#i want to run away and never look back

[darkmothsy]

I am so detached from everything I love and yet the love I receive is never enough to bring me back

#i am a leech #soul sucking leech #this is the worst #biggest depressive episode I've had in a very long time #personal #i feel like shit #nothing gets better #the tension between me and disappearing #i want to run away and never look back #i regret so many things #my life isn't mine #i'm just so angry #at myself #for thinking any of this was a good idea #Idiot #I'm not a person

[beetroot-merchant]

W E ' V E B E E N T R Y I N G T O C O N T A C T Y O U A B O U T Y O U R C A R ' S E X T E N D E D W A R R A N T Y

#i think noticed (mandopony) qualifies as negativecore #idk ! goofy goober silly guy eeheheh #get out of the beige box boy #if you got to this part of the tags congratulations please enjoy the following . ahem #ALL I WANTED WAS TO BE ON THE STAGE #BUT IM LIVING MY DREAMS FROM INSIDE OF A CAGE #DON'T LOOK AWAY DON'T TURN YOUR BACK DON'T YOU DARE DISENGAGE #JOINTS ARE RUSTY TANK IS EMPTY NOW I'M RUNNING ON RAGE #🐞 || fandom: tpoh #🐞 || beetle draws #ALL I WANTED WAS TO PLAY IN THE BAND #EVEN IF IT WAS CHALLENGING WITH A HOOK FOR A HAND #YOU NEVER LISTENED NEVER BOTHERED NEVER LOOKED MY WAY #IT'S ONLY FAIR FOR ME TO VISIT YOU AND MAKE YOU PAY! #umm . sigh.. #the property of hate #tpoh negative #tpoh rgb #ummm yeah!

[minamotoz]

riley asking shawn, "when you looks at me, does it remind you of what you can't have?" was a crazy ass moment because yes the line was about shawns intimacy issues and his inability to commit to a longterm relationship, but holy shit if that isn't the most blatant way you could confirm that shawn was in love with cory and the existence of riley was just a constant reminder that he had missed his chance and could never be with cory. what if i went insane

#boy meets world #shory #shawn x cory #i havent finished GMW because even though i like the dynamic between the kids everything abt the shaty ship tease makes me want to *** #it took me like 5 hours to get thru girl meets hurricane because i couldnt deal w the horrible way they dealt w angela #who even though i dont talk abt much is in my top 3 for BMW characters #but this one line from that one episode drove me mad like. did i die ? am i dead? #it actually took me until the end of the episode to realize what that line was supposed to mean #bc it read so explicitly to me as a confirmation of shawns feelings for cory #not to mention his ass literally LEFT THE CITY and never came back after riley was born #ignoring the continuity issues that crop up w this . its giving shawns wedding breakdown 2.0 lets discuss #i think that the take of 'shory is entirely one sided and shawns feelings for cory are unrequited' #is pretty surface level and it doesnt add up much if u take a deeper look into corys character #but GMW definitely leans into this take #what with shawn desperately trying to mirror corpanga in all of his romantic relationships (to run away from his feelings for cory) #like ​is it really in shawns character to marry a woman hes barely known a year ? #or is he just trying to mirror cory and topanga who basically rushed into marriage the second they. were legally able to #i'll let u be the judge #am i making sense idk im tired n i havent watched sn episode of GMW in months

[shorlinesorrows]

just got the time to start the sunshine court and I'm Vibrating out of my skin

#i did not think it was possible for me to like a character this much three chapters into a book #i might actually end up liking Jean better than Neil which is saying a Lot #something about a character whose route to survival had to be giving in and staying small instead of fighting back or running away #something about a character who has been taught to lock up their emotions for years or suffer the consequences #something about a character who is resigned to what happens to them because that's the only way they can survive in their environment #I am desperately hoping that Jean learns how to be ANGRY outwardly without permission. #I need that boy to be able to Rage out loud and do it MESSY #because I'm not convinced he's going to be able to really smile until he does #Also I'm really appreciating both the Renee and Thea content we've desperately needed more of both of them and they showed up so quick #privately hoping both stay present for a while but tbh i'm just excited for where this is headed #Anyways I also just fixated on Jean Moreau then discovered that (SPOILERS) he's 19???? Almost the same age as me??? hate riko hate riko HAT #anyway sorry riko enjoyers i know he's Complicated but I never liked him in the first place #and this book is making me look forward to his death even more than I did when I first read aftg. So. #listen i know he has Issues. I know Ichirou killing him without a second thought is probably the cruelest way that he personally can die #I also want him dead and gone. Those statements can and should coexist imho. #the sunshine court #jean moreau #really looking forward to finding out more about Jeremy too #this is gonna be a wild ride #jeremy knox #all for the game #love how nora's writing and characters can grab me in a chokehold and refuse to let me go thank you nora for the food

[kukinto]

Thank you Käärijä for gracing our eyes with your amazing outfit! When I saw that green cabbagewormbolero I knew just who’d wear it ;)

#one piece #One Piece Fanart #roronoa zoro #swords are sus #wouldn't enma be like gigantic #I’ve been sitting on this for WEEKS!! noodling away when it was supposed to be a nice and quick fun doodle #I have other fanart to be done and no time #and what about building my portfolio huh? #never looking back at this again #don't want to spot all the mistakes #anxiety slowly killing me and my houseplants #got no houseplants #:( #runs away #that bg is my fav

[hungry-hobbits]

ed telling stede that them having sex was a mistake was such a bullshit move - stede's been trying SO fucking hard for ed for SO LONG (HE STILL HASNT GOTTEN A CHANCE TO TELL ED WHAT *ACTUALLY* HAPPENED THAT NIGHT HE NEVER SHOWED UP) and even izzy told ed to leave stede alone so he could calm down because he knew stede might lash out/react in an unpredictable way!!! and ed does what he always does which is act impulsively and stede was reacting out of trauma because he just killed a man in defense of the people (THE PERSON) he loves and he wasnt acting rationally and ed's basically like "well it's your fault that i fucked you when i asked to take it slow" like yeah stede shouldnt have jumped him like that but ed couldve said no!!! and chose not to!!! rather he chose to use it against stede!!! like omfg stede has been making him be accountable for his actions for the first time in his life but he still isnt doing it UGH it makes me mad!!! then he fucks off to be a fisherman which will last 5min because his impulsive nature makes it impossible for him to stick to anything but the most fucked part of it all is that even if ed apologizes stede gets to live with the fact that his first time not only having sex with a man but having sex with someone he actually LOVES has been viewed as another of eds impulsive mistakes!!!

#ofmd #ofmd spoilers #i'm actually getting really pissed off about ed this season like that upset me a lot and that ed is making stede out to be the bad one #his half hearted 'no dont do it' at stede wanting to kill ned - like he's watched you kill and maim and now suddenly its wrong??? #ed's sooo fucking hypocritical sometimes but wants someone to fix him and then when stede tries to help ed runs away screaming #then stops and looks back like 'why arent you chasing me the way i want to be chased???' but never expressed how he wants to be chased!!! #i love them as characters but that just really pissed me off so much???

[bulletsfrank]

me when running away from everyone makes me end up all alone:

#i dont have any irl friends anymore theyre all gone with my old discord and its been too long to go back #i lost myself over the summer in ways i can never explain.. i dont know where i am if im being honest #drinking is worsening it all #i feel so insane.. genuinely.. i cant stop getting into my own head and letting it all happen #its just me and teddy #im too scared to leave the house for longer than a few hours anymore #i cant handle people looking at .e #me. i cant handle talking. i cant handle daily tasks of anything. even these days moving feels too hard #i keep finding myself face down floating in the river #and when i turn my body over #my face isnt rotten #it isnt bloated at all. #... its just me and i look young and like i died two minutes ago #then i snap out and im making dinner #and im someone else. somewhere else forever #im so alone but id rather it right now. no one knows how bad it is. intentionally. i never tell anyone #because what would they do? #the only thing i ever learned was to run away and hide. i cant stop thinking i need to keep doing it #i just want everyone to be rid of me so i keep running and running and running

[starlooove]

He is in fact not cool with his friends killing people he just can’t do shit about it and the fact that he thinks he can do smth about (and does!) when it comes to his kids is like a major point

#like one of the main #Idk if theme is the right word #but issues surrounding Batman in general and Gotham specifically #is the high standards he holds not just those closest to him to but also the people he controls #NOW DONT GET CAUGHT UP IN UR GUT REACTION CONTROL IS A STRONG WORD BUT IM USING IT FOR A REASON #like i think the fandomification of the batfamily and seeing every character as reliable in the way they tell their own stories #is making people forget that yes bruce lowkey controls them #like not in a mean way or whatever but as much as dick and Jason rebel and say ‘fuck you old man I have my own people to take care of’ #at a snap of Bruce’s fingers where are they? #right back in Gotham #which ppl say is an issue with writing and I agree like they really just can’t take anyone away from Gotham #but THATS meta like the in universe conclusion is what creates in universe analysis #and these issues are being spoken about from an in universe pov #that was just me justifying my point anywayyyd #what im saying is that like #in conclusion Ppl are forgetting that Bruce is scary and still runs this shit lmao #like a few snappy quips about emotional distance and some ‘X deserves better’ fics is making yall forget shit like spyral #or at least how it went down and ended up today and what that says about the characters involved #it’s tragic and Ik we like to ignore that but like. when look at shit like the no killing rule #yes bruce thinks he’s being slighted or failing whenever his kids kill someone and they to an extent think that too which is why they don’t #do it #or at least partly #even for Jason that’s why the killing is not just what needs to be done it’s a form of rebellion for him #everyone who agrees jason should just leave Gotham but still present as pure rebellion and anger and spitting at Bruce don’t get why Jason #should leave is all I’m saying #that’s why Dick never got away #it’s still all about Bruce #even if we don’t want it to be #reading this back it’s disjointed as hell but I’m not fixing it if u get it ily heh just a peek into my dark mind #if u don’t it’s not ur fault not everyone can withstand the alphas prowess…

[daisychainsandbowties]

@foulbearobservation turn on your location

#what. the fuck bro #i am really thinking about night sky with exit wounds #‘if we make it to shore i will name our son after this water. i will learn to love a monster’ #‘there are hands fluttering between the constellations #trying to hold on’ #‘maybe the body is the only question an answer can’t extinguish’ #& lilith thinking of herself as an entry wound. looking everywhere for an exit. old manuals in her hands #titled ‘how to check if a body is dying’ #& how she punctures into the world nearby the people she loves #voyeur. & how when she comes back it is with a mouthful of blood #this way no one will want to kiss me #and if they do it will also be a wound #lilith who comes home because to run away you need something to run towards #or you will never stop running #cam w the line: sorry about thr blood in your mouth. i wish it was mine

[flamboyant-king]

We saw the beginning, now I be thinking about all the possible...uhh the word is like aftermath...epilogues? Seeing as the narrative will be left open ended, we can hypothesize and fantasize just about anything!

This one is Harvey carrying on with what he idealized as a normal life, getting married, having kids, going out with the boys, stuff you see on TV. But Cammy is still there, still a part of his life. And that's pretty neat. And also I cry.

#i went on a spree yesterday with a bunch of aftermathematics that made me cry myself to sleep #because no matter what. every single end. cammy will outlive harvey. every thing in between can be different #cammy leaving. cammy staying. reluctance. romance. etc etc. cammy will live on without harvey. and it will hurt them. a lot. #it hurts me a lot. im still crying over 'thank you for keeping me in your life' #cammy could be living in the garden until the very end. either of harveys life. or the tree they took care ofs life. #maybe cammy leaves but visits from time to time. or maybe they visit right before harvey kicks the bucket #who knows! thinking about anything past the narrative makes me cry #because we dont see that in media. we always get the good ending but that is never the end. what happens afterwards? #cause grow as we go's narrative ends after harvey finally reunites with his family in the philippines and decides #i want to stay at my house and take care of my garden. ill be sure to visit every year from now on. #and the credits would roll as him and cammy travel back. on the plane. the taxi ride. harvey getting the key in the door. #harvey putting cammy in the little makeshift bed he made. and him looking out the window of his room down at the garden. him smiling #and then it says end. thank you for watching. this took fourty two years to make oopsie whoops #god i go on long rants when its late. anywho compare to last time i made a possible ending #cammy reluctantly leaving as they both start to fall in love with each other #cammy willingly running away knowing harvey will heal from this and move on and be normal #this one here theres no leaving. there is no normal. its just living dude #grow as we go #sketches #harvey #camellia

[rhettabbotts]

it’s already been another week and it’s just monday

#someone take me out back #i love being called names by my family! #love it so much! #i want to run far away and never look back

[nagitoedit]

there are things abt me that i dont talk about not because im being secretive i either just forget to mention it or think no one wants to hear about it but i think it gives like important context to whats wrong with me 💖

#me when im a child of a messy divorce because my dad has crazy issues that he never got help for so he started self medicating #and dealt with addiction and got to the point of stealing money or trying to return items he never bought to walmart for a refund #and got arrested many times and eventually spent 5 years in prison which literally didnt help at all just gave him more trauma and #caused relationship issues between him and his family which left him without healthy connections and support and #then he got accused of a crime even my mom doesnt believe he did and she'd experienced horrible things from him while they were together #and so he disappeared to run from the police and hes been legally considered a missing person for many years now and it is unknown to #us or any of his family members if hes even still alive out there somewhere and ive had dreams that he comes back and #i wonder if theres something that could be done something that could help him maybe we could never truly be on good terms again but #maybe at least he could have a chance at a decent life even if its away from us #i used to sit on the couch with him and watch nascar and monster trucks when i was little #and i still have some of his nascar novelty items in my desk drawer and the pocket tool that used to be his. #the scars of his tantrums are still in our house the holes he punches in walls covered up with copy paper taped over the wall #and im sure i have the same anger issues or whatever disorders he never got properly diagnosed for because i seem to have inherited everyth #ng from him his eyes his face his hair his anger issues even his handwriting somehow #and he is why im scared of ever doing any drugs because i just know im probably genetically predisposed to addiction just like him #and i dont want that to happen to me #recently i cut my hair and i looked in the mirror and i looked just like him #when i visit my paternal grandparents and aunts and uncles i see the family photos with him hanging on the walls #and i see that large painting that used to be in our house #👍

[pepprs]

STILL wide awake! i did not put down my phone! and now im hungry. so i will not be sleeping tonight ♥️

#purrs #also… im gonna admit it. ive been up for hours cleaning out… my toyhouse accounts. not cleaning them out but cleaning them up. and im so #FUCKING mad at my 18 year old self for giving away characters that meant so much to me to 12 year olds on warriors amino who never finished #their half of the art trade… and now so many of them are like. completely out of my reach and i can never get them back. im trying to ask #for the characters ive been able to find and track them down. which for ppl who actually love and care for them im sure is predatory and #annoying bc it’s like ok you made that choice so live with it. but im so fucking mad at myself and i wish i could undo it. i know it doesn’t #matter bc i don’t do that kind of deviantart stuff anymore but like.. i gave away characters who were so special to me growing up and now so #many of them are like.. on locked / unauthorized toyhouses or deleted or the person already owns them and is never trading them and #imjust so SAD!!!!!! over pixels i know. PULLING AN ALL NIGHTER over pixels. but im so saddddd aughhhhh #delete later #(i also did clean out photos and do practice drivers tests btw. but ive mostly been doing toyhouse stuff) #also im so sad and angry charahub went down and i didn’t even know it and i can’t access my data at allll like so much precious info #on there is gone forever. pain and suffering. also it’s worth naming im not in this to like have the best most expensive whatever designs im #doing this bc i desperately want to salvage every piece of my childhood / adolescence and never let go of anything in my life ever and when #i was 18 i thought i could run away from deeply permanently hurting and betraying a friend by selling all of my characters starting w the #ones they made me and then branching off into baiscally all of them to not make it look like it was just abt them bc i couldn’t bear to be #reminded of what i had done. and now i live with the consequences. in more ways than just the characters obviously. so there’s that #(i had my reasons for doing what i had to do btw. but i will never stop feeling guilty about it or regretting how it must have felt for them #bc we were like best friends and then i turned cold and awful because i didn’t know how to communicate my needs so instead i just shut them #out and didn’t even have the decency to explain why. and it fucking sucked that i did that. lol) #* ​and still sucks. and i think abt it all the time and try not to talk about it for a lot of reasons but here i am so. lol

[mayclair]

the whole max and mike’s lives being foils of each other’s is so insane to me bc its like. for mike max is a representation of everything that could have happened to him if his mom left his dad earlier on (and what can still happen when you look at the way things are between them) and for max mike is a representation of everything that she could have had growing up if her mom hadn’t decided to leave her dad as fast as she did

#there is no way they don’t resent each other for it just a little bit. no fucking way sorry #mike knows max grew up with a shittier home life but still wishes his mom had the guts to do the same her mom did and left his dad bc #at the end of the day there is a little bit of bitterness towards both his parents for not making their relationship work out specifically #towards his dad bc his mom is actually involved in his life and did try to pretend that everything was normal when it wasnt which directly #ties into his desperate attempts to make his relationship with el seem normal to both of them when its not bc theyve both never been normal #they dont even know what normal really IS which also ties in to his very deep fear that the two of them will end up like his parents and so #meday he’ll become his dad and he doesn’t know which one is more terrifying so instead he blocks it all out in True Mike Wheeler FashionTM #and just keeps wishing that his mom left his dad because maybe if there was a distance between them when he was growing up maybe things wou #ldve been different maybe he wouldnt be this much like his dad #max on the other hand LOVES her dad they had one of those relationships where he wasn’t neglectful but wasn’t a great parent either but she #still loves him for trying and while her mom did try she gave up after a while while her dad didn’t. that was the real dealbreaker for max #and while after all this time she keeps saying im going to run away to cali and im going to live with my dad. but its not just the need to #see someone who cared for her the most during her early years its also the childish hope that her mom will notice that shes missing anf #come looking for her and that maybe when her parents finally meet again they can reconcile and get back together bc that is really all shes #ever wanted in her life since she was a kid and she feels bad for it bc she knows that her mom and dad’s relationship was never supposed to #last but she still wishes and wishes which is why that little bit of bitterness against mike will never fall away no matter how irrational #it is bc its like. his parents dont love each other but are still together for their kids. why couldnt my parents do the same? was i not en #ough reason for them? and this ties into her breaking up with lucas over and over again bc shes seen her parents and how they never fought #for each other and shes afraid that somewhere along the line her relationship with lucas will turn out the exact same and hell leave her so #its better to just leave now before it gets serious then later when it will hurt too much but lucas keeps coming back for her which makes #her realize that maybe it doesnt have to be like that maybe they wont be like her parents #anyway this is incoherent as fuck but shane mandej voice IVE CONNECTED THE DOTS #mike wheeler #max mayfield #stranger things

[missunsympathetic]

I do love the concept of "in every universe and every lifetime, I will find you and I will love you" but I'm also such a sucker for "if soulmates do exist, they're not found. they're made" but then there is also "love isn't random, we are chosen" but also it's all "we weren't written in the stars, then? - the stars don't have a clue" and in the end all of it boils down to loving someone with your whole heart no matter if you believe in fate, soulmates or destiny. it's all just love

#textpost #txt #love #2 am thoughts idek #the good place #one of the shows with the best life lessons ever #in the end I think love is a choice we make again every single day #because it's work and it's hard and there are moments where you want to run away and never look back #but love will always prevail #it's foolish to think we exist for any other reason

[theygender]

Do you know what the only thing worse than looking over while laying on the couch and seeing a 3 inch long fucking roach crawl in front of your face is? Walking into the other room to ask your gf to smash it and coming back to find out that the roach is gone

#weve seen tiny roaches in our apartment. like under a centimeter. but there has NEVER been one that fucking huge #and there is NO WAY it got anywhere far in the 5 seconds it took me to get my gf #that thing was so huge it was just ambling along like a fucking giant sloth. i dont think it could have run if it wanted to #my cat swatted at it and it just kept walking at the same fucking glacial pace #kept walking AT her actually. sivir LOVES to catch bugs and she backed the fuck away from it like it was gonna get her #so i know she didnt eat it both bc of that AND bc it would have been too big to fucking fit in her mouth #we tore all the pillows off the couch. looked under it behind it and everything but no dice #i will never feel safe again #rambling #guess im putting in a maintenance request for 'i just saw a three inch long fucking roach on my couch' #bc the quarterly bug spray they have the exterminator do was apparently not fucking enough to kill this goddamn behemoth