#i think i'm gonna like her a lot

[luna-lovegreat]

I want. Four to get appreciation. Because

Four gave a ton of unnoticed help when Twilight was injured

The fight with Wild was difficult, and I know we're all concerned about his negative view of the shadow crystal

But Four did something that no one else really thought of to help- He took care of Twi's stuff

From the beginning he told Twilight to not worry about them

So Four took care of pretty much everything but the others (that Sky and Wars handled)

He took care of Epona

Which is so very important- he took care of Twilight's horse. After her arrival at the stable Four followed up on her

And for Epona, a horse so attached to her human, having some company can help so much for reassurance

He took care of Twilight's stuff

He got Twi's shield- his bags and equipment, and organized it into one place

And he was worried. He obviously found the shadow crystal while handling Twi's stuff, but his negative reactions to it were out of concern.

Also- because of his placement in this scene

I'm fairly convinced Four was ready to start cooking before Wild showed up (since he's beside the counter with food supplies). At the very least he had the basket of fruit out for everyone -but he was literally standing with food behind him- he thought of everything

And he did housekeeping!

Wars payed for the inn, so Four took care of the inn

Realistically these boys were probably not too concerned with tidyness. Four got all of Twi's things on one table, and took care of the room they stayed in

Organizing tables and Twi's things, having food supplies ready, and opening the curtains- overall he was the one tidying up the inn

Four helped in a huge way! He took care of Twi's horse (Epona is so important), his equipment and shield and bag, as well as the other rooms in the inn

Four filled in all the little tasks that others didn't think of. He helped in ways that were needed, but not obvious

There's a lot of problems with the shadow crystal and with Wild, and I don't know what's gonna happen in the future

But don't forget this- don't forget that Four was one who stepped up in an almost unnoticeable way

Don't forget that when everyone was barely holding it together, Four visited Twilight's horse and took care of his things

No matter what develops in the future- this amount of care shown is important ya know?

.

Art and comic from Jojo @linkeduniverse au :)))

#epona is so important #Lu four #linkeduniverse #linked universe #I work with horses and #Epona is INCREDIBLE- she's extremely attuned to humans and emotions. she doesn't scare easily and can keep her cool in a fight #but it's still super stressful to suddenly be in a fairly large and populated town- separated from her person #and for such an empathetic horse? Four going and TALKING to her- gently petting her nose and just being near her #means so so much! that literally matters so much to a horses mental state in a foreign situation- just having company #he checked on Epona and gave her company like !!!!!! it's so considerate and means so much for Epona! Four I love you !!!!! #uhhhh yeah! #with the food- I don't think the innkeeper would have free/complimentary food out- but wars wallet def had it covered #then wild showed up with potions in a cooking frenzy- but four was still shown with food behind him- he thought of everything #I don't know what's gonna happen with the shadow crystal and stuff. but no matter what happens in the future- this matters. #he did a ton of small things no one else thought of it matters he cares so much didjdkdksjfjj #I have a lot of posts I'm making/editing and trying to get to. I'm just a little gal trying my best :/ #so many ideas and so little time... I love you guys and this fandom so much :)) #(if I said anything off or offensive let me know... I'm always nervous about that but I want to hear from you if I'm wrong) #(also you are so so cool and valuable don't forget that ok? I love you and you are important) #:)

[miqo-tia]

I like Alisaie's continuous distaste for self sacrifice. In a genre where self sacrifice is usually something noble and necessary, it's refreshing to see a character say "No. There is another way. You are not losing it all for this cause. You will live to see your efforts bear fruit."

#ffxiv #alisaie leveilleur #i'm gonna guess that her distaste for self sacrifices comes from louisoux #who did indeed sacrifice himself for the greater good #i dunno i just think it's nice. it like it. and sometimes characters need some sense flicked into them #there are a lot of instances where she shows this actually! #which also feels nice. she doesn't grow bitter or desperate enough to consider self sacrifice the good option

[kagooleo]

johto’s champion and chronicler for the deity of the ilex shrine, it’s lyra!🌿

this one took me a while due to trying out different techniques (studying a Lot of art nouveau) and making a couple changes to her outfit (the details help), but I’d like to think she’s learned a lot in her journey and wanted to reflect her experience more in her champion fit

her specialty would be in fairy types and her meganium’s divergent evolution is grass/fairy 🧚🪷

and a bonus w/ the johto gang after the photoshoot!

#kagarts #trainer lyra #meganium #pokemon hgss #get ready for a bigass tag wall again HYAH #her team picks are meganium (grass/fairy + shiny!) azumarill togekiss alola ninetales gardevoir and clefable (mega evolves for fairy/steel) #terrains and high sp atk + statuses galore + her dino can cause a stronger confusion (like toxic w badly poisoned but its w/ Bad headaches) #i'll probably make changes as i go design wise for meganium but colors were inspo from sampaguita flowers #the flower's associated with true friendship and utilized in medicines or given as good gestures in various traditions and celebrations #and also bc she's 🇵🇭 babey!!!!!!!! i'm slapping all my favs w the pinoy beam and not even the dinos are safe >:] #since her dino is shiny a lot of the colors are just a few color diffs where the little orbs are + warmer tones. gotta make a ref sometime #not sure if I should tag the others bc the focus is on her. but the quartet always pulls thru for each other #i like thinking silver gets comfortable enough to be the friend that's “s'cuse you my Friend asked for No pickles” #silver in line picking up her food like “yeah yeah i know her and btw that’s CHAMPION lyra to you. YES she ordered a strawberry shake” #both of their meganiums are Best friends and silver likely uses his dino when you rematch him (and his would beee grass/dragon) #calling this piece Done though oh my god this semester has been nuts. don't wanna take any longer on a single piece or i'm eating tree bark #tumblr's gonna kill the quality on it but idgaf im Done. i need to tidy up my sheezy now

[hiraganasakura]

I'm rewatching RWBY and I just finished V3 and like. I'm having so many thoughts about Ruby

She was an eager student, yearning to follow in her mother's footsteps and help others, who got accepted into Beacon Academy two years early. But she felt worried that she'd be singled out; she wants to be normal among her peers, not anything special. "I just want to be a normal girl with normal knees," she says to Yang.

Then she's thrown into the position of leadership despite her young age and relative inexperience, and while she takes it in stride she's incredibly hard on herself in the process. "We need to put our teammates first, and ourselves second," she says to Jaune.

And just when she grows comfortable in her skills and her position as team leader, everything falls apart. Beacon falls. Penny and Pyrrha die horrifically right before her eyes and she's left behind to blame herself. Yang loses her arm — and a part of herself. Weiss is snatched away by her father, Blake runs away. Ozpin has vanished, his lieutenants left to pick up the pieces of the broken, ruined Vale. Most of the ppl that Ruby has come to count on, just... gone. And then immediately after she wakes up from all that, Qrow dumps on her that, congratulations kid, you have silver eyes which basically means you're destined to save the world, have fun! "Then what can I do? If I'm so special, I can help, right?" she says to Qrow.

It's no wonder she got such a martyr complex, no wonder she threw herself so heavily into the identity of a hero, no wonder she fell to pieces and grew consumed by guilt and grief and self-loathing later in the show. She just wanted to go to school and learn how to protect ppl. And then she couldn't even protect the ppl who mattered most to her, not out of some failing on her own part, but bcus she is a child, a child with way too much on her shoulders. And it's just gotten worse. Now she's expected to save the whole world, all bcus she inherited her mother's eyes.

The weight of the entire world upon the shoulders of a grieving teen girl.

How would that not be too much for anyone to bear?

#original post #i'm thoroughly enjoying my rwby rewatch so far!! #as i get further i'm probably gonna make more analysis posts like this #i'm already having a lot of thoughts on penny and ironwood but i'm gonna wait to talk about that until after v8 #and you should probably expect at least one on the branwen twins lol #anyway. hi i'm thinking rly hard about ruby #i can empathize a lot with her struggles so like. yeah i'm having lots of thoughts lol #i wanna pay for her therapy #rwby #ruby rose

[thecraftgremlin]

I think Marcille's reactions to Falin presenting more masculine are really interesting when you look at them through a lens of elven concepts of gender and we shouldn't have to ignore them in farcille and Butch Falin readings.

#dungeon meshi #farcille #this was originally gonna be a longer post #but basically marcille generally reads as someone very much struggling to come to terms with her attraction to women #and then you add on the layer of elves on the whole skewing towards feminine presentation #like otta being the butchest a girl can be before the elves get scared #and marcille finding laios shockingly masculine on first meeting #i wonder if that doesn't add on an extra layer of challenging her idea of what a woman can even BE #let alone a woman she's attracted to #i'm saying marcille has a lot of hurdles to contend with regarding how she sees falin and how it affects her attraction towards her #i think it's compelling

[smokeys-house]

@pink-nubes made me a wonderful birthday gift ❤️💖❤️

#puukko #moomins #moomin oc #moominvalley #thank u again nube 🥺❤️ #i love the fabric theme here v textured it looks lovely! #also i think I'm gonna make that her canon jolly roger design i like that a lot

[stuckinapril]

i think i officially set my sights on a therapist and i'll be contacting her very soon?? therapy was legitimately not on my 2024 bingo card (or in the cards for me at all) but here we are????

#this blog always had a focus on social science and detangling feelings and experiences. like it's basically been serving as my diary #bc this blog has always been my main outlet for it. i hate talking feelings to anyone irl. it's a bad habit but i hate it #so it was a game changer and helped me grow up sooo much. esp supplemented w other people's experiences. #being raised by a stoic engineer mother who's very much warm but also not very good at feelings at times has caused me to suppress SO much #compounded w being the eldest daughter. like that is a damning sentence in and of itself #tumblr just gave me an outlet for stuff like this. and every social media is essentially a highlight reel of ppl's best moments. #tumblr is the opposite. i've always loved that too whether it was in the form of humor or more earnest posts #could i work through my own issues by myself? yes probably #and my blog will always have that facet even if i get a therapist #but a therapist's input. just a professional's input. will expedite a lot of improvement for me i think #this has been a critical time period for me anyway bc i'm budgeting my whole schedule for once vs being handheld by uni deadlines #and it's just gonna keep getting more and more intense from here bc i'm truly pushing my comfort zone more than ever before #it just feels like the right call even tho i'm lowkey nervous ab it bc i HATE talking feelings in person. #this therapist will not fall for my trying to deflect by asking her about her life. which. usually works on my friends <3 #we will see. a therapy arc is coming very soon basically #p

[mic-check-stims]

Walkshipping board for that one anon from forever ago who asked about my ships

X-X X-X X-X

#i call i walkshipping because i'm pretty sure their only interaction together was walking bakura home #the dynamic to me is unrequited crush -> friends -> fake dating -> possible qpr -> crush x2 combo -> awkward maybe-kinda-unofficial-polycul #i think since mihos crush on bakura was solely aesthetic‚ it'd start to fade once she started actually viewing him as a friend #and i think once that happened and bakura got more comfortable they would end up hanging out a lot #i think miho would love tabletop games (you cant convince me her enjoyment of capsulemon didn't just come from rping with the pieces) #and her immunity to traditionally scary things means bakura could get her into a lot of his other interests as well #anyway i like the idea that eventually they decide to fake date each other purely to get the girls to leave bakura's demi ass alone #which in turns leads to honda third wheeling them a lot bc 'ur just fake dating right ur not gonna catch actual feelings right' #the idea of this going anywhere romantic hinges on my belief that finding out abt mihos weird strange interests makes him even more into he #and that realizing how many traits she shares with bakura is‚ unfortunately for him‚ how he finds out he might in fact be bi #so now he's still desperately trying to romance miho AND coming to terms with the idea that his jealousy of bakura might have deeper origin #meanwhile the two are like 'hey honda likes us isnt that cute. wanna see how many trinkets we can get him to buy us' #<- (i warned you. i warned you about the extreme yapping that came with this) #moodboard #yugioh #yugioh s0 #miho nosaka #honda hiroto #ryo bakura #ryou bakura #tristan taylor #walkshipping #hands #dice #flowers #planchette #ouija board #jewelry #puzzle

[front-facing-pokemon]

#spoink #the first pokémon you ever do a request for in pmd sky… the only thing i know about this pokémon #she lost the pearl on her head and needed you to go find it. in what‚ drenched bluff‚ right? the second dungeon of the game after beach cave #i believe so. then she gives you a thousand poké and your partner is like holy FUCK we're RICH and chatot is like Nononono #that bitch. i'll never forgive him… even if he is… a generally likable character… depriving recruits of food because they got framed #is a LITTLE HARSH? i know he didn't Know they got framed but even if they weren't framed it's still a bit harsh. so. he's a bitch #but he's our bitch. this is not about spoink. i'll save That conversation for gen 4. i'll have a lot to say about that little man #something-something wigglytuff trans. here's spoink #couldn't remember if it was spoink or sproink at first. dunno why. but it's spoink i think #i'm gonna eat food now. i have not eaten all day and it's like 2 PM. see you at uuuhhhh grumpig

[welcometogrouchland]

Babygirl I can concieve of stephcass dynamics you couldn't even imagine (arospec Cass not understanding why "probably bi but has a job so she doesn't have time to think about that" Steph apparently needs a man (she doesn't, it would just be nice) and doesn't want to platonically settle down with cass in their old age)

#ramblings of a lunatic #dc comics #stephcass #another sure to be no-notes banger #anyway I think steph and cass are both very. meh on labels #like i said Steph has a job (in my heart it's retail or like a fast food joint or something but in canon its just being batgirl/spoiler) #so she's not thinking about that rn #and cass was raised so outside of conventional society that she. technically understands why ppl want labels for things #but when you grow up in essentially a few rooms with just you and one other guy 90% of the time it just feels unnecessary in her heart #likewise she was raised so far from conventional romance and has such strong emotions about those she cares about #that she's just. not that interested in delineating romantic vs platonic feelings. She Likes You. Deal w/ it #steph on the other hand. oh boy steph #I'm not gonna say comphet I genuinely think she was deeply madly in love w/ tim and that's important to her character #but at the same time she's so. she's so #steph puts a lot of stock in her romantic relationships bc shes on a perpetual quest for connection and to be seen and appreciated #but. at the same time. she resents that part of her i think (at least early spoiler characterization does?- #-local girl desperately wants your approval and would rather be waterboarded than admit that to herself bc that's embarrassing) #so she's just kinda. acting like she's in it for the fun of it but that girl is searching for a soulmate #i genuinely think pre break-up she thought tim was the guy she was gonna marry. not consciously but if it were anyone it'd be him #and the whole ''married with kids'' thing IS something i think she wants. not every female character wants to be married/a mom #but Stephanie does imo #(also lets not even get into how much her breakup with tim SHOULD'VE effected her considering how it went down- #-and how that was never really gone into besides being hinted at in batgirls and kinda. dismissed in Tim's pride special- #-like on the one hand i get it bc of optics but on the other hands. he's really important to her! this should make her so much more upset!! #ahem. anyway #I'm not even the worlds biggest tim/stephanie guy i just think they're inch resting #and Cass. is close w/ Tim and Steph and should Get all of this since she's so adept at reading ppl #but like I said she's bad at categorizing platonic/romantic feelings in herself and doesn't totally Get it w/ steph #i should just write fic about this at this point these tags are too much

[coldshrugs]

thinking about short hair for 7.0 😳 kinda into it

#io laithe #azia gposes #ffxiv #viera #i just. idk!! #i love her long hair and how representative it is of her journey towards loving herself!! #when she lets go of trying to look a certain way with the straight hair and embraces her natural waves #means a lot to her and to me tbh #but idk if the graphics update is gonna mesh well with crime. i'm SURE the community will be on it within days but #i need an msq look before then 😂 #oh well. many months to think about it #the short hair DOES look so cute on her tho #would be v easy to maintain on the kind of journey this expac is looking like #if this needs a label lmk but i'm not throwing one on for now

[ssaalexblake]

dw is a mid kid's sci-fi tv show and it's quality level has been mostly entirely consistent (mid, basically, with the occasional very good episode to balance out with crimes against humanity it sometimes produces) the whole reboot, and anybody acting like the Only thing going into peoples opinions of the characters are writing preferences are either Deeply naive or are trying to hide something they know people will not take kindly to.

#dw shit #but look. If you seriously think the one Single doctor without depth is 13 then that is a You having a woman issue. it just is. #there's lots of it #there's thousands upon thousands of words of meta about her and her characters online #as there is for Every Other Doctor #because they All have depth #if you fail to see it the one time you're Not presented with a dude that's not my problem #nor am i gonna hold any hands #i'm not trying to convince you of anything i'm not your mother #but sometimes a duck is just a duck and I will call it a duck #this isn't about Liking the story it's about having a brain not cooked in misogyny to even See it #to start with (you failed the challenge) #kinda hoping the large number of people living up rtd's ass will save gatwa from some of this treatment but i'm not holding my breath #'but I personally would never!' okay but... what about all your buddies??? what about everybody else?? if you're distancing yourself from #Those Bad People you are admitting they exist and there was no point getting pissed at me for pointing out they exist #the lady (gender neutral) doth protest too much #look i don't like Rose much (the og) but you can Bet i've seen some Questionable takes on why she's bad and i'll call them that #the classism and the sexism and the noxious fumes #you can just. Admit that. Even about characters you dislike lol pls

[roomy-ghosted]

JUST started a good Durge playthrough and I'm dying over my absolute little guy bard Tinfoil.

#bg3 #bg3 tav #baldurs gate 3 #(Im a tag rambler so theres a lot here-) he's got voice six and because of that I'm opting he's incredibly INCREDIBLY young #like- probably 9? Dragonborn reach 10 year old human size at 3 for them so. yeah- #human-body wise he's about 17? but he's still got so little thoughts in his head. Which is canon as well at least #not gonna romance ANYONE as Tinfoil but we're gonna all be besties. #still deciding if he'll slurp tadpoles. he gives into peer preassure very easily and is very easily bossed around. #so it depends at the moment in the cutscene i guess. #he's the group kid. i think shadowheart would mother him a lot and he looks up to Karlach A SHITTON. 'She's so cool...' #'why is the group kid the leader?' #everyone shrugs but they see Tinfoil curl up around a small pile of gold and gems as he sleeps and they can't say no to what he wants to do #Lae'zel thinks he's 'extremely weak skinned. and needs all the help a pathetic youngling like him can get' #she says; helping said pathetic kid up off the nautaloid ship floor after he ran ahead to try and get to the controls; listening to her #like a good lil guy #'Tinfoil; darling; you know we can always get *more* gold if you give up some of these precious little rubies and opals. Your hoard #will look *much* more impressive that way.' #-Astarion; trying to convince a now-teary-eyed tinfoil to give up his hoard so the party can buy health potions #'its not...its not impressive?' he starts crying and Shadowheart has to comfort him #I KNOW he's gonna go murder mode and stuff. but everyone at camp thinks it's just dragonborn instincts kicking in #so they just like chain him to a tree for the night. #its funny i think #'NO! BAD TINFOIL! STOP TRYING TO EAT THE BIRDS!' #'Raughguguhguguh. Tinfoil *NEEDS* sauce...' #he is on a leash constantly because he is enamoured with the beauty of the world and runs off- but also to not kill and maim constantly.

[deltoravivisection]

OH MY GOD I NEVER ACTUALLY POSTED MY QUEEN BEE DESIGN. This one is definitely not book-accurate but like... sorry. The book design is boring to me 😅 The thing on her head here is one of those medieval-style beekeeper masks. (She uses it like a sunhat when her hood is down.) Her cloak is lined with slabs of honeycomb and functions as a giant artificial hive. I really wish she was more expanded on in canon, so I rewrote her slightly and gave her a more comprehensive backstory. The long and short of it is that she was (what would in modern terms be called) an animal psychologist with a specialty in entomology before she founded her orchard. I imagine she was the bug-lover equivalent of Doran -- but not as widely published. She gave up adventuring when she had her kids and shifted focus to the selective breeding of bees and plants to bring out their arcane properties. I imagine the trees in her grove are a special type in the same order as the lilies of life, hence their invigorating and healing properties. This will probably not be all that touched-on tbh but I think "ex-adventurer turned mad scientist" is a cool backdrop for her whole deal.

#deltora quest #deltora vivisection #character art #I think I'm gonna change her hair texture to something more coily when I do the finished art btw but I don't really feel like #rendering that in the sketch. #also I should draw her in normal clothes at some point. these are just work clothes she would probably dress a lot more professionally

[kirisclangen]

Zelda

She/her, 65 moons, cis molly

#Zelda (cat) #<- so it doesn't go in the fandom tags of the game lmao #Loner #honeyclan #<- the save file she's from. I'm gonna say she lives nearest to them #warrior cats oc #warriors oc #kiri’s clangen #clangen #She also doesn't have the chest spot on her sprite but I thought she looked better with it so. Y'know #I made her fur so massive but I need it to be known that the rest of her is massive as well. She's jut very large #also I HAVE RETURNED TO THIS BLOG!!! Can't say how regular activity here will be but I'm queueing this on thursday to go up on friday #and I've got three more finished cats to go up the three days after that. We'll see how many more I draw before the queue runs out #I'm doing hermit-a-day-may over on my main blog and I'm coming up on the end of the schoolyear so I may be mostly swamped until summerish #but I'd like to pick back up with posting these during the summer. I have some ideas for a comic that I'd like to do but I haven't written- #-it out yet becuase I want to get these designs done first and I think I'm about halfway through all the cats I have? across 5 different- #-clans two of which are very large so. Mass extinction events will be on once I start playing moons again!! #anyways sorry for rambling but I'm very proud of my next few designs. I think I've found a good method for doing them quickly. It involves- #-using actual reference images for the poses lmao #EDIT I lied I'm not even close to halfway #I've got 66 out of 181 done meaning I have 115 left #jesus fucking christ ITS FINE it's fine it's just a lot. not a problem though #I can pick up the pace after this next month or two #it's chill

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

season 1 episode 13 thoughts

A SCULLY EPISODE!!!! i was overjoyed and then i felt deep and immeasurable grief as the minutes went by.

she wants to leave her christmas tree up all year <3 she's a good cook <3 her dad calls her starbuck <3

but her dad is being avoidant! he didn't even say i love you when he left!

! dana scully lore reveal ! her dad lowkey sucks!!!

and then he IMMEDIATELY DIED right after! that is sick and twisted. why do they make my girl endure such pain.

the next note i made for the episode was "omg windows you have to crank!" which was a brief moment of levity among the Sorrow. except even the guy doing the said window cranking was kidnapped right after. still, the novelty of it all!

when scully came into work even though her dad had just died... we see mulder call her "dana" for the first time... she was visibly taken aback by this... and mumbled her name back to herself... my heart was melting out of my body

and when i thought i was going to already collapse from the "dana" moment, he tells her she should take some time for herself and then. softly cups her cheek. and strokes it with his thumb. holy fuck i nearly sobbed. it was the softest thing i have ever seen. what the hell man.

he has this instinctive need to touch her. to use his touch to keep her safe or bring her comfort. it will be psychoanalyzed at a later date from me but for now, know i am noticing the motifs.

(also, when he finally left his office, we see that he kept the hat from the alien obsessed guy in episode 10... good to know this is a man who takes souvenirs. take him to the zoo and see what he comes back with)

so then we cutscene to her dad's funeral and we learn that her father was in the navy- perhaps this is why he is unduly harsh. and then we got ANOTHER scene that beat my heart into a pulp: scully turning to her mom and asking "was he proud of me?" her mom waits for a beat and says "he was your father". HEY! THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER!!!!!!!!!

(who wouldn't be proud of scully? i'm taking names. write them down)

when interrogating the death row psychic mulder once again said "i want to believe" and i once again wrote in my episode notes "HE SAID THE LINE!"

interesting that this is an episode where scully believes and mulder doesn't, almost immediately from the beginning of the episode. but the psychic says stuff her dad would say and therefore she gets emotionally invested even though mulder says it's nonsense, and that this guy is setting them a trap because mulder got him put on death row. and when she listens to the psychic's clue and find evidence at an abandoned warehouse, mulder yells at her for putting herself in danger. to which she said:

"i thought you'd be pleased i opened myself to extreme possibilities"

scully i am REACHING through the screen and telling you i'm proud of you in case no one ever did that before

(and MAYBE mulder yelling at her for putting herself in danger because he thinks he needs to protect her WAS deeply satisfying but still. read the room my king)

(also revealed in this scene: mulder is a jimi hendrix fan. i am tucking this knowledge in my pocket and storing it safely)

then the psychic decided to reveal some of her personal memories and we learn she stole a cigarette when she was 14 and she thought it was disgusting but she wanting to do something they would disapprove of. and she was so scared but so excited. are you kidding me? are you absolutely kidding me. the need to rebel from an assigned role in which she feels she MUST be perfect has haunted her from a young age, and when she finally did something her parents really disprove of- joined the FBI instead of working as a doctor- she's met with rejection. so now we know she's had this terrible need to do what pleases those she loves and to break that is a rush from its inherent moral Wrongness. the isolation of being the Good Child who does what She's Told vs. the isolation of being the Less Good Child who loses their parent's approval. that terrible ache of knowing you once pleased them and now you don't. the conditional nature of affection. ohhhhh good lord.

later mulder gets shot and scully thinks the psychic lured him into a trap which leads to her screaming at him (like SERIOUSLY screaming) that if mulder dies, she'll kill the psychic herself. now this was especially crazy because we have only at this point seen her yell once before which was in episode 8, but this was 10x that intensity. also wild for revealing that she will kill anyone who hurts mulder. once again i say holy FUCK.

mulder is wheeled in to the hospital and still telling her not to believe him, says that he's luring her into another trap. at this point i was yelling "TELL MULDER HE KNEW ABOUT YOUR DAD!" but she was too deep in the grief to bring it up

(throughout the entire episode she is hallucinating her dad in places he isn't, which is arguably far more impactful than just seeing her cry)

when the psychic reveals the location of the murderer and they go to check it out, scully straight up shoots the suspect. she is NOT playing around, y'all. i think this is the first time we see her shoot someone, which is already a lot to unpack. but then she doesn't follow the killer because the psychic had warned her against it and in this way he saves her life.

then she says thank you to the psychic, who says "come to my execution and i'll give your father's message to you" and she DOESN'T GO. mulder asks her why, because now he seems to think that psychic dude really WAS telling the truth, and she no longer does:

"why can't you believe?" "because i'm scared"

she's scared!! she's scared to believe. she's scared to know what is out there and she seemed scared to know what her father had to say. isn't there enough uncertainty in this world ruled by facts and science? what could the possibilities be like beyond that? why believe in what you cannot control? she says she knew what he would say because "he's my father". is that enough for her? or was she too frightened to hear that he wasn't proud of her?

overall i've said "holy fuck" like a LOT during this recap and i truly feel that those are the only words i have for the situation. getting to see more scully lore was EXACTLY what i was hoping for and i'm so pleased but also so so so sad. like she keeps her christmas tree up and she's a good cook and she has this terrible need for her father's approval that he won't give and then he goes and dies. i need about 10 beach episodes to make up for the sadness here. chris carter i'm in ur walls.

#also: mulder is acts of service/touch love language coded and i'm thinking words of affirmation for scully #like i know the whole love language model is problematic but if i see it i'm gonna say it. sorry. #geez i feel like i need a nap after that. what the fuck. my sweet poor scully. #i felt her becoming a character i am going to stan for the rest of my life during this #oh did i see a bit of myself in her? MIND UR BUSINESS!!! #juni's x files liveblog #txf #the x files #dana scully #<- adding that tag because i did a LOT of character analysis here and moving forward i'll maybe make those their own posts #once i have more of the show under my belt i'll do my character analysis posts like i do on my main for sylvie #haven't done it in a while on main though because i hated loki s2 lmao not much to work with!