#i really cant stop crying i hate this so much

[skitskatdacat63]

2005 Chinese Grand Prix - Fernando Alonso(ft. Flavio Briatore)

#not pictured but: CRYING LAUGHING AT THE FACT THAT NANDO SET HIS OWN CAR ON FIRE BY REVVING FOR FUN TOO MUCH 😭😭 #and the commentators saying 'well kids will be kids' abt it ^ im having a moment 🥺🥺🥺 #not pictured: NANDO SINGING WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS ON THE RADIO 🥺🥺 I DIDNT REALIZE IT WAS FROM THIS RACE IM CRYINGNGGGG #all of the nando/flavio moments....if i speak- #theres just so many things i am staring intently at #SCREAMING CRYING THATS HIS BOY!!!! HIS BOYYYYY!!!!! LOOK AT THEM!!!!!! #im glad no one is around me when i watch race podiums bcs i make so many embarrassing squealing noises AHJDKFLFLLF #hate this podium(/s) bcs its peer-pressuring me into watching 2006 next...ahhhhh i might.. #renault nando is just so....hes just sooooooo...he is my blorbo and i want more of him but ahhhh.... #its really really so cute to imagine that zhou is somewhere at the racetrack watching nando win the wcc #apologies to ralf and kimi who are also on this podium but not pictured here but this is fernando's podiums theres too much good content #i hate to cut down these gif posts to 10 but then again i cant just post all 20 gifs i did make #speaking of gifs that didnt make it into this post theres one of him holding up '7' which will be included in a dif post!! #anyways im v sad that this journey is over but proud of myself for finishing it and posting all of these #tysm to everyone whos been here since round 1!! its been a lot of fun and i appreciate your support sm heheh #but worry not! the grind never stops! 2005 may be done but theres so many seasons i wanna watch #fernando alonso #fa14 #2005 chinese gp #2005 chinese grand prix #renault nando #renault #flavio briatore #f1 #formula 1 #formula one #we do a little bit of f1 #(2005: 19/19 races watched) #<- well that was satisfying to type out! :D

[skunkg1rll]

🦨

#ughhh someone pointed out the atrocity in my face. i hate thatfeature of me so bad #and now i cant stop thinking about it and i hate myself and my face and i got bad feelings #because throughout my entire life i've been so bullied for it #i feel so ugly ugh!!!!!! i am ugly i wanna cry who could ever love me when i look like this skksksks #the worst abt having a face deformity is that it is on your FACE!!!!! i cant hide it #it's out there for everyone to see #and i cant remove it. i can get plastic surgery etc but i cant afford that at all now. maybe when i have a job :((( #and it really is so big in my brain. i notice it constantly #i cant look at other ppl without checking their chins to see if it's smooth or not #and most ppl have normal chins. pretty much everyone has a normal chin!!!! #i wish i was normal too. i hate looking like this i hate it so bad #it is so unfair that i gotta be stuck w this ugly fkn feature but everyone else gets to look normal #so unfair so unfair it makes me so angry #why did i get the worst genes ever i cant stand having to live my life being this grotesquely ugly #anyway.... i try to suppress it nd not think abt it but earlier today someone made a comment abt it #nd now i just wnna cry because it is soooooooo ugly and i hate it #besides yeah it made me rmbr my school years bc ppl were sofkn mean to me abt it #like im sorry i know im ugly wtf do u want me to do?!?!

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

me, every night for the past three weeks: oh im feelin good rn! and i had a good day today!! im definitely not gonna lie awake filled with anxiety and dread over my future tonight :D

me, lying in bed 20 minutes later looping famous last words: by talos this cant be happening

#its like im fine literally all day qnd then i start to get ready for bed and the Dread sets in #like its an actual physical feeling in my stomach and i just suddenly out of nowhere have to hold myself back from crying #i literally go from perfectly happy to on the verge of tears in an INSTANT and idk whats causing uty #it #like i know broadly ehat the causes are but idk whats causing the specific switch at night #am i tired?? is it just bc im tired??? bc its not consistently at the same time and most of the time i dont *feel* tired #or is it just like. i knoe im going to bed so i know im gonna be alone with my thoughts and so they all come and hit me at once??? #idk idk idk i just know i hate it and i want it to stop i want everything to fucking stop #id say i need a minute to breathe but really ive been using the past four months as my minute to breathe & thats part of the fucking problem #because ive been putting this all off for so long bc its so overwhelming but now theres so much igotta do and theres real tangible deadlines #so i cant keep putting it off but i DO and its just making it all even more overwhelming and my parents arent fucking helping #but its not even their fault because im chosing not to talk to them about this bc talking to them about it makes it all real #and i dont want it to be real yet im not fucking ready for it to be real yet i just need a goddamn minute TO FUCKING BREATHE #i wish i could freeze time and just give myself a day where none of this matters #actually a days not long enough i think i need like. two weeks. two weeks for me to get my shit together where none of this bullshit exists #and i can just do whatever i want and not have to think about deadlines and decisions and the fact that this is all ive wanted since the #7th fucking grade and now that its actually here i cant fucking stomach the thought of it being real because im a goddamn coward who cant #fucking commit to anything or get themself to DO anything and i know its not really my fault bc i probably have adhd and i get #knocked off my ass with a migraine every ither fucking day but i still feel like i should be more prepared for this than i am #and im not prepared and im not ready and i cant get myself ready because i cant do things like this myself because i dont really want to be #doing them at all #like sure! the bitch can write a 400+ page fanfiction no fucking problem!! they can find time for that but a college essay?? even finding #schools to apply too???? dont be fucking ridiculous they cant even get half an app done in the time it takes them to write a two 6k chapters #delete later

[fexicoded]

.

#Man fuck TikTok.. #legit was #mindless scrolling until I hit a a TikTok that had pics of cast and it was all the celebs that were part of a tv show thay passed this year #and ofc included Angus and Matthew Perry were included #but the top comment was about angus and I just burst out crying because I miss him so much #wish I had more time and I wish he knew how much he meant for us and I hate he’s no longer here and I hate he’s gone #like i just had the worst fucking weekend in the world and like had to spend $500 on some new tires and then had to cancel a date #with this guy i really like and on tuesday it will be 4 months since he passed and im still not over it #i wish he was still here i dont wish he was suffering but like i wish he was still on the planet earth living the life he wanted to live #i wish he accomplished the goals he wanted to achieve #and i just wish he was still here for me for selfish reasons #idk tonight was my spiral moment after a long time #like i just can't stop crying and god i fucking miss angus #he deserved so much better and fuck man i want him back #but he's never coming back #never #and i hate 2023 with a burning passion #i want to go back in time and relive the moment when he was still in earth and appreciate them but i cant

[nickcassldy]

.

#i feel so fucking horribly bad i cant stop crying and this is so fucking stupid im so fucking stupid #all this because i had a more than usual eventful (positively lmao) weekend and im supposed to have another one #but i just really dont want to lmao #i want to stay home i want to have a normal week #as silly and selfish and idiotic it might sound i dont want to go see my friend i dont want to spend ages on the train i dont want to #have fun next weekend #i just want to exisg normally #im such a bad fucking friend and such a fucked up fucking person and i hate myself for it #but i also hate the thought of having to pack on Wednesday and leave home on Thursday and only come back sunday evening and then #just have another week straight away without even a second to breathe? #i got some time to breathe this weekend and im still mentally tired enough to dread next weekend so fucking much #i hate everything about this and the shit that makes me hate it too #i dont fucking know anymore

[hecksupremechips]

Actually cry so goddamn hard when I think about Shinjiro Aragaki healing and being loved and having to learn to be okay with himself and being taken care of

#writing him has just been like. OOOOWOEOEOEOOE i piss tears i cant handle this shit this gay ass shit #i came up with an idea for just like a cute short one shot i wanna do soon and hnnnghh im so emo about it #very healing its like very hard to write some of the shit im gonna be writing cuz basically #some of it is just a little too real man and while i crave the angst and the drama i am just like #AND THEN EVERYONE HOLDS HANDS AND ITS OKAY PLEASE DONT CRY PLEASE #and ive mentioned how shinji has accidentally become nb to me now because i just kinda happened to write him that way without meaning to #and now another thing im noticing is that in my fic hes kinda bpd coded #it definitely wasnt intentional but now im accepting it as truth no one can stop me #i just really need him to be happy its more important to me than anything else man i need it for me #and he needs to be gay with aki they need to kissy and i think its funny cuz even in the parts where shinji is mad at aki and pushing him #away its like. he kinda has it bad lol and its clear he feels no actual hatred towards aki but more just self deprecation because he doesnt #feel good enough and like idk i just think about their respective roles in society like #aki is an honor student star boxer hero very attractive very kind very popular got adopted by a rich family #hes going places you know meanwhile shinji is a drop out who never had a family ever hes homeless hes sketchy hes on drugs #his reputation couldnt be any worse and he just leans into it and feels he has no future and hes worthless garbage #and aki could literally have anyone he wants you know he has an army of girls pining over him but he doesnt want them #HE WANTS SHINJI AND NO ONE ELSE HE SPENDS YEARS CHASING AFTER HIM #and shinji HATES it hes trying so hard to push him away and be the crusty delinquent and make aki see how worthless he really is #but aki just doesnt stop he loves him so much makes me sick SICK #and shinji really loves him back hes like not gonna shut up ever about aki hes like either doing it in a gay ass annoyed way #or hes like ‘haha omg aki is so cute though hes always trying so hard to be tough but hes just so sweet and gentle you know i hope he #doesnt push himself too hard if he got hurt id fall apart hes so silly i hope hes eating good i desire him carnally’ #yeah sorry gamers this is just a pairing i cant be normal about they mean so much to me personally the fate of the world rests upon them

[be-good-to-bugs]

im glad i wont have to wait much longer to know how thingd will go but im scared that i might find oyt things will go bad soon

#the bin #i want to know now but i also never wanat know #i think i will be stuck with an anxiety attack untill i know the answer #i could find put today though. apparently the person is coming there today so. possibly. #i cant stop crying everyday about how much i just wanna move home. im tired of living here. i miss my siblings so much. #i got to play a game with 2 of them today. i have barely got to talk to them so it was nice. but i think its made me even more sad. #i cant stand living here. im stuck being miserable. the only people i care about live so far away and i barely get to talk to them at all #i cant ever do anything fun at all. my life feels so empty. im tired of this. i didnt think i could get more isolated but i was very wrong #i just have to wait and hopefully the news is good. maybe it will be. i really dont wanna be stuck here. and i dont wanna have to find #another apartment to live in also. i wanna move home. i hate that i had no choice but to move far away from my family at 17 and then got #stuck in a place where i dont know anyone but 1 person who then ditched me. what the hell.

[yesyoutubeisruiningmylife]

very heartbroken right now:((((

#you know that crush i had since april #and it felt like such a dream that we clicked so well #and we are friends obviously but i always wanted it to be more #we saw eachother today after a month or so and it just felt different #like this isnt it anymore #and you know that feeling when you think you mean a lot more to someobe #and you are blinding yourself and being delusional and excusing their every red flag #it just hit me today that if he really wanted something he would show it #and want to spend more time with me #and maybe be different idk #thing is i have hoped for this for so long and now it just feels empty #and i know im gonna get over it and its gonna be fine #but he was the only one on my mind for so long :((((( #fuckdickfickfickfick #i hate this:(((( #and i hate that i ignored every sign that this is not it #i feel like crying but he is not fucking worth it #and the worst thing is that we are friends and i cant just stop being that #and it just hurts so fucking much to even think about it #obviously we are gonna hang out #and i will obviously be hung up on him still #but i just uhhhh #dont know what to do #dont know how to hang out with him without being flirty as we have always been #or a complete dick #anyways #i feel like shit #random #crush #fucking hell

[strwbrymlkshake]

ohh I do want to pass away why am I so stupid

#mine #🎸 #why am i such a terrible person 😇 genuinely what the fuck #me when i want to cry and tear my skin off over a minor mistake ufhdshdjfjg can i stop being fucking stupid for once #crying over a mistake right NOW actually everything is so difficult i dont know what im supposed to do in these situations!!!!!!! #i get in trouble for not knowing what to do in social situations then i have to apologize and i didnt know THAT either. #bashing my head against the wall violence maiming killing death torture bloodletting slicing tearing defenestrating murdering annihilating #me anmd my epic autism powers. shouldnt i know better why csnt you understand!!! who is at fault here! i dont even know #ashshsjdksjfklsfke im wanna cry so hard everything sucks right now im too busy for this shit. for Emotions #why are you punishing me do you hate me?! did you never even like me at all are you trying to make me mad!!! why #im so tired and frustrated i want everything to go perfectly but its not nothing can be perfect in this terrible world he is going to hate #me now. hell why do i have urges like this it always ruins everything im being so selfish arent i aren't i arent i !!!!!!!! why cant we #be FUCKING compatible and perfect snd everything what is the problem am i the problem?!?? why cant you understsnd what im trying to tellyou #maybe it really would just be better if i died nothing good has happened or is going to happen to me since he probably hates me and #my life sucks!!!!! my face hurts from crying i cant cry properly it hurts it feels so hot why cant it end already!!!!!!! why cant #we be perfect like we are supposed to why cant you UNDERSTAND it seems easy to understand to ME whwueh i am mortified my throat hurts #my head hurts i hate this world why couldnt i resist why did i have to be vulnerable id be better off if. well i dont know #i do want to crush bones and flesh beneath my hands to be honest i dont KNOW i thought it was going well i thought it was good #the thread i am hanging on by is quite thin actually why do i care so much why do i care so little im going to explode right meow!!! #my mood is so ruined i dont know if im even used to this whole thing i cannot get in particular moods im so. rgrhrhggr none of this post #is going to make sense i just need to say words while crying then itll be fine probably #this is just another one of god's little tests i think that everyone will hate me no matter what in the end so i have to enjoy it while #it lasts. no matter how hard i try everything always ends up the same way. all this started because of my mistakes and itll end with them

[devildairymilkfairy]

.

#man im really tired of having feelings for him. i should really just keep my distance and go back to dating apps #i long for the connection we have and hate having to build up something brand new #but im really tired of feeling butt hurt everytime he sleeps with our roommate #like yeah we broke up over a year ago. and still casually do shuff. its just hard for me to turn off that side of my brain #i just want to feel loved and be held by someone without having to build the foundation all over again #ive been depressed the past few days because of it. i act irrationally and cant control my feelings #overall its better if i just let them fuck around and i try to find someone new. only problem is im anxious and not a good conversationalist #plus i hate messaging people over phone. too much anxiety abt what im saying and if the other person enjoys me or not #anyways it sucks seeing the subtle evidence that they went at it while i was away. i have no right to be upset but i cant help but think of #him as more than a friend. i cant and shouldnt but we had dated 6 years previously. its a bit difficult to turn that switch off now #dammit i guess tonight im gonna sleep alone again and try not to cry. whatever gotta get over myself and move on. have to stop only thinking #of my self and being so damn possessive all the time #ash rambles #fuck i feel worse now after typing all that out yippee..

[get-more-bald]

when you're an inherently bad person🤪

#im a firmly believe that people arent truly or inherently born evil. except me ofc #the thing is that. if im not a bad person or whatever. im just incredibly unpleasant to handle deal with or be around. which may be worse #because im actually trying to be fun to be around. in general. when im not stressed out of my mind or almost (or actively) crying. i do try #and if im inherently unpleasant. it explains everything but it means i wont ever have anyone. not really. #its like a have a bad smell around me that i cant get off. which i also fear may be the reality as well. #i do shower! i do use deodorant and sometimes the fuckign. body mists or perfumes or whatever. nice smelling shite i dont actually ever wan #to use but i must be somewhat pleasant #but do i use too much of it? not enough? do i shower the wrong way? should i isolate myself forever amd not subject people to that smell? #well! #vent post #also i never fucking smile which is apparently important in being approachable. but i can blame that on the autism #god i fucking hate being who i am #im not even talking about personality rn. being trans. and autistic the way i am. and whatever else i fucking probably am. and being a part #of this fucking family and living in this god damned place. i hate it all #its difficult and i dont want to be that anymore but i cant ever stop. i can move out in what. a couple of years? i could eventually go no #contact with that family? i couldnt. but i wont ever stop being who i am at my core. and thats so depressing and it wants me to kill myself #not in a painful way though. no cutting or whatever. pills or a quick jump would be enough

[goobiestar]

I just wish i was a man or atleast pass as one it isnt fair im not a perfect baby girl gifted by god and i want to apologize to my mom for thinking so

#goobie bites #im SORRRY I HAVE NO WHERE TO PUT THIS #about to go into full blown tears because i jaw want to be accepted as a man they have it so much easier than me #and they ruin it they ruin it and its no fair how good they have it #im tired .. like tired tired maybe ill feel better and forget in the morning im sorry guys i want to stop but i hate being me #i hate being so jealous of trans men who made it #i dont even consider myself as one and that really hurts #one tiktok got me crying GRRRRR RAGH RUFF RAGH ROUGH #ignore this its just my weird feels #im not mental or anything im just hurting and im finally concluding to that i think #im finally accepting that some things arent right about my life and i deserve an apology but i just wont get it because i am not a boy and #i do not pass as one #i will never shake off the feeling the second a guy cussed me out because i said he threw an airball jokingly #i think he was mad because a girl (me) was better at basketball than him and yeah i get that i would be mad too but dont say it to my face #i just want to be a man and i cant do anything about it #please

[nt3000s]

im so lucky to know so many people in my life to have met so many people in my life that are just life saving ill never not feel lucky people are so beautiful and kind and talented and funny and have so much worth everyone ive ever met anyone in my life i have ever touched i just cant believe it ill never be able to understand it how important everyone is how much i love people the degree to whihc i love people and everyone i have ever met ill just never ever be able to express the depth of how important it is to me it might be the most important part of my entire life. i just need people to know how much i love them im desperate for it to be known how important everyone ive ever met is to me. all of my friends everyone whos ever been kind to me and whoever ive been kind to it will never be lost on me how important it is. and i feel so lucky to be graced i guess by my friends. i cant imagine the life i would live without every event every person who ive ever crossed. i would never sacrifice anything to not be where i am now because of the people i know and have known. the people i know and talk to everyday or the people i see in a notification or pass by. i cant overstate your importance to me. i cant overstate how important i want people to feel. i want people to see themselves how i see them. i can not overstate your importance to me and i love you. im so lucky ill never be able to take it

#i just want ti go to sleep but i cant my sleep schedule has been so miserably depressing me #not that badly. i cherish every moment i have with the people around me and i cherish how lucky i am to be surrounded by such unbe #lievable people. i am happy everyday because people love me. #this will never be lost on me. the importance of it. the importance you all have will never ever be lost on me. your worth as a human being #you are so kind. you are so talented. you are loved by people because you are seen by people that way. i will never lose this #im miserably desperate for everyone i know to feel loved or to know that i love them. nothing will ever ever ever in my whole fucking life #ever be more important to me #nothing in my fucking life will ever be more important than that. please know how much you mean to this. to everything #i dont know what changed but i cry so often now and every single time my thoughts wander to how deeply i feel about this #im just sobbing and sobbing and im like. i love the people that care for me. i love the people i care for #i know when i stop crying or when the day rolls over i get to talk to everyone again. and i feel so lucky. i feel so desperate to explain it #how. much. it. means. to me. How badly i mean this and everything I say. #i dont fucking care if yoire my mutual from fandom or someone who random followed because my blog was funny #someone i talked to once or twice. you mean so much. i swear to god. ill never be mpre genuine or more serious. i guess #thats very kind of you to do that. or like my posts or anything. youre very kind for that. you mean alot to me. #i just dont want to fall asleep when the sun rises and wake up with a few hours to talk to people before im alone #i really hate it right now. and my neutral state has genuinely just been on the brink of crying. like if i sit still too long i just sob #thats genuinely how i have been for the past few days #and thats not the fault of anyone its just how my brain has been treating me #but whdn i get like this i just remember how lucky i feel about everything. like the depth of my feelings #you really just have to trust me when i say like how forever sincere and deep snd monumental it is to me. like please understand the depth #of when i say i love you. dear god i love everyone ive ever met i love you. please please please please understand how desperate i am #i will never ever feel more strongly about anything. i cant imagine it #i have to make this exact same fucking post over and over again #i need to keep saying it man #i need people to love themselves like i love them #the degree to which i say the word need #anyway. i love you. i hope you have fun or are happy about something. or draw write something nice. talk to your best friend. something

[caruliaa]

typical late night miseries but literally so sick of feeling like this always

#like iv been feeling this way in some way throughought this week and i thought i had stopped but i kinda havent lol #and ik its stupid but just idk. im just always in my stupid feelings abt the idea that like ohh i always care abt other ppl then they do me #and like !! the thing is ik it tht that isnt true or at least not laways true and i do have people who really do fully care about me #and like. that really means a lot to me like so so mucch but idk sometimes it just like #i feel like the way that i care abt other people is so like intense in a lot of ways and like idk. #its just such a big thing for me and i feel like i put so much of my heart into it and like sometimes ill find myslef getting so intensely #emotional about it to the point of crying and almost feeling sad and writing stupid bad poetry and it just feels like the huge #vulnerable thing for me so often and i just feel like it rly isnt for anyone else or at least not for the people ik abt me #and like the thing is i dont even want them to feel that way bc ik they do really care about me sm as is #but yk like. idk on a selfish level tht means theres a feeling that its all one sided which really really doesnt help at all with it #to the point were i do sometimes wish tht others cared abt me the same amnt/way bc then i wldnt be alone in such intense feelings #and then i wldnt feel like im the only one not worth caring abt tht way but idk ik im selfish thinking that #its not even fully that i want other people to care more its that i want me to care less #but i just. fucking cant and i just really hate it sometimes and im sick of feeling miserable over such stupid things #and now im acting like annoying and obnoxious. whatever #its 4am im going to go to bed now. goodnight <3 #flappy rambles

[chanselysees]

.

#sorry i need to vent ignore this #my new years resolution for 2023 was to work out consistently and get fit #bc i was really embarrassed at how physically weak i was last summer #and for the most part i did but with prepa and stuff i couldnt exercise as much as i wanted #but i still lost a bit of weight and was somewhat happy with the results for a while but #now i hate it again i hate it so much #ive been dancing a LOT (like 4h/week min. which is a lot for a fulltime uni student) bc it's convenient and good cardio and most of all FUN #and yeah the weight i lost is due to that and my cardio is good and im definitely much more fit than last year but #i still hate the way i look. so viscerally. and i know its my brain telling me nonsense bc it's not like a body can 'look bad' #and i'm lit a healthy weight im just a little thicker than french standards? #but i need to exercise more i want to lose all this fat i pinch my skin and wish it would melt beneath my fingers #but i dont have time or money for the gym and no buddy to go with and im intimidated so i just work out from home but #it's not enough i feel so discouraged. body dysmorphia in the summer really doesnt help my seasonal depression #like i truly believed this year would be my 'summer body' or whatever shit that means and its not and idk what to do i just want to be #in another persons skin. have another persons body. anyone truly #to the point that dancing isnt even fun for me anymore it's just competitive w myself i want to maximize the calories i burn and #i sometimes record myself cause i want to see the steps i miss and i did and i saw my body and it killed all my joy. #made me wanna die and cry. i stopped dancing immediately and i just swallowed back the tears cause theres no way i look like that. #so repulsive and nowhere near where i wanted. and again i know it's in my head there's no such thing as a 'repulsive' body due to weight!?! #but i cant apply that reasoning to myself. and i hate myself so much rn #im being called for dinner rn but i'd honestly rather not eat. i think i'd feel horribly gross if i ate anything right now #i told my friends i'd stop using hunger as a form of self-punishment but it almost feels satisfying in a twisted way... like i deserve it #clara tais toi #like ia m SO obsessed with my appearance in a way that is borderline unhealthy i am SO #preoccupied by how im perceived (physically) if i look hot if i look pretty if i look cute at any and all times and #the answer is never ever satisfactory because other ppls judgement of me cannot fix my own but like #it's so exhausting. i'm so exhausted #dl later

[lorileopard]

♡

#holy fuck #everything hurts #i hate this shit i hate it so much #i was doing okay #whyyyyy #why cant i have normal responses emotionally #or to friendship #i really really want it to stop #i need it to stop #im so sick of crying about it #im literally losing my mind #personal #don't talk to me about this vent #i just needed somewhere where i can SCREAM #because reasons #mental health tw #i want it to be over