#i never sleep that deeply

[prettyuglybfore]

one of my favourite quotes in twin peaks came from the scene where windom earle was questioning major garland briggs about what he was most afraid of and he replied “the possibility that love is not enough” and thats it!!! thats the show!! the love was there. it was definitely there. but it was not enough. it didn’t save anyone. couldn’t save anyone. but it was there.

#i am sleep deprived right now so excuse me #but #the two doomed characters being cooper and laura both were loved so deeply in my head #but it did not save them #harry could not love him out of the black lodge #donna could not love laura out of her fate #twin peaks #dale cooper #laura palmer #twin peaks is a show with a lot of memorable quotes but i never get that one out of my head #i also believe cooper loved laura in his own way (though not in a romantic way at all) #not to say that twin peaks gives the message that loving people is bad i think its the opposite

[worstloki]

AU where Loki doesn’t interfere with Thor’s banishment at all and it takes Thor years to prove himself worthy and when he returns to Asgard everything is just. The same. Nothing seems to have changed at all and everyone greets him like his absence was a minor obstacle that didn’t fundamentally change Thor and the worst part is Loki stepped down from the place as regent without any delay and Thor can’t help but feel there’s something underlaying the way his brother looks at him now and won’t let him touch him and Thor doesn’t know what he could have missed because he doesn’t think he would have found anything wrong with the things around him and how everyone behaves if he hadn’t spent time on Earth reflecting.

#the warriors 4 not being interested in anything Thor ‘learnt’ at all #and making it clear that Thor was punished unfairly and the AllFather’s decision had been harsh #Loki saying he’s happy for Thor and Thor sees the way the smiles are forced and he sees the way Loki avoids any touch #Thor hating the way Frigga talks about Loki’s short regency and Thor’s absence like it wasn’t two whole decades or something #like she’s so grateful to have her other son back without ever addressing why he was gone #Thor just. growing during his time on earth and being much more aware of the behaviour around him #he learns to be critical and assess why people around him may act a certain way #once he realises that it’s possible for him or anyone else to be fallible and make mistakes it’s over for Asgard for him I think #Thor returns and Loki gives him the throne and everyone expects him to obviously have the throne #and Odin is sleeping and Thor isn’t comfortable with the way everyone accepts him as king regent after the banishment #Loki who either never lashed out against Jotunheim or did and it was brushed away and no one thinks about it as anything #but Loki is still deeply affected and acts the way he always would have but Thor can feel it’s not the same #he knows something is wrong and Loki won’t say anything about it and Thor doesn’t know how to bring it up #Thor sees Loki metaphorically receding into the shadows to become a nonpresence so loud Thor hears it even after returning from decades away #Thor goes to Earth and gets his priorities in order gets a new worldview learns not to take what he has for granted #and finds out he actually despised Asgard #he’s been back a week and he can’t stand it

[annotated-catastrophe]

I don't know why this is so funny to me.

That I almost died this morning, actually.

And... this place lives on.

It's funny how much the world really doesn't revolve around me.

I'm glad it doesn't!

I don't mind at all.

I am just in a strange mood.

It was just a near car crash, I'm ok.

#I'm not afraid of dying #I'm not #but still #adrenaline #and my mother would never be the same #I guess #my friends I love so deeply would be hurt #I have to live for them #that's what was going through my mind #when I almost died #when that car swerved around me #they ran the red light #all I was thinking about was my mama #man #she really would never get over it #and my siblings need me #my little sister can't even sleep alone #she likes to snuggle with me #how would she feel? #The people on here don't care that much I'm sure #I'm just another user to them #but my stories wouldn't get finished #my songs would never be sung #my poetry would never be shared #I probably needed this #to realize that I really #actually #want to live #life is beautiful #there's so kany pretty thngs that no one seems to notice

[ennaih]

Every Film I Watch In 2023:

259. Doctor Sleep (2019)

#doctor sleep #doctor sleep (2019) #2023filmgifs #my gifs #that was wonderful #such an excellent clever and sensitive adaptation #of such an important healing and deeply personal novel #i knew Flanagan would get it right #and even with the changes he made to the ending #i understood and accepted why he did #this ending is frankly what i expected from the book #but King was much kinder and much more focused on the healing #Flanagan chose to focus on justice for Wendy #because god knows Kubrick fucked her over completely #and i will never forgive him for that #so my fave line from the book had no purpose in the film and i got that #such fantastic well considered visuals #it was long and i loved every bit of it #it felt so well paced and true and faithful #and if Katie Siegel wasn't pregnant #she would have totally played Rose The Hat #i just know it #Rebecca Ferguson was amazing #everyone gave such good performances #and i loved the use of the score #i've been too afraid to watch this ever since i read the book #cos i was terrified of seeing Mrs Massey #but Flanagan got me through that with a sort of immersion therapy and i love him for it #this is why i watch horror #to look steadily upon the bad thing and survive

[nailgunstigmata]

i couldnt fall asleep and spent the last few hours watching tiktoks of people pretending to be wolves so i probably cant articulate this well rn but i think theres something deeply sad about how much of not just fandom but life in general is done with ironic detachment nowadays. a kind of plausible deniability of feeling anything at all. and i catch myself doing this too!! its just a lot easier to not be vulnerable and earnest online. baring ur soul in front of anyone is terrifying because ur always giving them the opportunity to hurt u when u do it

like even with this post a part of my brain is going ok its not that deep omg but like. maybe it is that deep. maybe the things we do and say and the way we navigate the world matters even in an online space about a sitcom. maybe everything can have meaning and we should be careful of what we are saying and listen to other people and try to be nice to each other because theres already plenty of cruelty in the world

and again i have the internet socialised part of my brain screaming at me that this is cringe and nobody cares but again thats stupid. like thats stupid. nobody is being held at gunpoint to read my dumb rambles and if people mock my words thats their personal failure and not mine. u just have to kinda not listen and be earnest anyways and be comforted by the fact that this mindset of self denial isnt healthy for anyone. u cant be detached and happy those two things are mutually exclusive and irony is a thing that can genuinely poison you. like im speaking from experience i literally have the same kind of brainrot and i think that most people have it, especially gen z since we grew up on the internet and started curating the way people perceive us online way too soon. like yeah theres a point where u only know the self that exists to be perceived and that sucks i think.

mocking others vulnerability is fun and safe but it cant make you happy. the only thing that can is being genuine and open and vulnerable. its scary but its the only way. what im trying to say is that the live laugh love girlies were kinda onto something (minus the christian fundamentalism) and we are gradually spiraling into a world in which nothing is real and everything is a commodity and the only way to save ur soul is to be genuine and earnest with people u love and with the world in general. lets cling to our humanity as capitalism alienates us and keeps us trapped in a perpetual cycle of dissatisfaction so we can consume and be consumed forever and ever while giving just enough to keep the engine pumping. im not saying that actively trying to be earnest is the antidote for capitalism but i do think it helps salvage our humanity. and i do think its the only way to be happy

#like yeah idk ill always be a person that feels things deeply and gets emotional about dumb things #and ive learned to grow a hard shell over my feelings that im still trying to whittle down #and even now its like. why am i saying over dumb things? why am i doing that to myself #theres no such thing as being emotional over a dumb thing because being emotional is never stupid. its good and important #this isnt sunny fandom specific just something ive noticed online #idk. and even in person. tho its worse online ofc because #further detachment via screen etc #i should sleep

[recitedemise]

When people remain so hard on Gale for 'still talking' about Mystra, it's just.....ohhh boy. Of all the main cast, Gale's definitely one (alongside Wyll) whose relationship with their authority figure, abuser, manipulator, keeper, however you want to call them, is routinely discredited. Their abuses aren't digestible enough. Isn't 'sympathetic' enough. Shadowheart and Astarion have clear overbearing abusers with exceedingly evil personalities. It's apparently 'easier' for some people to show compassion to a victim's hurts if they've the physical scars to prove it, if their abuser fits every bill of a sadist without any effort to hide said sadism. But show Gale, a man who looks older than essentially the whole party, who was with Mystra who appears younger, speaks in a polite/levelled tone, who was 'simply upset' with Gale for 'disrespecting her boundaries', and Gale just becomes...the hung up ex who fumbled a baddie. Y'know, barring the fact that she knew of him and very likely kept eyes on him as a boy, had never actually told Gale the book he was looking for was Karsite in nature, left him to die alone, then came back and said, 'hey, I'll forgive you if you literally blow yourself up by SINKING A DAGGER STRAIGHT INTO YOUR CHEST when I have every ability to remove the orb myself.' Barring, too, that beyond his lover, she was his GODDESS, a goddess who controlled his fealty and commanded his utmost devotion, he being Gale Dekarios, a mortal, human man who was undoubtedly manipulated. Being with someone like that will destroy anyone's reality. He scrabbled for any sort of approval from a far more powerful figure. Many victims of abuse do.

But hey. And don't get me started on Wyll. Man literally made a pact to save others, sacrificed his freedom for the benefit of all, and ended up hard leashed by a literal devil. A devil! Goddddd. Also iffy that Wyll had no agency to make his decision with his pact in act 3 while barrly having any lines to speak of, and how Gale is encouraged to apologize and make amends with Mystra for his character arc. Hmm.

#OOC. #TBD. #My monthly rant and how I do not trust Gale in some ppl's hands #goes to sleep. 💤 #personally i feel gale should never apologize. i feel gale should be petty and ruin mystras day. #i personally feel all vicfims of abuse should stick it to em. this whole 'healing is forgiving' arc is so LMAOAOA. #nooooo thank you. forgive never. #the narrative ppl push saying not only was gale not abused but HE was the abuser is so :)))) #some ppl have never been in a deeply traumatic relationship before. and it shows! good for them tbh #but fucking have some compassion and critical thinking skills.

[sneckoil]

i need you to know that your jonah magnus art has changed me on a fundamental level. i come back to your blog every now and then and search "jonah" and i simply Look at the most evil trans man to exist

😅 aahhhah

#i renamed his tags to just jonah to avoid tma fans #i think i art i did at the time was good #but i think it was my brain’s last hurrah in terms of ‘dedication to a piece of media’ #and it was an extremely Big hurrah. and i am tired and i am ashamed #and based on what ive seen crop up on my feed my effects still echo in tma LMAO #i dont know what took over me but ive Actively taken steps to never get invested in anything that deeply again #dear lord it was so bad i couldnt even sleep more than 5 hours. and i woke up tense #anyway. obsession… (hyperfixation?) is like a sugar high #and since tma ive been riding out my sugar crash IM SO TIRED #SORRY TO GO ON A TANGENT ANON i know youre just being nice #thank u for liking my art at least #shioshpam

[starflungwaddledee]

if you've ever wondered about if i'm actually smarter than my sona and if possibly her behaviours are just for funny little characterisation purposes,

i want you to know that i only just learned that krbay is not simply a fun and jaunty way of typing kirby (that seemed to apply to the anime specifically for reasons unknown to me) but it is indeed actually an acronym

#sighs deeply. i'm sleep deprived. #also an important addition is that i did Not simply realise this myself. my girlfriend Had To Tell Me. #me minding my business on the couch: ....why do they sometimes write krrrrbaaayy. it's cute but is there like.. a reason...? #her; about to roast me to hell and back: oh my god. oh my god? 😃 oh my god! 😂😂 #it's not like i didn't know the name of the anime or have never watched any of it either. i knew this and still didn't get it #i connected the dots! (you didn't connect shit)

[celesomnis]

Finally got around to completing this

woo first twst fanart!

{ concept art by eyvind earle }

#twst lilia #twisted wonderland lilia #lilia vanrouge #twisted wonderland fanart #twst fanart #{ disney twst } #{ my twstdoodles } #{ twisted wonderland } #!!The picture in the backdrop is real Eyvind Earle Sleeping Beauty concept art! #the rest drawn* (read; suffered) by me #{ nice things worth saving ♡ } #I think I might have made him *too* disney but it's fine #this was deeply experimental my god I have never tried fanart like this #pls have mercy my only prev experience was stuff like yugioh >a< #I hate how several things were shaded and I probably forgot something #but it's 4am and I winged like the entire last 30 percent of this SO DGFHJ #move out the way Silver your dad is the new Aurora now

[salsa-di-pomodoro]

Guys i know Christmas is overrated on every possible level but if at the end of december i don't see at least ONE submas reunion fanfic featuring Emmet (and possibly other characters if they're staying over) finding Ingo passed the fuck out under the damn tree during Christmas morning with maybe a little note of apology from Arceus taped to his receding hairline ass forehead i will riot

Or! He could be found under the communal (is that the right word) Nimbasa city/Gear Station tree. That would also make for some fun shenanigans i think. Imagine being a depot agent and getting a call for something weird at the christmas tree and you get there and fucking boss Ingo is just sleeping under there with a little bow on his hat

(it doesn't have to be Christmas btw. If you want to put a different holiday or celebration or tradition that's also cool christmas is just the one i celebrate so the first that came to mind. Also its the funniest to me but what do i know about other religions? Absolutely nothing so if you've got a funnier alternative go for it. It could also be and invented religion from the Pokémon world. Hmm)

Edit: by the way the same thing is happening on Akari's side. I just didn't mention it cause i was in submas brain mode and did not think about it

#ingo may or may not have known he would get back. he expected it though i love him too much not to give him closure on Christmas #so he got to say goodbye. he was just waiting for the day #ingo does not wake up immediatly after Emmet and the others enter the room. hes sleeping too deeply oddly enough for once #submas #ingo #emmet #subway boss ingo #warden ingo #subway boss emmet #subway bosses #ingo and emmet #wait i have it ingo was sleeping fine thanks to divine intervention. yes thats perfect #depot agents #btw im sharing this so people use my idea so dont be afraid to steal it if it tickles ur fancy. just tag me or tell me cause i wanna see it #also sorry for christmasposting so early in december. i know yall still mourning halloween 😔 #im not putting this on my to do list bc i know for a fact im never gonna get around to actually writing anything #hmm #salsa's writing #yeah thats good enough for me #whoops forgot to add #submas fluff #submas crack #is that last one an actual tag #well it is now #akari pokemon #akari #pokemon legends arceus #pokemon legends

[altschmerzes]

…im having like. THEE most galaxy brained grey’s anatomy fic concept spring forth fully formed in my mind and it probably would sound inside to anyone else but im just. IMMEDIATELY enamoured by it.

#gav gab #something something meredith and cristina qpr that ends up including sex for Reasons #this starts while meredith and derek are broken up at some point #and when they want to get back together meredith is like. Okay. I’ll be real with you here’s what’s up #if you can’t be cool with that this isn’t gonna work sorry #and so pov you are derek shepherd this is all EXTRAORDINARILY strange to you but like #since when has anything in this house ever been normal #so there you are #back with your girlfriend. and your. girlfriend’s girlfriend? #(he refers to cristina this way exactly Once before she’s like ew no) #(I’ve decided never to be anyone’s girlfriend again) (aromantic) #and he’s like so. what do i- #meredith and cristina exchange a look #person. meredith says. she’s my person. #okay says derek. i can work with that. #and that is how this ends up #i dont want to write about the meredith/derek of it all lmfao #but i AM deeply enthralled by the idea of writing about the like #derek and cristina of it all #this sort of. half romantic half qpr polycule. cristina has her own room but sleeps in their bed a lot. it’s whatever. #I WANNA. WRITE THIS NOW. FUCK.

[tearlessrain]

seriously can catastrophes stop happening for five minutes my brain is already fried from the ones we're already experiencing

#I fucking. missed d&d tonight by accident #I straight up forgot #and just didn't show up to the session #my sleep schedule is absolutely fucked #I should be sleeping now but brain won't shut up #my creative output is the lowest it's ever been and I've been in some level of depressive funk since like early january #I am just deeply unfathomably exhausted #like mentally and spiritually #all the time #my memory and sense of time are both shit #my spelling is worse than it used to be for some reason?? #I really don't know what to do to make my brain start functioning again it's frankly worrying me #I couldn't even handle college so it should come as no surprise that I'm reacting poorly to the world being a perpetual screaming trash fir #and yet #idk it's been hitting again lately that I have never succeeded at anything in my life and just keep tripping and falling up for some reason #fucking everyone is in hell right now and with my overall success rate I should be dead in a ditch but I'm actually doing spectacularly #due to a series of improbable accidents and weird circumstances that happened to turn out in my favor instead of completely fucking me #aside from the looming spectre of my various failed attempts to have some kind of life trajectory #it just doesn't feel like this can keep up forever #like surely at some point the luck has got to run out I can't just keep living like some kind of folkloric trickster archetype #but my motivation and sense of purpose kind of died after the last failed attempt so I'm still just here #doing whatever this is #maybe I should drive out to the coast #maybe staring at the ocean would fix me I've been away from it for too long #I mean it can't make me worse #I should wait until further into summer though so I don't have to drive back in the dark #everyone around here has trucks with those goddamn LED headlights and I've got a little sedan that's directly in their blast zone

[tea-earl-grey]

I very much love prodigy, it's objectively the best of kurtzman era trek HOWEVER the one bit of beef I have is that Chakotay simply wouldn't rejoin Starfleet after Voyager gets back. like. i very much get it. promoting a character in the organization the franchise is set in *is* an easy way to develop a character in a time skip (frankly i would have more questions if he was in Starfleet and still a commander) and given Prodigy's storyline, Chakotay is the only character who would make sense as Captain of the Protostar and as an impetus for Janeway being very personally involved in the search (Tuvok simply Would Not go back to the Delta Quadrant on a dangerous mission, Harry would be too young based on the timeline, and Tom & B'Elanna would *never* be Captains).

maybe my vibe sense was off about Chakotay but though he's fine with Starfleet rules for the most part, he and the rest of the Maquis crew never resolve their issues with the Federation and frankly shouldn't. the Maquis fight is over by the time they get back to Earth but all of them still have ideological qualms with the Federation and Chakotay left Starfleet for a reason! there might very well be some backstory for why he rejoined post-Voyager in s2 and I hope we get to see it because right now? eh I'm a little miffed.

#in my head Chakotay became an anthropology prof when they came back. he could even teach at the Academy! #and i know there are reasons why he joined Starfleet pre-Maquis that arent really touched on but i never got the sense #that Chakotay was enamored with the boldly going/exploration side of Starfleet #especially as an indigenous man with the colonialist assumptions that exploration is based on #i deeply need to go to sleep so sorry if this doesnt make sense #prodigy #my posts #chakotay #voyager

[rat-rosemary]

Three ancient and forgotten gods and their one and only follower who they spoil rotten

#the dog barks #also know as dnn/punz #do they have a ship name? #anyway #Punz is so special to them #they havent done much more then sleep and maybe hang out with some animals for centuries! #and here comes Punz with his little rome of forbidden knowledge and they're smitten #they follow him around to his jobs and never fail to help when he's in a though spot and would give him all the power and riches if he woul #just let them! and at night they drag him trough the fabric of space so they can cuddle in their castle :] #Punz is deeply amused by the gods and how much they like him plus it never hurts to cuddle in a giant plush bed made for a kind instead of #little creaky bed in an inn or literally on the ground when he's camping #dreamwastaken #georgenotfound #sapnap #Punz #dsmpshipping #dnn #(...Karl as a deeply suspicious scholar of the crown that is trying to figure out what kind of terrible dark magic Punz has done while dnn #whisper in his ear that he should try seducing the pretty boy like “Puuuunzz please we can have another follower! and look he's all covered #in rings and shiny! you love shiny stuff! I think we still have some old priest robes from back in the day he would look so good in them!“ #dnpn

[frecklystars]

sorry for the long ass post but this has always my favorite scene in the entire film - for obvious reasons - and im so glad greta talked about it and the way she worded it made me laugh so hard i had tears in my eyes. haha... god. my boyfriend sobbing his eyes out over the metaphorical crusts on his patriarchy sandwich......

#i dont think ill ever love anybody quite the same way that i love Ken #because he came into my life during a time when i was like. dying. not in a haha millennial way. i was genuinely fucking dying. #he is so. special. to me. he is so... everything to me and i truly mean it every time that i say it #i miss and love him so deeply so WHOLEHEARTEDLY *EVERY* single day #and i didn't used to be able to do that anymore! but he!! HE made me feel SAFE again and thats INSANE #because i was SO UNSAFE for SO goddamn long! and the feeling of safety is STILL unfamiliar to me and foreign and horrifying #but he's constantly such a Safe character. Barbie too even moreso. and it's so refreshing after feeling Unsafe for so. long. #i spent over a year feeling like my whole world had ended and i was destined to die but then he! shows up! in my life! #and no other character was able to spark life back into my heart the way he did #AND I HAD *TRIED* I had tried so hard to get into old special interests and find new ones but NOTHING worked #i was just an empty husk. just a shell of a person having flashbacks *constantly* #feeling unsafe *constantly* suffering *constantly* every single second i was awake i was in so much pain #and then every time i'd sleep i'd have the goriest nightmares about all the abuse i was put through and all the F/Os i'd lost #but then Ken Carson plucked a star out of the sky and said 'hey sweet girl you don't know me but i miss you and love you' #'and barbie is here and im here and allan is here and everyone loves you already. we're so happy to meet you' #'and everything is gonna be okay because we've got you! we came for you! and we will fight for you!!' #and then hearing greta comment abt this scene made me laugh so hard and then it hits me. i laugh now. #i laugh so often because of This Dude. i didnt used to be able to laugh before but now i laugh like i used to #i used to say all the time about my past main F/O i had lost from abuse from an IRL person 'i will never love anyone more' #and true i will never love anyone more than i loved my starlight. but here is the thing #i will never love anyone the way i love Barbie. i will never love anyone the way i love Ken Carson #because it was IMPOSSIBLE for me to feel joy for so long and it was. THIS MOVIE that brought me back #when this movie is so full of the most specific triggers. colors. clothes. yet i push thru it every time #and its because these characters make me feel THAT safe!!!! like if i see a trigger i tell myself that's BARBIE'S Thing. and Barbie is safe #ive never ever once had a flashback during the barbie movie NOT even once even tho logically i Should. but i dont. #because these F/Os are like!!! sweet girl!!! we've got you!!! and i'm like yeah you sure do now don't ever let me go #god i cry my eyes out every single time i think about this i need to sleep LMFAO SORRY FOR THE LONG RANT #love notes #💕 I'll fight for you!! - ̗̀🐎🏖️✨ ̖́-

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

if i say getocoded

#franz wright when i fucking catch you……… #poem is called dedication btw <3333 my favorite ever #this is specifically cult leader geto coded btw !! #”although i never write; secretly i long to die with you; does that count?” (sound of glass exploding) #SIGH. #the enormous mouth that waits beyond youth…… and i will meet you there again ….. it is easier this time; i promise ……… #i am already waiting in your personal heaven; here is my hand; i will help you across……. i would gladly die with you still. #yeahhh. u get it. #i think he yearns for you so deeply that it almost turns into worship #during those ten years of no contact #i think he dreams about convincing you to join him. i think he develops a savior complex for You specifically #he wants to be your salvation. #i also don’t think cult leader geto can love normally. all he knows is burning <33 #all he knows is that he’ll kill for you and that he’d die for you. with you. that maybe selfishly he wants you both to die. #he’s soooo sick & twisted but there’s a tenderness to it. his yearning is tender his burning is tender. #he thinks about you late at night when he can’t sleep and wonders if you’d accept his love even though it’s bent #he tells you that he’d die with you and it sounds like a psalm. #etcetcetc #ari going insane over cult leader geto part 8278383 #😔😔😔😔 i miss him chat #ari noises ✩ #poetry ✩