#i was doing a lot better and now i’m [redacted] again

[ncteez]

charity f*ck (k.s)

Have you ever taken anyone’s virginity before? Well, yeah, your first time was both losing your own and taking someone else’s but, that was a long time ago. Have you ever taken the virginity of a twenty-six-year-old man who probably should have gotten laid by now anyway? Nope. Are you about to? Yep.

or the one where soonyoung has a streak of bad luck in bed and his friends make fun of him for it, you find him advertising himself on a dating app and decide to help him out.

ao3 | m.list | minors dni! | kindly leave feedback and reblog, i will kiss your forehead so fucking fast if you do. 

WORDCOUNT― 12.2k

PAIRING― soonyoung x afab reader 

CONTENT― virgin guy who lives with his parents!soonyoung, he’s not shy but he is very clumsy, a lot of texting so be prepared for that format for a lil bit (THIS IS NOT A SOCIAL MEDIA AU), facetime-sex, real life sex

SIDE CHARACTERS― Vernon as reader’s best friend and roommate, Seungcheol briefly as Hoshi’s friend.

WARNINGS― he’s made fun of by his friends for being a virgin, this is not an indication that you shouldn’t remain a virgin if you still are one! it’s fictional and i do not agree with mocking someone for their virginity in real life.

NOTE― i love him and i like the idea of him being clumsy during sex, i also like the idea of him being inexperienced but suuuuuuper eager to pretend he knows what he’s doing. shoutout to my redacted wife @onlyseokmins for proof reading this <3 

smut tags under cut:: 

smut tags―big huge dick soonyoung, phone sex (ish), face time sex,  masturbation, pet name: baby, making out, he eats you out twice, fingering, whining and whimpering, deep throating, premature ejaculation, desperate man wants his dick wet lmao, grinding, tit fondling/licking, clit stimulation, he bites the fuck out of his tongue to try and distract himself from coming too soon again,  no condom aka cream pie, soonyoung gets feelings like immediately when u touch him ~

“Check this shit out,” you laugh, presenting your phone to Vernon with a chuckle. “right or left?”

Vernon snorts, nearly spitting out the bite of food in his mouth as he reads the bio of the man you’re showing to him.

“Depends, you trying to take his innocence or are you trying to get railed so hard that the entire building can hear?” He narrows his eyes at you, making a point to call you out for keeping him awake last weekend. 

You wave him off with an apologetic look. To be fair, the dude from before knew how to make a girl moan, it’s not your fault that you managed to find a decent lay in this city. Even if he ghosted you, you assume you may have been a bad lay for him, if anything. 

“I wouldn’t mind trying something new, dude seems desperate.” You swipe through his photos, seeing that he appears to be just a normal dude with normal interests. “He’s cute too, so I’m swiping right.”

Vernon groans this time, slapping a hand to his forehead and glaring at you. 

“You’d better warn me if you end up bringing him home, I’m not about to listen to some guy start crying over a blowjob.”

You nod to him, sending a message to the eighty-six-year-old Soonyoung and feeling delighted at his near-instant response to you. 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll make sure you’re out of the apartment if I invite him over,” You wiggle your brows as you stand to your feet and turn toward your room, eyes now glued to the open dating app’s messages. “Maybe you should go out and find a nice girl to rail to get back at me.”

“You’re so fucking weird.” Vernon laughs but feels kind of shitty because it’s not like he hasn’t been trying to get back at you for the loud sex. Guess he just doesn’t have the magic dick to make girls moan the way you do. 

Not that he wants to make you moan or anything, he definitely doesn’t. If anything, he wishes you were more like the girls he brings home.

~

You: i’ve never seen a virgin grandpa on this app before 

Soonyoung: ….i’m 26, it says that in my bio

You: I think you’re lying. 

Soonyoung: do u know how to change it, my bitch friends won't tell me lol

You: why would i help you lie to the women in our city

Soonyoung: i’m not lying!!1

You laugh to yourself as you text the new sex interest in your life, wondering if he’s lying about his presumed virginity. 

You: ok, twenty-six-year-old “hoshi” who is five miles away from me, you’re actually a virgin? Like for real?

Soonyoung: yea….are u here to make fun of me for it too? all the girls here just turn me down even if i offer to cook for them after

You: you’re really just looking to get laid for the first time, ever? and you’re offering to cook dinner too?

Soonyoung: yea

You: you’ve never had a blowjob or anything like that? you can’t seriously think I can believe you’re 26 and have never been laid, it’s not like you’re ugly or anything

Soonyoung: u don’t think im ugly? :) 

Soonyoung: and yea I’ve had a blowjob before

You: why didn’t you sleep with her then?

Soonyoung: can we stop talking about why im a virgin

You: for now, but im gonna ask again eventually.

You’re smiling at your phone, finding him charming and awkward in how he communicates with you via messenger. Of course, you’re curious as to why he’s a virgin, even more, curious as to why he’s on a dating app looking to lose said virginity. 

You: do you want my number? it’s embarrassing to have the app open in public if i wanna talk to you.

Soonyoung, on the other hand, is quite literally kicking his feet and checking your profile every few minutes just to look at you. He didn’t even think too hard about you calling him attractive then not following up on it, because the fact that you just offered your number to him in case you want to talk to him? Butterflies. Given, it’s juvenile for someone of his age to still be experiencing the typical high-school crush feelings, would anyone blame him? It’s just how he is, with or without having had sex. He can’t imagine not feeling giddy inside when he’s talking to someone that he thinks is pretty. 

Soonyoung: yea :) u can text me whenever [redacted phone number] 

You respond to him by texting his number rather than using the app messenger, screenshotting his contact info, and sending it to him with a sly smile. 

You: 

Grandpa Hoshi: :| 

Grandpa Hoshi: im 26

~

Okay so, here’s the thing. Soonyoung is undeniably funny, witty, and kind. Another thing, he’s wildly attractive. Especially upon fulfilling your request for a workout selfie from him. So, what gives? You read the texts he’s sent that made you laugh out loud, you look at his pictures, stare at the workout selfie, and you genuinely cannot understand how he doesn’t have women waiting in line to have at him. 

You: it’s been like four days since we started talking

Grandpa Hoshi: yep, almost five

You: four days of being friends but no mention of your bio on the app, yknow, where you’re begging to have sex for the first time ever?

Grandpa Hoshi: right, yea. you wanna do it? i didn’t wanna assume lol

You: not answering that til you explain why. i mean, it’s totally ok that you are but like, you’re a green flag all around so im a little worried you might have like a micropenis or something

Disclaimer, if he had a micropenis, you’d still let him use it on you. After all, hooking up is something you enjoy doing regardless of size.

Grandpa Hoshi: i do NOT have a micropenis

You: prove it

Grandpa Hoshi: right now???

You laugh to yourself but also like, it’s the first time the two of you have done anything more than bully each other. Or rather, you bully him and he defends himself constantly. 

You: answer my question first

It takes a few minutes for him to respond, but you’re doing coursework anyway so it’s not a huge deal. Totally not like your ears perk up and a smile creeps across your face every time your phone goes off or anything. Definitely not. 

Grandpa Hoshi: um… i still live with my parents and before u make fun of me for that pls understand that its not like i wanna be here 

Grandpa Hoshi: i have a job and everything!!! im not a mooch!

He’s getting off track again. You could honestly care less if he still lives with his parents. You wish you still lived with yours, to save money at least. 

You: they won’t let you have anyone over? 

Grandpa Hoshi: well, that too but 

Grandpa Hoshi: listen this sounds real stupid but it just never happened? even when i tried or things almost happened, it never did

You: damn, you’re unlucky. so what happened with the girl who gave you a blowjob?

Grandpa Hoshi: her boyfriend walked in

You: WHAT

You’re trying to pity him, honestly, but damn. Did he go for a taken girl? Yikes. You hate to admit the ick that just flooded your mind. 

Grandpa Hoshi: its not like i knew she had a boyfriend

You: phew 

Grandpa Hoshi: so yea. do u wanna help me out or not? 

The whole reason you started talking to him was specifically to help him out. Now that you know he’s not some weirdo, and is definitely super hot and funny, hell yes. 

You: yeah, sure. 

You: about the micropenis though, 

Grandpa Hoshi: right…um

A few minutes of silence, your coursework is long forgotten in the anticipation of receiving your first nude from Soonyoung. You wait, and you wait, and you wait.

You: i mean if you can’t prove it that's ok 

Grandpa Hoshi:  just give me a sec damn

He’s doing his best to get the most attractive angle. It’s not like he’s never sent nudes to anyone or anything, but like– this is you. The first person to actually agree to take his virginity. Should he hold it? Put a remote next to it for size? Should he have his face in the pic? Take a mirror pic? 

Of course, as he’s taking several pictures of his length to try and impress you, he had to get hard first. He can’t imagine you’d want a flaccid cock pic in your inbox, and that would also mean that he’s working himself up with the amount of touching, holding, and groping throughout the past sixteen photos he’s taken and deleted. It’s at the point that now it’s actually hard to care about taking a photo, pre-cum already dripping out of him as he continues to try.

He’s entered the realm of his regular horny self, only this time he’s texting you. Someone who wants to see what he’s packing. Taking a dick pic is insanely easy once he stops thinking with his brain, and he’s quick to send you a photo of himself this time. His chin at the top of the picture, face entirely hidden, hand wrapped around his thick and leaking cock, sweatpants shoved down. 

Grandpa Hoshi: [image attachment] 

In all fairness, you’ve never actually cared much for dick pics. Men always look too confident even with the smallest of girth being offered through the pixels. Soonyoung though. He looks a bit desperate even with his face hidden. His cock looks desperate, his fingers wrapped around it look desperate, the way his sweatpants hug against his thighs look desperate. And now, you feel desperate. You keep your cool though.

You: oh, you were jerking off, got it. 

Grandpa Hoshi: sorry can’t help it 

Then he doesn’t text you back. Which is kind of a drag because he looks to be quite big in the photo alone. Maybe you’d be okay just this once to look like the desperate one. Mostly because you’re about ten seconds from trying to figure out which direction five miles away he resides so you can go palm his cock for him. Plus, the idea of an absolute simp virgin like him seeing you act a little desperate would probably be one for the books. 

You: you know i can help you out with that, right? especially since you definitely don’t have a micropenis

You’re still being ignored. The silence from your phone makes your belly flip around inside of you at the image of him doing it too. He probably does it a lot. He’s probably desperate to feel good, you can imagine how he’d act if you were in front of him right now, the very idea of taking his virginity becoming entirely too attractive.

Shrugging, knowing full well what he’s doing right now in order to ignore you, you press the call button and wait. You’re a little bit nervous, mostly because you’ve never actually heard his voice before, or better yet how he sounds when he’s getting off. You’re shocked that he actually answers. 

“Hello?” He says, muffled through the phone and trying to sound not-so-out-of-breath. It’s not like he looked at who was calling him anyway. With his luck, it’s probably Seungcheol or some shit.

“Don’t hello me,” You gripe, narrowing your eyes at yourself in your mirror. “You’re just gonna jerk off without me after I agreed to help you fix your little problem?” 

The silence on his end is a bit nerve-wracking until you hear the frantic sound of his palm clearly wreaking havoc on him. You smirk, leaning back on your chair and sighing. On his end, processing that it was you on the other line sent his entire body into a state of burning with arousal. Your voice is sweet even when you speak with the same sarcasm as usual. God, this alone is enough for him right now. 

“Were you at least thinking of me?”

He hums into the phone, indicating that yes, that’s exactly what he’s doing. His voice is kind of soft despite only hearing one word and a hum, you want to actually hear him talk to you, or moan, whichever he decides. 

“Were you looking at my pictures?”

He nods his head, forgetting that you’re not able to see him and instantly responds with a small and breathy yes instead. It’s a bit difficult for him right now to talk, especially now that he can put a voice to the photos he’s been jerking off to. It’s a bit overwhelming, actually.

“Do you want better ones?” You ask, encouraging him to speak a bit more. 

“Oh god, really?” He asks through the speaker, his hand pausing on his length as if to hold off until you confirm. “Like, nudes?”

“Mhm, yeah. If you want.” You smile as you speak to him, already standing to shimmy your pajamas off of you and stand in front of the mirror. “Or, you know what would be better?”

Letting me come over and actually do it? That’s what he wants to say to you, but he doesn’t, he simply raises a brow.

“What?” He asks, still keeping his responses short because despite how into this he is, he’s a bit shy about it. 

“I can facetime you.” 

He panics. That means you’ll be watching him too, right? Sure he’s sent nudes, he’s received nudes. He’s sent videos too, and received them. But never has he like, you know, live masturbated on facetime so someone else can watch. 

“If you don’t want to, that’s okay.” You backtrack at his silence, but you’re cut off almost immediately. 

“No! no, we can facetime–”

Your stomach flips again as you fix yourself quickly in the mirror before setting your phone against your desk and rolling back a bit in your chair to determine if it’ll work this way or not. It’s not like he’s expecting you to do it too, he probably just thinks you’re gonna sit here naked for him to stare at. You’re kind of excited to see him in action, to hear him in action for you.

You hit the button to switch the call over to facetime and once again adjust your phone as you stare at yourself in the camera. Then you’re needing to catch your breath at the image of him.

There he is, his camera angled towards his face and not at all toward what's going on below his waist, but you don’t mind at first. Look at him, the lighting clearly shows that he’s a fan of mood lighting. You watch his eyes briefly, staring through the screen at you before moving your eyes to his arm, the one that clearly isn’t holding his phone because you can see it moving as he continues to jerk himself off. It’s an interesting feeling to have only seen him in photos until this moment, and it’s insanely attractive for some reason. Seeing him in motion, knowing what he’s doing, knowing that he feels good right now because of you.

“Let me see,” you say quietly, adjusting your bra strap and preparing to slip it off of you if he so much as asks. “Prop your phone up somewhere like I did.”

He nods, his eyes still staring straight through his screen at you as he moves around and the image becomes a blur of movement rather than his face. He settles in quickly, somehow looking even more attractive with the way his eyes no longer stare at the screen. You can almost sense a hint of shyness from him at this moment and it kind of floors you, given how easy he is to talk to and how easily he sent a dick pic to you.

“Feeling shy?” You ask, spreading your legs wide and cupping the seat of your panties, hiding the small spot of wetness forming there. “You act like I’m not going to be touching you at some point soon.”

You see him perk up, his eyes looking to you on the screen with more fondness than arousal. At the same time, his hand grips the base of his cock as he holds it straight up, erect and glistening proudly for you to look at. 

“You look pretty big, bet you could fill me up so nicely,” You try to compliment, boosting his confidence and ego as best you can simply because he looks pretty with a smile on his face. Especially when his cock twitches at the words. “Would you want to do that for me, Hoshi?”

“Oh god,” He groans, hearing his nickname come from your mouth for the first time. His hand jerks up his length once, almost aggressively as he winces at it. 

“This is going to be so embarrassing.” He admits, sliding his palm up and down shamelessly now as he watches between your spread legs. 

“Embarrassing, why?” You chuckle, tapping now at the spot between your legs. “Can you not see that I’m just as turned on right now?”

He groans again, releasing his length and using that same hand to swipe his hair out of his face, then immediately grimacing at the fact that he now has pre-cum in his hair. Embarrassing, all of it. 

“Well,” He tries to avoid you bringing up the fact that he just did that and only shoots his hand back to his cock in order to distract whatever off-hand shit you’re about to say. “You don’t even have your panties off yet, and I could probably get off right now.”

You laugh, not wanting to ruin the mood with the whole cum on his own face thing, so you save that for later. Instead, you instantly slip your panties off and present yourself to him much like he’s doing for you. 

“Better?”

Soonyoung watched with his breath stuck in his throat, now finding it harder to breathe at the image of your pussy and the way he hopes he can touch it one day. 

“Can you–” He pauses, not being used to dirty talk towards anything other than the porn playing on his phone. He thinks hard, and you can see it based on the way he, once again, neglects his cock with an unmoving palm.

“Can I do what?  Go on,” You urge him, running a hand up to your chest and fondling your nipples right there in front of him, but not yet moving the fabric. “What do you want me to do for you, baby?”

Baby. You called him baby. Not that he’s into that but the fact that you did it makes him wonder if he is now. Maybe it’s because he wants you to take him for all he’s worth at this point. One, to get rid of the virginity looming over his head, and two, because you sound so fucking smooth when you’re watching him get off. 

“Can you spread your pussy for me?” He whispers at first, boring a hole through his screen as he watches one of your hands tease at your hidden nipples, and the other hand sliding up and down the wet folds there. So badly does he want to see it. He wants to see your hole pulsing for him, leaking, needy.

His cock twitches wildly the second you do it for him. Two fingers spreading your pussy open and tensing your hips just to move it closer to the screen for him. 

“You want to fuck this?” You chuckle softly, slowly dipping a finger into yourself and pulling it back out to present the wetness for him.

“Oh,” he sighs, now fucking into his fist at a pace that proves he’s most definitely never fucked a woman before. “Fuck.”

You nod at him, urging him to keep admitting his attraction to you. You’re aware he doesn’t see it though, as his hips continue to move quicker and quicker each time you press your finger into yourself. 

“You gonna act like this when I’m riding you?” You ask with a tilted head, studying how hard he’s fucking against his hand. You can imagine how good it would feel if it were you, and quite frankly, this one finger isn’t enough at this point. 

“God. You’re gonna ride me?” He moans, eyes rolling only slightly as he imagines it. 

“Mhm,” you hum, now sliding in another finger and scissoring yourself open with them. “Would you want that?”

Before you can even work yourself up, and before he can even answer that question, you see him release. His cum shooting out in spurts across his stomach and nearly up to his chest. His labored breathing shifts the lighting against his abs and makes it look so entirely delicious. You’ve never wanted to lick a man clean so badly in your life.

You’re not even upset that he didn’t make it into the knitty gritty, considering he’s a virgin and all and you’re literally fucking yourself in front of him while implying riding him. You’re actually flattered. 

His release caused him to see white for several moments, forgetting he’s even on camera for you. When he comes back to reality, watching you continue to finger yourself as your eyes scan your screen, all he can do is feel bashful. 

“Shit, sorry,” He comments with a half laugh, looking down at his cum covered chest before looking at you again. Honestly, he could probably go again if you let him watch for a bit longer, but he’s embarrassed now. “I uh, didn’t mean to come that fast. It just kind of happened.”

“It’s okay,” You comfort him, slightly out of breath as you wonder if this is all you’re gonna get tonight. “It was cute.”

After a few moments, you sense his embarrassment and slowly slip yourself back into a sobering headspace, closing your legs and trying to ignore how wet you still are.

“Are you, um, done?” Soonyoung says, disappointed.

“Mm, no.” You smile. “But it’s okay, I’d rather make you come first anyway.”

His face lights up despite the disappointment in his gut of not being able to see you get off. 

“You still wanna see me after this?”

You nod with a smile, endeared by his need to give, but inability to do it.

“When are you free?” You ask, wondering if he’s ever going to clean himself up. 

“Whenever you are.” He laughs, scratching the back of his head with, once again, the same cum-stained hand. 

“I’ll text you later then,” You smile through the screen and give a small wave before your genuine smile turns into a smirk. “After I take care of my little problem though.”

You notice him sitting up in protest, but you hang up with a satisfied laugh and head to the shower to both finish yourself off and clean up.

~

Grandpa Hoshi: what about 3pm on thurs?

You: you want to lose your virginity at 3pm….on a thursday???

Grandpa Hoshi: my parents have plans so ill have the house to myself for a few hours

You: or you could just come here? 

Grandpa Hoshi: if ur comfortable with that? i thought u were supposed to come here lol

You: im comfortable, plus my roommate will kick your ass if you’re weird

Soonyoung contemplates hard on that last part but shrugs over it. Probably a girl thing, and it’s not like he’s an actual creep or anything. You’d be the one with power over him when the two of you are alone anyway. 

You: what about tomorrow, 8pm? 

Tomorrow. Hell yeah, tomorrow. Hell, he’d show up right the fuck now if you let him. He may live with his parents but he’s got a car. 

Grandpa Hoshi: send ur address, ill be there :) 

~

“Tomorrow, you’ll be a man.” Seungcheol croaks through the speaker at Soonyoung, totally assuming that this whole virginity loss dating app plan was actually just a joke. 

“Why do you have to say it that way?” Soonyoung groans back, slapping his hand over his forehead and rubbing his temples. “I didn’t think anyone was actually gonna come through, she’s the first one.”

“What makes you think she’s actually gonna send you her address?” Seungcheol laughs, once again placing more pity onto his best friend than anything else. “She’s probably not even a real person, you’re gonna end up at some old guy’s house.”

Soonyoung laughs, or snorts really. 

“Oh, she’s real.”

Seungcheol sits up in curiosity this time, switching his phone to the other ear with interest. 

“Hm? Have you already met her?”

“Kind of. We like, um,” Soonyoung pauses, wondering if he sounds way too excited to tell him or not. “We facetimed a few hours ago.”

Silence.

“She got naked.”

“Oh ho ho!” Seungcheol encourages him. “So you guys did some stuff on facetime and she still wants to meet you?” 

“That’s what I said!--” Soonyoung smiles to himself, about two seconds from kicking his feet before realizing what Seungcheol just said. “Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“You’re kind of a loser, we’ve been over this.” Seungcheol laughs yet again. “Call me when you get your cherry popped or whatever.”

Then he hangs up. 

Grandpa Hoshi: do u think im a loser?

You: yeah kinda

You’re laughing at his text as you sit across the table from Vernon.

“That him texting?” Vernon quirks a brow, watching you smile at your phone and practically ignore him. 

You laugh again at Soonyoung’s string of defensive texts before responding with a short “it’s okay, i like losers”, and putting your phone down to finish telling Vernon that he’s gonna get kicked out tomorrow for the night. 

“So,” You clap your hands in front of yourself, glaring at Vernon. “You’re gonna have to be gone tomorrow at eight because I'm about to literally obliterate this guy.”

“Jesus, I’m scared for him.”

“You should be scared for me. Because, well…” You trail off for a second, scrolling up your texts to see the dick pic Soonyoung sent before the facetime call. “He’s huge and–”

“I did not need to know that.” Vernon sighs, scooting back in his chair and standing to his feet. 

“You act like you’re not curious nearly every time I meet someone.” You roll your eyes at him, smiling.

Vernon stands there awkwardly before shrugging and lunging for your phone. 

“How big?” He laughs, not actually trying to see the dude’s dick but always way too curious for his own good despite never wanting to be around to hear what the big dicks do to his best friend. 

“Stop prying, you’ll get jealous.”

He scoffs, brushing off his pants of invisible dust and crossing his arms. 

“I’ll have you know, my dick is perfectly sized.”

“I’m sure it is. Anyway, tomorrow, be gone.” 

He nods, sauntering to the living room and flopping down on the couch. 

“Keep it in your room, please. I don’t want to sit on his gross body fluids when I come home.”

~

It’s Thursday. It’s approximately seven in the evening on Thursday and you’re well aware that Soonyoung is probably bubbling with anxiety if his texts are anything to go by. 

So many are you sures, so many you can tell me to leave if you decide you don’t want tos, and even more i can’t wait to see yous. 

“Vernon, aren’t you supposed to be leaving?” You ask, opening the fridge to pull out a bottled water. 

You’ve already showered again today, primped yourself up for him really. Everything smooth, soft, and ready to be touched. You wonder if Soonyoung is doing the same, and smile.

“Hm, yeah. But I kinda wanna see him before I leave.”

You turn your head to him with a curious look, glaring only slightly.

“I swear to god if you scare him off, I’m kicking you out.”

Vernon laughs, patting the couch as if to invite you to sit with him to ease your own anxiety. He can smell the familiar lotion you use before dates, and he notes that you’ve really tried to look good today. 

“I think you might kill him, if I’m being honest.” Your best friend laughs softly, complimenting you. 

“Thanks, that’s the plan.”

And so, the two of you sit together laughing at stupid comedy shows until your phone lights up at around eight fifteen. 

Grandpa Hoshi: i’m a little early, is that ok? 

“Oh shit, he’s here.” You immediately feel nervous, which is pretty normal for you anyway so it’s easily overlooked by Vernon. 

He jumps up, brushing off his clothes and walking toward the kitchen to grab his keys and wallet. 

“Let him in then, I’ll leave when he gets here.”

You give him a knowing look before nodding. 

You: second floor, take a left when you get to the top of the stairs, third apartment on the left.

Within minutes, there’s a very gentle knock on the door and Vernon is throwing himself at it to get a look at him. Unfortunately it’s a bit more awkward than he expected it to be. 

Not only did Soonyoung think your roommate was a woman, but he, at the very least, expected you to answer the door. He was preparing himself all day for this moment, to knock on your door and have you open it. At first he thought that maybe he even got the wrong apartment. 

“Oh, I think I got the wrong place, sorry–” 

“Nope, you’re in the right place.” Vernon smiles, stepping to the side and opening the door wider for him. “You can come in.”

Soonyoung does, awkwardly. Avoiding eye contact with Vernon and barely even looking into the apartment before stepping inside. 

“She’s excited, don’t worry.” Vernon whispers, throwing Soonyoung a wink before stepping out and closing the door behind him.

Soonyoung still hasn’t really looked up from the floor yet, and you make quick work to make him feel more comfortable. 

“Don’t mind him, that’s both my best friend and roommate.” You say, making your way toward him and trying your best not to stare because, okay, wow. He’s kind of ten times more attractive in person, which is fucking insane considering how good he looked through a screen. 

“Have you and him ever like…” Soonyoung immediately starts, realizing he might have made things weird. 

“Vernon?! Oh, god no.” You laugh, reaching for his arm and feeling him lean into it with relief. “You’re allowed to look up by the way. You’ve been staring at that crack in my floor since you got here.”

Immediately Soonyoung moves his eyes up to you, the eye contact feeling more intense than it should, but you’re locked in too. The awkwardness dissolves almost instantly, he feels no need to question you further about anything really, especially with the way he feels his throat run dry at the very idea of this whole plan actually happening at some point.

When he made his profile on that app, it was kind of a half joke until like, people started talking to him. Given, no one ever followed through but you, he’s happy he stuck with it. Happy you came out of the works from said dating app, happy you picked him. 

Really though, he picked you. Part of you wonders about why you want to take this from him. For power, for control, to be praised, to feel like you’re his entire world of desire for a brief time? All of those things, but you can admit now that he’s in front of you that it’s a bit intimidating. He’s not shy at all, just a bit awkward. He seems confident, he seems ready, and you find yourself lucky for being the one to get to do this for him, or with him. If at all, Soonyoung is the type of man you could see yourself hanging out with often, with or without having sex. 

Given, upon seeing him face to face for the first time, the only thing you thought about was how attractive he is. Now though, as you look back at him along with the silence of this apartment offering nothing more than awkwardness, it’s not. Because you’re seeing him for all he is and he appears to not be able to help it. Is this what people mean when they say there’s an instant spark between two people? Despite how attractive he is, you find yourself thinking of how many times he’s made you laugh. How many times he’s embarrassed himself, and now for the first time he’s right there and all you want to do is…give him exactly what he wants, or needs. Whichever. 

“Okay, listen,” You start, swallowing around a lump in your throat as you feel your body heat up at record speed by just having his eyes looking into yours. You know by this point that you’re not going to be keeping your hands to yourself at all. And for his sake, he’d probably prefer it that way. “If I move too fast, just tell me to stop.”

Soonyoung tilts his head with a dopey smile, eyes still fixed on you, scanning you, coming to terms with the fact that you’re absolutely everything he thought you would be and more. 

“I don’t think that’s gonna be an issue,” He admits, feeling his length confined within his pants twitch wildly at the entire situation. “I struggled not to get hard just driving over.” He laughs, looking away from you for the first time with flushed cheeks. 

You find that painfully adorable. No man would ever admit that to you. Especially after just a few minutes of meeting in person for the first time, but this is Soonyoung and in the short amount of time you’ve known him, you’re kind of expecting him to be really forward and say things that will have you frozen in thought.

“Oh yeah?” You ask, grabbing his hand and leading him to the kitchen. You’re pretending that his apparent inexperience isn’t getting to you, but you’re not really fooling anyone. “Let’s get you some water or something, I can see you drooling.”

Soonyoung laughs, shrugging because yeah maybe he’s drooling a little bit. You smell fucking immaculate, your hand is small in his but still manages to overpower him, your skin feels soft and slightly cold. Honestly, it’s dangerous just having you stand in front of him right now because he could absolutely blow his load just by you looking at him. Embarrassing? Always.

He follows after you, very nearly crowding up to you as the comfort sets in and the last bit of awkwardness leaves his mind. All he can think about is how you sounded over that facetime call. He’s seen what’s between your legs, and during that night all he could think about was touching you, fucking you. Now he’s here, and you’re right there. It’s hard not to crowd up, it’s hard not to cling to you, it’s hard not to be excited. Seeing your hand wrapping around that bottle of water to give to him, seeing you lean just before grabbing it– of course he’s staring. Of course he’s crowding closer, almost to the point that he’s up against your ass when you lean back up from the fridge.

You turn after grabbing him the bottle and become shocked by his close proximity when you face him. He looks down at you with a soft face, one that shows he’s not embarrassed by how he immediately attaches to you. His smile is just as clumsy as he is, you can tell he knows exactly what he’s doing too. You’re glad, because it makes it entirely too easy to drop the water bottle, grab his face, and chase his lips all the way until he’s against the counter and kissing you back. 

He sighs instantly into it, wincing at the way the kitchen counter hits his back, you pressing against him so harshly just to get that first taste of his lips. He’s excited that you seem as eager as him, maybe even as desperate as him. 

For you, a man has never been this eager just to kiss you, nor has a man ever kissed you this good. You can imagine that he’s probably got a lot of experience in terms of kissing, not much elsewhere though. You can tell by the way he moves his hands to all of the right places, but his blatant virginity shows through all of it as he becomes a horny mess almost instantly. 

His tongue is warm and wet, small whining sounds coming from his throat as you press yourself against him briefly. His hands never leave your body and he shows no shame in touching where he wants to touch. Rubbing, groping, and caressing every inch of your waist, ass, and even moving up to your face to deepen the kiss. His hips press forward almost constantly, and all you can do is brace yourself on the counter behind him to try and tame his relentless hips and obvious attempts at rushing what he wants right now. 

If you’re going to sleep with him though, he’s gonna get the full experience, not a quickie. Plus, you agreed to keep it in your room for Vernon’s sake. 

“Hey,” you sigh, trying to pull back from the kiss but he isn’t having it. Still kissing against you and running his lips down to your neck when you continue to speak. “We should go to my room, your first time isn’t about to be in my kitchen.”

“Why not?” He groans against your neck, kissing harshly with faint wet sounds, his hands wrapping tightly around your waist now. “I don’t care where we do it, i just want you like, really bad.”

Still, his lips don’t leave you, nor do his hands. You find yourself giggling against him with a shake of your head at the way he protests when you pry yourself from his grip. Of course, though, he’s immediately clinging to you and chasing after you to your bedroom before practically throwing himself at you again.

You barely get the door closed before he’s pressing you against it this time, hand running down again to your waist and easily snaking up your shirt just to feel the warmth of your skin. You let him, enjoying the way he kisses you for just the second time, enjoying more the way you can feel him lose his composure every few minutes from this alone. 

You’re kind of in love with the fact that he doesn’t seem to want to pull back even for a breath. He seems to love kissing, and you wonder what else he’ll come to love doing tonight too. From the way he moves his tongue and his lips on you, you can imagine he’d be fucking heavenly at eating pussy.

Successfully you push him away again, rushing to your bed before he can make you melt against his lips for a third time, and you’re instantly trying to present yourself to him much like you did over camera. 

“You’re really going to let me?” He asks with a deep breath, brushing his hair out of his face and wiping his mouth. His brain malfunctions at your presumed answer to that question, watching you take your panties and shorts off in one go and leaning back to spread your legs for him. 

At this moment, you’re all his and you make it a point to spread your pussy out for him like he asked you to do before. You can practically see his knees buckle that very instant.

“To think I wouldn’t want to do this is insane,” You say, wiggling your hips for him to see. “Look how wet I am.” You pause, studying the hungry look in his eyes. “Do you wanna try eating me out?”

He doesn’t even nod. He’s immediately on his knees against your bed and grabbing your thighs to pull you toward his face. You yelp only slightly at the movement, a chuckle coming out shortly after as you sit yourself up properly to take in the image of his eyes sparkling up at you. 

Your breath is caught in your throat, a small groan coming out at the image alone before you’re able to process words again. 

“Can’t believe how good you look down there,” You say softly, brushing his hair out of his face for him like he did to himself earlier. “Have you ever done this before?”

He shakes his head, eyes shifting from your pussy to your face. Regardless of your shock at that, he seems like he’s waiting for a green light so you decide to cut the compliments short and raise your brows at him. 

“Go on then.”

You watch him and the way he doesn’t seem to think at all when he does it. Once again, he’s adorable. His tongue goes everywhere, only grazing your clit briefly every few licks, never staying on it presumably because he’s in the process of finding the clit based on how your body reacts. 

He has a general idea of where it is, but the feeling of having your pussy on his lips alone is enough to overwhelm him with arousal. All he can do is taste and smell the mixture of your warmth along with the soap and lotion you must have used before he came here. 

He’s quite literally tasting the entirety of you and loving every second of it. The way his hands grip your legs, both spreading them further open so that he can tilt his head and lick at different angles, and then hugging them to where they almost lock his head in place. 

It feels like he does this for ages, learning your body and what makes your legs shake. He sucks in different places, kissing your entire pussy to the point that it’s almost impossible for your legs not to shake in reaction at what he’s doing to you. 

Dare you say, a man who is inexperienced at eating a woman out somehow feels better than one who knows exactly where to go. 

“Fuck, knew you’d be good at this,” you compliment with a shaky voice, reaching down to his hair and holding his head in place. “Stay on my clit, use your fingers on me.” 

He hums, taking note of where you place his lips and reminding himself that this is the clit, just as suspected. He attaches his lips there, kissing it much like he kissed you in the kitchen. 

You can feel his fingers make their way into you, each bump of his knuckle sending a delicious sensation throughout your body. You’re tingling from your head to your toes at this point and your face heats up beyond what you thought it would. Your hips move on their own, experimentally fucking against his fingers as he keeps his tongue flicking at you. 

“Just like that,” you encourage him, running your hands through his hair and looking down at him. Seeing his head move with each little thrust of your hips is only more arousing in this moment. His eyes half open, watching you, tasting you, almost smiling around your clit when he makes eye contact with you. 

It almost seems like he’s asking if he’s doing well, and goddamn is he. He’s doing amazing.

“So good,” you say shortly, scratching against his scalp as a thank you, still fucking your hips up just to feel his fingers plunge deeper. 

He, on the other hand, is fucking feral right now. Tasting you, dipping his fingers into you, feeling that warmth for the first time, the small clenches— he’s swimming in a fantasy. Every time you move your hips up, he can smell the entirety of you, he can feel your pussy squeeze his fingers, and god. He doesn’t think he ever wants this to end.

All day, he could do this all fucking day. No wonder men make fun of other guys for not giving head. Why wouldn’t they? He can feel your legs tensing up around his head, your gentle fingers running through his hair, the sounds coming from your lips. He’s in love, he’s in love.

He doesn’t stop, tongue flicking your clit so beautifully, fingers slowly fucking in and out of you, not even in time with your jerking hips. Shockingly, you approach euphoria so fucking fast that you can barely warn him, you’re not even thinking when you put pressure on his head, pressing his lips so harshly against your clit— his moan sending a vibration straight through you.

“Faster, with your fingers—“ you choke out, curling your toes and feeling him do exactly as you say. 

There, you release with his fingers plunging in and out of you, the wet sound of your pussy only sounding more messy by the time you begin to release. In the midst of it all, you feel him pull his lips from your clit and lick around his fingers before coming back up and continuing his ministrations, working you through an orgasm you’re not even sure he knows you’re having right now.

Strings of curses, little tugs against his hair, legs shaking, all of it happens at once until the feeling of his fingers become sensitive inside of you, until his tongue is flicking a bundle of nerves begging to be left alone. 

You swat him away with a smile, leaning up quickly and grabbing him by the shirt. 

He doesn’t really know what the fuck is going on but he laughs with you, being pulled to his feet and falling onto the bed on top of you. You can feel his length in his pants, so fucking hard, probably leaking and feeling quite neglected.

“Did you…?” He asks softly.

You smile at him, leaning up to kiss him square on the mouth before you flip him over and get between his legs. 

“I did,” You laugh in a daze, starting to work on his button and zipper. You’re reeling from the recent orgasm and wanting nothing more than to let him feel the same way you do right now. “And now, you’re gonna finally get a full blow job.”

He chokes out a nervous laugh, holding your hand in place from pulling his pants down.

“Unless, you don’t want that?” You ask, tilting your head with a bit of a frown.

“No, no! It’s not that!” He reassures you, cheeks flushing more than they already were. “It’s just that like, what if I don’t last very long? I’m kind of sensitive.”

His eyes avoid yours when he says it and once again, most adorable man award goes to fucking Soonyoung.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing?” You lean forward, kissing him again. “You just gave me some of the best head in my life.”

The light in his eyes return and instantly he’s flashing a nervous smile at you. 

“Hoshi, I’ve never gotten off that fast from being eaten out.” You reassure him again, making a point to use his nickname. “If you don’t get off from me sucking your cock, I might actually cry.” 

Well, he can’t have that now, can he? 

He releases your grip on his jeans, allowing you to pull them down. For some reason unable to look at you despite knowing you’ve seen him jerk off before. It’s the fact that like, what if it’s suddenly not big enough? What if his cock is ugly or curved in a way you don’t like?

Before he can even start to doubt himself more, he feels your lips on the tip and instantly his eyes are looking down at you. You’re the one smiling now, using one hand to hold his base and the other hand already scooping up his balls for added pleasure. 

You make a point to look him in the eye as you let the saliva collect in your mouth. There, you let it fall from the tip of your tongue, all the way until you feel the wetness against your fingers wrapped around his base. 

He thinks he’s going to go fucking insane watching you like this, and god, does he. You don’t even show him your struggle of taking in the sheer size of him. Lowering your mouth until you’re taking in as much as you can. You try to keep eye contact up until you have to close your eyes. 

It’s not shocking that by the point you get half of his length into your mouth, he’s fucking up without full intention and letting out a choked apology. Still, you try to force your stretched lips to smile for him, even through the gag, through the harsh feeling of his cock hitting your throat. 

How the fuck has a cock this good not been worshiped before? By a mouth? A hand? A pussy? You’ll be damned not to choke on it. You’d rather eat glass than to let him leave this apartment without being completely emptied and praised for every drop. 

He’s actually struggling already not to come, holding himself back but failing each time his hips chase the warmth of your throat. Each time you gag, it stimulates the fuck out of him and he nearly wants to cry each time it happens. Even with that other girl who went down on him, she didn’t even attempt to fit this much in her mouth. Most of the pleasure came from her hand jerking him off while she suckled against his head, but you. You’re down there, slipping your mouth up and down on his length, gagging, tearing up, and still fucking smiling about it. 

Once again, he’s in love.

He holds his hands back at least, keeping them against your sheets and gripping them so hard that he fears he’s ripping through them. Everything feels hot, you look hot, you sound hot, your tongue still manages to move against the base of his cock with what little room it does have, and god– your other hand, massaging his balls. 

“Wait, wait wait–” Soonyoung groans, fucking his hips into your mouth once again until you pull off with a concerned look. 

“Were my teeth hurting you?” You ask, gasping a bit for air.

“No, i was just getting really close.”

“Hm?” You sigh in disappointment, this time going all in at once and not letting yourself stop until he’s releasing into your mouth. 

You feel his shaking fingers brush your cheek when you do it, hollowing it out just to fit more, more, more into your mouth before lapping your tongue against his base again. 

His groaning turns into frantic moans, his hips jerking wildly, unable to escape the clenching muscles of your gagging throat, and he’s honestly in heaven once again. 

Never in his life has he felt an orgasm so satisfying. His fingers go numb when he releases, pumping himself deep into your throat and not stopping until he’s dizzy. The fact that you kept your mouth on him through it, the fact that he could still feel you gagging, swallowing, and moaning all at once through it–how?

“How–” he takes a breath, pulling you off of him so you can breathe. “How did you do that?”

You shrug with a confident smile, wiping your tears and crawling up to meet his face. 

“I don’t normally do that for guys.” You say with a rasp in your voice, “I certainly don’t just swallow for anyone.”

He feels special, and fucking spent but god does he want to keep going. His softening cock twitching in a relieving way, probably glad to have finally been touched by something other than his own hand. Part of him wonders if you’re done though, because by now you’ve both gotten off and usually that’s the end goal, right?

But he hasn’t lost his virginity yet, and when he looks at you hovering above him, he already knows you’re not done with him. 

“We need to let you rest until you can get hard again,” You say, kissing him more easily than before. Letting him taste himself, letting you taste yourself mixed with him. “What’s something you wanna do to get you back into the game?”

He sighs out a laugh, fucking amazed that you’re his first. How lucky is that? He thinks hard, watching the way you lift your shirt off of yourself. God, he forgot tits existed for a solid part of this day and that’s a shame because instantly his sensitive cock throbs at the image of them coming into view. 

You watch him stare, trailing your hands down and lifting his shirt off of him as well. 

“I don’t even know at this point.” He admits, ignoring the fact that his hair is definitely sticking up all over from you taking his shirt off of him.

“I’ll just love on you while you think, then.”

He gives a short nod, feeling all warm and fuzzy inside at the way your gentle hands caress his chest and abs before you start kissing against it.

He relaxes his body, feeling your hands and lips on him. You were right when you said you’d love on him as he thinks about it. The hard part of it is actually thinking about what’s going to get him harder the fastest. You doing this could be enough, but your tits. And fuck, your pussy.

He lets out a whine, one that feels entirely out of character and it causes you to pause your gentle kiss against his nipple and pull back.

“Already?” 

He shakes his head, staring straight at your chest and then down to what's between your legs. 

“I want to, um, eat you out again…”

That’s new. Twice in one session? You’re not going to turn that down. 

“Oh yeah? Did that get you going?”

You receive a small nod from him before his hands are reaching out for your tits and warming them up. 

You relax into the feeling of his fingers on your chest only for a moment before you pull back again, this time adjusting yourself onto the bed face down, ass up. Might as well try a bunch of different positions for him too, right?

“Whenever you’re ready.” You sigh, already grabbing a pillow to hug through this. 

You can feel the bed shift behind you, the weight of his body dipping right behind you before you feel his warm breath against your core. Only now do you realize that you already missed the way he ate you out the first time, you can barely contain yourself knowing he’s going to do it again. 

His hands snake between your legs before his lips get any closer, spreading them before pulling his hand back up and spreading your pussy open with his fingers on his own this time. 

“You have the prettiest pussy.” He says in a clear and calm voice, watching the way your hole pulses at the air that hits it. “And I've watched a lot of porn.”

You’d tell him to shut up, but you’re not gonna because it’s cute how forward he is with his thoughts. If anything, he’s treating you right now by doing this, so he can say whatever he fucking wants right now. 

“Eat it then.” you try to urge him, and he does just that. 

You do your best to contain any rising orgasm, solely because you don’t want to spend yourself before you actually let him inside of you in full. But goddamn, he’s just as eager now as he was the first time…if not more. 

He thinks back to the things he did before, mimicking that and hitting all of the perfect spots without fail. Still, you hold back, pushing and pulling yourself away and toward him. He eventually holds you in place against him, licking you deeper than you’ve ever been licked before. It’s a different kind of sensation, and the way he groans into it is entirely too much for you right now. 

You need more, you want more. You want all of him by now, so aroused by every touch, breath, and moan that it’s becoming unbearable to just be eaten out. The thought that he’s doing this to get himself hard is flooring, and the feeling of his fingers replacing his tongue much like before is intense. 

After just that one time, he knows exactly how to make you come this way and it’s dangerously attractive to realize that. He goes straight for it too, pulling back to watch his fingers slip into you up to the knuckle. 

Given, he can’t reach your clit with his mouth this time so he thinks hard about how to fix this little dilemma and you’re floored even more by the fact that he solves problems without questioning. You feel his fingers leave you and land on your clit, and right then you feel his tongue again, just as deep, licking into you and all over you. 

He’s really going to not let you hold it in, he’s going to have you fucking unravelling again and it’s too good. Thankfully, when you try to lift to look behind yourself, you take note of his other hand working himself. 

He’s hard again, and god knows how long he’s been doing that. 

You pull your body away from him, his protesting moan doing nothing but heating your body up more when you flip over and watch him. 

“You were really just going to get me off again and not try to fuck me yet?”

He looks down at himself and then back at you, smiling and running his hand through his hair. 

“I like doing it, I wanted to see if I could make you–”

“You absolutely could have but I’m going to be honest,” You start, interrupting him and pulling yourself up to crawl over him. “I need more now, and if you’re ready, I’d like to live up to my promise.”

His eyes are much sharper than they were before when you say those words. This is actually it. He would have been perfectly happy just eating you out, getting head himself, or whatever. Over and over again. Any and all of it is better than being in his room alone, but you’re really–

“Promise?” He asks, knowing full well what it was. 

“Lay back, get comfortable,” You instruct, scooting up the bed with him, keeping yourself planted on his legs despite the discomfort. “You still want me to ride you, right?”

He nods almost frantically, landing his hands on your tits without hesitation and groping them in a blatant show of how ready he’s managed to get himself for this. 

Not that you want to rush, but you’re so fucking turned on by this point, the only thing you want is to be filled by him. His cock likely bigger than any you’ve taken before, and to be fair, you don’t even care if you’re the desperate one at this point. You’ve almost forgotten he’s a virgin.

“Wait,” He stops you when you slide over his cock, bare pussy coating his length in a languid grind. “Oh, fuck, wait- no, do that again.” 

You smile at his frantic thoughts pouring from his lips, sliding against him again, and again, up until he’s leaning forward and attaching his lips to one of your nipples and suckling against it hard. 

You groan as you grind, feeling the head of his now, fully hard, cock bumping against your previously stimulated clit. He groans with you, almost at the exact same time but continues to try and leave his mark on you. In love with finally getting your tits in his mouth, your pussy on his cock, and most of all, in love with the fact that you’re not laughing at him for any of it. You seem to melt into it much like he does and he can’t help but want to email the creator of that fucking app and personally thank them for this. 

You rub yourself against him until it’s even more unbearable than before. By now, you’ve completely soaked his length and he’s completely soaked your chest in saliva and tiny swollen bite marks. Not that you mind the biting, he did it and you didn’t stop him.

“Are you ready?” You finally sigh out, deliberately grinding against him slowly now, with almost your entire weight behind the grinds. 

He groans out a “please” before immediately gripping your hips and stopping you. Pulling his head back so hard and so quickly– he kind of forgot to unlatch from your nipple and it sends a sharp pain throughout your body, one that only makes you want to ride him hard. Right now. 

“Hold on, there’s a condom in the pocket of my jeans–”

“Okay, and?” You laugh, sliding forward again and grinding your clit against him. “I’m on birth control, and I’m clean.” 

He looks at you, his sharp eyes falling back into the sparkling doe eyes as his mouth falls open at the very idea that he gets to hit it fucking raw for the first time? 

“Unless you’re lying, and you’re not really a virgin?”

He’s quick to silence your doubt. He’s 100% never had his cock inside of anything other than his own palm and– malfunction. He’s blank again, staring up at you and wincing at the feeling of you pleasuring yourself on top of him. 

“Please?” He manages to get out, gripping your hips so tightly by now that he’s sure it’s hurting you. 

You smile, humming at him when you lift from his length, standing on your knees to grab at his and position him in the right place. 

“You sure you’re ready for this?” You ask, only now realizing that you’re genuinely about to take a man’s virginity, and it’s only fair that you give him one last time to decide if he wants you to take it from him. Despite how turned on you are, and regardless of how badly you want to fuck him, it’s not right to just do it without making him really think about it. 

“Fuck, yes. Just do it already.” 

You can’t help but smile at him when you do. Lowering yourself slowly on him and feeling the stretch of it. His face is something that you don’t think you’ll ever forget. He appears to be lost in it, eyes rolling back, his chest heaving, his teeth showing through a half-smile as he moans out at the sensation. 

He can’t get over how warm it is inside of you, the constant clenching of your pussy dragging along his entire length. He can’t help it when he moans, he doesn’t care that his voice cracks, or that it sounds like a pathetic sob. 

By the time you bottom out and sit like that for a moment, you almost feel like he’s the one who needs to adjust. Of course, you’re needing this moment to adjust too but god– just watching him made you that much more wet and it’s insane how into him you are right now. As if you haven’t been since you started talking to him.

“Feels good?” You ask, involuntary clenching around his size, letting out a small sigh yourself at the feeling of his leaking cock inside of you. 

He hums at you and then takes in a deep breath before fully opening his eyes again and looking at you. Technically, he’s no longer a virgin now. It’s fucking happening, and you’re hot? So hot? You feel so good? You smell so good. You sound so fucking good. 

Everything is overwhelmingly good, all he can do now is press his hips up and instantly moan out at the feeling. 

You take that as an invitation to absolutely obliterate him, much like you knew you would. So, you do. Lifting yourself up and sliding him almost entirely out of you before sinking down again. 

His hands shoot to your waist, then he lifts slightly to grab your ass from behind you, and then he flops himself back– seemingly unable to know what the fuck to do with himself at this feeling. 

You opt to grab his hands, intertwining your fingers with his and holding them above his head, all so you can lay chest to chest with him, lips right at his neck. You start kissing, riding him so smoothly and doing nothing but listening to his little sounds that he tries to keep inside. 

“You’re really cute, you know that?” You whisper against his ear, kissing there too before pulling back to look at his face.

That half-smile never leaves his face, and his fingers squeeze against yours so tightly that you actually start to worry that he may break them. Thankfully, he begins to relax after a few minutes. Adjusting to the overwhelming pleasure and now losing himself to the arousal rather than fighting it. 

You nearly squeak when you feel him release your hands and grab your face, pulling you up to him as he kisses you mindlessly. Breathlessly, moaning into your mouth all while moving his own hips now. You can feel him jerk his hips, imagining how he fucked his hand through facetime. This is better than that.

You prop to stand up on your knees, offering him the space to fuck you as hard as he’d like, and god. It’s hard. It’s deep, and it’s so clumsy. No rhythm, no thought behind it at all, you can fucking tell he’s purely running on adrenaline as he plunges into you. 

He’s actually going so hard, that your moans sound more pained than pleasurable, but that’s not the case at all. You actually can’t stop moaning, it’s just the fact that each time he slams into you, your throat lets out a broken sound. 

For a moment, you think you can actually hear him purr, or maybe growl against your slack lips as he does it. Already he’s lasted longer than you thought he would, especially without a condom, and you’re so fucking impressed by it. 

You slide your hand between your bodies, easily rubbing your own clit and drying out your throat even more with the consistent loud moans of how good he’s doing. After a few moments though, his hips stutter and you take that as a sign that you should take over again.

“I don’t know how the fuck you’re doing this to me,” You laugh out of pity for yourself, “I really thought I could last longer than this.”

He barely hears you through his ringing ears and rapid heartbeat, but he chuckles at the compliment. Feeling like he must be doing something right to have a woman say that to him. There’s one issue. He’s about two thrusts from coming again and he will be damned to ruin this for you. 

You take over, riding him harshly and rubbing your clit even harder. He takes a moment to try and distract himself from how good your pussy feels clenching him and takes it upon himself to bite down hard against his tongue. Something to hurt enough to keep his orgasm from bubbling over, but also not something so awful that he’d lose his arousal entirely. 

You continue, pushing yourself back up from him and watching the way he tries to focus on anything but what’s happening. You ride deliberately to get him off though, knowing that the second he does, you’ll let yourself go too. He doesn’t seem to be picking up the hints. 

“Are you close?” You ask, out of breath and riding him so consistently that it’s becoming more and more difficult to hold your own orgasm. “Let it go, come with me–”

Instantly, you hear him whimper out a moan as he releases the bite on his tongue. Shooting himself forward and hugging you so tightly that the pressure of your fingers against your clit is entirely unbearable. 

“Oh, shit. Wait– i’m–” You start, moaning against his hair as he hugs against you.

He’s so fucking relieved, already releasing into you as you say those words. All he can do is breathe through it, feeling your pussy come around him as he continues to empty himself into you. 

It’s entirely too intense, his ears popping and heart threatening to send him to a hospital. Never did he think having sex was this intense. 

Little does he know… it’s not. But even you, for some reason, find yourself wondering why the fuck that was so good. 

By the time you pull yourself off of him, both of you wincing and trying to ignore the mixture of cum running down your legs, all you can do is look at him with curiosity. 

He can barely open his eyes to look back at you, but he tries, he really does. 

~

He’s not going home tonight. Of course he’s not. Like, how fucking rude would it be to take his virginity and send him on his way? Absolutely the fuck not.

In fact, you made him some food, wobbling on spent legs throughout the kitchen as he lays on his death bed in your room. (Not literally, both of you are just dramatic.)

All he can do is listen to the sounds of you in the other room and think hard about how he just felt. Physically, it was a lot. Surely if sex is like that all the time, he’d rather not do it as often as Seungcheol does. Honestly, his sanity would be at stake. 

But like, you’re kind of amazing. Given, the two of you barely know each other past lame texts and bullying each other. Physically, you know him more than any other women and that’s a block he didn’t think would be an issue until it became one.

You made him come twice. And he thinks you did too, unless you’re lying just to make him feel better. There’s no way you didn’t feel the intensity of that though. There’s no way your wobbling legs were lying to him when you got up and told him you wanted to have a snack before bed.

There’s no way you would let him sleep over if you didn’t feel the same way he does right now.

And by the time you’re back, handing him a plate of food, he can’t help but believe that nothing will ever taste as good as you.

The thing is, that’s one of the main reasons you did this. To be praised, to have a man think you’d be the best he will ever have until he eventually meets someone else and they do better than you did. Now though, you feel weird. 

This is a one night stand. A charity-fuck, as it still stands at least. 

“So,” You start, taking a bite of your food still as naked as can be regardless of how stupid it must look to be eating in a come-soaked bed like this. “I guess you should change your bio in the app now.”

He looks at you, and then at his food.

“Yeah, I guess I should…” 

“I’ll help you fix your age on it. Now that you know what you’re doing with a woman and all.”

It’s silent for a minute.

“Is it too forward if I say that I’d rather just delete the app and keep calling you?”

Thank fuck Soonyoung is forward and embarrassing with it. You’re not ready to give up the single life but on the other hand, after that, you’re not exactly ready to share him with other women just yet. If he wants to attach himself for a while, you’re going to let him. Purely because, like, look at him. Everything is endearing, and when he’s not being adorable he’s just being fucking hot.

You nod with a smile, wondering if he expects you to delete the app too. Because you’re not so sure about that, but also you think you probably would if he asks with those stupid doe eyes. 

Strangely enough, he doesn’t even ask. He just starts eating the food with a content look on his face. Sweat having dried up but left his hair a mess, his skin is glowing– you think…oh no. Why are you looking at him like this?

“Hey, I should probably call Vernon and tell him not to come home until late tomorrow or something.”

Soonyoung nods, lifting his eyes to you and watching you take your phone out. 

“I should call my friend too, he told me to let him know when I get my cherry popped.”

You snort at him with a laugh right as Vernon answers the phone, and honestly, you’d rather listen to Soonyoung’s friend than Vernon whining about having to spend even more time with his overbearing parents. 

“Hey Vernon, don’t come home 'til I call you tomorrow, bye.” You say quickly before hanging up. 

Instantly you’re setting your plate on your table and launching yourself at Soonyoung and his phone. 

“Put him on speaker.”

#soonyoung smut #hoshi smut #seventeen smut #svt smut #hoshi x reader #svt fic #hoshi fic #soonyoung fic #kwon soonyoung smut

[us3rnam3-r3dact3d]

I’m back on my Redacted shit, here are some Post Inversion headcanons

As a note, I’m not a doctor. I did some cursory googling about the medical stuff, but I very well might be wrong. On that note TW: injury, some discussion of… guts… and general angst.

David feels weird for days after the Inversion, like there’s something moving around inside of him. At random points during the day, he’ll stop what he’s doing, press his hand to his chest, and hold his breath until it passes. He asks Sam about it, and Sam explains; “You were essentially disemboweled, David. We had to put parts of you back in while we were underground. In surgery and in major healing, we usually take the time to arrange the organs carefully. But… we didn’t have the time. You bleeding out was the bigger concern. But your organs know where they’re supposed to be. What you’re feeling is everything… finding it’s way back.” David nodded and thanked him, and promptly locked himself in the bathroom and vomited for half an hour.

The entire pack stayed at David and Angel’s house for about two weeks post Inversion. Asher and Christian were the worst off, and spent pretty much the whole time sleeping on the sectional in the living room. At some point, somebody turned on Family Guy for background noise and it ran uninterrupted for pretty much the whole two weeks. Now, Ash and Christian have very intense opinions about Family Guy, and Ash claims that he very strange, Family Guy themed dreams to this day from how much he slept with it playing in the background. David is still angry that his recommended feed on Hulu is forever changed because of this.

Sam doesn’t sleep for a week after. It starts innocent enough, just him trying to run interference between Vincent and his new progeny and the pack being largely down for the count. He and Darlin’ end up taking a lot on in the days following the Inversion since they’re on their feet and, largely, in one piece. He gets pretty far running on fumes, but Vincent catches him after a week. Sam had been staying with him to help with Lovely, and Vincent walked in to see him staring motionlessly into the fridge. Vincent didn’t know how long he’d been there, but after calling Sam’s name and getting no response, he starts timing it. When they hit fifteen minutes, he escorted Sam to the nearest flat surface and forces him to sleep.

Damien developed very bad sleep paralysis after the Inversion. Almost every night, he would wake up freezing cold and to a shade hovering over his bed, claws extended getting ready to tear him into ribbons all over again. It would take two or three minutes for him to break out of it, and even longer for him to convince himself that the shade wasn’t real. He took to sleeping with all of his lights on and his heat turned up. It got better when he moved in with Huxley, but it never goes away entirely. It gets worse in the winter, especially when he’s reminded about the Inversion in some way. The Moonbound Solstice is particularly difficult.

#redacted asmr #my redacted content #redacted damien #redacted david #redacted damn #redacted headcanons #redacted sam #redacted asher #redacted christian #redacted vincent #redacted huxley #redacted inversion

[thebibliosphere]

Hello! A long while back (it's had to have been at least a year at this point), you and Mothman came into where I worked with the lovely miss Holly Mop (she had fur stuck in her eye and was squinting it; we rinsed it out and sent her home). I recognized her from your blog, but didn't know how to say I knew you and read (and loved!) your work without it being awkward, since things like legal names automatically come up in our system, and I didn't want you to be worried about it? But I've (1/3)

also felt bad since then about not telling you because idk, I feel like you deserve to know if someone Recognizes You from the blue hellsite. So I guess I just wanted to say: you and Mothman were very lovely, and Holly is genuinely the cutest shih tzu I have ever seen irl and that is saying smth bc I have seen a lot. I also made a point to make myself forget everything else from that appointment, so I also have no idea who you are beyond your pen name. (⅔)

Sorry if this worries you at all - it was absolutely not my intention, I just feel you deserve to know. And I’m sorry for not telling you at the time that I recognized you. I do not expect a response from you at all, I just wanted to let you know, especially if it makes you uncomfortable and would want to block me for it ;v; I hope you have a fantastic evening, and thank you guys for being so kind to your veterinary staff. (3/3)

----------

You're going to laugh when I tell you this, but if you're who I am thinking of, when you took Holly Mop away, I turned to Mothman and said, "I think that person knows me. Or maybe they've just got Tumblr vibes. I think it's the hair."

So if you are who I think you are, you have great hair, and thank you so much for taking such good care of Ms. Holly.

She normally comes out of veterinary rooms traumatized, and our visit to see you at [redacted] was the first time that didn't happen.

It was one of the reasons we signed ourselves up for the waiting list to move her primary care there, which we just have! Holly is now an official primary patient where you work (provided you are still there), so if you see us in the future, please feel free to say hi! (if you want to, no pressure) It makes us feel better to know she's in safe hands with people who care about her and who don't set her anxiety off.

And also, please don't feel bad about not saying anything the first time around. It can be hard to walk up to someone -- especially at your job -- and be like, "I like your shoelaces" (though it has happened to me a couple of times at Target, Walgreens, my hair stylist, lol) and don't worry about knowing our identities. There's a handful of people on here who know my legal name vs my preferred name -- all we ask is that it not get posted anywhere.

Thank you for letting me know though, and thank you again for taking such good care of Holly Mop. We really appreciated it, and you made her feel so much better. 💖

#holly mop

[joshusten]

love me in spite (guy/honey, redacted audios)

Guy and Honey get into an argument early into their relationship.

(angst, hurt/comfort, arguments, fluff)

3k+ words [ao3 link here!] [masterlist]

[CW and notes: swearing, arguing, insecurities, overthinking, breakdowns, descriptive?? crying?? I think??, idk they’re both having a bad time. probably a lot of grammatical errors lmao. also honey is implied to be empowered!!]

Honey doesn't remember the last time they felt like this, but they’ve always known their personality would bite them in the ass someday.

“Aww, is my beloved mad again? Oh, pray tell, which heinous crime did I commit this time, officer? Robbery? Public indecency?” Guy stroked his chin, pretending to rack up his mind on any possible offense he could have made. “Hm…jaywalking?"

“Guy.”

“Oh! Or maybe—just maybe—it was wanting my ever-so-affectionate lover to stop their pretty head from fussing over me?”

"Guy, can’t you take this seriously for once?” 

“But I am! It’s just not that big of a deal, baby! Look, a manuscript can’t just write itself, y’know? Especially one with a little flair from yours truly!”

“You haven’t slept properly for days now, you work overnight most of the time, and on your days off you pull all-nighters writing!” 

“Oh, you’re one to talk!”

“Well, this one’s more serious! I haven’t even seen you eat a proper meal and anything I offer you gets left out cold!”

They continued to have a back-and-forth confrontation, voices raising and words getting crueler as time goes on, with both parties not intending to back down anytime soon. Honey thought it was the first time they ever heard Guy let out an actual annoyed scoff and they noticed the slightest change in his demeanor. 

“Jesus, Honey. Of all the times you can finally act like you care for me, why now? Hm?” There was a playful smile on his face. It almost made them believe he was still joking around but his words were laced with an unmistakable annoyance.

But something inside Honey snapped. Their chest tightened at the thought of their partner thinking they didn’t care. They felt themselves flinch from the comment and Guy seemed to notice that too as his smile drops. “Shit. Honey, I didn’t–”

“I’m–,” They scrambled to get their bag, keys, wallet, anything they would need because they just want to be anywhere but here.“I’m going out. Let’s finish this later. I-I just can’t fucking do this right now.”

They didn’t mean that. Didn’t mean for it to sound so harsh. Then again, they don’t mean to sound so harsh most of the time but end up doing so either way. Grumpy. Mean. Intimidating. A common descriptor from most people. But Guy wasn’t like most people. ‘Unless,’ they think, ‘That was just a lie you told yourself to believe in.’

Honey shuts the door behind them, leaving the building and the warmth of their partner.

The pain in their chest almost distracts them from the exhaustion currently catching up to their body after a long day. They can feel the telltale signs of a migraine coming as they rub their temples gingerly with one hand, the other guiding the steering wheel. ‘Damn, it started to rain too. What a great way to lighten the mood,’ they think bitterly. Their mind eventually goes back to the fight earlier.

“Of all the times you finally can act like you care for me, why now? Hm?”

They do care. They care for him so much it scares them . He knows that, right? Even if they groan at his flirtatious quips and innuendos or if they grumble at his (very creative) attempts to give them as many hugs and kisses as they would allow, he knows that that’s just how they are, right? 

Maybe that wasn’t enough anymore. Maybe that never was enough to begin with. Maybe Guy finally realized he deserves better than an ill-tempered partner who doesn’t even know how to properly show any affection to their own fucking boyfriend.

A sharp car horn snaps them out of their thoughts. Shit, it’s a green light. They continue to drive until they see the familiar soft glow of a nearby 7-Eleven sign despite the persistent rain. 

Honey's entrance was signaled with the chime of the bell above the glass door. It’s relatively empty save for what they recognize to be a few D.A.M.N. students buying some late-night study snacks. Walking through the aisles while the pop song they heard their partner hum before softly plays in the background, slowly but surely calming them down. Muscle memory makes Honey reach for Guy’s favorite snack and they wonder how he’s doing. 

---

Guy doesn't remember the last time he felt like this, but he’s always known his personality would bite him in the ass someday.

Sure, he and Honey had their disagreements, but they were all accompanied by playful slaps and teasing laughter. Never had it gotten to the point of an actual argument that caused them to spit such venom toward each other like the one they just had. 

“I’m going out. I-I just can’t fucking do this right now.”

The door closes and Honey leaves, bringing the warmth of their shared apartment with them. Guy lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and starts to get to work. He wordlessly distracts himself by cleaning the living room—picking up stray plastic chip bags, vacuuming crumbs that settled on the cheap shag carpet, and fixing up the pillows on the couch that he’s been nesting on for the past few days while he works on the final draft of the project he was writing. 

Piles of paper littered their second-hand coffee table. Every inch is covered in Post-it notes and wrinkled pieces of paper filled with ideas that he had haphazardly scribbled in an attempt to record them before it leaves his mind. Most of them, he recalls, are just random doodles of spirals and honeybees that he absentmindedly drew as he was typing away on his laptop. The spaces left exposed on the table were adorned with faded mug rings on the old dark oak wood.

He tries to compile them into a neater collection, pausing as he notices a doodle he made of his Honey. It was far from a masterpiece, but the cute cartoony style paired with heavily exaggerated furrowed brows in order to replicate their partner’s usual expression pulls a smile from his lips. There was even a jumbled-up line inside a small text bubble next to it to symbolize the adorable grumbles they always make. 

Fuck, he misses them so fucking much.

A sudden wave of exhaustion almost makes him drop the stack of papers he’s holding and it dawns on him how much he really has been neglecting his own health for this project. The stress of trying to find a job where he can utilize his degree and finally get out of that godforsaken pizza place has been taking a toll on him. All Honey was trying to do was for him to take a break that he so desperately ( and, he embarrassingly admits, unknowingly ) needed. And he just treated it like some silly joke. Granted, it really was because he wasn’t used to being coddled after, but, it definitely wasn’t an excuse to dismiss their worries like that. 

The guilt builds up in Guy’s throat like bile. He feels worse now, especially considering how much they struggle with expressing themselves like that to him in general, even if they don’t say it aloud.

He finishes cleaning up but the restlessness doesn’t leave him as time passes by with no word from his partner. Maybe this is it? Maybe he fucked it all up like always? Maybe they finally came to their senses and got fed up with him. It wasn’t uncommon for people to think he was a bit too much. Too chaotic, too irritating, too overwhelming. He ever minded those comments in the first place, but the thought of Honey possibly thinking like that too makes him sick. 

It’s getting late and he can hear the rain outside get louder. The anxiety that has been settling in their stomach flares up. He reaches for his phone to message them before concluding they might not want to be bothered right now. Shit, he’s feeling a little sluggish. 

Guy begrudgingly trudges to the wardrobe of their shared bedroom to get a change of clothes. He glances over as he pulls a familiar-looking hoodie from the hanger. Their double bed, adorned with a pizza plushie that Honey had given to him as a joke gift, was more inviting than usual. Maybe he should just take a rest and go to sleep. 

No, no, no, they might want some space from that too. Guy wants to talk this out with them instead of sleeping it out. If this persists, he isn't sure how his poor heart could take it. He ultimately decides to go back to the couch, stay up, and (at the very least) greet them when they come back. 

If they come back. God, please come back.

What if they don’t?

The thought felt like a mere whisper in his head but it left him numb. Guy's aware of his tendency to overthink but before he knew it, he was lying down on his side, hand clamped to his mouth as he forced his eyes shut. He lets out a quiet sniff. His breath hitches. Then he hears himself choke out a small sob. 

Then another.

And another. 

And another.

The dam breaks, his eyes water and he heaves as much air as he can into his lungs. It suddenly became a struggle to breathe and it definitely became a struggle to calm the ugly thoughts that plague his mind. Shaky, broken sobs fill the room, he cringes at how pathetic it sounds.  He hates this. He hates this feeling. Just come back, I’m sorry.

After what felt like hours, his sniffles slowly died down. With heavy eyes and a heavier heart, he finds himself drowsy from all the crying. The hot tears streaming down his face had begun to dry, but, the warmth on his cheeks reminds him of his Honey and the thought of them finally lulls him to sleep.

---

Honey returns, a little haggard but with a calmer mind. The drive around Dahlia and their quick run to the local convenience store definitely helped lighten their mood but the guilt still followed them around like a shadow. Shaky hands find their way to the lock of their shared apartment and Honey opens to a dim living room, with the forgotten hanging bulbs from the kitchen barely providing a sense of light. They noticed the place was tidier than they remembered.

It was eerily quiet, as well. The wrinkling sound of the paper bag that they were holding filled the room.

"Guy?" Fuck, they can hear their voice getting wobbly. 

"I'm home. You there?" A shift from the room was all they heard accompanied by a sniffle. Honey suddenly becomes hyper-aware of the soft snores matching the rise and fall of a figure on the couch.

They couldn't really explain why their heart started to pound with their pulsating headache. Why they made a beeline inside their apartment. Why they started to get down on their knees in the living room despite the protests of their tired body. Why their chest sank deeper as they saw their partner all bundled up on their battered couch. 

They don't miss the frown on his face and his tear-stained cheeks.

Fuck. Tears? Guy was crying? 

Honey quietly (urgently) sets down the paper bag from their grasp and slowly places a hand on his shoulder, patting it ever so gently.

"H-hey? Guy, what are you doing over here?" They noticed how cold they felt to the touch and remembered their thermostat wasn't working that well. "It's freezing. You're freezing. "

After a few gentle pats and caresses (and reminders of how it's cold here, the bed is warm. Take it, please. ) Guy manages to blearily open his eyes, rubbing away the sleepiness and the few tears that managed to slip.

Cute. His eyes are so cute. Honey would have thought if their mind wasn't filled with thoughts and questions. Why was he sleeping on the couch? Was he waiting for me? He didn't need to do that. Why was he crying? Did he cry himself to sleep? Was it because of me?

Did I do this?

"Honey?" Guy's voice croaked and Honey's heart aches after hearing how hoarse it was. It aches a little more to see him smile at them despite the argument they had earlier.

"You're back…" he mumbles, slightly adjusting his body to prop himself up with his arm. He was wearing their hoodie again.

"Guy, why are you sleeping here? It's cold," they repeated, the worry in their tone becoming more and more evident. 

This had Guy fully sitting up, giving his full attention to their Honey with a slight grin that was preparing to give out a smug reply before dropping his smile and deciding otherwise. If he noticed that their eyes were starting to get just as glassy as his, he didn't mention it. “I-I mean, you’re…mad, right? I thought you’d want some more space from me or something…” 

“N-no! I mean, yeah, thank you for that but that doesn't—” Honey cuts themselves off with a groan. Why can’t I just say what I want to say? What do I even want to say? Guy immediately notices their partner’s frustration and sits down beside them.

“Hey, hey, it's okay. You’re okay, Honey,” he says with a reassuring smile and slowly raises his hand near their cheek, “Can I touch?” 

Honey immediately nods, almost melting at Guy’s warm hands. The familiar calluses from working countless graveyard shifts and delivery jobs all over Dahlia for Max’s kept them grounded. They notice a newly formed bump on the ring finger of his dominant hand from the number of handwritten notes he’s been doing recently.

After a few moments of soft breaths and the sound of Guy's rough thumb gently gliding across their cheek, Honey let out a weak laugh but the words that followed were by no means a joke to them. “You’re so good for me.” Too good. I don’t deserve you. 

It was Guy’s turn to let out a confused chuckle. He felt anything but good to them at the moment.

“What do you mean by that, hon?” He caresses their cheek and he forgets how much his chest hurts when his Honey leans into his touch. “Hey, c’mon. Do you…do you wanna talk about what happened?”

Honey nods once more. "I'm…I'm sorry," they choke out as if the words got caught up in their throat. Everything was overwhelming again. The sound of the remains of the rain, the ticks of the wall clock, and most of all, Guy's unwavering attention to them. They avoid his gaze. 

"I know that…I'm…I dont have the most…pleasant attitude," The nervousness in their tone was obvious but the quick squeeze of their hand from their partner was enough for them to go on. "And I know that you didn’t mean that. About me…not caring,” They felt him give another squeeze, a bit tighter than the last. “Fuck, god knows you’ve put up with me long enough for me to know you wouldn’t mean that.” 

Honey manages to finally look him in his eyes again, they think it's their favorite color. “I…I just don’t know why I act like this. Why can't I just…care for you in a normal way.”

“Oh, Honey…” 

“I’m just so fucking sorry. I really, really care for you, please know that,” they sob out. Guy thinks he’s never seen them this vulnerable. His arms slowly circle and stop around their body as if he was waiting for their permission but Honey beats them to the embrace, burying their head on his chest. He knows they can hear his heart speed up.

“Hey, I know, I know,” The hands that were once on his partner's cheeks find their way to their back, rubbing circles and tracing shapes. “I’m really sorry for what I said too. The stress from work and writing these past few days is catching up but please don’t let that ever be an excuse for me to talk like that, especially to you and especially if it makes you think of all these lies.”

“And all this talk about…caring for me in the ‘normal’ way. Don’t say that.” Guy slowly pulls away to tilt his partner's chin up for their eyes to meet again. The way his Honey looked so distressed was a sight he decided he never wants to see again. “What matters is that I know you care and I want you to know that the way you show it is… fuck, I’ve never felt so cared for like this until you, Honey. Okay?”

“I’ll work…on not neglecting my health too. If it weren’t for you, I might’ve actually collapsed from exhaustion,” he adds, lips upturned into a sheepish smile. “So, thank you.”

Guy isn’t prepared for the way their Honey finally graced him with a soft smile. He’s had them laugh and grin at his…eccentric behavior before, but this smile held so much fondness and sincerity (directed towards him of all people! ) that made this moment all the more intimate. 

I think I'm gonna have a fucking heart attack. He doesn't recall having butterflies for lunch but he definitely feels them flutter up and about in his ribcage. He wants to treasure this moment. He wants to treasure them.

Honey looks down, uncharacteristically flustered and Guy’s heart soars again. “Thank you,” they whispered. “For that.”

“Of course, Honey. Though, I must say,” he grins. “Although your methods of conveying your love for me are a bit… unconventional , you could say I’m on the more bizarre side, too. I guess we make a perfect match after all then, don't we?”

Honey snorts, a reaction that's endearingly familiar to him and he smirks even wider. “You’re so fucking stupid.”

“Well, for the record, if anybody here is fucking stupid, it would be you!” Guy shoots back, “Hi, hello, I’m stupid, by the way, ehh– Ow, ow, ow!”

The pair continues to laugh and banter at each other like before, but, as they comfortably settle down to cuddle on the couch, they both don’t miss the way the grip on their entangled hands tightened for the slightest bit.

---

hope you enjoyed!! please let me know if i had any mistakes or just some feedback in general!! i kinda wanna continue doing these kinda stuff :DD

#redacted audio #redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted guy #redacted honey #redacted fanfic #redacted guy/honey #angst #hurt/comfort #sten writes! #i enjoyed writing this a lot!! #eheuhuehd guy my silly goose i need him to cry (and get comforted after ofc)

[swampstew]

KillerCook Chapter 12

Welcome to Raven’s Reading Nook - a small corner of this blog dedicated to cozy story times. Join us in the family room as we sit around and browse our phones, and eat some Girl Scout cookies as we begin tonight’s story. Rated Mature for language. Minors DNI

TGIFF – thank goodness its fuckin Friday! A long and exhausting week now behind you after a delicious late-afternoon nap, you can finally get your weekend going! First things first, phone. No better feeling than laying snug in bed and scrolling. Snug as a bug in a rug, want a hug?

Laughing to yourself at the internal rhyme, your carefree tone drops as anguish roils in your stomach. There are several notifications on your screen banner. But the one that makes you feel like you’re going to scream is the notification for KillerCook going live.

An hour and a half ago.

You take measured breaths as you robotically punch in your passcode and open the app, praying to any deity willing to help to keep you from missing a chance at seeing them.

Your reasons for breathing.

For going on each grueling day.

You suck in air as the app connects to your internet, only to let out a whimpering sigh of relief when you see the live is still going.

‘KillerCook is live: Kid Pirates BACA it up!!’

“GODS THEY’RE SO FUCKING COOL AND AMAZING!!!!” you squeal into your pillows. Giddily kicking your feet into the rumpled sheets, you press the volume button to its highest setting.

“Gang, thanks so much, take a moment and give yourself a shoulder pat. We’ve been live for nearly two hours and we met the donation goal in the first 50 minutes. I’ve never had to improv so much in my [redacted] life!!” the head chef gushed to the camera. “We really appreciate the enthusiasm to see us strip down and crush things in support of our biker crew chapter. Each donation means a lot not only to us but to the people its going to help.”

“Now the finale you’ve all been waiting for,” Killer teased as he and the others began to dress down into the dangerously skin tight swim trunks they wore under their respective pants.

“The big squeeze! To recap, our highest donors would get the privilege of having their user name on the melon as we squeeze them between our thighs. Who should start?”

The app notifications were pinging so fast that it sounded like the alarm itself was having a stroke.

“You can’t vote for me all 4 times,” Kid rolled his eyes, “Try again and actually follow directions!”

After an unsatisfactory stalemate, Kid made the executive decision to direct the line up. Wire was the first man to squeeze his melon.

Wire’s swim pants left nothing to the imagination, probably a bit more than he intended as he wrapped his towel around his pelvis and lower stomach.

A round, plump watermelon sat snug in his lap, the lucky patron – NightmareBeforeAugust.

“Hope your head doesn’t pop for realsies,” Wire winked before making overdramatic stretching motions. Properly limber, he adjusted his seat crossing his calves over each other as the melon began to develop bumps and tears on the skin.

Clasping his hands shut and locking his ankles tight, Wire squeezed his thighs again causing the watermelon to split vertically. Juice sprayed and splattered across his lap and chest, little chunks of melon lightly hit his face from the force.

“Juicy,” Wire laughed.

Heat was the next victim. He wore slightly looser fitting swim trunks that came down mid-thigh. His toned legs were still visible exposing his thorny vine tattoos extended down his thighs stopping at the knee.

Pulling his hair back in a loose bun, Heat lowered safety glasses over his eyes and pulled a travel-sized bottle of tajín from his pocket.

“Really, Heat?”

“What? A man has needs.”

Doing a quick stretch routine, Heat nestled the watermelon in between his thighs. The patron, SlapMyMass_ND_CallMe, was inked across the fruit with bright silver marker.

“Hey is it cheating if I’m holding it with my hands? I just wanna make sure it doesn’t slide out or anything,” Heat asked.

“Heat is weak you heard it here first folks!” Kid crowed in the background, the sunny rays bouncing off his aviator sunglasses. Heat threw a bottle of sun lotion at the redhead.

“Only if you don’t use your hands to actually break it. I don’t know, I would say its fine but we’d need to see your watermelon up close and personal.”

Moving the camera so it was right in front of Heat, “Ok viewers, call his ass out if he cheats!”

Wire was barking with laughter, “OI! JaneyM1098 says: ‘If I’m seeing his ass I’m staying friggin silent, no one snitch!!!!’”

That made Kid and Killer roar with laughter. Heat looked unimpressed with everyone.

Clearing his throat, Heat adjusted himself until he was seated in a yoga position, commonly known as the boat pose. Balancing on his sitting bones, Heat clasped the watermelon vertically in his hands, bringing them to the upper part of his thighs just before the knees.

 Hooking his ankles together quickly, Heat applied an immense amount of pressure that made the watermelon practically crumble between his thighs. Pulp and juice coats his hands and thighs – to which he grabbed his tajín powder and started lightly coating his hands.

“Heat not on camera Jesus!” Kid grimaced as the bluette licked his hands clean.

“Eat my shorts.”

“No [redacted] thanks.”

“Kid you’re up,” Killer threw a towel at the redhead’s face.

Eustass Kid has muscles for days.

His body a never ending river of waves, channels, and dips from the contours of his physique. The perfect amount of muscle to body fat ratio, a near perfect human specimen. Wearing a deep red bathing suit that really should be considered just briefs – they were a snug fit.

“I’ll bust this melon in less than 30 seconds,” Kid proudly boasted, lightly tossing his watermelon in the air. “Hey CraftyBitchNextDoor, I last way longer than that,” he winked at the camera, making the others groan.

Dropping to the ground, Kid leaned at an incline while raising his legs in the air. Putting the melon between his thighs, Kid put his arms behind his head and stuck his tongue out at the camera.

The watermelon put up no resistance as Kid’s thighs squished it, making the melon pop as the red flesh oozed from the rind and all over his body. Juice squirted out and hit his chest, running down to his lap and red chunks of flesh pooled with it as he laid back, proud of his accomplishment.

“That was 8 seconds babe!” Kid his hand up with the sign of the horns, waving it back and forth.

The notifications were beginning to buzz over the music.

“Ok these comments are way too horny for chat, you’re all perverts!” Wire admonished the viewers. “Killer let’s wrap this up, I can’t even say the things I want to say without your audience going [redacted] feral. Suffice to say, I want to shower up and clean this juice off me!”

“Oi don’t rush me, this is my show!” the blonde scoffed, peeling off his sweaty white stringer tank top. Sitting on the floor, Killer rolled the watermelon between his palms as if he was checking to find the fruit’s weak point.

Facing the melon forward so the top donator’s name was easy to see, “- _LickMeImUrLollipop thank you for being one of the most generous people that’s supported this channel. You’re donation was so large I almost wanted to deny it. I feel like I need to pay you back or something,” he chuckled.

“Ohh shit she answered!” Heat called out excitedly. “If you wanna make me dinner as thanks I wouldn’t be opposed.” Letting out a wolf howl, “Killer’s got a hot date!”

“Shut up Heat!” Killer’s neck was flushed red. “Hmmm we’ll talk Lollipop. For now, I’m gonna squish your melon. In the name of Bikers Against Child Abuse!” Killer placed the melon between his thighs.

“I hope you join us for another charity stream in the future y’all. You’ve impressed us so much and we know of a ton of places that can use help from people like you.”

Without further flair, Killer slammed his thighs together making the watermelon burst and fly apart. As red juice and flesh rained around the TikTok influencer, he took a moment to flex his biceps for the camera.

“Yeah, I did that. I slayed that!” Killer chuckled again. “Ok, I’ve getting too silly which means its time to say goodbye,” he stood up with his friends surrounding him.

“I love you all, catch you next time! This has been Faffaffaffa-Food with Killer.”

Live has ended.

Bonus: Pinned Post

KillerCook: Charities, non-profits, and other organizations near and dear to our hearts. Please consider donating, sharing the links, or spreading the word of these organizations to help them meet their goals.

Bikers Against Child Abuse - https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=NW3T5W7Z66U8E

Planned Parenthood - https://www.weareplannedparenthood.org/onlineactions/2U7UN1iNhESWUfDs4gDPNg2?sourceid=1000063

One Click for Palestine - https://arab.org/click-to-help/palestine/

UNRWA - https://donate.unrwa.org/-landing-page/en_EN

Grassroots International - https://grassrootsonline.org/donate/

Jewish Voice for Peace - https://www.jewishvoiceforpeace.org/contribute/?sourceid=1002270

The Trevor Project - https://www.jewishvoiceforpeace.org/contribute/?sourceid=1002270

Point of Pride - https://www.pointofpride.org/donate

Read on Wattpad | Read on AO3

#killercook #massacre soldier killer #eustass kid #raven's reading nook #firstmatesimp #kid pirates #heat one piece #wire one piece #op kid pirates #kid pirate nakama #killer one piece #eustass captain kid #tiktok #modern AU #eustasscaptainkid #ao3 writer #wattpad author #swampstew #swampstew stories

[fantasy-the-final-frontier]

I’m on my (third?) watch of Agents of Shield, currently on 2x08, The Things We Bury. And it just occurred to me how good the parallel stories are in this episode in particular, all centering around the title.

(This breakdown got a lot more in-depth than I was expecting, so I’m putting the rest under a cut)

Storyline 1: the backstory of Daniel Whitehall. Shortly after finding a person (Jiaying) who can survive contact with the Obelisk, Whitehall and his men are captured by the Allied forces (as seen in 2x01). After being interrogated by Peggy Carter, Whitehall is consigned to a Shield prison for life. But that is not his end - HYDRA members release him from prison decades later, where he can continue his research on the Obelisk, experiment on Jiaying, and work his way to the position he holds in HYDRA in the modern day.

Whitehall: We could learn so much together.

Peggy: Instead we’ll forget. Forget you, forget your work. When I leave no one else will come. No one to hear your stories, study your deadly artifacts. You’ll be buried.

Whitehall: I seriously doubt that. Nothing stays buried forever.

Storyline 2: Grant Ward kidnaps his older brother Christian to have an emotional confrontation about their abusive past. They go to the site of the well (from episode 1x08), where Grant forces Christian to unearth it. The entire time, the brothers accuse each other of gaslighting and manipulation, blaming the other for the events of that day. Once the well is revealed, Grant threatens Christian until his brother confesses to forcing Grant during the incident at the well. The storyline ends with a news story reporting the deaths of Christian and his parents.

Christian: The well. You still blame me for the well. We both know that it was you who nearly killed Thomas down there.

Grant: Do you sleep better telling yourself that?

Christian: You know, I don’t know what crazy lies that you have built up all these years, but the well doesn’t even exist anymore. It’s gone. Mom and Dad buried it.

Grant: (pause) Oh, no. They just covered it up.

Storyline 3: the search for the alien city. Taking inspiration from Fury, Coulson decides to one-up HYDRA by putting in place a series of dominoes that will gain him access to a satellite. This allows the team to locate the alien city,

Coulson: We may actually have a shot at finding the city.

Skye: Are you sure it’s something you wanna dig up?

Coulson: If we don’t, HYDRA will. We need to get there first.

I just love the juxtaposition between the three storylines! From figurative digging into Bakshi and archived Shield files in storyline 1, to literal digging in storyline 2, to the city in storyline 3 being underground, all are about the things that get buried (hence the title) but not destroyed. Usually “bury” implies a final ending, as in burying a body, but this episode shows that buried is not the same as forgotten.

Daniel Whitehall is able to gain a new life and new identity. The well is unearthed and the Ward brothers’ past is laid bare. The alien city, which was lost for thousands of years, is discovered. And to dig more into storyline 1, Whitehall’s background in 2x08 teases parts of Skye’s background - more past which was buried (redacted by Shield) that is now being revealed. Jiaying’s barely-living body is dumped in a ditch in lieu of a burial, and in 2B we learn she was nursed back to health. The buried live once more.

Season 2A is all about the past coming back in full force to influence the present, and this episode is chock-full of that theme. More specifically, parts of the past that were supposed to be hidden or forgotten, parts which are demanding themselves to be known again.

This right here is the Good Shit™️, aka my favorite part of this show, and I’m so fucking pumped!

#agents of shield #aos meta #agents of shield season 2 #the things we bury #god I love season 2 so much #there are several different ongoing storylines that are developed and paced wonderfully #and episodes like this highlight the themes between them #there’s so much surprising depth to this show!!!

[lilmagiceverywhere]

"A PSALM FOR THE WILD BUILT" by Becky Chambers

4.75/5 ✨️

I had found A Psalm For The Wild-Built recommended to me searching through various solarpunk/hopepunk tags a while ago, and noted it in my mind to come back to it later.

But to be honest, I doubted that I would ever actually get around to reading it. My college classes kicked me straight into a horrible reading slump since I started them at sixteen years old, and it’s been hard for me to get through books ever since. And I have read books outside of those textbooks, but it’s only been an average of one or three a year, not a big number.

Yet I found the book pop up on my phone again in December, and it planted a seed in my head. I wanted to read the book, I really did, but I didn’t want to add to the pile of physical books I’ve bought in the past and wanted to read, so I decided I would go about it differently.

I got my copy through the library.

I know to some people, going to the library isn’t as revolutionary as they might expect. But I hadn’t used a library in years, and the library I have access to is an actual building, not a small converted ranch house with barely enough room for all the bookshelves. And I could reserve the copy online and pick it up, I didn’t have to spend hours searching for a book and somehow end up lost in the accounting books looking for a sci-fi book.

Libraries are great, y’all.

Anyway, let’s actually talk about the book. Spoilers beyond this point, you have been warned.

A Psalm For The Wild-Built is a novel (or perhaps a novella, it is on the shorter side) by author Becky Chambers. The story is quite simple– Dex, a tea monk, feels unsatisfied with their job, and can’t figure out why. One day, while traveling between settlements, Dex comes in contact with the first robot any human has seen in centuries.

The novel is mostly conversational. Unlike other stories I’ve found myself drawn to in the past, the conflict doesn’t rely on saving the city/the world, defeating an evil authoritative figure (be it a king, queen, or weird demon), or a revolution. The conflict is more internal. Dex is suffering from what I would consider Severe Burnout™, and it takes them from a life of comfort to literally climbing up a mountain.

But I find myself drawn to this sort of conflict now. As much as I love the stories of revolutionaries overthrowing authoritative figures, maybe with a bit of magic or sci-fi jumbo thrown in as well, having that be the only story I enjoy for years has made me a bit yearnful for something more mundane. I suppose that’s where the genre of “cozy scifi/fantasy” comes in. It’s not epic quests or large adventures, it’s the story of everyday lives in a more extraordinary world.

Dex’s conflict is dealing with burnout. Something that I’ve been feeling myself for a while, not just creatively. Even though it’s been years, the COVID-19 burnout that I felt during my college years really took a number on me. I was depressed, I hardly left my single dorm room, I didn’t go out and experience a lot of things, and I only made myself do the bare minimum in order to graduate. At the time, I felt like it was necessary for my survival to do that. I graduated almost two years ago, and recently, I’ve been reconsidering that philosophy that pushed me through college. Was it necessary for my survival, or if I had pushed myself more, would my experiences have been marginally better?

Having Dex’s conflict be internal like that spoke to me a lot. Even though the reasons for burnout are different, the symptoms are the same. The solution, in a sense, is similar as well. I’m not going to free-climb up a mountain any time soon, but I think getting out in nature has helped me recover from the COVID-19 burnout.

I got a job at a place that’s going to remain redacted for my privacy’s sake, but it’s a place that gets me close to two different things– people and nature. The people part is mostly just customer service, but I work at a nature-place, which has biologists and horticulturalists and researchers who are actually looking into ways we can help the planet within the ongoing climate change crisis. Half of my coworkers are vegetarian or vegan, and being in a place like this has inspired me to do more about my physical and mental health.

Dex’s solution to their burnout was also to retreat to nature, though theirs is much more literal. They detour from the path they’ve set themself on recklessly, going towards the uncontrolled wilderness of their land of Panga (which I’m assuming is a reverse Pangea situation) instead of the next town they were supposed to visit. In the wilderness, there is supposedly a monastery for those seeking respite from the city life, and even though it’s been years since a human last stepped foot there, Dex makes it their mission to visit it, thinking it might be the cure to their weird affliction (which, to be fair, they aren’t recognizing as burnout).

While on the road there, Dex encounters Splendid Speckled Mosscap, a robot. Centuries before Dex’s time, the robots who worked for the humans gained a sudden consciousness. It is not a violent robot revolution, in fact, it’s a more philosophical one. The robots promise to see the humans again, but they need some time to themselves. To discover things, to discover what life truly is all about.

Mosscap is a robot who volunteered to play the role of ambassador, to return to the humans to see what the humans need help with. And it just so happens that Dex is the first human it comes across.

I’m not going to dive too in depth more about the plot and conflict of the book, because I really want to encourage anyone reading this to experience it for themselves. I love the dynamic that forms between Dex and Mosscap (my beloved). They have such interesting conversations, from the nature of humanity, to the differences between robots and humans, to even the more mundane things, like cooking, and taking a less-traveled path.

The book is pretty character and dialogue heavy, but it works out perfectly for the type of conflict its supposed to reflect. If you like more action and description in your books, though, this might not be the one for you, and that’s okay! But if you’re intrigued at all by this book, I suggest you check out your library to see if they have a physical or digital copy you can borrow. It’s a delight of a book, and there’s even a sequel I now get to patiently wait for to return to the library so then I can check it out!

#a psalm for the wild built #a psalm for the wild built becky chambers #becky chambers #book review #story review #original

[tiredassmage]

@frauleiiin​ Re: your tags, yES. They are! And since I said I should eventually do a post on Tyr & Keeper/the Minister anyway, we’ll just add this to my collection of dynamics posts, lol.

I’m sure I will get more/better pictures of them together on this run, but this will serve us well for now.

Officially, Cipher Nine’s files list him as an orphan adopted into the Deckard family following the death of his parents in Imperial fleet action by a friend of the family and a fellow officer. Tyr is never particularly close with the family; his relationship with adoptive sister Mavis is borderline antagonistic and his mother, a successful, it not overwhelming Sith who married her husband for reasons more political than emotional, barely tolerates the adoption of a non-Force sensitive into their house when they have a daughter to-be-Sith.

Unofficially and buried well within redacted parts of Nine’s files that ultimately require clearance from the highest authorities of Intelligence, Tyr Deckard is the son of the former Keeper-turned-Minister of Intelligence, from a time when the elder man still operated in the field as a Cipher. In a bid to limit potential operational risks and in hopes he could protect the boy from the trappings of life in the field of shadows, he sent the boy away, entrusted to a distant family association to be raised.

Unfortunately, it seemed fate had other plans.

Tyr does end up in Intelligence willingly. Initially, he enlisted for the Imperial military in his would-be father’s footsteps. When Tyr’s files cross Keeper’s desk for approval to complete recruitment into Intelligence, his hands are rather bound by duty. There’s no logical reason to deny a recruit that performed so well during preliminary training, particularly with the military ramping up operations to probe the Republic for weaknesses. Operations cannot afford to be understaffed, particularly of good talent. Begrudgingly, Keeper cedes he’s been outplayed, and everything Keeper could have wanted to spare him from and more ends up squarely on that boy’s shoulders as he takes on the moniker of Cipher Nine. There’s a fic about it that still hurts my feelings.

Deckard is, also unfortunately, somewhat of an idealistic officer. When he joins Intelligence, he is proper, takes direction well, but thinks on his feet. He strikes a fine balance between independence and loyalty that makes Keeper worry. He’d worry seeing it any operative. Not that it’s helped by looking at his own son.

But Nine is, perhaps thankfully, rather mission-oriented. While Keeper is a mentor to him in a lot of ways, Nine doesn’t dig far enough during their tenure of service to ever quite get to the deepest truth. He’s busy wrangling his entanglement with Jadus, trying to deal with the fallout of the Castellan Restraints, and tearing down the Star Cabal for tearing apart Intelligence.

Tyr would never quite entirely express his full respect for the Minister to his face out of a professional respect for their chain of command. To Nine, he’s the leader that takes risks for them, that is always precariously balancing his duties as Keeper and eventually Minister with an intrinsic level of care for his operatives that sees them all just as much as people as resources for the Empire. It’s why Tyr has such a hard time ceding that the Minister has any real responsibility in his Castellans. Tyr reasons this away as the man’s hands being tied. When the alternative was his permanent retirement for doing his job, Tyr sees the Minister did what he could. How could he not respect that?

Ultimately, Tyr’s loyalty, in the end, wasn’t even so much to Imperial Intelligence as a whole, as an agency, as it was to the Minister, Keeper - formerly Watcher Two. If the Minister called, Nine answered, in full faith that he would not ask something of him without a full assessment of the risks.

When they cross paths again on Rishi, Tyr’s just glad to see the old man’s alive, that he survived the fallout of how things ended. Because even in his bone-deep loyalty to the “old paradigm” of their Intelligence crew, Tyr couldn’t swallow everything he had been subjected to. He struck a deal with Ardun Kothe and told the Minister and the Empire that the Black Codex had been destroyed. In a way, it felt like betraying all that faith they had ever placed in each other, a direct elbow to the nose to that discussion they’d had about ideals and goals and how to balance them, but the old man was the one that was always advocating for and teaching Nine how to look out for himself, at the end of the day.

That was how he chose to do it.

In the end, the old man manages to take his secrets with him quietly into his elusive retirement. After everything Nine goes through, he fears the revelation of their exact relation and all that it had allowed for would’ve been too much on an already incredibly strained operative that had given him nothing but his all during his service.

Nine was a fine agent. And most importantly, he managed to be a fine man beneath it all, even if it wasn’t always easy to manage or keep in perspective. If the Empire had more like him, perhaps they’d all be in a better place.

Perhaps the only two other people with any solid knowledge of this relation are Lana Beniko, as the later Minister of Sith Intelligence and inheriting the appropriate levels of clearance to access such restricted information, and Eckard Lokin, given his long history with the former Minister. Out of respect for his old friend’s wishes and agreeing with the assessment that perhaps it was for the better this truth lay quietly, Lokin makes no mention of this, though I’m sure he has it figured out swiftly by the time he’s settled as part of Cipher Nine’s crew.

Tyr did always see the man more like a father-figure and a mentor than he ever did his relations at home. He’s one of the few Tyr would have reconsidered staying more true to the Empire for, if only because they shared sentiments of reform and change. Tyr would say he owes him a lot for the man and agent he ever became. He hopes, perhaps a bit naively, that the old man’s retirement remained peaceful.

Perhaps at least one of them, then, would have made it out of this whole mess relatively unscathed.

#dot talk #ch: tyr #imperial agent #npc dynamics talks #swtor keeper

[thefablefoxart]

Redacted ship songs?!?! 👀👀👀 LETSS GOOO @penncilkid

Sam/Darlin’

“This is a place where I don’t feel alone, this is a place where I feel at home.”

I’ve already mentioned Two by Sleeping At Last but this song, this song man. It’s probably my favourite song in all existence. It’s so beautifully conforming and mournful at the same time. It reminds me a lot of the inevitability of Sam outliving Darlin’ but celebrating the love and growth they’ve managed to gift each other. With Sam constantly referring to Darlin’ as being “like home” this song feels very fitting.

“Your hope dangling by a string, I’ll share in your suffering, to make you well, to make you well.”

I chose this song for very similar reasons to the previous one. It’s a bit more hopeful, upbeat (with a bit of a country vibe, it’s technically folk rock…) but Sam would 100% sing this to Darlin’!! Tell me I’m wrong 😤

Vincent/Lovely

“I look at you now and I want this forever, I might not deserve it, but there’s nothing better.”

“Feelings they come and they go, that they do, feelings they come and they go, not with you.”

This is a very pretty, very classy song about falling in love under stars. If that’s not Lovely and Vince, I don’t know what is.

Geordi/Cutie

“I don’t like to fight, I told you once, and here’s the twice.”

“I wanna kiss you, wanna hold you, wanna go in as a green light, but I’m a little over-complicating everything that feels right.”

The 22 Break and 22 Make albums by Oh Wonder go pretty hand in hand with each other and remind me a lot of the situation Geordi and Cutie are going through at the moment. 22 Break is a break up album (who would have guessed) but it highlights Geordi’s point of “trust has to work both ways”. The 22 Make album on the other hand makes me super excited for where their relationship might develop to. All I can think of when listening to this ablum is how we’re gonna get to listen to them fall in love with each other all over again, no telepathy, but as people talking!! God I love these two so much 😭😭

Elliott/Sunshine

“Nothing says I like you but not that way. Oh I know that it’s not hard, but I just can’t let down my guard, I’m not trying to say, that I love you, I just think that you’re cute.”

I imagine there was probably a bit of denial/mutual pining between these two before they got together. They’re definitely the type that turned down a lot of people like “We’re just friends 😅” but would secretly both wish that wasn’t the case. They also just deserve a happy, lovey dovey song!

Gavin/Freelancer

“I get messages from the stars, when you’re making love to me, I get messages from the stars, you must be from another galaxy.”

I feel like Freelancer enjoys this kinda music (my Freelancer anyways) and that this song reminds them of Gavin. The “you must be from another galaxy” is kinda funny considering he quite literally is.

“You lift my heart up, when the rest of me is down, you, you enchant me, even when you’re not around.”

Pretty self explanatory I think. A few of Disclosure’s songs are very intense and intimate (You & Me - Flume Remix, especially) it’s almost how I imagine Gavin feels feeding on pleasure. Not necessarily exclusive to just Freelancer but I’m not about to make another section.

Avior/Starlight

“Oh God I dread to know, that after everything, it’s only me who isn’t letting go. I saw you holding on, but for just how long? Oh, if you didn’t stay, I would wait anyway.”

Obviously from Avior’s pov. The pure dedication and hope that if he’s patient enough and holds out hope a little longer they can learn to love him again. The “if you didn’t stay, I would wait anyway” line hits so hard knowing they didn’t stay the first time. He waits cause that all he can do.

“Crack baby you don’t know what you want, but you know that you had it once, and you know that you want it back.”

Again, similar to the previous one. You know it’s good angst when Mitski’s recommended.

——————————

Anyways, gonna stop there cause this has already taken way too long to put together 😭 I had fun tho, I love sharing/assigning music to characters. (Also didn’t intentionally stick to canon ship, that’s just what I had more music recs for) Like always if you wanna join in, feel free!! :D

#redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted audio #redacted darlin #redacted sam #redacted vincent #redacted lovely #redacted gavin #redacted freelancer #redacted deviant #redacted elliott #redacted sunshine #redacted geordi #redacted cutie #redacted avior #redacted starlight #Spotify

[n1ko-whoisdefinatelynotacat]

out of canon

So I’m not coming back officially just yet, but I wanted to give a little update.

I’ve managed to get a grasp on my anxiety again. Hanging out with friends and some more chill sketching has helped. I’m not quite back to where I need to be, but I’m getting there.

Also I’m now working out how to better write Sage as a character, and how [Redacted] is going to deal with the whole one arm thing, plus the eventual robotic one (which I’ve been doing multiple design drawings for, and also lots of googling. Star Wars is a fantastic inspiration for this). I have a page in my sketchbook just titled “How the hell do I write Sage better, the saga” and it’s got all of my notes. But once I’ve gotten these down, and officially managed to feel better mentally, I’ll come back again.

I dunno, I guess that’s all?? How does somebody end something like this-

#out of canon

[anonymousredactedconfessions]

i can honestly see both sides when it comes to discourse about constructive criticism & opinions vs hate— i usually find myself agreeing w critiques of the content in the last year or so, but i can also see how people use descriptors without elaborating on their reasoning or giving a recommendation of how to improve. i follow someone who professionally critiques novels and she says that one thing that helps w being constructive w her recommendations is to suggest how to make things better, instead of finding the faults in the content

for example i totally agree that there’s a lot of content on the shaw pack and solaire clan, and that the aspects that made those characters interesting have kind of fallen flat. most of those characters haven’t really been impacted by their magical ability in a long time. it would be interesting to explore issues of trust/turning with sam/darlin and vincent/lovely— both pairings have a vamp who was turned w dubious consent, and who have experiences that parallel rape. i think it makes more sense to explore these aspects of the relationships, and i think it’s possible to do it while keeping the content skewed towards comfort/fluff. there’s a lot of love and beauty and vulnerability that comes w allowing someone else to take care of you and i think all FOUR of those characters have the capacity to more deeply explore their relationships w trust. i also think it would have been a fun dynamic to have solaire clan/shaw pack interact more and work together to piece together quinn’s whereabouts and plans.

when it comes to shaw pack, i agree w the anon who said that their wolf side hasn’t been relevant in months. there are a lot of general audios that honestly could have gone to the contemporary/non-magical character pairings instead. of COURSE it’s so enjoyable to see the shaw pack enjoy themselves, but what makes them unique and interesting is the fact that they are werewolves. they’re pack animals w the instinct to protect their own and devote themselves to their partner for life. i think there are so many possible plots out there that incorporate these ideas together in some way without being an overly-complex part of the plot. i’m honestly BEGGING for the guard dog nature of one of the shaw pack to come out again in an audio.

i think the natural response to this ask would be to encourage people w actual suggestions to just write fic. however consider the fact that i only have these critiques bc erik made these character interesting and fleshed them out so well, while leaving them general enough to be molded to the preferences of the viewer. the point i’m making is that trust issues were explored to some extent, that the protective/jealous nature of one of the wolves was explored to some extent— that erik has already done these things in the past. i think those archetypal but lore-specific videos were so special and one of the things that made this channel unique and grow so fast. it wasn’t JUST that the listener was loved, it was also that the redacted characters were impacted by the magic more in the past compared to now

.

#redacted asmr #redacted audio #confessions

[shrekgogurt]

Alright! So, the little snippet I was writing last week isn't actually going to be my Secret Snowflake but I want to still write it eventually. (I came up with a premise that better fits the person and their prompts.) However, if I posted any of the new fic there would be spoilers galore and completely give away the gift recipient. It's also in a really rough stage where the 'shitty draft' genuinely makes me feel like an awful writer. Really fun stuff!!!

I'm working on a Grinch-y Mage fic so here is a little bit of that:

Every mage in the World of Mages liked Christmas a lot… But The Mage™️, Who was barely let into the World of Mages, Did NOT!

Now, some IKAB, IKAM which I haven't touched in WEEKS.

There’s a nice breeze blowing and Baz isn’t here to yell at me or make snide remarks. I close my eyes and focus on the wind brushing against my face but my shoulders won’t relax. Where the hell is Baz? Why can’t I concentrate? And why do I feel like I’m being watched? I hear a cruel laugh to my right which answers all three of my questions. Where the hell is Baz? The roof. Why can’t I concentrate? Because Baz is on the roof. And why do I feel like I’m being watched? Because Baz is watching me…from the roof.

Okay fine....I'll post a little of the exchange fic...

“Shut up,” He tightens his grip, probably to spite me, “[redacted] will kill me if I let you die.” “And you will miss me, of course.” Simon looks back at me with a sparkle in his eye, “I’ll miss the paycheck is what I’ll miss.”

Thanks for the tags Sunday and/or today! @artsyunderstudy @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @captain-aralias @larkral @onepintobean @thewholelemon @martsonmars @whogaveyoupermission and @johnwgrey !!!

Now tagging! @aristocratic-otter @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @asocialpessimist @bazzybelle @bookish-bogwitch @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @facewithoutheart (hope you're having a good trip!) @fatalfangirl (hope you had a good trip!) @hushed-chorus @ileadacharmedlife @ionlydrinkhotwater @ivelovedhimthroughworse @missbliss12 @moodandmist @mostlymaudlin @palimpsessed @raenestee @stardustasincocaine @takenabackbytuesdays @tea-brigade @theimpossibledemon @twinkle-twinkle-up-above @yellobb

#wip wednesday #work in progress wednesday #holy shit i have so much fic i need to write #how does one trick their brain into being productive???

[readyandnot]

holy fuck. here we go.

SAM/DARLIN THOUGHTS:

(spoilers under the cut)

first of all- COLOR CHANGE LOVE IT

second of all- THE TITLE MY FUCKING GOD

“vampire MATE” “MAKES YOU A PROMISE” 🥺

okay lowkey disappointed we didn’t have a call with david but no big deal lmao he’s mentioned anyway

“i already know what you’re thinking darlin” NO YOU DONT…

“like hell i don’t” okay fine maybe you do-

well fuck me sam knows darlin too well, love him for that <3

“hey. look at me, please.” GOD DAMMIT ALREADY???

SAAAAAM YOURE SO SOFT FOR NO REASON

I JUST LISTENED TO HIS BA THIS WEEK AND I KNEW HE WAS SOFT BUT FUCK ITS STILL EFFECTIVE

his breath of relief when darlin looks up at him. THATS GOTTA BE ANOTHER LEVEL OF TRUST. ESPECIALLY WITH THE FACT THAT MOST PEOPLE PROB STRUGGLE WITH FOR FEAR OF TRANCING-

and darlin looks up with no hesitation. i love these two omfg

“i know. and i’m not judging you for it. i get it, i feel it too.” and there’s my first hand up to the face.

“my first thought was to run up there and end this fucker too.” HE UNDERSTANDS. OF COURSE HE DOES HES SAM FOR GODS SAKES

“darlin you know that’s not what i’m saying.” HES SO STEADY AND CALM LIKE FUCK IF HE ISNT PERFECT FOR DARLIN-

“give me a second, please” the trust these two have for one another my fucking god

“they can bring him down now there’s enough heat for them to do something about it”

sam i get it and i want to believe that, but when had the department been quick about something besides the fl and vega situation? and he still isn’t caught after the breakout, neither is regulus. if i’m wrong then i’m wrong but it’s also not where i think the story might be heading so i’m having doubts that it’s just gonna end with quinn in custody. that’s too easy.

“when i had to stand in front of them and explain what he did to my progeny”- FRED AND BRIGHT OMFG

“it’s fucked up.”

what i love more about this is that sam truly understands the frustration first hand. he knows the suffering behind waiting and nothing being done. he can truly understand darlin and help them to the best of his abilities and not bullshit them. he literally tells them his thoughts about when he first heard and what he wants to do, but he knows what’s best and to stay calm.

“for once you don’t have to do it alone. so don’t do it alone” sam, you’re gonna fucking break me.

“i’m asking you to promise me something. promise me you will let the department try to handle all this” darlin better not break this promise istg-

DAVID AND ANSEL MENTION LETS GO

SWEETHEART MENTION LETS FUCKING GO SAM KNOWS THEYRE POWERFUL AF AND GREAT AT THEIR JOB

“hey, i’m not asking for this to be one sided though. if you promise me you’ll let them try without running off on your own, then i promise you, if he keeps at it, if he keeps hurting innocent people and they still haven’t gotten him, then you and i will hunt him down. together. and we’ll take that freak to task. no half measures. no holding back. we do whatever we have to, to bring him down. can you promise me that?”

“i promise” “okay, then that’s what we’ll do”

MY GOD YES I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. THE TRUST AND THE LOVE AND SUPPORT.

“come here.” AHHHHH IM SOBBING HUGS YES PLEASE

“i know darlin. i know..” FUCK- AND KISSES TOO AHHHHH

“it’s cause now you got more things to lose again.”

this is a point that’s been brought up into light for a while now. the fact that darlin wasn’t wrong in wanting to do this on their own from the start, because they didn’t have a lot to lose. they were separated from the pack, and therefore making quinn feel like attacking them wouldn’t work on darlin. and it makes sense. but like sam is about to say, it’s a reason to go back and live instead of dying alongside it.

LOVELY MENTION WOOOOO

OH MY GOD FRED AND BRIGHT MENTION YET AGAIN

i’m not kidding when i heard sam say that I SLAMMED MY FISTS AGAINST MY PILLOW IN EXCITEMENT AT THE MENTION OF THEM.

because NOW especially with redacted saying “old characters coming back” MAKES ME THINK WE MIGHT SEE THE RETURN OF FRED AND BRIGHT. ITS A LONG SHOT I KNOW BUT ITD BE FUCKING SICK.

i wasnt around when fred and bright were on the channel, and that hurts me to this day lmao because i’ve gotten so curious on what they were like and how sam was (even if he was an asshole). i still would’ve loved to hear how it was, and based on what people have said, yes sam is probably better off without that playlist leaving a bad taste in peoples mouths, but it’s still intriguing, whether he was bad or not. it also leaves more room for growth in the good he has done and what he has become as a character. idk just my thoughts. because most of us weren’t around and left with curious thoughts, so the return of those two with a somewhat better situation would be insane.

“not to mention they have their own trauma from him” HE RECOGNIZES THAT YES.

“i still feel it like, like a knife in my heart, when fred wakes up screaming in the middle of sleep. even when he’s far away from me, he had one of those nightmares when we went up on vacation with your pack. i still felt it. even there.”

that fucking hurts. i wasn’t even around back then but that hurts nonetheless. HE HAD IT ON VACATION IMAGINE HOW SAM FELT LIKE FUCK.

quinn doesn’t have progeny!!!! thank god. he doesn’t seem like the type to like sam said.

“i feel frederick here. always. when you turn someone you give them a piece of yourself. and that never goes away.” AHHHHHHHHHHHH-

also why does that feel like foreshadowing…

“i know the thought of waiting makes your blood boil” WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY-

one of my fav parts: “he’s out there, but he’s also up here.”KISS MOTHERFUCKING KISS ON THE HEAD “in your head”

SAM COLLINS YOU FUCKING DREAM OF A MAN I CAN ONLY IMAGINE DARLINS FACE WHEN HE DID THAT

“the rest of the the fight is right here, inside here. you can’t let him own your mind. if your every waking thought is of him, then he wins. without having to life a finger. it’s easier said then done believe me i know that.” sam’s right, half the battle is mentally as well, darlin isn’t in the right headspace to take him on as they’re full of adrenaline. and while he can’t be every thought, he can’t be ignored that’d just be stupid.

alexis mention. this is a touchy subject, because we don’t exactly know her perspective but i’ll always support sam. he was hurt terribly by her and made into something he refused to be. i’ll always take his side no matter the intentions, good or not.

“but we can’t let those people who hurt us, own us at a time like this, that’s a fight i’m not willing to lose. and i know you aren’t either..” MOTHERFUCKING PREACH

“so, we keep on living, life is better with people you care for in it. even if it does make the scary shit more scary. it means you got something to lose. but it also means you got something to fight for, so we’ll fight, in our own way for now. by keeping them safe.”

“and if the time comes, we’ll follow through on that promise of ours. and you and i put this fucker six feet down and never look back, in the name of everybody he’s ever hurt.” WELL THAT ENDED MORE ABRUPT THAN I THOUGHT LMAO

if it does come to that, i wonder how david will react, because they might not tell him, i’m sure he’d be disappointed. i wonder.

sam sam sam, i love you so much, you’re the right mate and support for darlin. he knows how to help and has first hand experience alongside them. god they’re so perfect together.

the way sam and darlin have evolved together is so fucking astonishing. they trust each other with everything and anything. it’s so beautiful to see similar people love each other deeply and have an understanding of each other in a way most people in their life don’t. not with them i mean. i love their relationship so fucking much. one of my top fav pairings on the channel. well done.

i also like the fact now that there’s most likely been development in fred and brights relationship with sam. i’ve heard sam was not the best of people with bright and apparently blaming them. but hearing how he talks about them now, makes me think he truly sees them as a person who made a mistake and never intended for this to happen. and that they really and truly care for fred. i’d like to think sam and bright are more caring of each other now.

i truly have hope for a good ending in this plot line, it’s a high hope but i always look for the bright side of things, this being no exception.

WHOS NEXT- ASHERRRRRRR MY LOVEEEEEE

i love him so much my god. i’m excited for this one, WE LOVE A DATE NIGHT IN AND WITH ONE OF THE BESTEST BOIS hehe <333

#redacted asmr #redacted sam #readyrambles

[g0thicf0xskulls]

Me again!

I hope you are your person start doing better. You deserve to have your partner caring about you as much as you care about them.

I also hope that things with those other two are doing okay right now. Idk why, cause we're just strangers on the internet but, your posts relate to me a lot and so you come into my mind somewhat often these days while trying to piece together my own life. I would love to see you do a info dump about all the people in your life and your relations with them with changed or names redacted or something. I guess I'm curious how all these posts tie together to form the web of your life.

anon!!! you’re here!! hi!!! it’s nice to see you. you should start adding a sign off lol that’d be cool. my partner and i had a sit down talk about everything going on and he explained a lot of his behavior so i understand a lot better now, so we’re doing okay. as far as my friends, i’m doing great with the good one, but the conflicting one… that’s a hard one again lol cause i mean i wanna see them do good in life but i’m not sure where i stand

#actually bpd #bpd blog #bpd fp #bpd thoughts #bpd be like #bpd vent #bpd problems #actually borderline #bpd moment #bpd feels #bpd obsession #bpd yandere #obsessive love disorder #obsessive thinking #obsessive vent #obsessive yandere #actually obsessive #obsessive love #obsessive thoughts #obsession