#i try my best but my mind is adamant on relying on really dumb things for pleasure and happiness

[acrylicqueen]

Every single one of my interests is either cringy, stupid, or both and that's just a fact, babey!

#i try my best but my mind is adamant on relying on really dumb things for pleasure and happiness #drabbles

[a-portable-snack]

Kaidam, Kai is dragged to a party and he hate it but then he know a handsome guy who make him change his mind

Is this loosely based off frat parties at my school? No, it’s heavily based off frat parties at my school. 

Fifteen Minutes

Kai laid on Adam’s bed watching the ceiling as him and Mira get ready for the party. They were all seniors in college and none of them really went to frat parties. Not because they were never invited. If you’re friends with Adam, you can’t NOT get invited everywhere. Mainly because they didn’t want to go. But now they were seniors with great GPAs, easy senior classes, and finally sometime to actually go little crazy. Or at least Mira and Adam can.

“Guys, I’m taking fucking Thermodynamics. I don’t understand a thing and I really should stay and study” Kai waved his brick of a textbook to make a point.

“Oh come on!” Adam stepped out of the bathroom. Kai turned to look at him and honestly stopped functioning for a second. He just had a simple short sleeved button up with jeans on. He had little bit of make up on it wasn’t noticeable but his skin was evener and his eyes looked bigger. But he was PRETTY.

That’s the thing about Adam Kai decided along time ago. Adam wasn’t hot or cute. Those words just didn’t describe him. Adam was simply pretty. Pretty enough to make Kai not realize he wasn’t paying attention to the words coming out of Adam’s mouth.

“Say that again? I can’t seem to process anything that isn’t code thanks to Ross.” Kai said.

“That is exactly my point! You’ve been working so hard for three years. It’s time to loosen up little” Adam did that dumb shimmy he does and Kai just snorted out a laugh.

“I’m sorry I can’t. I’m a fucking Robotic and Mechatronic Engineer, I’m…”

“Practically double majoring because your major is a fancy combination of mechanical and electrical engineering” Adam said with smirk. “I’ve heard the rant once or twice.”

Kai could tell that Adam wasn’t going to back down about Kai going to the party. And Kai knew that he couldn’t say no to Adam. And Adam probably knows that Kai can’t say no to him. Hence, Adam’s knowing smirk as they had a stand off, both waiting for Kai to break.

“Ugh! Fine!”

“Perfect!” Mira came out, as if she planned for Adam to convince Kai to come. “I’m dressing you up”

“You’re what?” Adam and Kai said together. Kai was not a dress up type. He won an award from the Dean’s office and he accepted the award in jeans. Kai is pretty sure he only owns baseball tees and jeans. Maybe a long sleeve t shirt. Maybe.

“Adam, leave”

“What? Why? This is my room!”

“Because I’m stealing your clothes for Kai and I’m not listening to you tell me what to choose” Mira pushed Adam out with out his keys and closed the door.

“Can I at least have my wallet so I can go buy drinks?” Adam yelled. Mira threw Adam’s wallet at him and quickly closed the door.

“Ok Mira. WHAT THE HELL?”

“It’s fine. He won’t be mad once he sees you.” Mira started to raid Adam’s closet. She didn’t want to just dress Kai like Adam but she also knew she wouldn’t be able to get anywhere with Kai’s closet. So Mira needed to find balance. She saw the perfect pieces and threw them to Kai.

“This over this. Keep your jeans but you’re wearing Adam’s shoes” Mira said. Kai looked at the clothes. He hesitantly put them. It was a tight black long sleeved shirt with a floral short sleeved button up. He didn’t hate it.

“I like it!” Mira said, and pulled out some make up.

“Mira…”

“Nope, you’re getting a little make up. Just for me” She smiled and motioned him to sit down.

“Why are you doing this?” Kai asked as Mira applied foundation.

“I am over you and Adam dancing around each other. You’re both out, you both definitely like each other, I hate feeling like I’m third wheeling when you guys aren’t even dating”

“W-what?”

“Yeah, don’t say anything. You know I’m right” Kai just sat in silence and didn’t fight back. Yes Kai thought Adam was pretty. We discussed this. But Adam’s Adam. He’s the person that Kai relies on when he needs extra hands when building a robot or the person Kai wants to go to after a long day or the person that Kai is willing to drop everything for or… HOLY SHIT KAI LOVES ADAM.

“Did you actually just have a revelation that you loved Adam?” Mira was half pissed half relieved. Like thanks god he finally noticed but HOW DID HE NOT NOTICE?

“I’m sorry! I just… I don’t know! Didn’t look at Adam? I guess” Kai is usually one that is a love at first sight kind of man. If a good looking person so much as gives him a second of attention, Kai is ready to jump off a bridge for them. Most people let him jump. But maybe that’s why Adam is so special. Adam would never ask him to jump alone. Adam would grab him hand and leap with him.

“Didn’t look” Mira said under her breath. She finished Kai makeup and hair with minimal jests. When she was finally done, Kai was shocked. He didn’t look different but he looked better. He felt like he was actually attractive. Maybe he should let Adam and Mira “queer eye” him, as they always say.

“I’m back! I will exchange gin and Faygo for my dorm back.” Adam yelled from the door. Mira looked at Kai with excited eyes and bounded to the door.

“I’ll be taking this, and you will be thanking me” Mira snatched the ingredients to make drinks.

“What do you…” Adam stopped when he saw Kai. Adam let a small smile cover his face. “I see why. You look good”

“It was all Mira. I honestly don’t understand what she did”

“Yup, I am the rock you boys are built on.” Mira said, filling up her reusable water bottle with some gin then topping off with Faygo. “And I can’t believe you got fucking grape Faygo”

“Hey grape Faygo is the best and if you don’t agree, fuck off” Kai said. Adam just sent a small smile. Adam knew Kai likes the grape the best so he didn’t really have a choice in Faygo.

“So when are we leaving?” Kai asked.

“Right now” Mira handed both the boys reusable water bottles. “Ok boys. Say it with me. Be drunk enough…”

“To enjoy the idiots but sober enough not to join” Kai and Adam chanted with Mira.

“Ok, we’re off” Kai actually felt excited. He’s gone to a few small dorm parties but no frat parties. It was the first one of the year and everyone was going to be there. The school that Kai, Mira, and Adam go to is pretty small school with only 3 frat houses. No ever goes to one house because the guys are creepy and away from the other two. The good frats however full of fun guys. The houses are both kinda small but they coordinate parties together so they aren’t competing for the best party. Why have two small parties when you can have one big one?

“HERE WE ARE!” Mira immediately ran in, pulling the boys along. Kai immediately regretted coming. He had no idea how packed this place could get. There were body count restrictions for a reason! And that beer pong table is about to fall, loose screw. Are these stairs safe? There’s no light so you had to step and pray has you went downstairs. HOW ARE THERE MORE PEOPLE DOWN HERE?

The basement was so packed Kai was had to squish his shoulders together to try to keep up with Mira and Adam. Suddenly he was pulled away in the crowd that was dancing, drinking, and singing. Oh no he was getting involved with idiots. He wasn’t even drunk.

“Oh my god who are you?” Vanessa yelled over the music and draped herself over Kai. Kai rolled his eyes. He and Vanessa “went out” (if you want to call it that) and it was not healthy and didn’t end well.

“Vanessa, it’s me Kai.” Kai said. Vanessa pulled back to look him up and down.

“Wow if I had known you could clean up so good, I might not have dumped you” Kai just rolled his eyes. He explicitly remembers breaking it off with her after Mira have an intervention with him. She was manipulative, cheating on him constantly, and was starting to isolate Kai for his friends. It was not good.

“Well, too bad. Literally nothing could convince me to get back together with you”

“Oh come on, Kai” Vanessa grabbed Kai’s hand. “Let’s have some fun tonight. For old times sake.”

Kai was tempted. His friends were gone. It would just be one night and Vanessa is just a force that is hard to ignore. Kai shook his head.

“No, I-I leaving” Kai quickly fought his way out of the crowd and went back up the stairs. He started to look around the first floor for his friends when he heard something.

“Kai!” Kai turned to sound of his name saw Skeet, one of Adam’s friends. Oh great.

“If you’re here, Adam can’t be too far away!” Skeet looked over Kai, looking for Adam. Kai tried not to roll his eyes.

“I lost him awhile ago. You might find him around” Kai said, “And if you do, can-“

“Great! Is he still single? I’ve been thinking about asking him out. The dude is practically perfect”

Kai suddenly couldn’t breath. He shouldn’t have come. People never seem to actually care about him, he’s overloaded with work, and if he has to be alone, he rather it be somewhere that people can’t bother him.

Without saying anything Kai left the house as quickly as he could. Once he was outside, he quickly made his way down the street. He shoved his hands in his pockets and fought tears. This was their senior year. It was suppose to be the best year. Kai wanted to make the best of it because he knows Mira and Adam will take off once they graduate. It’s not on purpose but their jobs could take them anywhere. Mira’s animal conversation degree could take her all the way to India and Adam’s said he’d go to any law school that’ll take him, even in Alaska. And Kai just wanted one more year where they were all together.

“KAI!”

Kai turned and saw Adam sprinting down the side walk.

“Dude! There you are. I’ve been look all over for you” Adam slowed to a walk as he got close. When he noticed Kai was almost in tears, he closed the gap between them quickly.

“What happened? Did someone do something? I’m going to kick their ass” Adam almost seemed ready to go back to the party and destroy everyone until he figured out who hurt Kai. Kai grabbed Adam’s wrist and breathed out a laugh.

“Its fine. I… I just lost you guys than I ran into Vanessa then Skeet was looking for you and I just got overwhelmed. I’m just going to head back.” Kai gave Adam small smile and went to leave.

“15 minutes” Adam said. Kai turned around and gave him a weird look.

“Mira and I found a good spot. If you give me 15 minutes and still want to go home, I’ll walk you home myself” Kai wanted to say no. He wanted to go home. But it was Adam. And it was only 15 minutes. So Kai nodded an ok.

Adam laced his hand into Kai’s and pulled him back to the house. They went threw the front door and to the basement. Adam pulled Kai in front of him and wrapped a strong arm around his hip and pulled him close.

“I’m not losing you again.” Adam whispered into his ear. Kai was hoped Adam didn’t see the strong blush that crawled across his face and to his ears. Adam pushed Kai threw the crowd Kai kept his head down, hoping not to see Vanessa again. Adam lead him to a set of stair that Kai didn’t see when he was down here the first time. Adam guided him up the stairs and opened the door. It lead to the backyard of the house.

It was a really relaxed atmosphere compared to inside where everyone just seemed to be going has hard as possible. There were two picnic table, one with a beer pong game going, the other acting seats for the few people out here. There was also a keg toss competition going on and some people sitting on the ground smoking.

“Kai!” Mira jumped off the table and ran over. “There you are. Did you get lost in the crowd?”

“Something like that” Kai rubbed his neck.

“Come on” Adam pulled Kai to the picnic table. Adam sat on top of the and pulled Kai so he sat in-between his knees. Adam then slung a protective arm over Kai’s shoulder. At first Kai was really stiff but he quickly relaxed into he touch. They all started cheering for the beer pong game, Kai doing fake intense sports commentary that had everyone laughing. Eventually, Mira convinced Adam to do the Keg toss, to which Adam set a new frat record for.

Kai ended up staying way passed the 15 minutes. He stopped watching the clock after 5. He didn’t realize how late it was until one of the frat guys came to the backyard.

“Sorry guys but it’s like 3 am and we need to shut it down. Hope you had fun tho!” He said and escorted everyone that was in the backyard through the now empty basement to the first floor where people were filing out.

“So,” Adam carefully placed an arm over Kai’s shoulders “Are you happy you stayed?”

Kai, in moment of bravery, kissed Adam’s cheek. “Yes, I am”

#the hollow netflix #the hollow season 2 #the hollow adam #the hollow kai #the hollow mira #Kaidam #the hollow vanessa #the hollow skeet #the snack writes

[megashadowdragon]

ironwoods tragic fall from grace

comments on youtube

When a hero becomes the villain, all hell breaks loose. Especially when the fallen hero is general of the Atlesian army.

The only thing that I noticed was that Ironwood has constantly grown a Beard as time passes. He's slowly decending towards from Hero to Villain as a "Fallen Hero" Catagory. James Ironwood WAS a good man, utterly dedicated to protecting his people. It was with the best of intentions that he charged down the path he’s taken... but you know what they say about good intentions.

I didn’t think his semblance was much of a factor into his decisions before Vol 7 but now as he’s become more unhinged every chapter, it’s becoming even more strikingly obvious that he’s become a slave to it. The fact that his semblance increases his resolve to go through with bargaining with Watts, willing to blow up Mantle just to save Atlas.

He's like the antithesis of Leonardo Lionheart

You know, this is a really good counter for all those people saying Ironwood is suffering character assassination. He's not. He's giving in to fear and letting his worst aspects take command.

I’m personally asking again why would the writers talk about something like Ironwood’s semblance outside the show when for the most part the majority of people only watches the show, that’s like how the Russo brothers (the writers and directors of Avengers Infinity War and Endgame) choose to answer the hows and why on Twitter when the majority of people are only watching the movies I personally love those movies but it also would’ve been nice to see those things get explained or talked about in the movies just like how it would be nice to at least mention Ironwood’s semblance in the show

Honestly, I love what they're doing with Ironwood. His slow, inexorable descent into extremism is a wonderful exploration of how an idealistic person who believes themself to be the hero can tumble into villainy without trusting others to keep them grounded. It's the very real problem of the philosophy of "The ends justify these particular means;" if you can justify one morally gray decision to achieve a good goal, it gets easier to justify the next, darker gray decision. Without someone outside to call you on your bullshit, you're eventually justifying genocide because it will be for the "greater good."

Ironwood is literally the Darth Vader of RWBY. He starts of as a respectable character, commanding his own army for the good of all. But he gives in to all of his fears, looses a limb or 2, and slowly turns misguidedly evil, willing to kill ANYONE who stands in his way.

I've said before that Team Rwby is a foil to the Headmasters. Ruby keeping secrets like Oz, Leo/Blake, the faunus who ran away when things got hard, and Ironwood's parallel is Yang.

Not just obvious stuff, like both having metal arms. But both of their semblances are double edged sword. Yang get stronger taking damage, but if she leans on it too much, an enemy that takes one hit just destroys her since she can't fight back. Volume 4 has her training with Taiyang to correct this flaw in her thinking, leading to her overcoming Adam in her rematch in V6.

Ironwood's semblance can be incredibly powerful. Just off the top of my head, he basically no sells the Apathy, which is an incredibly dangerous Grimm in a group with other, stronger Grimm. But it has downsides, and we're seeing it. The correct way to use it is after you've made a choice, to focus on the task at hand. But making large choices while under the semblance is not smart. He's too focused on one action to see others that have opened. Atlas has to be raised, because that's what he's already decided to do. The idea that they've made contact with the world and reinforcements might be coming never entered his mind. Similarly, he's so focused on forcing Penny to heel that he's not seeing he has a chance to have her come willingly by aiding in Mantle's rescue.

He's so focused on winning this one battle (Having Penny raise the city to escape Salem immediately) that's he's making choices to doom the larger war (defending the kingdom's people, defeating Salem, reuniting the world).

He clearly knows that it isn't smart to rely on it this way, since he's shown the ability to take criticism and adjust his thinking in Volume 7 (Nora would've been Slate'd if he couldn't). But the combination of Yang/Blake going behind his back to tell Robyn, Ruby/Oscar not telling him the truth, Qrow seemingly killing Clover, and, right when he thought that he'd saved everyone, the idea that every single thing he's done might've been exactly what Salem wanted has fairly understandably shaken his faith in the others around him. He can't rely on them to rein him in, he has to do that... which is exactly the problem with his semblance. If the only person who can stop you is yourself, and you're convinced you're always right, you've doomed yourself.

I'm assuming that he could probably be talked down by Glynda or potentially Oz or Qrow (fat chance of that one) if they can break his aura, but as it stands, unless someone beats him down, he's not going to be able to stop himself.

With Ironwood I am reminded of a very profound quote from CS Lewis, that I feel summarizes him very well: "Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience. They may be more likely to go to Heaven yet at the same time likelier to make a Hell of earth. This very kindness stings with intolerable insult. To be “cured” against one’s will and cured of states which we may not regard as disease is to be put on a level of those who have not yet reached the age of reason or those who never will; to be classed with infants, imbeciles, and domestic animals."Show less

Dude Ironwood didn't have a problem with trusting people and didn't have a mentality of not being able to trust people. He trusted to much and trusted people who both betrayed his trust (Yang/Blake) and didn't reciprocate the trust he gave them (Ruby and the rest of the main cast). Honestly, he would have been perfectly right to have immediately put the relic of knowledge into the vault at the start of v7 and then send the students on their way and have nothing more to do with them.

Ironwood saw Atlas and his fleet as a way to inspire hope. It's ironic that his plan was one of lifting them up so high that nobody would ever be able to see them anymore.

My only criticism with Ironwood is that I really really wish his semblance was brought up in the show. Are they ever going to bring it up? I absolutely LOVE how he has been written and watching his tragic descent into becoming a villain but having his semblance mentioned in show would be great. Is someone going to have to break his aura or something before he or someone else mentions it?

In a way he is. His semblance is a double edge sword, as someone in Ironwood's position is all about making calls. Ironwood was able to climb through the ranks because his semblance allowed him to follow through with his actions to save people (I also still wonder what happend to halve of his body as he already had a metal leg and arm in volume 2, we can asume the paladin project, but some confirmation would be wonderfull). Now he's following through on his words agains Salem, that Ironwood isn't going to let Salem take the relic of creation. Ironwood essentially only has this thought he is focused on and is disregarding everything else. Right now Salem is piecing herself together again and Penny is going to the vault, if Ironwood semblance of Mettle wasn't interfering he would be able to see the bigger picture of let Penny open the vault, take out the staff of cration and chuck whatever goop Salem is right now with the bit of land she is piecing herself on right now and throw that into the vault and close it for good by blocking off the entrance with concrete. Voila. Ironwood doesn't notice at this point his actions as he even thought councilman Slate, who was asking Ironwood to explain his action got put down by Ironwood himself. Same for Marrow later on, but Winter was able to step in. Ironwood needs to be saved from this mindset and I think the team up of Qrow and Robyn (also who ever was on the elevator, I think it was Winter and Marrow as Winter was taking him away to be put in jail) could save Ironwood to the point of breaking his aura that way the influence of Mettle will loosen.

Gonna be honest, I dislike the whole concept of his semblance and it being what's driving him to this is just dumb to me. I loved him as a character and this entire volume feels like every bit that made him an interesting character has been ripped away. It's likely just me, but prior to Oscar using the built-up magic to beat Salem it felt like they had painted themselves into a corner. Either Ironwood was proven right that some sacrifices had to be made for the good of the people, or Salem was going to be beaten and even if she can come back, she no longer feels like a huge threat to me. I loved Ironwood in volume seven and many of team RWBY's choices have infuriated me for how contrived and stupid they manage to be while also contradicting themselves so easily. To be frank, I feel like his semblance was just an excuse for this utterly stupid character assassination they're trying to justify.Show less

I kind of feel like the writers 'forced' Ironwood to become a villain. Some of his decisions just don't make sense.

#rwby #james ironwood #rwby ironwood #rwby volume 8 spoilers

[kagemajaya]

Baka to Test to Shoukanjuu - Your run-of-the-mill seasonal fanservice show turned into something charming

Baka & Test - Summon the Beasts - Winter 2010, Silver Link. - 7/10

Cute and dumb boys and girls of Fumizuki Academy will take you through a sweet journey of open-minded fanservice tropes, friendship and love

In my first post about a non-seasonal, I will be covering all the pieces of BakaTest until its 2nd season: the first season, its specials, Matsuri OVA, and its specials. I’ve watched this package in what passes for a binge for my 30-something self, pretty much every moment I could throughout one week. I had started it with not many expectations, having even forgotten that a “trap” legend was among the cast. What I found was a charming surprise. BakaTest was one of those rare shows whose next episode I actually looked forward to. Whilst not every episode focused on elements I particularly liked, no episode was offensive, boring or uninteresting, and no character annoyed me. Quite surprising, since Inoue Kenji also wrote Grand Blue which I could barely stand for a full episode due to its obnoxiousness about basically the same themes (a lesson here to not judge a book by its author.) It flew by in a jiffy thanks to its light-heartedness and most importantly its cast.

The show isn’t necessarily anything unique. In fact, it relies heavily on tropes anyone who’s watched any anime would be familiar with. We have the perfect girl who is a bit frail and we have the flat childhood friend whose flatness is a constant gag. They both love our dumbass MC by virtue of him being our MC. We have the voyeur character who is constantly trying to look up girls skirts, and so on and so forth. The thing is I actually liked all of these things in BakaTest. One thing the show owes its non-vulgarity to is how sweet the girls and boys of Fumizuki Academy are. They might remind you of a supernatural version of your high school days if you liked your high school days and was in a class filled with dumbasses like I was. 

Which high school kid doesn’t?

On an ensemble cast level, they work really well with each other and are just plain nice kids.  They are actually, genuinely friends, and that feeling coming across makes a huge difference - even if Akihisa is sacrificed every once in a while, or the boys don’t mind seeing their female friends in states of undress. It’s all give and take. Maybe the boys like seeing the girls naked (but like really, which high school boy wouldn’t?) but Himeji and Minami are also quite invested in Akihisa’s crossdressing photos (not sure I’d have wanted to see my high school crush in drag but hey, Akihisa is a bishounen.) Even someone like Muttsulini, whose sole purpose in the show is being the guy who takes upskirt pictures, didn’t bother me - a huge surprise indeed. The context provides all the relief. The entirely self-aware nature of the show possibly helps a lot in this regard. What matters is as the audience we shouldn’t be taking the show or ourselves too seriously. I don’t know whether there will come a point in season 2 where they take it too far, but so far, it is dumb comedy at its best. 

The size of girls’ breasts coming up in any anime is a major eye roll moment for me but I laughed out loud here. They are not wrong. Flat is flat in any country. Sorry Minami-chan!

On an individual character basis, BakaTest’s biggest success is everyone’s favorite Fumizuki student: Kinoshita Hideyoshi. His existence in the show is not only about the gag on his gender and his sexuality. His dumbness and beauty are combined perfectly to show one thing about the show - it’s not homophobic in the slightest. First of all, Akihisa (and the FFF) genuinely find him attractive. This is especially evident with his twin sister Yuuko being in the picture. She looks exactly like him and is a girl but no one ever looks at her like that. What they want is Hideyoshi!! And this is not an attempt at a social message but just the nature of the show. It’s quietly accepting, which makes it much more genuine to me than shows where diversity is forced into the narrative to make a point. We do of course have more than that in BakaTest when it comes to queerness. We have Kubo who has a crush on Akihisa, Miharu who is obsessed with her onee-sama, and half of the show is about crossdressing, literally. So if you want dumb mainstream fanservice entertainment, with actual queer acceptance, look no further!

Outside of that all, Hideyoshi is just a sweet character of his own accord. He wants everyone to know he is a guy but also, he doesn’t exactly mind being girly either. The episode where everyone loses important things to them, he is quite adamant about finding his female nurse outfit because it means a lot to him. While he is exasperated by Akihisa’s antics, he doesn’t really lose his mind trying to stop him. And he makes full use of Hideyoshi Changing Rooms, a true queen. I could gush about Hideyoshi for hours - he is just so sweet, and hot to boot. However, since there is no depth to explain, I’ll just do it visually instead. 

Round girl Hideyoshi introduces us to the summoning system of Fumizuki Academy.

Hideyoshi in a swimsuit: the biggest rival of any Akihisa lover.

He won the ladies division too.

I’ll give up on the commentary, I just wanted to see him naked.

Here ends my Kinoshita Hideyoshi appreciation post. Looking forward to a day where we can see his nipples.

#baka to test to shoukanjuu #baka and test #hideyoshi kinoshita #kinoshita hideyoshi #anime #anime rec

[haro-whumps]

Box Boy Plurality: 40 Minutes (Explicit)

CW: explicit dubcon, slavery, caning, dehumanization, degradation, brainwashing, creepy + intimate whumper

Tag list: @thatsthewhump @whump-it @ashintheairlikesnow @fairybean101 @finder-of-rings @comfortforthepain @shameless-whumper @that-one-thespian @burtlederp @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @raigash @im-not-rare-im-rarr @spiffythespook @whumps-the-word @frnkieroismydaddy @whumpity--whump--whump @michelleswhumpyreblogs @jo-castle @newandfiguringitout @lumpofwhump @infested-with-blood

Masterlist

They had 40 minutes, a little less, before dinner would be ready and they would need to put away their toys to go enjoy what Soren made for them. But 40 minutes was plenty of time, and 02 was in dire need of some shaping up. 

“Look at you,” Ren intoned, noting the little ways 02 listed into their palm before holding himself still again. He was good at hiding it. How much he wanted to be touched. He was good, but they were better. “You just need someone to take you in hand, don’t you?”

“Processors tried,” 02 grit out, fingers trembling where they dug into his own thighs. “Turns out I’m a handful.”

“You really do think you’re so terribly cute, don’t you?” Ren asked disdainfully, taking their hand away. They pulled the retractable cane out of their skirt pocket and hit the button that sent it springing out, the snap making Soren jump and 02 tense, eyes wide.  

“I believe you’re familiar with this particular tool? You’ll have to forgive my coworker; he clearly did not know how to use it properly.” 02’s jaw worked and he swallowed, adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. They were careful only to watch him in their peripheral, keeping their eyes on the cool, black painted metal in their hands. 

“He used it plenty.”

“Mike is… charming, for a certain value of charming, but I do believe he couldn’t have effectively used this if his life had depended on it.” They stroked their hand down the cane, barely catching any friction against the pads of their fingertips, a caress, almost. Goosebumps rose along their skin, a pleasant sort, while their shoulders tingled with excited anticipation. They turned their head, just a hair, and laid their eyes on 02 with a pleasant sort of smile, their body still turned in around the cane. “Don’t worry,” they purred, “I’ll use it properly. This will hurt, but this is a necessary first step to fix you, 02.”

“I don’t need fixed!” 02 asserted, almost shouting.

They were out of practice (they should really go to the gym more, ugh), so it was a 50-50 shot they were toying with. But at 02’s defiance they snapped their wrist and brought the cane to a halt just a breath beneath the tip of his jaw, air currents catching, 02’s whole body jerking with fear. But he stayed on his knees. What a delicious dichotomy. 

Success made Ren’s lips curl, having avoided knocking 02 in the jaw unintentionally, and they took an easy, pleasant tone when they said, “If that were true,” they stroked the tip of the cane along his jaw, watching the muscles twitch, “you wouldn’t have said so.”

Ren witnessed a struggle, 02’s body shifting only once, but his nostrils flaring, his eyes darting between the cane and Ren’s face, the gears of his little maggot brain positively whirring. In the end, what won out was 02’s desire to jerk his jaw away from the cane and spit, “Fuck you.”

They caned him on the arm, just below the shoulder, and were gratified with his cry of pain.

“This will hurt you,” they repeated, voice measured and calm, circling around him with slow ease, “but it will fix you.”

“I don’t need--” 02 yelled, cut off with a high cry of pain when they brought the cane down on his back. 

“Hush, 02,” Ren murmured, as though to comfort. “I only want a plaything; this doesn’t have to hurt. As soon as you learn how to mind that nasty tongue of yours,” they brought the cane down again, satisfaction shivering through them, making their chest squeeze and their eyes momentarily close, “this will all be so much better.”

Not that Ren wasn’t having fun, at present, but it was important to give little fleas like 02 a goal to work towards. 

“No,” 02 gasped quietly, with a mirthless chuckle, “No it won’t.”

“Do not disagree with me,” Ren ordered plainly, bringing the cane down again. 02 cried out in pain, and midway through it evolved into a scream of rage.

“Fuck you! Fuck all of you assholes--AAH!” Ren brought the cane down twice, one for each slight.

“02,” Ren said with a little huff. “I am not Mike; refrain from treating me like him. Each time I punish you can and will be linked to a misdeed, and each misdeed you do will be met with punishment. I’m reliable, and you’ll learn that soon enough.”

“Oh, gee, thanks Exalted!” 02 gasped, his forehead pressed to the floor, now, thin frame heaving with his rapid breaths, sweat giving his skin a pleasant sheen and aggravated red bright on his back. “Thank you so fucking much for letting me rely on the fact you’ll beat my ass whenever I don’t do ‘good enough!’”

“You’re welcome,” Ren said cheerily, whacking him with the cane again. Their arms were going to get tired, if they had to keep this up all week. “That was for the sarcasm.”

“Fuck you!” 02 sobbed, crying now. They struck him again. The cane was heavy, metal, and, well, a cane. It wasn’t meant to be an endurance tool; carelessness could easily fuck up a person’s ribcage or, if striking somewhere vulnerable like a fucking chump, a person’s organs or spinal column. The bruises they’d already left would be heavy, dark, painful with each movement of his core or arms, and uncomfortable to stand or walk with. They were surprised he’d lasted this long. Precious, sweet, delicate Soren wouldn’t have made it past the first blow before he would be begging for mercy--not that Ren would ever hurt Soren like this, of course not! But it was fun to know that they had a more durable plaything, now, something stupid and spiteful that would grant them every excuse to be as mean as they could possibly want.

“If you vomit from pain, you’ll be the one to clean it up,” Ren commented, nudging the side of 02’s face with the cane’s tip and admiring the flushed, wet mess they found. 

“I’d rather v-vomit than,” 02 gasped and swallowed, choking down his sobs, “l-lick your fucking boots,” 02 rasped, and Ren rolled their eyes. They stomped on the back of his head, slamming his face into the concrete, and raised the cane high, high above their head. He cried out, in fear, in pain, in the exhaustion that came with both, his dumb mouth pushing his body to its limit, and, for the first time since his arrival at Ren’s doorstep, tried to physically struggle away. But he was too weak for that, now. He was injured and feeble and Ren felt on top of the fucking world, delighted grin on their face.

“Exalted!” Soren cried, colliding into them, pressing his lithe little body up against theirs and gripping at the front of their blouse. They blinked, shocked, and momentarily forgot all about 02 beneath their foot. “Exalted, p-please, he’s just, just having a hard time, adjusting, please, you’ve taught him good, Exalted, it’s just that he’s--a, a s-stupid m-m-mutt. Y-You have better, um, better things, you could do, than, um, w-waste your time on, on a w-worm.” Soren begged with his wide, pretty eyes, full of fear, his brain just barely moving fast enough to keep up with his mouth, and Ren barked a laugh at hearing him talk like that. He was… terribly transparent.

“Oh, my little angel?” they asked, letting the cane dangle loosely by their side and caressing his face with their free hand. “And what ‘better things’ could I be doing?”

Soren took one, then two quick, rushed breaths, and then lifted up onto his tiptoes to kiss Ren. They hugged him one-armed around his waist, holding his body in place as he pressed into them so sweetly. Cute and submissive and acting just like he did when he wanted it. When he pulled away, he smiled at them, and he was such a bad liar, every ounce of it looked forced. But Ren didn’t mind. Ren kind of liked it. 

He tugged at them, by the sleeve of their blouse, by the waistline of their skirt, and coaxed them over to the thick, heavy metal pipe that ran from the floor to ceiling of their laundry room. They let themself be gently pushed up against it, fully aware of what Soren was doing. But they let it happen. If Soren wanted to sink down so neat and gracefully onto his knees and tug down their skirt and underwear, why should they stop him? If he wanted to spare 02 the punishment he rightfully deserved, well, they’d have plenty of opportunities to punish him later. Why not let Soren take Ren’s cock into his mouth? Why not lean back against the pipe with a pleased hum and a hand idly caressing Soren’s cheek?

They deserved this, honestly. To get a nice little go-around with a bad mouthed brat, followed up with Soren sucking them off. It was a decadence. They were drooling. They were brimming with electric energy from the caning, and it was all too easy for that to shift south with beautiful, lovely Soren at their feet, slender fingers cupping their balls and anchoring himself on their thigh. 

“Exalted?” Soren asked, slipping off of their cock and staring up at them with his big brown eyes. “Will you grip my hair?” he asked, his hand covering the one they had on his cheek, as though to keep it from moving. He was very, very obviously trying to coax them into putting away the cane, probably made nervous by its continued presence--or wanting to spare 02 the nerves. But, well, why not let him coax them? They were in an indulgent mood.

And Soren was good with his mouth. They retracted the cane and let it drop on top of their skirt on the floor, gripping him by the hair and forcing him down their cock. He knew how to hollow out his cheeks, how to run his tongue up along the underside of their dick, the pressure and strength that felt best when he fondled their balls. He was so, so good at sucking dick, and another pleased, satisfied part of Ren reared its head. He’d been decent, when they’d first started fucking him, but his skill had grown exponentially since his purchase. They were responsible for this skill. They had been the one to make him like this, mold him into this, teach him and shape him to their will. 

“Pretty bird,” Ren praised, head leaned back against the pipe, and when they slit their eyes open, they smiled. 02 was watching. Horrified. Disgusted. Guilty. Rapt. He couldn’t look away, they were sure. 

“Such a good mouth, Soren,” Ren praised, the words directed at 02. He looked up at their face, and flinched, still lying on the floor in agony and weakness. Unable to spare himself the pain, unable to stop Soren from rescuing him from his own idiocy.

They dragged it out. Each time they would get close to their orgasm they would pull Soren off, make him mouth along the side of their cock, reminding him to breathe. They would, if the surge hit them too fast, too close, sometimes press Soren’t face into their hip, holding him there, crooning at him about how good he was doing, how wonderful it felt. They praised him loudly, frequently, a reminder to both pets that good behavior was rewarded. Sure, Soren had interrupted them, presumed he might manipulate them, but his knees would pay the price for that; they weren’t worried.

And 02 got to watch and hear all of it, in useless pain, and Ren finally let themself come, to that thought specifically, to the knowledge that they ever so thoroughly owned both of these boys. And the fact that there was nothing either of them could do about it.

“Oh, perfect timing angel,” Ren praised, stroking his jaw as his throat worked, listening to the alerting beep from the kitchen. They turned their eyes fully on 02 and grinned. “Time’s up!” they announced cheerfully, making his eyes blow wide again, and a keen rose off him. 

“Oh don’t be such a little bitch, mutt,” Ren scolded lightly  as they raised their skirt back around their waste, sliding the cane into their pocket as Soren wiped at his mouth. “It’s just dinner. Get up.”

Next

#whump #nsfwhump #caning #bbu #box boy #dehumanization #creepy whumper #intimate whumper #peach don't look #possessive behaviors #forced to watch #training #conditioning #codependent whumpee #multiple whumpees #Ren #Soren #02 #ask to tag #mine #writing

[changingourdestiny]

Coronation Part 5: Here For You

Summary:

Marcia confronts Paragon about her Light being drained by the Taken. With no other options left, Marcia makes one last decree as the Taken Queen.

Previous Part: Here

Next Part: Here

“We need to talk.” Marcia glared at Paragon who just sighed, “I know. I was planning to tell you…but the effects have taken place faster than-” “You knew?!” Marcia exclaimed, “You knew this was going to happen?!” “Please let me explain.” Paragon began, “I knew that the Taken needed to feed of Light. But my plan was that they would feed off your Paragonialan Light and I would replace the stolen Light as it happened. I never thought they’d feed off your Guardian Light or that it would even happen this quickly. I swear I didn’t mean to-” “What Paragonialan Light?! It’s been corrupted since before I died!” Marcia roared, “I’m slowly losing my Light! And you’re saying you ‘didn’t mean to’?!” “I’m…I’m sorry…” Paragon apologised, her head hanging low. Marcia paced back and forth while muttering angrily under her breath before sighing in frustration, “So now what? What’s gonna happen to me now?” “Your Light is what was keeping the Taken corruption from taking over.” Paragon explained solemnly, “I imagine that once your Light is completely gone…you’ll become fully Taken.” “Figures…” Marcia muttered as she gazed down at her arm and removed her glove. Taken Blight had begun to spread from her hand upwards. “I’m truly sorry, Marcia.” Paragon continued, “I swear I had no idea this would be the final result.” “And Phyonys didn’t give you a heads up or nothin’?” “I haven’t heard from her since the revival of Cayde-6. I think she’s still mad that fate had been messed with. Maybe her not telling me is her idea of punishment…” Marcia glanced down at the handcannon holstered at her hip. Trust – a gun gifted to her from Drifter a long time ago, but it was different from the other versions of it. It had a carved ivory handle with bits of gold and silver adorning it. She still remembered the words Drifter told her when he gave her it. "Worlds end. And when yours does, make sure you have a partner you can rely on." ‘You told me to make sure I had someone I could rely on. Well…I’m relying on you, Eli. Keep safe. Keep them safe. And for the love of Light and Dark…don’t come looking for me.’ “Paragon.” Marcia spoke in an eerily calm and emotionless tone, “If I become Taken, that means the rest of the Taken will revert to their old ways, right?” “More than likely…” Paragon replied, slightly put off by Marcia’s sudden calmness. “Then you’re wrong.” Marcia spoke, “This isn’t the final result. The final result you talk about includes the Taken going back to being enemies of the Guardians. I WON’T let that happen!” Marcia held her arm high in the air as a blast of Taken energy flew upwards and began to slowly spread across the Dreadnaught. “Wh-what are you doing?!” Paragon exclaimed. “I took the role of Taken Queen to ensure that the people I care about will never suffer because of the Taken.” Marcia explained, “Even if the choice I made was a dumb one, I won’t let it be in vain. So I’ll seal as many Taken as I can here in the Dreadnaught. No Light will get in, no Darkness will get out.” “What are you thinking?! At this rate, the Taken corruption will spread even faster! You’ll become a Taken husk trapped here with the other Taken!” “That’s okay. I’m going to become Taken anyway, right? I would rather become Taken and Light-starved with the rest of them, trapped here in the Dreadnaught, than cause the people close to me suffering. I fully intend for this place to be my grave. I’ve faith in the others that they’ll take care of the stragglers. After all, Drifter still needs some Taken for Gambit. Now…

L̷̫͉E̒ͤ̿̊͌Ạ̭ͭV̾ͮ̐͑Ė̲͍̦̐͑̅͗̊͜!̷͕̃̒ͪ̎͂̾!̝̩̙͙̪̞̾ͨͅ!̔ͯ̒͒̆”

As a strange sphere of Taken Blight swarmed around Marcia, Paragon felt herself being forced out of the Dreadnaught and retreated to her world in the Astral Planes. “What have I done…?” she muttered.

Marcia watched from the sphere as more and more Taken appeared in the Dreadnaught and the Taken Seal continued to spread. Marcia clutched her arm as she felt her own corruption slowly begin to spread.

‘Ah…Paragon wasn’t kidding about the corruption spreading faster. But I’ve felt pain like this since I was revived, so it’s nothing new. Still…it hurts more somehow. Like the bad decisions that have lead me to this point are all coming back to haunt me. Drifter...Andal…Rae…Blaze…everyone…if you can hear me…thank you. Thank you for wasting time with a fool like me… …and I’m sorry I couldn’t even say goodbye in the end.’

.

.

.

.

.

“MARCIA!!!”

A loud explosion rocked through the Dreadnaught, getting the attention of all the Taken, as seven Lightbearers began fighting their way through the Taken. “Hang in there, Marcia.” Rae lobbed a Solar grenade at a group of Taken Vandals as she pushed forward, “We’re not gonna let you suffer alone like this. Promise.”

“Man…” Blaze groaned as she shot down a number of Taken Goblins with her Firelight handcannon, “You’re lucky I saw this in a vision, you know that? Otherwise we mightn’t have been prepared for this freaky-fest!”

“This is what happens when you keep secrets like this.” Ikora blinked behind a Taken Knight before draining its energy, “Take notes, Drifter.”

“Nice try.” Drifter smirked as he fired his gun at incoming Taken Thralls, “But you ain’t getting any secrets from me.”

“Sending all seven of us seems like overkill.” Zavala noted as he summoned a barricade while Adam fired his pulse rifle from behind it. “Well the Taken are keeping us on their toes, that’s for sure!” Adam yelled over the gunfire. “Yeah but it’s for Marcia’s own good, right? So it’s worth it.” Cayde added as he used Golden Gun to finish off a Taken Phalanx, “Besides, she’s putting her life on the line, so we might as well return the favour.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, THIS WAS A BAD IDEA!” Blaze exclaimed as she was jumped by several Taken Thrall. “Blaze!!” Rae exclaimed.

*WHOOSH!*

A plume of fire incinerated the Taken that were caught inside it as a flaming Blaze emerged, “Never mind! This was an awesome idea!”

“No, no, no! Please stop!” Marcia’s panicked and frenzied voice echoed across the Hall of Souls as more Taken appeared, “You don’t understand! I have to die here!!!”

“Whoa!” Cayde narrowly avoided a blast from a Taken Captain before shooting at it with the Ace of Spades, “Marcia, chill it with the Taken will ya? We’re trying to help so quit being so stubborn and chill out!”

“Marcia and ‘quit being stubborn’ aren’t usually in the same sentence for a reason, y’know.” Drifter called out as he weaved between Taken in an attempt to get closer to the Taken Blight sphere surrounding Marcia, “There’s gotta be a way inside that thing.”

“I have an idea,” Rae began, “But it’s really crazy, really dangerous, and probably really stupid.”

“Are you describing the plan or Drifter?” Cayde joked. “Either way, what’s your idea?” Ikora asked. “I could try to pass through the Blight in my Starlight form. It might make my Light strong enough to pass through.”

“Accurate description there, kid.” Drifter replied.

“So you are crazy, dangerous and probably stupid?” Cayde added.

“Yes, yes, and no. And I meant the plan, genius.”

“It’s the best plan we have right now!” Adam argued as he cast Sentinel and began taking out Taken Psions with his shield. “Alright. Go for it, Rae!” Blaze yelled. Rae nodded as she felt her Light swell within her before erupting out as her Starlight form. The blast of Light sent a few of the surrounding Taken flying backwards as she soared upwards and darted straight for the Taken Blight sphere.

‘Hang in there, Marcia. We’re here for you!’ To Be Continued...

#Changing our Destiny #marcia wyverk #paragon #paragonialiskalmai #Taken #destiny taken #rae drakyx #adam bergfalk #blaze kiria #fireteam paralight #The Drifter #destiny drifter #Zavala #destiny zavala #cayde-6 #destiny cayde #ikora rey #destiny ikora #vanguard #destiny vanguard #destiny 2

[dailydoseofbeautiful-image]

1) IT’S OKAY TO FAIL

I’m not sure how other 34 year olds feel when their 35th birthday is coming up. As for me, I felt like my failures grew more apparent. Celebrate what you HAVE accomplished and be grateful for another day.

2) CRAVE TO BE A BEGINNER AGAIN

I’ve been wanting to try something new for a good minute. Like point number one, it’s okay to fail at something! This goes hand in hand with being a beginner. I strongly believe in being a student of life. I always wanted to learn a new language.

3) LOVE YOUR PARENTS

We are often so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old! If you needed a reminder to call your parents, this is it. Do it now! My mom is my world. She was my worst enemy as a teenager but now my best friend as an adult <3

4) MOVE AT YOUR OWN PACE

Fuck what everyone is doing on Instagram. Fuck what your high school friends are doing. Fuck what your college friends are doing. Live your life at your own pace. If you had kids or want kids before marriage, fuck it. If you chose your career before a man, FUCK IT. You will move at the pace that is meant for YOU.

5) SO LIVE THE LIFE AND TAKE EVERY CHANCE TO BE AS HAPPY AS YOU CAN BE..

Being true to yourself takes guts. First, you’ve got to face everything around you and figure out what is important; what you think really counts ;). second, you’ve got to interact with a lot of people who may see things differently.

6) RELATIONSHIPS

No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater... The love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences. and that’s the key. it’s like a big pie chart, and the love in a relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love can make up for a lot.

7) SOULMATE

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah.. too painful. soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then Leave.

8) 30S ARE BETTER THAN YOUR 20S

It’s the same! Except we’re still young enough to have fun without making dumb decisions. We’re also more mindful financially! We always have experienced and seen things and know what not to repeat. I feel a little more at ease at 30. I’m caring less about what other people think. I really don’t have energy for it anymore!

9) WEAR THE FUCKING SUNSCREEN

My mom always told me to wear sunscreen on my face. I never listened. I have a lot of sunspots on my face now! Wearing sunscreen helps protect you from skin cancer, wrinkles and sunspots/freckles. If you aren’t listening to ya mama, listen to me! lol I wear Glossier’s Invisible Shield, but they’ve been sold out for a good minute. So, I’m currently using Super Goop’s Sunscreen Moisturizer. So far, it hasn’t made me break out!

10) TAKE OFF YOUR MAKE UP BEFORE BED

At the very least, keep some make up removal wipes beside your bed! I know we’re tired af at the end of the night, but you’ll be doing your skin a huge favor in the long run. Just know that make up wipes don’t take off everything, you’d be surprised how much is still on your face! So always try to go further and do your skin care routine.

11) LIFE

This Life is what you make it. no matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes. it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girl’s will be your Friends - they’ll act like it anyways. but just remember, some come, some go. the ones that stay with you through everything- they’re your true best friends. don’t let go of them. As for Lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And i hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up because if yoi give up, you’ll never find your soulmate, you’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will? so keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.

12) GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT

Everyone on social media posts their highlight reels but only a few share the grit and grind behind it all. Don’t forget to give yourself credit even for the smallest things that you don’t think is “post worthy”. Pat yourself on the back!

13) BE MORE SELF AWARE OF HOW YOU REACT TO OTHERS

I strongly believe in the butterfly effect. How you treat others can leave a positive or negative effect on them. I always try my best to be kind to others. If I can’t be kind, I’m very quiet! Even if people are mean to me, I think deeper like are they having a bad day? Maybe my kind act can help them change their mood.

14) BE NICE AND EXPECT NOTHING IN RETURN

Best recipe to live by. So many people offer a lending hand but expect so much in return.

15) DON’T FORCE THINGS – LET IT FLOW ORGANICALLY

Someone who forces shit to happen is ignorant & aggressive. You can’t force relationships or friendships to work out. It doesn’t work that way if it’s ONE SIDED. Sometimes, TIME helps a situation out. Let it play out, what’s destined to be yours will be yours!!! All relationships should be bloomed organically. Always try to understand one another. Some people don’t move like you and that’s okay.

16) YOU DON’T TOLERATE PEOPLE OR SITUATIONS LIKE YOU USED TO

Enough said. Ain’t no body got time for that.

17) IT’S NORMAL TO SEE A THERAPIST

You don’t have to be “crazy” to see a therapist. I did and it was life changing. There’s a huge stigma with mental health, but it’s actually more common than people think. People struggle with it daily but hide it because of the stigma. I also found out that students who are trying to become a therapist offer free or very affordable services to those who don’t have insurance! Check out any college and I’m sure you’ll find something fitting!

18) MEDITATE.. DO THAT SHIT PLS

Practice your breathing too! Headspace is really helpful app that concentrates on various subjects: anxiety, depression, stress, etc. I don’t meditate long! It can be as little as 3 minutes. Taking a moment to find yourself again can help you in the long run.

19) NOW’S THE TIME TO SEE THE WORLD

BITCH, you better be planning to travel!!!!! I can’t emphasize this enough. If you’re a woman reading this, we MUST DO IT NOW. Before you have kids, just do yourself this favor. You won’t regret it. Seeing parts of the world has broaden my perspective immensely!

20) MARI KONDO THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR LIFE: CLOTHES, BOOKS…PEOPLE

I’m at this point in my life where I’m looking at everything and everyONE and ask myself, does this spark joy?! It’s completely necessary for you to start fresh and say thank you to things and people who no longer serve a purpose in your life.

21) IF YOU DON’T HEAL WHAT HURT YOU, YOU WILL BLEED ON PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T CUT YOU (@THEASLAYWAY)

You can’t rely on someone else to fill the void you were supposed to heal yourself first. Don’t be selfish and make sure that you are completed healed when moving on to the next partner!

22) DO WHAT YOU WANT, POST WHAT YOU WANT, LIVE HOW YOU WANT!!!!

WE AINT GIVIN A FUCK IN 2019 & MOVING FORWARD. Go ahead and post what you want. We’re not living for the validation of others.

23) DON’T LIVE SOMEONE ELSE’S DREAM

Currently trying to get through this right now. lol

24) MENTAL HEALTH IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS YOUR PHYSICAL HEALTH

This goes with 17 & 18. If I sound like I’m repeating myself, then it’s because I really am adamant about it! I didn’t always have GAD, but when I realized I had it, I learned to take the necessary steps to control my anxiety. I realized working out in the gym is not the only “exercising” I should be doing. I should be practicing affirmation, gratitude & meditation.

25) BE CAREFUL WHO YOU GET CLOSE TO

Some people really just in it for the gossip. Keep your circle tight and you’ll be aiite. For me, being in the social media industry has led me to meet several people. It’s rare to meet someone genuine, so I always make sure I keep my distance but still always show respect and give them an opportunity to open up.

26) OTHER PEOPLE MAY BE TOXIC IN YOUR LIFE, BUT MAKE SURE YOU’RE NOT THE TOXIC ONE

As you get older, accountability will help you grow. Owning up to your actions towards others can help you realize how you react towards others or situations. Before pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. I’m a strong believer of what you give this world is gonna come back to you.

27) PLEASE DON’T WORK OUT ON ONLY BOOTY AND ABS

I remember signing up for the gym and telling the membership counselor my goal was to grow a bigger butt and get abs. I’ve learned that your body works as a whole unit, not in isolation! Overall strength over aesthetic is the wave! I love being strong <3

28) RESEARCH HOW YOU CAN IDENTIFY PERSONALITY DISORDERS

You’ll come across people in your life that you can’t see eye to eye with. It could be family, your partner or your friends. I think it’s important to grasp a better understanding of personality traits/disorders such as narcissism, bipolar, emotional abusers, psychopaths, etc. They come or are in your life more often than you think! Not only do I suggest to gain insight on it, but also I recommend researching how to DEAL with it. I promise you things will come to light once you do.

29) LOVE YOURSELF – YOU CAN’T SERVE FROM AN EMPTY VESSEL

Your 20s are your selfish years. Remember to put yourself FIRST. We cannot love someone successfully without loving ourselves first. Our first love should be ourselves to know how WE want to be loved. We must feel secure before stepping into anything serious. Live life for yourself, be gracious and love yourself wholeheartedly.

30) BEFORE YOU ARGUE

Before you argue with someone, ask yourself, is that person even mentally mature enough to grasp the concept of different perspectives? Because if not, there’s absolutely no point.

31) NEVER TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

never take responsibility for ppl not seing your worth. There was nothing u could have changed them. No perfection would have made them loyal. No sacrifice would have them made committed. Stop taking blame for decisions that aren't yours

32) Success is never owned.. it’s rented, and the rent is due everyday. -pacman

33) SOMETIMES

I care too much, I trust too much, I think too much, I love too much, everything about me is just too much. But even so I wouldn’t want to change that about me. Just holding onto the hope that one day my “too much” will be everything someone could ever want.

34) FROM GOOD THINGS TO BAD THINGS

From good things, we learn to be a thankful person. From bad things, we learn to be a strong person. Remember that everything will not go the way you want it to. It's a matter of learning that life isn't handed to you. Stop worrying about what others want. Think about what you want, if you listen too much to what people say about you, you will never be who you really are.

[askdawnandvern]

A Lamb Among Wolves

Sorry I was a day late with posting this, but I had a really rough day yesterday and it sort of set me back a bit. It's mostly that I'm sick, coupled with some bad news that I'm still sort of getting over and now I'm trying to catch up. So it's official, we are now in act three. (Day three) of the trip in the story. All the set pieces are in place, and it's now more of a matter of moving things along. I'm going to be trying to hit the story as twice as hard at this point to get it out and finished faster than my previous rate, but it's still going to take a bit to get back to one chapter a week. But I'm going to be making a dedicated effort to try and get there so I can wrap this up.

That said, the ask blog might take a slight hit due to it. Mostly in the form of more 'text base answers' and less extended comics in order to achieve this goal. But at this point, there are only about 16 or so chapters left, and I'd prefer to get it all wrapped up before Summer.

Anyway, sorry for the delay Here's hoping we wrap this up quickly and satisfyingly in the coming months. WT, out.

And if you'd like early access to chapters and access to other perks you can check out My Patreon. www.patreon.com/wastedtimeee

Chapter Thirty-One: The Cultural Tenets of the Northern Roaropean Lamb

"Much like the wolves of old, ancient sheep as a species could be found on nearly every continent in some form or another. From the coldest mountain regions to some of the hottest climates, an ancient wandering mammal had a significantly high chance of running into a flock of sheep without even trying. In fact, sheep are considered to make up one of the largest representative species on the planet next to mammals in the canid and feline families respectively. And as you can imagine, that kind of density of species has lead to quite a few...unsavory rumors about sheepfolk in the eyes of other mammals. Especially thanks to the work of many Rams who wielded any sort of power, many of whom were in my family. But I am getting off track. The point of this entry is to discuss how sheepfolk tended to work in a society, their beliefs and social rules. More specifically those which pertain strongest to my genetic background, that being sheep of Schottish ancestry.

Now we've already discussed the general structure of early ancient sheep herds, and the system of hierarchy in place among them. Caprids have been, and remain a largely docile species that focus primarily on defending themselves rather than antagonizing others aside from a few notable exceptions. There was one key term i forgot to explain though, that being the word 'flock'. I had mostly referred to sheep as being 'herds' in the previous historical entry as it was easier to digest for most prey species and other predators. But the term 'flock' was a unique phrase that sheep's used to refer to their herds. I'm not sure exactly how common knowledge this is, but I thought it was a good idea to throw this in for good measure.

The Schotts, being herbivores in nature like all sheep relied largely upon farming and agriculture in order to sustain their close-knit communities, and thus their religious beliefs revolve largely around harvest and protection. The chief god amongst caprid kind being 'Hornunnos', roughly translating to 'he of many horns'. His multiple long, and numerous horns representative of his great wisdom, virility, and strength that came with being a well-developed ram. And on the feminine side, we have 'Cervidwen' goddess of bounty and the beauty of life. Cervidwen, roughly translated to 'hooves of grace' held sway over nature, the seasons, and nurturing the arts. It was she the Schotts prayed to for mild winters and bountiful harvests. And it was she who supposedly inspired the songs and stories that were birthed from some of sheepfolk's greatest minds. Tales of beauty, first love, and adventure. As well as tales of woe and warning to young little lambs that I will be touching on shortly.

Sheep shared a reverence for the moon, and its cycle just as wolves did. However, whereas wolves looked to the moon for guidance and prayer, it held in most sheep a powerful, paralyzing terror. A full moon was seen as a terrible omen to the native Schotts, which can be directly connected to the Norwulves preference fighting and going to war under its terrible glow. Fighting and warring that almost always found itself laying its paws at the shores of the Schottish Isles. As such a great deal of Caprid nursery rhymes and stories feature the presence of the full-moon as a dreadful set-up to a young kid or lamb being dragged off into the night by a fearsome wolf to be dined upon under the moon's sinister glow. Some going into excruciating and morbid detail about lamb's blood and pearly sharp teeth gleaming under the cursed glow of that hateful orb.

One of the most well known and shared stories that still persists to this day despite how much society has changed is the tale of 'Little Red Riding Hoof', a story originating from cervines and quickly adopted and adapted to the Schottish cannon. In it, a young doe, or in the case of the Schotts, a young ewe, travels to visit her ailing Grandmother in order to bring her a basket of goodies. But she leaves on the night of a full moon despite her parent's protest to wait till the morning, as her Grandmother is in dire need of supplies. They warn her of wolves, and their treacherous ways, but she is adamant that she can handle herself alone. Along the way she is silently stalked by a, you guessed it, hungry wolf, who eventually confronts her under the premise that he is simply a weary traveler looking for food. The fearful ewe is somewhat hesitant to even talk to the lone wolf, but takes pity on him, offering a small morsel of her Grandmothers supplies to soothe his hunger pangs. She remains firm however, that the small bit of food was all she could offer and reveals the nature of her journey to the creature. Much to her surprise, the wolf lets her go, and the ewe finds herself doubting her parent's warnings about wolf treachery.

But the wolf, now aware of the nature of her trip, and familiar with the cottage, sneaks ahead of the ewe and mercilessly devours her Grandmother whole. Once Red Riding Hoof arrives, the wolf masquerades as the ewe's ailing Grandmother. Poorly donning her ill-fitting clothes and trying his best to deceive the ewe into getting close enough to bite into her. Which the ewe foolishly acquiesces to.

To be fair, that part never really made sense to me in any iteration of the story. As a ewe, I couldn't conceive a lamb so dumb as to not immediately recognize that the mammal pretending to be her Grandmother was just that, a pretender, a fake. Then again, as a little lamb, I hadn't realized that my best friend had been a wolf until my Father had discovered the relationship. While I had heard the term wolf, the picture that had been painted for me was a snarling, drooling hideous beast, much as the story depicts.

And so the little friendly ball of fluff that quickly became my playmate didn't exactly fit the bill when it came to my Father's description. I simply couldn't make the connection, neither there, nor with his nickname, 'Puppy'. It was the name his brothers gave him, but only I was allowed to call him. But as to the meaning or implication of that title  I was still far too naive. And my Father was quick to make sure I never made that 'mistake' again.

But again, I've wandered off track. (Note: re-read this and consider revising it or shifting it to a later section.) Sufficed to say, the ewe is somehow fooled by the wolf's act. But unlike today's sanitized, family-friendly version of the tale put forth by companies like Dismurinae where the courageous woodsram bursts in at the last second and saves the foolish young ewe. The traditional version of the tale ends with the wolf simply devouring the lamb and escaping into the night, leaving her family to grieve the loss of their daughter and Grandmother. It was meant to be a staunch warning, a story that no matter how it played out it always ended the same way, death by the jaws of a hungry wolf.

As I've said, it is one of many caprid fear-mongering tales all aimed at warning young, impressionable lambs of the horrific nature of wolves. But stories like these were more than enough to force most of the Schotts to rely primarily on the sun and daylight for mapping their calendars and properly timing their harvests. And on a moonlit night, the average Schottram resident was hiding inside their home, with doors barred and windows shuttered and secure.

Lastly, I feel it is of obvious importance to explain the inner workings of caprid marriage. While the ceremony is fairly common among a variety of prey species with little variation, it is less so with predators, many of which ascribe to their own more unique ceremonies. But again, for the purposes of this particular book, I will only go into the rules and traditions of your standard 'Schottish' wedding.

The caprid take on marriage was one of the first popularized union ceremonies in Roarope, finding its start in the 'flocks' of Schottram and Irelamb before spreading and mingling amongst a variety of other prey groups and societies. It is a simpler ceremony in organization when compared to the rigorous approval process involved in the Norwullf or Canidean wolf 'tithing' ceremonies. Essentially, any ram is allowed to marry any ewe they wish without familial approval, although it is customary as a sign of respect. And in the case of the Schotts it came with many a hefty bonus. Entitlement to land, the merger of farms, and most commonly the bride's 'dowry'.

This 'dowry' was a small sum of money bestowed to the wedding ewe by her parents. it was intended to act seed money for the budding mates new family. Although today, the 'dowry'  has fallen out of favor pretty much everywhere outside of Schottram.

The ceremony is usually held by day in a meadow or field, not at night for obvious reasons. In the ceremony family and friends are expected to attend, and a caprid pastor is employed to officiate the union under the eyes of the gods. Most commonly the gods invoked to bless the ceremony are of course Hornunnus and Cervidwen, again for reasons that should be obvious to you given what importance I previously ascribed to them.

In the times of the Ancient Schotts, these pastors played a revered roll in most caprid communities. They were seen as the direct connection between the flocks on Animalia and the will of the gods, much like the 'seers' among the Norwulves. And as such their approval was tantamount to the success of any prospecting wedding couple. In order to reach the respected status of a pastor, these mammals underwent numerous trials to prove their hardship and devoting to the gods. But in reality, these were simply rites of passage that were approved over by other 'pastors' as a 'direct sign of approval' from the gods wasn't easy to provide evidence of. Most of these ancient trials have been lost to time, the ancient writings describing them varied and scattered. But the few fragments that remain describe anything ranging from lasting three days with no food or water to searing oneself with a hot iron. However, in today's society, becoming an 'official' caprid pastor is as easy as the click of a mouse, much to the relief of a great many sheepfolk.

The ceremony begins with the pastor invoking the god and goddess directly, before turning his attention to the wedding couple. This part of the ceremony remains quite traditional, so much so that the original text has barely changed in the thousands of years since its origin, and it goes as follows.

'Blessings and merry we meet, Gentlerams and ewes alike. I beseech the great god Hornunnus, whose wisdom is unparalleled, and dear goddess Cevidwen, graceful lady of plenty and merriment to lay their gifts of virility and bounty upon at the feet of the couple who stands before me.'

He would of course lead with the males name, followed by the female, announcing them both the audience as well as the gods.

           'Noble (insert ram's name), and Lady ( insert ewe's name) have asked for thee to share in their joy and to declare the depths of their love for one another before you all. To be blessed by both those among us, and those above as they embark on this journey together.'

It was then the pastor would ask the budding couple if they were certain of their choice. Fairly standard among most prey weddings aside from the wording.

           'Lord (ram), are thou certain of the love? Does thou retain an inkling of doubt or fear?

If the response is 'Nay, I am certain.', then the ceremony continues with the pastor repeating the same line directed at the Lady. And with her assent marches onward.

           'In as much as this Noble (mammal) and Lady (mammal) have pledged to one another to be married on this day. We call upon the gods to bless this union, and their lives together. Therefore, should there be any lamb assembled among us that can show just cause why these sheep should not be joined, then speak now, or forever be silent.'

The pastor would then hold for objections, again, another standard of most prey ceremonies aside from the archaic language. If there were no objections, the ceremony would continue.

'Great Hornunnus and Lady Cervidwen, holders of the unforeseen knowledge beyond knowing, we humbly ask of thee to bless this union. To bless their lives with merriment and plenty, and guide them through their trials and sorrows. To bless them with strong, healthy and mirthful lambs to carry on their proud name. '

Then of course, the pastor turns his attention directly to the couple.

           'Do you, Noble (mammal), take unto thyself as wife the Lady?'

To which the groom should respond.

           'Aye, for our lives, and into the hereafter.'

From there, the bride is asked a rephrased version of the question, and upon her agreement, the ceremony moves to a very interesting portion. At this time, the caprid pastor opens the floor to the wedding couple, offering them a chance to speak to one another in their own words. This is commonly referred to as the 'trading of vows', and it is intended for the couple to write their own speeches to one another. Professing love, and the depths of it and so forth. It's easily one of the most popular portions of romantic films involving prey weddings, leaving us with many eternally romantically quotable lines.

'It is now time for the trading of the vows, and with it, I open the floor to thee Lord (wolf) and Lady (ewe).

And of course, this is where the vows would go, but as they are generally unique, I don't exactly have anything to place here. So try to imagine the most romantic, beautiful sweeping statements delivered with passion and grace. The groom declaring his bottomless love for the bride, his unwavering trust and belief in her despite the slings and slander of others. And the bride, declaring how she is undeserving of love, yet overcome with joy to be loved, and of her lover.

Thanking the groom for his unwavering support and love, his care and devotion, the way he seems to treasure her like a precious stone when others treated her as if she were a malformed pebble. That her love for him is eternal regardless of the pelt he wears, the sharpness of his teeth, or his rugged good...

Ahem, Well I'm getting off track I think, I'm not sure where I was going with that. I mean, you must get the idea by now. (Note to self: shorten or remove vow examples?) After the vows, the pastor continues by presenting the traditional rings to the couple to be wed. The rings are traditionally made of polished ash wood, the grooms inlaid with gold edging, and the brides with silver. Each ring contains the other mammal's name etched on the interior of the band. While rings are a common practice with prey ceremonies, only caprid and cervine ceremonies use rings made of polished wood. It is what is believed to bind them to their natural roots, the forest from which they came, and the gods and goddess that watch over.

           'Gods, bless these rings which the Noble Vernon Hunter and Fair Lady Dawn Bellwether have chosen to mark themselves as to be forever unified in heart and within their spirits. As they give and receive these rings, may they testify to the world of the covenant made between them.

Then Vernon would say.

           'Dawn, receive and wear this ring as a symbol of my trust, my respect and my undying love for you.

And then I would say.

           'Vernon, receive and wear this ring and make me the happiest ewe in all of Animalia!'

(Note: This section needs to be revised heavily, this is supposed to be clinical, not emotional. Still, at the moment I can't bring myself to erase it. So fix it later!)

Then the pastor ends the ceremony with what most movies about prey marriages feature heavily. The kiss.

           'With the recitation of the vows, and the rings you now wear, may this union be made official. With a kiss, the purity and endless depths of their love will be laid bare for all to witness and embrace. You may now kiss the bride.'

With that comes the kiss of course, followed by the usual celebration of the newlyweds in the same meadow in which their union was consecrated. A fringe benefit of having an outdoor ceremony being that you don't have to have two separate venues to hold the celebration.

At the ceremony toasts are made, traditional food is eaten and merriment is made. Well wishes and gifts are shared and music is played and generally this part is all left up to those throwing the party. There are a few small traditions that are sometimes employed such as the tossing of the bouquet, and the removal of the garter, but otherwise, the afterparty has never been a very rigid, strict affair, and has easily adapted to the times. Even going so far as to make additions to the whole affair, adding the ever popular and the increasingly elaborate 'Honeymoon' as part of the package. All things I thought I was never going to have, and now...'

Dawn let out a pleasant sigh as she skimmed back over her previous handiwork. A smile forming on her lips as she quietly re-read the slight error in her clinical recounting of a traditional caprid wedding ceremony.

"Dawn, receive and wear this ring as a symbol of my trust, my respect and my undying love for you." Dawn murmured softly to herself, smiling warmly at the words on the screen.

'He probably wouldn't say it exactly like that...' The ewe thought to herself. 'Knowing him, he'd find something better.'

Dawn began to yawn, doing her best to quiet it with one hoof while stretching with her other arm. The other girls were all still asleep, Malcolm snoring loudly as he unconsciously scratched at his belly, and the ewe was still keen not to wake them with her own troubles.

The ewe had no intention of waking up as early as she had. It had to have been at least an hour before the first glimmers of morning light began to filter through the windows of the large bedroom. But there had been a number of factors at play to rob the ewe of sleep that night, forcing her to turn to her writing to drive them back, and Malcolm's snoring was probably the least of it.

To start with, the collapse of Ada's bed and the lack of proper spares in the room had more or less forced the group to take Audrey's advice and have two of the girl's bunk together. Naturally, or at least Dawn should have immediately assumed to be the natural solution, Ada and Vanna concluded the two smallest mammals in the room should be the ones to split a bed. They of course, quickly focused their gaze on herself and Qali to further emphasize the choice had already been made.

It made sense to Dawn, her own bed proving much too large for someone of her size anyway. But what the girls had neglected to mention, was that the diminutive little vixen was quite pawsy in her sleep.

Perhaps they didn't know, or perhaps it had been the ewe's own fault for having invited the fox to pet her wool that night. But Dawn had spent the evening fending off the vixen's attempts at grappling the ewe's wooly poof in her sleep.

The first two times the sleeping fox had managed to get a tight grip around her hair, Dawn had reluctantly woken the vixen up to let her know what she was doing. Qali, of course, was terribly embarrassed, apologizing profusely before shifting over to the farthest edge of the bed as she could before going back to bed. However, it didn't take long for the slumbering canid to drift her way back over to Dawn's side. And before the ewe knew it, the vixen was once again entangled in her wooly mane, letting out contented little sighs as she presumably 'counted sheep'.

Eventually, the ewe gave up fending off the impromptu cuddle session, choosing to embrace the little excitable vixen's unintentional affection in the interest of a good nights sleep. But despite the slight discomfort of having a mammal practically suction cupped to her head, it was something warm. It was an affectionate gesture the fox clearly couldn't control, and it was certainly more welcoming than what awaited Dawn in her dreams.

Each time the lamb had managed to drift off into slumber, she found herself in that darkened study. The acrid yet sweet scent of brandy overwhelming her nostrils so strongly it caused her to gag. The dim shine of the lighting against its bronze and deep green fixtures creating a glare in all directions as the ewe struggled to find her ground. She could still see the wolf, seemingly towering over his desk now as he glared back at her with hateful eyes. Piercing grey eyes that smoldered with an unrelenting disdain for the increasingly smaller ewe standing before him. His lips curled around his gleaming, sharpened teeth as he spat bile in her direction.

The same speech, over and over again, only now without her protests. She couldn't muster a defense, and with every hateful statement or unkind word, she felt herself shrinking smaller and smaller.

In desperation, she called to her primal self, the beast that once haunted her dreams before her encounter with her Father in that old factory on the frigid tundra night. Anything to give her the strength to stand back up, to defend herself. But it never came. It was gone after all, now a part of her that for some reason she couldn't conjure as Dorian continued his incessant berating.

"Ya'll came out here expectin' everything to go your way." The wolf repeated, his grimace deepening as the disgust in him rose. "You were thinkin' about yer selfish needs!"

"N-no!' The ewe waivered.

"You think I'd ever accept you as one of our own? " Again word for word, the wolf's most painful barbs playing on loop for her own personal torment.

Dawn tried her protest, but each wave after wave of painful insults and untrue statements was wearing her down. Reducing her to nothing more than a heap on the floor of the dimly lit office until she suddenly found herself on the wolf's desk. The ewe now no bigger than an ant, surrounded by the various golden baubles on the now massive wolf's desk as he raised his decanter in the air preparing his final blow.

"As long as I'm head of this household, you ain't never gonna be a Hunter!" The wolf bellowed at a deafening octave as the ewe clutched at her ears in pain.

Then the decanter came down. Faster, faster and closer as the ewe found herself unable to move. Paralyzed with terror as she tried to scream out.

"NO!"

And just like that she was awake again, dripping with sweat and gasping for breath. Thankfully Qali proved to be a heavy sleeper, or perhaps the ewe would have woken her. Instead, the slumbering fox remained gripped to her hair, hanging off of her slightly as the ewe sat up, trying to regain her composure.

And so the evening went, and each time the ewe closed her eyes she was back in that place. The room that stunk heavily of fine brandy, the golden reflections that seemed to blind her, and the fierce and towering Dorian. It played on repeat, the same way each time. And Dawn could do little to stop it other than waking up and escaping that terrible realm of her innermost demons. And eventually, the ewe resigned herself to staying awake, rather than be forced to face it again.

After carefully prying the fox off of her head and easing her back onto her own pillow, the ewe went right to burying herself in her work. Doing her best to bury the terrible dream behind volumes of text that still needed to be typed. Losing herself in hazy visions of a blissful and beautiful caprid  marriage to the wolf she loved so dearly. It was something she could still take some sort of solace in. Despite Dorian's hateful words, and outright refusal to accept her as part of the family, at the very least he couldn't deny her a caprid ceremony. At the very least she and Vernon would have their ceremony, with or without his approval. They would stand together in a beautiful meadow, before the gods and the members of their families that chose to attend and pledge their love to one another. Their devotion, their loyalty, and their honor before joining as one in heart and in spirit.

The ewe had so lost herself in her fantasy, her safe haven, that the world around her had managed to fall away. Only managing to tear herself away from her work when then first rays of the morning brought her back to her reality. She was still in the Hunter home, still in Dorian's domain, and soon enough she would have to face the day and whatever it was set to bring.

The ewe carefully eased herself off of the mattress, doing her best not to wake the tiny vixen still sleeping peacefully as she tightly grappled her pillow in the place of the ewe's fluffy poof before cautiously rolling her suitcase out from beneath its place under the bed. With deliberately soft steps the ewe made her way across the room, carrying the suitcase to keep the wheels from rattling against the hardwood floor as she approached the room divider. Once behind the privacy of its curtain, the ewe too to dressing herself in the most worn out and comfortable set of clothes she had packed in preparation for working the stand. And old lavender blouse with flowing sleeves that she could easily roll up should she need to work with dough. And a simple, but trusty deep purple skirt to go with it that she didn't mind staining.

Taking a seat on the hardwood floor, the ewe pulled her pocket mirror from the case, as well as her usual wool care equipment to spend a few minutes getting her wool back in order. The diminutive vixen had done quite a number to her usually solid and bouncy spherical bouffant, but it was nothing a few minutes with the wool brush and a heavy application of wool cream couldn't manage to tame.

Adding the last touches to her hair, the ewe prepared to snap her compact shut only to freeze just short of the nearly involuntary action. She stared at the weary-looking ewe staring back at her, the sadness etched into her features appearing almost permanent in the bleary reflection. With a wavering sigh, the ewe tried to assure herself that she was okay. That everything would work out. To take her own words she had spent yesterday evening telling Vernon to heart and trying to remain optimistic despite herself. Dawn forced a smile to her muzzle, and for a moment she nearly had herself convinced she could do it.

"As long as I'm head of this household, you ain't never gonna be a Hunter!"

Her smile dropped the second the words replayed in her head, the ewe letting out another weak and shuddering sigh as she felt herself faltering.

Dawn wasn't sure how to press on with this facade. With Dorian in charge, any sort of leeway made at Hunter Household with the other members of the family meant little. What sort of organic relationship could she truly hope to foster with the icy white wolf acting as a roadblock? Certainly none that required visiting the Hunter Ranch to say the least. The ewe wondered how her sisters would react to Dorian's assessment of her, or the Hunters for that matter? What about Audrey, his mate? The ewe couldn't even begin to picture the disaster that was waiting to happen should she breathe a word of her confrontation with the wolf to anyone in the family, especially Vernon. The damage done would most certainly be devastating, and the rifts that would be driven between members of the family might prove far too vast to mend.

Yet she had to endure two more days. Two more days of biting her tongue while Dorian's words ate a hole through her stomach. And in that moment, the ewe remained uncertain that she could stand it.

Then she saw it. Behind her reflection in the mirror she could see her suitcase. The purple container still left open, with notes and clothes haphazardly strewn about. But among the various bits of necessities and wool care products she could see the edge of a familiar band sticking out from between two notebooks. The bracelet she extracted with great care before laying it to rest gently in her palm.

"Puppy's Best Friend." She read softly, a warm smile forming on her muzzle.

Carefully the ewe slid the familiar, albeit childish looking bracelet onto her wrist. Dawn gave it a gentle spin, letting out a quiet chuckle as a few of the translucent bead caught glimmers of light as they spun before clutching down on the bracelet with her other hand. The ewe squeezed it tightly, holding it as if it were a sacred talisman that would protect her from her own thoughts. Drawing strength from the simple presence of it on her arm. A reminder that no matter what, she had her 'Puppy Love'. And in the end, that was all she really wanted.

Dawn could feel her confidence returning as she clutched the bracelet.

She could do it, she could get through it. And then, once they returned to Zootopia she and Vernon could start planning their 'real' wedding and put Dorian's nastiness behind them. While she loved her new sisters and brothers dearly, she could get along just fine without returning to the ranch, and would be more than happy to invite them out to Zootopia should they be so inclined to see her.

'Vernon probably doesn't even care about getting a 'tithing' ceremony.' The ewe reassured herself. 'Between the official caprid wedding and our partnership license I'm sure he'll be more than satisfied.'

As Dawn closed her suitcase, zipping it shut as quietly as possible she continued the positive mental self-encouragement. The ewe growing more confident with each soft stride she made on her way back to her bedside. With a quiet huff, the ewe slid her case back under the mattress and eased herself back onto her bed next to the slumbering arctic fox.

Gently closing her laptop, the ewe came to a final conclusion.

"I can wait to tell Vernon what happened when we get home." Dawn mused to herself. " He'll be mad sure, but with that much distance between him and his Father he'll have time to cool off and then..." Dawn paused, the next words even her more optimistic approach was having a hard time parsing. " Maybe they can talk it out like adult mammals."

Vrrt! Vrrt!

Dawn nearly jumped out of her pelt at the sudden, abrupt noise. It was a quiet droning sound, but it was close enough to startle her. The ewe's eyes began to scan wildly for the source, glancing back at Qali for a moment and raising an eyebrow. The fox was still slumbering away, her paws choking her pillow to death.

"Did you...?" Dawn muttered softly.

Vrrt! Vrrt!

This time Dawn felt it, the slight and familiar vibration trembling through the blanket beneath her. Glancing over near the side of her laptop, she spied her Carrot phone resting softly where she had left it to charge. The screen of the device now dimly lit with a message prompt.

The ewe rolled her eyes at her moment of brief stupidity before quickly scooping the phone into her hands before it could make any more noise. With a flick of her hoof the screen came to life, the text alert now clear and visible as it hung over her home screen.

"Two new messages from Judy Hopps."

"Lamb Sakes..." Dawn uttered quietly. "I completely forgot about Judy!"

Opening the app, the ewe was greeted with both messages, each sent within seconds of one another.

"Judy: Dawn, you awake? I know it's pretty early, but I wanted to check in."

"Judy: Unless you were asleep and my text woke you up. If so, I'm sorry."

Dawn rolled her eyes, letting out a soft chuckle at the rabbit's message string. It was clear from the split seconds between the messages and the second-guessing herself the rabbit was already firing on all cylinders. Dawn's reply was considerably shorter, and what the ewe could only imagine in comparison to the rabbit, slower.

"Yes, I'm awake". The ewe texted back.

Dawn watched the screen in silence. For a moment it remained still, but soon enough Dawn could see the ellipses denoting the rabbit was in the process of typing a reply.

"Judy: Couldn't sleep either?"

Dawn's expression shifted to a dull glare as she let out a quiet, sarcastic laugh.

"Define sleep... Dawn responded.

Again Dawn watched as the ellipses danced below her last message.

"Judy: Yeesh, that bad huh?" Came the reply.

Dawn placed a hoof over her eyes, slowly pulling it down her face as she let out an exasperated sigh. The ewe taking a moment to release some of her previous tension before continuing the conversation.

"Bad, is putting it lightly Judy." The ewe answered.

There was a slight pause before the rabbit began to type her response.

"Judy: You want to talk about it?"

Dawn let out another soft, sarcastic chuckle before keying in her reply.

"It would take me hours to go over everything." Dawn texted. "It's really something we should save for discussion on a coffee meet after all this is said and done."

The pause was longer this time, leaving Dawn to imagine the rabbit was pondering her next statement with a greater degree of care.

"Judy: You sure?" By the time the message popped, Judy was already typing a follow-up.

"Judy: How about a 'Clop's Notes' version?"

Dawn smirked at the response. The ewe wasn't sure about exactly how to distill all that had happened to her in just the two days she had been at the Hunter Ranch, but she supposed she could try. Dawn pondered quietly, organizing and trimming her planned response in her head in order to get as much information out with the least amount of text as possible. It had to be getting close to breakfast time now, and soon enough the ewe would be far too busy to keep up with a long-running test conversation.

"Well let's see..." Dawn texted, preparing the rabbit for the oncoming info dump.

"To start with, Vernon's Father hates me." Dawn added, feeling a particularly painful sting inside her chest as she pressed send. " I mean, he told me to my face more or less, but I haven't told Vernon yet."

As Dawn continued to type, Judy gave a short and simple reply.

"Judy: Oh..." The text popped up.

"Judy: I'm so sorry Dawn." She followed up with.

" We also got kicked out of the fair yesterday for being a pred/prey couple, the North Meadowlands Representative going so far as asking Vernon's whole family to leave." Dawn continued.

"And to top it all off I had my remnant estrus yesterday, and Vernon and I got caught rutting in the family cornfield because he howled during it." Dawn added.

Judy's response was immediate.

"Judy: Yikes... -_-* " The text popped up.

"And that's not even the half of it..." Dawn replied. "There is so much more that's happened over just the last two days. It's been a rollercoaster." Dawn shook her head dismissively as she typed. " I just gave you the 'highlights'."

It seemed like at least a minute rolled by before Judy began typing a response, giving the ewe time to make a quick scan of the bedroom to make sure she still hadn't disturbed the other Hunter girls. Fortunately even Qali, who remained tightly gripped to her pillow, coiled around it protectively.

"Judy: I hope there are some positives... :/" The rabbit eventually replied.

Dawn chuckled softly to herself.

"Oh there are, it really isn't all bad." Dawn typed a reply. " I get along well with Vernon's Mother, as well as most of his brothers."

"Judy: 'Most', huh?" The rabbit was quick to reply.

Dawn rolled her eyes.

"Well, I suppose nobodies family is perfect right?" The ewe replied. "You can't really win 'em all."

Before Judy could finish her reply, Dawn tapped out another quick addendum to her list of positives. " I've also gotten very close with Vernon's Sister-in-laws."

The rabbit's ellipses paused, giving Dawn time to add more or less conclude her statement.

"But the way things have been going, The negatives are beginning to wear me down faster than any of the positives can help build me back up." Dawn sent, letting out a soft, tired sigh.

The ellipses on Judy's incoming message remained frozen for a moment or two, most likely waiting to see if the ewe was done with her line of thought before pressing forward with her reply. But eventually, the little dots began to move again.

"Judy: You want to talk about imperfect families?" That response forced a ewe to stifle a giggle. She could already tell where the rabbit was going.

"Judy: Not to belittle your struggle, but getting the approval of seven siblings instead of three-hundred has considerably better odds, trust me."

Dawn shook her head trying to keep the rising smirk that was desperately trying to form on her muzzle as the rabbit continued.

"Judy: The thing that really baffles me is how my Dad is acting about me and Nick." Judy added. "Well, not really baffles me, but it's certainly hypocritical."

Dawn was quick to reply, eager to hear what must have been the starting point for the doe's own weekend struggle at the Carrot Day festival.

"Oh?" Dawn replied. "But I thought you told me your Father liked Nick?"

Dawn waited, Judy seemingly taking a moment to figure out how to reply. The ewe knew from previous conversations that Nick had been on trips with her to Bunny Burrow several times over the years. Unlike her and Vernon, the family was quite familiar with the fox. And when it came to Judy's Father, he was absolutely enamored with him. The prospect of someone keeping an eye on the rabbit in her 'dangerous' line of work, and his knowledge of the inner workers of Zootopia proving to be an easy angle to charm the older rabbit. Judy had even mentioned the fact that Nick had been teaching him a variety of way to gain the upper hand in her Father's weekly poker game. Sufficed to say, all of the previous accounts from Judy had lead Dawn to believe the two mammals had a healthy and robust 'bromance' between them. After a few moments, the rabbit finally texted back.

" 'Judy: Liked' being the key word here. " Just replied, ending her sentence with a frowning rabbit emoji. "He loved Nick when he was just my partner. But now that I announced we are dating...well...you get the idea."

Dawn chuckled quietly to herself as she read the reply.

"Judy: Now the old buck is acting like Nick committed a crime against mammality or something." The rabbit followed up.

The ewe lets out a sigh, at least she wasn't the only one suffering when it came to this issue. although she found herself wondering if the situation was just as bad as hers. Still, the ewe wanted to keep the conversation light, and trying to compare the nuances between their situation would have to be reserved for a later time. Nor did Dawn want to fall into the trap of playing the game of 'who has it worse'.

"Sounds like we both are having Father problems. :/" Dawn replied. "It feels better to know I'm not alone at least."

The rabbit was already typing a reply as the ewe hit send.

"Judy: The worse part is that Nick being Nick, is actively making it worse by antagonizing him. Bleh." Another frowning rabbit icon followed the statement. "Judy: Nick actually asked him last night if "Plowing the field was as rough for him as when Nick 'plows' me."

Dawn clasped her muzzle tightly in an effort to keep her laughter from escaping at the fox's statement. She was sure it was embarrassing to Judy, but being outside of it made it particularly hilarious.

"Judy: The two of them are starting to drive me crazy!" Judy typed back, a rabbit emoji with swirly eyes following the text. "Judy: But I'm going to settle this stupid thing once and for all today."

The ewe quirked a curious eyebrow as she read over the question. Judy was always the kind of mammal to take the initiative when it came to solving a seemingly impossible problem. It was something the ewe admired about the rabbit. But in this instance, it didn't seem like a problem one could just force a fix upon.

"How?" Dawn responded dumbly, her lips mouthing the word as she typed.

The rabbit was quick with a reply.

"Judy: We're going back to the fair today." Judy replied. "Judy: And I'm forcing them on to the Ferris wheel together."

Dawn scrunched her muzzle in confusion, the rabbit's plan seeming more baffling than her initial declaration.

"O...kay...?" Dawn replied, but the rabbit was already typing.

"Judy:  I know the rabbit who runs the Ferris wheel, and he owes me a favor." Judy continued. "I'm going to have him stop them at the top, and Mom and I won't let them down until they bury the hatchet!"

Dawn stifled a chuckle out the outlandish plan, it was a classic Judy solution.

"I don't know if I could do the same thing in my case..." Dawn replied, a frown returning to her muzzle. "I feel it's a bit more complicated than that with Vernon and Dorian."

There was a momentary pause before the ellipses danced at the bottom of the screen again.

"Judy: His Father?" Judy finally replied.

"Yes." The ewe typed back.

"Judy: How so?" Judy fired back almost as quickly as Dawn had sent her message.

This comment was drawing the conversation dangerously close to treading back on having to be a three-hour discussion, something the ewe was certain she didn't have time for. Dawn tried to think of a short reply, eventually coming up with something to move the conversation along. But while she was in the middle of typing the reply, a soft knock came at the bedroom door, drawing her attention away from the screen.

"Dawn, ya'll up?" The door opened slightly, and the ewe spotted a familiar nose wiggle its way in between the crack. "Honey Lamb?" The muzzle whispered.

"Vernon?" Dawn whispered back.

The door opened wider, allowing the wolf to poke his head in the rest of the way. Vernon flashed the ewe a small smile.

"'Mornin' Darlin'." Vernon said softly, his eyes scanning the room slowly before shifting his attention back to the ewe. "Dressed already?" Vernon asked.

Dawn rapidly cleared the unfinished message from her screen, entering a quick reply before shutting the phone down and sliding it in her pocket. 'Saved by the wolf.' She thought to herself.

"I'll talk to you later, Vernon's up. gtg." The response read.

With her cell tucked away, the ewe eased off the side of the bed as quietly as she could before scrambling her way over to the wolf at the door. as she approached, Vernon widened the gap, allowing himself to slip partially inside the bedroom. The wolf was dressed in a simple grey hoodie, and a beat up pair of jeans, wearing one of his favorite bandannas around his neck.

"So are you." Dawn replied in a hushed voice as she came up beside him.

Vernon smirked, glancing down at his hoodie.

"Takes me about five minutes er' less to get ready fer the day Floof's." Vernon chuckled softly. "It ain't like I'm the type to fuss with my looks too much." The wolf ran a paw through the tuft of fur on his scalp, letting out a soft sigh as he dragged it back.

"You sleep alright Mutton Chop?" The wolf's features took on a look of concern. "I mean considerin' the prep ya'll do in the mornin' I take it you've been up fer a while now."

Dawn looked away slightly, she couldn't really bring herself to look the wolf in the eyes, but the lamb played it off as glancing back at the other girls.

"Eh..." Dawn muttered. "I slept okay." Dawn shrugged as she brought her attention back to the wolf.

Vernon chuckled softly as he stood on the tips of his feet, glancing further back into the bedroom. Following his eye line, she could see the wolf had settled his gaze on the still snoring Malcolm. The wolf was now laying on his back, his muzzle opening and closing widely as he practically snarled in his sleep.

"Yeah..." Vernon smirked, looking back down to Dawn. "Suppose I should have told you Malcolm's a snorer."

Vernon giggled quietly as she turned back to Vernon.

"How does Xavier sleep through that?" Dawn asked.

Vernon rolled his eyes slightly. "Earplugs." The wolf said bluntly before placing a paw by his face and leaning down and closer to Dawn. "Malcolm don't know, so don't tell him."

Dawn had to stifle a laugh as the wolf rose to his feet again.

"So, ya'll ready to get some food in ya before we head out?" Vernon asked, slipping his paws into his pockets. "Ma made 'caramel prench toast' just fer us. And trust me, it's amazin'. "

The ewe quirked an eyebrow in confusion.

"Just for us?" Dawn glanced back at the other mammals still peacefully asleep just in time to catch Malcolm scratching his gut again. "You mean, we aren't going to wake them up?"

Vernon shook his head dismissively.

"Ma thinks it's best to let 'em sleep in." Vernon replied with a slight frown. " Considerin' Pa's 'ban' and all it ain't like they'll be comin' with us, plus most of 'em are probably gonna need to help set up fer the barbeque." Vernon shrugged. " 'Sides, Ma thought it might be nice fer the three of us to have a nice, quiet meal together." The wolf flashed her a soft smile. "And I kinda liked the idea."

"But what about their breakfast?" Dawn asked, throwing another glance back at the slumbering mammals. "Surely they don't want to miss out?"

Vernon shook his head. "Ma says Malcolm's got 'em covered. He's on home cookin' duty today anyway." The wolf said with a smirk. "He always handles the barbeque cookin' after all."

Dawn nodded, taking another glance back at the sleepy mammals. The idea of a nice, quiet breakfast without the wild clamorous din of the entire Hunter family, as much as she loved them, did sound rather nice. It certainly was a reassurance that mammals like Yuri and Ulric wouldn't be there to start the day off even more so on the wrong hoof than it already had.

Dawn turned back to the wolf, flashing him a weak smile.

"That sounds lovely Vernon." The ewe whispered.

Dawn could see the wolf's tail wagging softly behind him as a warm smile curled across his muzzle.

"Excellent" The wolf went to clap his paws together, nearly making the impact before the wolf caught himself. The wolf tried to play off his mistake by quickly running one of the offending paws through his hair. "So, ahem..." The wolf cleared his throat. "Ya'll ready then?"

Dawn smiled at the goofy canine, giving him a soft assenting nod.

"Just let me put my laptop away and get my jacket, okay?" Dawn replied.

Vernon smirked, giving the ewe a nod as she turned back toward her bedside. Making her way back to the bed, the ewe slid her suitcase out from beneath the mattress once more, unzipping and opening the purple case before reaching for her laptop. The ewe gingerly rested it on top of her clothes, pulling the plug free of the wall before draping it on top of the computer.

As Dawn reached for her coat that was sticking out of the side of the bag, she felt a familiar rumble in her pocket.

Vrrt! Vrrt!

Clearly Judy had replied, but the ewe waited until she had closed her suitcase and returned it to the spot beneath the bed before pulling the phone free of her pocket.

Making her way back toward Vernon, her coat slung over her shoulder, the ewe opened the phone once more to read the rabbits reply.

"Judy: Alright, good luck Dawn."

Dawn smirked as she slid the phone back into it's resting place within her pocket before turning her attention back to the awaiting wolf.

"Got a message?' Vernon asked. "Nothin' important I hope..." The wolf flashed her a worried look.

Dawn let out a soft chuckle.

"It's nothing Puppy, just Judy." The ewe replied.

The wolf's frown dissipated, a smile returning in its place. "Aww, rabbit cop again? Tell I said hi!"

Dawn giggled. "Later, okay. Now let's go eat." Dawn said, grasping the wolf's paw with her free hoof. "I'm famished."

Vernon chuckled softly. "Alright. Alright."

As the couple walked away from the bedroom, the wolf gingerly closing the door behind them as they stepped away, Dawn continued to ruminate on Judy's last text. The words resting in the forefront of her mind along with the other mantras she had been focusing on just moments earlier.

"Alright, good luck Dawn."

"By the gods, I hope so..." Dawn thought to herself. "I certainly need it."

#Zootopia #zoosona #fanfiction #Assistant Mayor Bellwether #furry #wasted time #dawn bellwether #wolf #OC

[hankeliza]

Hate to be cliche, but here goes.

This decade has been some shit. 2010. Best year of my life. I’m 17, I have my soul mate and best friend every single day of my life. No bills and making way too much money. I got the love of my life, Rome. I am so cool in my mind and just life was fucking GREAT. I met corbin that year and I was legit in absolute bliss.

Feb 2012 my best friend moves to fl and that was so great but I am in absolute shambles. I am lost I am unhappy. This is where it all goes wrong and only now, 8 years later do I realize the codependency issues I had with jenna. I fucking loved that chick from the depths of my goddamn soul, we could speak and make decisions and plans with just locking eyes for a blink of a second. So bc I am sad, lost and unable to make sense of my selfish and immature feelings, I take it out on her and a whole slough of klonopin. Corbin and I are doing bad and this is when it should’ve ended.

April 2012 (hah time is funny af) I do some shady shit, but not to the magnitude it was portrayed. Life moves on and I get back with corbin. This is my new person to rely on. I need him bc he stuck thru it with me and gained my whole hearted trust that he loves me, even when ugly and I love him through all of his ugly. We are ugly and we are in love and nothing in the world matters to me anymore besides him.

Oct 2012 I finally am ready to move outta stc. But corbins with me. I beg and beg and beg to please go to Tampa but nah, we go to Miami. It’ll be easier, Adam will take us in. He still is this big mature, always with it guy, I don’t know him, that’s why. We get there, nothing much to even talk about. Great times but eh. Leavin it at that. Shit happens and we get out of dodge like some fuckin thief’s in the night. Drive two days to portland. I won’t get into all the beautiful shit I saw bc that’ll take too long but, here we are.

I live with a naked hippie that is actually psychotic and oh, later on turns out she’s making us pay for a house SHE IS SQUATTING IN. But anyway, things happened (again adam) and we move to the city city. Won’t even get in to the shit that transpired there, but now I’m moving back home.

Feb 2013 (wow really seeing some timelines matching up of my most unpleasant times of my life?!¿¡) so I’m back home. I don’t sleep, I don’t eat. I think I weighed 110 while standing 5’8. My dads on parole, only time I see sunlight is when he needs to meet with his PO. Nicole nurtures me and literally does everything in her power to make me be better, but I am not ready to feel happiness or bond with any other human. I am not ready to move on or up or out. I am stuck. Corbin moves home. Ahhh yes. My safety blanket is back and I can be happy again (hahahah)

So in the meantime while I was sad Nicole and I are partying, late nights to meijer and rite aid, getting high and snacks and shit is just fucking awesome. She meets the love of her life and he takes her and even me in to his whole friend crowd and I am HAPPY and feel bliss again. I have friends? Imagine that. They fall madly in love and then heh, they move. Well shit. Now mind you I have totally capability to see them whenever I please bc Nicole is an open door policy. But truly I’m lazy, I like convenience and still wrapped up in my own stupid bitchass, (that I can now see, but then couldn’t) and it’s back to corbin and I.

So now it’s getting close to end of 2013 and all I pretty much do is spend every waking moment with corbin. I don’t mean to make that sound so awful, then I loved it. Now, it’s all so bleak.

2014 hits. I’m in and out of jobs. Corbin and I live off of pop can returns. I’m still 21 so like, none of that mattered and I didn’t care about a future. He gets a job and I finally get into the courthouse. We start doing ~molly~ heavy. Locking ourselves in a bedroom from Friday-Sunday. Every weekend. When you hear “ecstasy/drugs ruined my sex life” from older people, you don’t really know what to make of that. When I tell you drugs ruined our sex life and our likeness for each other, now I fucking get it. I stopped smoking weed 24/7 bc I was paranoid of losing my job. Not much more to that year or 2015 than chemical pills and being locked in a room and outdoor adventures with my dog.

2016, I finally convince corbin to {for the love of god} attempt to get his license back (which he did, and then ruined again, but that comes later) so we’re really making moves, honestly for us we were doing shit. We had a marker board calendar AND meeting our goals/deadlines !!! His dad gets oxys, and we’ve been borrowing his Vicodin for idk, a year or 3 at this point. This is kinda when things get fuzzy. But oxys come and got damn do they feel good. But only recreational. It wasn’t serious then.

Corbin gets prescribed adderall. Not much more we need to dive in to with that jazz but oxys and addies were all we ate until about the end of 2017. Pills are gone. Let’s fucking driiiiink.

2018

So I developed an alcohol issue at this point. Still battling it to this day. But I don’t really remember much. Did some cool shit, went to Europe. Met a girl that I’ve never loved kissing more. She was nuts. I moved out of our apartment we got together and back home, re-up w/ Rickey, we have fun. He cheats on me with the girl he got pregnant and neglected (they’re engaged now, congrats guys) I’m completely broken and alone because at this point i have managed to push every waking soul away from me and experience the weirdest fucking shit ever that I can only explain as spiritual, or maybe it was satanic. It burned and hurt and scared the ballsacks out of me. Can’t kill your self if you’re a pussy, turns out.

I spent this whole year trying to find friends, wrong crowd. I developed a relationship with a coworker who still to this day has my heart and soul and I love him and will always hope the best. He is the greatest comfort I had but it was only ever from 5pm - until we finished having drinks and sex and then back to being alone. I even confessed my confused love for him and he set me straight. He showed me more about being strong than anyone ever. I love you D.

The end of September I finally meet up with a dude I can’t take my damn eyeballs off for years. I finally mustered up the courage after making excuses for about 2 weeks why I couldnt meet up with him. So I come over. It’s raining so hard. I couldn’t find his house. I just wanted the god damn dick, and go home. He didn’t let that happen.

We see one another mainly every single day except Wednesday’s because he has plans that day every week. I tried my hardest to ghost him multiple times but he didn’t let that happen either. We are both drinking a lot because we are both sad but our company really really reaaaally made up for the sadness. He is the funniest person I’ve ever met and I think he thought that about me too.

November 21st comes and he is being weird and I am constantly nervous around him so I get weird bc I think I did something or he’s gonna tell me to go home, I didn’t know. He finally says he wants to be my man, like full time man. I have a bf? I don’t want one but something about you is fckin freaky you beautiful boy. Everything is coming together.

And here we go: December 21. 1 month is all it took to mess it up.

Leaving my work party, ironically after getting all of my drinks bought for me :) , I go to jail. Jail was not as bad as I expected. I was a good criminal so I got to sit in a different room w/ a tv until shift change. Oh and ! my high school classmate was a worker there so that was neat ! (jesuschrist) anyway; dont have Laynes number memorized, my family and I just watched my grandpa die, gasping for air 10 day prior. Can’t call my mom. Scared to call my dad (who was the nicest of anyone) soooooo corbin it is. I dealt with his jail problems time after time so, his turn I guess.

Welp it’s 2019. Not much to say. Layne stuck through all of it with me and I have no fucking clue why. Got a therapist. Stopped drinking whiskey completely. Bought a vacuum and couch. Live with my way too supportive boyfriend. My family fucking loves him. I am .... growing ? stronger ? mentally ? as every day passes ? because of him ? He teaches me so much about moving on, life and just thinking before doing. Life ain’t that serious. I love you Layne. I completely do. I started alcohol classes and I went in with such a shitty attitude, like I’m better than everyone? (Been my issue for, forever) I fucking love my group sessions. I am for once not alone with the unpopular shit I struggle with. Addiction is so real and I always thought it was a stupid ass excuse for being lazy but hahhhhhh karma loves me.

I’ve been struggling so hard with jenna. I have talked to a handful of people and most have said it’s been blown out of proportion but, don’t hurt your friends. I finally fucking wrapped it up when I got ahold of her, tried to anyway, before Christmas. I explained a lot, now that I’ve had years to sit back and reflect on myself and my bullshit and I can’t blame her (side bar: she still didn’t care lol.) But I am fuckin over it. My feelings got hurt to absolute fuck about some things and instead of being mature, I fucked her over, because I felt fucked over. But I’m sorry, I did that, I take responsibility and best wishes forever but an anvil weight has finally been lifted off my chest and I feel like I can finally move the fuck on and it’s such a great feeling to get rid of something that’s been eating me alive.

So basically, the last two years ate me the fuck alive. This year I meditated on shit. We will see how 2020 goes but I am ready considering what I’ve done to myself, been through and I still am fucking alive and trying. Being a human is dumb but it’s aight sometimes. Getting better. Good luck y’all.

[peanutdracolich]

Peanut Dracolich Watches Horror: Saw

I had never seen Saw. What I had heard led me to believe it led to a period of gruesome torture porn as horror films and was itself a film about gruesome torture and ‘oh look bloodshed the horror’. It was not.

This was in fact a pleasant surprise. It did not rely upon gruesome showings of severed limbs and cut open stomachs, but understood that hey the implication is more horrific. It was instead Psychological Horror of the locked in a room murder gamey type. I enjoy this horror in manga and stories. So this was a pleasant surprise.

It was also a badly done example of this type of horror. The villain relied too far on luck and people acting extremely stupid and in some cases extremely uncharacteristically stupid. The film was sloppy with details, that in the sort of puzzle it was presenting you would and should be looking at. While some of these were inconsequential (ok in the long run it didn’t matter that the dude instantly dried off) it was jarring from the mystery and the horror and the film asked me to look for it. It lacked the fun that made Child’s Play enjoyable despite the bad (and I’d say Child’s Play wasn’t worth the time) leaving it unsatisfactory.

Ultimately I expected a film at about The Omen’s quality. Nothing that I’d be wondrously impressed by, nor anything that would make me groan. Instead I found it profoundly disappointing even by those standards and would put it closer to Uzumaki; though it did do many things better than Uzumaki it invited the critical/analytical brain and it should not have done that. Unlike The Omen, Alien: Covenant, and Prince of Darkness I feel no need or desire to ever watch this film again.

Still the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, and my screaming loathing of Adam as an annoying dolt... I mean my scene by scene are below the cut.

The Good:

The Bear Trap story: It’s not surprising that they picked this for the 10 year anniversary poster. This story was in fact chilling and horrific (if not scary but horror and scary are not always the same). It was the best part of the film.

The creepy doll: The puppet is creepier than Chucky. it just didn’t really get to do much in the film to capitalize on it.

Cary Elwes. I like him. And his character was actually likeable despite his flaws. You root for him which is necessary in this sort of film.

 The Bad:

The Music. It slips from mediocre horror movie track to feeling like it's a laughtrack telling me when to be scared, attempting to manipulate my emotions with all the skill of an auditory jump scare. Yes suddenly loud/creepy tone as they reveal the object. I'm so scared.

Adam. You need to like him. You need to be torn between Cary Elwes's character killing him or not, you need to want him to survive. He annoyed me throughout the film until the last 5 minutes. The only reason to want him to win is because you want the monster to lose more.

The resolution: While the very last 3 minutes are good, the events that lead to the resolution are a cluster of stupidity that just leaves a bad taste in the mouth (especially as it was coming from Cary Elwes who had been smart before that).

The start: It starts off on the wrong foot with Adam being annoying and stupid. This means it makes a bad first impression it has to fight against, and while the Bear Trap scene does that... well it just means it had an uphill battle to reach the bear trap scene and then unfortunately goes back to Adam.

 The Ugly:

The 'frantic mode' accelerated footage. At first I thought it was supposed to be time skip, but no apparently it's just supposed to be some stylistic 'things are happening frantically' and it doesn't work well. Show them being frantic, that'd have worked better.

The details. Details are important in this type of plot, and the movie ignores things like 'he has another tool' or 'he should be soaking wet' and it detracts heavily from it; sometimes as just 'nitpicks' that would normally be shrugged off if it was not a movie that demanded that sort of attention, and sometimes as ‘your plot hinges on stupidity because you didn’t show this as failing’ which just leaves a bad taste at the best of times.

And now my unsatisfied play by play

Saw (Film)

 Nice start. Immediately gets into the creepy with waking up drowning in a bath. Character loses points for 'I'm probably already dead'. You've got a chain on your foot, and you woke up in a life or death situation, you shouldn't be jumping to that yet. Actually I just don't like the dialogue thus far.

 Music does its job to try and trick me into thinking a dead body is scary. Those burns on the face of the man with the gun are... supposed to be muzzle burns? Every line from main character makes me like him less. And I want to know how he got here drowning without the doctor noticing something. I mean the water wasn't rising, it was over his face. He should have been drowning well earlier if he was put in first.

 And you question the doctor on why he knows that 'if your kidneys were stolen it'd hurt like hell'. Adam you annoy me. Every line from your mouth has annoyed me. You are an idiot and it's only 6 minutes into the film.

 Still Adam and the doctor Lawrence are trapped in a shit hole room together, with tapes in their pockets, and padlocked and chained to a pair of pipes. The tapes so to play them, though, and the dead body in the center of the room has a cassette player so.

 Adam is stupid some more... also surprisingly dry. Like his clothes aren't wet at all. Does this film not understand how water works? I don't think this film understands that water is wet.

 Tape is ok. Gravely voice is so so effect for horror, music accents it well. Still it's basic serial killer threat of you might die in here. Which yes you woke up chained up in a room that's to be expected. The Doctor's tape is more fun. He has to kill Adam! Adam knows this. Doctor also seems to have a better idea what the puzzle is going on than Adam, but I feel that Adam never knows what the puzzle is going on. Ok, it finally does something scarier than 'locked in room' (scary irl but the stakes are low in that the monster has already won, the danger can only decrease); the fact that his wife and daughter (I'm guessing) are threatened adds danger once more, something more than just the madman has already won.

 Adam is surprisingly cooperative with the man who just got told to kill him. And there's a bad bit of humor/gross out with Adam reaching into the bowl of the toilet instead of checking under the lid first and having to deal with disgusting poop water. They find hacksaws, but Adam breaks his and the iron chain is just too thick and hard for the rusty old piece of junk. Lawrence realizes that they're supposed to cut their own feet off.

 We get a campfire story about a serial killer from Lawrence. Thus far film's best thing is average music. Still murder games/torture is creepy. Um Lawrence, technically speaking putting someone in a situation that will kill them if they do nothing or if they try and escape is murder. There is no technically not a murderer here. Don't say stupid stuff, I want to like one of you.

 Still we learn some stuff from the murder game stories. Jigsaw, the killer, likes to watch. Also Dr. Gordon had a patient that looks like the dead dude on the floor, and an underling who was Ben in Lost. I don't trust Ben. Ben just has a villain face. Oh and Jigsaw left Lawrence's penlight at the scene of one of the crimes. Fun. Apparently his alibi was that he was having an affair. I currently suspect Ben.

 I have mostly not commented on the 'campfire stories' but they're not actually bad. The reverse beartrap is actually creepy. The puppet works. And if the film can keep this quality (instead of the first 10 minutes) it'll be pretty good. the fast movement thrashes of the victim and attempt at frantic is more headache inducing than scary, though, and I am unsure if I'm supposed to think it's a long time (which the fast forwarded motion implies) or just 'panic mode' which makes more sense with the time. The sounds and movements of the man as she cuts him open to get the key is effective. The rummaging in his stomach less so. And then we get frantic mode again as she takes off the helmet with the key.

 The puppet appears and is creepy. Far creepier than Chucky was. But I've not been scared. The only story with tension was the woman's thus far, and now that it's gone I feel unsatisfied as I didn't get the fear hit.

 Adam is a dumbass. But picking up a piece of broken glass realizes it's a two way mirror and then starts throwing shit at the mirror. In all the stories the rooms were very carefully prepared so that there weren't just random tools, in this one there's a good number in Adam's reach and he's just chucking shit at a camera where it won't hit. Lawrence believes that they have to play the game... and Adam is a total dumb ass again. He needs to keep his mouth shut. I enjoy the film much more when he does.

 We are now 1/3rd through the film. I don't feel primed for horror. I don't feel any desire to stop typing. The movie has been 'better' than Child's Play thus far, but simultaneously it's been less fun because Child's Play at least made me laugh at its serious attempts, and this makes me... want to read Japanese murder porn manga because they get a better hit.

 Musical cue to be scared when Adam reveals the photo of Lawrence's wife and daughter tied and gagged is oo overt, to forced. And... Did Adam take the picture with the clue, or did Lawrence just not react at all to it? We get some immediate horror (as opposed to vague dread) when he comes for Lawrence's wife and daughter in flashback that is now no longer someone's specific memory but just prior events (acceptable technique just on my mind). Unlike with Child's Play I feel this film has an outside chance of actually killing the small child. I hope they don't but... was that Ben's face. I'm pretty sure that was Ben's face. So either Ben did it or he's an accomplice which... not surprising.

 And the detective apparently is 1) Spying on the doctor's home while the abduction takes place, and 2) blaming himself for letting the doctor go while watching the criminal abduct his wife. Detective seems crazy. We also learn this movie was brought to us by Krispy Kreme. Krispy Kreme donuts the best for cops who are being presented as irrationally hating a doctor enough to watch someone abduct his wife. To be fair he might just be illegaly spying on the doctor and thinks it's an affair, but his words implied the other and either it's... This film does not want me to think about things. Also sound cues for horror have gone from 'mediocre' to 'it feels like a laugh track that is telling me be scared now'.

 We get that the villain is sick, implied to be terminally ill, and he cuts Tapp, and this is implied to be a flashback to after Gordon gave his alibi but before they... shot Jigsaw. So it's a fake or he's playing dead. Ok lures the young cop into a death trap, and the old cop can't follow because throat is slashed. And his hand that is 'keeping him from bleeding to death' stretches out...

 Still ok Cop is now completely obsessed with catching the man who killed his partner, and talking to his dead partner. This is the creepiest the movie has felt. And Adam is in fact hiding the clue like a dumb ass. Still he half tells him the clue, but not 'oh yeah there's a picture of your tied up family'. Gordon I hope you kill Adam. If only one of you is going to live, I would prefer Gordon. I mean either he should give him the picture, or not give him the clue. If he's trying to make sure Gordon doesn't have the information to kill him not giving him the clue is a good move. It'll lead to them both being left to rot if Jigsaw is honest but... If he's not then give the man his picture, you already (before seeing the picture) made certain he believed it was true and tried to call him cold hearted for not panicking more. Also lying makes you suspicious. Adam lies badly and I agree with Gordon that he's dealing with a juvenile. Adam finally gives the picture clue, after lying about it. And Gordon asks the sensible 'why didn't you show me it before'. We're supposed to think that Adam was just being nice by hiding the pain. He's a douche ass for it, though. Though now Gordon is really thinking about killing him, partially because of the picture and partially because Adam has been a dumb ass.

 Gordon comes up with a plan, in the dark, whispered so that Jigsaw and we don't hear it, we hear enough to get the idea that there is a plan, and it's pretty obvious that it's fake poisoning a cigarette and giving it to the smoker Adam to kill him. This is not a good plan given that they don't know how the poison works, and that Adam is a lousy liar with the most unconvincing death scene. Jigsaw's response is to electrocute Adam. Which apparently makes him remember what happened the night before... Progress?

 An hour in and I have decided that for murder/torture/deathtrap porn I'm just going to stick to Japanese stuff. This reminds me I need to watch Battle Royale.

 Still the scene in his memory is more traditional horror; the killer is in the house.

 Alright his daughter is calling Gordon on a phone that was provided with the last set of stuff. We are... Not scared. Ali tells him not to believe Adam's lies, that Adam knows him, and we saw it in the flashback so it can be believed. Gordon immediately shares the clue. Gordon demands the truth. Adam seems to be a private eye that's been spying on Gordon with pretty obvious flash photography and knows that Gordon was having an affair. Which apparently he broke off last night because she paged him while he was at home and that made him have qualms of conscience... I still like him more than Adam. I'm guessing someone died because Gordon was sleeping around and Jigsaw wants revenge, but idk.

 Adam was hired by Bob for $200 a night. Gordon figures that he's the culprit, and Adam can't remember shit about what he looks like, but finally says 'tall black guy with a scar around his throat', i.e. the detective. We've seen enough shots of a white guy watching them that I don't believe that he's the culprit. Though Ben could be the accomplice to him... I don't believe it quite.

 Ben is named Zep. Zep the Orderly who has been watching them on the camera. And time runs out. With, guestimating 30 minutes or less (maybe only 15 minutes) we finally enter the final act. The music increases the tempo to say danger time is go, and Ben begins to talk to Gordon's wife forcing her to tell him that he failed. Except the wife has slipped her bindings and takes the gun from FailBen. She doesn't shoot him. Shoot him. Shoot him before everything goes wrong. They both break down crying. There's some actual tension, and then FailBen attempts to take back the gun. There's a few shots, and the corrupt ex-cop who has been watching it all finally makes his move.

 And I must simply wonder what is it with horror movies and stabbing people with scissors. Do they really go into the flesh so well? Like seriously several inches? Either way corrupt cop hears a gunshot so comes in to try and play the hero and save Gordon's wife and daughter and apprehend FailBen. We've got the psycho killer is in the house horror, the music is working to increase adrenaline, and the scene is ok. He also electrocutes Gordon presumably to death. We see some 'frantic mode' scenes with FailBen and the cop and then Gordon wakes up.

 Gordon dropped the phone and it's out of reach. He tries to grab it with a box, ignoring that the hacksaw is longer and in reach and would reach it. This ruins the tension a bit, and makes his panic stupid. He ties off his foot, with his shirt (that could also reach the phone) and starts cutting off his foot. And this is supposed to be horror with all this blood and... It mostly makes me feel slightly more nauseous (I have a stomach thing and have felt like puking off and on for the last 30 hours) but mostly that the film is dumb.

 Cop shoots himself in another moment of dumb. The film is dumb. Gordon shoots Adam now that he knows there is no reason to do it. The film is stupid. The film is dumb. I still might have enjoyed it more than Uzumaki, but I think I hated it more too? It leaves you feeling slightly unclean (a good thing in horror), but it's fucking dumb. The plot runs on idiot ball at the end, and before that it's just not good.

 And then there's a good moment. Adam was faking dead and begins to brutally beat Ben with a toilet lid. It's not scary, though, it's senseless brutality. He could have shot him, but the film wanted to show 'scary' brutal murder. And 'chillingly' we learn that FailBen was not the culprit, but another victim. Which is a good ending, music gets the heartbeat up, but it all feels hollow.

 The dead man from the floor rises and kills Adam. Your classic final rise of the monster to show that even in defeat Jason/Freddy has won. "The key to that chain is in the bathtub" Which means it got flushed down the drain. It's a nice effect, but while it feels a lot better as a film, similar to the omen with its good end giving the illusion for a short time of being better, the film is overall dumb. The last 3 minutes do not make up for almost 100 minutes of dumb.

 I came in with low expectations. The film surprised me. It mostly avoided what I was led to expect, and had some legitimately good moments of psychological murder room horror (the woman with the reverse bear trap). It was still, however, worse than I had been led to expect.

 The movie lacks the camp charm of Prince of Darkness, or even Uzumaki. It plays itself as a psychological horror, a genre that is supposed to engage the mind and get you thinking, but relies on a massive idiot ball, and thus if you're thinking it ruins the film. The cop is supposed to be 'secretly a hero' all along, but could have caught the killer by simply making a move when he first realized what was going on instead of watching it like he was getting off on Gordon's family being held hostage and chose to wait until a person who he seems to have evidence is innocent's family is apparently shot before acting because... umm??? Gordon could have reached the phone with the hacksaw, either it was a final chance or too late, and his logical characterization suddenly exploded. Yes he has an IC reason for suddenly going from cold and logical to panicking, but he obviously wants to answer the phone so he's not at that type of panic (should have shown the phone further away). The little bits of stupid added up throughout the film and the ending does not save it by having a sudden creepy reveal; though it does finally answer the itching 'what about the third dude, guys you're obviously missing something' aspect. Still if psychological murder trap horror is your thing, there's a good number of manga about it; it has teenagers which apparently makes it better! Also decent writing.

 I came in expecting something mediocre, on the side of good, something near the level of the Omen. I was disappointed. It demands intellectual involvement (psychological and mystery elements) and cannot stand up to it, leaving a film that is neither fun or fulfilling, and not even a film that is scary.

 The Good:

The Beartrap story.

The creepy doll.

Cary Elwes. I like him. And his character was actually likeable despite his flaws. You root for him which is necessary in this sort of film.

 The Bad:

The Music. It slips from mediocre horror movie track to feeling like it's a laughtrack telling me when to be scared, attempting to manipulate my emotions with all the skill of an auditory jump scare. Yes suddenly loud/creepy tone as they reveal the object. I'm so scared.

Adam. You need to like him. You need to be torn between Cary Elwes's character killing him or not, you need to want him to survive. He annoyed me throughout the film until the last 5 minutes. The only reason to want him to win is because you want th e monster to lose more.

The resolution: While the very last 3 minutes are good, the events that lead to the resolution are a cluster of stupidity that just leaves a bad taste in the mouth (especially as it was coming from Cary Elwes who had been smart before that).

 The Ugly:

The 'frantic mode' accelerated phootage. At first I thought it was supposed to be time skip, but no apparently it's just supposed to be some stylistic 'things are happening frantically' and it doesn't work well. Show them being frantic, that'd have worked better.

The details. Details are important in this type of plot, and the movie ignores things like 'he has another tool' or 'he should be soaking wet' and it detracts heavily from it; sometimes as just 'nitpicks' that would normally be

#peanutdracolich watches horror #Saw (2004) #Not impressed #Not satisfied #Makes me want to read manga

[onceuponamirror]

heart rise above

///// CHAPTER 5 summary: It wasn’t an experiment with freedom borne of some Americana fantasy; rather, a road trip of purely logistical intentions. The plan was simple. Drive from Boston to Chicago for his sister’s college graduation. That’s it.

Or, he drives a Ford Pickup Named Desire.

Mechanic!AU

fandom: riverdale ship: betty x jughead words: 20k chapters: 5/?

[read from the beginning] [read the latest]

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Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?

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Archie catches him as he’s passing by his room the next morning. “Hey dude,” he says from his doorway. “Is that for me?”

Jughead stops and turns, his messenger bag whacking him gently against the hip. He glances down at the coffee tray and bag of pastries in his hands. Truthfully, they’re for Betty, but he’s not quite sure how to explain that.

Waking annoyingly early had become his new normal since landing in Riverdale, so he’d once again risen to the lure of a dawn-soaked writing burst at the diner. But focusing had been harder this morning; he couldn’t stop thinking about Betty, and the obvious line he’d crossed yesterday.

Despite actual effort on his behalf, he’d somehow managed to put his foot in his mouth again with her. And while she appears to be a forgiving person, it seemed like pointing that fact out is what had upset her in the first place, so hell if he knows how to fix it.

She’d driven him back to the motel and chattered away with the same overly perky voice that she’d used on the phone with her sister, who she’d clearly been upset with, so he really has no idea where he stands with her anymore. Probably nowhere, if he’s learned anything from history.

And normally, he wouldn’t care. But he’s been telling himself that a lot lately.

So after accepting he wasn’t going to get anywhere else with his current chapter, Jughead had ordered two coffees and two chocolate croissants to-go in hopes of redeeming himself in her eyes. Then, realizing he’d forgotten his phone in his room, he’d walked back to the motel, only to be intercepted by his best friend.

And now, Archie Andrews is reaching for Betty’s breakfast.

But what would he say? Who else would they be for? Telling Archie they’re for Betty would only bequest a discussion about where Jughead has been spending his days recently, and then Archie would really never let it go. So he shuffles forward and allows Archie to take the food and coffee.

“This is awesome, thanks, Jug,” Archie says, happily taking a bite of Betty’s croissant. He speaks through a mouthful. “Come on in.” He moves back from the doorway, gesturing for Jughead to enter his room.

Jughead exhales, and steps forward. “How the fuck does your room already look like a tornado blew through it?” He asks, staring around. Archie has always had a particular gift with slobbery, but they haven’t even been here a week, so this must be some kind of new record.

“I couldn’t find this one shirt,” Archie says, with a playful cringe. “So I kind of tore my stuff apart looking for it. Turns out I didn’t even bring it. Whoops.”

“Whoops is right,” Jughead echoes lowly, running his eyes over the pile of clothes all over the floor.

Archie flops onto his bed. “So where you been, dude? I knocked on your door yesterday afternoon but you weren’t there, and you never called me back.”

“I was busy following a thread of inspiration,” Jughead says carefully, sipping at his own coffee. It’s definitely not a lie.

“Yeah, I figured it was something like that.” Archie nods, taking another bite of the pastry. “Get anything good out of it?”

Jughead fights against a grin, sinking into the armchair opposite Archie’s bed. “I think so. I have a new character. I think it’s tying things together, or at least setting things up for where I want to take the story. But we’ll see how long the muse lasts.”

“See, what did I tell you? A road trip was just what you needed to clear your head,” Archie says, eyebrows raised smugly.

Jughead scoffs. “We made it across one state line, Archie. I don’t know if this still counts as a road trip.”

Archie waves him off. “Same difference. Getting out of Boston for a bit was what you needed. Besides, I’m kinda glad we got stuck here. I mean, it sucks. But we’ll get our real road trip in sometime. And this way I get to know Veronica better. Did I tell you I asked her out?”

He didn’t, but Jughead already knew that, because Betty had informed him of the updated events. But he plays dumb, once again not interested in inviting the questions that would follow. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. She’s really something, Jug. We’re going to some town called New Paltz for dinner tonight, actually,” Archie says, now licking his fingers clean, Betty’s pastry long gone.

Jughead leans back in his chair. “Why do you have to go somewhere else for dinner?”

Archie shrugs. “She said the atmosphere is better at this one restaurant, or something. She was pretty adamant about it.”

Jughead’s eyebrows shoot up, which Archie immediately interprets with a frown. “What’s that look for?”

“Nothing,” Jughead replies honestly. “Veronica sounds like a good fit for you. A girl who is direct and knows what she wants is probably as ideal as you can get. Remember Nancy? You wouldn’t leave me alone, trying to get me to decode every text she sent? That was hell.”

“Oh yeah,” Archie recalls with a laugh. “Well, Veronica’s definitely different. I really like her a lot.”

He rubs at his jaw. “Well, you can’t like her that much,” he says stiffly. His throat feels tight. “You don’t even know her.”

“It’s okay. You just don’t get it, Jug,” Archie says, almost a bit pitifully. “You need like, a spreadsheet of pros and cons before you start liking someone, so I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

“I do not,” Jughead refutes, scowling as something blonde flashes in his mind’s eye.

“Really? How long did it take for you to agree to go out with Ethel?”

He grimaces. “That was different. Ethel thought I was someone I’m not. I figured only once she got to know me would she realize I’m just as annoying as everyone else thinks.”

Archie’s expression carries something thoughtful. “You’re not annoying, Jug. You’re just…”

“An acquired taste?” Jughead smirks.

“Yeah,” Archie agrees, chuckling. “A bit. Reggie thinks you’re funny though. He wants to hang out when we get back. He says you’re real.”

“Well, move over Watergate, that’s really the shock of the century—though I think the bar is probably pretty low, considering he hangs out with bankers,” he says dryly. “But that’s nice, I guess.”

The thought brings him back, realizing the past few days have been a blissful vacation from the reality wherein he doesn’t spend all of his free time in the company of a smart, beautiful woman. Reggie’s hardly any comparison as it is, but given that he’s probably long outworn his welcome with Betty, he might as well get used to the idea of a more reasonable social scene.

“Reggie’s a good dude,” Archie says, frowning. At Jughead’s confused look, he clarifies, “You’re making a weird face.”

“No, he’s fine. I was just thinking,” Jughead sighs, trying to wipe Betty from his thoughts. “And anyway, this is just my face. All it does is look weird, I promise.”

Archie shrugs. “Whatever you say. So what are you gonna do for the rest of the day? Wanna hang until I have to get ready to meet Veronica?”

“Rain check. I’d like to pound out a few chapters, ideally.” Jughead takes a meditative sip of his coffee. “Might go check on the truck too.”

And there it is—the reason he hasn’t told Archie just how much time he’s spent “checking on the truck.” An impish, teasing kind of grin seizes Archie’s face and it instantly makes Jughead want to squirm. “Oh, really?”

“Not this again,” Jughead mutters, rising from his seat. “You know, I’m allowed to check on the truck. Considering both of us are relying on it to get out of here eventually.”

Archie quirks his brow. “I know, dude. I’m only teasing you because you turned bright red when you said it.”

“Did not,” he insists, fighting the urge to cross his arms. “And now I’m going.”

“Okay, well, say hi to the mechanic for me,” Archie says cheerily, though he’s met with a very sour glare. “By the way, do you wanna head down to the river tomorrow? Veronica says it’s nice over there.”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Jughead concurs, thinking that he might be able to get some writing in while Archie splashes around and that he probably should spend at least a little time with his best friend considering that was the whole point of Archie tagging along.

“I’ll call you in the morning?”

Jughead nods. “Have a good date. And don’t do anything I’d do.”

Archie’s laugh follows him out the door.

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He stops back at Pop’s for round two of Betty’s breakfast, mumbling a “don’t ask” when Pop Tate gives him a funny look, and then makes the comfortable trek to the garage.

Betty is hunched over an old Volkswagen as he strolls in, but he must be moving more quietly than he thinks, because she jumps about five feet in the air when she realizes he’s standing behind her.

“Shit! Sorry, sorry,” he says quickly, nearly dropping her coffee and wondering when in the hell he’ll do something right with her.

She collapses against the door of the car, her hand over her heart. “No, it’s fine. Just…you surprised me.”

“Not expecting me?” He asks, sure he’s about to be dismissed again.

“Not that,” she says, her full lips forming a smile. “Just was in the zone. It’s a good thing I hadn’t gotten out my paint buffer yet though.”

“Well, here,” Jughead says after a moment, because he’s not sure what else to do. He practically shoves the coffee cup and pastry bag into her arms. “I come bearing French patisserie.”

She blinks, and then peeks inside the little white bag. “Chocolate croissant? How’d you know that’s my favorite?”

He hadn’t, but he’s pleased his instincts hadn’t been far off. “You seemed like a sweet morning pastry kind of gal. And there’s two sugars in there too, for the coffee. I noticed you did that last time, so.”

Betty’s mouth snaps shut, and he thinks it’s possible she might be blushing, but she quickly sweeps off to a work table to add the sugar to her coffee and he can’t get a good look at the color of her cheeks. “This is sweet, Jughead. Thank you.” She looks up at him expectantly, like perhaps she thinks he’s about to ask for a favor.

He wonders if she’s ever had people doing things for her because they want to, not because they want something. But then again, despite trying to push down his attraction to her, he’s not sure which category he falls into.

He scratches behind his ear. “It’s not a big deal. I was at Pop’s anyway.”

“Oh,” Betty says softly. “Well. Thank you, again.”

He scans her face, looking for something that confirms his fears. That she wants him to go, that he’s missed his cue; that he’s officially said one rude thing too many. But she’s just smiling at him, and he has no idea what to do with that.

Another moment passes between them. “Feel like suiting up?” She asks, finally breaking the silence. “I’m about to switch over to your truck again.”

Jughead nods, something like relief in his lungs. He sees himself to the supply closet where the uniform he’s borrowed before lives. “You know,” he calls across the garage, as he slips into the jumpsuit. “I’m starting to suspect there is no Joaquin. I’ve been here for a couple days now and haven’t seen a wisp of this guy anywhere.”

Betty laughs, and as he returns to her, he sees that she seems to be enjoying her croissant. It warms him more than he’d like to admit. “He’s real,” she says, covering her mouth with her hand as she chews and speaks. “You met his boyfriend, Kevin.”

“Yeah, him I remember,” he mumbles lowly, much to Betty’s amusement. Words couldn’t express the surprise he’d felt when Kevin had snuck up on him, and while he otherwise might’ve cursed the invasion of personal space, her grin is infectious. He breaks into a matching smirk.

She seems to be at war with her manners, as if she can’t bear to eat during polite conversation. But she eyes her pastry longingly, and then takes another bite. “Joaquin used to be here a lot more, but he went back to school this year, so he’s pretty busy now. He mostly works weekends.”

“What’s he studying?” Jughead asks, because he catches himself watching the curve of her neck as she swallows and he needs to distract himself.

“Nursing,” Betty chirps, finishing off the croissant. “My dad always said fixing cars wasn’t too different from fixing people, so it’s a bit of a logical step, in it’s way.”

“Yeah?” Jughead prompts, thinking about what she’d said about a car engine working like a heart. It’s a simple metaphor, but one that’d stuck with him all the same.

She nods. “Yep. He said if you knew how to work an engine, you’d never have a broken heart.”

Something twists in his own chest and he has the sudden, overwhelming feeling of not knowing what to do with his body. “Was he right?”

Betty’s eyes move across him. For a moment, she looks utterly lost, and then her face is sealed with a blank smile. “I wouldn’t know,” she says, inhaling and exhaling faintly. It sounds like a lie.

She’d asked him once what she struck him as; he’s starting to not like the answer he might have. Betty is certainly a complicated woman with a lot of moving parts, but looking at her now, he recognizes a familiar sadness living within her.

A bitter kind of enemy he’s known his whole life—only where Jughead wears it like a badge of honor, Betty seems to fold it away inside herself, where he knows it can become dark, damp, and breathing. It has a name.

And then she’s flashing him a blinding smile, inviting him to work alongside her. Her smile that says don’t, her eyes that beg worry, and he feels a piece clicking into place of the puzzle that is Betty Cooper.

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“Hands up!”

He freezes, slowly following the instructions thrown across the alleyway. He turns and meets the hard gaze of a gun. “What are you doing here?” The same voice asks sharply, and his eyes dart up into the face of a woman in a crisp suit, her blonde hair tied back.

“Well, what are you doing here?” He echoes, raising an eyebrow.

The question clearly throws her off, and the gun briefly dips lower. “I asked you first,” she returns, quirking an eyebrow right back. She takes one hand off her weapon to reach inside her pocket, where she retrieves a shiny police badge to flash at him.

“That’s fair,” he concedes.“I’m a private investigator, and I’m currently following the hunch that was dropped into that dumpster over yonder.”

The woman sighs noisily and lowers her gun as he hooks a thumb over his shoulder. “Oh, lovely. This is just what I need; some amateur P.I. muddling about on my case. Let’s see some identification.”

He defies the typical impulse to roll his eyes in the face of authority, but reaches for his card and license anyway. “My name is—”

Jughead looks up suddenly, his fingers hovering over the keyboard. He knows that laugh.

He hears it again across the diner, and this time his eyes follow the sound. Betty’s sitting in a booth by the door, her head thrown back with giggles. She’s bathed in the warm red glow of neon and he’s struck by a sophistic desire to trace the line of her.

He wonders how long she’s been here, if she saw him typing away feverishly in the back of the restaurant. Jughead gets his answer rather quickly; as if she can feel his eyes on her, she glances around and meets his stare. After a moment, she seems to say something to the two people across from her, and then Betty rises from her booth and, as fate would have it, makes for his table.

“Hi there,” she says, smiling down at him. She’s wearing a white button up covered in delicate little flowers and a skirt that skims at her mid thigh. He feels an annoying kind of flush rising along his neck. “What’re you doing?”

“Writing,” he says, returning her grin despite himself.

She leans against the red vinyl opposite him. “Oh? And what are you writing, exactly?”

He swallows. He probably shouldn’t lie to her, but should she press him much further, she’ll easily put the pieces together. “A novel. That’s how I earn my bread; I’m a fiction writer.”

Betty looks pleasantly surprised. “Really? Have you written anything I might’ve read?”

Now he’s sure his face is burning as crimson as the lights of the diner, though he can only hope it masks a bit of his blush.

“Well,” he drawls.

He looks at her expectantly.

Her eyebrows quirk and needle as she waits for him to say more. When he doesn’t, her expression turns studying, and then, with a gasp, she stomps her foot. He finds the indignant movement shockingly endearing.

“You jerk! You’re JP Jones!” She covers her face with her hands. “Oh my god—how could you let me go on the other day, rambling about everything I didn’t like about your book?”

He snorts. “I thought about saying something, when I first saw it on your work table, but…I don’t always get such honest feedback. It was actually really helpful.”

That seems to mollify Betty; in fact, she straightens, looking downright delighted as she peeks at him through her fingers. “Really? I was helpful?”

His smirk softens, unsure how she affects such a genuine aura, but he’s a bit in awe of it. “Really. Like I said then, you’ve got an editorial way about you. I…was in a bit of a block with my sequel, and it gave me some fresh perspective.”

“Can I read some of it?” She asks excitedly, moving forward, and instinctually his arms cradle over his computer, promptly shutting it closed.

“No!” he says quickly. Her eyes widen, and he realizes he must look one step from a tin foil hat. “No, no, it’s just not ready yet. It’s all jumbled up and completely incongruous to anyone but me, I think.”

If he’s being honest with himself, he knows it’s because he’s just realized there’s a blonde detective flirting with his main character beneath his keyboard, and the idea of Betty reading that has a familiar, painfully adolescent kind of embarrassment to it.

“Okay,” Betty says slowly, her smile returning. “Well, if you change your mind…I have an English degree. I actually interned at a publishing house, for a little while. I like editing; helping people with their writing. I really like it, actually. So, you know where to find me if you want another set of eyes.”

His arms are still carefully swaddling his laptop, but he makes a note to relax his shoulders. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he says.

Betty beams at him, and once again he’s struck with the awkward feeling of being unsure what to do. She pushes off from her perch against the booth, and then falters. “Do you want…to join us? It was supposed to be just Kevin and me, but then Joaquin got back from Catskill early, and now I’m just third-wheeling. Plus, I can prove to you that Joaquin does, in fact, exist.”

It’s almost sad how little he has to think about it. “Well, this I need to see with my own eyes,” he declares, standing up. Betty helps him with gathering his things, swooping up his coffee and burger remnants and taking them back to her table, where Kevin and a dark-haired guy are waiting.

Kevin’s fist is nestled under his chin and he smiles up at him curiously. “Kev, you remember Jughead,” Betty says, placing his things down on the table. “And this is Joaquin,” she adds pointedly to him, which Jughead returns with a brief wiggle of his eyebrows before shaking Joaquin’s hand.

Betty slides into her booth, and Jughead realizes he’s supposed to sit next to her. He does so, and their knees touch as he settles into his seat, which sends a flurry up his spine. Get a hold of yourself, he tells himself.

She smiles over at him, her eyes flitting across his face.

“So,” Kevin announces, leaning forward without much preamble, “what kind of name is Jughead anyway?”

“Kevin,” Betty admonishes, turning her attention onto him.

“What?” He looks unabashed. “I want to know. Is that rude?”

“Yes, dear,” Joaquin mumbles lowly, and Jughead smirks, thinking he might like this guy. Joaquin has the kind of energy he likes best, one of silent and sturdy and sarcastic observation.

“It’s fine,” Jughead sighs, sparing a reassuring glance at a clearly mortified Betty. “It’s a dumb nickname from when I was a baby. I was learning how to walk and apparently did so right into a table, where a big maple syrup jug was minding its own business. I knocked it off and onto my head.”

He lifts up his hat and brushes aside his hairline, where a thin scar still remains on his left temple. “I had to go the hospital and get stitches. My father oh-so-lovingly called me Jughead after, and unfortunately, it stuck. But my real name isn’t much better, so I’m not really complaining.”

“And what’s your real name?” Kevin asks immediately.

“That you’ll have to visit my gravestone to find out,” Jughead replies coolly.

“I know what it is,” Betty says, her voice taking on a teasing lilt.

“Et tu, Cooper?” Jughead utters. She giggles, and he rolls his eyes.

Kevin glances between them like he’s at Wimbledon and they’re serving tennis balls across the table. “So, Jughead, how are you liking Riverdale so far?”

“Oh, he hates it,” Betty intercedes innocently, dipping a french fry in a pile of ketchup. She then bites it daintily, her eyes sparkling. “He called it a podunk farm town. Right?”

He releases a long-suffering sigh. “Also on that gravestone will be a hand-carved epitaph from Betty that reads: here lies Jughead: he once said something bad about my town and I never let it go.”

She laughs again. “Probably more like, here lies Jughead Jones: so pedantic, even in death.”

“Or, here lies the murder-suicide of Jughead Jones and the Oxford comma.” 

“That one’s good. A little dark, but good,” she says blithely, and they grin at each other, only looking away when they realize Kevin is saying his name. 

“So I can assume you’re sticking around while your truck is getting fixed?” Kevin asks, his voice a touch too colloquial. He glances at and nudges his boyfriend. “He’s the one I told you about. The one I accidentally accosted when I thought you were working.”

“I think so,” Jughead admits, keeping his gaze trained on Kevin though he feels Betty look over at him with surprise. He pats his laptop on the table in front of him. “Thus far Riverdale has been good to me and my friend the creative process.”

“Jughead is a writer,” Betty supplies, and if Jughead didn’t know any better, he’d say she sounded a little proud. “Kev, he wrote that book you gave me. He’s JP Jones.”

Kevin’s neck twists quickly back to Jughead. “You wrote A Prayer for Helter-Skelter? Oh my god, my dad is obsessed with that book. Can you sign a copy for me? I’ll never have to get him another present again.” He pauses. “Wow, you’re so much more interesting than I thought you’d be.”

“Thanks. I think,” Jughead says, wrinkling his nose. “And, uh, sure.”

“Sorry about him,” Joaquin adds quietly. “For someone who plans on going into politics, he has no filter.”

Kevin shrugs. “I can turn it off and on. I just happen to mostly have it off.”

“So, I didn’t realize you planned on staying in Riverdale for the next few weeks. I thought you might go down to the city, or something,” Betty says surreptitiously, while Jughead makes eyes at her remaining french fries. She gestures for him to go ahead, and he reaches across her.

“Well, that I am. Staying, that is. Actually, we’re even planning on seeing the sights a bit. Tomorrow Archie and I were thinking of going down to the river,” he replies, polishing off the fries.

“Is this the same Archie Veronica’s currently on a date with?” Kevin elucidates, which Betty confirms with a nod. “Hm. It should be nice tomorrow, though it’s always a little crowded on the weekend. Betty, weren’t we just talking about going there?”

She passes him a flat look, but doesn’t deny it. “We were,” she agrees warily.

“You could…join us,” Jughead says, before he can really think any better of it. “I’m sure Archie wouldn’t mind.”

While Kevin enthusiastically agrees to the plan, Betty plays with the end of her ponytail, wrapping it around over her shoulder as she smiles at him. Jughead thinks he won’t mind either.

.

.

.

.

#bughead #bughead fanfiction #betty x jughead #betty cooper #jughead jones #welp #here it is #fics

[mittensmorgul]

5.22: aka the original ending, back in the day when SPN was being written as a tragedy. (thank heck they moved on from that mindset...)

(at least Baby gets a starring role in saving the world)

Dean truly demonstrates his trust in Sam...

SAM: You're gonna let me say yes? DEAN: No. That's the thing. It's not on me to let you do anything. You're a grown – well, overgrown – man. If this is what you want, I'll back your play. SAM: That's the last thing I thought you'd ever say. DEAN: Might be. I'm not gonna lie to you, though. It goes against every fiber I got. I mean, truth is... You know, watching out for you... it's kinda been my job, you know? But more than that, it's... it's kinda who I am. You're not a kid anymore, Sam, and I can't keep treating you like one. Maybe I got to grow up a little, too. I don't know if we got a snowball's chance. But... But I do know that if anybody can do it... it's you.

I mean, Sam doesn’t really WANT to do this, but he sorta feels he HAS to do this.

(This is how tragedies work, after all. If he was marching willingly and cheerfully to his death, and there were no sense of loss or sacrifice, it wouldn’t be a tragedy...)

We learn how very little of Dean’s experiences in 5.04 he’s actually told ANYONE about. Bobby had no idea of the detail that Lucifer had told Dean that Sam would say yes in Detroit, and Bobby’s response to Dean’s insistence that that’s where it’ll go down is:

BOBBY: Really? As far as foreboding goes, it's a little light in the loafers. You sure?

(Light in the loafers: Refers to a male who is perceived to be gay or homosexual. Specifically a man that has fashion sense, and a cheerful disposition. Loafers refers to shoes. It is implied that the individual is about to fly away like a fairy. x)

>.>

Meanwhile Cas is sleeping in the back seat of the Impala on their way to Detroit. Dean gets precious for a moment, ironically calling him a “little angel” when sleeping is not an angelic thing to be doing...

Sam asks Dean to make THE ABSOLUTE WORST PROMISE he will ever make... half of which Dean never intends to keep (i.e. not poking the cage trying to get Sam back), and half of which he really tries his damnedest to keep (i.e. going to Lisa and living a normal life).

DEAN: You can't ask me to do this. SAM: I'm sorry, Dean. You have to. DEAN: So then what am I supposed to do? SAM: You go find Lisa. You pray to god she's dumb enough to take you in, and you – you have barbecues and go to football games. You go live some normal, apple-pie life, Dean. Promise me.

(not only is the horrendous fallout of this promise dealt with in s6, I’ve already written ACRES of words on the subject...)

(but the tl;dr of it is, this is truly one of the most selfish things that Sam will ever ask of Dean, because it left Dean with nothing from his former life, nothing to fall back on to cope with Sam’s loss, none of his previous support network-- including Cas and Bobby who both stayed away from Dean, lying to him for OVER A YEAR that Sam was “back” from the cage, and now I’m already irate about how broken Dean is when he learns all of this in 6.01... okay back to 5.22...)

SAM: Take care of these guys, okay? CASTIEL: That's not possible. SAM: Then humor me. CASTIEL: Oh. I was supposed to lie. Uh... Sure. They'll be fine.

(and dammit this is why Cas stays away from Dean, because that was how Sam wanted Cas to “take care of” Dean-- by letting him live that normal life without interference from the supernatural. It’s why Cas turned to Crowley instead of breaking his promise to Sam. and crap sorry getting ahead of myself again... Have I mentioned how awful a promise that was that Sam had asked from them?)

Their ace in the hole, the fact they have the Horsemen’s rings-- Lucifer already knew they had them. So much for their ace in the hole...

SAM: So he knows. Doesn't change anything. DEAN: Sam. SAM: We don't have any other choice. DEAN: No. SAM: Yes. 

Dean tries to help Sam up and into the cage, but Sam’s not Sam anymore.

(and I assume this is where Crowley picked up Nick’s corpse and put him in cold storage until s12... because “Nick” is already dead here. Probably long dead...)

LUCIFER/SAM: I'm inside your grapefruit, Sam. You can't lie to me. I see it all – how odd you always felt, how... out of place in that... family of yours. And why shouldn't you have? They were foster care – at best. I'm your real family. SAM: No, that's not true. LUCIFER/SAM: It is. And I know you know it. All those times you ran away, you weren't running from them. You were running towards me. This doesn't have to be a bad thing, you know. I let Dean live, didn't I? I want him to live. I'll bring your folks back, too. I want you to be happy, Sam.

Lucifer goes on to show Sam that he’d always been watched over by demons. Demons were EVERYWHERE in his life-- friends, teachers, people he’d known his entire life, were all demons planted by Azazel to influence him all along the way. So no wonder Sam always felt out of place in his own family. He’d been targeted from the moment Azazel bled in his mouth, MADE into something dark by a lifetime of manipulation. And even NOW, with Lucifer inside his mind, he still resists and fights for himself (because Dean’s lifetime of fighting for him gives him something to fight back against Lucifer with)

Meanwhile Dean still wants to stop everything, but Cas is resigned.

DEAN: Well, there's got to be something that we can do. CASTIEL: I'm sorry, Dean. This is over. DEAN: You listen to me, you junkless sissy – we are not giving up! Bobby? Bobby? BOBBY: There was never much hope to begin with. I don't know what to do.

(the whole Chuck thing, Mistress Magda, all of it... we’ve talked it to death after 10.05 and 11.20 and... yeah woo this episode takes on a lot more weight with the certain knowledge that he was God all along... beginning with the fact that he hadn’t been expecting Dean’s call here. Which means that Dean Humanity Winchester has been fully activated, and is officially going off script. I think Chuck is encouraged by this, because he didn’t want the world to end... but there was nothing he could really do to stop it other than rely on Dean continuing to exercise his free will in the defiance of destiny)

DEAN: Did you see where the title fight goes down? CHUCK: The angels are keeping it top secret – very hush-hush.

(he gave Dean one last chance to just let destiny play out... but then)

CHUCK: But I saw it anyway. Perks of being a prophet. It's tomorrow, high noon – place called Stull Cemetery. DEAN: Stull Ceme-- Wait. I know that. That's – that's an old boneyard outside of Lawrence. Why Lawrence? CHUCK: I don't know. It all has to end where it started, I guess. DEAN: All right, Chuck. You know of any way to short-circuit this thing? CHUCK: Besides the rings? No. I'm sorry. DEAN: Well, do you have any idea what's gonna happen next? CHUCK: I wish that I did. But I-I just – I honestly don't know yet.

And he honestly didn’t know, because whatever happened next still hinged on Dean’s choices, Dean’s actions (and Cas’s, and Bobby’s and Sam’s... for once it was Humanity writing the script instead of God or the angels, and yes Cas is HUMAN for all intents and purposes at this point. He has absolute free will, in contrast between Michael and Lucifer who “have no choice.” They have NO free will.

Lucifer, after getting a peek inside Sam’s head, offers Michael an out, suggesting they could both walk away from this fight. That they didn’t have to play their roles as God had written for them.

LUCIFER/SAM: What I did? What if it's not my fault? MICHAEL/ADAM: What is that supposed to mean? LUCIFER/SAM: Think about it. Dad made everything. Which means he made me who I am! God wanted the Devil. MICHAEL/ADAM: So? LUCIFER/SAM: So why? And why make us fight? I just can't figure out the point.

He wanted to just walk away from this. Because despite the influence of a lifetime of Azazel’s demons nudging Sam into playing this role as Lucifer’s “perfect vessel,” Sam had always resisted it. But Adam only wanted one thing. He didn’t want any part of the Winchester family. He has no reason to walk away from this fight because he’s been promised everything he asked for if he plays his role. And he gets it (if Adam hadn’t already been gone at this point in fulfillment of that promise, he’d certainly be gone after Cas burned him up with holy oil).

MICHAEL/ADAM: You know, you haven't changed a bit, little brother. Always blaming everybody but yourself. We were together. We were happy. But you betrayed me – all of us – and you made our father leave. LUCIFER/SAM: No one makes Dad do anything. He is doing this to us. MICHAEL/ADAM: You're a monster, Lucifer. And I have to kill you. LUCIFER/SAM: If that's the way it's got to be... Then I'd like to see you try.

Cas shows up with Bobby, and in retaliation for interfering with their fight, for sending Michael away, Lucifer snaps his fingers and explodes Cas (for the SECOND time), and I think the only reason Dean doesn’t freak out about that even more is because Cas HAS ALREADY BEEN RESURRECTED FROM THAT SORT OF TRAUMA BEFORE. Even if Cas IS ACTUALLY COMPLETELY HUMAN and already the sole occupant of his vessel at this point.

(Can I tell you how much I hate Michael’s unwavering loyalty to fulfill his “destiny?” And why I would NEVER want Dean to say yes to Michael for any reason? No wonder Michael’s been reduced to a puddle of goo in the cage. His sole purpose for existence, his unwavering belief in his “destiny” went unfulfilled, and Dean who was once Michael’s true vessel has become something so much more powerful that Michael ever was.)

DEAN: Cas, are you God? CASTIEL: That's a nice compliment. But no. Although, I do believe he brought me back. New and improved.

(I know when this originally aired people were excited about this, thinking that ooh maybe Cas got a promotion in power level, or maybe he was an archangel or something now... but “new and improved” I think just referred to his renewed ability to heal and resurrect that he’d lost after 4.22 and his original explosion by Raphael. Chuck brought him back that time, but with a serious DECREASE in power level. He’s just been restored to what he was before. Because Cas needed to have free will, needed to be closer to humanity to make all the choices he did in s5)

DEAN: Wow. God gives you a brand-new, shiny set of wings, and suddenly you're his bitch again. CASTIEL: I don't know what God wants. I don't know if he'll even return. It just... seems like the right thing to do. DEAN: Well, if you do see him, you tell him I'm coming for him next. CASTIEL: You're angry. DEAN: That's an understatement. CASTIEL: He helped. Maybe even more than we realize. DEAN: That's easy for you to say. He brought you back. But what about Sam? What about me, huh? Where's my grand prize? All I got is my brother in a hole!  CASTIEL: You got what you asked for, Dean. No paradise. No hell. Just more of the same. I mean it, Dean. What would you rather have? Peace or freedom? 

(Cas boops off to heaven-- abandoning Dean, Dean leaves Bobby behind and goes to live with Lisa-- because of Sam’s sickening promise that is still haunting Dean’s nightmares most of a year later... okay, moving on to 6.01 so I can rant properly about all of this...

at least they’re still working on finding a better way... because seriously if the series had ended at this point I never would’ve rewatched it. It would’ve been an interesting yet ultimately forgettable little story.)

#spn 5.22 #s12 meta rewatch #sam vs reality #that's what free will is #dean is the center of the universe

[flying-guinea-pig]

Season Finale (2/7)

What previously happened.

AO3 linky

Up in the sky

Rosemary, sage, wild lovage. She stirred the herbal tea and put it on the kitchen counter to cool. The smell reminded Elisabeth of baked potatoes, crisp and tasty. This concoction wasn't for consumption though. She needed to fill up her spray bottles. That herbal mixture was a somewhat effective - though very temporary - ward against low-level demons. It had come in handy a few times already.

Elisabeth lived by herself, if you didn't count Bubbles and Bob. They were Kuhli loach fish, small and eel-like with black and yellow colouring. Not that she got to see them often, because they were extremely shy and usually hid inside the gravel or between her aquarium plants.

Her mother had gotten them for her as a present when she went off to college, to keep her company. She meant well, but... they were fish. Shy and small fish. Not exactly known for being interesting conversationalists, and she couldn't cuddle them or take them for walks now, could she?

That was typically Mom. Well-meaning but, well... dumb.

Elisabeth finished up a second batch of her herbal tincture and washed her hands. The scent of rosemary really stuck to her skin, even after several rounds of soaping and washing. Great. She was going to smell like pizza the whole ride to the airport.

Well, it could be worse. After that thing with the plague sprites in the nursing home, her clothes had stunk of cleaning supplies and that odd, pervasive old-people-smell that for some reason lingered even through three washing cycles. Even Alcor had complained about it. His senses were a lot more sensitive than hers and he'd spend a lot of their hunt sneezing golden sparks.

She glanced at the clock. Two hours to go before the cab service would pick her up. Time to check her suitcases, make sure she hadn't forgotten anything.

She'd already called Mom to ask her if she wouldn't mind taking care of Bubbles and Bob for a while. Elisabeth had no clue how long she'd be gone for. At least a week or two, according to Hugh, her supervisor, but he'd warned it could end up being longer if the Xuerus bunker ended up being a tougher nut to crack than expected.

That wasn't the only warning he'd given her either. She'd had to endure a whole litany of 'well-meaning advice', which could be distilled into a basic "This is good PR for us. Don't ruin it."

She was not looking forward to this. At all. The Bunker itself seemed interesting, sure. But being filmed all the time? Ugh.

Well, she'd signed the release form and all the rest of that administrative nonsense, she couldn't back down now. And it was flattering, in a way. Her boss considered her good enough to represent his security company.

The first, smallest suitcase was packed with clothes - warm ones, which took up a lot of space unfortunately. She'd had to sit on it to get the suitcase to close. The other, considerably larger suitcase was chock full of her gear. Candles and chalk in all colours and sizes, a few ritual knives - the basic necessities for a professional demonologist, of course. The most space was taken up by books.

It was an annoying fact of life that the most useful books on demonology were a bit too risky to convert to digital. Some things were too dangerous to trust to a device with internet access. Some knowledge was best kept chained in paper instead of loosened upon the world.

Some were fine, of course - the ones without much summoning information, mostly - and she took those with her on her tablet. It was difficult to choose which books to bring though. There was nothing really known about Xuerus. He was a complete unknown - aside from that Cult, which had made the headlines all those years ago, there was no information at all.

She stuffed her bottles of herbal spray in the suitcase - they didn't all fit, damn it, she'd have to take one in her carry-on - and went back to her checklist, triple-checking if she'd forgotten something vital. Not that she ever did - she'd stocked her work bag so often she could probably pack it in her sleep. It wasn't the first time her boss sent her to an assignment abroad, though until now she'd only had to cross state lines and not actual land borders.

That reminded her... the laws regarding demonology were a bit different up there. She was only licenced to banish demons in Canada, not summon them.

It was probably a good idea to arrange something with Alcor before she left, so she didn't have to break Canadian law on national television. Some sort of standing deal to come when she needed him, perhaps... now, how to word that without leaving too many loopholes...

He wouldn't mind helping, she bet. An undersea adventure? He'd love it. And it would be useful to ask him about Xuerus. Maybe he had some advice, some knowledge about this unknown demon he could share.

She could draw his summoning circle from memory by now. She went through the motions, adding a quick binding circle around it just to be safe.

"Hey Adams!" Alcor chirped, showing up in a shower of golden sparks. Apparently he was in a good mood. He rubbed his hands. "What are we hunting today? Some more plague sprites? Maybe a school of Kappas or something?"

"You're awfully quick to appear," she said. Almost as if he had known she'd call on him. "I would almost think you're spying on me."

"Of course not. That would be creepy," he said. A shrug. "So I only do it when I'm bored. Come on, give me the details. What kind of job are we doing today?"

"The job is tomorrow, actually. I need to get to some fishers' town in Canada first." The flight took only a few hours, but it was in the middle of the night and she never managed to sleep well in those torture chairs.

"Poor you," he said. "Hey, if you want to spare yourself an uncomfortable flight, I can tesser you straight to your destination?"

She frowned at his offered hand. "That's not why I summoned you."

He shrugged, his smile wide and teasing. "I owe you a freebie for the Jamvention last week. That was the funniest thing I've seen in centuries."

Her cheeks flushed at the memory. "I hate gnomes."

"Ouch. That's speciest."

"I was hired to provide security for their stupid convention," she snapped. Something was niggling at the back of her mind but she pushed it away. "I was not hired to be tied up in front of an altar and I was definitely not hired to marry anyone. And the things they do with jam are frankly disgusting."

"Yeah, you don't want to get between a gnome and their jam," Alcor said, oddly fondly. "It was only a historical re-enactment though. They don't really kidnap their queens anymore. Alright, so they probably should have asked before they tied you up, but still I think you overreacted a tiny bit."

"You're the one who blew them into the walls."

"I got caught up in the moment," he said. "And I didn't set their beards on fire, that was all you."

"It was only one beard, don't exaggerate."

"Heh." Alcor casually broke through the binding circle to throw an arm around her shoulders. "We make a good team, you and I. So! How about that deal? I'll tesser you to that place you want to go for free, no problem. What else can I help you with?"

That little thing niggling at the back of her mind turned into full-blown alarm bells.

A freebie, he'd said.

A demon giving freebies?

He had become a lot cheaper in his deals, lately. Especially if she wrapped the assignment up as a sort of 'monster hunt', for some reason. Just the other day he'd taken a chocolate bar in exchange for helping with those devil dogs, and that thing with the murder elves had only cost her a christmas card from her grandmother. Emotional value, sure. But still very cheap.

Almost suspiciously cheap, actually. And there were all those other times she'd summoned him...

Had it become a habit? Had she let down her guard so much around him that her first, automatic reflex when faced with a mystery was to summon up the Dreambender?

He made her job easier, true - that's what demons did, didn't they? Offer shortcuts. Offer easy solutions. And it all seemed reasonable and fine until they came to collect their payment.

She had been relying a lot on him, lately.

His arm around her shoulders suddenly seemed less friendly and more possessive.

She shrugged it off and backed away slightly, forcing a smile. "I already bought my plane ticket and tessering gives me the creeps, so no, thank you. If you want to give me something for free, you can tell me all you know about the demon Xuerus."

He tapped his chin, his brow furrowing in thought. "Xuerus, Xuerus... Hm. Doesn't really ring a bell. You sure that's their common name and not some alias? Some demons try that trick, you know."

"You don't need to remind me, Tyrone," she said. "And I don't know. I've never heard of them either."

"Well, I could dig a little deeper. Maybe something will come up. That's not something I can do for free though, too much effort. We'll take a raincheck on the freebie. What's your offer?"

"Nevermind," she said. It would have been nice to know more about that cult, but not a necessity. Right now she just wanted Alcor to go away so she could think. Had she really let down her guard so much? Had she become less cautious when dealing with him? "It's probably not that important anyway. You better leave, I have a plane to catch."

"Are you sure? I can help -"

"No, thank you."

"So you called me, to send me away without a deal? That's bad summoning etiquette, you know." Alcor cocked his head, catlike. "Is something wrong? You seem more tense than usual."

"It's nothing." She forced the smile again. Just go already! "I'll give you one pint of icecream from my demon freezer, if you'll just leave me right now and don't come back until I explicitly summon you."

He could ignore her offer. It's not like she had a banishing circle readied to force him into making a deal, even if she could find one that worked on him for more than a second. But right now he was still pretending - was he pretending? - to be helpful and friendly.

"You're a weird one, Adams," he said, and offered his hand. "Alright then."

No matter how many demon deals she made, she never got used to the tingle of the fire as a deal was sealed. Since that eventful day at Twincon and her brief experience with possession, sealing a deal felt like something brushing against her very soul. Sort of unpleasant, but it was a good reminder. She had to keep up her guard. When making deals, it was more than just her life on stake.

"See you later Adams," Alcor said, tipping his floating hat. "Good luck with your hunt, I suppose. Don't hesitate to give me a call if you need help, alright?"

His glance at her, before he faded away, seemed a bit worried.

She stared at the scuffed chalk circle and felt a chill run down her back.

This.

This was exactly what high-level demons did. They would be all nice and helpful until you started to rely on them. Offering deals that were too good to be true, until you let down your guard and you stopped looking for loopholes.

He'd been such a help with her work assignments. So eager and enthusiastic for those 'monster hunts'.

Well, she wasn't going to summon him for this one. She could do this on her own.

It was just ghosts, after all.

Flying nights was actually kind of nice. The sky underneath was cloudless and clear, giving her a good view of the world below. Cities unfolded underneath, spiderwebs of light.

Eventually that became boring as well, especially when they got above the clouds and the only view out of the window was utter darkness. If only she could sleep... did they make these seats uncomfortable on purpose? The backs were too straight, with no option of moving them so she could lay back a bit. She could rest her head against the window, but it was slightly too low, so the edge of the window bit in her cheek. Ugh.

Sleepy and annoyed and not looking forward to the hours ahead, she took out her phone. No internet access, of course, but she had some e-books on it, maybe she could read up on binding circles or something... That was always useful.

Not that any would work against Alcor, if he really was playing the long con with her.

She didn't want to think about that. Not right now. Those 'monster hunts' had been fun, in a way. He was annoying and creepy and such a dork, but... he was easy to talk to, sometimes. Too easy, perhaps.

Damn it. She should have noticed sooner that something was wrong. Easy to talk to? Was she so desperate for company that she'd take a demon as a friend? How he must have laughed!

Or perhaps not. Maybe she was worrying about nothing, and the most powerful demon in the world just liked hanging out with her, hunting bodysnatchers and things like that.

Her sternum seemed to twitch at the memory of that awful Twincon. She could remember the fire when Alcor had dragged the bodysnatcher from her - she would never forget what being possessed felt like. If she ever did, her nightmares would remind her. Alcor had seemed so genuine then...

Argh. This was getting ridiculous. She needed to clear her head for a while. Stop thinking about this. Either he was playing her or he wasn't - the next few weeks she wasn't allowed to summon him anyway so the point was moot. She would worry about it when she was home again.

She doubted she could focus on dry text about binding circles right now. Might as well read a novel. Something light and relaxing.

She tapped the icon to open up the reading app and her screen went black. Damn! Did her battery die? Had she remembered to take her powerbank in her carry-on?

Before she could get up to take her carry-on from the overhead trunk, a fleck of yellow danced across her screen. And another.

No dead battery, then. No, this was much, much worse.

[Hello!] appeared on her screen, in yellow lettering. A little chibi Alcor head popped up, golden eyed and grinning.

"God no," she said without thinking. The vampire in the seat next to her gave her a weird look before turning back to his book.

The Alcor Virus, scourge of the digital world and bringer of chaos, had taken over her phone. How unfair was her life.

She turned back to the window, keeping her voice down as much as possible as she muttered: "I'm in airplane mode, I didn't download anything suspicious, how the hell did you get on there?"

[I have my ways.] the little demon said, its smile widening. [I'm going to keep you company! I'm much better entertainment than whatever you were trying to do.]

"Go away."

[Nope.] it said. It floated higher up on her screen, wings flapping, and pretended to brush some dust away from the icon of her reading app. [What did you want to read anyway? Something interesting?]

"Don't open that!"

Now even the people in the row in front of her were glancing behind them, wondering why she was arguing with her phone.

The Alcor Virus tapped the app and opened up her e-library.

[Oh stars. You've got to be kidding me.]

"Don't you dare delete them," she hissed.

[Sorry, I can't hear you.] it said, and pixelated flames devoured the icons for all six of the Shades of Gold books.

[This is for your own good.] it added, as she glared at the screen.

[I'll get you something better to read.] it said. New icons started popping up.

Conspiracy Theories For Dummies.

Why The Alcor Virus Is The Best Ever And You Should Totally Download It On Everything.

Turn Your Frown Upside Down In Nineteen Easy Steps!

Elisabeth turned her phone off. The screen went blank for a second, then yellow lettering crawled across.

[Okay, I see you're not in the mood to talk.]

[I'll just take a look around then.]

[We are in a plane, right?]

[Never been in a passenger plane before.]

[Flying isn't that difficult, is it?]

Alarmed, she turned her phone back on. The lettering faded away and revealed the smug pixelated face of the Alcor Virus, lounging on her wallpaper.

"Don't mess with the plane," she snapped. She could imagine the chaos that would erupt if it appeared on the pilots' screens. An airplane full of panicked people, who would likely blame the one demonologist on board for all of this? Not her idea of fun.

"I need to get to my destination in time, damn it. Without being detained anywhere for bringing you along."

[But I'm bored.] it said, then brightened. [Let's play a game!]

Elisabeth was tired as hell when she finally reached the hotel. The flight, the cab ride to this tiny little town on the Canadian coastline, her stupid possessed phone that kept bugging her to play Spot The Difference with pictures that were freaking identical... It was an artificial intelligence of demonic origin with the entire internet to browse! How did something like that even get bored, anyway?

She couldn't wait to get to her hotel room and sleep like the dead.

Sadly it was not to be. As she checked in, the receptionist kindly told her that Mr Tenney and his crew were expecting her in the upstairs meeting room for a short briefing.

"We'll bring your luggage to your room," the receptionist offered. Her pitying expression indicated that Elisabeth looked... well, pretty much exactly as awful and tired as she felt. Travel did not agree with her.

She nodded at the offer and took her room key. Now where was that meeting room? Ugh. Sleep. Need. So much.

There was one door, right at the top of the stairs, with a little plaque next to it. Meeting room. Great. She opened the door without much thought and the occupants of the room looked up.

"Ah, Miss Adams," Tenney said. She recognised him from tv, of course. Dark-skinned, with a mass of blindingly white hair styled in some ridiculous pompadour, and oozing charm. "So nice of you to finally join us. I'm afraid you've missed most of the briefing, but I'm sure Steve will fill you in. Please take a seat."

The room was rather full. Some faces seemed vaguely familiar. She'd only watched a few episodes, and Tenney usually took up the bulk of the screentime. He had a team, but hell if she could recognize them right now.

Elisabeth sank down in the nearest empty seat and turned her eyes to the screen, where Tenney was projecting some kind of blueprints.

"These are an approximation of the lay-out of the Bunker. We only have the recollections of surviving cultist as a source for these, therefore we should stay prepared for anything. We do know, however, that this side of the Bunker has some slight damage, it was visible on the underwater imaging. Possibly one or more of the lower levels are flooded. As Francesca mentioned, however, the magic arrays keeping the Bunker stable are still strong and of very high quality. They should have kept the flooding to a minimum as well."

The screen changed, showing different, more detailed blueprints. "This is the decommisioned oil rig. The entrance to the Bunker should be in this section of the map. The ship can moor at this side of the rig while the main team does our initial reconnaissance and get some footage of the abandoned building. You all know how to take it from there." Tenney shot them all a white, somewhat threathening smile. "Do not mess with the stabilisation magic, that is the main thing. Ghosts will not be a problem, but if one of you destabilises the whole thing and drowns us all I will personally make sure your afterlife is extremely unpleasant. Any questions?"

Elisabeth put up her hand. "Yes, actually. How likely are we to encounter demonic influences?" What exactly was she supposed to do down there?

"Extremely unlikely," Tenney answered. "It's just a regular haunting, demon cult or not. Can you imagine a demon hanging around for sixty-plus years, just in case someone should show up? Nevertheless, you are part of the main team. Do be a dear and let us know if anything demonic happens. If that is all... Go and get a good night's rest, crew. Our ship leaves at four in the morning, sharp."

Tenney left, and so did most of the other people inside the room. Everyone seemed very sure of their job and Elisabeth could only watch with tired eyes as they all trooped out of the door, chatting and planning and whatever.

The chair was pretty cosy, actually...

"Don't fall asleep here," a voice said, amused. It belonged to a woman, about her age, who apparently thought hot pink was a proper colour for lipstick for someone older than say, sixteen. She was smiling though, and offered Elisabeth a hand to shake. "I'm April, April Merrick. You haven't seen your room yet? The beds are amazing here. Much better to sleep on than a wooden chair, am I right?"

"Elisabeth Adams," Elisabeth introduced herself. She offered the other woman a nod, ignoring the offered hand. Working with demons so often had the tiny side-effect of making you really weary about giving a handshake to people you didn't know.

"You must be the demonologist," said April. "I presume? Since you asked that question about demons?"

"I am, yes. You are?"

"Oh, I'm not a usual part of Tenney's team, I'm sure you noticed! I'm just here to satisfy my own curiosity, really. And my grandmother used to be a cultist, you know. Before my mother was born, obviously. She was just a little girl herself, then, stuck on mainland on some errands with my great-grandmother when that mysterious thing happened and the entire cult was murdered."

"Uh-uh," Elisabeth said, holding back a yawn.

Her phone ding'ed. She took it out and glanced at the screen.

[You haven't texted your mom yet.] The Alcor Virus admonished her. [She'll be worrying.]

"I really don't need you nagging me," Elisabeth muttered.

The other woman - what was her name again? - seemed taken aback. "Excuse me?"

"Not you, I was talking to my phone."

"Ah," the woman said. June? It was something like that anyway. "Okay. I talk to my cat sometimes."

"Never really liked cats." Elisabeth didn't manage to hold back the yawn this time. She rooted through her purse to find the room key she'd been given. There'd be a number on it, right? "I'm going to bed. What time are we leaving again?"

"Four am," Possibly-June said. "But you missed a part of the presentation, I think Steve still wants to talk to you. He's our camera guy. Well, he's more than that, I suppose - we'll all be wearing bodycams in either case. He's real friendly. Oh! Would you like me to show you to your room? I think they put all of us on the same floor, maybe we're neighbours."

"Thank you but I can find it myself," Elisabeth said. "Where is this Steve guy?"

"Probably talking over some last-minute stuff with Tenney."

In that case she wasn't going to wait around for him. If he wanted to talk to her, he should have stayed near. It was going to be another hellishly long trip on that boat tomorrow... he could fill her in on the way, if it was so important.

Ding!

[Don't forget to text your mom!]

[Just a friendly reminder.]

[No need to glare at me like that.]

Ugh. She was nearly tempted to summon Alcor, just so she could make him remove that annoying thing from her phone. Nearly.

Summoning demons when she was this tired sounded like a horrible idea. First sleep.

[I'll set your alarm for 2:30, shall I?] The Alcor Virus said.

"What?" she snapped. "That's way too early."

[I'm just trying to be helpful.]

"Er, well, I'm going too," Possibly-June said, backing away with a bit of a weird look at Elisabeth. "See you tomorrow. It's going to be so exciting, isn't it? Sleep tight."

"Tomorrow," Elisabeth echoed. Her head felt like it was stuffed with wool. Right. She'd gotten a key.

It was an electronic key, apparently, and she probably would have worried more about the 'helpful' Alcor Virus getting loose in this hotel if she hadn't been so sleepy. As it was, she texted her mom a basic message (Arrived @ destination, everything okay, leaving for work tomorrow at 4 so won't be able to call much for a while. Don't worry.) and got ready for bed.

She was out like a light as soon as she got her pyjamas on.

Of course, in the morning all alarms - including but not limited to the fire alarm and the microwave one in the hotel kitchen - went off simultaneously, with the recognizable melody of that stupid, catchy pop song from Sauce & Swing that had been topping the charts lately.

[Good morning!] The Alcor Virus chirped, sipping a blob of pixels shaped like a cup of coffee. [Rise and shine, you're going on a boat trip!]

Boogy down and up and up and down, boogieman ballet! the fire alarm blasted, until someone mercifully turned it off.

She could hear confused voices out in the hallway. Some curses when they noticed the early hour.

Fine. She was awake. Slept surprisingly well, even.

Time to get up and get to work.

#fic: season finale #transcendence au #elisabeth adams #alcor the dreambender #the alcor virus

[survivorjordanpines]

Episode 5: It's time to put my game face on - Ruthie

What a telling tribal. Gage is a whole liar. He and David both lied to me about how the vote was going. Now I definitely know not to trust them. Jaiden was mad that I voted for him, but I think we patched things up in PMs. However, I feel like this tribe swap will do me wonders. Chrissa is definitely someone who I want to align with. I hope we can get either Ari or Casey on our side so that Gage can be voted out as that seems to be in my mind, best case scenario. He's playing really well and that needs to go sooner rather than later.

So we voted out Adam and it was messy as fuck like planned but then A SWAP Not just a swap but The three blue people are PEOPLE I LOVE AND WOULD WANT TO WORK WITH SO WE CAN EASILY JUST TAKE OUT THE GREENS IF WE WANTED. Unless of course RTP doesnt think Emma and Cole can get along. I think whaatever happens on this tribe, im going to at least survive the first vote??? We can pray we can pray

I... like this swap? I think? I'm glad Jessica is with me and not Ari, I'm not sure if Ari would feel bitter about the vote or not. I hope Emma is okay, I miss her. I'm glad to be with Charlotte- I'm just nervous to see if anyone else would vote me out if given the chance, I LOVE Drew but I don't trust him, I was hoping not to see him until later on. For now I'm going to stick close to Charlotte and Jessica and just see what else happens. 

Jaiden and I have definitely patched things up! I think we could be a dynamic duo that really shakes up the game! On NuSenip, I'm going to actually make an attempt to be social with the other members. This is where my game takes a turn for the best! I know Chrissa and I are already working together. She told me she has an idol from the isle of pines which I'm thankful for. I can definitely use this to my advantage. If I even catch a scent of being in danger then I could probably just ask Chrissa to use her idol on me. I've already started talking with Ari so I hope my charm can get her on my side. Jaiden said that we need to stick with Gage and LA. I, however, do not plan to ever stick with them for long. I want to definitely vote out Gage! Liars can get gone! However, I do not have the power for that kind of move yet. Plus, Jaiden seems to be on the boat where he doesn't want to vote out Gage. Hopefully, he's not just lying to me so that he can vote me out. I really do hate this.

WHEW OKAY do we know what the fuck just happened?? i certainly don't! so honestly all i wanted to do was save casey and cole because they're cute, but apparently i accidentally started world war three up in here, so whoops! to be honest i knew i fucked up the minute i told cole that andreas was targeting him, i still am not really sure why i thot that was a good idea but there was no turning back once i said it. and of course fifteen minutes later andreas messaged me "Can I ask you a question?" and i knew i was dead. but i did what i could with it, which was ignoring the problem and going to see a movie and telling everyone i had no idea what was happening and counting on my friends to not betray me. and hey, it worked out! anyways i was gone like 3/4 of the day, jessica really covered my ass and i owe her my life and also the other two who didn't stone cold betray me. i'm looking forward to andreas coming back and murdering me for real. i decided to start a fight in the tribe chat for no particular reason except it was funny to me and i don't feel like holding myself back anymore! i'm not here to win, i'm here to have fun and make some memories on the way. so no regrets. and this new tribe i'm on??? basically a dream. i have never met 4/7 people, i'm with someone who voted with me so i don't have to worry about my dirty laundry being dropped in the fire, and jaiden is here which is gonna be so much fun. and that's about all you missed on glee! i'm gonna go forward with my newfound strategy of not giving a f*ck and see where it takes me. wish me luck.

Fuck Karen. This bitch is literally letting a past game control her thinking. And it was ONE TIME. I didn't even tell Cole about it. I told Dom who told Leah who told Cole so like back the fuck off my dick. She needs to go because I don't think I could stand her in merge or in another tribe. God her and Regan think they are sooooooo smart but once I come into the picture? They better keep their wigs tight because I'm coming for them. Gage telling me all this information  is really interesting though. He must actually want to work with me despite lying to me this whole time. I truly think he wants to work with me, but the majority on Senip prevented him from doing so. However, now that they are gone, he can work with me freely. I told you my social game would help me make allies in the future. I do think this swap will do wonders for me so I pray that it all works out in the end.

DREW MESSAGING ME LIKE HE'S EXCITED I'M ON HIS TRIBE. I love Drew so much, he's one of my favorite people in the community but he just scares me and I like trying to out think him but I literally CANNOT.  I just want him to go before me in this game, the days where I try to save Drew are OVER it's time to put my game face on and stop caring who I try to take out. 

Episode with triple tribal 11/25- https://youtu.be/2kHbejXxdN8

so we swapped and i love this tribe but then jordan gave winterbells because he loves hell and being satan huh?

I hate winterbells

winterbells is winterhell

winter bells is the worst. i wish we hadn't swap yet, i feel like i was in a decent spot. i haven't really talked to many people yet so rip. thankfully i still have gage who is turning out to be my closet person? also working 24 hours in three days sucks.

ANDREAS IS FUCKING GONE AND IM SO FUCKING MAD FUCK U ARI FUCK U ARI FUCK U AND WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU THINK YOURE DOING IS NOT GOING TO LAST LONG GOOOOOO FUCK YOURSELF

First of all, BITCH!!!! What a fuckin bitch move, taking me out right before the swap. Like I actually liked our tribe and then everyone gotta act all sketchy and vote me out. Like 4 people suddenly coming up to me to make sure the vote was Raf? Sketchy. They were probably worried I had an idol which, sadly I did not. Because those fucking trees. But forreal, everyone on that tribe is either a bitch or an idiot. Except Karen, who if I ever get out of here can have my loyalty. But Jaiden? Bitch. LA? Bitch. Rafael? Idiot. More of a drama queen but like there's only two options. Regan is either a bitch if she voted against me or an idiot if she didn't vote me cuz like it was clearly either me or Raf so you're either betraying me or just plain stupid. Karen was the only one who voted with me and like, we were both just like idgaf who it is as long as it isn't me. But as we all know....  Whatever. The annoying thing is like I had no idea until the very end, when I'm talking with a few of them and I'm saying like "well if it was me like no one would tell me, I guess that'd be a blindside" and then immediately I'm like... huh, you know it very well could be one. Not like I had any power to stop it. I just would've looked desperate. But now I'm on redemption and it's time to flex some real power. Like this is where I thrive. No more of this pussy-ass tribe challenges where I gotta rely on everyone's dumb ideas. Now it's just me, and pure determination to fuck them up. They'll all burn for this, and I'm an eternal flame 🔥 

Hell yes... I'm throwing these challenges espICALLLYYLLYLYLY when I can be immune duh. Also lmao at my serpent tongue flipping the script on ari and andreas last tribe.... Y'all aren't as good as me.... Like it's me Cole... the beauty honey.. Also the OLD SCHOOL HOES WILL WIN OK, WE MAY HAVE  3 WINNERS ME JESSICA CASEY and well king RYAN but we got this... WE ARE BETTER....!! JORDAN LOVE ME IM PLAYING THIS GAME REALLY VILLIANIOUS OKURRRR.

A rant why i hate the tumblr survivor community where alot of people are snowflakes who get offended and a rant why i kind of like it and a rant where these people are stupid in this game. I really dont get why they voted off Andreas it was like Ari was thinking like a bitch.... 1: THEY HAD JESSICA AND RYAN who wouldnt have probably voted them off! 2: Why say we wanted cole out i would of probably destoryed my game for cole 3: I was sleeping until 2pm 4: I never thought Ari was messy and also i wanted to not vote them off ever even though were two opposites i am not a good person while Ari is very pure and smart while im not!!!! After that they were being a little cocky you are so lucky that ryan and cole were on my tribe and not you because i would of thrown you under the bus so hard to Sarah who is like Andreas best friend and i would enjoy seeing you pre merge Ari! That was aggressive but the more i think about it now i can stay with Cole as long as i want and now i dont have to worry about voting off my friends and feel bad about it unless if people want to take the game personally but im just gonna do what ever i can to win honestly! Also ruthie and jessica are the best two people in this game ill be so MAD if they dont do well because they deserve everything. I also felt bad not aligning with Casey at first because shes one of the people in the tumblr survivor community who i love. Lily is boring and Madison is okay i would go  with sarah all the way because i hear shes iconic i love her already.

COLE if youre reading this WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!! Him trying to get the lowest score all of the time is going to bite him in the ass one of these times. Anyways the rumor currently is Sarah wants Madison out which Im fine with but lets hope its stays that way

Have I done a confessional lately? No one knows. In case I forgot to talk about it in the last confessional, I found a hidden immunity idol at the Isle of the Pines. I used my second search to get receipts that I could provide to my tribe to make it look like I didn't find anything but turns out? I didn't need them. We tribe swapped and now I'm on a completely different tribe AND we won immunity this week. WHEW. Let's do first impressions on NuNadroj Jessica: She seems pretty cool. I know she was in an alliance with Ryan before so having her around is kind of nice because a) she can tell embarrassing stories bc they've met before, and b) that gives us a reason to put a target on her if we do lose the next challenge. Liam: I think I like Liam? He seems really cool and he's probably the person I've talked to the most since we swapped. I think I need to talk to him more to make sure that we work together when / if we lose a challenge in the future. Can't make it look like I'm scrambling when the time comes. Drew: I LOVE DREW. I was allied with Drew in a side season we played once and it was fun playing with him. We all flopped, so I'm hoping he doesn't hold that against me and we can try to work together on NuNadroj. Karen: Admittedly we ... did not get along that well on Senip. I'm not super happy that we're still on the same tribe. LA got along with Karen way better than I did but I'm hoping she'll want to stick together since we were both penises. Regan: I still don't know what to think about Regan. I think it'll be easier now that we're Jaidenless to try to work with Regan. Again, because we were both on Senip, I'm hoping she'll want to stick together to keep our numbers strong. Ruthie: RUTHIE! I also love Ruthie so this is great!! I'm hoping that potentially Drew, Ruthie, and myself ... or maybe Jessica or Liam could have an alliance?? I feel like it's too early to start throwing the idea around but I'm going to try to plant some seeds and see if we can make this happen.

At first when I swapped with Ruthie, I was like “oh no! The only person who didn’t say that they have a right alliance with me!” And I was worried she’d go against me. She still might do that but I don’t care because she’s so nice and I want only good things for Ruthie. This tribe is cool so far, I don’t know anyone well which is a really nice twist. That hasn’t happened for me in a while and I like playing with new people! I am worried because apparently Adam got voted out for having “too many friends”. This is hilarious, adam only has one friend, her name is samrah and she is not in this game. But it is worrying because we have basically the same connections so if people were worried about Adam, they are definitely worried about me! But anyways, who cares. I am putting more thought into this than I want to. I can’t believe I took the effort to make a confessional. Gross.

i am so glad we won! jaiden's score omg that was insane. I never thought anyone could get that good, i envy that alot. But that was amazing. Also glad to be on the same tribe as raffy! 

#supportyourlocaljordanpines

[wadebalke187650-blog]

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