

you nod enthusiastically before she gets up to leave.

“finally.” topper sighs with relief as he opens the door to tanneyhill. “i’ve been trying to get him to go over and talk to you for the past four hours.” topper pulls you inside before you can even react. “seriously, you guys just need to date already. he slept with callie, you slept with kelce, and now you’re even. go make out.” topper shoves you into the living room before fleeing.

it takes a second for rafe to look up, his eyes red with tears.

“i had no clue.” rafe shakes his head. “i had no clue you liked me. i never would have done anything with callie if i knew. i thought i’d never get to have you, so i thought settling for your friend would be the next best thing.”

“i don’t like you.” you say before quickly clarifying. “i love you, rafe.”

rafe is standing and making his way towards you so quickly that you don’t even process his movements until his lips meet yours in a fierce kiss.

you hesitate for a moment before kissing back, feeling his arms wrap around your body, holding you tight to him, not allowing you to escape or leave ever again.

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