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judyfromfinance · 1 year

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Olden Times. Modern Thinking.

(Heimdall/Modern!Reader)

Summary: You know things you’re not supposed to. You behave oddly. And the way you speak is even odder. Kratos, Mimir, and Atreus have no idea if they should believe your ramblings of another world and of a future they have no way of knowing is real. But, you seem harmless enough. Plus, Faye may rise from her grave if they let a poor woman freeze to death in their forest, right outside their home no less.

Chapter 6

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It’s been a whirlwind of activities since Týr showed up in the Huldra Brothers extravagant treehouse. The Gods traipsed off to Alfheim in search of Gróa’s shrine. Of course you couldn’t go because of the whole ‘being mortal’ bit. But it didn’t matter because you knew what they were going to find there. A shrine portraying a prophecy about the destruction of Asgard, and the Giants champion running the helm. You knew that Kratos and Atreus would argue. One believing in a destiny that was written in the stars just for him and the other refusing to give the fates of this world any leverage over him, or his son. They came back, clouded in anger. Kratos went to brood. Atreus went to sleep. And soon after, drifted into another world far from here. And Týr, tried to pick up a conversation with you. But thankfully Brok was always there to ask for your help with something him and Sindri were working on. Although confused, Sindri didn’t mind. In fact he quite liked teaching you things here and there. Probably because you actually listened to him unlike Brok.

Two days passed. Everyone was a wreck. No one knew where Atreus was. Except you of course. Brok asked you but you told him you couldn’t tell him. And he rightfully got a bit upset at you. You tried to explain to the best of your abilities why you couldn’t say anything about where he was but it was difficult. This was the one thing you disliked about the game. The obtuseness of certain dialogues and how no one just came out and talked to each other. Miscommunication was annoying and honestly shouldn’t be a real problem in real people’s live because, HEY, just SPEAK UP. Talk about your feelings. Set boundaries. Communicate. And yet… here you were. Doing the exact same thing you despised. But you couldn’t help it. Not with this. Not with Ironwood. Was it annoying? Yes. But was this obtuseness necessary for the greater good? Also yes.

But thankfully all of that is done and behind you. You glance around the purple void as you walk along the branches of Yggdrasil. Brok and Sindri walking in front of you. You hear the brothers converse ahead. Sindri saying something about how glad he is that they found Atreus but wondering what in the Hel has gotten into him. ‘Running away from home like that.’ With a puffy huff at the end. You can’t help but smile. Home. If you can’t go back to yours, you hope the gods and dwarves around you can make a permanent spot for you.

“Hurry up or we’ll leave you here, girly.” Brok said as he crossed his arms in front of the gate. Sindri turned around quickly, “We would never do that (Y/n).” He turns back to Brok, “Someone just doesn’t understand patience.” Brok walked through the door, ignoring both you and Sindri who motioned to the gate, “Ladies first.” You smile and thank him as you also walk through. You glance around the cold and frozen landscape before your eyes stopped on three gods standing in front of your old cabin. They all walk towards you before Kratos motions for Atreus to go with you and the dwarves. Now is your time. You stand to the side with Brok as Atreus and Sindri walk into the gate. Freya walks up to Kratos before telling him of her plan to travel to Vanaheim.

“Well. Guess it’s just us then.” Freya rolls her eyes before stopping their decent back into her skull. She looks towards you, confused.

“And who are you?” She looks you up and down. She can probably tell your a mortal so you just tell her your name. Kratos turns towards you as well. “What are you doing here? Why have you not gone back home with Atreus?” Here it goes. Freya questions Kratos, “You know her? Why do you travel with a human? Who is she to you?” You speak up to plead your case as Brok opens up a door to Vanaheim.

“Like I said, I’m just (Y/n). Um, Kratos and Atreus saved me from freezing to death right outside their house. I owe them a lot.” Your eyes shift back over to Kratos. “I know I can’t do much but trust me when I say I have to go with you guys to Vanaheim. There’s something I need to talk to you about.” Freya sighs and shakes her head before sheathing her sword.

“No. We cannot take you. You’ll just be an unnecessary risk and burden on our way to garner my freedom.” Ouch. That was harsh. Kratos doesn’t move a muscle as he questions you. “Can this not wait until we are back in the dwarves home?” You shake your head as you make your way over to Brok.

“No it can’t. And frankly I’m not asking for permission from either of you. I’m an adult. I can make my own decisions. Even if those decisions could lead to me getting hurt.” You cringe a bit. The last part sounded dumb as all hell. Freya walks over to you, “You mean to your death.” Ice cold. Not an ounce of warmth in her voice. “Yeah, that too I guess.”

“I am sorry but I’m not letting you get in the way of what I seek.” You stare back into her chocolate brown eyes. You could almost see the hurt and anger swirling behind her irises. “I understand but I’m still going. Plus…” you pat Brok on the shoulder, “…Brok can look after me!” He swung his arm at you. “HA. You wish.” You scowl and try to push him into the snow.

“Enough.” Kratos steps forward. “Will you watch over her or no?” Brok sighs, “Fine. Why the hell not. House is getting stuffy anyways. We could both do with some strechin our legs.” Kratos hums before he and Freya step through the gate.

“So, you’re finally going to tell him? Good. Thought you were gonna wimp out on me.” You shiver. “I almost did. I just… I just don’t want him to be mad at me.” Brok nods his head in understanding. “Don’t go frettin’ ‘bout nothin’. Knowing the future is hard enough on some gods. But knowin’ the future as a human? An odd one from another world to boot? I’m sure he’ll understand that shit ain’t easy for anyone.”

“I hope so.” And with that you both stepped through the door. Vanaheim, here we come.

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Brok kept his word and protected you from all sorts of monsters that spawned in front of you. And despite Freya’s chilly demeanor, you saw her sword slice a few Draugr that got just a bit too close to you. Kratos did as well. You hate being a burden for them but this was the only to get Kratos alone. Away from any secret conniving gods or ravens. Plus they didn’t have to haul you for long. A certain god of fertility’s camp was coming up soon.

But you will admit, seeing all these creatures in real life was quite terrifying. They weren’t pixels on a tv anymore. They were growling, snarling, spitting beasts. And for some reason they seemed keen on killing you. Not your group as a whole. You. Just you. Though they did fight the others, some of them were pulled towards you. As if you were a magnet for trouble or something. You shiver thinking about how their different colored blood sprayed from their bodies as axes and swords plunged through them like cake. Thankfully Mimir had noticed your fear and discomfort, cracking jokes or telling you stories from Kratos’ belt to help calm your anxieties. And you’ll thank him thoroughly for that once you reach Freyr’s camp. Freya had unfortunately turned into a falcon by now. So it was only Kratos and Brok doing the bulk of the fighting now. That is, until you hear a familiar snap and a scream. Oh no, forgot to mention that to Brok. Whoops. Oh well, he’ll be fine. Brok struggles to get down as Kratos tells you both to remain silent. You make your way over to Brok. Maybe once he’s cut down you can catch him.

“Now what do we have here?” A voice asks from the darkness. “Ol’ One-Eye send another god to do his dirty work? Thor too busy?” Kratos squares off his shoulders. “We do not serve Odin.” Freyr lights a small torch before throwing the two rocks back onto the ground. “No? Picked a dangerous place for sightseeing then.” He shrugs. “Am I right?” And it was then that Freyr’s comrades decided to make their presence known. Weapons in hand and raised. But you paid them no mind as you felt a familiar buzzing in your chest. Or more so, in your bra. You had almost forgotten that you placed you phone there for safe keeping. But now you couldn’t pull it out fast enough as Fergie’s ‘Clumsy’ started playing on full blast. It’s was your best friends ringtone.

‘First time

That I saw your eyes

Boy you looked right through me, mmmhmm’

You freeze up in mortification as you make eye contact with Freyr. You can feel your cheeks heat up in pure embarrassment as you chuck your fur pelt off of you. Everyone else stops what they’re doing as they stare at you in complete confusion. You, in your embarrassed haze, don’t even notice Lunda cut Brok down as he falls to the ground beside you.

‘Play it cool

But I knew you knew

That cupid hit me, mmm mmm’

As you shove your hand down your shirt you glance back up again to still see Freyr looking at you. This time with a bit of a smirk on his face. You would be upset at your friend but you knew she would be just as embarrassed as you if you called her in the middle of a meeting and on full blast Gwen Stefani’s ‘The Sweet Escape’ started playing. So you’ll forgive her. If you ever made it back home that is. You finally pull your phone out of your shirt but by that time the call had ended. And now you just realized that you missed a phone call. A phone call! You’ve tried sending messages and calling people but nothing ever went through. And now by some miracle a call made it to you and you fucked it all up by being embarrassed? Great. You turn to look at everyone, still frozen.

“Sorry. So sorry about that. I uh… well ya know… um. Fergie’s iconic. What do you want from me?” Freyr stepped closer to you before Kratos stopped him with the blade of his axe. “I’m sorry but uh… who are you?” You went to go answer his question but was silenced by Freya as she flew in and perched herself next to her brother. She explained who everyone was and what they were doing here. As she did that you turned towards Brok and helped him to his feet. He got up and dusted himself off.

“What in all the nine realms was that?” You crossed your arms, “Music. Ever heard of it?” He flung some dirt at you before he made his way over to Lunda and her forge. You see Kratos, Freyr, and Mimir talking at the makeshift war planning table. At least, that’s what you’re calling it. You make your way over as you hear Mimir say he would be better off here, consulting Freyr on his battle plans while Kratos and Freya sho off in search of her freedom. You stand beside Mimir as you tell Kratos that it’s best for you to stay here too. You quickly glance over to Freyr.

“If that’s ok with you that is?” He moves a little closer before smiling down at you. “Sure, of course. As long as I get another free show.” You scowl. “Excuse me?” You cross your arms over your thin tunic. You should go pick up you pelt after this. He slides away, noticing the hulking shadow that was Kratos was now behind you. Axe in hand. “I meant the singing. Plus I was uh… I was only kidding. Of course you can stay here.” Kratos grumbled before looking down towards you. You glanced up at him with a small smile on your face. “Don’t worry. We’ll talk when you get back. I wouldn’t keep Freya waiting for long.” Mimir adds in, “Don’t worry brother. No funny business will be happening here.” You laugh a good hearty laugh. Kratos leaves as he and Freya make their way deeper into Vanaheim. Freyr turns his head to you. He smiles.

“Oh what, you think a beheaded former advisor can really stop me from getting into any trouble?” Your laughter calms down into a slight chuckle as you look up at Freyr. All he sees is your sparkling eyes staring up at him through thick and curved eyelashes. For some reason unknown to him he can’t look away. Mimir sputters in the background about how he could do some damage if he was thrown horns first. You put a finger on your lips in contemplation. And that’s all it took for Freyr to be transfixed by your full lips. Soft. He’s sure of himself. Your lips would be incredibly soft. You speak but he doesn’t hear you. It’s not until you’re heading to Brok and Lunda that he realizes you even said anything at all. He shouts at you to repeat yourself.

“I said ‘You can get into all the trouble you want, because you’re definitely not the type of trouble I’m into.’ Ya dummy.” And with that you’re finally next to Brok as he introduces you to Lunda. As that is happening Mimir is staring directly at Freyr as he watches the god stare at you from across the camp. “I wouldn’t think about that brother. Kratos has a soft spot for the lass. We all do. Plus, she’s mortal. Let her live a normal life with one of her own when all of this is over.” Freyr sighs as he turns back to the table. “Are you always this much of a buzzkill?” And with that they come up with plans of attack against any and all Aesir troops in his home.

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I’m here with chapter 6~. After rereading the latest chapter of The Pickpocket for the 50th time in a row I decided to finish up this chapter!

As you can tell there was a small timeskip at the beginning. Not a normal one. I still explained things but I did so quickly instead of trying to linger. Also… was that… flirting??? In my Minecraft Server?!???! By the way Reader wasn’t trying to flirt. She’s just a baddie and does it without even knowing. Trust me, you’ll see a chapter where she does try and flirt and it will not be like this. Lol.

Anyways thank you for reading, and say hello to my lovely readers. I will see y’all next chapter! Bye bye~.

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#Olden Times. Modern Thinking.#heimdall x reader #god of war ragnarok x reader #heimdall gow x reader #god of war x reader #gow reader insert

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lokiinmediasideblog · 1 month

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besides immortal thor are there any other comic depiction of loki you despise?

You mean "Ultimate Thor"? I went on a huge rant on that comic run.

I generally despise "Evil from Birth" narratives. Or the "we were right to torture you" kind of punitive justice. So that would be most of the Thor comics.The thing is, I don't think I hate comics!Loki, I like comics!Loki out of spite. Because the writers didn't want me to like him, but the narrative gave me bad vibes.

CW: Transphobic dogwhistles

I'm torn on Lady Loki because I find Loki interesting during that run (I love the interactions with Dr. Doom) and therefore don't hate them, but I FUCKING HATE that they wrote Loki stealing Sif's body. I hate how it's "justified" by dudebros and pseudo-feminists with "it's an allegory for rape" as if there hadn't been any rape in Thor comics before. The whole body thief thing is actually a transphobic dogwhistle in the same way that Silence of the Lamb's Buffalo Bill was: "A man wearing a woman's body/skin to seduce and manipulate other men." Can we get that retconned into Loki just shapeshifting rather than stealing Sif's body?

NVM, I KNOW WHICH RUN/DEPICTION I FUCKING HATE AS MUCH AS ULTIMATE THOR! It's Thor: Son of Asgard!!

CW: Sexual assault, magical roofies, Karnilla being a pedo, Loki being a creep, Amora and Sif also being creeps

I hate when Loki's written as "the creepy nerd lusting over the popular hot girl" (comics!Sif) or abusive/rapey husband (comics!Sigyn). Which is a bunch of comic runs. Like so:

I think the writing on "Son of Asgard" is terrible/cheesy(they have a chapter called "The Warriors Teen" *eyeroll*) and it's full of rapey plots. Loki is rapey (with Sif and colludes with Amora). Amora is rapey (with Thor). Karnilla is rapey (with Loki). Even Sif is rapey! (with Thor).

The plot is stupid. They go on some mindless quests as glorified poachers because Odin told them to do so, and relish in torturing and killing a poor dragon that was just minding its own business, among other things. Sif and Balder whine about Thor not giving them a say on agreeing to the quest despite following him over there. Fucking jackasses. Meanwhile Loki is doing stupid magic bullshit to impede on their quest from afar, justifying Sif's suspicions and hatred of Loki that would otherwise seem unjustified and ridiculous. IDK I hate when they justify over-the-top suspicion of "Loki told the dragon where we were" rather than "We were actively seeking the dragon for its scales because we're poachers." It's also used to justify over-the-top punishments for Loki with evil monologues and thought bubbles or lazily written magic bullshit. It also makes Asgard seem incredibly incompetent and stupid.

My thoughts exactly, Thor:

I also dislike how Sif is written. She's "masculine" but in the ways cishet men would find "hot". A scantily clad warrior with the supermodel physique constantly contorting in weird ways. Her personality revolves around her obsession with Thor and her suspicion/hatred of Loki. It's a crime to write a warrior woman so heterosexually. They made her go off about how she wishes to be gifted with a JEWEL from the shitty sand place. So, they all get swallowed by the sand (and Loki too because he was a dumbass and materialized in the location). They escape by not feeling anything because there's weird baby crystal things that seek emotions. Loki is captured by Karnilla restrained by a bunch of creepy hands in creepy places, and Karnilla kisses a teenage Loki. Loki absorbs her magic through the kiss and escapes.

Loki refuses to help Karnilla out of love for Odin. I'll admit this is kinda cute and can't believe they actually gave him a redeemable trait:

Thor just won't give up on those damned quests. It's ridiculous! Priorities!

Ridiculously, Karnilla antagonizes Thor by turning a whole lake into sand. An adult woman beefing with a bunch of teen poachers. He takes some sand from the lake and goes back to Asgard to find it under attack. Thor and co save the day, only for Thor to be shot with an arrow by Karnilla. Karnilla and Odin fight. Odin takes pity on her and spares her. Thor is saved by "the power of love" aka Sif's tears.

Karnilla takes Loki hostage:

Balder tries to sacrifice himself for Loki. Karnilla is conveniently weirded out by such a selfless act and vanishes. Odin makes a sword out of the shit they got from the quests, and hands it over to Balder for his brave sacrifice.

Frigga damn... "only son"...

Volstagg is sexist to Sif and Sif is fatphobic to Volstagg... damn these comics have a fatphobia problem among other things...

Sif beats his ass. Then challenges Thor who pulls her by the hair and wins (for a warrior, Sif is dressed in very inconvenient ways). Everyone is like "yes Thor, you beat the ONE GIRL" and Sif gets angry and broods.

We cut to Loki's schemes and hate of Sif:

My thoughts exactly, Amora. The cishet writers fumbled on writing these two (Sif and Loki). They should have been GNC queer besties.

When people tell me Loki was not queer-coded before the whole bodytheft subplot:

Amora and Loki plot against Sif because Amora wants Thor for herself and Loki wants Thor out of the way. Thor attempts to console Sif. They're about to kiss when Amora interrupts them, calls Sif a slut, and Sif bitchslaps her.

Thor breaks up the fight and tells Sif there was no need to bitchslap Amora. Sif gets angry and leaves. The next day, there's a new female student in the warrior training class, Brunhilde. Sif remarks that "She had to be blonde." Lol.

They show Sif's backstory as a former blonde. Loki cut her hair out of jealousy that she was in love with Thor. He regretted it and got her replacement hair. However, the hair turned from blonde to black and "marred" her beauty.. Thanks, I hate it and it makes me uncomfortable... Sif is insecure of her black hair and jealous of the other blonde girls at schools.

Brunhilde wonders if Thor has his own special weapon because Balder got one in the previous issue. Thor says not yet, but one day he will when he's worthy. Sif takes offense because she's jealous of Brunhilde and bitchslaps her like she did Amora. A very male-gazey fight ensues, and Sif gets yanked by the hair once again. Sif just cut your damn hair. Sif gets in trouble for starting shit and gets told to use the facilities at the sorcery school to keep them from fighting again. Amora shows up and plays with Sif's insecurities, but seriously, she has a point in Sif resorting to violence way too often and easily. And I am being made uncomfortable by "dark hair and deeper tan on a woman=masculine" in this comic.

Sif and Loki conspire to magically roofie Thor with a magic mirror.

Sif gets the mirror.

Amora petrifies Sif (so that she watches), and steals the magic mirror from her, using it to make Thor fall in love with her. Loki very creepily frees Sif from her spell and confesses she wanted to see Sif's heart broken because he hates how Sif can "See through him." I thought he was going to do much worse because it looks bad, the way he holds Sif, when I first read this.

Sif goes straight to attacking Amora in a male gazey fight again, and Thor breaks up the fight and shames her for starting shit so often. Brunhilde finds the bag that held the mirror, and asks Sif about it. Sif confesses she wanted to use the mirror on Thor because she was jealous of Brumhilde.

Loki and Amora can't return the mirror without the pouch. Loki is about to be like "Lol nothing ties me to this crime." But Brunhilde and Sif catch them and tell them they have the bag. They say they'll give them the bag if they revert the spell. Brunhilde breaks the mirror, Thor is no longer under the spell and is hurt because he expected that from Amora but not from Sif. Frigga tells Sif that the mirror doesn't count and Thor still has his kiss virginity intact. Sif apologizes to Thor and they kiss.

Then Thor's trying to lift Mjolnir, and lifts it a little off the ground. Thor goes see the Norns to see what stands between his faith. I don't get it. Comes back to Asgard under attack and Sif being kidnapped by Storm Giants. Thor lifts the hammer with the power of love and goes to rescue Sif.

The cover for the next issue makes Thor look like an anime boy:

Thor collapses a bridge some giants were on, and they fall. He yeets himself with the hammer into the castle.

Thor kills a bunch of giants, and the comic makes a callback to Sif's introduction where Thor saves her from Hela. Here, the giant struck a bargain with Hela to gain immortality, exchanging Sif for it.

He finds Hela, who is pissed Thor's escaped from her grasp before.

This reminds me of Thor Ragnarok:

Hela may not be Odin's daughter here, but this has Thor Ragnarok vibes:

This echoes Sif's first appearance where Thor offers his own life in exchange for hers.

Hela warns Thor that they'll meet again. Sif and Thor kiss and fly away.

Lol. I am such a hater I ended up prioritizing this ask over other posts.

#marvel comics #thor comics #thor: son of asgard #rant #comics!loki #comics!sif #comics!amora #comics!karnilla #comics!thor #comics!balder #comics!hela #LokiBookClub #anon asks

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axl-ul · 11 months

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Hi Axl! Happy Worldbuilding Wednesday! What's your favourite myth ever? Did it find its way into your wip "The Legends of No-man's Land"?

Hi, Lexi!^^ Thank you for the ask and happy Worldbuidling Wednesday to you, as well. Hopefully it's shiny and nice^^

For my favourite myth ever, well, I guess the one where a Jotunn comes to the Asgard and promises to build a wall for the Aesir for the price of the Sun, the Moon and the goddess Freya. It somewhat amused me because Loki was actually the one to pull the big brain time just to get himself screwed in the process...literally. My man took the one for the whole team, I gotta give him that. And the ending is just an icing on top of the cake - Thor pulling out the hammer after he finally got the permission to smash the builder's head. It's literally:

'Kaboom??'

'Yes, Rico (Thor). *Odin's smug face* Kaboom.'

And well, it did find a way to my wip in a way. It's not directly incomporated, but during some scenes it serves as a reference to the 'good ol' days'. You see, Wukong can't stand Loki and Ulfrika straight up DESPISES him. So in order to fulfill the daily dose of (un)friendly fire, they tend to make remarks while nicknaming Loki a 'Carrot' (yes, in this version, he's still a redhead and Ulfrika is a salty asshole). Is it rude? Yes. Is it Loki's fault? Partially. (The risk was calculated but man I'm bad at math.)

#axl ul answers #writing community #writeblr #writeblr community #worldbuilding wednesday #sorry for the late response but stuff keeps piling up on me

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heliads · 2 years

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Happy 5K

Personalized drabble for loki plz

I’m a female Sagittarius , my mbti is intj, I have a high pain tolerance. I can actually sing really well but only when I’m alone. I never wanna drink alcohol in my life and I secretly despise it. I’m also an introvert. I’m also Latina and 4”11. I rarely get grossed out. I’m straight . I love horror and rarely get grossed out and I like cats more then people . I have autism. I love watching movies and playing genshin impact. I also like learning and reading . I know English, my Spanish is rusty and the basics of French.

understandable (also it's so cool that you know three languages! do you have recommendations for apps or websites for practice?)

Loki really doesn’t want to be here right now.

He usually likes the endless parade of parties and festivals, all the banquets that keep Asgard’s halls filled to the brim. Loki has certainly done his time in attending a great number of them, in walking in alongside Thor to the sounds of cheers and applause after yet another successful adventure in some world few have heard of and fewer still have seen.

Today, though, even the bright haze of a celebration can’t dull Loki’s sharp tastes enough for him to truly enjoy this. It all seems a little too much; the decorations just too gaudy, the shouts just too loud. Normally, Loki would take this as a sign that he needs to get offworld again, but he swears he came back just the other day from a similar trip.

Maybe it’s all catching up to him, this never ending cycle of battle and bacchanalia, skirmish and soiree. He needs to do something to clear his head, but at the moment, all that comes to mind is leaving. The night’s festivities have barely started, though, so all Loki can do is look longingly at the doors and imagine himself passing through them.

It appears he isn’t the only one missing the illusion of privacy, however. One glance over his shoulder and Loki spots another person hovering on the edges of this jolly function. On closer inspection, Loki realizes that he’s seen her before– Lady Y/N, the rare combination of a good fighter and an excellent scholar. She doesn’t back away from drawing blood nor learning languages, which means that she should have been on Loki’s radar far sooner.

She’s caught him looking by now, and to save face, Loki heads her way as if he’d been meaning to talk all along.

“Not one for the celebration?” He asks wryly.

Y/N shakes her head. “I’m not the right kind of person for it. I don’t drink, so that limits how much fun I could have here.”

Loki grimaces in understanding. “Yes, I’ve come to understand that the only way to appreciate the festivities is to kill enough of your brain cells through careful doses of mead. I can see why you’d be less inclined to follow that sort of pattern.”

“You seem less inclined as well,” Y/N comments, “Why’s that?”

“It doesn’t suit me as well,” Loki says simply, “I suppose I’m looking for a better way to spend my time.”

Y/N glances around them, then flashes Loki a sudden grin. “In that case, how about we find it together? I wouldn’t mind an escape.”

“Neither would I,” Loki declares impulsively, and that’s all it takes to convince the two of them to leave the festivities behind. Perhaps they’ll go looking in the library for some amusement, or wander the grounds outside the palace as the sun sets. Regardless, he’s suddenly sure that he wants nothing more than to be right here with her.

i hope you enjoy, thanks for taking part in my celebration!

#5k celebration #loki #marvel

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godliest · 2 years

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my hot take but , loki spent the majority of avengers as the “villain” yes , but he cared about nothing , and absolutely nothing other than to hurt odin. him trying to take over nyc , all that chaos and havoc for attention. a literal cry for help. the loki book is the reason i can’t stand odin , the “ father “ that had an anti - magic use in asgard because he feared loki so much. he “ saved “ loki for brownie points , placed a glamour upon him to hide the frost giant , any physical indication that would show he wasn’t asgardian , and continued to allow him to think he saw loki and thor as equal potential kings to the throne. odin’s true reason for saving loki was to use him as collateral damage in the alliance with the frost giants , he was nothing more than a collected relic. odin banishes amora to her death on midgard that will drain her power , and to loki’s face told him it was on purpose because he knew what amora meant to him. it was a warning. he didn’t like the challenge of who they were together , and how they’d continue to be years from then. amora was the one that opened loki’s eyes on who odin really was , and she was the one who pushed him to practice his magic. odin even sends loki to midgard just to keep him out of asgard.

the constant battle and argument between he and thor is loki trying to make thor see odin the way he does. even in childhood its clear as day the mistreatment , but thor’s understandable respect for odin will always hold a veil over that truth and thats why i find it so interesting, but also need the automatic distrust that comes from thor to be scrapped because their brotherhood in the book is just so well written?? i’m so sorry but the only reason loki is seen hurt when odin actually passes in ragnarok is because he’s relieved to be apart from the reminder there was never love there. odin hated him purely , he despised him. he wanted him to be a specific version that was never really true. every day of his childhood moving forward was a reminder he was never enough and actually , odin was the monster.

#&. * iii. TAIKA LOVEBOT / ooc.#ANYWAYS . this is such word vomit but LISTEN .#i know the book is so like ?? unknown but thats where i draw 98% of my content bc its actually loki friendly and it tells the story of #how he discovered the truth of himself and how odin was hiding that away #it talks of amora the enchantress who is SO IMPORTANT which shes also another character no one really knows of #i could talk about this forever and :')

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agirlinthegalaxy · 1 year

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Ever thought about how in the MCU, out of every Avenger on the team, they decided that Clint should be Wanda’s connection in the team? Clint, who was forced to attack and murder allies, friends, under mind control, just. accepts and encourages someone who put his team through the same thing. Considering he was also the only Avenger that Wanda didn’t get to manipulate, it honestly reflects rather poorly on him like. Wanda didn’t attack him, so it’s fine. Imagine if it had been Loki instead of Wanda.

Furthermore, we still hadn’t gotten a ton of backstory for Clint yet in contrast to the other Avengers. When considering which Avenger to have Wanda connect with, Clint, and Steve for that matter, were probably the absolute last two that they should have picked. Just consider:

Natasha - honestly, I think that Nat would have been the best choice. It could’ve replaced that weird Bruce/Nat relationship, first of all. Secondly, for all that Wanda is canonically an adult, the narrative had this weird thing about acting like her and Pietro were kids, but anyways: Natasha as a mentor/maternal figure, tying into that she’s unable to have kids and therefore takes Wanda on as that kind of figure. Furthermore, Natasha helping Wanda take out the red in her ledger? The connection about being young, vulnerable, and exploited by others who turned them into weapons to be used on others? Could have been a vibe.

Tony - controversial, I already know, but I think that this relationship could’ve been really good. Tony, previously the Merchant of Death, and Wanda, the Witch of HYDRA, who start out despising each other and then finding common ground as Wanda starts her journey to redemption that Tony is still on. Learning to see similarities in their flaws, prioritizing their desires (Tony’s carelessness vs Wanda’s revenge) over others, seeing the actual damage that they’ve done through this? Plus, Wanda’s parents’ death from a Stark weapon when Tony stopped weapon manufacturing as soon as he became Iron Man, etc. Idk, it could have been good.

Thor - again, Thor’s character development from careless warrior looking for a fight to the more cautious, responsible protector and king of Asgard and Avenger could have been great for Wanda’s journey from. well. terrorist and HYDRA experiment to Avenger. Beyond the character development, he’s more knowledgeable about magic and even leaves in AoU to go find out more about it, which connects to Wanda’s powers. It’d also be a way to potentially lay groundwork for a Loki redemption, but even if not, Thor trying to help Wanda in the ways that he “failed” Loki and seeing it as a second chance.

Bruce - tbh, not my favorite, but. Both the subjects of experimentation that gave them incredibly dangerous abilities that makes them threats to others and people struggle to trust them because of those abilities. Plus science vs magic is always fun!

And this really isn’t intended to be anti any of the Avengers, but it just shouldn’t have been Clint connecting with Wanda. If anything, he should’ve distrusted her and then they build their relationship from enemies to wary allies to friends. Wanda’s connecting Avenger should’ve been one who we’d either seen or at least knew about redeeming themselves or growing as a person. That’s actually why it also shouldn’t have been Steve, whose journey thus far hadn’t included the same need or redemption or growth that any of the others did. (Neither did Bruce, but he ranks at a higher option because of the nature of their powers and experiments.) Because Wanda’s journey should have been significantly more focused on redemption than it actually was, because as it stands, I don’t think that she ever actually redeemed herself, even before Multiverse of Madness. Just. having Wanda be focused on redemption, and the person she’s closest to actually reflecting that.

#i have actually no idea what to tag this as bc i dont particularly want to be yelled at by mcu fans today #honestly i havent really been into the mcu in years bc of how over their writing i was by the time civil war happened #i just gave up on the franchise at that point bc like wtf was that mess #idc who you were rooting for that movie was a disaster #ive seen a few of the standaloney ones since but not really any of the main ones except for maybe multiverse of madness #ugh there was so much potential in it all too :(

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tokoyamisstuff · 3 years

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This Is New For Me

Loki x Reader

Summary: Life on Asgard can be straining - especially if the God of Mischief has taken a liking to you.

Warnings: Loki being so terrible at flirting it physically hurts, bullying, this got way angstier than I initially intended

Words: ~2800

A/N: I’ve written this trying to distract myself from personal problems, but honestly I can’t think straight rn. Dunno I kinda hate how this turned out but here you go I guess...sorry.

Loki Odinson must really despise you.

No matter how often Thor would stand up for his brother and try to justify his behavior, there was no other explanation for you other than that he must truly hate you with every essence of his being.

In the beginning, having been invited in the palace to train magic under the Allmother sounded like a once-in-a-lifetime chance - yet all that’s left from your initial excitement had been replaced by pure annoyance.

Lately, whenever you knew that you had to attend class with that certain raven-haired prince, your insides would churn before you even arrived.

Weeks have turned into months, never once ceasing his condescending remarks or childish pranks. Of course, he wasn’t called the God of Mischief for nothing.

All nine realms had tales to tell about his sheganinans - yet with you, he seemed especially invested. There was not one encounter where he could leave you at peace, always ending with you being victim to his wicked humor.

The man did not seem to respect you at all - and it made you furious.

Today, you’d show him just what you were capable of!

“Greetings, great Allmother.” Polite as always, you bowed deeply in front of your queen, her magnificent presence still making you jittery beyond belief.

“No need for formalities, my lovely student” she responded heartily, only making you admire her even more - until a loud, exaggerated sigh cut through the calm atmosphere.

“Her again?” There he stood, maintaining his defensive pose as he rolled his eyes at you. “Mother, why would you keep on bringing a lowlife like her to defile this holy place?”

This was probably the millionth time that Frigga apologized deeply for her son’s behavior, and you were always amazed by her patience with him. How could a person so formidable end up raising such a troublemaker?

But then again...if she believes that there is good in the God of Mischief, then so would you.

“For today, I have prepared a spell that can only be cast by two mages at once”, Frigga explained, while Loki would still not bid you a single look. “So throughout this lesson, you will need to work together to succeed.”

Irritation was clearly visible on his face - and if you were perfectly honest, you weren’t really fond of that idea either. Yet if it was your scolar’s wish, none of you would protest.

“Spontaneous creation of complex concepts puts a huge stroll on one’s mind and body, so do not be frustrated if it doesn’t work within the first try.”

The idea was simple: Create a blooming meadow in midst of the palace floor, since creating life would be way too complex - only masters of the sorcery arts could take this spell to completion.

You and Loki were now sitting on the bare floor in front of each other and only now you realized how tense he had become, sweat dripping from his forehead and biting his bottom lip.

Was your presence really so terrible that he couldn’t bear with it?!

“Hey” you whispered, taking his hands to form a ring just as instructed “Don’t worry, we’re gonna get this!”

“I don’t need your encouragement...” he spat between gritted teeth, now that you noticed his palms were just as sweaty as his face seemed to be.

One second. Two, tree...fourty....a hundret and two...

“Relax” Loki repeated to himself as if it was his mantra - but now, with your fingers entangled in his? Sheer impossible.

Distraught, he shot his mother a desperate look, just for her to point towards you, sitting cross-legged and seemingly completely relaxed.

Since your eyes were closed, Loki took this chance to observe every detail of your face, without having to fear that you’d notice his little infatuation.

By the norns - you were as fair and bewitching as always. So way, way out of his league. An unreachable, vigorous being. No angel, valkyrie or similar could ever reach up to you - at least in his eyes.

Was this what they called love at first sight? Loki only knew those sentiments from novels he always ridiculed before he got to know you.

Slowly and steadily, Loki aligned his breathing pattern with yours, picturing the cycle of energy the two of you formed. Carefully, he began infusing you with his magic, trying his best to allow yourself do the same to him.

Another minute passed by and you were finally able to let your magic flow through each other’s bodies entirely, like a serene stream.

With things being like this, he felt so different from the Loki you knew.

His magic was strong, indeed - but so gentle, warm and somehow comfortable to be coated with. You wondered-

“HEY!”

As soon as Loki slapped your hand away, breaking the cycle, all of the flowers that had previously bloossomed through you would wither in an instant.

“What the hel do you think you’re doing, you mewling quim?!” Loki shoutet as loud as his lungs allowed him to, while his mother’s face distorted in second-hand-embarrasment at her son’s choice of words. “Who do you think you are?!”

“I-I’m sorry, I just-” You only wanted to scan his emotions through the magic bond you shared, just peek under the cover for a mere second - what was he so afraid of you to find?

“Know your place, woman!” The god pointed at you before he rushed up, ignoring the ache in his heart as he saw your face contort in sadness. “You are beneath me, never forget that!”

Why were you even surprised?

“You’re right” you sniveled quietly as you balled a fist in your dress, and Loki hated himself so much that he wished to just disappear. “My apologies. You don’t have to put up with me ever again.”

As always, instead of fighting, you made your leave without ever fighting back.

Frigga’s pleads for you to stay and talk this over were all for naught when you rushed away, muttering curses directed towards youself rather than anyone else.

Instead of scolding her son, she’d punish him through her silence, furiously shaking her head as she rushed away as well.

Why did he always have to ruin everything?!

The God of Mischief was very well aware that whenever you were close, his mind went completely blank - and that made him panic.

Never before he had felt so goddamn vulnerable in front of anything, terrifying him beyond belief.

And Loki loathed that feeling: Losing control over himself, being reminded once again how alone and unloveable he is, facing a goddess as stunning as you are every single day.

So he concluded it to be best to cope like he did all those millenia: Cover up those insecurities, shove his anxieties in the back of his heart and protect his heart from anyone coming close.

Good thing you believed that presumptupus, disoblinging duplicity of his to be his true self.

That would make it easier for the both of you, having as much distance as humanly possible. Vicinity could become dangerous terrain.

Yes, he would only save you some time - it would be a waste if you would try to actually give him a chance, just to be let down by what kind of disappointment he truly was.

But it wouldn’t end here - since the only way Loki Odinson first and only communication was through causing mischief.

A scream of yours startled the servants early in the morning, with your personal maiden being the first to rush to your side.

“Milady, wha-” She stopped in her tracks as she saw you standing in front of the mirror, touching your scalp in disbelief, where everything had been cut short.

That was it. Enough of it!

Dismissing the servants, you took a scissor and tried to at least make an acceptable hairstyle out of the mess he had made, before you would leave to the royal garden.

“You!” Pointing towards Loki, innocently sitting on a bench to watch the sunrise, you screamed and let a strand of hair run from your fingers to the floor. “You did this!”

“Now relax, would you” he chuckled, wearing his smug grin like a trophy as he defendingly held his hands into the air. “You should be grateful, it looks much better like this.”

Next thing he knew was the feeling of your backhand, mercilessly crushing against his collarbone.

Usually, you’d be shocked at yourself, for you had never been a person to choose violence ever before - but right now, you were too full of anger and hurt to even realize.

“You conniving craven pathetic worm!” you exclaimed, breathing heavily as you swung yet another fist towards the prince - however, he grabbed your wrists, trapping you in his hold.

In his life full of wrongdoings, he had been called worse than that - yet still, hearing insults coming from you of all people shot arrows through his heart with every word escaping his lips. Not that he’d ever admit, though.

“It was just a little prank.” Loki would’ve never thought that his actions would affect you this much. “What are you so worked up about?”

“All this time I believed there could be a good person beneath all that...but now what?” The compassion you detected in his eyes were only upsetting you even more. “You are a selfish, cruel and terrible person, and I gave up on you.”

Loki let go off of you, staring at you in disbelief:

You actually believed in him, all this time?! That was impossible!

If anything, the Odinson had always believed you to ignore his existence completely, if he wouldn’t use such drastic measures to attract your attention.

“Wait a second, I-”

“I hope you know that you deserve to be alone...” you sniveled, turning around to face him one last time before you fled the scene. “And you always will be.”

Several minutes had passed until Loki had given up in silencing he voices inside his head that told him you were right: He was indeed a despicable being, tainting your pure goodwill - repelling anyone that would still be willing to give the God of Mischief a chance.

Out of a whim, he jumped up from his place, wanting to rush after you. He was very well aware that he was probably beyond forgiveness by now, yet he at least wanted to make things up to you - even though he had no clue where to start.

“Calm down, Lady Y/N.”

Thor’s voice drang to Loki’s ears just a mere second before he saw that particular heart-wrenching scene unfold in front of him:

You were lying in his brother’s arms, crying to your heart’s extend while soothed you, softly petting what remained from your hair. Loki remained hidden in the shadows, even though his guts told him to stab his brother right here and now.

“My brother...you know-” The God of Thunder was trying to find the right words, even though poetic speeches were not really his forte. “It’s just his speecial, twisted way of interacting. Who knows where he got that from.”

“I rather wonder if he realized how his behavior truly makes me feel” you snapped back, unwilling to keep defending him. “Weak and worthless, that’s how I feell. And every time our ways cross, he’s making it worse!”

By the gods, Loki never wanted to make you feel that way, let alone think such ways about yourself! He of all people, who knew best what its like to feel unfit and nowhere near enough.

Loki grabbed the fabric of his shirt tight, feeling that his heart might burst if he didn’t. It took everything in him to not let out a loud sob and be caught - but then, his brother snapped him out of it with an impossible question:

“Do you still love him?”

“L-Love might not be the right word, I mean-” Lately, you had let Thor in on your secret admiration for his younger brother. “With the way he’s treating me, and all-”

You just couldn’t help being drawn to him against all reason. After everything you had endured, just to be close to him - and he never even acknowledged your feelings.

And still, here you were, crying over a man that didn’t want you.

“Lady Y/N?”

Loki’s voice made you panic, immediately wriggling out of Thor’s embrace. The Odinson understood immediately, nodding towards his brother before leaving the two of you alone.

“Since when have you been standing there?!” Panic dropped to your stomach, wondering just how much he had heared.

“From the very beginning.”

Before you could even think about what to do now, Loki summoned a dagger, cutting off his raven locks in one swift move. “Wha-”

“Please, accept this as means of apology.” The man now dropped to one knee, humbly facing the ground. “I have never intended to make you doubt your most perfect self.”

Frantic, you were scanning his voice, face, anything for the slightest hint of a lie - but nothing. Loki seemed determined and sincere when he looked up to you, hesistantly taking a hold of your hand.

“This is new for me...” he uttered under his breath as his lips graced your knuckles, and only now you realized that he was trembling ever so slightly.

“I-Is that another trick?!”

“What kind of vicious being do you think I am?” Well, after everything he had commited it was only natural of you accusing him. “There are lines not even I do not cross.”

Only for a brief second your heart felt a little bit lighter, as his eyes were locked with yours, lost in this moment you have been waited for so long...

...a little too unexpected, right?

Suddenly, you tugged your hand away, and Loki could only sigh in frustration. Of course it won’t be that easy for him to gain your trust. “I don’t need your pity, Loki...”

No matter how he racked his brain around the matter, he had burdened your shared past probably beyond the point of repair.

That would be his last chance, maybe the last time he’d ever see you again. He was so desperate in his attempt, and yet - what else could he do?

So for the first time in millenias, the God of Mischief decided to speak from the heart for a change:

"Y/N, I-I...As I said, this is new for me, so...” he cleared his throat before continuing, stress literally dropping out of every pore. “From the first day we’ve met, you...I mean...you were the most magnificent being I ever laid eyes upon, and...when I think about it now, I-I may be enarmored with you.”

Your eyes widened at this wholeheartedly confession, a sincere smile playing on his lips in contrast of sole tears running down his face.

Never before you had seen him like that: Flustered, vulnerable, and honest...

“I thought to be unworthy of your affection, so I tried to belittle you, to...I don’t even know. I’ve been told many times I am quite assertive of anyone but myself. I-I mean, I am a mess...I don’t understand my own feelings and thus drive away any chance of happiness, and...how could you ever-?”

“Mhh...” you silenced the man as your lips crushed over his, falling straight into his arms. It took Loki quite a second to fully grasp the situation before deepening the kiss, his arms wrapping around you as if you’d disappear if he was to ever let go.

“Y/N...” the prince gasped when your lips parted from that breathtaking kiss - and this time it was you who wore that thug grin on your face.

"Apology accepted” you giggled, just to smother the face of this flabbergasted man in yet another thousand smaller kisses.

This had to be a dream, he thought...and immediately, a wave of guilt washed over him. He did not deserve this in the slightest.

“Now, don’t give me that look.” Cupping Loki’s face in your hands, you gifted him that heartwarming expression he had ignored for so many years, thinking it was not meant for him. “That kiss wiped my memory from everything you’ve done...by now.”

Out of sheer, genuine happiness, Loki leaped from the floor and excitedly swirled you around in his arms.

After another kiss that would kick the air right out of your lungs. the god would peck a more gentle one afterwards, as sweet and tender as no one ever thought he could be.

Even if it’s gonna be a long way, Loki would prove to be worthy of your love.

“Lady Y/N...if you are to believe in me, then I swear I will be on my best behavior from now on!”

"Let's see about that."

#Loki #Loki x Reader #Loki x You #Loki Series #Loki Laufeyson #Loki Odinson #God of Mischief #Loki Friggason #Marvel #Disney #Writing #Fanfiction #Self Insert #Asgard

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always-overthink-nicknames · 3 years

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Loki & platonic teen reader

Pov: [Name] is severely dyslexic and Loki helps them with reading

fluffish (sort of) hurt/comfort platonic gender neutral teen reader

A/N: Yup that is me self projecting my dyslexic ass into Marvel because I need comfort.

IMPORTANT: This takes place before the events of Thor 1 so Loki is still nice and sweet like he was at the beginning of the movie.

no proof read we die like phil colson

[Name] felt horrible. Price Loki went out of his way to find them a simple, short text with big letters yet they still failed to read correctly. They felt embarrassed and shameful, such a skilled warrior, enough so to be invited to Odin’s castle and fight alongside Thor himself, couldn’t read a single sentence without tripping over words.

'Don't rush yourself, it's not a contest. Take your time.' The silky voice said calmly. Loki was incredibly patient with them. He didn't scold them, he didn't get mad, he only sometimes chimed in to equrage them. [Name] couldn't believe the kindness the god of mischief himself gifted them with, considering all the tales Thor shared about the many pranks he’d pull. Yet he reminded them more of Queen Frigga, who was always very considerate and kind.

Loki’s eyebrows furrowed upwords as he pursed his lips in a thinking manner.

‘What seems to be the problem?’ He asked, [name] sighed deeply. ‘I can’t keep my attention on one line alone, it all melts together.’ They said reluctantly, afraid to look the god in the eyes. 'We could cover everything other than what you are reading with a parchment, that way you won't get distracted.' He suggested reaching over the table with a piece of parchment ready in his hands. 'Where did you stop?' He asked. They scanned the page trying to find the line they read last. They couldn’t, their head hung low sulking over the book in embarrassment, too scared to look at the man next to them. With a shameful expression [name] shook their head no trying to say they don't know. They felt pitiful and useless.

'That's alright, let's find it then.' Loki stood up from his chair to walk around the table to seat himself next to the student.

'What's the last you remember?' He spoke peeking over their shoulder studying the mass of words. With terror [name] realised they didn’t know.

'I… I don't know…' [Name] admitted, defeated. 'I don't understand anything. It's like it escapes my head.' They almost choked on their words, pressing their palms against their eyes to hide the glossines they gained. They wanted to hide, umberessed for admitting their weakness in front of the prince of Asgard.

'Hey, that is fine. There is nothing to be ashamed of.' The god's voice was even gentler, he sounded sorry, [Name] wondered if he was doing it out of pity. Suddenly a soft hand touched their shoulder, they twitched at the unexpected contact but had to admit it was comforting.

'All the great people had trouble with simple tasks at some point.' He assured. It didn't make the younger feel any better though.

'Actually…' He said with a snort. [Name]'s head peeked from between their fingers to look at the god's face. '...He wouldn't be happy I'm telling you this but… Thor used to struggle with reading quite a bit as well.' He said with a sly smile on his face. [Name]’s hands slid from their eyes. 'Really?' They asked in disbelief, they suddenly recalled they’ve never seen their camrad with a book. Loki chuckled lightly.

'Yes, he despised reading. He was always the muscle rather than the brain so, whenever our mother was preoccupied I was the one reading bedtime stories.' He finished and [name] giggled at the image of the strong feared warrior listening to fairy tales under blankets. They supposed it actually sort of feared his somewhat childish dominar.

‘But see where he is now.’ Loki spoke again. ‘It’s only a matter of time till he becomes king.’ He said with a fond smile, but absent gaze. ‘Same with you, all it takes is practice until you’ll be able to read through this whole library.’ He said, gesturing to the massive supply of books around them. [Name] shook their head. ‘I think I’ll give up.’ They said with a light snort. Loki smirked at them. ‘Perhaps a break first?’ He suggests and [name] nods eagerly.

‘I believe you can do iy, and i’ll be here to help.’

A/N: This is my first one-shot so please let me know what I can improve and what is already cool, I would love some feedback!

#loki #marvel #avengers #loki x reader #loki x platonic reader #x reader #platonic reader #platonic teen reader #teen reader #marvel x platonic reader #dyslexia #dyslexic reader #loki odinson #loki laufeyson #loki hurt comfort #hurt/comfort #hurt comfort

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lady-elora · 3 years

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"It was love", or five reasons and five refutations of hatred for sylki

So, folks, I did it. I finally translated from Russian an amazing article about the romantic line in “Loki”. I agree with every word in it. Hope it’ll help all the sylki shipers to fend off the attacks of antis with a reasoned arguments.

Would you like to talk about our god Odin the most controversial Marvel franchise pairing which caused a storm of indignation and negative emotions on the part of fans?

We're talking about Loki/Sylvie from "Loki" (2021) mini-series, or sylki (lovie) as they were called by fans. Apparently a simple get-pairing consisting of a man and a woman (or bisexual gender fluids, if you prefer), but some people were shocked by such a relationship on the screen. Why? What for? How? That may be your questions. So we’ll discuss their claims and groundlessness of them in this article.

But before we start talking about it, I want to clarify what actually the concept of the "selfcest" is.

Usually we marked as a "selfcest" those works that describe the relationship of a character with himself. Most often, this warning implies a "doubling" of the character; alternatively – the same character is taken at different ages or falls for his/her absolutely identical copies.

Agreed?

Let's go then.

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The first and main thing which follows from the definition above is: "Showing the selfcest on the screen is disgusting and immoral!"

It also follows from the definition above that the selfcest is the relationship of the same character with himself in the form of identical copies both in character and appearance. The highest form of narcissism, according to Mobius (which, in fact, is to some extent true). Horrors from a snuffbox, according to some impressionable audience. It hardly makes sense to rant about the fact that masturbation is also a form of selfcest (although the fact is rather amusing).

The bottom line is that if Loki once again created a copy of himself to deceive someone and fell in love with it, it would be a selfcest. Splitting himself into two people and building a relationship between them is a selfcest as well. Turning into a hermaphrodite and ... no, this is something completely perverted.

The basis of the selfcest is absolute identity. If we take a character who is so in love with him/herself that he/she sees relationships only with him/herself, then in such a case he/she can only build them with a perfect scanned copy of him/herself. It will be very easy for the person who knows him/herself inside and out to notice some inconsistencies in a partner, and then it makes no sense to build a relationship if he/she is not as perfect (as the "original" is), isn’t it? That’s how this logic works.

And now attention, please!

Is the romance of two Elvis Presley understudies a selfcest?

They look almost the same, both like Elvis... But no, right? These two people are different people, with different tempers and lives, who are similar only in appearance and pseudonyms. So this is a very ordinary relationship.

Now let's get back to our sheep. So we have two people from different worlds, with different stories, different tempers, different powers and different external signs who were born under the same name and later lived their lives with different ones. The only thing that is identical in them is the essence of the God of Mischief. So where is the ground for an egoistic selfcest? Nowhere.

Don't forget about identity. We can say that they are very similar, since initially they are both Lokis. But do you wanna say it's so hard to meet similar people in real life? No. Do you wanna say it's hard to meet similar people in two similar universes? No. I'll tell you a secret: writers often like to use the trope of intertwining almost identical tempers between characters to show their mental connection. And it's not a crime, but a common technique. And, again, a "similarity" doesn't fall under the criteria of selfcest.

And finally, if Sylvie were an exact copy of Loki, would there be people who love one but can't stand the other? It's the same character after all, so what's the problem? But the point is that Loki is Loki. And Sylvie is Sylvie. They exist separately from each other and are not the same due to the presence of distinctive features.

If you want to use Kang's words, remember that he admired these two.

< < < 2 > > >

The second and no less amusing is "Loki doesn't need a love interest at all!"

I'm sorry, but which Loki?

The one who appeared in all the films of the series "Thor" and "The Avengers"?

He's dead, guys.

And Loki from the series is a character torn out from the finale of the first "Avengers" and revamped by TVA with the help of an impromptu session of psychologist Mobius and viewing on-screen all of his promising deeds. This Loki was told head-on that he was created as a minor character in order to plot his machinations for the development of the protagonists and he was unnecessary to the whole world. This Loki has an advantage over the previously known version of himself just in knowing this fact. This Loki has recognized for everyone and for himself that he didn't want to harm the others. And this Loki, by definition, is already a different character, but for some reason people tailor him to a long-familiar one, ignoring the obvious things point-blank.

He is no stranger to simple human feelings, because every version of the God of Mischief is initially an offended and despised child grown up in the shadow of his own brother, a child who just wanted to be loved too and in the same way. Only the paths to this under-goal were different for all Lokis. One killed Thor in order to remain the only ruler (people always adore kings), another invented unthinkable feats (people love heroes), the third built a perfect world out of promises for everyone, the fourth tried to become a hero himself, but was too crushed to find mistakes in his plan, the fifth excluded himself from the equation so that everyone understood he didn't want to harm the others and to cause the pain.

Loki from the series is a version that knows everything about himself, but at the same time is not bound by the framework of the other variants' plot. He doesn't need to win back Asgard, to fight with Thanos, with the Avengers, with contempt and so on. He is free from borders. He is from the world where Frigga never died. He is the only Loki without the "glorious purpose". He is different.

So his attitude to other people is now different as well. It's stupid to perceive this version exactly as a long-known character.

After all he had seen, this Loki would hardly be able to live alone like any other. He is extremely naked and needs love (in any form), as the most reliable and not bringing destruction and suffering point of support.

< < < 3 > > >

The third and my favorite thing is: "Love in five minutes! Why did it come out at all?"

Why did Loki fall for Sylvie, and even in a couple of days?

OK, you can quite easily explain Sylvie's motivation: she found a person who had interest for her, who suddenly cared about her, protected her... Could he be an unworthy party in such a case? Moreover, before that, Sylvie, in principle, had no close people and she internally really lacked such an attitude to herself, banal love (parents, people, friends, romantic), which she hadn’t due to the lack of normal childhood and a stable life.

But Loki?..

But Loki is not a vain killing machine from The Avengers anymore, not a person for whom the self-affirmation is the only goal in life. Let's rewind a little, and remember that he was brainwashed in TVA and lowered from heaven to earth. Loki was always reasonable. Loki could always be courteous and friendly. Loki was always a gentleman. And finally he realized that there's no sense in all this aggression and hyperbolized narcissism, and he pushed his one-actor theater aside in order to at least normally rethink the concept of time and reality.

And here comes Sylvie.

Unpredictable, dangerous, painfully similar to him, but at the same time completely different. Loki never had good intentions in his conquests; only the ways were sometimes good. Sylvie went to the good liberation of people and the return of their right to choose their lives, but through blood. In fact, she is his mirror image.

She intrigued. A wild person who swung at the destruction of the time control organization alone and coped well with it.

However, the countdown started from the moment when they both got on the train. The moment when Loki began to understand what the real essence of Sylvie was. Grown up in fear, distrustful, broken Sylvie, who was desperately trying to make TVA pay for everything. For everyone. And it was amazing for him.

Here, as for me, the Moffat's quote about his BBC Sherlock fits very well: ..when he saw her, he thought: "Maybe there can be someone like me?" – but with a slight nuance that Loki himself would like to be someone like that. Like a fighter in spite of and for the good, causing admiration. With some corrections in the form of the absence of a painful childhood, despair and anger.

Then the spring of "Loki's MeUs" begins to unwind, and the essence of it is that he understands her and her feelings, because, although they are different people, they are internally similar. Loki looks at her as if she is a person he has known for a very long time, but not completely. It's like if you met an old childhood friend seven years later: it seems to be the same, but also it seems to be different. It seems that everything is elementary, but there's not enough of a certain number of details.

(He'll realize later that he was missing much more).

So we take the initial interest, add the conditional knowledge of a person, and we get a very specific variation of the trope "from friends to lovers".

This may seem far-fetched, but we have two factors on our hands that are fundamental for this trope. Keep them in your head, but for now, let's applaud the fact that Marvel for the first time figured out how to derive formulas for the logical development of relationships in the shortest possible time. In what way? In the most elementary way: through psychology.

There's such a thing as the stages of the formation of relationships, which includes:

- Falling in love (interest, flirting, rethinking)

- Trust (challenge, joint activity, mutual assistance)

- A sense of kinship (empathy, responsibility, confidence)

- A sense of unity

- Love

In our case, only the first three points are considered, but the third one is with a chip in the form of a final. I should also focus attention on the fact we are not considering love. We are considering a serious crush, which can develop into love, since the latter one is a slightly longer process that still has to go through to the end. And we consider them in extreme (+accelerated by our two fundamental factors) conditions, where our heroes are forced to work together and trust each other in order to survive.

After reviewing the aspects of the three points we have chosen, we can easily draw analogies with the events that happened with Loki and Sylvie.

They are interested in each other, they think that they know each other, they develop in relationships with each other in a completely healthy way. A little faster than in the series for a hundred episodes maybe, but it is conditioned.

Needless to say, this is impossible and illogical: we have the clearest example of love from nowhere in the form of a couple of Scott Lang and Hope Van Dyne, who had absolutely no prerequisites to it, but at the same time kissed at the end of the first film. Nothing personal, it's just a fact.

The relations of our "defendants" aren't based on carnal attraction, they didn't immediately break out ready-made due to a rush of adrenaline, they are not one-sided and not abusive. Loki and Sylvie carry about each other, support each other (if it doesn't seem so, then we'll also talk about Sylvie a little later, everything in its own time), plus sympathy and love based on the fact that a person is ready to fight with you and trust you, sounds very appropriate, doesn't it?

And yes, there are similar examples of "love in five minutes" in life, which I've also seen. This is real.

< < < 4 > > >

The fourth thing which also makes me roll my eyes is "Sylvie didn't need relationships at all and she didn't care about Loki."

So let's make a small lyrical digression and think about who Sylvie is.

The Goddess of Mischief? Yep, but far from Loki, which means there's no sense to adjust her to the same classic image. As a child, Sylvie was dragged out of her own world. As a child, Sylvie fled across the time with fear and horror from TVA. Sylvie hid all her conscious life and saw people dying around her over and over again. Sylvie knew that outside of the apocalypses millions are simply dying from the hands of TVA too. She was alone all the time, during all her life she developed anger and hatred for this organization, until revenge for herself and for others became the only meaning of her life.

And here comes Loki.

Another version of the God of Mischief, which forces her to rebuild the plan on the go, in order to still bring it to the end. Frivolous, broken, stucked up Loki. He lazily, automatically puts sticks in her wheels. And then, on Lamentis, he suddenly decides to fight with her and help. After that, he completely trusts her with his life and cares about her own. And it seems to her like some kind of nonsense, like another trick, an invention for personal gain. Sylvie understands the essence of Loki, but she can't perceive him the way he perceives her. She sees in him what she could have become without the intervention of TVA.

But after that rush through the city, after realizing the hopelessness of the situation, when he says he is sorry and he thinks she is amazing, something clicks in her head. No one has ever cared about her (in this regard, she is not like Loki, who had at least Frigga), and now Loki, who knows her only from the archives and her meager life-story, who dragged her into the apocalypse, but also tried his best to help her to get out, just says that he is fascinated.

Sylvie grew up with her own concept of truth and lies: for her, there's only her truth and the eternal deception from the others. And then she thinks: may it be that..?

The thoughts that no one on the entire Timeline needs her, and that she should have recognized the lie, are marinating in her head to the end. Loki is not like the people she has spent her whole life with (he looks more like her, understands more or tries to understand at least; he believes), Loki behaves strangely and worries about her. Sylvie can't believe it (her past affects her completely), but subconsciously she wants someone to really care about her.

And she starts taking care of Loki in return. She comes closer and closer, but at the same time she is ready to turn around and rush back at any moment. Because she's scared. Sophia Di Martino says that for Sylvie, feelings are something new, unknown, and such things always cause fear in people. She tries to deny it, to be ironic, she's waiting for a trick, but doesn't move away.

She's just thinking: "Come on. Betray me. Betray me so that I'll be right again and trust no one anymore."

But Loki doesn't betray her. On the contrary: he recognizes that he cares of her, he tries to protect her with all his might. And that's the moment when Sylvie finally falls in love. That's why she pushes him through the portal to TVA which – the Multiverse is being formed, yay – is the safest place at the time.

Why didn't she give up on killing Kang? Because that was her glorious purpose. Sylvie lived with the revenge and the dream of saving everyone from the dictator and she just couldn't give up all this after the horrors that she experienced in her life. Blood, death and fear – that's what she saw during all these years. But Loki didn't see that so he couldn't understand. That's why Sylvie didn't listen to him.

And if she didn't care about Loki, if she didn't feel anything at all, Sylvie would have killed him the moment her sword was at his neck. She'd killed before – it wouldn't be a problem. But she does care of Loki.

< < < 5 > > >

The fifth and final thing is "These relationships hinder the development of both characters!"

And that's the funniest claim from those who watched the series with their eyes closed.

During the series, Sylvie and Loki are revealed from new sides thanks to their feelings. Caring for others, compassion, responsibility, the very fact of showing love for another person – all this develops them both. The friendship was shown through Mobius. The family has always been represented by Thor, Odin and Frigga. But showrunners wanted to reveal Loki from all sides, decompose him into components and show what he is from the inside in all aspects. And they did it.

Loki, who doesn't care about the fate of the Universe, and who only wants to regain world domination again, turns into a hero who wants to save the whole world. And one more person.

With Sylvie, it's a little more difficult, due to the fact that her life was also more difficult. Her case is more lost. However, in the end we see that such a long-awaited retribution doesn't bring her satisfaction. Because she understands the wrongness of this act, she regrets it and realizes that everything was wrong. But she realizes it too late.

If we had cut Loki out of her life, Sylvie would have killed the Keeper without any guilt, without feeling remorse, because she wouldn't have known that everything could be different, that she might choose another way.

This is what is called character development.

Sophia says both Loki and Sylvie feel the same, they grow together, but at different rates. And by the end of the series, Sylvie is approximately where Loki was after a psychotherapy session with Mobius. But not at the very beginning – that's what's important.

I hope this article has at least a little explained the whole essence of sylki pairing, because surely I'm not Tom and Sophia, who know their characters best. However, trying is something, isn't it?

Thanks for attention ;)

Source: «Это была любовь», или пять причин и пять опровержений ненависти к Sylki

#loki #sylvie #loki x sylvie #loki series #sylki #lovie #lovedaggers #fandom analytics #translation from russian

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hotchscvm · 3 years

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thank u, next (ft. loki) - part two

Warnings: angst, swearing, jealousy, mentions of sex, violence

Word count: 5.7k

Summary: A mission goes wrong, leaving you stranded with the two men who despise each other, competing for your attention.

Or: In which Steve breaks up with Sharon after realizing how much he loves you, only to be put on hold while you spend time with Loki.

Tony kept glancing at you, his eyes narrowing as if he was trying to figure out what kind of mind manipulation Loki had hexed you with. Natasha was torn between proud and shock. Clint had been positive it was a prank on his behalf until he had learned it was true, the archer studying you, wondering if you were under Loki's influence. And Bruce—well, he still couldn't get over the shock to actually word his opinion.

Steve, on the other hand, wasted no time blaming Loki, accusing him of using his magic to manipulate you into bed. When Thor has came back with news that Loki hadn't—with Heimdell being all knowing and watching—it had made Steve go to Fury, who had shown emotion on his face other than boredom and disappointment. Yet the surprise wore off and the director found it not relevant as the issue had not broken one of the rules Loki had agreed to.

The super soldier had hit the gym in a hurry, pounding the sandbag, probably wishing it was Loki. And Thor, like everyone else, it took him time to process it but unlike everyone, he barely gave it a thought. With word from Heimdell, knowing that his brother wasn't planning anything to harm you or the others, he was at peace with the situation as long as it was two consenting adults.

As you sat in the conference room, waiting for Steve and Loki to show up for the meeting, you wondered why he thought it was okay to overreact to something so...normal. People have sex, he must've known that you weren't any different. And unfortunately, Fury has picked the same day to spring a mission on the team, forcing all of you into a room, not caring about the act you committed with Loki.

Loki came in first, dressed in his usual black color, a suit almost identical to the one he wore the day before. Even from across the room, you could easily spot the hickeys he kept, a bunch peeking out from under the suit. It had given you a sense of pride and embarrassment, going down on the God of Mischief.

He caught your eye, the corner of his lips turned up, twitching without their permission. Loki wouldn't admit it out loud but he liked you to the point of sacrificing everyone in the room to save the one decent person who hadn't judge him. Everyone had turned to look at him, following his every move whilst he moved to the empty seat besides you.

The one that everyone knew was Steve's. Yet, no one said a word, secretly enjoying the show.

"Greetings," he said curtly, nodding once to everyone with an expressionless face. They all nodded back to him, Tony covering the smile that was trying to force itself on his face. Loki turned to you, sitting down in Steve seat as he gave you a smirk, amused by your attempt to cover up his marks. "Hello, angel."

The nickname alone wanted to make you want to ditch the meeting for a dick appointment with the Asgardian, the name slipping from his tongue. The same name he had whispered into you ear as he thrusted into you. Instead, you gave him a small smile, unconsciously rubbing your thighs together. "Hey."

Loki noticed the motion, his smirk widening. Pulling the chair closer to your own, his arm leaning up against yours. Leaning in, he put his lips to your ears, ignoring everyone's stares, including his brother's. "Your attempt to cover my hard work is very amusing, love."

"Loki..." you warned, using the same tone you had last night when he teased you too far, wishing for release. There was a twinkle of mischief in his eyes. "Shut up, not everyone has magic."

"All you have to do is ask, although I prefer to see them on your skin." Loki whispered, not caring how many people team members had subconsciously leaned in, straining to hear what the raven-haired God had to say.

Before you could answer, the door opened, Steve and Fury entering. The super soldier had an exhausted look on his face while Fury kept his emotionless facade up. Steve started walking towards his seat, so distracted by the uncovered hickeys on your neck to notice it had been taken. The blond did a double take, seeing Loki in his chair. If it wasn't for the barely contained anger in his eyes, you would've bursted out laughing at his comical expression.

The team stayed quiet, their eyes glued on the silent war between the two men. Loki nonchalantly looked up, his lips brushing against your hair as he pulled away, smirking at Steve. The silence was broken by Fury's tired sigh.

"Well, hello, Captain." Loki sneered, not having any intention of getting up. Steve's eyes stormed with anger, a tick away from letting loose. The God of Mischief pointed to the chair across from you, the one next to Tony, giving the super soldier a pointed look. "You should take your seat."

Tony muffled a snort at Steve's scowl, yet America's Sweetheart didn't move a muscle, glaring at Loki. Fury rolled his eyes, taking a deep breath. "Rogers, take a seat next to Stark. Loki, stop being an asshole. Back to business."

Steve followed Fury's order, sitting down besides Tony, his angry expression turning blank, waiting for whatever Fury had to say. Yet, his eyes still looked murderous, often glancing at the lack of space between you and Loki. Tony didn't hide his amusement, biting back a laugh, and trying to focus on whatever Fury was saying while the rest of the team kept looking at Steve, expecting him to reach across the table and punch Loki back to Asgard.

"While you agents were partying, drinking all your problems away, SHIELD got a tip from an undercover agent." Fury started, sliding your folders across the table, giving you something to look at other than the tension between Steve and Loki. You opened the folder to find pictures of blood-covered bodies. "Normally, we wouldn't bring the Avengers into a mafia-related crimes but this one's different.

"The Chinese Mafia is after a USB flash drive, one that we suspect, contains secrets that could bring down the American government. Emphasis on could; SHIELD isn't that well informed on what exactly the flash drive holds." Fury continued. Looking at you, he called your name. "Along with Rogers and Laufeyson. I'm assigning the three of you on the mission. You'll get the mission details as soon as Agent Hill gets here. The rest of you are irrelevant. Everyone go away now."

He left the room before anyone could even move a muscle. The team glanced between Loki and Steve, trying to figure out what they felt. It was clear neither of them were too happy about going on a mission together but the photographs of dead bodies made them bury their resentment down, for the sake of the government and all, but mostly for your sake.

Tony cleared his throat, trying not to burst out laughing. "So, Cap—"

Steve called out your name, standing up from his seat. "Can I talk to you for a minute? Alone? It's urgent."

"Yeah, sure." you said, following him out the door without looking back at the rest. You didn't notice the way Loki oozed with madness, his eyes deadly. Steve led you away from the view of room, stopping in the middle of a private hallway. It was secluded enough, yet Steve kept fidgeting like someone was listening. "Steve, I know you aren't particularly fond of Loki but he's a good—"

"I broke up with Sharon." Steve blurted. You stopped talking, your mouth open from your earlier words. The blond ran a hand through his hair. "I broke up with her last night, just before the party started ... before you walked in with Loki."

"That's not what it looked like."

"I was trying to be her friend, just like I'm trying to be yours." Steve explained, almost begging. "I never got the chance to apologize for hurting you. When you came back from Asgard, it had been too long for me to even mention it without it being awkward. So, I didn't. I wanted to but you didn't want to spend time with me anymore. And that's my fault, I'm not blaming you for being hurt. I understand what I did was so selfish, and wrong. It was wrong and if I could go back in time, I would've never done it."

You closed your gaping mouth, a little surprised by the apology. Rocking back on your heels, you awkwardly looked everywhere but at him. "Okay, um, thanks?"

Dejected, Steve nodded, his head hanging from the lack of sympathy in your voice. "Yeah. I wanted you to know. That's what I was coming to tell you this morning, but instead found you in bed with .... him."

"Uh," it was all you could say. Clueless of how to respond, you started to back away slowly, like there was a bear coming towards you. "Okay. So ... I'm gonna go. Get prepared for the mission or whatever. I'll see you later."

Before he could utter another word, you walked away, feeling completely numb by the news. There was a part of you that wanted to forgive him, another part was feeling satisfied for his pain, and the last was confused. If he had been telling the truth—breaking up with Sharon before the party—then why hadn't he told you or apologized when he came to talk to you? It made you question whether he was just jealous or genuinely sorry for hurting you.

You weren't ready to forgive him yet, not after he made you doubt your self worth. Thor had made you feel better when you had came to him, showering you with golden gifts, shoes, and brotherly love. Despite popular belief, Loki wasn't that much different than his brother. Yes, he wasn't a people person, but he was gruffer, rougher, meaner...sexier. He knew what it was like to feel unwanted, feeling the need to show how powerful he was. If you had been in his situation—and you practically almost were if it hadn't been for Natasha—you would've taken the same road he had.

Speak of the devil, you bumped right into him, his chest only covered by a black silk sweater. With all the heavy thinking you hadn't realized you had walked back to your room. Gathering your thoughts, you looked up at his blue eyes. "Shit, sorry."

"Are you well, angel?" Loki asked, genuinely concerned. He had heard every word Steve had said, and to Loki's dismay, they had all been true. Loki hated Steve as much as Steve hated him, Steve had a reason and so did the God of Lies. The main reason? You.

You nodded, seeing how your room was messy. Books and blankets were on the ground, a broken glass scattered on the floor near your bedside table, a lamp covered in feathers, and last night's clothes strewn around the room. "I'm fine. But my room isn't, holy fuck."

With a wave of his hand, Loki cleared the room, the disastrous mess cleaned up before your eyes. He gave you a smile. "There. Director Cyclops wanted me to inform you and Sleeping Beauty that Maria Hill is in the building. She's ready if we are."

"Great. One thing before we step out this room: be nice."

"I'll try."

—

The mission was far easier than you originally thought. It was less than 24 hours, meaning you wouldn't be trapped in a designated safe house with them, or would you be in any kind of trouble. Just like Fury had said, it was an extract mission. Get the flash drive, get out.

Unfortunately, we'd be forced to go to a gala, one of those unnecessarily fancy parties where the champagne was watered down and the men showed how powerful they were with girls clinging onto their arm. It was a pre-kidnapped Tony Stark kind of party. Thankfully, you had more than a few practice with walking in heels.

The two men were able to put their hatred aside to focus on the job, Loki's magic still restrained even with the urgency of the mission. Maria Hill had filled you in, giving you all the details, the layout of the building, and all the places they suspected the drive to be. The plan was to fly to Hong Kong, get dressed for the party in the Quinjet, attend the gala long enough to find Zhang Wei, and run with the USB flash drive. Simple enough.

The flight from New York to Hong Kong was tiring, even with the eight hour slumber you had, finding yourself in Loki's arms once again. Fortunately, Steve hadn't seen you with Thor's brother, knocking this time and finding you alone, reading the mission file for the millionth time. He had smiled, probably happy he didn't see Loki in your room. That smile didn't last, dropping as soon as he stepped in the Quinjet, greeted Loki and saw the quick smile you sent the raven-haired God. It tugged on his heartstrings; you used to smile at him like that.

At least they kept their snide comments to themselves, only sending the other a glare when you weren't looking. As soon as you looked up, a slightly perplexed expression would come on their face, like they were trying to think of a word that rhymes with orange. Yet, you didn't dare question it, leaving the topic alone and quietly stewing in the testosterone-filled aircraft.

When the Quinjet finally reached Hong Kong, you had already changed into your formal wear. Loki didn't have to move to change his clothes; instead he used his magic, making him look presentable in a blink of an eye. Steve had frowned on that, but decided to let it go considering he had a lot to make up to you. Getting into a fight with your ... whatever Loki was, would not be a great start.

Getting ready for the party had been easy, the dress fit you just right, your hair being in the mood to cooperate, and even your makeup was flawless. The reaction from Steve and Loki certainly didn't help your ego, their comical reactions to your beauty had been amusing and slightly embarrassing.

Steve's mouth has hung open, his jaw unwilling to close while he stared at you. "Wow. Y-you look gorgeous. Wow."

"Truly breathtaking, love." Loki added, licking his lips in appreciation. If there was one thing both he and Steve could agree on, was the way you always turned heads. If anything, Loki wanted to make you his goddess—he just didn't want to admit it to himself just yet.

And since you were too emotionally invested, you took the easy way out and rolled your eyes. Dressed in their tuxes, they looked like they stepped out of a Hugo Boss ad. "Thanks. You guys clean up well."

Steve was too busy admiring you to notice Loki pull out a diamond encrusted ring, not exactly a engagement ring from Jared but one of those rings you get with friends during a drunken girl's night out. Loki stepped up to you, bringing your right hand, placing the ring on your index finger.

"The ring ... goes well with your dress." Loki explained, watching you stare at the ring he had placed. Steve's wonderment has turned sour, a little sad by the gesture. "It was my mother's."

"Loki," you gasped softly, knowing the how special their relationship had been. Thor had explained how Loki spent most his childhood with Frigga, spending his time learning magic, being a mama's boy. With Frigga dead, Loki must've felt some resentment to those dark elves that had been responsible for her death. "I can't— I can't take this."

Loki shrugged, brushing away a stray hair on your cheek. "Yes, you can. You will. It looks beautiful on you. Don't you agree, Captain?"

To be completely honest, Loki had forgotten Steve had existed until his heart faltered at the mention of Frigga. Steve didn't like the way the ring looked like it belonged on you, almost like it had been made specially for you. He nodded, agreeing with Loki once again. "Looks beautiful."

Before it could get any more awkward or embarrassing, an alarm had sounded, the noise saying you from any further feels. All three of you moved to the front, seeing how you hovered a few feet off the landing spot assigned for the Quinjet. With the many SHIELD headquarters, it wasn't a surprise they had in Tokyo just as modernly technical like the one in New York.

The limo ride that took you to the party was tense. Maybe it was the mission that was about to go down, or that awkward moment in the Quinjet. The navy blue, floor-length dress was silky, the fabric soft against your skin. The one-inch straps that came together at the back of your neck accentuated your cleavage, brining them to look bigger than they were. It clung to your curves, but not tight like the dress you had worn the yesterday. This one was far more elegant.

Wrapped in your thoughts, you hadn't noticed when the limo had stopped, the crowded building to your right. The doors opened, both Steve and Loki reaching out a hand to help you out of the limo. Taking them both, you snaked an arm around both of theirs, letting others know you had two dates. You thought the red carpet leading to the entrance was a bit much, even for the Chinese mafia.

Two suited men opened the double glass doors, revealing the fancy gala. Dangerous men and mafia families filled the large room, eyes flickering to your entrance, widening when they realized who had entered. They knew your dates, but SHIELD had made sure to keep your place on the team a secret for missions like this one. No criminal would trust an Avenger, but they might be dumb—or arrogant—enough to be manipulated by a "mole" in SHIELD.

The talking stopped briefly, only to turn to hushed murmurs before they continued as they had before. Both Steve and Loki turned down the campaign, not trusting whatever was put in the liquid. Looking around the room, there was nothing out of the ordinary, well, for a party held by a mafia of course.

"Should we proceed as planned?" Loki confirmed, surveying the room as he tried to find his own target. He locked eyes with the man he needed to distract while Steve and you would sneak away and find Zhang Wei and the flash drive.

Steve nodded, slyly touching his earpiece hidden by his growing hair. You had no idea how Tony convinced him how to grow it out but you were going to thank him later. "Yes. Keep in contact and check in every ten minutes. Be careful."

Loki nodded, heading off to his target but not before giving you a reassuring smile, tiny enough for no one else to notice but it was enough to ease your worries. Yes, he's an all-powerful god but that didn't mean he couldn't die.

Turning to Steve, you smiled at him, almost naughtily. Eyes twinkling with evilness, you hold out your free hand, challenging him with your eyebrows. "Would you like to dance, Stevie?"

You've never seen so much fear in someone's eyes come in such a short time. Steve's contained so much fear you were worried he was going to combust. "Um, I d-don't really know how."

"Why, that's a shame, Captain." a man behind you said. Turning around, you found yourself only a foot away from the mafia leader himself, Zhang Wei. Steve's jaw clenched at the unprepared confrontation. Zhang turned to you, holding his unnaturally thin hand out. You could see the bones through the thin skin, shivering at the sight. "Would you like to dance, darling?"

Taking the opportunity, you nodded, taking his hand, hoping Steve would get the hint to not look so stiff. "I would love to."

Zhang took you to the almost empty dance floor, the music starting as soon as his foot hit the designated area. Smiling maliciously, he tugged on your waist, pulling you close for a proper dance. "You look beautiful, my dear. I'm certain your date is jealous I stole you away."

"He doesn't mind." you answered, returning the smile. Glancing at Steve, you saw him glaring at the back of Zhang's head, burning a hole. "Steve is rather hesitant when it comes to dancing, so, I'm sure he doesn't mind you helping a lady out."

The mafia leader's smiled widened. His eyes briefly landed on Loki, narrowing slightly at the way he interacted with his second in command. You took the brief amount of time to inspect him, noticing how much thinner he looked. With eye bags under his eyes, bones peeking through his hands, and the way his footsteps faltered ever so slightly made you realize he isn't going to be hard to take down. He may be the big bad criminal but from the looks of it, he was dying.

Zhang Wei nodded. "You look familiar. Have I seen you before?"

"I'm an escort. You may or may not have seen me on a bunch of powerful men's arms." you lied, flashing him your most charming smile. Zhang raised an eyebrow, gesturing towards Steve with a tilt of his head. "Steve's the same, poor baby was too shy to ask anyone to be his date."

"Didn't think Captain America would have such a hard time finding a date." Zhang mumbled aloud. He kept the false smile on his face. "If the time came, would you tell me your name, in case I can't find myself a date?"

"Tatia Sinclair." you lied, twirling in his arms.

The mafia leader nodded. The dance floor had filled up, nearly overcrowding. It took you a second to find Steve with all the bodies in the way. Zhang cleared his throat. "What a lovely name. Tatia, darling, would you accompany me to my study? I have to fetch something special of mine and would like you pleasant company."

Steve snarled your name through the earpiece, Loki's growl following along. Again, the super soldier and the god agreed. Steve murmured your name. "Don't."

Ignoring his order—and unnecessary concern—you grinned, taking Zhang outstretched arm. "I would love to."

He led you to the elegant stairs while you discreetly turned off your earpiece, no longer wanting to hear Steve's overprotective ass grumbling about sticking to the plan. If he had checked his folder, he would've seen you were sticking to the plan, just not the way he wanted.

The walk to his office was a slow one, considering how sick the mafia leader was, you weren't surprised when he was out of breath just from climbing the stairs. You didn't comment, instead helping him out and pointing out random things a dumb escort would say. Your personal plan was to make this guy underestimate you, and with the way he was looking at you, he was convinced you were just a body with no brains.

He opened the door to his mahogany office, the room was just as elegant as the party below, oozing power and money. Zhang went to his desk, opening his cabinet. From where he left you, you couldn't see what considering how he held it in his hand without opening his palm. A knock at the door stopped you from asking.

Surprisingly his right hand man came in, the one Loki was supposed to be distracting, at least long enough for us to figure out where the flash drive was. And guessing from the amount of evidence, you were guessing the flash drive was in the mafia leader's hand. He glanced at you, tilting his head at Zhang before speaking.

They talked in Chinese--surprise, surprise--a bit fast for you to fully decipher but the gist of the conversation had been finding a safe, more guarded location for the drive considering both Steve Rogers and Loki Laufeyson were in the building, just a floor below them. The two men paid you no attention as you tried to look clueless, bored, and in all, dumb. In their eyes, you were just checking out the room when actually you had been trying to find more dirt. If it wasn't the drive in his hand, it had to be close by.

"Tatia." Zhang called out, using the fake name you had given him. You turned around, a little glass globe in your hand. You raised an eyebrow, twirling the little sphere. "Would you excuse me? I have some rather pressing issues that need to be dealt with."

And once again, the door opened before you could answer the question. This time, at the door stood Steve and Loki, a man laying on the floor between the two. From the way both their suits were a little ruffled, they had enough waiting and decided to take action. A few appeared out of knowhere, tacking the two but you were left alone to deal with the men in the room. Zhang reached under his desk, where you had discreetly took the hidden gun while they had been talking.

Zhang's second in command quickly pointed his loaded gun at you, and you at him, your eyes reflecting the same emotion: hate. The man spoke to Zhang, keeping his gun steady while Zhang tried to get away. Even for a dying man, he moved fast, leaving you the choice of shooting his second in command in the knee. He cried out, firing his gun out of anguish but you were faster, quickly following Zhang, leaving a big group of men to fight Loki and Steve. They would be able to handle it.

Running in heels was always an annoyance to you, considering how unnecessary they were on missions. They looked hot but the fact that you were forced to wear them was a little sexist. You'd have to talk with Fury about that.

The halls were lit up with chanderliers dangling from the ceiling, all of them shining brightly. For someone who had been limping out of the room, he had been fast, or was hiding but the fact was that you lost him. You could still hear the grunts from where Loki and Steve were punching the fuck out of those mafia men.

You slowed, looking at the painting-decorated walls in search of some kind of secret door, maybe a fake wall. It sounded ridiculous but at the compound, Tony had a bunch of hiding spots, a few you knew and others you didn't. It was infuriating.

The hallway must've lasted forever, and you were convinced he had vanished into thin air. Then you spotted a cracked door, it was enough to be left opened on accident, but that didn't mean it was. With caution, you walked slowly, holding your gun in front of you. With your foot, you cracked the door open, entering a room of complete darkness. From what you could tell, there were no windows, and most likely a fake safe room.

Still, you flipped the light switch on, the room lighting up with it's obnoxiously bright white paint reflecting even brighter with the light. Scanning the room, you noticed how it smelled slightly sweet, the sweetness making you slightly dizzy. You shook your head, trying to find something wrong, like a hidden wall, or maybe another escape route from inside the room.

It didn't take long for you to realize the sweet scent was toxic, the side effect making you dizzier, the room spinning under your feet. As soon as you grasped the wall for support, Zhang came from the wall beside you, the little door opening to reveal the mafia leader holding his own gun, the flash drive in his hand as he taunted you with it.

He laughed at your weakened state, aiming his gun at your heart. It triggered your fight or flight and even with the side effect, you decided to fight. He was weaker than you, slower, his aged brain not processing you running at him. His gun dropped on the ground, along with the USB drive as your hand wrapped around his neck, pushing him against the wall with all your remaining strength.

Zhang had to been immune to the fast-acting toxin while you crumbled, unable to hold your body with the dizziness and fatigue bringing you down. Taking the upper hand, he knocked you over, his fist colliding with your jaw. You grunted, pouncing for the gun and flash drive, hiding the latter in your bra while the mafia leader shook his hand in pain.

Just as you had wrapped your fingers around the barrel of the gun, you heard the gunshot, and felt it hit your shoulder. Your hand was useless, your body way too weak from the toxins to defend yourself against the man, at this point just hoping they would find the flash drive in your bra when they autopsied you.

Another bullet was fired, and this one right on your arm, the pain numb. Maybe this was the way you were going to die, but at least it wasn't painful. That was the best you could've hoped for. And then another bullet was fired, but you didn't feel it, the fire inside you too hot for you to even register the pain. You laid on the ground, eyes drifting close. Zhang dropped dead a couple of feet next to you, his head bleeding out.

Your vision had already blackened when you felt Steve knelt down to you, pulling you into his arms. You were unconscious by the the time you figured out Steve had killed.

—

You woke up to the sound of the irritating beat of your heart of the monitor, and heavy breathing. Despite the very difficult task, you opened your eyes, instantly regretting it when you were met with a blinding light. Thankfully, it went away, revealing where you were in the Medbay, laying on the stiff bed with needles pierced into your skin.

Steve got up from his seat beside you, instantly hovering over you with a worried look on his face. If you hadn't felt like shit, you would've thought his face was permanently like that. "Hey, hey. Are you okay? How do you feel?"

"Am I in hell?"

He let out a strained chuckle, taking your hand with the both of his. His furrowed eyebrows remained furrowed, his forehead filled with crinkles. "Sweetheart? How do you feel? Are you in pain? Do you need anything?"

"Holy fuck, you're spitting in my face. Steve, I feel like shit but I promise I'm fine. Come on, don't you don't have to worry so much." you replied, wishing you could do something other than lie in pain.

"You're fine? I watched you get shot, held you in my arms while you bled out in front of me. If it wasn't for Loki, you'd be dead. Don't you understand how not fine that is? What the hell were you thinking?" Steve raged, letting go of your hand to pace around the room. Judging from the lack of sunlight coming from the windows, it was nighttime, the whole compound barely lit.

"Did you find the drive? I had it—"

"Are you actually worrying about the flash drive when you almost died? Do you not care whether or not you live?" Steve blurted, throwing his hands up in the air, clearly frustrated with how the conversation was going.

"Where's Loki?" you whispered, your eyes slowly closing. You fought to keep them open, hoping for an answer and wishing you could postpone this argument with Steve until morning when you finally could argue back.

Steve calmed down, appreciating the God of Mischief a lot more when he saved your life. "He's filling out Fury on the whole situation. And we found the flash drive, which made Fury gleam with glee."

"Good." you yawned, letting your eyes close knowing Loki was safe and found the flash drive. Steve whispered something but you were already too far gone, falling asleep as soon as your eyes closed.

Loki came into the room a few minutes after you fell asleep, stepping up next to Steve who had been staring your sleeping form. The raven-haired God pulled up a chair, his eyes never leaving your face. "How is she?"

"More worried about the aftermath of the mission more than herself." Steve answered, his voice wavering for a second at the thought of losing you. The super soldier turned to Loki. "Thank you for going against the rules and using your magic to save her. I think it's safe to say you won't get into any trouble, especially with her fighting Tony about it."

Loki shrugged, waving away the compliment. "You would've done the same if you could've."

A beat of silence passed before Steve spoke again, more determined than ever to win back your trust. "I like her, you know?"

"I care for her, too." Loki replied. "And I know that you care for her but don't you understand that I'm far better for her than you ever will? You hurt her. You broke her trust. I may only know her for a few days but I know breaking trust is important to her. To earn it back—"

"Would almost be impossible." Steve finished, his eyes dropping to the bed. "But I have to try. I really like her."

"As do I. And I'm not giving up."

"Neither will I."

< previous next >

#chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #loki #loki laufeyson #loki x reader #loki laufeyson x reader #implied smut #jealousy #tony stark #captain america #marvel #tom hiddleston #love triangle

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lokiinmediasideblog · 5 months

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if you're still doing the character ask game: mcu loki - 2, 3, 7, 8? (i know that's a lot, but i feel like they go together. you can just pick one pair if you like)

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

My love for Loki is because he is a schemer (I even love the pre-reincarnation evil old man comic book version). I just love sneaky, scheming characters that are disliked by those around them for either unfair or fair reasons. It's the trait I am drawn towards (see my love for SkekSil). I love how contradictory his traits are. His self-hatred and grandiosity. I love that he even loses when he wins. I also find him very projectable/relatable? Maybe because I also have difficulty maintaining relationships. I definitely think a part of me is so attached to the concept of Loki due to how Christianity demonized him, the most notable aspect in the MCU being Loki's horned helm that made my very Catholic mom scream at the fucking TV.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

This is hard because I feel like the flaws add onto him. My least favorite thing is his tendency to resign to shitty conditions. On relationships and plans. This can be shown by his sabotage of relationships (e.g. Sif). And his sabotage of plans that might prove too risky (e.g. trying to betray Thor in Sakaar so he won't leave to fight Hela and potentially die). Loki's a very pessimistic character, I'd say. While I am glad in the series he didn't become a Time cop, he still shows strong signs of that pessimistic streak by going at fixing the problem on his own without really talking things out.

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

My favorite HC (by 100indecisions) is that he has mental scar tissue from the mind stone's influence that makes him difficult to enchant. I think I've claimed that I forgot it was a HC when S2 aired and people were wondering why he didn't just let Sylvie enchant him. I also like to see how people HC his magical abilities.

I love psychological analyses that don't denigrate mental illnesses. And I love analyses on motifs and symbolism, or interpretations of the character as metaphor for neurodivergence. I also love trauma HCs as the angsty bitch that I am.

Although I am a grimdark bitch, I enjoy GOTG + Asgard mashups where Loki didn't die in IW. He's a fun character to have interact with the GOTG, and there's the question of whether he'd know Gamora and Nebula.

And there's some cool TVA fics like pantiara's "Trapped in Time."

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

I dislike HCs where he's this gentle bookish prince that has NEVER touched a blade nor killed anything before Thor (2011). Did you all not see him display combat skills in pretty much everything he's been on?

I loathe the way most people talk about Loki. Either he deserves eternal suffering, was evil from birth, "pretended" to kill himself, and has evil personality disorder, or he's "too good" to have the personality disorder and it's actually evil Odin that has the personality disorder.

And my least favorite kind of Loki fic is Frostiron where it's revealed Loki is actually as nice as freaking Jesus. Loki should be messy and not some waifish victim, especially if he comes from Asgard, land of "We don't talk about our feelings". And lol, I just don't like Tony.

I guess I also think ship wars are pointless and obnoxious.

Thanks for the ask!! ^_^

#mcu!loki #anon asks #ask meme

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bxllafanficc · 3 years

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Lady of mischief- Part four

Pairing: Loki x Greek!goddess f!reader

Summary: Asgard is having a change of power so there are several events Loki has to get right before he can announce victory against his brother as the next king. But one lady’s approval will change the whole outcome if the stakes are right. That lady is you, intended heir to the throne of Olympus but tied down to a marriage of convenience with one of the princes of Asgard. The prince you choose to marry will be the next king but you refuse to let yourself be a pawn in this game for power. Loki, with his intentions to take you as his queen has far greater reason to marry you than just for the reason of being king. You however, would rather cut off your left arm than exposing yourself for the fact that there’s another purpose besides Loki getting a throne to sit on.

The palace halls were crowded with workers and even aristocrats from far away staying in the palace’s guest areas. People from high ranking families and servants alike came our from their rooms. The chatting wasn’t quiet enough for you not to hear but the context was obvious. Everyone wondered why Asgard was suddenly shaking, why the ground beneath their feat suddenly became an object of death instead of the concrete safety it’s always been. The poor Asgardians had probably never experienced an earthquake before. Or a god loosing their cool and taking it out on the nature either.

Despite people making the halls hard to get past, everyone stepped aside for the prowling embodiment of fury: you, on your way to confront the man who started the nightmare.

You truly tried to make the waking earthquake to stop. It wasn’t at full force yet since you were still somewhat grounded. But every time you would try to strap the source of its boiling anger, a maid you walked past would mention prince Loki’s wellbeing and the emotions would burst off the lid again.

And you knew that you’d never make this decision in a calm collected state. After all, this was what he wanted. You’d play into his hands if you didn’t act careful.

You pounded on the wooden door and secretly hoped it would break a hole from the impact. The door stood unaffected.

“What’s the matter?” The mumble was faint and came after a brief paus.

You gave the door one last punch and regretted it immediately. How would confronting him affect the earthquake? We’re you being selfish for potentially putting the Asgardians in danger?

You were just about to turn around and leave but the door swung open with a stale-eyed Loki at the other end.

“(Y/n)? What are you doing to my poor door?”

Couldn’t he at least act like he was surprised to see you? At least give you that much satisfaction?

You crossed your arms tightly above your chest and forced yourself to stare him right in the eyes. The thought of making him stand accountable for his actions was the only thing not making the shaking worse.

“Are you the reason behind me falling every 3 seconds? The waves are especially strong here, did you know that?” You actually didn’t know about that, which only showed just how little control you had over yourself.

“Would you care to elaborate exactly what was your plan tonight? Making me look like your pretty little pawn all dolled up in that dress or locking me up here, tied to your leash for all eternity?” You tried your best to hide the emotion in your words but ended up just spitting them through your teeth instead.

He looked genuinely clueless with his furrowed eyebrows. At least he gave you that. Wrong timing though. His hand traveled up the frame of the door as a way of stealing himself for the shaking. If you lost just a little more control, he’d either fall on his rear or right over you, taking you down with him.

You stood unaffected by the shaking, however.

“What are you talking about? Why would I want to lock you up?” He raised a pointed finger at you.

You had to scoff. How could he pretend not to know when it was so obvious?

“You going off earlier to whine to my uncle wasn’t you manipulating him into getting what you wanted?”

The finger fell slightly and he formed a faint ‘oh’ with his lips. But his expression was still curious. Was he offended?

“Yes but, what does that have to do with you being ‘locked up’?”

“You don’t know?” The shaking seemed to intensify and it caught you off guard.

“If you’ll enlighten me, I’ll answer that for you when I know what we are talking about”, he said as he almost fell forwards with a soft yelp. Your noses touched just as he got a hold of the doorframe, your cheeks brushing against each other as he slumped forwards in relief. It was only a second of him being so close but you felt frozen in the moment.

“And would you stop doing that?!” He motion at the ground and the shaking actually faltered. Not because he told you to stop, but because you weren’t furious anymore. The anger seemed to have vanquished and you were too caught up in his closeness to ask yourself why.

Finally Loki seemed to realize how close you actually were and pulled away. His hair tickled your neck just like they’d done earlier.

“I’m sorry for…” He tapped his nose and cheek with a soft hand. “I know you… that you, yeah.”

Find it disgusting? ‘Despise’ his touch? But you never really meant it, though. Back then he laughed it off but now it seemed like he took your words with him ever since. It kind of made your stomach twist in guilt. Or hunger. You couldn’t tell. When was the last time you’d eaten? Wine didn’t count, that much you knew.

“(Y/n)?”

Why were you here, again? Right.

“Right… Zeus banished me from entering Olympus.” You just said it bluntly because there was actually something else you’d rather said. You lacked the guts though.

“What? Why? Does my father know about this?” His eyes turned round as if it was really bad news for him. The reaction you’d expected was nothing like what you actually got.

“I don’t know about that. But I’m forced to stay with you and Thor until… Until I’ve made up my mind.” Your arms fell flat to your sides since you were no longer angry. Back was the collected you. But you couldn’t quite remember the events leading up to you calming down.

“Haven’t you made up your mind since long ago though? And that’s not for all eternity- wait nevermind, I get it.” His expression faltered to match yours and you started looking around. At the furniture, at the walls… Without the anger giving you strength, you could no longer look him in the eyes for too long.

Lastly you peeked beside his broad frame and into his room only to find it absolutely destroyed. Chairs and what you assumed must’ve been his working desk were broken into tiny pieces across the floor along with shattered porcelain figures of different sorts. The drapes were halfway ripped off the window and stuffing from the bedsheets were still visibly dusting the air.

Loki must have seen you noticing the mess because he let out a muffled sound and moved in front of your vision.

Now forced to look at him, you saw that his hair was tangled, clothes messily arranged and his chest rising and falling rather quickly. Was that redness in his eyes as well?

“Loki, are you okay? Have you been cr-“ He immediately cut you off with a dismissive arm and avoided looking at you. The tables had turned so quickly you still had trouble figuring out how to handle the situation.

“Of course not! Now it’s time for you to go. It’s bad for your highness’ skin to be awake for this long.”

‘Your highness’?

He was already midway at closing the door when your hand snaked between and caught it. You could see him getting ready to put distance between himself and the door through the small gap you had left.

“Is there something that- is everything alright?” You didn’t really know why you were now chasing his attention like that. Didn’t you want him to stay away from you? To avoid and feel nothing but hostility from you?

Loki only wasted one second to look at you before he sighed and untangled your fingers from his door. The skin-to-skin contact was warm. Not at all despicable as you’d told him. Damn your mouth sometimes.

“Yes. Everything’s just fine. Good night, my lady.” And so you were facing a closed door. You were thinking about knocking again but somehow knew that door wouldn’t open anytime soon. You’d heard of past experiences where the prince would lock himself up in his room for days just so nobody would see just a tad of vulnerability from him.

Had you just made the maid’s work harder? You thought about how you would have to apologize later if that was the case. Maybe apologize to the entire population of Asgard for causing the ground to shake while you were at it. If you were to stay here for all eternity, you might as well make some friends. Because it would most likely be forever. Either you were trapped refusing to marry one or the brothers or trapped by the crown that would be on your head if you did end up choosing one.

The walk back to your room was quick since it wasn’t too far from the prince’s. Henna greeted you at the door and brought you inside to discuss the matter that caused your outbreak.

“So prince Loki’s room was like a scene out of a war? I heard from the maids here that outbursts like that has only occurred a few times before but the prince would always cover it up with illusion magic immediately. He’d ignore it for as long as he could until sooner or later when the servants tripped over the mess and couldn’t see the reason for them bruising an arm or knee.”

He’d cover up the destruction? Why hadn’t he done it earlier? Maybe you caught him off guard mid-rampage. And so he was to distracted to conjure the spell.

Henna had been talking nonstop ever since you came back. She insisted on babying you tonight and currently brushing your hair before bed, she had all the time in the world to talk.

“Henna?” You stared into your own reflection in the mirror and found only tired eyes met you at the other end.

“Yes, my lady?”

“Do you know if it’s usual for the prince to cry?” Henna put down the brush and went to grab your nightgown with an almost skipping walk. Why were she in such a light mood tonight? Right. Everyone had a great time at the banquet, except for you and, you assumed, Loki as well. You should be asking Henna if she danced with some handsome youngster tonight instead of hearing about gossip about the second born prince. You should mind your business. Loki was fine, as he said.

But Loki is a known liar.

“No, I don’t think so? There would definitely have been servants talking about that if it ever happened since prince Loki isn’t very popular with the maids. Why do you ask?”

If that was the case, then you were probably just imagining it. His eyes could be red out of straining the veins in his face from destroying all that furniture too. And after all, prince Loki’s wellbeing wasn’t your concern.

But you couldn’t help but wonder why he suddenly started addressing you so formally just as he wanted to get away from you, since he never usually kept up the formalities in private.

(A/N: Hi! Don’t hesitate to comment on each chapter what you thought about it/if you liked it since that keeps me motivated to keep writing. Also reblog so my story reaches a wider audience, if you really liked it! Your support is much appreciated. Also let me know if you want to be added to the tag list for this series. Have a good day, lovelies!)

Find the other parts in my MASTERLIST

Tag list: @liffydaze @queen-of-mischief @sidepartskinnyjeans @girl-obsessed-with-things @obsessivelysearching @reverse-iak

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loki-hargreeves · 3 years

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You Flower, You Feast - Loki x Reader [PART 2]

[PART 1]

Warnings: pregnancy, relationship issues, morning sickness, angst, fighting, flinching, falling ill, magical medical procedures, mentions of death (possibility of dying, but no one dies), mentions of torture, hurt/comfort, bittersweet fluff and implied smut (love making) at the end

Word Count: 8,1K

Summary: Part 2 of ‘you flower, you feast’. You’re pregnant, but you’re hiding the fact from Loki. After his return, he has been different and you haven’t been able to confide in him like you did before. The truth is revealed after you end up in the infirmary after getting sick. The fear of almost losing you makes Loki realize that things need to change, and he finally tells you what happened to him after he fell from the bridge. It seems like he’s finally back again.

Author’s Note: You don’t really have to read the first part in order to read this, but it would help paint a fuller picture. The first part has smut, but the plot is quite long as well. I hope you’ll enjoy this! Requested by @sunshineyrosie

THIRD POV

The sickness took over Y/N by surprise. She had just woken up and she immediately knew that something was wrong. Without wasting any time, she got up from the safety of the warm bed, running toward the bathroom that was in her and Loki’s shared quarters. By the time she reached the toilet, everything she had eaten the previous day came up, making her eyes and nose sting. It made her stomach sick when she coughed up everything which left a foul taste in her mouth.

She couldn’t remember the last time she had woken up so abruptly. When she was finished, she cleaned up after herself and had to rinse her mouth thoroughly.

A thought crossed her mind as she wondered why she was so nauseous. Could it be? Could she be pregnant?

It had been a few weeks since she and Loki had decided to try for a baby. For countless nights, they had been tangled in a rough dance and her body had every mark to prove that. Not that it didn’t feel great, because the rough sex with Loki was mind-blowing, but that was all it was; rough. Loki was still not letting her in. He was hiding behind his tall and strong walls and she was afraid he’d never break them down. It felt like he used the sex as a distraction.

Y/N put a hand on her stomach and realized that if she was carrying a child - their child - it would change their lives. Would Loki change? What if he stayed the same, distant and rough man. Could that be good for a child?

“Are you in there?” Loki’s voice startled her. He hadn’t been in bed when she had woken up, but now he was right behind the bathroom door.

Although she was still in shock, she tried to push her thoughts away. Her hand dropped to her side and she cleared her throat, “Yeah,” letting him know she was awake and well.

“Is everything alright?” Loki wondered. It was sweet of him to care. Perhaps he was hoping to hear some positive news, but she wasn’t going to tell him. Not yet.

Y/N took one last glance in the mirror, noticing just how tired she looked. Perhaps a bath would make her feel better and more at ease? She decided to get the water running.

“I’m fine, Loki. I’m going to take a bath,” She let him know, leaving an open invitation for him to join her.

The door opened and Loki walked in. He had magicked his clothes on because once they were in private, they came off by vanishing into thin air. “Mind if I join you?”

The water began to flow silently into the big bathtub. Surely, the hot water would make her feel better. Perhaps Loki would benefit from the relaxation it offered too.

“Sounds great,” She smiled, but she didn’t sound too convincing. Her morning sickness was fresh on her mind and all she could think about was the possibility of being pregnant. For some reason, it absolutely terrified her. If only Loki was alright, so she could confide in him. How would he react to the news? Would he be mad if she hid it from him?

As the two of them sunk into the water that smelled of lavender and other expensive herbs and oils, Y/N leaned against Loki’s body. She was still exhausted and she wished that even for a moment, they could just be like this. It reminded her of the good old days when they were so happy. Everything had changed. Being like that, so close was lovely.

Loki’s skilled fingers traced patterns over her exposed skin. He was careful not to apply too much pressure to the fresh love-bites and bruises among the old ones. If anyone saw her like that, it would be obvious that she was his, and vice versa. Loki’s back was certainly covered in scratches.

Y/N wondered if Loki could feel the way her heart was pounding in her chest. She wondered if he could tell she was troubled by her own thoughts. Did he still care?

“What’s on your mind, dear?” He noticed that something was different. For weeks, everything had been out of the ordinary. Was he simply imagining it or was she distracted by something?

She blinked a few times, hoping to get rid of the sleepiness that still had a hold on her. Then she faced Loki, searching for something familiar in his eyes. She knew that he was still in there, and sometimes it showed, like in moments like these.

What is on my mind? She thought. She wanted to know what happened to Loki on the bridge because Thor and Odin refused to tell her the details. What happened to him after that? Where had he been and who had he been with? Why did Loki show up on Midgard with the goal of taking over the realm? Why had he visited Earth out of all places before coming to her? Had he missed her? Because she had missed him more than words could’ve ever expressed. The nights she spent in the palace where she couldn’t escape his memory, thinking he was dead, had been absolutely dreadful. She had thought of him every single day.

“Nothing, I’m just tired,” Y/N sighed and decided to keep things to herself, for now. It was better that way. Perhaps Loki saw that she was lying, but he decided not to poke holes in her story. Deep down, he feared he might’ve already known the answer. Guilt was tormenting him already but he had no clue how to deal with it. Where would he even begin? It was easier to shut her out.

A few weeks passed, and she held tight onto her secret. By now it was clear as daylight that she was expecting a child, their child. It should’ve been easy to tell Loki, but so far she kept it to herself. Sometimes it felt like Y/N was trying to fool her own mind and lie to herself. Despite it all, she knew that it was wrong. At some point, he would find out whether she liked it or not and she knew it would be best if Loki heard it from her. Yes, he wanted a child. But how would he react? Was he ready? Was he having these fantasies merely so they would stay together? What if he didn’t actually want a baby and he’d be mad?

Y/N hated the thoughts she had. She absolutely despised the fact she feared him for no good reason. Loki had never hurt her and he had never implied that he would, yet her mind twisted things. He had changed, and she still didn’t know why. Would she ever see the old him again?

It was midday and the sun was bright enough that even inside in the great library in the palace, she could read with ease without additional lights. With a cup of tea by her side and a book in her hand, she focused on the fictional world she was reading about, completely blocking out her real life for just a moment. In stories that had never happened, nothing mattered. She could look into a character’s life and worry about their problems instead of her own. Besides, for a few days now she had felt sick to her stomach and a headache had been prominent for days on end now. Not even her own magic had pushed it away which was unusual, but she assumed it was because of the pregnancy. Therefore she didn’t think to mention her odd symptoms to anyone. Not that anyone would’ve cared much of a headache anyway.

When she put the book down, it was much darker. Through the sheer curtains, she could see the sun was setting, which painted all of Asgard golden and pink. When had she finished her tea?

“Y/N?” Loki’s familiar voice caught her attention. Time had passed quicker than she could’ve expected, and she realized that she had forgotten to meet him. They had planned on eating dinner together that day.

Quickly, she put the book down and she got up, noticing how stiff she felt after having been frozen on one spot for several hours probably. For a moment, she felt dizzy which she blamed on for standing up so fast.

“I’m here!” She let him know about her whereabouts as slowly the occurrences of the protagonist faded away from her mind.

As Loki walked up to her, he seemed relieved - but only for a short while.

“I was worried when you didn’t show up,” He said honestly. It was possibly the most caring thing he had said since his return, yet he was probably disappointed. Y/N quickly wiped away her bitter thoughts and focused on the brighter side. Despite how guilty she felt about missing their dinner date, she thought it was a great opportunity to try to dig deeper into what happened to him. Perhaps he’d open up?

“I’m so sorry, Loki, I am,” Y/N apologized sincerely, closing the gap between them. She felt hopeful when Loki let her take his hands in hers. His were always so soft, even when his touch was rougher than before between the sheets these days. His hands never changed. “I wasn’t feeling well and when I opened the book, I didn’t even notice how much time had passed until now.”

Loki overlooked what she said about feeling unwell. Perhaps it was wrong but he assumed she was avoiding him. Truthfully, he knew he had been a lot to handle recently. Hell, if he had been in her shoes, he would’ve probably avoided himself too. Loki couldn’t be too mad at her, because he did blame himself a lot. If only he knew how to change. His mind would surely be the end of him.

“Hey,” Y/N noticed how lost he seemed in his own head, “Are you alright?”

A smile spread on his face, completely disregarding the sad trace that glimmered in his eyes a moment ago. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

So defensive, she thought. “If there’s anything you want to talk about, I hope you know I’m here for you.”

Loki recognized that look on her face. It was pity, and he hated it. Loki didn’t want her pity, he didn’t feel deserving of it.

He pulled his hands out of her gentle grasp, “Do you think I can’t take care of myself?”

The way he assumed things that she would never think was infuriating. Perhaps he was taking a toll on Y/N’s nerves because her headache was getting worse and she felt her blood boiling beneath her skin. She didn’t know how much longer she could hold up with his, and pretend as nothing had ever happened, or how long she could keep it a secret that she was carrying their child and she was unsure whether or not it was a good idea to have this baby. The guilt and pain were tormenting her.

“That’s not what I said, Loki-”

“You were thinking it, were you not?” Loki didn’t know why he said that, but now it was too late. He didn’t wish to fight with her, but it seemed like his own thoughts and feelings were about to pour over the brim.

A sigh escaped her lips and she felt like sitting down. The world around her was spinning and she wasn’t sure if it was just her nerves burning up that was causing it. It grew worse at an alarming rate and she felt cold sweat on her skin.

“Don’t twist my words, Loki,” She groaned, more annoyed at the sick feeling that was overwhelming her rather than his attitude.

Those words she said were a sharp reminder of the moment Loki shared with Odin. When he lifted the ice casket, when he confronted his so-called father and found out that he had been taken from Jotunheim as an infant.

Loki’s heart was breaking in his chest piece by piece. The lie he had grown up in was now shattering and he saw through the cracks. Everything was beginning to make more sense. The pain and pure agony he felt was barely contained. He kept his teary-eyed glued onto his father, Odin, who wasn’t that much of his father after all.

“The casket wasn’t the only thing you took from Jotunheim that day, was it?”

Odin looked shocked, but he didn’t look sad. It was like he cared more about being caught in a lie rather than being caught as a liar and a terrible father. Odin never cared about Loki, did he? Loki began to believe that he had never even been loved by him. Why did Odin know about Loki’s blue skin? Why did he know that it wasn’t a curse? It should’ve been a major shock to anyone, but Odin knew...

“No,” Odin eventually answered him.

Loki stopped walking once they were close enough for his liking. He wanted Odin to see his wrath and fury, and he wanted to see the shame on Odin’s face.

“In the aftermath of the battle, I went into the temple and I found a baby - small for a giant’s offspring,” Odin recalled the day he found Loki. Of course, he didn’t tell Loki the exact story of the events that occurred. Odin wanted it to seem more glorious and heroic than it actually was. Loki would never know. “Abandoned, suffering....left to die.”

“Laufey’s son,” Odin confirmed.

“Laufey’s son,” Loki had to repeat that in order to process what he just heard. They were only two words, but he felt tears gathering in his eyes and he was choking up which he tried to ease by swallowing thickly, nervously.

“Yes,” Odin nodded. He was oddly calm.

Loki stood there in shock, not wanting to believe what he was hearing. As if it wasn’t worse enough that his family had lied to him his entire life, now he was hearing that his actual family hadn’t wanted him either. Could it be true? That he was a prince that no one wanted to see become a king? Had he ever been worthy of love? What would Y/N think of him once she’d find out about his true origin? Would she stop loving him?

“Why?” Loki struggled as he searched for the words he wanted to use. His thoughts were racing in his head and he felt like he would go mad if he tried to think too much right now. “You were knee-deep in Jotun blood, why would you take me?”

“You were an innocent child-”

Loki could smell Odin’s lie from a mile away and it fueled his rage, “No. You took me for a purpose, what was it?” Loki had to know, even if he feared it would torment him for the rest of his life. There had to be a reason, Odin didn’t care for abandoned babies - otherwise, the palace would be full of children.

Odin was shocked that Loki had interrupted him, let alone refused to listen to his sorrow story. How would he react if he told him the real truth? Odin wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.

The silence in the vault was uncomfortable, and it was burning on their skin. For Loki, the silence was dreadful and he couldn’t take it,

“TELL ME!” He demanded loudly, his painful cry echoing throughout the entire room and surely beyond the golden walls.

Odin couldn’t look Loki in the eye, “I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day, bring about an alliance, bring about permanent peace through you.”

Tears rolled down Loki’s face now, which he couldn’t control anymore. What Odin said was almost worse than not knowing at all. Odin had only seen an opportunity in Loki as an object, as a piece in negotiation.

“Why?”

“But those plans no longer matter,” Odin was quick to reassure him, but Loki doubted that. How could he ever trust another word that came out of his mouth ever again? That man had lied about Loki’s entire existence, made him believe that his own race was the pure evil enemy of the nine realms. Loki had heard Odin bash about how he had defeated the Jotuns in battle, and killed unimaginable amounts of Jotun soldiers. He had said those things as he kept the secret of Loki’s true nature. It was gross, it made Loki taste muck in his mouth.

“So I’m no more than another stolen relic,” Loki looked at the other stolen things in the vault that he was surrounded by, which was incredibly ironic, “locked up, here, until you might have use of me?”

Odin didn’t enjoy being talked back to. He couldn’t foresee this ever happening and he couldn’t imagine what Loki was going through. The old king could only think about himself, about how he had faced this before with Hela. Why were his children not good enough?

“Why do you twist my words?”

Odin’s question echoed in Loki’s head and for a moment, he forgot the conversation that he had with his wife, one that was quickly escalating into a fight. It was a miracle it hadn’t happened sooner.

“Loki,” Y/N noticed that somehow, her words had affected him terribly. She wanted to know why. One side of her mind told her to give it up, to keep pretending like everything was fine because clearly Loki was still hurt. Another part of her wanted to encourage him to open up, to trust her again. She wanted to help him. The rough sex and silence afterwards would only get toxic and it wasn’t good for any of them long term.

“You wouldn’t understand,” Loki made up his mind.

Being pushed away constantly was not only frustrating but painful. When they got married, they had become a team. They had to be there for each other through the good and the bad. She had promised to be his rock, to be the one he could confide in no matter what. Suddenly, guilt overwhelmed her. He had promised that to her as well, and yet she hadn’t told Loki about the baby.

“How can you say that if you don’t even try to make me understand?” She wondered, almost demanding him to say something, anything at all other than dismissive sentences and strange gazes.

Where would he even begin? It had been so long, and Loki had seen so much. Would he tell her about what happened on Asgard? Or should he begin with the titan that still haunted him like a shadow.

“Loki, what happened to you on that bridge?” Y/N dared to ask him about something that surely was a sore spot. No one had told her, although she had asked many times. Thor had tried to come up with a heroic explanation for it all, but Y/N knew it to be all lies. Something darker had happened and she wanted to know so that she could help Loki.

Had they really not told her? Loki was surprised at how little she truly knew. A broken smile spread on his face. Odin and Thor hadn’t had the guts to tell her the truth. They were so cowardly, it was almost comedic in a way.

“What did they tell you happened?”

“They told me lie after lie. I don’t care about their version of the story. Loki, the only story I care about is yours,” She let out a shaky breath. The spinning was getting worse by the second. Had she consumed something bad?

Loki wanted to tell her, but he knew the truth would put her through a lot of sorrow. Would she still care for him if she knew everything?

He held onto his words for a while longer. Every cell in his body was burning with longing, wanting to tell her everything, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Besides, he kept thinking about Odin which agitated him. Why did he have to make it into every aspect of his life?

Loki fell silent and watched her walk away. Instead of trying to reach for him, she walked to the nearest bookcase and leaned against the fine wood.

“What’s going on?” Loki realized how oddly she was behaving. Perhaps she was genuinely feeling under the weather? His anger began to fade as it was replaced by worry.

“Nothing!” She hissed, lying, but only because she didn’t want to focus on her.

Loki couldn’t bear hearing her lies, as ironic as it was. “Don’t lie to me, Y/N, I can tell that something is off!”

As he spoke with a loud voice and walked towards her, Y/N flinched. She didn’t mean to, but the loud noise and his abrupt movement had startled her. Her hand quickly covered her stomach, which was completely unintentional and her eyes widened in shock. Why did she react like that?

Loki stilled completely, unable to believe what happened. Did she think he would harm her? Was she afraid of him?

“Did you think I was going to hurt you?” He muttered in disbelief. Seeing the look on her face made Loki feel disgusted with himself. He felt like a monster.

Y/N let her hand fall to her side.

“No, I just...I don’t know, Loki,” She felt awful for even thinking about it. That was Loki! Her husband. The man she was in love with. If it wasn’t for the torturous headache and nausea she was suffering from, she would’ve hugged him and reassured Loki that she wasn’t afraid of him, but right now all she could do was lean against the steady bookcase. Y/N was convinced that her balance would betray her if she tried to stand all on her own.

It was definitely not something she could’ve ignored furthermore. In a desperate attempt to make things right, she tried to walk to Loki. Although she was lightheaded and everything around her began to turn into a blurry mess, she knew one thing; she needed Loki. She couldn’t let him think he was a monstrous creature. She hadn’t meant to flinch like that - it just happened.

Whenever times were troubling or she was afraid, she always wanted to be with him.

Loki noticed how quickly her demeanor was changing. It almost looked like she was intoxicated. The way she massaged her temples and how she leaned into her own touch, looking dizzy even though she was standing, was strange. As he looked closer, he noticed that her body was trembling ever so slightly. The sight of her like that calmed his anger since it got replaced by worry.

“Y/N?” He wanted to see her face. Was she crying?

She took a step toward him and almost tripped over her own feet. Loki caught her in his arms just in time.

“That’s it, I’m taking you to the infirmary,” Loki made up his mind, past conversation now long forgotten. The only thing that mattered was her well-being. Frankly, seeing her like that terrified Loki. During all the years they had spent together, he had never seen her like this and it was more than alarming.

The walk from the palace library to the infirmary wasn’t that long, but it felt like it took them hours. With every step they took, she seemed to get weaker. By the time they were walking down the hallway to the infirmary, Loki had to wrap his arm around her waist to keep her on her feet - otherwise she would’ve fallen on the cold, hard floor.

The healers had seen them coming. Without a shared word being said, they took Y/N from him and placed her on the bright inspection bed nearby where they could figure out what was wrong with her. Loki wanted to stay, but everything escalated incredibly fast, leaving him in the side. There was no way he would’ve pushed himself between the people who were trying to help her.

The words everyone said merged together, and it seemed like he could only hear his own heartbeat ringing in his ears. He just stood there and watched as the love of his life was surrounded by the best healers in the nine realms and even they seemed panicked. Something was terribly wrong.

The gold magic surrounded her and Loki caught a glimpse of the soul forge that the healers were examining. Even if he had wanted to focus on it, he wasn’t sure if he could’ve. Loki looked at Y/N again whose eyes were closed by now and she looked to be asleep, only he knew that she wasn’t resting.

He didn’t really phantom how much time had passed until a healer walked up to him, gesturing Loki to walk further away.

“We need to use drastic magic in order to heal her,” She explained carefully, not wanting to upset the prince.

“What’s wrong with her?” Loki had to know, worry clear in his voice.

The healer looked lost, almost nervous. “There is a blockage in her head. The magic it requires to heal her is strong and we do not know if the baby will survive it.”

The baby?

Loki’s mouth fell open but he didn’t find any words. He was already in shock when she fell ill so fast, but to hear about a baby was like a bucket of ice cold water was doused over him. She was pregnant?

The lady knew that there was no time they could waste, so she was forced to move on, “Since you are the father, we need your opinion on the procedure. Are you willing to risk losing the baby-”

“Yes!” Loki couldn’t believe they were asking him that. “Yes, please, I just need her to survive.” He didn’t want to lose the child that he just learned existed, but most importantly he couldn’t imagine losing her. Nothing else mattered than his wife’s well-being. If he lost Y/N, he would lose himself. As tragic as the idea was of possibly losing their unborn child, it would be even worse to lose her. After all, there was only one of Y/N. They could always try to start a family of their own again if they wanted to.

They took her away and Loki was forced to wait outside the infirmary. He had no clue what they were doing to her, and he couldn’t just stand in the hallway and wait. Loki was going to retreat to the privacy of their shared quarters, but it felt like his legs had turned to pillars of ice. As he stood there, taken back by shock and tears that threatened to spill from his eyes, he heard footsteps coming his way. As Loki glanced in the direction, he saw Lady Sif walking there along with Frigga. Right now, the last thing he desired was to talk to anyone.

“What happened?” Frigga seemed concerned, looking into the infirmary and then at her son who had tears in his green eyes. It hurt her to see him like that.

“I don’t know,” Loki realized he hadn’t spoken in a while. He wasn’t sure how long he had stood there, but by now it was dark outside. His heart was still racing and it felt like the world was caving in on him. “She fell ill so suddenly, they said it’s serious,” Loki pushed the words out of his mouth. Saying it out loud just made it real, and now he felt like crying the pain away.

Lady Sif didn’t say anything, but Loki felt a pair of judging eyes on his skin. She probably thought it was Loki’s fault somehow,

Was it?

He couldn’t help but wonder if he had noticed these signs sooner, would she be alright?

Frigga pulled Loki into a hug and he didn’t resist it. In fact, it felt comforting to be held. Had it been any other day recently, he would’ve pushed her away but not now. Loki hugged her back and wished that Sif would turn around. As he leaned against his mother’s touch, he felt his own tears rolling down his face silently.

Y/N was pregnant, but he wouldn’t tell them. Not now.

“She’ll be alright,” Frigga attempted to comfort him. There was a certainty in her voice that Loki wanted to find solace in. He knew there was no way she could tell whether or not Y/N would be alright, but in that moment it was nice to believe that.

The headache had turned into a dull pain, which felt so good compared to what it had been before. It was warm in the air around Y/N and she felt oddly comfortable. She was waking up from sleep, but she couldn’t remember falling asleep. Why was it so dark?

As she opened her eyes, she quickly learned where she was. The palace infirmary. The healer’s weren’t anywhere to be seen, but someone was holding her hand.

It was Loki.

He was awake and he looked at her with glistening eyes. She noticed just how exhausted he looked and it made her heart sting.

The baby!

Y/N had to know the baby was safe. In a moment of worry and confusion, she put her hand on her belly and opened her mouth, “is it safe?”

Then she realized she had never told him. For so many mornings now she had been woken up because of the feisty little thing, that she had grown accustomed to it. If Loki hadn’t known, now he certainly did.

“The baby is safe, Y/N,” Loki finally spoke. He didn’t sound resentful at all. Instead, there was a calm in his voice, because of how relieved he was. Not only did the baby make it, but so did she. The healers had worked their magic just in time and therefore both of them had been saved. For a moment, Loki had been afraid that he had lost them.

Guilt began to crawl beneath her skin. Although she rested comfortably on the soft bed, she didn’t feel good. Nothing had gone to plan. Loki had deserved to find out about the pregnancy differently.

“I was afraid I’d lose you,” Loki admitted, his grip on her hand tightening ever so slightly. It felt so good to hold her, to know she was alive and well.

Slowly, she tilted her head so she could face him. Had Loki been crying? The sight of him like that, with slumped shoulders, messy hair and sad eyes was heartbreaking. As if he hadn’t gone through enough already.

“Thank you,” She barely got the words out of her mouth. Loki had been the one who took her there in time. Surely, if he hadn’t come to the library, she would’ve been sprawled on the couch, book in hand and with a terrible headache - or worse. She didn’t want to think about it.

“They said you had something in your head. It could’ve...it could’ve taken your life,” Loki recalled what the healers had explained to him as he had listened half-heartedly. His mind had been tampered with worried thoughts and guilt-riddled ideas. All that mattered was that they were both safe and sound.

Whatever it was, Y/N was just glad they were alright. All she could think about was the baby. She felt bad for ignoring her symptoms for so long. Had she endangered the fetus? What had caused it? Would she ever know?

“I’m sorry you had to find out like this,” By now she had teared up. The words struggled to pour from her quivering lips.

Loki brushed his fingers on her face, attempting to comfort her the best way he could. His touch was so gentle, so affectionate. It sent shivers down her spine. The gentle touch reminded her of how things used to be.

“How long have you known?” Loki was almost afraid to ask.

“A few weeks. I wasn’t sure until recently.”

“Right…” He couldn’t blame her for hiding the fact. During the several hours he had spent sitting by her bedside, he had thought over the time they had spent together in the past few weeks since his return. The fact that she could feel guilty about it was mind boggling to him. Loki was angry at himself for just how much he had pushed her away. It was no wonder she didn’t fully trust him. Each time she had tried to connect with him, he had turned a blind eye or he had distracted both of them with sex. As he thought of it, it made his stomach twist in knots.

Y/N could tell that Loki was deep in thought. She squeezed his hand lightly, “I was going to tell you. I just didn’t know how.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Loki was quick to reassure her. Once again, he felt tears in his eyes, blurring his vision. He hated crying, but sometimes he couldn’t make it stop. It was time for them to fix things.

“I’m sorry,” Y/N blinked and felt tears sliding down across her face and her neck. Despite his comforting words, she felt guilty. The pain she had carried in her heart for weeks now was seeing daylight and it felt fresh. It was all so overwhelming.

Loki leaned closer to her and pressed a kiss on her forehead. She could feel how his lips were trembling ever so slightly.

“It’s going to be alright,” Loki whispered after a while. “I promise. I’ve shut you out for far too long.”

Was he going to open up to her?

Loki recognized the hopeful gleam in her teary eyes. He knew how important it was for both of them to discuss what had happened. They couldn’t move on if they pretended that he had never been gone in the first place. But he wasn’t going to speak of it now when she was recovering.

“I love you, Loki,” She murmured softly and managed to crack a smile.

His heart swelled with affection. God, he loved her more than she could ever know. Loki couldn’t understand how he had treated her, it made him angry.

“I love you too,” He returned the words to her. Loki might’ve been a master at lying, but when he professed his love to her, no one could deny the sincerity in his words.

Carefully, he moved his hand and placed it over her stomach, where he figured the baby was. He felt goosebumps all over his skin as he laid his palm flat over her. Knowing that their child was growing there was astonishing. Loki felt so lucky that he was going to start a family with her.

No more words were needed. Y/N could tell what he was thinking. He loved both of them so much.

A few days later, she was feeling much better. The healers had told her to take it easy for a while, especially now as she was pregnant. Returning to her and Loki’s quarters was exciting. Finally, some proper privacy.

Ever since the incident, something changed in Loki. Perhaps it was the startling revelation that he almost lost her that changed him. Time was precious, even for them. He had been away from her long enough and he wanted to make up for the wasted time.

Although they had been quite happy for the past few days, he knew it would all come to an end, at least for a while as he’d open up about what he had gone through since he last was on Asgard.

Candles had lit the room, making it comfortable and warm. There were a few candles on their nightstands, others on the shelves nearby and some were levitating midair with the little help of magic.

Loki had certainly made her feel welcome in their private space again, after she had stayed away for only a few days. As she saw the tea on a tray by the bed, her heart swelled in her chest. It was so sweet of him.

“You didn’t have to,” She turned to Loki who was right by her side. The joy on her face was irreplaceable to him.

“But I wanted to,” Loki reassured her.

It had been yet another long day and they couldn’t wait to get wrapped in the blankets and fall asleep in each other’s arms. Despite how scared they both had been when she ended up in the infirmary, the time afterwards had been wonderful. Loki had finally softened up again, at least to her.

The two of them sat down on the bed with warm teacups in their hands. For a while, they embraced the silence that settled around them. It was nice.

“You know,” Y/N was the first one to speak, “I’m having a great time, but I was wondering if you’d like that. It’s okay if you don’t.”

“I suppose now is a good time,” Loki’s reply surprised her.

She put her nearly empty cup away as Loki magicked his on the nightstand. The mood shifted slightly, but it was less dramatic than anything that they had went though in the past few weeks. They sat on the bed in a way they could face each other and they were still cosy.

“Where do I even begin?” Loki laughed, but he didn’t sound full of joy. He was genuinely nervous. No one had ever heard this story. No one knew.

Y/N put her hand on his shoulder, attempting to make him relax as much as he possibly could. She sensed that whatever it was that he was going to say, it would be extremely difficult for him. “Were you alone?” She asked him, initiating the conversation. By now, even her heart was racing in her chest. The thought of him being all alone for so long made her sad. She hoped he had good company at least.

Although he sat safely on his bed, Loki could feel the vastness of space around him. He could see the darkness and the stars that were so incredibly far away. There was nothing but stone beneath his feet and he was cold, inside out.

“I was found by a titan, who calls himself Thanos,” Saying his name felt wrong. It was like fire burning on his tongue. “For a while, I was trapped with him. Wherever he went, I did too. I didn’t have much of a choice.”

Loki’s entire demeanor changed. He couldn’t look her in the eye. It almost seemed like he was mentally in an entirely different place. Seeing him like that was so unusual for her, and it made her feel terrible.

She put her hand on his arm, running her fingers up and down his skin every so softly, to remind him that she was right by his side.

“When he found me, I was weak. I tried to put up a fight, and he saw what I was capable of. When his puppets showed up, I was outnumbered,” Loki felt ashamed that he hadn’t been able to fight them off. They were more powerful than he liked to admit.

“It wasn’t your fault,” She reassured him as she recognized the hint of guilt and shame on his face. Loki had been weak when he fell. Most would’ve died after being sucked up by the portal and being thrown out into the emptiness of outer space. The energy was so strong it could end someone’s life in seconds. It was a miracle he survived that alone.

“Thanos wanted me to work for him, to do his dirty work. I refused,” He smiled but it was an empty smile, “which resulted in months of torture.” His smile vanished completely, leaving behind only a shadow of misery.

Although she had expected something awful, she hadn’t thought she’d hear that. Suddenly, it made sense why he had been like that when he returned. Why it looked like he hadn’t slept in months, why he was afraid to put pressure on his other leg almost like he was in pain. Why he had shut everyone out completely and distanced himself physically and emotionally.

Y/N wanted to say something, but it felt like she had eaten flour. Her mouth was dry and she was speechless. Instead, she pulled him closer ever so slightly, hoping to comfort him with her actions.

Loki let himself be embraced by her. In fact, when she wrapped her arms around his body and his face nuzzled the crook of her neck, which made it so easy to inhale her sweet scent, he realized how much he needed it. Loki thought he would have spoken more without getting so emotional, but to even think about the pain he had endured was hard. It made him cold to his core and he felt nauseous all over again. When he hugged her back and let himself get lost in her arms, he could begin to heal.

“I don’t think...I would’ve survived if I hadn’t thought of you,” He said so softly he wasn’t sure if she heard him.

She did.

Picturing Loki being tortured by a titan made Y/N so angry. She hated the fact that someone had made him feel so terrible, forcing him to feel so much pain after everything that he had gone through. Hearing that he thought of her when he was going through it all broke her heart. If only she had been there, right by his side.

“You didn’t deserve that, Loki,” She was surprised she was able to speak. Her lips were quivering as she tried to stay strong for his sake.

Her words were warm. They pushed the cold he was surrounded by away. Perhaps she was right?

Loki pulled back ever so slightly, because he wanted to face her. When he did, he was surprised to see that she was holding back tears. He already had silent tears on his skin that he couldn’t stop even if he wanted to. What had he done to deserve her?

“I agreed to work for him,” He revealed, skipping ahead of time because there was no way he could’ve gone into details about the nightmare Thanos put him through. Most of the memories were dark, just barely there. It was like his mind didn’t want to remember the tiny details.

“I saw places I didn’t know existed - far beyond the nine realms. I became friends with Nebula. She was Thanos’ daughter,” Loki wasn’t sure if they were quite friends, but she seemed to understand him despite her harsh words and mean attitude. Out of all the children, only Nebula had been someone Loki could tolerate. “We were supposed to find something. I suppose they were called the infinity stones.”

Y/N could’ve sworn she had heard someone mentioning them before, but it didn’t ring any bells now. It did make her curious. Why wouldn’t Thanos go seek them himself? “Did you find them?”

“Well, soft of, yes. Thanos sent me to Midgard to fetch the tesseract. In exchange I was going to be freed,” He explained why he had gone to New York. It had been quite recent, but it felt like so long ago. Loki had been so scared but incredibly determined to get the job done too. He thought it was the only way he’d ever get to see her again, and live a day without excruciating suffering.

Y/N suddenly understood more than before. He hadn’t wanted to go to Earth out of his own will. He was on a mission to win his freedom. She wondered what had happened. Thanos didn’t have the tesseract, but Loki was right there by her side. Did it mean he was safe and free?

“I’m happy you’re here,” She let him know. Having Loki back was the greatest gift she could’ve ever asked for. Although the things that had happened on Midgard weren’t good, she wasn’t mad. She was more furious over the fact that Thor, and others who had done much worse things, pretended that Loki was some kind of villain and they were the heroes.

“I was so scared that Thanos would come here,” and I still am, he thought but left it out. “I failed to deliver the tesseract,Y/N. They…”Loki couldn’t say it. He blinked, and remembered the Other who had threatened him repeatedly.

...If you fail, if the Tesseract is kept from us, there will be no realm, no barren moon, no crevice where he can not find you. He will make you long for something sweet as pain…

“You don’t have to say it,” Y/N noticed that he got lost in his memories again. She understood if some of them were too hard to speak of now. He had said so much already. It couldn’t have been easy for him. “You’re safe, you’re here with us again. We have all the time in the world to speak of this, one step at the time.”

Gosh, her words were keeping him sane. Loki was able to take a deep breath as he heard that, keeping himself grounded there. He wasn’t with Thanos, and he certainly wasn’t being harmed. He was in the arms of his wife and they were in the palace of Asgard with numerous guards and warriors outside their door. It was quite the resistance if Thanos or his children would show up.

“I think I’ll have to continue tomorrow, dear.”

“That’s okay, Loki. I understand,” She was so understanding.

As Loki looked at her, the daggers in his heart twisted. Thanos knew that she existed. Thanos also knew how to torture others, and the worst torture Loki could’ve possibly imagined was that Thanos would find her. There was no way he could ever let that happen. Loki knew he had to do something to get Thanos off his tracks. Could he make the titan believe he had died? It was something he had to think of sooner than later.

“I love you,” Loki had to voice his feelings. He caught her by surprise when he leaned in for a kiss, but she didn’t seem to mind it. Instead, Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck and tilted her head, deepening the kiss ever so slightly. This time it was sweet and tender. His hands cupped her face and the back of her head and it was sincere. The kiss was bittersweet. It tasted salty like their tears, but it was so passionate. They truly loved one another.

When their lips parted, they stayed close. Their foreheads touched gently and they both closed their eyes, enjoying each other’s presences for a moment. They let reality sink in.

For the first time in months, Loki felt more like himself again. A weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He was beginning to deal with his issues. There was hope for the future.

“I love you too,” Y/N exclaimed after a while. She placed a sweet kiss on Loki’s neck, then another. There were so many kisses they had to catch up with. She wanted to touch him with love and kindness where others had hurt him, until there wasn’t a trace left of the others.

And Loki wanted to be pampered by her, to get lost in her and forget about all the rest.

His hands travelled down her side, slowly but surely making their way to her hips. Loki wanted her closer, but for the first time in so long, he didn’t know how to ask her. Usually, it was so easy to pull her in and take her, but not now. Everything felt so much more intimate and he felt slightly lost. It had been so long since the last time they had made love.

She felt the way he touched her, so needy, silently asking her to get closer, so she did. Carefully, she straddled his lap which made it so much easier for her to hold him, to touch him and to kiss him. Loki’s hands never left her body as she sat on his lap. There was no rush whatsoever. They wanted to enjoy every little moment they could share.

“Are you sure you want this?” Y/N wondered. After all, he had talked about quite heavy things. Was he in the right mindset?

Loki almost yelled out how much he desired her, but managed to contain himself. “I need you, Y/N.” He needed to feel her, he needed to make her feel his love. He needed to be one with her.

“Okay,” She quickly replied with a small smile. Once again, their lips met in a loving kiss. It felt wonderful. Between the kisses, she made sure to tell him sweet little nothings, “I’m here,” “I got you,” “Everything’s going to be okay.”

A/N: I hope you liked it! I originally planned on having fluffy smut in this, but it would’ve been so long. I’ll have to write sweet Loki smut separately in the future. Please leave your feedback. It always makes me so happy and it means a lot to me. Thank you!

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#Loki #Loki x You #Loki x Reader #Loki x Y/N #Loki fanfiction #You flower you feast #Loki Laufeyson #Loki Odinson #Loki angst #Loki fluff #Loki hurt/comfort #tw pregnancy #pregnancy

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discoscoob · 3 years

Text

Your Judgement | Loki x Female Reader

Loki (Marvel) x Doctor Who

Loki loses control in more ways than one and secrets are revealed, leaving you with a decision to make.

Part Two | Part Four | Chapter Index

Words: 6.6k

Warnings: angst, threats, blood and injury (this makes it sound a lot worse than it actually is)

Read on AO3

Loki despised feeling out of control. Everyone had always told him how to behave, what to say, what to do, who to be and he thought he had finally escaped all that, he had found the power that he had always sought after, he finally felt a sense of ownership over himself and it was so quickly snatched from him right under his nose in the worst possible way.

Sure it was suffocating on Asgard and yes he was being influenced by the mind stone on Midgard but he had never lost control quite like this before. Every movement he made wasn’t his own, his limbs moved with an invisible force, even the words coming out of his mouth weren’t his. He had been turned into a living and breathing puppet, to be used as a vessel to preserve the life of a deranged mortal who refused to die.

He was humiliated, how could he let a weak, insignificant Midgardian possess his body? He was a God and a supreme sorcerer, she should be no match for him but he struggled to force her out, she stubbornly clung on tight.

The pressure in his head was intense, due to the fact his brain was being compressed to make room for Cassandra’s consciousness. For someone like Loki, who always preferred fighting with his mind over his fist, shaking someone out of his head should’ve been child’s play but the compression on his own mind was making it weaker which made him more vulnerable to her control.

“I’m getting jealous ex vibes. I swear to God, Doctor, if my niece got possessed because you’ve got a jealous ex.” Donna warned the Doctor who looked like he was about to choke on his own saliva.

“Her?” The Doctor screeched.

“You should be so lucky.” Cassandra made Loki glare at the Doctor.

“Let him go, Cassandra.” The Doctor ordered the consciousness possessing Loki.

Cassandra made Loki pout. “And why would I do that? I finally found the secret to immortality.”

“The psychograft you used is banned on every civilised planet, including this one, what you’re doing is illegal. All I need to do is take you into the city and hand you over to the authorities.” The Doctor warned.

The force inside Loki’s mind made him laugh wickedly. “Oh Doctor, I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

“Why not?”

“You can’t hand me over without handing Loki over too.” Cassandra explained before she suddenly gasped as if finding out a secret. “Oh, he really doesn’t want that.”

Suddenly Loki’s body jerked, as one would when you hit the emergency breaks and he quickly slapped his palm against the wall to steady himself as his breath came out in heavy pants.

“Get out of my head!” Loki growled, he held his eyes shut tightly which caused his eyelids to crinkle as he clenched his teeth and brought the tips of his fingers up to his temple. He strained as he tried to maintain in control of his own mind, while Cassandra fought to regain dominance.

“Loki? Listen to my voice. You can fight her. Hold on.” The Doctor encouraged Loki who let out a frustrated cry as he attempted to force Cassandra out of his head.

You could see the pale golden mist slowly surround him like a halo as he continued to strain, you could see how much it was exhausting him, his already compressed mind was being pushed to its limits.

“That’s it, Loki, you’ve almost got her out.” The Doctor continued to encourage him, as he was really starting to struggle.

Before he could completely expel Cassandra, Loki’s mind succumbed to the fatigue of using powers while being compressed and failed him as the gold essence sunk back into his skin and he collapsed to the floor. His chest rose and fell rapidly as he panted from the exhaustion.

“That was a very foolish thing of you to do, Loki.” Cassandra addressed the God using his own voice which sounded tired from the strain of trying to force her out. “Don’t forget, I’m inside your head. I can see everything. There are things in here that I am sure you wouldn’t want your new friends learning about, so I’d advise you to behave.”

The Doctor, Donna and you, glanced at each other wordlessly, as the atmosphere instantly changed. Cassandra knew she had caught everyone’s attention as she flicked Loki’s hair out of his face and watched you all through his eyes as she forced the corners of his lips to lift into a wicked smirk.

“What do you mean?” The Doctor took the bait, and Cassandra made Loki’s smile widen in twisted delight.

Your chest tightened with anxiety as you worried about what Loki was hiding. You weren’t daft, you were fully aware that within the two days you had spent within the company of the God, it wasn’t enough time to properly know him and it definitely wasn’t enough time to trust him. However you couldn’t deny the fact that you had developed an attachment to him and the prospect of that potentially being cut short left a feeling of despair that was difficult to ignore.

“Let’s just say, the God of Mischief has been up to a lot of mischief.” Cassandra made Loki chuckle at her own joke as she forced him to climb back up onto both his feet.

Without warning the laughter abruptly cut short and with an unexpected jerk, Loki regained control. This time he moved without hesitation or delay as both his palms filled with glowing balls of green smoke and with a loud growl that caused you to startle, the light from his palms turned into an aurora which flowed halfway across your bedroom. The golden mist evaporated from his skin more rapidly this time, as it chased after the green light. You watched on, completely captivated as the gold and green swirled together and began to intertwine. Your focus was torn away when you heard Loki collapse to the floor, completely drained after focusing all his energy on removing Cassandra from his mind while using his magic at the same time.

“Doctor.” You heard Donna whisper and you looked up at the pair to find your auntie rapidly tapping the Time Lord on his upper arm to get his attention, while she stared across your room, the Doctor’s eyes widened when he saw what she was looking at and you looked over to see what had grabbed their attention.

“How clever!” A figure identical to Loki, spoke with wonder as it patted itself down to check it was a solid form. “I suppose this solves all our problems.”

“Oh this isn’t a solution,” original Loki spoke with a heavy sigh as he was still trying to catch his breath and you turned your attention back to him. “You think I would let you remain in my form forever?”

“Well, there are worse people to spend eternity with.” Cassandra, who you realised was in control of the Loki clone, shrugged.

“I’d throw you into the nearest burning sun before I let you stay by my side for the rest of eternity.” Loki threatened his possessed clone, his tone harsh and abrupt. “You’re an insignificant and wretched mortal who has deluded herself with the notion that she is worthy of immortality but you are nothing but a worthless creature. You don’t even have your own form to sustain you and so you live off others, like a pathetic parasite, and if you think I will allow your revolting existence seek life support through my Godly form for a whole day, much less an eternity, you’re sorely mistaken.”

Loki had stalked towards his carbon copy, as he spoke his monologue with such a threatening force that it had even sent shivers down your spine, despite the fact that it wasn’t even directed towards you.

“You best pray that the Doctor doesn’t send the both of us away, because as soon as you’re alone with me no one will be there to protect you, and since you have been inside my mind, I am sure you are fully aware of the things I am capable of doing to you.” Loki finished, once he was stood mere inches in front of his double, who was now visibly cowering away from him.

The light of your bedroom reflected off the moisture which had built on the waterline of the duplicates eyes, as they stared into the Gods face with pure terror.

The cruel things Loki had said and the intimidating manner of which he had delivered them in, struck fear through your chest. His voice had dripped with pure threat and menace, even the tone he had used when you first met him and he had trapped you against that secluded wall, paled in comparison to the one he had just used towards Cassandra.

Loki had unleashed a side of himself that you had yet to see, or even knew existed, and you would be lying if the things he had called Cassandra didn’t sting, of course he could’ve been speaking to her as an individual but what if he held these views towards all mortals, were you merely viewed as ‘worthless creatures’ by the immortal God?

“Loki, that’s enough.” The Doctor had sternly told him and you weren’t sure if you imagined it but could have sworn that you saw regret flash in Loki’s eyes as soon as he turned and saw you, the Doctor and Donna all staring at him. It seemed your presence had slipped his mind while he had succumbed to his more sinister side and now he was realising you had all just witnessed it first hand, on top of Cassandra revealing that he was hiding secrets which he didn’t want any of you to discover.

Loki opened his mouth to try and say something but nothing came out, eventually he gave up and let his lips form a thin line as his head tilted downwards to avoid all your eyes.

Silence laid heavily over the room as no one wanted to be the first one to break it, what could anyone possibly say after that? After a short period of time you heard footsteps softly tap against the floor and you looked up and saw Loki lower himself into your armchair. He rested his elbow upon the armrest and cradled his chin in his hand, covering his face from the nose down with his fingers as they anxiously rubbed over his lips. It appeared as though he had a million thoughts racing through his mind, you couldn’t help but wonder what they were.

“I think, I would like to leave now.” Cassandra eventually announced.

The Doctor had explained to her that he could take her into the city where they would provide her with a skintank for her consciousness to live in and she was more than happy to go anywhere the Doctor took her as long as it was away from Loki.

“I thought you of all people, Doctor, would be careful with the kind of people you let travel with you.” You heard her quietly comment, as she made her way out of your bedroom, the Doctor paused under the doorway and looked at Loki, while he considered what Cassandra had said before he silently turned and followed her to the control room.

“Are you coming?” Donna looked at you, ready to follow behind the Doctor.

You had noticed the way the Doctor looked at Loki and you realised he was considering whether or not he should allow him to stay on the TARDIS, before you turned your attention back to Loki, observing the way he seemed lost in his own world.

The way he had lost his temper had startled you, however you didn’t believe his reaction towards Cassandra was unwarranted. You knew exactly what it felt like to have her inside your mind, controlling your body like a puppet. It felt violating. You weren’t sure whether or not his threats toward her were empty, you were sure that was something you didn’t want to find out, but either way Loki hadn’t actually laid a single finger on her, so it seemed as though his tactic was just to frighten her. It may have not been the most conventional approach but it had worked and as a result the Doctor was now taking her to the city.

“I think I’ll stay here.” You decided.

Donna didn’t say anything but she glanced over to Loki, who was still slumped in your armchair, his gaze unmoving from the floor, and you understood that she was nervous to leave you alone with him.

“I’ll be fine.” You assured her, despite the fact that you couldn’t say for certain that you would be, but you wanted to try and talk with Loki. You knew that there was a lot that the Doctor would want to discuss with him after he returned from the city and if you could talk with Loki beforehand, one to one, maybe you could help him.

“If you’re sure...” Donna sighed, clearly not happy about leaving you alone with Loki but she knew that you were an adult and responsible for your own choices and she respected that. After leaving a kiss on your temple, she reluctantly made her way out your room. Pausing under your doorway she looked between you and Loki with a sigh and you could see the worry all over her face but you gave her a reassuring smile, which she returned, before she finally disappeared down the corridor to join the Doctor.

You weren’t even sure if Loki was aware of his surroundings anymore as he had hardly moved an inch since he collapsed into that seat. He didn’t even seem to notice that it was only you and him left in your room as you cautiously made your way towards him. Once you were stood around a meter in front of him you stopped and he still hadn’t registered your presence, if he had, he wasn’t acknowledging it.

“Loki?” You softly spoke.

The God slightly jumped as his gaze caught yours, he looked startled before his eyes bounced around the room and then finally rested back on you.

“Where is everyone?” He asked, his voice small, it was the softest you had ever heard him speak, you almost couldn’t hear him.

“The Doctor and Donna have left to take Cassandra into the city.” You gently explained.

“They left you alone with me?” Loki looked at you with disbelief and you looked down for a moment, realising Loki was more scared of himself right now than you were of him.

“Loki, we need to talk.” You stated, your tone was still gentle but you tried to sound stern to make him realise you weren’t offering him a choice.

“What is there to discuss? As soon as the Doctor returns he will hand me over to the TVA and I will be erased from existence.” Loki dismissed your proposal to talk.

“You don’t know that.” You tried to reason, this time you crouched down, so you were balanced on the balls of your feet and you could talk to Loki from a more equal level. “I don’t know what the Doctor will decide to do when he returns but if you talk to me and explain everything, I might be able to persuade the Doctor to trust my judgment.”

Loki seemed to consider it this time as he glanced at you, a frown formed over his face and his dark brows shadowed his eyes, which appeared to be filled with sorrow. He finally broke his eye contact with you to look down at his hands as he fidgeted with them between his spread legs.

“Okay.” Loki agreed.

You drew your lips together and looked around as you considered what you could address first and it was hard to ignore the one thought that was dominating your mind.

“The things you called Cassandra... is that how you view all mortals... is that your view of me?” You asked Loki, now you were the one avoiding his gaze as you rubbed your eyebrows with embarrassment and kept your eyes on the floor.

Due to the fact you weren’t looking at him, you missed the way Loki had instantly looked at you with eyes full of remorse, he hadn’t even realised that you might have connected his words towards Cassandra to yourself after he had addressed her as a mortal. His jaw was slack as he didn’t even know where to begin telling you how wrong you were and how you had singlehandedly gave him the power he needed to feel in control for the first time in his life.

“Gods no!” Loki rushed to answer, mindful of the fact that if he allowed the silence to settle too long after you finished your question, it might have seemed like a confirmation that that was truly what he believed you were.

When you continued to avoid looking at him, Loki sighed as he pulled his palm down his face. He slid himself off of the armchair to make your heights more equal as he sank to the floor and sat with crossed legs, before he continued, determined to rectify your belief of how he perceived you.

“Listen to me, you hold so much power. You have done more for me in two days than anyone else has in my thousand years of existence and you don’t even realise it. I think what... daunts me the most about you all learning the things which Cassandra had mentioned I wouldn’t want you finding out, isn’t that the Doctor might end up taking me back to the TVA. It’s the fact that you will see me as everyone else does, validating that they were right about me all along, and when you inevitably do, it will strip me of the control I have felt over myself these last few days, because you were the one who bestowed it upon me. Someone who holds that much power could never be a worthless creature.” Loki confessed and you furrowed your brows as you lifted your head to look up at him, processing what he was telling you because it was a lot to take in, you weren’t even sure you understood what he meant. How could you have been the one who gave him his sense of control over himself, what had you even done?

“How... how did I do that?” You asked in disbelief.

“Everyone I have ever known in my life has always decided who I was before even getting to know me, but you had no preconceived notions about me when we met. For the first time I had control over who I could be and who someone could see me as, you gave me that control.” He explained to you.

“Loki, that sounds like manipulation.” You realised with alarm. “You can’t just control which parts of yourself you decide to let someone see and expect their perception of you to be an accurate one.”

The God paused, seemingly taken aback as if he was realising this for the first time and once it sunk in he looked genuinely ashamed.

“You can control who you are, but you can’t control how people see you and how people see you, doesn’t control who you are. Does that make sense?” You tried to explain to Loki, who was staring at nothing in particular as he attempted to grasp what you were telling him.

“But if everyone shares a certain view of me, how could that not possibly be who I truly am?” Loki argued.

You paused for a moment, as you pondered over his question.

“Do you believe this view people have of you to be true?” You asked Loki.

He shrugged after he allowed himself to think about it for a moment.

“Do you want it to be?” You asked instead.

This time Loki didn’t need any time to think about his answer as he immediately shook his head.

“Then, that must not be who you truly are, if it is not who you want to be.” You concluded.

Loki looked at you with hopeful eyes before they fell to his lap as he thought about what you said.

“I think you should tell me what it is that Cassandra said you didn’t want us learning about you.” You decided. You didn’t promise Loki that it wouldn’t change how you viewed him, that would be unwise since you had no idea what he was about to tell you, but whatever it was, you would allow him the opportunity to explain himself so that maybe you could understand.

Loki swallowed nervously as his eyes fell to his hands and he focused on picking at some loose skin near the side of his nail. You observed him closely and you were astounded by how a powerful God could appear so vulnerable and so... human. When you saw his brows pull together with frustration as he was unable to figure out where to begin, you gently put your hand on his knee and gave him a small smile of encouragement.

“I killed my father.” Loki finally confessed, just straight to the point as if he were ripping off a band-aid, “my biological father.” He added, to clarify.

Loki hadn’t delivered his confession with much emotion, however his chest and shoulders did fall ever so slightly, as if a weight was being lifted off of him.

As soon as the words fell from his lips, you retracted your hand from his knee and Loki lifted his eyes to watch your reaction, apart from breaking physical contact you tried to not react, keeping your expression as neutral as possible.

“Why?” You eventually asked, sticking with your decision to let him explain.

“To prove my loyalty to Odin – my adoptive father, and to Asgard.” Loki explained, before elaborating. “Laufey, my biological father, was the King of Jotunheim and an enemy of Asgard. The realms were on the brink of war after my brother, Thor, lead an attack on Jotunheim, as a result, Odin banished him to Midgard as punishment. During the attack, I had discovered my true heritage as a frost giant while fighting by my brothers side. When I confronted Odin about it, he told me he had found me abandoned in a temple on Jotunheim, during one of his attacks and he took me with the plan to use me to unite the two kingdoms and form an alliance. Suddenly everything made sense, why he had always favoured Thor, how could a frost giant ever be worthy? Much less the King of Jotunheim’s unwanted, bastard son.” Loki’s voice dripped with disgust and you saw moisture gather in his eyes but he quickly blinked it away before continuing. “After I confronted him, Odin collapsed and fell into Odinsleep. With Thor banished and the King in a deep sleep, Asgard was vulnerable. I knew it was my chance to show Odin that, despite my Jotun heritage, I could be just as worthy as my brother. So I tricked Laufey into believing I had betrayed my adoptive father by luring him to Asgard with the belief he could assassinate the King as he slept, but I killed him as he was about to plunge his spear into Odin’s chest.”

Loki hadn’t planned to share so much, especially to someone he had only known for two days, but he found that with each word that poured out of his mouth, he felt lighter and before he knew it he couldn’t stop.

Except for sometimes his mother, he had never really known the privilege of being listened to. He didn’t know how you were going to react to what he told you but you had listened and he hadn’t realised how much he truly needed that until now.

You were stunned to silence by everything you had just heard Loki tell you. What flooded your heart with so much sorrow that it weighed heavy in your chest, was the way Loki had spoken about himself being unworthy and unwanted, you had decided in that moment that you couldn’t let him be kicked off the TARDIS and abandoned again. After learning about the kind of example Odin set his two sons, you thought Loki’s actions were hardly surprising and despite what Loki had said about Odin favouring Thor, you couldn’t help but think about the fact that Odin had punished Thor for leading an attack on Jotunheim, when he himself had done the same. Instead of holding himself accountable and teaching his sons to not make the same mistakes he had, he let them follow in his footsteps and then punished them for doing so. He raised Loki to see his own father as an enemy and he kept the truth from him, and you imagined that he probably never would’ve told Loki about his true heritage had he not discovered it for himself.

You struggled to gather together the words which felt right to say in the moment, wondering what words of wisdom, which you had collected over your 20-something years, would be worth something to the centuries old God. Despite not knowing what Loki might have needed to hear, you knew of something that he needed, and that was a place to belong.

“I’m going to talk to the Doctor as soon as he comes back and I’ll make sure you get to stay.” You promised him, as you once again returned your hand to his knee and offered him a reassuring smile.

Loki’s brows pulled together and his lips fell slightly apart, as he stared at your hand before his eyes travelled up your arm and connected with yours. He studied your expression carefully, trying to find any hints of fear, disgust or doubt. Being the God of lies, he could sense when people were lying or trying to deceive him, but you looked at him with nothing but sincerity.

Loki’s eyes dropped to your hand again and he was conflicted. He was in a state of disbelief over the fact that you still wanted to support him after everything he confessed, however you failed to realise that there was still one secret remaining to be divulged. You had assumed he revealed everything, he could have easily gone along with it and increased his chances of maintaining his place on the TARDIS. He would be lying if he said that wasn’t tempting, deceiving people was second nature to him, however when he looked back into your eyes and saw how much compassion they held towards him, compassion he was certain he didn’t deserve, he couldn’t find it in his heart to deceive you.

Unlike almost everyone else in his life, you had shown him an unlimited amount of kindness and understanding. Most times when he tricked, double crossed or misled people, he believed they deserved it but to do that to you would just be cruel and it was not a level of cruelty which Loki possessed.

So, reluctantly Loki took a gentle hold of your wrist and removed your hand from his knee and returned it to your side.

“I can’t let you promise me that.” Loki rejected you.

“You’re right, I shouldn’t promise something which is beyond my control but–“ You misinterpreted what he meant.

“No,” Loki quickly cut you off, “I can’t let you because there’s still one more thing I haven’t told you and I think once I do, you will change your mind.” Loki explained.

You remained silent, though you felt anxious about what he might confess, you were also struck by the fact he chose honesty. If he wanted to, he could have easily played along, let you believe he had confessed everything and secure his place on the TARDIS, yet he put it in jeopardy just to ensure that you weren’t misguided and you couldn’t help but admire that. You believed it was a testament to his character which you decided you wouldn’t let go unnoticed, while you nervously waited for him to reveal his final secret.

“After everything that happened, Odin rejected me and I fell into the hands of a mad titan. I was without purpose, he used that to his advantage and I didn’t need much convincing to join his cause. He desired to posses more power than even the mightiest of Gods, with the use of all six infinity stones. He provided me with an army and instructions to deliver him the tesseract and in return he granted me access to the mind stone. It influenced my feelings and increased my desire for power and need to prove my worthiness, and so I used the army to attack New York city, in an attempt to take over Midgard and rule it as my own.” Loki confessed.

You should’ve been horrified, part of you definitely was, but it was heavily diluted by your confusion.

“I... I don’t remember any of this ever happening.” You admitted, you were very certain that you would recall a God invading one of the most famous cities in the world with an army.

“It hasn’t happened for you yet.” Loki explained.

“Time is confusing.” You nervously laughed before you fell silent as you let what Loki told you really sink in.

He had attacked earth and attempted to rule over the human race. The way he spoke about it, implied that he didn’t succeed and surely if he was the King of Midgard he wouldn’t be sat on the floor opposite you right now.

“What stopped you?”

“My brother and the avengers. They captured me but I got hold of the tesseract and used it to escape, I didn’t get very far before the TVA found me.”

You had no idea who the avengers were but you assumed they were some sort of military organisation who were able to defeat Loki and his army, you imagined having the help of Loki’s brother on their side would’ve been a massive help. You considered the fact that when Loki spoke about being captured by them, he didn’t sound upset or angry about it, almost as if he didn’t really care that much about his plans for world domination. You recalled what he had said about the mind stone and how it had influenced his feelings and desires and you wondered how much it was responsible for his actions on Earth.

“Do you think you would’ve still done it without the mind stone?” You asked him, because you considered this to be very important in judging whether or not you would advocate for his place on the TARDIS. If he believed he wouldn’t have done it without the influence of the mind stone, then his actions weren’t completely his own and therefore you wouldn’t expect him to take total blame for them.

“No,” Loki furrowed his brows. “but I am a God, I should have not been so easily influenced.”

“Loki, you might be a God, but you’re still a complicated and complex living being. You’re allowed to be vulnerable at times, you’re allowed to have flaws and make mistakes, you’re allowed to feel emotions and they will get the better of you and control you sometimes, it happens to all of us. Being a God doesn’t make you immune to it.” You told him, realising that Loki had a lot of work to do when it came to accepting his vulnerability.

Loki remained silent, but it did at least seem like he was considering what you told him as he had a contemplative look on his face. Deciding to leave him in peace to think about it, you pushed yourself off the floor and began to make your way towards your door, but the broken glass, which Donna had dropped earlier, caught your attention.

You crouched down to start cleaning it up, the bottom of the glass was still some what in tact which allowed you to gather all the broken shards inside it. As you were dropping one of the last pieces into the base of the glass, the broken side of the base pierced the palm of your hand.

“Shit!” You cried under your breath as you quickly retracted your hand and cradled it close to your chest with your other. Blood was pooling in your palm and began running in singular drips down the side of your arm.

Loki gasped your name and rushed over to you as soon as he noticed you were injured. Once he reached you, he lowered himself to his knees and held out his hands beside yours, but he didn’t touch you yet.

“May I?” Loki politely asked for permission to look upon the damage caused to your hand.

Reluctantly, you granted him access as you placed the balled up fist of your injured hand into his waiting palm. You hissed as he gently prised your fingers open and he mumbled a quick apology as he finally examined your wound.

“Come on.” Loki encouraged you to your feet, with one of his hands under your elbow and his other still gently cradling your hand.

You silently allowed him to move you, your eyes focused on him with wonder as he guided you into the en suite of your bedroom.

Once he sat you down on the closed lid of the toilet, he left your side to run a fresh flannel under the faucet. Your eyes didn’t leave him once, as you watched every move he made. After wringing out the excess water of the flannel, he returned to your side and started tenderly cleaning up your cut. With all the blood cleaned away, Loki could properly inspect your wound.

“It’s not too deep, I used to inflict much harsher wounds on my brother when we were children, a bandage should do.” Loki casually commented as if it were nothing, when he noticed your alarmed face he simply laughed.

“Don’t worry, it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle and he gave me his fair share in return. We’re much more resilient than mortals, it was the equivalent of human children pushing or kicking one another.” He assured you, as he opened the cupboard below the sink and searched for a first aid box.

Your alarmed expression relaxed into a some what fond smile upon learning young Loki wasn’t actually inflicting grievous injuries upon his brother, as you imagined the siblings play fighting as children.

“Are you close to your brother?” You asked Loki, as he returned to your side with a bandage and started wrapping your hand. For a few moments, silence fell between you and you began to think he wasn’t going to answer.

“We used to be,” Loki finally answered, avoiding your eyes as he focused on bandaging your hand. “I admired him a lot, I still do, but I fear I have irreparably ruined our relationship.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.” You carefully argued.

“I tried to kill his father.” Loki reminded you and your lips fell shut defeatedly.

“If he is immortal, he will have plenty time to get over it.” You lightheartedly added, trying to avoid the tone of the conversation becoming too serious.

“Maybe in 5,000 years or so.” Loki estimated as he tied off your bandage, you inspected his work while he tidied away the first aid supplies back into the cupboard.

“I haven’t changed my mind.” You admitted to him while his back was turned to you.

Loki immediately paused his actions after hearing you, you caught his reflection in the mirror above the sink and watched as his expression filled with disbelief before he glanced at you from over his shoulder.

“About... me?” He hesitantly checked, certain he had misinterpreted what you meant.

You simply nodded and Loki looked downwards as a shy ever so slight smile curved on the corner of his lips.

***

“So technically it’s New New New New New New New New New new New New York.” You heard the laughter of your auntie and the Doctor as the entered the TARDIS, and you made your way around the console.

The Doctor stopped when you caught his eye and said your name, surprised to find you waiting in the control room, while Donna smiled at you from beside him.

“I have to talk to you about Loki.” You told the Doctor.

Donna’s smile instantly and was replaced with worry as her eyes dropped to your bandaged hand.

“Did he hurt you?” She fretted, as she stepped towards you.

“No,” You immediately assured her, glancing at your injured hand. “No, I cut myself on the glass you dropped.”

Donna looked down with guilt as she realised your injury was caused by her accident.

“I think we should let him stay.” You immediately returned to your original point, deciding there was no need to dance around it.

The Doctor sighed your name, as it seemed like he was about to disagree while Donna looked at you as if you had grown a second head.

“Please, you can trust my judgment.” You gave your auntie your best puppy dog eyes and she tilted her head in contemplation before looking towards the Doctor, who seemed to be considering it as well.

“What do you think?” The Doctor turned to Donna, “if you’re not comfortable with it...”

Your auntie sighed in defeat after giving it some consideration.

“Your judgement better be good.” She pointed her finger at you, and you smiled.

“It is, I promise!” At least, you hoped it was.

***

Just like the night before, there came a knock on your door just as you were about to climb into bed and just like the night before, you were greeted by the sight of Loki when you opened the door.

“Is this going to become a nightly occurrence?” You joked.

“If you would like it to.” Loki played along.

“So, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

Loki’s features dropped into a more serious expression and he took in a deep breath.

“I realised that earlier I never got the chance to apologise.” Loki began, his hands were held behind his back, hidden from your view, so you couldn’t see the way he nervously played with them.

“Apologise?” You questioned with a slight tilt of your head, wondering what he felt the need to be sorry for.

“I know how violating it felt to have Cassandra inside your mind–“

“That wasn’t your fault.” You cut him off before he could finish.

“No, I know, but I kissed you,” Loki’s eyes were trained on the floor as he spoke and your mouth fell in the shape of an ‘o’ as you realised that is what he came here to apologise for. “And you weren’t in control–“

“You weren’t to know,” you quickly reassured him, as heat rose to your own face as you both acknowledged what happened between you. “She kissed you first, you don’t have to apologise.”

“Even so, I would like to,” Loki finally lifted his gaze to look at you, “I’m sorry, if you felt uncomfortable or...”

You couldn’t admit it, but uncomfortable is not a word you would use to describe how kissing Loki had made you feel. Once the pressure had began to slip from your mind and your lips were still attached to his, you felt a wave of pleasure flush through your stomach while goosebumps rose on your skin leaving a tingling sensation in their wake.

You pulled yourself back from the memory as you nodded and offered Loki a smile and accepted the apology which he felt he owed you, while you tried hard to push your desire for the kiss you shared to be repeated, to the back of your mind where you hoped it would soon be forgotten.

#loki #loki (marvel)#doctor who #loki x reader #loki x female reader #loki x you #loki imagine #10th doctor #tenth doctor #donna noble #tom hiddleston

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