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lizzienaut · 2 years

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leaving the community

oh man, hardly thought i’d see the day when this would happen. i’m not really sure where to start this post to be honest, so apologies in advance for having to read my poorly thought out ramblings.

for those that don't wanna read, the tl;dr = i'm furthering myself from the sfw community, this blog is going on a permanent hiatus, you can find me @buntopiia or @kinkynaut if youre 18+, im just generally unhappy and tired here but im so grateful for all of the support and all the super cool friends i made here <33 its not goodbye forever!!

it’s been a good run, hasn’t it? but then again, it’s not like im going away completely — i'm still gonna be active on tumblr, just not in the sfw side of the tickle community. i'll also be active on my new main, which is @buntopiia, so if you aren't 18+ or just arent comfy with nsfw content, you can still find me there if you ever wish to talk.

so here comes the nitty gritty of it all; i just don't enjoy being here anymore. im sure its super apparent to everyone that the sfw community is always on the brink of tearing itself apart, barely being held together by its seams - and to be honest, i'm just completely over it. it seems that we can't go a day here without someone getting death threats or being told to kill themselves over the way they perceive their interest in tickling, which is such a stupid fuckin sentence to type out, but here we are.

the rampant hatred everyone seems to have for each other is draining. and this isn't about the anons that i've gotten specifically- i found those funny more than anything (i'm still a slut well denizen at heart), but a whole slew of other things as well. the constant drama feels reminiscent of high school, and come to think of it, it's probably because the sfw community is filled mainly with minors. mostly ones who don't know how to cultivate their own online experience and blame the adults for it, but i digress. every callout post is just a reminder of how toxic and shitty the sfw side of the community can be. lots of people hide behind the "sfw" title to seem innocent and approachable. lots of people demonize the nsfw community for everything that happens here. but in all honesty, when's the last time you've seen any big drama from the nsfw community?

lots of people stay in their own little bubble there, curating their own content and reblogging from each other solely. i find that (most) adults are very good at following their dni criteria and keeping minors away, even if they don't listen. and the fact that the kinksters are so harshly spoken about by the sfw community is another major factor as to why i'm leaving.

i have a tickle fetish. i see tickling as something both nonsexual in platonic scenarios and sexual in romantic ones (in my own life, of course). hearing people constantly saying having a fetish is gross or vile or whatever is genuinely upsetting, which is why i was in denial about it for the longest time. i felt disgusting for it. i was so ashamed and terrified of people finding out, because i thought it would make me some kind of "pervert" or something, which also sounds incredibly stupid when i type it out.

like seriously, this is a post about tickling. the fact that we have drama and community politics over here is the dumbest shit i've ever heard lmfao

but yeah. i feel safer in the nsfw community than i do here now. i'll post the occasional fluffy tickle art on my main, but other than that, all of my content will be posted onto my kink account. and you're more than welcome to interact with my main!! you dont even need to be on anon or a main yourself, im more than okay with tickle blogs interacting with me. it isnt something im ashamed of anymore, and being in the nsfw community has helped me overcome that fear. being unabashedly kinky is extremely freeing, tbh.

its been fun and ive seriously enjoyed my time here with you guys <33 again, i'm not gone completely! i'm just distancing myself from the "sfw" brand and moving on to other things. thank you for everything <3

#important #liz peeps™#tickling

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pigeonriot · 1 year

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AO3 Wrapped tagged by @xagan <333

Works Published: 7 (this was the first year i posted sth since 2019 so yay!)

Total Word Count: 18,555

Bookmarks: 96

Most Popular by Kudos: Morning Hours (The Eclipse)

Most Hits: also Morning Hours but 2nd place is The Space Between Us (Not Me) which both are fics i posted during or very close when the shows were airing lol all my not me fics ive posted way later got WAY less hits even tho i like them way more djhjshjfd than the space btw us

Longest: Parallel (Not Me)

Shortest: Against The Rules (The Eclipse)

Most Comments: after Morning Hours, The Space Between Us and Turning Point (Not Me) got the most comments

Fic that made me cry: no u guys dont understand i cry very easily i cant just choose 1 or 2 or 3 fdjjdfjhd

Fic that made me smile: ok i also cant choose just 1 or a few so next category is made up by me

Fics that made me go feral: More To Show by @inrainprose is my absolute fave not me fic of all time and also the jelupe fic some of us just had to fight (for even being looked at right) by @talaricula makes me go fdhjjhdfshjfd every time i think abt it

Gifts: didnt get any

Collaborations: havent done any bc i can barely collaborate w my own brain

Events participated in: one year of not me

Most Underrated Fic: is this abt your own fics? if yes i would say Turning Point, which is my femmeswap!Gramblack fic that i'm very proud of but got much less hits than the other fics i posted in the same week and also my namogene oneshot You See Me (For Who I Really Am)

bc that also didnt rlly get noticed lol. if this wasnt abt my fics but others i'm sorry i never look at the hits/kudos etc of the fics i read, maybe only at other comments so i dont rlly know which of the rlly good ones ive read were vastly underappreciated (there probably are a few dfjdhjhjfd)

Coming in 2023: hopefully my gaslight gatekeep girlboss gram canon divergence (gramblack) which is currently sitting at ~20k and not halfway done dfhjdjhff, also have a 5+1 namogene fic and a 5+1 gramblack and---- there are a lot of other WIPs i havent looked at in a while fdhjhjdfjhdf

i feel like everyone got tagged already lol and if u didnt and wanna do this pls do<3

#tagging game #not me the series #the eclipse #aloto #gramblack #namogene #my post

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emetkoto · 2 years

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idk man I just really like your style of rambling about them ig? like I find peoples' enthusiasm for things very sweet and infectious sometimes and your emetkoto posts defs hit that spot for me? like your joy and love for them seeps through and infects me too it's great. emetkoto good. anyway tell us about after vauthry. do it. give us the deets.

well thank you very much, it makes me happy to hear that ive had that effect on you 🥺🥺🥺 thats exactly what i hope to do with my posts about them but i do have bad demon brain so sometimes im like hmm. 'am i just being unbearably annoying instead actually???' and ofc sometimes its 'oh this is not original at all nobody wants to read this' so its always nice to have a little reassurance like this ghsljgsfd….

cracks my fingers so hard they all break anyway now for that essay you asked for

RIGHT SO LIKE right before vauthry, literally the night before that fight is when emet selch takes k'oto to the tempest to marry him and seubsequently erase his memory of it to "keep things fair" or whatever (basically he still had tiny little pangs of doubt about how things would turn out bc of yknow the whole being tempered for 12k+ years situation and he wanted to make sure that if it like. came to them having to fight. k'oto wouldnt hesitate bc he had smth like that holding him back :,) little did he know that he tried to hesitate in the end anyway and was only stopped from sparing him by ardbert) but thats a whole like other thing i still have to finish writing the worlds longest stupidest hardest to read post about so im physically restraining myself from going on about this anymore right this moment as much as i want to repeat myself forever about it bc GOD. God. god.

but anyway he was full of love and hope for k'oto, so much hope that he would be able to hold the light and prove mankinds worth so he could lay his mission to rest and stay by his side (and undo the spell holding his memories of the wedding) he was so SO ready for it and then. it just. all came crashing down :,) he'd allowed himself to let his guard down and put his duty aside and have hope in humanity again one last time and fall in love and k'oto just couldnt do it! even with his subtle help holding the light back he couldnt handle it, he was still too weak at 7 rejoinings and that shit hurted bad!!! he succumbed to the tempering and grief and rage and disappointment and closed himself off again…from there its probably the more canon adjacent bit of their story, graha tia acting embarassment, back to the tempest (altho k'oto doesnt remember having been there once before AUGH), amaurot, dying gasp :,)

throughout it all k'oto is trying desperately to get him to listen to him again but emet selch keeps cutting him off and ignoring him which hurts A LOT and ofc he says some. mean things to try and get him to just leave it be and accept what has to be done and stop talking about it bc HE didnt wanna think about it anymore EITHER obviously here but k'oto doesnt give up he keeps trying all the way to the very end….he never planned to kill emet selch, he just wanted to weaken him enough that he would take a moment to stop and think and listen , a last ditch effort to fix things but ardbert (and everyone else really) saw that it was like. too late for that. there was no way in hell emet selch was hearing reason anymore and if k'oto let him live there was a pretty high chance he would just kill him when he tried to get close to him so he took control of his body and made sure that axe killed, oops! way to kill a dudes soulmate and then be absorbed into his soul so you can never actually apologize for it…when the dust settled and k'oto realized what had happened he. was. A MESS!!

the only thing stopping him from breaking down right away was emet selch shushing him like 'let me enjoy this last moment with you in peace and quiet'……remember us and all that (although 'us' had a very obvious double meaning here

anyway tldr; WEHHHHHHH,,,,,,,

sorry for unreadability i very much wrote it exactly as it came out of my brain which is a long run on thought with no consideration for line or paragraph breaks. i tried to turn it into a few chunks for you

#words of mimi #emetkoto #shadowbringers spoilers

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thatfuckincat · 1 year

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I posted 5,300 times in 2022

That's 1,181 more posts than 2021!

99 posts created (2%)

5,201 posts reblogged (98%)

>perfectly balanced

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@turtle-ly

@yearning-and-arson

@even-if-in-another-time

@crippledinafunway

@buggachat

>Makes Sense. Most from buggachat are from when i rb'd the entire beau comic

I tagged 4,195 of my posts in 2022

Only 21% of my posts had no tags

#miraculous - 665 posts

#she ra - 545 posts

#toh - 470 posts

#dc - 456 posts

#unrelated - 348 posts

#amphibia - 272 posts

#video - 151 posts

#me - 134 posts

#steven universe - 120 posts

#fav - 108 posts

>I have gone on several reblog sprees for miraculous stuff, no wonder

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#but im specifically imagining some old guy poking his head out of his window to yell at some troublesome kids who are also the protagonists

My Top Posts in 2022:

words cannot fucking describe my confusion WORMS????

6 notes - Posted August 10, 2022

>worms

Fintan is a really long pole cat like 5 feet long he has no hips and his back legs just float behind him he also only dresses in a pink leotard when he’s tryna seduce a king into releasing a plague

when hes tryna WHAT

.. heres the real question, does he look good in the leotard?

7 notes - Posted September 2, 2022

>Oh ya, the time when i got a taste of the kotlc fandom

sometimes i underestimate tumblr's capacity to simp over the most pathetic men possible.

Wheatley??? the moron that succeeded at one (1) thing ever??? THAT Wheatley????

every single decision that metal sphere has ever made resulted in unintentional destruction. He was in control of aperature for less than a day and nearly destroyed the entire facility.

Wheatley would sell you to satan for a corn chip, and then through a convoluted series of failiures end up getting sold in your place.

13 notes - Posted March 22, 2022

>still right about this

i've been tasked w/ describing the one and only fintan pyren to you so here we go. dude's an elf that's definitely over 1k years old, probably 4k+. you can tell bc his comically pointy ears. former leader of a bad rebel organization. got his mind and sanity broken by telepaths once but he's fine now because he played one of the telepaths that broke his mind and sanity with his Excellent Planning Skills. powerful pyrokinetic that's also a pyromaniac. isolated in an ice prison bubble for his crimes. bitchy blond (hair length: hella long, flat as his paper thin ass that he insists is 'absolute cake'). dramatic as fuck. also gay as fuck - has definitely dated shakespeare, a current elvin gov leader, and the current ogre king. thinks 80's fashion is trendy, hence neon stripper outfits beneath his former evil organization's uniforms. (minors wear rainbow tutus over their pink leotards, though, because fetishization of minors = bad.) also he's got blue eyes and he's slender and blah blah blah but most importantly: short king who hasn't come to terms with being short. oh yeah he's also mentoring a baby gay smol pyrokinetic who comes to lessons with her hydrokinetic gf. yeah i think that's all the basics you need to know

Ah i see, so all ive said before, but with ears stretched out in photoshop. and fire powers? hot. i see why they didnt put HIM in the center of the earth now. wait did you say shakespear. ogre king? i wanna hear more about sharkgirl and lavagirl too! baby gays are my favorite!

13 notes - Posted September 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

damn i was gonna make a post about how yall are treating lila too harshly but like. she's not even that bad. Shes a canonically great liar, loves attention, and is 14~. of course she does all that shit.

yall are exhausting.

14 notes - Posted June 15, 2022

>fight me mlb fandom

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #no suprises here tbh

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waloeders · 6 months

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i have a bunch of fun tibids relating to that fic (so spoilers below for my own fic i guess??? and also ff16 spoilers LMAO) but i dont wanna clog dash so. readmore my beloved<3

this turned into an info dump abt so many things. enjoy?

- ok so fun fact #1: the use of Lord vs lord throughout is directly relating to how much barnabas' belief in ultima as a god/the god is wavering

- similarly, the use of mythos vs logos. in another fic set before this one that ive yet to post 🙈, clive (aka mythos, aka logos) makes a point to barnabas abt being logos not mythos, which ultima affirms. despite this, barnabas is still clinging to clive being mythos bc if hes logos, all the scripture n beliefs he has are wrong

- barnabas often mimics ultimas phrasings and sayings, even in game, including the use of Eikon names rather than the persons yaknow. actual name. e.g. shiva vs jill. kosmos vs ryder. mythos/logos vs clive etc etc

- barnabas n sleipnir have a. weird semi-spiritual bond. this is mostly hc'd from me bc we never see it super directly or stated in game/story? its implied that a dominant can sense when their egi is killed but not really expanded upon. where benedikta (garudas dominant) can sense her egi n refers to them as 'sisters', her egi arent nearly as human or as, well, sentient/alive as sleipnir is.

- im also taking the stance of sleipnir being originally an extension of barnabas (+odin) that he made to protect himself from his grief/loneliness. but over the ~50yrs theyve been alive + together, hes grown into his own being and does have traits/personality that barny didnt give him/doesnt have himself. hes very much his own person but cant die (permanently) unless barnabas does. he can also duplicate himself, change some parts of his appearance and still has this bond with barnabas that allows them to vaguely sense where the other is, what theyre doing and better interpret what the other wants/means

- im takin it to be theyve been in the worlds longest qpr while never actually really admitting it to each other. this is both good and bad for them (mostly bad for the world, they enable each other)

- fun fact!! canonically sleipnir and ultima never interact in game. sleipnir only ever interacts with some ppl from kanver at the start, hugo (titan), benedikta (garuda), barnabas ofc and clive. dude is not getting out and about nearly enough. but interestingly as an egi, he can be (physically) very far from where barnabas is! its also kind of implied that he can prime into his horse form without needing barnabas as odin?

- this fic does have the least amount of kosmos introspective. wack. hes just going through the motions, okay? its not like hes been kidnapped n threatened by a god-like being before. their ass is not thinking 💀💀

- ultima uses this weird combo of we/us but when on the defensive, it speaks of i/me. im assuming this is relating to ultima being multiple beings of ultima-species merged into one hivemind-like being? and this idea/notion of being part of this larger whole but when afraid, feeling alone and like one being again. i also tend to use it over he for it partly bc i impart kosmos' perspective a lil n he views ultima that way and partly bc there was like 4 different he/him users there. guys. pls. invite some women to ur fights its not very feminism of u

- barnabas's mother is never named in anything. she doesnt even have voice lines when ultima turns into her in the game, despite it being able to mimic benedikta and hugo (also dead)??? like she is the epitome of fridged i feel so bad for her. but context is she is killed when barny is 18 for worshipping ultima n thats what causes him to prime as odin for the first time and create sleipnir (as an egi/person)

- but barny is the first dominant of odin literally ever so its like. sleipnir is part of odin (the eikon) and in my mind first shows up/is created as a guy when barnabas unprimes that first time. and theyve just stuck together ever since

- speaking of. sleipnir does worship ultima too, but largely bc barnabas does. they share a lot of beliefs abt ultima + mankind (esp. since its been them two for again, like 50yrs) but he draws the line at ultima hurting barnabas, hes sleipnir's #1 priority over anything or anyone else

- sleipnir literally has one line to kosmos in this and hes bullying them i 💀💀😭😭 it made me laugh so much i was like 100% he would watch and just throw in the occasional comment, the only reason he didnt comment in game when clive fights that thing outside hugos palace is bc he didnt want clive to know he was there i KNOW im right

- final sleipnir tibit is actually that in canon we never see if he has a semi-primed form? its assumed not since hes an egi, not a dominant but i decided that his armoured look is his semi-prime since thats true of barnabas + we dont see sleipnir change into his armour. its true to me

- ultima actually slips that kosmos is kin (as in also an ultima) in this but somehow none of the gang notice! com'on guys 😭

- the golden aether!!!!! aether is always blue in canon and i wanted it so that when kosmos uses aether/magick a) it to look cool b) for kosmos (the ultima being) to look distinct from ultima (hivemind)

- technically speaking. ultima is a non corporeal being, it doesn't have a physical body buuut since zantetsuken "severs" some shit in ur atoms, it works

- it is kosmos that teleports them away, not barnabas! prior to this, clive absorbed odin and altho ive not mentioned it yet, kosmos n logos have a weird connection - the more eikons clive absorbs, the stronger kosmos gets (as he is also getting the eikons). in a similar way to mythos og needing to absorb eikons so that ultima can possess clive long enough to cast the spell for the new world w/o dying, kosmos (the ultima) needs the eikons to both get strong (theyre like half dead prior to this) and to awaken (which is what happens in this fic). so yeah, he is the one using odins rift slip, not barny! :3

theres a bunch more stuff abt kosmos i wanna talk abt but also. i wanna write it out in fic form bc theres so much that happens its a slap

i have like at least 3 shitposts i wanna make regarding the fic too that are basically like.

---

barny: i would never betray you, my lord!

kosmos, glowing gold less than 5mins later: hi

barny: ....fuck.

---

sleipnir: can we sick this guy PLEASE can we please sick this guy can we have a fight can we have a figh- {etc}

---

clive: we got back as soon as we could jill, which way did they go??

kosmos n barnabas: *reappear in the hideaway after having the most traumatic, life-altering, religion-breaking moments of their lives*

cid: found them! :3 <- guy abt to get the hide n seek championship award

#jupiter.speaks #❤️.barnabas #❤️.sleipnir #👤.kosmos #> like all of this is hopefully comin through in the writing but also some hasnt come up yet in the fics ive actually posted #> once i finish the bit where kos n barny first meet imma post the combo of the jill fic. clive vs barny. meeting fic #> bc those 3 all happen within the space of like. 2? 3 hrs at most?#> i also realise i keep mentioning gav thats bc hes my buddy :3 hes great we love gav!#> this was such an info dump i hope thats okay #ff16 spoilers #> this game and these two have taken over so much. its incredible. how are u doing that. stop it

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translucio · 6 months

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initial thoughts

cassandra reading varrics memoir at the end of trespasser was soooo good i love her sm

despite the game having been out for 9 years and being spoiled on most major things there were still some things i never got spoiled about. wild

not knowing exactly how some quest chains and major story decisions work, and not having been spoiled on them, actually turned out to be bad for me. some things happened that i didn't know were possible and would have avoided, but by the time they happened, the events that caused them were already like 20+ hrs of gameplay back. which is frustrating. these were things i really had no way of knowing would happen without looking it up far in advance. im the type of player who saves religiously in case i need to go back a little ways to fix things, but im not willing to go that far back

the war table....... is a mechanic. UX/game feel good. systems bad. the experience of going to the table, getting all your advisors together, studying the map, choosing which method to deal with different events, the diegetic menu - great! having to Wait Real Time to unlock content, and not knowing which content is important, and the sheer quantity of dumb operations that just crowd the map - bad. annoying. the reason i failed to do all the personal quests even though i wanted to and thought i had

this game was a poor attempt at open-ish world. it did not need to be this long or big. long load times and slow transitions were of course hardware limitations, but they are just painful, and could have been avoided if theyd made different design decisions. horseriding kinda feels like ass. most of the activities that populate the maps are pointless bloat to keep you there longer and get more mileage out of areas youve already moved through. of course this was 2014 and we have to try things to learn how to do them well but there were a lot of mistakes here.... lets do better guys

romanced dorian. wish you could be poly in this game cause i am not spending any more time in it but i did wanna see josephines romance...

i know shes kind of popularly disliked in the fandom and i saw a post a while ago saying shes really not that bad and people are just racist or misogynistic or whatever. but having finished the game now. i do not like vivienne. she pissed me off really bad and i wanted to kick her out but couldnt. and i never want to kick out companions in games

sera also irritated me but in her case i feel like its just cause some of her writing is not the best lol

i hate to say it as i was a certified cullen hater for the longest time. but you know what. he got better and i like how his arc went / how hes developed across the games. cullen girlies i understand you now. will you forgive me

and to be honest. yes solas is a bastard but hes not that bad.... maybe its because ive been desensitized by having been spoiled long ago but i think hes fine as a character/villain reveal. im not mad. he is not sexy though yall need help. that is an egg.

overall plot writing..... meh. the stuff they did with elves and elf gods and all is a bit convoluted, and ofc the whole mage templar war thing was so messy and uncomfortably centrist. and they really just continue to present qunari in A Way. really hope they do better next game

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dear-self-this-is-you · 1 year

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January 19, 2023 - 3:11 AM

Hello. After not posting for the longest time, I am back again. Not to rant, but to pray and talk to God. I am no saint & it's been really really bad. my relationship with the Lord right now is on the rocks and I've continued to badmouth him which im not proud of. by the start of the new year, i tried to be a good child - told myself i should be more optimistic and my greatest resolution for this year? to be a kind person coz i feel like thats the hardest thing to do as life tries to shoot me in the head with all these lifewrecking asshole shenanigans that i face on the daily. I was doing better. For a long time, I was trying not to curse - which I think has lessened but still at times I still cant help but find comfort at screaming bitching words in my head. For a while, thought I was doing good & progressing to becoming a better person with clean thoughts, full of hope, & faith. but then you know, life doesn't really go your way for the most part and unexpected things almost always happen - the good and the bad stuff. I don't vividly recall anymore how I got here but it got bad, like really bad. I was having episodes of mental break down every night and there's not a day that I don't cry. whats even worse is that i just spend every day on my phone trying to distract myself drom the merciless and negative thoughts lurking in my mind. I am still here with my family but it doesnt feel like it. Ive been gone long before. I dont even go out of my room and eat with them or watch tv. i dont. i just go out if i want to kidnap my niece who doesnt really want my kisses and cuddles. i dont even take care of myself as much as normal people do. and as much as i should. i dont take a bath and brush my teeth let alone look myself in the mirror in a day just because it feels exhausting for me. the normal routine a normal person does feels too heavy for me. thats how bad it has gotten. but yeah going back to trying to speak to the Lord - I just wanna say that i just hope my one and only dream that i sincerely desire and is deeply planted in my heart is still in line with what's meant for me. they say that it's meant for you if it gives you peace but thats not whats been going on. going back last year, the best thing happened to me - i got a job offer abroad which ive been dreaming for years!!! and whats even greater is that its an opp in London, of all the cities in the world, a door has opened for me in one of the brightest and richest places in the world. what a dream right? I was so grateful I couldnt ask for more and I was so happy to share the good news with my mom which made her also vv happy for sure. I prepared for the interview and had a whole long month of interviews. fast forward to processing the documents, i noticed my old phone was not in my possession anymore. as a memory hoarder myself, i found out that my mom gave my niece's nanny the permission to own that phone thats why she brought it back to her hometown. now all my pics & vids are lost which totally wrecked me. Thats how i got back to square one. became distant & angry with my mom & that nanny living in our house. up until now, havent gotten back the strong relationship with the Lord that I had built when he fulfilled my bigtime dream. But i was able to fully recover & heal from letting go of the memories I made with that phone - the nanny was gone but I wish her nothing but well although I mistreated her because of what happened. fast forward to today, i really dont know why things are happening the way they are now because i thought by now that fulfilled dream must have already come to fruition. i thought by now i was already living the london dream and going places. but still here i am waiting for what feels like so close yet so far. Lord, i really hope this is still meant for me. please let this be meant for me. ive shed billions of tears, got empty after being so empty, lost all my faith in every little thing & was so so so fed up. ive survived & still surviving the growing pains of this waiting game so please let there be light at the end of the tunnel.

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weirdo-2000 · 1 year

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I posted 252 times in 2022

That's 214 more posts than 2021!

79 posts created (31%)

173 posts reblogged (69%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@zzoupz

@randompurplepanthergorl

@gayalienlover

@pastel-skies

@punkhomerkin

I tagged 53 of my posts in 2022

#waylon smithers - 5 posts

#the simpsons - 5 posts

#smiling friends - 3 posts

#roblox - 2 posts

#smoe - 2 posts

#degenerate artist problems :\ - 1 post

#pokemon - 1 post

#the internet fucking sucks i hate it - 1 post

#weirdo-2000 - 1 post

#why me - 1 post

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#even then a lot of adults don’t respect that and figure that just because they have authority over me means they can call me whatever they

My Top Posts in 2022:

ive said this before but i feel like i need to say it again…….

do NOT interact with me if youre a burnsmithers shipper.

why the fuck do you guys ship burnsmithers lol?? its weird and abusive. burns is canonically 104 fucking years old and smithers is in his early 40s. and if you even pay attention to the episodes then youll see the way that burns treats smithers. burns is a narcissist and constantly looks down on smithers, always telling him off for doing whatever. imagine if you were in a relationship and your significant other always talked down on you. that would feel like shit.

the art that people make of them is super weird too. like you cant even casually look up their names without seeing some weird af fetish art of them in maid outfits spanking eachother or some shit. burnsmithers is fetishized to the MAX for no reason. fr, you have hundreds, maybe even THOUSANDS of simpsons characters out there and yet you decide to ruin burns and smithers for everyone.

i see burns and smithers as funny little old men running a tiny little nuclear power plant, not as this gay couple who want to grind on them eachother. fucking weird as fuck.

if you ship this, get off ALL MY PAGES NOW. i dont want you and your simpsons fetish porn anywhere around me. and maybe consider seeing a psychiatrist.

maybe also consider shipping something ACTUALLY healthy such as smoe or something. just please for the sake of your sanity don’t ship burnsmithers.

that’s all i had to say. if you ship that, fuck you.

6 notes - Posted June 16, 2022

the weirdo-2000 blog!

hey there, i'm addy! welcome to weirdo-2000, a blog that was created with no purpose at all. my pronouns are she\her, biological female at birth. please try your best to respect my pronouns because i try so hard to be feminine and everytime i get misgendered it really hurts and i think about it for months on end. the content of this blog depends on my fixations atm. my current fixation is smiling friends. i usually post stuff related to simpsons or other kinds of adult animation, but you'll mostly see other random shit too. got any questions? you can ask me in my askbox. got a submission? submit it! please note that i am NOT AN ADULT (under 18) and if i recieve any NSFW chats, asks or submissions i will block you, report you, and get the police involved. do NOT take any chances. i will not be telling anybody my personal info because i would like to keep it private. you can check out my other profiles at stuckinchernobyl.carrd.co if you're interested. i also have a sideblog dedicated to my webcomic if you wanna check it out inaplacebeyondfromhere.tumblr.com thanks so much for checking out my blog. a follow, repost or like will be much appreciated! hope you like what i post ╮(￣▽￣)╭

6 notes - Posted February 17, 2022

youtube

most likely one of the best videos i've ever made. i plan to abuse smithers in lots of other fun ways soon 😈

9 notes - Posted January 29, 2022

we were at the park because my siblings wanted to go sledding, and they had these snowmen that some local schools decorated and we spotted…kenneth. this is so cool lol

12 notes - Posted January 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

you guys. charlie is LITERALLY that kinda person who sits on a couch in his underwear, watches trash tv and eats an entire tub of ice cream. alone. by himself. at 2 in the morning.

86 notes - Posted April 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Youtube

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brighteyedbushybrowed · 1 year

Text

I posted 3,474 times in 2022

That's 3,474 more posts than 2021!

510 posts created (15%)

2,964 posts reblogged (85%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@clownstiel

@prettyboyeddiemunson

@eddiemunsonlives

@stranger-nightmare

@littledemondani

I tagged 2,765 of my posts in 2022

Only 20% of my posts had no tags

#stranger things - 870 posts

#eddie munson - 737 posts

#not mine - 651 posts

#the band ghost - 630 posts

#fanfic - 433 posts

#fic recs - 366 posts

#cardinal copia - 298 posts

#papa emeritus iv - 294 posts

#eddie munson x reader - 290 posts

#joseph quinn - 259 posts

Longest Tag: 130 characters

#bc seeing your partner light up with passion when talking about their interest is one of the most beautiful things you'll ever see

My Top Posts in 2022:

Can you do Eddie x Henderson!reader headcanons that are enemies to lovers? But like Enemies in the sense that she doesn’t like that he does/sells drugs, she doesn’t care about the whole freak/d&d stuff cause she loves Dustin and his friends.

𝐄𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐄𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐱 𝐇𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

I absolutely can! I adore friends to lovers and it will always be my favourite trope but enemies to lovers? It’s like a little treat and reward. This is gonna be a long one bc I have a whoooole thing planned out in my head from when I read your request last night

Also please bare in mind these are specific headcanons about a reader who hates drugs and drug dealers. Opinions expressed in these headcanons aren’t necessarily my own so please don’t come into my ask box sending anon hate. I felt sad and guilty writing some of this stuff

You knew Eddie because you'd both been in class together his first senior year and found out about his reputation with drugs and drug dealing through jocks and popular kids that used him as their supplier for parties and shit

You took after your mom in being very against drugs and you hated that he seemed so proud of the fact he was selling drugs to high schoolers

When you graduate and he doesn’t, you can’t help but be smug

You make sure he knows what you think of him and his little side business too

“Selling drugs is all you’ll ever be good for when you can’t even graduate from high school”, “can’t wait to see you out on the streets begging for drug money”

The same time the next year when you hear Eddie failed senior year AGAIN and was somehow even more sought after as a drug dealer you feel like he’s proved you right

When Dustin tells you when he starts high school that he’s made a new friend that plays DnD and runs a club at school for it you think nothing of it at first. You knew of Hellfire and that Eddie was in it during your senior year but for some reason assumed he wasn’t in the club anymore

Then, you younger brother tells you that it’s Eddie and that he’s the DM of the club you start seething

“No fucking way, Dustin. You’re dropping out of the club and you’re going to find a new friend to hang out with. End of discussion”

He’s always asking you why you don’t want him hanging around with Eddie but you don’t wanna expose him to the world of drugs just yet. He’s your baby brother after all. You don’t want to take away his innocence like that

You dodge answering his questions every time by just dismissing him and saying it’s because he failed senior year because that’s the only thing you can think of to tell him

The two of you end up having a massive argument over it, Dustin fiercely defending him

“You don’t even know him! You’re always so nice about anyone else who has to repeat senior year but not him! What did he do to you to deserve being treated like shit by you?”

You know he’s right, but you can’t tell him the truth and him shouting at you just makes you shout back even more in retaliation

Your mom ended up taking away TV privileges from you both for a week for the arguing and swearing at each other

Added onto your punishment because you should know better is having to drop off and pick up Dustin from Hellfire every week for a month

You have no problem with that until your mom tells you that you also need to be polite and kind towards Eddie because she raised you to never judge or be cruel to or about anyone

You’re pissed off when you have to pick Dustin up the first week of the punishment. When you see Eddie walking out with the club and Dustin talking so animatedly and excitedly with him you have to try and stomp out the feeling of guilt that creeps up on you

You only ever saw Dustin that happy and joyful when he was around Steve Harrington. Watching how Dustin makes Eddie throw his head back with raucous laughter makes you simultaneously want to hit Eddie and join in on the fun

Your heart starts to sink into your stomach when Eddie walks Dustin over to your car and when he sees you in the driver’s seat his smile looks a lot more forced

“Henderson. Didn’t expect to see you here. Thought you moved away for college.”

The mention of your scuppered college plans puts you back in a foul mood and you end up snapping at Dustin to just get in the car already

The ride home is deadly silent between you and Dustin, partially because of your argument but also because he knows that college is a sore spot for you after you had to cancel going off to college to get a job and help pay the rent and bills because of your mom struggling to make ends meet

The second week of picking Dustin up you’re already dreading having to see Eddie again. Thankfully, he doesn’t walk your brother to the car this time but he does give you a polite wave as he watches Dustin get in

Weeks three and four he does the same thing and you end up waving back at him just to be polite, denying to yourself that the short human interaction with someone outside of your family feels nice

After week four, your mom picks up more shifts at work so you offer to keep dropping your brother off and picking him up each week. She assumes that it’s because you’re getting on with them both, but really it’s because staying at home is lonely and it’s nice to have a routine outside of work

See the full post

275 notes - Posted July 26, 2022

𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬

Inspired by this video and TikTok audio. I just wanted to get out my headcanons about what would happen if you tried that on the ghouls, Copia, and definitely totally a sibling of sin Mary Goore. I will do a separate one for the ghoulettes too, I promise! Also this isn't proofread because we die like men (also I bashed all this out straight onto tumblr rather than in a word document like I usually do oops)

There's no smut in this, but it is suggestive so minors please DNI or I'm going to pull a Copia and shart in your car.

The two of you had been flirting for two or so months now, the tension between you both growing gradually as time went on. In the greatest of wisdom one could only be bestowed in the early hours of the morning, you decided that you had enough of the silly games. You both wanted each other and you knew you had feelings for them but you also were aware of the fact that they were enjoying this back and forth too much to end it any time soon. So, you were going to take matters into your own hands.

The next day, you sought them out at the place you knew you could usually find them. They raised their hand in greeting when they saw you, but you gave them no chance to say anything as you pushed them up against the nearest surface and pinned them their, a thigh between their legs and one of your hands grasping their chin to make eye contact.

"That's it," you hummed with a smile as you pressed in closer to them. "Yes, this is perfect. You just keep looking at me with those pretty eyes. Don't take your eyes off of me."

𝐒𝐨𝐝𝐨

While you weren't unwelcome in the underground dens, Sodo hadn't expected to see you today. Not that he was complaining, of course. Seeing you and getting to enjoy the thrill of your back and forth flirting was his favourite part of the day, but this? Being pushed up against the kitchen counter as you commanded his attention made a flush of heat run through him at the thoughts of what else he'd like you to do to him in here. Anyone could walk in at any moment, and that just made the moment all the more delicious.

The fire ghoul's tail wrapped around your leg as his clawed hands settled on your hips. "Only if you keep looking at me like that, sugar. You might even get a kiss out of me if you lean in just a little bit closer."

He thought he got you at first, the cogs turning in your head practically visible on your face. He couldn't help but inhale your intoxicating scent - a mix of your shampoo and excitement - when you began to close the gap. Just as he was about to press his lips against yours, you moved to speak into his ear.

"Why don't we take this somewhere a little more... private? If you're down for that."

Sodo grinned as he lifted you and began to carry you towards his room, your legs wrapped around his hips and the two of you barely making it in before he attacked your lips and locked the door behind you both.

𝐀𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫

To say Aether was shocked would be an understatement. He gazed into your eyes just as you commanded, your words repeating in his head as he tried to process what was going on. It wasn't that he thought you were shy or anything like that - quite the opposite in fact. It had just never crossed his mind that you could be so forward.

It also hadn't crossed his mind how hot he'd find it.

You let out a quiet gasp when one of his hands reached round to rest on your ass, his thumb caressing back and forth as he pushed you into him. Your noses touched as neither one of you dared to look away. The quintessence ghoul felt the shift in your mood from confident and mischievous to aroused and he purred.

"What's brought this on, angel? Hm?" he asked, his voice low as his warm breath fanned against your lower face.

"Huh?" You blinked at him and he chuckled.

"What? Lost for words? Where's all that boldness from a moment ago gone? It suits you."

He relished the smirk that appeared, already hoping he'd get to see more of that more dominant side of you.

"Maybe if you weren't feeling me up and looking at me like you're about to bend me over a table I'd be able to think straight," you replied.

He quirked an eyebrow at you. "Maybe I don't want you to think about anything other than me. How does that sound?"

Your tongue brushed against his lower lip and he shuddered. "I think that sounds perfect."

As you pulled him towards his room, he couldn't help but mentally curse at how tightly you unknowingly had him wrapped around your little finger.

𝐑𝐚𝐢𝐧

The first thought that round through Rain's head the moment you pinned him against the tree by the lakeside was oh. While he may have come out of his shell more over the past few years, he was still one of the more reserved ghouls at the ministry. He hadn't considered that he'd ever be in this position with you, worried that your flirting was just you being nice to him, so now he was ill-prepared for how to react if you pushed him up against something and made your interest in him so clear.

"What's wrong, Rainy?" you asked, tone lightly teasing. "Cat got your tongue?"

The water ghoul ran one of his hands through his hair as he exhaled, trying to calm down and not appear as flustered as he felt. "I wanna kiss you."

Immediately, Rain's eyes widened and he hid his face behind his hands. That was not what he'd meant to say. Now you were going to laugh at him and look at him funny and think he was weird. Great! Maybe if he wished really hard, Mountain would make a hole appear beneath him and he would vanish forever so he wouldn't have to live down the embarrassment.

"Hey, there's nothing to be ashamed of! Please don't hide from me," you cooed, trying to gently pull his hands away so you could look at him.

See the full post

291 notes - Posted November 4, 2022

Apparently people have been pretty much stalking Joseph in Italy, breaking into the pool to have photos with him which upset both him and his brother. I’m so fucking mad, this has got to stop. He’s a human being too and he deserves a break where he can spend time with his family without having to worry about being stalked by rabid fans that don’t understand the concept of boundaries.

If Joseph was a woman and fans did this shit there would be an absolute uproar and outrage because this is very much stalker behaviour. Absolutely disgusted at anyone who thinks this is okay. If you follow me and think there’s nothing wrong with this, please unfollow me and block me. This is gross and a complete violation of his privacy. Leave him the fuck alone. If he wasn’t famous none of you would care about him, so stop crossing boundaries and stalking him just because he’s famous. We get it, we love Joseph, but this is fucking mental and if this carries on I won’t be surprised if he takes a break from acting and goes into hiding for a while.

378 notes - Posted August 5, 2022

I may be chronically and experiencing horrific back and leg pain but I will fully walk to the Duffer brother's houses tomorrow if my man gets unalived and they will be forced to pay me compensation bc falling in love with Eddie Munson was an accident at work that wasn't my fault

691 notes - Posted July 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐊𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬

Just some headcanons about how I think Copia, Mary, and the ghouls would kiss you.

Copia kisses you like you're about to disappear and he doesn't know if he'll see you again. He cups your face, holds you close, takes it slow so the taste of one another may never leave your mouths again. He whispers against your lips, telling you how much he loves you and how he can't bear to leave you and that he would bring you on tour with him if he didn't think it would cause problems for Imperator.

Mary Goore's kisses come across as aggressive and bruising, but you know he's trying to show you with his actions rather than words how much he loves, wants, needs you. It's desperate hands pulling on each other, twisting into hair, Mary directing you to where he wants you. His teeth biting into your lip, a tongue pushing into your mouth. He's not comfortable with the vulnerability of saying "I love you", but his desperation for you is enough to tell you that he can't let you go.

Sodo is fiery passion and pushing one another up against walls. You make him feral, make him want to say fuck everything else, because in that moment you're all that he can see and smell and hear and feel and taste. He tries to engulf you, to swallow you whole, but in reality it's you who envelopes him with your heart, and you both feel it with the intensity of your kisses. There are times when you take it slower, savour one another, but it's when you devour each other that you feel that fire burn the brightest.

Aether kisses you slowly, gently, touches feather-light as if he worries he'll break you if he holds onto you too tightly. He's aware that he's the strongest out of the other ghouls physically, and so he's careful every time you kiss. His lips ghost over yours, they meld together so seamlessly, he caresses your face so gently it almost tickles. It's always you who has to deepen it, make it rougher, and he's okay with letting you have that control. Rather that than he hurt you. He couldn't live with himself if he harmed you trying to show you his love.

The kisses between you and Swiss are plentiful, the ghoul grabbing your face and placing kiss after kiss on your lips until you're giggling and pulling him in for a longer, deeper one. You press yourselves up against one another as much as you can, leaving little to no space between you both, and it's like you're in your own bubble. He has so much love, so much passion, to give to you and he'll shower it upon you as much as he can with each and every kiss.

A kiss from Rain is full of so much raw emotion, so much that he's too nervous to say to you in front of everyone else, because he's convinced - like Copia - that this kiss could be your last and he may never see you again. But the difference is that while Copia fears he'll never see you again because he knows there's a chance he'll suffer the same fate as the other Papas, Rain is terrified that you'll bore of him and go for one of the other ghouls. So he puts all his love, all his being, into all of your kisses, foreheads touching and noses brushing. And every time, you reassure him that you're not going anywhere. You love him, nobody else.

When Mountain kisses you, unless you're taller or the same height as him he always ducks his head to brush yours. Your kisses are always slow, leisurely, and it's like the two of you become one with each other and nature itself. You feel everything draw to a standstill as you cling to one another and allow yourselves to feel everything. Sometimes, when he takes you out to a secluded spot in nature, he'll sit and bring you into his lap as you both bask in one another's glorious love while you kiss. To the two of you, the rest of the world doesn't exist. There's just the two of you.

Sunshine is unadulterated joy and love. Kisses interspersed with smiles and laughter and pure adoration for one another. When your kisses sadly end, she looks at you as if you're the moon to her sun. Your fingers intertwine as you press your lips together, bodies as flush against one another as you can get, the bumping of noses that make you break apart and giggle. She radiates pure love and happiness and she channels that into the kisses you share, her tail gently stroking your cheek because she doesn't want to let your hands go.

Cumulus' kisses always taste of whatever she and Mountain have been baking in the kitchen. They're sweet, both in taste and in essence, as she holds onto your shoulders to keep you rooted where you are. She doesn't tell anyone else, but sometimes she worries that like the wind you'll blow away and she may never get to tell you again how much she cherishes and loves you. She tries her best not to make it so obvious with her kisses, but sometimes they're so filled with need that you have to reassure her that nothing could tear you both apart. You'd fight for her, do anything for her, and she is the same with you.

The way Cirrus kisses you is similar to Sodo in that they're full of heated passion, but not as aggressive. She's forceful, pushing a knee between your legs, tugging your clothes or your hair, but not to engulf you. She wants and needs to feel you, to know that you're just as real as she is, and that this isn't a dream. But when you fight back, trying to take control and dominate the kiss, it's your way of letting her know that you're very real and that she couldn't get rid of you even if she tried. There's biting, sucking of lips, squeezing of flesh, and both of your hearts rattling against your chests. In that moment, you both feel so electric and alive.

747 notes - Posted November 13, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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belovedcherie · 1 year

Text

I posted 498 times in 2022

That's 498 more posts than 2021!

94 posts created (19%)

404 posts reblogged (81%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@luymani

@pcktknife

@tizzymcwizzy

@belovedcherie (lol its me)

@buggachat

I tagged 497 of my posts in 2022

#art - 137 posts

#reblog - 128 posts

#fav!!! - 101 posts

#cherie's chats - 69 posts

#miraculous ladybug - 64 posts

#project sekai - 56 posts

#cherie watches stuff! - 30 posts

#cherie's aesthetic - 21 posts

#spy x family - 20 posts

#splatoon - 18 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#if i had a penny for everytime we were worried bakugou died i'd have 2 pennies which isnt a lot but its concerning that it happened twice..

My Top Posts in 2022:

THAT TEASER IS GOING TO PUT ME IN A DAMN COMA

9 notes - Posted July 1, 2022

thoughts on multiplication

bc i need to scream about this SOMEWHERE. LIKE WOW. OKAY.

obviously spoilers are under the cut !!

tld;r: yelling abt adrien and WHAT ARE EVERYONES INTENTIONS??

ADRIEN FALLING FOR MARINETTE ADRIEN FALLING FOR MARINETTE ADRIEN FALLING FOR MARINETTE ADRIEN FALLING FOR MARINETTE

yes im gonna yell about this first because adrienette holds my HEART YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THEY R EVERYTHING TO ME </3

ive been waiting for adrien to pin for marinette in canon for so long and season 3 def delivered with the little stares he was giving her BUT NOW THAT ITS FRFR HAPPENING?? HIS BLUSH WHEN HE LOOKS AT HER IN THE MORNING? HIM IMMEDIATELY CALLING HER UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO TELL HER HOW SPECIAL SHE IS? SOBBING

okay but the fact that he probs tried to kiss her every. day. we only saw 3 sequences but if that montage happened over the span of several weeks..... i am swooning. i am in tears. shambles.

adrien had me KICKING MY FEET AND RUNNING LAPS OKAY I HAD TO PAUSE SO MANY TIMESSDHFK

that being said before i write an essay on light of my life adrien lets talk abt,,,

reverse love square??

i love the idea of reverse love square bc adrien being a lovesick fool for marinette is my aesthetic but iM JUST HJDGSFSGKF BC OF THE TIMINGG

i was kinda hoping for some sudden rapid development today but im not complaining at all dw 🙏🏾 simp-drien is enough

the ladynoir moments are real cute tho :( them playing cards im cryingsdjhs

im excited to see the ship dynamic in the future episodes heheheh

GABRIEL. AGRESTE.

this man becomes more of a loser every episode what else is there to say

him digitalizing adrien.... funny... not funny haha...funny weird....

i hate when this guy gets smarter cuz he always has some wack trick up his sleeve 😔 but i wanna know more abt those weird siri rings

ALSO HOW DOES TOMOE PLAY IN THIS?? i think she knows hes hawkmoth but why is she helping him?? ik they were leading up to their partnership before so i guess we'll finally see why they were so secretive in the past!!

lie-la

i was gonna talk abt her in the gabriel point but this girl is so annoying she deserves one for herself

SHE GETS ON MY LAST NERVEEE

the genuine irritation i feel whenever i see her character on screen is actually funny

"ladybugs just a kid we need to forgive her ;(" GIRL I HOPE PARIS CAN FORGIVE U FOR THE CRIMES YOU'VE COMMITTED??

im sorry theres nothing productive to say abt her other than the fact that it seems shes going to play a bigger role this season (sadly) (but also yay cuz she brings the spice)

okay last point is abt felix

HELP WHEN HE APPEARED AT THE END 💀💀 THIS GUY WAS HERE THE WHOLE TIME????

i hope and PRAY he treats dusuu well homegirls been going through it D:

WHAT. ARE. HIS. INTENTIONS.

See the full post

11 notes - Posted June 21, 2022

i saw miraculous was trending and i was like OMG IS THERE FINALLY A NEW SEASON 5 EP?? but it was just beau 😭

12 notes - Posted August 30, 2022

HI so um. back in 2020 kade made this meme thing and i dont think ive ever recovered from it bc I WAS SO TOUCHED LIKE 🙁 NOBODYS EVER MADE ME A MEME BEFORE

since we started talking again a month (+ a day bc i am late) ago i had the idea to make him one in return bc TALKING TO U MAKES ME SO HAPPY AND U DESERVE THE WORLD !!!

sooo here ya go @luymani ILYSM!! happy one month anniversary /p (that sounded way funnier in my head im so sorry LMAO)

13 notes - Posted August 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

thinking abt my son syaoran li ♡

See the full post

27 notes - Posted July 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #omg fun !!#i dont have much stuff cuz i started my blog in the summer but lets try to beat some of these stats next year :D #the bakugo thing being my longest tag LMAO #long post #cherie's chats

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cubedmango · 2 years

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i have not had time yet to sit down and rewatch the final episode to write comprehensive thoughts but i did absolutely need to tell u i looked at the endings songs lyrics like right before work and i was just like. on the floor. in so much pain. I CAN SEE WHY U LEFT IT TO THE END BC IT HITS SO HARD.... LIKE WHAT ARE THE LYRICS SO SWEET FOR??? my god like first we have "like, say, its cold out but your smile is all warm" IM SICK!!! MY HEARTS SO WARM HEARING THAT... ADACHIS SMILE IS HIS WARMTH...

AUGH YEAH literally at first i wasnt gonna translate the song bc i wasnt sure if i could do it well but i had to do it anyway for ep4 so i did the whole song and let me tell u . the experience of reading those original lyrics and Finally Getting What They Really Mean Was . Something Else I Swear ..... then i jst knew i had to post it after ep13 so it would Hit Hard for everyone else too 😔 (putting the rest of ur asks under the cut for length akfjkdsf)

2/ "every chance comes after endless waiting" im just remembering how live action drama kurosawa was in love with adachi for like 7 years or some crap and like ok im normal totally ... "want to muster courage, hold your hand just once" IM SO. IM SOOO NORMAL ABOUT THESE LINES... its such a simple request and yet it means the absolute world... and the way both of them sang the line... and im just. i remembering ur headcanon how adachi thought he may had only one last time to hold kurosawas hand

THE SEVEN YEARS DONT REMIND ME GOD !!!!!!!!! now ur making me think of the song in la drama kurodachi context w kurosawas Extended yearning and domestic dreams and .hhrhf . .jj jhwhejhjj !! kdjdhvk, jfh (<- having a very normal one)

why would u hurt me w my own hc Hey Hello . Ouch????? when they just wanna hold hands? ???? ???? (curls up and cries)

3/ "let the world lend me to you and bare its heart" ITS SO PRETTY?? IDK SOMETHING ABOUT HOW THEY LIKE PERSONIFY THE WORLD IS JUST VERY GORGEOUS TO ME.... "your throne's made of plenty love and praises / riches in form of many's first love / yet how's it that you hoard all that love just for me" how. how did you survive this. im on the floor. was thinking abt this all day. I GET IT U GUYS ARE IN LOVE KUROSAWAS ABSOLUTE DEVOTION TO ADACHI. just how his whole heart his everything goes to his love

YEAAHH the world as a metaphor for love and acceptance is [chefs kiss] So Good

i did not survive it i think abt those lines All the time ....... i did tweak them a liiitle bit in favor of matching the og syllable count (and creative liberty) but i hope i got the same idea across????? anyways kurosawa having so many ppls (superficial) love yet he keeps all of his love for adachi only no matter if it got reciprocated or not bc adachi saw past his perfection and Saw Him As A Goddam Person . they make me so sick in the head help

4/ "wait to meet me at the crossroads of life" i rlly like how kurosawas the one singing this line?? bc usually it's kurosawa doing the "waiting" until adachis is ready but this time hes calling out to him to wait for him? and im just? i have to lie down?? like this is not ok??? "though the world never once kissed my forehead" makes my heart hurt and "you still have me going on my tiptoes" i think of the cover art where he is on his tiptoes to kiss kurosawa i think and im just :>

SO TRUEEE when both of them wait for each other and they walk forward together ....... i cant express emotions in words anymore i need crycat pics

oh god speaking of the cover art kiss ive been meaning to draw that ep13 scene w adachi on his tippy toes for the longest fucking time i just. my face gets so red when i make any ship content beyond like holding hands so u can imagine the kind of stress im under . also kisses are inherently a bitch to draw i hate them !!!!! still gonna keep trying tho

5/ "if the world doesn't bare its heart to your eyes / then please let me hold your hand for it instead" IM JUST. THE HAND HOLDING. THEY JUST WANT TO HOLD HANDS.... and again i still think the whole thing abt the world is so pretty you know? ok ok and now where im tooootally ok and fine but "i long to sleep with you on one pillow / fall into shared dreams as i turn around / at the time please dont break them at bedside" THE DOMESTIC IMAGE? JUST WANTING TO BE TOGETHER IN SUCH A WAY? LIKE HEY????

thinks abt kurodachi having each other no matter what happens in their lives. holding hands despite it all. explodes

THE DOMESTICITY OF IT ALL !!!!!!! ITS SO SIMPLE YET IT HITS SO MUCH ...........

i dont remember what number i was on bc reacting to that last line just made me go through all the emotions again IM JUST. SOOOOO. how can such a small and simple request mean the world... mean the future... mean so much... i want them to enjoy such peaceful days forever and always and be in love till the end of time!!!! ok finally "a dream most sweet is that your smile is all warm" im on the floor. destroyed. thank you so much for these translations!!! I TRULY APPRECIATE IT I HAVE TO LAY DOWN

i am wishing rd kurodachi a very I Hope They Are Living Their Best And Happiest Lives Together And Forever (remembers manga vol 6-9 plots theyd hypothetically also go through) oh god oh fuck- (remembers vol 10 plot theyd hypothetically go through) OH WAIT-

LIES DOWN ALSO sorry abt the destroying i had no choice i was compelled by a dark force into writing that line . and again ty for yelling abt the sons w me im excited for ur ep13 rewatch asks kdjsfkjs

#my answer #making a kurodachi cover was so evil of the rd team i swear to god #like was the original song not painful enough? did they have to hurt us more???#they saw the la drama changing the op and ed slightly for their last ep and said ''ok that but 10 times more heart wrenching''#incredible decision tho i think more shows should do this

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xerospaced · 4 years

Text

So i was curious as to whether a meltdown could be catatonic

As I feel, on an emotional level, that I am having a meltdown but rather than the crying/rocking/moaning/stimming/hyperventilating and what have you

I'm stuck

Like i managed to sit up to plug my phone in coz an hour or so ago coz it hit 1%

But otherwise I've been locked in this position for about 4 hours.

So anyway, I google catatonic meltdown to see if it's a thing

Lo and behold!

Not only is it a thing

But I've been having catatonic episodes for weeks IF NOT MONTHS

The lack of initiation, agitation, limited movement, limited speech, slowness (and I mean wow fucking slowness!! Im moving so slow I am losing literal HOURS without realising it)...

Ykno what

Lemme just post a screencap of the list of presentations

And... it is presentations in autism - I was searching meltdowns so makes sense

What I'm saying is that I have [and have had in various combinations over the past weeks/months] ALL OF THESE FUCKING SYMPTOMS

Even down to the grimacing ayfkm

And the only reason I even noticed the grimacing was coz i realised it was happening a few weeks ago but couldn't seem to stop it and I thought it was fucking odd.

Aggression and difficulty initiating actions CHECK AND FUCKING CHECK- it's getting our of hand.

Hesitations. Repetitive movements! My back is FUCKED coz i can't maintain a suitable seated position for longer than im stuxk thinking about it.

I legit feel like I'm losing my grip on reality. Like I'm not here.

Weirdly... scary to know this is it's own thing I'm experiencing. Daunting. But also - I've been dealing with this my whole life. No exaggeration. Sometimes I have months where I'm clear. But I would say I experience at least half of any one of these given symptoms at any given time.

That's....

Incredibly fucking upsetting if I'm honest.

I kept thinking that one day I would just figure it out.

I will be able to move when I want to. Eat when I should. Pull myself away from my interests when I wish. Not lost untold time getting stuck repeating the same motion with no end goal. Urinate when my bladder is full rather than the last second where my body is right about to override my fuggen brain! Work when I want to work!

But the aggression. These past days. I put it down to PMS - I'm sure it's played it's part. But last weeks. The consistent agitation. The inability to perform any necessary task. Falling behind on my work. The absolutely NOTHING mood. But agitation gnawing away consistently.

I feel like a powder keg.

I have no support.

I have no diagnosis [it's become impossible to believe that I'm wrong about my suspicions of ASD at this point].

I have no idea how to manage it.

And all the live long day it's "try this and try this and figure this out" and I just want to fucking scream because my brain is NOT WORKING!

What's the solution that fixes the line between I WANT to do something and me Actually doing it!?

I want to play sims but even something I actively enjoy I miss out on because I can not initiate action.

Yes, I find it easier to accomplish tasks when I am around people. BUT I AM ALONE 95% OF THE TIME. Soon to be something closer to 99.

SO.......!!??

And I feel guilty

I feel shitty

I'm underperforming!

I work quickly and to a high standard but I'm lagging because I can't start. Or I do start but I can't maintain course.

Im still stuck in the same twisted position as when I started typing this 20 mins ago and I'm sure it hurts but I cant even tell if it hurts anymore.

I can't remember what natural hunger feels like. I'm talking ravenous or nothing - mostly nothing.

And there's been so much going on lately.

And all I'm hearing is what I'm not doing.

What I need to improve.

Where I'm falling short.

Do more. Do More. DO MORE.

My moods are shifting too quick for me to log them. Not that it matters anyway coz I lack the ability to initiate that fucking task too.

There are so many things I want to do. And I know exactly how I want to be living. And I know (from the short few months in which I actually managed it) how good it feels to live the way I want.

But I can't make it happen.

I can't even decide if I should feed myself rn.

All this shit going on has not had me mentally stressed - at points, I'm not exactly big on stressing or worrying - but what has become undeniable is that it has fucked me on a functional basis.

I'm not steering the ship. And I don't know how to take control.

And I'm on a fucking 11 month waiting list for an autism assessment.

When I say life has been Hard.

The ADHD that was only diagnosed last year, the likely undiagnosed ASD, also diagnosed last year was the autoimmune connective tissue disease. Major depressive disorder. Multiple forms of anxiety. The misdiagnosed bpd. And then IF WE REALLY HAVE TO let's add on the self-harm, failed suicide attempt(s), ostracisation, emotional abuse, physical abuse, being literally left for dead, the plethora of hospitalizations as a child, childhood emotional neglect, abandonment, overlooked behavioural issues, teenage self-medicating, bullying, and fuggen MORE

I mean

Life

Fuxking

HARD.

With a brain and a body that won't connect (and is also trying to destroy me for shits and giggles).

And I'm still wanting to keep going.

At this point... purely out of spite.

Because fuck this hand I've been dealt. But Fuck Me if I'm not a sharp son of a bitch! Ima play the fuck out of em.

Almost 27 years I've dragged myself through misery and I'm still in it.

I refuse to tap out now. I got no choice but to make it worth something. To make it matter. To make my existence mean more than a stupid fucking mistake the universe has been trying to erase.

I gotta be in this for Something.

This can't be all life has to give me.

Surely.

#i wanna say... longest post ive made but i think not #catatonic #catatonic meltdown #catatonia #asd #autism #not dx #mental illness #adhd #mental health #chronic illness #uctd #.#big sad #big sigh #mine

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