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plasticnightmaredoll · 3 years

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So, the "Justice League" finally got its own movie, eh? Oh, that thing from 2017 was just trash. It's gone. We don't need to look at it anymore.

But in all seriousness, it's great people called out for the Zack Snyder cut of the movie and actually got it! And, yes, it is a vast improvement over the Joss Whedon cut.

Now, my feelings about the DCEU have been pretty divided:

I actually did enjoy "Man of Steel" and found Superman to be relatable and likable for once (I'm not a Superman fan and don't come for me)

"Wonder Woman" was very entertaining and easily the best entry for me in the movie series so far.

"Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice" was a hot mess. Lots of good ideas but it was executed poorly. It felt kind of cheesy at times, especially that whole "Save Martha" thing. Jesse Eisenburg is not a convincing Lex Luthor. Ben Affleck is not a good actor and is a terrible Batman/Bruce Wayne. He's not as bad as George Clooney, but he's not much better either.

"Wonder Woman 1984" was a massive glow-down. Poor quality writing, Maxwell Lord was a weak villain, Cheetah was laughable, and the ending was so goddamn corny! Not to mention, it took ages for anything interesting to happen, and what was the deal with Steve Trevor possessing another dude's body? I mean...what?

Haven't seen "Suicide Squad" in its entirety but I do know and have seen enough to decide that it's a huge misstep. Haven't seen "Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn)" either but I have some interest in it so perhaps someday.

Haven't watched "Aquaman" but probably will eventually but I'm just not very motivated to see it. I like Jason Mamoa as Aquaman/Arthur Curry, but...I don't know. The trailers didn't really grab my attention.

The 2017 Joss Whedon version of "Justice League" was terrible -- worse than "Batman v Superman," worse than "Wonder Woman 1984." I thought the movie moved too quickly, lacked proper character development, and had some bad CGI (I mean, Mustache Gate, am I right?)

Onto the Synder Cut for "Justice League!" Spoilers ahead, of course:

These are really a collection of thoughts, opinions, and observations I had while watching the movie. I have only seen the 2017 film once and honestly don't want to watch it ever again, not even to "refresh my memory" of some details.

Steppenwolf

Steppenwolf was such a pitiful villain in the Whedon Cut. The CGI for him was terrible, and he looked like some weird dude in armor. His personality and motives were paper thin as well. He was a throw-away, token villain, and the only things memorable about him was his name and voice.

In the Snyder Cut, not only was Steppenwolf's CGI much more refined, his character design was imposing. His armor seemed to be alive, too, always shifting slightly, this way and that, which was an impressive sight. His motives, while nothing too deep or extraordinary, gave him a little more depth: he pissed off Darkseid and had to make up for it, and was clearly afraid of what could happen to him if he failed.

The name and voice obviously were still memorable but combined with the other improvements to his character, they were icing on the cake.

That being said, I don't think Steppenwolf is as intriguing or even remotely sympathetic as Loki and Thanos in the MCU.

Darkseid

Was Darkseid even mentioned in the Whedon cut? I can't remember and I don't want to watch that shitty movie again just to find out. However, I don't recall Darkseid making an appearance or even being spoken of in the 2017 version. Now, I haven't read DC (or Marvel) comics, so I don't know a lot about the guy, but he is supposedly one of the more iconic villains.

His motives are pretty simple, though: command and conquer. There isn't a lot of depth so far in the movies but he does pose a much larger threat than Steppenwolf did. You could tell Steppenwolf was intimidated by Darkseid, who was about as cold and menacing as they come. He's a complete villain in that regard, having no emotions and only seeking power for himself.

He looked great in the Snyder Cut. He was actually really fucking scary-looking. He made the beefcake Steppenwolf look like a puppy.

I'm glad that Darkseid made an appearance, even if he didn't fight the Justice League. It alludes to a much broader story, as well as foreshadows an epic boss fight down the line -- assuming the Snyder Cut is popular enough to convince the studios to make a direct sequel and not just abandon things in favor of some sort of soft reboot.

Superman/Clark Kent/Henry Cavill/Mustache Gate

Let's get this out of the way: Henry Cavill is hot af.

Ok, now that we got that out of the way, hooray for Snyder for getting rid of those nasty reshoot scenes involving Henry's CGI'd mouth! Can't say I missed them, you know? I mean, in the 2017 Whedon Cut, you could always spot reshoot scenes based on whether or not Henry's mouth looked normal and totally strange.

I think the 2017 movie had Superman grab Batman by the neck and ask, "Tell me: Do you bleed?" I'm relieved that was removed from the Synder Cut because it added too much of an evil tone to Superman, and we could clearly tell he was most upset with Batman upon being revived.

One massive problem with the 2017 movie was that it made every member of the Justice League look like bumbling idiots without Superman's help. It was downright embarrassing and unrealistic. I mean, you're telling me that Wonder Woman, a goddess, can't take on Steppenwolf? Or Victor Stone, a cyborg with incredible abilities? Making Superman key to winning isn't the problem, it's how it was done in the 2017 movie. He's already OP but that shouldn't mean his comrades have to be useless in comparison.

Superman was allowed to be OP in the Snyder Cut without making his team look incompetent. Like in the Avengers movies, everyone in the Justice League had a purpose and all of them worked together to defeat Steppenwolf. Superman obviously was key to winning, but, again, it wasn't like he was the only capable one during the battle.

I did like the black suit. It's kind of ominous but also very cool at the same time. But is it also foreshadowing something? I don't know...I haven't read the comics so I really don't have any idea lol.

Batman/Bruce Wayne/Batfleck

One glaring issue I still have is Ben Affleck is a mediocre actor at best and he's a terrible Bruce Wayne/Batman. I mean, they couldn't have found anyone else? Someone with, like, good acting abilities?

Martian Manhunter

This whole time -- THIS WHOLE GOTDAMM TIME -- Martian Manhunter was hiding in plain sight! General Swanwick, who I remember from "Man of Steel," IS Martian Manhunter. I didn't see that coming. I mean, I knew Martian Manhunter would appear in the Snyder Cut but I didn't know he'd have an alternate identity, let alone that of an existing character in the DCEU.

As much as I did like seeing him, I am glad he didn't play a big part because the movie already has plenty of characters as is, and introducing yet another one could have slowed things down and taken away from developing the plot.

The Runtime/Pacing

I mentioned already that the Whedon Cut felt rushed and needed much more time to develop its characters and plot. While I had doubts about whether or not making "Justice League" four hours long would be a good idea, it turns out that it was just what the story needed.

Character development was actually existent, and Cyborg/Victor Stone received a detailed backstory, and Flash/Barry Allen got some extra tidbits added to his character's story/background as well.

I actually thought Victor was a fascinating (if a bit tragic) character in the Whedon cut and was disappointed that he just sort of, like, popped up and fought alongside the other Justice League members with the tiniest amount of depth.

Despite an epic 4-hour runtime, it didn't feel slow, nor did it feel like any scenes were "filler." Every scene had a purpose and kept the story moving at a steady, comprehensible pace. It felt more like a 2.5-3 hour movie, honestly, which is a feat since pacing can often be one of a film's biggest issues ("Avengers: Endgame" also accomplished this feat with its 3-hour runtime feeling more like 2-2.5 hours but with no negative side effects of that). Breaking the movie into chapters, including an epilogue was a tad strange because it's not a very common thing, but I think it helped break up the epic 4 hours into separate, manageable but still cohesive pieces. Also, they helped easily transition from one portion to the next smoothly without any awkward cuts.

The Flash/Barry Allen/Ezra Miller

Barry still amused me in the Whedon Cut. He brought some good-natured humor and charm to the movie, preventing it from being too brooding and intense.

I think Ezra is a talented actor and does well in the Barry Allen role but he is, unfortunately, a problematic person. I mean, if he gets recast, he gets recast but hopefully, they pick someone else who has some acting abilities worth noting (i.e. Not a Ben Affleck type of actor)

The Final Battle

It was a huge improvement over the 2017 cut, as everyone was key to winning the final battle, not just Superman. It is meant to be a team of costumed heroes defeating a villain, not just one OP member of the team outdoing everyone else.

That being said, I felt that the final battle was a little bit anti-climatic. I don't know what it was but I just thought that it would be longer? I expected more to happen? More fighting? Not sure how to describe it, but I do feel like it wasn't as impressive as it could have been.

The Epilogue

A dystopian future involving an evil Superman and Joker somehow working WITH Batman was just...crazy. I mean, evil Superman, I can believe, but Joker and Batman working together (even reluctantly) is quite a sight.

Based on what I've been reading, this nightmare Bruce has could be setting up not one but two sequels for "Justice League." I would like to see how things will play out even if things get kind of dark. I'm getting the impression that Darkseid will kill Lois Lane, thus breaking Superman emotionally and making him compliant. That is unless Bruce intervenes in this timeline and prevents that from happening...but at the expense of his own life. Oh dear...

I definitely enjoyed the Zack Snyder version of "Justice League," and would definitely watch it again and again and again. I already have forgotten the majority of the Whedon Cut, and after seeing Synder's version, I think the 2017 movie will be rendered null and void. I hope it is just expelled from the DCEU canon entirely. That, and we get the "Justice League" sequels, preferably from Zack Snyder (Say what you want but I think he is a pretty good director for the most part and seems to really care about this work).

I honestly want to see a fight between the Justice League and Darkseid because I think that's what we're trying to build up to, and seeing as how Darkseid is one of the legendary villains in the DC comics, I would be extremely disappointed if this doesn't come to pass.

Also, as much as I like Batman/Bruce Wayne, seeing him sacrifice himself to save the team, including Lois and thus Superman's sanity, would be something else. It would bring everyone even closer together, for one, and I think that the negativity shared between Batman and Superman in the past would be completely forgiven. I'm not saying there isn't forgiveness now, but dying to save Superman's wife would change everything....if that makes sense? Does it make sense? I'm terrible at explaining my thoughts sometimes.

#justice league #zack snyder #dceu #snyder cut #zack snyder's justice league #superman #wonder woman #the flash #cyborg #martian manhunter #darkseid #steppenwolf #batman #barry allen #bruce wayne #diana prince #victor stone #aquaman #arthur curry

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seyaryminamoto · 3 years

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What do you think so far of Loki the Tv Series and Thor: Love and Thunder?

... Well, as you're asking me about this in particular, I'll assume you've already read my thoughts on Thor: Ragnarok? If you haven't, feel free to take a look at it and read just how utterly disappointed I am with the direction my favorite MCU branch was taken into, and why I've lost so much interest in Marvel content ever since :'D

This, then, resulted in me having zero faith in the Loki TV series. I've seen reactions to it, I know the jist of what happened in it, and so I'm something of a 99.99999999999% sure that I'd spend the whole thing seething if I ever tried to watch it. That it confirmed my Loki ship was real at one point is probably the only thing I can consider positive about it, and yet the way it went about the matter feels so wrong to me that I can't even take joy in the pseudo-canonization of my ship, which is really unfortunate for me.

I just really don't think that show is what many of us Loki fans from ages ago were hoping to see. Not everyone, yes, some people are thrilled with it, but not me, and I've seen a lot of adverse reaction from like-minded people that suggest I wouldn't enjoy it at all, much as they didn't.

I've been told that this isn't at all the same kind of writing from Ragnarok, the jokes I've seen don't really convince me of that, let alone do Loki's bursts of arrogance getting doused in stupid "comedic" ways: I guess I'm the party pooper around here if I say I like my Loki a little more intellectual than that...? It just feels like comics!Azula, man, an exaggeration of bad traits that weren't really there originally, let alone are they the core of the character, yet the whole fandom (and the writers/producers) are convinced of the opposite. But even if people are right and it IS a different sort of characterization, maybe it's just been long enough since I detached emotionally from Marvel that I genuinely don't care to see more questionable takes on a character I loved who will clearly never return to the characterization and nuance he had back in his very introduction to the franchise...? The very notion of him falling in love with his female self practically feels like the crowning jewel of jokes at his expense, the "Loki is so self-centered the only person he would possibly fall in love with is himself" sort of bullshit that a Loki hater would use to dismiss every single Loki ship out there? The main reason I loved him with Sif was precisely because, in how different they were, they had a few points in common that were positive traits, things that could bring them together regardless of their countless differences... what the show puts forward, like I said, feels like a very bad joke to me instead, and while that may not have been the writers' intent, I doubt watching the show would convince me that this is an intelligent writing choice to make altogether. Thus... nope, I really don't want to watch it, and I think people who love this show are perfectly happy to love it without me raining on their parade by writing countless posts tearing it down when it inevitably disappoints me. Better all around, for all of us, if I don't watch it at all.

As for Thor: Love and Thunder? My post on Ragnarok, again, should shed enough light regarding how little hope and interest I could possibly have in any Thor content helmed by Taika Waititi. He may be some brilliant movie director, producer, writer, even actor... but if all this is true, I suspect he decided he wants to use his brilliance in his own, original content, while taking advantage of Marvel's movies to get himself a nice, thick paycheck while half-assing the whole thing. I don't care to see this movie, I don't care to see any Thor content that relies on Ragnarok to determine characterization... and the critical and commercial success of that mediocre mess of a movie practically guarantees that, even if Waititi only makes this sequel and then goes on to his own projects, whoever dares make anything else about Thor in the future will have to do it by abiding by whatever Ragnarok and Love and Thunder have and will put forward. Therefore, nothing in Thor's future in the MCU seems promising to me at all, because what I want is in direct contradiction of what the casual moviegoers and the raging fandom want. Even if they give it to me one day, it's practically guaranteed that anything that chooses to privilege the original movie's characterization over the newer ones will never be received quite so enthusiastically and will get hated on relentlessly instead. Therefore... I declare my investment in the MCU has expired and is quite unlikely to make a return anytime soon.

In the end, everything in the MCU, from Ragnarok onwards, doesn't count for me, or for my love of any of the characters we met before then. If I ever create more content based on the MCU, you can be 100% sure I won't acknowledge any of that stuff as canon, and I'm sure I wouldn't change my mind about that if I watched the Loki show and Thor: Love and Thunder (heck, I might even be more determined to disregard it all, despite I'm already happy to disregard it as it is...)

#anon #I am sorry if you wanted a thorough dissection of the show #or if you looked forward to a 10K essay of why Love and Thunder made me see red #whenever it premieres #but I really don't think it's happening #the MCU's direction has become exceedingly questionable #the only thing I'm moderately intrigued by is What If #and I still haven't been watching it because I'll just binge it when it's all done #all around WandaVision is the most decent thing I've seen from Marvel in ages #but I feel the irony there is that it isn't a brilliant show by itself #it's brilliant in contrast with the rest of the MCU #because Wanda was such a boring and terribly misused character to me throughout her MCU tenure #that seeing her actually being interesting was finally an improvement for Marvel's standards!#and again I wasn't invested in her story beforehand #ergo I was less likely to be disappointed by the show than I would be watching anything about characters I already love #see Loki and pretty much the entire Thor gang who were my only true faves in the MCU #*shrug*#call me a party pooper indeed but that's precisely why I go home early from parties anyway #people are allowed to have fun :'D but if I don't want to join their parade #both them and me will be better off if I keep my distance

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rainbowrites · 7 years

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Deep Space Mutant

hi @ihamtmus!!

OKAY, I'm super late but let's do this thing!! Thanks to @wellntruly, who is a GEM and helped come up with a ton of these and was just super fun to scream about this with

little background: most everyone has powers, it's very House of M although since this is a Star Trek universe they make a BIG DEAL out of ~equality~ between powered and non-powered people. Still, life is harder for you if you're non-powered or have weak powers, especially in terms of employment. Would you hire a non-powered bodyguard if you could get one that could shoot fire? I didn’t think so. It’s one of those undercurrents of society that DS9 addresses, and everyone else pretends doesn’t exist. Unsurprisingly, most colonists (and Maquis) are non-powered or have weak/not ‘useful’ powers as they willingly risk that danger to create a world for themselves where they’re not the ‘lesser’.

And not every planet/species has the same style of powers that we're used to in our mutant comics, where everyone has different powers. Some are like Changelings, where everyone has the same powers. Some have symbiotic powers, like the Trill who have individual powers and then the symbiont all have the same power - which is the ability to retain and pass on memories and powers from previous hosts.

ANYONE ON TO THE GOOD STUFF (readmore below!)

Sisko has The Voice. When he speaks, everyone listens. It's more of a telepathic power, that compels everyone within hearing distance to listen to him. It doesn't force them to actually do what he says, but they have to at least listen to what he says. It's near impossible to interrupt him, and even a whisper is enough to get everyone around him craning to listen. He mostly finds this embarrassing or annoying at first, since it means no muttering under his breath and his superiors are always a little pissed since whenever he says anything everyone stops listening to them and tunes in exclusively to channel Sisko. The Bajorans are ALL OVER IT though. For so long, they were kept oppressed and silent by the Cardassians. Now the Prophets have sent them an Emissary that CANNOT be ignored - the Bajorans will be listened to at last! This power is definitely not inspired by the beautiful chocolate velvet that is Avery Brook's voice, what voice fetish, I don't have a voice fetish, YOU HAVE A THING FOR HIS VOICE DON'T LIE WE ALL DO.

Kira has flame powers, connected to her body. She literally has sparks flying from her eyes when she's enraged, and can punch a flaming fist into your stomach. She can't really spread the fire outside of her body, but that's what a blaster is for. She doesn't need to use her powers to kick your ass. When she was young, she thought that if she got fatally shot she would use the last of her strength to self-immolate in the hopes of burning some Cardassians to death. She has some control issues, but over the course of the series learns to be gentle with herself and her powers - lighting candles with the tips of her fingers and turning herself into a glowing pillar of warmth.

Miles tells everyone that he can talk to machines, but it's no big deal. He doesn't do anything that any good engineer couldn't do. In reality, he connects with systems like no one else can dream of. It's more than just communication, the machines themselves fall in love with him and jump to his every word to try to make him happy. It gets very boring though, every problem bending over backwards to fix themselves. It's why DS9 is so interesting, it's the first time that machines have fought back against him, argued and dragged their feet rather than eagerly work with him. Of course he doesn't realize that this is because Cardassian computer systems are justlike Cardassians themselves, and show their love via intense argument. He doesn't realize for a LONG time that all that petulant breaking and constant backtalk is really just Cardassian for TAKE ME NOW YOU HOT PIECE OF ENGINEER.

Here is a story about Julian: when he was 6 years old, he still wasn't showing any sign of powers. He couldn't read, he could barely write his name, but his parents clung to the idea that his powers would elevate him beyond needing those things. They worried constantly that their own weak powers (she glows very slightly in the dark, he has enough heat powers to fry an egg on his chest if he concentrates) might have doomed their son to mediocrity. Then the doctors tell them, very gently, that their son was among the tiny percentage born without an x-gene. The next day, they start looking into augmentation. If genetics couldn't make their son great as their dreams, then they would use science to do the job instead.

So Julian has super-smarts, and incredibly reflexes to go along with them. But somehow they are always...incomplete, in some weird way. Because they are artificial. He doesn't understand them innately, like a native speaker. He's FLUENT, because he's STUDIED, but there's always something just a little off. However he's CONSTANTLY talking up his smarts and Miles wants to fucking kill him at first because 'yeah okay GOD super smarts are a good power to have, shut UP about them you fucking show off I'm not constantly talking to your tricorder am I?'not realizing that Julian is hella over compensating and also would LOVE Miles to talk to his tricorder all the time. His brain is so weird, sliced and diced and reconnected until the wave length it sends out gives every telepath a headache which Miles thinks is HILARIOUS. 'your real mutant power is ANNOYING EVERYONE.'

It is not lost on Julian that he immediately attaches to Miles, rather than any other officer on the station. Keiko jokes that all machines fall in love with him, and Julian just gives her a very strained smile and agrees softly. When he tells Miles what he is, that he's unnatural, he says that of course Miles is his best friend - Miles has plenty of practice speaking to machines. And Miles is just like 'listen buddy even the cardassian machines aren't as annoying as you are, only a REAL PERSON could be as much a pain in my ass as you are. and that's from the HEART'

Garak keeps his powers a secret. Also a secret? Whether or not he even HAS them. Julian is absolutely FASCINATED, and adores hearing all the stories Garak spins about them using his, quote. 'rare gift for obfuscation':

my powers stimulate nerve endings. I could make Bajorans scream with pain without ever touching them

when I was young I discovered I could disappear into the shadows. Elim had the same type of power, which is why we were known as the sons of Tain, who could disappear in plain sight

haven't you noticed my clothes are exceptional? cloth listens to me as raptly as you do

oh my dear Doctor, my power? I told you everything. It was all true. especially the lies.

It;'s a different power every time and we never ever find out what his real powers are, or if he even HAS ANY. He might be baseline, for all anyone of them know

Jadzia is, to quote Tarra, "the actual cool version of Apocalypse". As I said earlier, Trills are born with a vast array of potential powers (plus a small percentage with none just like on Earth) and the symbionts are much the same as they are in the show, except they don't just pass down memories/personality but also the powers of their previous hosts - though the powers are weakened in transition. The Trills chosen for joining though are only chosen by those with really strong powers and incredible control though, since if those powers are gonna be saved forever through the symbiont you want them to be GOOD ones and if they're gonna be weakened you want them to be as strong as possible to start out with. For example, Curzon had super strength that he used to impress the Klingons and gain their respect; it's something Jadzia uses frequently to help her withstand some incredibly violent Klingon sex. Emony controlled water with incredible precision, able to control each drop just as she controlled her gymnast muscles, and used them often in her routines as water whips in rhythmic gymnastic style; Jadzia mostly uses it to flick water in people's faces when she's feeling mischievous, which is most of the time. Audrid was famous for her amazing flying powers, able to zoom around like a rocket, which is actually why Tobin, adrenaline junkie and first Trill to join Starfleet, joined the program: to get those flight powers and zoom around without a shuttle. He ends up disappointed at their weakness, though he still loves flying without a shuttle, and it's what pushes him to test drive new experimental engines - he will fly like he an remember!! - and what eventually kills him. CAN YOU TELL I'VE THOUGHT WAY TOO MUCH ABOUT THIS???

Jadzia herself had touch telepathy, able to know everyone with a hug. She has a ton of control though, and usually just skims the surface of people's thoughts. It's one reason she's super good at flirting - she knows IMMEDIATELY if someone's attracted to her. It's a rough power on DS9 though; that station saw a lot of misery and pain, and it shares that pain with her every chance it gets.

Ezri had very very weak powers, which is one reason she never even considered trying to get joined. She can technically smell emotions, but she has a really bad sense of smell. She would have to get REALLY close to smell something, and she's not alway gauranteed to recognize it. Like, do you realize how many emotions people generally feel?? It makes for a very weird, confusing blend! Fear is of course, the easiest to smell. She can smell fear!! Kinda. If she's close to you. And you're not wearing perfume. It's a pretty terrible power, and one that she really doesn't use very often. Fun fact: Garak liberally douses himself in cologne every time he might run into her. Un-fun fact: when she's trying to treat him he calls her 'a poor imitation of a betazoid, trying to be a poor imitation of Jadzia'

The Dax powers are technically weakened, but since she had such shit powers in the first place it's yet another thing to get totally overwhelmed by. like oH MAN NOW I SUDDENLY KNOW JUST HOW MUCH THAT THE GUY I BRUSHED IN THE HALLWAY NEEDS TO POOP, THANKS JADZIA'S TOUCH TELEPATHY. OH SHIT THERE GOES THE TABLE EDGE DAMMIT IT CURZON'S SUPER STRENGTH. WELP NOW I'M FLOATING HOW DO I TURN OFF AUDRID'S FLIGHT POWERS

Worf is basically the living embodiment of no. Non-physical powers don't work on him, he can't be affected by telepathy or illusions or anything like that. If someone has super-strength or stretchy powers they can use them against him, but whenever anyone tries to trick him he can just be like 'I see you giggling and waving your fingers. You look ridiculous and are doing nothing.' He's too straight forward to be tricked! It's the first thing that really intrigues Jadzia, he's the first person she can't just know with a touch. She has to work hard to get to know him, work doubly hard because his personality can be just as closed off as his powers, and eventually that desire to know him develops into love. He's the one person who could keep a secret from her if she wanted to know it, but he never would. THEY'RE REALLY CUTE.

Rom has magnetic powers, but really really shitty ones. He mostly just accidentally gets cutlery stuck to him. He does use his powers sometime to turn little bits of machinery that can't normally be reached - something he thinks of as pretty whatever but is actually SUPER USEFUL. Miles gives him a big clap on the shoulder and is super proud of him when he finds out, and Rom nearly dies of joy right then and there.

Quark IS Drinks Space Nine. He can look at you and tell exactly what your blood alcohol content is and how alcohol would affect you. It means that he can keep his patrons at a pleasant buzz all night, or can tip someone into sloppy drunk if they're winning too much at tongo. Despite how much shit the bar goes through, it almost never has to deal with rowdy drunks, and that's because of Quark's ability to keep everyone at that pleasantly tipsy state all night.

Nog is an awkward tree fog, with literal sticky fingers. It's very useful for stealing little things when he's young, but becomes HORRIFICALLY EMBARRASSING when he grows up and joins Starfleet, especially at first. Some people get sweaty hands when they get nervous but he just gets EXTRA STICKY HANDS. Like, picture him frantically trying to shake off the PADD he was just handed with his first assignment while Sisko's back is turned and then being like EVERYTHING IS FINE SIR AHAHAHA I JUST.... REALLY LIKE THIS PADD when he turns back

Jake has stretchy powers because come on have you SEEN Cirroc Lofton??? I almost can't believe that guy DIDN'T have stretchy powers. He's no Mr. Fantastic, but he can drape himself across all the furniture in the room in Peak Teen fashion. It also makes for some baseball shenanigans. He uses it a lot to tease his dad by being taller than him, at least until he ACTUALLY GETS THERE. It's a bit tiring for him to hold a stretch though, which is why when he first hits his growth spurt his dad is like 'hey watch out son, you'll strain something keeping yourself so tall for so long.' Jake tries to tell him that no, he's just naturally growing, and Ben is just like 'LALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU, I KNOW YOU'RE JUST USING YOUR POWERS, YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY TALLER THAN ME, YOU'RE STILL MY BABY'

Keiko has growing powers. She's heard all the jokes, a botanist with growing powers? How obvious. It's mostly really annoying though, since when she discovers something new and gets excited she can accidentally spark some intense growth spurts and totally mess up her data. She loves making flowers bloom for Molly and Kirayoshi.

#star trek #DS9 #ihamtmus #X-men #wellntruly #Headcanon #rainbowrites fic #kinda?

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tessatechaitea · 7 years

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Justice League of America #6

How are new readers going to know they should pick this up because Lobo is in it? This is a poor choice of covers.

Remember the good old days when every drop of Lobo's blood could regenerate into a full Lobo? How did that never become the explanation for Twat Lobo and Magenta Timeline Lobo? Seriously missed opportunity.

Meanwhile on some more pages without Lobo therefore they're wasted pages, Killer Frost saves some civilians by freezing a terrorist's arm off. The civilians are ungrateful wretches who can't see the humor in a terrorist who just threatened the lives of their children losing his arm. Killer Frost is all, "Um, whoops? Don't tell Batman?" The Ray refuses to tear out Lobo's heart for some reason. I bet it's because he's in loOoOoOoOove with Lobo! I mean, who isn't? But The Ray doesn't want to hurt the person he loves. I'm using "love" in the way all people who don't believe in love use it: to camouflage from romantic types that we're actually saying "Please give me oral pleasure until I humiliate myself in front of you with my satisfaction noises." The Ray does cut out Lobo's heart after Lobo yells at him the way his mother used to yell at him when he tried to peak out of his dark bedroom window. After reading so many DC Comics for so many years, I have to wonder why I don't have super powers! My mom was the most paranoid and manipulative person and my dad left when I was two to become a giant drunk absentee bastard! Where is the justice that I get all of the Mommy and Daddy Issues and none of the super powers and hot trim?! Lobo collapses because he doesn't have a heart anymore. It's not that he dies at that moment. It's just that he can't do much without any blood pumping oxygen to his brain. He just has to wait until his undying cells that can't die repair the damage and get the overall system back up and running. It's like a city that stops functioning because an earthquake destroyed most of the infrastructure. The people are still alive even though the city has come to a halt. They just have to get to work fixing it up again. Until Lobo regenerates, I guess I'll just have to suffer through a bout of being bored by this comic book. This story is called "The Heart of a Bastich." Is bastich Latin? Do you conjugate nouns in Latin? Bastich. Basteres. Bastard. Basteremus. Bastarent. Um, anyway, I don't think the title refers to Lobo referring to himself (because of the conjgation! Duh!). I bet it turns out to be Ryan Choi who shows himself to be a real bastich because he's the only one currently facing off against Aegeus. Everybody is probably thinking, "Oh no! The poor little grad student in the nerdy glasses can't stand up to a great big charismatic terrorist who probably has a huge, thick penis! He's going to die!" But instead, he's going to be all, "I'm gonna fuck you so hard Aegeus!" Then he'll grow really small and everybody will be all, "Where is he?" Then Aegeus will get a weird look on his face. Everybody will recognize that look as the one where you suddenly feel your asshole get itchy due to physical exertion, sweat, and a rancid dingleberry you hadn't know was stuck up in there. Then you contemplate how to deal with it. Do you unsatisfyingly scratch the itch through your clothing as people nearby make disgusted looks and judge as if they've never done that before. Or do you go all in and shove your hand down the back of your pants and stick a finger way up there so that it feels like you're scratching the inside of the front of your skin, after which you remove your hand and then stall for a few moments as you glance around at who might be watching before you casually pretend to scratch your nose so you can sniff your fingers. You know that look? That's the look Aegeus will have just before The Atom expands to full size and explodes Aegeus's colon all over the room. Oh. It doesn't happen that way. I can't say I'm disappointed though because Atom's life is rescued this way instead:

Yay Lobo! My penis rejoices at your renewed vigor!

Lobo and The Ray are merely a distraction so that The Atom can prove himself in battle. He turns tiny, avoids Aegeus's butthole, and turns big again, using the power of density or mass increasing or quantum hullabaloo to knock Aegeus out in one nerdy punch. Lobo instantly takes credit for Ryan's newfound ability to commit violent acts. Some people don't like Lobo but that's probably because they've read versions of Lobo written and drawn by people who either don't like Lobo or don't understand Lobo. Nobody would be surprised how many writers used Lobo in the 90s simply to get a boost in sales while hating themselves for using a character they despised. And it's less surprising than that even that they would treat him as a joke and make him look as idiotic as possible. But sometimes a writer gets the character and my heart sings. Other times, an artist really gets the character and a part of me that got me banned from all Popeye's restaurants sings.

Andy MacDonald, you make my anal sphincter sing!

You don't need to hear the story about my banishment from Popeye's. But if you want more details to help create the scenario in your imagination, here are a few keywords: spicy chicken, dare, Tubgirl reenactment. Let me say goodbye to a few followers of my blog right now since I won't get the chance after the next sentence. I'm not sure what Lobo is threatening to do to Aegeus at the end of the above scan but I know it doesn't have anything to do with rape because that would be wrong and never funny. Especially when Lobo knows the humiliation of being married and raped by a Gothamite pervert super hero. If Lobo learned the opposite lesson, you wouldn't know it because it's not like Lobo said in the panel before the scanned panels, "I got something ta finish up. Ya might want to avert yer eyes. Also, do we have a wedding dress and a camcorder?" I mean, he said some of that! But probably not all of it. After whatever just happened to Aegeus in the space between pages happens, his army's flying steeds turn back into salt. Without scary steeds, the army surrenders to the angry citizens of Penn City. The next day, Batman lets everybody know that "Aegeus' injuries are being treated." I would have said "Aegeus's injuries" but then I'm just smarter. Anyway, what could those injuries have been? Nobody goes into detail! Batman warned Lobo against maiming and Batman hasn't one-punched Lobo into being a better person yet, so I'm guessing Lobo just beat the guy with a tube sock stuffed with a bar of soap. Incidentally, that's the exact turn of phrase a person would use t describe a Czarnian penis. The citizens tell Batman, "You know, thanks for, like, stopping that jerk. But he was, you know, paying us money. So now were broke and shit. What are you going to do about that, asshole?" Before Batman can break the dick's jaw, Vixen pipes up. She's all, "I'll set up one of my non-profits here and you can all get jobs!" Then a bunch of the dumber and Republican residents are all, "How are we going to make money if it's a non-profit?! Get out of here with your communist bullshit! I'd rather starve!" But Vixen, undaunted, continues, "People notice my shit. More businesses will move in. Wealthy businesses! The totally for profit kind! The kind that probably has a big 'W' in the name, if Batman gets my fucking drift!" Then everybody cheers at the good news without realizing that they're just going to go back to making weapons in a few months when WayneTech moves in. Later, Lobo gets me all teary eyed because I'm a pusstich, I guess.

Forget the cutesy-wutesy bonding bullshit! What did Batman promise Lobo?! I bet Batman promised to build him a glory hole portal into a sexy dimension!

I hope nobody ever shows Lobo a copy of The Cove. Japan thought the ending of World War II was awful? Wait until Lobo tattoos Fat Man and Little Boy onto his left and right fist (respectively) and wades onto their shores. Xenos moves into The Sanctuary to help build weapons and polish Silver. That wasn't a typo; Silver is the name of Ray's penis. I'm so happy that this comic book currently exists! Steve Orlando seems to understand and love violent psychopathic characters as much as I do! I know Twat Lobo was last seen in Larfleeze's trophy case but I hope Real Deal Lobo gets a chance to murder the fuck out of him. Multiple times even!

#Justice League of America #Lobo #DC Comics #Steve Orlando #Andy MacDonald #Hi-Fi

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