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secret-engima · 1 year

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Shinobi Economics 2: Warring States Boogaloo

RIGHT IT’S TIME FOR NINJA ECONOMICS 2: WARRING STATES BOOGALOO.

Link to my previous 3k tumblr rant on canon era shinobi economics here , and a casual reminder that I do not study or research economics a whole bunch outside of a casual interest for fantasy worldbuilding. Most of this is just- trying to logic out some semblance of sense inside the Naruto setting.

But to summarize the stuff I think is relevant to jumping into this one, in the previous ramble I established that:

1. Peacetime is actually Really Profitable for shinobi villages of the Nidaime to Boruto eras, because that’s when the lower classes (Merchant and Worker) can afford to pay shinobi for jobs that are ultimately the most money for the least amount of risk.

2. Shinobi villages set the prices of missions, not the clients (as seen in the premise of the Wave arc, where the bridge builder lied about the risk so that he only had to pay for a C rank instead of a B or A rank mission), and that whatever prices they have set for missions, it allows even a single parent shinobi with an active child to live comfortably in a city. Not wealthy necessarily, but clearly able to feed, clothe, shelter, and spend time with their child on top of work and training.

3. In all of canon, all the movies, even in Boruto (up to the point I’ve watched so far anyway), there is not a single shinobi that suggests going back to the warring state era. Not even the missing-nin. Not even Madara, who was more than happy to plot the downfall of every shinobi village and the world at large, tried to get them to go back to warring states (admittedly he was more interested in brainwashing everyone with an overgrown weed, but hey).

In that previous rant, I also made an offhand mention that Hashirama and Madara ending the war between their clans and making peace was them essentially inventing a ninja union, and I kind of want to come back to that in this rant by talking about what the Warring State Era ninja economy was probably like, considering what little we know in canon (ie the anime flashbacks which YES COUNT AS CANON since it makes exactly as much nonsense as the rest of Kishi’s worldbuilding),

Okay so. What do we know about the Warring State Era?

1. We know it was a very bloody time of frequent clan on clan fighting.

2. Medical chakra techniques/medicine in general were not as advanced (because Tsunade is infamous for her contributions to the world of medicine and she doesn’t exist yet) so fatalities or crippling injuries were definitely more common, and most shinobi wore samurai style armor which tells me:

2a. The armor was likely a response to how much easier it was back then for a shinobi to be crippled or killed through blood loss and infection (especially infection).

2b. It could also be a hold over from the Samurai era, since we honestly never get a straight answer from Kishi on where the heck Samurai fit into his swiss cheese timeline. There is, according to the Naruto wiki, a mention of them having split off from shinobi back when chakra use was still called ninshu but that makes … about as much sense as most of Kishi’s timeline and therefore is suspect at best and garbage at worst.

3. Child soldiers were even more of a thing than they are in the village era. For comparison, Kakashi was considered a prodigy for graduating and becoming a genin at 5, and Itachi was exposed to death at age 4, but that flashback is structured (in the anime at least) in a manner that implies that this was not the norm (thanks Fugaku) and that Itachi should not have been anywhere near the battlefield since he hadn’t even enrolled in Academy yet (canonically enrolled at age 6 and was allowed to take the graduation test a few months later). However in the Warring States Era flashback, Hashirama’s and Tobirama’s brother Kawarama died at age 7, and their father makes comments that imply Kawarama was considered at least enough of an adult to be a shinobi, which means he *probably* didn’t die on his first mission? Their other brother Itama, who we do not have an official age for but is clearly younger than Hashirama and Tobirama (who are drawn to at least appear 12 or younger) also dies young, probably around the same age as Kawarama did. We also see Izuna, during the river confrontation between Madara’s and Hashirama’s families, wielding a sword that is clearly *sized* for a child. Unlike Tobirama in that same scene who’s out here with an adult katana held on his back like a buster sword, Izuna is using a sword that looks like it was forged with a child his age in mind. Which … yeah. Not good. Hashirama and Madara also directly reference a desire for ending the deaths of children on the battlefield when they are discussing their dream of a village. So clearly children becoming shinobi at 6-7 and up was Not Uncommon.

4. Going off the continued existence of a Daimyo and his court in canon era, there were a lot of feudal lords in this era, hiring shinobi to do their dirty work. Not just Daimyo against Daimyo like we see in the village era Shinobi Wars, but likely neighboring lords hiring one shinobi clan or another to heckle, sabotage, and assassinate each other. Especially considering the Naruto world Warring States is clearly supposed to be reminiscent of the Sengoku period of Japan.

So, with those things in mind. How did shinobi economics in this era work and why was Konoha so revolutionary in more than just “hey the Senju and Uchiha aren’t killing each other!” way?

Well first thing is that the shinobi clans would have been at the whims of the various lords and the Daimyo rather than able to establish their own prices for missions, and the vast majority of the clan on clan conflicts would have either started or been fueled by the nobles of the era out of convenience. There are over 16 clans listed on the wiki as being “Konoha” clans, while we can discount a few of them (namely the Lee clan because that’s just Rock Lee, the Uzumaki who were from their own hidden village, and the Hoki family who I think immigrated in from Suna? If I’m reading the wiki right?), and those are just the clans that actually survived to the canon village era. That is a lot of competition for shinobi work in an era where most of those jobs would have come from the rich lords, the Daimyo himself, or a few very wealthy merchants would have been able to afford to both hire a shinobi clan and would have felt it worth the risk of gambling that their competitors wouldn’t also hire a shinobi clan to retaliate. The working class would not have been able to afford a shinobi’s services, and they also definitely wouldn’t want to risk going near a shinobi, because this era was when the clans would’ve had their bloodiest, most inhuman rumors and reputations as remorseless killers.

The staple/most common jobs for shinobi clans of that era would likely have been the violent ones that in the modern era get regulated to ANBU, because again, the Worker class can’t hire for D-ranks and the Merchant class probably either also couldn’t or wouldn’t want to unless desperate or trying to threaten their competition with the reputation of shinobi. These “common” jobs would have been assassinations of adults or children, kidnappings, sabotages, blackmail gathering, spying, and open battlefield conflicts (every Senju-Uchiha conflict we see in the flashback arc, not counting Itama’s death or the river confrontation, is on an open battlefield with both parties in varying levels of armor actually). And of course the other side of those common jobs would be missions from rival lords who are hiring a clan to prevent all the previously listed missions. Which is probably where a good chunk of clan animosities started, opposing contracts that got out of hand and started an all out blood feud.

If a wealthy merchant hired a clan to guard their product/caravan, it was probably because some competitor or a lord who took offense to them for some reason had already hired another shinobi clan to sabotage said caravan and product. If a lord hired a shinobi to kill a rival or his family, that rival had either already hired shinobi bodyguards or was going to in response to this. Which, on top of fueling a lot of clan on clan grudges from being repeatedly on opposite sides of a job, means that shinobi clans couldn’t really demand a specific mission prices. A little bit of haggling over the price, yes, especially in the case of the more powerful/sought after clans, but if a shinobi clan tried to push for “too much”, the prospective client could simply leave and hire another clan. Likely a rival clan that had a blood feud with the first clan just to spite them. Any failed missions or missions that were refused because of the pay or risk involved would also definitely lead to the client spreading word against that clan to any allies, which would lead to less missions and valuable income down the line.

The clans with the most ability to haggle, at least in Land of Fire, would *probably* have been the Four Noble Clans Kishi mentions; The Uchiha, The Aburame, the Akimichi, and the Hyuuga. We never have it explained why they are noble clans or why there is only four, but basic logic says that they were clans who actually held positions in the Daimyo’s court, and having that position would have helped them set at least *some* level of wage standard for shinobi work they took on so long as they were careful not to annoy the Daimyo in the process. But even then, there was only so much they could demand before there was a risk of the client leaving and taking any future business from them and their social circle with them.

The Uchiha-Senju conflict was said to last for generations. According to Kishi it lasted since Indra-Ashura thanks to Black Zetsu specifically, but that is stupid on multiple levels that I won’t fully cover here. It’s much more likely that the descendants of Indra and Ashura clashed a few times and mostly tried to avoid each other until the Warring States Era actually started, by which point those descendants were the Senju and Uchiha (and Uzumaki but they’re canonically a neutral party in that whole deal iirc). The blood feud *probably* started when a noble lord spotted the natural avoidance/borderline animosity of the Uchiha and Senju and hired the Senju to sabotage either an Uchiha job or even to attack the Uchiha themselves if the Uchiha held a position in the Daimyo’s court at that point. And because Uchiha do not react calmly to basically anything, the response was very bloody and over the top, to which the Senju also reacted poorly and… *gestures at the blood feud*. After that, warring lords would have started to intentionally hire the Uchiha and the Senju to pit them against each other because neither clan would haggle too much over the price of a job for fear of it being thrown to their enemy instead, and with both clans so eager to get revenge on the other as the years went on, they were guaranteed to give their all on the battlefield regardless of the mission pay. Which is a technique that would have been used against most of the clans to keep them from getting too powerful or too uppity about the pay for their jobs, but especially the dangerous ones with kekkei genkai.

With the inability to really dictate the prices of their shinobi work, the civilians of shinobi clans likely would have sought to provide some other form of goods and services to help bolster the clan (the civilians not busy trying to keep the clan fed anyway). This has been explored by other fanfic writers in this fandom (shout-out to Umei_no_Mai’s series “the Compass Points North” for being really great at this), but of course depending on the size of the clan and their access to resources that don’t immediately go to either Feeding the Clan or Providing For Shinobi Work, how much money this actually brought in for each clan is entirely variable.

So there’s the Warring States Era cycle of shinobi work. Lord A hires Clan 1 to Do Thing, Lord B hires Clan 1’s most hated rival if possible to Stop Thing, both lords sit back and watch the two clans fight it out for far less than their work is actually worth. Wash, rinse, occasionally repeat with clans that are not hated rivals but are still going to fight it out viciously because if they don’t do a good enough job then they will lose any further work from that client and the client’s associates.

And then the Uchiha-Senju Alliance happened, and did not disintegrate within weeks or months as outsiders would have anticipated.

And this one thing. This one alliance. Completely destroyed the “comfortable” cycle the lords, Daimyo, and wealthy merchants had for their shinobi dealings up to that point. Because now, not only are the two most powerful clans in Land of Fire no longer available to hire against each other, but they also have two clans’ worth of civilian trade and shinobi revenue to keep them from starving the first time they said “no” to a client, and any client they do say yes to has the pick of Senju shinobi, Uchiha shinobi, or a mixed team of the clans’ respective powerhouses.

What do you think the response was the first time a client approached literally any of the other clans and tried to hire them to go up against both Hashirama and Madara, or, just as scarily, Senju Tobirama with a grumpy Uchiha or three following on his heels.

The answer was no. The answer was heck no. The answer was we would literally rather starve rather than choose that flavor of suicide.

Because while other clans have clashed with the Senju and Uchiha before during this era thanks to it being logistically impossible for someone to hire a Senju to fight an Uchiha and visa versa every time, those clashes would still have been comparatively rare but memorable. Similar to the nobles funding these blood feuds, the other shinobi clans of Land of Fire would have grown accustomed to “your chances of dying via Tree Man or Angry Fire Cat Man are statistically low” and being able to kinda sit back and watch the Senju and Uchiha tear each other apart from a safe distance, with only minimal risk of running into far less skilled Uchiha or Senju on a job rather than the guy who gets named the “god of shinobi” and his frenemy rival. They’ve seen the damage either clan can do, and now you want them to go against both? Without the guarantee of Madara and Hashirama (and Tobirama and Izuna pre the latter’s death) being too busy trying to kill each other to bother with you and your squishy clanmates? Hahahaha no.

And now here’s where the Shinobi Villages are a Union thing really starts to kick in. Because the Senju-Uchiha alliance grinding the Warring States cycle to a halt would have been temporary if it had just been between them, if Hashirama’s and Madara’s dream had gone no further than peace between their respective clans. If it had remained just the Senju-Uchiha alliance, even with fear of Hashirama and Madara, the other clans would have eventually been prodded into fighting them, likely even being hired by enough lords who were all unhappy with this shakeup to the routine to temporarily band together in fighting the Senju and Uchiha and overwhelm them (or at least badly cripple the manpower of the Senju-Uchiha).

But Hashirama’s and Madara’s dream wasn’t just about their clans. And suddenly here’s Hashirama “my smile is photosynthesizable” Senju and Madara “consider my wrath as your alternative” Uchiha approaching the other clans and offering to let them join this alliance. To not have the risk of fighting either of these terrifying men or their clans, but rather to pool their resources together to make missions safer. To be able to turn down missions without starving thanks to the combined revenue of multiple clans and their civilian specialties (and the backing of the Uzumaki, who are generally accepted by fanon to have allied with the Senju by this point via Mito’s marriage), and to have other clans be extremely wary of taking any job against their combined might, which will make the jobs they do take a whole lot safer.

Not every clan jumps on board right away of course, canonically the first ones to join the alliance were the Sarutobi and the Shimura (fanon assumes that these two had connections to the Senju and Uchiha clans before this but I … couldn’t find mention of that in the wiki?), which means suddenly any job this alliance takes means that a rival will be up against a roulette wheel of anywhere from “maybe four Senju like normal” to “combined wrath of a Senju-Uchiha-Sarutobi-Shimura team that are working out their collective new-alliance stress on your hide”. The other clans would have chosen to jump aboard the alliance very quickly once it became clear that this wasn’t going away or splintering. Which means more and more clans are saying “no” to jobs that they feel aren’t worth the prices being offered, and less and less clans are willing to go against the alliance for fear of being stomped on. Suddenly the clans who are in the alliance can not only say no but can say “I want to be paid this much for this job” and the lords who once had the option to just take their business to another clan are stuck. They had to either pay up or not have the job done at all.

Tobirama comes in, probably somewhere very early on in the village founding with the start of what will eventually be the universal shinobi mission ranking system, and with that comes the ability for shinobi to have a set minimum wage for each level of risk. There’s an Academy for their children to learn skills from multiple clans and sources now rather than being forced to take to the field just to help pay for food/armor/resources for the clan.

In the real world, this kind of change takes … way longer on average. But in the Naruto world the options from the get-go were “be under Hashirama’s and Madara’s protection” or “be a potential enemy against them and their clans on a mission”, and none of the shinobi clans who survived to that point did so by being stupid. After they saw the Sarutobi and Shimura join without negative consequences (or subjugation as vassals), the clans of Land of Fire would have started joining the alliance faster than the nobles who used their blood feuds as a handy leash could keep up with or compensate for. Canon says something along the lines of the village negotiating with the Daimyo for permission to be there but realistically by the time the Daimyo realized this was not just a passing treaty, that the Ninja Union was not going away, it was already far too late to stop it. Trying to starve the alliance into compliance by cutting off their trades would have only meant that every shinobi clan now on board with Konoha’s existence (read; the majority of them) would overthrow the Daimyo and install a more cooperative leader in his place. Heck, for all we know that’s what happened, it’s not like Kishi bothers to keep a coherent history or timeline. But considering the Daimyo does have a say in who the Hokage of the village is and they are enough at the Daimyo’s beck and call to fight in the future Shinobi Wars, it is more likely that the budding Konoha did successfully negotiate with the Daimyo for a “our loyalty and your nominal supervision over our village in exchange for extra land and free reign over our internal structure” kind of deal.

The clans being united was also an advantage for the Daimyo, once he got over the “can no longer charge whatever he wants for assassinations”. Because with all the Land of Fire clans unified, suddenly any upstart lords looking to depose him or wars he might get up to with other Daimyo look a lot more winnable. The other major Elemental nations, seeing this and realizing it’s not going away, probably scrambled to get their own clans to unify, which is one reason why Kiri is … such a disaster in canon. Rather than being a willing endeavor by the various clans to unite for their own benefit, the Daimyo of Water basically threw all his feral clans off their respective islands and territories and said “you all live here now and you all do what I tell you or else the Land of Fire will wipe us out”. Which, as you can see, went swimmingly for them (sarcasm). That or the other shinobi clans in the various nations did actually unionize of their own will once they saw it worked for Konoha, but Kiri never got the memo of “actually make peace with your rivals” and instead just clustered together in a feral knot of “we hate each other but we hate outsiders MORE so we’re going to pretend we actually function as a society”. Which lasted… Not long.

And there you go, another shinobi economics ramble. I feel like this one is even less structured than the last one but hey at least it’s like. 100 whole words shorter.

#Secret Engima Rambles #naruto #ninja economics #naruto worldbuilding #warring states era

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sparklyfaerie · 1 year

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My Naruto Fanfic Masterlist:

🔥 = Smut

⚠⚠⚠ All fics are SasuSaku unless otherwise noted. ⚠⚠⚠

🍅 ♥ 🌸 ♥ 🍅 ♥ 🌸 ♥ 🍅 ♥ 🌸 ♥ 🍅 ♥ 🌸

Series: Perfume and Ozone - Childhood friends AU slow burn

1. Rays of Spring Sunshine: (Complete)

Sakura had been by his side since he lost his family, following him around since they were seven years old, trying to ease his loneliness in whatever way she could. He didn’t even know why he allowed it. He just silently allowed her to claim the seat next to him at the beginning of every term.

2. Blooming and Bonfires: (In Progress)

Sasuke has not turned his back on vengeance—but neither has he chosen to pursue Orochimaru’s offer of training. He will gain the power to kill his brother without the help of murderers and traitors; instead, he will rely on his team. But Orochimaru is watching. Waiting. He will not be denied.

🍅 ♥ 🌸 ♥ 🍅 ♥ 🌸 ♥ 🍅 ♥ 🌸 ♥ 🍅 ♥ 🌸

Series: Spring Anew - Oneshot series set in the Blank Period

1. (we bloom during) Hanami: 🔥

He wants her to say it first; he wants her to take the burden from him and put voice to what’s growing between them. It’s the only way, he knows, that he won’t feel like he’s being selfish and pressuring her into anything.

2. (the journey to) Mankai: 🔥

“I’m pregnant.” She blurts. His mouth snaps shut as his eyes widen. It… shouldn’t be so surprising. They’re a young, active couple constantly on the move and without ready access to birth control. It was only a matter of time.

🍅 ♥ 🌸 ♥ 🍅 ♥ 🌸 ♥ 🍅 ♥ 🌸 ♥ 🍅 ♥ 🌸

Series: Heart and Home - (AU pre-Gaiden, where Sasuke’s long mission ends early

1. Coming Home:

She finds Sasuke holding their daughter while she sobs against his chest. He’s murmuring to her—“I’m here. I’m sorry. I’m here.”

2. Looking Forward:

Sasuke has been home six months when Sarada brings up the question: "Now that Papa's home am I going to get a brother or sister?"

🍅 ♥ 🌸 ♥ 🍅 ♥ 🌸 ♥ 🍅 ♥ 🌸 ♥ 🍅 ♥ 🌸

Multichapter Stories:

Hatsukoi: Non-Massacre AU / Other POV fic (Complete)

Sasuke leans away as the girl turns to him, and his mother doesn't need to be any closer to guess as to the expression on his face. The girl's body language changes in an instant, and Mikoto recognises the posture of a little girl in love. It's kind of adorable.

From Heaven to Hell: Sakura gets the curse mark AU (Incomplete, currently on hiatus)

The smallest of errors can weave catastrophic consequences; so when Sakura threw herself in front of Sasuke and received the Curse Seal of Heaven in his stead, she doomed herself. That’s what everyone always said, anyway.

About-Face: Sasuke returns to Konoha six months after abandoning it AU (ongoing)

When Sasuke realises his mistake, it’s not too late. Three months on, almost to the day, and it still aches. He misses his friends. He misses their clumsy way of showing that they cared. There’s not a damn soul in this place that cares about him; not beyond his role as Orochimaru’s favourite. But he’s not been declared a rogue yet, even after everything he did. He could go home, if he wanted to.

🍅 ♥ 🌸 ♥ 🍅 ♥ 🌸 ♥ 🍅 ♥ 🌸 ♥ 🍅 ♥ 🌸

Blank Period Oneshots: No continuity

Come Undone: 🔥 To the outside world, Uchiha Sasuke is cold and aloof, a man devoid of passion. But here, in Sakura's bedroom, he burns.

Endearment: 🔥 It takes him almost a month to realise that she hasn't once referred to him by name since the wedding.

Restraint: (mild bondage) 🔥 Sasuke does not often exert this kind of dominance over her.

Surrender: (bondage) 🔥 “I should put you over my knee for your cheek.” He teases.

🍅 ♥ 🌸 ♥ 🍅 ♥ 🌸 ♥ 🍅 ♥ 🌸 ♥ 🍅 ♥ 🌸

Boruto-Era Oneshots:

Paring: (Primarily Sarada&Sasuke relationship, with some mild background SasuSaku) "Mama, what's this?" / "It's Papa's special chopping board." || Sarada is always hungry for information on Papa. He’s been gone a very long time, after all. She thinks she vaguely remembers a man with dark hair and eyes just like hers smiling down at her—but she’s not even sure if that memory is real, or something her brain made up after staring at his picture for too long.

🍅 ♥ 🌸 ♥ 🍅 ♥ 🌸 ♥ 🍅 ♥ 🌸 ♥ 🍅 ♥ 🌸

Looking for another fandom?

#my masterposts #my fanfiction #sasusaku

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mixelation · 1 year

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We need to know

In the ninja rpf universe

How many fans does each Akatsuki member have?

Like, from most fans to least fans, how would they be listed? Obviously Sasori and Itachi are going to be near the top if not ON top

yes yes i see. number of fans is very dependent on overall fame and perceived attractiveness of publicly available photos. i'm basing fandom attitudes on fandom culture in the ~2000s so being a conventionally attractive pretty boy is very important (i KNOW y'all are super thirsty for kisame but he would not do great numbers in the 2005 era of bishounen)

of the akatsuki, sasori definitely has the most fans. this is because he's famous and also because his photos from when he was in suna are like this

if we're counting him, i actually think orochimaru probably has a lot of fans? because like. listen. the sannin were famous as beloved war heroes, and i don't think the "child experimentation" thing was something konoha spread around. orochimaru is eccentric but he does take care of his appearance and i don't think "sometimes vomits up snakes" is very well known outside of actual ninja circles. so i think the rpf community sees him as the cool, handsome older man with a tragic backstory

itachi is next because, even though i don't think itachi's character design is actually all that attractive.... he's uchiha itachi. everyone is obsessed with him. this is just a law of the naruto universe. he's very famous because of the whole "killed his whole clan at 13" thing and it's very easy to wax poetic about his raven hair.

the rest of the members are either relatively unknown due to age (deidara, hidan), known but not conventionally attractive (kisame, kakuzu), or purposefully being secretive weirdos (konan, pein, zetsu, obito). i think the seven swordsman is probably seen a as a sexy concept, so kisame is next for number of fans but the gap is pretty wide. kisame fans are very dedicated but regarded as niche. kakuzu has some fans but they're considered kind of. weird. (also there's a rumor kakuzu hunted one down at charged them for using his image without his permission?)

hidan is maybe considered an up and comer in the community. he doesn't have a lot of die hard fans, but there's chatter about him because he's pretty generically handsome. deidara WOULD do fucking numbers in this sort of community, but it's funnier if people just don't know who he is :P

there's obviously other missing-nin people like to write about, but i think tori is very like "who the fuck is this? must not be important" which is one of the many reasons the rpf community is welcoming to her. :<

i think there must also be some interest in non-missing-nin shinobi, which is how sasori/kakashi becomes A Thing, BUT i think the politics around this is a little weird. like kakashi is considered a very cool and loyal shinobi is fire country, but the rpf community in earth country has a very different take. missing-nin though.... everyone considers them horrible traitors and that's equality <3 BUT also i think the rpf community doesn't have a lot of members who are ninja or even civilians living in ninja villages.... a special interest in missing-nin is one thing if you're shop girl in a little town or a farmer in the middle of nowhere, but it might be consider suspicious behavior inside of a ninja village, you know?

#tori 'if there must be sasori girls i think i should be the main one' mendoza

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tozettastone · 7 months

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Naruto: "Pride and Prejudice"

Hmm I actually wrote a Pride and Prejudice fusion crack ficlet years ago: A Shark With Five Thousand A Year,

I guess this could be a totally bonkers, completely different, vaguely Regency Era AU... Maybe we keep the ninja magic.

-----

When he was at last bundled out of the carriage, Deidara was grimy, exhausted, and spitting mad. His hands were bound behind his back and they'd done something—some weird magic—that had sealed up all of his own chakra so he couldn't set the rope afire. The door opened with a click, and he got a glimpse of the same guy who had so easily overpowered him two days earlier: an enormous brute of a man, bigger than any Deidara had ever seen, with facial tattoos and a riotous mane of hair.

What was someone like that doing kidnapping sappers of the royal engineers, Deidara wanted to know, and not fighting on the front lines himself? He looked like the equal of any six infantrymen. There was a lot of hard muscle under all that soft fat.

He bodily hauled Deidara free of the carriage and kicked the shining, dark-enamelled door closed after him. Deidara had just enough time to see those same teeth and bare his own right back—and then the big guy kicked the back of his knee out from under him and the next thing Deidara saw was just the dirt between the wet stones of a dark, torch-lit courtyard.

Before him were steps, and then columns, and then what Deidara's brain categorised as some kind of public building: a large, imposing structure with a heap of windows, and presumably intended to show off the grandeur of the empire.

Usually Deidara's chakra kept him warm. It was itself a warm thing, good with rock, with lightning, with radiant heat. But it was sealed away, and the stones' chill immediately seeped straight through the knees of his trousers. He shuddered.

"What the hell is your problem?" he snarled, but like every other rude thing he'd said in the past two days, it was muffled by the gag. His mouth was painfully dry now, anyway; the rag crushed against his tongue felt like sandpaper.

"Try to contain yourself for a minute," the huge guy advised. He sounded sympathetic, but he'd sounded sympathetic when he'd kidnapped Deidara, too. And then later when he'd bound his hands and gagged him. He had a firm grip in Deidara's greasy hair and upon his shoulder, and his voice was deep and rumbling. "Nobody's ordered you killed or anything."

Deidara wrenched his head around so he could glare back at him. He lost some hair in the process, and his sudden movement must have upset the horses, because he heard the stamp of hooves and an unsettled neigh from the shadow of the carriage.

"That's a pretty scary look," said the big guy, sounding conciliatory.

They weren't left waiting for long in that dark courtyard, but it was long enough that Deidara started to shudder involuntarily in the wind.

He jerked his head back up when he heard whisper-light footfalls on the steps. Kneeling on the stones, at first all he he noticed was the bizarre absurdity of cream silk slippers, gleaming with a pale camellia embroidered upon their toes.

The woman who belonged to the shoes descended the steps, apparently unconcerned about the effect of the damp on all her fine silk, and peered closely at him. Her face was serene.

"Is this really the infamous 'devil' of the southern regiment?" she wondered. She leaned down, elaborate blond ringlets trailing over her shoulder, just to catch his eyes.

Her eyes had no pupils. Just endless, cold blue, gleaming gold in the torchlight.

He was caught in her gaze for a long second, falling into her empty gaze like an icy pool. The pressure in his skull was alien, unwanted, and unbearable. He tore his eyes away with effort.

"Miss Yamanaka," said the big guy, a name that made a hard little ball of dread tangle up in Deidara's stomach. What could he possibly know that warranted being stolen by that terrible family of secret-keepers? "He's not really at his best. He didn't want to come."

"Hmph. Well, he has the family temper. And... yes, I think something of the gift. I wonder what daddy will think?" She tapped her lower lip with one gloved finger. "Tell me, devil," she said then, staring down at him. "Do you think I'm beautiful?"

On principle, he shook his head furiously.

Behind him, the big guy just heaved a giant sigh. "I really wish you hadn't done that."

#ask #anon #naruto #fic title ask meme #deidara #THE NEXT ONE WILL BE SHORTER

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childotkw · 3 months

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Would regulus have an accent if he came back from the warring clans era into hp universe?

Like.... I know he would have used some sort of translating/speaking spell but he would have definitely picked up the language eventually!

Also I feel like he would be too comfortable in a kimono to change into normal high class wizarding clothes and also to make izuna feel that he isn't standing out too much

Just imagine izuna and regulus sitting in a phoenix army (or whatever they're called) meeting and they just start talking shit about dumbldoors fashion choices in Japanese.

Imagine regulus asking kreecher for a traditional Japanese breakfast if izuna was feeling too homesick.

Imagine izuna finding out about sirius little jealousy problem and making it worse bc whenever reg isn't with them in the room he whispers to him ' I'm gonna steal your brother and take him to my clan bc he's ours and not yours >:) '

Also.

There has to be a scene where izuna has to show his ruthless shinobi side in all of his (I've been a child soldier then I was a war lord of course I'm gonna kill you without batting an eyelash) and he's coverd in blood and gore

((and all of the wizards are like : oh....

He isn't just a weird guy who reg domesticated like a wild but friendly raccoon....))

(((And reg would purse his lips, berate him for being reckless, and then offer to wash off the blood with a spell without missing a beat bc he's used to the violence from his time in the warring clans era)))

And ugh I have too many ideas I don't know why I'm so invested in this au but I love it and I love you

Good night

Aww I love you too!

And I think he would! Since you're right, he'd eventually learn the language himself, rather than rely on magical translation spells. It would make sense that an accent would crop up for him.

And yes, a lot of things for him would change. Even just a few months in the naruto!verse would leave it's mark. He'd definitely appreciate quite a few things about the culture - and there would be a lot of general lifestyle habits he'd change / pick up.

His sense of dress, the types of food he enjoys, what he drinks, how he talks and exercises...it would all be impacted.

It would be a startling change for anyone to witness. Regulus Black disappears for two months (maybe two years in the naruto!verse) and comes back with a tag-along, and seems to have become a completely different person.

Izuna would absolutely lean into it though. Regulus is his now. The dude very clearly prefers Izuna's home world to this place, and he has plans in place to whisk them back as soon as possible, regardless of what anyone - including Regulus' brother - thinks on the matter.

(Izuna is also 100% sure that if they take too long, Tobirama is going to cleave the universe in half to pluck them back. Or worse - come retrieve them himself. Their exit from this world will be less dignified than kittens being scuffed by an irritated mother cat and hauled back to the nest.)

He also would have many badass moments. This boy was born for drama and showing up a bunch of self-important, annoying wizards? He would leap at the chance. It's even better since he gets to defend Regulus at the same time!

#anonymous #HP #naruto #uchiha izuna #regulus black

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animeomegas · 2 years

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Ooh! The strict parent, the chill parent, and the mediator with naruto monarch 🥰🥰🥰

Haha, this took some thinking, Queen, but I'm going to go with:

Strict parent reader, chill parent Sasuke and mediator Naruto.

@queenondeezmatatas

...

"Um, where on earth do you think you're going?" you said, dropping the bowl you were washing back into the sink and heading to the front door where your teenager daughter had clearly been attempting to sneak out unnoticed.

She sighed at your voice, but clearly realising she'd been caught, turned around and hit you with quite a disrespectful indignant look. She was Naruto's biological child but when she pulled faces like that, she reminded you of a younger Sasuke so much.

"Out," she said simply, still staring at you like she was challenging you.

You raised an eyebrow pointedly at her clothes, or lack thereof.

"And where are you going out that requires shorts that short paired with a bikini top? I don't remember there being any beaches within walking distance."

You could see the moment her temper flared up, but before she could speak, Naruto and Sasuke walked into the entrance hall, clearly having heard the disturbance.

"Whoa, what's going on in here?" Naruto said, walking in with a grin. A grin that faltered ever so slightly when he saw what your daughter was wearing.

"They won't let me wear this even though I'm sixteen and I paid for the clothes myself!" she shouted, point at you rather rudely.

Sasuke looked uncomfortable at the situation and the conflict and you knew full well that if he'd been the only one home, he'd have allowed her to leave wearing whatever she wanted to avoid her turning her frustrations on him.

Your daughter wasn't done making her case though.

"Also, I've seen a picture of what papa used to wear when he was my age! How come he can, but I can't!?"

Naruto snorted, but quickly covered his mouth and turned away when you glared at him. Sasuke's cheeks turned a little pink, obviously remembering the outfit that Naruto still fondly referred to as Sasuke's 'tits out' era when you were alone.

"Yes, well, your papa was also a missing nin at that point, so maybe we shouldn't be holding his teenage decision making process up as the gold standard," you said, crossing your arms over your chest.

She huffed, then, seeing as she was clearly making no progress on you, turned to Naruto instead.

"Dad, please?" she said, turning on the puppy dog eyes. "It's my choice what I wear, and I'm already late! I don't have time to pick a new outfit."

Naruto smiled fondly at her and put his hands on her shoulders.

"Look, if you were at the beach or hell, if it were the middle of the summer, I'd say sure, wear whatever, but-"

You daughter's smile fell at the but.

"But it's almost October," he said gently. "It's getting colder and I bet you're not heading for a beach or even to the river."

Her head dropped, disappointed, and Naruto squeezed her shoulder's comfortingly.

"Hey, you don't have to pick a whole new outfit, how about you put some leggings on under the shorts and swap out your current top for a t-shirt? I think everyone would be happy with that."

You nodded and Sasuke followed with an agreement of his own.

"Okay," she said dejectedly, turning around to slink upstairs to get changed.

"You're going to look great! I promise!" Naruto called up the stairs behind her. The only reply he got was the noise of her bedroom door closing a little harder than strictly necessary.

Naruto winced and you pursed your lips, displeased with her reaction.

"Let it go," he said to you softly. "She's just upset, as long as she gets changed there's no need to start another argument."

You sighed, knowing he was right.

You only got one moment of peace before a crash suddenly sounded from the living room. You, Sasuke and Naruto looked at each other, simultaneously realising that you'd left the twins unsupervised, before shooting off towards the direction of the noise.

There was never a peaceful moment in your house as long someone was awake.

#three person dynamic writing event #naruto #sasuke #a/b/o #omegaverse #headcanons #alpha!reader

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candycandy00 · 1 month

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you so much for tagging me, @scary-grace! This was a lot of fun!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

18, though I’ve only posted a fraction of my BNHA stuff on there and there’s even some JJK stuff I haven’t posted there yet.

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

217,870. And wow it took me way too long to find that lol. I didn’t even know about the Statistics page!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, Jujutsu Kaisen and Boku no Hero Academia. I wrote for a ton of different fandoms back in my “previous era” I’ll call it lol. I wrote for One Piece, Naruto, Final Fantasy (mostly 7 and 12), Death Note, Gundam Wing, Harry Potter, Durarara!!, and lots of other things (almost all of it featuring non canon ships like Cloud x Yuffie and L x Misa). I’d like to try writing for Bungou Stray Dogs and Demon Slayer at some point.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

The Doll House (2,280)

Human (390)

The Offering (377)

How to Seduce a Gamer (300)

Little Miss Nobody (234)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! But sometimes if it’s a comment on an older chapter of something I might not or if I got several close together I miss a few and then I’m too embarrassed to go back and respond later. Or if they just comment with an emoticon, I’m not sure how to reply lol.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

In my current era, it’s definitely the Mr. Compress chapter of The Dark Carnival. I have other fics that end badly for Reader but this one felt very tragic to me.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of mine have pretty happy endings!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Current era, I occasionally get people complaining that certain Readers are wimpy or stupid or whatever. I even had one person on AO3 write out a huge wall of text about how one of my Reader characters was a Mary Sue (they simultaneously complained that she was too weak and useless in a fight but also too perfect). But I tend to shrug off those comments. Readers are supposed to be Mary Sues. They’re literally Reader/Writer self inserts! Part of the appeal of x Reader fanfiction is the fantasy of Reader being an idealized version of yourself. So yeah she can hang out with the League of Villains and be the only girl Dabi has ever liked, or she can be old high school buddies with Gojo and Geto and they’re both crazy about her. It’s all fantasy.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes! And I write pretty much all kinds that don’t involve my three “big no’s” (minors, animals, or scat/pee/vomit).

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not since I was a kid, writing Sailor Moon/DBZ crossovers lol.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not in my current era, not that I know of. In my previous era, I wrote a Gundam Wing fanfic that got really popular in the fandom and was ripped off twice. Not exactly copied word for word, but very close in both cases. They basically changed the wording around a bit but kept the entire plot the same (and it was a very unique AU with a big, sprawling plot).

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Like 20+ years ago a friend and I were co-writing a very fucked up DBZ fanfic together. It was actually pretty good, but it was unfortunately lost to time. I’d give anything to find it and be able to read it again, but she’s the one who was posting it and she deleted her account a few years later.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I’m just gonna go with my current fave ships of my two main fandoms: BNHA (Spinneraki) and JJK (SatoSugu).

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Probably The League of Villains Heroes. I love it dearly but it gets practically no notes so I have little motivation to keep working on it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I’ve always felt like dialogue is my strong point. Probably because, until I was up into my 20’s, I rarely read actual books and almost exclusively read comics/manga (which tend to be dialogue heavy). I think I’m pretty decent with plotting as well.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions! 😩 I am so bad at describing things. Or rather, I’m bad to just… not do it. I literally forget to. I’ve had friends read my work and be like “what does this place look like?” Or “what does that guy look like?” And I can see it all so clearly in my head that I forget readers can’t see it as well.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I sometimes toss in some honorifics just because it seems weird to have certain characters not use them. Other than that, I try to avoid throwing in random Japanese (the only other language I would even consider using, just because these are Japanese characters). I did have Sukuna say his famous “Gambare, gambare” line once but it’s just too iconic!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

First I wrote for: Sailor Moon. First I actually posted a fic online for: Dragon Ball Z.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

I’m going to pick one from each fandom, only among completed fics.

BNHA: Trending Topics

JJK: The Offering

Tagging @missrosegold and any other writer friends who would like to do this!

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depressedhatakekakashi · 2 months

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hii, thanks for explaining why Kakashi is not related to fascism, I usually read that term a lot in a fandom that I won't name, and since I don't know much about politics or things like that, I usually ignore it since I don't know much about the subject, so it's nice that there are people like you who explain the terms since you help people like me who don't know much about it

You’re very welcome!

A good explanation of fascism is that it is that it is based off of far-right nationalisms, with an authoritarian power structure and low tolerance for dissent or disagreement.

Now this may sound a lot like Konoha as we see it in the Hiruzen era, and that’s because it is! That’s why i’ll happily agree to Hiruzen’s era being fascist but also to fadcist elements still existing in Kakashi’s era (even after Fascism is removed it is rarely ever completly removed. Elements still hover around)

So examples of Facism in Konoha

Far-right Nationalism. Konoha (and all of the shinobi villages) are based off undying loyalty to the system and the village. This is an element built into the system that was needed to protect people at the start during war, but which really festered in Tobirama’s reign and became most prominent in Hiruzen’s. The reason i say it cestered in Tobirama’s reign is because from what we see of Tobirama, loyalty to the village is more important than anything. Also his students are prime examples of ‘far right nationalists’ with Danzo and the elder’s being the absokute worse but Hiruzen honestly not being much better.

This idea of nationalism/loyalty to the village is really exemplified in the ‘will of fire’ ideology’

And this is part one where Tsunade and Kakashi branch out from that idea. Kakashi is painfully loyal to the village himself but is also of the mindset that friends and loves ones come first.

By putting his teammates well being ahead of the village Kakashi actively steps away from the nationalistic mentality. He does not fully escape it Unfortunately, but he teaches his students that same ideology and by doing so helps them move away from the ‘will of fire’. In fact, the only Sensei we see actively passing down the will of fire ideology is Asuma, Hiruzen’s son. And that ideology lives on in Shikamaru

This is a case of ‘fascist elements continue to live on’ . Shikamaru and Asuma do not adhere to the will of fire the same way Hiruzen or Danzo do, but it’s an ideology from that past that continues to influence them.

Dissent or disagreement not being allowed is something HIGHLY visible in Hiruzen’s reign

Most obviously in the Uchiha uprising/massacure, but also in the way Sakumo is shunned for choosing his teammates over the mission.

Tsunade shows more care for her people when she tells Shikamaru that although the mission (sasuke’s retrieval arc) was failed, it was a success in her mind because no one died. She actively puts her shinobi’s lives over the mission which is not something that was done in Hiruzen’s reign.

Tsunade also shows her stepping away from this ideology by not punishing Kakashi for walking away from a mission she was trying to give him and instead going to find his missing students. Now to be fair to hiruzen he also showed a lot of leeway to Kakashi when he went against order’s to save Tenzo from Danzo, but Hiruzen also got something out of the deal (A mokuton user). Tsunade had little to gain from allowing Kakashi to show such disregard for her authority.

Now for Kakashi- we don’t see his reign but we can see from how he reacts to Naruto going against his plan/instructions that he does not care too much about people following him as long as their goals are to protect their loved ones

If we use Kakashi Retsuden, the only Shinobi we know of that Kakashi dismisses is dismissed not for breaking rules or disrespecting authority. He’s dismissed for stealing from the people he’s supposed to be helping (a very reasonable reason to dismiss someone tbh)

If we don’t use Kakashi retsuden and only 100% canon sources, Kakashi still shows no signs of being anything like Hiruzen where he would willfully accept the murder of an entire clan as ‘the only option’ to dealing with their grievances. Kakashi also would not show contempt or anger to someone disagreeing with him. He has too little respect for himself to care tbh.

Authorian power structure is still very much a thing with the Hokage’s title, but still not quite the same.

Tsunade, Kakashi and Naruto lean on their support a lot more. They don’t just have the elder’s to call back on (i’m not sure if the elder’s being alive still is manga canon or just anime) and even though those elder’s do hover around in anime which allows thise fascist elements to continue on, they’re not as respected/listened to as when Hiruzen was in charge. They’re more of a background piece.

Kakashi actuvely changes the system. Now here we’re using the book because we don’t get to see anything in manga or anime until after, but Konoha is no longer purely nationalistic. They are bonded with the other villages in trade agreements and peace. Now there are still nationalistic views/pieces of course (again, even after a system ends not every element if it vanishes) but the main idea of ‘loyalty to Konoha and only Konoha’ is no longer a thing. The villages work together to try and achieve a better future.

We see past Kage (onoki) struggle with this new world and end up destroying themselves because they can’t move forward with the rest of the world (anime only i believe) but those who could move forward and accept that peace was here and they didn’t have to ‘be ready for the next fight’ thrived with their villages.

And this idea of real cooperation didn’t start during Kakashi’s reign. It started with Tsunade’s. Hiruzen MIGHT have been willing to work with the other Kage, but while danzo was in charge it was clear he would only do so if HE was in charge. That is a major factor to why Hiruzeb’s Konoha is fascist. Not just because Dabzo exists in it, but because Hiruzen refuses to actually do anything about Danzo and instead often ends up agreeing with him/doing what he wants to do.

So whilte elements of Fascism continue to persist during Tsunade and Kakashi’s (and Naruto’s) reigns, they no longer rule Konoha’s system. They are both at the forfront of the system.

Now i will agree that Not making the Uchiha Massacure known is a part of that continued Facism, but that’s also not Tsunade or Kakashi’s fault. In fact we never even get to see either of them fully understand the situation.

We get to see Kakashi state he wants to find out more before doing anything, but he never does cuz the story just sort of drops it

But for Naruto we (unfortunately) get to see his end of the Massacure issue being Itachi asking him to keep the truth a secret.

By keeping it a secret they don’t heal the past or make any move to show that they will not be repeating that kind of shit, though we can assume that Tsunade, Kakashi and Naruto (based off who they are as characters) are not going to bend and agree to the slaughter if an entire clan, children included, for the crime of being unhappy with the way they are being treated.

But once again, Fascism does live on in a small way when the truth of the Massacure is kept hidden.

But overall, Tsunade, Kakashi and Naruto’s Konoha are not the same as the past.

They are not the rampantly fascist society that thrived under Hiruzen

The people and Shinobi of Konoha can rest knowing that

Their Hokage won’t shame them for choosing their loves ones over the mission/village (would go directly against Tsunade and Kakashi’s personal codes)

They won’t be punished for speaking out/disobeying their Hokage

They can work with the other villages and thrive alongside them, rather than being plunged into constant war against them.

Although the existing power structure is still in place it is not as authoritarian. (Could be better, but i digress)

The will of fire doesn’t seem to be a main teaching point anymore.

Learning about chakra and shinobi methods is no longer restricted to those who are 100% planning to be shinobi. I think it might be anime only but Civilians are welcomed into the academy to learn shinobi skills even if they have no intention of being shinobi, allowing them to better protect/care for themselves rather than always having to rely on a shinobi’s protection to do things like travel between villages.

Konoha is still far from perfect, but honestly there’s no such thing as a perfect system and going from outright very fascist to ‘not at all fascist’ takes time. I know people like to act like it can just be dismantled, but that’s not how it works unfortunatly unless you take an authoritarian/dictatoral route and just… kill everyone who holds those okd ideals (not that i would mind if Sasuke had been allowed to kill the elders. That would have been nice. Free therapy for bum and an issue in Konoha’s system resolved)

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noxxha · 1 year

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Madara and Izuna - The age gap could be larger than 1-2 years

This is not meant as a super serious analysis, it is more for fun, really - but it has been bothering me at times. The lack of information I mean (that is to say, Madara’s lack of childhood flashback still feels like such a missed opportunity)…

Back when Naruto was airing we only knew that Madara had a “younger brother” (who went unnamed for the majority the Manga/anime). We know now (Chapter 622) that Madara came from a large family, and it is generally accepted that he is the oldest brother of his four siblings. It is also assumed that Izuna was the second oldest.

The question, however, is how large the age gap could have been between him and Madara?

We have no ages to work with when it comes to the Warring States Era, save for Izuna’s age of death at 24 years old, and that Tajima passed away at the age of 42.

That does not really tell us anything, only that Tajima must have been a gifted individual to survive when the general lifespan for shinobi was 30 years old.

It is of little use to determine how much older Madara might be compared to Izuna, though.

Then again…subtracting 24 from 42 reveals that Tajima probably became a father at a young age. Which was probably how it was for most, so to assure their survival.

I managed to find the german dub for this particular episode, and it was that particular dub that actually made me wonder if Izuna perhaps was younger than what is first assumed.

During the cliff scene Madara answers Hashirama’s earlier question (if he has any siblings) with the above “No…I have one younger brother left.”

The german dub added an interesting detail to that particular line (it was in general very…different from the english script)

“Du…sag mal, hast du keinen Bruder mehr?”

“Doch, den habe ich - er ist aber etwas jünger als ich.”

“Say…do you not have a single brother left?”

“Yes, I do have one - he is a bit younger than me, though.”

I could for the life of me not translate this particular conversation 1:1, as it made no sense in english (its a bit on the sloppy side still). The above is the closest I can get to keep the meaning from the german lines intact as much as possible.

And what is interesting is the “he is a bit younger than me”

Etwas = (adverb) some, somewhat, slightly, a little, a bit

It could be (and probably is) the angle, but Izuna looks smaller in the Manga compared to the anime.

He looks as if he would reach Madara a bit past his shoulder and Tajima to a little above his hip (if he stands where Tajima stands, that is) if they were to stand side by side in the Manga. Meaning he looks as if he is a head shorter than Madara. That’s…young.

In the anime he looks as if he is just an inch or two shorter than Madara.

Offical concept art for the anime.

While I in general see Izuna as the second oldest of their three unnamed siblings, the Manga almost makes me believe he was the third oldest of his siblings. But that has to be the angle. If Tajima was standing where Madara stands Izuna would reach his father to his arm, around his elbow.

The age gap is probably not bigger than three years at most. I personally have them 1-2 years apart in age myself, but everyone has a different preference - and considering we do not know the exact birth order of the unnamed siblings, every choice is valid.

Madara is protective of Izuna, that is something that will never change - no matter what the age gap ends up being between them.

#madara uchiha #izuna uchiha #naruto analysis #on the lighter side this time #nothing too serious or deep #some thoughts #ramblings #any particular preference regarding the birth order?

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alethiometry · 1 year

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Rules: list eight shows for your followers to get to know you better.

Tagged by @aeide!

1. black sails. OBVIOUSLY. it's got everything. drama, intrigue, ocean gays, lying little wet rat twinks, anti-colonialist uprisings, caribbean history, grimy period-appropriate costumes, heartbreak, monologues, toby "saturday chillin don't fuckin @ me i'm chillin" schmitz calling himself daddy. everybody slays absolute cunt. it is THEEEE most perfect show ever created.

2. parks and recreation. rewatching p&r is an interesting experience because it was such a product of obama-era liberal america and the optimism just oozes out of every scene. also we don't like crisp ratt anymore. but it's also so genuinely funny and heartfelt and comforting! this show had a massive impact on my sense of humor, as well as i think framed failure in such a positive light: every character failed drastically at something over the course of the show, but through caring for each other were able to pick themselves back up and never let their shortcomings define them. i first watched it at a point in my life where i really needed that, so it has always stuck with me.

3. leverage. my comfort show to turn to when living in a post-capitalist hellscape that continues to reward billionaires for their moral bankruptcy while shitting on everybody else gets too depressing (so… like every day). is it campy and unrealistic? yes. do i care? no. sometimes you need escapism via direct action, heist hijinks, and extreme displays of bisexuality. also aldis hodge is one of the most beautiful human beings on planet earth.

4. supernatural. yeah yeah it's the hehe destiel meme show. but it was also tons of fun to watch every week, the worldbuilding started out fantastic (and then got progressively more and more insane), i think it's really the epitome of "really cool ideas with mostly lackluster execution". the bloody mary episode remains one of my favorite episodes of tv ever, and the fandom drama just keeps giving! i also met some of my dearest friends through the fandom, so maybe the real destiel love memes were the friends we made along the way.

5. twin peaks. the only show that made me so insane i went and got a tattoo of it. impeccable vibes, the experience of watching s3 and then memeing about it on reddit with everyone else who were all equally confused is an experience that will never be replicated.

6. love island uk. listen. fucking listen. i don't want this show to be listed here any more than any of you do, i'm sure. absolute bottom of the barrel brain rot that consumes my life and brings my workday to a grinding halt (thank you timezones) for the 2 months that each season is running. i absolutely have nothing good to say about love island uk other than it's sometimes really funny, usually unintentionally. but iain stirling's voice and those stupid neon pillows/beanbags and atrocious cursive font and catchphrases have wormed their way into my brain and nothing short of a complete lobotomy can remove it.

7. how to get away with murder. this wouldn't even be on here if saff and i didn't go on an insane binge of all six seasons last fall. but since we did… here we are. michaela pratt is an icon and has never done anything wrong ever in her life and i will die on this hill.

8. cunk on earth. this is probably recency bias speaking but oh my god i adore this show. it is exactly my brand of humor and i have so much respect for all the experts and miss diane morgan herself for making it through those interviews without breaking, because i would be fighting for my fucking life. this is the show that i will henceforth be recommending like a madwoman to all my friends.

honorable mentions: american vandal, derry girls, naruto, south park, dexter, elementary, orphan black.

i'm tagging: @winedark @seance @assassiyun @thatsouthernanthem @potsticker1234 @ciaramedba @doomcountry @thychesters <3

#tag games #cool story charlotte

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brwnsugcr · 1 year

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my drafts in no particular order.

naruhina.

pilates au. naruto falls in love with sakura’s pilates instructor on sight. we in our simp era with dis one.

he flashes the cutest stranger to ever exist a grin that he hopes is convincing enough to cover his blatant staring. “I’m just. I, uh. I’m here to…” and what ultimately stumbles out of his mouth is, “I’m naruto.”

“pleasure.” she smiles and bows politely.

I bet. “what’s your name?”

“hinata-sama!” sakura’s sharp voice cuts through the air just as she opens her mouth, a set of angry footsteps before naruto feels his childhood best friend’s fingernails dig into his arm. “please ignore my friend. he’s an idiot.”

“oh, I…it’s no problem at all.” hinata-sama blushes faintly, gaze flicking between naruto, sakura, and sakura’s hand on his arm. “I’ll see you soon?”

taking care of hime. a part two sickfic in which naruto and hinata’s positions are reversed, and now hinata is the one who needs to be pampered and taken care of. luckily, she’s got a loving boyfriend for that.

of course hinata gets sick.

hinata curls deeper into his lap, whimpering softly. naruto runs his fingers through her scalp, a sorrowful expression furrowing his eyebrows and turning his lips downwards. she coughs, then apologizes, then coughs again until she can barely breathe. at that point, naruto leans to grab the glass of water sitting on her nightstand, handing it to her immediately as she flies upright, nearly making herself dizzy.

unlike naruto, hinata is going through the worst of it. the congestion, the dizziness, the coughing. before his arrival, she had been under the tender care of hanabi, who greeted him excitedly and sighed with relief. “I thought you’d never get here.”

hinata’s lower lip had trembled at the sight of him bounding into her room, having heard him and her sister talking just outside, having felt him as soon as he reached the estate.

she croaked his name, “narut -” but coughed into her pillow and clutched her chest.

“oh, hina…” it took him no time to reach her, pulling her up into his arms. “I’m here. god, look at you. I feel so bad.”

“m-me too,” she mumbled into his shoulders, clutching his back. “I only regret it a little bit.”

he laughed weakly, cupping the back of her head with a tender cusp. “ya sure it’s not a lot?”

sasufuu.

bodyguard au. sasuke gets assigned to the wildcard that is fuu. romance and chaos ensues. possible spicy series.

“we shouldn’t.” it’s a warning. and underneath that, a soft plea. “not…not again.”

“you’re right.” and yet, she makes no move further away from him.

“I am your bodyguard. nothing more, miss fuu. you hear me?”

“loud and clear.”

“I was assigned to protect you. not…” she sees him swallow, his jaw taut with tension. “do anything stupid.”

suddenly, you ch 11. fuu stays overnight at casa naruhina’s with sasuke.

sasuke waits until he hears the second door shut.

fuu’s eyes are glued to the tv, mesmerized by its contents. or maybe she can’t not look away, because she, too, recognizes that they are alone. for now.

sasuke tucks a hand under her chin to catch her attention.

“—?”

no time for questions.

fuu sighs softly, lips yielding against his. he moves in to cup the other cheek, taking their kiss in a sweeter direction.

“naruto’s going to bring you blankets,” he murmurs, holding her there. “wait ten minutes, then come to me.”

“where are you going?” dumbfounded, a flustered fuu watches sasuke put space between them once more, coming to a stand. his answer sends an army of butterflies right to her tummy.

“my bedroom.”

#my drafts #jas speaks #naruhina #sasufuu #sasufuu under the cut <3

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reddawnmultimuse · 9 months

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"What do you do now, since the Akatsuki disbanded?" - Hinata

Hidan smiles at the out-of-the-blue question. No one asked him of his past life and truth be told, Hidan himself did not like to speak on it--but maybe just this once since the little lady did ask so politely.

"Oh, I'm the Father of the God Father's Church in Yugakure. After I was saved from my underground grave, I left Ja--," He pauses and clears his throat. "His religion n' trained to be a priest under the Father God. I am blessed n' may he bless you too, my child."

Itachi looks pleased to talk about his new life. He didn't have many people interested in him outside his own immediate family, afterall.

"Oh, I live on the Uchiha Estate and raise a flock of chickens! I use their eggs to make homemade mayonnaise that I sell at the Farmer's Market. If you like, Ms. Hyuuga, I can make you a jar or spare you a dozen of eggs, feel free to ask!" He smiles at Hinata.

Deidara pauses while wetting his pottery wheel and blinks. Who was she? One of Ame's friends?

"Umm...after the Akatsuki, hn? I run a pottery shop and raise my son, Ame, by myself. Not what I imagined my life as but I do what I have to do for my son. He deserves the best life he can get, even with a mother like me."

"Pissin' off into woop woop for puppets an' moohlah. Ain't nothin' much you can do these days due to this 'era of peace' bullshit; watered down like goon. Bah." Sasori huffs, his wooden jaw clicking against his upper teeth.

Kakuzu has no idea who this woman was nor why she was asking him such a question, but he'll bite. "Bounties." Is all he says.

"I am leader of Amegakure..." Konan lightly coughs as the sentence leaves her winded due to her missing lung. "You're friends with...Naruto, aren't you? Give him my regards...would you kindly?"

#historias-multorum #. ask #[ you didn't specify muse so i used this all! ]#[ not that i need an excuse to gush about my post-akatsuki muses ]

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ncji · 2 years

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[ This got long too. :| ]

[ Me: The first chapter should be done tomorrow.

My Body: This seems like a good time to start bleeding!

Also, last night, I had to purge that NejiGaa idea because I really wanted to tell y'all about a far less socially acceptable idea and my period-polluted brain didn't want to scare off my new followers. :| I just had to write something close to scratch that itch.

It started as an idea about Neji running away as a genin and hiding in another hidden village. He's a damn good shinobi, though, so he trains in a modified gentle fist technique. It does the same thing, uses chakra to attack tenketsu, but it doesn't look like the gentle fist. You know what I mean? Neji does this so he can continue to work as a shinobi in the new village.

A few years later, like Shippuuden era when he's supposed to be a pretty little passive bitch boy (I promise I love him with all my heart), he's a bangin' resident badass with a reputation for having a bark as deadly as his bite. He's comfortable in his new life, and he feels safe because he doesn't have to be around the people who hold the detonators for the bomb on his forehead. Anyway, the whole pretending to be blind thing and going by a different name still apply. I'm not writing a story, though, I'm telling you my idea, so I'mma use Neji.

His village considers him one of the best among them, so they use him when the village's reputation is on the line, like when the Hyuuga clan leader is travelling through the territory and believes he and his caravan are being stalked. Neji reads the mission and tries to think of any reason to NOPE OUT, but it's going to look so good on his record. Hard choice, but he accepts it.

When he and his team meet with Hiashi and the others, mostly Hyuuga, he stays quiet and lets his teammates do the talking. He wears a half-mask. Uh...

Something like that, but more like...you know, Naruto-themed. It's bird-themed, of course, but it does not cover the mouth. Underneath is a white blindfold that he can see through, but others cannot see his eyes through. It also covers his forehead for if his mask is removed. His hair is tied up in a high ponytail, save for the pieces that frame his face, and it's only been cut to keep it above his waist. Boy keeps it long and strong. It's basically not what you would expect to see on Neji, so Hiashi doesn't recognize him.

Hiashi does, however, become suspicious of him, because Neji is obviously avoiding him. It's not just the detachment temporary guards show. He's actively keeping the most distance he can between them.

Hiashi stops that by purposely walking at his side. Much to Neji's annoyance. Gauging his reaction, Hiashi starts a conversation. Neji can't alter his voice, because his teammates will call him out, so he answers normally. Luckily, his voice has changed a bit since childhood. Hiashi doesn't recognize it.

At least he doesn't consciously recognize it. Subconsciously, his entire being is reaching out for this young man because it knows who he is. His figure is appealing to him (familiar). His scent is pleasant, lovely even (familiar). His voice is smooth and soothing (familiar). Everything about him is so alluring. It's like his soul yearns for him. Hiashi misinterprets his feelings as love at first three senses. Neji is blissfully unaware.

They all journey together for the day without a sign of this stalker Hiashi is sure is out there. The whole time, Hiashi is holding a conversation with the lovely jounin. Neji has grown to enjoy it because Hiashi has a lot to say about his daughters, which Neji misses! Hiashi interprets his interest in the topic as Neji being a family man. Perfect for him! When he asks Neji about his family, Neji tells him he lost the last member of his family when he was a child, so he doesn't remember what it's like to have a family. Hiashi rests his hand on his shoulder and tells him he deserves to know that love again. The gesture is actually pretty nice to Neji, comforting, even though he does feel a little bitter about it, considering the subject.

Night falls, and the group makes camp. They build a fire, they eat, and the local nin set up a rotation to be lookouts. Neji is excluded, despite his protests, because the team believes he's blind. (EVEN IF HE WAS, HE CAN STILL HEAR, YA DICKS!) He's actually assigned to stay close to Hiashi to guard him. Dun dun DUN!

Hiashi is a perfect gentleman. He and Neji sleep through the night.

When morning breaks, though, Neji wakes up to a certain problem. He's only on the cusp of adulthood, ok? He can't help it. Now, he's perfectly fine with closing his eyes and thinking of something disgusting to will it away, but, before he can find a thought repulsive enough, he feels the brush of knuckles against his hip and hears a quiet offer in his ear. "I can help you with that."

Neji's eyes go wide as saucers. He's shocked, but all Hiashi hears is quickened breaths and no protest. The handjob happens without a peep from Neji. Part of him is just too shocked to react, while another part of him is getting some sort of emotional fulfillment from it. Hiashi always seemed so cold or hostile towards him. But, now, he's hot for him! He clearly likes him now! When he cums, Hiashi muffles his whimper with a kiss, then cleans up the mess with his tongue. The Hyuuga head then leaves Neji in the tent to pull himself together.

Neji in the tent: Oh gods, what did I just do? Slap a seal on his forehead, and that man is my father! THEY'RE IDENTICAL TWINS! Oh gods, that was a worse idea than when I considered genocide. I CONSIDERED KILLING THAT MAN, I HATED HIM SO MUCH! What am I going to do? I can't face him again!...Can I? I mean, that wasn't bad...and it was kind of satisfying to have him serving me for once...WHAT AM I THINKING!? FATHER, YOU BETTER NOT BE WATCHING ME RIGHT NOW! If you are, send a bear to put me out of my misery!

When he emerges from the tent, he seems totally calm and normal. Pfft.

The caravan reforms and they continue on their way. Hiashi's kind of adorable, sneaking these little touches to Neji's hand and resting his hand on his lower back to urge him ahead when their path narrows. Like, he's seriously a cute gentleman. Neji doesn't know how to react other than shyly nibbling his own lip like a bashful bean.

Halfway through the next day, there's some sus activity. The Hyuuga activate their byakugan, while the others are on high alert. Neji "listens", meaning he activates his byakugan when he thinks he'll be able to see something (his mask and hair cover the physical effects). All the rest see are animals. Neji is the one that catches the enemy under their feet. The other Hyuuga weren't aware to look there because they're not familiar with the tactics of the nin in the area. The enemy was using scouting animals you would find along their route, so the Konoha nin noticed they were being followed, but they didn't realize it wasn't by the enemy--You get the idea. Animals follow above ground and alert to their position. People follow below. Neji shouts the location, claims he feels tremors, and the enemies expose themselves.

A fight ensues! Hiashi is amazed by the fluidity of his crush's movements. So smooth. Superior to other techniques, but not the gentle fist of course. Neji is in awe of how powerful Hiashi is. How is the bastard that powerful? He hasn't seen battle in ages! Neji wants to know his secrets!

Good guys win. Nobody is seriously injured. All is well. The local shinobi take a hostage to barter with in case there's another wave and continue to escort Hiashi's group to the edge of their land.

Night comes again, and so does Neji. Twice. Underneath Hiashi and at the mercy of his masterfully gyrating hips. Hiashi urges him to come with him through the pleasure. He tells him he'll give him a family, a home full of love. He promises him a large home, he tells him he'll live like royalty. He wants to be this twink's sugar daddy!

When Neji moans, "Yes!" to it all, Hiashi assumes the obvious, but Neji is just like, 'Yes, offer me everything I deserve! Acknowledge all of it should be mine! Finally, you're telling me I'm worth everything your clan has to offer!' They kiss and cuddle after, Hiashi thinking he has a new spouse and Neji satisfied spiritually.

When they get to the edge of the land, Hiashi is disappointed to hear that Neji will not be coming with him. In front of everyone, he declares his love and tells him he'll return for him.

He does. Days later, Hiashi walks right into the village to find his hot young bae. When he does, he proposes to him and asks him to accompany him back to Konoha. Neji rejects him, but he does offer to walk him to the edge of the land, back towards Konoha.

Something from the past has been working its way to the surface for Neji, something dark, and he indulges it. He asks the others to walk ahead while he and Hiashi spend their last moments together alone. It's romantic. Hiashi ensures it is, and so does Neji. They talk, they make love frequently, and Neji gives Hiashi little bits of hope here and there that they can be together.

When they reach the end of their journey together, hands linked together between them, Neji turns to Hiashi and tells him he'll have to make the rest of the journey back to Konoha alone. Hiashi is hurt. He makes his offers again, essentially telling him he's willing to give him everything. Neji kisses him passionately, really gives him one to remember, you know?

Then, he pulls his mask and blindfold off, exposing his face to Hiashi as his mouth twists into a cruel little smirk. "It's too late to offer me what I deserve now, uncle." He watches as Hiashi, shocked, stumbles back at the sight of what he recognizes as his missing nephew. "And don't think about activating my seal. I left a note at my home exposing our dirty little secret. As long as I make it home to burn it, no one will ever know~."

"You--Neji..." Utter disbelief. "I didn't know, but you...Neji, you knew..."

"I did know, but I wasn't the one who made the first move."

Hiashi feels sick. He won't make it back to Konoha before he throws up, but he can stand it long enough to show Neji the horror on his face. "Why?"

"I liked hearing you promise me everything a branch house Hyuuga is never supposed to have, everything I deserved." He closes the distance between them. "I also like that thing you do with your hips, when you're driving yourself in deep and you lift your hips--"

Hiashi pushes him away. "You're sick!"

Neji chuckles. "What, I don't deserve a family anymore? I don't deserve your home? I don't deserve to be treated like royalty? I don't deserve love? I'm not the one who screwed my eighteen-year-old nephew! I just succumbed to my desperate need for a father figure," he taunts. "At least that's how the world will see it outside of your brainwashed bunch."

There's a ringing in Hiashi's ears. It doesn't feel real. It has to be some horrible nightmare!

"So I suggest you keep my location a secret and stay far away from me."

"Is that why you did all of this? So you could blackmail me? So I couldn't take you home?"

Again, Neji laughs. "No, Hiashi. You put your hands on me! I told you why I never stopped you. I kept it going these past couple of days because I wanted this moment. I wanted to see your face when you realized your dear loving Sora was your nephew all along. I want you to go home and see my face every time the blood flows into your dick. I want you to look at the old pictures of me and see me red-faced and gasping underneath you. I want you to feel the guilt of fucking me every time you pray to my father! But, most of all, uncle--" he tells him softly, that tone he used when they were trying to be quiet in the tent alone together. Neji cups his face gently, his body arched against him. "I want you to remember how much you loved me." With that, he gives his uncle one last hot kiss and shoves him away.

Hiashi goes into full-blown panic as Neji walks away, clutching his aching chest and trying to calm his breathing. He can't believe what just happened. He can't believe he did what he did to Neji. Neji is right. He'll never be able to speak to Hizashi's spirit again.

Months later, Neji is writing up his last mission report when he hears a knock at the door. He opens it to find a hooded man. It's Hiashi. Incognito. He narrows his eyes. "What are you doing here?"

Hiashi pushes him back into the home and shuts the door behind him. "You said you like that thing I do with my hips." He then crushes their lips together.

Neji, taken aback, doesn't fight him. In fact, he goes along with him when Hiashi starts to undress him. They have sex. It's rougher than the previous times to work out some aggression they feel towards one another, but it's not really a hatefuck. Neji, when they're lying together in the afterglow has to ask, "Why?"

Hiashi just sighs up at the ceiling. "You got what you wanted, didn't you? I can't forget how much I loved you, how much I...love you..." ]

#HiaNeji #[ That's Hia as in HIASHI. Don't like? Don't read. ]#outofthecage ( ooc )

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